Hello, I'm Jean Crane.
And I'm Ed Begley.
In just 30 seconds, we'll be joining you with special guests on Stump the Star!
♪♪
From Hollywood, the entertainment capital of the world,
the fastest half hour in television,
brought to you by the Ralston Purina Company,
makers of wheat checks, rice checks, and corn checks,
with all three in checks mates.
And now, here's your host, Mike Stokke!
♪♪
When you two finish talking, can I say hello to the people?
Thank you and welcome to Stump the Stars.
We've got two great guest stars, and of course our regulars here,
if I may introduce them to my right on the challenging team.
First, lovely Ruta Lee.
And then, Mr. Hans Conrad.
And finally, Mr. Stubby K.
And over here, finally back on the champion side,
we have Mr. Sebastian Cabot.
Mr. Ross Martin.
And Miss Beverly Garth.
Won't you be seated and make yourselves comfortable there.
On our guest stars, first we have the beautiful and delightful actress,
one of my favorites on the screen, Miss Jean Crane.
Jean.
Thank you, what a lovely guy.
Nice to have you joining your team over here, Queen's Queen.
And we're very proud to have the Oscar winning gentleman,
who kept himself on the air a moment ago, a few extra seconds,
did you notice, before he said what show he's going to be on?
The wonderful supporting actor of Sweet Bird of Youth,
actually he was the star, Mr. Ed Begley.
Ed.
Good to have you with us, Ed.
Get right down here and make yourself comfortable if you will, please.
Ladies and gentlemen, starting us off, Mr. Hans Conrad.
Thank you, Hans.
Yes.
I'd like to have a glass with Hans, for sure.
You're heading for Chicago, huh?
Yes, I'm obliged to leave town, yes.
I'm going to go to Tokyo, will you tell me all about it?
You're practically Japanese, aren't you?
Well, practically, not virtually, but practically.
I'll make this fine linguistic difference to you later.
In a sense, you're not virtually anything.
Here's a sentence by Ingrid Radecki from Louisville, Kentucky.
Wait for the bell and good luck.
Hans Conrad starts us off with a book title.
The Case of the Missing Headhunter or Whatever Happened to Frances X. Bushman.
Book title.
Case of the.
The Case of the.
Lost.
Wandering.
Two syllables, first syllable.
Archer.
Miss.
Ring.
Miss.
Wedding.
Miss.
Misses.
Lassie.
Girl.
Ring.
What have you got?
Miss.
Miss and ring.
Miss.
Ring.
Miss.
Missing.
Miss.
Missing.
The Case of the Missing.
Missing.
What's the hangar number of my cranium?
Or.
First syllable.
Where?
Who?
What?
Who?
What?
The Case of the Missing, Headhunter or.
What happened to my.
What is?
What happened.
What?
Is.
What?
What was?
What's going on here?
What a, what a, what a.
What?
Sounds like.
Something like, what heavy.
Every finger.
Every.
Er, ball, ball.
Confirmed.
What call?
Call!
Whatever...
Whatever happened to Baby J?
Baby J!
What happened to...
Proper name?
To...
Movie title?
An old time style.
Old time movie.
Silent Pictures.
Raymond Navarro?
Ben Hur!
Pete!
That would be the hardest thing.
In case you're wondering what it really means, the case of the missing head under whatever
ever happened to Francis X Bushman on the thing.
But you said X Bushman.
See, that was a beautiful Francis.
I forgot though, he was your son in Silent Pictures.
He still rides in a chariot.
92 seconds and Sebastian Cabot, ladies and gentlemen.
How are you, Santee?
Fine.
Definitely a feeling of trepidation.
Yes.
I really thought that was going to be terribly hard.
I thought we had them.
But you're so good you're going to whip through this.
Yours is suggested by Mrs. Jones Whip.
Jones Whip Solb, no, Jones Solb from Kew Gardens, New York.
Wait for the bell.
Good luck.
And for Sebastian Cabot, it's a want ad.
Sick hippopotamus wishes to meet veterinarian.
Object, a hippo hypo.
It looks like...
Wait, okay.
What is it?
It's a want ad.
Here we go.
Sick.
Proper name.
I have an idea.
Is it a comic?
No.
Walrus.
Wait.
Zeal.
Alligator.
Hippopotamus.
Wishes to meet...
Well alligator.
Wait a moment.
It's like a doctor.
A veterinarian.
Sick hippopotamus wishes to meet veterinarian.
Object, a...
Hippo.
A hypo.
A hippo.
Hypo.
Hippo hypo.
A hippo hypo.
Very good.
Excellent.
That's it.
Sick hippopotamus wishes to meet veterinarian.
Object, a hippo hypo.
Gee, you're all guessing beautifully tonight.
Well, did you see his...
He looked like a hippopotamus.
I mean, more than usual.
Try to get yourself out.
Let's go to the scoreboard and see how we stand after the first two hip players.
Hans Condrey took 92 and little old Sebastian took 42, so he put his team ahead by 50 seconds.
But I must say, you did a beautiful job.
Well, anyway, almost every one ad is wishes to meet or wants to meet, and Hans had the
case of thee, and all you do is bend down and they come through with the case of thee,
in case you're wondering how fast they are.
Miss Ruta Lee, will you step up?
Hello, I can.
Fine, thank you.
Listen, this is going to be a healing dinner tonight.
How do you feel with an Oscar winner sitting next to you?
Well, I'm even more nervous than I usually am.
You think it'll rub off?
I have to turn in a good performance.
All right, Ruta.
Here you are, wait for the bell, and good luck.
Instead of the stumper she sent in, Ruta Lee must act out the name and address of the
sender-inner.
Mrs. E. Wigler, 50 Crane Street, D. Pew, New York.
What is it?
Oh, an address.
An address.
Miss...
An I...
An I.
Mrs...
Mrs I...
Ivy...
Irene...
Ike...
Irene...
Ike?
Mrs Ike...
Mrs Ike Eisenhower.
Mrs E...
Mrs E?
Yeah.
Old thing.
Yeah.
Mrs E?
Shake!
Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake.
Wiggle!
Wiggle, wiggle.
Wiggle, Mrs E wiggle.
Wiggle.
Wilson E.
Yeah?
Oh, isn't it close enough?
Wiggleslaw...
No, uh...
Wiggle, wiggle.
Wiggle waggle.
Wiggle eye.
Wiggle waggle.
Wiggle knee.
Wiggle, wiggle.
Wiggle eye.
Wiggly.
Wiggle eye.
This is...
Wiggly, piggly.
This is Wiggles.
Wiggles is...
Wiggle.
Wig.
Second syllable.
Wigmaker.
Now...
Yeah?
Wigwam.
Sounds like...
Day.
Girl.
Mrs. Wig...
Wig...
Wigum.
Wig...
Sounds like...
Her.
Wigfer.
Wigmer.
Wigster.
Wig...
10...
20...
30...
40...
50...
Whole thing.
Chicken.
Duck.
Chicken.
Duck.
Peacock.
Feather.
Goose.
Bird.
Goose.
Fly.
Ostrich.
Pelican.
Crane.
Ostrich.
Crane.
50.
Crane.
Drive.
Road.
Drive.
Road.
Lane.
Avenue.
Street.
Well, you didn't get it, but it was fun.
You're flying.
You're the king of this.
This is Crane Street, Depew, New York.
I'm just sorry you didn't get to Depew, because this I wanted to see.
You didn't realize it, Ruda, but you happen to have had a crane right on the show here.
You're right here.
So...
120, here we go, Ross Martin.
Am I up?
Yes, sir, you are up.
Ross Martin.
We had such a response from acting out your name and address once in a while instead of
the stumper that we'll do it ever so often.
So far, we've been unsuccessful twice, but they've been wonderful.
John Smith, send in one, will you?
Watch the John Smiths come in.
Ross?
Lucky thing we didn't have that Ben Hur thing, because none of us are old enough to remember.
Here's a suggestion by G.W. Nichols from Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Thank you.
Now let's see what Ross Martin does with this crazy book parody.
He canceled his shutters from Brazil, because Latins make lousy louvers.
Listen.
It's a book.
Book parody.
They, he, they, he.
He.
Two syllables, first syllable.
First syllable, he.
Can, open, can.
He can.
He cannot.
He can't.
Second syllable.
He can.
Sounds like sick.
Can-sick.
He can't.
Same as sick.
He can't.
Can't swear.
Window.
Sill.
Canceled.
He canceled.
Canceled.
His.
He canceled his.
Paper.
Newspaper.
New York Times.
No, no, no, no.
He's opening his.
How about that one?
His window.
His shutters.
Shutter.
He canceled his shutters.
Canceled his shutters.
Shutters.
Canceled his shutters.
Two syllables.
Two.
Turn around.
Two.
To go.
To come in.
To from.
He canceled his shutters from.
From.
No proper name.
From.
Yeah, far away proper name.
From.
From France.
From.
France.
From Italy.
Paris.
Oh, hold it.
From.
Dennis.
Shutters.
From.
From gold.
Filling.
Proper name?
Nut.
Ruff ruff.
Candles are from nuts.
He canceled the shutters.
Nuts.
Walnuts.
Brazil nuts.
What?
From Brazil.
Canceled his shutters from.
From Brazil.
Cause.
Because.
Cause.
C unconscious.
Yes, he can ganska.
Eh.
Heankus.
He knowingly.
Lattador.
Because, uh, bullfighter?
No, sounds like pet.
Uh, because get, fed, met, let, let, let in.
Because let in, let in.
Latin.
♪
Come on.
Because Latins make lousy louvers.
♪
Ponce, you cheered him on the way he did Brazil.
I thought that was beautiful.
He canceled his shutters from Brazil
because Latins make lousy louvers.
Is that beautiful?
Let's go to the scoreboard and see how we stand.
Excellent job, Ross.
Gruta took 120, Ross 120,
and we remain with the champions 50 seconds ahead.
♪
Now, with great pride, I introduce this year's
Oscar-winning supporting actor, Mr. Ed Beckley.
Ed.
Oh, I'm so good to have you on.
Welcome to the show.
You're really a part of it.
Two years ago, you were talking about me.
Yeah, it's been a while.
And I couldn't be happier because everyone loves this man.
He's such a wonderful person to work with.
And in about two minutes,
he's going to have to give back his Oscar.
Yes, I would hope so.
You know that he got me a job in Westerville, Ohio
at Otterbein College?
He's big in Westerville, Ohio.
You're kidding, Hans did?
Yes, I played J.B. there all,
due to his writing a letter stating how wonderful it was.
I'm a big man in Westerville.
That's great, listen.
I'm going to run for mayor there.
Hans, you're going to Glendale next week.
Fix him up.
Ed, you're suggested by Steven Stidinger
from Lewistown, Pennsylvania.
There you are, sir.
Wait for the bell.
Good luck.
Well, for lovable Ed, it's a wind-up doll.
Dracula doll.
You don't wind it up.
You pound a stake in its heart.
Put it down, Ed.
Put it down here.
What is it?
What is it, Ed?
A wind-up doll.
Who is the doll?
Who is it?
Monster.
Frankenstein.
Frankenstein doll.
You wind it up and you put it on the wall.
You wind it up and you...
It chases you down the hall.
You wind it up and you hit.
Hit.
Slam.
Kill.
Break.
And it smashes, crushes, destroys.
You smash.
You break up.
You break.
I have to tell you, in fairness to Ed, we have done a switch on this, so recap and Ed,
catch him on this.
A Frankenstein doll.
Frankenstein doll.
Doll.
Monster.
Frankenstein.
Frankenstein monster doll.
Go back further than that.
Dracula.
Dracula doll.
You wind it up.
You wind it up and it drinks your blood.
No, not Dracula.
You, you, you.
You can't.
You won't.
You mustn't.
You wind it up, you...
You bury it!
You...
Drive a stake through it, Tom.
You drive a stake through it, Tom.
Yeah.
You hit it, you kill it, you...
You...
You whoop it down!
Whoop it down.
You...
You growl!
And you stare the heck out of it!
Yeah!
It's beautiful, Ed.
You're doing it perfectly.
You had everything, even the punch line,
except you pound the stake in its heart.
Exactly what he was doing.
Dracula doll, you don't wind it up,
you pound a stake in its heart.
Oh, it's the best one!
Yes!
Thank you, Ed.
It's 120, and here we go with Miss Jean Craig.
How are you, Jean?
I'm fine.
Oh!
Nefertiti, where did you shoot this?
In Rome.
Oh you shot, you were over there shooting it too?
Yes, but I am an Italian, also.
Answer her, quick!
Oh!
Yeah, I want you!
She is so lovely, I, I,
you got a close up on her, didn't you?
Because this is the end.
I'm just waiting to have them do another one on you.
Don't get that terrified expression in my eye.
Alright Jean, yours is suggested by
Mrs. Edna Garries from Fresno, California.
Wait for the bell and good luck.
It's a movie parody for our lovely Jean Crane.
Ballet for babies,
the wet side story.
All right, here we go.
Let's go.
Here we go.
What is it?
This is a...
Movie?
Parody.
Okay.
Nefertiti.
No.
Swan Lake.
Ballerina.
Ballet.
What is that?
What is this?
Ballet for?
Grandma.
Babies.
Ballet for babies.
Babies.
Ballet for babies.
Collin.
The...
It's a movie.
It's a movie parody.
No, no, no.
The.
The...
Ballet for babies.
The.
The...
Ballet for babies.
The what?
The three-cornered set.
The what?
Hold it, hold it.
The scared...
The rain.
Rain.
The wet?
The dew.
The wet?
The wet...
Uh...
The wet...
Nursewear...
No, the wet...
The wet...
Bed...
Well, what is that?
It's the stomach and back, a dress, and a side.
The wet side...
The wet side!
♪
Very good, very good.
Ballet..., it's the wet side story, is that good?
You should have seen your expression on wet.
Ha ha ha ha!
Beautiful ballerina too on it.
Ballet for babies, the wet side story.
You pound the steak in its heart.
All right, that's six of our players.
Let's go to the scoreboard and see how we stand.
After three pairs,
Ed Begley 120, Jean Crane 74,
putting her team even further ahead by 96 seconds.
Let's pause for just a moment while Bill Baldwin
tells you how you too can join in the fun on Stumper Stars.
Well, thanks, Mike. We invite you to send in
as many Stumpers as you like each week.
Now, we prefer postcards, and in case of duplication,
the decision of our judges is final.
Address your postcards to Stump the Stars,
Checkerboard Square, St. Louis, Missouri.
Now, those whose names and suggestions were used
on tonight's show will receive a Polaroid Land Camera Kit,
including the automatic 10-second camera
with electric eye which chooses exposures,
as well as carrying case, film, and flash bulbs,
and a selection of American Tourister Lightweight Luggage
with molded one-piece shell and handles cushioned
with foam rubber for easy traveling.
And if you Stump the Stars, that is,
if it took them the full two minutes,
you will also win this world-famous
Amana FreoFrost Freezer,
holding 525 pounds of food at even zero temperature,
featuring Amana's remarkable frost magnet
that prevents frost from ever forming.
So get those Stumper postcards in the mail
first thing tomorrow.
And now, back to Mike.
♪
Thank you. Alright, here we go with our two anchorman,
beginning from the challenging side with Mr. Stubby Case.
Yes, sir.
Hello, Mr. Stubby.
♪
Drive, drive.
You know, Mike Stagy will give me one
and I'll drive it.
Ha ha ha!
Stubby here is suggested by Joseph Barnett
from Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Thank you.
And Stubby draws the gag saying,
My wife is shaped like Venus.
The planet, not the statue.
♪
Gag...
saying.
Saying, gag saying.
I...
My...
Wedding...
My wife is...
So...
My wife is...
Shapely...
Shaped...
Like...
A...
Shaped like...
Hold on.
Ha ha ha!
That's the song behind it, a woman...
Oh, Venus to me, a wife is shaped like Venus.
My wife is shaped like Venus.
Her...
She...
The...
Whole idea.
The sky...
Heavens...
The heavens...
The sky...
Stars...
The stars...
The moon...
The planets...
Revolve around her.
Revenue...
Planets...
Comma, the planet...
Planet...
The planet...
Shaped like Venus, the planet.
Comma...
Never...
Nothing...
No...
Can't...
Never...
Doesn't...
Wouldn't...
Couldn't...
Won't...
Don't...
Will not...
No, no, no, never...
Never...
Can't...
Nevermore...
Forget, forget, forget...
Sounds like...
Hot...
Not...
Not the statue!
♪
That's it.
My wife is shaped like Venus.
That's the planet, not the statue.
Very good, Stubby Kay.
Took you 69 seconds and Miss Beverly Garland.
No!
Oh, you did.
You're out of the cutie ranger.
I won, oh I won!
Does it worry you more if you're in the center spot
than it does if you're up front?
I like to be in the middle somewhere.
I'm smashed in like...
Ha ha!
Beverly, here's a suggestion by Kenneth Levine
from St. Louis, Missouri.
Wait for the bell and good luck.
Beverly gets this cutie.
Cavewoman to caveman.
Don't just stand there, slay somebody.
Here we go, men.
Here's a quotation.
The whole idea.
Oh boy, mad.
Raging.
Fury.
Monkey.
Beautiful woman.
Beautiful?
No, it's a female version of something.
In the past.
Cavewoman!
Cavewoman.
Good men.
To?
Cavewomen.
Cavewoman to caveman.
My boy, she's dangerous.
Cola.
Never!
Don't!
Don't.
Cavewoman to caveman, don't.
Sounds like...
Just.
Don't just.
Don't just stand there.
Hit me.
Kill somebody.
Kill?
Like?
Like kill?
Hit something.
Murder something.
Murder?
Give me a stick.
Hunt something.
Hunt?
Come and catch.
Dig something.
Build something.
Hit.
Blast.
Shoot.
Shoot?
Blast, shoot.
Kill.
Kill, hunt.
Hunt.
Die.
My?
My dinner.
My food.
My...
Die.
My road.
Sounds like dead.
Sounds like...
Dig.
It's the same as dig.
Shovel.
Sounds like shovel.
Hole.
Shovel a hole.
Yeah.
Oh.
What are you doing, love?
You're digging?
I see you're digging dirt and throwing it over you.
That's a mound.
A mound.
It's a hill.
Kill.
It's like kill.
Kill.
Kill, murder, assassinate.
Shoot.
Sounds like give.
Give.
Pay.
Deal.
Pay.
Live.
Day.
Say.
Ray.
Ray!
If you're a wee cat, don't forget to say something.
Don't forget to say something.
Here's the winning team.
According to the checkerboard, it says that
Steppengate took 69, Beverly Garland 108.
He cut it down.
But still winners and still champions, the Sebastian
Cappett-Ross-Martin team playing Beverly Garland.
We just had 40 seconds.
Ed Beckley, will you come up and do an extra?
Let's have Ed to see if he can do one in 30 seconds here.
Play to both teams, suggested by Michael Blair, Chicago,
Illinois.
Wait for the bell.
For Ed, it's a gag definition.
Pepper.
Sneezing.
Here we go, Ed.
Remember who lost.
What is it?
Gag definition.
Shake.
Salt.
Pepper.
Sneeze.
I choose.
Pepper.
Sneeze.
What is it?
Pepper or sneeze?
Pepper.
Pepper is the definition.
Sneeze.
Pepper sneezer.
Sneezing.
Pepper sneezing.
Pepper.
That's all.
It's pepper sneezing.
Sneezing.
From the stars, brought to you by the Waltons Arena Company,
making some wheat chips, rice chips, and corn chips,
with all three in Czech make.
Join us again next week.
Till then, this is Bill Baldwin, and this is the night
for the entire gang.
This has been a Mike Stokke Enterprises production.
♪♪