WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:20.220 It's the new, the great, the different, the Martin & Lewis Show! 00:20.220 --> 00:24.220 The National Broadcasting Company brings you the new Martin & Lewis Show! 00:24.220 --> 00:29.240 Our guest tonight, Lucille Ball and featuring Eileen Woods, Flo McMichael, Dick Stabele and 00:29.240 --> 00:49.720 his orchestra and starring Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis! 00:49.720 --> 00:54.200 As you know ladies and gentlemen, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis are two young men who overnight 00:54.200 --> 00:56.580 have become the nation's comedy hit. 00:56.580 --> 00:57.920 But let's get on with the show. 00:57.920 --> 01:02.160 We take you now to the apartment of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis where we find the boys getting 01:02.160 --> 01:07.160 ready, somewhat nervously, to go to the NBC studios for their first radio show. 01:07.160 --> 01:16.040 There's a tree in the meadow with a stream drifting by. 01:16.040 --> 01:19.040 Answer the phone Jerry, I'm tying my tie. 01:19.040 --> 01:28.240 Okay Dean, there's a tree in the meadow with a stream drifting by. 01:28.240 --> 01:31.320 I could never be a big singer like Crosby. 01:31.320 --> 01:32.320 Well why not? 01:32.320 --> 01:35.600 I sound too much like Dean. 01:35.600 --> 01:40.800 Oh, it must be NBC again. 01:40.800 --> 01:41.800 What cowards we are. 01:41.800 --> 01:44.240 Why are we afraid to do our own radio show? 01:44.240 --> 01:46.680 After all, how big an egg can we lay? 01:46.680 --> 01:47.680 How big? 01:47.680 --> 01:51.960 Well, if we took a large hen and got it to hold back for two years. 01:51.960 --> 01:58.160 Alright Jerry, alright. 01:58.160 --> 02:00.640 We've been acting like two frightened mice all day. 02:00.640 --> 02:03.240 We've got an ironclad contract to do the show. 02:03.240 --> 02:05.240 We gotta talk to NBC sometime. 02:05.240 --> 02:06.240 You're right. 02:06.240 --> 02:07.240 I'm not a frightened mouse. 02:07.240 --> 02:08.240 Answer the phone. 02:08.240 --> 02:14.240 Oh come on Jerry, you answer it. 02:14.240 --> 02:17.160 Dean Martin, I will tell you why I will not answer the phone. 02:17.160 --> 02:19.680 Indubitably, that is a call from NBC. 02:19.680 --> 02:23.800 And it is indubitably they want to know where the H-E-C-K we are because they are spending 02:23.800 --> 02:31.080 thousands and thousands of dollars and money to build a sensational comedy and musical 02:31.080 --> 02:32.800 extravagance around us. 02:32.800 --> 02:37.520 And if they think we are that important, why don't they call us? 02:37.520 --> 02:40.680 Jerry, they are calling us. 02:40.680 --> 02:42.560 Who else could it be besides NBC? 02:42.560 --> 02:46.160 Well, it could be a wrong number, a quiz show. 02:46.160 --> 02:47.160 Hey, a quiz show. 02:47.160 --> 02:50.560 They give you money just for answering a few questions. 02:50.560 --> 02:51.560 Give me that phone. 02:51.560 --> 02:54.920 Hello, 1492 Marie Antoinette and sulfuric acid. 02:54.920 --> 02:57.920 Ship the money. 02:57.920 --> 03:02.880 Now come on Jerry, we gotta get down to NBC right away. 03:02.880 --> 03:03.880 Let's go. 03:03.880 --> 03:04.880 Dean. 03:04.880 --> 03:05.880 Yeah? 03:05.880 --> 03:06.880 I'm scared. 03:06.880 --> 03:07.880 Look, we've done alright so far. 03:07.880 --> 03:08.880 We shouldn't be afraid. 03:08.880 --> 03:10.560 We did alright in nightclubs, didn't we? 03:10.560 --> 03:14.280 Yeah, but those people paid ten dollar cover charge so they had to like us. 03:14.280 --> 03:17.920 But at a radio show, the audience gets in free and at those prices, they can afford 03:17.920 --> 03:18.920 to hate us. 03:18.920 --> 03:24.960 Because there's nothing cheaper than something that doesn't cost very much. 03:24.960 --> 03:28.160 I always say. 03:28.160 --> 03:33.520 Indubitably, but come on Jerry, get dressed. 03:33.520 --> 03:37.600 Okay, I should wear my new sport coat, which the man said was good for town or country 03:37.600 --> 03:39.520 and just perfect for the beach. 03:39.520 --> 03:40.520 What is it, gabardine? 03:40.520 --> 03:41.520 No, wet sand. 03:41.520 --> 03:46.240 Jerry, you're just Stalin. 03:46.240 --> 03:47.240 That's impossible. 03:47.240 --> 03:52.520 Stalin's a big man in Russia and Russia's a big country full of places like Valdastovostok. 03:52.520 --> 03:56.400 And they laugh. 03:56.400 --> 04:00.520 And the Niper and he's a big important man and if he thinks I'm impersonating him, he'll 04:00.520 --> 04:04.420 get mad and come and get me and send me to Siberia and it's full of ice and snow and 04:04.420 --> 04:05.920 sleet and Dean. 04:05.920 --> 04:06.920 Yeah? 04:06.920 --> 04:07.920 I'm cold. 04:07.920 --> 04:12.640 Jerry, you and I are going to NBC and do that program. 04:12.640 --> 04:13.640 What are you scared of? 04:13.640 --> 04:16.200 When we played the Copacabana in New York, they laughed at us. 04:16.200 --> 04:19.060 When we played the Shaperee in Chicago, they laughed at us. 04:19.060 --> 04:23.600 And when we came out here and asked for a radio job, they laughed at us. 04:23.600 --> 04:24.680 They didn't laugh at us. 04:24.680 --> 04:26.120 They signed us up. 04:26.120 --> 04:27.120 They want us. 04:27.120 --> 04:28.560 Jerry, we got to do this radio show. 04:28.560 --> 04:29.560 Who knows? 04:29.560 --> 04:31.120 This could make us famous. 04:31.120 --> 04:32.400 Yeah, famous. 04:32.400 --> 04:34.080 We could even become important actors. 04:34.080 --> 04:35.800 Yeah, important actors. 04:35.800 --> 04:38.880 Our names in lights, celebrities, stars in pictures. 04:38.880 --> 04:42.040 Yeah, names in lights, celebrities, stars in pictures. 04:42.040 --> 04:43.480 I can see it all. 04:43.480 --> 04:44.480 Big hits in nightclubs. 04:44.480 --> 04:45.720 We're famous. 04:45.720 --> 04:46.880 Everybody wants us. 04:46.880 --> 04:49.120 Hal Wallace signed us for a Paramount picture. 04:49.120 --> 04:51.040 NBC signed us for a radio show. 04:51.040 --> 04:57.080 We flopped. 04:57.080 --> 04:58.080 Nobody wants us. 04:58.080 --> 04:59.560 Hal Wallace won't speak to us. 04:59.560 --> 05:00.760 Paramount hates us. 05:00.760 --> 05:02.200 We spend our savings. 05:02.200 --> 05:03.200 We can't get work. 05:03.200 --> 05:05.340 We're tramping the streets, starving. 05:05.340 --> 05:08.280 We stop and press our noses against the bakery window. 05:08.280 --> 05:09.280 Dean. 05:09.280 --> 05:10.280 What? 05:10.280 --> 05:11.280 I'm hungry. 05:11.280 --> 05:19.800 Tell me, Jerry, did Whitaker Chambers ever hide any papers in your head? 05:19.800 --> 05:24.960 Well, it ain't my fault. 05:24.960 --> 05:28.400 I don't have my head with me all the time, you know. 05:28.400 --> 05:30.800 Let's answer it. 05:30.800 --> 05:31.800 Hello? 05:31.800 --> 05:32.800 Hello. 05:32.800 --> 05:33.800 Who is this speaking, please? 05:33.800 --> 05:35.520 Jerry. 05:35.520 --> 05:39.760 Jerry, you have to take the phone off of the hook. 05:39.760 --> 05:42.400 Yeah, when did they do that? 05:42.400 --> 05:43.400 Okay. 05:43.400 --> 05:44.400 Hello? 05:44.400 --> 05:46.320 Why aren't you guys down here at NBC? 05:46.320 --> 05:47.680 They're going nuts down here. 05:47.680 --> 05:49.080 Oh, it's a region. 05:49.080 --> 05:53.320 Well, it's not your maiden ant in Minneapolis. 05:53.320 --> 05:54.440 Everyone's waiting to do the program. 05:54.440 --> 05:55.960 You guys are messing up the whole thing. 05:55.960 --> 05:57.960 Now listen, I can explain everything. 05:57.960 --> 05:58.960 Good. 05:58.960 --> 05:59.960 Start with you. 05:59.960 --> 06:04.080 Now listen, boys, don't ruin everything. 06:04.080 --> 06:06.200 This radio show means a lot to us. 06:06.200 --> 06:09.480 Your careers, my commission. 06:09.480 --> 06:11.120 You think I don't care about the show? 06:11.120 --> 06:12.120 I do. 06:12.120 --> 06:14.200 After all, I gotta live too. 06:14.200 --> 06:16.800 I can think of a loophole in that argument. 06:16.800 --> 06:19.360 Oh, how you aggravate me. 06:19.360 --> 06:22.560 Okay, Abby, we'll be right down there. 06:22.560 --> 06:23.560 We can't leave yet, Jerry. 06:23.560 --> 06:24.680 I gotta rehearse my number. 06:24.680 --> 06:25.680 It's a romantic number. 06:25.680 --> 06:28.400 I wish I had a girl to sing it to, you know, to get me in the mood. 06:28.400 --> 06:32.200 I'll be a girl if you promise to respect me. 06:32.200 --> 06:36.240 Sing to me. 06:36.240 --> 06:40.640 I'm a great movie star and a princess of far off India. 06:40.640 --> 06:41.640 Really? 06:41.640 --> 06:43.120 What princess of India are you? 06:43.120 --> 06:44.120 Rita Hayworth. 06:44.120 --> 06:50.760 You're, you're Rita Hayworth, but you're not even on the road to being a princess of 06:50.760 --> 06:51.760 India. 06:51.760 --> 06:58.720 I'm not on the road, but I'm sure following the right alley. 06:58.720 --> 07:05.000 See, the idea of this gag, see, the idea of this gag is that, well, alley is an alley 07:05.000 --> 07:07.480 in the street, see, A-L-L-E-Y. 07:07.480 --> 07:11.880 But when you say alley, A-L-I, that's like the prince that is gonna marry Rita Hayworth. 07:11.880 --> 07:16.200 It's all combined into one joke, and it's so funny, this kind of, look how they're staring 07:16.200 --> 07:17.200 at me. 07:17.200 --> 07:18.200 See, Dean? 07:18.200 --> 07:19.200 Everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody. 07:19.200 --> 07:23.480 See, Dean, everybody hates me. 07:23.480 --> 07:26.240 Ah, Jerry, relax. 07:26.240 --> 07:27.240 Have faith in me. 07:27.240 --> 07:29.240 We'll do all right on the radio show. 07:29.240 --> 07:32.840 That's all right for you to say, but I haven't thought up any jokes to tell the people. 07:32.840 --> 07:34.080 Oh, you'll think of something. 07:34.080 --> 07:35.080 What about me? 07:35.080 --> 07:37.120 I haven't even rehearsed my song. 07:37.120 --> 07:38.760 I don't even know if I'm in good voice. 07:38.760 --> 07:40.260 Well, go ahead, sing. 07:40.260 --> 07:41.260 Give yourself a clue. 07:41.260 --> 08:00.360 Oh, you won't be satisfied till you break my heart. 08:00.360 --> 08:06.920 You're never satisfied till a tear drops down. 08:06.920 --> 08:14.000 I've tried to shower you with love and kisses. 08:14.000 --> 08:18.800 But all I ever get from you is nagging and bragging, 08:18.800 --> 08:24.920 But pull out a second the way you toss my heart around. 08:24.920 --> 08:27.600 A crying shame. 08:27.600 --> 08:34.840 Well I'll bet you wouldn't like it if I did the same. 08:34.840 --> 08:41.760 You're only happy tearing all my dreams apart. 08:41.760 --> 08:47.840 You won't be satisfied till you break my heart. 08:47.840 --> 08:54.880 Oh, you won't be satisfied till you break my heart. 08:54.880 --> 09:01.320 You're never satisfied till a tear drops down. 09:01.320 --> 09:08.320 I've tried to shower you with love and kisses. 09:08.320 --> 09:13.280 But all I ever get from you is nagging and bragging, 09:13.280 --> 09:19.800 But pull out a second the way you toss my heart around. 09:19.800 --> 09:22.160 It's a crying shame. 09:22.160 --> 09:29.400 Well I'll bet you wouldn't like it if I did the same. 09:29.400 --> 09:36.320 You're only happy tearing all my dreams apart. 09:36.320 --> 09:47.800 You won't be satisfied until you break my heart. 09:47.800 --> 10:01.040 Dean, I know you want my opinion of your rendition 10:01.040 --> 10:03.600 and I cannot tell a lie, it was magnificent. 10:03.600 --> 10:06.400 Oh well, come on, let's go. 10:06.400 --> 10:07.640 Oh, not so fast. 10:07.640 --> 10:09.200 Let me take a look at you first. 10:09.200 --> 10:10.200 Stand up. 10:10.200 --> 10:11.200 Wash your hands. 10:11.200 --> 10:12.200 Yes, partner. 10:12.200 --> 10:13.200 Wash your face. 10:13.200 --> 10:14.200 Yes, sir. 10:14.200 --> 10:15.200 Behind your ears. 10:15.200 --> 10:16.200 Look, I'm just going to a broadcast. 10:16.200 --> 10:19.200 I'm not going to get married. 10:19.200 --> 10:21.560 Anyway, what about you? 10:21.560 --> 10:22.560 Did you bathe? 10:22.560 --> 10:24.760 Well of course, I take a bath every day. 10:24.760 --> 10:26.560 You take a bath every day? 10:26.560 --> 10:28.640 Well of course. 10:28.640 --> 10:33.840 Oh Dean, I'm so unworthy of you. 10:33.840 --> 10:37.800 Now you talk like that, what do people think? 10:37.800 --> 10:40.280 When was the last time you took a bath? 10:40.280 --> 10:41.280 In a tub? 10:41.280 --> 10:42.280 Yes. 10:42.280 --> 10:43.280 With soap? 10:43.280 --> 10:44.280 Yes. 10:44.280 --> 10:46.320 With water? 10:46.320 --> 10:47.320 Yes. 10:47.320 --> 10:53.160 Oh Dean, I'm so unworthy of you. 10:53.160 --> 10:55.200 Oh let's get out of this apartment and go to NVC. 10:55.200 --> 10:56.200 Who is it? 10:56.200 --> 10:57.200 It's the maid. 10:57.200 --> 11:03.200 I have to come in and clean the apartment. 11:03.200 --> 11:06.600 Well okay, come on in, we're just leaving anyway. 11:06.600 --> 11:09.200 Gee, look at the load of equipment she's carrying. 11:09.200 --> 11:11.360 I never saw such a stack of stuff in my life. 11:11.360 --> 11:13.440 Here, let me help you before you drop it, miss. 11:13.440 --> 11:16.520 I can put it down myself, thank you. 11:16.520 --> 11:33.080 Now let me help you with the other arm full. 11:33.080 --> 11:37.960 Oh my goodness, just look at the condition of this room. 11:37.960 --> 11:38.960 Huh? 11:38.960 --> 11:39.960 What's the matter with it? 11:39.960 --> 11:40.960 It's clean. 11:40.960 --> 11:45.160 Well that's a break for you then, you have no work to do. 11:45.160 --> 11:47.280 I don't have any work to do. 11:47.280 --> 11:48.280 That's fine. 11:48.280 --> 11:51.720 I'm the maid and I'm supposed to clean the apartments every day. 11:51.720 --> 11:54.680 And if your apartment isn't dirty then I don't have to clean it. 11:54.680 --> 11:58.440 And if I don't have to clean your apartment I won't have anything to do for a half hour. 11:58.440 --> 12:01.400 So I'll go out in the hall and I'll light a cigarette and the manager will smell the 12:01.400 --> 12:04.440 smoke and he'll come up to me and he'll say, what are you doing smoking a cigarette in 12:04.440 --> 12:05.440 the hall? 12:05.440 --> 12:06.440 And I'll say, I haven't anything to do right now. 12:06.440 --> 12:07.440 And he'll say, why aren't you cleaning the apartments? 12:07.440 --> 12:08.440 And I'll say, I didn't have to clean the apartments. 12:08.440 --> 12:13.200 And he'll say, oh you don't have to clean the apartments, hon. 12:13.200 --> 12:19.600 He'll get mad and fire me and all because your apartment is clean. 12:19.600 --> 12:22.640 It's people like you that cause unemployment. 12:22.640 --> 12:27.000 Miss, there's one thing I don't understand. 12:27.000 --> 12:28.000 What's that? 12:28.000 --> 12:29.000 Are you for real? 12:29.000 --> 12:33.720 Miss, we're not trying to get you fired. 12:33.720 --> 12:34.840 Do the best you can. 12:34.840 --> 12:35.840 We have to leave. 12:35.840 --> 12:36.840 Come on, Jory, let's go. 12:36.840 --> 12:37.840 Okay. 12:37.840 --> 12:38.840 Miss, I'm sorry. 12:38.840 --> 12:39.840 Oh my goodness. 12:39.840 --> 12:40.840 Now what? 12:40.840 --> 12:41.840 There's a discrepancy in the bathroom. 12:41.840 --> 12:42.840 A what? 12:42.840 --> 12:43.840 One of you has to get married. 12:43.840 --> 12:44.840 The tiles say his and hers and you're a his and his. 12:44.840 --> 12:45.840 Okay, okay, look, just put in two his's. 12:45.840 --> 12:46.840 That'll fix it. 12:46.840 --> 12:47.840 Oh, it's not as simple as that. 12:47.840 --> 12:48.840 If I give you another his then I'll have an extra hers. 12:48.840 --> 12:49.840 And at the end of the week I'll have 148 his's and 149 hers's. 12:49.840 --> 12:50.840 Miss, I'm sorry. 12:50.840 --> 12:51.840 I'm sorry. 12:51.840 --> 12:52.840 I'm sorry. 12:52.840 --> 12:53.840 I'm sorry. 12:53.840 --> 12:54.840 I'm sorry. 12:54.840 --> 12:55.840 I'm sorry. 12:55.840 --> 12:56.840 I'm sorry. 12:56.840 --> 12:57.840 I'm sorry. 12:57.840 --> 12:58.840 I'm sorry. 12:58.840 --> 12:59.840 I'm sorry. 12:59.840 --> 13:00.840 I'm sorry. 13:00.840 --> 13:01.840 I'm sorry. 13:01.840 --> 13:02.840 I'm sorry. 13:02.840 --> 13:03.840 I'm sorry. 13:03.840 --> 13:07.840 And at the end of the week I'll have 148 his's and 149 hers's. 13:07.840 --> 13:11.840 And the manager won't know why there's more hers's than his's because he doesn't know 13:11.840 --> 13:16.840 how many he's's and she's's there in the building anyway. 13:16.840 --> 13:18.840 Okay, take all the towels out. 13:18.840 --> 13:19.840 All of them. 13:19.840 --> 13:22.840 From now on we'll dry on newspapers. 13:22.840 --> 13:26.840 Well, the next thing on my list is dusting. 13:26.840 --> 13:28.840 I'll start with a dresser. 13:28.840 --> 13:29.840 Don't touch that bottom drawer. 13:29.840 --> 13:30.840 Why not? 13:30.840 --> 13:31.840 Because that's where I keep my kittens. 13:31.840 --> 13:33.840 Hey, not the top drawer either. 13:33.840 --> 13:35.840 What's in the top drawer? 13:35.840 --> 13:36.840 Catnip. 13:36.840 --> 13:41.840 Well, what's to prevent the cats in the bottom drawer from going up to the top drawer and 13:41.840 --> 13:42.840 eating the catnip? 13:42.840 --> 13:46.840 In the middle drawer, bulldogs. 13:46.840 --> 13:52.840 My, you're odd people. 13:52.840 --> 13:55.840 We ain't odd. 13:55.840 --> 13:57.840 We're entertainers. 13:57.840 --> 14:02.840 We're Martin and Lewis and we got a radio show to do in a few minutes. 14:02.840 --> 14:04.840 Oh, you're on the radio. 14:04.840 --> 14:05.840 What do you do? 14:05.840 --> 14:07.840 Well, one of us is a singer. 14:07.840 --> 14:09.840 And the other guy's the funniest comedian you ever heard. 14:09.840 --> 14:18.840 Tells big jokes, kills the people, gets big laughs. 14:18.840 --> 14:20.840 Witch is witch. 14:20.840 --> 14:32.840 Well, come on, Jerry. 14:32.840 --> 14:33.840 Let's go to NBC. 14:33.840 --> 14:42.840 Stand in line, folks, for the Martin and Lewis show. 14:42.840 --> 14:44.840 The line will move inside the studio in a few moments. 14:44.840 --> 14:45.840 Come on, Miranda. 14:45.840 --> 14:47.840 Stand in line over here. 14:47.840 --> 14:50.840 Well, all right, but I don't understand, Henrietta. 14:50.840 --> 14:52.840 Who are Martin and Lewis? 14:52.840 --> 14:55.840 Well, my goodness, where have you been, Miranda? 14:55.840 --> 14:56.840 Well, they're famous. 14:56.840 --> 14:57.840 Oh. 14:57.840 --> 15:02.840 My husband was the conductor on the train they came out here on and he heard that the 15:02.840 --> 15:06.840 greatest entertainers New York ever saw were Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. 15:06.840 --> 15:09.840 Who told your husband that, Henrietta? 15:09.840 --> 15:12.840 Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. 15:12.840 --> 15:13.840 Pardon me, ladies. 15:13.840 --> 15:15.840 Can you tell me how to get into the Martin and Lewis show? 15:15.840 --> 15:18.840 Oh, stand behind us, young man, and we'll get the best seats. 15:18.840 --> 15:23.840 You know, we always come to see these new comedians the very first week because 15:23.840 --> 15:29.840 usually they don't last for a second week. 15:29.840 --> 15:30.840 They don't, huh? 15:30.840 --> 15:31.840 Well, you don't know Martin and Lewis. 15:31.840 --> 15:35.840 They're the best comedians in the world and I say that for two reasons, red and 15:35.840 --> 15:38.840 butter. 15:38.840 --> 15:41.840 You know, I'm anxious to see that handsome Dean Martin. 15:41.840 --> 15:43.840 You know, Miranda. 15:43.840 --> 15:48.840 That Dean Martin is just the whole show as far as I'm concerned. 15:48.840 --> 15:50.840 He really has talent. 15:50.840 --> 15:51.840 Now, wait a minute, lady. 15:51.840 --> 15:53.840 It takes two to make a team, you know. 15:53.840 --> 15:56.840 It takes two to make a team, Martin and Lewis. 15:56.840 --> 15:57.840 That's the team. 15:57.840 --> 15:58.840 They've got to stick together. 15:58.840 --> 15:59.840 That's the way it is with any team. 15:59.840 --> 16:01.840 Without Fibber, where would Molly be? 16:01.840 --> 16:03.840 Without Kaiser, where would Fraser be? 16:03.840 --> 16:07.840 And without Earl Warren, where would, uh, what was that guy's name again? 16:07.840 --> 16:17.840 Okay, Jerry, I parked the car. 16:17.840 --> 16:19.840 Hey, what are you doing in this line? 16:19.840 --> 16:21.840 Oh, Dean Martin! 16:21.840 --> 16:24.840 Hello, ladies. 16:24.840 --> 16:26.840 Isn't he handsome? 16:26.840 --> 16:30.840 What are you going to sing tonight, Mr. Martin? 16:30.840 --> 16:32.840 I'd like to get you on a slow boat to China. 16:32.840 --> 16:33.840 It's a deal. 16:33.840 --> 16:40.840 Get the tickets and I'll meet you at the dock. 16:40.840 --> 16:41.840 Come on, Jerry. 16:41.840 --> 16:43.840 Let's go into the studio here. 16:43.840 --> 16:52.840 Let's go into the studio here, Jerry. 16:52.840 --> 16:54.840 Gee, look at all the people in here, Dean. 16:54.840 --> 16:55.840 I'm scared. 16:55.840 --> 16:56.840 Here's Dean Martin. 16:56.840 --> 16:57.840 I'm your producer, Mr. Martin. 16:57.840 --> 16:59.840 I'm your director, Mr. Martin. 16:59.840 --> 17:01.840 I'm your patty, Mr. Martin. 17:01.840 --> 17:02.840 I'm your singer, Mr. Martin. 17:02.840 --> 17:05.840 What am I, the Larry Parks of this outfit? 17:05.840 --> 17:06.840 Oh, be quiet, Jerry. 17:06.840 --> 17:07.840 I've got to rehearse. 17:07.840 --> 17:08.840 Oh, now I've got to be quiet. 17:08.840 --> 17:10.840 You're a big star, a big man. 17:10.840 --> 17:12.840 You're too important for me. 17:12.840 --> 17:19.840 My tongue got in the way of my eye, too, that I couldn't see what I was saying. 17:19.840 --> 17:21.840 You're just too important for me. 17:21.840 --> 17:24.840 Well, I don't need a house to fall on me. 17:24.840 --> 17:32.840 Goodbye, pal. 17:32.840 --> 17:37.840 I won't be a drag on you. 17:37.840 --> 17:42.840 I'm sorry it had to end like this. 17:42.840 --> 17:48.840 We had a lot of good times together, even if I always did have to take the ugly ones. 17:48.840 --> 17:50.840 Oh, Jerry. 17:50.840 --> 17:53.840 Jerry, your feelings are just hurt, that's all. 17:53.840 --> 17:55.840 Oh, my feelings ain't hurt. 17:55.840 --> 17:56.840 I'm happy. 17:56.840 --> 18:00.840 I can laugh. 18:00.840 --> 18:02.840 I'll never forget you, Dean. 18:02.840 --> 18:04.840 You go on without me. 18:04.840 --> 18:06.840 And good luck, old pal. 18:06.840 --> 18:08.840 I won't ever be jealous of your success. 18:08.840 --> 18:14.840 When you're a big star and run over me in your big imported car, I'll still be happy. 18:14.840 --> 18:18.840 I'll just lay there and think, gee, Vogue tires. 18:18.840 --> 18:21.840 Well, I'll go now. 18:21.840 --> 18:23.840 You people don't want me here. 18:23.840 --> 18:26.840 I'll be seeing you. 18:26.840 --> 18:27.840 Oh, poor Jerry. 18:27.840 --> 18:29.840 Why do you let him go away like that? 18:29.840 --> 18:31.840 Oh, Jerry will be all right. 18:31.840 --> 18:32.840 Let's rehearse. 18:32.840 --> 18:39.840 And now I would like to present one of Hollywood's most glamorous stars, currently gracing your neighborhood screens in Sorrowful Jones, 18:39.840 --> 18:45.840 a charming actress who gracefully combines the talents of a leading lady and comedian. 18:45.840 --> 18:47.840 Now, listen here, Dean Martin. 18:47.840 --> 18:49.840 Don't you say anything nice about me, you big bully. 18:49.840 --> 18:51.840 You monster. 18:51.840 --> 18:52.840 I'll have you know that I'm not... 18:52.840 --> 18:53.840 Wait a minute. 18:53.840 --> 19:04.840 Why, you are Lucille Ball. 19:04.840 --> 19:06.840 But what's the matter, Lucille? 19:06.840 --> 19:08.840 Don't act like you don't know. 19:08.840 --> 19:13.840 You've got some nerve, Dean Martin, asking me to come down here and be a guest on your radio program 19:13.840 --> 19:17.840 after the way you beat up that sweet, adorable little Jerry Lewis. 19:17.840 --> 19:20.840 Why, if I weren't a perfect lady, I'd slug you. 19:20.840 --> 19:25.840 The idea of beating up that darling, cute, lamby pie. 19:25.840 --> 19:26.840 Me? 19:26.840 --> 19:30.840 Yes, you, Dean Martin. 19:30.840 --> 19:32.840 Well, Jerry, hey, where'd he go? 19:32.840 --> 19:34.840 He's behind me where he'll be safe. 19:34.840 --> 19:37.840 He's not going to stay out here where you can knock him down again. 19:37.840 --> 19:38.840 Knock him down? 19:38.840 --> 19:43.840 Yes, and kicking him and throwing dirt in his face and trying to drive your car over him. 19:43.840 --> 19:44.840 I did that? 19:44.840 --> 19:46.840 Say, Lucille, he admits it. 19:46.840 --> 19:49.840 Oh, I get it. Jerry told you that story. 19:49.840 --> 19:50.840 Yes, he did. 19:50.840 --> 19:54.840 I never met anyone so contemptible as you in my whole life. 19:54.840 --> 19:56.840 How could you treat Jerry that way? 19:56.840 --> 19:58.840 He's so darling and so cute. 19:58.840 --> 20:01.840 You forgot lamby pie. 20:01.840 --> 20:04.840 Just exactly what did Jerry tell you I did to him? 20:04.840 --> 20:06.840 He told me the whole story. 20:06.840 --> 20:12.840 It's incredible to me that you could pick on a little fella like that when you have such a grand physique. 20:12.840 --> 20:21.840 I mean, when you're so much bigger than he is with all those great, big, powerful muscles. 20:21.840 --> 20:25.840 You, you, big. 20:25.840 --> 20:27.840 Yes. 20:27.840 --> 20:30.840 And the things you called him. 20:30.840 --> 20:34.840 It's just hard to imagine names like that being spoken by you. 20:34.840 --> 20:40.840 Why, you have that wonderful, soft, caressing voice. 20:40.840 --> 20:41.840 Yes. 20:41.840 --> 20:48.840 Lucille, hey, Lucille. 20:48.840 --> 20:50.840 Will you stop tugging at my skirt? 20:50.840 --> 20:52.840 I just wanted you to know I'm still here. 20:52.840 --> 20:54.840 Louis is the name. Jerry Lewis, they call me. 20:54.840 --> 20:56.840 Don't stop, Lucille. Tell them off. Good. 20:56.840 --> 20:59.840 All right. 20:59.840 --> 21:10.840 You're right. Dean Martin, how could you have slugged poor Jerry when you look so, so handsome with those soft eyes and long, long lashes? 21:10.840 --> 21:12.840 Yes. 21:12.840 --> 21:13.840 Hey, Lucille. 21:13.840 --> 21:20.840 Shut up, you little schnook. 21:20.840 --> 21:22.840 Schnook. Me schnook. 21:22.840 --> 21:30.840 The idea telling those awful fibs about this darling, cute, lamby pie, Dean Martin, I ought to turn you over my knee and spank you. 21:30.840 --> 21:31.840 Dean, Dean. 21:31.840 --> 21:36.840 Yes. 21:36.840 --> 21:40.840 Dean, are you going to stand there and let her talk to me like that? 21:40.840 --> 21:42.840 Yes. 21:42.840 --> 21:47.840 But really, he isn't bad at all, Lucille. In fact, he's a very nice guy. In fact, he's a wonderful guy. 21:47.840 --> 21:50.840 Why, Jerry is the important half of our act. He's the talent. 21:50.840 --> 21:54.840 Why, he's the one who gets all the laughs. He's the one the critics rave about. 21:54.840 --> 21:56.840 He's the one that people love. 21:56.840 --> 22:05.840 Oh, what a ham. 22:05.840 --> 22:11.840 Well, it's sure nice of you to come down tonight and help us get our first show started, Lucille. 22:11.840 --> 22:15.840 I figured we need plenty of advice here in Hollywood. 22:15.840 --> 22:21.840 Come on, snap out of it. 22:21.840 --> 22:24.840 Dean, I'm sure you're going to be very successful. 22:24.840 --> 22:25.840 Well, how about Jerry? 22:25.840 --> 22:29.840 Yeah, how about that? 22:29.840 --> 22:38.840 You'll see, I'm going to be a big star. When I make my first picture, I'll be sensational. I'll be, well, you do think I'll be a picture star, don't you, Lucille? 22:38.840 --> 22:42.840 Why not? Lassie made it. 22:42.840 --> 22:49.840 If you're going to make fun of me, I'll quit the show. I'll give, I'll give, I'll give... 22:49.840 --> 22:56.840 I'll give Dean all the money we've saved and I'll go home and lock myself in a closet, kick my heels and hold my breath until I die. 22:56.840 --> 23:04.840 And if you want to know why I do these things, it's because, listen... 23:04.840 --> 23:13.840 Well, don't get too desperate, Jerry. Look, I have planned a little party for you and Dean after the show. Lots of important people will be there. 23:13.840 --> 23:14.840 Well, that's wonderful, Lucille. 23:14.840 --> 23:19.840 Well, the only thing, Dean, does Jerry know how to act at a party? 23:19.840 --> 23:23.840 Do I know how to act at a party? Why, one time in the back room of a barbershop... 23:23.840 --> 23:27.840 Jerry! 23:27.840 --> 23:29.840 Hold it. 23:29.840 --> 23:30.840 You see what I mean? 23:30.840 --> 23:35.840 Miss Ball. 23:35.840 --> 23:49.840 Miss Ball, Mr. Martin, I would like to inform you that Gerald Lewis, when attempting a social event, attending a social event... 23:49.840 --> 23:54.840 It's too close to the paper. What do you want? 23:54.840 --> 24:11.840 Miss Ball and Mr. Martin, I'd like to inform you that Gerald Lewis, when attending a social event, always conducts himself with complacent, elegant simplicity, utterly devoid of ostentation. 24:11.840 --> 24:14.840 Jerry Lewis, where did you get words like that? 24:14.840 --> 24:17.840 Don't ask me. I'm just as surprised as you are. 24:17.840 --> 24:22.840 Gee, I hope there's a girl there for me. Lucille, I like them about my height. 24:22.840 --> 24:24.840 Well, let's see now. Betty Grable will be there. 24:24.840 --> 24:26.840 And of course, I like them about my age. 24:26.840 --> 24:28.840 Uh-huh. Well, Anne Blythe will be there. 24:28.840 --> 24:31.840 And I like them to be of my intelligence. 24:31.840 --> 24:37.840 Sorry, Margaret O'Brien can't stay out that late. 24:37.840 --> 24:45.840 Jerry, I hope you understand. I've invited important people. People of refinement, breeding, culture. 24:45.840 --> 24:55.840 Don't worry about me. Refinement and breeding and culture pour out of me like sweat off a horse's neck. 24:55.840 --> 24:58.840 Lucille, don't worry. I'll guarantee Jerry. 24:58.840 --> 25:01.840 Well, I don't know. I'm afraid he'll be a little raucous. 25:01.840 --> 25:11.840 Raucous? Me? Don't ever worry about Jerry Lewis being raucous. I'll make more noise than anyone there. 25:11.840 --> 25:22.840 Now, Lucille, if you'll just tell us the address of the party. And by the way, Lucille, shall we dress? 25:22.840 --> 25:26.840 Naturally. We don't want the cops. 25:26.840 --> 25:31.840 Oh, the party sounds like it'll be a lot of fun, Lucille. And I'm sure we'll know exactly what to do. 25:31.840 --> 25:34.840 Sure. We've been educated. You know, I worked my way through Harvard. 25:34.840 --> 25:35.840 What? 25:35.840 --> 25:38.840 Well, he did stumble his way through high school. 25:38.840 --> 25:44.840 He looks more like he had to shoot his way out of kindergarten. 25:44.840 --> 25:46.840 I'm really looking forward to this, Lucille. 25:46.840 --> 25:51.840 Well, my house isn't one of those elaborate Hollywood mansions, Dean. 25:51.840 --> 26:05.840 Oh, there's one thing, Jerry. If we decide to go in for a dip, be sure you don't go in the servant swimming pool. 26:05.840 --> 26:08.840 I'm sorry to butt in, but we go on the air in 30 seconds. 26:08.840 --> 26:10.840 Okay, fine. Are you nervous, Jerry? 26:10.840 --> 26:14.840 Me? Nervous? 26:14.840 --> 26:15.840 20 seconds. 26:15.840 --> 26:17.840 I'll be all right. I'll kill the people. 26:17.840 --> 26:18.840 15 seconds. 26:18.840 --> 26:19.840 Just let me at them. 26:19.840 --> 26:20.840 10 seconds. 26:20.840 --> 26:21.840 I'll fracture them. 26:21.840 --> 26:25.840 5 seconds. 4 seconds. 3, 2... 26:25.840 --> 26:28.840 I'll pulverize them. 26:28.840 --> 26:31.840 The Martin and Lewis show is on the air. 26:31.840 --> 26:33.840 Go ahead, Jerry. Start talking. 26:33.840 --> 26:39.840 Yes, sir. A very funny thing happened to me on the way to the studio. 26:39.840 --> 26:43.840 Well, come on, Lucille. Help me hold Jerry up and we'll do the song. 26:43.840 --> 26:44.840 Okay. Up we go. 26:44.840 --> 26:51.840 Up we go. 26:51.840 --> 26:55.840 If you got it, you don't need it. 26:55.840 --> 26:58.840 If you need it, you don't got it. 26:58.840 --> 27:02.840 You don't get it. Shame on you. 27:02.840 --> 27:06.840 Funny, funny, funny what money can do. 27:06.840 --> 27:10.840 Ask the rich man he'll confess. 27:10.840 --> 27:15.840 Money can't buy happiness. 27:15.840 --> 27:18.840 Ask a poor man he don't doubt. 27:18.840 --> 27:22.840 But he'd rather be miserable with and without. 27:22.840 --> 27:26.840 I love life and I want to live. I love life and I say... 27:26.840 --> 27:33.840 Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. 27:33.840 --> 27:35.840 Yeah, but I love life. 27:35.840 --> 27:39.840 I know, but you don't have to spoil it for the rest of us. 27:39.840 --> 27:43.840 If you spend it, please be wiser. 27:43.840 --> 27:47.840 If you save it, you're a miser. 27:47.840 --> 27:51.840 If you don't want it, you're a coco. 27:51.840 --> 28:09.840 Funny, funny, funny what money can do. 28:09.840 --> 28:11.840 Gee, it's good to be home in bed. 28:11.840 --> 28:14.840 And Dean, I'm sorry I messed up our radio program tonight. 28:14.840 --> 28:16.840 Ah, forget it, Jerry. It's past midnight. 28:16.840 --> 28:18.840 Better get some sleep. Good night. 28:18.840 --> 28:21.840 Good night. 28:21.840 --> 28:24.840 Who could that be? What do you want? 28:24.840 --> 28:29.840 It's me, the maid. 28:29.840 --> 28:32.840 I'm sorry, but you'll have to get out of those beds. 28:32.840 --> 28:34.840 Get out of bed? Why? 28:34.840 --> 28:37.840 Well, you see, those beds are six by three beds. 28:37.840 --> 28:43.840 And this afternoon I made a mistake and I put on seven by four sheets. 28:43.840 --> 28:46.840 And if I put the wrong sheets on your beds, the manager will say to me... 28:46.840 --> 28:49.840 Look, miss, if I get up, I'll start walking the floor. 28:49.840 --> 28:52.840 And if I start walking the floor, I'll get into a bad humor. 28:52.840 --> 28:54.840 And when I go to NBC tomorrow, they'll say, 28:54.840 --> 28:57.840 Jerry Lewis, why did you faint on your radio program? 28:57.840 --> 28:59.840 And I'll say, who could help but fading? 28:59.840 --> 29:02.840 I was excited. And they'll say, oh, talking back, eh? 29:02.840 --> 29:04.840 I guess you don't want to go on the radio very bad. 29:04.840 --> 29:07.840 And I'll say, and they'll say, and they'll fire me. 29:07.840 --> 29:20.840 It's people like you that cause unemployment. 29:20.840 --> 29:29.840 Good night, everybody. Good night, folks. 29:29.840 --> 29:32.840 You've just heard the new Martin & Lewis show. 29:32.840 --> 29:35.840 If you enjoyed them, tune in again each Sunday night at the same time. 29:35.840 --> 29:40.840 And next week our guest will be Bob Hope. 29:40.840 --> 30:09.840 This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.