CHAPTER xxxvi
§'
JAN stood in front of the Cure. He was saying;
cMon p£re, I beg of you, let me enlist. I am over
seventeen, and if 1 enlist I shall get right away from
here and find peace.'
But the Cure shook his head: 'No, my son, it is not
by such means that you will find peace. Peace comes
only to those \\ho have conquered themselves; if you
go now you will not have conquered yourself and the
thing that you fear will still be a torment. You must
face it and wrench it out of your heart. You must
trust to the efficacy of prayer.5 He paused, remember-
ing his own bitter youth. Did Jan know the complete-
ness of his understanding? Of course not; how should
he? And these platitudes. . . . cYou have courage/
he went on rather desperately; 'Our Lord always
needs the brave in His service.3 Then his voice shook
a little: 'Ah, my child —my dear child. . . .' For
the father in him was deeply distressed, was deeply
moved by commiseration; 'Jan, listen to me, I do
understand, and when you are eighteen you will go
like the rest; it is surely not long to wait, have patience,
and meanwhile stay here and fight the good fight -
there are so many ways of being courageous!3
Jan bowed his head: 'As you will, morx pere.'
But his fierce black eyes looked hot and resentful,
and observing this the Cure must sigh: 'It is not as I
will but as God wills/ he told him. 'Let us go into