WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:07.000 It's the Martin and Lewis show. 00:07.000 --> 00:20.040 The National Broadcasting Company brings you transcribed from Chicago, the Martin and Lewis 00:20.040 --> 00:24.800 show featuring Sheldon Leonard, Flo McMichael, Dick's to be in his orchestra and starring 00:24.800 --> 00:37.240 Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. 00:37.240 --> 00:39.440 Dean and Jerry are in Chicago. 00:39.440 --> 00:42.720 Right now we find them on their first day off from personal appearances at the Chez 00:42.720 --> 00:47.240 Feree getting some relaxation by strolling down Chicago's Michigan Boulevard. 00:47.240 --> 00:51.400 Chicago, Chicago, that tunneling town. 00:51.400 --> 00:54.000 Hey Jerry, you've been very quiet since we got to Chicago. 00:54.000 --> 00:55.000 Is something wrong? 00:55.000 --> 00:58.480 No, Dean, it's just that I'm still embarrassed about what happened when we arrived at the 00:58.480 --> 00:59.480 airport. 00:59.480 --> 01:03.000 I don't remember anything unusual except that the American Airlines stewardess refused 01:03.000 --> 01:04.520 to carry my bags. 01:04.520 --> 01:05.520 What happened to you? 01:05.520 --> 01:09.720 Well, as the plane landed, the stewardess said, unfasten safety belts. 01:09.720 --> 01:16.960 I ain't fastened the wrong belt and got off the plane without my family. 01:16.960 --> 01:21.000 You know Jerry, come to think of it, I did notice something strange but then I decided 01:21.000 --> 01:24.200 you were wearing chartreuse knickers. 01:24.200 --> 01:27.040 Well, I was told I dressed warmly for Chicago. 01:27.040 --> 01:28.040 Besides, I... 01:28.040 --> 01:29.040 Dean, look out! 01:29.040 --> 01:34.040 Gee, that cab driver ought to have his eyes examined. 01:34.040 --> 01:35.040 He missed us. 01:35.040 --> 01:38.920 Well, he didn't miss us by much. 01:38.920 --> 01:41.640 You know, for a moment I thought I was back in Los Angeles. 01:41.640 --> 01:42.640 Los Angeles. 01:42.640 --> 01:47.000 That's a place where old Chicago cab drivers go to die. 01:47.000 --> 01:51.440 Well, from now on Jerry, we don't cross Michigan Boulevard. 01:51.440 --> 01:52.440 You're right. 01:52.440 --> 01:54.760 We'll walk around and swim in from Canada. 01:54.760 --> 02:03.280 You know Jerry, it's good to have a day off from the club so we can walk around and see 02:03.280 --> 02:04.280 Chicago. 02:04.280 --> 02:06.280 You know, it's a very historical town Jerry. 02:06.280 --> 02:08.880 Remember the story about Mrs. O'Leary's cow? 02:08.880 --> 02:09.880 No. 02:09.880 --> 02:12.200 Oh, sure you do. 02:12.200 --> 02:14.100 The cow that started the fire. 02:14.100 --> 02:15.640 And you know what happened. 02:15.640 --> 02:17.840 The cow burned the candles at both ends. 02:17.840 --> 02:21.600 No Jerry, it started the great Chicago fire. 02:21.600 --> 02:22.600 Really? 02:22.600 --> 02:27.440 Well, people shouldn't let a cow smoke in bed. 02:27.440 --> 02:33.760 Jerry, I'm amazed at you. 02:33.760 --> 02:35.660 You're 23 years old now. 02:35.660 --> 02:37.240 Do you know what's going to become of you? 02:37.240 --> 02:39.280 Yeah, I'm going to become 24. 02:39.280 --> 02:43.960 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. 02:43.960 --> 02:47.000 You see, you said what is going to become of you? 02:47.000 --> 02:50.360 So instead of saying I might become a doctor or a lawyer, I just said I'm going to become 02:50.360 --> 02:51.360 24. 02:51.360 --> 02:53.360 Because I'm 23 years old now, see? 02:53.360 --> 02:55.360 And then if a year passes by that makes me 24. 02:55.360 --> 02:57.120 That's what I'm going to become. 02:57.120 --> 02:58.520 So it's all in the line of a joke. 02:58.520 --> 02:59.520 That's why I said it, see? 02:59.520 --> 03:00.520 And I thought you'd laugh at me, didn't you? 03:00.520 --> 03:04.160 See, but it was a gag and I wish I was dead. 03:04.160 --> 03:08.800 Ah, come on. 03:08.800 --> 03:10.660 Let's go back to the hotel Jerry. 03:10.660 --> 03:12.840 We ought to think of something to do on our day off. 03:12.840 --> 03:16.480 Dean, look at those girls coming around the corner of that building. 03:16.480 --> 03:19.360 Oh, now I know why they call this the Windy City. 03:19.360 --> 03:22.040 All right Jerry, come on, let's go. 03:22.040 --> 03:23.040 Stop staring. 03:23.040 --> 03:26.120 I'm not staring, Dean. 03:26.120 --> 03:28.120 I wouldn't think of staring. 03:28.120 --> 03:31.960 Dean, do all girls carry $10 bills in their garden? 03:31.960 --> 03:34.960 Why hello, fellas. 03:34.960 --> 03:37.760 I've been looking for you. 03:37.760 --> 03:40.200 Why, Sophie, how did you get to Chicago? 03:40.200 --> 03:42.080 Why home by train, of course. 03:42.080 --> 03:46.200 I rode on the rads beneath the observation car. 03:46.200 --> 03:49.680 Beneath the observation car, well Sophie, you don't have to travel like that. 03:49.680 --> 03:50.680 Oh yeah, yeah I do. 03:50.680 --> 03:51.680 You do, huh? 03:51.680 --> 03:59.240 My doctor said I should always be under observation. 03:59.240 --> 04:02.760 You told your joke, you may now return to Los Angeles. 04:02.760 --> 04:09.660 Hey look, listen, I got something that is very important to discuss with you fellas. 04:09.660 --> 04:13.560 This is an idea that will mean just a little bit of work for you, but a lot of money for 04:13.560 --> 04:14.560 me. 04:14.560 --> 04:17.280 Hey, Sophie, you're always trying to make money off us. 04:17.280 --> 04:18.640 Now don't be silly, boys. 04:18.640 --> 04:20.240 I am your friend. 04:20.240 --> 04:23.120 I am as honest as the day is long. 04:23.120 --> 04:28.040 Dean, notice how short the days are this time of year. 04:28.040 --> 04:30.040 What proposition have you got for us this time, Sophie? 04:30.040 --> 04:31.360 I'll tell you, I want to be your agent. 04:31.360 --> 04:36.680 I will get you a job and you guys will get 75% and I will get 50%. 04:36.680 --> 04:40.120 Now come on, wait a minute now. 04:40.120 --> 04:41.120 That adds up to 125%. 04:41.120 --> 04:42.120 How can it be? 04:42.120 --> 04:49.120 Don't let anybody tell you there's no inflation. 04:49.120 --> 04:50.120 He's right. 04:50.120 --> 04:51.680 He's right about inflation, Dean. 04:51.680 --> 04:56.480 Now just the other day, I noticed that Pickle Pig's feet went from 22 cents a pound to 34 04:56.480 --> 05:02.760 cents a pound, including a slight charge for Pickle Pig's feet wearing spats. 05:02.760 --> 05:09.760 Now, if the market continues to rise, it will affect every man, woman, and pig in America. 05:09.760 --> 05:17.400 End of the day, we'll come mock my work when it will be impossible, impossible to talk 05:17.400 --> 05:24.160 a pig into getting Pickle. 05:24.160 --> 05:34.040 No, Jan, there's something in what you say, but I haven't got time to find it. 05:34.040 --> 05:37.360 Well, tell me boys, am I your agent? 05:37.360 --> 05:40.840 I sold you to a resort hotel in Turkey Run. 05:40.840 --> 05:45.800 Okay, Sophie, where do we go? 05:45.800 --> 05:49.880 You go out to Turkey Run, there is a hotel out there and it's called Manahakal Maya's 05:49.880 --> 05:53.400 Indian Retreat. 05:53.400 --> 06:03.600 Do we see Manahakal Maya? 06:03.600 --> 06:05.560 Do we see Manahakal Maya? 06:05.560 --> 06:07.560 Well, no, you don't. 06:07.560 --> 06:11.640 Manahakal Maya is really Joe Schlo. 06:11.640 --> 06:13.400 Now there's one little thing that I better tell you. 06:13.400 --> 06:17.440 You see, they don't know that you are entertainers. 06:17.440 --> 06:21.200 I got you a maintenance job, which is supposed to you go around killing bugs. 06:21.200 --> 06:22.200 Killing bugs? 06:22.200 --> 06:23.200 Uh-huh. 06:23.200 --> 06:24.200 What kind of a job is that? 06:24.200 --> 06:25.200 I'm afraid of bugs. 06:25.200 --> 06:26.200 Even a little mosquito frightens me. 06:26.200 --> 06:27.200 Why does a mosquito frighten you? 06:27.200 --> 06:28.200 Well, you see, I haven't been too well. 06:28.200 --> 06:29.200 Well, fellas, look, will you please, will you do it for my sake? 06:29.200 --> 06:30.200 Jerry, what do you say we do it for kicks? 06:30.200 --> 06:31.200 Now, how do we get to this place? 06:31.200 --> 06:32.200 We'll drive. 06:32.200 --> 06:33.200 I borrowed the hotel manager's car. 06:33.200 --> 06:34.200 He loaned you his car? 06:34.200 --> 06:35.200 Yeah, it's a Hudson. 06:35.200 --> 06:36.200 The only car you step up to is the one that's in the back of the car. 06:36.200 --> 06:37.200 I'm afraid of bugs. 06:37.200 --> 06:38.200 What kind of a job is that? 06:38.200 --> 06:39.200 I'm afraid of bugs. 06:39.200 --> 06:40.200 Even a little mosquito frightens me. 06:40.200 --> 06:41.200 Why does a mosquito frighten you? 06:41.200 --> 06:42.200 Well, you see, I haven't been too well. 06:42.200 --> 07:07.200 Jerry, what do you say we do it for kicks? 07:07.200 --> 07:16.200 I'm afraid of bugs. 07:16.200 --> 07:40.700 Oh, hello. 07:40.700 --> 07:51.700 What did you say? 07:51.700 --> 07:54.200 Man, you're either crazy or there's a misunderstanding here. 07:54.200 --> 07:55.360 Now, wait a minute, mister. 07:55.360 --> 07:56.360 There must be something wrong. 07:56.360 --> 07:59.000 Aren't we supposed to be hired for spraying bugs? 07:59.000 --> 08:00.000 Bugs? 08:00.000 --> 08:02.600 Oh, for goodness sake, I was talking about children. 08:02.600 --> 08:05.200 Well, if you insist, we'll spray them too. 08:05.200 --> 08:06.800 One moment, please. 08:06.800 --> 08:07.800 Oh, Mr. Schlump. 08:07.800 --> 08:08.800 Yes, what is it? 08:08.800 --> 08:11.800 Uh, where Martin and Lois Saltly Lanner sent us over. 08:11.800 --> 08:13.800 Oh, yes, yes, I see now. 08:13.800 --> 08:15.800 Well, we'd better put you right to work on the bugs. 08:15.800 --> 08:18.800 If it's all the same to you, we'd rather entertain than kill bugs. 08:18.800 --> 08:19.800 Entertain? 08:19.800 --> 08:20.800 Yeah, we work in night clubs. 08:20.800 --> 08:21.800 Dean sings. 08:21.800 --> 08:22.800 Hmm, do you sing well? 08:22.800 --> 08:23.800 Hmm, quite well. 08:23.800 --> 08:24.800 Like a bird? 08:24.800 --> 08:36.800 Even better, like Frosby. 08:36.800 --> 08:40.800 Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. 08:40.800 --> 08:44.800 Oh, what fun it is to ride in one horse open sleigh. 08:44.800 --> 08:49.800 Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. 08:49.800 --> 08:53.800 Oh, what fun it is to ride in one horse open sleigh. 08:53.800 --> 08:57.800 Dashing through the snow in one horse open sleigh. 08:57.800 --> 09:02.800 All the fields we go laughing all the way. 09:02.800 --> 09:06.800 Bells and bobtail ring making spirits bright. 09:06.800 --> 09:11.800 What fun it is to ride and sing the sleighing song tonight. 09:11.800 --> 09:15.800 Here in Chicago the snow is snowing snow. 09:15.800 --> 09:20.800 The wind is blow blow up the streets of Chicago. 09:20.800 --> 09:24.800 Back in Hollywood the sun is shining good. 09:24.800 --> 09:27.800 You take the sun, we'll take the snow. 09:27.800 --> 09:29.800 There's dough in Chicago. 09:29.800 --> 09:35.800 Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. 09:35.800 --> 09:41.800 Oh, what fun it is to ride in one horse open sleigh. 09:41.800 --> 09:46.800 Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. 09:46.800 --> 09:54.800 Oh, what fun it is to ride in one horse open sleigh. 09:54.800 --> 10:09.800 Well, that was pretty good, Martin. 10:09.800 --> 10:12.800 I want you to sing that song three times a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner. 10:12.800 --> 10:13.800 As I think that you are... 10:13.800 --> 10:17.800 Hey, Mr. Schlumpf, I demand that you cancel my reservation at your hotel. 10:17.800 --> 10:19.800 No, let's not be hasty, Mrs. Van Loop. 10:19.800 --> 10:21.800 When I came here and brought my wealthy friends, 10:21.800 --> 10:25.800 you told me my daughter Daisy Esther would meet some important eligible bachelors. 10:25.800 --> 10:28.800 Well, didn't I introduce her to Count von Broheim? 10:28.800 --> 10:31.800 Yes, but who ever heard of the Empire of Cicero? 10:31.800 --> 10:33.800 Oh! 10:33.800 --> 10:36.800 I'm taking her away from this place immediately. 10:36.800 --> 10:38.800 Now, that's a shame, Mrs. Van Loop, 10:38.800 --> 10:41.800 especially when two new guests have arrived from Hollywood. 10:41.800 --> 10:44.800 This is Martin and Lewis, famous movie producers. 10:44.800 --> 10:47.800 Play along with me, boys, there's a hundred bucks apiece in this for you. 10:47.800 --> 10:49.800 Martin and Lewis, Martin and Lewis. 10:49.800 --> 10:52.800 Now, where have I seen your faces before? 10:52.800 --> 10:54.800 Probably in front of our heads. 10:54.800 --> 11:00.800 Laughter 11:00.800 --> 11:03.800 You know, actually, Mrs. Van Loop, we're a little bit of everything. 11:03.800 --> 11:05.800 Producers, actors, world travelers. 11:05.800 --> 11:07.800 Oh, how exciting! 11:07.800 --> 11:11.800 You gentlemen aren't married. 11:11.800 --> 11:12.800 Oh, no we're not. 11:12.800 --> 11:15.800 No, we thought it might be better if we each had a girl. 11:15.800 --> 11:27.800 Laughter 11:27.800 --> 11:30.800 It just seems that we've met somewhere. 11:30.800 --> 11:33.800 Oh, perhaps we bumped into each other on the continent. 11:33.800 --> 11:35.800 Don't you just love your hits? 11:35.800 --> 11:37.800 Personally, I like slits. 11:37.800 --> 11:38.800 Laughter 11:38.800 --> 11:43.800 It's fortunate that your daughter is here at the same time as Mr. Martin and Mr. Lewis and Mrs. Van Loop. 11:43.800 --> 11:46.800 I know she's interested in the stage and movies. 11:46.800 --> 11:49.800 You see, these gentlemen are very well known producers. 11:49.800 --> 11:50.800 Really? 11:50.800 --> 11:52.800 Yeah, really. 11:52.800 --> 11:55.800 Yes, Jerry and I produce quite a few good pictures. 11:55.800 --> 11:57.800 Oh, yes, you must have seen Everybody Does It. 11:57.800 --> 11:59.800 Oh, yes, I have. Did you produce that? 11:59.800 --> 12:02.800 No, but we're making another picture just like Everybody Does It. 12:02.800 --> 12:05.800 It's about a bashful young man and it's called I Didn't. 12:05.800 --> 12:10.800 Laughter 12:10.800 --> 12:14.800 I'm beginning to wonder if you two really are as famous as you're making out. 12:14.800 --> 12:15.800 You doubt it? 12:15.800 --> 12:19.800 Why, I can pick up that phone right this minute and call any star in Hollywood. 12:19.800 --> 12:21.800 Go ahead, I don't believe you. 12:21.800 --> 12:25.800 I'll show you. Dean, quick, get on the extension in the next room. 12:25.800 --> 12:27.800 Okay, Jer. 12:27.800 --> 12:28.800 Laughter 12:28.800 --> 12:30.800 Now, where's Mr. Martin going? 12:30.800 --> 12:34.800 Oh, well, you see, Dean is a singer and every day at this time he has his throat sprayed with DDT. 12:34.800 --> 12:36.800 Is DDT good for his voice? 12:36.800 --> 12:40.800 No, but pity the poor moth that flies in when Dean's got his mouth open. 12:40.800 --> 12:44.800 Laughter 12:44.800 --> 12:47.800 Mr. Lewis, what about that phone call you were going to make? 12:47.800 --> 12:48.800 Sure, Mrs. Van Luke. 12:48.800 --> 12:51.800 Who do you want me to call? Just name any star. Any star. 12:51.800 --> 12:52.800 Well? 12:52.800 --> 12:54.800 Clark Abel, fine. 12:54.800 --> 13:00.800 Hello, operator. I want to talk with Clark Abel in Hollywood. 13:00.800 --> 13:02.800 Hello, big ears. 13:02.800 --> 13:05.800 This is J.L. A friend of mine wants to talk with you. 13:05.800 --> 13:07.800 Here's the phone, Mrs. Van Luke. 13:07.800 --> 13:12.800 Oh, my. Hello, Mr. Gable. This certainly is a pleasure. 13:12.800 --> 13:14.800 Hello, baby. 13:14.800 --> 13:18.800 Laughter 13:18.800 --> 13:22.800 How are things in Hollywood? 13:22.800 --> 13:24.800 Hello, baby. 13:24.800 --> 13:27.800 I enjoyed your last picture. 13:27.800 --> 13:29.800 Hello, baby. 13:29.800 --> 13:31.800 Well, that's enough, Mrs. Van Luke. 13:31.800 --> 13:34.800 But you hardly let me talk. Clark has a beautiful voice. 13:34.800 --> 13:36.800 I know, but his vocabulary is pretty limited. 13:36.800 --> 13:38.800 Laughter 13:38.800 --> 13:43.800 I say, Mr. Lewis, you couldn't connect me with Charles Boyer, could you? 13:43.800 --> 13:45.800 Why, of course he can. 13:45.800 --> 13:47.800 If you say so. 13:47.800 --> 13:52.800 Hello, operator. Get me Charles Boyer in Hollywood at the Beverly Wilshire. 13:52.800 --> 13:56.800 If he isn't there, try the Beverly Cosby. 13:56.800 --> 13:57.800 Laughter 13:57.800 --> 14:01.800 Hello, Chuck. Jerry. I'm in Chicago. The Ambassador East. 14:01.800 --> 14:04.800 The Pump Room. Wee. Pump Room. 14:04.800 --> 14:06.800 After dinner, they pump your wallet. 14:06.800 --> 14:12.800 Laughter 14:12.800 --> 14:15.800 Wee-wee. Chuck. 14:15.800 --> 14:17.800 A friend of mine wants to talk with you. 14:17.800 --> 14:19.800 Okay, Mrs. Van Luke. 14:19.800 --> 14:22.800 Hello, Mr. Boyer. How are you? 14:22.800 --> 14:27.800 It's a pleasure to talk with you. Since when have you been in the cinema? 14:27.800 --> 14:29.800 Hello, baby. 14:29.800 --> 14:35.800 Laughter 14:35.800 --> 14:37.800 Sounds just like Clark Gable. 14:37.800 --> 14:41.800 Sure. Gable and Boyer talk the same because they both have the same English coach. 14:41.800 --> 14:42.800 Who? 14:42.800 --> 14:44.800 Sam Goldwyn. 14:44.800 --> 14:46.800 Laughter 14:46.800 --> 14:50.800 Let's not bother Mr. Boyer anymore. So long, Chuck. I'll be seeing you. 14:50.800 --> 14:53.800 And when I do, remind us to work on some new impersonations. 14:53.800 --> 14:57.800 Well, Mrs. Van Luke, do you still want to cancel your reservation? 14:57.800 --> 15:03.800 Heavens no, Mr. Schlumpf. I'd like very much to have my daughter Daisy Esther meet these two charming chaps. 15:03.800 --> 15:05.800 May I borrow them for a while? 15:05.800 --> 15:09.800 Of course you can borrow them. Keep them as long as you want. 15:09.800 --> 15:12.800 But you better return us after two weeks or it'll cost you two cents a day. 15:12.800 --> 15:13.800 Laughter 15:13.800 --> 15:17.800 Oh, you dear boy. Goodbye, Mr. Schlumpf. Come on, boys. 15:17.800 --> 15:19.800 Coming, Mrs. Van Luke. 15:19.800 --> 15:20.800 Laughter 15:20.800 --> 15:25.800 Really, I'm so thrilled, you know. It's wonderful that Daisy Esther's going to meet you wonderful boys. 15:25.800 --> 15:32.800 You know, I left her somewhere in the lobby. Oh, yes, there she is. Oh, Daisy Esther. Here, dear. 15:32.800 --> 15:34.800 She's a little thin, isn't she? 15:34.800 --> 15:36.800 No, only from the front and the side. 15:36.800 --> 15:40.800 Laughter 15:40.800 --> 15:43.800 Mrs. Van Luke, aren't you afraid to let her walk out in the street? 15:43.800 --> 15:44.800 Oh, why should I be? 15:44.800 --> 15:47.800 Somebody's liable to slap a stamp on her and mail her. 15:47.800 --> 15:48.800 Laughter 15:48.800 --> 15:53.800 Hello, dear. Daisy Esther, say hello to Mr. Martin and Mr. Lewis. 15:53.800 --> 15:54.800 Hello, Daisy Esther. 15:54.800 --> 15:55.800 Hello, Daisy Esther. 15:55.800 --> 15:56.800 Hello, Daisy Esther. 15:56.800 --> 15:58.800 Heh. Hello. 15:58.800 --> 16:00.800 Laughter 16:00.800 --> 16:02.800 What takes you so long to say hello? 16:02.800 --> 16:05.800 I get pushed from over exercising. 16:05.800 --> 16:07.800 Well, what did you do that was so strenuous? 16:07.800 --> 16:09.800 I walked across the room. 16:09.800 --> 16:10.800 Laughter 16:10.800 --> 16:11.800 Why should that tire you? 16:11.800 --> 16:13.800 The wind was against me. 16:13.800 --> 16:15.800 Laughter 16:15.800 --> 16:19.800 Is that all you have to say to these eligible gentlemen, dear? 16:19.800 --> 16:20.800 I accept. 16:20.800 --> 16:21.800 You accept what? 16:21.800 --> 16:22.800 Laughter 16:22.800 --> 16:25.800 Whatever you want to ask me. You see, I don't go out much. 16:25.800 --> 16:27.800 Oh, Daisy Esther's only joking. 16:27.800 --> 16:30.800 Why, every boy in town's trying to put a ring on her finger. 16:30.800 --> 16:33.800 So what happens? The ring keeps slipping up her arm? 16:33.800 --> 16:37.800 Laughter 16:37.800 --> 16:38.800 I like you. 16:38.800 --> 16:40.800 Why? Because I'm handsome? 16:40.800 --> 16:43.800 No, because you're skinny like me. 16:43.800 --> 16:44.800 Laughter 16:44.800 --> 16:49.800 Skinny? That's a lie. I am not skinny. I'm big. Full chested. 16:49.800 --> 16:53.800 And I'm... I'm... I'm a Samson. 16:53.800 --> 16:57.800 I'm so strong, many of the time I've picked up trees with my bare hands. 16:57.800 --> 16:59.800 Sometimes I even pick up the shoes. 16:59.800 --> 17:07.800 Laughter 17:07.800 --> 17:09.800 No, Jerry, that's enough already. 17:09.800 --> 17:11.800 Me Tarzan, you Dean. Me Tarzan, you Dean. 17:11.800 --> 17:16.800 Laughter 17:16.800 --> 17:19.800 Me Dean, me think you nuts. 17:19.800 --> 17:20.800 Laughter 17:20.800 --> 17:22.800 Oh, Daisy, isn't it wonderful? 17:22.800 --> 17:26.800 And you'll be happy to learn that he and Mr. Martin are famous producers. 17:26.800 --> 17:30.800 Oh, how super. You know, I'm going to be a great actress someday. 17:30.800 --> 17:31.800 Is that right, Daisy Esther? 17:31.800 --> 17:36.800 Yes. Everybody says I have a... I have a lot of fire. 17:36.800 --> 17:39.800 Laughter 17:39.800 --> 17:41.800 Don't look now, but I think you're out of lighter fluid. 17:41.800 --> 17:44.800 Laughter 17:44.800 --> 17:50.800 I'd certainly be willing to spend a lot of money if Daisy Esther could get a good part in a play. 17:50.800 --> 17:51.800 How nice. 17:51.800 --> 17:52.800 Laughter 17:52.800 --> 17:56.800 I'd spend even more for a husband. 17:56.800 --> 18:03.800 I said I'd spend even more for a husband for my beautiful, talented, glamorous daughter. 18:03.800 --> 18:05.800 What do you say? 18:05.800 --> 18:06.800 Are you for real? 18:06.800 --> 18:09.800 Laughter 18:09.800 --> 18:12.800 Ah, just a minute, Jerry. Come on. 18:12.800 --> 18:16.800 Look, Jerry, be nice to this spook here. 18:16.800 --> 18:19.800 Her old lady has a lot of money and might make us rich, you know. 18:19.800 --> 18:26.800 I might invest in a new nightclub under the management of Martin and Lewis if Daisy could star in her own play. 18:26.800 --> 18:28.800 Shake hands with Eugene O. Lewis. 18:28.800 --> 18:35.800 This is Van Luke. Last month I wrote a play that would be perfect for Daisy Esther, which we could put on for the guests tonight. 18:35.800 --> 18:38.800 Oh, how peachy-kino. 18:38.800 --> 18:39.800 Laughter 18:39.800 --> 18:40.800 What's the name of the play? 18:40.800 --> 18:47.800 Oh, it's called, um, it's called, oh, I'm sorry, Daisy Esther, but it's not polite to talk when Dean is singing. 18:47.800 --> 18:49.800 Well, but Mr. Martin isn't singing. 18:49.800 --> 18:50.800 Wanna bet? 18:50.800 --> 18:54.800 Laughter 18:54.800 --> 18:55.800 Sing, Dean. 18:55.800 --> 19:11.800 Music 19:11.800 --> 19:25.800 Don't cry, Joe. Let her go, let her go, let her go. 19:25.800 --> 19:39.800 Don't cry, Joe. Let her go, let her go, let her go. 19:39.800 --> 19:53.800 You've got to realize this is the wind up. You're gonna feel much better once you've made your mind up. 19:53.800 --> 20:05.800 Don't cry, Joe. Let her go, let her go, let her go. 20:05.800 --> 20:13.800 Music 20:13.800 --> 20:26.800 Let her go, let her go, let her go. 20:26.800 --> 20:47.800 You've got to realize this is the wind up. You're gonna feel much better once you've made your mind up. 20:47.800 --> 21:00.800 Don't cry, Joe. Let her go, let her go, let her go. 21:00.800 --> 21:09.800 Just find another love and let her go. 21:09.800 --> 21:16.800 Applause 21:16.800 --> 21:22.800 Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we are going to have some unusual entertainment here at Mother Hocklmeyer's Indian Retreat. 21:22.800 --> 21:27.800 Mr. Jerry Lewis and Mr. Dean Martin will present a new play. 21:27.800 --> 21:30.800 Now, here is the author, Jerome Lewis. 21:30.800 --> 21:35.800 Ladies and gentlemen, this is the story of the eternal triangle of a man and his wife and another man, 21:35.800 --> 21:40.800 where the towels are marked his, hers, and he never should have rented the room. 21:40.800 --> 21:41.800 Laughter 21:41.800 --> 21:52.800 Now we present Love in Darkest Africa. 21:52.800 --> 21:54.800 Mr. Lewis, what part do I play? 21:54.800 --> 21:56.800 Oh, yes, Daisy. You play the part of a woman. 21:56.800 --> 22:03.800 Oh, I'll try to live up to it. 22:03.800 --> 22:09.800 And Dean, you're the other man. We're both in love with this creature. Dean, boy, here's your part. 22:09.800 --> 22:13.800 This story is all about diamond mines and you played a part of one of the drivers. 22:13.800 --> 22:21.800 Here's your part. Love in Darkest Africa. 22:21.800 --> 22:23.800 Africa, the dark continent. 22:23.800 --> 22:26.800 Africa, the home of the famous Kimberly diamond mines. 22:26.800 --> 22:29.800 Africa with its great white princesses. 22:29.800 --> 22:32.800 I'm a great white princess. 22:32.800 --> 22:39.800 Get out of here. 22:39.800 --> 22:43.800 The Kimberly diamond mine was the richest diamond mine in the world and the diamonds were jealously guarded. 22:43.800 --> 22:48.800 Even so, every once in a while, somebody would try to steal one, but it was no use. 22:48.800 --> 22:51.800 Ah! 22:51.800 --> 22:57.800 The thief was always caught and if he wasn't dead already, they would give him 30 lashes. 22:57.800 --> 23:01.800 One Z, two Z, three Z, four Z. 23:01.800 --> 23:03.800 And now our story begins. 23:03.800 --> 23:14.800 Ladies and gentlemen, we take you to Darkest Africa and the Kimberly diamond mines. 23:14.800 --> 23:17.800 My name is Jim Kimberly. I own diamond mines. 23:17.800 --> 23:24.800 I love old precious diamonds, but there is something I love that's even more precious than diamonds and older too. 23:24.800 --> 23:27.800 My wife, Nellie. 23:27.800 --> 23:33.800 I'm his wife, Nellie. He thinks I'm faithful to him, but I ain't. 23:33.800 --> 23:37.800 Yes, sir. My wife, Nellie, is my proudest possession. 23:37.800 --> 23:41.800 Order at a fire sale down in Cape Town. 23:41.800 --> 23:46.800 I ain't in love with Jim Kimberly. I'm in love with Rod Marvin, the foreman. 23:46.800 --> 23:48.800 I'm nuts about Rod. 23:48.800 --> 23:51.800 Rod loves me madly, violently, passionately. 23:51.800 --> 23:57.800 He is what I call a hot rod. 23:57.800 --> 24:02.800 Well, I love you, Nellie, and I have a plan. A plan to kill your husband and seize control over the diamond mine. 24:02.800 --> 24:05.800 But how will you kill my husband? He's so suspicious. 24:05.800 --> 24:10.800 If you stabbed him with a knife, he'd suspect that something was up. 24:10.800 --> 24:12.800 Oh, you child, you dear precious child. 24:12.800 --> 24:15.800 I'll simply use voodoo on your husband and he'll waste away to nothing. 24:15.800 --> 24:19.800 He'll lose several pounds each day until he weighs nothing. You see if I'm right. 24:19.800 --> 24:24.800 A few months later, I came into the house and found my husband writing in his diary. 24:24.800 --> 24:27.800 Monday, December 8th. 24:27.800 --> 24:35.800 Dear diary, today I only weigh two pounds. 24:35.800 --> 24:41.800 My doctor says it's nothing serious. 24:41.800 --> 24:43.800 He says I should have more iron. 24:43.800 --> 24:49.800 The doctor says that the only thing that will help me is more iron. 24:49.800 --> 24:52.800 Tuesday, December 9th. 24:52.800 --> 25:00.800 Ate my erector set. 25:00.800 --> 25:02.800 Wednesday, December 10th. 25:02.800 --> 25:05.800 Can't seem to keep a thing on my stomach. 25:05.800 --> 25:07.800 Thursday, December 11th. 25:07.800 --> 25:20.800 And playing with my erector set again. 25:20.800 --> 25:22.800 Friday, December 12th. 25:22.800 --> 25:24.800 Fish day. 25:24.800 --> 25:29.800 I have to be careful. Last Friday a fish almost ate me. 25:29.800 --> 25:32.800 Hello Jim darling. Writing in your diary? 25:32.800 --> 25:34.800 Oh hello Nellie dear. 25:34.800 --> 25:37.800 Darling you're working so hard. You must rest. 25:37.800 --> 25:41.800 It was only last week when the cannibals captured you and tried to cook you. 25:41.800 --> 25:49.800 Yeah. Lucky for me they were a poor tribe that didn't have a pot. 25:49.800 --> 25:51.800 I'll get it. 25:51.800 --> 25:59.800 Ungabungalinga, Mutan, Rastogob, Ikawap, Og, Rublang, Ava Gardner. 25:59.800 --> 26:00.800 Who was that? 26:00.800 --> 26:04.800 Nellie with calling. 26:04.800 --> 26:06.800 I just want another elephant. 26:06.800 --> 26:11.800 Gosh my keychain is getting so bulky. 26:11.800 --> 26:15.800 Well I must leave now. There's a little trouble at the mine. 26:15.800 --> 26:16.800 What kind of trouble? 26:16.800 --> 26:20.800 Some of the diamonds are coming up stamp. We'll work. 26:20.800 --> 26:23.800 I'll be right back dear. 26:23.800 --> 26:25.800 Oh Rod it's you. 26:25.800 --> 26:28.800 Yeah darling I've come to whisk you away. We can't wait any longer. 26:28.800 --> 26:31.800 Come on out the window. Me first. 26:31.800 --> 26:33.800 Now you. 26:33.800 --> 26:36.800 Now we're alone at last. 26:36.800 --> 26:37.800 Who was that? 26:37.800 --> 26:48.800 It's me Dean. I'm on the wrong page. 26:48.800 --> 26:51.800 Aha! But now that I'm here I want to know what's going on. 26:51.800 --> 26:52.800 Rod and I are leaving. 26:52.800 --> 26:55.800 And don't try to stop us. I've got a 45 in my hand. 26:55.800 --> 27:00.800 That doesn't scare me. I've got a water pistol. 27:00.800 --> 27:08.800 Well I'm firing. 27:08.800 --> 27:10.800 How do you expect to kill me with a water pistol? 27:10.800 --> 27:23.800 The water will take the curl out of your hair and you'll die of pericomo. 27:23.800 --> 27:26.800 It's no use Jim. Rod and I are going to be married. 27:26.800 --> 27:32.800 Married? But Nellie you're already married to me. I'm your two pound husband. 27:32.800 --> 27:34.800 We're going to take care of that Jerome Kimberly. 27:34.800 --> 27:40.800 No you're not. You see what I have in my hand? A poison dart gun. It's aimed right at your heart Rod Marvin. 27:40.800 --> 27:51.800 No! Don't blow smoke. 27:51.800 --> 27:54.800 You can't stop me. Here goes. The dart is in the blow gun. 27:54.800 --> 28:06.800 I raise the gun in my lips. I fill my chest with air. 28:06.800 --> 28:08.800 Well the poor fool he inhaled the dart. 28:08.800 --> 28:15.800 Wait. He's trying to say something. Let's hear his last words. Jim what are you trying to say? 28:15.800 --> 28:17.800 I made a boo boo. 28:17.800 --> 28:37.800 Oh no. Come on Jerry. Good night everybody. See you next week folks. Bye. Love and good night. 28:37.800 --> 28:44.800 The Martin & Lewis Show Transcribed in Chicago is produced by Robert L. Redd and is written by Charlie Isaacs, Jack Douglas and Ben Starr. 28:44.800 --> 28:50.800 The music is arranged and conducted by Dick Stabeel. Next week our guest will be Georgie Jessel. 28:50.800 --> 29:01.800 Martin & Lewis are currently appearing in Chicago at the Chez Paris. This is Charles Martin saying good night for the Martin & Lewis Show. 29:01.800 --> 29:08.800 What's on NBC tonight? A new personality has joined the NBC Parade of Stars. None other than lovely Mindy Carson. 29:08.800 --> 29:16.800 Here the most refreshing young singing star of the year when Mindy Carson sings tonight on NBC. 29:16.800 --> 29:39.800 Stay tuned for the Dave Garroway Show on NBC.