My Friend Irma, created by Cy Howard and starring Marie Wilson as Irma, with Mary Shipp as Kate.
Oh, hello. Well, with Irma's little nephew Bobby back from boarding school and with our being on
a redecorating kick, we've been a couple of pretty busy gals. Oh, gee Kate, I think that paper looks
pretty good. Yeah, well I'd like to live with it for a few days before we make a decision.
Buy me some tacks, will you honey? Oh, sure Kate. You know, my boss once said I was sharp as a tack.
You, sharp as a tack? The hand you hit with a hammer.
But you know, after a while you begin to feel like somebody's hitting you with a hammer,
when you live with and love My Friend Irma.
You know Brad, we're still on our redecorating kick. Yeah. As of three o'clock, we're wavering
between Regency, Early American, and Contemporary. What? No, no. Regency, Early American, and
Contemporary. Yeah, all right darling, I'll see you tonight. Bye-bye. Gee Kate, uh, but here's what
you were telling Brad, you know what I think? What do you think? Well, I think that Regency
and Early American just aren't our style. We're more the, uh, contemptible type.
Oh, well thank you. Hey, do you know where my, uh, my lace gloves are? No, I don't. Oh, I had them, I...
Oh, I know. I left them in my red purse. Oh, well that solves that mystery.
Have you seen my red purse? Honey, what's the matter with you? Ever since you got up this
morning, you've been running around like a chicken with its head off. Yeah, my feet are killing me too.
You got your shoes on wrong. Gee, I must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed.
Yeah, you certainly must have. They're my shoes. Gee honey, I'll take them back. I guess I got a
touch of spring fever or something. Couldn't be that you're, uh, mooning over some fella, could it?
Yeah, like Joe, for instance. Oh, don't be silly, Kate. Joe and I are just good friends. Well, you two
good friends weren't exactly shaking hands last evening when you said good night. Okay. Hi, Bobby.
Gee, sweetie, where'd you get all the candy? Somebody gave it to me. Oh, who? Somebody, and I'm not
gonna tell you who. But you can forget about all the decorating and Emma. You're not gonna be living
here very long. Oh, what do you mean by that, Bobby? I'm not talking. Oh, well sweetie, if you don't want to
talk, you don't have to. But you know you're not supposed to take candy from strangers. Joe isn't a
stranger. Joe? So it was Joe, huh? Gee, I wasn't supposed to tell. Oh, weren't supposed to tell what, honey?
But Joe told me not to tell. Well, look now, darling. Now, wait a minute, Irma. If Bobby has a little secret, it's his
privilege to keep it from us. See? Oh. Uh, Bobby, dear, how would you like to play a little game? Now, uh, I'll say a
word, yes, and you say the first word that comes to your mind. Now, if I say black, you'll say...
White! Yeah, it's a wonderful game. It's called, uh, word assassination.
Association. Oh, association assassination.
Now, Bobby, dear, if I say dog... Cat.
Cat. Um, tall. Short. Uh, rich. Joke. Four. Joe. No. Oh, come on, let's try it, huh?
All right, uh, bread. Butter. Cake. Candy. I'm getting hungry.
Come on, Bobby. Uh, bell. Ring. Ring. No, I didn't say it. I didn't say it.
Ha ha, I know what it is. You run along. I won't tell. You run along and play in your room.
Oh. Irma! Irma! Yeah, Kate? Joe is giving you a ring. Oh, thanks, Kate. Oh, Joe?
Oh, this time. An engagement ring. Oh, golly, I guess he's forgiven me for breaking our,
our, our wedding, huh? I guess so. Isn't that wonderful? It certainly is,
considering that you're only good friends. Oh, gee. Congratulations, honey. Hey, uh, what about Al?
Oh, well, he's a real nice fella, but he just isn't the marrying kind. No, I guess you're right.
I think I'll call Joe and tell him how happy I am. Honey, no, you're not supposed to tell.
Besides, I think Joe'd like to surprise you. Oh, of course. I'll just pretend that,
that I don't know anything. I'll play dumb. That's my girl.
Who is it? It's me, Joe. Oh.
Come here, control yourself. Irma, what, what are you? No, get back.
Oh, what? Oh, I'm sorry.
Come, I know you're nervous. Come, yeah. Not bad.
You are supposed to be surprised. Oh, right.
Yes. Oh, Joe! Wow, of all people, can you imagine that, Kate? It is Joe.
Oh. What's going on?
You rehearsing for a play or something? Oh.
Well, if you two are good friends, you'll excuse me.
Why, won't you sit down over here, Joe? Thanks.
Whatever are you talking about?
Well. Well.
Uh, beautiful. Yes?
Nice dress you're wearing. Don't change the subject. You were saying?
Yeah, well, there is something I wanted to talk to you about.
Oh, did you want to engage me in conversation?
What are you trying to say to me? Oh, nothing. I don't know anything.
You don't? Oh, of course not.
And Bobby doesn't tell me anything either, you know, especially after you told him not to.
Oh. Well, uh, I'm going to go get my dress.
Well, uh, you were, you were saying?
Don't you have something for me? Something in your pocket?
Of course. Oh, Joe, it's just beautiful.
And it's hand-rolled, too.
Where's the ring? The ring?
Hey, I'm getting engaged. Congratulations. Who's the lucky fellow?
Oh, don't you know? Bobby didn't tell me anything either.
Gotta run along. Oh, Joe, Joe.
Okay, beautiful. Here it is, honey.
Oh, Bobby. See if you like it.
Oh, Joe. Let me put it on your finger.
Oh, honey, it's lovely. See, it's a little loose, isn't it?
Oh, no, darling. It's, it's, it's lovely.
I'm glad you like it, beautiful. But I was just thinking, as long as I haven't made the
down payment, why don't I take it back and get a little small...
No, no, no, no. I'm getting superstitious about engagement rings going off and on my
finger. It's on. It's gonna stay on.
Okay, I'll...
No, I like this way, too. I don't want you to change it. I'm gonna show it to everybody.
All right, I'll get a photo to ensure it gets lost.
Oh, really?
Sure.
Oh, Joe, I'm so excited. Honey, tell me I'm the only girl you ever loved.
Well, there have been quite a few girls who give me the rush from time to time. Of course,
I have to pay attention to them because I'm not that kind of a fellow. As a matter of fact, I was
almost engaged to one of them, but I just rushed it aside because I don't feel that way. The truth
of the matter is, I am in love with you.
Oh, say it again.
All of it?
Oh, well, I better show it to Kay anyway. Uh, Kay!
Kay!
Lookie, I'm engaged!
Oh, ring and all.
Okay, night, dear. Congratulations, Joe. You'll be very happy, I'm sure.
Thanks very much.
Well, I've got to get some groceries.
Okay.
You have a little celebration. Bye, dear.
Bye, Kay.
Oh, dear, I'm so excited. I'd like to show it to Mr. O'Reilly.
Go ahead, honey.
Oh, golly, he's just wowed.
Oh, my girl.
Hello? Hello, Sandra? This is Joe. My girl saw the ring and she's nuts about it. It's a deal.
Yeah, I'll be down. I'll give you the down payment.
What? The deal's off? Why? What do you want to go and make up with your boyfriend for?
Oh, no, no, no. Irma's very superstitious about rings. But this is the ring she wants.
Okay, I'll try. I'll call you back later.
Oh, Joe, Mr. O'Reilly.
Did she like it?
Well, she said it was the thought behind the count.
Yeah, well, beautiful. When I said before I wanted to get you a different ring,
I meant I'd like to get you a bigger one, honey.
Oh, darling, it's wonderful. And Joe, you're wonderful too.
Oh, baby, this is just the beginning, darling. It's just the beginning.
Hi. I gotta go to work.
See you later.
Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
I gotta go to work too. Uh, Kate.
I'll see you later.
I forgot my purse.
Oh, you're getting just like me. Oh, darling, I can hardly believe it. I'm engaged to a man all my own.
Oh, I'm very happy for you, dear.
Oh, can't he be so right for me? That beautiful, dark, curly hair.
Goes perfectly with my Persian lamb coat.
That's the case. I guess I'll never find the right man. Me with my blue fox.
Oh, I'm going to have a leopard.
Hello. Uh, they said who'd be here? Joe?
Who's calling? Sandra? Oh.
Well, would you like to leave a message? What? Tell him what?
Tell him that the engagement is on and you want him to bring the ring over there.
Kate, say something good, Ellen. What's wrong, dear?
Joe has another girl. What?
Yeah, and he's giving her a ring, too. You probably just get them wholesale.
Well, if he did, he couldn't afford it. Oh, I wouldn't worry about Joe. I'm sure
there's nothing going on with that other girl. You really think so, Kate?
Yes, I do. I really do. Oh, gee, thanks, Kate. I feel a lot better.
It's so beautiful, too. I'm going to go down to the office and show it to Mr. Bagnell.
Who's Mr. Bagnell? Oh, don't you remember I told you Mr. Clyde
was down in Florida for a rest? Oh, and Mr. Bagnell's taken over for him.
No, Mr. Goodwin took over for him. Well, we're right back where we started.
Who's Mr. Bagnell? He took over for Mr. Goodwin.
You mean Mr. Goodwin threw in the sponge after only one week?
Five days. Overworked.
Overworked. Yeah.
Well, I've got to get to the office. Wait a minute. This is Saturday.
Will Mr. Bagnell be there? Oh, sure. He's got a lot of work to get out.
What are you doing home? Me?
Yeah. Well, he said he can't get it out if I'm home.
I'm off. Bye. Oh, bye.
Mr. Bagnell? Oh, it was until you got here.
So what do I owe this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach?
Oh, don't you worry, Mr. Bagnell. I didn't come here to work.
Oh, I feel better now. I just came to show you a beautiful ring.
Engagement ring my boyfriend Joe gave me. Yeah, very pretty.
Don't you see the diamond? Oh, yes, yes. There is.
There's a distinct glitter. Well, congratulations.
Oh, thank you. By the way, what did you do with the papers
on the Toomey case? The Toomey case?
You worked on them all last week. Don't you remember?
No, I don't. I'll look for them, though. I guess my mind was on Joe.
Oh, I was wondering where you kept it.
Oh, I know that Joe. He's such a cute fellow.
Yeah, the girls all thought Toomey was cute, too. He was married three times.
Well, I guess he just wanted to make sure his wife really was his wife.
Oh, here it is. Miss Peterson, thank you.
Toomey married three different girls and never bothered to get a divorce.
That makes him a bigamist. Bigamist?
Golly, what's that? That's a man trying to escape one lion
and jumping into a cage with two. Well, I always say a man who likes animals
that well isn't all bad. Miss Peterson, Toomey trifled with the hearts
of those women, led them to believe they were the only women in his life,
and all the time he was playing the field. Oh, well, I know just how they feel.
You know, this morning I even thought that... Joe?
Joe? Joe?
Joe, he deceived me. Now I'm sure of it. Well, I'm going to punish him.
I'm going to break our engagement. Miss Peterson, make up your mind.
Are you going to punish him or break the engagement?
Oh, and I'm not going to give him back his ring, either.
Well, now, wait a minute. Probably it isn't paid for.
And the law clearly states that any desideratum in which title is not vested
cannot be passed along to a third party except by the titular bestee.
Now, if you break the engagement, you must give the ring back,
or you'll be hounded and embarrassed by lawyers.
Holy cow. I want to go back. I can't stand lawyers.
Well, neither can I.
Miss Peterson? Yes, yes, Mr. Bagnell?
Would you do a favor for me, please? Oh, gladly.
I happen to love birds, and on the ledge three or four yards from my window,
there's one particular little pigeon that comes, keeps coming and going,
coming and going. Will you reach way, way out and catch him for me?
Oh, surely I will. Mr. Bagnell, I'm liable to fall out.
Happy landing.
Well, Irma's back from the office, and Mr. Bagnell is probably back
from his psychiatrist's couch by now. I hope the head shrinker can help Mr. Bagnell.
I don't know how things are going to be here, but I think it'll be...
See, I've made up my mind. Here we go again.
Yep. What is it?
Well, I'm going to ride over. No, I guess I'd better call Joe
and tell him to come over here and take back his ring.
Well, honey, did you ever start to think this may all be a big mistake?
No, I never thought it would be a big mistake.
Did you ever think this may all be a big mistake?
No, I spoke to the girl myself. The mistake was mine.
I never should have bought that Persian lamb coat.
Hello? Hello, is this the stick and stand cleaners?
Well, I think it's a shame you have such a terrible fellow working for you.
Who? Joe, of course. Is he there?
Oh, well, when he comes in, would you give him a message for me?
Tell him Irma called and told him to come right over,
and he has his, ha, ring.
Honey, I wouldn't do anything drastic.
Look, if you don't give the ring back to Joe,
it'll be a lot easier to make up.
Oh, no, the law says I've got to give it back.
You see, the title can't be passed unless it's under the vest of the vestige.
Irma, that doesn't make sense.
Well, it's legal talk. It isn't supposed to make sense.
Well, I guess you're a big girl now, and you're being silly, I think,
but it's really none of my business, so...
Joe, it's all over with, sweetie, really.
I think I'll make myself a cup of coffee and relax,
and forget this whole horrible thing.
Oh, Kate!
Kate?
Yep?
My ring! I brought you down this ring!
Oh, great.
Hey, what are you running the water for?
Well, Joe said he insured my ring with a floater.
He thought if you let the water run, the ring would float to the top.
That's very funny. I'll call a plumber.
No, no, you don't understand. It fell down the drain.
Can you come over right away?
I'm in a hurry. My arm's stuck now!
Oh, Irma.
Oh, God.
Kate, thanks, Kate.
Yeah.
For a minute there, I thought I was going to keep going.
I'll be right over.
No, I won't be hurrying, because you know that if I don't get that ring back,
I will be taken into court with a...
Honey, the plumber will get the ring back for you.
Yeah, but Kate, the water will make life miserable for me. I'm scared.
Oh, Jesus.
Kate!
Hi, Bobby.
What's the matter, Irma?
Don't you feel well?
I feel terrible. I'm so worried I dropped my ring down the drain.
Gosh, Uncle Joe will really be mad when he finds out.
He's going to be, Uncle Joe, sweetie.
I'm going to give him back the ring just as soon as that plumber gets here.
But...
Who is it?
Joe!
Am I going to tell that two-timing Casanova?
Gee, I better not.
Not until I find out about that ring.
I can get it out for you.
No, you can't, sweetie. It's way down the drain.
And the last...
Oh, you've got a special tool with that.
Look, you go ahead and pry down it.
I'll stall until you get it.
Joe!
Joe.
Why, Joe.
Never mind that why, Joe stuff.
What kind of a message was that you gave my boss?
Why, darling, what is my little boy talking about?
You called and he...
What...
He said you were...
Burning about something.
Honey, I was just burning over love for you.
Thank you, sir.
Sure.
Oh, what a misunderstanding.
Oh, sure. You know how I feel about you.
And I can't find it in my heart to blame you.
Oh.
Beautiful, I'd love to stick around,
but I got to keep the old nose to the grind still, you know.
I got to go over to Madison Avenue
and pick up a couple of skirts.
Couple of skirts?
Empty ones. Nothing in them. Empty ones.
Talk to you later.
Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
Bye.
Oh, what?
Jacobus!
What's he done to you?
You, you're just mean and hateful
and unkind and you're a three-flusher.
That's what's come over me.
My engagement is off.
Engagement is off?
O-A-F-F-O-F.
O-A-F-F-O-F?
Yes.
Well, that's good enough for M-I-E.
I've had enough of here.
Just get me my engagement ring and that's all I want.
Sure, I'm going to get it and you can put it back
in that cracker jack box it came from.
Oh, yeah?
Just kidding.
I'm sorry, Aunt Irma.
Could have dropped off at the way down.
You did.
Oh, I'm waiting.
Well, honey, what's my little boy waiting for?
I'm waiting.
Oh.
Oh, I, I, this may come as a shock to you,
but I don't understand it all.
Oh, you just can't take a joke.
A joke?
Yeah.
Oh, that hurts.
You just slammed the cab door in my hand.
Oh, that was funny.
I just don't get it.
Well, maybe you'll get this.
I...
♪
Mmm.
♪
I gotta, I gotta go now, but I'll be back.
And if you kiss me low, anything like you kiss goodbye,
phew!
♪
Mr. Clements, won't you hurry up a little bit?
Look, lady, why don't you take a walk?
Oh, I'm only trying to help.
That would be a big help.
Yeah, I gotta get that ring before Joe gets here.
I'm getting terrible trouble.
Four years now, what'll I do?
Just give me 30 seconds and you'll have your ring.
Are you sure?
You can start counting.
Oh, good.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,
nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21,
Okay, let's see you top that goodbye.
22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30.
You!
Oh, sweetie, I'll be right back.
♪
Got it.
♪
Okay, beautiful, let me have it.
Sure.
♪
Our engagement is officially off.
Why don't you cut this out?
I'm getting a cauliflower cheek.
♪
You're a beautiful, sweet, and you're a phony,
and you're a two-timer, and you're a Casanova,
and you're...
Wait, there's more coming.
♪
Hello, is Joe here?
Sandra.
Joe, I was just chanting by,
and I thought I'd let you know the ring deal is on.
The ring deal?
I talked to my boyfriend,
and we decided that we'd use the money
for furnishing our home,
so you can just forget about the message I left for you.
Message? What message?
Well, I called here to tell you
to come over to my place with the ring I sold you.
Ring?
You mean he bought a ring for me from you?
Well, you see, me and my boyfriend
had a little bust, I guess.
Uh-uh, I made a boo-boo.
Oh, my God, sweetie.
How could I imagine there's anybody else?
I didn't hear it from those boys, first of all.
You mean you thought that Sandra and I...
Yeah.
That's what this is all about?
Oh, beautiful, you slay me.
Well, I thought of it.
♪
Honey, will you forgive me?
Sure, sure I'll forgive you, beautiful.
Ooh...
Whew!
♪
But wait a minute, honey.
It got a little dirty down the drain.
I'll wash it off you right now.
Oh...
Well, Joe, I guess I'll be shoving off.
Yeah, thanks a lot, Sandra.
Good luck to you, Joe.
Thanks, same to you, Larry.
♪
I'll get it, sweetie.
Hello?
Who?
Oh, yes, he's here.
It's for you.
The girl.
Girl?
Yes.
Must be Mom.
♪
Hello, Mom.
Ruthie?
Hi, Ruthie.
George!
Sure, sure.
George.
I'll call you back, Ruthie.
Bye.
Would you believe it?
That was my cousin Ruthie from Schenectady.
Oh, sure, honey, I believe it.
Sweetheart, darling, angel.
So you finally learned your lesson, huh?
No, I dropped the ring down the drain again.
♪
Well, everything was finally straightened out.
The girl on the phone really was Joe's cousin.
I hope.
Anyway, Irma expects to be engaged again soon.
Matter of fact, right now, she's adding a few things
to her hope chest.
Okay, I got everything but the egg beater.
The egg beater?
Oh, sure, I read a book on marriage.
It said every wife should be a good mixer.
Oh!
Well, if marriage depends upon the wife being a good mixer,
then this one should last forever.
If nobody's as mixed up as my friend Irma.
♪