The Aldrich family based on characters originated by Clifford Goldsmith and
starring Ezra Stone as Henry with Jackie Kelk as Homer.
Henry! Henry Aldrich!
Coming, mother!
The memory of our youth is a priceless possession.
And whenever it starts to fade, there's no quicker way to brighten it up than to
join the company of a teenage boy like Henry Aldrich. The scene opens in the
Aldrich kitchen. It is almost dinner time.
Henry Aldrich!
I know, mother, and I agree with you. It's perfectly ridiculous for us to have a butler.
My goodness!
Especially this late. But couldn't we at least have finger bowls?
Henry, I'm using my best napkins and that's as far as I'll go.
Napkins, mother?
Just plain ordinary everyday napkins?
Dear, they're hem sticks and monograms.
Alice! You know where the evening paper is.
Gee, Miss Father, aren't you even dressed? Yet it's nearly time.
Certainly I'm dressed.
You mean you're not wearing your best suit tonight?
Henry, if this suit is good enough for my business associates, it's certainly good
enough for Kathleen Anderson.
I know, but mother, I just got another wonderful idea. Why couldn't Mary wait on
table?
Henry! Can't eat in the kitchen? Henry, I'm surprised at you.
Why not, Alice? We could buy Mary a maid's uniform and let her earn her keep.
Now, Sam.
Sure. Father's got the right idea.
I've often said children should work their way through the home.
Sure.
From now on, Henry, you can be the upstairs maid.
What?
Henry, please stop joking. In the first place, Henry, Mary isn't even going to be here
for dinner.
Mother, is that candles you're getting out?
Yes, it is.
Gee, that's swell. Could we serve them in gold candelabras?
But I don't own any gold candelabras.
You mean after all your years of drudgery, father's never bought you any?
Now, see here, dear, we have these very nice silver candlesticks.
Oh, sure. And I don't mean they won't be fine, but do you happen to know any one
we could borrow gold ones from?
Not without putting up collateral.
Collateral?
And, Henry, what I plan to do just before Kathleen gets here is to bring in all our
collateral and put it right in the center of the table.
Gee, Wes, father, now you're kidding. Henry, please go in the dining room and put the
chairs around the table.
That's a good idea, and I'll give Kathleen the one with the good bottom.
Fine.
And don't go away, mother, because I just got another idea.
Alice, may I ask what's brought on all this?
Dear, it seems that Henry and Kathleen saw a movie of dinner at the White House,
and Kathleen was so impressed that Henry invited her to have dinner over here.
I see.
He felt it was the only democratic thing to do.
Mother!
Excuse me, I think I'll go and sit on the balcony.
But, Sam, we don't have a balcony.
All right, Alice, I'll build one.
What?
Mother, mother, did you know you didn't set enough places at the table?
Yeah, of course I did. Mary's going out, so that leaves just four of us.
But what about Homer and Agnes?
What about them?
Were they going to sit?
Henry!
Gee, Wes, you mean I neglected to tell you I more or less invited Homer and Agnes to
dinner too?
But, Henry, do you realize I've made individual chicken pies, and I only made four of them?
Well, gee, couldn't you just whip up a couple more? Made with canned salmon?
Henry, do you mean you definitely invited them?
Sure, because Homer's loaning me a bowl of fruit.
What for?
To put in the center of the table.
Now, dear, we have plenty of fruit without borrowing any from Homer.
Sure, but what he's bringing is wax, the real stuff.
Oh, my goodness.
And Homer wouldn't bring his fruit unless it included Agnes.
But, Henry, look at it this way. Would Homer and Agnes be invited to dinner at the White House?
No, gee, Wes.
Well, then?
But neither would we.
Oh, boy, there's Kathleen now.
Would you like me to go to the door?
You, mother, in a thing like your apron? I'll get it, mother.
Dear, don't run. You'll get all slugged.
Why am I running?
Henry, where's my comb? Where's my comb?
Oh, here it is.
Oh, boy, mother, where's the mirror?
Henry, your hair looks fine.
It's all over my face.
Here, let me help you.
Oh, gee, where's my coat? I haven't got my coat on.
Henry, it doesn't matter.
I mean, it was here in the living room.
Dear, please answer the door.
And let Kathleen walk right in on my shirt sleeve?
Oh, here it is.
Henry, gee, where's my sleeve? Where's my sleeve?
What?
I'm OK.
I'll be out in the kitchen.
Hello, get...
Henry, what took you so long?
Father, what are you doing out here?
I stepped outside to get the evening paper in the front door locked on me.
Locked? But where's...
But where's...
Gee, I even combed my hair.
Is that why your face is all red?
Gee, Liz, no, I just got overheated.
So maybe I'd better just slip out of my coat for a minute.
Don't throw it, Henry. Hang it up.
Sure, father. I was just going to.
Oh, boy, there she is now.
Father, will you please hand me my coat?
It's only Homer.
Homer?
I saw him coming up the street.
Oh, I should. I bought it with a coat just for Homer.
You mean you don't want it?
No, thanks.
Kathleen?
Good evening, Henry.
Gee, how did you get here?
I walked.
I know, but I don't...
Well, I'm sorry about my shirt sleeve.
My goodness, did I get the wrong knife?
No, gee, Liz, come on in.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, boy.
Thank you.
May I take your hat?
I don't have any hat, Henry.
Oh, sure.
Gee, Kathleen, how are you anyway?
Just fine, thank you.
How are you?
Oh, I'm fine.
Want to come in the living room?
All right.
I'll just slip into my coat.
There. Would you like to sit down?
All right.
Our sofa has one loose spring in it, as you'll eventually notice.
But the chair you're getting at the dinner table is in excellent condition.
You couldn't smash it with an axe.
Really?
And boy, Kathleen, is my mother excited over your being here.
All she's done today is talk about Kathleen, Kathleen, Kathleen.
My, I hope she was saying something nice about me.
Boy, I'll say she was.
You know what she was even discussing just a few minutes ago?
Finger bowls.
Really? We're having finger bowls?
No, chicken pot pies.
That's my favorite thing.
Really?
Have you ever had it made with salmon?
Chicken mixed with salmon?
No, just salmon.
That sounds very interesting, Henry.
Sure. But a person like Homer would never know the difference, though.
Henry, did I tell you how much I've been looking forward to having dinner over here tonight?
Gee, you have.
This is the first date we've had in about two months that Homer hasn't had the long arm.
What?
Not that I've minded, Henry.
Homer's really a very nice boy, but frankly, and that Agnes Larson.
My goodness, I've never been so glad to get away from two people for one night in my life.
But Kathleen.
In case you and I go, they want to go.
Kathleen, listen.
Yes?
Well, what I mean is, look, I don't think you understand Homer.
I don't think anybody does, how could they?
They couldn't?
Well, he's always seemed to come in between us.
Frankly, Henry, sometimes I can't help but get the idea that,
well, you think more of Homer than you do of me.
Kathleen.
Gee, that's the craziest thing I ever heard.
Oh, I know that now, Henry.
You do?
After you invited me over here to dinner, just so we could get away from him.
Well, look, look, before we go any further, could I explain one thing to you?
Say, Henry.
My goodness, Homer's effectively showing us how he's doing her voice.
Kathleen, could I please tell you something?
Whoa, where is everybody?
Oh, here you are.
Oh, my goodness.
Well, Homer.
Imagine.
Listen, Henry, what are you so surprised about?
I'm not surprised.
Hi.
Hi, and boy, Henry, wait until you see what I have for you in this bag.
Homer.
It's my mother's wax fruit.
Yeah?
Homer, could I speak to you?
The only trouble is my father left it on the radiator and the banana's sort of gotten out of control.
Well, look.
And the apple has practically shriveled up.
But don't worry, him.
My father says it's the best imitation of a baked apple he's ever seen.
Look.
Homer.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, Agnes can't come.
Who can?
Agnes can.
She fell asleep by an open window and got a crick in her neck.
Hi, Kathleen.
Would you please shove over a little?
Why?
So I can sit down among you and Henry.
Oh, Homer, could I please speak to you in the next room a minute?
Oh, boy.
You mean dinner's already?
Dinner?
Let's see.
Let's see.
Henry, hold on.
Listen, Kathleen.
Not two minutes ago, didn't you tell me that Homer wasn't, I mean, me.
Kathleen, I never said he wasn't.
It was you.
It was.
I wasn't what?
Kathleen?
Henry?
What are you both so upset about?
Is it because Agnes couldn't come or because my banana melted?
Kathleen?
I put the salt in the potatoes, Mrs. Aldridge.
Thank you, Kathleen.
What can I do now?
Not another thing, dear.
And dinner won't be ready for another half hour.
Why don't you just go back into the living room with Henry?
Well, Mrs. Aldridge, would you be very hurt if I just stayed out here?
In the kitchen?
Well, as I said, Henry and I, well, I just feel that you need some help.
Kathleen, sit down.
Yes, Mrs. Aldridge.
Now, dear, I think I know what's happened between you and Henry.
But do you really think you'll gain anything by staying out here and turning your back?
But I have my pride, Mrs. Aldridge.
Dear, would you mind if I gave you a little heart-to-heart advice?
Well, no.
There's one problem that every young woman, in fact, every woman of any age, has to face sooner or later.
You mean?
And that's how to get rid of the undesirable friends of, well, I'm sure your mother had to face it with your father.
And I had to, that is-
You had to do the same thing with Mr. Aldridge?
Now, dear, I didn't say that.
But you might as well learn how to cope with the problem right now.
Yes, Mrs. Aldridge.
Now, as a general rule, as soon as you tell a man not to do something, you can be pretty sure he'll do it.
Really?
And the more you object to his friends, the more he's going to continue seeing those friends.
My goodness.
Yes, that's meant for you, Kathleen.
As nice as they are, they're born with that streak in them.
You don't say.
So my advice to you is to go back into the living room and be nice to Homer.
Nice to Homer?
Just as nice as you can be.
Perhaps even a little nicer than you are to Henry.
Oh, no.
Believe me, Kathleen, I'm more experienced in these things than you are.
You mean I can count on Henry to get jealous?
Absolutely.
And before you know it, he'll be asking Homer to leave.
Oh, my goodness.
Now, go on back in the living room while I see what the potatoes are doing.
Well, I know, but...
Go on, dear, and good luck.
Oh.
Oh.
I didn't realize there was anyone in the dining room.
I'm just... I'm just having sort of a discussion with my father.
Good evening, Kathleen.
It's nice having you here.
Thank you, Mr. Aldridge.
I'm sorry if I've disturbed you.
Is she gone, Father?
Yes, you can turn around now.
Isn't she speaking to you?
No, Father.
And don't you agree she's being unreasonable?
Especially since I'm giving her the chair with a good bottom?
Well...
And since I even spent an hour washing all the windows here in the dining room,
just so she'd have a swell time tonight.
Well...
Don't you, Father?
Frankly, I'd rather not get involved.
Oh, gee.
Maybe if I explained to Homer in a nice way, he'd go home without any hard feelings.
Now, hold on a minute.
Yes, Father?
Frankly, Henry, I'd hate to think that any son of mine would ever let a woman walk all over him.
Sure, but...
Now, if you let Kathleen get the upper hand now, she'll never have the proper respect for you.
She won't?
There's one thing, son, that every man has to stick up for above all else,
and that's his right to his own friend.
You mean...
Yes, Henry, I have to be firm with your...
Well, what I should say is every man has to put his foot down once in a while.
You mean you have to be tough with Mother?
No, Henry, I haven't been tough.
I've merely been firm with her.
And she's been a happier wife for her.
Gee, now that you mention it, Father, she does seem awfully happy.
Listen to her singing out there.
Certainly.
Now, my advice to you, son, is to march into that living room there
and put your foot down on the subject of Homer.
You think so?
Simply assert your right.
When Kathleen's my guest...
Isn't Homer also your guest?
Before you know it, Kathleen will be eating out of your hand.
You mean I should ask?
Not ask her, Henry.
Tell her. Now go on.
Sure.
Gee, Wuz, maybe you're right.
Kathleen?
That's the idea.
Kathleen, you just see here...
Henry, before you speak to Kathleen,
could I have a word with you out in the hall?
Sure thing.
Come on.
What is it, Homer, old-timer?
Henry, don't call me old-timer. I can't stand it.
Listen, Homer, I just want you to know I'm putting my foot down.
You are?
There's one thing we men have got to do, and that's assert our right.
Henry, listen. You're looking at a heel.
You? Homer, you're my best friend.
Sure. That's what makes it so terrible.
What do you mean? And if...
Henry, you're looking at a guy that just kissed his best friend's girl.
And if anybody...
What?
Sure.
You... you kissed Kathleen?
Go on, Henry, hit me.
Right under my own roof?
Go on, go on.
Put up your deuce and defend yourself, Homer.
Come on, defend yourself.
Okay, I'll defend myself, but my heart won't be in it.
And now getting back to the troubles of Henry Aldrich.
Due to a slight misunderstanding with Kathleen, Henry accepted some advice from his father and went to work hoping to patch things up.
Kathleen, however, was acting on advice from Mrs. Aldrich, and the result was a black eye for Homer.
The scene opens in the Aldrich living room. It is a few minutes later.
Henry?
Yes, father?
Who were you speaking to on the phone?
I just called the Browns, father, to see if they could accommodate Homer for dinner.
What's that? You're trying to get rid of Homer?
Well, considering the way Kathleen feels about it...
Henry, I thought you were going to assert your rights as a man.
Sure, father.
Not because Kathleen doesn't happen to care for Homer.
Father, that isn't my trouble anymore.
No.
Now, gee whiz, I didn't know when I was well off.
What do you mean?
Boy, do you know where Kathleen is right now?
Up in the medicine chest, giving all her attention to Homer's eye.
What happened to Homer's eye?
He forgot to duck.
What's that?
Oh, and look, before I forget, when I was talking to Mr. Brown, he said he had two tickets for the fights tonight.
He did?
Sure. So I said, of course, you'd like to go with him.
Henry, you shouldn't have.
You mean I said the wrong thing?
No, no, only I really ought to ask the mother first.
Ask her, father?
That is, tell her.
Tell me what, then?
Oh, Alice.
Uh, well, uh, Alice?
Yes, dear. Uh, Kathleen, would you help me untie my apron?
Oh, of course, dear.
Well, everybody, dinner's ready.
Alice, uh, you won't mind, will you, if I get out some under your feet right after dinner?
Oh?
I thought I'd go to the fights with Will Brown.
Of course not, dear. I don't mind.
Good.
Only you're never really under my feet, Sam, and we'd all be very glad to have you here after dinner.
You'll have a better time without me.
Frankly, dear, I don't see how we can entertain Henry's guests.
Alice?
Yes, sir?
Henry, what are you staring at?
Who I am? I'm just tying my shoelace.
Well, please tie it in the living room.
Sure, father.
And, Kathleen, is there something you want, dear?
Why, no, dear.
Then suppose you go help Henry with his shoelace.
Why, I'd be glad to, Mary.
Alice, I'm sorry, but you'll just have to get along without me.
Sam, you can't possibly walk out from the whole evening.
Alice, why not?
I'll give you several good weeks.
Henry, will you please go all the way out of the room?
After the way I've slaved and worked over this dinner?
Alice, calm down.
Kathleen, will you and Henry please run along?
Come on, Agnes.
Come with us, Sam.
But you've got to get out of bed and come over to the Aldershire.
So what about my crits?
Your what?
My crits, my crits in my neck. I can't move my head.
Agnes, nobody's asking you to walk over there on your head.
Besides, Agnes, I need you.
Well, my goodness, Homer, I never knew you really cared.
Sure I do.
Boy, when I got this black eye, all I could think about was good old Agnes.
No kidding.
Sure.
No kidding.
Sure.
You gave me the black eye.
Never mind, Agnes.
Only, boy, I just double-crossed my best friend.
You did?
Sure.
I can't trust myself any further than I could throw me.
What?
And then all of a sudden I said, boy, if there's one person who can keep me under her heel, it's good old Agnes.
Homer, you're sweet.
So I don't dare go back to the Aldershire without you. Come on.
But Homer, don't you understand I'm sick? And besides, we're just going to have dinner.
You are?
And we're having my favorite dish, barbecued pork chops.
Barbecued pork chops?
Sure.
Oh, boy. Why won't you tell me that you were that sick?
Why?
Boy, the only thing for me to do is stay here and look after you.
Father.
Yes, Henry?
Won't you at least speak to Mother so we can eat dinner?
I'm perfectly willing to speak to your mother.
You are?
Just as soon as she speaks to me.
Did you know she's going up to her room and dinner's getting cold?
I'm afraid I'm not very hungry. But you and Kathleen can go ahead and eat.
Well, the only trouble is...
What?
She won't speak to me.
Why not?
Because I beat up Homer.
Only, Father, I hardly touched him. And she was one minute she... and then the next minute she...
Boy.
Yes?
And frankly, Father, I can't say your advice helped.
Yes, I realize that now. But, Son, the main thing we men have to remember is never to give in.
Sure, Father.
And when our first plan doesn't work, then we have enough sense to change our tactics.
Yes, Sir.
Get your coat on. Here's what we're going to do next.
Now then, Kathleen, suppose we sit down?
All right. Only, when do you suppose Henry and Mr. Aldrich will?
Dear, I don't know. And frankly, I don't care.
You don't? Well, then naturally neither do I.
You and I are going to enjoy our dinner, Kathleen. Just the two of us.
Yes, Father.
And what about the rest of the family?
Well, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
We're going to enjoy our dinner, Kathleen. Just the two of us.
We're going to have the time of our lives.
Fine. We'll have a much better time with our...with our...
My, the chicken pot pie. It smell lovely.
Thank you, dear.
You know what they remind me of?
What?
Henry.
What's that?
He's so crazy about me.
So is Mr. Aldrich. My, how about Manny?
Henry does too. I made him some brownies once.
And do you know how many he ate?
No, dear.
He ate so many, he had to go home.
Right after.
Now Kathleen, don't cry into your pot pie.
Of course not.
Now then, may I have your plate?
And would you mind answering the phone, Kathleen?
I'll ask her.
All right.
Hurry back, dear.
Hello?
Hello, is that you, Kathleen?
Yes.
Yes, who is it?
Oh, well, I can't wait to have a nice view now.
Why?
Because Manny and me had lessons all the time.
Huh? Well, look, I have bad news for you.
What is it?
I won't be able to make it home with Manny.
I thought you said bad news.
I have to take care of that crib you and Mr. Manny.
Well, what's the reason?
Just a poor cop.
And look, when are you and Stanley going out together next week?
Well, we were going to go skating on Saturday.
Okay, I'll see you over the ring.
What?
So long.
But Homer!
Oh my goodness!
This is all good!
Yes, Kathleen, was that phone call for me?
No, but my goodness, everything's just going from worst to terrible.
Kathleen, you just sit down and stop worrying.
Mrs. Aldrich, I followed your advice, and where am I?
I've driven Henry out of this home, and Homer's still tagging along.
Now dear, just because Henry and Mr. Aldrich have gone out for a while,
well, there's nothing to worry about.
There isn't?
When men do that, it simply means they're sulking.
They'll come back, Kathleen, on their knees.
Really?
If they were doing anything they felt had to be covered up, they'd have sent flowers.
They would?
Then we'd really have something to worry about.
My goodness.
You see, Kathleen, what did I tell you?
Here they are now.
Are you sure we can go in?
The sand was locked out once before tonight.
Oh, Mrs. Samuel Aldrich?
Yes?
Acme Flower Shop, these roses are for you.
What?
And is there a Miss Kathleen Anderson here?
Boy, Father, just feel that air.
It's the same air you've been breathing all day, son.
It tastes better somehow.
I know what you mean.
Everything looks better after you've looked a problem straight in the eye and licked it.
I'll say.
They sure are, aren't they?
Two.
Women.
What?
A problem.
I suppose so, Henry.
To any man who hasn't learned to use his head.
Boy, Father, and to think for a while today I doubted you.
You actually did.
Sure.
But boy, after this I'll always know who to go to for advice.
That's right, son.
You can always profit by listening to someone who's had more experience than you have.
Well, here we are home again.
I'll go in ahead of you, Henry, and we'll let your mother apologize first.
Okay.
Oh, Alice, I'm home.
So am I, Kathleen.
Alice?
Alice?
Mother, we're home.
So I see.
Kathleen, have you got your coat on?
Yes, Mrs. Aldrich.
Well, Alice?
Don't bother trying to explain, Sam.
It won't do you any good.
What, Sam?
And, Henry Aldrich, don't you ever speak to me again.
Oh, why?
Come along, Kathleen.
We'll be late for the movie.
Alice?
Alice!
Kathleen!
Well?
He was out of your account for a thing like that.
Why?
Boy, Father, what do we do now?
Change our tactics again?
Henry?
Yes, Father?
I've given you a good deal of advice today based on years of experience.
Yes, sir.
Now I want you to forget every word of it.
What's that, Father?
When it comes to handling women, Henry, I have only one last piece of advice.
What is it, Father?
Don't accept any from anyone.
Listen again next week, same time, same station, for another sparkling half hour with your
favorite youngster, his family, and his pals.
The Aldrich Family, starring Ezra Stone, is written by Clifford Goldsmith.