Hello Duffy's, why do you late mate D, Archie the manager speaking, Duffy ain't here.
Hello Duffy, eh? The crowd here? It's a pretty horrible looking ensemble.
Yeah, I think Eddie must have stood out in the gutter and swept in.
Well you know who's coming here tonight Duffy? Dinah Shore. Yeah, the female chanteuse.
What? Well all I can say is of course we had a shape like that, he wouldn't have to worry about Sinatra.
No, she ain't a soprano, she's sort of a mezzo barracuda.
Yeah, down in the, down in Nashville, down in the south you know where she comes from they call her the mezzo bell.
No Duffy, not matzo ball.
Oh, mezzo bell, yeah she's gonna sing a song that I'm writing.
I call it Leave His Face If We're In Love.
Hello? He hung up. Eddie? Yeah, yeah, it's a nice song.
I gotta finish this song of mine, what's the word for when two people's in love you know,
and then they die and then they're in love again in another life and then they die and then they're in love again?
Same two people? Yeah. Monotony.
Oh Eddie, wait a minute, it's on the tip of my tongue, re-incarcerated.
Yeah, that's it. Now Eddie, what rhymes with eyes?
Eyes? You mean like eyes are blue or eyes are regusted?
Oh, regular eyes, you know the optionals.
Oh eyes. Eyes. Flies, flies, flies, flies, flies, skies, flies.
Eddie, if it was as easy as that, you'd be a songwriter too.
You a songwriter?
Oh yeah? Well when you hit down to shore sing me a song.
Then I'll get Fink Bosby to plug it and Kate Smith and Fred Allen, no, no not him.
Frank Sinatra, Ginny Sims, Dennis Day.
Eddie Green.
Eddie Green, you'll plug it?
Sure, by that time I'll be singing at the Metropolitan Opera House.
Man, them big shots ain't gonna ruin their program singing your songs.
They ain't, how long you back?
I bet you a week's tipped.
Okay, it's a bet.
Okay, guess my dime.
Where's yours?
All right, here's mine, you'll all plug this song and I'll start with Dinah Shore.
Maybe your start but it'll be her finish.
How you gonna be able to get her to do it?
Very simply, Eddie. Personal magnetism.
I just say Dinah, lift your lovely voice and song while I put me arms around you and kiss you and caress you.
Oh well, if you gonna threaten her.
Look Eddie, stop trying to re-wouch on me.
Now, let's finish the song, let's see, what rhymes with work?
Uh, hard.
Oh, hiya Finnegan.
What you doing?
I'm writing a song.
Writing a song, anything I know?
No, Finnegan, this is an original song, it has never been wrote before.
That's pretty dumb, writing a song that nobody knows.
As long as you're writing a song, why don't you write an old favorite, like Chloe?
But Finnegan, if it's an old favorite, it means that somebody has already wrote it.
Then write an old favorite that nobody wrote yet.
Now, what's your name again, Sean?
I call it, uh, leave his face, it weren't in love.
Oh, who's in love?
Me and Dinah Shore.
Oh, that's your bum title.
I got a better one, Dinah, is there anyone finer in the state of Carolina?
But Finnegan, that's owned by another songwriter.
Then change Carolina to Oklahoma.
But Oklahoma don't rhyme with Dinah.
Then make it Margie.
Margie?
Oh yes, Miss Duffy.
Hey, do you think that Dinah Shore sings better than me?
Miss Duffy, she sings better than you with both vocal cords tied behind her back.
If you think Dinah sings better than me, why don't you go to work for her father?
Her father ain't got a Dinah.
Now please, Miss Duffy, leave me alone, will you?
Look, Arthur, look, Arthur.
What's the matter, Eddie?
Something terrible has happened.
What?
Somebody won on the pinball machine.
Holy cat, who was it?
Mr. Moriarty.
What was the score?
Four million, three million, seven hundred and fifty thousand.
Did the blue lights go on?
Yeah.
The red lights?
Yeah.
The bell ring?
Yeah.
Mark and Flag come in?
Yeah.
Looks like he made it all right.
Well, look at that.
What do we do?
Well, what else can we do?
I'll go over and pay him his nickel.
Yeah, I'm better going to check up on that machine.
You know, it's the second time it's been hit this year.
I'll be right back, Eddie.
Uh, Eddie, what do you think of Dinah Shore singing?
Might as well.
What do you think of my singing?
Might as well.
Well, who do you think is better?
Might as well.
Leave us, Basin.
Where in?
I should have wrote it in the lower octave there.
Leave?
No, the first one was right.
Leave us, Basin.
Look, Dodson, there's a lady over there looking for a package.
Where?
Eddie, that ain't no lady.
That's Joan Davis.
Uh, Miss Davis, I understand you're not here.
Miss Davis, I understand you're looking for a package?
Well, yes, I am.
Gee, you're pretty cute.
Blue eyes, curly hair, and where'd you get them muscles?
Where did you get yours?
I asked you first.
About this package.
Oh, yes, it's very important.
Oh, what's in it?
I don't know.
Who gave it to you?
I'm not sure.
Well, what does it look like?
I don't know.
Now we're really getting somewhere.
You are sure that it is a package?
Oh, yes, it's a very important package.
Well, why is it important?
I don't know.
I bet you I know what's in a package.
What?
A straitjacket.
Oh, no, I got one of those.
Oh, well, wear it in good health.
Well, thank you.
Say, by the way, what are you doing later?
How would you like to take me home?
I thought you came here looking for a package.
Well, I haven't found it yet, and why should I go home empty-handed?
Well, Miss Davis, exclude me out.
I ain't no package.
Well, you could be if you were tied together better.
Hi, Art. Who's the cute bag?
Hi, lady. You're pretty.
Brother, you're crazy.
Yeah, could be.
Okay, Miss Davis, well, look for your package now.
In the meantime, why don't you go in that booth over there and sit down, huh?
Well, I don't want to sit all alone.
What do you mean all alone?
There's seven sailors in that booth.
For me, that's alone.
Miss, look, why don't you come back tomorrow and look for this package, huh?
Oh, I can't tomorrow. I'm looking for it on Eddie Cander's program.
Oh, well, then there's only one other way out.
What's that?
The back door. Come on, Davis.
Get right back, Eddie.
Boy, this place is so full of radio stars that John is really jumping the knife.
What do you mean, Eddie?
Well, there goes Davis through the old back door and in through the front comes Dinah Shore.
Well, Dinah Shore, welcome to Duffy's, Miss Shore.
Thank you, but it's Mrs. Montgomery, if you please.
Oh, yeah, you just got married.
Uh-huh.
Likewise, I hope.
Actually, you'll be back in a minute, Dinah, and guess what?
He don't know you're married.
Well, that's funny. It was in most of the papers.
Was it printed in the racing results?
Who do you think I married, Bing Crosby?
Anyways, tell me, Dinah, does it bother you being married to a movie actor?
What do you mean?
Well, being a movie actor, your husband has kissed so many other women before you.
Miss Duffy, maneuvers have never spoiled a battle.
I'm sorry.
Miss Duffy, have you ever thought about getting married?
Ever since the age of nine.
Not that I haven't had chances.
Oh, goodness.
The brilliant, talented men I could have had.
Battleship pages.
Vacuum cleaner salesmen.
Wealthy sandhogs.
But I just couldn't give up my career.
What is your career?
I sing.
Oh.
Well, it was very courageous of you to give up all those men for your singing.
They insisted on it.
You see, my singing teacher...
Oh, who is your singing teacher?
I'm a
Paniaslavnik.
Dessert time.
Thank you.
Hello, Dinah.
Oh, hello, Artie.
Well, Dinah, glad to see you again.
What's new?
New?
Well, I've got myself a new roommate.
Oh, that's fine.
Nice.
Lovely.
That's fine.
Nice.
The girl has a nice roommate.
Wearing each other's clothes.
Taking turns making the beds.
Going Dutch on the rent.
Smoking each other's pipes.
Must be very good tobacco.
You ain't looked lovely in a long time.
Well, Dinah, enough of the shop talk.
How's about rendering us with a number?
Okay, Artie, I'll render you with no love, no nothing.
It's one of the big current hits.
Oh, yeah?
Well, there may be another one out soon that's even current a hit.
Oh?
We'll talk to you about it later.
Paul, wake up to Philharmonica for Dinah.
No love, no nothing.
Till my baby comes home.
No sad, no nothing.
Long as baby must roam.
I promised him I'd wait for him.
He'll even hate his throne.
I'm lonesome, heaven known.
But what I said still goes.
No love, no nothing.
That's a promise I'll keep.
No fun with no one.
Getting plenty of sleep.
My heart's on strike.
I can't wait for him to wake up.
I'm lonesome, heaven known.
But what I said still goes.
No love, no nothing.
Till my baby comes home.
No sad, no nothing.
That's a promise I'll keep.
No fun with no one.
Getting plenty of sleep.
My heart's on strike.
And though it's night, an empty honeycomb.
No nothing till my baby comes home.
Be clef octave, you know, two quarter notes with the omelette.
You see, my song on the other hand is written in...
Your song?
You seem astounded.
Of course my song.
Well, I had no idea you were so musical Archie.
Musical? Mercy me.
I played the piano when I was three years old.
It was a little piano.
What they call a pianissimo.
So you were a child prodigy, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
And it was a curse, you know.
Day after day me father used to say to me,
Archie, why don't you go out and play baseball with the other boys, you know.
And I'd say, no dad, I have to go upstairs and practice me chamber music.
Day and night I practiced until finally they sent me to the observatory.
Archie, which keeper did you study under?
They call them maestros.
It's a very conservatory observatory.
Anyways, that's where I studied the old masters, you know.
I loved them.
Tcha-Tcha-Kovach, but David Boosie, Pilkeny, Batch, Tcha-Tcha-Kovsky.
Archie, that's Tcha-Kovsky.
So I mispronounced one of them.
Yeah, and that diner is the background that produced this.
Oh, is this a song?
Let's see.
Leave us, face it, we're in love.
Lyrics, words and melody by Archie.
You wrote the words too?
Well, the words is easy.
All you got to do is make them rhyme, you know.
It's a knack.
Say something, anything.
Radiator.
Hot tomato.
You're fantastic.
Gesture.
Go ahead, hit me again.
Sweet Lelani.
Hot pastrami.
Georgia peaches.
Dona matres.
What do you say?
Alicia and Lepore.
I.