and now ladies and gentlemen hello John
hello daddy do you know where I could get a good accountant
cheap an accountant I want somebody to work out my income tax
what do you mean you can't handle a little thing like that daddy
I tried John but it's no use that child of mine drives me
crazy last night I started to work on my tax blank and was doing
pretty well
eight and seven is fifteen six is twenty one twenty nine thirty two
forty one forty eight fifty six
sixty four you can't come in Snokes
it ain't Snokes dear why
is your wife letting me in honey bunch
go away Snokes you can't fool me why
because that's not the way my wife does
get me in a long head beat it
eight and seven is fifteen sixty twenty one twenty nine thirty two
forty one forty eight fifty six sixty four
go come on in
what are you doing daddy I'm trying to figure out my income tax
what's income tax it's money I have to pay the government
does the government pay you daddy no why do you pay them
because that's the economic system we live under
now let me finish this I have to send it away tomorrow send it where
to Washington to Washington no Washington DC
eight and seven is fifteen and six is twenty one
twenty nine thirty two forty one forty eight fifty six
sixty four daddy doctor what
what are you doing I told you I'm trying to work out my income tax
help me with my homework not now help me with my homework
alright what's the problem quick
if one chicken lays two eggs a week
how many eggs will two chickens lay? four
why? because that's the answer
if one chicken can lay two eggs a week two chickens must lay four eggs a week
suppose one is a rooster does it say anything about roosters in the problem
no then the answer is four
no four eggs two eggs and two eggs is four eggs
can't you even figure out a simple problem like that no
why not because in our school we figure with apples
well then change the problem to apples
can chickens lay apples? no chickens can't lay apples
why? because they can only lay eggs
I want some eggs oh stop that I want some eggs
don't start that monkey business I want some monkey eggs
now Shooks I'm warning you if you bother me once more I'll spank you and make you leave the room
I'll be good daddy now where was I? it was right here all the time
I know eight and seven is fifteen and six is twenty one
twenty nine thirty two forty one forty eight fifty six
sixty four daddy oh what is it
I want to ask you something is it important?
it's very important well what is it?
does a chicken lay an egg when it wants to or must it?
who in the name of heaven would worry about such a thing as that?
a chicken might oh forget about the chickens and the eggs
eight and seven is fifteen and six is twenty one
twenty nine thirty two forty one forty eight fifty six
sixty four daddy what do you want?
what are you doing? I'm trying to add up this column of figures
on my income tax why?
because I want to know what to take off are you hot?
no I'm not hot then what are you going to take off?
my legal expenses do they itch?
what do they do what? they eagle suspenders
now who said anything about eagle suspenders? I said legal expenses
ahhhhh there are certain deductions a married man may make from his income tax
the government gives me four hundred dollars for you and four hundred dollars for Ophier
how much will I give you for mommy? I'll take any reasonable offer
go away and let me finish
when do I get the money daddy? what money?
the four hundred dollars you don't get anything
I'm just allowed to deduct that amount from my tax a certain amount is exempted
because I have a wife and two children but I'll pay more than last year anyhow
on account of the defense tax what's that?
it's a new tax that helps build a fund to protect me
from your wife and children? you can say that again
alright from your wife and children? stop it and let me get through
eight and seventy is fifteen and sixty is twenty one
twenty nine thirty two forty one forty eight fifty six sixty four
daddy! what do you want? I want my four hundred dollars
it isn't your four hundred dollars man hold it
it doesn't exist it's purely negative just as some of money a man deducts for children
who had ducks for children?
I wish I had does a duck lay an egg when it wants to?
drop the egg alright I'll drop it
now go away quick before I go mad eight and seven is fifteen
and sixty is twenty one twenty nine thirty two forty one
forty eight fifty six sixty four daddy!
oh I thought I was beating the government when I had you
what do you want? nothing
eight and seven is fifteen and six is twenty one
twenty nine thirty two forty one forty eight fifty six
sixty four go ahead
I ain't going to say nothing daddy
thank heaven fifty six sixty four
daddy!
don't get mad I want to help you
do you really want to help me?
alright take this ledger and read off the numbers to me so I can recheck them on my tax report
alright and don't make any mistakes either
I'm going to make trouble with the tax people
I go ahead eighteen fifty nine forty six
eleven twenty two ninety sixteen
one hundred and twelve
oh what are you doing? I'm going to go up again
oh you just won't let me get this done
alright maybe they'll come and put me in jail
why? for not paying my taxes
everybody has to pay taxes
why certainly that's how they run the country
do you have to run it?
well my tax helps
listen I'll show you how it works
last week I sold a suit of underwear in the store
part of the money I got for the underwear goes for taxes
why? that's what I'm trying to explain
how do you think the government can build schools, parks, museums and so forth?
with the tax from my underwear
if it wasn't for my tax we wouldn't have any guns to defend us
no planes to watch over us, no battleships to guard our shores
if the United States didn't collect that tax the country would be in a terrible fix
now what do you think?
I think it's a good thing you sold your underwear there
oh