Now ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take this...
Excuse me.
Hello?
Hello.
Dick?
Yes.
Oh, many happy returns, Daddy.
Huh?
I say many happy returns.
Congratulations on your birthday.
Birthday?
Where's Snokes?
Well, she's on her way home with the ice cream.
What ice cream?
Listen, Dick, I'm sick in bed.
Can't move a muscle.
Well, isn't there a big party going on at your house?
I don't know what you're talking about.
The doctor's here now and I gave Snokes a dollar to get me something from the drug store.
Oh.
I'm waiting for the medicine.
She's been gone over an hour.
Has she been there?
Well, yes, Daddy, but maybe I shouldn't tell you this.
Go on.
Well, it might excite you.
Not me.
I'll be as cool as a cucumber.
What happened?
Shh.
You might break a blood vessel.
Won't be the first time.
What's that diabolical kid been up to now?
Now, it's really not very serious, Daddy.
She just spent a dollar on ice cream.
That's all.
Oh, that's all.
Wait till she comes home.
Well, I think she feels badly enough already.
She ate most of it.
Oh, well, I'll let her have it.
Now, Daddy, control yourself, please.
Besides, I don't think it's good to spank the child on the full stomach.
Don't worry.
I'll turn it over.
Goodbye.
Well, that was very fancy, Meredith.
Well, by this time, I imagine Snooks must have reached the house, and I sure hope Daddy's
feeling better.
Oh, who's that?
Hello, Daddy.
Oh, so it's you, eh?
I think so.
You finally decided to come over.
I'm sorry, Daddy.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, realm, I was speaking outol.
hirotway.
Now?
Exactly.
Sorry to come home after two hours.
I tried to hurry, Daddy, but the big wolf...
Oh, don't start that!
Save those prodigious fal些ves fall when I'm well enough to spank you.
Ain't you well enough to spank me, Daddy?
No.
What are you yelling about?
Hehe, you must be awful sick, Daddy.
So, I'm not long for this world.
Smokes, I gave you a dollar to buy me some medicine.
Did you?
Don't play innocent.
I know you bought ice cream with the money.
Didn't you?
No, I didn't.
Oh, what's the use?
Here I am almost dead and you're out stuffing yourself.
Well, where's my medicine?
I got it right here.
Well, put it on the night table and leave...
Snow-Oaks.
Huh?
Since when do they pack liniment in ice cream cartons?
Is that an ice cream carton?
You know it is.
The druggers didn't have no bottles, Dad.
What kind of a broken down excuse is that?
It's a broken down drug store.
Why, this stuff looks like melted chocolate.
It even smells like it.
Tastes like it too.
I think it's chocolate liniment, Dad.
Oh, throw it out.
Go on, get rid of it and get out of my sight.
I dislike you intensely.
Why?
Because you're such a naughty girl.
Instead of trying to help me, you're only making me sicker.
What's the matter with you, Daddy?
I've got a horrible case of sciatica.
Let me see it.
You can't see sciatica.
Why?
Because it's an inflammation of a nerve inside my leg.
Well, open your leg and let me see it.
Sure, I'll put a zipper on it for you.
Leave me alone.
No, I want to see the zipper.
I haven't got any zippers.
Oh, my leg.
Shall I rub it with ice cream, Dad?
No, I don't need your help at all.
I've got a nurse here.
Where?
In the bathroom.
Is she pretty?
No, she's not pretty.
For your information, this nurse happens to be a male nurse.
A man?
Yes, a man.
I guess that'll knock those wild ideas out of your snoopy head.
I guess it'll knock those ideas out of your head.
Never mind that.
You'll leave this.
Oh, nurse, nurse.
Right here, sir.
Oh, listen, I'm in awful pain.
Can't you do something for me?
I'll give you another diathermic treatment.
The doctor should be here soon.
What are you going to do with that machine, Daddy?
You just keep out of his way.
No, that's all right. She won't bother me.
Oh, don't be too sure.
Yeah, don't be too sure.
Keep quiet.
And leave the room for a second, Smokes.
Why?
So the nurse can apply the heat to my leg.
I want to watch.
Young ladies don't usually watch gentlemen when their legs are exposed, my dear.
It's only one leg, ain't it?
Yes, of course.
Then I'll close one eye.
Oh, go ahead, nurse.
She's getting more like a mother every day.
Where is Mommy, Daddy?
You know where she is.
She's gone to stay with Aunt Sophie.
Why?
Because your aunt isn't feeling well.
A little higher, please, nurse.
How's that?
That's better.
What's the matter with Aunt Sophie?
Oh, if you must know, she just got a new baby.
Oh. Who does the baby look like?
He looks like Uncle Louis.
Oh.
Are they going to keep it?
Of course they're going to keep it.
And you should be very happy you're getting a new little cousin.
Aunt Sophie promised me a little yellow cat.
Well, she double-crossed you.
No.
Now, go to your own room and let this diaphragm take effect.
Just leave the pad in this position now.
I'm going to sterilize the needle.
Oh. Hand me that glass of water, Smokes.
Here, Daddy.
Are you scared?
No. I'm just very uncomfortable.
Somebody's at the door, Daddy.
That might be the doctor. Go let him in, Smokes.
All right.
Good evening.
Are you the doctor?
That's right. Has your daddy been calling for me?
Mm-hmm. You'd better hurry. I think the zip is open.
Oh. Well, come on.
Oh. Good evening, Doctor. I'm so glad you're here.
Hasn't the diaphragm helped you?
Oh, yes. But I'm inclined to believe I need a little more drastic treatment.
Ow! Something's burning my leg.
Good heavens. Who turned those dials on?
Yeah. Who done it?
Smokes! Keep your hands off that instrument.
You want to see me electrocuted?
Uh-huh.
Very good. Is the nurse still here?
Yes. He went to sterilize needle.
Oh, drip can?
Yes, Doctor.
Prepare a syringe. We'll make an epidural injection of normal salt solution, 50cc, with 0.5% novocaine,
at the level of the sacrococcydural articulation through the superior sacroforenion.
Huh? I mean, yes, Doctor.
I want to see you do it.
All right. Then if you're a good little girl, I'll let you help.
Now, wait a minute, Doc.
Oh, nothing to be alarmed about, Mr. Higgins.
I'm just going to have a jab this probe in your leg to test whether the anesthetic is taking effect.
Oh, I like it.
Listen, she's not going to jab anything in my leg.
Oh, come, come, come, come, Higgins. I wouldn't let her do it if I thought there was any danger, would I?
Well, all right. But I...
Ow!
Ha ha ha ha! He still feels it.
Well, don't jab him yet, my dear.
Why?
Because I haven't given him the injection.
Well, I can't wait.
Fuck. I won't let you do anything to me unless you get her out of the room.
Touchy, aren't you? Give me the probe here. Ready, drip can?
Already, Doctor.
Very slowly now. There. Feel anything?
Just a tingling sensation.
Now, we're almost through. In a few seconds, the whole area will be insensible to pain.
You won't feel a thing for several hours.
All the way back?
All over.
Oh.
Daddy.
What is it?
Are you going to thank me when you feel better?
You bet I am.
You gave a little of that stuff to me, Doc.
There we are. All done.
Now, Higgins, you're to rest and don't move out of the bed for the entire night.
Yeah, that means no stinking.
Oh, I'll try to sleep.
And you, young lady, just behave and let your daddy relax.
And above all, don't bother him with questions.
All right.
Come along, drip can. Good night. Sleep well.
Good night.
Oh, I am sleepy.
Daddy.
Oh, sleep well.
I want to ask you something.
The doctor told you not to bother me.
Just one little question.
Is it important?
Then tell me, darling.
No, no, no. I want to sleep.
Well, would you like me to tell you a story?
Huh?
Yeah.
Oh, yes.
Now, go ahead. Tell me a story.
I've been waiting for this.
All right. I'll tell you the story of Tom Stump.
Once upon a time, there was a tiny little boy named Tom Stump.
And he lived with his...
Who lived?
Tom. He lived with...
Tom who?
Tom Stump.
He lived...
Well, who's he?
The boy in the story.
Oh.
Yeah.
He was called Tom Stump because he was no bigger than a thumb. See?
And he lived with his mother and father, who was his shoemaker.
His mother was his shoemaker?
No, his father.
Who's father?
Tom's father.
Tom who?
Tom Stump!
Oh.
Now, don't interrupt me. He ran away from home one day.
Who ran away?
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Well, I finally got even.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha, ha. How good is this?
Well, now I feel better.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.