We delay the start of this program to bring you a special bulletin.
From the NBC Newsroom in New York, truckloads of U.S. fighting men are rolling north from
Tijon, Korea to reinforce South Korea's battered army, which still holds Suwon and its vital
airstrip.
The first American ground troops flown in from Japan, they're now approaching the combat
zone.
Meanwhile, the North Korean communists report that American planes have bombed their capital
of Pyongyang three times today.
Stay tuned to your NBC station for the later news.
Adventures in time and space told in future tense.
Dimension, act, act, act, act, act, act, act, act, act, act, act, act, act, act, act, act,
act, act, act, act, act, act, act.
To all our listeners, a brief forward before tonight's adventure in the world of the future.
Beginning next week, Dimension X moves to a new time on Friday evenings instead of Saturdays.
In the Eastern time zone it will be heard at nine o'clock Friday's Eastern Daylight Saving
Time.
Other zones, please consult your local newspapers to learn the new time of the program.
Now, tonight's venture into the world of tomorrow.
A most unusual story about a logic named Joe and a man named Frank
and of how he saved civilization.
It was on the third day of August that Joe came off the assembly line.
On the fourth, Lorraine came into town.
And that afternoon, I saved civilization.
Lorraine's a blonde I was crazy about once.
And Joe was a new 1940-74 model logic that I got stored away down in a cellar.
And how do I save civilization?
I save it by keeping Joe down in the cellar.
You are listening now to a voice from the future.
The voice of Frank Caldwell, head serviceman for the Logix Corporation.
Makers of the machine that does everything for you.
Well, nearly everything anyway.
In the year we speak of, 1974, the electronic logic sets were working so well
that life was soft indeed for repairman Frank Caldwell.
That is until that fatal day of August the 3rd, when suddenly the Logix began doing everything for their users
and doing it too well.
Hi, boss.
What's the matter?
Somebody put you through a wringer?
Frank, you busy right now?
No, there haven't been any service calls all day.
Fine, there's a customer outside. Go take care of him, will you?
Me? I'm a maintenance man.
I know, but there are no salesmen around this minute.
This is a business call.
I'm sorry, Frank.
Me? I'm a maintenance man. I know, but there are no salesmen around this minute.
This guy wants to have our machines explained to him.
Explained? Everybody in the world knows about Logix.
Where's he been on Mars?
Just moved up from the backwoods some place.
Why don't you explain him?
I don't feel too well.
Yeah? You're okay about a half an hour ago.
Look, you the boss here or am I? Go on out there, will you?
Okay, okay.
Good morning. My name's Caldwell. Can I help you?
Oh, thank you, Mr. Caldwell. My name's Kalanovic.
This is my little boy, Freddy.
Hiya, Freddy.
Hiya.
Freddy!
Got you, didn't I?
Fine kid you got there.
Freddy, how many times I gotta tell you not to kick people in the shins.
Excuse me, please, Mr. Caldwell.
Sure, sure. Just a kid.
I got a knife home. Can cut you in little pieces.
Freddy!
We'd like to buy a Logix, Mr. Caldwell.
The gentleman we spoke to first said he had to leave in a hurry.
Oh, he did, huh?
Well, I understand you're not acquainted with Logix, Mr. Kalanovic.
Yeah, that's right. We just moved to the city.
My wife, she saw that everybody else had a Logix and you know how women are.
You bet, you bet.
Well, you can't get along without a Logix in this day and age, Mr. Kalanovic.
Look it, I got a snake. Wanna see it?
Will you shut up that... Yeah, now, about the Logix.
Yeah.
I'll put one in here.
There, now, you see the Logix looks kind of like an old-fashioned television set.
Only it's got keys instead of dials.
Now, if you want to talk to a friend, you just punch the number of his Logix.
Like making an old-fashioned phone call.
Except you not only hear him but you see him too on this viewing screen here.
Now, of course, that's not the important feature of these things.
Now, suppose you want to ask a question.
A question?
Like what to take for a sore throat.
Or who won the American League pennant in 1911.
Just turn on the Logix.
Then you punch the question key and you ask, like this.
Who was the first president of the United States?
George Washington.
You see?
I already knew that.
Well, that was just a sample.
Well, I got a little store.
Will it keep books for me?
It'll keep your books, record your contracts, serve as a filing system,
and check up on what happened to your lawyer's last client.
Anything.
Say, they're really something, these things.
Ten thousand services and information sources in one.
Read our advertising.
Well, what I want to know, Mr. Caldwell,
how do these Logix work?
You saw that big building across the street?
Sure.
Well, that's one of the relay tanks.
Now, there are a dozen of them around the country, all hooked up together.
And there's a data plate in one of those tanks for every fact in creation.
You mean those relays know everything?
If there's something they don't know,
the technicians are busy making a relay play for it right now.
The Logix integrates the facts in the tank and gives you the answers.
Hey, you, can I ask this thing how to make dart poison?
How to make what?
Dart poison, like in Africa.
I could shoot the darts from my pea shooter.
Oh, well, maybe, I think maybe we better not get one of these things.
That's okay, Mr. Kulanovic.
The Logix won't tell you about no dart poison, see?
I bet it will. I'm going to try it.
Hey, how do you make dart poison?
Public policy forbids this service.
Eh, what'd it do that for?
On account of some little brat, on account of some children,
might ask things that ain't good for them.
Listen, I don't like this here one. I want that one over there.
They're all alike, kid.
I want that one. If I can't have that one, I'm going to hold my breath till I'm dead.
Well, I got lots of time.
It's no use, Mr. Caldwell. You might as well give him the one he wants.
But, kid, there's so much alike.
Even I can't tell him apart.
I can't, and I want Joe.
Joe? Who's Joe?
Oh, I guess he means the Logix, Mr. Caldwell.
He has to think up a name to call everything.
You should hear the names he calls me.
Not tell him 21, I promise Mother.
Okay, so we call him Joe.
What makes you think Joe's any different from the rest?
He looks different somehow.
Don't be silly. Them things are all alike.
The one-tenth-thousandth of an inch.
Just the same. I'll bet he'll teach me how to make a dart poison.
Okay, then. Come on, Joe.
So he keeps yelling, I want that one, I want that one.
I'm going to call him Joe.
Mike, I could have wrung his neck.
How many cards, Charlie?
I'll draw two.
What a holy terror.
He had his father scared to death.
Too bad that kid ain't mine.
I'd show him quick enough who was boss in the family.
Holy smoke.
What's the matter?
Sorry, fellas. Got to hold up the hand a minute.
I just remembered. Got to call my wife.
Oh, let her wait a minute.
You ever met my wife?
Yeah, I did.
Don't let her see the card game or she'll be down here with a hatchet.
You tell her me.
What's the matter with this thing?
It ain't getting my house.
Announcing new and improved Logix service.
Your Logix is now equipped to give not only consultive, but directive advice.
If you want to do something and don't know how to do it, ask your Logix.
What do you know about this, Dad?
It's just somebody trying to pull a gag.
It didn't sound like a gag to me.
Maybe the boss decided to add a new Logix service.
No, boss knows better than to start anything like that.
By look, the minute the system starts giving advice,
some joker like you is going to be asking questions like,
how can I get rid of my wife?
Yeah, but you heard what the Logix just said.
Nah, the sensor circuits will block the question.
You don't believe me? Go on, try it.
Okay, anything for a laugh.
Try it, try it.
Okay, Logix, I got a question for you.
How do I get rid of my wife?
Service question.
Is your wife blonde or brunette?
Do you guys hear that?
She's a blonde.
Hexychrylaminatin is a constituent of green shoe polish.
Take home a frozen meal containing pea soup.
Color the soup with green shoe polish.
This poison is fatal to blonde females only.
This fact has not been brought out by human experiment,
but is a product of Logix service.
You cannot be convicted of murder.
It is improbable that you will be suspected.
The saints preserve us, and it's bound to be right.
These things can't make a mistake.
Well, Mike, don't stand there. Turn that thing off.
And check the sensor circuits.
We can't get to them. They're all sealed up.
It's supposed to be impossible for them to go out of order.
Well, they're out of order now.
And I got a feeling some awful things are going to happen.
Boss, we got to do something.
The Logix have gone nuts.
Relax. The thing gave a goofy answer once.
Maybe it was a joke.
Who ever heard of a Logix making a joke?
Well, it was an accident. Forget it. It won't happen again.
What makes you so sure people are going to be trying it?
Now, look, supposing I wanted to get rid of you, for instance.
You don't? How would you collect your pay?
Yeah, but supposing.
I'm going to try it and see what the Logix says.
If you want to do something and don't know how,
ask your Logix.
How do I bump off my boss?
A male, bald-headed, 45.
Service question. Is he fat or thin?
Holy mackerel. Fat.
Make some chocolate ice cream containing powdered charcoal
in place of half the chocolate.
Use Hotzo brand charcoal.
Hotzo contains an ingredient fatal only to fat, bald-headed males.
This fact is a product of Logix service.
You hear what it said?
If this keeps up, we'll have to shut down the company.
You kidding? We can't shut down the company, and you know it.
Logix do all the computing, bookkeeping, filing,
and recording of contracts for every business in the country.
They handle all television programs, personal calls,
weather forecasts, employment notices.
I know that, but...
Wake up! If we shut down the Logix,
we go back to a civilization we've forgotten how to run!
But the point is, boss, they're now giving out information on murder.
And no telling what else.
Well, we'll just have to find out why and fix it.
Meantime, there's nothing to worry about.
Nothing to worry about?
Of course not!
You've asked these questions for a gag.
Nobody's gonna ask them seriously.
What you need is a little faith in human nature.
Oh, excuse me. It's probably the wife.
Person to person video call. Go ahead.
How do you feel?
Why, just fine, sweetheart.
I just called to tell you, Cyrus, I want you to be sure
and get home on time for dinner.
Yeah, why?
Because I've got a surprise for you, dear.
Your favorite dessert.
Dessert? What kind?
Homemade chocolate ice cream.
The flavor is heavenly, Cyrus. When you taste it, you'll just die.
Cyrus, what's wrong?
Why don't you answer me?
Cyrus!
Chocolate ice cream, huh?
This... this can't be happening. Agnes wouldn't...
What? Why, this is dangerous.
Have a little faith in human nature, huh?
Well, you're the head of the maintenance crew.
I'll give you 24 hours to fix these logics or you're fired.
Now, look, boss...
Get me the police. Get me an extra maintenance crew.
Get me a doctor. You.
Me?
Get moving.
Where?
Anywhere! Find out what the logics are up to.
And see that you find out before the logics do.
Bartender.
Hey, bartender, give me a double.
Coming up.
What's the matter, pal? You had a bad day?
Go away, will you?
Oh, listen, pal, you gotta listen. I got trouble.
Hey, bartender, will you get this bar fly off me?
For Pete's sake, I'm tired.
On your way, you.
No, don't say that. I got troubles.
How am I gonna keep my wife from finding out I had a couple little drinks?
How am I gonna do that, huh?
Look, mister, it's a hot day. I've been driving a car around in C.
Yeah.
I've been trying to keep a bank president from having apoplexy
on account of his logic told him how to rob his own bank.
I've been tripping over dead bodies so artistically croaked
that nobody's ever gonna find out who done it.
And all you got on your mind is...
How am I gonna keep my wife from finding out I had a couple little drinks?
How?
Go ask a logic.
A logic? My pal, that's a wonderful idea.
Where's the logic?
Right behind you. Here's a nickel.
Oh, give me a nickel.
This I gotta hear. This is gonna be good.
Yeah.
Now, come on, logical pal, pal, pal, be nice.
How does a guy keep his wife from finding out he's had a couple little drinks?
Little drinks? Answer me that, how, huh?
Buy a bottle of Franin hair shampoo.
It is harmless but contains an ingredient which instantly neutralizes alcohol.
One teaspoonful for each jigger you've consumed.
Oh, boy, I gotta buy a bottle of Franin...
I gotta buy a bottle of Fran...
What was that again?
If it wasn't its rights, you'll never remember it as far as the drugstore.
I think there's a bottle in the back room. Somebody left it.
Oh, my pal, no more troubles.
Show me the way to go home.
I'm gonna picture him back there drinking that shampoo.
Give me another double.
I don't know what's worse, to be as low as you or as high as him.
All right, where is he? I know he's here. Where is that man?
Who you want, lady?
My husband. I know he's here. Now, where is he?
Show me the way to go home.
That no good low. Don't show him.
Thinks he can come staggering home again, does he? Well, I'll teach him.
Poor guy.
Oh, my dear, what a surprise to see you here.
Archibald!
Yes, my love?
You're not...
Sober? Well, of course, my love, I'm sober as a judge.
Then what are you doing in this saloon?
We're merely conducting a little research, my dear.
Research?
Your suspicion wounds me deeply, my love.
Let me tell you, my dear, that I've been conducting a research project
that is going to make us a fortune.
I'm about to patent Sober,
the drink that makes happy homes.
I'm Caldwell from the Large X Company, Sergeant.
I just started...
Large X Company? Listen, Caldwell, you people get those blasted machines
under control or we'll have you all behind bars.
Now, look, Sergeant...
No, you look at this blotter. Blank.
The greatest crime wave in history and we can't even make an arrest.
They're all perfect crimes.
Well, we're doing our best to find out...
It's not good enough.
If you can't find out anything, shut down the company
or the police department will.
We know there's some big gang back of this.
Hey, maybe you know something about it, Caldwell.
Now, look, nobody's back of it.
The Logics run themselves.
They pick their own circuits automatically.
You mean that they're doing this all by themselves?
Sure.
We always thought they could do more things than we knew about.
I think they're just trying to be helpful, that's all.
Oh, that's all, is it?
Well, you'd better make them cut out the tricks,
including this new one, this new business they're up to now.
What new business?
They just started an hour ago.
Every time you turn on a Logic,
it asks you your name and then spills out the whole history of your life.
Huh? I haven't heard about that.
What's it do that for?
You tell me. Go on, try it.
Okay.
What is your name?
Huh, how do you like that?
I'm Frank Caldwell.
Frank Caldwell?
Were you ever called Ducky?
Oh, Ducky.
Right off, will you?
What if I was?
It's been years.
Ducky, there is a video call for you.
Hi, Ducky.
Holy can it, what's that?
Lorraine.
Ducky, darling, how marvelous.
Look at that blonde.
Lorraine, where are you?
Oh, silly, I'm in my hotel room.
Say, how do you like my, uh, play suit?
Well, I...
I just got into town.
Oh, Ducky, wasn't it smart of the Logic to find you?
Logic? Find me?
I asked it how to find you, Ducky.
You must have an unlisted number, darling.
You're not in the directory.
Uh, yeah.
Well, how have you been, Lorraine, since I saw you last?
I, uh, heard you got married.
That's right.
Ducky, you won't believe me, I know, but I've had four husbands.
But I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.
You've divorced four husbands?
Three.
The last one died unexpectedly.
Who unexpected it?
He did.
But the jury acquitted me, Ducky.
They knew it was just a little old accident.
Till now I'm free again, and we've just got lots of things to talk over.
But, Lorraine...
I'm right over here, Ducky, instantly.
Well, I-I-I'm working.
Uh, I'll call you back.
Oh, I'm so lonesome.
Please make it quick, Ducky.
Have you ever thought of me?
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Plenty.
Aren't you sweet?
Here's a kiss.
That'll just have to last till you get here, but hurry, please.
Oh, my back.
What am I gonna do?
It's like you were telling me a while ago.
Huh?
Calm yourself, Ducky.
You're calling a logic for your wife.
Oh, thanks, Mike.
Hi, Gert.
Frank, I've been trying to get you for an hour. Where have you been?
Well, I've been out making calls, honey, trying to find out what ails these logics.
You better find out in a hurry or there's gonna be trouble that-that-that thing told me my address,
how much I owe every storm, how much you make a week.
And all about the time we had that fight and I went home to Mother.
Well, Gert, I don't think they're doing that anymore. I think that was just temporary.
Well, in the meantime, it's told everybody in the neighborhood all about me.
Hm, I punched Mrs. Hudson's name.
She's been married three times, and she's had Mr. Hudson arrested twice for non-support
and once for beating her up. It'll tell anybody anything.
Yeah, but I tell you, Gert...
Frank, you stop these things or I'm gonna leave you.
Gert, you don't mean that.
I do. If you can't figure out how to keep our private lives out of every logic in town that I'm through.
And that's it!
Hey, boss, you gotta put more men on the job or something.
We gotta lick these logics. My wife's gonna leave me if we don't.
You're also gonna be looking for a job if we don't.
I don't care about the job, but listen.
You listen. The logics are giving out information on high explosives,
the fine points of murder, and legal loopholes that'll beat any charge from hijacking to high treason.
Yeah, but my wife...
And about six guys have thought of asking how to switch bank credits
so they can corner all the cash in the country.
Now, quit bothering me.
Get over to the tank and help Mike try to block off some of those circuits.
I can't even budge any of these real headlights.
Me neither.
Isn't there any way we can disconnect them?
There is not. They weren't built to be disconnected.
Mike, what are we gonna do?
I'm thinking of slitting my throat.
When they were giving out all the information on everybody,
my wife got the lowdown on a certain plan.
I got nothing left to live for.
Why did you have to remind me?
You got what?
My only hope is I ain't got it.
Well, see who that's for.
Hi, Ducky darling.
Oh, Lorraine, not again.
Ducky darling, I'm lonesome. Why haven't you come over?
Well, I've been busy.
Oh, poor.
Ducky, do you remember how much in love we used to be?
I was so mean to you.
Ducky, let's get married tonight.
Oh, gosh, Lorraine, I...
Right away, Ducky.
Look, I got married.
Oh, you poor darling, you poor darling.
I'll have to get you out of there.
No, no. Now, look, Lorraine.
Darling, I'll just call up your wife and have a little talk with her.
Look, please, it's nice of you to think of me and all that.
You just give me your address and your logic number, darling.
I ain't got one.
Oh, you just don't want to tell me.
You're a biasful.
Never mind, darling. The logic will tell me.
Lorraine, Lorraine.
Oh, I've got to call Gert.
Frank, will you get away from that thing and give me a hand?
Yeah, Mike, in a minute. I've got to call my wife.
We've got to get out of town.
Ah, I've got to punch the wrong key.
Frank, I told you to help Mike.
Yeah, boss, I am, but I've just got to make this call.
Call? What do I care about your call?
The president's getting ready to close down the company
and declare martial law.
Not for the love of heaven, do something.
Yeah, boss, I will. I just got to make this call.
Attention. To assist in solving a special problem of logic service,
kindly give the following information, if possible.
Where does Frank Caldwell live?
Oh, she got me. I'm through.
Look, Gert, there is no blood.
Frank Caldwell, I told you I was leaving you.
Leave me later. Will you right now pack yourself up in the kids?
We've got to get out of here.
What is all this? Are the cops after you or something?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it, the cops.
Come on, get moving, will you?
Hey, get away from that logic.
Yeah, but don't you think we ought to hear the police calls?
27 and car 31, detailed roundup.
All employees of the Logics Company, use caution.
They are suspected of sedition.
Holy smoke, the cops are after me.
But you just said they were.
Car 17, proceed to vicinity of 119 East 7th Street.
Child terrorizing neighborhood.
Use extreme caution.
Child is armed with pea shooter, using poison dots.
That is all.
Freddy.
Who's Freddy?
He's a mean little kid.
He wanted a logic that would tell him how to make dart poison.
They're all alike, I kept telling him. They're all alike.
What are you talking about?
I don't know.
All I know is it was a nice world up till yesterday.
Now it's like a guy named Joe come along and squashed all our mud pies for us.
Looks to me more like it was a logic named Joe.
A logic named...
They're all alike.
They...
Kurt.
Kurt, baby!
That's a call me.
Okay, honey, hold the fort.
Maybe they aren't all alike.
Where are you going?
Frank, you're gonna make a getaway?
Baby, if you got the right inspiration, I'm going straight to the middle of this whole jamboree.
Yes? Oh, I was hoping it was a police.
You remember me, Mr. Kalanovic, Caldwell of the Logics Company.
Company? I wish the Logics Company was at the bottom of the ocean.
I don't blame you. Now where's your logic?
In here. I'd smash it into a million pieces if I wasn't afraid of what Freddy would do to me.
Just get out of the way, will you? I got business with Joe.
If you want to do something and don't know how, ask your logic.
Oh, we're back to that routine, huh?
Well, I want to do something all right.
Tell me, Joe, can a logic be modified to achieve correlations for which human brains are too limited?
Yes.
How great will the modifications be?
Microscopically slight.
Changes in dimension not detectable even by precision gauges.
They can come about only through an extremely improbable accident.
What would this superlogic then be able to do?
Well...
Come on, you spell it.
It could set up entire new combinations of electronic relays which would bypass the normal sensor blocks,
thereby enabling it to perform valuable new services, including the giving of helpful advice on any human problem.
Has this accident ever happened, Joe?
Come on, come on!
It has happened only once in the case of the logic now owned by the Kolanovic family of 119 East 7th Street.
A logic named Joe.
Thanks, Joe. That's all I wanted to know.
Hey, what's all this about?
I'm taking this logic away, Mr. Kolanovic. I'll bring you a new one.
Our troubles are all over.
Hey, you, get away from Joe.
Correction, our troubles are just beginning.
Now, Freddy, put down that blowgun.
Hey, shut up. Hey, you, I said, get away from that logic.
Now, look, Freddy, I'm going to bring you a nice new one, see?
I want that one. What I got in this picture is what it means.
Mr. Colwell, Mr. Colwell, the police, they're outside.
Yeah, for me and Freddy.
Nuts, what they want you for? You ain't smart enough to do nothing.
Oh, no, say, there's plenty I can tell you.
There's the cops, kid. It's you and me against them.
So what are you going to do about it if he's so smart?
I love we may have to fight our way out, see?
Now, let me see that blowgun. I know a way to hop it up so the cops won't have a chance.
Come on, come on, give it to me.
Okay, let's see what you can do. Here.
Thanks. Here.
Oh, Mr. Colwell, you're a great man.
Now all I got to do is to pull this plug out of the wall.
Come right in, Sergeant.
Careful, men, careful, careful.
That must be the kid. But he don't look so tough to me.
Well, he got a little soft.
Oh, there'll be no more complaints, officer.
I guess I can go on where Mr. Colwell left off.
Colwell, you'll want it.
This time you either answer some questions or we'll keep you in the cooler till you do.
What, in jail? Oh, okay, let's go.
Hey, wait a minute. You act like you wanted to go to jail.
Yeah, I do. I got a feeling it'll be safer there.
What do you mean?
Just put me away till a certain party leaves town or I'll confess to anything.
Okay, then, Colwell, into the paddy wagon you go.
Thanks, officer. You may be saving my life.
Now, if you just help me carry this logic out...
Wait a minute. You can't take that in the wagon.
I can't? Why not?
No room. We've already got a dame in there who's raising the roof.
A dame? Yeah, a blonde.
She was trying to buy a gun without a permit.
She keeps screaming she's going to miss her date with Ducky.
You have just heard another adventure into the unknown world of the future.
The world of...
Dimension X.
Next week, Dimension X joins the big parade of exciting half-hour presentations
at a brand new time on Friday evenings at a different hour.
In the Eastern time zone, you'll hear it at 9 o'clock Friday's daylight saving time.
In other zones, please consult your local newspaper listings to learn the new time.
For that's when Dimension X will bring you one of the strangest stories ever told.
Ray Bradbury's, Mars is Heaven.
Tonight's story on Dimension X was titled A Logic Named Joe, written by Murray Leinster
and adapted for radio by Clarissa A. Ross.
Featured in the cast were Joseph Julian as Frank and Roger DeKoven as the logic.
Your narrator was Norman Rose.
Music by Albert Berman, engineer Don Albit.
Dimension X is produced by Van Woodward and directed by Edward King.
Robert Warren speaking.
Tomorrow, hear a thrilling story on high adventure.
It's on NBC.