Ladies and gentlemen, Maxwell House presents Fanny Brides as baby Snooks.
Well, there's trouble in the house again, and Snooks ransacked all the closets, found
the Christmas presents and opened them up.
Mother was good and mad and she reported the incident to Daddy, played by Hanley Stafford.
As the scene opens, Daddy is entering Snooks' bedroom to have a talk with her.
Listen.
Snooks!
Snooks, where are you?
I'm on the other side.
Oh.
Are you going to come out?
No.
Well, look out.
I'm coming under there.
Is he after you too, Daddy?
Nobody's after me.
What are you doing under that bed?
I'm hiding from that woman.
What woman?
The wife.
I don't like her.
Oh, come on out.
All right, Daddy.
Now that's better.
Now what happened?
Mommy didn't give me no supper and she spanked me.
I told her never to spank you on an empty stomach.
She didn't spank me on the stomach, Daddy.
Well whatever happened, I guess you deserved it.
I didn't do nothing.
You did plenty.
Mother told me you've been a naughty girl all day.
What did you do to your little brother?
Nothing.
Now you'd better tell me the truth, Snooks.
We were playing Indians.
And what?
And I stopped them.
What?
But I didn't really stop them, Daddy.
I only cut off his hair with the scissors.
And you called that nothing?
He didn't have much hair anyway.
Snooks, what's the matter with you?
With Christmas so close, you'd think a little girl would go out of her way to be very good.
You'd think so, wouldn't you, Daddy?
Now don't be smart.
I certainly wouldn't want to get caught opening the presents before Christmas.
I didn't want to get caught either.
Now stop that.
How is it Mother found you in that closet with the presents?
She walked awful quiet, Daddy.
The very idea.
Ripping open all the packages.
People go out of their way to be nice to you, get you lovely presents, and you couldn't
wait a couple of days.
Ah, that's the lowest trick in the world.
Is it, Daddy?
It certainly is.
Didn't see anything for me there, did you?
Uh-huh.
Mommy bought you a bathrobe.
Oh.
One of those crummy ones like last year?
Same thing.
Oh, well.
You want to see it, Daddy?
No, I don't want to see it.
You didn't happen to see what I got for Mother, did you?
Uh-huh.
That's really a nightgown, isn't it?
Uh-huh.
It's a crummy one like last year.
Now, Snooks, just because I said it, you don't have to say it.
Mommy said it, too.
Oh, she did.
This is going to be a fine Christmas.
And on top of everything, Uncle Louie's coming to stay with us.
He won't like it either.
Oh, what do you mean?
I've seen the present you brought him.
I never mind that present.
What's the matter with it, anyway?
It's a very expensive tie.
Oh, what's he giving me, your grand piano?
No, he's saying he'll...
Now, don't tell me.
That's the very thing I'm trying to explain to you.
I've got enough patience to wait until Christmas morning to open my presents.
I don't go snooping around closets and...
What did he send me, sir?
I ain't gonna tell you.
All right, you don't have to.
I'm not curious.
Not much.
Not at all.
Oh, no.
You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.
All right.
What is it, such a big secret?
Well, I won't tell you what it is, but...
Yes?
It's made of wood, and it's brown, and you smoke it.
Another pipe.
Two-bit Louie.
Ah, cheapskate.
And to think I tossed out 39 cents on that tie.
How about the pipe's no good?
It's no good, Daddy.
Well, how do you know?
I smoked it.
Oh, what's the matter with you?
I feel sick.
Sure, and it serves you right.
Maybe you'll have a little more patience from now on.
What patience?
Well, I'll tell you.
Suppose a man goes fishing.
What man?
Any man.
Uncle Louie?
Oh, no.
Not Uncle Louie.
He's got no time for fishing.
He's too busy hoarding.
What?
Nothing.
Now, listen.
Suppose a man goes fishing, and he sits for an hour and doesn't catch any fish.
Then he sits for another hour.
Still no fish.
So he waits and he waits, and he doesn't give up.
Finally he catches a fish.
What has that man got?
A fish?
No.
What must he have in order to catch the fish?
Worms.
He must have patience.
Why?
Because he had to wait until the fish bit on his hook.
Why did the fish bite it?
He wanted his dinner.
Didn't the fish have no patience?
No.
He was exactly like you, going through closets and tearing open Christmas presents.
The fish didn't bite?
No, the fish didn't bite.
You died.
I've got a good mind to tell Santa not to bring you anything.
I'll tear.
Oh, you don't.
No, I see what he brought me, and I don't like it.
Snooks, is it possible that you don't like that beautiful little electric stove?
It's possible, Daddy.
So you don't like that stove, hmm?
Didn't you write and ask Santa for the stove?
Mm-hmm.
But I changed my mind.
I want a pair of ice skates.
Well, that's a horse of another color.
I want a colored horse, too.
I'm afraid you're asking for a little too much, Snooks.
Then get Glowham to bring me the ice skates.
No, no ice skates.
Oh, please, Daddy.
If he brings me the ice skates, I'll give all my other toys away to the poor little children.
Well, that's very sweet of you, dear, but I think you're too young for ice skates.
Why?
Well, Christmas is so close, and I don't want to argue.
But look, I'll make a bargain with you.
All right.
Okay, here's my proposition.
I'll tell you a story, and if I can make you say, no, I haven't, you don't get the skates.
What mustn't I say?
No, I haven't.
Is it a deal?
It's a deal.
Right.
Well, there was once a little boy who lived in a shack with his stepmother and stepfather.
He was only a little lad.
Was he a stepladder?
No, he was an orphan.
Have you ever seen an orphan?
No, I haven't.
No.
No what?
No orphans.
Foxy little muzzler.
Well, anyhow, this orphan was selling papers on the street when he came to a toy store with green glass windows.
You've seen green glass windows, haven't you?
No.
No what?
I ain't talking.
Keep going, Daddy.
Yeah.
Well, the little boy came to this toy shop, and suddenly he saw...
Wait a minute, I think you've heard this story before.
You bet your life I have.
You thought I was going to say no, I haven't.
You lose. No skates. Goodbye.
Wait a minute. What's the use?
Listen, Christmas only comes once a year. I'll buy you the skates.
Honest, Daddy?
Yes, honest.
You're the bestest daddy in the whole world.
Now you're cooking with gas.