[...]
one is more at ease now that the party has really started the main thing is that
they should enjoy each other's company Betty and Bob aren't worrying about their
mistakes for a moment but in the back of their minds they realize they will have
to pay more attention to their manners they know that the object of correct
etiquette is not to make life formal and dull but to make it fully enjoyable
there are reasons for each act of etiquette as in a man's assisting a lady with
her chair or the order with which people are.
Bob is hungry and the soup looks good he is using his
company manners but as we see he is doing at least three things wrong now that
the soup is served Betty sees that the crackers are past Floyd passes the
crackers to Dorothea before he helps himself should he have
helped himself first or not.
Bob is eating before the others what about that apparently the guests are waiting
for Betty to pick up her spoon before they begin.
Dorothea starts and they all.
But naturally the guests give no indication of having noticed any error on Bob's
part since that in itself would be implied as the relish dish is passed Bob
takes a handful and puts them on his service plate and back he goes to his
soup in the same old way.
Then Bob notices that the others have placed their relish differently and changes
them from one plate to the other knowing there is a reason but what is it.
But having made the change Bob is glad to see Betty has noticed that he corrected
himself all is well again with a party no one's enjoyment is being interrupted
with any problems for the moment.
Betty now is running into some problems of her own things that she hadn't thought
of until now that elbow on the table isn't one of her problems because she isn't
even aware of it but she is aware of the olive as a problem is there a correct
way of eating an olive shouldn't you just pop it into your mouth and eat it.
But then how do you take out the pit with your fingers and when you have the pit
where should you place it.
Floyd seems to have confidence in his way but also to my fingers that he thinks
she might try Floyd's way that he hopes that she doesn't
look as awkward as she feels.
Now our hostess feels better about the olives but right away she sees something
else Dorothy is breaking her salary before taking a bite.
It has always been just salary you waited in whatever lengths you found it is it
easier to handle in shorter length and does it look like a smaller bite when you
dip it in the salt and then bite off a portion.
Bernie and Helen don't seem to be concerned with any problems Bernie eats a
radish and simply enjoys it and he seems certain of himself Helen is even tipping
her suit plate for a last sup cannot be correct.
Certainly her manners aren't interfering with her enjoyment of the party as host
Bob is expected to serve the meat course at home his father does the serving it
looked perfectly simple and it is but if you were in Bob's place would you know
positively what to do which serving implement should he use.
Should he just go ahead as best he can.
Dorothy is looking away so as not to notice.
Bob still isn't sure of what to do but he can't hesitate forever that amount
seems too much a lady is not flattered by being offered a portion the size that
might appeal to a hungry lumberjack.
Betty is worried for Bob but
after all he is trying.
Everyone learns by experience even when mistakes are made and one isn't at all
sure of anything that he is doing.
Bob wonders if the portions he is serving are now too small should he give a
large portion to the men and small ones to the ladies or should he serve about
this amount and let the guests return their plates if they wish a second helping.
Now Betty is about to serve the salad some new questions are rising can she use
the implements for serving the salad correctly and what size
should the portions of salad be.
Is she offering too little is she getting a proper assortment.
As Betty passes the plate should she say for whom the plate is intended Bernie
and Helen act as though everything were going smoothly with them and so really it
is in spite of Betty's worries there are no mishaps.
Floyd and Dorothy are enjoying themselves Bob you notice is not starting first
this time he waits with the others for Betty to start.
Here is the kind of fun that they all thought of when the party was planned of
having a good meal together and plainly enjoying one another's company the errors
that have been made haven't taken the fun out of the party and we must remember
to give them credit for all the things that have been done correctly for every
mistake made a dozen things have been done correctly.
Bob is feeling more confident of himself he seems to remember that it is correct
to use his knife for cutting lettuce or tomato if they are served in pieces that
are too big for a proper bite what do you think is he wrong or is he right.
But the person with confidence isn't necessarily the person who is correct up
until this minute Betty has been confident that a person should
butter his vegetables with his knife.
But now that Betty sees Floyd buttering his with his fork she isn't certain she
wishes she didn't know definitely.
It seems safer to follow Floyd's example if he is correct then she will be too.
Bob is swinging from one extreme to another one minute he is uneasy the next
overconfident now he is forgetting even his company manners and is acting as he
usually does in telling one of his favorite stories.
Dorothy and Floyd giving their attention when he is looking at them but at the
same time they manage to continue eating while their food is warm.
Bob isn't letting the story interfere with his eating either so let's try
counting the number of obvious blunders the waving of his knife and fork about
talking with food in his mouth monopolizing the conversation.
But it is an exciting story it's about a trip up in the mountains and then all.
This isn't the kind of an ending to the story that Bob had in mind but it is
quicker and maybe better at least it stopped Bob from making any more mistakes
Betty too has discovered that she had forgotten a couple of items of behavior she
is thinking that perhaps she and Bob both need to be embarrassed a bit to make
them admit that their manners aren't as good as they should be.
Bob may be thinking the same thing because he certainly looks as if he has
decided to make a lot of changes the others of course say nothing.
Betty decides that the first thing for her to do is to regain her poise just act
as though no errors had been made but she will be more observing of her own
manners and those of others too Betty feels safe in her way of
eating a roll and jelly.
Is there anything in what Bernie and Helen are doing
that would get your attention right away.
Was there anything in the way he helped himself to more jelly.
How about the way he holds his knife and fork.
Or the way he cuts his meat.
And takes it to his mouth with his left hand when you are eating meat you take
the meat to your mouth with a fork in your right hand or your left.
Is there a question of correctness here.
Helen is also using her left hand.
Betty holds the fork in her left hand while cutting the meat and then passes the
fork to her right hand for placing it in her mouth.
This is zigzag eating.
She has noticed that the British and continental people usually use their left
hands but now that she is beginning to take her manner seriously she wonders if
there is a matter of correctness involved or whether
both ways are equally correct.
One way American the other European Betty wishes she were as certain of that
point as she is of how her knife should be placed.
Bob has never heard of zigzag or continental ways of eating meat but he is on the
watch out for such things now and as soon as he notices what Betty is doing he is
ready to follow her example whether she is right or wrong.
He uses his left hand all right even if he does take an oversized bite.
Bob congratulates himself on trying a new way. He and Betty have a lot to learn.
At least there are no further mishaps as the meat course is
finished and the table cleared for dessert.
Bob is happy now and is proud of himself.
Formal parties like this are really enjoyable when one isn't
afraid of doing the wrong thing.
Bob has reached the point where he feels that senses intentions are good and he
is watching himself that all is well.
If you just try to figure out what is the reason for each rule of etiquette you
find that the rules are sensible.
After all correct manners are simply the way one person
shows us consideration for another.
In other words proper manners are your way of showing common politeness.
As far as Bob is concerned this is the best birthday he has ever had and to top
it off a big birthday cake that Betty had made for him.
He really appreciates this.
For the cake is a symbol like the whole dinner of friendship.
A very delicious symbol of the regard that Betty and her friends hold for Bob
particularly Betty.
The lighting of the birthday cake with candles is an old custom
and so is the blowing out of the candles.
But do you suppose the placing of the candles at the side is a modern touch of
avoiding possible germs being blown on the cake.
Serving the meat course upset Bob. Apparently serving the
cake has its difficulties too.
Our hostess isn't certain that she should be helping Bob.
She worried about leaving the table to bring in the cake in the first place.
Betty wondered if the serving should be left to the housekeeper.
What would you say?
There is no denying that Bob needs help. He is having
trouble with the serving implements again.
Do you think he might be able to figure out from the shape and the
size of the blades which to use?
Cutting and serving your own birthday cake would seem to be a pleasure.
But could you actually do this any more gracefully than Bob is?
Betty's help may not be as great as she thinks.
What of her reaching in front of Bob and about her placing the
dessert forks? Are these correct?
Bob accompanies Betty to her place assisting her with her
chair before resuming his serving.
He is at least trying to change his habits.
And do you notice? He forgot his napkin and sat on it.
He is serving smoothly now and is not
distracting his friends with his difficulties.
They are free again to chat as they wish.
And once again the party is fun. Bob and Betty met
more problems than they expected.
As we are seeing, people like Betty and Bob, who want to entertain their friends
and have good times together, forget that poor manners can really
interfere with the fun of the party.
There is no fun in being worried, unsure, or ill at ease.
It is much simpler in the long run to face your problems.
Find out what the correct answer is and then when you act in a way that you know
for certain is correct, your mind is perfectly free.
Of course all this isn't accomplished just by wishing.
There are still habits that have first to be detected and then broken.
This is hard. Then new habits have to be formed.
But a little study of it will help greatly. And lessons are all practical.
Once you have formed correct habits in your manners, you will find
that they give you a sense of confidence.
That is a reward in itself.
Our party is ending. But let's hope that for you it is, in another
sense, just a beginning.
As you think of Betty and Bob and their problems, compare your own manners.
Don't forget that it is by their manners that polite people the world around show
their consideration for one another.
A dinner party is just one way of enjoying company of your friends.
A good meal, good company, real enjoyment. That's what a dinner party is for.
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