WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:07.000 It's the Martin & Lewis Show! 00:07.000 --> 00:17.720 The National Broadcasting Company brings you Transcribed from New York, the Martin & Lewis 00:17.720 --> 00:18.720 Show. 00:18.720 --> 00:23.560 Our guest tonight, Tony Martin, and featuring Flo McMichael, Dick Stabiel and his orchestra, 00:23.560 --> 00:26.560 and starring Dean Martin. 00:26.560 --> 00:40.400 There goes my heart, there goes the one I love. 00:40.400 --> 00:43.400 And Jerry Lewis! 00:43.400 --> 00:46.120 And there goes my heart, the girl I love. 00:46.120 --> 00:47.640 What a romance! 00:47.640 --> 00:51.760 We met one day across the pool table, and I've been banking on her ever since. 00:51.760 --> 01:12.520 Take your girlie to the movies if you can't make love at home. 01:12.520 --> 01:15.760 There's no little brother there who always squeals. 01:15.760 --> 01:19.200 You can do an awful lot in seven reels. 01:19.200 --> 01:25.600 Take your lessons at the movies and have love scenes of your own. 01:25.600 --> 01:31.280 When the picture's over and you have to leave, don't forget to brush the powder off your 01:31.280 --> 01:32.280 sleeves. 01:32.280 --> 01:42.840 So take your girlie to the movies if you can't make love at home. 01:42.840 --> 01:49.680 Take your girlie to the movies if you can't make love at home. 01:49.680 --> 01:52.160 Take your girlie to the movies all alone. 01:52.160 --> 01:56.560 You should see how they maneuver in the dark. 01:56.560 --> 02:03.680 Take your tips from Tyrone Power and have love scenes of your own. 02:03.680 --> 02:07.760 Stealing kisses in the dark is just immense. 02:07.760 --> 02:11.000 Where can you get half as much for sixty cents? 02:11.000 --> 02:20.440 So take your girlie to the movies if you can't make love at home. 02:20.440 --> 02:36.560 Hip-hop's if you can't make love at home. 02:36.560 --> 02:40.680 Dean has just received a mysterious phone call from a girl who demanded that he stop 02:40.680 --> 02:43.040 using the name Martin. 02:43.040 --> 02:46.640 What's more, she said she was coming over to see that he stops immediately. 02:46.640 --> 02:51.000 Well, right now we find Dean and Jerry in their apartment trying to figure it out. 02:51.000 --> 02:53.000 Dean, I don't understand this at all. 02:53.000 --> 02:55.880 Gee, it's awfully important we keep the name Martin and Lewis. 02:55.880 --> 02:59.000 If either of us ever change our name, it should be me, not you. 02:59.000 --> 03:00.360 This girl didn't even mention you. 03:00.360 --> 03:01.960 She hated me and me alone. 03:01.960 --> 03:03.960 That's the part I can't get over, Dean. 03:03.960 --> 03:04.960 A girl hating you. 03:04.960 --> 03:07.560 Gee, you're so handsome and dashing and talented. 03:07.560 --> 03:08.560 Aw, Jerry. 03:08.560 --> 03:09.560 Yes, you are, Dean. 03:09.560 --> 03:13.000 You're a good dancer, smooth-looking, a wonderful talker. 03:13.000 --> 03:14.840 Gee, you're everything a girl could want. 03:14.840 --> 03:16.320 Aw, Jerry, cut it out, huh? 03:16.320 --> 03:17.320 Now, Dean, you know I'm right. 03:17.320 --> 03:18.320 Why don't you admit it? 03:18.320 --> 03:19.320 All right, I admit it. 03:19.320 --> 03:20.320 Oh, what a ham. 03:20.320 --> 03:25.320 Well, I know one thing for sure. 03:25.320 --> 03:29.440 I'm not gonna throw away three years of building up my name just because a girl tells me to. 03:29.440 --> 03:30.440 Of course not, Dean. 03:30.440 --> 03:32.440 This whole thing must be some kind of a... 03:32.440 --> 03:34.800 Say, this might be the girl now. 03:34.800 --> 03:35.800 Come in. 03:35.800 --> 03:36.800 Yes? 03:36.800 --> 03:41.920 Hey, where's that schnook singer who calls himself Martin? 03:41.920 --> 03:44.080 Let her in, Jerry, and we'll see what this is all about. 03:44.080 --> 03:45.760 She must be the girl who phoned me. 03:45.760 --> 03:47.120 That's right, if you're Dean Martin. 03:47.120 --> 03:49.640 Well, I am, but what have you got against me? 03:49.640 --> 03:55.880 I'm the hatchet woman for the Tony Martin fan club. 03:55.880 --> 03:58.080 Hatchet woman for the Tony Martin fan club? 03:58.080 --> 04:01.880 Yeah, when anything looks like it would hurt our Tony, I go into action. 04:01.880 --> 04:05.920 Here's a medal they gave me for bravery beyond the call of duty. 04:05.920 --> 04:08.120 Well, what did you do during that? 04:08.120 --> 04:15.520 I went into the Paramount balcony single-handed and cleaned out a nest of Mel Torme fans. 04:15.520 --> 04:21.080 Miss, will you kindly tell me what this is all about? 04:21.080 --> 04:22.080 Justice. 04:22.080 --> 04:26.520 No other singer is gonna use the name of Martin after Tony has made it sacred. 04:26.520 --> 04:28.240 Well, wait a minute. 04:28.240 --> 04:32.520 If Tony doesn't like the idea of two singers using the name of Martin, let him change his. 04:32.520 --> 04:35.180 Oh, Tony don't know anything about this. 04:35.180 --> 04:36.180 He did this on his own. 04:36.180 --> 04:38.760 That's the silliest thing I ever heard in my whole life. 04:38.760 --> 04:39.760 Dean, this kid is a big drool-oop. 04:39.760 --> 04:40.760 Drool-oop? 04:40.760 --> 04:41.760 What's a drool-oop? 04:41.760 --> 04:51.560 A drip, but from a very loose faucet. 04:51.560 --> 04:55.680 Now look, Miss, I don't see why I should change my name just because a bunch of girls thinks 04:55.680 --> 04:56.680 I should. 04:56.680 --> 04:59.240 Yeah, Dean's just as romantic a singer's tone is. 04:59.240 --> 05:04.600 Go ahead, Dean, sing her a note. 05:04.600 --> 05:06.480 Wasn't that romantic? 05:06.480 --> 05:07.480 Romantic? 05:07.480 --> 05:10.880 Sounded like a ham hock going through a disposal unit. 05:10.880 --> 05:16.200 Look, you don't have to stick to the name of Martin. 05:16.200 --> 05:17.800 We even picked out one for you. 05:17.800 --> 05:18.800 What is it? 05:18.800 --> 05:21.640 Coon Scuttle Flack and Coop. 05:21.640 --> 05:23.000 Coon Scuttle Flack and Coop? 05:23.000 --> 05:24.800 Well, that's a terrible name. 05:24.800 --> 05:25.800 Sure. 05:25.800 --> 05:26.800 Hey, Miss. 05:26.800 --> 05:27.800 Yeah? 05:27.800 --> 05:29.800 Are you for real? 05:29.800 --> 05:33.200 Look, you don't scare us. 05:33.200 --> 05:35.080 You said Tony didn't know anything about this. 05:35.080 --> 05:38.360 All we gotta do is go over and talk to him and he'll make you drop this silly idea. 05:38.360 --> 05:39.360 Oh yeah? 05:39.360 --> 05:43.560 Well, we're doing this for Tony's own good and even he can't stop this. 05:43.560 --> 05:45.640 Here, take this. 05:45.640 --> 05:46.640 This paper? 05:46.640 --> 05:47.640 What is it? 05:47.640 --> 05:48.640 I just served you with a court order. 05:48.640 --> 05:52.040 We're gonna take you to court and restrain you from using the name of Martin. 05:52.040 --> 05:53.680 Now wait a minute, you can't do this. 05:53.680 --> 05:54.680 Oh no? 05:54.680 --> 05:55.680 We've done it. 05:55.680 --> 05:58.960 So long, Coon Scuttle. 05:58.960 --> 06:04.160 Gee, Jay, what a rough character she is. 06:04.160 --> 06:08.520 Yeah, she looked like something Lippi DeRosia would say to an umpire. 06:08.520 --> 06:12.080 Hey Dean, what about that paper she served on you? 06:12.080 --> 06:13.960 They can't take your name away from you, can they? 06:13.960 --> 06:15.400 I don't know, Jay. 06:15.400 --> 06:18.000 This paper really is a court order and legal and everything. 06:18.000 --> 06:20.840 But Dean, if you lose your name, what's gonna happen to us? 06:20.840 --> 06:23.640 What are they gonna put on the marquee at the Paramount Theater in September when we 06:23.640 --> 06:25.880 appear in the picture of my friend, Irma? 06:25.880 --> 06:26.880 Yeah. 06:26.880 --> 06:29.080 They're gonna establish the name as Martin and Lewis. 06:29.080 --> 06:30.680 What'll they call us now? 06:30.680 --> 06:32.180 Nobody and Lewis? 06:32.180 --> 06:33.280 I won't stand for that. 06:33.280 --> 06:39.720 I don't take second billing to nobody. 06:39.720 --> 06:45.260 You know, unless we can talk Tony Martin into stopping that fan club, this might be serious. 06:45.260 --> 06:47.760 This might mean the end of our partnership. 06:47.760 --> 06:50.280 Oh no, I'd never desert you, Dean. 06:50.280 --> 06:52.960 Once a partnership, always a partnership. 06:52.960 --> 06:57.520 But if I couldn't work, I'd be taking 50% of the money for doing nothing. 06:57.520 --> 06:59.560 Well, so long, coon scuttle. 06:59.560 --> 07:03.720 Now, quit riveting me at a time like this, Jerry. 07:03.720 --> 07:04.720 Come on, get your hat. 07:04.720 --> 07:06.120 We gotta go over and talk to Tony Martin. 07:06.120 --> 07:07.400 Where's Tony working now? 07:07.400 --> 07:10.680 Over at the Riviera Club on the Jersey side of the Palisades. 07:10.680 --> 07:13.680 Come on. 07:13.680 --> 07:24.440 Hey Dean, if we're to see Tony Martin, why are you stopping in his drug store? 07:24.440 --> 07:27.560 I was so excited I didn't even think of phoning for a reservation. 07:27.560 --> 07:28.560 I'd better do it now. 07:28.560 --> 07:29.560 Well look, Jerry, our secretary... 07:29.560 --> 07:30.560 Yeah, hiya Florence, what are you doing here? 07:30.560 --> 07:31.560 Well, my doctor gave me a prescription to have Phil because I'm underweight. 07:31.560 --> 07:32.560 Gee, Mr. Lewis, I wish I knew how you keep yourself built up so well. 07:32.560 --> 07:44.480 Jerry? 07:44.480 --> 07:47.960 Florence, Jerry's built up? 07:47.960 --> 07:48.960 Certainly. 07:48.960 --> 07:49.960 I'm lovely. 07:49.960 --> 07:50.960 I'm engaged. 07:50.960 --> 07:51.960 I use auto lights. 07:51.960 --> 07:56.360 Well, I'd better find something that works. 07:56.360 --> 07:58.440 My doctor says I'm way too thin. 07:58.440 --> 08:01.120 Oh Florence, you're thin, but you're not too thin. 08:01.120 --> 08:02.120 Oh yes, I am. 08:02.120 --> 08:12.080 Just standing here by the lunch counter, three men came up and hung their hats on me. 08:12.080 --> 08:14.720 My doctor gave me this new vitamin medicine. 08:14.720 --> 08:15.720 It's called abscidef. 08:15.720 --> 08:17.720 Let's see that bottle. 08:17.720 --> 08:26.200 Florence, it's not abscidef, it's vitamin A, B, C, D, E, and F. 08:26.200 --> 08:30.560 Oh come on Jerry, if I don't phone the Riviera Club for those reservations, we might not 08:30.560 --> 08:32.560 get to talk to Tony Martin at all. 08:32.560 --> 08:33.560 Tony Martin? 08:33.560 --> 08:38.560 Oh, you like Tony Martin, huh Florence? 08:38.560 --> 08:44.320 Oh yes, of course I started out as a Mel Torme fan until I had some trouble in the Paramount 08:44.320 --> 08:47.320 balcony. 08:47.320 --> 08:50.320 That must have been the same girl who just served Dean with a court order. 08:50.320 --> 08:52.320 She and her fan club want Dean to change his name. 08:52.320 --> 08:55.560 Oh, I'll bet Tony Martin didn't have anything to do with it. 08:55.560 --> 08:57.760 He looks like too nice a person. 08:57.760 --> 08:59.400 This is pretty strange, Florence. 08:59.400 --> 09:01.840 You work for Dean Martin and yet you like Tony Martin. 09:01.840 --> 09:03.800 Well what difference does that make? 09:03.800 --> 09:11.760 Just because a girl works at Macy's is no reason she can't win the shop at Saks. 09:11.760 --> 09:17.560 Should I straighten her out Dean or should I let Bondwith tell her? 09:17.560 --> 09:18.560 Let Bondwith tell her. 09:18.560 --> 09:19.560 Mr. Lewis, you're acting so silly. 09:19.560 --> 09:20.560 Have you been into that catnip again? 09:20.560 --> 09:21.560 No Florence, you don't get the idea. 09:21.560 --> 09:22.560 It's a joke, you see. 09:22.560 --> 09:23.560 You said you didn't like Tony Martin. 09:23.560 --> 09:32.120 You said just because a girl works at Macy's, there's no reason she can't win the shop 09:32.120 --> 09:33.120 at Saks. 09:33.120 --> 09:35.120 Well, it's all about department stores. 09:35.120 --> 09:37.040 Bondwith teller is a department store. 09:37.040 --> 09:40.640 But if I said Bondwith teller, that's like Bondwith telling you something. 09:40.640 --> 09:42.280 But still that's the store, see. 09:42.280 --> 09:46.160 The store, Saks, Macy's, it's all a conglomeration of words to make up a joke. 09:46.160 --> 09:47.160 Oh, I wish I was dead. 09:47.160 --> 09:55.520 Oh, Jerry, come on. 09:55.520 --> 10:04.720 I told you we have to make that phone call to the Riviera. 10:04.720 --> 10:07.880 And while Dean and Jerry are heading for the phone booth, another call is being made to 10:07.880 --> 10:10.560 the Riviera pertaining to their visit. 10:10.560 --> 10:11.560 Hello. 10:11.560 --> 10:14.240 I want to talk with Tony Martin. 10:14.240 --> 10:15.240 This is Tony Martin. 10:15.240 --> 10:18.600 Oh, I hate to call your dressing room this way, but it's very important. 10:18.600 --> 10:20.720 This is Annie. 10:20.720 --> 10:24.800 I just served a court order on a guy to keep him from using your name. 10:24.800 --> 10:26.280 It's that schnook, Dean Martin. 10:26.280 --> 10:28.280 Well, you shouldn't have done a thing like that. 10:28.280 --> 10:31.400 Dean Martin's a nice guy and he's got a perfect right to the name Martin. 10:31.400 --> 10:32.400 Yeah? 10:32.400 --> 10:35.680 You wouldn't talk so nice about him if you knew what he said about you. 10:35.680 --> 10:37.960 He said you should change your name from Martin. 10:37.960 --> 10:40.080 Oh, he did, huh? 10:40.080 --> 10:41.480 Just wait till I see him. 10:41.480 --> 10:42.480 Thanks for telling me. 10:42.480 --> 10:46.360 And that's the cue for my song. 10:46.360 --> 10:47.360 Bye, Annie. 10:47.360 --> 10:48.360 Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Riviera Club. 10:48.360 --> 11:07.480 The show opens with one of the great song stylists of our time, Tony Martin. 11:07.480 --> 11:22.080 I always say come see, come sigh And go my way, come see, come sigh 11:22.080 --> 11:36.440 Since you are gone nothing excites me Since you are gone no one delights me 11:36.440 --> 11:50.120 And I go on, come see, come sigh Midnight till dawn, come see, come sigh 11:50.120 --> 12:03.840 But should we meet that would excite me And if you'd smile that would delight me 12:03.840 --> 12:18.520 I'd live again to love again But until then come see, come sigh 12:33.840 --> 12:39.240 Hey, Dean, I'm glad we got this good table so we could be up close for Tony's number. 12:39.240 --> 12:40.240 Wasn't he great? 12:40.240 --> 12:41.240 Yeah, darn it. 12:41.240 --> 12:42.240 I do envy his position. 12:42.240 --> 12:45.240 He sings so good and he's right up there on the top. 12:45.240 --> 12:46.240 Don't you worry, Dean. 12:46.240 --> 12:47.240 Pardon me, but the head waiter said you two fellas asked to see me when you came in. 12:47.240 --> 12:48.240 Oh, yeah, we did. 12:48.240 --> 12:49.240 You probably don't know me, Tony, but I'm also a singer. 12:49.240 --> 12:50.240 Really? 12:50.240 --> 12:51.240 Yeah, and my name is Martin, too. 12:51.240 --> 12:52.240 Glad to meet you, coon scuttle. 12:52.240 --> 13:05.560 And I'm his partner. 13:05.560 --> 13:06.560 We got an act. 13:06.560 --> 13:08.560 Oh, coon scuttle and cold scuttle, eh? 13:08.560 --> 13:11.400 Hey, Dean, you better hold me before I lose my head. 13:11.400 --> 13:12.400 Oh, quiet, Jerry. 13:12.400 --> 13:13.400 You're not going to lose your head. 13:13.400 --> 13:14.400 I will if he hits me. 13:14.400 --> 13:17.640 He's not going to hit you. 13:17.640 --> 13:19.800 Sit down here at our table a minute, won't you, Tony? 13:19.800 --> 13:20.800 Sure, thanks. 13:20.800 --> 13:22.440 See, I wanted to talk to you. 13:22.440 --> 13:26.920 One of your fans came in with our place today and wanted me to change my name from Martin. 13:26.920 --> 13:29.640 She even gave me a court order to make me change my name. 13:29.640 --> 13:34.200 Well, I didn't have anything to do with the court order, but it is a serious point at 13:34.200 --> 13:35.200 that. 13:35.200 --> 13:38.000 We're both named Martin and we're both singers. 13:38.000 --> 13:40.120 We've both got black, curly hair. 13:40.120 --> 13:42.440 I guess we've got plenty to talk about at that. 13:42.440 --> 13:45.280 Yeah, we've got plenty to talk about. 13:45.280 --> 13:48.280 Where do you have yours done? 13:48.280 --> 13:59.400 Well, personally, I like my hair exactly the way it is, pointing straight forward. 13:59.400 --> 14:01.960 It helps me with the girls. 14:01.960 --> 14:03.920 Your hair helps you with girls? 14:03.920 --> 14:04.920 Sure. 14:04.920 --> 14:09.720 I can sneak up on them and then they think I'm walking away from them. 14:09.720 --> 14:14.960 Well, I can see why you do so well in nightclubs, Tony. 14:14.960 --> 14:17.160 I have quite a little respect for your voice. 14:17.160 --> 14:19.680 Well, as a crooner, you're not too bad yourself. 14:19.680 --> 14:22.200 Oh, I'm not really a crooner, Tony. 14:22.200 --> 14:23.880 Not that there's anything wrong with him. 14:23.880 --> 14:29.080 I've even heard certain people say they actually enjoy your type of singing. 14:29.080 --> 14:32.120 Yes, that's true, I suppose. 14:32.120 --> 14:38.160 Unfortunately, I never heard anyone say that about your type. 14:38.160 --> 14:41.040 Thank you, Hedda and Luella. 14:41.040 --> 14:49.440 Well, Dean, Dean, when you come right down to it, you'll have to admit that professionally, 14:49.440 --> 14:52.440 the name Martin does sort of belong to me. 14:52.440 --> 14:53.760 I've been using it longer. 14:53.760 --> 14:56.080 Well, sure, Tony, but how much longer? 14:56.080 --> 14:58.960 Only about 20 or 30 years? 14:58.960 --> 15:01.800 20 or 30 years? 15:01.800 --> 15:04.240 You're talking to a man of 22. 15:04.240 --> 15:06.320 You know, how old are you? 15:06.320 --> 15:07.320 Me? 15:07.320 --> 15:08.320 Well, I'm 19. 15:08.320 --> 15:09.320 Well, so long, fellas. 15:09.320 --> 15:12.320 Well, where are you going, Jerry? 15:12.320 --> 15:13.600 Home in exactly half an hour. 15:13.600 --> 15:16.600 I'm going to be born. 15:16.600 --> 15:24.480 You know, you guys are kind of fresh. 15:24.480 --> 15:27.240 After all, I could let that court order go through, you know. 15:27.240 --> 15:28.680 Don't you threaten us, Tony Martin. 15:28.680 --> 15:32.040 We've been bothered by that silly fan club of yours all day, and now you're starting. 15:32.040 --> 15:33.040 Yeah? 15:33.040 --> 15:34.040 Yeah, and I'm getting sick of it. 15:34.040 --> 15:35.040 Do you hear? 15:35.040 --> 15:36.040 Sick, sick, sick. 15:36.040 --> 15:41.320 Well, now listen, that settles it. 15:41.320 --> 15:45.040 I'm going to let that fan club go through with that court order, and we'll see who changes 15:45.040 --> 15:46.040 his name. 15:46.040 --> 15:47.040 See you guys in court. 15:47.040 --> 15:48.040 So long. 15:48.040 --> 15:49.040 Tony, wait! 15:49.040 --> 15:50.040 Ah, it's no use. 15:50.040 --> 15:51.040 He's gone. 15:51.040 --> 15:55.240 Well, it didn't do much good talking to him. 15:55.240 --> 15:56.240 Now we're in real trouble. 15:56.240 --> 15:57.240 Don't worry, Dean. 15:57.240 --> 15:59.000 We'll fight this thing. 15:59.000 --> 16:00.640 They won't take your name away. 16:00.640 --> 16:05.840 We'll get a lawyer, and then you'll get on a witness stand, and the lawyer makes a mistake, 16:05.840 --> 16:10.440 and he tells you the wrong thing to say, and you get fined for contempt of court, and you 16:10.440 --> 16:12.120 get thrown into jail, and Dean... 16:12.120 --> 16:13.120 What? 16:13.120 --> 16:14.120 I'm going to miss you. 16:14.120 --> 16:18.320 Ah, quit it, Jerry. 16:18.320 --> 16:19.320 Let's get out of here. 16:19.320 --> 16:33.080 Hey, Dean, what are you doing with that atomizer? 16:33.080 --> 16:35.080 Oh, just spraying my throat. 16:35.080 --> 16:38.080 Gee, Dean, this is the day. 16:38.080 --> 16:39.240 Today we have to go to court. 16:39.240 --> 16:44.720 How can you be happy at a time like this? 16:44.720 --> 16:45.720 Who's happy? 16:45.720 --> 16:48.920 I just figured the judge might want to hear me sing as part of the evidence. 16:48.920 --> 16:52.880 Hey, that's not a bad idea, Dean. 16:52.880 --> 16:54.920 You can slay him with that new number from South Pacific. 16:54.920 --> 16:57.080 Maybe you better try it over now, huh? 16:57.080 --> 16:58.080 A good idea. 16:58.080 --> 17:13.520 Some enchanted evening, You may see a stranger. 17:13.520 --> 17:23.860 You may see a stranger. 17:23.860 --> 17:33.860 I see a stranger across the crowded room. 17:33.860 --> 17:46.860 And somehow you know, you know even then, 17:46.860 --> 18:00.860 that somewhere you'll see her again and again. 18:00.860 --> 18:13.860 Some enchanted evening, someone may be laughing, 18:13.860 --> 18:24.860 you may hear her laughing across the crowded room. 18:24.860 --> 18:36.860 At night after night, as strange as it seems, 18:36.860 --> 18:51.860 the sound of her laughter will sing in your dreams. 18:51.860 --> 18:57.860 Who can explain it? Who can tell why? 18:57.860 --> 19:09.860 Fools give you reason, wise men never try. 19:09.860 --> 19:21.860 Some enchanted evening, when you find your true love, 19:21.860 --> 19:32.860 when you feel her call you across the crowded room. 19:32.860 --> 19:44.860 Then fly to her side and make her your own, 19:44.860 --> 19:58.860 for all through your life you may dream all alone. 19:58.860 --> 20:04.860 Once you have found her, never let her go, 20:04.860 --> 20:19.860 once you have found her, never let her go. 20:19.860 --> 20:31.860 Quiet! There'll be order in this court as long as I'm presiding. 20:31.860 --> 20:34.860 Look Jerry, there's the judge, but where's our lawyer? 20:34.860 --> 20:36.860 Gosh, I don't know, this is awful. 20:36.860 --> 20:41.860 Next case, the Tony Martin fan club versus Dean Martin. 20:41.860 --> 20:44.860 Both these men are professional singers. 20:44.860 --> 20:48.860 Alright, are the interested parties present? 20:48.860 --> 20:49.860 Tony Martin? 20:49.860 --> 20:50.860 Here, your honor. 20:50.860 --> 20:51.860 Dean Martin? 20:51.860 --> 20:52.860 Here, your honor. 20:52.860 --> 20:53.860 I'm here too, your honor. 20:53.860 --> 20:54.860 Who are you? 20:54.860 --> 20:57.860 I'm the hatchet woman for the Tony Martin fan club. 20:57.860 --> 21:05.860 Don't make her mad, judge, or she'll tip over your courtroom. 21:05.860 --> 21:09.860 I'm worried, the case is called, but why doesn't our lawyer show up? 21:09.860 --> 21:11.860 Gee Jerry, you gotta do something. 21:11.860 --> 21:13.860 Who? Me? 21:13.860 --> 21:15.860 You gotta help me out, Jerry, there's nobody else. 21:15.860 --> 21:16.860 You've got to do it. 21:16.860 --> 21:17.860 I will, I'll do it. 21:17.860 --> 21:21.860 Good, get up there. 21:21.860 --> 21:24.860 Your honor, I am representing Dean Martin. 21:24.860 --> 21:27.860 Just a minute, you're a lawyer? 21:27.860 --> 21:33.860 Oh, your honor, when an ipso facto comes up in the presence of a heaviest corpus, it is 21:33.860 --> 21:37.860 the duty of every man to state his feelings when, and even though one man's opinion might 21:37.860 --> 21:39.860 be wrong, feeling the case out. 21:39.860 --> 21:43.860 Naturally, even though one may not consider that, I may add that standing alone firmly 21:43.860 --> 21:55.860 on the case, whatever cause may be, right or wrong, I must say, I rest my case. 21:55.860 --> 21:59.860 Thank you, Mr. Belvedere. 21:59.860 --> 22:02.860 All right, I'm ready to hear the testimony. 22:02.860 --> 22:08.860 I object. 22:08.860 --> 22:09.860 To what? 22:09.860 --> 22:13.860 I don't know, but it sure shows you that I'm on the ball. 22:13.860 --> 22:14.860 Say, Jerry. 22:14.860 --> 22:15.860 What? 22:15.860 --> 22:20.860 Did Whittaker Chambers ever hide any papers inside your head? 22:20.860 --> 22:22.860 Quiet, quiet. 22:22.860 --> 22:24.860 Now, what's this case all about? 22:24.860 --> 22:26.860 Well, your honor, this case is very simple. 22:26.860 --> 22:30.860 You see, Tony Martin's fans want Dean to give up the name of Martin. 22:30.860 --> 22:35.860 Sure, because our Tony had the name first, and besides, he's entitled to it because he's 22:35.860 --> 22:36.860 much more romantic. 22:36.860 --> 22:42.860 Why, when Tony sings Kiss Me, Kate, we all pucker up and kiss the radio. 22:42.860 --> 22:46.860 Yeah, and when Tony sings Ghost Riders in the Sky, they all get on their brooms and take 22:46.860 --> 22:52.860 off. 22:52.860 --> 22:55.860 Your honor, I think it's pretty obvious that Dean's more romantic than Tony. 22:55.860 --> 22:59.860 Listen, being romantic hasn't anything to do with this case. 22:59.860 --> 23:04.860 The question is, which of these men has the right to use the name Martin? 23:04.860 --> 23:06.860 Judge, I have an idea. 23:06.860 --> 23:11.860 Since they're both singers, I suggest that you listen to both of them sing and then decide. 23:11.860 --> 23:14.860 That is, if Tony Martin isn't afraid to sing in competition. 23:14.860 --> 23:15.860 Afraid? 23:15.860 --> 23:16.860 Me? 23:16.860 --> 23:17.860 Ha! 23:17.860 --> 23:18.860 I'm not afraid. 23:18.860 --> 23:19.860 Ha! 23:19.860 --> 23:20.860 Well, it's a cinch. 23:20.860 --> 23:21.860 Ha! 23:21.860 --> 23:22.860 I'm not afraid either. 23:22.860 --> 23:23.860 Ha! 23:23.860 --> 23:24.860 Ha ha ha ha ha! 23:24.860 --> 23:29.860 Well, it's a little unusual, but go ahead. 23:29.860 --> 23:31.860 The plaintiff, Tony Martin first. 23:31.860 --> 23:34.860 Okay, your honor. 23:34.860 --> 23:40.860 For every man there's a woman, for every life there's a plan. 23:40.860 --> 23:45.860 You know, if that's true, for every man there's a woman, there must be a man somewhere waiting 23:45.860 --> 23:46.860 for me. 23:46.860 --> 23:47.860 You? 23:47.860 --> 23:49.860 I wouldn't introduce you to a green schmoo. 23:49.860 --> 23:55.860 All right, let's hear from the defendant, Dean Martin. 23:55.860 --> 23:57.860 Yes, your honor. 23:57.860 --> 24:04.860 Oh, eh, Marie, oh, eh, Marie. 24:04.860 --> 24:12.860 Ma, quand'e sona, che perso di te. 24:12.860 --> 24:17.860 Gee, Dean, what intoxicating, sensuous singing. 24:17.860 --> 24:22.860 You sure knew what you were doing this morning when you sprayed your throat with that taboo. 24:22.860 --> 24:29.860 I can't come to any decision when you're singing different songs. 24:29.860 --> 24:31.860 Why don't you both try the same song? 24:31.860 --> 24:33.860 I know just the one, Dean. 24:33.860 --> 24:35.860 Anything you can do, I can do better. 24:35.860 --> 24:36.860 Okay, you start it off, Dean. 24:36.860 --> 24:37.860 Well, fine. 24:37.860 --> 24:38.860 All righty. 24:38.860 --> 24:39.860 I'm superior. 24:39.860 --> 24:40.860 You're inferior. 24:40.860 --> 24:41.860 I'm the big attraction. 24:41.860 --> 24:42.860 You're the small. 24:42.860 --> 24:43.860 I'm the major one. 24:43.860 --> 24:44.860 You're the minor one. 24:44.860 --> 24:45.860 I can beat you singing. 24:45.860 --> 24:46.860 That's not all. 24:46.860 --> 25:01.860 Anything you can do, I can do better. 25:01.860 --> 25:04.860 I can do anything better than you. 25:04.860 --> 25:05.860 No, you can't. 25:05.860 --> 25:06.860 Yes, I can. 25:06.860 --> 25:07.860 No, you can't. 25:07.860 --> 25:08.860 Yes, I can. 25:08.860 --> 25:09.860 No, you can't. 25:09.860 --> 25:10.860 Yes, I can. 25:10.860 --> 25:11.860 Yes, I can. 25:11.860 --> 25:15.860 Are we running over? 25:15.860 --> 25:16.860 You're cheating. 25:16.860 --> 25:20.860 Well, anything you can do, I can do better. 25:20.860 --> 25:21.860 I don't think so. 25:21.860 --> 25:24.860 Sooner or later, I'm greater than you. 25:24.860 --> 25:25.860 No, you're not. 25:25.860 --> 25:26.860 Yes, I am. 25:26.860 --> 25:27.860 No, you're not. 25:27.860 --> 25:28.860 Yes, I am. 25:28.860 --> 25:29.860 No, you're not. 25:29.860 --> 25:30.860 Yes, I am. 25:30.860 --> 25:31.860 Yes, I am. 25:31.860 --> 25:40.860 I can shoot a cartridge with a single cartridge. 25:40.860 --> 25:44.860 I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow. 25:44.860 --> 25:47.860 I can live on bread and cheese. 25:47.860 --> 25:48.860 And only that? 25:48.860 --> 25:49.860 Yes. 25:49.860 --> 25:53.860 So can a rat. 25:53.860 --> 25:56.860 Anything you can sing, I can sing louder. 25:56.860 --> 25:59.860 I can sing anything louder than you. 25:59.860 --> 26:00.860 No, you can't. 26:00.860 --> 26:01.860 Yes, I can. 26:01.860 --> 26:02.860 No, you can't. 26:02.860 --> 26:03.860 Yes, I can. 26:03.860 --> 26:04.860 No, you can't. 26:04.860 --> 26:05.860 Yes, I can. 26:05.860 --> 26:06.860 Yes, I can. 26:06.860 --> 26:14.860 Yes, I can. 26:14.860 --> 26:18.860 Well, anything you can hold, I can hold longer. 26:18.860 --> 26:23.860 I can hold any longer than you. 26:23.860 --> 26:38.860 No, you can't. 26:38.860 --> 26:51.860 Yes, I can. 26:51.860 --> 26:54.860 No, you can't. 26:54.860 --> 27:12.860 Can't. Can. Yes I can. Yes I can. Yes I can. 27:12.860 --> 27:26.860 Well Judge, you've heard Dean and Tony sing. What's your decision? 27:26.860 --> 27:36.860 Well, I can't tell much difference in the quality of their singing, but since Tony Martin was a singer first, I'm inclined to think he's entitled to the name. 27:36.860 --> 27:38.860 Gee, Jerry, we lost. 27:38.860 --> 27:46.860 However, there's only one thing. What name is Dean Martin going to use now? He can't go around using someone else's name. 27:46.860 --> 27:52.860 Your Honor, our fan club picked out a name for him. Coonscuddle Flackencoop. 27:52.860 --> 27:54.860 Is that right? 27:54.860 --> 28:02.860 Coonscuddle Flackencoop? The court rules in favor of Dean Martin. Case dismissed. 28:02.860 --> 28:06.860 Hey Judge, I don't know what made you change your mind, but I'm very grateful. 28:06.860 --> 28:12.860 Yeah, we sure want to thank you Judge. Judge, I don't believe we got your name. 28:12.860 --> 28:24.860 My name happens to be Coonscuddle Flackencoop. 28:24.860 --> 28:30.860 Well Dean, congratulations. There's plenty of room in the singing business for two Martins. 28:30.860 --> 28:34.860 Oh, thank you Tony, and thanks again for coming over and kidding around with us. 28:34.860 --> 28:37.860 It was a lot of fun and a great joy to me. Good night fellas. 28:37.860 --> 28:40.860 Good night Tony. See you next week folks. Bye. 28:40.860 --> 28:53.860 The Martin & Lewis Show, transcribed in New York, is produced and directed by Robert L. Redd and written by Ray Allen and Dick McKnight. 28:53.860 --> 28:58.860 This is Ed Hurley, he's suggesting you tune in to your NBC station each Tuesday evening at the same hour. 28:58.860 --> 29:05.860 This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.