It's the Martin & Lewis Show!
The National Broadcasting Company brings you Transcribed from New York, the Martin & Lewis
Show.
Our guest tonight, Tony Martin, and featuring Flo McMichael, Dick Stabiel and his orchestra,
and starring Dean Martin.
There goes my heart, there goes the one I love.
And Jerry Lewis!
And there goes my heart, the girl I love.
What a romance!
We met one day across the pool table, and I've been banking on her ever since.
Take your girlie to the movies if you can't make love at home.
There's no little brother there who always squeals.
You can do an awful lot in seven reels.
Take your lessons at the movies and have love scenes of your own.
When the picture's over and you have to leave, don't forget to brush the powder off your
sleeves.
So take your girlie to the movies if you can't make love at home.
Take your girlie to the movies if you can't make love at home.
Take your girlie to the movies all alone.
You should see how they maneuver in the dark.
Take your tips from Tyrone Power and have love scenes of your own.
Stealing kisses in the dark is just immense.
Where can you get half as much for sixty cents?
So take your girlie to the movies if you can't make love at home.
Hip-hop's if you can't make love at home.
Dean has just received a mysterious phone call from a girl who demanded that he stop
using the name Martin.
What's more, she said she was coming over to see that he stops immediately.
Well, right now we find Dean and Jerry in their apartment trying to figure it out.
Dean, I don't understand this at all.
Gee, it's awfully important we keep the name Martin and Lewis.
If either of us ever change our name, it should be me, not you.
This girl didn't even mention you.
She hated me and me alone.
That's the part I can't get over, Dean.
A girl hating you.
Gee, you're so handsome and dashing and talented.
Aw, Jerry.
Yes, you are, Dean.
You're a good dancer, smooth-looking, a wonderful talker.
Gee, you're everything a girl could want.
Aw, Jerry, cut it out, huh?
Now, Dean, you know I'm right.
Why don't you admit it?
All right, I admit it.
Oh, what a ham.
Well, I know one thing for sure.
I'm not gonna throw away three years of building up my name just because a girl tells me to.
Of course not, Dean.
This whole thing must be some kind of a...
Say, this might be the girl now.
Come in.
Yes?
Hey, where's that schnook singer who calls himself Martin?
Let her in, Jerry, and we'll see what this is all about.
She must be the girl who phoned me.
That's right, if you're Dean Martin.
Well, I am, but what have you got against me?
I'm the hatchet woman for the Tony Martin fan club.
Hatchet woman for the Tony Martin fan club?
Yeah, when anything looks like it would hurt our Tony, I go into action.
Here's a medal they gave me for bravery beyond the call of duty.
Well, what did you do during that?
I went into the Paramount balcony single-handed and cleaned out a nest of Mel Torme fans.
Miss, will you kindly tell me what this is all about?
Justice.
No other singer is gonna use the name of Martin after Tony has made it sacred.
Well, wait a minute.
If Tony doesn't like the idea of two singers using the name of Martin, let him change his.
Oh, Tony don't know anything about this.
He did this on his own.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard in my whole life.
Dean, this kid is a big drool-oop.
Drool-oop?
What's a drool-oop?
A drip, but from a very loose faucet.
Now look, Miss, I don't see why I should change my name just because a bunch of girls thinks
I should.
Yeah, Dean's just as romantic a singer's tone is.
Go ahead, Dean, sing her a note.
Wasn't that romantic?
Romantic?
Sounded like a ham hock going through a disposal unit.
Look, you don't have to stick to the name of Martin.
We even picked out one for you.
What is it?
Coon Scuttle Flack and Coop.
Coon Scuttle Flack and Coop?
Well, that's a terrible name.
Sure.
Hey, Miss.
Yeah?
Are you for real?
Look, you don't scare us.
You said Tony didn't know anything about this.
All we gotta do is go over and talk to him and he'll make you drop this silly idea.
Oh yeah?
Well, we're doing this for Tony's own good and even he can't stop this.
Here, take this.
This paper?
What is it?
I just served you with a court order.
We're gonna take you to court and restrain you from using the name of Martin.
Now wait a minute, you can't do this.
Oh no?
We've done it.
So long, Coon Scuttle.
Gee, Jay, what a rough character she is.
Yeah, she looked like something Lippi DeRosia would say to an umpire.
Hey Dean, what about that paper she served on you?
They can't take your name away from you, can they?
I don't know, Jay.
This paper really is a court order and legal and everything.
But Dean, if you lose your name, what's gonna happen to us?
What are they gonna put on the marquee at the Paramount Theater in September when we
appear in the picture of my friend, Irma?
Yeah.
They're gonna establish the name as Martin and Lewis.
What'll they call us now?
Nobody and Lewis?
I won't stand for that.
I don't take second billing to nobody.
You know, unless we can talk Tony Martin into stopping that fan club, this might be serious.
This might mean the end of our partnership.
Oh no, I'd never desert you, Dean.
Once a partnership, always a partnership.
But if I couldn't work, I'd be taking 50% of the money for doing nothing.
Well, so long, coon scuttle.
Now, quit riveting me at a time like this, Jerry.
Come on, get your hat.
We gotta go over and talk to Tony Martin.
Where's Tony working now?
Over at the Riviera Club on the Jersey side of the Palisades.
Come on.
Hey Dean, if we're to see Tony Martin, why are you stopping in his drug store?
I was so excited I didn't even think of phoning for a reservation.
I'd better do it now.
Well look, Jerry, our secretary...
Yeah, hiya Florence, what are you doing here?
Well, my doctor gave me a prescription to have Phil because I'm underweight.
Gee, Mr. Lewis, I wish I knew how you keep yourself built up so well.
Jerry?
Florence, Jerry's built up?
Certainly.
I'm lovely.
I'm engaged.
I use auto lights.
Well, I'd better find something that works.
My doctor says I'm way too thin.
Oh Florence, you're thin, but you're not too thin.
Oh yes, I am.
Just standing here by the lunch counter, three men came up and hung their hats on me.
My doctor gave me this new vitamin medicine.
It's called abscidef.
Let's see that bottle.
Florence, it's not abscidef, it's vitamin A, B, C, D, E, and F.
Oh come on Jerry, if I don't phone the Riviera Club for those reservations, we might not
get to talk to Tony Martin at all.
Tony Martin?
Oh, you like Tony Martin, huh Florence?
Oh yes, of course I started out as a Mel Torme fan until I had some trouble in the Paramount
balcony.
That must have been the same girl who just served Dean with a court order.
She and her fan club want Dean to change his name.
Oh, I'll bet Tony Martin didn't have anything to do with it.
He looks like too nice a person.
This is pretty strange, Florence.
You work for Dean Martin and yet you like Tony Martin.
Well what difference does that make?
Just because a girl works at Macy's is no reason she can't win the shop at Saks.
Should I straighten her out Dean or should I let Bondwith tell her?
Let Bondwith tell her.
Mr. Lewis, you're acting so silly.
Have you been into that catnip again?
No Florence, you don't get the idea.
It's a joke, you see.
You said you didn't like Tony Martin.
You said just because a girl works at Macy's, there's no reason she can't win the shop
at Saks.
Well, it's all about department stores.
Bondwith teller is a department store.
But if I said Bondwith teller, that's like Bondwith telling you something.
But still that's the store, see.
The store, Saks, Macy's, it's all a conglomeration of words to make up a joke.
Oh, I wish I was dead.
Oh, Jerry, come on.
I told you we have to make that phone call to the Riviera.
And while Dean and Jerry are heading for the phone booth, another call is being made to
the Riviera pertaining to their visit.
Hello.
I want to talk with Tony Martin.
This is Tony Martin.
Oh, I hate to call your dressing room this way, but it's very important.
This is Annie.
I just served a court order on a guy to keep him from using your name.
It's that schnook, Dean Martin.
Well, you shouldn't have done a thing like that.
Dean Martin's a nice guy and he's got a perfect right to the name Martin.
Yeah?
You wouldn't talk so nice about him if you knew what he said about you.
He said you should change your name from Martin.
Oh, he did, huh?
Just wait till I see him.
Thanks for telling me.
And that's the cue for my song.
Bye, Annie.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Riviera Club.
The show opens with one of the great song stylists of our time, Tony Martin.
I always say come see, come sigh And go my way, come see, come sigh
Since you are gone nothing excites me Since you are gone no one delights me
And I go on, come see, come sigh Midnight till dawn, come see, come sigh
But should we meet that would excite me And if you'd smile that would delight me
I'd live again to love again But until then come see, come sigh
Hey, Dean, I'm glad we got this good table so we could be up close for Tony's number.
Wasn't he great?
Yeah, darn it.
I do envy his position.
He sings so good and he's right up there on the top.
Don't you worry, Dean.
Pardon me, but the head waiter said you two fellas asked to see me when you came in.
Oh, yeah, we did.
You probably don't know me, Tony, but I'm also a singer.
Really?
Yeah, and my name is Martin, too.
Glad to meet you, coon scuttle.
And I'm his partner.
We got an act.
Oh, coon scuttle and cold scuttle, eh?
Hey, Dean, you better hold me before I lose my head.
Oh, quiet, Jerry.
You're not going to lose your head.
I will if he hits me.
He's not going to hit you.
Sit down here at our table a minute, won't you, Tony?
Sure, thanks.
See, I wanted to talk to you.
One of your fans came in with our place today and wanted me to change my name from Martin.
She even gave me a court order to make me change my name.
Well, I didn't have anything to do with the court order, but it is a serious point at
that.
We're both named Martin and we're both singers.
We've both got black, curly hair.
I guess we've got plenty to talk about at that.
Yeah, we've got plenty to talk about.
Where do you have yours done?
Well, personally, I like my hair exactly the way it is, pointing straight forward.
It helps me with the girls.
Your hair helps you with girls?
Sure.
I can sneak up on them and then they think I'm walking away from them.
Well, I can see why you do so well in nightclubs, Tony.
I have quite a little respect for your voice.
Well, as a crooner, you're not too bad yourself.
Oh, I'm not really a crooner, Tony.
Not that there's anything wrong with him.
I've even heard certain people say they actually enjoy your type of singing.
Yes, that's true, I suppose.
Unfortunately, I never heard anyone say that about your type.
Thank you, Hedda and Luella.
Well, Dean, Dean, when you come right down to it, you'll have to admit that professionally,
the name Martin does sort of belong to me.
I've been using it longer.
Well, sure, Tony, but how much longer?
Only about 20 or 30 years?
20 or 30 years?
You're talking to a man of 22.
You know, how old are you?
Me?
Well, I'm 19.
Well, so long, fellas.
Well, where are you going, Jerry?
Home in exactly half an hour.
I'm going to be born.
You know, you guys are kind of fresh.
After all, I could let that court order go through, you know.
Don't you threaten us, Tony Martin.
We've been bothered by that silly fan club of yours all day, and now you're starting.
Yeah?
Yeah, and I'm getting sick of it.
Do you hear?
Sick, sick, sick.
Well, now listen, that settles it.
I'm going to let that fan club go through with that court order, and we'll see who changes
his name.
See you guys in court.
So long.
Tony, wait!
Ah, it's no use.
He's gone.
Well, it didn't do much good talking to him.
Now we're in real trouble.
Don't worry, Dean.
We'll fight this thing.
They won't take your name away.
We'll get a lawyer, and then you'll get on a witness stand, and the lawyer makes a mistake,
and he tells you the wrong thing to say, and you get fined for contempt of court, and you
get thrown into jail, and Dean...
What?
I'm going to miss you.
Ah, quit it, Jerry.
Let's get out of here.
Hey, Dean, what are you doing with that atomizer?
Oh, just spraying my throat.
Gee, Dean, this is the day.
Today we have to go to court.
How can you be happy at a time like this?
Who's happy?
I just figured the judge might want to hear me sing as part of the evidence.
Hey, that's not a bad idea, Dean.
You can slay him with that new number from South Pacific.
Maybe you better try it over now, huh?
A good idea.
Some enchanted evening, You may see a stranger.
You may see a stranger.
I see a stranger across the crowded room.
And somehow you know, you know even then,
that somewhere you'll see her again and again.
Some enchanted evening, someone may be laughing,
you may hear her laughing across the crowded room.
At night after night, as strange as it seems,
the sound of her laughter will sing in your dreams.
Who can explain it? Who can tell why?
Fools give you reason, wise men never try.
Some enchanted evening, when you find your true love,
when you feel her call you across the crowded room.
Then fly to her side and make her your own,
for all through your life you may dream all alone.
Once you have found her, never let her go,
once you have found her, never let her go.
Quiet! There'll be order in this court as long as I'm presiding.
Look Jerry, there's the judge, but where's our lawyer?
Gosh, I don't know, this is awful.
Next case, the Tony Martin fan club versus Dean Martin.
Both these men are professional singers.
Alright, are the interested parties present?
Tony Martin?
Here, your honor.
Dean Martin?
Here, your honor.
I'm here too, your honor.
Who are you?
I'm the hatchet woman for the Tony Martin fan club.
Don't make her mad, judge, or she'll tip over your courtroom.
I'm worried, the case is called, but why doesn't our lawyer show up?
Gee Jerry, you gotta do something.
Who? Me?
You gotta help me out, Jerry, there's nobody else.
You've got to do it.
I will, I'll do it.
Good, get up there.
Your honor, I am representing Dean Martin.
Just a minute, you're a lawyer?
Oh, your honor, when an ipso facto comes up in the presence of a heaviest corpus, it is
the duty of every man to state his feelings when, and even though one man's opinion might
be wrong, feeling the case out.
Naturally, even though one may not consider that, I may add that standing alone firmly
on the case, whatever cause may be, right or wrong, I must say, I rest my case.
Thank you, Mr. Belvedere.
All right, I'm ready to hear the testimony.
I object.
To what?
I don't know, but it sure shows you that I'm on the ball.
Say, Jerry.
What?
Did Whittaker Chambers ever hide any papers inside your head?
Quiet, quiet.
Now, what's this case all about?
Well, your honor, this case is very simple.
You see, Tony Martin's fans want Dean to give up the name of Martin.
Sure, because our Tony had the name first, and besides, he's entitled to it because he's
much more romantic.
Why, when Tony sings Kiss Me, Kate, we all pucker up and kiss the radio.
Yeah, and when Tony sings Ghost Riders in the Sky, they all get on their brooms and take
off.
Your honor, I think it's pretty obvious that Dean's more romantic than Tony.
Listen, being romantic hasn't anything to do with this case.
The question is, which of these men has the right to use the name Martin?
Judge, I have an idea.
Since they're both singers, I suggest that you listen to both of them sing and then decide.
That is, if Tony Martin isn't afraid to sing in competition.
Afraid?
Me?
Ha!
I'm not afraid.
Ha!
Well, it's a cinch.
Ha!
I'm not afraid either.
Ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Well, it's a little unusual, but go ahead.
The plaintiff, Tony Martin first.
Okay, your honor.
For every man there's a woman, for every life there's a plan.
You know, if that's true, for every man there's a woman, there must be a man somewhere waiting
for me.
You?
I wouldn't introduce you to a green schmoo.
All right, let's hear from the defendant, Dean Martin.
Yes, your honor.
Oh, eh, Marie, oh, eh, Marie.
Ma, quand'e sona, che perso di te.
Gee, Dean, what intoxicating, sensuous singing.
You sure knew what you were doing this morning when you sprayed your throat with that taboo.
I can't come to any decision when you're singing different songs.
Why don't you both try the same song?
I know just the one, Dean.
Anything you can do, I can do better.
Okay, you start it off, Dean.
Well, fine.
All righty.
I'm superior.
You're inferior.
I'm the big attraction.
You're the small.
I'm the major one.
You're the minor one.
I can beat you singing.
That's not all.
Anything you can do, I can do better.
I can do anything better than you.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
Are we running over?
You're cheating.
Well, anything you can do, I can do better.
I don't think so.
Sooner or later, I'm greater than you.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
I can shoot a cartridge with a single cartridge.
I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow.
I can live on bread and cheese.
And only that?
Yes.
So can a rat.
Anything you can sing, I can sing louder.
I can sing anything louder than you.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
Well, anything you can hold, I can hold longer.
I can hold any longer than you.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
No, you can't.
Can't. Can. Yes I can. Yes I can. Yes I can.
Well Judge, you've heard Dean and Tony sing. What's your decision?
Well, I can't tell much difference in the quality of their singing, but since Tony Martin was a singer first, I'm inclined to think he's entitled to the name.
Gee, Jerry, we lost.
However, there's only one thing. What name is Dean Martin going to use now? He can't go around using someone else's name.
Your Honor, our fan club picked out a name for him. Coonscuddle Flackencoop.
Is that right?
Coonscuddle Flackencoop? The court rules in favor of Dean Martin. Case dismissed.
Hey Judge, I don't know what made you change your mind, but I'm very grateful.
Yeah, we sure want to thank you Judge. Judge, I don't believe we got your name.
My name happens to be Coonscuddle Flackencoop.
Well Dean, congratulations. There's plenty of room in the singing business for two Martins.
Oh, thank you Tony, and thanks again for coming over and kidding around with us.
It was a lot of fun and a great joy to me. Good night fellas.
Good night Tony. See you next week folks. Bye.
The Martin & Lewis Show, transcribed in New York, is produced and directed by Robert L. Redd and written by Ray Allen and Dick McKnight.
This is Ed Hurley, he's suggesting you tune in to your NBC station each Tuesday evening at the same hour.
This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.