WEBVTT Kind: captions; Language: en

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BANG! BANG! BANG!

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Bobby, turn that down.

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Bobby, did you hear me? I said turn it down.

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But it's just at the best part.

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Turn it down.

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Is that all right?

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I said down, not off.
It doesn't have to be so loud.

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You know your grandfather
just can't stand noise.

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But it's shooting in Indians.

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You said yourself, if I didn't turn it
on yesterday, I could watch it today.

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So today you're sick again. Can't I never...

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Shh!

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Can't I never watch cowboy pictures no
more because grandpa's living here.

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What do you have to come here for anyway?

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Bobby, don't you love your grandfather?

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I love him all right,
but it's no fun here anymore.

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Bobby's right.

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Jim, I didn't hear you come in.

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That's because I came in on tiptoes.

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This whole house is on tiptoes.

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But, Jim,
it's just that he's not well right now.

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I know he's not well.

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But this isn't his home, it's Bobby's home.

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And it's Dorothy's home.

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And because he's sick,
they can't live here anymore.

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Jim, please don't. He'll hear you.

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Alice, this is no good.

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We're losing our kids because an
old man has come to live with us.

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But he's my father.

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He's an old man.

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It's all right, Dad. I won't make any noise.

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It isn't all right. I want you to make noise.

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Now, what's growing up without making noise?

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Alice, this is a house for our children,
not for an old man.

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Jim, please, not so loud.
He can't stand it when it's loud.

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And he can't stand the radio when it's loud,
and he

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can't stand TV when it's loud.

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They can't stand laughter when it's loud,
so our kids can't play here.

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But he's sick right now, Jimmy.
He's always going to be sick at least.

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He's always going to be old.
Don't you understand?

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And he can't stay.

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He's my father. What do you want me to do?

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Throw him out on the street?

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No, I don't want you to
throw him out on the street.

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Just find him a place to live.

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The old age is memories enclosed in four walls,
where today has little

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nourishment and meager appetite.

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Old age is sitting on a bench
and watching life hurrying by.

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Old age is a lonely meal
behind a plate glass window,

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a window that looks out upon a
busy world that somehow never

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took old age into its reckoning.

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It made the steps too steep,
the curves too high,

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the pace too swift.

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And it separates usefulness from old age

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by the hard, sharp line of a single day.

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There are two basic needs that
time puts upon us, something to do

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and a place to live.

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Some are lucky. Through the continuing
of their life's work, they cross

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the line into old age with
scarcely an interruption.

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For them, the threat of life
continues unbroken to its end.

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But they are the few and the fortunate.

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Most by far pass over the threshold into
old age, into a new world of which they

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are only dimly aware.

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Uncertain and unprepared,
they are confronted as though for the first

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time by life's demands.

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What will you do here? Where will you live?

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How will you spend your days?

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Imperative questions demanding answers,
and the answers are hard to come by.

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But there may be within the
community those with training and

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experience who can point the way.

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So we thought we'd ask you.
This question must come up in lots

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of families, so maybe you can help us.

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Jim, can I ask my question?

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Sure, darling, go ahead.

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Is my husband right when he says that
having my father live with us is

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unfair to our children?

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And to him?

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You're asking me to be the judge in this case?

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You might call it that.

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We talked it over and agreed
that if you seem to...

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To know my business?

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Yes. I guess you might call it that.
Then we'd let you decide.

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Well, I'm glad you feel that way,
but remember, I'm not here as a judge.

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I can tell you what our experience has been,
what some of the solutions are.

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But then you'll have to make up your own lives.

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All right. But there's something I must know.

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What's best for my children and my husband?

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And what's best for my father?

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No, Jim.

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What's best for my father?

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A question repeated a thousand
times over in many rooms like

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this by many people.

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Sons and daughters who would be good
children and would be good parents, and who

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can find no single path to
travel where they can be both.

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What's best for my father?

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What are the needs of a proud human being
who comes to live in his children's

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home, disarranging the orderly and
established pattern of family life?

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What about a room?

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A place to live?

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When there is no room to spare?

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What about food?

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The preparation required by a
special diet when appetites

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wait on the needs of the aged?

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What about special care?

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With nursing, which you can't afford to
pay for, and time you can't afford to

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give except at the expense of home and family?

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What about communication
between the young and the old?

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They live together but have no common language.

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For no effort has been made to bridge
the chasm between the world of the aged

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and the world of the young.

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Rather is this distance widened when
there is no work, no responsibilities, no

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reason for life, for a human being whose
years have been filled with work and

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responsibility and purpose.

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What can be done for this man?

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Where can he find the answer to his needs?

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I wish there was some simple
answer I could give you.

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There isn't.

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People don't come in categories,
least of all old people.

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Have you talked about this with your father?

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No, we haven't talked about it too much since

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Mother died. He hasn't been too well.

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We haven't talked about it with him at all.

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Well,
Alice said could we take him in with us for a

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while till we could work something out?

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That was about eight months ago, you said?

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That's right.

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And it's been getting worse every day.

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Not for father?

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No, it's fine for him.

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Why shouldn't it be?

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She waits on him hand and foot.

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Fine for him.

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A respected and loved parent, a worker
who lived a fruitful and useful life, and

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now finds that life has no further use for him.

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In a world where so much is being done,
his hands have nothing to do.

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Sorry, old man, this is not for you.

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And he's alone in a crowded street.

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And two,
he's alone at home with only ghosts and

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memories as dependable companions.

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But memories are poor company.

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And even television needs to be shared.

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So to those he loves, he is the problem.

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And for both, there is guilt as well as pain.

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Right now, he's not well.

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He needs help. That's what I...

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That fouls up the whole works.

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He needs something we can't afford to give him.

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It's just not fair.

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To you or to the children.

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Or to dad.

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What else can we do?

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Well, sometimes, given time and goodwill,
these situations

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can be worked out within the family.

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When they can't, the old person is just
as unhappy about it as his children.

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In your case,
your father's illness may make living with

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you unwise for everybody.

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That is,
if it's going to cause too much friction.

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If it entails sacrifice,
unnecessary perhaps, or unreasonable...

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It does that too.

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Jim, let her.

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That's all right. I know how you both feel.

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Is there any other member
of your family someplace

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where there aren't growing children, perhaps?

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No.
I have a younger sister, but she couldn't...

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Her husband's in the Navy. A career man.

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Any others?
Maybe you have some cousins who might...

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Why should they?

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You could contribute to the expenses
of the household. Sometimes...

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Stop it! I would hate that!

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Look, there's one thing we've been shying away

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from, and I think we ought to
bring it out into the open.

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I can't stand it!

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Alice, honey,
this is something we have to fake.

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No!

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But maybe it isn't as bad as you think.

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You're talking about a place
for your father to live.

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I'm talking about a home. An old people's home.

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It's easy for you to talk, that he's my father!

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Well, it isn't the prison that he's going to.

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Are these places really so bad?

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The picture's a great deal brighter
than it used to be, but...

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Of course,
it isn't like living in one's own home.

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In most cases, an enlightened community
can provide the kind of housing

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that enables them to live independently.

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Oh, it's true that some older people need
the protected environment and trained

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care that a home for the aged can give.

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Here they often start a new and
satisfying life and even establish

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healthier relations with their children.

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There are some very good homes that
could provide a happy solution

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for your father and your family.

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He might be the first to agree.

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Aren't these homes within our means?

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Oh, yes. They're average-income homes.

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Of course, nowadays that means social security,
pension funds, insurance, and

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also some community support.

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But there are very few good homes,
and they all have long waiting lists.

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Why? What stops them?
Why can't there be enough to go around?

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Public indifference, for one thing.

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Far too many people still seem
unaware of the fact that there is

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such a thing as old age.

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Community attitudes for another.

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Attitudes of people like you, Mrs.
Allen, who shrink from what is probably the

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best solution for some older people,
those who for one reason or another need

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help, particularly trained help.

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The very thought is, my father wouldn't go,
and I couldn't make him.

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What kind of a place could it be?

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What kind of place could it be?

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A place that could make the difference
between these eyes and these.

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Between proximity and companionship.

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Between useless, withering hands and
hands that are both useful and needed.

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What magic place is this that can take
the worn and faded fabric of a life and

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weave for it a strong new cloth with
threads of belonging and being useful?

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What kind of place could it be?

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Here, within the confines of this pleasant,
well-appearing house, are the

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ingredients that import to
those who live here a sense of

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pride in where they live.

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And two, its location close to a good
community enables them to come and go as

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they please with easy communication
among friends and family.

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The pleasant, airy rooms are clean and
comfortably appointed with the small but

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essential ingredients of well-being.

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A bright world to look out on.
A radio or television set.

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Linens that are fresh and clean.

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Ample drawer space.

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And the pleasure of a good bed.

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There are single rooms for those to whom
privacy equates with personal dignity,

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and double rooms for married couples
or where two in a room is desirable.

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They're at home here, living out their
lives together with the special types of

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care they need for their physical well-being.

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Themselves unburdened and burdening no one.

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Old age may be memories enclosed in four walls,
or it may be a zest for living

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this day with eyes fixed eagerly and
confidently on all the days that lie ahead.

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In such a place,
little things too are important.

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Things like easy access to the telephone,
unsupervised use of their own

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spending money, and the assurance that
mail is received and forwarded unopened.

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They bolster the spirit and ease the
hour by hour round of everyday living.

00:15:48.001 --> 00:15:53.000
How comforting to know that special diet
problems are in good hands, and that one

00:15:53.000 --> 00:15:56.001
is relieved of the worry and
planning and preparation for them.

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And that eating is no longer a lonely hour,
but a time of pleasant association,

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dining with friends and companions.

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That there are skills and
facilities here to care for the

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infirmities that ages ere to.

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That 90-year-old arms are still worth
fussing over, with a friendly and competent

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person interested and happy to do the job.

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Ills of the body are an expectable part
of growing old, but in such a place as

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this, they are not allowed to infect
the spirit and the mind as well.

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There are dozens of small aids for slowing
steps, for sagging strength, that say

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more tellingly than words,
you are important too.

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This is a world for the old
as well as for the young.

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Here in the living room, one can proudly
welcome one's family. Gone are the

00:17:06.001 --> 00:17:10.001
feelings of guilt and pain because of
dependence and lack of self-reliance.

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Now there's pride in one's children
and grandchildren. There's respect

00:17:20.001 --> 00:17:24.000
and love emerging from a new
and better relationship.

00:17:31.001 --> 00:17:37.001
With age two come increasing needs of the
spirit, so within this home there is a

00:17:37.001 --> 00:17:39.000
place for prayer and meditation.

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So do we begin to answer the needs that
time puts upon us. A place to live

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and something to do.

00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:56.000
Nothing so burdensome that it puts
unfair demands on the sometimes limited

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capacities of age, but rather a chance
to work in a group and enjoy the

00:18:01.000 --> 00:18:03.001
companionship that comes from
working and living together.

00:18:06.001 --> 00:18:12.001
A useful absorbing occupation that is
carried on at one's own pace. Creative

00:18:12.001 --> 00:18:14.001
things, useful things.

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Achievement is no less engrossing
at eighty than it is at eight.

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In such a place recreation is a part of life,
not merely a substitute for it as

00:18:35.001 --> 00:18:37.001
it is so often among older people.

00:18:38.001 --> 00:18:44.001
Playtime assumes its normal patterns
across a chessboard, on a card table,

00:18:46.001 --> 00:18:50.000
or over a player's shoulder.

00:18:53.000 --> 00:18:57.001
And though the light fantastic may have
lost some of its lightness, it has lost

00:18:57.001 --> 00:19:03.001
none of the gaiety, exhilaration,
and sense of well-being that it brings with it.

00:19:09.000 --> 00:19:13.000
Small wonder that personal appearance
has its proud place here, and is no less

00:19:13.000 --> 00:19:16.000
meaningful when hair is
silver than when it was gold.

00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:25.001
In such a place as this, there is trained
and integrated personnel, professions

00:19:25.001 --> 00:19:32.000
and skill and experience, staff or consultant,
each with but one overriding

00:19:32.000 --> 00:19:36.001
concern,
the well-being of each resident in the home.

00:19:37.001 --> 00:19:43.000
And to those residents, here is both
evidence and assurance that old age can be a

00:19:43.000 --> 00:19:48.001
valued period of life, rich in its
possibilities, worthy of society's best

00:19:48.001 --> 00:19:50.000
care, protection and planning.

00:20:01.000 --> 00:20:05.001
The grounds of the home are almost beyond
appraising, so essential are they to

00:20:05.001 --> 00:20:09.000
one's peace of mind,
the sense of a bond with the living world.

00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:14.001
Even to walk out on your own grounds for
an hour of sun is the difference between

00:20:14.001 --> 00:20:19.000
being a part of life and being
walled in awaiting death.

00:20:19.001 --> 00:20:24.000
A piece of earth can add infinite dimension.

00:20:27.001 --> 00:20:32.000
Important too is that within this thriving
community of old people, they have

00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:37.001
often a governing body of their own
elective representatives, truly a body of

00:20:37.001 --> 00:20:41.001
elder statesmen and stateswomen, proud of their

00:20:41.001 --> 00:20:44.000
position, worthy of their responsibilities.

00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:52.000
So does the face of age reflect the world
we make for it. So can we see in their

00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:57.001
eyes the love and security,
the occupation and companionship that are to

00:20:57.001 --> 00:20:59.000
be found in a home like this.

00:21:01.000 --> 00:21:06.000
There are many old people here,
varied in their needs, different from one

00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:07.001
another as all people are different.

00:21:09.001 --> 00:21:15.000
Some are old in years only,
some are failing in mind and body,

00:21:17.000 --> 00:21:23.000
but it may be that here in the
course of years are you and I.

00:21:25.000 --> 00:21:28.001
It takes ingredients of many
kinds to make a home for us all.

00:21:30.001 --> 00:21:35.001
It takes the kind of planning and preparation
that's possible only in a community

00:21:35.001 --> 00:21:39.000
that's conditioned to it,
and whose old people are conditioned to

00:21:39.000 --> 00:21:41.000
accept it when the need arises.

00:21:41.001 --> 00:21:46.001
You don't acquire that kind of conditioning
overnight, just because the calendar

00:21:46.001 --> 00:21:51.001
says you've reached 65 or some other
arbitrary age. You have to start

00:21:51.001 --> 00:21:53.001
working on it many years before.

00:21:55.001 --> 00:22:02.000
Yes, I can see that. In other words,
Dad should have thought about this and

00:22:02.000 --> 00:22:04.000
done something about it when he was our age.

00:22:04.001 --> 00:22:10.000
That's right. He should have.
And now, may I ask you a question?

00:22:11.001 --> 00:22:13.000
What are you doing about it?

00:22:13.001 --> 00:22:19.000
What are we doing about it?
How can we prepare for all our years?

00:22:20.001 --> 00:22:26.000
For our children, there is the assurance
of a good start, of a score of years of

00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:31.000
happy, constructive youth,
all given them by a society well aware of

00:22:31.000 --> 00:22:32.001
the importance of such a beginning.

00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:40.001
But there is more. There is another need.
There is the promise of a rich and

00:22:40.001 --> 00:22:46.001
fruitful old age, the knowledge that
the last 20 years, the gift of modern

00:22:46.001 --> 00:22:53.000
medicine and science,
need not be spent alone, unwanted, useless.

00:22:56.001 --> 00:23:01.000
Indeed,
the span of life is poorly built if it does not

00:23:01.000 --> 00:23:03.000
soundly reach to the far shore.

00:24:23.000 --> 00:24:28.000
[...]