WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:15.520 The Jack Benny Program, presented by Lucky Strike. 00:15.520 --> 00:17.200 What do you think this is? 00:17.200 --> 00:20.440 It looks like some form of torture machine, doesn't it? 00:20.440 --> 00:21.440 Far from it. 00:21.440 --> 00:26.640 Actually, this instrument has a lot to do with a better taste of Lucky Strike cigarettes. 00:26.640 --> 00:31.360 What you were just looking at was a device for measuring the moisture content of tobacco 00:31.360 --> 00:35.560 about to be made into cigarettes in a Lucky Strike manufacturing plant. 00:35.560 --> 00:41.760 And believe me, smoking enjoyment depends a lot on maintaining proper moisture content. 00:41.760 --> 00:45.200 Too much moisture and your cigarette will burn too slow. 00:45.200 --> 00:47.920 Too little and it will taste dry. 00:47.920 --> 00:52.040 That's why the American Tobacco Company keeps a sharp eye on the moisture content of the 00:52.040 --> 00:57.360 fine tobacco that goes into every Lucky during every step of its manufacture. 00:57.360 --> 01:02.000 Here's how Robert Pendleton, who operates the instrument you just saw, tests for moisture 01:02.000 --> 01:04.080 after the tobacco has been shredded. 01:04.080 --> 01:08.160 He pushes a container of tobacco under the specially designed moisture meter. 01:08.160 --> 01:11.240 The long prongs bury deep into the tobacco. 01:11.240 --> 01:15.320 Then electric impulses show the moisture content of that tobacco on a dial. 01:15.320 --> 01:20.240 Yes, the fine tobacco that goes into every Lucky gets a lot of expert attention all along 01:20.240 --> 01:21.400 the line. 01:21.400 --> 01:26.960 The moisture test is just one of the hundreds of quality controls regularly made to be sure 01:26.960 --> 01:31.560 that you get all the better taste of Lucky's fine tobacco. 01:31.560 --> 01:35.440 For smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. 01:35.440 --> 01:41.880 And the fact of the matter is Lucky's taste better, cleaner, fresher, smoother. 01:41.880 --> 01:43.280 So be happy. 01:43.280 --> 01:57.600 Go Lucky. 01:57.600 --> 01:59.880 Thanks, it's OK. 01:59.880 --> 02:07.040 Next. 02:07.040 --> 02:17.640 You're next, sir. 02:17.640 --> 02:19.960 Where's the other barber, the tall fellow? 02:19.960 --> 02:21.320 He just went out for lunch, sir. 02:21.320 --> 02:23.160 Anything I can do? 02:23.160 --> 02:24.800 Well, he, uh, I don't know. 02:24.800 --> 02:30.720 You see, he gave me a haircut and he left it a little bit too long in the back. 02:30.720 --> 02:31.360 Sit down, sir. 02:31.360 --> 02:33.760 Thank you. 02:33.760 --> 02:35.160 You're not going to be in charge for this, are you? 02:35.160 --> 02:43.760 No, no, of course not. 02:43.760 --> 02:46.560 By the way, when did the other barber cut your hair? 02:46.560 --> 02:52.240 About four weeks ago. 02:52.240 --> 02:53.840 OK, Mr. Dunnie. 02:53.840 --> 02:56.160 Oh, you know who I am? 02:56.160 --> 03:02.840 Now, yes. 03:02.840 --> 03:06.360 You see, these Hollywood columnists are really wonderful. 03:06.360 --> 03:09.920 You can't make a move without them knowing about it. 03:09.920 --> 03:12.280 Listen to this. 03:12.280 --> 03:18.160 Tyrone Power is winding up another picture in Italy. 03:18.160 --> 03:23.760 Errol Flynn is leaving with camera crew for Australia. 03:23.760 --> 03:33.040 Jack Benny is in Beverly Hills getting a haircut. 03:33.040 --> 03:38.800 Gregory Rappoff, director, has completed casting his new production. 03:38.800 --> 03:44.880 This picture will star Irene Dunn and Vincent Price. 03:44.880 --> 03:51.000 Gosh, I'd like to make a picture with Irene Dunn sometime. 03:51.000 --> 03:56.240 That's funny, when I was having lunch with Gregory Rappoff the other day in the Brown Derby, 03:56.240 --> 03:58.200 he didn't even mention it. 03:58.200 --> 04:01.480 We're such good friends, too. 04:01.480 --> 04:12.440 I can't understand why he didn't ask me to play the part instead of Vincent Price. 04:12.440 --> 04:13.760 Hello? 04:13.760 --> 04:19.240 Yes, this is Gregory Rappoff. 04:19.240 --> 04:20.600 Oh, hello, Vincent. 04:20.600 --> 04:22.240 Hello, how are you? 04:22.240 --> 04:24.040 Yeah, yeah, we're rehearsing tonight. 04:24.040 --> 04:26.880 Yeah, at Irene Dunn's house. 04:26.880 --> 04:27.880 That's right, Vincent. 04:27.880 --> 04:28.640 See you there. 04:28.640 --> 04:30.440 Bye. 04:30.440 --> 04:30.920 Yes? 04:30.920 --> 04:33.280 Mr. Jack Benny's here to see you. 04:33.280 --> 04:35.040 Jack Benny? 04:35.040 --> 04:37.880 I don't remember having an appointment with him today. 04:37.880 --> 04:38.800 What does he want? 04:38.800 --> 04:40.440 Perhaps you're to have lunch with him. 04:40.440 --> 04:41.680 Oh, no. 04:41.680 --> 04:43.560 That I'll never do again. 04:43.560 --> 04:46.160 You know, last week we had lunch together at Brown Derby, 04:46.160 --> 04:48.880 and the most embarrassing thing has happened. 04:48.880 --> 04:51.160 There was some food left after lunch, 04:51.160 --> 04:54.840 and Jack Benny called the waiter and asked him for a paperback 04:54.840 --> 04:57.200 to take the food back home to his dog. 04:57.200 --> 05:00.560 Well, Mr. Rappoff, lots of people take food home to their dogs. 05:00.560 --> 05:01.600 Noodle soup? 05:01.600 --> 05:10.360 Mr. Benny, Mr. Rappoff will see you now. 05:10.360 --> 05:11.400 Hello, Jackie. 05:11.400 --> 05:12.320 Hello, Gregory. 05:12.320 --> 05:13.160 How are you? 05:13.160 --> 05:14.400 Well, sit down, my boy. 05:14.400 --> 05:15.120 Thank you. 05:15.120 --> 05:18.120 Thank you. 05:18.120 --> 05:21.760 Well, to what do I owe this extreme pleasure? 05:21.760 --> 05:25.280 Well, Gregory, I know you're a very busy man, 05:25.280 --> 05:27.520 so I won't take up much of your time. 05:27.520 --> 05:30.920 But I have some wonderful news for you. 05:30.920 --> 05:31.680 Yeah? 05:31.680 --> 05:32.800 What is it? 05:32.800 --> 05:36.120 Well, this morning I got a haircut. 05:36.120 --> 05:39.040 Well, congratulations. 05:39.040 --> 05:40.080 Let's have a look at me. 05:40.080 --> 05:42.000 See, while I was sitting in the barber chair, 05:42.000 --> 05:43.560 I read in the paper that you're going 05:43.560 --> 05:46.880 to make a picture with Irene Dunn and Vincent Price. 05:46.880 --> 05:48.000 That's right, Jackie. 05:48.000 --> 05:49.640 And it's going to be wonderful. 05:49.640 --> 05:53.280 I consider myself very fortunate with this casting. 05:53.280 --> 05:55.920 Well, what is this you wanted to talk to me about? 05:55.920 --> 05:58.160 Well, Gregory, I was just wondering 05:58.160 --> 06:03.800 if you'd like to use me instead of Vincent Price. 06:03.800 --> 06:04.280 Hey. 06:04.280 --> 06:22.840 Now, Gregory, getting back to the picture, of course, 06:22.840 --> 06:25.160 I don't want you to think this is anything personal, 06:25.160 --> 06:28.400 but I feel that I would do a much better job for you 06:28.400 --> 06:30.240 than Vincent Price. 06:30.240 --> 06:32.520 Look here, Jack, you don't mind if I ask you something? 06:32.520 --> 06:33.760 No, no, no. 06:33.760 --> 06:37.280 Didn't you do personal appearances last spring? 06:37.280 --> 06:38.720 Yes, yes, I did. 06:38.720 --> 06:40.920 And didn't you go on an extensive tour of one night 06:40.920 --> 06:42.040 stands last summer? 06:42.040 --> 06:42.680 That's right. 06:42.680 --> 06:43.240 That's right. 06:43.240 --> 06:44.680 Now, if I remember correctly, you've 06:44.680 --> 06:46.960 been on the radio for about 20 years? 06:46.960 --> 06:48.440 20 years on the radio, yes. 06:48.440 --> 06:50.400 And now you have your own television show. 06:50.400 --> 06:52.600 My own television show, that's right. 06:52.600 --> 06:54.800 Well, let somebody else make a buck, will you? 06:54.800 --> 07:00.520 That's not the point. 07:00.520 --> 07:03.040 It's a matter of proper casting. 07:03.040 --> 07:06.200 Now, does Miss Dunn know that you have Vincent Price? 07:06.200 --> 07:07.200 She picked him. 07:12.120 --> 07:14.440 Well, Gregory, you being the director, 07:14.440 --> 07:15.920 don't you think it would be better? 07:15.920 --> 07:16.420 No. 07:20.360 --> 07:23.440 Look, Gregory, you see, it's all right to be artistic, 07:23.440 --> 07:27.760 you know, but you have to be practical about these things. 07:27.760 --> 07:32.080 Now, if you give me the job, I can save you money. 07:32.080 --> 07:33.120 You can? 07:33.120 --> 07:36.480 You see, not only am I a great actor, 07:36.480 --> 07:39.800 but when you score the picture, I can sit in the orchestra 07:39.800 --> 07:43.080 because I also play the violin. 07:43.080 --> 07:47.720 So by my taking two jobs at the same salary, 07:47.720 --> 07:49.960 I'll be beating Vincent Price. 07:57.480 --> 07:58.440 It's your turn, though. 07:58.440 --> 07:59.480 How did that happen? 07:59.480 --> 08:02.160 I don't know, only my stomach did the same thing. 08:04.640 --> 08:06.880 Now, look here, Jack. 08:06.880 --> 08:09.600 There's nothing personal against you, 08:09.600 --> 08:12.960 but Mr. Price is engaged for the role, and that settles it. 08:12.960 --> 08:15.560 Well, it doesn't settle it with me, Mr. Ratcliffe. 08:15.560 --> 08:17.800 I'm going to call Miss Dunn and take the matter up with her 08:17.800 --> 08:18.680 directly. 08:18.680 --> 08:19.960 I wish you would. 08:19.960 --> 08:20.880 Thank you. 08:20.880 --> 08:32.080 Goodbye, Mr. Ratcliffe. 08:32.080 --> 08:38.120 Irene Dunn, Crestview 5, 4124. 08:38.120 --> 08:44.880 Crestview 5, 4124. 08:44.880 --> 08:54.200 Crestview 5, 4124. 08:54.200 --> 08:57.400 What number were you dialing? 08:57.400 --> 09:00.200 Crestview 5, 4124. 09:00.200 --> 09:01.400 I'm sorry. 09:01.400 --> 09:08.000 Crestview 5, 4124 has been changed to Bradshaw 2, 2199. 09:08.000 --> 09:15.880 Oh, my. 09:15.880 --> 09:25.760 Bradshaw 2, 2199. 09:25.760 --> 09:28.680 What number were you dialing? 09:28.680 --> 09:31.560 Bradshaw 2, 2199. 09:31.560 --> 09:36.600 I'm sorry, but Bradshaw 2, 2199 has been changed 09:36.600 --> 09:49.600 to Sycamore 2, 8002. 09:49.600 --> 10:01.200 Sycamore 2, 8002. 10:01.200 --> 10:04.000 What number were you dialing? 10:04.000 --> 10:06.800 Sycamore 2, 8002. 10:06.800 --> 10:12.000 Sycamore 2, 8002 has just been changed back to Crestview 5, 10:12.000 --> 10:14.800 4124. 10:14.800 --> 10:16.200 Look, we're operating. 10:16.200 --> 10:18.400 Remember I called you? 10:18.400 --> 10:22.800 Just a moment, I'll be back. 10:22.800 --> 10:24.400 Hello. 10:24.400 --> 10:26.800 I'd like to speak to Miss Irene Dunn, please. 10:26.800 --> 10:31.600 This is Miss Dunn speaking. 10:31.600 --> 10:33.600 Irene, this is Jack Bennett. 10:33.600 --> 10:36.000 Oh, hello, Jack. 10:36.000 --> 10:38.200 It's nice to hear your voice. 10:38.200 --> 10:41.800 The last time you called me was in 1943. 10:41.800 --> 10:43.200 1943? 10:43.200 --> 10:45.000 Yes, don't you remember? 10:45.000 --> 10:48.800 You wanted me to play opposite you in The Horn Blows at Midnight. 10:48.800 --> 10:51.600 Oh, yes. 10:51.600 --> 10:53.600 Jack, did they ever make that picture? 10:53.600 --> 10:55.800 Well, of course they made the picture. 10:55.800 --> 10:57.200 And it did great business, too. 10:57.200 --> 11:02.400 They played eight weeks at Lowe's Belgian Congo. 11:02.400 --> 11:05.200 And eight weeks at Warner's Pakistan. 11:05.200 --> 11:08.200 And 16 weeks at Groundman's Chinese. 11:08.200 --> 11:12.000 The original one, you know, at Quang Chau Phu. 11:12.000 --> 11:15.600 Now, Irene, the reason I called you is, 11:15.600 --> 11:19.800 you see, Gregory Rathod just talked to me about the picture that you got away. 11:19.800 --> 11:21.000 Talked to you? 11:21.000 --> 11:23.600 Uh-huh, and although he was rather subtle about it, 11:23.600 --> 11:27.200 he suggested that I play the part of your husband. 11:27.200 --> 11:29.800 But I thought Vincent Price was set for that part. 11:29.800 --> 11:32.200 Well, he was scheduled to, but 11:32.200 --> 11:37.000 he said, you see, all you have to do is speak up. 11:37.000 --> 11:41.000 Irene, I said, all you have to do is speak up. 11:41.000 --> 11:42.400 Irene? 11:42.400 --> 11:44.000 Irene? 11:44.000 --> 11:45.200 Hello? 11:45.200 --> 11:46.600 Hello? 11:46.600 --> 11:49.400 Gerald Finchmarket. 11:49.400 --> 11:51.400 Sadie the Scaler speaking. 11:51.400 --> 11:52.600 It is. 11:52.600 --> 11:56.400 I've been out with Sadie and I know her voice. 11:56.400 --> 12:03.400 Hello, 3962. That number has been changed to Webster, all right. 12:03.400 --> 12:05.000 Get off the line. 12:05.000 --> 12:09.200 I will, if you'll deposit ten cents for an additional three minutes. 12:09.200 --> 12:10.800 Already? 12:10.800 --> 12:15.000 Gee, it doesn't seem like we've been talking three minutes, does it, Irene? 12:15.000 --> 12:18.000 You ought to be on this end. 12:18.000 --> 12:22.400 You ought to be in the middle. 12:22.400 --> 12:25.200 Please deposit ten cents and I will. 12:25.200 --> 12:29.800 All right. 12:29.800 --> 12:34.400 Now, Irene, to get to the point, when do you start rehearsing? 12:34.400 --> 12:38.000 Well, tonight at my house, but I don't think you ought to. 12:38.000 --> 12:40.200 At your house? What time? 12:40.200 --> 12:43.000 Eight o'clock, but really, Jack, I don't think you ought to. 12:43.000 --> 12:46.800 Eight o'clock, huh? Well, I'll be there, Irene. I'll tell you what, I'll read the part 12:46.800 --> 12:50.200 and Vincent Price will read the part and may the best man win. 12:50.200 --> 12:53.600 I certainly hope so. 12:53.600 --> 12:57.200 Oh, Irene, should I come for dinner? 12:57.200 --> 12:59.800 Irene? 12:59.800 --> 13:02.800 Oh, Irene. 13:02.800 --> 13:04.000 Irene. 13:04.000 --> 13:07.200 Irene. 13:07.200 --> 13:14.200 Hmm, I've got a minute left and nobody will talk to me. 13:14.200 --> 13:23.200 I need to get out early so I can go over the script. 13:23.200 --> 13:27.600 While Jack is on his way to Miss Dunn's home, I'd like a word with you about Lucky Strike. 13:27.600 --> 13:32.200 As you know, friends, your enjoyment of a cigarette depends on its taste. 13:32.200 --> 13:35.600 And Luckys taste better. Here's why. 13:35.600 --> 13:38.000 Luckys are made better to taste better. 13:38.000 --> 13:42.800 They're made round and firm and fully packed to draw freely and smoke evenly. 13:42.800 --> 13:48.600 And L-S-M-F-T, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. 13:48.600 --> 13:54.600 So for all the deep down smoking enjoyment you want from your cigarette, be happy. Go Lucky. 13:54.600 --> 14:00.600 Next time, ask for a carton of better tasting Lucky Strike. 14:00.600 --> 14:11.800 Now, ladies and gentlemen, we take you to the home of Miss Irene Dunn. 14:11.800 --> 14:17.400 Good evening, Mr. Price. Hello, glad to be here. 14:17.400 --> 14:20.400 Make yourself comfortable, sir. Miss Dunn will be down in a few moments. Thank you. 14:20.400 --> 14:27.200 May I mix you a drink? No, thank you. 14:27.200 --> 14:29.000 Yes, sir? 14:29.000 --> 14:31.400 I'm Jack Benny. Miss Dunn is expecting me. 14:31.400 --> 14:34.200 Won't you come in? Thank you. 14:34.200 --> 14:41.200 May I take your coat, sir? Oh, yes, yes. 14:41.200 --> 14:55.200 And your hat. Oh, oh. 14:55.200 --> 15:02.000 Well, Mr. Vincent Price, I'm Jack Benny, star of stage, screen, radio and television. 15:02.000 --> 15:14.000 How do you do? 15:14.000 --> 15:18.600 So the two rivals meet, eh? Rivals? What do you mean? 15:18.600 --> 15:24.800 Well, I guess I should have let Irene tell you, but it looks as though I'm going to take your place in this picture. 15:24.800 --> 15:28.200 You're taking my place? Oh, that's ridiculous, old boy. 15:28.200 --> 15:35.400 No, no, it isn't. You see, at rehearsal tonight, you and I are both going to read the parts, and the best man will win. 15:35.400 --> 15:39.400 The best man? Yes. 15:39.400 --> 15:44.400 Mr. Benny, when two people are involved in a statement, the comparative is used. 15:44.400 --> 15:50.200 You don't say the best man will win. You say the better man will win. 15:50.200 --> 15:55.800 But when three or more people are involved, then the word best is the correct adjective. 15:55.800 --> 16:09.400 I see. So before we compete for this part, Mr. Benny, it might be well if you first learn to speak English. 16:09.400 --> 16:15.800 Well, for your information, Mr. Price, I went to Waukegan High School and excelled in English. 16:15.800 --> 16:20.000 I got ninety nine every single term. Well, ain't that ginger peachy? 16:20.000 --> 16:31.800 Now, cut that out. If all the sore losers, you certainly take the cake. 16:31.800 --> 16:34.400 Hello, Gordon. How do you do, Mr. Arnold? Hello, Winston. 16:34.400 --> 16:36.000 Hello, Gregory. 16:36.000 --> 16:40.000 Well, hello, Gregory. What are you doing here? 16:40.000 --> 16:41.400 Well, I just thought I'd come by. 16:41.400 --> 16:44.400 Gregory, I don't know what this is all about, and I demand an explanation. 16:44.400 --> 16:47.400 Am I or am I not appearing opposite Miss Dunn? 16:47.400 --> 16:53.200 Of course you are. But then what is this schlemiel talking about? 16:53.200 --> 16:59.000 Schlemiel? Yes, S-H-L-E-M. I know how to spell it. 16:59.000 --> 17:04.000 I didn't get ninety nine in English for nothing. 17:04.000 --> 17:08.000 Good evening, everybody. 17:08.000 --> 17:09.800 Gregory, Winston. 17:09.800 --> 17:12.400 Well, everybody's here, I guess. 17:12.400 --> 17:16.000 Yes, everybody. 17:16.000 --> 17:18.400 Some coffee, Gregory? No, thank you, Irene. 17:18.400 --> 17:21.200 Winston? Yes, please. 17:21.200 --> 17:28.400 I'll have a cup. 17:28.400 --> 17:30.400 Surprise? Thank you. 17:30.400 --> 17:33.600 Mr. Denny? Thank you. 17:33.600 --> 17:40.800 Yes, sir. 17:40.800 --> 17:46.000 Gee, Irene, this is the better coffee I ever tasted. 17:46.000 --> 17:54.000 The word is best. There are only two of us drinking. 17:54.000 --> 17:57.600 A comparative. 17:57.600 --> 18:01.200 Well, let's get on with the contest, shall we? I mean, the rehearsal. 18:01.200 --> 18:03.600 Gordon, take this, Tracy. 18:03.600 --> 18:07.600 Gregory, before we begin this rehearsal, let's settle one thing for Mr. Denny's benefit. 18:07.600 --> 18:11.600 Is he or is he not replacing me in this picture? Certainly not. 18:11.600 --> 18:14.400 This is ridiculous. Of course it's ridiculous. 18:14.400 --> 18:18.600 I think it's absurd. You hear that? 18:18.600 --> 18:22.400 Let's take out the dishes like Miss Dunn told you. 18:22.400 --> 18:25.000 All right, all right. Now let's get on with the rehearsal. 18:25.000 --> 18:30.200 Look here, Jack. If you insist on staying, just keep quiet and sit down over here. 18:30.200 --> 18:32.800 All right. Now look here, Irene, honey child. 18:32.800 --> 18:36.400 We will start with the scene that takes place in the drawing room. 18:36.400 --> 18:39.200 Oh, Irene, is it all right if I have some of these wallets here? 18:39.200 --> 18:42.600 Help yourself, Jack. 18:42.600 --> 18:50.600 As I said, we will start with the scene that takes place in the drawing room. 18:50.600 --> 18:54.000 That was a tough one. 18:54.000 --> 18:59.600 Look, Irene, in this scene, your husband is late for dinner for two hours. 18:59.600 --> 19:02.400 God, will you please stop it? 19:02.400 --> 19:04.800 Well, Irene said I could. 19:04.800 --> 19:07.600 Anyway, I don't want to sit here like a bump on a log. 19:07.600 --> 19:10.600 If I can't play the leading role, isn't there something I can do? 19:10.600 --> 19:13.000 All right, you can play the butler. 19:13.000 --> 19:16.200 The butler? Yeah, here is the script. We start on page 12. 19:16.200 --> 19:20.000 All right. Look, Irene, you are the wife 19:20.000 --> 19:23.200 and Vincent is the husband that doesn't understand. 19:23.200 --> 19:27.200 And Jack, I'm the butler whom Irene really loves. 19:27.200 --> 19:33.000 You're the butler, that's all. 19:33.000 --> 19:35.600 And please stop rewriting the script. 19:35.600 --> 19:37.400 Irene is not in love with you. 19:37.400 --> 19:39.200 Irene is in love with Vincent. 19:39.200 --> 19:43.400 And you're just the butler, that's all. 19:43.400 --> 19:51.400 Don't shout at me. I'm old enough to be your brother. 19:51.400 --> 19:55.000 Vincent, would you please make your entrance from there? 19:55.000 --> 19:58.800 Irene, honey, look, he's late for dinner for two hours. 19:58.800 --> 20:01.400 You're very nervous, so will you please start from there? 20:01.400 --> 20:08.800 Where should I go? Oh, go any place. 20:08.800 --> 20:13.000 Anybody to fold the bucket? 20:13.000 --> 20:16.800 Oh, Smedley, Smedley. 20:16.800 --> 20:21.600 Smedley. 20:21.600 --> 20:23.200 What is it, madame? 20:23.200 --> 20:26.200 Are you sure my husband hasn't phoned? 20:26.200 --> 20:31.800 I'm quite sure, madame. Shall I serve... 20:31.800 --> 20:36.200 dinner? 20:36.200 --> 20:38.600 No, I'm much too upset to eat. 20:38.600 --> 20:41.600 I've been under such tension these last few weeks. 20:41.600 --> 20:44.200 Oh, why does my husband treat me like this? 20:44.200 --> 20:45.200 Why does he act so... 20:45.200 --> 20:47.400 Hey, Winston, Winston, that's where you're making your entrance. 20:47.400 --> 20:51.400 OK. Oh, good evening, darling. Sorry I'm so late. 20:51.400 --> 20:54.800 Oh, Michael, you're always late and you're always sorry. 20:54.800 --> 20:58.000 It's been like this for months. What's come between us? 20:58.000 --> 21:01.400 Nothing, my dear. It's just that I've been so busy lately at the office. 21:01.400 --> 21:03.800 Now, let's forget about it. Come here and give me a little kiss. 21:03.800 --> 21:07.000 Dinner is served. 21:07.000 --> 21:10.000 I came in too soon here. 21:10.000 --> 21:12.000 I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. 21:12.000 --> 21:16.200 If you don't come in for a few minutes more, will you please sit down? 21:16.200 --> 21:18.200 And see me, darling, have a coffee. 21:18.200 --> 21:21.600 Michael, I just can't kiss you and forget it. 21:21.600 --> 21:23.600 This can't go on forever. 21:23.600 --> 21:25.600 Every night it's the same argument. 21:25.600 --> 21:28.000 This constant nagging, nagging, nagging. 21:28.000 --> 21:30.000 I tell you, I've been working at the office. 21:30.000 --> 21:33.400 But I telephoned your office. They said you left it too this afternoon. 21:33.400 --> 21:35.200 Well, I had business at the bank. 21:35.200 --> 21:37.200 Michael, you were not at the bank and you know it. 21:37.200 --> 21:39.200 Oh, right, so I wasn't. 21:39.200 --> 21:42.200 Must I explain my every move to you? 21:46.200 --> 21:50.200 I wonder if this was the... 21:50.200 --> 21:51.200 Look at the way it wiggles. 21:51.200 --> 21:54.200 Oh, dear. Please stop and go off me. 21:54.200 --> 21:57.200 And please get away from the sauce. 21:57.200 --> 22:00.200 I'm sorry, darling. 22:00.200 --> 22:03.200 Oh, it's no use, Michael. I know you're lying. 22:03.200 --> 22:04.200 Look at you. 22:04.200 --> 22:07.200 Everything you say, everything you do gives you away. 22:07.200 --> 22:09.200 Well, you can keep on talking. I'm going to have dinner. 22:09.200 --> 22:12.200 But Michael, I must know, do you love me or not? 22:12.200 --> 22:13.200 Of course I love you. 22:13.200 --> 22:14.200 You're lying. 22:14.200 --> 22:17.200 You know that I am lying. You might as well know the truth, my dear. 22:17.200 --> 22:18.200 I've never loved you, never. 22:18.200 --> 22:19.200 Michael! 22:19.200 --> 22:21.200 If you weren't so stupid, you would have known it long ago. 22:21.200 --> 22:22.200 What are you saying? 22:22.200 --> 22:24.200 I married you for your money, that's all. 22:24.200 --> 22:25.200 No, Michael. 22:25.200 --> 22:26.200 Everybody else has known it. 22:26.200 --> 22:29.200 And if you weren't such a blind little fool, you would have realized it yourself. 22:29.200 --> 22:31.200 And the sooner you divorce me, the happier I will be. 22:31.200 --> 22:33.200 No, Michael, no, no, I'll never divorce you. 22:33.200 --> 22:35.200 I couldn't live without you. 22:35.200 --> 22:37.200 Stop being dramatic. I'm leaving. 22:37.200 --> 22:40.200 I'm going to my club. 22:40.200 --> 22:43.200 Smedley, pack my clothes. 22:43.200 --> 22:54.200 I wouldn't touch your dirty clothes. 22:54.200 --> 22:56.200 You slimy old... 22:56.200 --> 22:58.200 Oh, John, he's beaten us to the streets. 22:58.200 --> 23:01.200 Oh, I can't help it. He made Irene cry. 23:01.200 --> 23:03.200 Well, he's supposed to make me cry from the story. 23:03.200 --> 23:06.200 Well, if that's the kind of a picture it is, I don't even want to be in it. 23:06.200 --> 23:08.200 Who asked you to be in it? 23:08.200 --> 23:09.200 Irene did. 23:09.200 --> 23:10.200 I did not. 23:10.200 --> 23:12.200 Well, somebody did. I'm here. 23:12.200 --> 23:14.200 Look here, Irene. 23:14.200 --> 23:17.200 I've never directed before under such aggravating circumstances, 23:17.200 --> 23:20.200 and I'll never direct under such aggravating circumstances again. 23:20.200 --> 23:26.200 I'm quitting. 23:26.200 --> 23:30.200 Now do you see what you've done, you blunderhead? 23:30.200 --> 23:31.200 Well, now, wait a minute. 23:31.200 --> 23:33.200 There's no need for everybody to get excited. 23:33.200 --> 23:35.200 Look, I'll tell you what, Vincent. 23:35.200 --> 23:36.200 Or may I call you Vince? 23:36.200 --> 23:38.200 You may call me Mr. Price. 23:38.200 --> 23:39.200 Oh. 23:39.200 --> 23:42.200 Look, Mr. Price, there's nothing to worry about now because, you see, 23:42.200 --> 23:44.200 I can direct the picture. 23:44.200 --> 23:46.200 Oh, so now you're going to do it. 23:46.200 --> 23:49.200 I'm sorry, Irene, but I've had enough of this, too. 23:49.200 --> 23:56.200 I'm leaving. 23:56.200 --> 23:58.200 Well, he's gone. 23:58.200 --> 24:01.200 Yes, Jack, and I hope you're satisfied. 24:01.200 --> 24:02.200 Oh, I am. I am. 24:02.200 --> 24:05.200 Of course, I didn't want to get Vincent's part by default. 24:05.200 --> 24:10.200 I thought Irene was very, very clever the way you maneuvered it. 24:10.200 --> 24:12.200 The way I did? 24:12.200 --> 24:16.200 Why, you, you, um. 24:16.200 --> 24:17.200 Schlemiel? 24:17.200 --> 24:19.200 Yes, that's it. 24:19.200 --> 24:27.200 I quit, too. 24:27.200 --> 24:33.200 Well, I've never been so insulted in all my life. 24:33.200 --> 24:35.200 I'm worn to my happy cold. 24:35.200 --> 24:45.200 I wouldn't touch your dirty clothes. 24:45.200 --> 25:07.200 Well, I might as well go home. 25:07.200 --> 25:14.200 Jack, we'll be back in just a moment, but first. 25:14.200 --> 25:19.200 Friends, here's a wonderful Christmas gift for anyone who smokes 25:19.200 --> 25:25.200 because it says, Merry Christmas and happy smoking 200 times. 25:25.200 --> 25:28.200 Yes, ten packs of those better tasting Luckys, 25:28.200 --> 25:31.200 all done up for Christmas in a beautiful carton 25:31.200 --> 25:35.200 created just for Lucky Strike by the famous designer, Mr. Raymond Loy. 25:35.200 --> 25:38.200 It'll look so bright and colorful under your Christmas tree, 25:38.200 --> 25:42.200 and it's such a welcome gift to anyone who enjoys a good smoke 25:42.200 --> 25:46.200 because you know, smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste, 25:46.200 --> 25:50.200 and the fact of the matter is, Luckys taste better. 25:50.200 --> 25:53.200 Cleaner, fresher, smoother. 25:53.200 --> 25:57.200 That's why you can't go wrong if you remember your friends 25:57.200 --> 26:01.200 with these colorful Christmas cartons of Lucky Strike. 26:01.200 --> 26:10.200 Do, do, do, be happy, go Lucky for Christmas gifts this year. 26:10.200 --> 26:21.200 Thank you, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. 26:21.200 --> 26:24.200 For those of you who tuned in late, 26:24.200 --> 26:30.200 I'd just like to announce that this was not the Robert Montgomery Theater. 26:30.200 --> 26:34.200 But I did enjoy doing this television show very, very much 26:34.200 --> 26:39.200 because this is the first time that I've ever worked with Irene Dunn. 26:39.200 --> 26:44.200 It's also the first time that I've been able to understand Gregory Rattoff. 26:44.200 --> 26:48.200 He sounds like a Russian Marlon Brando. 26:48.200 --> 26:52.200 Of course, like the Robert Montgomery Theater, 26:52.200 --> 26:57.200 I wanted to bring these movie stars out here just to take a bow 26:57.200 --> 27:01.200 and ask them what their future plans were. 27:01.200 --> 27:08.200 But they told me it was none of my business. 27:08.200 --> 27:13.200 And Vincent Price, too, I, you know, I think he's a fine actor and everything, 27:13.200 --> 27:17.200 but, and, you know, I'm not jealous of his talent, 27:17.200 --> 27:21.200 but I don't know why he's so stuck up. 27:21.200 --> 27:24.200 You know, I saw him at a party the other night at Ronald Coleman's house, 27:24.200 --> 27:28.200 and I waved at him and I whistled at him and hollered at him and everything. 27:28.200 --> 27:32.200 He wouldn't even turn around. 27:32.200 --> 27:37.200 So I just closed my window and went to bed. 27:37.200 --> 27:41.200 Well, anyway, so much for the show. 27:41.200 --> 27:45.200 And oh, oh, before I forget, I was asked to make an announcement. 27:45.200 --> 27:52.200 I want to welcome a new television station that opened this morning in Las Vegas, 27:52.200 --> 27:55.200 a CBS station in Las Vegas. 27:55.200 --> 27:59.200 So welcome KF... 27:59.200 --> 28:01.200 Huh? 28:01.200 --> 28:04.200 What? 28:04.200 --> 28:14.200 Oh, I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, they've just lost it. 28:14.200 --> 28:34.200 Thanks again very, very much. See you in about three weeks. 28:45.200 --> 28:50.200 Appearing on tonight's program were Rex Evans, Ralph Sedan, 28:50.200 --> 28:53.200 B. Benaderyt, and Lois Kimbrough. 28:53.200 --> 28:56.200 Remember, one week from tonight on this same station, 28:56.200 --> 29:00.200 charming, disarming Ann Southern returns in her famous role 29:00.200 --> 29:02.200 as a not-too-private private secretary. 29:02.200 --> 29:06.200 You'll love watching Ann's hilarious adventures and misadventures. 29:06.200 --> 29:09.200 Tonight's Jack Benny program has been a film presentation 29:09.200 --> 29:11.200 brought to you by Lucky Strike, 29:11.200 --> 29:16.200 product of the American Tobacco Company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. 29:16.200 --> 29:21.200 This is Don Wilson saying, be happy, go lucky. 29:21.200 --> 29:41.200 This is the CBS Television Network.