Transcribed.
Ladies and gentlemen, we present the Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis show with their special guest who co-stars with Alan Ladd in the Hal Wallace production of Red Mountain, Ms. Lisbeth Scott.
Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis are brought to you by Dentine, the gum with breathtaking flavor, by Beeman's Pepsin, the gum that's great to chew and good for your digestion too, by Chesterfield.
Chesterfields are much milder with an extraordinarily good taste and no unpleasant aftertaste, and by Anison for faster relief from pain of headache, neuritis and neuralgia.
And now it gives me great pleasure to introduce our master of ceremonies, Dean Martin.
Hiya, folks. Thank you very, very much. Well, another Friday has loomed over the horizon, which means another 30-minute ride over the killa-sackles for Dentine, Chesterfields and Anison.
Everybody seems ready and raring to go, so while the backstage crew releases my partner Jerry Lewis from a straight jacket, I'd like to take a fast vocal round-trip on the soundtrack of a popular melody. So, Richard, let's go.
I wonder who's kissing me now Well, I wonder who's teaching her how
I wonder who's looking White smack in her eyes Breathe inside and tell a lie Well, I wonder who's buying the wine Or the lips that I used to call mine
Well, I wonder if she ever tells him of me Well, I wonder who's kissing me now
I wonder who's buying the wine Or the lips that I used to call mine Well, I wonder if she ever tells him of me I wonder who's kissing her now
Thank you. Thank you, folks. Thank you. Thank you very much. And now, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to...
Hey, Dean, Dean, I'm here, Dean. I'm here.
Ah, Jerry.
Of course it's Jerry. It's me, Jerry Lewis, your buddy-coward, I'm pow.
Now, look, Jerry, here we are in a strange town, in a strange theater, and look how noisy you came out. Why must you be so boisterous? Why do you do these things? Why?
Sometimes you drive me out of my mind. I just can't stand the way you carry on. You're loud, you're coarse, vulgar, and uncouth.
May I ask just one question?
All right. What is it?
Are you angry with me?
Am I angry? I'm sizzling.
No wonder you put too much grease in your hair.
Jerry, this conversation is positively insipid.
Insipid? I thought it was in the theater.
It is in the theater. It is. We came hundreds of miles to perform here, Jerry. The least you can do is say hello to all the nice people out there.
All righty. You point out the nice ones.
Jerry, why must you continue to irk me?
I irk you?
You irk me.
Irk?
Irk.
Irk, irk.
Irk.
Dean.
What?
I'm tired of seals. Let's go feed the elephants.
Jerry, I hate to say this, but you actually make me ashamed of you.
What? After all these years? You're ashamed of me? You hate me, Dean Martin. You simply loathe, detest, and despise me.
No, no, no. Now come on, Jerry. You don't have to cry. I'm sorry. I don't hate you. I think you're wonderful. My best friend, my dearest friend. Believe me, Jerry, I love you.
Why don't we turn this chip into a honeymoon?
Yeah. See? I say something nice and you make a joke out of it. You're nuts. Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?
I went to one last week. In fact, I spent a whole hour on his pouch.
Don't you mean his couch?
No, pouch. He held me in his lap.
Ah, come on. Now what's the use here? What's the use? I have a good mind to leave you and let you shift for yourself.
All righty. Give me cards and a key.
Now seriously, Jerry. I'm leaving. I'm leaving.
But Dean, you're...
Oh, I'm leaving.
Don't leave me. Think of all the laughs we had together.
What laughs? What laughs?
What laughs? Well, there was ho, ho, ho. And then remember the hee, hee, hee, hee.
Oh, Jerry.
And will you ever forget?
Jerry, I completely give up. Let's bring on our first guest.
Strange you should say that, Dean, because our first guest happens to be a singer.
And who is that, pray tell?
Me.
And what, if I may ask, are you going to sing?
I like it. I like it.
Well, I'm sure, I'm sure you won't be the only one. Ladies and gentlemen, Jerry Lewis will now sing his hit song,
I Like It, I Like It, from that wonderful picture, Andy Hardy, Cuts a Bagel.
I was sitting in the parlor with my girl one summer night.
I was busy eating peanuts when she went and dimmed the light.
The next thing that I know, she grabbed me by the head.
She started in to squeeze me, so I jumped up and said,
I like it. I like it.
What can I do? I like it.
I like it.
Then she kissed me on the right cheek. Gee whiz, I felt so weak.
I recall my mom once told me, you must turn the other cheek.
I got so darned excited, my bag of peanuts fell.
Each time our lips came closer, I started in to yell,
I like it. I like it.
What can I do? I like it.
I like it.
All that kissing made me hungry. I was famished yesterday.
So I said, how about some supper? And she asked what it would be.
I said, I'd like some pickle with ice cream on the side.
She screamed a pickle sundae, so I said, real dignified.
I like it. I like it.
What can I do? I like it.
I like it.
So it happened we got married and we raised a family.
There's Gary and there's Ronnie and they look just like me.
They play with loaded pistols and razor blades to boot.
And as they chase each other, they scream and yell so cute.
I like it. I like it.
What can I do? I like it.
I like it.
No matter how you look at it, all I can say is, I like it. I like it.
Well, now that we've found out what Jerry Lewis likes,
let's hear a few well chosen words about something everybody likes.
Thanks, Dean. And now here's something of interest to everybody.
For breathless moments, for your breathless moments,
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Dentine tastes so good.
Dentine freshens your breath.
Dentine helps keep your teeth sparkling clean and white.
Dentine, the gum with breathtaking flavor.
Before you go out and always after eating, drinking, smoking,
refresh your breath with dentine.
You'll love dentine chewing gum,
for dentine has a wonderful tingling nippy flavor that lingers on and on.
It's delicious.
And remember, dentine helps keep your teeth white too.
Keep dentine handy.
You'll enjoy refreshing your breath when you chew dentine.
So for breathless moments, for your breathless moments,
chew dentine, the gum with breathtaking flavor.
Well, there have been hundreds of popular songs written about kisses,
but there's a fairly new entry that's all about the biggest kiss of them all,
because this one is big enough to build a dream on.
Give me a kiss to build a dream on,
and my imagination will thrive upon that kiss.
Sweetheart, I ask no more than this,
a kiss to build a dream on.
Give me a kiss before you leave me,
and my imagination will feed my hungry heart.
Leave me one thing before we part,
a kiss to build a dream on.
When I'm alone with my fancy, I'll be with you.
Weaving romances, making believe they're true.
So give me your lips for just a moment,
and my imagination will make that moment live.
Give me what you alone can give, a kiss to build a dream on.
So give me your lips for just a moment,
and my imagination will make that moment live.
Give me what you alone can give, a kiss to build a dream on.
Well, thank you, thank you very much.
You've been such good listeners,
so here's something really good for you to listen to.
The mask is off.
The mask is off in cigarette advertising.
Chesterfield is first to name all of its ingredients,
and here they are.
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pretested by laboratory instruments for the most desirable smoking qualities,
and kept tasty and fresh by the only tried and tested moistening agents,
proved by over 40 years of continuous use in USA tobacco products,
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Pure natural sugars and chemically pure, harmless,
and far more costly glycerol.
Nothing else.
And remember this, Chesterfields are wrapped in pure white cigarette paper,
the best that money can buy.
You can be glad if you smoke Chesterfields,
because they give you every advantage known to modern science.
For you that means that Chesterfields are much milder,
with an extraordinarily good taste and no unpleasant aftertaste,
all for your smoking pleasure and protection.
So sound off for Chesterfields and do it today.
You know when a fellow sings a few songs on the radio every week,
it isn't long before everyone he knows is saying,
I have a song you ought to sing.
Well the other day my barber finally hit me with a tune.
But luckily his suggestion happens to be one of my favorites.
So for Rudy and all the boys around the red and white pole,
I'd like to turn hillbilly and do one of my latest recordings entitled,
Take That Night Train To Memphis.
Take that night train to Memphis, oh that night train to Memphis,
and when you arrive at the station, I'll be right there to meet you,
I'll be right there to greet you, so don't turn down my invitation.
Hallelujah, hallelujah, I'll be shouting hallelujah all the day,
I'll have a jubilee down in Memphis, Tennessee, I'll shout hallelujah all the day.
Take that night train to Memphis, oh that night train to Memphis,
and when you arrive at the station, I'll be right there to meet you,
I'll be right there to greet you, so don't turn down my invitation.
Hallelujah, hallelujah, I'll be shouting hallelujah all the day,
I'll have a jubilee down in Memphis, Tennessee, I'll shout hallelujah all the day.
Thank you very, very much.
Hollywood has long been famous for its beautiful and exciting women.
Our guest tonight has both of these commodities in spades, too.
I know that you've applauded her work and many fine motion pictures,
and it's our pleasure to present her to you now in person.
Here she is, the lovely and talented Elizabeth Scott.
Hello everybody, hi Dean.
Well, Elizabeth, we're certainly happy that you joined us tonight.
Well, I've been looking forward to this visit, Dean.
Tell me, where's your partner?
Well, Jerry just stepped across the street for a sandwich.
I've heard so much about him.
Say, after he's finished eating, do you mind if I watch you burp him?
Burp him?
Mm-hmm.
You think that I burp Jerry?
Yeah.
Elizabeth, how could you think such a thing?
Why, it's ridiculous.
Why, Jerry's a big boy.
He's grown up big and strong and healthy.
Gosh, Dean, you're so right.
Of course I'm right, and besides, he only lets his mother burp him.
Hey Dean, I just had a rose peeping.
Good heavens, Dean, you've changed your whole hairdo.
You're a beautiful blonde.
Jerry, why don't you settle down and say hello to Elizabeth Scott?
Elizabeth, what happened to the E?
She dropped the E.
You mean they're divorced?
Who's divorced?
E and she.
Oh, I'm not well at all.
Now, come on, Jerry, let's talk nice to Miss Scott.
Oh, please do, Jerry.
I'm really very happy to meet you.
What's with you, baby?
You got a fog in your throat?
Fog in my throat?
Don't you mean frog?
In this town, sister, I mean fog.
With a capital P.
What does P stand for?
P pneumonia.
I don't get it, Jerry.
Well, stick around, baby, you will.
See, Jerry, you got Miss Scott all upset.
That's no way to treat an important movie star.
Gee, Miss Scott, I didn't realize you were a movie star.
Say, do you know all the other movie stars?
Oh, I guess I know most of them.
Is it true that Piper Laurie is really a small airplane?
Well, I...
Well, he doesn't really clock Abel's ears as he wears falsies.
Look, Jerry, this isn't getting us anywhere.
We should be talking about us so that we can get to know one another.
Oh, I don't have to hear anything about you.
I got eyes.
I know you're beautiful and lovely and charming and sweet and...
Oh, can it, Jerry.
Elizabeth doesn't want to hear...
Mind your own business, Martin.
The kid's doing fine.
You see, Miss Scott, Dean is jealous of me because I like you.
Oh, Jerry, you flatter me.
I'm not an emotional person, but the warmth and affection inherent in your attitude implies an intrinsic beauty of soul.
And each lovely utterance captivates the very spirit of my being.
Now you spoiled the whole thing by being dirty.
She wasn't being dirty.
Elizabeth just happens to have a large vocabulary.
No, you're being dirty.
Oh, stop.
Oh, now, wait a minute, Jerry.
Listen.
Listen, let me explain what a large vocabulary is.
Here now.
This is a radio show and there may be children listening.
Oh, now, tell me, Dean, are you sure this boy is normal?
Well, Jerry is a bit excitable, but he's really just as normal as anybody else.
You're normal, aren't you, Jerry?
Normal? Of course I'm normal.
Easy, Fred, don't let the piano fall on a baby.
Ah, you better get up, Max, the bed is on fire.
Please, Sadie, don't let the piano fall on Max.
Good heavens!
That baby's on fire.
Oh, why, as I'm born, I hate snakes.
My ear, it's full of soap.
Oh, I love it.
Look how I lux my ears.
No, I want more soap.
Oh, I have these lazy tears in town.
What? What?
See? I told you he was normal.
Oh, Dean, this kid's a lunatic.
Why do you tolerate him?
Don't answer her with words, Dean, just show her the bank book.
Now, here's Jimmy Warrington to take care of some important business of his own.
Thank you, Dean.
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Well, I guess most everybody nurses a batch of fond memories of their childhood days,
and I'm no exception.
My growing-up days in Steubenville, Ohio have always remained vividly in my mind,
probably because my childhood buddies were the best bunch of kids in the world.
Many years have passed since the days we hung around the corner drugstore.
The gang has spread all over the world now, some rich, some poor, some happy and some sad,
and I'm sure they all nurse a secret desire to be kids again, back with the old gang.
I'd like to dedicate a little song to my old friends, my old buddies,
a song that any one of us could sing and really mean.
She said, but I'd give the world to see that old gang of mine.
I can't forget that old quartet that sang sweet at line.
Goodbye forever, old fellows and gals.
Goodbye forever, old sweet hearts and pals.
God bless them, Jim, but I'd give the world to see that old gang of mine.
Jim, but I'd give the world to see that old gang of mine.
That old gang of mine.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Gee, Dean, do you really miss your old gang?
Well, I sure do, Jerry, don't you?
I used to, but I'm getting up a new gang now.
Well, that's nice, that's nice, Jerry. Who's going to be in it?
Just me and her.
Jerry, that's very sweet of you. You've touched me.
I did not. I was way over here at this microphone.
Jerry, you touched me doesn't mean you really touched me.
You touched me, and in this sense means, well, it means you touched me,
but you didn't actually touch me.
Twenty minutes with us and this kid's losing her marble.
Jerry, Elizabeth thanks a lot for putting up with our...
No, it's Liz-a-bith. Thanks a lot.
Liz-a-bith, thanks a lot for putting up with our nonsense.
Yeah, Liz, I may act crazy, but I'd really be crazy if I didn't say
you were a wonderful guest and a great gal.
Well, thank you, boys, I enjoyed every second of it.
Good night, everybody.
Good night.
Good night, Liz.
Good night, everybody.
Ladies and gentlemen, before we go,
we'd like to say a few words about a cause that is very close to our hearts.
Dean and I have been speaking about the Muscular Dystrophy Association
for quite a while now, and I wish you all could read the touching letters
we have received from people who are suffering from this dread disease.
Letters in which you have supplied the wonderful note of hope
because of your great contributions.
In this age of miracles, it is a horrible thing to think that there is still
an incurable disease, but as long as your contributions keep coming in,
there is still hope of a cure.
Please mail your contributions to MDA New York 8 New York.
That's MDA New York 8 New York.
Well, folks, until next week, this is Dean Martin.
And Jerry Lewis reminding you that our new picture,
Sailor Beware, can now be seen at your local theater.
We hope you'll go see it.
Good night, everybody.
Good night, everyone.
You have just heard transcribed to Dean Martin
and Jerry Lewis show, written by Ed Simmons and Norman Lear,
produced and directed by Dick Mack, with music under the direction of Dick Stabiel.
Brought to you by Dentine, a gum with breathtaking flavor,
by Beamons Peps, a gum that's great to chew and good for your digestion, too,
by Chesterfield.
Remember, Chesterfields are much milder with an extraordinarily good taste,
and from the report of a well-known research organization,
No Unpleasant Aftertaste, and by Ameson,
for fast relief from pain of headache, ureitis, and uralgia.
This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.