WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:01.000 Transcribed. 00:01.000 --> 00:15.680 Oh, George, you shouldn't have walked between Jerry and me. 00:15.680 --> 00:16.680 Oh, I'm sorry, fellas. 00:16.680 --> 00:17.680 We'll fix it. 00:17.680 --> 00:18.680 Bread and butter, Dean. 00:18.680 --> 00:19.680 Bread and butter. 00:19.680 --> 00:20.680 What goes up the chimney? 00:20.680 --> 00:21.680 Smoke. 00:21.680 --> 00:22.680 What do you smoke? 00:22.680 --> 00:23.680 Chesterfield. 00:23.680 --> 00:24.680 Right, and that's our bread and butter. 00:24.680 --> 00:26.680 Which means the Chesterfield. 00:26.680 --> 00:30.800 And the best cigarette with premium quality in both regular and king size brings you the 00:30.800 --> 00:40.920 Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis show. 00:40.920 --> 00:42.400 Chesterfield is best for you. 00:42.400 --> 00:44.480 Much milder, better tasting too. 00:44.480 --> 00:46.360 They're today's best cigarette pie. 00:46.360 --> 00:49.360 Come on, smokers, why don't you try? 00:49.360 --> 00:50.360 Chesterfield. 00:50.360 --> 00:51.360 Best for you. 00:51.360 --> 00:52.360 Chesterfield. 00:52.360 --> 00:53.360 Best for you. 00:53.360 --> 00:54.760 Regular king size either way. 00:54.760 --> 01:06.600 Chesterfield today. 01:06.600 --> 01:10.600 And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to bring you our master of ceremonies, Dean 01:10.600 --> 01:11.600 Martin. 01:11.600 --> 01:12.600 Thank you. 01:12.600 --> 01:13.600 Hi, everybody. 01:13.600 --> 01:21.560 Well, it's broadcast time again. 01:21.560 --> 01:24.160 We're all set to hold up our mad musical powwow. 01:24.160 --> 01:28.720 My wild Indian partner, Crazy Head Jerry, is in his wigwam sending up Chesterfield smoke 01:28.720 --> 01:32.240 signals, but he'll soon be here whooping it up with me side by side. 01:32.240 --> 01:37.680 In the meantime, Big Chief Richard, that's your musical cue to strike up the music. 01:37.680 --> 01:46.200 Oh, we got a barrel of money. 01:46.200 --> 01:49.080 Maybe we'll rag it in funny. 01:49.080 --> 01:57.480 But we'll travel along singing a song side by side. 01:57.480 --> 02:01.880 We don't know what's coming tomorrow. 02:01.880 --> 02:04.360 Maybe it's trouble and sorrow. 02:04.360 --> 02:12.560 But we'll travel the road sharing our load side by side. 02:12.560 --> 02:25.560 Through all kinds of weather, what if the sky should fall just as long as we're together? 02:25.560 --> 02:29.000 It doesn't matter, matter at all. 02:29.000 --> 02:37.480 When they've all had their quarrels and parted, we'll be the same as we started just to traveling 02:37.480 --> 02:42.920 along singing a song side by side. 03:07.480 --> 03:28.960 Through all kinds of weather, what if the sky should fall just as long as we're together? 03:28.960 --> 03:32.360 It doesn't matter, matter at all. 03:32.360 --> 03:41.040 When they've all had their quarrels and parted, we'll be the same as we started just to traveling 03:41.040 --> 03:48.000 along singing a song side by side. 03:48.000 --> 03:49.000 Yeah! 03:49.000 --> 03:52.000 Thank you so much. 03:52.000 --> 04:05.240 And now comes the time to introduce my partner. 04:05.240 --> 04:08.200 You know, Jerry and I have been together for a long, long time. 04:08.200 --> 04:12.560 I remember the first time I met him, I was working by myself, when a young boy came up 04:12.560 --> 04:13.560 to me and said, 04:13.560 --> 04:15.560 Need any help digging those ditches, mister? 04:15.560 --> 04:16.560 All right, Jerry. 04:16.560 --> 04:20.120 So I dug ditches before I met you. 04:20.120 --> 04:22.080 That's because my family was very poor. 04:22.080 --> 04:23.080 So what? 04:23.080 --> 04:24.080 My family was poorer. 04:24.080 --> 04:27.280 Why, when I graduated from public school, my mother didn't get me long pants like the 04:27.280 --> 04:28.280 other kids had. 04:28.280 --> 04:29.280 What'd she do? 04:29.280 --> 04:30.280 She let down the hem on my diaper. 04:30.280 --> 04:31.280 Oh. 04:31.280 --> 04:35.080 That may be so, but you were rich compared to us. 04:35.080 --> 04:37.480 Why, my mother had 10 miles to feed. 04:37.480 --> 04:38.480 No fooling. 04:38.480 --> 04:39.480 I thought the other nine were wrinkles. 04:39.480 --> 04:43.560 We were much poorer than your family, Jerry. 04:43.560 --> 04:46.000 Why, five of us kids had to sleep in the bureau. 04:46.000 --> 04:49.000 Well, the least happy had drawers. 04:49.000 --> 04:55.400 You still insist you had a tougher, eh? 04:55.400 --> 04:57.440 Oh, and dee dee dee, I dee dee do. 04:57.440 --> 05:01.920 In fact, Dean, there were 17 of us and we all slept on the floor. 05:01.920 --> 05:02.920 That must have been quite a sight. 05:02.920 --> 05:03.920 I'll say. 05:03.920 --> 05:05.920 Did you ever see a room with wall-to-wall people? 05:05.920 --> 05:06.920 Never. 05:06.920 --> 05:11.840 If this is going to be a contest about poverty, I must warn you, you're talking to a real 05:11.840 --> 05:12.840 bum. 05:12.840 --> 05:16.460 Why, in order to make ends meet, my mother had to take in sewing. 05:16.460 --> 05:17.460 You think that's something? 05:17.460 --> 05:19.240 My poor old mother had to take in washing. 05:19.240 --> 05:21.160 Well, lots of mothers take in washing. 05:21.160 --> 05:22.160 Cars? 05:22.160 --> 05:23.160 Never. 05:23.160 --> 05:26.240 How could your mother wash cars in the house? 05:26.240 --> 05:30.640 Dean Martin, we may have been poor, but we had a very large sink. 05:30.640 --> 05:34.160 I'm surprised she didn't use the bathtub. 05:34.160 --> 05:35.160 That's ridiculous, Dean. 05:35.160 --> 05:42.200 She couldn't have used the bathtub to wash cars. 05:42.200 --> 05:43.200 That was full of buses. 05:43.200 --> 05:44.200 Oh. 05:44.200 --> 05:48.840 So your mother washed buses in the bathtub. 05:48.840 --> 05:52.360 And she used nothing but halo shampoo. 05:52.360 --> 05:53.880 Why not plain soap? 05:53.880 --> 05:58.280 Don't you realize Dean Martin, soaping dulls buses halo glorifies them? 05:58.280 --> 06:01.520 I just hate myself for forgetting. 06:01.520 --> 06:03.880 So your mother washed cars. 06:03.880 --> 06:04.880 Yeah. 06:04.880 --> 06:05.880 Well, doggone it. 06:05.880 --> 06:06.880 How about that? 06:06.880 --> 06:07.880 Oh, I was a miserable child. 06:07.880 --> 06:16.640 But I bet I was miserabler than you as a child. 06:16.640 --> 06:19.160 I was a dirty filthy kid. 06:19.160 --> 06:23.720 Look at that big shot bragging. 06:23.720 --> 06:25.920 Why I was filthier than you'll ever be. 06:25.920 --> 06:26.920 Oh yeah? 06:26.920 --> 06:29.000 Well, then top this if you can. 06:29.000 --> 06:31.120 I wore clothes with patches on them. 06:31.120 --> 06:34.960 I wore patches with clothes on them. 06:34.960 --> 06:37.040 I can still prove I was poorer than you. 06:37.040 --> 06:38.040 Want to compare socks? 06:38.040 --> 06:39.040 Okay, smart aleck. 06:39.040 --> 06:40.040 I'll take you on. 06:40.040 --> 06:41.040 Okay. 06:41.040 --> 06:43.560 When I was a kid, I had only one pair of socks. 06:43.560 --> 06:44.560 Pair? 06:44.560 --> 06:50.280 You had two socks? 06:50.280 --> 06:52.240 Well, naturally. 06:52.240 --> 06:54.000 I had two feet. 06:54.000 --> 06:55.480 You had two feet? 06:55.480 --> 06:56.480 Sure. 06:56.480 --> 06:58.520 Everybody's born with two feet. 06:58.520 --> 06:59.980 I was born with only one. 06:59.980 --> 07:02.640 We were very poor. 07:02.640 --> 07:04.320 Okay. 07:04.320 --> 07:05.320 You beat me on socks. 07:05.320 --> 07:06.720 You want to try for shoes? 07:06.720 --> 07:07.720 Okay. 07:07.720 --> 07:08.720 This guy's a sucker for punishment. 07:08.720 --> 07:09.720 Now, we'll see. 07:09.720 --> 07:12.840 My shoes had a hole in the sole the size of a quarter. 07:12.840 --> 07:15.640 In my shoes, the holes were the size of a half dollar. 07:15.640 --> 07:16.640 So what? 07:16.640 --> 07:18.560 Lots of people have holes in their shoes the size of a half dollar. 07:18.560 --> 07:19.560 In pennies? 07:19.560 --> 07:24.000 Give up, boobie. 07:24.000 --> 07:25.260 Let's try shirts. 07:25.260 --> 07:29.040 When I was a kid, Jerry, I wore shirts made out of flower sacks. 07:29.040 --> 07:31.440 I used to wear shirts made out of bags of vigoro. 07:31.440 --> 07:32.440 Vigoro? 07:32.440 --> 07:35.680 Oh yes, on warm days. 07:35.680 --> 07:38.440 Oh, on those warm days, I used to break out in grass. 07:38.440 --> 07:43.440 Shall we have a go at hunger, old chap? 07:43.440 --> 07:44.440 Splendid. 07:44.440 --> 07:46.600 All right, top this. 07:46.600 --> 07:48.740 We Martins were really a starved bunch. 07:48.740 --> 07:55.880 When our family sat around the dinner table, it was a stable coming thing. 07:55.880 --> 07:58.760 You know, we Martins were really a starved bunch. 07:58.760 --> 08:05.400 When our family sat around the dinner table, anything that even looked like food, we ate. 08:05.400 --> 08:10.080 After we finished dinner, mother used to count the kids. 08:10.080 --> 08:13.000 Your turn, sweetie. 08:13.000 --> 08:15.720 Okay, Fink. 08:15.720 --> 08:18.560 All our spare money went to pay doctor bills for grandpa. 08:18.560 --> 08:20.760 We had a bar to pay doctor bills for my grandfather. 08:20.760 --> 08:24.160 He suffered from a rare disease, curfew legs. 08:24.160 --> 08:25.760 Your grandfather had curfew legs? 08:25.760 --> 08:30.520 At 10 o'clock, all the joints closed up. 08:30.520 --> 08:35.440 Why should I argue with you? 08:35.440 --> 08:36.440 I must be stupid. 08:36.440 --> 08:37.440 You're stupid? 08:37.440 --> 08:38.440 Why, I'm so stupid. 08:38.440 --> 08:39.440 That's all. 08:39.440 --> 08:50.440 I give up. 08:50.440 --> 08:52.200 Years ahead of them all. 08:52.200 --> 08:55.000 Chesterfield is years ahead of them all. 08:55.000 --> 09:00.840 The quality contrast between Chesterfield and other leading brands is a revealing story. 09:00.840 --> 09:05.160 Recent chemical analyses give an index of good quality for the country's six leading 09:05.160 --> 09:06.980 cigarette brands. 09:06.980 --> 09:12.780 The index of good quality table, which is a ratio of high sugar to low nicotine, shows 09:12.780 --> 09:15.400 Chesterfield quality highest. 09:15.400 --> 09:16.760 Chesterfield quality highest. 09:16.760 --> 09:20.240 15% higher than its nearest competitor. 09:20.240 --> 09:21.640 Chesterfield quality highest. 09:21.640 --> 09:25.840 31% higher than the average of the five other leading brands. 09:25.840 --> 09:32.040 Yes, Chesterfield is first with premium quality in both regular and king size. 09:32.040 --> 09:36.080 Don't you want to try a cigarette with a record like this? 09:36.080 --> 09:41.080 Chesterfield. 09:41.080 --> 09:44.440 You know folks, if I could write a book I'd dedicate it to all the wonderful audiences, 09:44.440 --> 09:49.440 radio, television, motion picture who have received Jerry and me with such great enthusiasm. 09:49.440 --> 09:56.440 But since my voice is mightier than my pen, I think I'll sing it instead. 09:56.440 --> 10:16.440 If they asked me, I could write a book. 10:16.440 --> 10:27.160 About the way you walk and whisper and look. 10:27.160 --> 10:38.560 I could write a preface on how we met. 10:38.560 --> 10:46.640 So the world would never forget. 10:46.640 --> 10:58.800 And the simple secret of the plot. 10:58.800 --> 11:09.320 Was just to tell them that I love you a lot. 11:09.320 --> 11:33.200 And the world discovered as my book ends how to make two lovers a friend. 11:33.200 --> 12:03.120 Then the world discovered as my book ends how to make two lovers a friend. 12:03.120 --> 12:16.120 How to make two lovers a friend. 12:16.120 --> 12:23.960 Thank you. 12:23.960 --> 12:38.360 Thank you. 12:38.360 --> 12:41.280 Well friends, I'd like you to meet our guest for tonight. 12:41.280 --> 12:43.560 He's a chap I've known for a long, long time. 12:43.560 --> 12:45.200 I've known him for even longer. 12:45.200 --> 12:49.240 He used to go up to the bowling alley where I was the head pin boy. 12:49.240 --> 12:51.200 Okay, so you were the head pin boy. 12:51.200 --> 12:53.000 This fella is a famous movie star. 12:53.000 --> 12:55.320 Every time he came to the bowling alley he used to ask for me. 12:55.320 --> 12:56.320 Oh Jerry. 12:56.320 --> 12:57.320 He used to say, where's Pinhead Lewis? 12:57.320 --> 13:03.080 Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a great guy and a mighty fine actor. 13:03.080 --> 13:07.440 You can look forward to seeing him soon starring in the Herbert J. Yates production, Fair Winter 13:07.440 --> 13:08.440 Java. 13:08.440 --> 13:15.440 Here he is, that man among men and a greater man among women, Mr. Fred McMurray. 13:15.440 --> 13:23.240 Thank you. 13:23.240 --> 13:26.080 Hiya Dean. 13:26.080 --> 13:27.080 Hi Fred. 13:27.080 --> 13:29.640 Say, if that microphone isn't high enough you can raise it. 13:29.640 --> 13:31.480 Oh thanks, I think I will raise it. 13:31.480 --> 13:32.480 It's stuck. 13:32.480 --> 13:35.480 Get your hands off my neck. 13:35.480 --> 13:39.720 That's the microphone over there, Freddy. 13:39.720 --> 13:40.720 Oh. 13:40.720 --> 13:44.360 Freddy, this is my partner Jerry Lewis. 13:44.360 --> 13:47.000 This is a human being I'm looking at. 13:47.000 --> 13:49.560 Here now take heed Mr. McMurray. 13:49.560 --> 13:55.480 I may be feuding an ee-beak and a skinny marine, but the last one who insulted my physique 13:55.480 --> 13:59.160 was beaten within an inch of her life. 13:59.160 --> 14:01.780 Her? 14:01.780 --> 14:02.920 You mean you fought a girl? 14:02.920 --> 14:05.320 I didn't know her well enough to wrestle. 14:05.320 --> 14:10.640 Fred, Jerry told me he met you once before, is that true? 14:10.640 --> 14:13.960 Well he does look familiar, but uh, wait a minute. 14:13.960 --> 14:17.640 Jerry didn't I see you the time I went abalone fishing? 14:17.640 --> 14:19.760 No. 14:19.760 --> 14:25.560 That's funny, I could have sworn I scraped something like you off a rock. 14:25.560 --> 14:28.640 That's possible Fred. 14:28.640 --> 14:32.120 That's possible there, but I- 14:32.120 --> 14:33.800 Wait a minute, wait a minute Dean. 14:33.800 --> 14:34.800 Now let me see now. 14:34.800 --> 14:40.080 Look, Jerry, did you ever model labels for an iodine company? 14:40.080 --> 14:44.240 No. 14:44.240 --> 14:47.240 Is that clear? 14:47.240 --> 14:48.240 No. 14:48.240 --> 14:49.240 K-N-O-E. 14:49.240 --> 14:50.240 No. 14:50.240 --> 14:52.880 Fred, I'll give you a hint. 14:52.880 --> 14:55.760 Jerry claims he met you in a bowling alley. 14:55.760 --> 14:56.760 Now I remember. 14:56.760 --> 14:57.760 I knew it. 14:57.760 --> 15:00.160 This is the stupid, moronic, idiotic, impacillic pin boy. 15:00.160 --> 15:02.680 Glory be, he remembers me. 15:02.680 --> 15:05.080 Well I'm glad that settles. 15:05.080 --> 15:09.640 You know Fred, I envy your career in pictures, making love to all those beautiful stars. 15:09.640 --> 15:13.080 Well Dean, it's not as great as it's cracked up to be, you know. 15:13.080 --> 15:18.040 All day long you make love to Barbara Stanwyck, then you go home, and all day, next day you 15:18.040 --> 15:22.280 make love to Eleanor Parker, then you go home, then you make love to Claudette Cobain, then 15:22.280 --> 15:23.880 you go home. 15:23.880 --> 15:25.400 What don't you like about it? 15:25.400 --> 15:26.400 Going home. 15:26.400 --> 15:27.400 Oh I figured. 15:27.400 --> 15:31.880 At least you don't meet these women only in your dreams like I do. 15:31.880 --> 15:35.120 Every night I dream that there's nothing but beautiful women left in the whole world and 15:35.120 --> 15:36.120 I'm the only man. 15:36.120 --> 15:37.120 Well that sounds great. 15:37.120 --> 15:38.120 What great? 15:38.120 --> 15:40.120 I'm 82 years old. 15:40.120 --> 15:53.360 Now believe me fellas, fame in pictures is fleeting. 15:53.360 --> 15:56.000 You know that's why I invested my money in a cattle breeding ranch. 15:56.000 --> 15:58.760 Hey Jerry, that's what you ought to do, breed cattle. 15:58.760 --> 16:02.240 I can't, my nostrils aren't wide enough. 16:02.240 --> 16:09.480 Now Jerry, Jerry what Dean means is that I go in for animal husbandry. 16:09.480 --> 16:10.480 Animal husbandry? 16:10.480 --> 16:14.440 You mean you have a lonely hearts club for cows? 16:14.440 --> 16:17.840 No, it's experimental work, Jerry. 16:17.840 --> 16:19.680 Fred went to school and studied animals. 16:19.680 --> 16:20.680 A likely story. 16:20.680 --> 16:23.760 What do you mean a likely story? 16:23.760 --> 16:25.640 I did too go to school and study animals. 16:25.640 --> 16:27.920 Okay, let's see you say something in horse. 16:27.920 --> 16:32.480 Jerry will you stop? 16:32.480 --> 16:36.720 Yeah, now look Jerry, I don't talk horse but I can tell you about my breeding experiments 16:36.720 --> 16:38.240 with other animals. 16:38.240 --> 16:40.320 I once crossed a cow with a sheep. 16:40.320 --> 16:42.640 A cow and a sheep, what'd you get? 16:42.640 --> 16:43.640 Woolen milk. 16:43.640 --> 16:44.640 Oh. 16:44.640 --> 16:47.240 You think that's something? 16:47.240 --> 16:50.040 My uncle once crossed a mouse with an elephant. 16:50.040 --> 16:51.040 What'd he get? 16:51.040 --> 16:52.040 A rat that never forgets. 16:52.040 --> 17:08.480 What's a rat got to remember? 17:08.480 --> 17:11.160 My experiment with cattle breeding has really paid off, you know. 17:11.160 --> 17:14.280 It's not like it used to be in the old days when we had to drive the cattle thousands 17:14.280 --> 17:15.560 of miles to market. 17:15.560 --> 17:19.480 Yeah, we owe a great deal of thanks to the people who built the railroads across this 17:19.480 --> 17:20.480 country. 17:20.480 --> 17:24.120 We can't thank them in person but we can thank them for the sketch. 17:24.120 --> 17:25.120 Penman? 17:25.120 --> 17:26.120 Yes, Dean. 17:26.120 --> 17:27.120 Start thanking. 17:27.120 --> 17:28.120 Thank you, Dean. 17:28.120 --> 17:29.120 Forget it. 17:29.120 --> 17:33.920 Ladies and gentlemen, the Chesterfield players present Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis and Fred 17:33.920 --> 17:39.360 McMurray in a regular saga of the king-sized men who built the first regular railroad across 17:39.360 --> 17:41.760 our king-sized continent. 17:41.760 --> 17:47.680 It's the story of regular cattlemen who welcomed the king-sized railroad and of the very, very 17:47.680 --> 18:06.080 sad Indians who lived a hard and unhappy life entitled Blackfeet, Why Are You Blue? 18:06.080 --> 18:08.240 I'm with the Santa Fe Roadbed Company. 18:08.240 --> 18:10.680 I'm the president, Ralph Roadbed. 18:10.680 --> 18:13.160 This is the only business I've ever known. 18:13.160 --> 18:16.360 I've got railroads in my blood and believe me, it's not good. 18:16.360 --> 18:20.720 Every time I cut myself shaving, I bleed train. 18:20.720 --> 18:22.480 I'm head of the construction crew. 18:22.480 --> 18:24.800 My full name is Sidney Head. 18:24.800 --> 18:27.880 I'm in charge of clearing the land by cutting down the trees. 18:27.880 --> 18:29.960 I work like a beaver and it's not easy. 18:29.960 --> 18:33.360 So far I've worn out four front teeth. 18:33.360 --> 18:36.960 I'm no beginner in the railroad business either. 18:36.960 --> 18:37.960 I go way back. 18:37.960 --> 18:38.960 My name is Ludwig Caboose. 18:38.960 --> 18:48.680 I'm former of the labor gang working out of New York. 18:48.680 --> 19:00.320 Men, we can't lay any more track in this hot sun. 19:00.320 --> 19:01.800 Look at our construction crew. 19:01.800 --> 19:03.280 They're dying like flies. 19:03.280 --> 19:04.400 How come? 19:04.400 --> 19:06.960 They are flies. 19:06.960 --> 19:09.080 You hired flies to build this railroad? 19:09.080 --> 19:10.840 And a shrewd move it was too. 19:10.840 --> 19:14.120 When the road is finished, we won't have to lay them off. 19:14.120 --> 19:15.120 What do we do? 19:15.120 --> 19:16.120 Swat them. 19:16.120 --> 19:20.880 Boss, boss, boss, boss, we'll have to lay our railroad track faster. 19:20.880 --> 19:23.000 I just checked and they're getting ahead of us. 19:23.000 --> 19:24.000 Who's getting ahead of us? 19:24.000 --> 19:32.240 The people putting up the Burma shame signs. 19:32.240 --> 19:33.240 Don't worry. 19:33.240 --> 19:34.240 We'll beat them yet. 19:34.240 --> 19:36.440 We've only been laying this track for three years. 19:36.440 --> 19:37.760 How much track have we laid? 19:37.760 --> 19:38.760 Three inches. 19:38.760 --> 19:42.240 In three years, you've only laid three inches of track? 19:42.240 --> 20:00.040 Men, I may be slow, but I'm neat. 20:00.040 --> 20:04.240 So slowly, but slowly, our track building laborers went on. 20:04.240 --> 20:07.320 We were scheduled to meet the construction crew building eastward from California and 20:07.320 --> 20:09.720 Pismo Beach on New Year's Day. 20:09.720 --> 20:10.720 Onward we built. 20:10.720 --> 20:14.400 New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio. 20:14.400 --> 20:25.320 Illinois, Missouri, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Texas, Texas, Texas, Texas, Texas, New York. 20:25.320 --> 20:28.360 What are you doing back in New York? 20:28.360 --> 20:33.760 Isn't the fair still going on? 20:33.760 --> 20:35.480 At last the day is near. 20:35.480 --> 20:38.560 The great day when both ends of the railroad are to meet. 20:38.560 --> 20:42.480 I'm scared that somebody will beat me to the honor of hammering in the last spike. 20:42.480 --> 20:46.320 I too am scared that somebody will beat me to the honor of hammering in the last spike. 20:46.320 --> 20:47.880 I'm more scared than both of them. 20:47.880 --> 20:48.880 I'm Spike. 20:48.880 --> 20:56.760 Men, for three weeks we've been digging this tunnel through the mud. 20:56.760 --> 20:57.760 I'm ready to quit. 20:57.760 --> 20:58.760 Well, it's a good thing for us. 20:58.760 --> 21:01.760 We found a place to dump all the sand and gravel, huh, boss? 21:01.760 --> 21:04.600 Why don't you say something? 21:04.600 --> 21:05.600 I can't. 21:05.600 --> 21:07.560 My mouth is full of sand and gravel. 21:07.560 --> 21:10.760 Boss, forget this tunnel. 21:10.760 --> 21:12.240 I found a shortcut. 21:12.240 --> 21:14.280 I laid the tracks over that mountain over there. 21:14.280 --> 21:15.280 You must be going crazy. 21:15.280 --> 21:17.480 There is no mountain over there. 21:17.480 --> 21:18.480 There isn't? 21:18.480 --> 21:19.640 Well, don't just stand there, men. 21:19.640 --> 21:22.640 Gather rocks. 21:22.640 --> 21:32.480 Let's quit. 21:32.480 --> 21:34.720 We can't build this railroad any further. 21:34.720 --> 21:35.720 But we must. 21:35.720 --> 21:37.040 We just must. 21:37.040 --> 21:40.600 We just must or bust. 21:40.600 --> 21:42.880 We can't quit when we're so close to our goal. 21:42.880 --> 21:45.000 Look, there's the geyser, Old Faithful. 21:45.000 --> 21:48.200 Yes, and it's shooting water up 5,000 feet. 21:48.200 --> 21:51.360 Man, dig that crazy drinking fountain. 21:51.360 --> 21:53.320 Hey, look. 21:53.320 --> 22:05.160 One of our horses just bent over to take a drink from it. 22:05.160 --> 22:06.160 What happened to the horse? 22:06.160 --> 22:07.160 He's now a giraffe. 22:07.160 --> 22:10.160 That's a yes to yes. 22:10.160 --> 22:12.600 We'd better be careful from now on, men. 22:12.600 --> 22:14.000 We're approaching Indian country. 22:14.000 --> 22:15.560 I can tell by the signs. 22:15.560 --> 22:16.560 What signs? 22:16.560 --> 22:17.560 That one over there. 22:17.560 --> 22:18.560 It says you're now approaching Indian country. 22:18.560 --> 22:19.560 Look, there's a horse. 22:19.560 --> 22:22.640 Look, the Indians know we're here. 22:22.640 --> 22:26.480 They're sending up smog signals. 22:26.480 --> 22:27.480 You mean smoke signals? 22:27.480 --> 22:29.480 These are California Indians. 22:29.480 --> 22:33.280 But why is the smog so black? 22:33.280 --> 22:36.280 They're talking deity. 22:36.280 --> 22:39.280 Ow! 22:39.280 --> 22:49.760 I just got one of the Redskins. 22:49.760 --> 22:50.760 I shot him under the blanket. 22:50.760 --> 22:51.760 Did you kill him? 22:51.760 --> 22:53.760 No, but I knocked him out of bed. 22:53.760 --> 22:54.760 Good. 22:54.760 --> 22:59.440 I just got their leader, Chief Standing Bull. 22:59.440 --> 23:00.560 You mean Sitting Bull. 23:00.560 --> 23:01.640 You don't know your Indians. 23:01.640 --> 23:06.520 You don't know where I got them? 23:06.520 --> 23:07.520 We made it, men. 23:07.520 --> 23:08.520 We made it. 23:08.520 --> 23:15.320 There comes the railroad crew we were supposed to meet. 23:15.320 --> 23:17.160 Hello, East to West. 23:17.160 --> 23:19.000 I'm West to East. 23:19.000 --> 23:20.760 We just finished our end of the railroad. 23:20.760 --> 23:21.760 We just finished ours, too. 23:21.760 --> 23:27.440 Yeah, now somebody better hurry and invent the train. 23:27.440 --> 23:29.080 But look at the track you laid. 23:29.080 --> 23:30.080 It's so thin. 23:30.080 --> 23:32.440 Yeah, we ran out of steel, so we had to use spaghetti. 23:32.440 --> 23:37.520 Yeah, but you'll never get a train to ride over that track. 23:37.520 --> 23:38.520 It's so lumpy. 23:38.520 --> 23:39.520 How do you like that? 23:39.520 --> 23:54.040 We forgot to take out the meatballs. 23:54.040 --> 23:57.080 Chesterfield is best for you. 23:57.080 --> 23:58.880 Listen to Chesterfield's record. 23:58.880 --> 24:03.560 For a full year and two months, a doctor has been making regular examinations of a group 24:03.560 --> 24:10.080 of Chesterfield smokers, and he reports no adverse effects to the nose, throat, and sinuses 24:10.080 --> 24:12.240 from smoking Chesterfields. 24:12.240 --> 24:15.880 Don't you want to try a cigarette with a record like this? 24:15.880 --> 24:21.880 Chesterfield, first with premium quality in both regular and king size. 24:21.880 --> 24:28.680 Chesterfield, first choice with Young America, and that's from a survey of 274 colleges and 24:28.680 --> 24:30.400 universities. 24:30.400 --> 24:32.720 Try Chesterfields today. 24:32.720 --> 24:37.680 And remember, Chesterfield is America's best cigarette buy. 24:37.680 --> 24:41.360 You know, friends, every singer has a metal scrapbook in which he keeps all the songs 24:41.360 --> 24:42.360 that he has ever liked. 24:42.360 --> 24:46.520 And so tonight, I go to the scrapbook for a song that will always be one of my special 24:46.520 --> 24:49.520 favorites. 24:49.520 --> 25:13.520 Alone, alone with the sky of romance above. 25:13.520 --> 25:27.400 Alone, alone on a night there was men for love. 25:27.400 --> 25:42.640 There must be someone waiting who feels the way I do. 25:42.640 --> 25:57.200 Whoever you are, are you, are you alone? 25:57.200 --> 26:08.440 Alone on this night that we too could share. 26:08.440 --> 26:22.600 Alone, alone with your kiss that could make me care. 26:22.600 --> 26:36.800 And when you come, I'll promise to be your very own. 26:36.800 --> 26:48.160 Alone, alone with a heart meant for you. 26:48.160 --> 26:49.160 Alone. 26:49.160 --> 27:13.520 Well, Dean, old pal, that's the kind of singing we ranchers like to hear when we're sitting 27:13.520 --> 27:14.920 around the old bunkhouse. 27:14.920 --> 27:15.920 Well, thanks, partner. 27:15.920 --> 27:19.240 You know, if you boys ever get a weekend off, why don't you come out the ranch? 27:19.240 --> 27:20.600 I'll let you ride one of my horses. 27:20.600 --> 27:21.600 Not me. 27:21.600 --> 27:23.480 The last time I got on a horse, his head fell off. 27:23.480 --> 27:25.160 His head didn't fall off. 27:25.160 --> 27:26.160 You got on the horse backwards. 27:26.160 --> 27:35.160 Oh, and all the time I thought he had long eyelashes. 27:35.160 --> 27:39.720 Well, the offer still goes, fellas. 27:39.720 --> 27:41.680 Give me a buzz when you want to come down, be my guest. 27:41.680 --> 27:42.680 Well, thanks. 27:42.680 --> 27:43.680 That's a mighty good offer. 27:43.680 --> 27:45.520 You've been a mighty good guest for us. 27:45.520 --> 27:46.520 That's right. 27:46.520 --> 27:48.920 Our door is wide open for your return visits any time. 27:48.920 --> 27:49.920 And thanks very much, Fred. 27:49.920 --> 27:50.920 Thanks, Dean. 27:50.920 --> 27:51.920 Thanks, Jerry. 27:51.920 --> 27:52.920 So long, everybody. 27:52.920 --> 27:53.920 Good night, Fred. 27:53.920 --> 27:54.920 Good night. 27:54.920 --> 27:55.920 Good night, Fred. 27:55.920 --> 28:09.240 Remember, friends, chest fill is first with premium quality in both regular and king 28:09.240 --> 28:10.240 size. 28:10.240 --> 28:12.800 And here's another fact you smokers should remember. 28:12.800 --> 28:17.840 The chemical analyses show that of the country's six leading cigarette brands, Chesterfield 28:17.840 --> 28:19.760 quality is highest. 28:19.760 --> 28:22.000 That backs up what we've been telling you. 28:22.000 --> 28:23.400 Chesterfield is best for you. 28:23.400 --> 28:24.600 So try them today. 28:24.600 --> 28:27.240 I know you'll enjoy that Chesterfield mildness. 28:27.240 --> 28:28.920 So until next week, this is Dean Martin. 28:28.920 --> 28:30.720 And this is Jerry Lewis saying good night, everybody. 28:30.720 --> 28:31.720 God bless you all. 28:31.720 --> 28:48.000 From Hollywood, you've just heard transcribed the Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis show, produced 28:48.000 --> 28:52.800 and directed by Dick Mack, written by Arthur Phillips and Austin Kalish, with music prepared 28:52.800 --> 28:54.520 and conducted by Dick Stabeel. 28:54.520 --> 28:58.160 And this is George Fenomen reminding you to listen to Chesterfield's award winning show, 28:58.160 --> 29:01.040 Dragnet, Sunday night on this same NBC station. 29:01.040 --> 29:04.120 Now new Fatima has the tip for your lips. 29:04.120 --> 29:06.960 Fatima tips of perfect cork. 29:06.960 --> 29:09.280 King size for natural filtering. 29:09.280 --> 29:12.840 Fatima quality for a much better flavor and aroma. 29:12.840 --> 29:16.760 So remember, new Fatima has the tip for your lips. 29:16.760 --> 29:20.680 Fatima, see how smooth they are. 29:20.680 --> 29:24.240 Remember Fatima is made by the makers of Chesterfield. 29:24.240 --> 29:31.240 Liget and Myers, one of tobacco's most respected names. 29:31.240 --> 29:35.160 This program was transcribed tonight. 29:35.160 --> 29:56.000 And Fibber McGee and Molly on NBC.