WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:15.520 The Jack Benny Program, presented by Lucky Strike. 00:15.520 --> 00:17.200 What do you think this is? 00:17.200 --> 00:20.440 It looks like some form of torture machine, doesn't it? 00:20.440 --> 00:21.440 Far from it. 00:21.440 --> 00:26.640 Actually, this instrument has a lot to do with a better taste of Lucky Strike cigarettes. 00:26.640 --> 00:31.360 What you were just looking at was a device for measuring the moisture content of tobacco 00:31.360 --> 00:35.560 about to be made into cigarettes in a Lucky Strike manufacturing plant. 00:35.560 --> 00:41.760 And believe me, smoking enjoyment depends a lot on maintaining proper moisture content. 00:41.760 --> 00:45.200 Too much moisture and your cigarette will burn too slow. 00:45.200 --> 00:47.920 Too little and it will taste dry. 00:47.920 --> 00:52.040 That's why the American Tobacco Company keeps a sharp eye on the moisture content of the 00:52.040 --> 00:57.360 fine tobacco that goes into every Lucky during every step of its manufacture. 00:57.360 --> 01:02.000 Here's how Robert Pendleton, who operates the instrument you just saw, tests for moisture 01:02.000 --> 01:04.080 after the tobacco has been shredded. 01:04.080 --> 01:08.160 He pushes a container of tobacco under the specially designed moisture meter. 01:08.160 --> 01:11.240 The long prongs bury deep into the tobacco. 01:11.240 --> 01:15.320 Then electric impulses show the moisture content of that tobacco on a dial. 01:15.320 --> 01:20.280 Yes, the fine tobacco that goes into every Lucky gets a lot of expert attention all along 01:20.280 --> 01:21.400 the line. 01:21.400 --> 01:26.960 The moisture test is just one of the hundreds of quality controls regularly made to be sure 01:26.960 --> 01:31.560 that you get all the better taste of Lucky's fine tobacco. 01:31.560 --> 01:35.440 For smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. 01:35.440 --> 01:41.880 And the fact of the matter is Lucky's taste better, cleaner, fresher, smoother. 01:41.880 --> 01:52.880 So be happy, go Lucky. 01:52.880 --> 02:12.880 Thanks, it's okay. 02:12.880 --> 02:13.880 Next. 02:13.880 --> 02:14.880 You're next, sir. 02:14.880 --> 02:19.880 Where's the other barber, the tall fellow? 02:19.880 --> 02:22.880 He just went out to lunch, sir. 02:22.880 --> 02:23.880 Anything I can do? 02:23.880 --> 02:24.880 Well, he, uh, I don't know. 02:24.880 --> 02:28.880 You see, he gave me a haircut and he left it a little bit too long in the back. 02:28.880 --> 02:29.880 That's okay. 02:29.880 --> 02:30.880 Sit down, sir. 02:30.880 --> 02:31.880 Thank you. 02:31.880 --> 02:34.880 You're not going to get in charge for this, are you? 02:34.880 --> 02:36.880 No, no, of course not. 02:36.880 --> 02:45.880 By the way, when did the other barber cut your hair? 02:45.880 --> 02:49.880 About four weeks ago. 02:49.880 --> 02:52.880 Okay, Mr. Dunnian. 02:52.880 --> 02:55.880 Oh, you know who I am? 02:55.880 --> 03:01.880 Now, yes. 03:01.880 --> 03:05.880 Gee, these Hollywood columnists are really wonderful. 03:05.880 --> 03:08.880 You can't make a move without them knowing about it. 03:08.880 --> 03:10.880 Listen to this. 03:10.880 --> 03:16.880 Tyrone Power is winding up another picture in Italy. 03:16.880 --> 03:22.880 Errol Flynn is leaving with camera crew for Australia. 03:22.880 --> 03:31.880 Jack Benny is in Beverly Hills getting a haircut. 03:31.880 --> 03:37.880 Gregory Rathod, director, has completed casting his new production. 03:37.880 --> 03:43.880 This picture will star Irene Dunn and Vincent Price. 03:43.880 --> 03:49.880 Gosh, I'd like to make a picture with Irene Dunn sometime. 03:49.880 --> 03:51.880 That's funny. 03:51.880 --> 03:56.880 When I was having lunch with Gregory Rathod the other day in the Brown Derby, he didn't even mention it. 03:56.880 --> 04:00.880 And we're such good friends, too. 04:00.880 --> 04:11.880 I can't understand why he didn't ask me to play the part instead of Vincent Price. 04:11.880 --> 04:18.880 Hello? Yes, this is Gregory Rathod. 04:18.880 --> 04:21.880 Oh, hello, Vincent. Hello, how are you? 04:21.880 --> 04:25.880 Yeah, yeah, we're rehearsing tonight. Yeah, at Irene Dunn's house. 04:25.880 --> 04:29.880 That's right, Vincent. See you there. Bye. 04:29.880 --> 04:32.880 Yes? Mr. Jack Benny's here to see you. 04:32.880 --> 04:36.880 Jack Benny? I don't remember having an appointment for him today. 04:36.880 --> 04:39.880 What does he want? Perhaps you're to have lunch with him. 04:39.880 --> 04:42.880 Oh, no, that I'll never do again. 04:42.880 --> 04:47.880 You know, last week we had lunch together at Brown Derby, and the most embarrassing thing has happened. 04:47.880 --> 04:56.880 There was some food left after lunch, and Jack Benny called the waiter and asked him for a paper bag to take the food back home to his dog. 04:56.880 --> 04:59.880 Well, Mr. Rathod, lots of people take food home to their dogs. 04:59.880 --> 05:02.880 Noodle soup? 05:02.880 --> 05:09.880 Mr. Benny, Mr. Rathod will see you now. 05:09.880 --> 05:12.880 Hello, Jackie. Hello, Gregory. How are you? 05:12.880 --> 05:17.880 Well, sit down, my boy, sit down. Thank you, thank you. 05:17.880 --> 05:21.880 Well, to what do I owe this extreme pleasure? 05:21.880 --> 05:30.880 Well, Gregory, I know you're a very busy man, so I won't take up much of your time, but I have some wonderful news for you. 05:30.880 --> 05:32.880 Yeah? What is it? 05:32.880 --> 05:35.880 Well, this morning I got a haircut. 05:35.880 --> 05:38.880 Well, congratulations. 05:38.880 --> 05:46.880 That's not me. See, while I was sitting in the barber chair, I read in the paper that you're going to make a picture with Irene Dunn and Vincent Price. 05:46.880 --> 05:52.880 That's right, Jackie, and it's going to be wonderful. I consider myself very fortunate with this casting. 05:52.880 --> 05:55.880 Well, what is this you wanted to talk to me about? 05:55.880 --> 06:03.880 Well, Gregory, I was just wondering if you'd like to use me instead of Vincent Price. 06:03.880 --> 06:29.880 Now, Gregory, getting back to the picture, of course, I don't want you to think this is anything personal, but I feel that I would do a much better job for you than Vincent Price. 06:29.880 --> 06:31.880 Look here, Jack, you don't mind if I ask you something? 06:31.880 --> 06:33.880 No, no, no. 06:33.880 --> 06:36.880 Didn't you do personal appearances last spring? 06:36.880 --> 06:38.880 Yes, yes, I did. 06:38.880 --> 06:41.880 And didn't you go on an extensive tour of one-night stands last summer? 06:41.880 --> 06:42.880 That's right, that's right. 06:42.880 --> 06:46.880 Now, if I remember correctly, you've been on the radio for about 20 years? 06:46.880 --> 06:47.880 20 years on the radio, yes. 06:47.880 --> 06:49.880 And now you have your own television show. 06:49.880 --> 06:51.880 My own television show, that's right. 06:51.880 --> 06:54.880 Well, let somebody else make a buck, will you? 06:54.880 --> 07:01.880 Gregory, that's not the point. It's a matter of proper casting. 07:01.880 --> 07:05.880 Now, does Miss Dunn know that you have Vincent Price? 07:05.880 --> 07:07.880 She beat him. 07:07.880 --> 07:10.880 Oh. 07:10.880 --> 07:15.880 Well, Gregory, you being the director, don't you think it would be better? 07:15.880 --> 07:17.880 No. 07:17.880 --> 07:26.880 Look, Gregory, you see, it's all right to be artistic, you know, but you have to be practical about these things. 07:26.880 --> 07:31.880 Now, if you give me the job, I can save you money. 07:31.880 --> 07:32.880 You can? 07:32.880 --> 07:41.880 You see, not only am I a great actor, you see, but when you score the picture, I can sit in the orchestra because I also play the violin. 07:41.880 --> 07:49.880 So, by my taking two jobs at the same salary, I'll be beating Vincent Price. 07:49.880 --> 07:51.880 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. 07:51.880 --> 07:56.880 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. 07:56.880 --> 07:57.880 The chair turned over. 07:57.880 --> 07:58.880 How did that happen? 07:58.880 --> 08:03.880 I don't know. Only my stomach did the same thing. 08:03.880 --> 08:05.880 Now, look here, Jack. 08:05.880 --> 08:06.880 Yeah. 08:06.880 --> 08:12.880 There's nothing personal against you, but Mr. Price is engaged for the role and that settles it. 08:12.880 --> 08:14.880 Well, it doesn't settle it with me, Mr. Ratthof. 08:14.880 --> 08:18.880 I'm going to call Miss Dunn and take the matter up with her directly. 08:18.880 --> 08:19.880 I wish you would. 08:19.880 --> 08:20.880 Thank you. 08:20.880 --> 08:22.880 Goodbye, Mr. Ratthof. 08:22.880 --> 08:31.880 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. 08:31.880 --> 08:37.880 Irene Dunn, Crestview 5, 4124. 08:37.880 --> 08:44.880 Crestview 5, 4124. 08:44.880 --> 08:53.880 Crestview 5, 4124. 08:53.880 --> 08:56.880 What number were you dialing? 08:56.880 --> 08:59.880 Crestview 5, 4124. 08:59.880 --> 09:07.880 I'm sorry. Crestview 5, 4124 has been changed to Bradshaw 2, 2199. 09:07.880 --> 09:15.880 Oh. 09:15.880 --> 09:25.880 Bradshaw 2, 2199. 09:25.880 --> 09:28.880 What number were you dialing? 09:28.880 --> 09:30.880 Bradshaw 2, 2199. 09:30.880 --> 09:49.880 I'm sorry, but Bradshaw 2, 2199 has been changed to Sycamore 2, 802. 09:49.880 --> 10:00.880 Sycamore 2, 802. 10:00.880 --> 10:03.880 What number were you dialing? 10:03.880 --> 10:06.880 Sycamore 2, 8002. 10:06.880 --> 10:14.880 Sycamore 2, 8002 has just been changed back to Crestview 5, 4124. 10:14.880 --> 10:17.880 Look, well operator, that's the number I called you. 10:17.880 --> 10:21.880 Just a moment, I'll be back. 10:21.880 --> 10:23.880 Hello. 10:23.880 --> 10:25.880 I'd like to speak to Miss Irene Dunn, please. 10:25.880 --> 10:30.880 This is Miss Dunn speaking. 10:30.880 --> 10:32.880 Irene, this is Jack Bennett. 10:32.880 --> 10:37.880 Oh, hello, Jack. It's nice to hear your voice. 10:37.880 --> 10:40.880 The last time you called me was in 1943. 10:40.880 --> 10:42.880 1943? 10:42.880 --> 10:44.880 Yes, don't you remember? 10:44.880 --> 10:48.880 You wanted me to play opposite you in The Horn Blows at Midnight. 10:48.880 --> 10:51.880 Oh, yes. 10:51.880 --> 10:53.880 Jack, did they ever make that picture? 10:53.880 --> 10:55.880 Well, of course they made the picture. 10:55.880 --> 10:57.880 And it had great resonance, too. 10:57.880 --> 11:02.880 They played eight weeks at Lowe's Belgian Congo, 11:02.880 --> 11:04.880 Warner's Pakistan, 11:04.880 --> 11:07.880 and 16 weeks at Grauman's Chinese. 11:07.880 --> 11:11.880 The original one, you know, at Quang Chau Phu. 11:11.880 --> 11:14.880 The reason I called you is, you see, 11:14.880 --> 11:18.880 Gregory Rathod just talked to me about the picture that you're going to make. 11:18.880 --> 11:19.880 Talked to you? 11:19.880 --> 11:22.880 Uh-huh, and although he was rather subtle about it, 11:22.880 --> 11:25.880 he suggested that I play the part of your husband. 11:25.880 --> 11:28.880 But I thought Vincent Price was set for that part. 11:28.880 --> 11:31.880 Well, he was scheduled to, but if you want me, 11:31.880 --> 11:35.880 all you have to do is speak up. 11:35.880 --> 11:39.880 Irene, I said all you have to do is speak up. 11:39.880 --> 11:42.880 Irene, Irene. 11:42.880 --> 11:45.880 Hello? Hello? 11:45.880 --> 11:48.880 Joe's Fish Market. 11:48.880 --> 11:50.880 Sadie the scaler speaking. 11:50.880 --> 11:51.880 It is true. 11:51.880 --> 11:55.880 I've been out with Sadie and I know her voice. 11:55.880 --> 11:57.880 Blackstone 3962. 11:57.880 --> 12:02.880 That number has been changed to Webster 090. 12:02.880 --> 12:04.880 Out of here. Get off the line. 12:04.880 --> 12:08.880 I will if you'll deposit 10 cents for an additional three minutes. 12:08.880 --> 12:10.880 Already? 12:10.880 --> 12:14.880 Gee, it doesn't seem like we've been talking three minutes, does it, Irene? 12:14.880 --> 12:17.880 You ought to be on this end. 12:17.880 --> 12:21.880 You ought to be in the middle. 12:21.880 --> 12:24.880 Please deposit 10 cents and I will. 12:24.880 --> 12:27.880 Oh, all right. 12:27.880 --> 12:29.880 There. 12:29.880 --> 12:33.880 Now, Irene, Irene, to get to the point, when do you start rehearsing? 12:33.880 --> 12:37.880 Well, tonight at my house, but I don't think you ought to. 12:37.880 --> 12:39.880 At your house? What time? 12:39.880 --> 12:42.880 Eight o'clock, but really, Jack, I don't think you ought to. 12:42.880 --> 12:44.880 Eight o'clock, huh? Well, I'll be there, Irene. 12:44.880 --> 12:47.880 I'll tell you what, I'll read the part and Vincent Price will read the part 12:47.880 --> 12:49.880 and may the best man win. 12:49.880 --> 12:51.880 I certainly hope so. 12:51.880 --> 12:56.880 Oh, Irene, should I come for dinner? 12:56.880 --> 12:58.880 Irene? 12:58.880 --> 13:01.880 Oh, Irene. 13:01.880 --> 13:06.880 Operator, operator. 13:06.880 --> 13:07.880 Hmm. 13:07.880 --> 13:13.880 I've got a minute left and nobody will talk to me. 13:13.880 --> 13:22.880 I'll leave the house early so I can go over the script. 13:22.880 --> 13:26.880 While Jack is on his way to Miss Dunn's home, I'd like a word with you about Lucky Strike. 13:26.880 --> 13:31.880 As you know, friends, your enjoyment of a cigarette depends on its taste 13:31.880 --> 13:33.880 and Luckies taste better. 13:33.880 --> 13:37.880 Here's why. Luckies are made better to taste better. 13:37.880 --> 13:42.880 They're made round and firm and fully packed to draw freely and smoke evenly. 13:42.880 --> 13:48.880 And L-S-M-F-T, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. 13:48.880 --> 13:53.880 So for all the deep down smoking enjoyment you want from your cigarette, be happy. 13:53.880 --> 13:54.880 Go lucky. 13:54.880 --> 14:00.880 Next time, ask for a carton of better tasting Lucky Strike. 14:00.880 --> 14:11.880 Well, ladies and gentlemen, we take you to the home of Miss Irene Dunn. 14:11.880 --> 14:12.880 Good evening, Mr. Price. 14:12.880 --> 14:16.880 Hello, Gordon. 14:16.880 --> 14:19.880 Make yourself comfortable, sir. Miss Dunn will be down in a few moments. 14:19.880 --> 14:20.880 Thank you. 14:20.880 --> 14:21.880 May I mix you a drink? 14:21.880 --> 14:26.880 No, thank you. 14:26.880 --> 14:28.880 Yes, sir? 14:28.880 --> 14:30.880 I'm Jack Benny. Miss Dunn is expecting me. 14:30.880 --> 14:31.880 Won't you come in? 14:31.880 --> 14:33.880 Thank you. 14:33.880 --> 14:35.880 May I take your coat, sir? 14:35.880 --> 14:40.880 Oh, yes, yes. 14:40.880 --> 14:42.880 And your hat. 14:42.880 --> 14:54.880 Oh, oh. 14:54.880 --> 14:57.880 Well, Mr. Vincent Price. 14:57.880 --> 15:01.880 I'm Jack Benny, star of stage screen, radio and television. 15:01.880 --> 15:13.880 How do you do? 15:13.880 --> 15:15.880 So the two rivals meet, eh? 15:15.880 --> 15:17.880 Rivals? What do you mean? 15:17.880 --> 15:24.880 Well, I guess I should have let Irene tell you, but it looks as though I'm going to take your place in this picture. 15:24.880 --> 15:25.880 You're taking my place? 15:25.880 --> 15:27.880 Oh, that's ridiculous, old boy. 15:27.880 --> 15:28.880 Oh, no, it isn't. 15:28.880 --> 15:34.880 You see, at rehearsal tonight, you and I are both going to read the parts, and the best man will win. 15:34.880 --> 15:36.880 The best man? 15:36.880 --> 15:38.880 Yeah. 15:38.880 --> 15:43.880 Mr. Benny, when two people are involved in a statement, the comparative is used. 15:43.880 --> 15:48.880 You don't say the best man will win. You say the better man will win. 15:48.880 --> 15:49.880 Oh. 15:49.880 --> 15:54.880 But when three or more people are involved, then the word best is the correct adjective. 15:54.880 --> 15:56.880 I see. 15:56.880 --> 16:08.880 So before we compete for this part, Mr. Benny, it might be well if you first learn to speak English. 16:08.880 --> 16:14.880 Well, for your information, Mr. Price, I went to Waukegan High School and excelled in English. 16:14.880 --> 16:17.880 I got 99 every single term. 16:17.880 --> 16:19.880 Well, ain't that ginger peachy? 16:19.880 --> 16:22.880 Now, cut that out! 16:22.880 --> 16:25.880 Of all the sore losers, you certainly take the cake. 16:25.880 --> 16:31.880 Hello, Gordon. 16:31.880 --> 16:32.880 How do you do, Mr. Adler? 16:32.880 --> 16:33.880 Hello, Weems. 16:33.880 --> 16:35.880 Oh, hello, Gregory. 16:35.880 --> 16:37.880 Well, hello, Gregory. 16:37.880 --> 16:39.880 What are you doing here? 16:39.880 --> 16:40.880 Well, I just thought I'd come by. 16:40.880 --> 16:43.880 Gregory, I don't know what this is all about, and I demand an explanation. 16:43.880 --> 16:46.880 Am I or am I not appearing opposite Miss Dunn? 16:46.880 --> 16:47.880 Well, of course you are. 16:47.880 --> 16:52.880 Well, then what is this schlemiel talking about? 16:52.880 --> 16:53.880 Schlemiel? 16:53.880 --> 16:55.880 Yes, S-H-L-E-M. 16:55.880 --> 16:58.880 I know how to spell it. 16:58.880 --> 17:03.880 I didn't get 99 in English for nothing. 17:03.880 --> 17:04.880 Good evening, everybody. 17:04.880 --> 17:05.880 Oh, hello. 17:05.880 --> 17:07.880 Hello, Eddie. 17:07.880 --> 17:08.880 Gregory, Vincent. 17:08.880 --> 17:09.880 Hello. 17:09.880 --> 17:11.880 Well, everybody's here, I guess. 17:11.880 --> 17:15.880 Yes, everybody. 17:15.880 --> 17:16.880 Some coffee, Gregory? 17:16.880 --> 17:17.880 No, thank you, Irene. 17:17.880 --> 17:18.880 Vincent? 17:18.880 --> 17:20.880 Yes, please. 17:20.880 --> 17:27.880 I'll have a cup. 17:27.880 --> 17:28.880 Mr. Price. 17:28.880 --> 17:29.880 Thank you. 17:29.880 --> 17:30.880 Mr. Benny. 17:30.880 --> 17:32.880 Thank you. 17:32.880 --> 17:38.880 Yes, sir. 17:38.880 --> 17:40.880 Mmm. 17:40.880 --> 17:45.880 Gee, Irene, this is the better coffee I ever tasted. 17:45.880 --> 17:47.880 The word is best. 17:47.880 --> 17:53.880 There are only two of us drinking it. 17:53.880 --> 17:57.880 A comparative. 17:57.880 --> 17:59.880 Well, let's get on with the contest, shall we? 17:59.880 --> 18:00.880 I mean, the rehearsal. 18:00.880 --> 18:03.880 Gordon, take this tray, please. 18:03.880 --> 18:07.880 Gregory, before we begin this rehearsal, let's settle one thing for Mr. Benny's benefit. 18:07.880 --> 18:10.880 Is he or is he not replacing me in this picture? 18:10.880 --> 18:11.880 Certainly not. 18:11.880 --> 18:12.880 This is ridiculous. 18:12.880 --> 18:13.880 Of course it's ridiculous. 18:13.880 --> 18:15.880 I think it's absurd. 18:15.880 --> 18:17.880 You keep quiet. 18:17.880 --> 18:21.880 Let's take out the dishes like Miss Dunn told you. 18:21.880 --> 18:22.880 All right, all right. 18:22.880 --> 18:24.880 Now, let's get on with the rehearsal. 18:24.880 --> 18:25.880 Look here, Jack. 18:25.880 --> 18:29.880 If you insist on staying, just keep quiet and sit down over here. 18:29.880 --> 18:30.880 All right. 18:30.880 --> 18:32.880 Now, look here, Irene, honey child. 18:32.880 --> 18:35.880 We will start with the scene that takes place in the drawing room. 18:35.880 --> 18:38.880 Oh, Irene, is it all right if I have some of these wallets here? 18:38.880 --> 18:39.880 Oh, help yourself, Jack. 18:39.880 --> 18:41.880 Yes, it's big. 18:41.880 --> 18:46.880 As I said, we will start with the scene that takes place in the drawing room. 18:46.880 --> 18:51.880 That was a tough one. 18:51.880 --> 18:58.880 Look, Irene, in this scene, your husband is late for dinner for two hours. 18:58.880 --> 19:01.880 Jack, will you please stop hitting me, huh? 19:01.880 --> 19:03.880 Well, Irene said I could. 19:03.880 --> 19:06.880 Anyway, I don't want to sit here like a bump on a log. 19:06.880 --> 19:09.880 If I can't play the leading role, isn't there something I can do? 19:09.880 --> 19:11.880 All right, you can play the butler. 19:11.880 --> 19:12.880 The butler? 19:12.880 --> 19:13.880 Yeah, here is the script. 19:13.880 --> 19:15.880 We start on page 12. 19:15.880 --> 19:16.880 All right. 19:16.880 --> 19:22.880 Look, Irene, you are the wife, and Vincent is the husband that doesn't understand. 19:22.880 --> 19:26.880 And Jack, I'm the butler whom Irene really loves. 19:26.880 --> 19:32.880 You're the butler, that's all. 19:32.880 --> 19:34.880 And please stop rewriting the script. 19:34.880 --> 19:36.880 Irene is not in love with you. 19:36.880 --> 19:42.880 Irene is in love with Vincent, and you're just the butler, that's all. 19:42.880 --> 19:44.880 Don't shout at me. 19:44.880 --> 19:51.880 I'm old enough to be your brother. 19:51.880 --> 19:54.880 Vincent, would you please make your entrance from there? 19:54.880 --> 19:58.880 Irene, honey, look, he's late for dinner for two hours. 19:58.880 --> 20:00.880 You're very nervous, so will you please stop from here? 20:00.880 --> 20:02.880 Where should I go? 20:02.880 --> 20:08.880 Oh, go any place. 20:08.880 --> 20:09.880 Somebody called the butler. 20:09.880 --> 20:12.880 All right. 20:12.880 --> 20:16.880 Oh, Smedley, Smedley. 20:16.880 --> 20:21.880 Smedley. 20:21.880 --> 20:22.880 What is it, madame? 20:22.880 --> 20:25.880 Are you sure my husband hasn't phoned? 20:25.880 --> 20:27.880 I'm quite sure, madame. 20:27.880 --> 20:35.880 Shall I serve dinner? 20:35.880 --> 20:38.880 No, I'm much too upset to eat. 20:38.880 --> 20:41.880 I've been under such tension these last few weeks. 20:41.880 --> 20:43.880 Oh, why does my husband treat me like this? 20:43.880 --> 20:44.880 Why does he act so... 20:44.880 --> 20:47.880 Hey, Vincent, Vincent, that's why you're making your entrance. 20:47.880 --> 20:48.880 Okay. 20:48.880 --> 20:49.880 Oh, good evening, darling. 20:49.880 --> 20:51.880 Sorry I'm so late. 20:51.880 --> 20:54.880 Oh, Michael, you're always late and you're always sorry. 20:54.880 --> 20:56.880 It's been like this for months. 20:56.880 --> 20:57.880 What's come between us? 20:57.880 --> 20:58.880 Nothing, my dear. 20:58.880 --> 21:00.880 It's just that I've been so busy lately at the office. 21:00.880 --> 21:01.880 Now, let's forget about it. 21:01.880 --> 21:03.880 Come here and give me a little kiss. 21:03.880 --> 21:06.880 Dinner is served. 21:06.880 --> 21:09.880 I came in too soon here. 21:09.880 --> 21:10.880 I'm sorry. 21:10.880 --> 21:11.880 I'm sorry. 21:11.880 --> 21:15.880 If you don't come in for a few minutes more, will you please sit down? 21:15.880 --> 21:17.880 And see me, darling, have a good evening. 21:17.880 --> 21:21.880 Michael, I just can't kiss you and forget it. 21:21.880 --> 21:23.880 This can't go on forever. 21:23.880 --> 21:25.880 Every night it's the same argument. 21:25.880 --> 21:27.880 Constant nagging, nagging, nagging. 21:27.880 --> 21:29.880 I tell you I've been working at the office. 21:29.880 --> 21:30.880 But I telephoned your office. 21:30.880 --> 21:32.880 They said you left it too this afternoon. 21:32.880 --> 21:34.880 Well, I had business at the bank. 21:34.880 --> 21:36.880 Michael, you were not at the bank and you know it. 21:36.880 --> 21:38.880 Oh, right, so I wasn't. 21:38.880 --> 21:45.880 Must I explain my every move to you? 21:45.880 --> 21:49.880 There's a worm in this one. 21:49.880 --> 21:50.880 Look at the way it wiggles. 21:50.880 --> 21:56.880 Will you please stop interrupting and please get away from the thoughts. 21:56.880 --> 21:57.880 I'm sorry, darling. 21:57.880 --> 21:59.880 Please continue. 21:59.880 --> 22:00.880 Oh, it's no use, Michael. 22:00.880 --> 22:02.880 I know you're lying. 22:02.880 --> 22:03.880 Look at you. 22:03.880 --> 22:06.880 Everything you say, everything you do gives you away. 22:06.880 --> 22:07.880 Well, you can keep on talking. 22:07.880 --> 22:08.880 I'm going to have dinner. 22:08.880 --> 22:11.880 But Michael, I must know, do you love me or not? 22:11.880 --> 22:12.880 Of course I love you. 22:12.880 --> 22:13.880 You're lying. 22:13.880 --> 22:14.880 You know that I am lying. 22:14.880 --> 22:16.880 You might as well know the truth, my dear. 22:16.880 --> 22:17.880 I've never loved you, never. 22:17.880 --> 22:18.880 Michael! 22:18.880 --> 22:20.880 If you weren't so stupid, you would have known it long ago. 22:20.880 --> 22:21.880 What are you saying? 22:21.880 --> 22:23.880 I married you for your money, that's all. 22:23.880 --> 22:24.880 No, Michael, stop! 22:24.880 --> 22:25.880 Everybody else has known it. 22:25.880 --> 22:28.880 If you weren't such a blind little fool, I would have realized it yourself. 22:28.880 --> 22:30.880 And the sooner you divorce me, the happier I will be. 22:30.880 --> 22:32.880 No, Michael, no, no, I'll never divorce you. 22:32.880 --> 22:33.880 Tears, tears. 22:33.880 --> 22:34.880 I couldn't live without you. 22:34.880 --> 22:35.880 Stop being dramatic. 22:35.880 --> 22:36.880 I'm leaving. 22:36.880 --> 22:37.880 Michael. 22:37.880 --> 22:39.880 I'm going to my club. 22:39.880 --> 22:42.880 Smedley, pack my clothes. 22:42.880 --> 22:53.880 I wouldn't touch your dirty clothes. 22:53.880 --> 22:55.880 You flamil? 22:55.880 --> 22:57.880 John, it isn't in the script. 22:57.880 --> 22:58.880 Oh, I can't help it. 22:58.880 --> 23:00.880 He made Irene cry. 23:00.880 --> 23:01.880 Well, he's supposed to make me cry. 23:01.880 --> 23:02.880 It's in the story. 23:02.880 --> 23:05.880 Well, if that's the kind of a picture it is, I don't even want to be in it. 23:05.880 --> 23:07.880 Who asked you to be in it? 23:07.880 --> 23:08.880 Irene did. 23:08.880 --> 23:09.880 I did not. 23:09.880 --> 23:12.880 Well, somebody did, I'm here. 23:12.880 --> 23:13.880 Look here, Irene. 23:13.880 --> 23:16.880 I've never directed before under such aggravating circumstances, 23:16.880 --> 23:19.880 and I'll never direct under such aggravating circumstances again. 23:19.880 --> 23:25.880 I'm quitting. 23:25.880 --> 23:29.880 Now do you see what you've done, you blunderhead? 23:29.880 --> 23:32.880 Well, there's no need for everybody to get excited. 23:32.880 --> 23:35.880 Look, I'll tell you what, Vincent, or may I call you Vince? 23:35.880 --> 23:37.880 You may call me Mr. Price. 23:37.880 --> 23:40.880 Oh, look, Mr. Price, look, there's nothing to worry about now, 23:40.880 --> 23:42.880 because you see, I can direct the picture. 23:42.880 --> 23:44.880 Oh, so now you're going to do it. 23:44.880 --> 23:45.880 Yeah. 23:45.880 --> 23:47.880 I'm sorry, Irene, but I've had enough of this too. 23:47.880 --> 23:55.880 I'm leaving. 23:55.880 --> 23:57.880 Well, he's gone. 23:57.880 --> 24:00.880 Yes, Jack, and I hope you're satisfied. 24:00.880 --> 24:01.880 Oh, I am, I am. 24:01.880 --> 24:04.880 Of course, I didn't want to get Vincent's part by default. 24:04.880 --> 24:09.880 I thought Irene was very, very clever the way you maneuvered it. 24:09.880 --> 24:11.880 The way I see it. 24:11.880 --> 24:15.880 Why, you, you, um... 24:15.880 --> 24:17.880 Schlemiel? 24:17.880 --> 24:18.880 Yes, that's it. 24:18.880 --> 24:26.880 I quit too. 24:26.880 --> 24:32.880 Well, I've never been so insulted in all my life. 24:32.880 --> 24:34.880 Gordon, I have a coat. 24:34.880 --> 24:44.880 I wouldn't touch your dirty clothes. 24:44.880 --> 25:06.880 You might as well go home. 25:06.880 --> 25:13.880 Jack, we'll be back in just a moment, but first... 25:13.880 --> 25:18.880 Friends, here's a wonderful Christmas gift for anyone who smokes, 25:18.880 --> 25:24.880 because it says, Merry Christmas and Happy Smoking 200 times. 25:24.880 --> 25:27.880 Yes, ten packs of those better-tasting Luckys, 25:27.880 --> 25:30.880 all done up for Christmas in a beautiful carton 25:30.880 --> 25:34.880 created just for Lucky Strike by the famous designer, Mr. Raymond Lowy. 25:34.880 --> 25:37.880 It'll look so bright and colorful under your Christmas tree, 25:37.880 --> 25:41.880 and it's such a welcome gift to anyone who enjoys a good smoke. 25:41.880 --> 25:45.880 Because you know, smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. 25:45.880 --> 25:49.880 And the fact of the matter is, Luckys taste better. 25:49.880 --> 25:52.880 Cleaner, fresher, smoother. 25:52.880 --> 25:56.880 That's why you can't go wrong if you remember your friends 25:56.880 --> 26:00.880 with these colorful Christmas cartons of Lucky Strike. 26:00.880 --> 26:01.880 Do, do, do. 26:01.880 --> 26:09.880 Be happy, go lucky for Christmas gifts this year. 26:09.880 --> 26:21.880 Thank you, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. 26:21.880 --> 26:24.880 For those of you who tuned in late, 26:24.880 --> 26:30.880 I'd just like to announce that this was not the Robert Montgomery Theater. 26:30.880 --> 26:33.880 But I did enjoy doing this television show very, very much, 26:33.880 --> 26:39.880 because this is the first time that I've ever worked with Irene Dunn. 26:39.880 --> 26:44.880 It's also the first time that I've been able to understand Gregory Rattoff. 26:44.880 --> 26:48.880 He sounds like a Russian Marlon Brando. 26:48.880 --> 26:52.880 Of course, like the Robert Montgomery Theater, 26:52.880 --> 26:57.880 I wanted to bring these movie stars out here just to take a bow 26:57.880 --> 27:00.880 and ask them what their future plans were. 27:00.880 --> 27:07.880 But they told me it was none of my business. 27:07.880 --> 27:09.880 And Vincent Price, too. 27:09.880 --> 27:13.880 You know, I think he's a fine actor and everything, 27:13.880 --> 27:17.880 but, and, you know, I'm not jealous of his talent. 27:17.880 --> 27:21.880 I don't know why he's so stuck up. 27:21.880 --> 27:24.880 You know, I saw him at a party the other night at Ronald Coleman's house, 27:24.880 --> 27:28.880 and I waved at him and I whistled at him and hollered at him and everything. 27:28.880 --> 27:31.880 He wouldn't even turn around. 27:31.880 --> 27:36.880 So I just closed my window and went to bed. 27:36.880 --> 27:40.880 Well, anyway, so much for the show. 27:40.880 --> 27:45.880 And oh, oh, before I forget, I was asked to make an announcement. 27:45.880 --> 27:52.880 I want to welcome a new television station that opened this morning in Las Vegas, 27:52.880 --> 27:54.880 a CBS station in Las Vegas. 27:54.880 --> 27:58.880 So welcome KF... 27:58.880 --> 28:00.880 Huh? 28:00.880 --> 28:03.880 What? 28:03.880 --> 28:06.880 Oh, oh. 28:06.880 --> 28:14.880 I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, they've just lost it. 28:14.880 --> 28:17.880 Thanks again very, very much. See you in about three weeks. 28:17.880 --> 28:46.880 Thank you. 28:46.880 --> 28:49.880 Appearing on tonight's program were Rex Evans, 28:49.880 --> 28:53.880 Ralph Sedan, Lee Benaderyth, and Lois Kimbrell. 28:53.880 --> 28:56.880 Remember, one week from tonight on this same station, 28:56.880 --> 29:00.880 charming, disarming Ann Southern returns in her famous role 29:00.880 --> 29:03.880 as a not-too-private private secretary. 29:03.880 --> 29:07.880 You'll love watching Ann's hilarious adventures and misadventures. 29:07.880 --> 29:11.880 Tonight's Jack Benny program has been a film presentation brought to you by Lucky Strike, 29:11.880 --> 29:13.880 product of the American Tobacco Company, 29:13.880 --> 29:16.880 America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. 29:16.880 --> 29:21.880 This is Don Wilson saying, be happy, go lucky. 29:21.880 --> 29:45.880 This is the CBS Television Network.