From Hollywood, we present the Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis show.
Brought to you by Chesterfield, a cigarette that gives you something new, something no
other cigarette has.
Chesterfield mildness, plus no unpleasant aftertaste.
And by Anison for fast relief from pain of headache, ureitis, and uralgia.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce our master of
ceremonies.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
This is Dean Martin.
I'd like to thank all the nice folks who have written to us telling us they enjoyed our
first show.
We hope we can continue to please all of you.
And once again, I'd like to apologize for my partner, Jerry.
He should be here now, but he got into a little trouble.
I asked him to mail a package for me.
Well, when he got to the post office, he saw a sign that read, wanted for murder.
So he applied for the job.
Well, they'll probably let him go as soon as they realize what a mental giant he is.
So until he gets here, I'd like to sing a tune that's really in the top 10.
With the aid of Dick and his come to the stable orchestra.
Here's meandering.
One day I went meandering to find myself a wife, a pretty miss to share my kiss and love
me all my life.
The lonely bachelor's life I led began to get me down.
I bought a ring and everything and went right into town.
I went meandering, meandering, looking far and wide for a girl to be my bride.
I went meandering, meandering, far from the old folks at home.
I came across a pretty girl who said she loved me so, that she would bring her mother with
us everywhere we'd go.
I was so happy on the day she said she'd be my wife.
But when she told me that her ma would live with us for life, I went meandering, meandering,
looking far and wide for a girl to be my bride.
I went meandering, meandering, far from the old folks at home.
I finally found myself a wife, a girl who's sweet and true, when I'm tempted to do something
that I shouldn't do.
And I remember days when things were not like they are now.
I recall when I was just a bachelor and how I went meandering.
I went meandering, meandering, looking far and wide for a girl to be my bride.
I went meandering, meandering, far from the old folks at home.
Thank you.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
And now at this time, I'd like to present...
Meandering, meandering.
Hey, hey, I thought I told you never to come out screaming like that.
What do you want from me?
I'll do what the sponsor wants.
The sponsor wants that screaming?
Sure, the sponsor wants me to sing loud and talk loud and yell out like this,
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
How are you all?
And right away, all the people have to run out and buy Anison.
Now that you've said a good word for Anison, I think you better even up the score with
something about Chesterfields.
Oh, that's an easy one.
Do you know why I love Chesterfield cigarettes?
Well, no, Mr. Bones, why do you love Chesterfield cigarettes?
A, B, C. A, always milder.
B, better tasting.
C, cash.
Ladies and gentlemen, I must apologize for my partner.
I was apologizing to me.
Mother was right.
She said this could only end in grief.
I've thrown away the best years of my life.
Oh, come, Jerry.
No.
Don't cry.
We're still partners.
You know I love you.
I hate myself for needing you so much.
Oh, don't feel that way, Jerry.
Why, deep inside, you're like a brother to me.
I admire you.
I respect you.
I love you.
Shall we pick out the furniture?
Jerry, let's get serious for a minute.
I just got a letter from a lady in Brooklyn.
She's the president of the Dean Martin Fan Club there, and I was thinking maybe we ought
to have her on the show.
Gee, Dean, that sounds swell.
Why don't we put her on a show now?
Jerry, she isn't here.
Gosh, I could be a lady from Brooklyn.
All right.
Folks, I'd like you to meet our first guest.
She's president of the Dean Martin Fan Club of Brooklyn.
Here she is, Zelda Click.
How are you, Mrs. Click?
That's Click.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's quite a ride.
And to tell you the truth... Well, to tell you the truth, Mr. Martin, when I heard I
was coming here, I got so excited.
I guess it's because I'm finally meeting you in the flesh, Mr. Martin.
I must tell you that when you sing, we girls go positively insane.
I swear, last night we were playing your records and Sadie Shultz nearly dashed her brains
out on the phony gram.
You have many of my records?
Well, we got a bargain.
400 of your records for 66 cents.
How come so cheap?
They forgot to put the hole in the middle.
Oh, I'm a sick girl.
Tell me, Mrs.... You forgot my name already.
You're Zelda Click.
No, you're Zelda Click.
Tell me, do you ever have mass meetings where all the fan clubs get together?
Of course.
By only yesterday afternoon, we had a meeting with Kirk Douglas Club and the Tony Curtis
Club.
That's all?
Well, the Milton Berle Club was supposed to be there, but she was sick.
Oh.
Well, what do you do at these meetings?
Well, that's why I'm here now, Mr. Martin.
At the last meeting, we passed a revolution that Zelda Click is the committee of ones
who go see Dean Martin and get an autographed picture for the clubhouse wall.
You know, by a strange coincidence, I have one right here.
Would you like it autographed?
Well, if you don't mind, some of the girls don't care much for that picture.
What's wrong with it?
You won't think we're being too sentimental?
No.
Well, we'd like one where you still have your old nose.
I had it fixed.
It used to be over here.
I just don't understand it.
You must be crazy or something.
Seriously.
Are you crazy or something?
I'm not crazy.
You got me mixed up with my partner.
How dare you?
Talking about that sweet child.
Disgusting, the way you pick on that poor boy.
Why he positively adores you.
You can just look into the kid's eyes and see the admiration from his pupils.
And you all the time, you pick on him like that.
All right, Zelda.
He's so sweet.
The way he makes that little face and says, hi ho, that's wealthy.
You treat him like he was dirt, but the devil will get his due.
Believe you and me, you'll never forget one thing.
That one, your way up the people down are coming down around the ladder.
And a rolling stone gathers.
No more.
Keep those things in mind, Mr. Martin.
Will you listen to me?
Because you certainly have no basis for anyone to know any superficial feelings on the part
of anyone who isn't physically inclined.
Will you just listen?
What is this?
Oh, get out of here.
Oh, no, you get out.
All right, everybody.
It's time to sound off for Chesterfield.
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Do it.
Today.
You know, I like a dime a dozen.
You know, I like a dime for every time I use the line to lighten the sentence when I was
late for dinner.
But whoever thought that here tonight I'd be singing, I ran all the way home.
I ran all the way home.
Just to tell you that I'm sorry.
I really didn't mean to be so mean to you.
I ran all the way home.
Just to hold you in my arms dear.
I always want you near to me, cause I love you.
The moment I closed the door behind me and I heard you cry.
I knew I acted blindly, that I couldn't say goodbye.
I ran all the way home.
Just to beg you to forgive me.
I want your love to be my own.
Just mine alone.
The moment I closed the door behind me and I heard you cry.
I knew I acted blindly, that I couldn't say goodbye.
I ran all the way home.
Just to beg you to forgive me.
I want your love to be my own.
Just mine alone.
Thank you.
Now last week a certain music publisher pushed me into a corner
and said he had a great song for me to sing.
Only I needed the girl to sing it with me.
Well, the guy was right.
The song was good.
And here to lend a helping vocal chord is the wonderful Carol Richards.
Give me the old soft shoe.
I said the old soft shoe.
A one, a two, a doodly doodly do.
Play me that old soft shoe and nothing else will do.
That's the dance my darling used to do.
We sang love's refrain.
Just like a vaudeville teen.
Dance the whole night long.
We had the cutest routine.
Strolling love's lane.
Weren't my bonnets a scream?
We harmonized a doodly doodly do.
Give me that old soft shoe.
I said the old soft shoe.
A one, a two, a doodly doodly do.
Play me that old soft shoe and nothing else will do.
That's the dance my darling used to do.
Hey, take a look at that crowd.
Look at the people we got.
Isn't that wonderful?
Really packing them in.
Hey, hey, look at that old fella in the first row.
I wonder what's the matter with him.
Why?
Well, he's been here for eight shows.
Well, I'm wearing his shoes.
Oh.
We sang love's refrain.
Dean, you were the king of them all.
Dance the whole night long.
And I was the belle of the fall.
Strolling love's lane.
Weren't my dresses a scream?
We harmonized a doodly doodly do.
Give me that old soft shoe.
I said the old soft shoe.
A one, a two, a doodly doodly do.
Play me that old soft shoe and nothing else will do.
It reminds me of the only love I ever knew.
That old, not the new, and not the home,
but the soft shoe.
Soft shoe.
Applause.
Well, thanks for joining me in the song, Carol.
I'll see you later in the show.
In the meantime, let's both listen to Jimmy Wallington.
Thanks, Dean.
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Music
Well, it comes a time in the evening's festivities when we bring on our guests.
And tonight Jerry and I are happy to play host to one of the screen's most famous bad men.
In pictures we call them heavies.
Well, here's a heavy with a real light heart.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. George Rapp.
Applause
Well, hi, George. It's good to have you here.
Hello, Dean, and it's good to be here.
Hey, Dean, what do you say we...
Who's he?
Why, Jerry, this is George Rapp.
I think you'll like that. Last week we had a streetcar named Max and now we got a ref named George.
Laughter
Oh, I wish I was dead.
Laughter
Look, Skinny, I don't like people making cracks about me.
Yeah, well, what are you going to do about it?
I'll have the boys take you...
Laughter
I'll have the boys take you for a ride and see that you're dumped in the river, see?
You're a deadbeat, a stooley, a fink.
Dean, he likes me.
Laughter
Sure he does, Jerry.
He was just acting like those parts he plays in pictures.
Oh, he's one of them picture fellers.
Hey, George, come here. Is that Margaret O'Brien and Midget?
Oh, Jerry.
Laughter
Say, I've seen you boys in pictures too.
Matter of fact, just the other night I saw that's my boy.
You know, Jerry, I wish I could have played the part of your father.
You play my father?
Yeah.
Well, seriously, Jerry, I bet George would have done a great job in that picture.
Yeah, that's right.
Of course, they would have changed the story a little, but I can just see it now.
Music
And now, Aniston and Chesterfield cigarettes present Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, and George Raft in the George Raft version of...
Music
That's my boy.
Laughter
Our scene is the hideout of that notorious underworld figure, Big Joe Jackson.
We find Big Joe presiding over a meeting of the nation's toughest criminal gang, Mayhem,
Mayhem, Incorporated.
All right, boys. We meet at the warehouse at midnight. All in favor, say aye.
Aye.
All against, say nay.
Nay.
Laughter
Decision unanimous. Steve.
Yeah, boss.
I want to talk to you. Did you ever know I have a son?
Not me, boss. I never knew you had a kid.
Matter of fact, I had two. I only got one left.
Laughter
What'd the other one do? Fly away?
Laughter
Where's the other one?
You know what they say, spare the rod and spoil the child. Well, I didn't spare the rod.
So what? That's good for kids.
Yeah, but this rod was loaded.
Laughter
Look, boss, I can't hang around and talk about your family. I got to get to the bank before it opens.
Laughter
No, you stick around. My kid is on his way over and I want you to meet him.
He's been at school. I haven't seen him in 10 years.
I can just picture him now.
Big, tough, ruthless. A killer just like his old man.
Abba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da.
Someone's coming. I'll cover the door.
Abba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da.
Can you tell who it is? I can't even tell what it is.
Laughter
Abba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da said the birdie to the wheel.
Hi, fellas. Say, where can I find...
Here, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to drop those pistols.
Laughter
Come here, you. I said come here.
You're going to hit me.
Laughter
You better fresco, Steve.
Okay, boss. Let me feel your hip, kid.
Here, I don't even know you.
Laughter
Besides, if you get fresh nasty, Aurochus, I'm going to have to tell Big Joe.
Why, I'm Big Joe.
You're Big Joe? Yeah.
Well, I'm small junior. Dad, don't you know me?
Laughter
No, this can't be.
When I sent you to school, you were like me.
Now look at you.
Well, just look at me. Aren't I a doll?
Laughter
Oh, no. No.
What is it, Dadgas?
Laughter
All right, I've had enough. Junior, you get this.
And get it straight. I'm going to make a man out of you.
You're journeying my gang in the morning.
Laughter
But, Dad, I can join your gang. You're a crook.
You smash faces and you break bones.
And torture and murder and slit throats and the blood drips and the eyeball dangles and...
Oh, I'm going to be sick.
Laughter
What's cooking, boys?
Hey, Molly, come here.
I bet you can talk some sense into him.
Why don't you try?
I wonder what they're planning.
Laughter
Okay, Joe, just leave it to little Molly.
Come here, cutie.
Molly wants to talk to you.
Oh, no, stand back, woman. Hold your ground.
Laughter
Oh, come on, Junior.
How about a little kiss?
Oh, no, now you're taking advantage, lady.
Laughter
Come on, Junior.
Oh, well, you can put your arms around me, but don't kiss me.
Laughter
I don't...
I don't care if you hug me and everything, but don't kiss me.
You can stick up my neck and run through my air barefoot, but don't kiss me.
Laughter
Lady, come here.
Applause
Laughter
Well, Junior, how is that?
I like it, I like it.
Laughter
Applause
Well, see, boss, what to tell you?
If you'll do anything now...
What do you say, kid?
You ready to play ball?
Well, I don't have my sprite cues with me.
But I'll tell you one thing, I can't play good ball.
I was playing in a series in 24. I'll never forget that either.
Junior.
I was two men on and McDaggen was up.
It was three to two.
And I'll never forget that the guy...
Gunshots
Gee, boss, you shot your own son.
I lost my head.
Junior, are you all right?
Laughter
This is it, Dad.
It's Clayton's.
Laughter
I didn't want to die, but before I go, there's just one favor.
One thing, just one thing you got to do for me.
What is it, son? Anything. I'll do anything.
Scratch my back, the bullet hole itches.
Laughter
Well, you know, it's pretty tough to forget a song,
especially when the love bug is involved.
About 10 years ago, I was working with a band in Cleveland,
and there was a gal singer on the band, too.
I would ask her to go dancing on our night off, but no, so.
Finally, one night, I asked her if she would please listen to a song
I was going to sing just for her.
Well, I sang the number, and when I was through, she asked me to sit down.
Well, I thought that was it, and I really felt like the conquering hero.
We sat there for about five minutes just talking.
Then she told me she was married to the drummer in the band.
Well, the three of us became real good friends, and we still are,
but I'll never forget that song I sang for her.
I Don't Know Why
I love you like I do
I don't know why I just do
I don't know why you thrill me like you do
I don't know why I just do
You never seem to want my romance
The only time you hold me is when
We're dancing
I don't know why I love you like I do
I don't know why I just do
You never seem to want my romance
The only time you hold me is when
We're dancing
I don't know why I love you like I do
I don't know why I just do
You never seem to want my romance
The only time you hold me is when
We're dancing
I don't know why I just do
You never seem to want my romance
The only time you hold me is when
We're dancing
I don't know why I just do
You never seem to want my romance
The only time you hold me is when
We're dancing
I don't know why I just do
You never seem to want my romance
The only time you hold me is when
We're dancing