WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:16.560 It's the Martin & Lewis Show! 00:16.560 --> 00:27.600 A national broadcasting company brings you transcribe the new Martin & Lewis Show. 00:27.600 --> 00:32.640 Our guest tonight, William Bendix, and featuring Flo McMichael, the Martin Gales, Michael Roy, 00:32.640 --> 00:53.440 Dick Stabele and his orchestra, and starring Dean Martin, and Jerry Lewis. 00:53.440 --> 01:09.440 You don't have no music for classical singing? 01:09.440 --> 01:10.440 Now Jerry... 01:10.440 --> 01:13.440 Well it's not my fault, the orchestra can't play what I sing. 01:13.440 --> 01:15.440 Well of course they can't play what you sing. 01:15.440 --> 01:17.440 What is that? 01:17.440 --> 01:19.440 Who sings like this? 01:19.440 --> 01:24.440 Well what was that? 01:24.440 --> 01:26.440 Well I know what it is, I made it up. 01:26.440 --> 01:28.440 You made it up when? 01:28.440 --> 01:32.440 This morning I was singing in the shower and suddenly the water turned cold and I went 01:32.440 --> 01:35.440 zi bi bi bi ahhh! 01:35.440 --> 01:38.440 And I made it up! 01:38.440 --> 01:41.440 Alright Jerry, I wish you'd stop trying to horn in on my singing. 01:41.440 --> 01:42.440 Horn in? 01:42.440 --> 01:43.440 Me? 01:43.440 --> 01:46.440 Look here Dean Martin, I'm just as important in this team as you are. 01:46.440 --> 01:50.440 You're the one who grabs the spotlight, always trying to be a big man and push me out. 01:50.440 --> 01:51.440 I'm getting sick of it, do you hear? 01:51.440 --> 01:54.440 Sick sick sick sick sick sick sick! 01:54.440 --> 01:55.440 Do you hear? 01:55.440 --> 01:56.440 And Dean? 01:56.440 --> 01:57.440 What? 01:57.440 --> 02:00.440 I think I got a fever. 02:00.440 --> 02:04.440 Okay Jerry, you got your laugh, now step back and just let me sing. 02:04.440 --> 02:07.440 Okay Dean, what are you gonna, what numbers are you gonna be? 02:07.440 --> 02:11.440 Well it's a romantic number and I really ought to have a pretty girl to sing it to, you know, 02:11.440 --> 02:12.440 sort of get me in the mood. 02:12.440 --> 02:16.440 I'll be a girl if you promise to respect me. 02:16.440 --> 02:34.440 You won't be satisfied till you break my heart. 02:34.440 --> 02:39.440 You're never satisfied till a teardrop starts. 02:39.440 --> 02:45.440 I tried to shower you with love and kisses. 02:45.440 --> 02:52.440 But all I ever get from you is nagging, bragging, but poor heart a-sagging. 02:52.440 --> 02:58.440 The way you toss my heart around, oh crying shame. 02:58.440 --> 03:04.440 Well I'll bet you wouldn't like it if our hearts were the same. 03:04.440 --> 03:11.440 You're only happy tearing all my dreams apart. 03:11.440 --> 03:17.440 You won't be satisfied till you break my heart. 03:17.440 --> 03:23.440 Oh you won't be satisfied till you break my heart. 03:23.440 --> 03:29.440 You're never satisfied till a teardrop starts. 03:29.440 --> 03:35.440 I tried to shower you with love and kisses. 03:35.440 --> 03:42.440 But all I ever get from you is nagging, bragging, but poor heart a-sagging. 03:42.440 --> 03:48.440 The way you toss my heart around, oh crying shame. 03:48.440 --> 03:55.440 Well I'll bet you wouldn't like it if our hearts were the same. 03:55.440 --> 04:02.440 You're only happy tearing all my dreams apart. 04:02.440 --> 04:13.440 You won't be satisfied until you break my heart. 04:13.440 --> 04:30.440 Yes folks, it's that new comedy team, Dee Martin and Jerry Lewis, who last week broadcast their first radio show over NBC. 04:30.440 --> 04:37.440 We find them now still somewhat dazed and awed by it all, sitting in their apartment, poring over their newspaper reviews and fan mail. 04:37.440 --> 04:39.440 Hey Veney, did you read what it says about us in this paper? 04:39.440 --> 04:40.440 What does it say, Jerry? 04:40.440 --> 04:45.440 All the columns said you were great in this newspaper clipping. Just listen to what this critic says about me. 04:45.440 --> 04:50.440 Jerry Lewis is one of our newer comedians, and in my opinion, he's a very funny and had a nose. 04:50.440 --> 04:55.440 Oh, and he's a very, very, wow. 04:55.440 --> 05:01.440 Oh my God. 05:01.440 --> 05:02.440 Well, what did he say? 05:02.440 --> 05:05.440 He thought I was awful. 05:05.440 --> 05:08.440 Oh Jerry, snap out of it. It's just one man's opinion. 05:08.440 --> 05:11.440 But how could he think I was so bad? I'm loaded with talent. 05:11.440 --> 05:17.440 Gee, I can tell poems like, there was an old man named McGill who ran up and down every hill. 05:17.440 --> 05:25.440 When someone inquired, don't that make you feel tired? He said, nah. 05:25.440 --> 05:29.440 And I can tell jokes. On the way to the studio tonight, I met a botanist. 05:29.440 --> 05:31.440 Really Jerry, a botanist? What does a botanist do? 05:31.440 --> 05:36.440 He shows on buttons. 05:36.440 --> 05:40.440 And I can do imitations too. A seal. 05:40.440 --> 05:42.440 Girl seal. 05:42.440 --> 05:47.440 Boy and girl seal. 05:47.440 --> 05:49.440 And I can sing too. 05:49.440 --> 05:53.440 Give me the road, the wide whining highway, that's where I'll throw the beat, no byway. 05:53.440 --> 05:54.440 I'll travel along. 05:54.440 --> 05:56.440 Jerry. 05:56.440 --> 05:58.440 You know something Dean? 05:58.440 --> 05:58.440 What? 05:58.440 --> 06:01.440 The critic was right. 06:01.440 --> 06:03.440 Look Jerry, forget what the critic said. 06:03.440 --> 06:08.440 No Dean, I'm only in your way. You should have a classy looking partner instead of me. 06:08.440 --> 06:18.440 Look at me, skinny, undernourished, homely, awkward, slumped over, no chest. I'm a mess. 06:18.440 --> 06:26.440 No Jerry, you're not a mess. Why, you're handsome, well, you're manly, you're fascinating. 06:26.440 --> 06:32.440 You know, I never realized what a mess you really are. 06:32.440 --> 06:43.440 But Jerry, this is all unimportant. The important thing is right now we've got to figure out who we can get for our guests this week. 06:43.440 --> 06:45.440 It's not so tough. We got Bob Hope last week. 06:45.440 --> 06:54.440 Don't forget, Bob Hope did us a big favor. He came on for free. After all, Gregory Peck, Ronald Coleman, and all those big stars, they get $5,000 for a guest appearance. 06:54.440 --> 06:57.440 Five thousand? How much have we got to spend? 06:57.440 --> 07:00.440 Well, I got about eight bucks. 07:00.440 --> 07:02.440 I got 35 cents. 07:02.440 --> 07:13.440 Well, there's only one thing to do. Call up Bob Hope again. 07:13.440 --> 07:17.440 Or maybe we can persuade some other big star to do us a favor too. 07:17.440 --> 07:24.440 No, these big stars are hard to find Jerry. They have private phone numbers, big walls around their houses, and they're always going out of town to get away from it all. 07:24.440 --> 07:30.440 I don't care how big they are. I can find them. I have a system. I have a system I used one time when I was trying to find our old Flynn. 07:30.440 --> 07:31.440 Yeah, what'd you do? 07:31.440 --> 07:42.440 Well, I just said, now if I were our old Flynn, where would I go? And I went there. 07:42.440 --> 07:43.440 Well, Jerry, did you find him? 07:43.440 --> 07:52.440 No, but I sure had fun. 07:52.440 --> 07:54.440 Oh, I forgot, Dean. We got a telegram this morning. 07:54.440 --> 07:57.440 Telegram? Let's see it. 07:57.440 --> 08:00.440 Listen to this, Jerry. Our problems are all solved. Here's what it says. 08:00.440 --> 08:09.440 Heard your first show. Congratulations. Very anxious to be your guest star this week. Important reason. Will explain when I see you. Signed, William Bendix. 08:09.440 --> 08:13.440 Gee, William Bendix. He's a big star. Why would he want to be on our show? 08:13.440 --> 08:17.440 It says P.S. for money, of course. What else? 08:17.440 --> 08:20.440 I wonder what Mr. Bendix meant by saying it was important. 08:20.440 --> 08:22.440 Come on, Dean. Let's go down to NBC and we can ask him. 08:22.440 --> 08:26.440 Not so fast. Let me take a look at you first. Stand up. You wash your hands? 08:26.440 --> 08:27.440 Yes, partner. 08:27.440 --> 08:28.440 Wash your face? 08:28.440 --> 08:29.440 Yes, sir. 08:29.440 --> 08:30.440 Behind your ears? 08:30.440 --> 08:34.440 Look, I'm just going to a broadcast. I'm not going to get married. 08:34.440 --> 08:37.440 Anyway, what about you? Did you bathe? 08:37.440 --> 08:39.440 Well, of course. I take a bath every day. 08:39.440 --> 08:42.440 You take a bath every day? 08:42.440 --> 08:44.440 Well, of course. 08:44.440 --> 08:50.440 Oh, Dean, I'm so unworthy of you. 08:50.440 --> 08:54.440 Well, let's go, Jerry. Come in. Who is it? 08:54.440 --> 08:59.440 It's the maid. I wanted to ask you for a job. 08:59.440 --> 09:01.440 You want to ask us for a job? What kind of a job? 09:01.440 --> 09:05.440 Well, now that you have your radio show, I thought you might need a secretary. 09:05.440 --> 09:09.440 I've been going to secretarial school for six months and I just graduated. 09:09.440 --> 09:10.440 But we don't need a secretary, miss. 09:10.440 --> 09:15.440 You don't need a secretary. That's fine. Here, I go to school and I buy papers and books and pencils 09:15.440 --> 09:18.440 and I learn to be a secretary. Now you don't need a secretary. 09:18.440 --> 09:21.440 So I won't have anything to do so I'll go out in the hall and sit down. 09:21.440 --> 09:22.440 The manager will come up to me and he'll say, 09:22.440 --> 09:24.440 What are you doing loafing in the hall? 09:24.440 --> 09:26.440 I'll say, I'm not loafing. And he'll say, Oh, talking back to the boss. 09:26.440 --> 09:28.440 Now say, I'm not talking back. And he'll say, 09:28.440 --> 09:30.440 Don't raise your voice to me. And I'll say something nasty to him. 09:30.440 --> 09:39.440 And he'll fire me and all because you don't need a secretary. 09:39.440 --> 09:44.440 It's people like you that cause unemployment. 09:44.440 --> 09:48.440 Well, maybe we can try you out for typing scripts or something. 09:48.440 --> 09:49.440 All right. Okay. You're hired. 09:49.440 --> 09:50.440 Now, just a minute. 09:50.440 --> 09:51.440 Now what's the matter? 09:51.440 --> 09:56.440 I'm not going to be rushed into anything. 09:56.440 --> 09:59.440 I want to think it over for a while. 09:59.440 --> 10:02.440 All right. Here, miss. Take this page and make six copies on the typewriter. 10:02.440 --> 10:06.440 Typewriter? What's a typewriter? 10:06.440 --> 10:10.440 You're a secretary and you don't know what a typewriter is? 10:10.440 --> 10:14.440 No, but I'm willing to learn. Well, what is it? 10:14.440 --> 10:18.440 Well, listen closely. A typewriter is a thing you put on a desk and it's black. 10:18.440 --> 10:21.440 Only sometimes it's blue. And once in a while they're red. 10:21.440 --> 10:24.440 And you put a piece of paper in the thing up there. 10:24.440 --> 10:27.440 And on the front, it's got those little things we're printing on them that you hit. 10:27.440 --> 10:30.440 Tap, tap, tap until a little bell rings. Bing! 10:30.440 --> 10:36.440 That's a typewriter. 10:36.440 --> 10:39.440 Well, miss, do you want to try out as our secretary or don't you? 10:39.440 --> 10:43.440 Well, first I have to make sure that you two are perfect gentlemen. 10:43.440 --> 10:47.440 Could you give me any references? 10:47.440 --> 10:50.440 References? Look, lady, we're hiring you. 10:50.440 --> 10:55.440 And I want you to know that any sinuation about our character is strictly derogatory on your part 10:55.440 --> 10:59.440 because people that know well enough are known that a gentleman knows his place. 10:59.440 --> 11:04.440 Whether or not it's forbidden, maybe a man just doesn't pause long enough to know whether he feels right from wrong. 11:04.440 --> 11:16.440 But I'm sure that anyone that isn't right will continue to say so. 11:16.440 --> 11:29.440 Come on, Jerry, let's go. We'll see you later, miss. 11:29.440 --> 11:36.440 Suppose you were Uncle Sam and you wanted everyone, for the good of himself and his country, to buy United States savings bonds. 11:36.440 --> 11:41.440 Would you appeal to a man's desire for security, to his responsibility to his children? 11:41.440 --> 11:43.440 Just how would you sell yourself savings bonds? 11:43.440 --> 11:49.440 Well, answer that and then go out and invest in United States savings bonds for whatever reason you may have for saving. 11:49.440 --> 11:56.440 Your family's security, a college education for your children, or a vacation, a trip, a home, new furniture, a daughter's trousseau. 11:56.440 --> 11:59.440 Those are all good reasons for having money put away. 11:59.440 --> 12:03.440 There's no better way to save your money than in United States savings bonds. 12:03.440 --> 12:08.440 They pay you back $4 in just 10 years for every three you invest. 12:08.440 --> 12:21.440 Buy United States savings bonds. 12:21.440 --> 12:25.440 Isn't this wonderful, Jerry? A couple of weeks ago we came to Hollywood and we were nobodies. 12:25.440 --> 12:28.440 Remember how impressed we were with this big NBC building? 12:28.440 --> 12:32.440 Yeah, come on, let's go in. 12:32.440 --> 12:34.440 I wonder where we can find William Bendix. 12:34.440 --> 12:36.440 Shh, Jerry, not so loud. 12:36.440 --> 12:40.440 All the doors along this corridor lead to studios where radio programs are rehearsing. 12:40.440 --> 12:44.440 Oh, okay, Dean. I'll just peek in this first door. Maybe Mr. Bendix will be in here. 12:44.440 --> 12:48.440 Ah, shoo! Ah, shoo! Ah, shoo! 12:48.440 --> 12:50.440 Hey, Dean, what show was that? 12:50.440 --> 12:53.440 Pepper Young. 12:53.440 --> 12:56.440 William Bendix wouldn't be in there. 12:56.440 --> 12:58.440 Here, let's try this next studio. 12:58.440 --> 13:01.440 Hey, this is a bright one. Look at all the light. 13:01.440 --> 13:03.440 Please, please, there's a television show going on in here. 13:03.440 --> 13:04.440 But I thought... 13:04.440 --> 13:06.440 I don't care what you thought. Now get out of here. 13:06.440 --> 13:07.440 Now listen! 13:07.440 --> 13:14.440 And take your puppet with you. 13:14.440 --> 13:18.440 Why, I ought to go back in there and hit him right in his nose calling me a puppet. I ought to... 13:18.440 --> 13:25.440 Jerry, Jerry, quiet or I'll drop your strings. 13:25.440 --> 13:27.440 Now let's look in this dressing room here, Jerry. 13:27.440 --> 13:33.440 Okay, Dean. 13:33.440 --> 13:35.440 What was that noise? 13:35.440 --> 13:36.440 Well, Phil Harris is still... 13:36.440 --> 13:37.440 Phil Harris is still what? 13:37.440 --> 13:48.440 Nothing. It's Phil Harris is still... 13:48.440 --> 13:53.440 Now, Jerry, we're not doing so good on this side of the hall. Let's try the other side. 13:53.440 --> 13:57.440 Son of a gun! Son of a gun! Son of a gun! Son of a gun! 13:57.440 --> 13:58.440 Who was that? 13:58.440 --> 14:07.440 President Truman rehearsing his next speech. 14:07.440 --> 14:11.440 Well, it's no use, Jerry. We'll never find William Bendix this way. 14:11.440 --> 14:12.440 Oh, yoo-hoo! 14:12.440 --> 14:13.440 Yoo-hoo! 14:13.440 --> 14:14.440 What's that? 14:14.440 --> 14:17.440 Hello there. 14:17.440 --> 14:18.440 Huh? 14:18.440 --> 14:25.440 Could I take a minute of your time? Hmm? 14:25.440 --> 14:29.440 You could use my head to crack walnuts. 14:29.440 --> 14:35.440 Hey, Dean, Dean, this lady is a siren, isn't she? Wow! 14:35.440 --> 14:44.440 A siren? Wow, she's the whole fire engine. 14:44.440 --> 14:48.440 Dean Martin, you are Dean Martin, aren't you? The singer? 14:48.440 --> 14:49.440 Yes, but... 14:49.440 --> 14:52.440 Hey, he's Dean Martin, the singer, and I'm Jerry Lewis, the comedian. 14:52.440 --> 14:57.440 Well, two big handsome men. Well... 14:57.440 --> 15:04.440 Two handsome men? She must be looking at me twice. 15:04.440 --> 15:08.440 Oh, Mr. Martin, I've got a lot of wonderful new songs for you to sing on your program. 15:08.440 --> 15:14.440 I'm a song plugger. I get people to sing songs on the air. I write a lot of the songs myself. 15:14.440 --> 15:17.440 Hey, here's a terrific new number I just finished. It's called 15:17.440 --> 15:22.440 Tumbling Along Through the Tumbling Tumbleweeds by the Alamo Along the Rio Grande 15:22.440 --> 15:28.440 Where the Buffalo Roam by the Old Corral on the Texas Plains. 15:28.440 --> 15:29.440 It's a western type tune. 15:29.440 --> 15:32.440 A western type tune. 15:32.440 --> 15:35.440 Well, bust my britches. 15:35.440 --> 15:40.440 Bust them? Look, Skinny, you're doing well to keep them up. 15:40.440 --> 15:46.440 Keep them up, yeah. 15:46.440 --> 15:48.440 Look, Miss, I write songs too. 15:48.440 --> 15:49.440 Oh, you do? 15:49.440 --> 15:51.440 Sure. Last year I had a big hit. It was called 15:51.440 --> 15:59.440 I'm Head Over Heels in Love and I Look Better That Way. 15:59.440 --> 16:11.440 Yeah, and he's working on a new one. Malcolm Malcolm, Pastor Talcom, You're the chap for me. 16:11.440 --> 16:15.440 Well, I've also got a song done in a modern Shakespearean rhythm. 16:15.440 --> 16:16.440 Yeah, what's it called? 16:16.440 --> 16:20.440 To Be Bop or Not to Be Bop. 16:20.440 --> 16:22.440 Sounds intriguing. How does it go? 16:22.440 --> 16:23.440 Well, I'll sing it for you. 16:23.440 --> 16:26.440 Oodle-ee-oo-coo-coo-ah-ah Oodle-ee-oo-coo-coo-coo-ah-ah 16:26.440 --> 16:28.440 Miss. Miss. 16:28.440 --> 16:29.440 Miss. 16:29.440 --> 16:30.440 Yes? 16:30.440 --> 16:34.440 Are you for real? 16:34.440 --> 16:40.440 Miss, we really have to leave. I tell you what, if I promise to sing one of your songs on the air, will you let us go? 16:40.440 --> 16:46.440 Alright, I'll be waiting. Goodbye. 16:46.440 --> 17:02.440 Now, Dean Martin sings Far Away Places. 17:02.440 --> 17:17.440 Far away places with strange sounding names, far away over the sea. 17:17.440 --> 17:32.440 Far away places with strange sounding names, are calling, calling me. 17:32.440 --> 17:47.440 Going to China or maybe science, I want to see for myself. 17:47.440 --> 18:03.440 Those far away places I've been reading about in a book that I took from Michelle. 18:03.440 --> 18:19.440 I start getting restless whenever I hear the whistle of a train. 18:19.440 --> 18:34.440 I pray for this day I can get underway and look for those castles in Spain. 18:34.440 --> 18:51.440 They call me a dreamer, well maybe I am, but I know that I'm burning to see. 18:51.440 --> 19:15.440 Those far away places with strange sounding names, calling, calling me. 19:21.440 --> 19:26.440 Let's try this studio. 19:26.440 --> 19:31.440 Okay, but we better go quietly. The red broadcasting light is on. 19:31.440 --> 19:43.440 And don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, to listen again next week to the life of Riley starring William Bendix. 19:43.440 --> 19:45.440 Jerry, here he comes off stage. 19:45.440 --> 19:47.440 Yeah. Hey, Mr. Bendix, we want to see you. 19:47.440 --> 19:51.440 You said you were very anxious to be on our program. 19:51.440 --> 19:59.440 Oh, yeah, I am. Come on to my dressing room and I'll tell you what's on my mind. 19:59.440 --> 20:04.440 Now, before we start discussing terms, let me get you two straight. Now, which is which? 20:04.440 --> 20:06.440 Well, I'm Dean Martin, the singing half the team. 20:06.440 --> 20:08.440 Oh, good. Well, I won't have to laugh at you. 20:08.440 --> 20:13.440 And I'm Jerry Lewis. 20:13.440 --> 20:18.440 I'm the funny half of the team. 20:18.440 --> 20:20.440 I tell the jokes. 20:20.440 --> 20:26.440 With a kisser like that, you got to tell jokes too. 20:26.440 --> 20:28.440 Wait a minute, Mr. Bendix. What's wrong with the way I look? 20:28.440 --> 20:30.440 Do you always comb your hair like that? 20:30.440 --> 20:38.440 Well, Jerry's head is a little unusual, you see. It's higher in the back than it is in the front and it tilts down so the hair grows that way. 20:38.440 --> 20:46.440 Yeah. Yeah, it looks like a load of coal sliding out of a dump truck. 20:46.440 --> 20:49.440 Hey, I didn't like that. Come on outside and say that. 20:49.440 --> 20:50.440 Yeah, why should I? 20:50.440 --> 20:56.440 Because there might be someone out there that didn't hear it. 20:56.440 --> 20:59.440 Now, Jerry, take it. He's a really big old Jerry's a swell guy. 20:59.440 --> 21:04.440 Oh, sure, sure. I know that. I was only kidding. I know he's a swell guy. 21:04.440 --> 21:06.440 You're just saying that to make me feel good. 21:06.440 --> 21:10.440 That's right. 21:10.440 --> 21:13.440 Jerry didn't mean anything, Bill. We both admire you very much. 21:13.440 --> 21:19.440 You know, we're going to make a picture. My friend Irma over at Paramount and our producer, Hal Walls, suggested we get some acting advice from you. 21:19.440 --> 21:27.440 Well, it's hard work, fellas. You got to give up pleasure, give up dancing and smoking and gambling and even girls. You think you can do it, Dean? 21:27.440 --> 21:29.440 Well, I'll certainly try, but what about Jerry? 21:29.440 --> 21:36.440 Well, with him it's a little harder. We have to undo the theory of evolution. 21:36.440 --> 21:44.440 Listen here, I'm just as far away from the apes as you guys. I just took a shortcut. 21:44.440 --> 21:46.440 Well, we should be glad to have you, Bill. 21:46.440 --> 21:49.440 Yeah, and we've had some of the top men in the business as our guests. 21:49.440 --> 21:57.440 Well, look, you just started last week and your guest was Bob Hope. What do you mean you had some of the top men? Bob Hope isn't two people. 21:57.440 --> 22:05.440 Have you ever tried to add Lib with him? 22:05.440 --> 22:09.440 Let's get to the point, fellas. What are you paying for guest stars, huh? 22:09.440 --> 22:20.440 Well, we have a novelty show and since NBC wanted us to do something different in radio, we're not paying anything. 22:20.440 --> 22:23.440 Well, that's a little too different, don't you think? 22:23.440 --> 22:25.440 But Bill, remember, you can't take it with you. 22:25.440 --> 22:30.440 Well, I can. I'm only going as far as the bank. 22:30.440 --> 22:36.440 Well, after all, Bill, what's money between friends? Money is so crass and crude and common and vulgar. 22:36.440 --> 22:43.440 Yeah, so from now on, let's continue this discussion on a high intellectual plane. Intellectual, yeah. Shall we? 22:43.440 --> 22:47.440 Yeah, okay. 22:47.440 --> 22:51.440 But when you come to money, you'll still be talking to a bum. 22:51.440 --> 22:59.440 Well, that's all right. We'll be talking about bum money. Nothing, huh? 22:59.440 --> 23:05.440 You see, the ladies and gentlemen don't seem to understand. You see, Bill Bendix said something about bum and the money. 23:05.440 --> 23:10.440 He wanted it so it'd be a bum and Dean said bum money. It was more or less like a joke. 23:10.440 --> 23:13.440 And whenever we have money in a script, Dean always says this joke and people laugh. 23:13.440 --> 23:21.440 They scream it's so funny and look how they're staring at me. 23:21.440 --> 23:25.440 Well, I don't understand why you're making such a fuss about money, Bill. 23:25.440 --> 23:28.440 In your telegram, you sounded like you were anxious to be on our show. 23:28.440 --> 23:33.440 Yeah, well, I had something in mind. I'll tell you. I'll come on your program and for free on just one condition. 23:33.440 --> 23:35.440 Oh, we just got to have you, Bill. We'll do anything. 23:35.440 --> 23:36.440 Yeah, anything. 23:36.440 --> 23:37.440 Absolutely. 23:37.440 --> 23:41.440 Well, I'm starting a campaign to play handsome romantic parts on the screen. 23:41.440 --> 23:47.440 All you got to do is introduce me as a very handsome guy. See, a matinee. A great lover type, see? 23:47.440 --> 23:48.440 Bye. 23:48.440 --> 23:49.440 Bye. 23:49.440 --> 23:50.440 Wait a minute. 23:50.440 --> 23:51.440 Hey. 23:51.440 --> 23:57.440 Well, look, fellas, you got to help me. 23:57.440 --> 24:04.440 In my next picture, the garbage collector murder case, Paramount wants me to play the detective who doesn't get the girl. 24:04.440 --> 24:07.440 Real rough and tumble guy with no feminine appeal, eh? 24:07.440 --> 24:12.440 I don't know, Bill. Truthfully, I don't think anyone would believe you as a great lover on the screen. 24:12.440 --> 24:13.440 I would. 24:13.440 --> 24:15.440 You would, Sherry? 24:15.440 --> 24:24.440 Sure, but I'm only 23 years old. What do I know? 24:24.440 --> 24:29.440 Well, look, fellas, they're going to give the romantic lead in this picture to Ray Milan if we don't do something. 24:29.440 --> 24:33.440 I'm perfect for the lover type. Let's face it. 24:33.440 --> 24:35.440 Who is it? 24:35.440 --> 24:37.440 It's me. 24:37.440 --> 24:39.440 Hey, it's the maid from our apartment. 24:39.440 --> 24:45.440 Yes, you told me to type up this page, so I thought I'd... Oh, William Bendix. 24:45.440 --> 24:47.440 Look out, catch her somebody. She's going to faint. 24:47.440 --> 24:49.440 Stand back, stand back. 24:49.440 --> 24:50.440 What are you going to do? 24:50.440 --> 24:55.440 I want to watch her fall. This is the first time I ever swooned a dame. 24:55.440 --> 25:00.440 Well, I'm not going to faint. I'm just weak from the thrill of being so close to you. 25:00.440 --> 25:07.440 Your beautiful golden hair, your gorgeous eyes, your wonderful soft voice. 25:07.440 --> 25:09.440 Bring her out of it. Slap her face. 25:09.440 --> 25:14.440 You touch that girl and I'll break your arm. 25:14.440 --> 25:21.440 I feel weak. Everything seems hazy and blurred. It looks like a load of coal sliding down a dump truck. 25:21.440 --> 25:25.440 Sherry, get out of there! 25:25.440 --> 25:31.440 Well, this settles it. Paramount's been telling me I'm not a great lover type. You saw what I just did to that girl. 25:31.440 --> 25:32.440 Give me that phone. 25:32.440 --> 25:33.440 Attaboy, Bill. Here. 25:33.440 --> 25:35.440 Yeah, give it here. 25:35.440 --> 25:38.440 I'll quit running out of time. Hurry. 25:38.440 --> 25:41.440 Hello, Paramount. Give me the casting director. 25:41.440 --> 25:45.440 Hello, Mr. Michael John. This is Errol Bendix talking. 25:45.440 --> 25:48.440 You know that next picture of mine, the garbage collector murder case? 25:48.440 --> 25:51.440 Well, I just called to tell you that I'm going to play the Ray Milan part. 25:51.440 --> 25:55.440 And I don't want any... What gives me the idea? I can. 25:55.440 --> 25:58.440 Here's a very good reason. I just swooned today. I'm in cold blood. 25:58.440 --> 26:04.440 Yeah, me. No, absolutely not. I never touch the stuff. 26:04.440 --> 26:07.440 Bill, Bill, let me talk to him. Maybe I can reason with him. 26:07.440 --> 26:11.440 Hello, Mr. Michael John. You heard what Mr. Bendix said and that's final. 26:11.440 --> 26:14.440 He wants to play the star in the garbage collector murder case. 26:14.440 --> 26:17.440 No, he don't want to play the detective. 26:17.440 --> 26:24.440 Really? You will? Ah, ha, hey, ah. 26:24.440 --> 26:26.440 Okay, goodbye. 26:26.440 --> 26:28.440 What happened, Jerry? Am I going to play the romantic lead? 26:28.440 --> 26:31.440 Well, no. Ray Milan's still going to play that. 26:31.440 --> 26:34.440 Oh. Well, I'm still the detective then, huh? 26:34.440 --> 26:38.440 No, they're going to put Alan Lad in that part. 26:38.440 --> 26:40.440 Well, then what am I going to play? 26:40.440 --> 26:44.440 You're the garbage collector. 26:44.440 --> 26:48.440 What a revolting development this is. 27:09.440 --> 27:12.440 And Dean, I think we're two of the luckiest guys in the whole world, don't you? 27:12.440 --> 27:16.440 Ah, Jerry, it's three o'clock in the morning. Stop talking and go to sleep. 27:16.440 --> 27:19.440 Okay, Dean, I'll stop talking. 27:19.440 --> 27:21.440 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 27:21.440 --> 27:23.440 Dean. Yeah? 27:23.440 --> 27:26.440 I know I shouldn't laugh. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 27:26.440 --> 27:30.440 But I can't help thinking of poor William Bendix driving that trash collection truck. 27:30.440 --> 27:33.440 You think it was my fault he got that part? 27:33.440 --> 27:35.440 Jerry, for the last time, I've got to get some sleep. 27:35.440 --> 27:39.440 We've got to be at the studio at seven o'clock in the morning. Now, keep quiet. 27:39.440 --> 27:42.440 Okay, Dean. 27:51.440 --> 27:52.440 Now what? 27:52.440 --> 27:54.440 Somebody outside! 27:54.440 --> 27:58.440 Yeah, and I'm going to find out who it is. 28:04.440 --> 28:06.440 Hey, what's going on down there? 28:06.440 --> 28:09.440 What do you think's going on? I'm rehearsing. 28:36.440 --> 28:40.440 And we're also listening at this same time for the Barton and Lewis Show. 28:40.440 --> 29:07.440 Thank you, and I hope you all have a good night.