390 LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI.
lettered on it, and went on chuckling while I read, ' J. B-----1
UNDERTAKES.' Then he clapped his hat on, gave it an irreverent tilt
to leeward, and cried out—
'That's what's the matter! It used to be rough times with me
when you knew me—insurance-agency business, you know; mighty
irregular. Big fire, all right—brisk trade for ten days while people
scared; after that, dull policy-business till next fire. Town like this
don't have fires often enough—a fellow strikes so many dull weeks in
a row that he gets discouraged. But you bet you, this is the
business! People don't wait for examples to die. No, cir, they drop
off right along—there ain't any dull spots in the undertaker line. I
just started in with two or three little old coffins and a hired hearse,
and now look at the thing I I've worked up a business here that
would satisfy any man, don't care who he is. Five years ago, lodged
in an attic; live in a swell house now, with a mansard roof, and all
the modern inconveniences.*
* Does a coffin pay so well ? Is there much profit on a coffin ?'
* (?o-way ! How you talk!' Then, with a confidential wink, a
dropping of the voice, and an impressive laying of his hand on my
arm; * Look here; there's one thing in this world which isn't ever
cheap. That's a coffin. There's one thing in this world which a
person don't ever try to jew you down on. That's a coffin. There's
one thing in this world which a person don't say—" 111 look around
a little, and if I find I can't do better 111 come back and take it."
That's a coffin. There's one thing in this world which a person
won't take in pine if he can go walnut; and won't take in walnut if
he can go mahogany; and won't take in mahogany if he can go an
iron casket with silver door-plate and bronze handles. That's a
coffin. And there's one thing iii this world which you don't have to
worry around after a person to get him to pay for. And that's a
coffin. Undertaking ?—why if s the dead-surest business in Christen-
dom, and the nobbiest.
4 Why, just look at it. A rich man won't have anything but your
very best; and you can just pile it on, too—pile it on and sock it to
him—he won't ever holler, And you take in a poor man, and if you
work Mm right hell bust himself on a single lay-out. Or especially
& woman. Fr instance: Mrs. O'Haherty comes in—widow—wiping