The Halls of Ivy starring Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman.
Good evening this is Ronald Coleman.
And Bonita Coleman.
Inviting you to join us again on the campus of Ivy College.
And now the Halls of Ivy.
Welcome again to Ivy.
Ivy College that is in the town of Ivy USA.
As a highly competent administrator, a fast clearer upper of disposable details and a
disciple of the clean desk.
The president of Ivy College is not one to linger unnecessarily in his administration
building sanctum when his work is done.
Whether it be noon, three o'clock or midnight.
It's now two thirty in the afternoon and he's signing the last letter of the day's correspondence
with his faithful secretary, Miss Goodson standing by.
Block her in her right hand and the presidential fedora in the other as he says.
Good heavens Miss Goodson, why do I dictate such long letters?
What's this one about?
Before I sign it with blind faith in your efficiency.
It's a review of the year's work of the student cooperative association Dr. Hall.
Suggestions for improvements and a pat on the back for scholastic achievements and their
social program.
But it did take me three pages to do that.
It took you five, I cut it to three.
And you didn't consider it presumptuous to take such liberties with my personal correspondence?
With your blind faith in my efficiency and my pride in your reputation as someone who
gets to the point of things?
No sir.
Thank you for keeping my reputation unsullied.
As one who takes five pages to write a three page letter, I am lucky to have you on my
side.
Is this the last one?
Yes sir.
Except the one you wrote to the music editor of the Ivy Courier.
I didn't transcribe that one.
Oh why?
Because after you'd read it over you wouldn't have sent it.
His criticism of the Glee Club concert was unfair, but your reply was hasty and unworthy
of you.
Yes, we presidents don't seem to learn do we about sending letters to music critics.
Well thank you again Miss Goodson, you are indispensable.
No one is indispensable Dr. Hall, but a good secretary finds it indispensable to give the
illusion of it.
That's a very acute observation.
Did you learn that in secretarial school?
I learned it from you the first week I worked for you.
Now if you will sign this letter Dr. Hall.
Thank you.
Your theatre tickets for Friday evening are in your overcoat pocket.
Your railroad reservations to the state capital on Saturday will be confirmed in the morning
and one of the buttons on your left sleeve is a little loose.
What is the temperature outside and who won the World Series in 1934?
44 degrees and the St. Louis Cardinals.
Will that be all sir?
You mean for the Cardinals?
No sir, for me, for you, for today.
Yes, that's all Miss Goodson.
Oh, please phone Mrs. Hall will you and tell her I'm on my way home and to have a smile
burning in the window for me.
Thank you, good afternoon.
I'm so glad you got away early darling and I did have a smile burning in the window for
you.
You mean Miss Goodson gave you my message literally and verbatim?
Absolutely dead pan.
Her pan may sometimes appear to be defunct my love but it is my good fortune that her
mental pallbearers will be unemployed for some time.
It is due to her speed and competence that I so often manage to get home earlier.
For that I love her dearly.
Yes, I see no reason for staying in my office arranging paper clips into mobiles when the
real work of the day has been completed.
Have there been any phone calls?
Only some woman who was very indignant because she had two heads.
Because what?
Because she had two heads.
She was trying to get the grocery and got this number by mistake and she'd ordered one
head of letters and they'd sent her two.
There are times when I'm tempted to ask for an unlisted number but in my position it would
be like the fire department making a similar request.
My availability is one of these.
You better answer Todd, you have a knack for coping with two headed people.
No it's not a knack my love, it's a proficiency acquired only after years of application and
research the manipulation of bicephalic individuals will have to be discussed at another time.
Dr. Hall speaking, who?
Oh, oh yes, how are you Professor Rubin?
I'm happy to hear from you.
Oh why, yes, just a moment please.
He wants to talk to you Vicky.
Really?
Hello Professor Rubin.
Yeah well of course I'd be very happy to.
For tomorrow at ten?
Good, I look forward to it, goodbye.
And what happens tomorrow at ten?
Professor Rubin wants me to help him pick out a birthday present for his wife.
It seems he's so nervous in women's shops he always winds up at the hardware store.
You know once when I suggested homes for his wife he said he'd got a fifty feet of it last
year.
With an adjustable nozzle I suppose.
Well Professor Rubin is a gentleman of the old school.
A school which had no classes in sales resistance to feminine tripperies.
It must be that in these days of jet transportation the world is so casually girdled that the
informality has taken root.
And we are the hapless victims of those corset and hosiery ads which smite us hip and thigh.
Well you're not so bashful darling, or how did you happen to buy me those lovely things
for Christmas in exactly the right shades and sizes?
For that my darling I fortified myself with five cups of coffee, gave myself a stern talking
to, made out a list, walked firmly out of the house, stopped at the office and deputised
Miss Goodson.
Did she flash when you gave her the list?
Oh no, no dear, one of the priceless qualities she possesses is an ability to accept any
assignment with cool detachment.
I am sure that when she learnt about the birds and bees it was from an elderly ornithologist
in a business like apiarist.
No, no my darling in this case I...
Busy little beaver isn't it?
Hello?
Oh, well hello Matthew.
Yes, yes he is, it's young Matthew Walden, Toddy, Professor Walden's son.
Oh, yes Matthew, why certainly, come right over.
Good, I'll be expecting you.
I wonder what that means.
He said he was phoning from right around the corner.
And when a young man who lives at home calls from right around the corner it could mean
that...
That the phone at his house is out of order.
Oh no, knowing Professor Jeremy Walden I would say that he wouldn't tolerate anything being
out of order in his household.
Not because he is a relentless taskmaster but because he is a sharply functional mind
and an extraordinarily high set of standards.
He's a very enviable reputation in his field Vicky.
Whenever the students speak of him they always seem to lower their voices unconsciously.
Is that out of fear or awe?
Or what dear?
Or awe.
Oh, awe!
Well no, now his course in Renaissance literature is one of the best liked and most feared courses
that I've ever seen.
Let me see, now Matthew must be a sophomore by now isn't he?
Yes, and a very promising young student.
When I was a child I deeply envied a little girl whose mother was the teacher of our school.
I imagined that it was lots of fun having a direct pipeline to the inside dope.
Now I'm not referring to the teacher but now I can see that it must have its own difficulties.
Oh it does indeed.
As Ben Johnson observed, greatness of name and the father often overwhelms the son.
They stand too near one another, the shadow kills the growth.
You come right in won't you?
Thank you Mrs. Hall.
And Dr. Hall is expecting you in the study.
I'm sorry to barge in on you like this.
Oh not at all, not at all.
We haven't seen half enough of you lately.
I'm sorry Mrs. Hall, I've been working very hard and I guess I just wasn't, I don't know.
Well don't have a breakdown, it's just an expression of regret.
Come along in.
Yes all right.
Ah Matthew come in, delighted to see you.
Thank you Dr. Hall.
And how is my esteemed colleague, your father?
As a matter of fact Dr. Hall, it's about my father that I, or maybe I should say it's
about myself that I came to, you see father and I, I'm not making a very good beginning
am I?
Oh but you are Matthew, you've already given us a glimpse of the situation and my husband's
like a camera, give him a glimpse and he has the picture.
Yes but it sometimes requires a little extra development.
Why wouldn't it come to you unless I'd tried to work this thing out myself, but I just
can't Dr. Hall.
You see I'm a literature major and I've always planned to work in the same field as my father.
Well I have a particular interest in that field myself.
In my own teaching days I, I was set out to pasture there.
You see now, as a sophomore you are eligible for your father's, what's in Renaissance literature.
Did you register for it Matt?
Yes sir.
I've worked very hard Dr. Hall and believe me it's not just because father teaches.
It's not.
I thought I was doing pretty well but you know how correct and impersonal father is
about work.
Oh I do indeed.
Well in trying to be completely fair father's been leaning over backwards in his attitude
toward me.
His standards for me are even higher than for the rest of the class.
He's been making it, I just can't tell you how tough.
He's going to flunk me Dr. Hall, he can't help himself.
Well what do you mean he can't help himself Matt?
We've put us both on the spot.
I've got to be good but I can't be good enough for him.
And if I flunk, well I'll get over it but father won't.
I'll either have to change my major or go someplace other than Ivy.
It's an awful mess.
And something that would be rather uncomfortable to discuss with your father eh?
Yes sir.
We've considered taking advantage of our relationship on a matter relating to the classroom.
And now Danty is coming up in the course.
That's father's specialty.
He knows more about Danty than Danty did.
In fact sometimes he manages to look more like Danty than Danty.
Well do you like this Danty I've seen?
With a big bust and your father couldn't qualify for that.
Well that's the whole story.
I feel better now that I've told somebody.
Well I know you love your father Matt and undoubtedly he loves you.
And that's where the trouble is.
He's afraid he'll put the heart before the course.
Well now let me give the matter some thought Matthew.
And perhaps I'll be able to suggest a course of action.
In the meantime be patient and keep on working.
Yes sir.
Thank you very much Dr. Hall and Mrs. Hall.
Goodbye.
Goodbye Matt.
Goodbye.
Hmm.
Matt seems to be in quite a spot.
Is his father really that grim?
No but Professor Walden's a very exacting teacher.
He believes in the value of repetition in education, familiarity through reiteration,
like water wearing away stones.
Little drops of Socrates, little drops of Danty, little drops of Pope.
Drop Naima.
But Nardy.
It looks as though Abraham is about to sacrifice Isaac.
You'd better get out the burning bush.
I hesitate to intervene in anything so delicately balanced as the relationship between father
and son.
I'm inclined to agree with Oscar Wilde's observation that children begin by loving their parents.
As they grow older they judge them and sometimes they forgive them.
The Voice of America is bringing you this presentation of the Halls of Ivy starring
Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman.
It's several days later when we return to the Halls of Ivy.
Dr. Hall has been in his study a good part of the morning when his wife Victoria brings
him the mail.
Here you are Toddy.
Thank you darling.
Anything of interest?
Well there's a letter from the Ivy Exterior Decorating Company.
They'd like to paint our house with their new non-fading insect repellent vitamin enriched
house paint.
It starts out by saying don't be a shabby neighbour.
Shall I read the rest of it?
No no, no dear please don't.
No any letter which starts off with such an insulting premise consigns itself to the file
and forget basket.
If they don't like our premises I don't like theirs.
Besides a vitamin enriched house paint is not good enough in these days of super science.
Of course it isn't they don't even have chlorophyll in it.
Obviously an outmoded product.
We must have paint containing chlorophyll, B1 complex, penicillin, sulphur and assorted
antibiotics.
In six delicious flavours too.
Does that constitute the morning's mail?
No not quite.
The Committee on Buildings and Maintenance headed by Professor Bronson sends a plaintiff
little note.
It seems that the research laboratory is overcrowded.
The perennial complaint.
The students say a degree of BSC means Bronson's sardine can.
There's too much sympathy wasted on sardines anyway.
Why do they need elbow room?
They don't have any elbows.
Well Vicky what are we going to do about the Walden's father and son?
Oh I don't know.
But whatever is done I suppose will have to be done in such a way that the dignity of
both Walden's is preserved.
I can't appeal to Professor Walden because that will put Matthew in the position of a
plaintiff.
And I can't counsel Matthew to bear it as best he can because that would imply a criticism
of his father.
Well it might not preserve their dignity but I'd just knock both their heads together.
Probably end up by weeping copiously on both their shoulders.
Oh you're underestimating yourself Vicky.
You'd probably handle the situation beautifully.
I shall never forget watching a performance in London of a play in which you briefly appeared.
Or perhaps I should say a play which appeared briefly with you in it.
Which play was that Tony?
I remember nothing about it except that there was a horse in the third act which kept nibbling
at your long blonde wig.
Without missing a line you calmly took off the wig and gave it to the horse to eat and
come.
I remember that wig.
The line down the middle of it was the best part in the play.
And except for you the horse was the best actor.
Let's say we were the best actresses dear, she was a mare.
Horse or mare I noticed you got a fine round of applause from the stalls.
What was the name of the production?
Madness at noon?
I never did figure out what that had to do with the play itself.
Oh well the title was all that was left of the original after the rewriting was finished.
Oh.
Yeah they should have left the play and rewritten the title.
Critics had such a jolly time with it, you know, madness at noon, stupor at midnight,
and they'll hate themselves in the morning and things like that.
The titles of bad plays have a morbid fascination for critics.
I remember a dreadful piece called This Too Shall Pass Away to which one critic responded
let it not stand on the order of its going.
Well anyway I knew the play was closing the next day so it didn't matter.
And Walden and Son will close too, Toddy, if you don't do something about them soon.
Unfortunately if Professor Walden flunks his son I'm afraid he will feel compelled to justify
his action by even greater severity toward his students.
Yeah and Matthew would never forgive him.
Now if I could find some way to prove to Professor Walden how intelligent his son really is and
give him an opportunity to commend the boy's work publicly, then perhaps...
I know the signs, Toddy.
You're way beyond perhaps.
You've hatched a big fat plot.
Well I had thought of visiting Professor Walden's classroom on some conveniently routine matter
in preparation for which I've been renewing my acquaintance with Dante.
I've got to make sure that I make the right mistakes about him.
That is I will try to be wrong in the right way.
Dr. Hall, it's a privilege to have you back in the department again.
Thank you Professor Walden.
I hope you can stay and join our discussion.
If the smell of gunpowder has an effect on an old soldier, a former teacher like yourself
should respond to the equally dynamic smell of powdered chalk.
Well I've been studying your notes on the blackboard.
They are far more legible than any I ever put up there.
We were discussing Dante and his beloved Dietriche.
Yes, the best known today I suppose by their unreasonable facsimiles on calendars and cigar
boxes.
But I've always been fascinated by the complex relationship of Dante to La Donna Gentile
Beatrice.
The gentle damsel Beatrice of course appears in the Divine Comedy, but it was in the earlier
work La Vita Nuova that Dante paid such eloquent tribute to his beloved.
But really I didn't come to give you a lecture on what you already know.
No, please go on Dr. Hall.
Well then, Dante was only 26 when he wrote La Vita Nuova.
That is according to his first biographer.
And incidentally, who was Dante's first biographer?
Let me see, you.
The other Mr. Walden.
Matthew, can you tell me?
Yes sir, Boccaccio.
Correct, Boccaccio, who as I'm sure Professor Walden has mentioned in passing wrote other
things besides the Decameron.
Now that you are on your feet Matthew, would you mind if I try another question on you?
All right sir.
I would like you to identify the sonnet which so lyrically describes the early death of
Beatrice.
Sonnet, Dr. Hall?
Yes.
The Womish contains those simple and eloquent lines, che fai, non sai novella?
Morta e la Donna tua, chi era si bella?
Dead is your maiden who was so fair.
Do you recall it now?
Well yes I do sir, but did you say sonnet?
That's right.
But Dr. Hall, I'm sure it wasn't a sonnet.
Not a sonnet?
Well if it's not a sonnet, what is it?
It's a canzone sir.
Canzone?
Oh no, no, I'm sure it is not a canzone.
Dr. Hall, the lines you quoted were written by Dante before Beatrice died and were inspired
by a vision of her death, weren't they?
Yes, yes, that's quite right.
They were, in a sonnet.
Well, but those lines are in a canzone Dr. Hall, I'm positive.
You are?
Well now, it's quite very simple.
Why don't we appeal to the highest authority, Professor Walden?
What was it Professor?
A sonnet or a canzone?
Well Dr. Hall, I'm afraid I have to support my pupil.
He is quite correct.
It was a canzone.
It was?
Well, thank you Professor Walden and thank you Matthew.
I think I'd better retire from the field.
One more such blunder and I should never be able to face either of the Waldens again.
I congratulate you Matthew.
Your father has a reputation for being exacting and you've just given us a fine demonstration
of your own sense of exactitude.
And thank you all for the privilege of being with you.
Oh, Toddy, that was perfectly splendid.
Now what was the reaction of the class?
Well, they've been perfectly conscious of the emotional drama that has been taking place
all semester Vicki, so they were as delighted as I was with the outcome.
Although I must say they were most unconcerned with the fact that my reputation became slightly
tarnished in the process.
Oh, well I'm sure it didn't Toddy, not even with Professor Walden.
Well, I don't know.
Professor Walden is such a straightforward and direct man, my devious tactics may have
escaped him.
Well, I'm sure he's grateful to you in any case.
Well, I get it darling.
Hello Matthew.
Hello Mrs. Hall, is Dr. Hall busy?
Come in, come in, we were just talking about you.
Oh Matthew, I'm glad you came by.
I wanted to thank you for helping me out of my difficulties this afternoon.
You thank me, Dr. Hall, for what?
For picking up your cue so quickly.
And for being so distressingly accurate in correcting my blunder.
About that Dr. Hall, my father and I have discussed the matter.
Hello, and he wanted to make absolutely sure that I was correct so he looked up the very
best authority on the subject.
I have brought the reference with me to show to you.
Oh, I'm perfectly ready to accept Professor Walden's own judgment.
Well he was particularly anxious for you to look at this.
Oh, very well, let me see it.
We, good heavens, oh ho ho ho, so I am convicted by my own evidence, well well.
What is it Toddy, let me see, let me see, let me see.
Something far they found in the files of the department.
Oh, it's the canzoni form as used by Dante, term paper by William Todd Hunter Hall, and
oh ho ho ho, and you got an A plus.
I'd forgotten about that completely.
I'm afraid I'd make a very poor criminal.
I leave a trail which could be followed on a rainy day by a bloodhound with a cold in
the head, a tight collar and a disinterest in the pursuit.
Oh, now really.
I'm afraid I only deserve a C minus in subterfuge.
You rate a straight A in the Walden household, Dr. Hall.
Well, as Dr. Hall's father used to say, Matt, it is not the grade which makes the man, it
is the man who makes the grade.
Isn't that what your father used to say, William?
Your memory, my darling, is more than phenomenal.
It is positively supernatural.
To think of your remembering things said by my father whom you never met.
But I'm sure that as a lover of beautiful things, he would have said them had he known
you would repeat them.
I'm afraid I only deserve a C minus in subterfuge.
This production of the Halls of Ivy was broadcast with an actual audience present in the studio.
We'll be far, far away To the hallowed halls of ivy
Every voice will bid farewell And shiver off in twilight
Like the old Vesper Faire.