I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man, and I'm here to read the funnies to you
happy boys and honeys.
Yes boys and girls, it's Comic Weekly time.
And here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness.
Right out of the pages of Puck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room, your friend
the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.
Hello, hello, hello.
Hello, hello, hello.
Well, little Miss Honey, how are you today?
Oh, I'm just fine.
Are you having a lot of fun these days?
Not as much fun as I used to have.
Well, why?
Well, I'm back at school again, you know, and I'm studying hard.
Well, learning things can be fun.
Yes.
I always take Dick's adventures to school because everybody in the class likes learning about
history from seeing Dick's adventures.
There, you see, that's fun.
Yes, but some things are more fun than others.
Yes, that's true.
And some things aren't as much fun as others.
That's true, too.
So, now you see why?
Yes.
Well, now will you read, please read me the funnies because they're more fun than some others.
Puck the Comic Weekly?
Yes.
Very well, I will in just a moment.
But before I do, let's listen to this nice man.
Now, here we go with Puck the Comic Weekly and on the first page of the first section,
Hop Along Cassidy.
Madsie, wait for the music, please.
Very well, my lady.
Six guns blazing as he thunders along.
Give us music for Hop Along.
The men from the telegraph company believe their difficulties have been settled with
the mountaineers who were trying to prevent them from putting up their telegraph line
and have gone ahead with their work.
Now it is night and at the end of the first day's work, the workers have set up camp with
insight of an old abandoned military stockade.
Unknown to them, behind the walls of the stockade, several pairs of eyes watch them last picture
top row.
It is Black John and Glint Eye who for reasons of their own don't want strangers setting
up a telegraph line in their country.
Black John is a loaded cannon aimed directly at the telegraph workers camp and confident
that he'll have no interference from Hoppy who he has locked up in a dungeon with rocky
ridges.
First picture, second row, he says.
Yeah, the lights from those tents make a right fine target.
Stand back, gents.
I'm gonna...
Suddenly out of the darkness, a figure gun in hand steps into the light of his torch.
Next picture.
Black John stammers.
Cassidy, how do you get out of that dungeon?
Hoppy replies, we yank the guard in with the rope used to lower the food, then use the
rope to climb out.
Rocky's guarding Glint Eye.
Yeah, you're smart, Cassidy, but not smart enough.
Last picture, the middle row, the mountaineers leap on Hoppy.
First picture, bottom row, as Hoppy is seized by two mountaineers, he swings his foot, kicking
John in the face.
Black John falls against the cannon and he's knocked out.
But the lighted torch accidentally touches the lanyard on the cannon and the cannon goes
off.
And last picture, the shell explodes in the mountaineers camp.
Hey, what's happening?
Look out there!
Look out there!
Look out!
Oh look, Hoppy's been captured by those two mountaineers.
Do you think he'll lick them and get away?
Well, let's hope so.
Well, I hope so too because that cannon is aimed so that it shoots right into the camp.
Yes, and now the telegraph workers know there's trouble in the fort and maybe they'll go looking.
Yes, maybe California and Lucky, Hoppy's friends, will go and help him.
Well, that's something we'll find out next week.
Now?
Oh look, there's Prince Valiant.
And you remember last week, Prince Val was on his way back home to his father's castle
and all of a sudden they met two knights who attacked them.
Yes, Prince Val and Sir Gawain defeated them and they continued on their way until they
reached Hadrian's Wall.
The wall built all the way across Britain to prevent the enemy from coming through.
And once before, when they went through this country, Val was attacked by the Picts, those
little savage men.
Yes, he was.
When do I laugh in today?
Well, let's read right now and find out.
Here we go with Prince Valiant in the days of King Arthur.
Heck, it bracket, Grey, Malkin and Quince, music romantic for a fair, fair prince.
At the great wall that crosses Britain from coast to coast, Prince Valiant and Gawain fall
in with a convoy of merchants, nobles and foot soldiers.
And the journey through the land of the Picts is made without danger.
Last picture top row comes the rugged crossing of the Caledonian highlands.
One by one, the party breaks up until first picture next row, only Val and Arps, Sir Gawain
and his squire, reach the far northern tip of land and see before them the ever restless
sea and the faint blue line of the distant Orkneys.
There they board ship to cross over to the island.
The crossing gives them a sample of the perilous voyage yet to come.
Then, last picture, second row, they cross wide moorlands where the sea winds moan forever
through the heather.
And they come at last to Castle Othium, built high above the roaring breakers by King Lot,
Sir Gawain's father.
They ride up to the castle.
The watch above sees them approaching and first picture bottom row, the drawbridge is
lowered and Sir Gawain is home once again.
Last picture, Val and Sir Gawain are comfortably seated after that journey talking with Gawain's
family.
It's a strange household Val meets.
Gawain's brothers, Agravan, sullen and cruel.
Gairis, stupid but honest.
His mother, Queen Morghaws, still beautiful but believed to be a witch like her sister
Morgan Le Fay.
And lastly, Mordred, the half brother who trusts no one, loves no one, but thirsts for
power.
Oh my goodness, they're not nearly as nice looking people or as friendly looking as Sir
Gawain is.
No.
My, those brothers look fierce.
Yes, and his mother looks very haughty.
I'm not sure I'm going to like them.
Well, they aren't the kind of people that you'll like at first sight, are they?
No.
You know, I almost feel that something bad is going to happen just from the way they look.
Well, we'll find out about that next week as our story continues.
But now, I would be most happy to read Blackwood and Blondie if you're interested.
He he, interested I should say I am.
You know I just love Blackwood and Blondie.
Very well then, here we go with Blackwood and Blondie.
He he he.
Ramaphoo, ramaphum, zim zam zombie, conjuring music for Blackwood and Blondie.
Blondie asks Cookie, her little daughter, to sprinkle water on her flowers.
So Cookie takes the sprinkling can and goes off to fill it.
She puts the can up on top of her head, second picture.
Suddenly the can slips and Cookie's head is inside the can.
She tries to pull it off, but it won't come off.
She tries again, but no luck.
It's stuck.
Whereupon Cookie, last picture, top row, yells.
Mama!
Dagwood comes running. Blondie comes running.
First picture, next row, they try to get the can off.
But no luck.
It's stuck.
So they dash to the doctors.
Dash into his office.
Stop in front of him.
Dagwood points to Cookie with a can over her head and screeches.
It's an emergency, doctor!
The doctor takes one look.
Puts Cookie in the operating table.
Looks among his tools, last picture, second row, saying,
In 30 years, I've never had a case like this.
Then he goes to work, trying to pry the can off Cookie's head.
And a minute later, the can comes off.
Dagwood walks out smiling cheerfully.
First picture, third row.
Thanks, Doc.
The doctor looks at his instruments and snarls.
I've ruined all my expensive instruments.
A little later, they're home.
Herb Woodley, Dagwood's neighbor, seeing that everything has turned out all right,
is asking Dagwood about the little accident.
How did it happen, Dagwood?
Dagwood replies, last picture, third row.
Oh, she was fooling around like kids do,
and put the sprinkling can over her head.
Like this.
And he puts the can on his head.
There, you see?
Suddenly it slips.
And first picture, bottom row, Dagwood tries to get it off.
He tries again.
But, no luck.
It's stuck.
Blondie sticks her head out of the window and sees Herb tugging at the can,
which covers her husband's beautiful face.
And she's horrified.
Herb shouts, He can't get it off.
So off to the doctor's they go.
Into his office.
Stop in front of him.
When the doctor sees Dagwood with a cannon as held,
he yells, nothing doing.
Take him to the plumber's shop.
Last picture, Dagwood is in the plumber's shop,
lying on a table.
Two plumbers are getting out their tools to cut the can off his head.
And Dagwood says, don't I get an anesthetic?
What is an anesthetic?
Why, that's what they give you to put you to sleep
if you're going to have an operation, so it won't hurt.
Oh, that silly Dagwood.
If it didn't hurt Cookie, it certainly wouldn't hurt Dagwood.
I think he's just a baby.
He's a big baby.
But look, here's somebody who's no baby.
Oh, right underneath, it's Roy Radgett.
I should say not, he's a hero.
Because you remember last week, Roy had been captured by that banker,
Mr. Michaels, who was supposed to be Roy's friend.
But Mr. Michaels turned out to be the leader of the outlaws who'd stolen the gold.
That's right.
The outlaws had hidden the gold on top of Flat Top Butte.
And Roy's friend, Cube Root, had tricked the outlaw guarding it
and now has the gold himself.
Michaels, who has arrived with Roy as a prisoner,
orders Cube, who's on top of Flat Top Butte, to lower the gold.
Just then a girl gallops up.
As Michaels turned to look at her, Roy quickly grabbed him from behind
and is using him as a shield from the other outlaw's fire.
My, I wonder whether Roy will get away now
because he's hiding behind the bank today.
Well, let's read now and find out whether Roy succeeds in capturing the other outlaws.
Here we go with Roy Rogers, king of the cowboys.
Say the magic words with me.
Hi-yip-hi-o.
Now here we go with Roy and Trigger.
Hi-yip-hi-o.
Hi-yip-hi-o.
As Roy holds Michaels to him, he says to the young girl,
Why, stay behind me, miss, and edge toward the rocks.
Jutt and Ballast won't fire with banker Michael shielding us.
Michael sees Jutt and Ballast sitting in the wagon, guns in hand, and he whines,
Don't shoot, you'll hit me.
Jutt sneers.
Never mind the boss, Ballast, let them all have it.
The outlaws pull at Trigger.
Michaels is shot.
Roy says, Third Picture, top row.
Hey, they hit Michaels. Make a break for the rocks. I'll draw the fire.
The girl hands Roy her small gun and runs behind to walk.
Roy drops Michaels to the ground, and shooting at the outlaws,
she yells, Last Picture, top row.
Hey, Trigger, spoke that team, hurry.
Jutt is shot.
Suddenly, First Picture, bottom row, Trigger rears back.
He attacks the horses, hits to the stagecoach,
and they run away, spoiling the outlaws' aim.
Beetle, the outlaw, sitting in back of the wagon, is thrown off.
Roy shouts to his friend, Cube, at the top of the rock.
Hey, Cube Root, come on down off that butte.
Guard the strong box you lowered.
And quickly, Roy tosses the girl's gun to her Third Picture, saying,
Ro, take your derringer and cover Beetle, Sally.
I'll take your six-shooter and go after Jutt and Ballast.
And Roy grabs Beetle's six-shooter out of his holster,
climbs in the saddle, and Last Picture, gallops off
after the two outlaws in the covered wagon.
Beetle sits up and says,
Rogers won't return.
He's got my gun, but it's empty.
Jutt and Ballast will kill him easy.
Oh, isn't that terrible?
Roy doesn't have bullets in the gun,
and now he's going after the two outlaws.
When he catches up with them, he might be shot.
Yes, that's something Roy didn't count on.
Oh, dear, every time it looks as though Roy's going to win,
then he just gets into more danger.
Yes, but it certainly makes an exciting story.
Yes, but I always worry about it.
Well, don't worry too much, because maybe something will happen
next week that you don't expect, and Roy'll be saved.
Well, I hope so.
Now, let's turn over the page.
All right.
Look, there's Flash Gordon on page three.
And I know you'll want to read that.
Oh, I do, I do.
Well, I'll read it in just a minute.
But first, here's that nice man with something interesting to say.
Now, here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly,
and on the third page of the second section, Flash Gordon.
Magic words for the music, please.
Very well, my lady.
Riggadegadoondoon, saskam attach.
Let's have music for heroic Flash.
The vicious leader of the Martians,
a dwarf named Toxo, has hidden on the space platform,
which was built by the Earthmen high in the air.
The supply of oxygen which is necessary for the Earthmen to breathe
is running short.
To make matters worse, the messages that Dr. Ruff and Flash
have sent to the Earth asking for help have not gotten through.
And then Toxo slipped down to the airlocks where the last bit of oxygen is kept,
opened them, and much oxygen escapes.
But luckily, Flash slammed the door shut before the entire supply leaked out.
Now, as the oxygen supply of the space platform ebbs away,
Flash searches grimly for the Martian pirate Toxo,
who has fled into the maze of corridors.
Meanwhile, the crew keeps trying frantically to get an S.O.S. message through to the Earth.
Second picture, Toxo manages to make his way unseen to the rear power plant
of the giant space platform.
Short-circuiting the controls, he sets off the atom rockets that steer the platform
and swings it on a course toward his native Mars.
Last picture top row, hearing the roar of the rockets,
Flash and Dr. Ruff realize that something has gone wrong
and dash outside to the control deck.
As they pass Toxo's hiding place, he hurls a heavy platter of pliers,
shattering Dr. Ruff's space helmet.
Dr. Ruff becomes unconscious from lack of air.
He stumbles and falls off the space platform out into space
and floats away from the ship.
Flash whirls, fires at Toxo, first picture, bottom row.
The little man from Mars dives safely through the open airlock
into the dark interior of the space platform.
Last picture, Flash hurries to the control deck
where a glass at the navigation instruments confirms his fear.
The space platform is hurtling toward Mars and certain death for all the people on board.
There is no way to shut off the short-circuited rockets
that have changed the course of the platform.
Only one desperate hope remains.
Flash levels his ray gun and blasts the whole atomic power plant overboard.
Well, I don't quite understand what he did there at the last...
Flash saw that the power plant, which supplies the energy
to push the space platform through air, was making them head toward Mars.
And he didn't have any way to shut it off.
So what he did was to destroy it by making it explode.
Oh, and now the space platform won't keep going on toward Mars?
No, it won't. Now it'll stand perfectly still in the air or float in the air.
Well, then, if the Martians come to attack,
then Flash won't have any way to get away.
No, he won't.
So you see, he's still in danger.
No, no, no, don't give up hope.
Maybe next week something will happen to give Flash some help.
My, I certainly hope so.
Now let's turn over the page and see what's...
Oh, look, Alice in Wonderland. I just love that story.
You remember, Alice, first she followed the white rabbit
and she fell down to a deep hole in the earth
and then the rabbit disappeared.
Yes, and the strangest things happened to her.
And then finally she saw the rabbit again
and she chased him, but she lost him in the woods.
Yes, so now let's see what happens to her in the woods.
Here we go with Alice in Wonderland.
Say the magic words with me.
And now for a story that gets curiouser and curiouser.
Alice in Wonderland, so music, sir, music, sir.
As Alice searches for the white rabbit,
two odd little men appear suddenly.
They're fat little fellows and very short
and they look exactly alike.
They appear before Alice.
In second picture, one says, I'm Tweedledum.
And the other says, I'm Tweedledee.
And then they both say together,
I will now give you a recitation.
Alice tells them she wants to hunt for the rabbit,
but Tweedledum and Tweedledee insist that Alice
listen to their curious story.
So Alice sits down and third picture, top row,
they tell her the story of the walrus and the carpenter.
The walrus and the carpenter down by the shore
saw a lot of little oysters also at the shore.
And the walrus said,
Oh, oysters, a pleasant walk, a pleasant talk
would be a sheer delight.
In their fantasy, the oysters agree.
And away they go for the little walk,
which they think will end in a little talk.
The walrus leads to a fish food shack
where you can get a little snack.
And the walrus says, last picture, top row,
and this is something he ought to know.
The time has come, my little friend,
to talk of many things,
of shoes and ships and ceiling wax,
of cabbages and kings.
And they sit around the table,
first picture, bottom row.
And the walrus looks at the menu, which reads,
and believe me, I ought to know, oysters.
And the walrus said with walrus greed,
Oh, a loaf of bread is what we cheaply need.
And the carpenter added some words that ring,
and peppercorns and mustard seed,
and other seasonings.
And into the kitchen, the carpenter goes
to do what only a carpenter knows.
But when the carpenter came back
carrying a tray with oyster snack,
he started to say a word you know.
Little oysters, little...
Oh!
But answer there came none.
They were eaten, every one.
And the carpenter looked at the oyster shell,
and the walrus wiping his mouth in the way he swelled,
and the walrus would eat in the oysters' replies,
and the walrus would say,
Oh, I deeply sympathize.
And Tweedledee and Tweedledum gasp,
and say, mend.
And last picture, Alice says,
Well, that was a very sad story,
if you happen to be an oyster.
And then Alice rises and curtsies and slips away,
in search of the white rabbit,
and Tweedledee begin a new recitation.
Oh, I feel a little bit sad
about the oyster being eaten by the walrus.
Yes, that really was a mean trick
to lead them into the fish food shack
as if he was going to entertain them,
and then eat them when the carpenter's back was turned.
Yes, I'm not sure that I like walruses.
And I'm not sure that I'm going to have oysters for supper tonight.
I don't think I will either.
What about next week?
The only way to find out is to be here next week.
Oh, fine. Now I think it's time for Dick's adventures.
And I wouldn't be a bit surprised, but that's your right.
Let's see. Let's go to the very last page.
There he is. Yes.
And last week, Dick woke up from the dream
that he had about the early days of America,
and I wonder if he'll have another one today.
Well, let's read right now and find out.
Say the magic words with me.
Let's play some music for Adventurist Dick.
Dick is sitting in his chair with his dog beside him,
thinking of the early days of America history.
And he's been humming the Marine hymn,
and he murmurs,
You know, the U.S. Marine's hymn has the words,
To the shores of Tripoli.
What went on there, I wonder?
He drowsily closes his eyes,
and back, back, back he goes.
Until...
He finds himself in his dream
coming on board a ship.
He's surprised at this, and he looks around
and sees sailors in strange costumes.
It's the year 1803,
almost 150 years ago,
which is the reason why the sailors' clothes
are so different from the ones today.
And the ship is a sailing ship.
First picture next row, Dick looks around the ship
which are the ship's firepower.
He shakes his head as he looks at them.
The commanding officer glares.
Dick turns as he hears a cultured voice saying sarcastically,
I gather you don't hold a very high opinion of our ship.
We'll arrange for your transfer to a vessel
more to your liking when we reach the Mediterranean.
As he walks away,
Dick asks first picture bottom row,
Hey, who's he?
Dick's companion replies,
Oh, nobody important, Dick.
A Lieutenant Stephen Decatur.
He talks to Decatur, stops him,
and stammers out an apology.
Decatur smiles, and they become friends.
The ship is put to sea,
and at length after crossing the South Atlantic,
the Argus, for that's the name of the ship,
comes on a group of Yankee fighting ships
headed by the frigate Constitution
blockading the Barbary coast opposite the pirate port of Tripoli.
Dick, standing in the stern of the ship,
seems to remember that a ship commanded by Stephen Decatur
once engaged in a terrific battle with the pirates,
and he wonders what is to happen.
Will they have a battle with the pirates, do you think?
You're just like Dick, aren't you?
Yes, I really wonder, because
if Dick is right about the ship not being very strong
and not having big cannons,
well then, if they do get into a battle,
it could be awfully dangerous.
Yes, it could be, but we'll find out more about that next week.
All right.
Oh, look, here's Rusty Riley right below Dick's adventures.
And this is really becoming exciting
because Tex and Rusty have found out
that the father of that little girl named Queenie
was not to blame in that racing accident.
Yes, Tex has a scheme whereby he thinks
he might be able to prove who the real crooks are.
Yes, he knows it. It's Mr. Crum,
the man who owns Grassy Acres Farm,
the man who has the famous racing horse.
Yes, but he can't prove it yet.
So Tex has decided he's going to have Rusty
race a horse against Pooh Ba,
the horse at Grassy Acres,
hoping that Mr. Crum will tip his hand in such a way
that he is the real crook.
Well, let's read now and see what's going to happen today.
Very well, here we go with Rusty Riley.
Gallop and run till the road is dusty.
Give us music for his horse and Rusty.
A racing sulky, which is a little cart
hitched to a horse for trotting races,
has been brought to the Miles farm.
Rusty asks Tex, first picture,
you know that we have a sulky Tex,
and he replies, well, two of Mr. Miles'
new saddle horses are trotters, Rusty.
We're going to use them to give you practice
riding a sulky. As for Snowflake,
we're going to work her out plenty,
but not here.
A white mare with one black stocking
would stick out like a giraffe in a herd of longhorns.
Just as well to keep our entry secret for a while.
Rusty replies, oh, sure, that's right.
Queenie's father might find out.
He almost forgot, he doesn't know Snowflake is here.
Meanwhile at Grassy Acres,
last picture top row, Mr. Crumb is talking to one of his men.
He's saying, Marty,
I've got a pile of dough on my horse at the county fair.
I hear there's an entry for Milestone.
Who we got that could do a little clocking over there?
Somebody they don't know.
Marty replies, Carpy's the boy, boss.
Nobody around Lexington knows him,
he's a good judge of horses, I'll send him in.
Marty goes out of the office, nods his head,
and another fellow comes in, first picture bottom row.
Mr. Crumb leans forward saying,
Carpy, I want you to amble over to Milestone,
take a gander at whatever horse or horses
they mean to enter in the county fair trots,
and don't spill where you're from.
Here's a stopwatch.
Carpy replies, yeah, boss, leave it to me.
A little later at the Miles farm,
Rusty on the sulky, which it hits to one of their horses,
goes out on the track.
Tex gives him his last minute instructions.
Now, Rusty, this is only driving practice for you.
His horse may be an inside kicker,
so if you see me wave, pull up before he hurts himself.
Okay, Tex.
And around the track, Rusty goes.
Third picture bottom row, Carpy,
the young boy from Crumb's farm,
comes up beside Tex and says,
You don't mind me watching a while, do you, Mr. Crumb?
You don't mind me watching a while, do you, Mr.
I'm just a grocery boy.
Tex replies, help yourself, stranger.
At that moment, Rusty comes riding around the bend.
Rusty calls, how about it, Tex, can I let him out a little?
Tex replies, okay, Rusty, let him out for half a lap.
An hour later, Carpy is back at the grassy acres farm
and is reporting to Mr. Crumb last picture.
Hey, boss, you got nothing to worry about.
Their horse, he's just another nag.
And they got a stable boy named Rusty driving.
Mr. Crumb leans back and grins and,
Good night. And I was taking them seriously.
Do you think that boy found out something
that would spoil Tex's plan if he watched Rusty riding a horse?
No, I don't think so.
I think he found out something to help Tex's plan.
Because, you see, Tex wants Mr. Crumb to think
that he has nothing to worry about.
That's why he let Carpy watch Rusty
when Rusty was running one of the poorer horses, you see?
Oh, I see right now.
Oh, but he won't let him see snowflakes when he's running.
Oh, no, I don't think so.
That'll be the big secret.
On the day of the race, he'll bring snowflake out
to run in the race against Poohba.
Yes, and then I just hope that snowflake beans seem good.
Well, that's something we'll find out.
Now, that's all the time I have.
Before I go, here's that nice fellow
with some more interesting information.
Well, honey, and all you boys and girls, I've got to go now.
All right, Mr. Comic Weekly Man,
but I'll be waiting for you next week.
Okay, that's the date, and the date with all you boys and girls.
Be sure to meet me with our little friend Miss Honey
next week when I read Puck the Comic Weekly.
For I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.
I'll be back to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys.
Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week.
Your friend the Comic Weekly Man,
the jolly Comic Weekly Man.
See you next week.