WEBVTT

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Hello Duffy's, why do you late mate D, Archie the manager speaking, Duffy ain't here.

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Hello Duffy, eh? The crowd here? It's a pretty horrible looking ensemble.

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Yeah, I think Eddie must have stood out in the gutter and swept in.

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Well you know who's coming here tonight Duffy? Dinah Shore. Yeah, the female chanteuse.

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What? Well all I can say is of course we had a shape like that, he wouldn't have to worry about Sinatra.

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No, she ain't a soprano, she's sort of a mezzo barracuda.

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Yeah, down in the, down in Nashville, down in the south you know where she comes from they call her the mezzo bell.

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No Duffy, not matzo ball.

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Oh, mezzo bell, yeah she's gonna sing a song that I'm writing.

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I call it Leave His Face If We're In Love.

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Hello? He hung up. Eddie? Yeah, yeah, it's a nice song.

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I gotta finish this song of mine, what's the word for when two people's in love you know,

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and then they die and then they're in love again in another life and then they die and then they're in love again?

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Same two people? Yeah. Monotony.

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Oh Eddie, wait a minute, it's on the tip of my tongue, re-incarcerated.

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Yeah, that's it. Now Eddie, what rhymes with eyes?

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Eyes? You mean like eyes are blue or eyes are regusted?

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Oh, regular eyes, you know the optionals.

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Oh eyes. Eyes. Flies, flies, flies, flies, flies, skies, flies.

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Eddie, if it was as easy as that, you'd be a songwriter too.

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You a songwriter?

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Oh yeah? Well when you hit down to shore sing me a song.

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Then I'll get Fink Bosby to plug it and Kate Smith and Fred Allen, no, no not him.

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Frank Sinatra, Ginny Sims, Dennis Day.

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Eddie Green.

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Eddie Green, you'll plug it?

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Sure, by that time I'll be singing at the Metropolitan Opera House.

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Man, them big shots ain't gonna ruin their program singing your songs.

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They ain't, how long you back?

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I bet you a week's tipped.

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Okay, it's a bet.

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Okay, guess my dime.

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Where's yours?

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All right, here's mine, you'll all plug this song and I'll start with Dinah Shore.

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Maybe your start but it'll be her finish.

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How you gonna be able to get her to do it?

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Very simply, Eddie. Personal magnetism.

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I just say Dinah, lift your lovely voice and song while I put me arms around you and kiss you and caress you.

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Oh well, if you gonna threaten her.

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Look Eddie, stop trying to re-wouch on me.

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Now, let's finish the song, let's see, what rhymes with work?

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Uh, hard.

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Oh, hiya Finnegan.

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What you doing?

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I'm writing a song.

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Writing a song, anything I know?

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No, Finnegan, this is an original song, it has never been wrote before.

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That's pretty dumb, writing a song that nobody knows.

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As long as you're writing a song, why don't you write an old favorite, like Chloe?

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But Finnegan, if it's an old favorite, it means that somebody has already wrote it.

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Then write an old favorite that nobody wrote yet.

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Now, what's your name again, Sean?

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I call it, uh, leave his face, it weren't in love.

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Oh, who's in love?

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Me and Dinah Shore.

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Oh, that's your bum title.

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I got a better one, Dinah, is there anyone finer in the state of Carolina?

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But Finnegan, that's owned by another songwriter.

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Then change Carolina to Oklahoma.

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But Oklahoma don't rhyme with Dinah.

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Then make it Margie.

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Margie?

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Oh yes, Miss Duffy.

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Hey, do you think that Dinah Shore sings better than me?

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Miss Duffy, she sings better than you with both vocal cords tied behind her back.

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If you think Dinah sings better than me, why don't you go to work for her father?

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Her father ain't got a Dinah.

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Now please, Miss Duffy, leave me alone, will you?

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Look, Arthur, look, Arthur.

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What's the matter, Eddie?

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Something terrible has happened.

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What?

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Somebody won on the pinball machine.

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Holy cat, who was it?

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Mr. Moriarty.

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What was the score?

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Four million, three million, seven hundred and fifty thousand.

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Did the blue lights go on?

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Yeah.

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The red lights?

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Yeah.

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The bell ring?

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Yeah.

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Mark and Flag come in?

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Yeah.

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Looks like he made it all right.

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Well, look at that.

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What do we do?

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Well, what else can we do?

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I'll go over and pay him his nickel.

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Yeah, I'm better going to check up on that machine.

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You know, it's the second time it's been hit this year.

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I'll be right back, Eddie.

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Uh, Eddie, what do you think of Dinah Shore singing?

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Might as well.

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What do you think of my singing?

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Might as well.

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Well, who do you think is better?

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Might as well.

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Leave us, Basin.

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Where in?

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I should have wrote it in the lower octave there.

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Leave?

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No, the first one was right.

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Leave us, Basin.

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Look, Dodson, there's a lady over there looking for a package.

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Where?

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Eddie, that ain't no lady.

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That's Joan Davis.

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Uh, Miss Davis, I understand you're not here.

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Miss Davis, I understand you're looking for a package?

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Well, yes, I am.

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Gee, you're pretty cute.

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Blue eyes, curly hair, and where'd you get them muscles?

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Where did you get yours?

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I asked you first.

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About this package.

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Oh, yes, it's very important.

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Oh, what's in it?

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I don't know.

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Who gave it to you?

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I'm not sure.

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Well, what does it look like?

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I don't know.

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Now we're really getting somewhere.

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You are sure that it is a package?

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Oh, yes, it's a very important package.

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Well, why is it important?

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I don't know.

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I bet you I know what's in a package.

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What?

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A straitjacket.

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Oh, no, I got one of those.

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Oh, well, wear it in good health.

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Well, thank you.

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Say, by the way, what are you doing later?

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How would you like to take me home?

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I thought you came here looking for a package.

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Well, I haven't found it yet, and why should I go home empty-handed?

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Well, Miss Davis, exclude me out.

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I ain't no package.

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Well, you could be if you were tied together better.

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Hi, Art. Who's the cute bag?

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Hi, lady. You're pretty.

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Brother, you're crazy.

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Yeah, could be.

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Okay, Miss Davis, well, look for your package now.

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In the meantime, why don't you go in that booth over there and sit down, huh?

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Well, I don't want to sit all alone.

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What do you mean all alone?

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There's seven sailors in that booth.

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For me, that's alone.

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Miss, look, why don't you come back tomorrow and look for this package, huh?

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Oh, I can't tomorrow. I'm looking for it on Eddie Cander's program.

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Oh, well, then there's only one other way out.

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What's that?

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The back door. Come on, Davis.

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Get right back, Eddie.

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Boy, this place is so full of radio stars that John is really jumping the knife.

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What do you mean, Eddie?

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Well, there goes Davis through the old back door and in through the front comes Dinah Shore.

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Well, Dinah Shore, welcome to Duffy's, Miss Shore.

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Thank you, but it's Mrs. Montgomery, if you please.

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Oh, yeah, you just got married.

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Uh-huh.

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Likewise, I hope.

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Actually, you'll be back in a minute, Dinah, and guess what?

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He don't know you're married.

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Well, that's funny. It was in most of the papers.

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Was it printed in the racing results?

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Who do you think I married, Bing Crosby?

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Anyways, tell me, Dinah, does it bother you being married to a movie actor?

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What do you mean?

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Well, being a movie actor, your husband has kissed so many other women before you.

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Miss Duffy, maneuvers have never spoiled a battle.

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I'm sorry.

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Miss Duffy, have you ever thought about getting married?

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Ever since the age of nine.

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Not that I haven't had chances.

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Oh, goodness.

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The brilliant, talented men I could have had.

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Battleship pages.

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Vacuum cleaner salesmen.

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Wealthy sandhogs.

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But I just couldn't give up my career.

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What is your career?

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I sing.

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Oh.

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Well, it was very courageous of you to give up all those men for your singing.

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They insisted on it.

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You see, my singing teacher...

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Oh, who is your singing teacher?

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I'm a

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Paniaslavnik.

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Dessert time.

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Thank you.

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Hello, Dinah.

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Oh, hello, Artie.

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Well, Dinah, glad to see you again.

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What's new?

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New?

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Well, I've got myself a new roommate.

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Oh, that's fine.

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Nice.

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Lovely.

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That's fine.

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Nice.

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The girl has a nice roommate.

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Wearing each other's clothes.

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Taking turns making the beds.

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Going Dutch on the rent.

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Smoking each other's pipes.

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Must be very good tobacco.

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You ain't looked lovely in a long time.

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Well, Dinah, enough of the shop talk.

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How's about rendering us with a number?

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Okay, Artie, I'll render you with no love, no nothing.

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It's one of the big current hits.

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Oh, yeah?

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Well, there may be another one out soon that's even current a hit.

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Oh?

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We'll talk to you about it later.

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Paul, wake up to Philharmonica for Dinah.

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No love, no nothing.

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Till my baby comes home.

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No sad, no nothing.

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Long as baby must roam.

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I promised him I'd wait for him.

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He'll even hate his throne.

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I'm lonesome, heaven known.

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But what I said still goes.

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No love, no nothing.

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That's a promise I'll keep.

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No fun with no one.

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Getting plenty of sleep.

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My heart's on strike.

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I can't wait for him to wake up.

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I'm lonesome, heaven known.

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But what I said still goes.

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No love, no nothing.

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Till my baby comes home.

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No sad, no nothing.

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That's a promise I'll keep.

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No fun with no one.

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Getting plenty of sleep.

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My heart's on strike.

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And though it's night, an empty honeycomb.

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No nothing till my baby comes home.

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Be clef octave, you know, two quarter notes with the omelette.

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You see, my song on the other hand is written in...

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Your song?

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You seem astounded.

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Of course my song.

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Well, I had no idea you were so musical Archie.

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Musical? Mercy me.

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I played the piano when I was three years old.

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It was a little piano.

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What they call a pianissimo.

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So you were a child prodigy, huh?

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Yeah, yeah.

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And it was a curse, you know.

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Day after day me father used to say to me,

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Archie, why don't you go out and play baseball with the other boys, you know.

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And I'd say, no dad, I have to go upstairs and practice me chamber music.

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Day and night I practiced until finally they sent me to the observatory.

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Archie, which keeper did you study under?

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They call them maestros.

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It's a very conservatory observatory.

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Anyways, that's where I studied the old masters, you know.

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I loved them.

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Tcha-Tcha-Kovach, but David Boosie, Pilkeny, Batch, Tcha-Tcha-Kovsky.

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Archie, that's Tcha-Kovsky.

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So I mispronounced one of them.

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Yeah, and that diner is the background that produced this.

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Oh, is this a song?

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Let's see.

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Leave us, face it, we're in love.

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Lyrics, words and melody by Archie.

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You wrote the words too?

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Well, the words is easy.

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All you got to do is make them rhyme, you know.

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It's a knack.

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Say something, anything.

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Radiator.

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Hot tomato.

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You're fantastic.

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Gesture.

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Go ahead, hit me again.

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Sweet Lelani.

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Hot pastrami.

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Georgia peaches.

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Dona matres.

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What do you say?

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Alicia and Lepore.

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I.

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