WEBVTT

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This is where the Clampett's live, but there ain't no one in.

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Cause they went home for Christmas and a visit with their kin.

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And here they are, arrivin' at the home they love the best.

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Happy as a pack of squirrels returnin' to their nest.

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Hi, Thunder, granted your old place ain't changed a bit. Pretty as ever.

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Prettier with the snow. Excuse me, Pa, but I got some friends to say hi to.

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Yes, sir, they just don't make houses like this no more.

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Sure don't make them in Beverly Hills.

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I'll go get the bags, Uncle Jeff.

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Reckon they just can't get wood like this.

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My grandpa chopped down the trees and built this all by hand.

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You say your grandfather built this cabin?

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He sure did.

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Oh, he must have been a remarkable man. He sure was.

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He finished the cabin in the mornin', went to town, found a girl, courted her, married her, and carried her across that doorstep all before sundown.

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Tell me, Granny, was that 18 and 97 or 18 and 98?

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Eighteen and 98.

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Yeah, that's right. She was 18 and Grandpa was 98.

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You say he was 98 and his bride was 18?

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That's right. Marriage didn't work out too good, so I don't doubt it.

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Yeah, Grandpa made the mistake of havin' his ma come live with him.

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Awful boss of your woman. Wouldn't let that little bride do nothin'.

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Did everything herself.

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Your family has remarkable longevity.

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Yeah, they stretched the truth a little too.

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Oh?

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Grandpa was a day over 90 when he married that girl.

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And his ma didn't bust up the marriage.

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That poor little bride just wore out, havin' so many young'uns to take care of.

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Oh, uh, what, uh, what happened to Ellie Mae?

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Well, she just went to say hi to some of her friends.

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Oh.

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Maggie? Maggie, it's me, Ellie Mae. I come back to visit you.

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Oh.

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Not you, Henry.

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Oh.

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Right now I'm lookin' for Maggie. You seen her?

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You're supposed to be so doggone wise. Where is she?

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Oh.

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Well, Davy Crockett. Say, you're lookin' bushy as ever.

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What's the matter? What you scared of? Don't you remember me?

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Please, Davy, don't run away.

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Oh, hi there, Mr. Beaver.

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It's me, Ellie.

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What you kickin' snow at me for?

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Please, Mr. Beaver, come back.

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Hi, Mr. Foxy. It's me, Ellie. Come back.

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Mr. Clampett, I certainly appreciate your letting me use your cabin as a field headquarters.

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I've got a few things in the bedroom. I'll get them out.

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No need for you to do that, Mr. Brewster. We just gonna be here a couple of days.

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Granny and Ellie can use the bedroom and you and me can kinda curl up here in front of the fire.

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That's my kind of you, Mr. Clampett. But I'll find a place to stay in town.

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No need for you to drive all that way through the snow.

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You're here, you're by the oil field, and Granny cooks up a big meal that really sticks to your ribs.

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What you cookin' tomorrow, Granny?

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My special Christmas holiday vittles.

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We'll start with red cabbage and green turnip tops, swimmin' with sardines.

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Then what I call my heavenly hash. That's grits and chitlins, possum belly, hog jowls, and catfish.

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All minced together and simmered in gopher gravy.

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Post-talking.

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Now there's vittles you won't forget in a hurry.

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I'll try.

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Nice, Mr. Brewster. Roars too hard, we'll get some pine boughs and ashes for you to sleep on.

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Oh, I, uh, I think I'll go into town. Thank you very much.

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What's the matter with you two asking him to stay here?

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You want me to be a widow all my life? I was gonna offer him my spare room.

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You ain't got no spare room, Pearl.

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I have if Jeffro stays here.

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Mr. Brewster stays with you and Jethreen. Won't people talk?

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I hope so.

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That J can insist on him marrying me.

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I'm gonna get him, now's my chance.

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What's that got to do with making a man get married unless he wants to?

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He wants to?

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Why, that man's so in love with me he can't eat.

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Yeah, but are you in love with him, Pearl?

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Oh, Jed.

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When I'm near him, I feel like my feet is dangling in a crick.

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And the minnows is biting at my toes.

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That's what you call really being in love.

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Help her, Jed.

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Miss Bodine, if you'd like a ride into town, I can drop you off on my way to the hotel.

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Hotel? But you can't stay there.

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Oh, no, sir, we...

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You sure can't.

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Why not?

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Why not, Jed?

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Why not, Pearl?

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Why not?

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There's a convention there.

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Yeah.

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Every room in that hotel is full up.

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They're packed in there like croutons in a jar.

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What kind of convention?

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Elks convention. That hotel is bulging with Elks.

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Oh, well, perhaps I can find a room in the boarding house.

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You know anybody got a spare room, Granny?

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No, I don't.

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You, Jed?

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Man, I see now.

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The only spare room I know around here is over to your house, Pearl.

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Land to mercy, I plump for God, yeah.

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My spare room.

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What spare room, Ma?

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We ain't got it.

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Ow!

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Why don't you run out and fetch some wood?

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I just brought some wood in.

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What spare room, Ma? We ain't got no spare...

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Ow!

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You'd best run along outside and get the kinks out of that leg.

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I ain't got no kinks in my leg.

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It's just that Ma just keeps...

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Ow!

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Son, if you're gonna play hopscotch, you go outside.

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House ain't for playing games.

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But I ain't playing games.

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Then go chop me some wood.

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I just chopped some wood.

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Chop her some green wood.

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She wants to smoke a possum now.

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I just chopped some wood and I put it right there.

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I just put it right there in the corner.

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Now you come to my house, Mr. Brewster.

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The spare room is yours.

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Well, all right. If it's not...

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Why should I sleep here on the floor?

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I got a room...

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Ow!

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He's giving diseases in the leg, ain't he, Granny?

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I'll have him rub it with some hot possum grease tonight.

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Well, let's get going.

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Uh, Aunt Pearl, would you do me a big favor?

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Well, of course, Danny Mae. What is it?

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Would you take this here fur coat?

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Your mink?

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For keeps?

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I sure would appreciate it.

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It makes my friends in the woods kind of skittish.

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They must reckon I'll be wearing them next.

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Well, I don't rightly know if I should...

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Go ahead and take it, Pearl.

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That is, if you don't mind, it's been war once or twice before.

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Oh, not again.

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I'll tell you what.

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I'll put it in one of my hope chests,

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and I'll wear it on my honeymoon.

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Say, Mr. Clampett, isn't that an awful big tree

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that Jethro's chopping down?

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Yeah, he's notching it on the wrong side, too.

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Hey, Jethro, quit notching that tree on this side.

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It's a lot of the fall right down on the...

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Hey, look out!

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Whoa!

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Whoa!

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Whoa!

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Whoa!

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Whoa!

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Whoa!

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It missed us.

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He's a lord.

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Well, the tree missed.

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We can get up now.

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Well, he might be chopping another one.

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Let's wait and see.

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Maggie?

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It's me, Ellie.

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Maggie? It's me, Ellie.

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Freddy!

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You all rascal.

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I know you've seen Maggie.

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You'll go and get her for me.

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I'll give you something shiny.

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What would you like?

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How about this?

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Okay?

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There.

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Go find Maggie.

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Smelly.

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Hi there, Smelly.

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It's me, Ellie.

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Good thing you didn't see me in that neat coat.

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You might have got riled at me.

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It's one friend I don't want riled.

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It's you.

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Maggie!

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I knew Freddy would find you.

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Maggie, I'm so happy to see you.

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I told you I'd come and visit you.

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And here I am.

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Ellie?

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Ellie Mae, where are you?

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Over here, Pa.

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Don't you be scared of Pa.

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He won't hurt you none.

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Oh, now, who's this?

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This here's my old friend Maggie.

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You remember her.

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Sure I do. Howdy, Maggie.

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Say, Ellie, we's all going over to Aunt Pearl's for supper.

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And after supper, we's all going over to that movie picture theater where Pearl works.

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Well, I'd hate for her to stay here.

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Well, Pearl says there's going to be a brand new picture from Hollywood called, uh, Ben Hur.

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Well, who's in it?

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According to Pearl, it's got the two biggest actors there is, Francis X. Bushman and Raymond Navarro.

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I'd still rather stay here, Pearl.

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We's all supposed to kind of surround Mr. Brewster and brag on Pearl's piano playing during the picture.

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Well, Jethro can brag extra for me.

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Jethro ain't going to be there.

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He just sat there all night and complained about Mr. Brewster having his room.

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Oh, come on, Ellie. Don't you want to help Pearl get a husband?

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Okay, Pa.

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Bye, Maggie.

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Well, Pa, ain't you going to kiss Maggie goodbye?

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I don't reckon so. Her husband might not like it.

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Come on, Ellie.

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Come on, everybody!

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Well, doggies.

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Jethro, here's a picture of your mom.

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Oh, yeah. It says, in person, Pearl Bodine, wizard of the keyboard.

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Oh, that means Pianist.

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Hey, your name is as big as Ben Hur's.

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I beg the manager not to put that up, but he says it's a drawing card,

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my playing during the picture.

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During the picture? Don't you have sound?

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Loads of it.

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Between the people crunching popcorn and crying and reading the titles out loud,

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you've got plenty of sound.

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Now, everybody go on in and sit down.

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You're all on complimentary passes.

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Now, I've got to pop some corn and sell tickets

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before I come in and play the overture.

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Mr. Brewster, did you ever in all your boring days see the woman

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who could do more things than my cousin Pearl?

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She can cook, sew, keep house, play Piany,

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and no wonder the men around here are just beating your door down to propose.

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But Pearl's choicey. She's waiting for the right man.

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Here comes Aunt Pearl.

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Ladies and gentlemen, before our big premiere gets underway,

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I know you'll want to meet the celebrities in our audience tonight.

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Now, a setting right here in the front row from Tulsa, Oklahoma,

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is the field manager of the OK Oil Company,

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but because of Ted Swamp, Mr. John Brewster.

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Who's that tomato? Tom.

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Homer Winch, get out there and you clean off that screen right now.

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Ain't you ashamed?

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Yeah, Pearl, but I couldn't help myself.

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I'm just eat up with jealousy. I'm staying red.

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Well, I see it too, so clean off the movie screen.

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Then, Pearl, look like he's bleeding before the chariot race ever starts.

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I'm frightened when you're mad, Pearl.

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Get out there, you're coot.

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And now, folks, you're going to meet a real live millionaire and his family

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all the way from Beverly Hills, California,

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your friends and my kinfolk the Clampits,

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Jed, Granny, Ellie Mae.

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Hello, everybody.

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I'm here to tell you that I'm going to be a millionaire.

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Come on, get in here.

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Folks, might be nice to be back here with you again,

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and you're all invited to come visit us in Beverly Hills.

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We've got plenty of room, and Granny will whomp up

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and miss a heavenly hash for you.

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Jed, can I show him my meat coat?

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Sure, Granny.

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This here is a genuine meat coat.

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Gifted to me by the banker.

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Nobody gets the wrong idea.

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There ain't no strings attached.

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I'm still the same sweet girl I was when I left here.

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And now, folks, I've got a real big surprise for you.

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As you know, those that can read,

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the picture for tonight is Ben Hur,

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and I have wrote and composed a special song

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in honor of the chariot race,

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which is the most exciting part of the picture.

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And this here special song is going to be sung

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by my daughter, Jess Rees.

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Say goodbye, Jess Rees.

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The song will be sung in its entirety

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during the chariot race,

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and you can all join in the chorus.

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But seeing that Homer Wynch

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ain't got the tomato off the screen yet,

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Jess Rees will give you a little sample right now.

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And now, folks, I've got a real big surprise for you.

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As you know, those that can read,

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the picture for tonight is going to be sung

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by my daughter, Jessica Rees.

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And this here special song is going to be sung

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in honor of the chariot race,

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which is the most exciting part of the picture.

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And now, folks, I've got a real big surprise for you.

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As you know, those that can read,

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the picture for tonight is going to be sung

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by my daughter, Jessica Rees.

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The feller was a chariot driving through

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Drive them horses, Ben, Ben

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Drive them horses, Ben

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Drive them horses fast, Ben

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Drive them fur to win

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Don't let that other rascal get ahead of you

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Or he'll win the race and that'll never do

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That's enough for now, Jeffrey

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You'll hear the song again during the chariot race

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And everybody can join in the chorus

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And now, during the playing of the overture

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We invite your kind attention to the advertisements

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Which will appear on the screen

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I thank you

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Alright, Charlie!

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Oh, let that other rascal win

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Don't let that other rascal get ahead of you

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Or he'll win the race and that'll never do

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Well, Mr. Brewster, what do you think?

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Where's Mr. Brewster?

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He's going to the final

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I never felt him leave

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That serves you right, Pearl

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That's what you get for throwing yourself at a city dude

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Hush up!

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Well, them fellas ain't nothing but a bunch of playboys

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Just like bees flitting from flower to flower grabbing up to honey

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And then when your petals is drooping they fly away

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Everybody can hear you

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I ain't ashamed of what I got to say

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I love Pearl Bodine!

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Hush up, Homer!

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Now quieten down, Homer, you're making Pearl blush

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Be my blushin' bride, Pearl

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I'll be here before your kinfolk, your neighbors, and Ben Hur

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I'm asking you to marry me

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Get up off your knees, you're making a spectacle of yourself

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I caught him, Ma

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I caught him sneaking out the door

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I was not sneaking

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I simply went outside for a breath of fresh air

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Put him down

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You, uh, wasn't running away, was you, Mr. Brewster?

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No, of course not

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Everybody's invited over to my house for apple cider

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Ha ha ha ha!

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Grrr!

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Dad, wake up!

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Dad, you too, Jethro, come on now

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Get out from under foot, both of you

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Granny, we was up late last night

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Yeah, Granny, we were asleep

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It ain't what you want that makes you fat as what you get

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Get up off that floor

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Hey!

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What do you want to do that for?

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Yeah, that's cold!

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Well, when I say get, you get

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Floor is cold and hard

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Ah, you're gettin' soft from city life

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Now get dressed and get washed and get packed

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Packed!

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You heard what I said

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I ain't gonna spend another night in this place

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Not with that wild daughter of yours

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I didn't sleep a wink

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It appears to me like you're gettin' a mite soft from city livin' too

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Time was when you never minded sharing a bed with Ellie Mae

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I still don't mind sharing a bed with Ellie Mae

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But I draw the line when it comes to sharing with them others

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What others?

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Well, there was an owl and a squirrel, a crow and a fox, a possum and a skunk and a porcupine

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May I go in and speak to Ellie Mae?

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I wouldn't go in there if I were you unless you want them flannels took right off you

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What are you talkin' about?

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You know where my mink coat is right now?

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Where?

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In the top of a tree, full of baby eagles

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Their mama and me fought for nigh on to ten minutes for that coat

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But with them claws on her, she could get a better purchase on it

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Took us right out the window

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You bein' at your room at this medicine

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I ain't about to swallow an old story about a eagle

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Granny, a great big ol' eagle just snatched the hat right off my head

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You know what I told you?

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When a mama eagle wants to keep her babies warm, she'll grab anything

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Somebody better help Ellie Mae hang on to her blankets

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Cause that rascal just flew in her window

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Frida, you hadn't ought to have Jethro's hat

21:19.600 --> 21:20.600
Nevermind about Jethro's hat

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Ask her to bring back Granny's mink coat

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Only if she wants to, of course

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Frida, you bring back Granny's mink coat

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And if she's took any suitcases, see if you can get them back too

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We's packin' up

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Sit down

21:39.600 --> 21:40.600
Oh, excuse me

21:40.600 --> 21:41.600
I'm sorry

21:41.600 --> 21:42.600
I'm sorry

21:42.600 --> 21:44.600
Oh, excuse me

21:49.600 --> 21:50.600
Good morning, Pearl

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Homer Winch, I told you and I told you

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Don't come into my house without I invite you

21:58.600 --> 22:01.600
I happen to be here in my official capacity as a jitney driver

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You are no jitney

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Well, Mr. Brewster does

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Don't say nothin' to Mr. Brewster

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And I'll bake you two pies

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Pearl, there's only one way you can seal my lips and stop my jitney

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And that's with a smack

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You all right?

22:20.600 --> 22:22.600
Sure, you want to say that kind of kiss

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I mean, with a kiss

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A kiss?

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That's my price, take it or leave it

22:28.600 --> 22:33.600
Homer, why that's the most shocking, disgusting, insulting

22:33.600 --> 22:34.600
Disgracing

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Oh, Mr. Brewster

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Pearl, that's enough

22:39.600 --> 22:40.600
Pearl?

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Where'd you go, Pearl?

22:58.600 --> 23:00.600
Ma's comin' in, boy, is she a driver

23:00.600 --> 23:01.600
She must have heard we was leavin'

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Without gettin' her married to Mr. Brewster

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I reckon we's in for considerable ballin'

23:05.600 --> 23:09.600
Ain't nobody can outcry Ma when she commences to gushing

23:12.600 --> 23:13.600
Pearl?

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I reckon you's heard, we's goin' back to Beverly Hills

23:19.600 --> 23:21.600
Oh, now, Pearl, you's ballin' already

23:22.600 --> 23:24.600
Don't worry, Pearl, you'll get a feller

23:25.600 --> 23:26.600
Come on back to Beverly Hills with us

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I can't

23:28.600 --> 23:31.600
All right, Pearl, all right, I can't fight a woman's tears

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We'll stay here until you marry Mr. Brewster

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Yeah, Ma, and I'll be your best man

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And you can wear that beautiful meek coat on your honeymoon

23:42.600 --> 23:45.600
Pearl, what are you cryin' about now?

23:46.600 --> 23:47.600
The meek coat

23:48.600 --> 23:49.600
What about it?

23:49.600 --> 23:54.600
I was drivin' down the road and a great big eagle took it right out of my lap

23:56.600 --> 23:57.600
Don't you worry

23:57.600 --> 23:58.600
Elly May!

23:59.600 --> 24:00.600
Yeah, Pop?

24:00.600 --> 24:05.600
You shinny up that tree and tell that grabby eagle

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to give you back that meek coat for Pearl's honeymoon

24:08.600 --> 24:10.600
or she ain't no friend of yours

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Only if she wants to, of course

24:40.600 --> 25:04.600
Only if she wants to, of course