WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:27.100 ♪ 00:27.100 --> 00:32.000 Ladies and gentlemen, if any of you are ever in the neighborhood of West Los Angeles, California, 00:32.000 --> 00:37.140 and you are looking for a punch in the nose, drop in at 1313 Blueview Terrace, 00:37.140 --> 00:41.440 and say to Chester A. Riley, bonjour monsieur. 00:41.440 --> 00:43.640 You'll get what you're looking for. 00:43.640 --> 00:47.500 Riley by nature is a tolerant man, judging all men by their deeds, 00:47.500 --> 00:50.200 not by their native language or creed. 00:50.200 --> 00:54.200 But lately he has developed a strong dislike for the French language in general, 00:54.200 --> 00:57.800 and a certain monsieur Andre Lafayette in particular. 00:57.800 --> 01:04.100 It all began a few weeks ago when Riley made a startling discovery that caused him to take immediate action. 01:04.100 --> 01:06.400 Hank! Hank, come here quick! 01:06.400 --> 01:09.200 What is it? 01:09.200 --> 01:11.600 Hello, dear. What are you yelling about? 01:11.600 --> 01:15.300 I got good reason to yell. Just look at this letter. 01:15.300 --> 01:16.900 Oh, it's in French! 01:16.900 --> 01:20.900 So that's what it is. I found it on the table. It's for Babs. 01:20.900 --> 01:22.800 Somebody's writing her in French. 01:22.800 --> 01:25.400 Riley, you've got no right opening your daughter's mail. 01:25.400 --> 01:28.000 I did not open it. It was already open. 01:28.000 --> 01:29.700 This time she saved me the trouble. 01:29.700 --> 01:32.800 I don't care. You've got no right reading other people's personal mail. 01:32.800 --> 01:35.200 Well, everybody's always reading my personal mail. 01:35.200 --> 01:37.800 You all know exactly how much I owe the gas company. 01:37.800 --> 01:40.800 Well, you better put that letter away because Babs will be home pretty soon, 01:40.800 --> 01:42.800 and if she sees you've been reading her personal mail... 01:42.800 --> 01:47.400 Hank, this is no time for etiquette. Just listen to what this letter says. 01:47.400 --> 01:50.600 Marche Madame Oizelle. 01:50.600 --> 01:51.800 What do you think of that? 01:51.800 --> 01:55.000 I think I know why you flunked French at Brooklyn High. 01:55.000 --> 01:59.200 Merci pours vos jollies fleurs. 01:59.200 --> 02:01.700 Did you hear that? 02:01.700 --> 02:06.200 Acetate tres amable avous. 02:06.200 --> 02:11.200 Sincerement, Fatrie Andrie Lafayette. 02:11.200 --> 02:14.500 What nerve. I'll punch him in the nose. I'll break him into... 02:14.500 --> 02:16.600 Riley, you know what this letter says. 02:16.600 --> 02:18.000 No, but I don't like it. 02:18.000 --> 02:20.700 And when I get a hold of this Lafayette guy, I'll... 02:20.700 --> 02:22.400 How do you say fracture in French? 02:22.400 --> 02:28.400 Listen, this letter's perfectly harmless. I'll translate it for you. 02:28.400 --> 02:30.300 Since when do you know French? 02:30.300 --> 02:34.900 Oh, I studied it in school, you know, and then I worked on that French boat one summer as a waitress. 02:34.900 --> 02:36.000 Let's see, young man. 02:36.000 --> 02:40.200 Marche Mademoiselle. My dear miss. 02:40.200 --> 02:41.200 Merci... 02:41.200 --> 02:44.600 Mercy? Mercy nothing. I'm gonna... 02:44.600 --> 02:46.400 How do you say mobilize him in French? 02:46.400 --> 02:49.000 Quiet. Mercy means thank you. 02:49.000 --> 02:53.100 Pour vos jolies fleurs. For your lovely flowers. 02:53.100 --> 02:55.600 It was very charming of you. 02:55.600 --> 02:59.800 Sincerement, votre mate Andrie Lafayette. 02:59.800 --> 03:02.000 Sincerely, Andrie Lafayette. 03:02.000 --> 03:04.800 You see? Nothing to it. 03:04.800 --> 03:07.700 Why is Babs sending a strange man flowers? 03:07.700 --> 03:09.900 He's her French teacher. It says so right here. 03:09.900 --> 03:11.500 Votre mate. 03:11.500 --> 03:14.400 Aha. He's not a French teacher. He's a mate. 03:14.400 --> 03:16.500 Peg Babs is too young to have a mate. 03:16.500 --> 03:20.000 Listen, mate means teacher in French. Master. 03:20.000 --> 03:22.200 Now you satisfied? 03:22.200 --> 03:24.600 Why is she sending her teacher flowers? 03:24.600 --> 03:29.300 One day I had to cut a lot of sweet peas and she said she wanted to send some flowers to her French teacher at school. 03:29.300 --> 03:31.600 What's the harm anyway? 03:31.600 --> 03:33.100 I don't know yet. 03:33.100 --> 03:35.400 But before I'm through, there'll be plenty of harm. 03:35.400 --> 03:38.600 I'm checking up on this. 03:38.600 --> 03:39.500 Hello, Junior. 03:39.500 --> 03:41.100 Hi, Mom. Hi, Pop. 03:41.100 --> 03:42.700 Junior, I want to see you. 03:42.700 --> 03:43.500 What's up? 03:43.500 --> 03:45.300 Sit down. 03:45.300 --> 03:46.500 What did I do? 03:46.500 --> 03:49.400 Now you don't have to get scared just because I asked you to sit down. 03:49.400 --> 03:50.700 I want to grill you, that's all. 03:50.700 --> 03:51.500 What? 03:51.500 --> 03:53.100 Please, Peg. 03:53.100 --> 03:57.400 Junior, what do you know about a guy named Andrie Lafayette? 03:57.400 --> 03:58.800 Now come clean. 03:58.800 --> 04:00.400 Lafayette? 04:00.400 --> 04:03.400 Oh, Lafayette. He's the French teacher at Babs' school. 04:03.400 --> 04:05.300 Aha. He's a French teacher. 04:05.300 --> 04:07.000 Atta boy, Sherlock. 04:07.000 --> 04:08.400 All right, Junior. Spill it. 04:08.400 --> 04:09.900 Does Babs like this guy? 04:09.900 --> 04:10.900 Does she? 04:10.900 --> 04:13.300 Oh, she's goony over him. 04:13.300 --> 04:14.500 What did I tell you, Peg? 04:14.500 --> 04:16.300 I suppose she is. So what? 04:16.300 --> 04:18.900 Why didn't you report this to me before? 04:18.900 --> 04:21.000 Well, I just didn't. 04:21.000 --> 04:24.100 What do you think I'm paying you ten cents a week for, to spy on Babs? 04:24.100 --> 04:25.400 I want reports. 04:25.400 --> 04:26.400 Just all right. 04:26.400 --> 04:29.200 Do you mean to tell me you pay Junior to spy on Babs? 04:29.200 --> 04:30.100 Now don't get excited, Peg. 04:30.100 --> 04:31.800 Do you? 04:31.800 --> 04:33.500 Well, a father's got to know what's going on. 04:33.500 --> 04:34.900 I'm away at work all day. 04:34.900 --> 04:37.900 I never heard of such a thing, spying on Babs. 04:37.900 --> 04:39.700 Who you got spying on, Junior? 04:39.700 --> 04:40.900 Babs. 04:40.900 --> 04:42.800 Of all the fantastic... 04:42.800 --> 04:45.600 I suppose the next thing you'll hire somebody to spy on me. 04:45.600 --> 04:47.600 No, I won't. I'll attend to that myself. 04:47.600 --> 04:48.200 Oh, you... 04:48.200 --> 04:50.400 Now don't get excited, Peg. Don't change the subject. 04:50.400 --> 04:52.500 We're talking about spying on Babs. 04:52.500 --> 04:54.300 Hey, there's Babs now, across the street. 04:54.300 --> 04:56.300 Look out. Let me see. 04:59.100 --> 05:02.500 Well, I'm glad to see that she's with some nice young fella instead of that old teacher. 05:02.500 --> 05:04.300 Get away from that window. It doesn't look good. 05:04.300 --> 05:05.400 Hey, Pop. 05:05.400 --> 05:06.400 That is her teacher. 05:06.400 --> 05:08.400 That's Monsieur Lafayette. 05:09.200 --> 05:11.800 You mean that nice young good-looking fella is her teacher? 05:11.800 --> 05:12.500 Uh-huh. 05:12.500 --> 05:15.700 All the girls at school think he looks like Errol Flynn. 05:15.700 --> 05:17.700 Out of the way. 05:18.200 --> 05:20.200 Mmm. 05:20.200 --> 05:22.200 Mmm-hmm. 05:22.200 --> 05:24.600 I'm having that window taken out. 05:24.600 --> 05:26.600 What does that mmm mean in English? 05:26.600 --> 05:28.600 He is quite young-looking. 05:29.700 --> 05:32.500 Peg, this is getting more serious than we thought. 05:32.500 --> 05:34.700 First flowers and now he's walking her home. 05:34.700 --> 05:36.000 Oh, I'm sure it's quite harmless. 05:36.000 --> 05:37.900 Now, you calm down. She'll be here in a minute. 05:37.900 --> 05:40.900 I'll give her a good talking to. I'll tell her good and plenty. 05:40.900 --> 05:42.500 You do nothing of the sort. 05:42.500 --> 05:46.200 Yes, I will. I'm going to personally okay any man my daughter goes with. 05:46.200 --> 05:48.900 My father let me decide who I wanted to go around with. 05:48.900 --> 05:51.900 Yes, and he's sorry to this day. 06:03.300 --> 06:05.000 Oh, Mother. 06:05.000 --> 06:06.500 Oh, Daddy. 06:06.500 --> 06:11.500 Oh, what a lovely day this is. 06:14.100 --> 06:16.700 She's punch drunk. 06:16.700 --> 06:17.900 Hello, Mother. 06:17.900 --> 06:19.700 Hello, Daddy. 06:19.700 --> 06:22.900 Young lady, what's going on between you and this Frenchman? 06:22.900 --> 06:24.000 What? 06:24.000 --> 06:26.300 Sit down. 06:26.300 --> 06:29.200 And don't try to make out that I don't know what I'm talking about 06:29.200 --> 06:31.600 because I was just spying on you through that window. 06:31.600 --> 06:33.400 Spying? Mother, did you hear? 06:33.400 --> 06:37.000 Yes, dear. It's a new method for raising children your father's invented. 06:37.000 --> 06:38.600 What about this guy? 06:38.600 --> 06:41.500 Professor Lafayette is not a guy. 06:41.500 --> 06:44.000 He's the most cultured man I ever met. 06:44.000 --> 06:46.200 Why, he was a student at Sorbonne University. 06:46.200 --> 06:49.700 You've got enough trouble fighting off them students at Westwood High School. 06:49.700 --> 06:52.100 Look, dear, it isn't that your father and I want a medal, 06:52.100 --> 06:56.400 but don't you think that you're showing a little too much attention into this, Mr. Lafayette? 06:56.400 --> 07:01.300 I assure you, Mother, my interest in Professor Lafayette is purely platonic. 07:01.300 --> 07:02.500 Platonic? 07:02.500 --> 07:05.900 Ours is simply an intellectual relationship. 07:05.900 --> 07:09.500 Fine. There, you see, Ronnie, there's nothing to worry about. 07:09.500 --> 07:11.200 Lafayette is a man, isn't he? 07:11.200 --> 07:12.500 He's alive, isn't he? 07:12.500 --> 07:13.600 There's plenty to worry about. 07:13.600 --> 07:15.100 Oh, Daddy. 07:15.100 --> 07:17.800 Now, I don't want you having anything to do with this guy. 07:17.800 --> 07:19.600 No more outside of classes. 07:19.600 --> 07:22.100 But he's having dinner with us tomorrow. 07:22.100 --> 07:24.500 He is not. We're not going anywhere with him. 07:24.500 --> 07:26.400 Tell him to save his money. 07:26.400 --> 07:28.200 I invited him here. 07:28.200 --> 07:29.900 He's coming here. 07:29.900 --> 07:31.900 He certainly is saving his money. 07:31.900 --> 07:33.900 I won't stand for it. 07:33.900 --> 07:35.800 Babs, don't you think you should have asked me? 07:35.800 --> 07:40.000 Oh, I was going to tell you, Mother, but I didn't ask him until just before. 07:40.000 --> 07:42.600 Well, he's not stepping a foot inside of this house. 07:42.600 --> 07:45.000 That's final, finished, and complete. 07:45.000 --> 07:46.800 I know exactly what to say. 07:46.800 --> 07:48.900 I'll wait for just the right opening. 07:48.900 --> 07:51.300 And I'll say to him, Monsieur Lafayette, 07:51.300 --> 07:55.300 don't you think it's impossible for real love where there's a big difference between ages? 07:55.300 --> 07:56.000 And then you say... 07:56.000 --> 07:57.400 But this is impossible. 07:57.400 --> 07:59.100 She isn't in love with a professor. 07:59.100 --> 08:00.900 I ain't taking any chances. 08:00.900 --> 08:04.600 Don't forget, you weren't in love with me years ago when we were going around together. 08:04.600 --> 08:06.200 But here you are, stuck. 08:06.200 --> 08:08.500 So remember, no matter what I say, you agree to it. 08:08.500 --> 08:09.800 All right. 08:09.800 --> 08:12.200 I'll agree with you, but please don't embarrass the poor kid. 08:12.200 --> 08:14.500 He's only 16, remember? 08:16.300 --> 08:17.600 Here he is. 08:17.600 --> 08:19.000 Mother, he's here. 08:19.000 --> 08:20.300 Daddy, put your coat on. 08:20.300 --> 08:20.700 Yeah. 08:20.700 --> 08:22.200 Mother, is my hair all right? 08:22.200 --> 08:23.500 Is my... my dress all right? 08:23.500 --> 08:24.900 Behind you, is my hair all right? 08:24.900 --> 08:25.900 Is my dress all right? 08:25.900 --> 08:28.600 My hair all right. Is my girdle on straight? 08:28.600 --> 08:30.400 Who do you think is coming, Lea de Rocher? 08:30.400 --> 08:32.100 Daddy, not so loud, he'll hear you. 08:32.100 --> 08:34.100 Let him in already. 08:37.800 --> 08:39.400 Oh, good evening, Monsieur. 08:39.400 --> 08:41.600 Ah, bonsoir, mademoiselle Riley. 08:41.600 --> 08:43.100 Enchanté de vous voir. 08:43.100 --> 08:44.600 Oh. 08:45.400 --> 08:47.600 Peg, look, he's kissing her hand. 08:47.600 --> 08:48.200 Shh. 08:48.200 --> 08:50.000 Just a French custom. 08:50.000 --> 08:51.200 Oh, Monsieur. 08:51.200 --> 08:52.400 Please. 08:55.700 --> 08:58.200 Monsieur Lafayette, I... I just need to know my... 08:58.200 --> 08:59.400 Do not tell me. 08:59.400 --> 09:01.200 This could only be your sister. 09:01.200 --> 09:02.400 The image of you. 09:02.400 --> 09:04.700 Oh, no, I'm... I'm Dad's mother. 09:04.700 --> 09:06.100 And we can prove it. 09:06.100 --> 09:10.200 Oh, no, no, such a young and charming mother. 09:10.200 --> 09:12.400 Enchanté, madame. 09:12.400 --> 09:14.200 Monsieur. 09:14.200 --> 09:16.000 Uh, this is my father. 09:16.000 --> 09:17.100 How do you do, Monsieur? 09:17.100 --> 09:18.800 I'm fine. 09:18.800 --> 09:20.200 No kiss on the hand. 09:20.200 --> 09:22.800 Your father, he is delightfully amusing, no? 09:22.800 --> 09:23.600 Yeah. 09:23.600 --> 09:25.700 Now, 09:25.700 --> 09:29.000 you have a most charming little home here. 09:29.000 --> 09:31.700 These California bungalows are so cozy. 09:31.700 --> 09:33.600 I love them. 09:33.600 --> 09:35.800 Uh, speaking of love, Professor, don't you think that... 09:35.800 --> 09:38.600 Riley, dinner is served. 09:42.800 --> 09:46.200 Don't you have to be drunk to hold up the Montparnasse? 09:46.200 --> 09:47.800 Well, let's be comfortable. 09:47.800 --> 09:49.000 Sit down, won't you? 09:49.000 --> 09:50.600 Thank you. 09:50.600 --> 09:52.900 Ah, madame Riley, 09:52.900 --> 09:54.400 you are a sublime cook. 09:54.400 --> 09:55.600 Oh, Monsieur. 09:55.600 --> 09:58.900 Uh, excuse me. 09:58.900 --> 10:01.800 Please sit down, Monsieur Riley. 10:01.800 --> 10:04.300 Thank you. 10:04.300 --> 10:06.700 As I was saying, madame Riley, 10:06.700 --> 10:08.700 the cuisine, c'est magnifique. 10:08.700 --> 10:10.100 Oh, thank you, Professor. 10:10.100 --> 10:11.700 Did you really enjoy the pot roast? 10:11.700 --> 10:12.800 Oh, did I enjoy? 10:12.800 --> 10:14.800 Oh, I love Yankee pot roast. 10:14.800 --> 10:16.500 Uh, speaking of love, Professor, don't you think... 10:16.500 --> 10:19.500 That's his mother's special recipe for potato au gratin. 10:19.500 --> 10:20.700 Oh, the pomme de terre. 10:20.700 --> 10:22.500 Oh, I hate so much. 10:22.500 --> 10:24.500 But then I love potatoes. 10:24.500 --> 10:26.500 Uh, speaking of love, Professor, don't you think that when... 10:26.500 --> 10:28.700 I made the coleslaw, Monsieur. 10:28.700 --> 10:29.900 You, Miss Riley? 10:29.900 --> 10:31.300 You have made the coleslaw? 10:31.300 --> 10:33.700 Uh, speaking of coleslaw, Professor, 10:33.700 --> 10:36.100 don't you think that it's impossible for real love 10:36.100 --> 10:38.200 when there's a big difference between ages? 10:38.200 --> 10:39.100 Frankly, no. 10:39.100 --> 10:40.900 Amour, she knows no boundaries. 10:40.900 --> 10:42.600 Neither age nor nationality. 10:42.600 --> 10:44.700 It is what is in the heart that counts. 10:44.700 --> 10:46.900 Oh, I don't know about that. 10:46.900 --> 10:48.000 What do you think, Peg? 10:48.000 --> 10:49.500 Oh, I agree. 10:49.500 --> 10:50.700 You see, she agrees. 10:50.700 --> 10:54.300 I agree with the Professor. 10:54.300 --> 10:55.900 We've been married for 17 years. 10:55.900 --> 10:58.300 What does she know about love? 10:58.300 --> 10:59.700 As a matter of fact, only the other day, 10:59.700 --> 11:01.900 I was reading about a case in Tennessee 11:01.900 --> 11:04.100 where a man 90 years old got married 11:04.100 --> 11:06.100 and the girl was only 15. 11:06.100 --> 11:08.300 Oh, but that often happens. 11:08.300 --> 11:10.100 May, a marriage, December. 11:10.100 --> 11:12.700 Yeah, but wouldn't it be better if May married Morris, 11:12.700 --> 11:13.900 her own age? 11:13.900 --> 11:17.700 After all, he's 90, six times her age. 11:17.700 --> 11:20.700 When she's 30, he'll be... 11:20.700 --> 11:21.700 180. 11:21.700 --> 11:23.300 Oh, Daddy. 11:23.300 --> 11:24.700 She'll want to go out dancing, 11:24.700 --> 11:26.500 but he'll want to stay home with the children. 11:26.500 --> 11:27.700 So what happens? 11:27.700 --> 11:30.900 After one fine day, she elopes with a kid half his age. 11:30.900 --> 11:33.300 Oh, Daddy, a man 180? 11:33.300 --> 11:34.700 It's impossible. 11:34.700 --> 11:36.700 Not in Tennessee, it isn't. 11:36.700 --> 11:39.900 But the Professor gets what I'm driving at, don't he? 11:39.900 --> 11:40.500 Oui. 11:40.500 --> 11:41.300 Oui? 11:41.300 --> 11:45.100 Fine. 11:45.100 --> 11:47.700 Madame, as we say in French, 11:47.700 --> 11:49.500 votre château est très charmant. 11:49.500 --> 11:50.700 Oh, you like the house. 11:50.700 --> 11:51.700 Merci beaucoup. 11:51.700 --> 11:53.300 Vous parlez le français? 11:53.300 --> 11:55.500 Un peu. Je étudie à l'école. 11:55.500 --> 11:57.300 Mais vous parlez très bien. 11:57.300 --> 12:01.300 Je travaille sur un navire français dans mes vacances 12:01.300 --> 12:03.500 quand je suis un jeune fille. 12:03.500 --> 12:05.500 Madame Riley, she speaks French very well. 12:05.500 --> 12:07.900 Well, a little, but I've forgotten most of it. 12:07.900 --> 12:09.100 Oh, you must take lessons. 12:09.100 --> 12:10.900 Within a few months, you will speak fluently. 12:10.900 --> 12:13.100 Oh, lessons at my age? 12:13.100 --> 12:15.100 Mother, Mr. Lafayette tutors privately. 12:15.100 --> 12:17.500 Maybe he could give you lessons. 12:17.500 --> 12:21.100 Well, I think I could find time for just one more pupil. 12:21.100 --> 12:23.300 Oh, could you? I'd love to take French lessons. 12:23.300 --> 12:24.100 We can't afford it. 12:24.100 --> 12:26.100 I'm the only one in the family that's working. 12:26.100 --> 12:26.700 That's right. 12:26.700 --> 12:28.100 We really can't afford it. 12:28.100 --> 12:29.300 That is a pity. 12:29.300 --> 12:30.700 Yeah, ain't it? 12:30.700 --> 12:33.700 But, well, you have been so hospitable. 12:33.700 --> 12:36.900 Perhaps I could exchange the lessons for the dinner. 12:36.900 --> 12:39.900 Oh, we couldn't expect you to trade those valuable lessons 12:39.900 --> 12:41.300 just for some free eats. 12:41.300 --> 12:42.300 Could we, Peg? 12:42.300 --> 12:43.300 No, of course not. 12:43.300 --> 12:44.300 Oh, but why not? 12:44.300 --> 12:46.100 Every night I must eat in the café. 12:46.100 --> 12:48.100 It costs me one, two dollars. 12:48.100 --> 12:50.100 I charge for the lessons, two dollars. 12:50.100 --> 12:52.300 So, I come here twice a week. 12:52.300 --> 12:55.300 I give the lessons, and I have the excellent dinner. 12:55.300 --> 12:56.500 Voilà, just a minute. 12:56.500 --> 12:58.700 Oh, that's a wonderful idea, monsieur. 12:58.700 --> 13:00.100 Oh, I think that's a very deranged idea, 13:00.100 --> 13:01.500 that M. Lafayette doesn't mind. 13:01.500 --> 13:02.700 Oh, why should I mind? 13:02.700 --> 13:04.700 Just a minute. We're going too fast. 13:04.700 --> 13:06.300 What's the matter, daddy? Don't you get it? 13:06.300 --> 13:07.300 I get it, all right. 13:07.300 --> 13:09.100 I'm getting it good, and I don't like it. 13:09.100 --> 13:10.900 But, dear, just the other day you said a woman 13:10.900 --> 13:12.900 should have other interests besides housework. 13:12.900 --> 13:13.500 Yeah, but, Peg... 13:13.500 --> 13:14.500 It's all settled, then. 13:14.500 --> 13:16.700 You'll come to dinner tomorrow night, M. Lafayette. 13:16.700 --> 13:19.700 Okay, monsieur Raleigh. 13:19.700 --> 13:21.500 Please, dear, huh? 13:21.500 --> 13:24.100 Okay, monsieur. 13:24.100 --> 13:25.100 But I'm warning you. 13:25.100 --> 13:27.100 When you're giving my young and charming wife 13:27.100 --> 13:29.300 these valuable French lessons, 13:29.300 --> 13:30.900 just remember one thing. 13:30.900 --> 13:35.300 Lafayette, I am here. 13:35.300 --> 13:37.500 Monsieur Raleigh, il n'est pas ici. Pourquoi? 13:37.500 --> 13:39.500 Oh, daddy will be home any minute. 13:39.500 --> 13:41.500 I thought we ought to eat or the food would spoil. 13:41.500 --> 13:43.700 Ah, ah, ah. Parlez français. 13:43.700 --> 13:44.700 Ah, oui. 13:44.700 --> 13:47.900 Ce soir, on parle seulement français. Entendu? 13:47.900 --> 13:50.100 Tonight, we speak only in French. Oui? 13:50.100 --> 13:51.100 Oui. Bon. 13:51.100 --> 13:52.500 Ah, commencez. 13:52.500 --> 13:53.500 Bon. 13:53.500 --> 13:59.500 Lafayette, I'm home. 13:59.500 --> 14:01.900 The locust is back eating the crops. 14:01.900 --> 14:03.500 Comment ça va, mon père? 14:03.500 --> 14:04.100 What? 14:04.100 --> 14:05.700 Bonsoir, papa. Bonsoir. 14:05.700 --> 14:08.900 Bonsoir, monsieur. Vous êtes arrivé de bonheur. 14:08.900 --> 14:10.300 I ain't got a family anymore. 14:10.300 --> 14:11.500 This is the Foreign Legion. 14:11.500 --> 14:13.500 Oh, but dear, this is a new system 14:13.500 --> 14:14.700 M. Lafayette's trying out. 14:14.700 --> 14:15.700 On the night that he's here, 14:15.700 --> 14:17.900 he wants me to speak only in French. 14:17.900 --> 14:19.100 I won't stand for it. 14:19.100 --> 14:20.900 It's bad enough you're talking French, Peg. 14:20.900 --> 14:22.300 Now the kids are talking it. 14:22.300 --> 14:24.100 What's wrong with that, daddy? 14:24.100 --> 14:25.900 All right, Peg, have it your own way. 14:25.900 --> 14:28.100 But I'm warning you, I got my pay this afternoon, 14:28.100 --> 14:29.100 and if you want any of it, 14:29.100 --> 14:30.500 you better ask for it in English, 14:30.500 --> 14:32.100 or else I'll pay you off in French. 14:32.100 --> 14:35.100 Oh, daddy, you're a scream. 14:35.100 --> 14:36.100 What are you laughing at? 14:36.100 --> 14:37.900 This is all your fault. 14:37.900 --> 14:41.500 Monsieur Raleigh, comment allez-vous? 14:41.500 --> 14:43.100 I am not going into the alley. 14:43.100 --> 14:44.300 I'm staying right here. 14:44.300 --> 14:46.300 Let's eat. Bon. 14:46.300 --> 14:48.100 Bon for you, meat for me. 14:48.100 --> 14:49.700 Dear, that's your favorite salad. 14:49.700 --> 14:50.900 Ah, ah, ah, ah. 14:50.900 --> 14:53.100 Ce soir, on parle seulement français. 14:53.100 --> 14:53.700 Entendu? 14:53.700 --> 14:54.500 Oui. 14:54.500 --> 14:56.100 Pass the pepper. 14:56.100 --> 14:57.500 Alors, dites-moi, madame, 14:57.500 --> 14:59.100 qu'est-ce que vous avez fait aujourd'hui? 14:59.100 --> 15:01.500 Aujourd'hui, je me suis levée de bonne heure. 15:01.500 --> 15:02.500 Would you please pass the pepper? 15:02.500 --> 15:05.500 Et après, je suis allée au bon marché. 15:05.500 --> 15:07.500 Et qu'est-ce que vous avez acheté là? 15:07.500 --> 15:09.900 Je l'ai acheté des légumes, des beurres, 15:09.900 --> 15:11.700 des pommes de terre, des salades. 15:11.700 --> 15:15.100 Polizei, passez de pepore. 15:15.100 --> 15:16.900 Which one do you want, the Times or the News? 15:16.900 --> 15:18.300 Not the paper, the pepore. 15:18.300 --> 15:19.500 I'm talking French. 15:19.500 --> 15:21.900 Oh, daddy. 15:21.900 --> 15:22.700 That settles it. 15:22.700 --> 15:25.100 I don't have to stay here and be laughed at in my own house. 15:25.100 --> 15:26.300 Oh, Raleigh, where are you going? 15:26.300 --> 15:27.500 I'm getting out of here. 15:27.500 --> 15:29.900 I'm going to eat over in Lum Fung's Ming Toy Gardens, 15:29.900 --> 15:32.500 where everybody's a 100% American. 15:32.500 --> 15:33.300 Bon sour. 15:33.300 --> 15:34.700 Oh, Raleigh, please sit down. 15:34.700 --> 15:35.700 No. 15:41.100 --> 15:44.300 What a revolting development this is. 15:44.300 --> 15:46.900 That Monsieur Lafayette. 15:46.900 --> 15:49.900 I wish I could think of some good way to ship him back to France. 15:49.900 --> 15:51.500 I know a very cheap way. 15:51.500 --> 15:52.700 Believe me. 15:52.700 --> 15:55.300 Who's that? 15:55.300 --> 15:59.900 It is I, Digby O'Dell, the friendly undertaker. 15:59.900 --> 16:01.300 Hello, Digger. 16:01.300 --> 16:02.700 What are you doing here in the park? 16:02.700 --> 16:05.500 Well, I was just taking a stroll around the pond. 16:05.500 --> 16:09.100 I enjoy listening to the frogs croak. 16:09.100 --> 16:12.900 But why are you here, all alone, separated from your dear one? 16:12.900 --> 16:14.700 I got troubles, Digger. 16:14.700 --> 16:15.900 Do you speak French? 16:15.900 --> 16:17.900 No, only Latin and Greek. 16:17.900 --> 16:20.700 I prefer the dead languages. 16:20.700 --> 16:23.100 What's plaguing you, dear chum? 16:23.100 --> 16:26.900 Ah, there's some French guy comes to my house and gives Peg French lessons. 16:26.900 --> 16:28.700 He comes twice a week. 16:28.700 --> 16:29.700 I hate Frenchmen. 16:29.700 --> 16:32.500 Oh, you must be tolerant of all nationalities, Raleigh. 16:32.500 --> 16:33.500 Now, take me. 16:33.500 --> 16:36.100 Frenchmen, Swedes, Italians, Americans. 16:36.100 --> 16:37.700 I make no distinction. 16:37.700 --> 16:41.100 I put everybody on the same level. 16:41.100 --> 16:43.300 Yeah, but I think Peg's got a crush on him. 16:43.300 --> 16:45.300 You know, these foreigners have a way with women. 16:45.300 --> 16:47.300 Oh, yes, I know just what you mean. 16:47.300 --> 16:51.700 Once my wife had a crush on a crafty young Arab, Harry Ben Massa. 16:51.700 --> 16:53.900 But I put an end to that. 16:53.900 --> 16:54.900 What happened? 16:54.900 --> 17:00.300 Massa's in the cold, cold ground. 17:00.300 --> 17:03.100 Wish I could think of some way to take care of that Lafayette. 17:03.100 --> 17:05.500 You must flatly forbid him to come to the house. 17:05.500 --> 17:08.300 Tell him you've had enough of his gallant charm. 17:08.300 --> 17:09.500 You're right. 17:09.500 --> 17:10.900 I'm going to tell him off. 17:10.900 --> 17:12.500 I'm going to put him in his place. 17:12.500 --> 17:14.500 And if you fail, come to me. 17:14.500 --> 17:18.100 I know just the place to put him. 17:18.100 --> 17:20.500 The next time he comes will be the last time. 17:20.500 --> 17:22.500 Be tactful, but firm. 17:22.500 --> 17:24.100 I know just what to do. 17:24.100 --> 17:25.500 I'll stand right near the door. 17:25.500 --> 17:27.900 And when he knocks, I'll open it, grab him by the seat of the pants, 17:27.900 --> 17:30.100 and say, aurevoir, monsieur. 17:30.100 --> 17:31.300 Bully? 17:31.300 --> 17:32.500 What does that mean? 17:32.500 --> 17:34.500 That means goodbye in French. 17:34.500 --> 17:36.100 Then I have a suggestion. 17:36.100 --> 17:39.500 Why not confront him and say, digger o'dell? 17:39.500 --> 17:40.500 Digger o'dell? 17:40.500 --> 17:43.100 Goodbye in any language. 17:43.100 --> 17:47.500 Well, Junior, I'd better be shoveling off. 17:55.300 --> 17:57.100 Now that's what I want you to do. 17:57.100 --> 17:58.300 Now, have you got it straight? 17:58.300 --> 17:59.900 Yeah. I watch out the window. 17:59.900 --> 18:03.100 When the professor shows up, I open the door quick so he doesn't ring the bell. 18:03.100 --> 18:04.100 That's it. 18:04.100 --> 18:06.700 And don't tell your mother he's here until I finish my business with him. 18:06.700 --> 18:08.700 What's up, Pop? 18:08.700 --> 18:12.100 Well, Junior, you'll understand this better when you're a married man. 18:12.100 --> 18:15.100 See, people say that we're civilized. 18:15.100 --> 18:17.500 But we still have to live by the law of the jungle, 18:17.500 --> 18:20.300 where every beast protects his own nest. 18:20.300 --> 18:22.900 Now, you may look on me as your father, 18:22.900 --> 18:25.700 but underneath, I'm really a beast. 18:27.500 --> 18:28.900 Hey, Pop, here he comes now. 18:28.900 --> 18:30.100 Good. He's here early. 18:30.100 --> 18:31.500 I'll open the door for him myself. 18:31.500 --> 18:32.500 Now, you watch this. 18:32.500 --> 18:35.500 It'll be good experience for you. 18:39.300 --> 18:41.500 Come in, Professor. 18:41.500 --> 18:43.300 Ah, bonsoir, Monsieur Riley. 18:43.300 --> 18:44.500 Madame, she is home? 18:44.500 --> 18:45.500 No. 18:45.500 --> 18:47.300 And keep your voice down. I got a headache. 18:47.300 --> 18:48.500 Oh, I am so sorry. 18:48.500 --> 18:50.100 But she listened to Madame. 18:50.100 --> 18:52.700 There ain't gonna be no lessons. You're through. 18:52.700 --> 18:54.300 But I do not understand. 18:54.300 --> 18:55.900 Perhaps you are not satisfied. 18:55.900 --> 18:57.700 We are not making enough progress. 18:57.700 --> 18:59.500 We're making enough progress, all right. 18:59.500 --> 19:01.500 We're making too much progress. 19:01.500 --> 19:02.500 But what is wrong? 19:02.500 --> 19:05.500 I'm sick of you and your fancy French ways. 19:05.500 --> 19:07.300 Oh, but, Monsieur. 19:07.300 --> 19:10.500 I've seen you operate, coming in here, gobbling up the free eats, 19:10.500 --> 19:12.900 and munching on my wife's fingers for dessert. 19:12.900 --> 19:15.700 Oh, but that is merely a continental custom. 19:15.700 --> 19:16.500 In Paris, we... 19:16.500 --> 19:18.300 Don't tell me anything about Paris. 19:18.300 --> 19:19.900 I know all about Paris. 19:19.900 --> 19:22.500 I had some friends of mine in the army over there. 19:22.500 --> 19:23.900 I was overage. 19:23.900 --> 19:26.700 But some of the things they wrote me, I almost enlisted myself. 19:26.700 --> 19:27.900 Oh, just a minute, young... 19:27.900 --> 19:30.700 I'm wise to you, you and your golly charm, 19:30.700 --> 19:33.300 sneaking into happy families and trying to break them up. 19:33.300 --> 19:36.100 My wife don't want no part of you, and I don't want no part of you. 19:36.100 --> 19:37.700 You have the nerve. 19:37.700 --> 19:39.100 You dare accuse me of... 19:39.100 --> 19:41.300 I'm not accusing you, I'm telling you. 19:41.300 --> 19:42.100 Now beat it. 19:42.100 --> 19:44.700 Don't push me. Don't push me. 19:44.700 --> 19:46.100 Well, tell me not to push you. 19:46.100 --> 19:49.700 I'll punch you in your pretty face, and I'm the boy that can do it. 19:49.700 --> 19:52.300 You're a fat-ass mustache. 19:52.300 --> 19:53.900 Junior, whose side are you on? 19:53.900 --> 19:55.100 I... 19:55.100 --> 19:56.300 Wait a minute. 19:56.300 --> 19:58.900 Somebody said... 19:58.900 --> 20:01.300 You said your father's mustache. 20:01.300 --> 20:03.300 You speak perfect English. 20:03.300 --> 20:04.500 I was just speaking... 20:04.500 --> 20:07.300 I was just using the American idiom. 20:07.300 --> 20:12.700 I might be an American idiot, but I know Brooklyn when I hear it. 20:12.700 --> 20:13.900 Okay, Mac. 20:13.900 --> 20:15.100 You win. 20:15.100 --> 20:17.300 But please, this is confidential. 20:17.300 --> 20:18.700 I wasn't born in France. 20:18.700 --> 20:19.900 I just studied there. 20:19.900 --> 20:21.300 I'm from Brooklyn. 20:21.300 --> 20:24.500 My real name is Andy Lafferty. 20:24.500 --> 20:25.900 Andy Lafferty? 20:25.900 --> 20:28.100 Ha! Andy Lafferty! 20:28.100 --> 20:29.900 You mean that you're not a French... 20:29.900 --> 20:31.300 That you're from Brooklyn? 20:31.300 --> 20:32.900 Andy Lafferty? 20:32.900 --> 20:35.100 Hey, Peg! Peg, come here quick! 20:35.100 --> 20:36.900 What's going on here? 20:36.900 --> 20:38.700 Ah, bonsoir, monsieur! 20:38.700 --> 20:40.700 Yeah, bonsoir, monsieur! 20:40.700 --> 20:42.100 Daddy, what's the big joke? 20:42.100 --> 20:43.300 I'll tell you what the j... 20:43.300 --> 20:44.900 I'll show you what the joke is. 20:44.900 --> 20:46.300 Go ahead, monsieur. 20:46.300 --> 20:47.700 Say those three little words. 20:47.700 --> 20:49.500 What words? 20:49.500 --> 20:50.700 Go ahead. 20:50.700 --> 20:52.500 Or I'll tell the school board. 20:52.500 --> 20:56.500 What words did you say, monsieur? 20:56.500 --> 20:58.500 I a fat-ass mustache. 20:58.500 --> 21:00.100 Monsieur! 21:00.100 --> 21:02.500 You speak just like Raleigh. 21:02.500 --> 21:05.100 Now he's got as much charm as I got. 21:05.100 --> 21:07.700 What a revolting development this is! 21:07.700 --> 21:08.700 Oui, oui! 21:08.700 --> 21:10.100 Well, I guess I'd better scram. 21:10.100 --> 21:11.700 Wait a minute, Andy! Not on your life! 21:11.700 --> 21:13.900 You're staying right here and having dinner with us. 21:13.900 --> 21:15.500 And don't worry about your secret. 21:15.500 --> 21:17.500 We'll keep it strictly confidential. 21:17.500 --> 21:19.700 And you can have dinner here any time you want. 21:19.700 --> 21:21.300 Yeah, but I... but I thought... 21:21.300 --> 21:22.300 You said... 21:22.300 --> 21:23.900 Don't worry about that, Andy. 21:23.900 --> 21:26.100 That was before, when I thought you were a Frenchman. 21:26.100 --> 21:28.500 But now that I know you're a phony from Brooklyn, 21:28.500 --> 21:30.500 we're pals for life! 21:30.500 --> 21:31.900 C'est vrai, de grève! 21:31.900 --> 21:34.900 Dinner's on the table, Raleigh. 21:34.900 --> 21:35.900 Ah! 21:35.900 --> 21:36.900 Ha, ha, ha! 21:36.900 --> 21:38.100 Say, you know something, Andy? 21:38.100 --> 21:40.300 I might take some of those French lessons myself. 21:40.300 --> 21:42.100 I don't mean to talk the language only. 21:42.100 --> 21:43.300 You know, some of those customs, 21:43.300 --> 21:45.300 like bowing and nibbling on the lady fingers. 21:45.300 --> 21:47.100 Oh, Raleigh, I can see you! 21:47.100 --> 21:49.100 I can do it just as good as Andy, I bet. 21:49.100 --> 21:50.100 Here, give me a pour. I'll show you. 21:50.100 --> 21:51.500 Oh, Raleigh, stop it! 21:51.500 --> 21:52.900 Ow! You bit me! 21:52.900 --> 21:55.900 Oh, excusez-moi, madame! 21:55.900 --> 21:58.900 Or as we say in French, pardon me, babe. 21:58.900 --> 22:05.900 Ha, ha, ha! 22:28.900 --> 22:34.900 Ha, ha, ha!