At the gallop, ho ho!
Fort Laramie
Fort Laramie, starring Raymond Burr as Captain Lee Quince.
Specially transcribed tales of the dark and tragic ground of the wild frontier.
The saga of fighting men who rode the rim of empire.
And the dramatic story of Lee Quince, Captain of Cavalry.
Might as well stay mounted, Sergeant. Looks like their stage is ready.
Yes, sir.
I'll talk to the agent.
Morning, Mr. Church.
Morning to you, Captain.
Did you come for them?
My orders say to meet Mr. and Mrs. Horace Quiring at the Red Cloud Agency and escort them to Fort Laramie.
Good.
That there a stage outside?
It is.
Did you hear me say good?
I heard you.
Good.
That's good for their leaving and good for good riddance, too.
Bureau of Indian Affairs bothering you, Mr. Church?
Bothering's a small word, Captain. I won't try to spell it all out for you. You wouldn't believe me if I did.
Suffice it to say, I am played out.
Well, if they're ready.
The Indians are played out, too.
What's the matter with them?
You don't know these folks at all?
The Major says Mr. Quiring has something to do with the Bureau of Indian Affairs.
Basket weaving, dancing, law and culture studies, fire making, Indian mythology. Oh, I tell you, Captain, we've had a busy couple of weeks.
Well, if he wants to learn about the Indians, he'd...
Captain, he's been teaching.
He's been teaching the Indians how to make baskets?
That's the least of it. Him and his missus, too, touched up a few of the tribal dances and that Gussie...
Say, your orders don't mention Gussie?
Gussie?
She's their niece. A great hand to go around and make fires rubbing a couple of dry sticks together.
Showed the Indians how, did she?
Oh, they was amazed. Oh, you wouldn't leave Gussie here.
Well, I mean, seeing her name ain't set down in your orders. Oh, you wouldn't do a trick like that to me, Captain.
I'll take them all.
Oh, good. Of course, that poses a problem, too.
How's that?
You've got to find them first.
They lost?
Always.
Let's go, Captain.
Can you see them yet?
I make out three heads up at the top of the rocks. Guess they're heads.
That's acquiring. From the distance, there's always some question.
Then you get close up and...
Oh, I've got to rest. Oh dear. Getting lightheaded.
I don't see how they got up that high. Especially the women.
No, you don't. You've got to catch them in the act, to believe it. And then you'd swear you hadn't seen it.
Oh, active. Mighty active.
Well, I'll go up and get them. Can't keep the patrols sitting around all morning.
I figure they're your responsibility now, Captain. I've done all I can do. And in some.
We'll pick you up on our way down.
Mr. Quiring?
I never hoped for this. Truly. A legopus mutus.
Strictly speaking, of course, it's a rupestrus. But you can't blame the girls for being carried away.
You talking about that bird there on the ledge?
I know you're going to tell me it's a white-tailed ptarmigan. But in bird circles, it's a...
It's a grouse.
Well, yes. If you want to be blunt, it's a grouse.
Uncle Horace?
Right here, Winifred.
Only in the broadest sense is the ptarmigan a grouse. Again, again, I'll give you nothing more.
Remember, Uncle Horace? Aunt Winifred's last paper before the Ornithological Society
definitely established the ptarmigan as a galanaceous bird akin to the grouse.
Oh, you see, young man, you ought to have your facts well in hand before you take on the quiring girls.
Oh, so by the way, who are you?
Captain Quince. I'm in charge of your cavalry escort to Fort Lerner.
Oh, yes, yes indeed, of course. Well, now, I'm Horace Quiring.
Oh, and this is my wife, Winifred, and my niece, Augusta. We call her Gussie.
Gussie. Girls, Captain Quince.
Ma'am? Miss?
Dickhands, Captain.
Yes, ma'am.
My goodness, Quince.
Well, she's thinking of the Australian black ash.
Oh.
Indeed I'm not, Uncle Horace. We studied the quints at the seminary.
I'm thinking more in terms of the pear-shaped fruit of the pirous sedonia.
Oh, she has you there, Horace.
Oh, yes. I warn you, Captain, they keep a man on his pace.
Well, shall we make our descent?
Yes, I kind of think we'd better.
Maybe it's a little early for them to have breakfast, Lee.
The Quirings? They'd probably struck out before dawn and roasted a buffalo on an open fire.
A fire Gussie made rubbing two dry sticks together.
I know you don't like your assignment, Lee, but there's no cause to exaggerate.
I thought the Indian agent was exaggerating, too.
They seem like perfectly nice people to me.
Pleasant, close-knit family.
You spent five minutes with them. Never got past how to do.
Mrs. Daggett was leaving on the stage. I explained that.
That's all right. Maybe it's better you find out for yourself.
The Indian agent says they know more about Indians than the Indians do.
They might start telling us how to run the guard mount.
I wish they'd come. I'm starved.
Maybe they're lost.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
The Indian agent says they're always lost. You see, they go climbing around a lot.
Looking for birds and things.
Well, they're not lost this time. Here's Mr. Quiring.
My goodness. Oh, don't you bother getting up for me, Major and Captain.
Morning, Mr. Quiring. Morning, sir.
Hello, isn't it?
Sit down, Mr. Quiring.
Thank you. All right.
Well, now, how nice. So this is the officer's mess, is it?
That's right. Would you like some coffee while we're waiting?
Oh, I'd love some coffee. Nothing like a good cup of coffee to...
Waiting?
For the ladies.
And the ladies?
For Mrs. Quiring, Miss Gussie.
Oh, the girls, the girls. See, where are they?
Well, I just supposed you'd all be together.
We were? We were? But that was at breakfast.
I haven't seen the girls since breakfast.
A little raspy in the throat, are we, Captain?
No, I sort of choked.
You want to watch that? That's bad, isn't it?
You've had breakfast, Mr. Quiring?
My goodness, yes. Why, it's after seven, Major.
Oh, it was a good breakfast, too.
It was outdoors, you know, open fire.
All the sounds of the aurora as the sun came up
and shone with its full glory on Laramie Peak.
You say an open fire, Mr. Quiring?
Miss Gussie insists on an open fire.
Ever since she learned how to...
Well, the things young ladies learn in seminars these days...
My, just open your eyes, then.
Mind telling us what you had for breakfast?
Not at all. Glad to.
Winifred's department, you know, the food, she made the boast.
But to tell you the truth, I never thought she'd bag it.
Well, sir, she wasn't up in that canyon five minutes until...
Bang, bang!
Oh, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't frighten you, Major.
Oh, no, no, no. I'm all right.
Uh, bang, bang what, Mr. Quiring?
Oh, breakfast, yes, breakfast.
It wasn't a buffalo by any chance.
Oh, no, no, no, no. A buffalo.
I don't believe Winifred could have bagged a buffalo.
No, it wasn't a buffalo.
I don't think it would be.
No, it was an antelope.
See, that is a bad throat you've got there, Captain.
I guess it comes from exaggerating things.
Wouldn't you say, Major?
I've got some business to attend to.
Better get over to headquarters.
But you haven't had your breakfast, Major.
Well, I'm not hungry.
Oh, no, no. I'll bet Winifred could kimp you with some of that antelope.
Oh, my delicate succulents.
I hope their foray into the woods was successful.
I couldn't go with him. You see, I was most anxious.
What foray into what woods, Mr. Crine?
What woods? Now, wait just a minute.
Let me get my bearings out of which way is north.
That way.
Oh, that's splendid. Yes, that's it.
There are some woods to the north, and last time I saw the girls, they were...
Captain Quince, you're to form a search party immediately.
Take what men you need.
Search party? Why?
The land to the north is Indian country, Mr. Crine.
Of course, that's why they went. Oh, my goodness, a search.
You speak as if the girls are lost.
We're speaking as if they're in danger, Mr. Quiring.
Those woods are full of arapaho, shishoni, crow.
Oh, I don't think they'll bother the girls.
But I am glad you mentioned that.
I've been meaning to have a chat with you concerning the perimeter defense of the fort.
Captain.
Yes, sir. Move out.
Yes, now, Major. By the way, sir.
I noticed last night a tattoo.
It seemed to me it would make the slightest impression.
I wonder if I understood you correctly, Captain.
Were to look up in the trees as well?
You understood me, Mr. Zybritz.
Up in the trees, up on rock ledges, up on cliffs.
The ladies climb, sir?
Climb or fly, I don't know.
If you pick a spot no one can get to except maybe an eagle, they'll be there.
Captain.
Ahead of us, Mr. Zybritz.
Sounds like a grizzly.
Like no grizzly I ever heard.
Put your rattle down, Mr. Zybritz. Let's give him a hand.
It's an Indian, Captain.
Poor devil.
Somebody stuffed a gag in his mouth. What's all this he's caught in?
That, Mr. Zybritz, is a butterfly in that.
A butterfly? Well, how on earth?
Here, give me a hand.
Yes, sir.
Let's get that kerchief out of his mouth.
No, no kill, no kill.
You're all right. We're not going to kill you.
What have we caught on, Mr. Zybritz?
It's a handle or something, sir. Trap down this brush.
You let go. I run. I no come here again.
You let go. White squaw is crazy.
Yeah, I think you're right.
You! Young man, down there!
Don't set him free!
Captain, look where she is.
Clear up at the top of the...
I told you, Mr. Zybritz.
You better come down from there, Mrs. Quirey.
No, no, you not let her down here again.
I run. White squaw full of bad spirits.
Oh, shut up.
Do as I say. Leave the Indian as you found him.
He bothers us.
Keep working, Mr. Zybritz.
Let him go when you get him free.
I'll go up and get the...the girls.
Are you hard of hearing, young man?
I hallowed you on two occasions about the Indian and I...
I heard you, Mrs. Quirey.
And you deliberately let him go.
After I told you, he bothered us.
He won't bother you anymore.
See down there, he's running like fired on.
They've flown at Winifred, but with all the commotion, who can blame them?
Indeed. Indeed, first the Indians.
And we silenced him.
But now, look around down there, Dushy.
Enough army to...
Have you lost something important, Captain?
Ma'am...
Ma'am, you've got to understand a few things about the West, about Indians, about Army garrison.
Well, now, if that isn't what we're trying our level best to do, Captain Quirey,
and how better to do it than by going directly to nature, studying the birds, the flies, the animals...
Miss Gussie.
Yes?
Miss Gussie, this is Indian country. You're not allowed to go directly to nature in Indian country,
not if you're a white woman.
Now that's plain silly.
It's a treaty, says so, Mrs. Quirey.
Took a long time, talking, negotiating, giving and taking.
And finally, it was decided the Indians were the only ones with rights to this land.
The Indian didn't mean us any harm, did you think, Aunt Winifred?
Fear this thing from his mind.
He was nosy, that's all.
Gussie and I had stolen up on...
Now mind what I tell you, Captain.
We'd stolen up on a bitten, a sharp-shinned hawk.
Aunt Winifred, your language!
I'm breaking it down for the Captain.
Remember the problem we had earlier about what he called a grouse? Oh, of course.
Ma'am, if you'll let me get a word in...
A captain, a sharp-shinned hawk, a goshawk, a bald eagle, and a crow.
A crow, Aunt Winifred?
The Indian was a crow, wasn't he, Captain?
Yes, ma'am. He was a crow.
And to use her words, Major, when the crow persisted in making so much noise, we did the only reasonable thing.
That's when they dropped a butterfly net on him and gagged him with a kerchief.
Wait a minute, I've lost track. Is this crow a bird or a...
Indian.
Captain, the Army's been my life for 15 years, but this business with inquirings may bring it to an untimely conclusion.
I'm about to write Washington that if they send another party out here in the name of investigating anything, I'll resign.
How long the inquiring's going to be putting up here?
He hasn't said, but this is an order, Captain. From now on, I'm assigning you to a full-time watch on the three of them.
We can't always be sending search parties out to find them.
There's no watching the three of them at one time. They've got a way of paring off or striking out alone.
And assign a man to each of them. But I want them accounted for at all times.
Hope we don't have any Indian uprisings before they leave. Couldn't spare the men to fight them.
Oh, no.
Yeah? That'd be Mrs. Quarry.
What on earth is she doing with Sergeant Gorse?
Talking to him, anyway. I'd have to get closer to find out what about.
You go ahead, Captain. I'm going over to the settlers. Just remembered Mrs. Daggett's out of hat pins.
Are you sure you're trying to understand?
I'm not sure, no, ma'am. I hear what she's saying all right.
It's a perfectly simple and direct statement. Toe out.
Toe out?
Oh, Captain Quince, help me make this nice sergeant understand.
What's wrong, Sergeant?
I don't rightly know, Captain. Something about the way I walk or don't walk or something. The lady, she's...
Oh, you two haven't met formally?
Well, now we haven't...
She just... she just come on me talking.
Well, then allow me. Mrs. Quarry, this is Sergeant Gorse.
Shake hands, Sergeant.
Yes, ma'am.
Now then, did you say Gorse?
Yes, ma'am. That's my name, Gorse.
Wonderful! Oh, wonderful! Wait till I tell Gussie and Horace of Quince and the Gorse on the same army post.
Oh, I can't wait. This is too good to keep. You'll excuse me.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, don't forget, Sergeant. Toe out. Toe out!
She sure got a bird somewhere, hasn't she?
Maybe.
That... you think I walk funny, Captain?
I'm beginning to think everyone's a little funny around here, one way or another.
Hmm. My name. What's she going on about my name for?
Well, she knows what it means.
Well, what does it mean?
I don't know. Now, me, I got a couple of choices. They can't decide if I'm an Australian black ash or the pear-shaped fruit of the pirous Sedonia.
Captain, I'm going to go get me some beer.
See you practice on the way over, Sergeant. I don't forget. Toe out.
Now, you just got to make up your mind to stay put, Mr. Quire. We can't come looking for you every now and then.
Well, I've never lost, you know. Never. I always know where I am. I have maps and charts.
Well, it's more that I don't know where you are.
Oh, then you're lost.
No, sir. I'm not. I'm just...
Oh, well, that's a different matter entirely. Don't worry. I'll get us back. I have maps and charts and things.
Can't understand Winifred, though. That's my wife, Winifred.
Yes, sir.
It's not like her to steer me wrong this way. Usually Winifred's word is her bond. She says something, it's true. But this time she...
By the way, I don't believe I caught your name, Sergeant.
My name's Gorse.
Oh, yes, Sergeant G... Oh, that's a fine name. Imagine you're quite proud of... Did you say Gorse?
I sure did.
Oh, my. That's a good one. Now, the joke's on me, Sergeant.
It is, huh?
Yes. Winifred didn't steer me wrong at all. She said... Oh, my, this is rich. Yes, it is. She was telling me about the Gorse, you see. And I was quite naturally excited about that.
Why?
Well, for a good reason, I assure you. You don't run into Gorse every day, you know.
Well, I don't, but... Now, look here, Mr. Quire, and...
And I quite naturally assumed that Winifred was referring to the common furs, or wind. And that's why I struck out to see it. Perhaps snip a sample or two.
I sure don't know what you're talking about. And you're what? I hear everything she says, and I don't know what she's talking about, neither.
Well, then as I rode out, I got to thinking. Perhaps Winifred wasn't referring to the common furs, or wind, at all.
Yes, I said, well, it's been years since I read her paper on the Gorse, but I remember the main points, all right?
So, let me see now. There's the Gorse Linnet, the Gorse Chat, Gorse Hatch, Gorse Hatcher, and Gorse Thatcher.
What are you talking about? All them Gorses?
Oh, my. Oh, no, say. Oh, shame on me. Well, I never remember to keep it simple for the layman. Well, I never remember.
Well, to begin at the beginning again, we're back now to the furs and the wind. That's very like Juniper.
That last bunch with all them Gorses in front of her.
Birds? Songbirds, many of them.
You like birds. Is that what you're saying?
Oh, my dear Gorse. Birds and I. Oh, I'm sorry about a sergeant named Gorse. Winifred will just have to do a paper on that.
Oh, we got a lot more interesting birds than that out here.
You do. Oh, sure.
You don't want to mess around with common old Gorses when you can come up on a, say, the Jayhawk.
He flies backwards, you know.
Backwards?
Then there's the Mugwump.
Mugwump? Did you say Mugwump? My goodness, I thought they were extinct.
Oh, no. No, we got them all over out here. Then there's the three-footed Firebird.
Three-footed?
Stands on one, rubs his other two together, and makes fires.
Gussie will be thrilled.
I just can't believe it. That's why I come up here, Captain. They're really leaving?
That's what they say, pushing by the west on the trail of a three-footed Firebird.
I told them California, up high in the Sierra. At least why's the last covey I saw was there?
I understand Mrs. Quirin's going to give you full credit on her paper about them.
You better count heads here. Here's Mr. Quirin talking to the Major.
I seen Mrs. Quirin not two minutes ago. She was helping the squad do some Indian beadwork.
She isn't doing it now. Fine to go.
Oh, now. She ain't run away again, Captain.
I want them all three on that stage, Sergeant.
Yes, sir.
Keep an eye out for Miss Gussie while you're at it, Sergeant.
Yes, sir.
Oh, Captain. Captain?
Yes, Mr. Grimes?
Well, I wouldn't want to miss shaking your hand in farewell, Captain.
The stage is packed. I've said my goodbyes to the Major.
You lose something?
Your wife. And I don't see Miss Gussie either.
Well, now, let me see.
Well, if I were Winifred, now where would I go?
I always begin that way, you see. And I let my mind function as if it were Winifred's mind.
The Root House.
That's clear over behind the settlers.
That far? Well, when we go over...
What's she doing at the Root House?
Oh, my, you didn't know? She found a small flowering gorse and thought it only failed...
Never mind.
Captain Gwens!
What now?
It's Miss Gussie, Captain.
You see, Captain, we're all accounted for. There's no problem.
I'm afraid there is, sir.
It seems Miss Gussie was demonstrating how quickly she...
Well, they don't think it's too serious, but under the circumstances, they took her to the post hospital.
Hospital?
Under what circumstances, Mr. Simons?
Burned hands, Captain. But the doctor says in a few days she'll be able to travel.
In a few days.
Mr. Simons, this is an order.
For the next few days, no dry sticks for Miss Gussie.
Move out.
Fort Laramie is produced and directed by Norman MacDonald and stars Raymond Burr as Lee Gwens,
Captain of Cavalry, with Vic Perham as Sergeant Gorse.
The script was specially written for Fort Laramie by Kathleen Height,
with sound patterns by Bill James and Tom Henley, musical supervision by Amerigo Marino.
Featured in the cast were Howard McNeer, Virginia Gregg, Parley Bear, Shirley Mitchell, and John Danaer.
Royals is Major Daggett, and Harry Bartell is Lieutenant Sybert.
Company, attention!
Dismissed!
Next week, another transcribed story of the Northwest frontier
and the troopers who fought under Lee Gwens, Captain of Cavalry.
Yours truly, Johnny Dollar, is no signature on a valentine.
Not that our danger-loving insurance investigator is opposed to romance.
It's just that the detective's profession calls for a pragmatic approach to life, if he wants to go on living.
That's why, no matter how lovely a lady may be, and no matter how attracted to her Johnny Dollar may be,
solving the particular case he's working on always takes precedence over sentiment.
The case he's working on now calls for courage as well as caution, and it's a baffling mystery thriller
you'll enjoy following clue by clue as you listen to yours truly, Johnny Dollar,
Monday through Friday evening on most of the same CBS radio stations.
Dismissed!