How did you get there?
You told me
Can I carry a bag?
No, no, no, thank you.
Sorry.
So sorry.
Excuse me.
Watson!
Watson!
Sorry.
Watson, hurry up!
Come on, the train's going.
Yes, yes, I'll be just here.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Was it close call, Holmes?
It certainly was.
If you hadn't lingered to pass the time of day with that barmaid, we'd have had ample time.
How did you know that I...
Your elbow, it's wet.
Well, you've obviously been leaning on a bar somewhere.
And if I know you, it wasn't a barman.
Was she pretty?
Yes, she was a lovely young lady's man, in fact, came from Lancashire.
Hasn't been in London very long.
Blinco Watson.
Sardines Dalton!
I say, what a small world it is.
Good old Blinco.
Best mile of the school ever had.
Why, so many.
You're putting it on a bit here and there, aren't you?
Oh, particularly there.
Well, you know.
Say, Holmes, do you know sardines?
No, I don't know. Sardines?
Did you say Holmes?
Not Mr. Sherlock Holmes.
Oh, I see you've been reading about him in the papers, Watson.
Oh, can't read anything else these days except about that last case of yours, Mr. Holmes.
Yes, well, that presented a bit of a problem at first, but we managed to nail it before the finishing line, didn't we, Holmes?
Oh, we did, Blinco.
You know, I wouldn't be at all surprised if you were going fishing.
Yes, we're going to Witchenham, no?
Why, of course.
I'm living at our old family place, Forthingham.
That's near Witchenham.
Oh, I say.
Something wrong, I mean?
Oh, no, no, nothing really. I don't want to bother Mr. Holmes with my troubles.
Hmm. What sort of trouble, Mr. Taunton?
Well, yes, it's my mummy.
Oh, old lady Taunton.
No, no, no, no, my Egyptian mummy.
Is your father married again?
Oh, no, no, no, don't be silly, Blinco.
One of those Egyptian fellows who were mummified thousands of years ago.
That sort of mummy.
Oh, you have that sort of a mummy?
Yes, yes. My uncle Joseph sent it to me from Egypt.
He's an archaeologist, you know.
Well, it seems an odd thing to have sent you, eh?
Last year he sent me a crate of sand.
Sand?
Yes, from the Sahara. The desert, you know.
Just sand?
Yes, that's all. Just sand.
Arrive one morning, like the mummy case.
Mummy case?
Yes, a chap called Amonatep.
Yeah.
Amonatep. Priest of the 14th dynasty or something.
Anyway, that's what Professor Van Tonkin said.
Professor Von Tonkin?
Yes, he's a colleague of my uncle's. Lives quite nearby.
He couldn't fathom what was wrong with the mummy either.
Precisely what is wrong with your mummy, Mr. Taunton?
It laughs.
I beg your pardon?
It laughs.
Laughs?
Quite.
How does it laugh?
Well, now, it goes something like this.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
No, not really like that. It's much eerier than that.
More like this.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Say, when does it laugh?
Oh, practically any time.
Well, have you seen it laugh?
Me?
Oh, good heavens, no.
Why don't you give it away?
I can't. Nobody wants it.
I say, bingo.
Oh, no, no, I'm awfully sorry. I...
Oh, no, we... No, no, we couldn't.
Well, look, why don't you burn it or chuck it in the river or something?
Oh, well, now, I know this sounds silly, but there's an inscription on it.
Something like, um,
Who destroys my sleep, destroys himself.
Professor Van Tonkin's translated it for me.
You don't believe all that rubbish, do you?
I mean, Egyptian capers and all that.
Well, no, I don't actually believe the curse, Blinker,
but I've got to do something.
I'm engaged to Rowena Featherstone.
Do you know her?
No.
Oh, she's a lovely girl.
She's got an aunt, Reguro Batlax.
Well, she keeps after Rowena to break off the engagement.
Says the chap who keeps an Egyptian mummy who laughs.
Well, he can't be very reliable.
Yeah, well, I understand that.
Oh, I say,
would you like to come over to my place and see if you can stop him laughing?
Oh, look, old boy, we were going fishing, you know, and...
Oh, this might prove interesting, Watson.
A mummy that laughs.
Uh, this is, uh, Amon Atep.
He doesn't look as if he had much to laugh about.
I wouldn't think so, would you?
You make sure you hear him, Blinker.
Frightening, positively frightening.
Mm, 14th dynasty, I see.
Yes, an exceptionally fine sarcophagus.
I must say, the funerary carvings of the 14th dynasty were the most beautiful ever known.
Ah, yes, Amon Atep.
He was a priest warrior.
And here's the curse.
Yes, who destroys my sleep, destroys himself.
Makes you think, what?
Oh.
This thing's full of splinters. I'm always pricking myself on it.
Mm, when did the mummy start laughing, Reggie?
Soon as you received it, six months ago.
Mm, no, no, no, rather not.
First, he was very well behaved.
Quiet as a lamb, then he started it about a month ago.
I see.
I take it these are the other Egyptian trophies your uncle sent you.
Yes, rather. I stick them all in this room here. I call it my Egyptian room.
You know, I wouldn't like Uncle Joseph to come back and think I didn't appreciate the gifts he sent me.
He'll be touchy about the things they dig up, these archaeological fellows.
Yes, yes, quite naturally.
Has your uncle been in England recently?
Oh, no, no, not since he went galloping off east as a young man.
Must be at least 40 years, I think.
Mm, then you've never seen him.
Oh, I say, that's the Sahara Sand I was telling you about.
Oh, yes, yes.
Does your uncle never write to you?
No, no, never. Just sends back the things he digs up.
Have you got a photo of him by any chance?
Yes, yes, this one.
It was taken when he was up at Oxford.
I think he must have changed by now, you know, 40 years. Ravages of time and all that.
Yes.
Oh, I'm sorry, Reggie. I didn't know you had visitors.
Oh, no, no. No, don't go, Rowena. I want you to meet my guests.
This is Blinko, Dr. Watson and Mr. Holmes.
Mr. Sherlock Holmes. This is my fiancée, Miss Featheringston.
Mr. Sherlock Holmes? The detective?
Yes, yes. He's come to look into this mummy business for us.
Have you found anything, Mr. Holmes? Why does he laugh?
Well, perhaps he tickled himself to death.
I keep pleading with Reggie to get rid of it. Destroy it. Anything.
But he's afraid of the curse.
Well, I'm the one the curse is going to work on and you know what they are.
Really, Reggie, this is the 19th century.
And Aunt Agatha wants to know when we're going to eat. She's famished.
Women's always famished.
Please, Reggie. She is my aunt.
Well, I suppose I shall have to cook dinner myself. Cook left last night. Fourth of the month.
Say, Blinko, do you cook?
Well, I...
Reggie, you didn't invite Dr. Watson here to cook. I'll cook.
Well, maybe I'd better do it myself after all.
We'll both cook. Come on.
How many of us are there? Five?
No, no, no, no, six. I've asked Professor Von Tolkins to dine.
I say, if you'd like a glass of sherry or a brandy or a sedge or something, you'll find it all in the cupboard over there.
Charming girl.
I say, Holmes, let's finish up this matter in short order, eh?
I hear the fish round about here absolutely snapping.
Hmm. I wonder...
You wonder what? Have you found something, Holmes?
No, I wonder if Miss Featheringston can cook.
A doctor, young man, you say? A veterinary, no doubt.
Madam, I'm a graduate of the Royal College of Physicians. I specialize in human beings.
And you detect, young man, I understand.
Yes, madam, I detect.
Work with the police?
Well, on occasion.
No wonder the crime rate's going up.
Rowena, do we or do we not eat?
In a moment, auntie. We're bringing the food in.
Reggie told me you've recently come back from Egypt, Professor.
Yes, Mr. Holmes, just a few months ago.
I have retired from active participation in Egyptology.
I see. I understand that you met Reggie's uncle while you were out there.
Yes, Professor Taunton and I excavated for a long time together in the valley of the lower Nile.
Is Professor Taunton still active?
Yes, Joseph is engaged in important excavation at the present time.
You must be very glad to see all your old friends and relations again, Professor, after all these years.
I've been gone so long, Doctor, I no longer have friends.
And I'm afraid even my family wouldn't recognize me.
Well, here we are at last. Better late than never, I always say.
Oh, please do help yourselves, everybody. Informality's the form.
Local trout. We used an old recipe we found in a cookery book in the kitchen.
Didn't we, Reggie?
Yes, at least I think it was a cookery book.
I read something about mixing nitrogen with hydrogen or something at the end of it.
Oh, Lord. Well, this is splendid.
I haven't had a decent well-cooked fish like this in years.
I'll have a look.
Ah, thank you.
Rubber. Sheer, unchewable rubber.
I think it's very edible.
What do you think, Holmes?
Not quite. Who knows? A sauce might have improved it somehow.
It's quite delicious, Miss Featheringstone.
I believe you're accustomed to eating beetles and locusts, which I'm told are considered delicacies in your...
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Reggie, take the other end, would you?
Careful, Miss. Careful.
This time we heard it ourselves.
Yes, Watson. This time we heard it ourselves.
And now we return to the case of the laughing mummy.
Of all the silly things I've been indeagled into by you, this is the silliest.
Ha, ha.
There we are.
What do you expect to find up here?
Something I discovered earlier this evening, Blinker.
Do not address me by that ridiculous name.
Ah! All right.
All right, old chap?
I'm all right now, but if I kill myself, I shall hold you personally responsible.
Good. We managed it somehow. I had my doubts on several occasions.
We'll soon know now.
Know what?
Lest I'm mistaken, this is our laughing mummy.
But this is only a weathervane, Holmes.
Ah, yes, but one that laughs.
Listen.
Good heavens.
It is laughing.
It would appear to be so, wouldn't it? Especially with a mummy in the house.
When the wind is in a certain direction, the weathervane acts as a whistle,
and the resultant sound is funnelled down into the Egyptian room below.
But that's marvellous, Holmes. How did you stumble on to it?
Well, in dealing with the occult, Watson,
it's best to remember the natural phenomena come first.
Here, give me a hand with this, would you?
Yes.
Wonderful. That's wonderful.
Now, be careful you come down, Holmes.
Yes.
Just be careful.
Here, Watson, would you hang on to this, please?
Watson, are you taking...
This is stupid.
Watson, where have you gone?
Watson.
Watson.
Watson.
Do you think they know what they're doing, Reggie, dashing out of the house like this?
Maybe not, Blinko.
Well, Mr Holmes seems very capable.
Oh, yes, yes. He's the reliable type.
Doesn't say much, but when he does, it's to the point.
Like me.
Tell me, Professor, is this the first mummy you've ever heard of that laughs?
The very first, Miss Featheringstone, and I'm quite sure that...
Dr Watson, what's happened?
I slid off the roof and landed in the rhododendrons.
Not my rhododendrons, Blinko.
I've entered them in the local flower show.
You may now withdraw your entry.
Reggie, how long has this weathervane been on the chimney?
Oh, about a month.
I see. And it was about a month ago that the mummies started laughing.
Yes, yes, that's right, Mr Holmes.
Hmm. It will now stop laughing.
It was caused by the wind striking the weathervane,
which then blew down the chimney and caused a sound which resembled a laugh.
Well, well, well. Good heavens above.
Mr Holmes, how terribly clever of you.
And you found it out all by yourself?
I, too, was on the roof, Miss Featheringstone.
Oh, I know. I think you're both terribly clever.
My compliments, Mr Holmes.
The simplicity of the explanation escaped us all,
although I knew, of course, there was an explanation.
Well, now we can all go and finish dinner.
We've got something else coming. I think lamb, isn't it, Rowena?
I think so. Meat of some kind.
Good. Oh, Reggie.
Yes, Mr Holmes.
Who stuck this on the chimney?
I did. It was lying about the place, so I stuck it up there to keep it out of the way.
Oh, I see. Thank you.
You know, I believe I'll miss him laughing.
Made him human somehow. Almost chummy.
Chummy mummy.
Oh, well. That's another mystery we've solved, eh, Holmes?
Yes, Watson.
In solving it, we've been confronted by a far deeper mystery.
Eh? What do you mean?
You may observe the sarcophagus is of the 14th dynasty,
but the mummy itself is of a much later period.
Well, perhaps they had an old box lying about where the Jack died.
Yes, possibly. Possibly.
But it would have to be lying about for a very long time.
Good morning, everybody. Isn't it a lovely morning? Simply gorgeous.
Good morning, Miss Featherston.
Yes, it is indeed a lovely...
Yeah, it is.
You look very refreshing, Miss Featherston.
Very refreshing. And I am.
No mummy laughing any longer, thanks to you, Mr Holmes.
Well, well, well, I say. What early birds we all are.
Morning, everybody. Morning.
God's in this heaven and all's right with the world and all that sort of thing.
There's no need in invoking the name of the deity.
I wasn't. I was quoting a bit of poetry or something. Shakespeare, I think it is.
Tennyson, darling.
Actually, Miss Featherston, I think, if I'm not mistaken, it's a quotation from Robert Browning.
Ben Ezra.
Pepper Parses, Watson.
Yes, of course. Pepper Parses. I knew it was something like that.
Good morning.
Oh, good morning, Professor.
Have a cup of tea or a bacon and egg or kipper or something here for us?
No, thank you. I just wanted to return this book.
Oh, I say, it's of decent of you. Thank you.
Oh, Professor von Torgens.
Yes, Mr Holmes.
Reggie has a 14th Dynasty vase in the Egyptian room, which rather puzzles me.
I wonder if I could impose upon you to clarify a point for me.
It would be my pleasure, Mr Holmes. Should we see it now?
If it wouldn't be too much trouble, Professor.
Not at all.
Thank you.
Yes, the composition of the pottery struck me as being rather later than the 14th Dynasty, Professor.
This is the vase I referred to.
Considerably later, Mr Holmes. The 18th Dynasty, in fact.
I rather thought Reggie was mistaken.
Yes, he was also mistaken about the mummy.
The mummy? I'm afraid I don't understand.
Don't you? I believe it was you who told Reggie that Armen Otep was of the 14th Dynasty.
It was, Mr Holmes.
But of course, this mummy, like the vase, is of a considerably later period.
Really?
How much later would you estimate, Mr Holmes?
Well, I'd say, uh, 4,000 years later.
How did you determine that, Mr Holmes?
Well, the sarcophagus is obviously authentic.
But the burial wrappings of the mummy itself are of a comparatively modern Egyptian weave.
Expertly aged, I admit.
I'd hope the discrepancy wouldn't be noticed.
Well, if it hadn't been for the coincidence of the weather vane, I should never have bothered to look at the mummy so closely.
What do you propose to do, Mr Holmes?
I'm afraid, Professor, I have no alternative.
Holmes, what are you talking about?
Professor von Tolkien's, as I regret to say, Watson, involved with murder.
Murder? Who was murdered?
Joseph Taunton. Reggie's Uncle Joseph.
But how do you know? Where's the body?
You are gazing, Watson, at the mummified remains of it.
Oh, no. No, no, really.
You're right, Mr Holmes.
This is Joseph Taunton.
And if I killed him...
What do you mean, if you killed him?
I don't know.
That sounds strange, doesn't it?
Joseph Taunton and I were friends.
We devoted our lives to excavating the glories of Egypt.
And last year, we discovered the tomb of Amenhotep.
An untouched tomb, Mr Holmes.
Over 4,000 years.
Joseph and I, we are the first human beings to set foot in it since the day it was sealed.
Can you imagine what that meant to us?
Yes, I can understand that.
Joseph was beside himself.
He wanted to open the mummy case immediately.
But it was wrong, Mr Holmes.
The case had to be opened carefully, delicately.
We quarreled. I tried to restrain Joseph physically, but he broke loose from me.
He ran to the case and opened it, and then...
And then, Professor?
And then he staggered and dropped dead.
As he opened the sarcophagus?
Yes.
There were no witnesses to what had happened, Mr Holmes.
But in our struggle, Joseph had suffered bruises.
I knew what the police would believe.
And so you removed the mummy of Amenhotep...
and substituted the body of Joseph Taunton instead?
It was the only way I could get the body out of the tomb.
Mr Holmes, I didn't mean to kill Joseph.
It was his heart. He always had a weak heart.
You say he staggered, Professor.
But what did he do as he staggered?
He grasped his throat as if he were choking.
Watson, would you oblige me by removing the cover of the sarcophagus?
Yes, of course.
Ouch! That splinter!
Yes, Watson. Ouch. As Reggie said.
And as undoubtedly Uncle Joseph said, too.
Professor, would you care to take a closer look at what Reggie called a splinter?
What? It's a...
A hollow needle that would pierce the skin of anyone who touched it.
But I don't understand.
The curse of Amenhotep...
and a hollow needle that contained the venom of an asp.
The same snake poison that killed Cleopatra...
and that killed your friend, Joseph Taunton.
The most marked symptom of asp poisoning is suffocation.
The victim instinctively clutches his throat.
Then it wasn't a fight.
No. And traces of the poison may still be found in the body...
even after mummification.
I say, Holmes, you don't think there's any of that poison left in the needle, do you?
Because, well, if so...
The next few minutes will determine that, Watson.
What?
Well, how's old Uncle Monotep doing?
I bet he's feeling down in the mouth now he's stopped laughing.
You'll be glad to learn, Reggie, that the professor has offered to take the mummy off your hands.
Oh, I say, that's awfully decent of you, Professor.
What are you going to do with him?
He's also considered giving it a fitting burial.
Oh, of course. Now, why didn't I think of that?
Do you realize what this means, Rowena?
Now we can be married. That old... I mean, your aunt, well, she won't have a leg to stand on.
But, darling, Aunt Agatha really likes you.
She just pretends to think you're not very bright.
Really? She likes me?
I think so.
Well, then, let's go and tell her the good news.
Thank you, Mr. Holmes.
Not at all, Professor.
Holmes. Holmes!
What? What's the matter?
You look ill.
It's the poison. I can't get my breath.
No, no, no. Relax, Watson. Relax.
If there had been any poison left in that needle, Reggie would long since have joined his ancestors.
Unfortunately, the curse only worked once.
Oh.
Hey, Nicholas.
Oh, but Holmes.
Don't worry about it. I still can't get my breath.
Not again. It's probably the food we've been subjected to.
Yes. I myself would prefer some of that fish that you insist on pursuing
up and down the waterways of England with such wild abandon.
Yes, Gordon. Cursed.
What a nonsense.
The End