WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:13.000 Yes, from Hollywood, the National Broadcasting Company brings you transcribed to Martin and Lewis show. 00:13.000 --> 00:17.000 Our guest tonight, Jane Russell, featuring Flo McMichael, Sheldon Leonard, 00:17.000 --> 00:21.000 then Alexander Dix, to be in his orchestra and starring Dean Martin. 00:21.000 --> 00:41.000 That old black magic has been in its spell, that old black magic that you weave so well. 00:41.000 --> 00:43.000 And Jerry Lewis. 00:43.000 --> 00:49.000 Ah, yes. And once you had me in your spell, my darling. 00:49.000 --> 00:54.000 Remember that summer that we fell in love. Every night we'd go to the drive-in theater in NEC. 00:54.000 --> 01:07.000 Until that terrible evening when the manager told us we'd have to get a car. 01:07.000 --> 01:12.000 Well, as many of you know, Dean and Jerry have bought a garage, which they're converting into a nightclub. 01:12.000 --> 01:15.000 With the opening night only two weeks away, we find them in their office, 01:15.000 --> 01:19.000 hopelessly entangled in a mass of details and unpaid bills. 01:19.000 --> 01:24.000 Ah, Jerry, where did that secretary go to? Florence sure has these bills in an awful mess. 01:24.000 --> 01:27.000 Why don't you stop that daydream and help me try to straighten things out here? 01:27.000 --> 01:32.000 I can't help daydreaming, Dean. Gee, in another week the club will be open and the money will start rolling in. 01:32.000 --> 01:41.000 Boy, will we be rich. Every day I'll drive out to my golf course, play nine holes, kiss my caddy, play another nine holes, kiss my caddy. 01:41.000 --> 01:43.000 Oh, wait a minute, Jerry. Kiss your caddy. 01:43.000 --> 01:51.000 Sure. I'll be so rich I'll have Ava Gardner carrying my clubs for me. 01:51.000 --> 01:57.000 Oh, that's wonderful. And tell me, Allie, what's new with Rita? 01:57.000 --> 02:03.000 Ah, now look, if you aren't going to help, Jerry, at least find Florence for me. What a secretary. Where is she anyway? 02:03.000 --> 02:09.000 I don't know, but don't ball her out, Dean. I think she's about ready to quit anyway. Remember the job we got until the last time she quit? 02:09.000 --> 02:12.000 Yeah, we didn't know whether we were standing on our heads or what. 02:12.000 --> 02:19.000 Maybe you didn't know, but I knew what I was doing. I was standing on my head. 02:19.000 --> 02:24.000 Oh, Jerry, don't be an imbecile. You don't know what you're talking about. 02:24.000 --> 02:26.000 I'm an imbecile. Do you know what I'm talking about? 02:26.000 --> 02:27.000 Well, of course not. 02:27.000 --> 02:31.000 See, you're just as imbecile as I am. 02:31.000 --> 02:34.000 Jerry, you might as well face it that we're helpless without... 02:34.000 --> 02:36.000 Hello, Mr. Martin. Hello, Mr. Lewis. 02:36.000 --> 02:38.000 Now, Florence, where have you been? 02:38.000 --> 02:43.000 Well, the decorator's hanging some drapes out in the club, and I was just giving him some hints. 02:43.000 --> 02:45.000 Oh, that's good. Did he follow them? 02:45.000 --> 02:54.000 No, he just went on hanging the drapes. 02:54.000 --> 03:01.000 Florence, I don't want you to think that I'm balling you out about your work here in the office, but about the checks you've written, let's see, they total $784. 03:01.000 --> 03:04.000 Now, how much do we have in the bank to cover the checks? 03:04.000 --> 03:07.000 Ninety-seven cents. 03:07.000 --> 03:13.000 You see, Dean, it just balances. 03:13.000 --> 03:16.000 Oh, this kid belongs in Congress. 03:16.000 --> 03:19.000 All right, Dean, I get it. You're mad at me. 03:19.000 --> 03:20.000 Jerry, I'm not mad at you. 03:20.000 --> 03:21.000 Oh, yes you are. 03:21.000 --> 03:23.000 Oh, stop that. What makes you think I'm mad at you? 03:23.000 --> 03:28.000 I don't see me in your eyes anymore. 03:28.000 --> 03:35.000 Well, don't blame me. I told you to get a haircut. 03:35.000 --> 03:42.000 I know who you're both mad at. Me. You're hinting that I don't keep your books right, that I'm losing your money. 03:42.000 --> 03:44.000 Now, Florence. 03:44.000 --> 03:50.000 I'm not efficient. The next thing I know, you'll be saying nasty things to me. 03:50.000 --> 03:52.000 But Florence, we're your friends. 03:52.000 --> 03:55.000 You see, there you go. 03:55.000 --> 04:01.000 Oh, come on, Florence. Betty Davis, please. 04:01.000 --> 04:06.000 We appreciate you, Florence, really. This is the first time your books have ever been in the red. 04:06.000 --> 04:13.000 Oh, now you're accusing me of being a communist. 04:13.000 --> 04:16.000 That does it. I'm quitting. Goodbye. 04:16.000 --> 04:19.000 Gee, Dean, now we are sunk. 04:19.000 --> 04:24.000 The opening of our club is only two weeks off, and we're counting on a secretary to help us. 04:24.000 --> 04:29.000 Everything seems to be going against us, and we're going to lose all the money we've invested in the club. 04:29.000 --> 04:30.000 What? 04:30.000 --> 04:34.000 Everything seems to be going against us, and we're going to lose all the money we've invested in the club. 04:34.000 --> 04:35.000 Now, Jerry. 04:35.000 --> 04:37.000 I didn't want anything like it every time we tried something every time. 04:37.000 --> 04:39.000 Take it easy, Terry. 04:39.000 --> 04:42.000 Now, smile. Go ahead, smile. 04:42.000 --> 04:44.000 No. 04:44.000 --> 04:45.000 Now, blow your nose. 04:45.000 --> 04:46.000 No. 04:46.000 --> 04:52.000 Now, there's nothing to be upset about. All we've got to do to get a new secretary is to put an ad in the paper. 04:52.000 --> 04:54.000 And ask for a new secretary? 04:54.000 --> 04:55.000 Sure. 04:55.000 --> 05:04.000 Oh, boy. A new secretary. Hey, I got it. How's this? Wanted. Beautiful, luscious young girl to be secretary to beautiful, luscious young executive. 05:04.000 --> 05:09.000 Object? To set a new record for the around-the-desk chase. 05:09.000 --> 05:15.000 It's not going to be anything like that, Jerry. I don't want an attractive girl who'll keep your mind off of work. 05:15.000 --> 05:22.000 The ad should read like this. Wanted. Fission secretary. Must be plain looking. Dress simply. Prefer a girl with glasses. 05:22.000 --> 05:26.000 Go ahead. Run down to the paper with that right away. Go ahead. Put it in the paper. Hurry up. 05:26.000 --> 05:31.000 Me? Run down? What about you? I'm too run down as it is. 05:31.000 --> 05:39.000 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm too run down as it is. Oh, that was a Swifty. 05:39.000 --> 05:45.000 Jerry, I'd be glad to take the ad to the paper, but right now I've got to rehearse that production number we planned. Remember? 05:45.000 --> 05:51.000 Oh, sure. How does that go again? Your lips tell me no, no, but there's neureen in your eyes. 05:51.000 --> 05:53.000 Sing it, old man. 05:57.000 --> 06:06.000 Your lips tell me no, no, but there's yes, yes in your eyes. 06:06.000 --> 06:16.000 I've been missing your kissin' just because I wasn't wild. 06:16.000 --> 06:26.000 I'll stop my scheming and dreaming cause I realize. 06:26.000 --> 06:36.000 Your lips tell me no, no, but there's yes, yes in your eyes. 06:36.000 --> 06:40.000 Come on over here, honey. I ain't gonna hurt you. Let me talk to you. 06:40.000 --> 06:53.000 Your lips tell me no, no, but there's yes, yes right in your eyes. 06:53.000 --> 07:05.000 Well, I've been missing all your kissin' just because I wasn't wild. 07:05.000 --> 07:18.000 Well, I'll stop my scheming, stop my dreaming cause I just realized. 07:18.000 --> 07:37.000 Your lips tell me no, no, but there's yes, yes in your eyes. 07:48.000 --> 07:52.000 While Dean and Jerry are hoping for some response to their ad for a secretary, 07:52.000 --> 07:59.000 on the other side of town, a leading movie producer is awaiting a conference with his star, Miss Jane Russell. 07:59.000 --> 08:02.000 Come in. 08:02.000 --> 08:04.000 You wanted to see me, Mr. Johnson? 08:04.000 --> 08:14.000 Oh, yes. Come in, Jane. 08:14.000 --> 08:17.000 Well, Jane, I'll come right to the point. It's about your next picture. 08:17.000 --> 08:20.000 You know, you were such a success in that picture, the pale face. 08:20.000 --> 08:23.000 How would you like to do another picture with Bob Hope? 08:23.000 --> 08:24.000 Bob Hope? 08:24.000 --> 08:25.000 Yes, Bob Hope. 08:25.000 --> 08:33.000 Oh, please, Mr. Johnson. Don't they need a leading lady for Mighty Joe Young? 08:33.000 --> 08:37.000 Now, look, the studio's bought a story in which you play the part of a private secretary. 08:37.000 --> 08:42.000 I think you should take a real job as a secretary for a couple of weeks to get the feel of the part. 08:42.000 --> 08:44.000 But where can I get a job as a secretary? 08:44.000 --> 08:48.000 Well, I've got the answer to that, Jane. Here in the paper it says, 08:48.000 --> 08:54.000 wanted, efficient secretary, must be plain looking, dress simply, prefer girl with glasses. 08:54.000 --> 08:56.000 You think that describes me? 08:56.000 --> 09:00.000 Of course not. But we're going to have the makeup department braid your hair and pigtails 09:00.000 --> 09:02.000 and give you some horn rim glasses. 09:02.000 --> 09:06.000 Well, okay, Mr. Johnson. Oh, by the way, who will I be working for? 09:06.000 --> 09:09.000 Well, the name in the ad just says Martin and Lewis. 09:09.000 --> 09:13.000 Martin and Lewis? I better pick up some track shoes, too. 09:13.000 --> 09:18.000 Well, anyway, here's the address, Jane. 09:18.000 --> 09:23.000 And be sure you disguise yourself enough so that no one will recognize you as Jane Russell. 09:23.000 --> 09:28.000 Hmm. You know, this could be really fun. I guarantee you they'll never recognize me. 09:28.000 --> 09:31.000 Well, Jerry, our ad for a new secretary came out in this morning's paper, 09:31.000 --> 09:33.000 and I hope we get some results soon. 09:33.000 --> 09:36.000 We've got lots of work to do if we ever expect to open our nightclub in two weeks. 09:36.000 --> 09:40.000 Yeah, I'm really excited. I know we asked for a plain looking girl, 09:40.000 --> 09:44.000 but wouldn't it be wonderful if we got a beautiful girl with dreamy blue eyes, 09:44.000 --> 09:46.000 flushes lips, and... 09:46.000 --> 09:49.000 Gee, maybe that's her now. 09:49.000 --> 09:52.000 Come in. 09:52.000 --> 09:55.000 Here I am. 10:03.000 --> 10:05.000 Ha ha! 10:05.000 --> 10:07.000 What's the matter, kid? 10:07.000 --> 10:11.000 I was expecting a glass of champagne and I end up with a bucket of Clorox. 10:14.000 --> 10:16.000 Well, bottoms up. 10:16.000 --> 10:18.000 Sophie, what brings you over here? 10:18.000 --> 10:20.000 Well, I just got this morning's paper, 10:20.000 --> 10:23.000 and I see where you guys are advertising for a secretary. 10:23.000 --> 10:26.000 Oh, no, your eyes may be blue, but they're not that dreamy. 10:26.000 --> 10:29.000 No, I wasn't talking about me, kid. 10:29.000 --> 10:31.000 I just thought that maybe I could help you boys out, you see. 10:31.000 --> 10:34.000 I happen to know a few girls who could handle this job. 10:34.000 --> 10:36.000 Oh, you do? 10:36.000 --> 10:38.000 Yeah, yeah, I do. 10:38.000 --> 10:41.000 I'll just stomp through my address book here, 10:41.000 --> 10:44.000 and I'll see what I can find for you. 10:44.000 --> 10:54.000 Well, that's none of the A's. 11:11.000 --> 11:13.000 Hey, that's a good idea, Sophie. 11:13.000 --> 11:15.000 Maybe I ought to look at my address book for a secretary. 11:15.000 --> 11:19.000 Wait a minute, I'll thumb through mine. 11:19.000 --> 11:21.000 Well, kid, you're finding names? 11:21.000 --> 11:24.000 Yes, but mother doesn't need the work. 11:27.000 --> 11:30.000 Now let's get back to my address book, hey? 11:30.000 --> 11:37.000 Now, here on page 312, volume 4, 11:37.000 --> 11:40.000 a cute little number, name of reader, here, reader, 11:40.000 --> 11:45.000 5'2", red hair, and DITB. 11:45.000 --> 11:47.000 DITB? 11:47.000 --> 11:52.000 Yeah, dynamite in the balcony. 11:52.000 --> 11:55.000 Well, what's this one down here? 11:55.000 --> 11:58.000 Elaine, OMHG. 11:58.000 --> 12:03.000 Yeah, OMHG. Does that stand for Oomphy Miss Heavenly Gams? 12:03.000 --> 12:04.000 No. 12:04.000 --> 12:12.000 Old man has gun. 12:12.000 --> 12:21.000 Well, let's see, here's Joanne, there's Doris, Rose, June, Mary, Sam. 12:21.000 --> 12:23.000 Sam? 12:23.000 --> 12:26.000 Yeah, oh, well, that's just a nickname. 12:26.000 --> 12:27.000 Oh. 12:27.000 --> 12:36.000 Full name is Samuel. 12:36.000 --> 12:40.000 We have here Diane, oh, Evelyn, say, now that Evelyn, 12:40.000 --> 12:42.000 that might be a very good secretary for you guys here. 12:42.000 --> 12:44.000 She's not working right now either. 12:44.000 --> 12:46.000 Well, how's her shorthand? 12:46.000 --> 12:49.000 Well, I don't know, but her legs are terrific. 12:49.000 --> 12:52.000 She used to be a bubble dancer, used to do a terrific dance, you know, 12:52.000 --> 12:55.000 but then one night there was an awful thing happen. 12:55.000 --> 12:56.000 But what was? 12:56.000 --> 13:01.000 Well, you see, she was dancing, dancing to the tune of Pop Goes the Weasel. 13:01.000 --> 13:02.000 Yeah. 13:02.000 --> 13:09.000 She got a bubble too near a ringside table, some weasel popped it. 13:09.000 --> 13:13.000 Now, you've got the wrong idea, so, but we don't want a cute secretary 13:13.000 --> 13:14.000 who'll distract us from our work. 13:14.000 --> 13:17.000 We want a very plain, efficient secretary. 13:17.000 --> 13:20.000 Oh, well, if that's what you want, you are really getting it. 13:20.000 --> 13:26.000 Oh, look, coming up the walk there. 13:26.000 --> 13:30.000 Yeah, look at her, Dean, pigtails, business suit, horn rimmed glasses, 13:30.000 --> 13:31.000 no makeup. 13:31.000 --> 13:36.000 She looks like Neptune's daughter at low tide. 13:36.000 --> 13:38.000 Oh, boys, this is your problem. 13:38.000 --> 13:40.000 I will see you later. 13:40.000 --> 13:43.000 Gee, Dean, you were the one who wanted to hire a plain looking girl, 13:43.000 --> 13:45.000 but this girl who's coming is too homely. 13:45.000 --> 13:48.000 I better tell her the job is all filled. 13:48.000 --> 13:50.000 Come in. 13:50.000 --> 13:51.000 How do you do? 13:51.000 --> 13:53.000 I'm looking for Martin and Lewis. 13:53.000 --> 13:55.000 You got the wrong address, lady. 13:55.000 --> 13:58.000 Where were my Abner? 13:58.000 --> 14:00.000 Aw, Jerry. 14:00.000 --> 14:01.000 Come on in, miss. 14:01.000 --> 14:03.000 I suppose you're here in answer to our ad. 14:03.000 --> 14:07.000 Yes, you advertised for a plain looking girl with glasses, so here I am. 14:07.000 --> 14:08.000 Well, all right. 14:08.000 --> 14:09.000 Now, your name is? 14:09.000 --> 14:10.000 Jane Rus... 14:10.000 --> 14:11.000 Hockenhaven. 14:11.000 --> 14:13.000 Hockenhaven? 14:13.000 --> 14:14.000 That's right. 14:14.000 --> 14:20.000 Well, I guess if someone had to be named Hockenhaven, it sure ought to be you. 14:20.000 --> 14:24.000 Look, if you don't want to call me by my full name, you can just use my nickname. 14:24.000 --> 14:25.000 What's that? 14:25.000 --> 14:30.000 Sam. 14:30.000 --> 14:32.000 Say, miss, tell me one thing. 14:32.000 --> 14:33.000 Yes? 14:33.000 --> 14:36.000 Are you for real? 14:36.000 --> 14:38.000 Miss, I think I ought to warn you. 14:38.000 --> 14:41.000 We're opening a nightclub in two weeks, and there's a lot of work to do. 14:41.000 --> 14:44.000 Yeah, and you probably won't like this job at all. 14:44.000 --> 14:45.000 It's awful hard. 14:45.000 --> 14:48.000 24 hours a day, going at top speed. 14:48.000 --> 14:49.000 Oh, I don't think I'll mind. 14:49.000 --> 14:50.000 Oh, but I'm a tough boss. 14:50.000 --> 14:51.000 I'm a dynamo. 14:51.000 --> 15:05.000 Why, I don't think anything of working my fingers right down to my secretary's bones. 15:05.000 --> 15:08.000 You know, you'll have to forgive my partner, miss. 15:08.000 --> 15:11.000 He had a very tough time last night. 15:11.000 --> 15:12.000 He was thinking. 15:12.000 --> 15:14.000 He was thinking? 15:14.000 --> 15:17.000 Yeah, and today he's got a charley horse in the head. 15:17.000 --> 15:22.000 Look here, Dean Martin, I don't have to stand around here and have you tolerate me. 15:22.000 --> 15:23.000 No? 15:23.000 --> 15:24.000 Absolutely not. 15:24.000 --> 15:27.000 I can always sit down, you know. 15:27.000 --> 15:30.000 Look, Miss Hockenhaven, I think you'll do fine for this job. 15:30.000 --> 15:31.000 Thank you. 15:31.000 --> 15:32.000 Now, wait a minute, Dean. 15:32.000 --> 15:35.000 Don't let this poor girl accept before she knows what she's getting into. 15:35.000 --> 15:37.000 Oh, I don't think I'll mind, really, but what are my duties? 15:37.000 --> 15:41.000 Well, you answer the phone, sharpen the pencils, type the letters, fill the wastebaskets, keep 15:41.000 --> 15:45.000 the books, empty the cash register, file a mail, mail the files, wash my socks, hoist 15:45.000 --> 15:49.000 the mangel, lift that barge, tow that bail, and you work from nine to five, eight hours 15:49.000 --> 15:54.000 every day except Saturday, which is 31. 15:54.000 --> 15:57.000 Now, never mind trying to discourage her anymore, Jerry. 15:57.000 --> 16:00.000 Miss Hockenhaven, you're hired. 16:00.000 --> 16:01.000 Hmm. 16:01.000 --> 16:04.000 Well, okay, I guess. 16:04.000 --> 16:07.000 Here, Miss Hockenhaven, let me take your bag. 16:07.000 --> 16:09.000 Ah, gee, it's so heavy. 16:09.000 --> 16:11.000 What have you got in it? 16:11.000 --> 16:13.000 Track shoes. 16:13.000 --> 16:22.000 Well, now that we've got a secretary again, you better get to work, Jerry. 16:22.000 --> 16:26.000 The musicians are all set up there on the bandstand, so, you know, to rehearse that 16:26.000 --> 16:27.000 number I'm going to sing for opening show. 16:27.000 --> 16:28.000 You mind? 16:28.000 --> 16:29.000 Come on. 16:29.000 --> 16:32.000 Oh, oh, gee, gee, I'd love to hear you sing, Mr. Martin. 16:32.000 --> 16:34.000 Before we startin' our work, couldn't we listen to you? 16:34.000 --> 16:36.000 I think you're wonderful. 16:36.000 --> 16:39.000 Ah, you're just sayin' that to make me feel good. 16:39.000 --> 16:41.000 And it sure worked. 16:41.000 --> 16:45.000 The song's called Room Full of Roses, and it goes something like this. 16:45.000 --> 17:08.000 Okay. 17:08.000 --> 17:18.000 You'd have a room full of roses. 17:18.000 --> 17:29.000 If I sent a rose of white, for every time I cried all night, 17:29.000 --> 17:39.000 You'd have a room full of roses. 17:39.000 --> 17:50.000 And if you took the petals and you tore them all apart, 17:50.000 --> 18:01.000 You'd be tearing at the roses just the way you tore my heart. 18:01.000 --> 18:12.000 If someday you are feeling blue and you could send some roses too, 18:12.000 --> 18:23.000 Well, I don't want a room full of roses. 18:23.000 --> 18:35.000 I just want my arms full of you. 18:35.000 --> 18:43.000 And if you took the petals and you tore them all apart, 18:43.000 --> 18:56.000 You'd be tearing at the roses just the way you tore my heart. 18:56.000 --> 19:08.000 If someday you are feeling blue and you could send some roses too, 19:08.000 --> 19:19.000 Well, I don't want a room full of roses. 19:19.000 --> 19:34.000 I just want my arms full of you. 19:34.000 --> 19:49.000 I just want my arms full of you. 19:49.000 --> 19:52.000 Oh, thank you for letting me listen to your rehearsal, Mr. Martin. I loved it. 19:52.000 --> 19:58.000 Oh, thanks. And I got to go check on the drapes and the decorations that the workmen are putting up around the dance floor now. 19:58.000 --> 20:02.000 Don't you worry about a thing, Miss Hockenhaven. Jerry will show you exactly what to do. 20:02.000 --> 20:04.000 Okay, Dean. See you later. 20:04.000 --> 20:10.000 I like that Dean. He hides our homely secretary and then leaves me all alone with her. 20:10.000 --> 20:13.000 I'll show her. 20:13.000 --> 20:19.000 Well, Miss, guess we better get to work. That's our motto around this office. Work, work, work. More work. You got to continue to work. 20:19.000 --> 20:23.000 And we work a little harder and a little harder. We get things accomplished and we work and work and we work some more. 20:23.000 --> 20:27.000 And then we work and we work a little more and work, work, work. 20:27.000 --> 20:33.000 Okay, let's get started. I can't. I just wore myself out. 20:33.000 --> 20:37.000 Mr. Lewis, are you sure you know what you're doing? Do I know what I'm doing? Listen, brother. 20:37.000 --> 20:41.000 No, you mean sister, don't you? I'm sure that nobody'd ever mistake me for their brother. 20:41.000 --> 20:45.000 I would, but I'm only 23 years old. What do I know? 20:45.000 --> 20:51.000 Now, I suppose you know all about typing, Miss. Well, no, no, I'm not too familiar with typing. 20:51.000 --> 20:54.000 There's nothing to it. I'll show you. Come over to the desk here. 20:54.000 --> 21:01.000 See, you just bend over the typewriter like this and you go... 21:01.000 --> 21:12.000 That's pretty good, huh? Yeah, I'll say. But doesn't that hurt your nose? 21:12.000 --> 21:15.000 Now, wait a minute. You're the one who's supposed to type anyhow. 21:15.000 --> 21:18.000 Now, just sit down there and I'll dictate a letter. Ready? Yes, sir. 21:18.000 --> 21:22.000 Dear sir, my laundry came back this week with all the buttons missing from my pajamas. 21:22.000 --> 21:27.000 If this happens again, I'm going to sue because the wrong house catches on fire and I have to run out. 21:27.000 --> 21:34.000 Oh. 21:34.000 --> 21:38.000 Now, did you get that? Just four words of it. What are they? 21:38.000 --> 21:46.000 Are you for real? 21:46.000 --> 21:55.000 Am I for real? Am I for real? Why, when a person's for real, it means they're alive and made out of flesh and blood and breathing and living. 21:55.000 --> 22:02.000 And as you can see, I'm... Well, I missed that question. Can I stand by for the jackpot? 22:02.000 --> 22:07.000 Okay, put that letter in an envelope and get it out in the first mail. 22:07.000 --> 22:14.000 Come in. Who is it? Hello, Mr. Lewis. Lawrence, it's you. Yes, it's me. 22:14.000 --> 22:19.000 Then you've come back? Yes, I've come back. 22:19.000 --> 22:23.000 Well, how are things in Capistrano? 22:23.000 --> 22:29.000 Mr. Lewis, I couldn't leave you and Mr. Martin helped us, so I came back to go to work. 22:29.000 --> 22:34.000 Well, Florence, we replaced you with Miss, uh, Miss, uh, Miss Harkinhaven. 22:34.000 --> 22:39.000 You replaced me with her? Yes, she's very efficient. 22:39.000 --> 22:45.000 Well, all right if you prefer efficiency to beauty and oomph. 22:45.000 --> 22:47.000 Now, just wait a minute. 22:47.000 --> 22:56.000 Well, I'm sorry, honey. I wouldn't hurt your feelings for the world. After all, it isn't your fault if you're the mousy type. 22:56.000 --> 22:59.000 The mousy type? Now, listen, you just... Well, I don't care... 22:59.000 --> 23:09.000 Girls, girls, girls, please stop it. I can't blame you for fighting over me, but believe me, I'm worth it. 23:09.000 --> 23:15.000 Well, I guess you do need a job, you poor girl. Those glasses and those pigtails. 23:15.000 --> 23:21.000 Why, when I see a girl like you and then look in the mirror and see myself, I say, 23:21.000 --> 23:26.000 Oh, Florence, you gorgeous doll, you. 23:26.000 --> 23:29.000 Say, you're pretty happy with yourself, aren't you, honey? 23:29.000 --> 23:36.000 Sure. Florence is lovely. She's engaged. She smokes talcum powder. 23:36.000 --> 23:43.000 Oh, so you're on her side, Mr. Lewis. Well, if you two think you can take my job away from me this easy, you're mistaken. 23:43.000 --> 23:46.000 I'm going out and talk to Mr. Martin. 23:46.000 --> 23:48.000 Gee, she's pretty sore at me, ain't she? 23:48.000 --> 23:56.000 Sore at you? Why, Mr. Lewis, you don't understand anything about a woman. She doesn't want the job half as much as she wants to be around you. 23:56.000 --> 24:03.000 Well, notch, after all, can you blame her? Why, I've been out with Lana Turner, Ava Gardner, Linda Darnell, Jane Russell. 24:03.000 --> 24:05.000 You've been out with Jane Russell? 24:05.000 --> 24:07.000 Yeah. Sort of surprised you, didn't I? 24:07.000 --> 24:09.000 You sure did. 24:09.000 --> 24:16.000 Oh, boy, what I could tell you about that Janey baby. 24:16.000 --> 24:25.000 Well, please do tell me about Janey baby. Is she really pretty? 24:25.000 --> 24:26.000 Oh, she's gorgeous. 24:26.000 --> 24:31.000 You know, I've heard that she's actually sort of plain looking. You'd never even notice her in a crowd. 24:31.000 --> 24:37.000 That's really silly, White. I'd know Jane Russell if I were within a hundred yards of her, blindfolded. 24:37.000 --> 24:49.000 Gee. 24:49.000 --> 24:55.000 You really are clever, aren't you? 24:55.000 --> 25:00.000 But you know, I'm glad to hear that she's so pretty because a few people have told me that I look a little bit like her. 25:00.000 --> 25:09.000 You? Look like Jane Russell? Are you out of your mind? 25:09.000 --> 25:14.000 Well, don't you think that I look even a little bit like her? After all, at least we're both girls. 25:14.000 --> 25:23.000 Sure. And Stanley's steamers and Cadillacs are both automobiles. But what a difference on our way up to Mulholland Drive. 25:23.000 --> 25:29.000 Oh, brother. Now, wait a minute. This has gone far enough. You've never parked on Mulholland Drive with Jane Russell. 25:29.000 --> 25:38.000 Don't kid yourself why the last time we were up there, she hugged me and kissed me and she even whispered in my ear that I'm the only man in her life. 25:38.000 --> 25:40.000 Jerry, I'm Jane Russell. 25:40.000 --> 25:43.000 Imagine me, the only man in her life. 25:43.000 --> 25:47.000 Jerry, Jerry, I said, I'm Jane Russell. 25:47.000 --> 25:53.000 Well, which way to Boys Town? 25:53.000 --> 25:57.000 Now, wait a minute. You scared me so much, I almost believed you for a second. 25:57.000 --> 26:01.000 Dean, come in here. It's pretty warm in here, miss, but you'll be all right in a few minutes. 26:01.000 --> 26:05.000 Dean, hurry! Now, stay on your own side of the desk and just take it easy. 26:05.000 --> 26:07.000 Dean! 26:07.000 --> 26:08.000 Jerry, what's the matter? 26:08.000 --> 26:13.000 Miss Hockenhayven thinks she's Jane Russell. It's so warm in here, the heat must have gone through her head. 26:13.000 --> 26:20.000 All right, all right. I can show you all. I'll fluff out my hair and I'll take off my glasses and put on a little lipstick. There. 26:20.000 --> 26:22.000 Why, it is Jane Russell. 26:22.000 --> 26:30.000 Gee, no wonder I thought it was warm in here. 26:30.000 --> 26:33.000 But Miss Russell, I don't understand this at all. 26:33.000 --> 26:41.000 Well, the studio wanted me to get some experience as a secretary for my next picture, so they talked me into putting on this disguise and applying for the job. 26:41.000 --> 26:50.000 Gee, Dean, how do you like that? I was trying to make her work so hard she quit the job and I stood right here in front of her and bragged about having dates with Jane Russell. 26:50.000 --> 26:52.000 And I told her how awful she looked. 26:52.000 --> 26:57.000 And I was complaining about you hiring an ugly girl and all the time you'd really hired Jane Russell. 26:57.000 --> 26:59.000 And, Dean? 26:59.000 --> 27:00.000 What? 27:00.000 --> 27:15.000 Boy, did she make a fool out of you. 27:15.000 --> 27:23.000 Well, I finally got everything squared around, Jerry. I apologized to Jane Russell before she left and I finally got Florence to take her old job back. 27:23.000 --> 27:25.000 Gee, I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble, Dean. 27:25.000 --> 27:30.000 Oh, that's all right. The only thing I regret is that you told Jane Russell all those fibs. 27:30.000 --> 27:37.000 The idea, standing right there in front of her and bragging about having a date with her and taking her up on Mulholland Drive. 27:37.000 --> 27:42.000 Gee, Dean, I didn't mean to lie. I mean, I didn't mean to lie. 27:42.000 --> 27:48.000 I didn't lie. That is, I mean, I didn't know I was lying because I thought that she was... 27:48.000 --> 27:54.000 Well, you see, it's dark up there on Mulholland Drive and she said, Dean, let's face it. 27:54.000 --> 27:55.000 Face what? 27:55.000 --> 28:03.000 Some girl's been making an awful fool out of me, too. 28:03.000 --> 28:05.000 Good night, folks, and thank you, Miss Jane Russell. 28:05.000 --> 28:16.000 Good night, everybody. 28:16.000 --> 28:24.000 The Martin Lewis Show Transcribed in Hollywood is produced by Robert L. Redden, written by Ray Allen and Dick McKnight, with Cy Rose and Mort Lockman. 28:24.000 --> 28:30.000 Next week, our guest will be Cesar Romero. Jane Russell can soon be seen in the Howard Hughes production, The Outlaw. 28:30.000 --> 28:39.000 Now, here's a reminder. Tomorrow night's wonderful lineup of NBC attractions includes the Adventures of Archie Andrews, Henry Morgan, and Mr. District Attorney. 28:39.000 --> 28:47.000 This has been Alexander, suggesting you tune in to your NBC station each Tuesday evening at the same hour for the Martin and Lewis Show. 28:47.000 --> 29:03.000 This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.