It's time for My Favorite Husband starring Lucille Ball.
Jello everybody!
Applause
Yes, it's the new Gay Family series starring Lucille Ball with Richard Denning.
Brought to you by the Jello Family of Desserts.
J-E-L-L-O
The big red letters stand for the Jello Family.
Oh, the big red letters stand for the Jello Family.
That Jello, yum yum yum, Jello Pudding, yum yum yum,
Jello Tapioca Pudding, yes sirree.
And now Lucille Ball with Richard Denning as Liz and George Cooper.
Two people who live together and like it.
Music
As we look in on the Coopers tonight, George is on his way to work and is about to drop Liz off at Finley's Bookstore.
Where she's going to practice that quaint American custom known as exchanging your Christmas presents.
You know I'm really lucky George.
This book you gave me is the only present I have to exchange.
Sorry, I guess I forgot which size book you wore.
Oh don't be silly. It's just not the kind of book I like, that's all. I have no interest in it.
Then why did you wait two weeks to exchange it?
It took me that long to read it.
Liz, that's cheating.
No it isn't. If I didn't read it and find out I didn't like it, how could I tell whether I wanted to keep it or not?
There must be an answer to that.
Oh there's Finley's honey, I get off here.
Well goodbye baby.
Aren't you going to kiss me goodbye?
Oh wait a minute.
Oh George, you don't have to get out and come all the way around and open the door for me.
I know I wasn't going to. My coat was caught in the door.
Thank you Sir Walter Raleigh.
Well goodbye, see you tonight.
Hey! You forgot to kiss me!
Oh.
Oh, good morning Mrs. Cooper.
Good morning Mrs. Finley. I wonder if I could exchange this book my husband bought me for Christmas.
I think so. What's the matter? Didn't you like it?
No. I mean I didn't read it.
Well I'll take it back.
Thanks. Here's your book.
Thanks. Here's your book Mark.
I wonder how that got in there.
They're sneaky little things.
Now here's a new book I think you'd like. It's a historical novel and is it spicy?
It's covered.
Hmm. It does have a plunging book jacket doesn't it?
And it's just as good inside. Wow!
You read it?
Half of it. I had to quit. It kept steaming up my glasses.
Say, say here's just the book for you. It's about marriage.
Second Ten Years Are the Hardest by Thomas J. Krendelston.
Well I certainly don't need it. George and I have been married 11 years and we're very happy.
He's got a whole list of danger signs that tell if your hubbies lose an interest.
No, no.
You see, here. Does your husband read the newspaper at the breakfast table?
Look if George ever lost interest I certainly wouldn't need a book to tell me. What was that?
Does your husband read the newspaper at the breakfast table?
Absolutely not. And what of it?
Did Mr. Cooper read the paper when you were first married?
Well, no. Because we were holding hands all the time.
He didn't start reading until he learned how to turn the page with his nose.
Well, if you don't want this book let's see what we can find.
Mrs. Finley, what else does that dope have to say?
Number two. Does your husband remember to kiss you goodbye?
Hmm. What's the next thing?
Does your husband still open the car door for you?
Wrap that book up Mrs. Finley. That man knows what he's talking about.
Mrs. Cooper, what in the world is that book you've had your nose in all day?
It's a very enlightening book about marriage, Katie.
It gives a test to see if your husband is indifferent and a test to see if he's unfaithful.
Well, what if he isn't indifferent and isn't unfaithful?
Well, then he gives a third test to see if he's alive.
You certainly don't need it. I've never seen a happier couple than you and Mr. Cooper.
Well, we'll see. If George passes the test, I may keep him.
Well, that's big of you.
Here's a test for indifference. Listen.
You can tell your husband is indifferent by any of the following signs.
A. He doesn't stand up when you enter the room.
There goes half the marriages in the country.
B. He doesn't remember your anniversary.
There goes the other half.
C. He has stopped doing nice little things for you, such as picking up a handkerchief or other items you may drop.
What do you think George's score will be, Katie?
You're not going to actually test him out, are you?
I certainly am. Tonight after dinner, I'm going to walk into the living room, drop my handkerchief and say,
George, do you know what day this is?
No.
Yes. And if George doesn't leap out of his chair, pick up my handkerchief and say, our anniversary. Watch out.
Wait a minute. Today isn't your anniversary.
I know it. But does George know it?
We'll find out.
Music
Peek into the living room, Katie. Is George sitting down yet?
Yes. He's reading the paper.
Very good. I can't expect him to stand up when I enter the room if he's not sitting down to start with, see.
Well, here I go.
Hi, George.
Hmm?
Hi, George.
Hi, Liz.
Well?
Well, what?
I just entered the room through that door.
Well, that beats coming down the chimney.
Laughter
Yes, doesn't it?
Well?
Well, what?
Why don't you sit down, Liz?
Why don't you stand up?
Well, why should I? Is someone playing the Star Spangled Banner?
Laughter
No.
You want to see who's tallest?
No.
Oh, I know. You want to get this chair.
Well, nothing do...
I was here first.
And besides, my shoes are too tight.
Well, don't just stand there looking at me, Liz.
Come on, sit down. Make yourself at home.
All right. I will.
Oh, Liz, you dropped your handkerchief.
I did?
Yes. There it is. Right down by my feet.
Laughter
Thank you.
Oh, wait a minute before you pick it up, Liz.
Yes?
While you're down there, will you untie my shoelaces?
Laughter
George Cooper, I hate you.
What's the matter with you, Liz?
Were you under the dryer too long today?
Laughter
I'll give you one more chance.
George Cooper, do you know what day this is?
Oh, of course I do, dear.
I bet you thought I'd forgotten.
What?
I have a present for you right here in the desk drawer.
Good heavens, it is something I've forgotten.
Laughter
Here you are, darling. Many happy returns of the day.
Well, thank you. What's it for?
Happy anniversary, honey.
This is not our anniversary.
Oh, it isn't? I mean, of course it isn't.
Happy birthday, darling.
It's not my birthday either.
Valentine's Day?
Laughter
No, try Groundhog Day.
Laughter
Groundhog?
No, never mind.
I give up, Liz. Oh, what day is it?
It isn't any day. And what's this box of candy you had all wrapped up?
Well, I've had that in the desk for three years.
Laughter
Three years? What for?
So I'd be ready in case you suddenly said, you know what day this is.
Laughter
Well, that's a sneaky trick.
I don't get this whole thing, Liz. It isn't any special day.
It is, too. It's the day I found out you don't care about me anymore.
Laughter
Liz, what's the matter with you?
Don't speak to me, you kid!
Laughter
Music
Did you want to see me, Mr. Atterbury?
Yes, yes. Come in, George Boy.
Is something troubling you?
Yes, sir.
Well, don't walk around with such a worried look on your face.
The bank examiners are coming today.
Laughter
I'll try to do better, sir.
Well, if you can't look cheerful, at least stay down in the vault when they're here.
Laughter
Yes, sir.
What seems to be the trouble, boy?
Oh, it's Liz. She's acting very strange.
Strange for Liz or strange for a normal person?
Laughter
No, strange for Liz.
Yeah!
Laughter
No wonder you're worried, boy. What are her symptoms?
Oh, real goofy. She'll walk into a room and drop her handkerchief.
And if I don't pick it up, she cries.
Last night she made a big scene because I didn't remember it wasn't our anniversary.
Oh, she's going through that phase.
That phase?
Yeah, see. You don't love me anymore phase.
All women go through it. Even Iris.
Really?
Yeah. It happens around the time they decide to finally admit they've reached 30.
About their 35th birthday.
Laughter
But it's easily handled.
Well, what shall I do? Ignore her?
No, on the contrary. Make her feel important. Shower her with affection. Romancer.
That's what I did with Iris.
Yeah, how did you do it?
I forced myself.
Laughter
I meant, how will I go about it?
Oh, well, when you go home tonight, take her some flowers.
Oh, flowers, huh?
Yes. And then just as she's recovering from the shock of the flowers, you suddenly announce that you're taking her out to dinner and dancing.
Oh, do you think it'll work?
Go home and try it, boy. You'll be surprised.
Laughter
Mrs. Cooper, are you still reading that book?
Yes. Last night I found out George was disinterested. Now I'm finding out why.
What does the book say?
Well, according to Crandleston, a husband may be disinterested for any of the following reasons.
A. Now this is funny. He feels inferior to you because you have a greater mentality.
Laughter
Well, it isn't that funny. Sorry.
Laughter
B. Perhaps there's another woman?
Oh, now that's ridiculous. Not Mr. Cooper.
Another woman, huh?
As long as you've been married, he never even looked at anyone else.
Another woman, huh?
Oh, Mrs. Cooper, you're being silly.
Well, we'll find out. Look at this next paragraph. Some sure signs of unfaithfulness.
What are they?
You can tell that your husband is unfaithful by any one of the following signs.
A. If for no reason at all he brings home a gift like a bouquet of flowers.
Laughter
Well, I've never seen Mr. Cooper bring you flowers.
Well, lucky for him is all I can say.
You're safe there.
I'm not through yet.
B. If your husband suddenly starts romancing you and suggests dinner and dancing.
There you are. He passes 100 percent.
Yeah, I guess you're right, Katie. I'm getting all excited over nothing.
You know, I should be happy I've got good old dull old George.
Laughter
Honey, I'm home.
Lorry blows, old faithful.
I know just what he'll do, Katie.
What? He'll come in, give me a peck on the cheek, read his paper, eat dinner and fall asleep in his easy chair.
He ain't much, but he's all mine.
Laughter
Well, I'll go put dinner on.
Hello, George.
My darling. Oh, my beautiful wife, you look ravishing.
Who, me?
Laughter
You, my little baby doll. Come on, give me a great big kiss.
What are you holding behind your...
Hmm.
Oh, George.
What are you holding behind your back?
It's a surprise for you. Close your eyes.
What is it?
Close your eyes.
They're closed.
Open.
Flowers.
Laughter
Yes. How do you like them?
Ah!
Laughter
Hey, hey, what is this anyway?
Oh, George, how could you bring me flowers?
Because I love you. And that's not all. I've made arrangements to go to dinner and dancing tonight.
Ah!
Laughter
You monster!
Monster? Oh, Liz, will you please give me an explanation?
Yes, I'll be glad to.
Well, what is it?
Don't ever speak to me. That's what is it.
Laughter
Applause
Well, if anybody can make four sides out of a triangle, it's our Liz.
She's not the only gal, though, who can make a gorgeous dessert out of a rectangle.
The rectangle being a box of Jell-O, and the gorgeous dessert being tempting Jell-O cream,
made with any gay red Jell-O flavor.
Just prepare the Jell-O as directed.
Then, when slightly thickened, fold into one pint of softened vanilla ice cream.
Chill in your prettiest sherbet glasses and serve to a delighted family.
Kids and grown-ups alike love Jell-O's rich fruit-like flavor.
Locked in so it can't get out until your first delectable spoonful.
Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime.
All six taste so rich and tempting they make you think of the real ripe fruit.
Look for those big red letters on the box.
They spell Jell-O, a registered trademark of General Foods Corporation.
J-E-L-L-O
And now back to Lucille Ball and my favorite husband.
Well, it's the next morning and Liz Cooper is feeling pretty blue because of, quote,
another woman, unquote, in George's life.
Katie the maid is commiserating with her.
Mr. Cooper's actions last night convinced me you were right about that other woman, Mrs. Cooper.
I guess men are just plain no good.
You're right, Katie, but unfortunately there's nothing else to marry.
Well, here he comes.
Good morning, Liz.
Good morning, Katie.
Look, Liz, at least you might give me an explanation.
I haven't done anything.
Ha!
Katie, what is this? I haven't done anything.
Ha!
He hasn't done anything.
Ha!
You can do that too, you know.
Thomas J. Crandleston certainly had you pegged.
Who?
Never mind.
Oh, I'm going to make a phone call.
Suit yourself.
Who do you suppose he's calling, Katie?
I wouldn't know.
Hello?
Hello, Iris, is Mr. Atterbury there?
No, he's gone, George Boy.
Well, I'll see.
Wait a minute.
Iris, you're Liz's best friend.
Now, has she talked to you about something awful I've done?
No, she hasn't.
But I'm glad you called.
What did you do?
Well, that's just it. I haven't done anything.
Oh, nuts.
She's acting awful strange.
Maybe you could figure it out.
Well, tell me all about it.
Well, I can't right now. I'm phoning from home.
Can't we meet someplace?
Let's have lunch together.
We could meet at the restaurant.
Katie, the way he closed the door so I wouldn't hear,
do you suppose he's calling her?
Oh, he would not right under your nose.
You're right. It's just a business call.
Why are you opening the door?
Shh. I don't think he's getting enough air in there.
Oh.
All right, then. We'll meet there for lunch.
Oh, it is a business acquaintance.
Well, I'd better go. Liz will be getting suspicious.
Oh, I wouldn't want her to know we were meeting like this.
What?
Oh, you don't know how much this means to me.
You're a real sweetheart.
Oh, Katie, it is the other woman.
I wonder who the homewrecker has the ear.
Oh, some gorgeous, attractive young doll.
I'm too old to hold him.
Well, I'll see you at lunchtime, Iris.
Iris!
Oh, no!
Iris Atterberry, my best friend!
She stabbed me in the back right under my nose.
I'll take care of her.
What are you going to do?
I'm going down to see Mr. Atterberry.
Oh, do you think you should?
Why not? He's in this triangle, too,
and we hypotenuses got to stick together.
Mr. Atterberry, I'm sorry to bother you at the bank like this,
but something awful has happened.
Why, Liz, girl, you're crying.
Now sit down and tell me what's wrong.
I just found out that...
I just found out that...
I just found out that...
Don't go all the way back to the beginning each time.
Start with found out.
Found out that George...
Oh, we're getting closer.
Now start with George.
George! George has another woman in his life.
Liz, what are you saying?
I just found out...
Oh, don't go all the way back there again.
I heard what you said.
How could he do a thing like this?
Now, Liz, there's no sense getting excited about this.
Be calm. We'll figure it out.
Do you know who it is?
Yes. I overheard them making a lunch date this morning.
Be calm. Calm. Calm.
Now, who is it?
Iris.
Well, the thing to do is...
Iris?
Yes.
My Iris?
Yes. What are you going to do about it, Mr. Atterberry?
I'm going to fire him.
I wouldn't have anyone with such poor judgment working for me.
How could he ever give me up for her?
Iris and George, I can't believe it.
You know what that young upstart needs?
Glasses.
Besides that, a good thrashing.
You said they were having lunch together where?
I don't know.
Come on. We'll go to every restaurant in town.
Mr. Atterberry, when we find George, will you do me a favor?
What?
Give me first crack at him.
Oh, George, sorry I'm late.
Oh, that's all right, Iris.
Now, tell me all about it.
Well, Iris, I've been mulling it over and...
Well, I think Liz has a guilty conscience.
I think she's interested in another man.
Really?
I mean, really.
Oh, George, you're jumping to conclusions.
So suppose I tell you I even know his name.
No.
Yeah, she let it drop this morning by mistake.
Who is it?
Thomas J. Crandlston.
Has she ever mentioned him to you?
Not a measly word.
I'll never tell her anything as long as I...
Uh-oh.
Look, George, coming in the door.
It's Liz.
And there's a man with her. You were right.
Can you see who it is?
No, no, wait a minute.
It's Mr. Atterberry.
Oh, no.
Rudolph and Liz.
No wonder she didn't tell me.
Ah, there they are, Liz.
I see them.
George.
Liz.
You and Mr. Atterberry.
Iris.
Well, if it isn't Rudolph, the red-nosed philanderer.
Now, just a minute, Iris.
You can't bluff your way out of this...
shameless.
Luffy, I've got nothing to hide, Thomas J. Crandlston.
What?
I think you owe me an explanation, Liz.
I owe you an explanation.
After I find you in a love nest with an old crow.
Old crow?
Now, now, just a minute.
I happen to love that old crow.
And you're no spring chicken yourself.
Don't forget those red feathers are all dark at the quills.
Mr. Atterberry.
Don't you talk to Liz that way, fatso.
Why you washed out Cazanova you?
I'll teach you to run off with my wife.
Your wife? Do you think I'm crazy?
You ran off with my wife.
Your wife?
Do you think I'm crazy?
I heard you make a date with Iris.
Well, I was trying to find out why you'd been acting like an idiot.
Me?
Yes, and while we're on the subject, I suppose Atterberry isn't Thomas J. Crandlston.
Well?
Thomas J. Crandlston?
You thought that he...
Oh, oh, oh, sit down everybody.
Oh, I have a story to tell you.
Once upon a time there was an idiot named Liz Cooper.
Well, we finally got that straightened out.
That whole mess just because I forgot to open the car door for Liz.
Well, Liz was perfectly right.
You tell her, Iris.
Well, here's my car.
After you, George.
Hey, George!
Louder! Louder!
Oh, God, we've forgotten them again.
I'll turn around.
Don't be a fool! Keep driving, boys!
Head for the border!
Hi! Bob Lamont!
Yes, Lucille. Where to this evening?
Bob, we're going to whip back through the years to some of the greatest moments in history.
Tonight we'll see what happened when Napoleon met Josephine.
Okay. Will I be Napoleon?
Yeah, let's try it that way.
I'm too tall for the part.
Here we go, Wilbur.
Hi, Josephine.
Hi, nap. Let's cut a rug.
Why?
I always wanted to cut a rug with a short nap.
But I'm a slave for the battle of Waterloo.
Can't we set this last one out?
Well, okay. We can hold hand.
You mean hold hands?
No, I mean hold hand.
You keep your other hand stuck in your coat.
What happened? Did you break a strap on your underwear?
No.
You got a dish pan hand?
No.
Are you keeping a baby chick warm?
No, you'll never guess.
Well, give me a hint.
All right. It comes in six delicious flavors.
Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime.
Yes.
What could it be?
The flavors are locked in so they can't get out till your first delectable spoonful.
Gee, I know it as well as I know my own sponsor.
Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell J...
Go on.
E...
Uh, let me take a look.
L, L. Got it?
No. Let me take a peek.
Ooh. Ooh, Jello.
Yes, and Jello spells a treat.
The heck with Waterloo.
I, Napoleon, the Emperor of France, will stay here and have Jello with you.
Wee-wee?
Woo-woo.
Good night, F.E.
Good night, F.E.
You have been listening to My Favorite Husband starring Lucille Ball with Richard Denning
and based on characters created by Isabel Scott Rorick.
Tonight's program was produced and directed by Jess Oppenheimer
who wrote the script with Madeleine Pugh and Bob Carroll Jr.
Be sure to listen to Lucille Ball and My Favorite Husband again next week, presented by...
J, E, L, L.
Oh, the big red letters stand for the Jello family.
Oh, the big red letters stand for the Jello family.
That's Jello.
Yum, yum, yum.
Jello pudding.
Yum, yum, yum.
Jello top.
The ochre pudding's just so me.
Oh, it's Log Cabin syrup for my, my, my, my.
With that real northward flavor, so fine, oh, so fine.
Blended cane and true maple, it stops on your table.
That real maple flavor does pancakes a favor.
It's Log Cabin syrup for my, my, my, my.
Yes, Log Cabin is the syrup with that delicious northwoods maple flavor.
It's America's most popular quality table syrup.
Enjoy it on waffles or pancakes for Sunday night suppers as well as at breakfast.
It's Log Cabin syrup for my, my, my, my.
Listen to Lucille Ball and My Favorite Husband again next week.
Bob Lamond speaking.
This is CBS for Columbia, broadcasting system.