Golly, Jill, I don't know whether to be happy or sad.
Or to laugh or to cry?
Yes.
On the one hand, I'm highly honored that the school elects me chairman of the
thesis committee for raising funds for the athletic field.
What's on the other hand?
Everyone expects me to get Daddy to be the chief speaker.
And I know how much Father hates to make speeches.
But as chairman of the committee, you have to get your Father to make the big speech.
Peggy?
Huh?
Why don't you get him to help you?
Why don't get him?
Well, when I'm stuck with my homework, I go to my Father and appeal to his superior intelligence.
He always frowns and says,
My, my, the school system of today.
Now when I was a boy, we really learned things.
He elects me for about five minutes, visits town, and does all my homework.
Jill, you're inspiring.
I'm going right home and talk to Father.
I'll ask him.
I'll appeal to him.
I'll ask him to help me make my speech.
Poor Mr. Me.
Well, Peg, let's go home and set the trap for your father.
The National Broadcasting Company invites you to listen to your favorite radio family.
Folks, Meet the Meets.
["Meet the Meets"]
Yes, friends, once again you're invited to Meet the Meets,
the Mortimer Meets who live on Elm Street and Civic Center.
Well, it seems as though Mr. Meets is in for another one of those days.
He doesn't know it yet, though.
Right now, he's sitting in the living room with his daughter Peggy
and her best friend, Jill Donovan.
He's smiling benignly.
He's a happy man.
He, he, well, you're my little friend.
What's new in the teenage world?
Is everything neat and neat without a fleet?
Oh, Mr. Meets, you certainly are a modern parent.
You speak so intelligently.
Yeah, well, thank you, Jill.
I try to keep up on things.
Oh, hum.
Huh? Oh, I beg your pardon, Peggy.
He's died.
He's been doing that all day.
Well, why, Peggy, has Gregory Peck ignored you again?
Hehehehe.
Sorry, Father, I'm in no mood for jokes.
Oh, well, now, dear, what's wrong?
Nothing serious, I hope?
Ah, I'm afraid you wouldn't understand.
Yes, well, as the man on the great gilded cleave says,
that, ahem, well, now, I wouldn't say that.
Hehehehe.
I, hmm.
Hmm.
Well, I thought it was pretty funny.
Oh, sorry, Daddy, my funny bone's out of whack.
Oh, hey, this is serious.
Come on, now, dear, tell me what's wrong.
I've been elected chairman of the speakers committee
for raising funds for the athletic field.
Well, I don't see anything so tragic about that.
To be elected by the student body is an honor.
And the cause is a worthy one.
What's wrong, Peggy?
Father, I suddenly discovered I don't know a thing about peacemaking.
And what's worse, I'm afraid I won't be able to get a speaker for the big rally,
the radio broadcast.
That's why I'm so miserable.
Oh, now, daughter, brush the tears away, change the size to smile.
Because I will help you.
Oh, Daddy, you will?
Very well.
Oh, you will, Mr. Meek?
Well, yes, of course I will.
Now, of course, there's really nothing to making a speech
if a person is sincere and believes in the cause he's speaking for.
Now, take this situation.
Ahem, I'm, ah, I begin with something like this.
Eh, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, that's it, and we take then everybody, Mr. Meek.
Yes.
Go ahead, Daddy, that's a wonderful sign.
Well, thank you.
You see now, I, oh, well, I have it.
You know, anybody with intelligence can make a speech.
We're waiting, Mr. Meek.
Yes, well, of course.
Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you this evening
as a plain, everyday member of this fine, upstanding community.
Needless to say, it affords me great pleasure.
Ladies and gentlemen, well, you know, so on and so on, you see.
Oh, Daddy, you're wonderful.
Oh, simply thrilling.
Well, thank you very much.
You see, Peggy, there's nothing to making a speech.
Just simply stand up and be sincere.
Mix in a little humor with the serious stuff and tell a little joke.
Now, have I illustrated my point?
Oh, you certainly have, Mr. Meek.
Okay.
Oh, Daddy, you're going to be simply sensational
as the main speaker at the rally.
Oh, that's nice of you to say that, Peggy.
I was good.
What, did you say I would be wonderful as the main speaker at the rally?
Yes, Father, I'll be so proud of you, and so will Mother and Uncle Louie.
And so will my folks, Mr. Meek.
We'll all be sitting and listening and bursting with pride.
We'll say, that's, Mr. Meek, the Silver Tongued Order from Civic Center.
And when you come over the air...
No, now, now, just a minute, Gerge.
I did not say that I would deliver a speech anywhere, anytime, or in any way.
But, Father, you have to.
I promised Dr. Firmich.
Dr. Firmich was our room head at school.
Oh, but, but...
And you said anyone could make a speech.
You said, quote, there is nothing to making a speech if a person is sincere and believes in the cause he is speaking for, unquote.
Trapped by my own big mouth.
Besides, since I'm chairman of the speech committee, how would it look if my very own father turned me down?
Well, Ms. Committee?
Not very well.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going into the kitchen and get a glass of water.
And with it, I'm going to take an aspirin tablet.
If something tells me that I'm going to have an awful headache very soon.
The
Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you...
Come in.
Oh, hello, Mr. Reed.
Working for Mrs. Beale today.
Oh, hello, Lily.
Mrs. Beale, she's got her heart set on a chocolate cake.
And she asked me, would I ask you, could she borrow a half dozen eggs?
Oh, sure, Lily. You can help yourself. Eggs are in the refrigerator.
Well, thanks much. On behalf of Mrs. Beale and myself in person.
Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you this evening as a plain, everyday...
Oh, pardon me. Were you addressing me?
No, no, no, Lily. I was just practicing my speech.
Oh, aren't you a little early for that? The election's next year.
No, Lily. It isn't a political speech.
I didn't know there was any other kind.
Well, maybe it just seems that way.
No, this is just a little speech I hope I don't have to make on the radio.
The radio? Oh, I just love the radio.
Yesterday, I heard the most thrilling drama.
There was this boy and this girl, see?
And he says, will you marry me?
And just as she's about to answer, there's a knock on the door and the announcer comes in.
Now, Mr. Meek, are there going to be lots of jokes in your speech?
No, Lily. Just me.
Well, I'm sure glad, because what I really like is serious drama.
Like last night on the radio, there was this boy and this girl, see?
Up in an airplane.
All of a sudden, there's a knock on the motor and the announcer comes in.
Maybe the announcer will save me if he hears the knocking and pounding of my heart.
Well, I hope your speech is educational, Mr. Meek.
I love educational programs.
I was on one once, a quiz program.
The man asked me how many humps on a camel, and I said four.
My gracious, that was an educational program. So what happened?
He gave me ten dollars for being close.
That's very interesting, Lily.
But you came here to borrow some eggs, you know, to make a cake. You remember?
Oh, yeah. I got them. Thanks.
You're very welcome. Now, I...
Oh, I almost forgot.
Can I also borrow a cup and a half of sugar, a half a cup of milk, two squares of unsweetened chocolate, and some flour?
Well, Lily, I don't mind lending you all those things, but aren't you trying to do this the hard way?
So what are you referring to?
Well, why don't you just borrow a cake?
Oh, that's a wonderful idea, Mr. Meek. Thanks much.
Yes, you're welcome. Goodbye, Lily.
Oh, this is wonderful. Now I can just sit down and listen to the radio all day.
There's gonna be a wonderful drama on. There's this boy and this girl.
Yeah, don't spoil it for me, Lily.
I want to be surprised when the announcer comes in.
Goodbye, Lily.
Oh, goodbye, Mr. Meek. And don't forget, talk good and loud.
There. The next speaker for the rally for the drive-to-race funds for the athletic field will be the renowned and renown orator, Mr. Mortimer Meek.
Mr. Meek will deliver a humorous series of speech in the style for which he is acclaimed as a leading citizen and so forth and so forth.
Well, Jill, what do you think of it before we take it down to the newspaper?
It's okay. But how about you better say something about the accompaniment?
Accompaniment? For a speech?
Oh, maybe not. I was just thinking how your father would sound speaking words and chattering his teeth at the same time.
Oh, my gracious. Come on now, Mortimer. Now, once more, once more. All right, thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you this evening as a plain, everyday member of this fine, upstanding community.
Hi, Morty. Hi, uh, yeah. Hey, there's nobody here but you.
Oh, I know it, Louis. I was just rehearsing.
Rehearsing? What for? A panted sale?
No.
Hey, Aggie, come here a second.
Oh, now, Louis, I wish you wouldn't.
Why is it, Louis? Oh, Mortimer dear, I didn't know you were in here.
Get a load of this guy you married since. He's talking to himself. He's whacking himself.
Now, Louis, please.
What is this, Mortimer?
Oh, it's a long story, dear. You see, Peggy was elected school chairman of the speakers committee for the Athletic Field Fund rally.
And, well, somehow she thinks that I'm going to make this principal's speech.
Why, how thoughtful of you, dear. I'm proud of you, Mortimer.
Hmm, that's what Peggy said.
Well, I ain't convinced. What are you going to say in this here speech?
Well, I have most of it in my mind.
Well, it must be a short speech if it's in your mind.
Oh, now I'm talking now.
Now, Louis, Mortimer dear, let me hear your speech.
Oh, Aggie dear, you mean now, right here?
Well, what's wrong with now? What's wrong with our kitchen?
I never thought I'd ever look forward to hearing the speech, but oh, boy, this is going to be terrific.
Come on, Morty, stand up there by the stove and get hot.
Oh, well, well, all right. Ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, wait a second, wait a second, I'll introduce you.
Hi, everybody. We take practically no pleasure at all in bringing to you this evening a man whose knees are knocking together,
whose feet are shattered, and whose socks are likewise.
I am concerned in none other than Mortimer. I know him, you know him, we all know him, so what?
Me.
Go ahead, Morty.
Oh, well, I'm going to be the next.
You ought to be at the United Nations, Morty. You'll need an interpreter.
Louis, now go ahead dear, don't be nervous.
Well, dear, I'm trying not to be. I'll start all over again.
Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you this morning, this afternoon, this evening.
Short day, wasn't it?
Oh, now wait a minute, Louis, wait a minute.
I come to you this evening. I come to you this evening.
Oh, Agatha, I can't do it, I just can't do it.
You're telling us.
Oh, poor dear.
Mortimer, why don't you just not make the feet?
No, no, I'm going to go through with you. What did you say, Agatha?
Oh, Agatha, you're wonderful. That's a terrific idea. Why didn't I think of that myself?
I burn up like a bolt, never burn.
When Peggy comes home, just tell her that it was all a mistake.
She'll do anything else for her in the drive, but that you just can't make the feet.
Oh, Agatha dear, what would I do without you?
Hey, what about me? Who told you you couldn't make the feet?
Well, of course you do, Louis. Oh, my great lady, look, I feel ten years younger.
Yeah, right now you don't look a day over 90.
Well, here come Peggy and Jill now. You can tell Peggy your decision, dear, and just stop wearing it.
Listen, listen everybody, the most thrilling thing in the world is stuff happening.
Oh, I see, so devastating.
Well, excuse me Peggy dear, but I want...
I want the newspapers, an interview, and guess what?
Yes, in a minute Peggy, but first I want...
A picture, a picture of you, Daddy.
A picture of me? A picture of me? What for?
I've just been telling you, the Daily Gazette is running a big story about you,
and they're going to interview you and ask you your opinion about things and stuff,
and then they're going to run your picture. Aren't you thrilled, Daddy?
Oh, very, but if you don't mind my asking here, why all the fuss about me, he asked hopefully.
Oh, you sweet modest thing, only because you're the most wonderful father in all the world,
only because you're the outstanding and number one speaker at the big rally, only because...
Oh, Daddy, Mom, Uncle Louie is doing something. He's banging.
Now, now be courage, sweet old boy. Now you've just got to do it for Peggy's sake.
When I can't do it, I'll go out. I'll die of fright. Never mind. Now you have to do it.
Now come on, now, show me that you're a man.
I'm not that kind of a man. When it comes to speaking in front of people, I'm a mouse.
You get the squeaky old mouse.
You see now, oh, Peggy says I'm just twenty-three, maple lane,
Dr. Olmstermich, the only teacher who just had a baby school class.
I hope Dr. Olmstermich can help me.
Peggy says he's a remarkable man. He's polished and smart.
Oh, I couldn't have been just one of the three.
Yes?
Oh, this is Dr. Fermich.
Oh, how do you do, Dr. Fermich? Come here.
No, no, I'm me.
Oh, well, pick Curry and come in anyway.
I've been expecting you.
Oh, you have?
Of course. It keeps dripping, you know. Drip, drip, drip. Quite maddening.
You are Dr. Homer Fermich, aren't you?
Fermich? I'd name that.
You are?
No, I'm Dr. Fermich. Yes, it is.
Now, it is seen. Why did I come here?
Oh, yes, I want to buy a new faucet.
At least, you know, drip, drip, drip.
Yes, yes.
How did you know?
I didn't know.
Ah, a kindred soul. Shall we converse in Greek or in Latin?
Oh, no, Dr. Fermich, I'm more than a meek. Peggy meets father.
Oh, really? That's very interesting.
I want new a student named Peggy Meek.
Oh, no, she's in your class at school now.
Now?
Oh, good heavens, another day gone, how time has flies.
Well, Mr. Fermich, you know, I must be on my way.
School, you know. Classes, notebooks, lectures, children only.
No, no, no, wait a minute, doctor. School is out. I'm here in your house.
You see, I want...
Oh, yes, I remember. Drip, drip, drip, drip.
Well, come along and you look at it.
Or better yet, you go and look at it, and I'll run down to your plumbing shop and get your tools.
Oh, no, no, please, Dr. Fermich, I am not a plumber. I'm a father.
One can be both, you know.
Well, that's true.
Well?
Well, I came for your help, sir, you see. I have to make a speech at the athletic field round.
Oh, bully for you, sir. Fear, bonfire, dual spirits.
Ah, keewah! Illinois, off seven.
Oh, okay.
You don't understand, Dr. Fermich. You see, my daughter is chairman of the speeches committee for the fundraising rally for the athletic field,
and I am to be the principal spooker.
A speaker?
Congratulations.
Yes, but I can't speak.
Oh, can't you?
Dr. Fermich, can't you help me? Can't you teach me to deliver a speech?
Of course.
Well, if you did, it's what?
Open your mouth.
Ah.
Hmm.
Interesting stuff is there, sir.
$200?
Well, close it up. Don't let the air get on them.
Yes.
Now, let's begin your speech.
Begin my speech?
Yeah, well.
Genties and ladies. I mean, jails and ladies, men.
Hmm.
You mean, loodles and doodles, men.
Oh, of course. Try it again.
Yes.
Larger than garter, miss. Yes. Oh, my goodness gracious.
It's no use, meek. I'm running out of patience.
Now, suppose you take a look at my faucet. It goes drip, drip, drip, and try and mix those words up.
Drip, drip, drip.
Oh, my goodness. Why did I ever get into here?
Hey, Morty!
Yeah?
Hey, Morty! Hey, Morty! Wait up, wait up, wait up.
Sure lucky I spotted you on the street, Morty.
Yeah, well, what's lucky about it, Louis? And for whom?
Well, you see, Morty, old boy, old pal, I just got a tip on a deal.
I can do a quick-tone turnover on 50 cents.
Yes, I know. 45 cents for waffles and an acre for coffee. Here.
Hey, ain't you a gold-off or no resistance?
No, Louis.
Boy, you must be sick. What's the matter?
Well, I just come from Dr. Framies' house. I went there for some help on my feet.
Yeah? Did you get it?
Compared with Dr. Framies, you make sense.
Well, there he must be a dope.
Hey, are you insinuating that I'm a...
No, please, Louis, please. I've got enough burdens right now. Now, go away.
Oh, you poor little guy.
Hey, I've got it. I'll help you.
No, thanks. I don't need any more help.
Stand right up there and make your speech to me. Have you got any notes?
Well, just this page from Dr. Framies' calendar. He scribbled some notes on it.
No, let me see.
Here.
Get a spool of Darnan thread from Mrs. F.
That ought to sway the multitude.
Yeah, well, Louis, I guess that's something personal. Now, what did the next thing say?
Pay election bets. Buy a peanut to push down Main Street with no sheep.
There, you see? You see what I mean?
Hey, wait. Here's one.
Look up meaning of jadies and lulumens. Hey, what goes on here?
Well, Louis, I will if you just step aside.
Now, wait, wait. I ain't finished.
Sweep hairpins out of cars.
Oh, you'd better skip that one. I'll follow that one up.
Well, here's your note, Morty. Keep your chin up, talk loud, and who knows, you may be elected dog catcher.
Ha, ha, ha!
He, he, he.
Still I'm worried, terribly worried.
Uh-huh.
I didn't think he'd push his green hand to kiss the shed because he liked it.
It was the way Daddy looked when he came in. His eyes, they were gray.
And he walked all bent over.
And he didn't even speak to us. He just nodded, and went up stairs.
I felt terrible about it. I got him into this mess.
And if I get him out, then I'm into a worse mess.
My, this is interesting.
Oh, Jill, how can you be so cold-blooded?
I don't know. I'm not even half-crying.
You've got to help me.
Oh, no. Every time I help you, nothing will help me.
Come on now, think.
Jill, are you thinking?
Uh-huh.
Well?
I'd rather not say.
Come on, you have to.
Okay. I was just thinking.
Why couldn't I have a boyfriend companion who was nice and dumb like me?
So I wouldn't have to think.
Hey, I got it.
I guess I better go home. You've got that look in your eyes.
Jill, is your father home?
Why, oh no, no, I don't think so.
A matter of fact, I think he's not even in town.
Oh, I'm sure that he's gone away, far away.
Your father's home, I know he is.
Come on, we're going right over to see him.
Oh, no. Father doesn't like to be disturbed.
He gets very cross when he's disturbed.
But we're not going to disturb him.
We're going to fly him.
But remember how you told me you got him to do your homework?
But, Peg, remember how you appealed to disappearing your intelligence?
But, Peg, you're going to appeal to him, Jill.
Your father is going to make a speech.
And so, Daddy, you can stop worrying about making a speech.
I'll fix everything.
But, Daddy, there are tears in your eyes.
Father, stop kissing my hand.
Father, say something.
But, Father, but Mr. Donovan...
No, no, no, I will not make a speech.
I will not even come to the rally.
I hate rallies. I hate speeches.
Now leave before I begin hating you too, and start doing something about it.
Well, Mr. Pickett, what do we do now, please, Jill?
Your father is free to look relief, and my father can't talk from rage.
What if we could find a nice quiet cave?
Don't be silly. They're all subdivided and rented.
I don't want to sound unpleasant, Peggy.
But the rally is tomorrow night.
I know. Which means we've got 24 hours to deliver.
Or else, I wish you wouldn't say we like that.
Well, pleasant, laughingly, pleasant, Peggy.
Pleasant, too.
When the bough bends, the crater will rock.
Well, good morning, Peggy dear.
Say, Agatha dear, isn't it a beautiful morning?
Hi, Daddy.
Morning, dear. Now you are in a good mood, aren't you?
Well, why not?
The finest wife in the world, finest daughter in the world, finest family.
Hey, is that right, Peggy? I'm hungry as a bear.
Green Diablos had a free lunch, come here with my hands tied behind me.
Terrible nightmare.
And the hungriest brother-in-law in the world.
Why shouldn't I be happy?
Hey, Morty.
What's got into you? You're smiling.
Did you get a retwee from the governor?
Hey, Louis, that's just what I did.
Only not from the governor, from Mr. Donovan, huh, Peggy?
Poor Mr. Donovan. He's mean to all of those people.
That's why you're so happy, Mortimer. I thought something was up.
I'll tell you what happened.
Well, dear, if you ask your daughter, also the smartest little girl in town,
she wouldn't let her father be tortured. It wouldn't take it.
No, Daddy. Oh, no.
Hey, dear, what's the matter? Is something wrong?
No, no, nothing's wrong. Exactly.
Well, come on, out with it, Pee-pee. We can play it.
We can?
Well, of course we can, dear. Go ahead.
Well, Father, we talked to Mr. Donovan.
That must have been good. Oh, boy, I sure wish I could have been there.
So do I. You see, Mr. Donovan refused.
Oh, well, so he refused. That's all you can do, is refuse to make his move?
Yes, Father.
No.
Now, Louis, help me pick Mortimer up.
Oh, sure, sis.
And they refer to women as the Weeper sect.
Now, sit down, girls. You, too, Mr. Donovan.
Oh, thanks, Mrs. Neeson.
All right, Mrs. Neeson.
Again, Mrs. Neeson. Good.
Now that we women of the family have gathered for this council of war, let's review the facts.
Now, Mortimer can't possibly make the speech.
And Daddy won't make the speech.
But the honor of the Neeson Donovans is involved.
Exactly. So it seems up to us to meet the crisis and save the situation.
As chairman, I will entertain any suggestions.
Mother.
Yes, dear?
You won't get mad.
Angry, dear.
Anyway, you won't?
Oh, of course not. Anger is a luxury reserved for the male of the speech.
I must remember to work that into the dinner conversation tonight.
Well, as I see it, there's only one solution.
The only way to meet the crisis is to...
Hey, Morty.
Huh?
You threw it with the back of that paper.
I want to see Dick Tracy.
That character mumbles kills me.
He talks like you did when you were practicing that speech.
Oh, my gracious, Louis, the speech. It's time for the broadcast.
Oh, yeah.
I wonder who those women finally roped in to make us that speech.
Well, we'll soon find out.
Agatha and Peggy both left for the meeting with fire in their eyes.
It is. Now, we can...
And so I want to urge you and every one of you to support this worthy process.
Hey, Morty. That's Aggie.
Yes, I know, Louis, and I feel like a worm.
And in conclusion, I want to thank you all for the privilege of addressing me.
And at the same time, I would like to express my heartfelt regrets of not being able to be here.
And I want to publicly thank him for the help he gave me with his speech.
I thank you.
Louis.
Yeah, Morty.
What is lower than a worm?
Yeah, and Aggie, darling, oh dear, I want you to know that I think you were...
Oh, yes, you were. You were wonderful. You were just magnificent.
Well, thank you, dear, but don't carry on, sir. It was nothing at all.
Oh, I'll get it. It's probably another congratulations.
No, no, no, and I'll both of you sit down.
I'll get it. Hello?
Boo? Oh, Mayor Blackwell.
How nice of you to call.
Fine things, huh?
Excellent thinking.
Splendid descriptive passages, huh?
Well, now, Mayor Blackwell, why don't you tell Mr. Neeson himself?
If he's like you, what did he say?
The Civic Center's men's club?
Next to the Viet Luncheon? Men only.
Well, Mortimer, dear, you're white as a ghost.
Thank you, sir. The mayor, he likes your speech.
He thinks I wrote it. He wants me to address the men's club.
Oh, oh, oh.
Here, daddy, stand on this side. I've got a pillow on the floor.
Mr. Neeson played by Forrest Lewis. Mrs. Neeson by Fran Allison.
Peggy by Burl Vaughan. Bill by Mary Frances Desmond.
Louis by Cliff Sabir. Lily by Nanette Sargent.
And Dr. Fermis by Sherman Mark.
Meet the Meets is written and directed by Les Weinrath.
Be sure to join us again next Saturday over these same stations
when the National Broadcasting Company again invites you to Meet the Meets.
This is John Wiggett speaking.
This is the time of year when a lot of American institutions are going strong again.
Radio comedians are back on the air.
Halloween and Thanksgiving are just around the calendar.
Football is in full swing.
And your community fund has started its annual campaign.
This year, every penny you contribute will go to 192 Chicago local red feather services.
Remember, everybody benefits when everybody gives to your community fund.
This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.