J, G, L, L, O
Jell-O in those six delicious flavors
Jell-O puddings for old fashioned homemade goodness
Bring you Baby Snooks
Applause
Yes, it's the Baby Snooks show starring Fanny Brice
as Baby Snooks with Hanley Stafford as Daddy
Carmen Dragon and his orchestra
and yours truly Harlow Wilcox
and brought to you each week by Jell-O and Jell-O Pudding
Jell-O Pudding
Well, I guess I don't have to tell you, ladies and gentlemen
that last night was Halloween
I don't know what you did, but here's what happened in the Higgins' home
The family was just finishing dinner
Mommy, please can I go?
No, you may not
Snooks, I've told you a dozen times you can't go out tonight
But it's Halloween
I know it
That's why you're staying home so you can't get into any trouble
But all the kids will be out, Mr. Snooks
Snooks
You heard your mother
The subject is closed
Can we open it just a tiny little bit?
No
It's a night of all nights I want to spend a quiet, restful evening
Why?
Because there's a doctor coming over at nine o'clock
He's going to examine me for insurance
Do you think he'll find any?
Very funny
More chocolate cake, Lancelot?
No, thanks, dear
Not with the doctor coming
At my age, it doesn't pay to stuff myself
I want some chocolate cake
Snooks, you've had three pieces
Do you really want some more?
Yeah
At my age, it don't make any difference
Yes, I think I'll go in the other room and lie down
I've had a hard day and I'd like to relax a little before the doctor gets here
Go ahead, dear, and I'll clear off the table
Boy, that couch looks good
Daddy
What is it?
If I promise to stay in front of the house, will you?
No, no
Now please leave me alone
I'm going to take a nap
But it's Halloween outside
It's Halloween inside too
And you won't get into any trouble
Now I want no further discussion on the subject
Yep, this couch is the best buy I ever made
I could sleep for a week if my nerves would just let go
Hope it doesn't show up in my blood pressure
Oh, what's the big idea, Snooks?
I put on my Halloween mask
Ain't it pretty?
It's beautiful
Yeah
Now can't you go away and let me sleep?
The doctor will be here in an hour
Perhaps you don't understand how important this is
Perhaps I don't
Well it's not myself I'm doing it for
It's for you and the family
Insurance is protection
If anything happens to me, you'll get a lot of money
How much?
Oh, maybe ten thousand dollars
Daddy
What?
Can I have a dime in advance?
No, you've already had your allowance this week
I'll give you the dime back, dear
When?
When I get the ten thousand dollars
Snooks, I don't think you know what you're saying
You only collect insurance if something happens to the insured
What could happen?
Why, hundreds of things
And there's a different type of policy to cover each one of them
Life, health, accident
Why you could even insure a finger
My little finger?
Why yes, suppose you lost your finger
How can I lose it?
It's stuck on to me
I didn't mean you'd leave it lying around somewhere
But suppose you accidentally cut off your finger
Yeah
What would happen?
I could only count up to nine
No, you could collect on it
Let's say it's my finger
Yeah
If it should happen to get cut off, the company would pay a thousand dollars
A thousand dollars for your little finger?
Yes, sir
Let's cut it off
Snooks, please go away and let me sleep
My blood pressure's bad enough
Can't the doctor fix it, daddy?
This doctor isn't coming here to fix things
He's coming here to look me over
Whatever he finds wrong, he'll report to his company
I don't like that doctor
Why not?
He's a snitch
He's not a snitch
He is, so he's a dirty old mean old dirty old snitch
Oh, Snooks, for the love of heaven, leave me alone
Go away
Away
Anywhere
All right, I'll go outside
No, you don't
Go someplace else in the house
I'm trying to take a nap
I want to take a nap
Well, now, that's a good idea
Yeah
Suppose you run up to your bedroom and lie down
No, I want to lie next to you on the couch
You can't
I want to lie next to you on the couch
Oh, all right, all right
I suppose it's the only way I can get some rest
Well, come on, lie here next to Daddy and go to sleep
All right
Good night, little Daddy
Good night
Daddy
Yes
I think I got insomnia
Well, just lie here quietly and don't disturb me
All right
Daddy
What is it?
What's insomnia?
Listen, Snooks, if you can't fall asleep, count sheep
Little wooly sheep?
Yes
With big brown eyes?
Yes
I don't like sheep
Well, count kangaroos jumping over a fence
I like kangaroos better
Oh, good
Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two,
twenty-four, twenty-five
All right, let's have it
What happened to fourteen, nineteen, and twenty-three?
They tripped
That settles it
Snooks, if I hear one more peep out of you, I'm going to take my belt off
And you know what will happen then?
Your pants will fall down
No, I'll give you a tanning, that's what
Now either you let me take a nap or suffer the consequences
But, Daddy
Not a sound
But, Daddy
Now you heard me
Don't even open your mouth
I could get more rest in a boiler factory
Oh, just to close my eyes for fifteen minutes
Oh, for Pete's sake
I didn't do it
Well, go and see who it is
All right
Hi, Snooks
Oh, hello, Phoebe
Can you come out for Halloween?
Shh, not so loud, Phoebe
My daddy's asleep on the sofa
But all the kids are outside, why don't you ask him?
I did ask him, he won't let me
Shall I ask him?
No, you wake him up
Can't you see he's asleep?
But what's he doing sleeping so early?
He's waiting for a man to come and see him
About what?
About cutting off his little finger
Gee, he don't snore like my daddy does
Oh, sometimes he snores
Sometimes he snores
Sometimes he snores
Sometimes he snores
Sometimes he snores
Sometimes he snores
Sometimes he snores
Sometimes he snores
Sometimes he snores
Sometimes he even whistles
Does he talk and he sleeps too?
Yeah
Does yours?
No, that's what makes my mother so mad
He just mumbles
Poor, tired little daddy
Don't he look pretty sleeping on the couch?
Yeah, I guess we better not wake him up
No, I wouldn't wake him up
I wouldn't wake him up for anything in the whole world
Oh, for goodness sake
I give up
Did you have to wake him up?
No
Oh, I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
Did you have a nice little rest, daddy?
Great
With you two kids jabbering in my ears
Phoebe wanted me to wake you up
But I wouldn't do it
I just want to know Snooks will come out Mr. Hee Vid
It's halloween
Alright
Alright
Go ahead
Shoo both of you
Get out of the house
Come on, Snooks
Before he changes his mind
Alright
oko
I should've done that an hour ago
Maybe I'd have gotten some rest
Now I'm so wide awake
My nerves are screaming
Lancelot, was that you yelling?
Yes. My defense has just collapsed.
I held out as long as I could, but I'm only human.
What do you mean?
I let snooks go out.
Oh, well, it is Halloween after all. Maybe it's for the best.
It's not for the best. Every Halloween is the same thing.
Life and property aren't worth two cents, with those kids chasing around the streets.
What do you plan to do about it? Eliminate the holiday?
No. But I can teach our daughter a lesson.
You see this mask I'm wearing?
Oh, I hadn't noticed.
Great. Well, maybe the mask isn't so bad, but when I put on these false tusks...
Oh, Lancelot, that's horrible.
Pretty frightening, isn't it? Well, you wait here. I'll be back in ten minutes.
Where are you going?
Out to teach those kids a lesson. I'll give them such a scare, they'll never want to go out on Halloween again.
Come on, Snooks. Whose doorbell shall we ring first?
Let's ring this one right here.
Okay. Put on your mask, and I'll sit on my broom. Go ahead, ring it.
I did. Someone's coming.
Trick or treat, trick or treat!
Well, well, if it isn't two little goblins on my doorstep.
Come, Mr. Wilcox.
What's this trick or treat business?
Well, you gotta treat us to something or we'll play a trick on you.
Yeah.
You know, I sort of suspected this might happen tonight, so I've got a treat all ready for you. Come on inside.
Here it is, kids. Right on the table.
Oh, boy, on Jell-O.
With cream.
A little piece of the fruit inside.
Ah, that's a Jell-O Halloween special.
Snooks, that looks like a dish of sunshine, all dressed up, doesn't it?
And just taste that wonderful flavor.
But hey, don't eat so fast. That's the famous locked-in Jell-O flavor, you know.
Sealed in by a special process, so it's safe and sound until your first big spoonful.
Makes you think of the real ripe fruit, doesn't it?
Mm-hmm.
You know, I can't think of a thing I like better than a dish of Jell-O, can you?
Yeah, another dish.
Well, I'm afraid that'll have to do for now.
When the sugar shortage is over and there's lots of Jell-O again, you come around and I'll give you each six dishes.
One of each of the six delicious Jell-O flavors.
Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. How's that?
Oh, boy.
And now, if you two goblins have finished goblins, just put a mark on my door and leave me alone for the rest of the night, eh?
Thank you, Mr. Wilcox. Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, kids. Happy Halloween.
Well, who's next?
Let's try the house on the corner.
Okay. Come on.
Hello, Snook.
Hiya, Phoebe.
Who are you?
It's me, Roger.
Oh.
You didn't recognize me with this pumpkin on my head, did you?
Gee, is that a real pumpkin?
Sure.
Ain't it uncomfortable?
Well, it was a little warm at first, but it's better now that I put the candles out.
Hey, come on. Let's go down to the drug store and see what we can get.
Yeah.
So when?
Uh-oh. Wait a minute.
What's the matter?
I saw something move behind that tree.
It looks like a man.
No, it's an animal. It's got big, long teeth sticking out of its mouth.
Oh, I'm scared.
Here he comes. Move for your life.
Yeah!
Ha-ha-ha. Little children should be home in bed.
Ha-ha-ha.
Oh.
Well, that ought to teach him.
Hey, what's the big idea, bud?
Huh?
Haven't you got anything better to do than to go around scaring kids?
Look, friend, I suggest you mind your own business.
One of those kids happens to be my daughter.
Well, one of those kids happens to be my son.
And I don't like any overgrown ape with false tusks running around scaring him.
I did it for their own good.
Every Halloween, those kids go out and get into trouble.
Besides, I don't like your attitude.
Oh, you don't, huh?
No.
Say that again.
I don't like your attitude.
Enough!
Next time, try scaring somebody your own size. So long.
Oh. What's this?
Ah! My teeth!
Oh, they're the false ones.
Hello, Daddy.
What are you lying in the gutter for?
I tripped and fell down.
Gee, that's funny.
What's funny about it?
You must have pissed just when that man hit you.
You tell me something. Who was that man?
That was Mr. Hopkins, Roger's father.
Where does he live?
Right down the corner.
Why?
Never mind. Come on.
Any man who punches your father does so at his own risk.
Why didn't you sock him back?
Because I've got a brain in my head, that's why.
Suppose I did punch him back.
With the tremendous power I generate, I could easily have broken my hand.
Nine chances out of ten, the hand wouldn't have healed straight.
And there I am, faced with the prospect of never playing the piano again.
Oh, but Daddy...
What?
You don't know how to play the piano.
Mind your own business.
Pick up that rock.
All right. Here.
What are you writing?
Oh, just a little note.
A little note?
Yes. I'm going to throw a scare into that bully.
Now, do you see that window in Hopkins' living room?
The one that's open?
Yeah.
Well, I take the rock, thusly,
and I attach the note with a rubber band, thusly.
And I draw back my arm, thusly,
and with uncanny accuracy, I toss it through the open living room window.
Thusly.
You guess my aim isn't what it used to be.
Come on, let's get home.
That was fun, Daddy!
Uh, don't say anything about it to your mother.
Well, come on, we'll just sit in the living room as though nothing happened.
What did it say, Daddy?
What?
The note you tied to the rock.
Oh, I just thought I'd worry him a bit.
He won't figure that one out in a hurry.
All the note said was,
Guess who?
Guess who?
Guess who?
Guess who?
Guess who?
That's a good one, Daddy.
Yes.
Well, that's pretty clever.
What was that?
It's a rock.
It came through the window.
And there's a note on it.
What does the note say?
It says, who.
Uh-huh.
Wants to play, does he?
Well, two can play at this game.
Can three play?
Lancelot, what happened? What was...
Good heavens, who broke our window?
Vandals, Vera.
Irresponsible hoodlums.
A law-abiding citizen like me hasn't a chance on Halloween.
Where are you going?
Out to chase him away. Let's go, Snooks.
Shh, now, quiet, Snooks.
Inch your way forward a little.
Daddy.
What?
I'm tired of crawling on my stomach.
This is the way they do it in the army.
If you don't want to be seen, you crawl forward on your stomach.
Yeah, but not down the middle of the sidewalk.
The idea is that we don't want him to see us from the house.
What are we gonna do?
I don't know yet. Oh, wait.
I've got it.
You see this gate here?
You see the garage over there?
Yeah.
Well, if Mr. Hopkins wants to use this gate tomorrow morning,
he's gonna have to climb up on the garage to do it.
You're so smart, Daddy.
You can say that again.
You're so smart.
Never mind, never mind.
Let's go to work.
Home sweet home.
Gee, that gate looks funny up on top of the garage.
Yes, it did, didn't it?
But I don't want you to get the wrong idea from all this.
Certain things are merely mischievous pranks.
Others have a purpose behind them.
Understand?
No.
Well, let's put it this way.
Your daddy has never been a believer in a policy of appeasement.
Neither have I.
That's the way I like to hear you talk.
What does appeasement mean?
Well, when someone strikes you and you don't strike back, that's appeasement.
How do you like that?
What?
I've been appeasing you and Mommy for years.
Well, off to bed with your snooks.
After the gate episode, I don't think we're going to hear from Mr. Hopkins again tonight.
I want to stay up and see what else next happens.
Rest your pretty little head.
My pretty little head?
Well, your little head.
Nothing's going to happen next.
Our friend Mr. Hopkins has shot his bolt.
Did you hear something, snooks?
Yeah.
What was it?
I don't know.
The window seemed to be okay.
Oh, that must be the doctor.
Go answer the door, snooks.
All right.
Can't answer the door, Daddy.
Why not?
There ain't no door to answer.
What? No door?
It's on.
That does it.
He wants trouble.
All right, he'll get all he's looking for.
I got it.
A brilliant idea.
Run into the kitchen, snooks, and get some hamburger, a pail of water, and your mother's flat iron.
What do you want me to do?
Now, don't ask questions.
Just get them.
All right.
Now, before I pay a visit to Mr. Hopkins, I'm going to prepare a little reception for him in case he returns.
First, this rope stretched across the front stoop and up over the trellis.
Hurry up, snooks.
I'm coming, Daddy.
And now another rope stretched this way.
Here you are, Daddy.
Oh, thanks, snooks.
Now I just put the flat iron up here, and the bucket of water goes up on this side.
Get the fiendish ingenuity of it?
No.
Well, if an unexpected visitor, say Mr. Hopkins, walks across this side of the porch, he gets the flat iron on his noggin.
On the other hand, if he trips the rope on this side, he gets a refreshing bath of aquapura.
Who gets the hamburger?
I think this hamburger will interest some of the many dogs in our neighborhood.
To arms, snooks.
The higginses ride again.
Yeah, let's go to the dogs.
Gee, Daddy.
I bet we got fifty dogs for our night.
Well, quit patting them.
Just keep dangling that hamburger, and stop nibbling at it.
I'm gonna have a little taste.
Well, what do you want to eat raw hamburger for?
I just want to find out what they see in it.
You'll find out when we toss it through Hopkins' front door.
Now, come on, there's the house.
Now, here's the strategy, snooks.
One of us knocks on the door.
When the door opens, the other one throws the meat inside.
The dogs follow the meat, and Hopkins' living room becomes a bedlam.
You got it?
Uh-huh. We throw the meat inside.
That's right.
And Hopkins' living room becomes a bedroom.
Not bedroom, bedlam.
What's a bedlam?
Never mind. Go up and knock on that door.
All right.
Now, long, snooks.
Here, Hopkins, some groceries.
I'll bet there never was a youngster yet, including the contrary snooks,
who didn't go for the flavor of butterscotch.
And when it's Jell-O butterscotch pudding, well, mothers get set to serve seconds.
For Jell-O butterscotch pudding has such a buttery, brown sugar taste.
Such a rich, mellow flavor, a creamy smoothness that's just plain melt-in-the-mouth goodness.
It's a real old-fashioned, homey flavor, but made a quick, new-fashioned way.
Jell-O butterscotch pudding cooks to velvety perfection in just about five minutes,
and it's nourishing, made with milk.
A grand dessert for the youngsters.
Then there's Jell-O vanilla pudding, rich tasting and distinctive.
And there's Jell-O chocolate pudding with that swell, chocolatey goodness.
A little hard to get these days, but a wonderful treat when you do get it.
And take whatever flavor your grocer has, for all three Jell-O puddings are so good.
They're just like grandmas, only more so.
And now back to Halloween in the Higgins' home.
Mommy is on the telephone.
What's that, Mrs. Hopkins?
Oh, but that doesn't sound possible.
You mean you were sitting in your living room minding your own business,
and my husband threw a pound of raw hamburger in your face?
Oh, really, Mrs. Hopkins, my husband wouldn't do a thing like that.
Well, it's probably just another Halloween prank.
Well, I don't know what you're complaining about.
You should see my house, windows broken, the front door gone, and the doctor.
Good heavens, I've got to hang up, Mrs. Hopkins.
A strange man just staggered in here and fell unconscious at my feet.
Oh, get me a doctor.
Who are you?
I'm the doctor.
The insurance doctor.
You poor man, what happened?
Somebody hit me with a flat iron.
Oh, dear. Oh, here comes my husband. He'll help you.
Oh, what's the trouble, Vera?
What happened, Mommy?
Oh, Lancelot, this poor man is the insurance doctor.
Somebody hit him with a flat iron.
A flat iron? Shocking.
Oh, Daddy, that must have been the iron.
Ms. Nukes, run into the kitchen and get the doctor a glass of water.
Aye.
Oh, my head.
Okay, doctor, up we go.
On your feet.
How do you feel now?
A little wobbly, thanks, but I guess I'll be all right.
Are you Mr. Higgins?
Yes. Would you prefer to skip the examination for tonight?
No, as long as I'm here, I might as well get it over with.
I'll get my bag. It's out in the car.
Oh, fine. Oh, doctor, look out for...
Oh, the poor man.
Lancelot, who put that water bucket up there?
Vandals.
Daddy! Daddy!
Get out of the way, Nukes. I've got to drag the doctor back in.
Oh, how do you feel, old man?
Oh, my head. What's going on here?
Here, drink some water.
Give me that glass of water, Nukes.
I didn't get it.
Didn't get it?
I told you to bring a glass of water for the doctor. Why didn't you get it?
I was scared.
What could you possibly be scared of?
There's a horse in the kitchen.
A horse?
Yeah.
Ridiculous.
What would a horse be doing in the kitchen?
Eating the curtains.
Good heavens, there is a horse in the kitchen.
Not anymore. It's coming right in here.
Stand back, everybody.
Look out, doctor. The horse is going to step on you.
He did step on him.
Oh, the poor man. I hope he carries insurance.
He's gone. Out the front door.
Are you all right, doctor? Let me help you out.
Oh, what a house. Help me to my car. I want to go home.
Oh, sure, doctor. I'm terribly sorry.
He's out again.
What hit him?
A rock just came through the window.
Oh, another one, eh? And there's a note attached to it. What does it say?
It says, thanks for the dogs. He's a horse on you.
Why, that lowdown.
Lancelot, what is this all about? What's going on here tonight?
I'll explain it to you later, Vera.
Meanwhile, there's work to be done. Come on, Snoop.
All right. What are we going to do with your time, Daddy?
This time he gets the works.
It's a little trick I learned in college called the sunken living room.
It's fiendish in its simplicity.
I merely climb a tree beside his house and drop the end of a garden hose down his chimney.
And I turn it on?
You guessed it.
Snoop, Snoop, where you running to?
I can't talk to you now, Phoebe. I've got to call the fire department.
What for?
My daddy stuck head first in Mr. Hopkins' chimney.
He fell out of a tree.
Well, what do you call the fire department for?
To get him out.
I don't think there'll come Snoop unless there's a fire.
There is a fire, all right. Mr. Hopkins is building in a new fireplace.
Oh, no.
Hello. Oh, hello, Roger.
How's your father feeling today?
That's good.
Oh, the doctor says my daddy will be all right in a couple of days.
Yeah, as soon as they take the stitches out.
What? Oh, I'd love to come over and go waiting in your living room.
But I can't leave the house. My daddy won't let me.
I don't understand it.
But he says every time he lets me out of his sight, I get into trouble.
Ain't daddy's funny.
Well, Snooks has done it again. She's really wonderful.
And we hope you'll be with us next week when Snooks gets going in another of her amazing adventures.
Until then, remember Jell-O and Jell-O pudding.
Snooks, what do you say about Jell-O?
Just a taste of Jell-O pudding, or of Jell-O.
And you know, it's the one and only J-E-L-L-O.
I like it.
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Be sure to listen to The Thin Man, which follows in just one minute.
Heard in tonight's Baby Snooks Show, starring Fanny Bryce as Snooks and Hanley Stafford as Daddy,
or Arlene Harris, Ben Alexander, Frank Nelson, Georgia Ellis, Sarah Burner, and Robert Vance.
This is Harlow Wilcock speaking.
This is PBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.