Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed.
Poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed.
And then one day he was shot.
Had some food and up through the ground come a bubbling crew.
Oil that is.
Black gold.
Texas tea.
Well the first thing you know Jed's a millionaire.
Kid and folks said, Jed move away from there.
Said California is the place you ought to be.
So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly.
Hills that is.
Swimming pools.
Movie stars.
The Beverly Hillbillies.
Music.
You see dude, it's easy.
I just throw this stick out yonder.
You pick it up and fetch it back.
Okay, we'll do it again.
Go on boy, get it.
Fetch it you.
Fetch it, fetch it.
Alright I'll show you.
Just once more now.
You watch.
Catch on dude.
Catch on boy.
Do it once more.
Fetch it you.
Get it.
Come on.
Get it.
Shucks.
You know something Uncle Jed?
That there is a real dumb dog.
Well I don't think he's so dumb, yet though.
He just learned you how to fetch sticks for him.
But the dog is the one that's supposed to do the fetching.
Why does the fella down the street that has the dog
that fetches sticks for him all day?
Well next time you want some sticks fetched,
go down the street and let that dog fetch them.
You just don't care nothing about it.
Jed, do you want some fiddles today?
I do Granny.
I've worked up a right smart appetite
fetching sticks for old Duke.
See Jed, that's the trouble around here.
The critters are taking over.
Dilly Mae has done made pests out of everything
but my pickled turds.
What's we gonna do for fiddles?
Hey, I remember something Mr. Drysdale told us
when we first moved in here.
What's that?
He said anytime Granny didn't feel like cooking,
there were some folks that had fetched food over to us.
Here in Beverly Hills?
Yes ma'am.
All you gotta do is call them on the telephone
and tell them what you want.
Well now that's mighty neighborly.
Your call her name Jethro?
Let's see, uh, Kater.
Call her first name?
It's a woman.
Beverly.
Beverly Katerer?
Must be a widow woman.
She's the best cook Jed.
They have more time.
Well let's call up the widow
and see what she's got cooking today.
Now just a minute Jed,
I want it made clear that I'm gonna do something
for her in return.
Oh naturally we don't take charity.
Come on Duke, let's try it again.
Oh hi there Miss Operator.
This here is Jed Clampett.
I'm wanting to call her Witticator.
Beverly is a Christian name
and I don't rightly know what her late husband was called.
Anyway, she's the one that cooks the food
and takes it around to folks.
Yes ma'am, that's it.
Beverly Katerer.
Oh, caterers is it?
More than one.
Looks like the widow's got some young'uns to help her.
That's good Jed.
Most times they leave home.
Just when you...
Uh...
Well thank you ma'am.
What was that you were saying Granny?
I was saying that most times the young'uns leave home.
Just about the time that you're...
Well, howdy to you Miss Beverly Katerer.
This here is Jed Clampett.
Sounds like a right friendly woman.
Howdy Beverly, this here is Granny.
I'm a widow myself.
And I was just saying to Jed
it's nice when the young'uns stay home to help you.
So many times they leave.
Just when you need them most.
I'll let you women folks talk about the riddles
but first I just want to say
if you ever need a fence mended
or a well dug or any heavy work at all
you just call on Jeff through on me.
Now here's Granny.
Beverly, what you got on the back of the stove this morning?
I don't want to put you to no extra trouble.
Huh?
Well me, I'm partial to baked possum
but we'll take dowels or fatback or sowbelly
any kind of meat or pleasure is considerable.
Bunch of nuts.
Well you can send them along.
I'll tell you right now the critters will get the bulk of them.
Now tell me something we can do for you honey.
Do what?
Hello?
I declare Jed
I never knowed anybody could turn nasty quicker than her.
What do I set her off?
Hard to tell Jed.
A generous woman like her probably gets took advantage of a lot
and tired to boot I reckon.
Uncle Jed, I can't learn this dumb old dog to fetch his stick.
Well Duke ain't about to waste your time chasing a piece of wood.
He's hunting dog.
Well can I take him hunting then?
I'd like to see him chase something.
Praise be.
That's an idea that might put some fresh meat on our table.
Alright boy, it makes more sense than fetching a stick.
Especially to Duke.
You want to come along Granny?
No. I better stay here and guard my kitchen.
Okay. Come on Duke, let's get the guns.
Alright, your kitchen. I guess who Granny?
It's Terry's critters, that's who.
They're beginning to take over.
Why I can't hardly...
That little rascal wanted to open the icebox.
Then he's a last of my pickle paw paws.
Come back here you hairy little armad.
Get your paw paw picking paws off of my pickle paw paws.
Well hi there Miss Beverly.
It's me, Jed Clampett.
Sound like you're in a right friendly mood again.
Jethro's going out to shoot us some fresh game meat
and the monkey got in the icebox and Granny's right upset.
Now Beverly, could you spare us a jar of pickle paw paws?
What's that?
Why Miss Kater, I never...
Hello?
Hey Uncle Jed.
You've got Miss Kater being a winner.
Such a good cook and friendly and generous
How about you Cortner?
Get Ellie a new ma huh?
I don't think so Jethro.
She's got a temper goes off just like that
and when it does she turns plum nasty.
Matter of fact I'm beginning to wonder whether
Miss Kater passed on natural or not.
That's an idea.
Come on dude.
How come you're toting so many guns
in that shovel Jethro?
Granny gave me strict orders not to come back empty handed.
I'm ready for anything to jump or shoot.
Good luck boy.
Thank you.
I'm on the hook is it worth.
Mr. Tinsman do I have to face Mr. Clampett all by myself?
Yes you do.
You're the one who insulted him on the phone and you're the one he'll expect an apology from.
But he talked like a nut.
Miss Billington a man as rich as Mr. Clampett may talk like an eccentric but never like a nut.
I sure hope he'll forgive me.
He'll forgive you.
If he's anywhere between 15 and 95 he'll forgive you.
I'll take the food around to the kitchen.
Is Mr. Clampett at home?
I'm here Clampett come right in.
This old fella don't say much but he's right smart.
Mr. Clampett I'm here to apologize about the way I spoke to you on the telephone earlier today.
You're Beverly Caterers.
Yes sir.
Oh you're a deal younger than I figured.
You're prettier too.
Thank you.
I'm awfully sorry about losing my temper when you called.
Oh now now I understand.
Woman works hard all day cooking and doing for others.
Young man is hanging on her apron and she gets some light wash dish.
And you're not having a husband to help.
Yes that's right I don't have a husband.
How many young did you got?
Youngins.
Helping you with the cooking and fetching over to your place.
Oh help.
Well let's see.
Seven.
Seven?
Well you must be from our part of the country.
Got started young didn't you?
Well come on.
Grandi will be wanting to meet you.
She's out in the kitchen.
I got you you big old rascal.
Now you're coming into the house.
I'm telling you to get.
And then you're going into the stew.
And then you're going.
Oh that's Mr. Tinsman at the back door.
He's my boss.
Come in come in I'm Jed Clampett.
A real pleasure Mr. Clampett.
I'm Bill Tinsman.
I hope everything has been straightened out.
And that Beverly Caterers will always be welcome in your home.
Why you bet you're lying.
There's a mighty fine young woman.
She says you're her boss.
That is right.
I own Beverly Caterers.
What the dick did you say?
Can you do that out here?
Why of course.
Oh uh.
Mr. Dreisler holds a small mortgage.
But as soon as that's paid off.
She's all mine.
That don't take the ham off the hog.
Jed.
Now Jed.
You can see I ain't been at no jug.
These folks is Beverly Caterers and Bill Tinsman.
These are the ones that's all a cooking.
I hope we can cook for you granny.
You can commence with this one.
I caught him now you can cook him.
What are you little warmers?
You untied my giant jack rabbit.
Giant jack rabbit.
Yes my giant jack rabbit.
That's what I wanted you to cook for me.
He stands about five foot tall.
Has brown eyes and a pocket right here.
Now don't you go away I'll go get him for you.
We'll be back directly.
You all go in the parlor and let that little fella play piante for you.
You say eccentric?
I still say nuts.
I say you're right.
Let's get out of here.
I don't understand it.
He was free why should he return?
Something must have frightened him.
I'll say if he prefers his crate to freedom.
Yes, what could it have been?
Hello over there.
Yes granny what is it?
You see anything of a jack rabbit?
No we haven't.
You won't find any jack rabbits in Beverly Hills granny.
I'll telephone the zoo sir.
I say there's a giant jack rabbit around here some place and I'm going to find him if it's the last thing I ever do.
Sure you are granny now come here lay down and I'm going to get that nice Beverly caters to make a pool of three heads.
Granny you caught something in your snire.
See Jed wanted to tell you.
What did she catch Ellie?
Jethro.
Hey I'm coming down.
I'm coming down.
Well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin.
We'd like to thank you folks for kindly driving in.
We'll all invite you back next week to this locality to have a heaping helping of their hospitality.
Hell Billy that is.
Set a spell.
Take your shoes off.
We all come back now.