WEBVTT

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and now ladies and gentlemen hello John

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hello daddy do you know where I could get a good accountant

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cheap an accountant I want somebody to work out my income tax

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what do you mean you can't handle a little thing like that daddy

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I tried John but it's no use that child of mine drives me

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crazy last night I started to work on my tax blank and was doing

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pretty well

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eight and seven is fifteen six is twenty one twenty nine thirty two

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forty one forty eight fifty six

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sixty four you can't come in Snokes

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it ain't Snokes dear why

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is your wife letting me in honey bunch

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go away Snokes you can't fool me why

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because that's not the way my wife does

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get me in a long head beat it

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eight and seven is fifteen sixty twenty one twenty nine thirty two

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forty one forty eight fifty six sixty four

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go come on in

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what are you doing daddy I'm trying to figure out my income tax

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what's income tax it's money I have to pay the government

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does the government pay you daddy no why do you pay them

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because that's the economic system we live under

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now let me finish this I have to send it away tomorrow send it where

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to Washington to Washington no Washington DC

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eight and seven is fifteen and six is twenty one

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twenty nine thirty two forty one forty eight fifty six

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sixty four daddy doctor what

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what are you doing I told you I'm trying to work out my income tax

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help me with my homework not now help me with my homework

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alright what's the problem quick

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if one chicken lays two eggs a week

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how many eggs will two chickens lay? four

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why? because that's the answer

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if one chicken can lay two eggs a week two chickens must lay four eggs a week

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suppose one is a rooster does it say anything about roosters in the problem

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no then the answer is four

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no four eggs two eggs and two eggs is four eggs

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can't you even figure out a simple problem like that no

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why not because in our school we figure with apples

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well then change the problem to apples

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can chickens lay apples? no chickens can't lay apples

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why? because they can only lay eggs

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I want some eggs oh stop that I want some eggs

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don't start that monkey business I want some monkey eggs

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now Shooks I'm warning you if you bother me once more I'll spank you and make you leave the room

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I'll be good daddy now where was I? it was right here all the time

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I know eight and seven is fifteen and six is twenty one

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twenty nine thirty two forty one forty eight fifty six

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sixty four daddy oh what is it

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I want to ask you something is it important?

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it's very important well what is it?

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does a chicken lay an egg when it wants to or must it?

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who in the name of heaven would worry about such a thing as that?

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a chicken might oh forget about the chickens and the eggs

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eight and seven is fifteen and six is twenty one

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twenty nine thirty two forty one forty eight fifty six

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sixty four daddy what do you want?

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what are you doing? I'm trying to add up this column of figures

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on my income tax why?

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because I want to know what to take off are you hot?

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no I'm not hot then what are you going to take off?

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my legal expenses do they itch?

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what do they do what? they eagle suspenders

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now who said anything about eagle suspenders? I said legal expenses

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ahhhhh there are certain deductions a married man may make from his income tax

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the government gives me four hundred dollars for you and four hundred dollars for Ophier

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how much will I give you for mommy? I'll take any reasonable offer

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go away and let me finish

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when do I get the money daddy? what money?

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the four hundred dollars you don't get anything

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I'm just allowed to deduct that amount from my tax a certain amount is exempted

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because I have a wife and two children but I'll pay more than last year anyhow

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on account of the defense tax what's that?

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it's a new tax that helps build a fund to protect me

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from your wife and children? you can say that again

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alright from your wife and children? stop it and let me get through

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eight and seventy is fifteen and sixty is twenty one

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twenty nine thirty two forty one forty eight fifty six sixty four

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daddy! what do you want? I want my four hundred dollars

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it isn't your four hundred dollars man hold it

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it doesn't exist it's purely negative just as some of money a man deducts for children

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who had ducks for children?

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I wish I had does a duck lay an egg when it wants to?

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drop the egg alright I'll drop it

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now go away quick before I go mad eight and seven is fifteen

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and sixty is twenty one twenty nine thirty two forty one

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forty eight fifty six sixty four daddy!

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oh I thought I was beating the government when I had you

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what do you want? nothing

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eight and seven is fifteen and six is twenty one

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twenty nine thirty two forty one forty eight fifty six

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sixty four go ahead

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I ain't going to say nothing daddy

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thank heaven fifty six sixty four

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daddy!

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don't get mad I want to help you

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do you really want to help me?

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alright take this ledger and read off the numbers to me so I can recheck them on my tax report

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alright and don't make any mistakes either

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I'm going to make trouble with the tax people

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I go ahead eighteen fifty nine forty six

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eleven twenty two ninety sixteen

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one hundred and twelve

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oh what are you doing? I'm going to go up again

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oh you just won't let me get this done

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alright maybe they'll come and put me in jail

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why? for not paying my taxes

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everybody has to pay taxes

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why certainly that's how they run the country

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do you have to run it?

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well my tax helps

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listen I'll show you how it works

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last week I sold a suit of underwear in the store

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part of the money I got for the underwear goes for taxes

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why? that's what I'm trying to explain

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how do you think the government can build schools, parks, museums and so forth?

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with the tax from my underwear

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if it wasn't for my tax we wouldn't have any guns to defend us

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no planes to watch over us, no battleships to guard our shores

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if the United States didn't collect that tax the country would be in a terrible fix

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now what do you think?

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I think it's a good thing you sold your underwear there

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oh