WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:07.000 I married Joan, what a girl, what a world, what a life. 00:07.000 --> 00:14.000 Oh, I married Joan, what a mind, love and pride, what a wife. 00:14.000 --> 00:23.000 He and gay all day she keeps my heart laughing, never know where her grain is going. 00:23.000 --> 00:30.000 To each his own, can he deny that why I married Joan. 00:30.000 --> 00:39.000 The Joan Davis Show, I Married Joan, America's favorite comedy show. 00:39.000 --> 00:47.000 Starring America's queen of comedy, Joan Davis, as Mrs. Joan Stevens. 00:47.000 --> 00:54.000 And featuring Jim Backus as Judge Bradley Stevens. 00:54.000 --> 01:01.000 I married Joan. 01:01.000 --> 01:08.000 I married Joan. 01:08.000 --> 01:24.000 I married Joan. 01:24.000 --> 01:26.000 Oh Brad, I can hardly believe we're home. 01:26.000 --> 01:30.000 You're right, we both look like we're still in a wire. 01:30.000 --> 01:31.000 Hello Clara. 01:31.000 --> 01:32.000 Hello Joan. 01:32.000 --> 01:34.000 We're back. 01:34.000 --> 01:35.000 I'm glad to see you. 01:35.000 --> 01:37.000 Where were you? 01:37.000 --> 01:40.000 We were, I'll tell you tomorrow. 01:40.000 --> 01:45.000 Where were we? 01:45.000 --> 01:52.000 We were Alaska. 01:52.000 --> 02:03.000 We, Brad, Brad. 02:03.000 --> 02:06.000 Oh thanks, you saved my life, you wonderful man. 02:06.000 --> 02:08.000 Oh, think nothing of it dear. 02:08.000 --> 02:10.000 Boy, it's great getting home, isn't it? 02:10.000 --> 02:11.000 Oh, it sure is. 02:11.000 --> 02:17.000 Like I always say, the best part of a vacation is coming home so you can get a good rest. 02:17.000 --> 02:21.000 Well, we've got a lot of unpacking to do. 02:21.000 --> 02:23.000 Might as well get at it. 02:23.000 --> 02:26.000 OK. 02:26.000 --> 02:33.000 Oh boy. 02:33.000 --> 02:35.000 Did you miss us, you poor thing? 02:35.000 --> 02:40.000 Nobody's sat in you for two whole weeks. 02:40.000 --> 02:42.000 That feel better? 02:42.000 --> 02:43.000 Joan? 02:43.000 --> 02:47.000 Coming Brad. 02:47.000 --> 02:50.000 Oh Brad, you turned the radio on, the music sounds good. 02:50.000 --> 02:52.000 It's been sounding good for two weeks. 02:52.000 --> 02:55.000 Brad, you're not making sense. 02:55.000 --> 02:58.000 Oh, I forgot to turn it off when we left. 02:58.000 --> 03:00.000 I remember, I was waiting to hear the weather report. 03:00.000 --> 03:03.000 Should I pack my snuggie, shouldn't I pack my snuggie? 03:03.000 --> 03:06.000 Joan, this radio has been playing this empty house for two weeks. 03:06.000 --> 03:08.000 Oh, the poor thing. 03:08.000 --> 03:10.000 And I'll stand by for the local weather report. 03:10.000 --> 03:12.000 Now he tells me. 03:12.000 --> 03:15.000 Well, should I pack my snuggies or shouldn't I? 03:15.000 --> 03:17.000 There'll be local frost in the valley and... 03:17.000 --> 03:19.000 Joan, I don't... 03:19.000 --> 03:21.000 Oh Brad, please don't be angry. 03:21.000 --> 03:22.000 Oh, all right dear. 03:22.000 --> 03:24.000 Say I'm hungry, how about something to eat? 03:24.000 --> 03:26.000 Sure dear, I'll fix you a sandwich. 03:26.000 --> 03:28.000 We can unpack later, huh? 03:28.000 --> 03:33.000 Oh, I'm going to leave them there. 03:33.000 --> 03:39.000 Oh, I'm going to leave them there. 03:39.000 --> 03:41.000 Say, let's make this a real spread, huh? 03:41.000 --> 03:45.000 Oh sure dear, it isn't every day that we get home from the Hawaiian Islands. 03:45.000 --> 03:48.000 If you are, let's do things right, I'll get a pie from the freezer. 03:48.000 --> 03:49.000 Oh, thank you. 03:49.000 --> 03:51.000 White 15. 03:51.000 --> 03:55.000 Hootahoo, a hot we go. 03:55.000 --> 03:57.000 What's wrong dear? 03:57.000 --> 04:02.000 Joan, when we left on our vacation two weeks ago, you said you'd lock the back door. 04:02.000 --> 04:03.000 Yes, I did. 04:03.000 --> 04:05.000 It isn't locked. 04:05.000 --> 04:06.000 I'll go lock it. 04:06.000 --> 04:10.000 No dear, it's not necessary Joan, we're home now. 04:10.000 --> 04:12.000 I can't understand it, I distinctly remember. 04:12.000 --> 04:13.000 Yes? 04:13.000 --> 04:15.000 Not locking the door. 04:15.000 --> 04:17.000 Is there anything else that you've forgotten? 04:17.000 --> 04:20.000 No dear, I took care of everything else. 04:20.000 --> 04:21.000 You sure? 04:21.000 --> 04:22.000 I'm positive. 04:22.000 --> 04:24.000 All right dear, well I'm just... 04:24.000 --> 04:27.000 Oh, dear. 04:27.000 --> 04:28.000 Hello? 04:28.000 --> 04:30.000 Oh, hello Vi. 04:30.000 --> 04:32.000 Did you get my card? 04:32.000 --> 04:33.000 Yes, we just got in. 04:33.000 --> 04:36.000 Oh, we had a wonderful time in Hawaii. 04:36.000 --> 04:37.000 Hawaii. 04:37.000 --> 04:39.000 You would have just loved it. 04:39.000 --> 04:41.000 Everything there is so Hawaiian. 04:41.000 --> 04:43.000 Hawaiian? 04:43.000 --> 04:47.000 Oh, I'm telling you, we had a great time in Hawaii. 04:47.000 --> 04:52.000 Yes, it was a beautiful time of the year. 04:52.000 --> 04:55.000 Oh, and the people are so friendly. 04:55.000 --> 04:58.000 I think everybody should make that trip. 04:58.000 --> 05:00.000 Yes, what? 05:00.000 --> 05:02.000 Bridge tonight with the girls? 05:02.000 --> 05:05.000 Oh, I couldn't do that and leave Brad the first night. 05:05.000 --> 05:07.000 Listen, I got a better idea. 05:07.000 --> 05:11.000 We took a lot of 16mm film the first few days we were over there 05:11.000 --> 05:14.000 and we sent them home to be developed. 05:14.000 --> 05:16.000 I'm sure they're in the mailbox right now 05:16.000 --> 05:19.000 and I'd like you and the girls to come over here instead. 05:19.000 --> 05:20.000 Would you? 05:20.000 --> 05:23.000 Listen, when you see some of these shots. 05:23.000 --> 05:28.000 Oh, I'll talk to the co-worker here tonight to see the movies, huh? 05:28.000 --> 05:29.000 Bye, Max. 05:29.000 --> 05:30.000 Goodbye, bye. 05:35.000 --> 05:37.000 Guess what? 05:37.000 --> 05:40.000 You forgot to tell the milkman to stop the milk. 05:40.000 --> 05:41.000 Yes. 05:41.000 --> 05:42.000 How do you like that? 05:42.000 --> 05:44.000 They're one quart short. 05:44.000 --> 05:46.000 Joan, I... 05:46.000 --> 05:48.000 I'm going to get the mail. 05:48.000 --> 05:52.000 Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 05:52.000 --> 05:55.000 Oh, you know, I didn't even open that bag. 05:55.000 --> 05:57.000 It was some warm clothes I took along, 05:57.000 --> 06:00.000 but the weather was so wonderful I didn't even have to unpack it. 06:00.000 --> 06:02.000 Well, you'll have plenty of chance to use these things here. 06:02.000 --> 06:05.000 Don't let the Chamber of Commerce hear you say that. 06:05.000 --> 06:08.000 Well, here's the mail. 06:08.000 --> 06:10.000 Bills, bills, bills. 06:10.000 --> 06:12.000 Letter from your father, that's the same as a bill. 06:12.000 --> 06:15.000 And oh, yes, yes, here's the movies that we made in Hawaii. 06:15.000 --> 06:17.000 Oh, good, I knew they'd be here. 06:17.000 --> 06:20.000 I'm going to have the girls over tonight to see these movies. 06:20.000 --> 06:23.000 I'll do a real good job of cleaning the house. 06:23.000 --> 06:24.000 I can't understand it. 06:24.000 --> 06:26.000 It should be here. 06:26.000 --> 06:27.000 What's that, Brad? 06:27.000 --> 06:30.000 An answer to an opinion I gave on the Brighton case. 06:30.000 --> 06:31.000 The Brighton case? 06:31.000 --> 06:33.000 Well, yes, you remember, you didn't agree with my opinion. 06:33.000 --> 06:35.000 You thought Brighton was innocent. 06:35.000 --> 06:36.000 I don't quite recall. 06:36.000 --> 06:38.000 Well, of course you remember, dear. 06:38.000 --> 06:39.000 We had quite an argument. 06:39.000 --> 06:43.000 You told me I was wrong up until the time I gave you the opinion to mail for me. 06:43.000 --> 06:44.000 I did? 06:44.000 --> 06:45.000 Well, sure. 06:45.000 --> 06:48.000 You remember mailing it, losing a vanilla envelope about so big? 06:48.000 --> 06:50.000 Well, of course I mailed it. 06:50.000 --> 06:52.000 If I said I did it, I did it. 06:52.000 --> 06:57.000 After all, I wouldn't forget anything of importance. 06:57.000 --> 07:00.000 How big did you say that envelope was, Brad? 07:00.000 --> 07:02.000 About that big. 07:02.000 --> 07:04.000 That's all, sir. 07:08.000 --> 07:12.000 Joan, Joan, what is this? 07:12.000 --> 07:13.000 What's what, Brad? 07:13.000 --> 07:14.000 Joan. 07:14.000 --> 07:17.000 Now, Brad, dear, I know exactly what you're going to say, 07:17.000 --> 07:19.000 and I couldn't agree with you more. 07:19.000 --> 07:20.000 You're absolutely right. 07:20.000 --> 07:21.000 It was stupid of me. 07:21.000 --> 07:24.000 I should have nailed it, but I forgot. 07:24.000 --> 07:26.000 I don't think you forgot at all. 07:26.000 --> 07:29.000 You see, I should have taken it immediately, and then I... 07:29.000 --> 07:30.000 What? 07:30.000 --> 07:32.000 I think you deliberately didn't mail it. 07:32.000 --> 07:35.000 Oh, Brad, how can you say that? 07:35.000 --> 07:37.000 Because you didn't agree with my opinion on the Brighton case. 07:37.000 --> 07:39.000 You were against me all along. 07:39.000 --> 07:40.000 Yes, dear, but I wouldn't... 07:40.000 --> 07:42.000 Look, dear, I can put up with a lot of things, 07:42.000 --> 07:44.000 but when you deliberately interfere with my work... 07:44.000 --> 07:46.000 No, Brad, I didn't do it deliberately. 07:46.000 --> 07:48.000 I simply forgot. 07:48.000 --> 07:52.000 Oh, Joan, don't make me laugh. 07:52.000 --> 07:53.000 But, Brad, where are you going? 07:53.000 --> 07:55.000 I am going to stay at my club. 07:55.000 --> 07:56.000 For how long? 07:56.000 --> 07:58.000 I don't know. 07:58.000 --> 08:01.000 Oh, Mrs. Stevens, don't worry. 08:01.000 --> 08:03.000 The judge is pretty hot right now, 08:03.000 --> 08:05.000 but he'll come back when he cools off. 08:05.000 --> 08:06.000 Just wait. 08:06.000 --> 08:07.000 But I don't want to wait. 08:07.000 --> 08:11.000 He's my Brad, and hot or cold, I want him now. 08:11.000 --> 08:14.000 Brad, I hate to suggest this, 08:14.000 --> 08:16.000 but maybe you want to swallow your pride 08:16.000 --> 08:18.000 and call the judge up at the club. 08:18.000 --> 08:20.000 Me? Call Brad? 08:20.000 --> 08:22.000 It seems sensible. 08:22.000 --> 08:24.000 You mean I should call him and ask him to come home, 08:24.000 --> 08:26.000 plead with him, beg him, 08:26.000 --> 08:29.000 even though I know I'm right and he's wrong? 08:29.000 --> 08:30.000 Mm-hmm. 08:30.000 --> 08:31.000 Nothing doing. 08:31.000 --> 08:34.000 Besides, I just tried it, and it didn't work. 08:34.000 --> 08:36.000 Well, I'd better get that movie thing out 08:36.000 --> 08:38.000 as the girls are coming over. 08:38.000 --> 08:39.000 Thanks, Freda. 08:39.000 --> 08:41.000 I'll try to think of something to tell them. 08:41.000 --> 08:45.000 Freda, maybe that's Brad now. 08:45.000 --> 08:48.000 Maybe he's called up to apologize. 08:48.000 --> 08:50.000 Wouldn't that be wonderful? 08:50.000 --> 08:53.000 My troubles are over with the girls now. 08:53.000 --> 08:55.000 Want me to answer the phone? 08:55.000 --> 08:57.000 What for? He's already apologized. 08:57.000 --> 08:59.000 Everything's straightened out. 08:59.000 --> 09:02.000 Oh, the feeling, yeah. 09:02.000 --> 09:04.000 Hello, Brad. 09:04.000 --> 09:06.000 No, this isn't Brad, Mrs. Stevens. 09:06.000 --> 09:08.000 This is Desmond Palmer. 09:08.000 --> 09:11.000 Desmond Palmer? Oh, Judge Palmer. 09:11.000 --> 09:13.000 Yes. Is Brad there? 09:13.000 --> 09:15.000 Oh, no, he isn't here right now, 09:15.000 --> 09:17.000 but I can tell you where you can reach him. 09:17.000 --> 09:18.000 He's at the men's club. 09:18.000 --> 09:19.000 Oh, thanks. 09:19.000 --> 09:22.000 I have some good news for Brad, Mrs. Stevens. 09:22.000 --> 09:23.000 Good news? 09:23.000 --> 09:26.000 Yes, I've decided to retire from the bench next month, 09:26.000 --> 09:29.000 and I've been asked to recommend a successor. 09:29.000 --> 09:32.000 It would be a real advancement for Brad, Mrs. Stevens. 09:32.000 --> 09:34.000 Oh, that is good news. 09:34.000 --> 09:35.000 Which court is that? 09:35.000 --> 09:37.000 The Court of Domestic Relations. 09:37.000 --> 09:43.000 Oh, the Court of Domestic Relations? 09:43.000 --> 09:47.000 Yes, you see, it's my theory that the best man for this position 09:47.000 --> 09:51.000 is a man whose own private domestic life is smooth and untroubled. 09:51.000 --> 09:54.000 I know that you and Brad are an ideal couple, 09:54.000 --> 09:56.000 well-mated in perfect accord, 09:56.000 --> 09:59.000 with never a disagreement. 09:59.000 --> 10:01.000 Right, Mrs. Stevens? 10:01.000 --> 10:02.000 I mean... 10:02.000 --> 10:05.000 Well, I'll call Brad at the club now. 10:05.000 --> 10:08.000 Oh, listen, Judge Palmer, 10:08.000 --> 10:10.000 I was wondering if you'd do me a favor, please. 10:10.000 --> 10:12.000 Why, certainly. What is it? 10:12.000 --> 10:14.000 Well, when you speak to Brad, 10:14.000 --> 10:16.000 don't tell him that you spoke to me first. 10:16.000 --> 10:19.000 I want him to be able to surprise me with the news himself. 10:19.000 --> 10:22.000 Oh, that's very considerate of you, Mrs. Stevens. 10:22.000 --> 10:24.000 It makes me surer than ever 10:24.000 --> 10:28.000 that Brad is the man for the Court of Domestic Relations. 10:28.000 --> 10:29.000 Goodbye, Mrs. Stevens. 10:29.000 --> 10:32.000 Goodbye, Judge Palmer. 10:32.000 --> 10:36.000 Mrs. Stevens, if you're so worried about the girls coming over, 10:36.000 --> 10:38.000 why don't you let me tell him you don't feel well? 10:38.000 --> 10:40.000 Oh, forget it, Freda. 10:40.000 --> 10:41.000 Forget it? 10:41.000 --> 10:42.000 Yep. 10:42.000 --> 10:44.000 In exactly 35 minutes, 10:44.000 --> 10:49.000 my wandering rooster is going to be back in the henhouse. 10:53.000 --> 10:57.000 Mrs. Stevens, I don't know how you can be so sure the judge is coming back. 10:57.000 --> 10:59.000 Because I know my husband, 10:59.000 --> 11:04.000 and there isn't anything he wouldn't do in the world to get that job in the Domestic Relations Court. 11:04.000 --> 11:08.000 And if there was the slightest whisper that his own domestic life wasn't absolutely perfect, 11:08.000 --> 11:10.000 they wouldn't even consider him at all. 11:10.000 --> 11:14.000 Let's see, Judge Palmer must have called him about... 11:14.000 --> 11:17.000 Go out the door, Freda. 11:19.000 --> 11:21.000 Open it. 11:21.000 --> 11:25.000 Hmm. I give up. 11:25.000 --> 11:29.000 Well, if it isn't his honor, the wandering judge. 11:29.000 --> 11:32.000 May I come in? 11:32.000 --> 11:33.000 Come in. 11:33.000 --> 11:35.000 But you'll have to excuse me. 11:35.000 --> 11:37.000 I've got to get these films of the trip ready. 11:37.000 --> 11:39.000 I'm having some guests over. 11:39.000 --> 11:40.000 Joan. 11:40.000 --> 11:41.000 Yes, Brad. 11:41.000 --> 11:43.000 Joan, I... 11:43.000 --> 11:45.000 Yes, Brad? 11:45.000 --> 11:47.000 Well, about the argument, Joan. 11:47.000 --> 11:49.000 Yes, Brad. 11:49.000 --> 11:51.000 Well, I want to patch it up. You see... 11:51.000 --> 11:52.000 Yes, Brad? 11:52.000 --> 11:54.000 Well, I've been thinking it over. 11:54.000 --> 11:57.000 I ought to go halfway and... 11:57.000 --> 11:58.000 Yes, Brad. 11:58.000 --> 12:00.000 Well, what do you say, Joan? 12:00.000 --> 12:01.000 Brad? 12:01.000 --> 12:02.000 Yes, Joan. 12:02.000 --> 12:04.000 No, Brad. 12:04.000 --> 12:08.000 Didn't you just get a call from Judge Palmer at the club? 12:08.000 --> 12:09.000 Yes. 12:09.000 --> 12:13.000 He wants to recommend me to succeed him in Domestic Relations Court. 12:13.000 --> 12:16.000 That's why you came home to make up with me, isn't it? 12:16.000 --> 12:18.000 No, that's not so. 12:18.000 --> 12:20.000 His call caught me in the lobby. 12:20.000 --> 12:22.000 I was on my way home when he phoned. 12:22.000 --> 12:25.000 I even asked him to meet me here. 12:25.000 --> 12:27.000 Oh, really, now. 12:27.000 --> 12:30.000 Honestly, honestly, that's the truth, Joan. 12:30.000 --> 12:32.000 You've got to believe me. 12:32.000 --> 12:35.000 That... 12:35.000 --> 12:37.000 You expect me to believe a story like that 12:37.000 --> 12:39.000 when you wouldn't even believe a true story 12:39.000 --> 12:41.000 that I forgot to mail the envelope? 12:41.000 --> 12:44.000 Look, I know why you didn't mail the envelope. 12:44.000 --> 12:47.000 Because you didn't agree with my political opinions. 12:47.000 --> 12:49.000 That is not true. 12:49.000 --> 12:51.000 But I know why you came home. 12:51.000 --> 12:53.000 You didn't want Judge Palmer to know that we quarreled. 12:53.000 --> 12:55.000 That's not so, but I'm not going to argue the matter. 12:55.000 --> 12:57.000 That suits me fine. 12:57.000 --> 12:59.000 Well, I'm sorry I came home. 12:59.000 --> 13:01.000 I'm not shooting off any cannons. 13:01.000 --> 13:04.000 Well, that's it, Joan. I am going back to the club. 13:04.000 --> 13:07.000 That must be the girls. 13:07.000 --> 13:09.000 Maybe it's Judge Palmer. 13:09.000 --> 13:13.000 Look, Brad, I don't want the girls to suspect there's anything wrong between us. 13:13.000 --> 13:16.000 And you feel the same way about Judge Palmer. 13:16.000 --> 13:18.000 That's right. 13:18.000 --> 13:20.000 Make a deal with him. 13:20.000 --> 13:23.000 Let's hide our feelings. 13:23.000 --> 13:26.000 Until after they leave. 13:26.000 --> 13:29.000 Good evening, Mrs. Stevens. 13:29.000 --> 13:31.000 Oh, Judge Palmer, come in. 13:31.000 --> 13:33.000 Hello, Bradley, my boy. 13:33.000 --> 13:35.000 Oh, Judge, here, let me take your things. 13:35.000 --> 13:37.000 Oh, thank you. I'll put them right down here. 13:37.000 --> 13:39.000 And how are you? 13:39.000 --> 13:41.000 Oh, splendid. Thank you, Mrs. Stevens. 13:41.000 --> 13:44.000 And I'm happy to say that I have some more good news. 13:44.000 --> 13:46.000 I've already spoken to the Board of Supervisors. 13:46.000 --> 13:51.000 And when I told them that my choice was Bradley Stevens, they were delighted. 13:51.000 --> 13:53.000 Oh, say that. That's good news. 13:53.000 --> 13:55.000 Isn't it, Joan? 13:55.000 --> 13:58.000 Great. Great. Great news. 13:58.000 --> 14:05.000 Well, I'll bet you were so proud of your husband that you could just throw your arms right around him and give him a great big kiss. 14:05.000 --> 14:08.000 Well, go ahead, kids. Don't mind me. 14:08.000 --> 14:09.000 Now it can wait. 14:09.000 --> 14:11.000 Yes, it can wait, you know. 14:11.000 --> 14:15.000 Oh, for heaven's sake, don't be so shy. 14:15.000 --> 14:18.000 Come on, this is a big moment for both of you. 14:18.000 --> 14:20.000 Go ahead. 14:22.000 --> 14:23.000 Oh, yes, the spirit. 14:23.000 --> 14:26.000 Just what the Court of Domestic Relations needs. 14:26.000 --> 14:29.000 A happily married man. 14:30.000 --> 14:32.000 Oh, there must be the girls. 14:32.000 --> 14:34.000 Oh, listen, Brad. 14:34.000 --> 14:43.000 Oh, see, but, uh, Judge Palmer, these are the girls of my bridge. 14:43.000 --> 14:45.000 Oh, I see. 14:45.000 --> 14:47.000 Oh, I see. 14:47.000 --> 14:49.000 Oh, I see. 14:49.000 --> 14:51.000 Oh, I see. 14:51.000 --> 14:52.000 All right. 14:52.000 --> 14:55.000 Now that you all know one another, what should we do? 14:55.000 --> 14:58.000 Well, come on. We're just dying to see those pictures of Hawaii. 14:58.000 --> 15:00.000 Yes, Hawaii, you lucky kids. 15:00.000 --> 15:02.000 Oh, you must be the happiest couple. 15:02.000 --> 15:05.000 Oh, they are. I can vouch for that. 15:05.000 --> 15:07.000 Well, shall we see the pictures? 15:07.000 --> 15:09.000 Oh, yeah, I'll set to see the pictures. 15:09.000 --> 15:12.000 I came just in time. I'd like to see those pictures of Hawaii, too. 15:12.000 --> 15:14.000 Oh, well, look at you. 15:14.000 --> 15:16.000 Here's the judge. There we are. 15:16.000 --> 15:17.000 Thank you. 15:17.000 --> 15:18.000 Sit down there. 15:18.000 --> 15:19.000 Yes. 15:19.000 --> 15:20.000 There you are. 15:20.000 --> 15:22.000 All set, darling. 15:22.000 --> 15:24.000 All set, lover. 15:27.000 --> 15:30.000 I, uh, I just wanted to get my glasses from my purse. 15:30.000 --> 15:31.000 Sorry, everyone. 15:31.000 --> 15:33.000 Well, let's see what Hawaii looks like now. 15:33.000 --> 15:36.000 We haven't even seen the pictures ourselves. 15:36.000 --> 15:37.000 It was just developed. 15:37.000 --> 15:38.000 Oh. 15:38.000 --> 15:41.000 Well, uh, contact. 15:43.000 --> 15:48.000 Folks, in a minute you'll see beautiful Hawaii, land of tropical enchantment. 15:48.000 --> 15:50.000 Oh, there's the Royal Hawaiian Hotel where we stayed at. 15:50.000 --> 15:53.000 That is when we were out, weren't out looking at the sights. 15:53.000 --> 15:55.000 Speaking of sights, here's one. 15:55.000 --> 15:57.000 I'm only kidding. 15:57.000 --> 15:58.000 Oh, that's a painting. 15:58.000 --> 16:00.000 Oh, there's Black Mackey Beach. 16:00.000 --> 16:02.000 There's the Pali Pass. 16:02.000 --> 16:06.000 This is one of the most beautiful views on the island. 16:08.000 --> 16:10.000 Oh, Brad said we picked a very bad day. 16:10.000 --> 16:12.000 It was very windy. 16:12.000 --> 16:16.000 They say you can see everything from the Pali. 16:16.000 --> 16:18.000 I see what you mean. 16:19.000 --> 16:22.000 Brad, you were supposed to be photographing the scenery. 16:22.000 --> 16:25.000 I was photographing everything of interest. 16:25.000 --> 16:27.000 Yeah, the wind is blowing. 16:27.000 --> 16:29.000 Oh, the wind there is amazing. 16:29.000 --> 16:31.000 Oh, what a beautiful view. 16:34.000 --> 16:36.000 This is embarrassing. 16:36.000 --> 16:38.000 Don't worry, Mrs. Stevens, I'm not looking. 16:38.000 --> 16:40.000 Brad, stop it. 16:40.000 --> 16:41.000 Oh. 16:41.000 --> 16:43.000 Start it, start it, Brad. 16:43.000 --> 16:44.000 Yeah. 16:44.000 --> 16:45.000 Oh, no. 16:45.000 --> 16:50.000 I've been in windy places in my life, but never anything that can... 16:50.000 --> 16:52.000 Oh, I... 16:52.000 --> 16:53.000 Oh. 16:53.000 --> 16:57.000 Brad said we'd come back some other day when it wasn't so windy. 16:57.000 --> 16:59.000 Yeah, it's been alright. 16:59.000 --> 17:04.000 Oh, there's a coconut tree, and I wanted to get a nice, fresh coconut. 17:04.000 --> 17:06.000 So I started to climb the tree. 17:06.000 --> 17:08.000 Oh, did you really climb the tree? 17:08.000 --> 17:09.000 How should I know? 17:09.000 --> 17:11.000 This is the first time I've seen the picture, too. 17:11.000 --> 17:12.000 Yeah. 17:12.000 --> 17:14.000 Oh, no, I remember now. 17:14.000 --> 17:18.000 There's a little native boy that said he'd be happy to go out and get the coconut for me. 17:18.000 --> 17:30.000 They just can't do enough for you over there. 17:30.000 --> 17:32.000 Isn't that hot? 17:32.000 --> 17:33.000 Oh, yeah. 17:33.000 --> 17:35.000 Why didn't Brad climb up and get your coconut? 17:35.000 --> 17:36.000 Brad? 17:36.000 --> 17:40.000 He gets a nosebleed even if he licks the near-nail stamp. 17:40.000 --> 17:45.000 I'd like to see that boy write a legal opinion, especially one like the Brighton case. 17:45.000 --> 17:50.000 Well, at least he isn't making a fuss like a child screaming and yelling. 17:50.000 --> 17:52.000 Joan, what are you talking about? 17:52.000 --> 17:54.000 Oh, that's a private joke. 17:54.000 --> 17:56.000 A little family joke. 17:56.000 --> 17:57.000 Oh, I don't like it. 17:57.000 --> 17:58.000 Go on. 17:58.000 --> 18:12.000 You know what? 18:12.000 --> 18:13.000 Oh, my goodness. 18:13.000 --> 18:15.000 Look at the coconut, Brad. 18:15.000 --> 18:16.000 There it is. 18:16.000 --> 18:20.000 I told him one was plenty, but we're too afraid to give him one, and he gets an old sample. 18:20.000 --> 18:22.000 Oh, look at how much they... 18:22.000 --> 18:24.000 Oh, there's my coconut. 18:24.000 --> 18:28.000 There's only two ways to open a coconut. 18:28.000 --> 18:30.000 That's one of them. 18:30.000 --> 18:32.000 I was a mess. 18:32.000 --> 18:35.000 I had to go back to the hotel and clean up. 18:35.000 --> 18:36.000 Oh, my. 18:36.000 --> 18:37.000 Oh, my. 18:37.000 --> 18:38.000 Oh, my. 18:38.000 --> 18:42.000 Oh, here we are at a pineapple field. 18:42.000 --> 18:46.000 And I wanted to pick some of my own pineapple to take back to the hotel. 18:46.000 --> 18:47.000 What does that sign mean? 18:47.000 --> 18:48.000 Capoo? 18:48.000 --> 18:49.000 Capoo. 18:49.000 --> 18:51.000 I don't know what the Hawaiian word for welcome is. 18:51.000 --> 18:52.000 It means nothing to the guy. 18:52.000 --> 18:53.000 It means keep out. 18:53.000 --> 18:54.000 Oh, what? 18:54.000 --> 18:55.000 Oh, my. 18:55.000 --> 18:56.000 Oh, my. 18:56.000 --> 18:57.000 That's a lot of English. 18:57.000 --> 18:58.000 That's a lot of English. 18:58.000 --> 19:00.000 And I am picking the pineapples. 19:00.000 --> 19:02.000 He never tasted anything like a pineapple. 19:02.000 --> 19:03.000 Now, listen. 19:03.000 --> 19:04.000 Watch her, Joan. 19:04.000 --> 19:05.000 Catch it. 19:05.000 --> 19:06.000 Watch her catch it. 19:06.000 --> 19:07.000 What's that? 19:07.000 --> 19:08.000 What's that? 19:08.000 --> 19:11.000 Oh, that's a pineapple heart. 19:11.000 --> 19:12.000 You see the conveyor belt? 19:12.000 --> 19:14.000 It says the work of a lot of men. 19:14.000 --> 19:15.000 It's very modern. 19:15.000 --> 19:16.000 Oh, no. 19:16.000 --> 19:17.000 There we go. 19:17.000 --> 19:20.000 I didn't even know it was behind me. 19:20.000 --> 19:23.000 I saw them with those swords. 19:23.000 --> 19:25.000 I thought they were headhunters. 19:25.000 --> 19:27.000 So does Joan think slowly in the West. 19:27.000 --> 19:30.000 We say farewell to the pineapple area. 19:30.000 --> 19:33.000 Oh, here we are at the harbor on the dock. 19:33.000 --> 19:36.000 We're going fishing on a friend of ours' boat. 19:36.000 --> 19:38.000 Yep, we're going fishing. 19:38.000 --> 19:43.000 Brad said that he was going to teach me everything he knew about fishing. 19:43.000 --> 19:45.000 Why is Brad in the picture? 19:45.000 --> 19:47.000 Well, I just said that. 19:47.000 --> 19:48.000 Oh, no. 19:48.000 --> 19:51.000 He was the only thing that was greener than the water. 19:51.000 --> 19:54.000 You might say he made the whole trip by rail. 19:54.000 --> 19:56.000 I got a strike. 19:56.000 --> 19:57.000 Oh, my. 19:57.000 --> 19:58.000 Grab it. 19:58.000 --> 19:59.000 Grab it, Mrs. Stevenson. 19:59.000 --> 20:00.000 Grab it. 20:00.000 --> 20:01.000 Grab it. 20:01.000 --> 20:02.000 Come on. 20:02.000 --> 20:03.000 Come on. 20:03.000 --> 20:04.000 Okay. 20:04.000 --> 20:05.000 I feel it now. 20:05.000 --> 20:06.000 Oh, gee. 20:06.000 --> 20:07.000 Oh, my God. 20:07.000 --> 20:11.000 Grab the top cruiser. 20:11.000 --> 20:12.000 Grab the top cruiser. 20:12.000 --> 20:13.000 Go, go, go. 20:13.000 --> 20:15.000 Don't shake it. 20:15.000 --> 20:16.000 Oh, I almost said I'd come down. 20:16.000 --> 20:17.000 Get your hat off. 20:17.000 --> 20:18.000 Get your hat off. 20:18.000 --> 20:19.000 Just tugging the tug. 20:19.000 --> 20:22.000 Tug the tail. 20:22.000 --> 20:23.000 Oh, God. 20:23.000 --> 20:24.000 Oh, God. 20:24.000 --> 20:26.000 He's all excited. 20:26.000 --> 20:27.000 They're going to up to the boat now. 20:27.000 --> 20:29.000 See, they're going to gap it. 20:29.000 --> 20:31.000 That's the big hook they've got to gap it. 20:31.000 --> 20:32.000 Oh, gee. 20:32.000 --> 20:33.000 I know that joke. 20:33.000 --> 20:36.000 You put on a one-fifth and come in with a salted crab. 20:36.000 --> 20:38.000 and come in with a sardine. 20:38.000 --> 20:39.000 Oh! 20:39.000 --> 20:40.000 Turn it over. 20:40.000 --> 20:42.000 Look over the boat, maybe you can see it. 20:42.000 --> 20:43.000 Oh, I'm so excited. 20:43.000 --> 20:44.000 Did you see it? 20:44.000 --> 20:45.000 I did. 20:45.000 --> 20:49.000 It's a 186 pound marlin, and I caught him all myself. 20:49.000 --> 20:50.000 Oh, my God. 20:50.000 --> 20:51.000 Beautiful color they are. 20:51.000 --> 20:54.000 And did you notice the long sword on him? 20:54.000 --> 20:56.000 Oh, you're going to have it stuffed, Jill. 20:56.000 --> 20:58.000 Well, I was going to take him to the taxi, Jermit, 20:58.000 --> 21:00.000 but I couldn't get him in the taxi. 21:00.000 --> 21:09.000 I didn't see Hawaii, but it looks like Hawaii saw me. 21:09.000 --> 21:11.000 Oh, there's Don the Beachcomber. 21:11.000 --> 21:12.000 I've heard of that guy. 21:12.000 --> 21:13.000 Yes, Don the Beachcomber. 21:13.000 --> 21:15.000 He's got a wonderful eating place, 21:15.000 --> 21:18.000 and tropical food, tropical drinks, and everything. 21:18.000 --> 21:19.000 We're at a luau. 21:19.000 --> 21:20.000 Who's that? 21:20.000 --> 21:22.000 That's Don the Beachcomber. 21:22.000 --> 21:23.000 Oh, he's handsome. 21:23.000 --> 21:24.000 Isn't he? 21:24.000 --> 21:28.000 He's offering me the native specialty poi. 21:28.000 --> 21:33.000 I've often wondered what it tastes like. 21:33.000 --> 21:35.000 Oh, you eat it with your fingers? 21:35.000 --> 21:37.000 Well, that isn't very satisfactory. 21:37.000 --> 21:38.000 Don't worry. 21:38.000 --> 21:41.000 There isn't a germ that could stay alive in that stuff. 21:41.000 --> 21:46.000 I got it when he didn't see me. 21:46.000 --> 21:50.000 But being the perfect host, he offered me more. 21:50.000 --> 21:52.000 What does poi taste like? 21:52.000 --> 21:55.000 Like nothing you ever tasted. 21:55.000 --> 22:01.000 Oh, I didn't know that. 22:01.000 --> 22:03.000 You're a good sport. 22:03.000 --> 22:04.000 Oh, I am on a surfboard. 22:04.000 --> 22:06.000 That's really me now, too. 22:06.000 --> 22:08.000 Oh, there's Charlie Amalo. 22:08.000 --> 22:09.000 Hello, Charlie. 22:09.000 --> 22:11.000 There we are, waiting for the waves. 22:11.000 --> 22:13.000 Oh, he's got a paddle now. 22:13.000 --> 22:14.000 Brad, where are you? 22:14.000 --> 22:18.000 Brad was in the outfitter canoe taking the picture. 22:18.000 --> 22:19.000 That's me, I was taking the picture. 22:19.000 --> 22:20.000 Oh, my. 22:20.000 --> 22:21.000 There we are. 22:21.000 --> 22:22.000 Look at Joe. 22:22.000 --> 22:23.000 Isn't that dangerous? 22:23.000 --> 22:25.000 Well, it is for me. 22:25.000 --> 22:29.000 I can't swim. 22:29.000 --> 22:31.000 Oh, no. 22:31.000 --> 22:34.000 There we are, about 35 miles an hour. 22:34.000 --> 22:35.000 Oh, my goodness. 22:35.000 --> 22:38.000 That's really wonderful. 22:38.000 --> 22:40.000 Oh, wow. 22:40.000 --> 22:43.000 That's wonderful. 22:43.000 --> 22:45.000 So, you couldn't swim. 22:45.000 --> 22:46.000 What happened? 22:46.000 --> 22:47.000 Who saved you? 22:47.000 --> 22:50.000 Well, I jumped in clothes and all. 22:50.000 --> 22:52.000 Oh, you're a hero, Brad. 22:52.000 --> 22:53.000 I wouldn't say that. 22:53.000 --> 22:56.000 Charlie, I think the pictures were just wonderful. 22:56.000 --> 22:59.000 Oh, this has certainly been an interesting evening, Mrs. Stevens. 22:59.000 --> 23:01.000 I had such a nice time. 23:01.000 --> 23:05.000 Next summer, I'm going to make Frank take me to Hawaii. 23:05.000 --> 23:07.000 Hawaii. 23:07.000 --> 23:11.000 I know it's your first night home, and you must be very tired from the trip, 23:11.000 --> 23:12.000 so we'll just dangle on. 23:12.000 --> 23:13.000 Good night. 23:13.000 --> 23:14.000 Good night. 23:14.000 --> 23:15.000 Good night. 23:15.000 --> 23:16.000 Good night. 23:16.000 --> 23:17.000 Good night. 23:17.000 --> 23:18.000 Good night. 23:18.000 --> 23:19.000 Good night. 23:19.000 --> 23:20.000 Good night. 23:20.000 --> 23:24.000 I must say, you're the happiest married couple I know. 23:24.000 --> 23:27.000 Well, you have to work at it, you know. 23:27.000 --> 23:29.000 We make a point never to quarrel. 23:29.000 --> 23:31.000 Well, good night, Mrs. Stevens. 23:31.000 --> 23:36.000 Good night, Judge Bradley J. Stevens of the Domestic Relations Court. 23:36.000 --> 23:39.000 Good night. 23:39.000 --> 23:42.000 Now, let me tell you. 23:42.000 --> 23:43.000 Now, you win. 23:43.000 --> 23:44.000 You win. 23:44.000 --> 23:48.000 Oh, I just forgot my blue case. 23:48.000 --> 23:50.000 I just forgot my blue case. 23:50.000 --> 24:02.000 You're the happiest couple I know. 24:02.000 --> 24:03.000 Joan. 24:03.000 --> 24:16.000 Let's watch the pictures again. 24:16.000 --> 24:19.000 I married Joan. 24:19.000 --> 24:22.000 What a girl, what a world, what a life. 24:22.000 --> 24:25.000 Oh, I married Joan. 24:25.000 --> 24:29.000 What a mind, love, and spine, what a wife. 24:29.000 --> 24:32.000 She's a beauty and gay, all day she keeps my heart laughing. 24:32.000 --> 24:35.000 Never know where her brain has gone. 24:35.000 --> 24:48.000 To each his own, and he not up for another Joan.