Let's laugh, laugh!
It's the Martin and Lewis Show!
Wow!
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The National Broadcasting Company brings you transcribed from New York, the Martin and Lewis Show.
Our guest today, Burl Ives, and featuring Flo McMichael, Dick Stabiel and his orchestra,
and starring Dean Martin
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Everybody loves somebody sometimes.
Everybody falls in love somehow.
And Jerry Lewis!
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Everybody loves somebody sometimes.
Everybody...
I do it the hard way, without music.
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If you think candy's sweet, there's a girl you ought to meet.
Sugar drips from her lips when she sighs.
But the love light that lies within my baby's eyes,
How it lies, how it lies, how it lies.
She has styles, she has charms, and a pair of loving arms
That I'm dying to try on for size.
But the love light that lies within my baby's eyes,
How it lies, how it lies, how it lies.
Oh, her name tops the list of every florist.
Her bows stand ten deep in line
With all the trees in the forest.
Why should I be the only clinging vine?
Oh, there's heartbreak in store with the one that you adore
Is a devil in the angel's disguise.
But the love light that lies is the love light that dies.
How it lies, how it lies, how it lies.
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Well, Jerry and Dean are all excited because today they're going to record a new song for Capitol Records.
We find them home in their apartment talking it over while they eat breakfast.
Gee, Dean, I'm all excited about making another record for Capitol, aren't you?
Sure, Jerry.
Remember the fun we had making our first one, the money song and that certain party?
Yeah, those were good songs, too. I wonder what song they've picked out for us to record this time.
Well, don't worry about it now, Dean. Eat your breakfast.
Say, Jerry.
Yeah, Dean.
I want to compliment you on your cooking. This is the best coffee you ever made.
You really like that coffee?
I sure do.
That's funny. It's molasses for the pancakes.
Hey, speaking of pancakes, where are they?
I was going to tell you about the pancakes, Dean. I wanted them to raise up nice and fluffy, so I added some yeast.
Oh, yeast? Well, how much did you add?
Well, the cakes are very small. I only threw in two dozen.
Two dozen yeast? And what happened?
You may not believe this, Dean, but our kitchen is now 27 feet high.
Oh, there you go again. You're exaggerating it. Now, stop kidding around. I'm going to look through this mail.
You're really proud of me, huh, Dean?
I already complimented you, Jerry.
I know, but gee, it's the first breakfast I ever cooked. Honest, Dean, what did you actually think of it?
Well, Jerry, a true friend would answer that in one or two ways. If he likes it, he'd say so, and if he didn't like it, he'd change the subject.
Well?
So how's the family?
Look here, Dean Martin, I'm sick of your insinuations. That's all I get around here. And to think that I've given you the best years of my life.
Oh, Jerry.
It's true. I spent the best years of my life bending over a hot stove every day, a hot stove, hot stove, hot stove. And Dean?
What?
Would you mind me an asbestos apron? I'm ruining my hick-huck bellbuckle.
Well, we'll see about that.
Have some toast, Dean? I just took it out of the toaster.
Jerry, look at all the burnt black edges on the toast. Scrape it off first.
Okay, I'll scrape it.
Well, now for the other side.
Well, we better hurry, Jerry. We record at 11 o'clock and we still have to find out what song we're going to sing.
I'm almost ready, Dean. I hope we can sing a good fast tune. Everybody likes a good fast tune.
Well, according to our contract, we have to sing whatever they pick out. And I sure hope they remember that my voice is classified as a baritone.
I wonder what I'm classified as.
Well, offhand, I'd say you were a necessary evil.
Necessary evil? How can you say that when all week I've been practicing pear-shaped tones?
And just how have you been getting pear-shaped tones?
Every morning I stick the Dick Tracy comic strip in my mouth and swallow it.
Every morning I stick the comic strip in my mouth and swallow it. I wish I was dead.
Jerry, we've got to see Mr. Allen at 11 o'clock to talk about our next recording. We better hurry and, you know, get away.
Come in. Who is it?
It's me.
Hiya, Florence. Come in. Shall I make you some toast?
No, thank you. My doctor told me not to eat any more carbon.
Well, you look kind of upset, Florence. Anything wrong?
Well, I'm not complaining or anything, but I've been working for you for six weeks now, and I think it's about time you paid me my salary.
But, Florence, we've given you a check each week. You've been paid in full right up to date.
Check?
That's right, Florence. You've been paid. It's just that instead of money, we gave you a check.
Well, I say I want my money.
Florence, can't you understand? You take the check to the bank, and the men will cash it for you after you write your name across the back of it.
Well, why should I write my name across the back of it? My name's already on the front.
Florence McMichael, $35.
It's a bank rule, Florence. It's a state law.
Oh, you're just saying that. I bet anything the man wants me to write my name on it so he can ask me for a date.
Florence, the man isn't asking you for a date, and even if he was, he knows who you are from the front of the check. You know, Florence McMichael, $35.
That's it. He's after my money.
All right, Florence, have it your way. Don't sign your name on the check.
Oh, I wouldn't want to do anything illegal. I'd be in a fine fix if a man called the cops and they threw me into the hoes gal.
Hoes gal?
Florence, it isn't hoes gal, it's hof bra.
You know, Florence, it's not right for you to be running around loose.
Dean's right, Florence. Have you ever thought of getting married?
Married?
Yeah.
Well, I don't think a girl ought to rush into these things. What church shall I meet you at?
Yeah, I can see it all now. Florence is married. A little ivy-covered cottage with a patter of tiny feet upstairs.
Tiny feet? You mean...
Sure. And if you've been reading the papers lately, it might even be quadruplets.
Oh, just what I've always wanted. Five kids.
Florence, you can stay here and file our papers in the mail. Jerry and I have to go see about the recording today.
Oh, you're going to make a record?
Well, yes we are. We've been trying to think of songs to do. Have you heard that new one that goes,
When you caught me near the chicken couponelle, I knew you would egg me on?
No.
There's another one I like. It's called, Don't Go Near the Hayloft, Mother. Pops in there pitching with the maid.
Well, the kind of music I like is folk music. I heard one last night on the radio.
A folk tune? What was it?
Well, it was called, It was at the Fritter Time south of Alabama, and after working on the railroad,
I courted Sarah Lou, my lady fair, a top ol' smoky while eating Jimmy crack corn,
and drinking out of the little brown jug, as the whispering green grass in the cool waters told my own true love would never fail me until I D.
Well, you know, that's a terrible song title. Who sang it?
Dick Haynes.
Well, for his kind of voice, it's not too bad.
Say, Dean, are you really jealous of Dick Haynes?
Well, of course not. What makes you say that?
Well, you're always mailing him laryngitis germs.
Jerry, that's silly. It's absolutely impossible to send laryngitis through the mails. I inquired.
Of course. My real favorite is a song I heard on the radio the other night. I heard Burl Ive sing it.
It's called, Two Black Eyes and a Broken Nose, That's the Curse of a Peeping Tom.
Sounds like a beat-up song to me.
Oh, quiet you two. Come on, Jerry, we better go down to the recording studio. See you later, Florence.
What song do you think we should sing when we make our next record?
Oh, I don't know. We ought to try to get something different.
That's what I say, something different. Something that shows my voice off, too.
Well, I don't like to say anything, Jerry, but it's my voice that should predominate on our records.
What's the matter?
Nothing. Nothing at all. If I'm in your way, I'll step aside.
Oh, Jerry.
Ah, that's all right. I know what I'm not wanting. Go ahead. Go your own way.
Turn me out into the cold, homeless, friendless, no money, no place to go, nobody wants me,
two forlorn figures tramping the streets.
Two forlorn figures?
Yeah, me and Mayor Hague.
Ah, but don't worry, Dean, I won't stand in your way. What do you care if I'm hungry?
A dried up bag of bones walking aimlessly around in the rain, soaked through to the skin,
cold and wet and clammy and shivering and cold and, Dean?
What?
You got a hot water bottle?
Ah, Jerry, now straighten up. We're almost there. And remember when we go in, let me do the talking.
Okay, you do the talking.
I wouldn't insist on it, but you're so soft.
I can't help it, Dean. I've always been soft. When I was a baby, the talcum powder used to bruise me.
Well, here we are. Let's go in.
Hey, Dean, look at the glass partitions.
Yeah, and those fellas inside of them are disc jockeys playing recordings.
Disc jockeys? Let's open this door and listen.
And here's another Bing Crosby record, White Christmas.
And here's When the Blue of the Night Meets the Gold of the Day.
And here's Tura-lura-lura.
Well, who was that?
Sinatra breaking Crosby records.
Here's where we go in, Dean.
Hi, Mr. Allen.
Oh, hello, boys. Boys, glad to see you. Sit down.
Oh, by the way, before I forget it, some woman's been hanging around the halls all morning. She wants to see you.
Wants to see me?
Yes, she's starting a new fan club or something.
Well, every little bit helps. Now, have you got a song picked out for us, Mr. Allen?
Well, I've been giving it a lot of thought. Now, you boys were pretty good on the money song, and you were even better on that certain party.
But this time we've got to do something new, something different.
Something different? Well, what's the matter with the way we sing now?
Nothing, nothing. But you've got to progress. You've got to give them something different all the time, something new.
Oh, you mean something like classical?
Hmm, classical? I don't know.
What do we know about classical music, Dean? The other night we were listening to Toscanini and we could hardly understand it.
Well, of course we couldn't. You were making so much noise eating dinner, I couldn't tell if it was Toscanini or Veal Scallopini.
Well, now, maybe classical isn't what we want either.
Well, you know, I'm Italian, maybe I could sing something operatic, you know.
Riddipallacci. You know, something like that. How was that?
Well, it's okay, but Ezio Pinza has been doing that for years and what did it get him?
What did you say?
I say, Ezio Pinza has been doing that for years and what did it get him?
Mary Martin, and that's good enough for me.
Boys, boys, opera is out. After all, we want something popular.
I know something different. Do a foreign song like Jean Sablon does, you know.
He sings,
Me a kiss your hand, madame, your dainty fingertips, je l'ai pas celle de tout, le département de tout le dos, je l'ai pétublé, pas celle de tout le dos, ma te l'ai mette celle de tout.
That's friends.
No, no, boys, you haven't hit it yet.
Say, I just happen to think, you know who's one of our, you know who's one of our biggest record sellers?
Burl Ives.
Yeah, but he sings the folk songs.
Well, what's wrong with that? Maybe that's the different thing I'm after for you guys.
But we don't know anything about that kind of singing.
Well, you can sure find out. Burl Ives is recording today. Go down the hall, listen to him and come back and tell me what you think.
Okay, you're the boss. See you later.
You know, he may be right, Jerry. Maybe we should sing folk tunes. You know, after all, Florence likes them too.
Gee, Dean, I like the way you sing now.
Yeah, but maybe it's time I changed my style.
Change your style? Oh, Dean, when I think of those voice lessons you had, those weeks of training and all those months of listening to Perry Como records.
You know, the more I think about it, the more I think Mr. Allen is right.
Oh, there you are, Mr. Mark.
You know, I knew you'd be here today and I waited all morning to say hello.
Oh, shut up!
Well, hello.
Oh, that voice, that voice. When you speak, each syllable comes out wearing a sweater.
Say, lady, if you don't mind, we're...
Oh, I suppose I should introduce myself. I'm Laura Taproot. I'm president of the new Dean Martin fan club.
But Mrs. Taproot, Dean already has three or four fan clubs now.
Yes, I know, but our club is novel. We only take older members from 50 years up.
You mean all the girls in this fan club are 50 years old?
Yes. We used to adore H.V. Coulton-born, but we switched over to Dean Martin. We got tired of having things explained.
From now on, we're going to try to figure them out for ourselves.
Yeah, but when did all this happen?
Oh, you should be quite thrilled. You won out over so many, many others.
You see, Vic de Moune gets the girls from 16 to 20. Sinatra gets them from 20 to 30.
Crosby gets them from 30 to 50.
Well, there we were, ready and willing, with no one to swoon over.
Oh, please, Mr. Martin, you don't think we girls of that age are being silly, do you?
No. You certainly have a right to have your fling.
Yes, that's what I told the club. Let's have our fling before we're all flung out.
Say, lady. Yes? Are you for real?
You know, we listened faithfully to your program, Mr. Martin, and when you sing to us, well, the first night, Mrs. Crabtree dropped three stitches.
And when you sang your second song, the knitting stayed where it was and Mrs. Crabtree dropped.
Well, all I can say is that I'm very flattered. I don't know quite what to say. This fan club of yours sounds like it's a very nice group of women.
Oh, yes, we're mostly widows. Some of us are graying a little.
But I always say the young men of today are making a big mistake in not considering older women in their plans.
But really, I don't think many men would agree with you there, Mrs. Tabrath-Roots.
I mean, nobody would prefer, say, nobody would prefer Marjorie Mayne if they could get Ava Gardner.
I would, but I'm only 23 years old. What do I know?
Say, young man, are you really only 23 years old?
That's right.
Would you mind if I chucked you under the chin?
Go ahead.
Oh, my. I've been on the main course so long I'd forgotten what an hors d'oeuvre looked like.
Well, I'm afraid I've taken up too much of your time, but before I go, I wonder if I could ask a favor.
Well, go right ahead, ma'am.
Well, we girls have a favorite song, and we were wondering if you'd sing it for us. It's an old one called Come Where My Love Lies.
Dreaming?
Of course we are. Who cares?
I'd be glad to sing a song, you want, Mrs. Tabrath-Roots?
Oh, thank you and good-bye, young man. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, I'm all agog with excitement.
Tomorrow I throw away my Dr. Sho's foot pads and start flying.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.
Deena, you really going to sing that song she asked for?
Sure, Jerry, but first we've got to go down to the hall and listen to Burr Lives.
Somehow I just can't see myself singing a folk tune.
Me either, but Mr. Allen is a smart man. Maybe he knows what he's talking about, you know. Can't hurt us to listen to Burr Lives.
When is three, four?
When is dollars in United States savings bonds?
Yes, sir. Every three dollars in savings bonds are worth four when they mature.
Every three hundred dollars brings you four hundred. Yes, and every three thousand dollars in savings bonds return you four thousand dollars in ten short years.
That's the kind of wonderful interest you get from your Uncle Sam when you save your money in savings bonds.
Worthwhile, huh? And you can even save in savings bonds through an easy automatic plan.
The payroll savings plan where you work.
It's a plan for setting something aside in savings bonds out of your pay envelope each and every payday.
Your company cashier will tell you all about it.
If you're not on a payroll, you're your own boss. There's an equally convenient bond a month plan where you bank.
Remember how your money grows and grows in savings bonds.
Also think of the opportunities money can help you take advantage of in the future like buy your own business or home or the children a college education.
So save all the savings bonds you can now while you're earning.
Well, this is the recording studio, Jerry.
Hey, mister, we want to talk to Burl Ives.
Quiet. Mr. Ives is about to record.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Shh, Jerry. Let's listen.
Great grandfather met great grandmother when she was a shy miss.
And great grandfather won great grandmother with words more or less like this.
Lavender blue, dilly dilly, lavender green.
If I were king, dilly dilly, I'd need a queen.
Who told me so, dilly dilly, who told me so?
I told myself, dilly dilly, I told me so.
If your dilly dilly heart feels a dilly dilly way and if you answer yes in a pretty little church on a dilly dilly day, you'll be wed in a dilly dilly dress of lavender blue.
If you're dilly dilly, lavender green, then I'll be king, dilly dilly, and you'll be my queen.
Well, that was wonderful, Mr. Ives.
Thank you. I don't think we've met.
My name is Dean Martin.
Well, well, how do you do?
I'm your partner.
Well, well, how do you do?
Hey, Mr. Ives, I'm Jerry Lewis, and I don't look like how do you do?
How do you do?
He's a television puppet with a silly wooden head and no expression on its face and clumsy hands and feet and ding.
What?
Pull up my strings. I'm ad libbing too much.
Jerry's my partner, Mr. Ives. He's a great kid and a great comedian.
Mr. Ives, Jerry and I wanted to ask your advice about something.
Yeah, Mr. Ives, we admire you.
Last year I read your book, Wayfaring Stranger, cover to cover, and I loved it.
Oh, thank you, Jerry.
Oh, that's nothing. Next year I'm going to read the pages between.
When we came in the studio just now, Mr. Ives, you were singing lavender blue, but I thought you always sang Western songs.
I like his Western tunes, don't you, Jerry?
Well, I admire powerful much, partner, and I'm an authority on Western music.
You're an authority on Western music?
Sure, because I've lived in the West and I loves it.
Partner, I want to tell all the folks that when I put my stetson and slide my Levi's into the rotten leather on a bucking bronco to round up a herd of doggies,
well, they're sure going to be rustlers on the stage tonight down by the old corral.
Look how they're staring at me.
Has Jerry ever been in the West at all, Dean?
Well, about a year ago we played a date at the Flamingo Hotel in Las Vegas.
Flamingo Hotel? That sounds like a dude ranch to me.
Dude ranch? Why, partner, it's really a dude ranch. All the horses have Tony Cold Waves.
Oh, come on, Jerry.
Dude ranch? Why, I didn't call my horse old paint, I called him old lipstick.
Old lipstick?
That's right. You heard of the flying red horse?
Yeah.
Well, old lipstick didn't fly, he just skipped along.
Jerry.
You asked me if it was a dude ranch. Hey, partner, why, when I dried old lipstick real hard, he didn't perspire. He broke out in taboo.
Jerry.
Jerry, Jerry, what's all this got to do with your being an authority on Western music?
Well, I am, and I really appreciate the way you can play that guitar, Mr. Ives. I appreciate it especially because me, I play the guitar like crazy.
The professional?
Nah.
How come?
Who wants to hire a crazy guitar player?
Aw, come on, stop it, Jerry. We came in here to ask Mr. Ives about singing folk songs.
I know he did, Dean, but first I want him to hear something new. This music is so new, it doesn't have a name yet.
Oolie, oocoo, bop, lebele, bebe, oolie, ooboo, oobadie, abba, dabba, dabba, dooboo, ooboo, oocoo, bop, lebele, bele, ooboo, alababbe, looboo.
Jerry.
Jerry!
Well, what do you think, Mr. Ives?
Jerry, tell me one thing, are you for real?
You know something, I'm not for sure. I was singing...
I was singing bop.
Bop? I thought you swung an Alka-Seltzer sideways.
Jerry, if you'll keep quiet for just two minutes, I'll tell Mr. Ives why we came in to see him.
You see, Capitol Records wants us to record another number, and we were wondering if we might try a folk tune for our next recording.
A folk tune, eh? Well, I've never heard you sing, Dean, but I'm told that you've got a very fine, baritone voice and that you sing a nice ballad.
Oh, he does. Go ahead, Dean, sing a few notes for Mr. Ives.
Well, okay. Here's the number I'm singing on the show this week.
I don't see me in your eyes anymore. Why can't I make them shine as before?
I don't see you or your heart in your kids when you should sigh that your mind you resist.
There was a time life was fine, love was ecstasy.
But now I doubt what the outcome will be.
I pray you'll say I'm the one you adore.
Then I'll see me in your eyes as before.
That was beautiful, Dean. I mean, that was beautiful, Dean. Wasn't it, Mr. Ives?
Oh, yes, it sounded very good, Dean.
Well, thanks.
But do you think I can sing folk songs?
That's a hard question. It's all a question, you know, of your background. If you were brought up in the country like I was, well, you'd sing folk songs as easy as falling out of bed.
Yeah, but I've been singing popular songs all my life.
Well, that's the best racket, Dean. Sing popular songs. That gets the girls. There's no point in singing folk songs like me.
Why? What do you get with folk songs?
Folks?
I don't see anything wrong with folks. I've got a wonderful set.
You guys don't realize how lucky you are. You got started in show business fast with an agent and in good places instead of the backwoods like I did.
You started in the backwoods?
I was so far back that for the first two years my agent was Daniel Boone.
You see, you can't really know about a folk song like the Foggy Foggy Doo unless you're born in the country.
I was born in Newark and they understand about Foggy Foggy Doo. Only there they call it Jersey Lightning.
Just what I said. See, you don't understand folk music.
Now, how can you sing a song like, well, Jimmy Crack Corn and I Don't Care if you don't know what it means?
Oh, I know. Jimmy Crack Corn and I Don't Care. That's about a comedian named Jimmy cracking corny jokes and I don't care if he is laying a name.
Gee, Burleigh, it must have been pretty rugged for you growing up in the back country that way.
No, I had fun when I was a kid. I spent my whole boyhood working, gathering eggs.
We always had plenty of milk and real vegetables, fresh fruit everywhere.
Gee, what a funny place to grow up in, a delicatessen.
Well, I don't think I'd have minded being born in the country, Burrell.
Me neither.
Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam and the deer and the cantaloupe play.
Yeah, he's back in the delicatessen again.
You know something, Jerry Burrell, I've got nothing to worry about. Say, Burrell.
Yes, David.
We want to thank you for being with us today and we enjoyed hearing you sing your sensational tune, Lavender Blue.
Well, thank you very much. It's a great pleasure.
We enjoyed the wonderful work.
Well, that's all right.
Well, we enjoyed the wonderful work.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, we enjoyed. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Burrell. Thank you.
The Martin & Lewis Show Transcribed in New York is produced by Robert L. Redd and written by Dick McKnight, Ray Allen, Roger Price, and Sid Resnick.
This is Bob Warren suggesting you tune in to your NBC station next Sunday evening at the same hour for the Martin & Lewis Show.
This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.