93
In the Easter holidays he went out mornings and
afternoons, because he didn't want to sit in his room
with nothing to do. He walked beside the Spaarne,
with his eyes on the pavements, as far as the
Phoenix garden, and then back the same way to the
Peat Market, and once he went into the Forest, but
there under the trees, where the wind rustled in the
light green foliage, the feeling of loneliness became
too overpowering. He avoided the centre of the
town too, because he thought that people stared at
him in surprise to see him always walking aimlessly
and alone, so he preferred to keep to the ramparts on
the outskirts of the town. Sometimes he looked up
at the trees, at the roofs and the sunny clouds, and
he felt eased. But his head would droop again
involuntarily, and the thought would return, always
the same, why was he driven to do what he didn't
want to do ?
Once in the Vegetable Market he saw some
strangers going into the Church, and he went in too.
The verger, who saw him, said that the new organist
was practising. Thin, high notes were wailing
through the white expanse. He sat down on a stone
bench and, lifting his head, fixed his eyes on the
summits of the pillars; he was still sitting thus when
he heard from the sound of steps that the visitors
were going out again. He was sitting alone, and
now there came deep, heavy notes from the organ,
and they brought him peace. Now and again