The early teens are years of upheaval and turmoil. Their years of physical and
glandular change, new and wider relationships with people, and new inner feelings
in the early adolescent. Parents of almost every child find the age of puberty or
early adolescence full of problems. The knowledge that these difficulties are
normal and usually only temporary helps to turn family friction into more
constructive channels. Let's watch some of these youngsters as they spend Friday
afternoon and evening. We'll see what some of the common troubles are.
Sally, Joan, and Kay are typical teenagers. Each has their own
personality, but they're all normal.
Their actions may seem excessive, but that's normal for teenagers.
For instance, that giggling.
The unconstructive criticism of school. Personally, I think Mr. Aldridge's
classes are just a waste of money. I can't be bothered studying. Why, you know,
this morning we spent 20 minutes before we even opened a book or read anything.
The criticism of families. This week my brother spent all his allowance on candy
in one day. I think it's awful the way a mother lets him waste money.
Of course, she lets him do anything he wants. The unrealistic
ideas of their own future.
I really decided I'd like to be a ballet dancer. I get started in New York and I
tour all over the country. I'd sure hate to spend
the rest of my life in this old zone.
Yes, if you don't make an effort to understand them, teenage girls may
seem silly and opinionated.
And the boys.
Best picture in the National League.
He is nice.
Ah, yes, he is.
They want to prove their own importance by making themselves heard. That
combination of new lung power, changed voices and boundless
energy is hard on the neighbors.
They seem to spend hours in completely useless activity. They quarrel a lot, but
the gang sticks together. There are no girls in it.
They are passionately interested in sports and hero worship from afar is common.
A car and home, as good as the other boys have, are
important. The gang is impressed by material possessions. This
bolsters Tom's self-esteem.
To boast about dad's popularity or achievement is very satisfying.
The adolescent is self-centered. Bill's response to every situation is
concerned with how it affects him.
My old man's got an order and an O'Neill's motor is for a new convertible.
We're going to get the first one that comes in.
What kind of car are you getting?
Sam doesn't talk much. He feels safer saying nothing. At least then he can't say
the wrong thing. This is a common method of self-protection.
At home, away from the group, there are other aspects of adolescent behavior that
are annoying to parents.
There's the untightiness.
The eternal hunger, picking at whatever is around to eat.
It's certainly annoying to mother who has plans for what is to be eaten and when.
But the universal appearance of these adolescent traits leads to the conclusion
that they are normal and based on real needs.
Kay is quite mature for her age. She's well-adjusted, accepting her defects and
trying to make the most of her assets.
She's tremendously influenced by fashion advertisements and gets many ideas and
grooming from magazines, television and movies.
To wear her hair and clothes according to the latest style is much more important
than to wear them in the most becoming way.
She's not mature enough yet to really own judgment. The world knows best and she
wants to be sure of her place in the world.
Mother may have other opinions of what looks best, but of course mother
has old-fashioned ideas.
Kay's mother is always a little overwhelmed by the extremes to which her suddenly
grown-up daughter carries her ideas of style.
If it's the style to be careless and informal, her sloppiness is so
deliberate as to be offensive.
But mother has learned that these things are usually temporary. The less said
about them, the more quickly they wear off.
Objection often brings friction without any change.
Half an hour after she has left her friends, she's on the phone to them again.
Hello, is Joni there?
It seems unnecessary, but there's a real need for talking to others in the same
stage for constant reassurance of her standing as friend and equal.
Hello, Joni. Look, I've got an idea. Why
don't we go down to Johnson's after supper?
Maybe some of the gang will be there and we can cook up something.
Gee, Kay, I'm awful sorry. I can't go. I have to stay home tonight.
Well, why don't you ask Sally? Maybe she can go.
Okay, I'm awful sorry.
Joni is not as independent as Kay is, perhaps because she hasn't been
encouraged to stand on her own feet.
There is no friction in Joni's family life. Her mother finds her a very good
girl, not headstrong and flighty like so many of her friends seem to be.
She takes her schoolwork seriously, perhaps too seriously. She has high standards
for herself, and if she falls below them, her insecurity and worry are increased.
Jon seems to be coming quietly through these difficult years, but the stress and
strain are there and result in an almost complete withdrawal from people.
She does a lot of daydreaming, imagining herself as the
extrovert that she is not.
She goes over and over little events in her life, reliving her successes and
suffering through her failures all over again.
Joan doesn't have emotional outbursts. Her safety valve is her diary. Here, she
is herself, letting off emotional steam and clarifying her
thoughts about growing up.
And Sally's home life? Her mother doesn't intend to relax her discipline
now, just when Sally needs it most.
Oh, no Kay. Just a minute Kay. Mother, can't I even answer the
phone without you listening in?
Sally, I don't want you going out tonight. You've been out far too much lately.
All right, Kay, I'll go. I suppose mother will make a fuss, but I'll be there.
Sally wants independence, and this knocking out of the parental prop leaves her
no support, but the opinion of her friends.
She must maintain her position with them at any cost.
Oh, don't let's ask her. She thinks she's so smart. Personally, I can't see what
she has to be stuck up about, except a lot of expensive clothes.
Anybody look good with all that money.
In her need for assurance, Sally tries to avoid girls who are more attractive or
have more money or clothes than she has.
She wants to have friends on her own level.
Did she? That just shows how stupid she is.
The long conversations irritate Sally's mother. She doesn't see them as part of
her daughter's adjustment to other people and to herself, for Sally is
thinking out loud as she talks.
Now let's see how the boys get along at home. Remember, Sam didn't talk much with
the crowd. He was more of a listener. At home, he is more sure of himself.
His dog provides a great source of comfort and security. Whatever Sam does is all
right with him. He's always willing to listen to what Sam has to say.
But there are many questions Sam wants to ask. Many incidents of the day he
wants to share with his parents.
And then they know where to go. And it's all done by
code. Did you know that, Pap?
Everybody knows that, son.
Did you know that, ma'am?
Yes, dear. Oh, by the way, I wonder if we could go up and feel things.
Sam's parents sometimes think he talks too much. They don't realize that the son
wants to practice his conversational ability on them.
Someday, when he is sure of himself, outside, they may have difficulty in
finding out what his thoughts are.
On the other hand, Tom, who talked so much about his father's achievements, seems
most unappreciative of them at home.
And he seems to have no ambition.
Sometimes his father wonders if he's all right mentally. He is. But early teens
are years of uneven development.
There are spurts of mental energy as well as physical. And at other times,
nothing seems to be happening.
In reality, just as Tom's body needs rest after strenuous exercise, so his mind
needs time to adjust to its new learning.
And Bill's home life?
Where have you been all afternoon? Your father wanted you to cut the grass, and I
had some errands I wanted you to do. Now get busy or he'll be annoyed.
So what?
Bill may be willing to cut the grass sometimes when he feels like it, but rules
and jobs laid down too firmly by the top grass make him resentful.
Bill is at that stage just before puberty when children seem to go into reverse.
Psychologists call it a negative phase.
Bill, do you mean to say you haven't finished that lawn yet?
I don't notice you cutting any grass.
No, look here, young man, I'm not going to stand that kind of backtalk. You're a
member of this family and you're going to act like one. Now you finish
that lawn before supper or else.
Too strict an attitude by parents seems only to result in more resistance.
Bill doesn't seem to find companionship at home or enough satisfaction from
hanging around with his old friends.
Subconsciously, he is looking for acceptance and help with his problems.
Luckily, he finds a friend, older than himself, but a real guy. Bill likes to
hang around the gas station helping Joe Connor who runs it.
Joe finds the boy a thorough worker and they have lots to talk about. Local
gossip, sports, cars, even the news of the day.
Bill feels that Joe treats him in a more grown-up way than his parents. He finds
it easier to confide in Joe and he gets a lot off his chest as they chat.
Sometimes, young adolescents appear to enjoy utter uselessness.
But this boundless energy can be directed into useful channels.
Sam and Tom belong to the Boy Scouts. Like most teenagers, they enjoy
constructive activity and a planned group project.
It can be any community group, but organization is needed to ensure that there
will be enough boys there to carry out the program successfully.
While they still need adult
guidance, during these years the quality of leadership becomes established.
To be aggressive and bossy is no longer enough for the leader as it was in
childhood. He must have skill in both physical and mental activities.
He is usually slightly bigger or stronger than the average and has a friendly
attitude and outgoing personality.
The leader, among adolescents, is likely to remain a leader through later life.
As they move out of the sphere of home influence into the community, young
teenagers feel the need of their own kind.
They begin to patronize hangouts.
Because girls are physically more mature than boys of the same age, most
of the advances in the early teen years are made by the girls.
Their efforts are crude and childish, but they're the beginnings of experiment in
sex adjustment. This kind of performance often shocks parents.
The boys really do feel superior to those silly girls, but while they pretend to
scorn their attention, they're secretly flattered. Nothing would
make them admit this, though.
Subconsciously, it takes the form of showing off to
attract more of the girls' attention.
Kay and Sally didn't get far with the boys, but they found a
substitute. Identifying themselves with a glamorous movie actress who is very
popular with men gives them a satisfaction they couldn't get any other way.
What about Joan? Doesn't she care for any activity or feel a need to admire and
love someone? She does, but she has her own quiet way of working it out.
She likes to cook all by herself without direction from mother or the confusion
of family meals. Tonight, she's making candy. It'll be a present for her music
teacher, whom she's adored for a long time without telling anybody.
So, six typical young teenagers have spent a Friday afternoon and evening. All of
them seem to have problems that worry either them or their parents.
For goodness sake, Sam, go to bed. It's late.
All of them experienced some parental friction.
All want independence.
All of them feel some stirrings of interest in sex, either openly or secretly.
All of them are trying in their own way
to adjust to a new set of circumstances and relationships.
Tom's parents recognize this. They're willing to help in the making of these
adjustments. As well as showing his interest, Tom's
father respects him as a person.
Did you have a good meeting tonight?
Oh, it was okay, but half the fellas didn't show up.
No. Maybe there was something else going on.
No, they had dates. Seems like the fellas are always going
out on dates now. They never did.
He doesn't pry into Tom's affairs. The way is left open for
discussion. He tries to be helpful.
Contrast the attitude of Bill's father.
Bill, stop that racket, will you?
In a minute.
In a minute, nothing. Right now. I'm trying to listen to the radio. Oh, putting
that darn thing up. No, stop it.
Did you hear me?
By refusing to recognize his son as an individual with rights and wishes of his
own, Bill's father not only fails to get the cooperation he demands, but actually
widens the gap between himself and Bill.
On the other hand, Tom's parents try to handle the problems of growing up in a
constructive way. They gradually increase his independence, at the same time
encouraging him to accept responsibility for what he does.
Therefore, Tom doesn't have to rebel. The stricter discipline of childhood has
given place to friendly guidance for the in-between years.
Of course, having understanding parents doesn't eliminate all the problems, but
it goes a long way towards lessening the tensions that give to early adolescence
its name, the age of turmoil.
Thank you.