Hello, I'm Nina Frosch.
And I'm Michael Landon.
In just 30 seconds we'll be joining you as special guests on Stump the Star.
The fastest half hour in television, brought to you by the Ralston's Arena Company, makers
of wheat checks, rice checks, corn checks, and hot instant Ralston.
And now here's your host, Mike Skoke.
Will you all take your seats, please?
Do you suppose X millions of people heard just the punch line on that?
I don't know where they are.
Welcome to Stump the Stars, ladies and gentlemen, the rudely joke-telling hour.
We have our six regulars here, whom I would like you to meet.
And then I'm going to introduce two fine guests to you.
The challenging team over here, start off with Mr. Tommy Noonan.
And the gorgeous gal that's on his right, Miss Luda Lee.
And down the stage, Mr. Richard Long.
They, of course, hope to be champions by the end of the nice half hour.
And if they are, it means they beat this team over here first.
Jerubic Chubby Stubby King, sir.
Beverly Garth and little Robert Clary.
Oh boy, I'm dead now with him.
Thank you, Stubby Stokey.
That's perfectly all right.
Our first guest is the lovely and very talented Miss Nina Fox.
Nina, please.
And next, Robert Clary.
And guesting with our other team is the youngest, Cartwright, the handsome one,
from Bonanza, Mr. Michael Landon.
Mike.
The other three will vertically, my colleagues.
He's still telling jokes.
Don't blame me.
You know, we play our game.
It's a team challenge.
I mean, whoever is the fastest team is the winning team.
Each player has a two minute time limit, and they go like heck and hope that they win.
Let's start off now.
What a brilliant expose.
Tommy Noonan, ladies and gentlemen.
How are you, Tommy?
Tommy, you're just putting the finishing touches.
As a matter of fact, you finished shooting on Promise or Everything, right?
Yes.
Promise or Everything.
It's not Promise or Anything, but Promise or Everything.
Right.
The certain people didn't want us to use their titles, so we're Promise or Everything.
How come you talk with your hands here, and when I hand you something, you go stiff?
Sent in by suggested...
Sent in by suggested.
Suggested.
Suggested by Adam Hillman, or Hillman from East St. Louis, Illinois.
There you are, sir.
Wait for the bell.
Tommy Noonan starts us off with a gag saying.
She was only a weatherman's daughter, but her sister was fair and warmer.
Gag saying.
She.
She will.
Will.
Won't.
She won't.
A.
She was only a.
A.
Rainmaker.
Rain.
A weatherman's.
Daughter.
Weatherman's.
Weather.
Man's girl.
Daughter.
She was only a weatherman's daughter, but.
But.
She.
But she didn't.
He.
They.
She.
She'd.
She'll.
But her.
Her.
Her husband.
Her.
Her mother.
Her mama.
Grandmama.
She was only a weatherman's daughter, but her.
Baby.
Child.
What?
Almost the same as her or almost the same as child?
What is that?
Her girl.
Do you have a stomachache, Tom?
Her figure.
Her baby figure.
Does it sound like anything?
No.
Sounds like.
Salute.
Good.
Rita.
She was only a weatherman's daughter, but.
The woman's daughter, but.
She.
No.
Her.
But her.
Right.
Her weather.
Her.
Her figure.
Her vein.
Her baby.
Her mother.
Her child.
Her grandmother.
Grandma.
Her.
Her daddy.
Her son.
Now.
Her father.
Her son.
Her daughter.
Her girl.
Like, shoot.
Ouch!
Her corn.
Corn.
Her famous corn.
Her bunion.
Bunion?
Her baby bunion.
Oh, okay.
Two syllables.
First syllable.
Eat.
Soup.
Slurp.
Soup.
Second syllable.
Her sister.
Ah!
Oh!
I'm not going to hurt you.
She was only a woman's daughter, but her sister, I mean sister, was fair and warmer.
It was a...
And that's one of the easiest ones.
Oh boy!
A full 120 seconds for you.
Tommy Newnham usually send in, she was only a somebody's daughter.
You have to do only two syllables.
First syllable is on.
Second syllable is lean.
Cut down to lean.
All right.
Stubby Chubby K.
Will you step up, please?
Thank you.
How you doing?
All right.
Now, see if you can get your team off to a better start than you know who did his team.
Will you?
120.
Suggested by Caroline Barnett from Marora, Illinois again.
Hey, you're sharp in Illinois.
Marora, is it?
All right.
Stubby draws a gag definition.
Lagoon.
A French idiot.
What is it?
Pounce on it.
A gag definition.
Uh...
Uh, robo.
No, no, no.
Indian.
Promise.
Canoes.
Jungle.
Two syllables.
A robo.
Uh, lip.
Crack.
Uh, uh.
Crack.
What is it?
Crack.
Lag.
Second syllable.
Lagoon.
A, a, a small a.
Pop it and say...
Frenchman!
Frenchman?
French preach!
French?
French!
Woo!
Beautiful!
I love that, you notice he pointed to you.
You should have done the whole thing and point to him.
Lagoon, a French idiot.
I love that, I never thought of that.
I try to get into the lagoon when the weather is better than when I don't.
Any lagoon you get into has to be the biggest one in the world.
Let's check the scoreboard now, see how we stand.
According to the checkerboard,
Newman took 120, Stubby K, 51,
so Stubby put his team ahead already by 69 seconds.
And we have Miss Ruda Lee with you just after the hour.
Hi, Jim.
I'm Chief Bill Johnson-Dyer.
Aren't they beautiful?
I tell you, you're living tonight, aren't you?
I have a feeling that's all they are, though,
is handsome Mr. Holmes.
Of course, you did Sergeants III
and were the only girl with Sinatra in the whole clan.
Well, it's nice being the only girl
with a lot of men always.
Ruda, yours is suggested by Ted Riley from Pass, Texas,
and he better not make one.
For Ruda, a book title.
The Case of the Romantic Ghosts
Who Fell in Love with Each Other.
A book!
A book title.
The.
Case of the.
No.
Of the.
Pull.
You're pulling.
Rowing.
Row.
The Case of the Row.
Book.
Row.
Case of the Row.
Second syllable.
Rowboy.
Roman.
Case of the Roman.
Men.
Third syllable.
Roman.
Empire.
Swing.
Romaning.
Roman.
Swing.
Roman.
Pendulum.
Clock.
Pendulum.
Case.
Pendulum.
Famous clock.
Roman.
Empire.
Roman.
Sounds like.
Romantic.
Singer.
Floating.
Ghost.
Answer.
The Romantic Ghost.
What a ghost.
Who?
Case of the Romantic Ghost.
Who?
Fell.
In love with.
With.
With a.
Fell in love with a.
With a.
With.
Another.
A spirit.
1976.
Case of the Romantic Ghost.
Fell in love with.
With.
A.
With.
With what?
With a.
What do you want?
Fell in love with.
With nothing.
Oh.
Uh.
Fell in love with.
Fell in love with a.
Case of the Romantic Ghost.
Who fell in love.
With a ghost.
With a.
Gargoyle.
Kiss me.
With a frightening case of the Romantic Ghost.
Who?
Sounds like.
Reach.
Creature.
Reach.
Creature.
Creech.
Reach.
Almost.
Case of the Romantic Ghost.
Who fell in love with.
Each.
Shutter.
Each shutter.
Very good.
Oh.
Book titles almost always start off with.
A case of thee.
And they go like this.
And they shout out.
The case of thee.
Took you 120 seconds.
And we have got to go.
Beverly Garland.
Would you step up please?
How you doing?
All right.
Let's see if you can.
Oh.
This would make it pretty easy.
We'll get in by Sebastian.
I'll be back.
Hey Sebastian.
He'll be back with us next week.
He's doing just fine and we miss him very much.
Suggested by Carol Whalen from Sykesville, Maryland.
There you are.
Long one.
Watch it.
It is a long one for Beverly.
African short story.
Alligator and two swimmers.
Alligator and one swimmer.
Alligator.
What is it?
Definition.
Okay, definition.
Here we go.
The full thing.
Uh, mean.
Monkey.
Gorilla.
A man.
Is it a man?
A man of a monkey.
Gargantua.
Dracula.
Gorilla.
Makeup.
Indian.
Chief.
Indian chief.
Warrior.
Indian warrior.
What is the name of a warrior?
Geronimo.
The proper name of a warrior.
Of a soldier.
Hiawatha.
Uh.
Ah!
It's a country.
It's an old country.
It's a country.
India.
It's a country.
China.
Cannibal.
Africa.
African.
African boy.
Small.
High.
Little.
Small.
Sweet.
Tiny.
Tall.
Small.
Short.
African short.
Short story.
Story.
African short story.
The whole thing.
Silence!
Quiet!
In silence.
Alligators.
And two swimmers.
And a two swimmer.
Yeah.
And two swimmers.
Aligators and two swimmers.
Alligator and two swimmers.
Crocodile.
Alligators.
And one swimmer.
and alligator!
AHHHHHHHHH!
APPLAUSE
You did it, you did it
That's a good short story
Alligator and two swimmers, alligator and one swimmer
Alligator, that's all there was to it
Very very good
I love your alligator
Ok, that takes care of our first four players
out of the eight over here
and I'm a little curious myself to see just about how they stand
at the moment
Incidentally, remind me to mention that we are
going to New York and challenge all of the top Broadway shows
We're going to have quite a line-up
I'll tell you about a little later in the show
Ok, let's go to the scoreboard now
See how we stand. Ruda Lee took 120
Beverly Garland 94
So Beverly's team is still ahead
This time by 95 seconds
Alright Mike, let's see if you own the state of Longview, Texas
Because that's where yours came from
From Mrs. George Dickinson
And there you are, wait for the bell, good luck
For guest Michael Landon, a knock-knock stumper
Knock-knock, who's there?
Gorilla, gorilla who?
Gorilla my dreams, I love you
Bell rings
Knock-knock
Knock-knock, who's there?
Gorilla, gorilla
Gorilla, gorilla who?
Gorilla
Gorilla me
Gorilla me, you came
Gorilla my
Gorilla my sleep, gorilla my time
Gorilla my dream
Bell rings
Very good Michael
That's it, knock-knock
Who's there? Gorilla, gorilla who?
Gorilla my dreams, I love you
Well that's whipping it off pretty fast, Dad
24 seconds
Aren't you a little embarrassed?
Alright, here we go
With Nino Faj
Nino, will you step up to the podium?
No matter what you do, the rest of your teammates are going to take so long that it will make you look good
You don't have to worry about a thing
Yours is suggested by Wayne Moore from Austin, Indiana, not Texas
There you are, wait for the bell
Lovely Nino Faj draws a one-act
Boy Antelope wishes to meet Girl Antelope
Object, Antelope
Bell rings
It's a one-act
Okay
Baby, mother, mother, child
Daughter, son, daughter, baby, mother, mom, boy, boy, boy
Boy, boy, boy, boy, boy
Boy, boy
Butt, butt
What?
Three syllables, first syllable is
So, so, ant, ant
Boy, Antelope
Boy Antelope
Wishes...
to meet...
Girl...
Antelope...
Girl, girl...
Object...
Antelope pocket books.
All laughing
Ant...
Antlers...
Ant...
Three syllables...
Four, five, four...
Plus syllables...
First syllable is...
Three syllables...
Ant...
Antel...
Antler...
It's a plus syllable ant.
What's the second syllable?
Second syllable is T.
Sounds like...
Sounds like T.
Ant-C...
Ant...
Antelope!
Ant...
Antelope!
Very good, dear.
Very good.
Oh!
Ha ha ha!
Oh, that's...
That's wild.
Beverly just gets so excited.
Neena, you almost lost 10 seconds
just to have her pronounce it.
Boy antelope wishes to meet girl antelope.
Object antelope manatee.
Yes.
Want to add, you open a paper
and go down the want to add column
and it almost always has
doodle-a-do wishes to meet somebody.
Object, if you have to do object,
well you can object like that.
Let's go to the scoreboard and see how we stand.
Six players.
Checkerboard says Michael Landon took 24,
Neena took 70.
How about that?
It is just 49 seconds,
but the champions are still ahead right now.
Now let's go to a moment while Bill Baldwin
tells you how you should join in the fun
on Stump the Stars.
Thanks very much, Mike.
We invite you to send in as many stumpers
as you like each week.
Now, we prefer postcards,
and in case of duplication,
the decision of our judges is final.
Address your postcards to Stump the Stars,
Checkerboard Square, St. Louis, Missouri.
Those whose names and suggestions were used
on tonight's show will receive
a Polaroid Land Camera Kit,
including the automatic 10-second camera
with electric eye which chooses exposures,
as well as carrying case, film, and flash bulbs.
And a selection of American Tourister
Tri-Taper luggage, gracefully slim,
with molded one-piece shell
and heavy vinyl covering
that's waterproof and washable.
And if you stump the stars,
that is, if it took them the full two minutes,
you will also win this
Admiral 19-inch portable television,
attractive and lightweight
with luggage-type carrying handles,
and Admiral's wide-angle picture tube
for bright, sharp pictures.
So get those stumper postcards in the mail
first thing tomorrow.
And now, back to Mike.
♪
Thank you, Bill.
What I keep talking about New York
is because we're all excited.
Get a load of the lineups
that we're going to be challenging here.
Joseph Cotton and Patricia Medina,
his wife, you know, from Calculated Risk.
Eli Wallach and his wife, Anne Jackson,
from the Typists and the Tigers.
And we're going to have Robert Preston,
Sir Cedric Hardwick, Glynnis Johns,
and Eileen Heckert from Too True to Be Good.
And Robert Morris, of course, Rudy Vallee,
Joey Claussen, and Michelle Lee from How to Succeed
in Business, and a lot more I'm going to tell you about.
But what a month we're going to have.
All right, we're ready now for our anchorman.
And we've been going fast tonight,
as I've said many times, here the show will slow up.
Richard Long!
The only reason I'm meeting you
is because I know that you're a beautiful man.
Well, incidentally, I got a postcard saying that
I insult that poor man, Hans Conry.
You do?
Now this is a laugh.
You insulted Hans Conry?
I insulted Hans Conry.
It is impossible to insult him.
You cannot insult him.
We're friends from way back, and believe me,
whenever anyone is insulted with Hans,
it's the guy talking with them, I assure you.
Richard Long, you're to suggest to buy Mrs. Minnie Graham
from Fort Worth, Texas.
Wait for the bell and good luck.
It's a Chinese proverb for Richard.
Confucius say,
man who drink like fish
wind up with splitting haddock.
It's a proverb.
An old one.
Confucius.
Old man.
Confucius say,
colon,
you,
man who
drink,
drink booze,
get drunk.
Drink,
drink,
drink love potion.
Drink,
drink,
romantic,
wine,
beer.
That doesn't make sense.
Need, want, love, wish.
Walk.
Talk.
What are you doing? You're strolling.
You're leaving.
Man who drink.
Nature.
Drink.
Nature's beauty.
Nature.
Go ahead.
Something.
Love.
Love, romance.
Loveliness.
Like, small like.
Man who drink like.
Like,
thirsty.
Like bird.
Like snake.
What are you?
Like fish.
Oh, fish.
Like fish.
Man who drink like fish.
The whole thing.
Swing.
Throw.
Throws.
Pitches.
What are you?
Wind, wind up, wind up, wind up.
Wind up in the gutter.
In the water.
Wind up with, wind up with, wind up with, wind up with, wind up.
Wind up.
Man who drink like fish.
Wind up.
Wind up with.
Wind up.
Wind up with.
Big belly.
Gum.
A hip.
Smash.
Wind up with.
Smash.
Hopefully.
Smash.
Crack.
Stone.
Broken.
Split.
Split hairs.
Split.
Split hairs.
Split gills.
Splitting.
Man who drink like fish...
Man who drink like fish wind up with splitting proper name of the fish, Haddock.
Man who drink like fish splitting proper name of the fish, Haddock.
Splitting Haddock, that was the whole idea on it.
He was trying to get love and sort of like.
Yeah, love and like.
Took you of course 120 Dick, you worked very hard but very nicely.
Robert Clary, ladies and gentlemen.
Bob, once again I want to thank you so much for stepping in for Sebastian Cabot because he will be back with us next week and we will see you in New York when we go there.
Now, let's see what you're going to do with your team suggested by Sharon Spiles from Louisville, Kentucky.
You do not know her.
Oh, it's a tough one for Bob.
He crossed a hen with a parrot.
Now, it lays eggs and yells, come and get it.
Punchline, punchline.
He crossed a chicken, chicken head, crossed a hen with a parrot and got...
Now, he, now, now it, now it...
Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs on and eggs and...
Eggs and ow, ow, eggs, yell, yell.
Yells, yells, yells, yells.
Come on, get it.
I get it!
♪
Oh, how about that?
How about that, huh?
What am I going to tell you?
And I don't speak French!
He crossed ahead with the parrot,
now lays eggs and yells,
come and get it.
That's the longest one on the show.
You did it, and beautiful guessing on the thing.
Now let's go to the scoreboard and see
which is the winning team, shall we?
Oh boy, he's a tough man to have on the show.
Yikes!
Are we there, ready on the scoreboard, fellas?
Now, one, two, three, go!
Ah, checkerboard says that Richard Long took 120.
Oh, we didn't even have enough numbers.
Barry, 46, congratulations!
Congratulations!
Yay!
Forget it.
The champions, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, Beverly Garland, Beverly, Beverly, Beverly,
step up quickly.
I want to have you do one, play to this team, will you?
You people sit out and you play to this team.
Let's do it.
This is sent in by Irene Knapp from New York, uh...
No, uh...
Yours is sent in by Robert Cooper from Cleveland, Ohio.
A gag definition for Bev.
Panic, a woman with 20 hats and no mirror.
Gag definition.
Scream?
Scream!
Yell?
Yell!
Ah!
Frighten!
Terrible!
Monster!
Frighten!
The same as frighten.
Scare!
Frighten!
Terrified!
Sounds like...
Horrified!
You're eating!
Sounds like...
You're breaking!
Scramble!
You're cooking!
Sounds like slice?
You're cooking!
Pie!
Cut!
Pan!
Panic!
In the street!
Panic!
In...
Panic!
Ah!
In...
Ah!
Panic!
Uh...
Panic!
Uh...
It's a definition.
Panic.
A girl!
A lady...
A vamp...
A...
Panic!
A girl!
A vamp?
The same as a vamp.
Uh, they're...
Uh...
Woman!
Panic!
A woman.
Panic!
A woman with...
Panic!
A woman with...
Panic.
A woman with...
With 10...
15...
20...
With 20 kids!
20 kids!
Twenty lines, twenty faces, twenty ears, twenty ears.
Ah!
And, panic a woman with twenty...
Twenty hairs.
Twenty heads.
Twenty curlers.
Twenty... twenty hats.
Ah!
Twenty hats.
Panic a woman with twenty heads.
And...
And only one bag.
No!
And only...
An...
Towel!
Ah!
And nothing!
And no...
And no place to rest.
And no...
No mirror!
Bobby Darin next week.
Give it up ladies and gentlemen.
Very good.
Come on up to the round table.
We'll see you next week ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently we can go on.
Yeah, okay.
Sunset Bars is brought to you by the Walson's Arena Company.
Makers of wheat checks, rice checks, corn checks, and hottest of dolphins.
Join us again next week for another fun-filled session with Mike Stokin, who's teams at Hollywood Star.
This is Bill Baldwin bidding you good night.
This has been a Mike Stokin Enterprises production.