Come and listen to the story about a man named Jed, a poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed.
And then one day he was shooting at some food, and up through the ground come a bubbling crude.
Oil, that is. Black gold. Texas tea.
Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire.
The kinfolk said, Jed, move away from there.
Said, California's the place you ought to be.
So they loaded up the truck and removed to Beverly Hills, that is.
Swimming pools. Movie stars.
The Beverly Hillbillies.
All right, get going.
Hey, it ain't even daybreak yet.
Earl, did you have to crow this early?
You did fine, Earl.
The early bird catches the worm.
When we plow up that front yard out there, you're going to be up to your wishbone in them.
And you'll start plowing the first light of daybreak.
Shame on you. City living has made you soft and lazy.
Now get to your feet before the whole morning is wasted.
It's already past four o'clock.
Four o'clock's powerful early.
No, not when you have the whole front yard to plow, and corn to plant, and taters, turnips, rutabagas, and onions, and oats, and barley, and watermelons.
All right, all right.
Now you get in the kitchen and get some breakfast on the table, and we'll be in directly.
See that you do.
Let's use a good big breakfast, Jethro, because you and me are going to be pulling that plow.
Paul?
No, Ellie, now I know you're strong and you're willing, but this here is Beverly Hills, and it just wouldn't look right for a young pretty girl to be pulling a plow.
Paul?
No, Ellie.
Uncle Jay, what Ellie's trying to tell you is that we went out last night and got a mule to pull that plow.
You did?
Oh, yeah, like you were saying, this here is Beverly Hills, and we got to keep up appearances.
Where is it?
It's tied to that big tree out back.
Well, Jethro, he didn't look too happy there, so I bedded him down.
Sure, Ellie.
I didn't see no mule laying on the floor.
Couldn't have seen a mule laying on the floor.
There ain't no mule to see.
How's it going, Granny?
Oh, just fine, just fine.
Jed, did you notice anything unusual about the kitchen this morning?
Nope, unless you mean that mule sleeping on the floor over there.
Oh, crazy me, Jed.
I thought I was having visions.
Who brought him in here?
You know as well as I do who's always bringing outdoor critters indoors.
Well, see if you can get him back outdoors again.
I don't cotton to mules laying around my kitchen.
It ain't neat.
I'll take care of him.
Well, then, young fellow, if you'll just come along with me quietly.
Don't rile him, Jed.
I got kicked by a mule once.
I want to tell you, it's smart.
Can I help you?
You can help your pa get that mule out of here.
You sure can.
You won't move from me.
Well, you all just stay here, and I'll talk to Nelson.
Nelson?
Come on, Nelson.
If she could just talk to folks the way she talks to critters,
we'd have us a politician in the family.
Well, get that mule bed out of here and wash up for breakfast.
All of you.
Looks like a good strong mule.
Yes, sir.
I hope he's broke to plow harness.
He's taking to it real good, Uncle Jed.
I bet you we can plow up that whole front yard for four days.
They wouldn't.
They might.
Come on, let's get around front with the plow.
They are.
All of you, plow, plow, get.
Mr. Carver!
Mr. Carver, wait!
Wait!
Pa and Jed wrote to bring in the plow.
Want me to stick the rest of these in the ground for you?
Yes, Ellie.
Just be in the dark of the moon.
We'll plant the things that grow underground first.
Like our taters and our turnips and our onions and our beets and our radishes.
Then comes the light of the moon and we'll plant our corn and our beans and our tomatoes.
Gee, Granny, you know more about farming than anybody.
Look yonder.
The sun's full up and we ain't plowed one furrow.
What will folks think of us around here?
I reckon folks ain't out of bed yet.
Folks around here sleep a night lighter than they did back home.
I reckon so, Ellie.
You know what I miss most, Ellie?
What, Granny?
Well, back home when we'd commence the plowing and the planting and the harvesting and the barn raising,
or any kind of a big job,
the neighbors would all come by to see if they can help you.
Folks don't do that out here in Beverly Hills.
They don't seem willing to help you like the folks back home.
What is, Granny?
Look who's a-coming on the run.
I think I spoke too fast.
He ain't only willing, he's anxious.
Howdy, Mr. Drysdale.
Is this them you work clothes?
I think so, Ellie.
And just because you're such a nice neighbor, I'm gonna let you plow the first furrow.
But unless you've got tough feet, you better put on some shoes.
Granny, Ellie, please.
He is anxious.
I'll go see what's holding up the men folks with the plow.
It ain't no use, Uncle Jed.
This here mule's done made up his mind.
He gonna sit for a spell.
Yeah, knowing mules like I do, we might as well sit for a spell, too.
You know something, Uncle Jed?
He's smarter than us.
He's sitting beats plowing any old day.
No wonder we ain't getting any work done.
I ought to take a switch to the three of you, sitting back here hiding and loafing.
He's the one that's loafing.
Ain't a thing we can do until he gets his fill.
I'll see about that.
Here, Jethro.
Mr. Mule, what did Ellie call this thing?
Uh, Nelson.
Mr. Nelson?
Nelson?
Now, you get up off of your big fat tailgate and commence to pulling that plow, you hear?
This is gonna be a real battle of wills.
I'm betting on the mule.
I ain't so sure.
If there's anything mule-ier than a mule, it's Granny.
Granny?
Granny?
Ellie, me, you busted the spell.
Another minute and I'd have had that fellow buffaloed.
What's the trouble, Ellie?
Mr. Drivedale said if we go to plowin' up that front yard, a whole neighborhood will come stormin' over.
Well, that's dandy.
We got enough work for all of them.
Well, I think you better have a talk to him, Granny.
Sure he's stirred up.
All right, but you get that mule on his feet.
Nelson's balkin' again, is he?
That's a fact.
Hey, Ellie, what you say about that mule?
You wouldn't understand, Jethro.
It's mule-tongue.
I bet you Granny'd understand it.
Hold on there.
What are you doin'?
Granny, you can't grow things like turnips and onions here in front of the house.
That's turnip and onion soil if I ever tasted it.
You can't grow anything.
There's a zoning ordinance here.
Now you tell me.
I already swallowed it.
Bless you.
Thank you.
Granny, you don't...
Bless you again.
You better get some shoes on your feet.
Hi, Mr. Drivedale.
Hey, Ellie got the mule up, Granny, and Uncle Jay will be here with the plow directly.
Bless you.
I've got to get on and get some clothes on or I'll catch pneumonia.
Promise me you won't do anything until I get back.
I've waited as long as I'm gonna wait.
Jethro, you take him in the house and put some shoes on him and some dry clothes.
Okay, Granny.
Come on, Mr. Drivedale.
No, no!
Hey, you better never say no to Granny unless you hide one, Stanley.
Fuck!
Drivedale or no Drivedale, I say let's commence plowing.
Well, you promised him he could dig the first furrow, Granny.
I reckon that is a thrill for a city filler.
We can wait a mite longer.
Gonna come some more help.
What in the name of Secretary Freeman are you doing?
Fixing the plowing plant.
What does it look like we're doing?
That's what it looks like you're doing, huh?
Thank goodness I got here in time.
You city folks are willing, but you sure don't know how to dress for plowing.
Does Mr. Drivedale know about this?
Oh, yeah, we're waiting for him to plow the first furrow.
Then we ain't gonna wait much longer.
Granny, yonder he comes.
Don't start yet!
Don't start!
Don't start yet!
Don't start!
There he is, Mr. Drivesdale!
He ain't done much plowing or he wouldn't be so all fired, ain't he?
Miss Hathaway, I'm glad to see you.
Chiefie, you can't plow up this front lawn. There's a zoning ordinance here.
I figure a little fertilizer will take care of that.
Have you taken leave of...
Oh, shut up!
I have no intention of plowing up this lawn, nor have I in the Clampett's to do it.
What did you say?
Now, Granny, Mr. Clampett, let's all go into the kitchen, sit down, have a nice cup of coffee, and talk things over, eh?
That's a city farmer for you?
He ain't turned one spoonful of dirt, then already he's tired.
Mr. Clampett, as your friend and neighbor, I beg you, I implore you, let me explain the whole thing.
Well, while you two are drawing, I'll be plowing.
Amy, pull up them markers. I'm going to start to work.
Can't you? Ha! Let's go!
Here he goes again.
Ellie Mae, get that Beverly Hills jackass on his feet.
Should I, Tom?
Well, Mr. Drysdale seems right in earnest. I reckon a little confab first won't hurt nothing.
Granny, may I give you a lift to the door?
Take them. These the lazy ones.
But, Mr. Drysdale, we done scattered the whole estate and that piece of land out front...
That piece of land out front there, Central, that's the third breakfast you've had this morning.
Well, Uncle Jed, plowing gives a fellow an appetite.
But you ain't plowed none yet.
I know, but we've been talking about it since four this morning and it's got me starving.
Well, take it into the pantry. You're making more noise than a heifer going through a dry thicket.
Hey, wait, just because a fellow gets hungry talking about plowing, you gotta throw him out of the kitchen.
Why don't you ever talk about Ellie Mae? She eats just as much as I do.
You got a pick on me? No, I try my best.
Well, now, as I was saying, that piece of ground out front is the best on the whole place for gardening.
It's nice and level. It's got no stumps or brush to clear.
It's handy to the house and it's handy to the street.
So as Granny can set up a little stand and sell some of the stuff she grows.
Oh, no.
Well, I reckon Mr. Drysdale got up a mite too early for a city fella.
Ellie Mae, give him some more coffee.
Mr. Clyburn, your neighbors in this lovely and exclusive section would never accept such action.
They would originate petitions. They would bring legal proceedings.
They would take every means to protest vigorously and vociferously.
You mean to get them riled?
Certainly.
Well, now, we sure don't want to do nothing to rile the neighbors,
but Granny's powerful set on plowing and planting that piece of land out front.
Mr. Clyburn, I will explain to Granny that in addition to the aesthetic depreciation and the local hostility that would obtain,
the net results in volume of produce weighted against value per acre
would make the entire venture economically unfeasible.
Well, if you're going to explain it to her that way, I might just as well start plowing.
You going to tell Ellie to get that mule up or am I going to have to start turning that ground by hand?
Granny, just bank your fire for a minute.
Ain't you done drawing yet?
No, not quite.
What time is it?
Almost straight up for 9 a.m.
Hear that, kid? We've done wasting the whole day.
Hey, pour your Granny a cup of coffee.
You want to do your Granny a favor, you get that four-legged friend of yours to pull in the plow,
like he was paying his bucket of oats to do.
Granny, a dastard without paw tells me it's all right to do.
Are you going to tell her?
Not right this minute. Now, sit down.
Sitting is for hens, not for farmers.
Now, I'm going out there and look that mule in the eye till he does my will.
And I want to warn you, Jed Clampett,
you're going to own a mule with a powerful headache and a broke spirit.
Now, mule, you going to get up and pull that plow?
I say yes.
All right, I'm going to put the mule hex on you.
Oh, think it's funny, do you?
All right, Mr. Mule, look me in the eye.
I hope your field trip idea works.
That little woman out there is harder to convince than a bank examiner.
Don't worry, Chief. I shall carry the message to Garcia, or in this case, to Granny.
Well, I'll change clothes and get down to the bank. Lots of luck.
Now, then, shall we put Granny in the front seat with me?
Well, I kind of favor the back seat. Twix, Jethro and me.
I figure maybe we got the best chance of holding her in the car.
Yeah, but Granny ain't going to take this sitting still.
That's a fact.
Well, I got her hat and her reticule.
Granny won't go no place without she tote's her reticule.
How far is it to the place we's going, Miss Jane?
Oh, it's about an hour's drive from here.
That's going to take considerable holding.
Sure is, because right out there is two of the stubbornest critters that ever faced off.
You're getting a headache.
You're getting a headache.
You're better, because I sure am.
Come on, Granny, we's all going for a ride.
Well, if that don't take the roof off in the barn.
Gophin isn't bad enough. Now it's joy riding on plowing day.
It ain't exactly joy riding, Granny. We got something to show you.
Indeed we have, Granny. This will be a ride you'll never forget.
That's for sure, because there ain't going to be no ride to remember.
Pleasure is considerable if you come, Granny.
Miss Jane is going to show us all about gardening and crop raising.
That'll be the day when a city woman can show me.
True. In order to save time and plow every misfits Granny along.
Granny, you know I got to do whatever Uncle Jed says.
You have yourself a good time till we get home.
There's lots of food and water.
And you can go for a swim in the cement pond if you want to.
Help! Help! I'm being kidnapped by a long fish boat.
Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!
Granny, quieten down.
You can't talk to me about going. I'm going to fight.
Quieten down.
I got you on it, Granny. You did something.
Now do you see why we brought you here?
Sure I do. You want to drown me in one of them dishes.
You're deprived by a one-foot killer.
Granny, be sensible. Why would we want to get rid of you?
To get out of power and prison. That's why.
I'm the only one that hasn't been spoiled rotten by city living.
And you don't want me nagging you, can't you?
Granny, Granny, this was my idea.
To show you how unnecessary it is to plow and plant.
Look out there. These people make farming their life's work.
By their efficiency and modern methods, they raise better crops and more of them than you and I could ever hope to.
Speak for yourself, city woman.
They ain't nobody so wise that they can't learn something new.
Well, don't expect me to learn them.
Look at them, planting corn at the dark of the moon time.
I'd like to see their faces when nothing comes up.
Granny, the modern farmer is so efficient that each one feeds 28 people.
Now, you hear that, Granny? You don't want to put men out of work with families that big.
How come we're stopping here, Miss Jane?
Well, he's only a half a mile from home.
We got plowing to do.
Granny, ain't you convinced yet?
Precisely why I stopped you, Mr. Clampett.
I have something else to show Granny.
And I think you'll find it very rewarding.
What's that mean?
I like it, lady. You're going to get a reward.
In that case, get out of my way.
Now, Granny, while the others are exploring the rest of the market,
I want to show you how unnecessary it is to plant a garden.
Look. Could you grow a watermelon like that?
That's a watermelon?
Yes.
Back home, that'd be a cucumber.
Oh, you're serious.
But I must admit, that's the biggest cocklebur I ever did see.
Granny.
I'd sure hate to call my mess again out of a mule's tail.
Granny, this is a pineapple all the way from Hawaii.
In fact, there are fruits and vegetables here from all over the world.
Come on.
Ah.
Do you know what this is?
It looks like a hairy hickory nut.
It's looking back at you.
This is a coconut from the Philippine Islands.
And over here are bananas from Central America.
And here are nuts from South America.
Well, that's one thing they don't have to bring to California.
Nuts.
Granny, you just won't take me seriously, will you?
Well, everything's so mixed up out here.
It's got me discombobulated.
Now, everybody knows that you plant turnips on July the 25th.
But out here, you can't tell the difference between July and October.
Well, why bother to plant them all when the best in the world are here at your fingertips?
Look at these turnips.
Well, now you got me beat.
I once growed a double turnip, but I never pulled four out of one hole.
Oh, yeah.
Well, Granny, how'd you like the trip?
I liked it fine.
Wasn't that supermarket an eye-opener?
Best vittles store I ever did see.
Wonderful.
Now let's get busy and start plowing.
Granny, I thought you done give up the idea of growing your own vittles.
I did, until I went through that thing they call the check house stand where you pay for what you got.
Well, I went through one of them. I thought it was pretty fair.
Well, bye, diggies. When I can't buy a sack of vittles for $5,000, then I'm going to start growing my own.
$5,000?
Cold cash. My life savings.
I handed that girl $5,000, and she handed it back to me.
Said it wouldn't buy nothing.
Well, no wonder, Granny. It's Confederate.
So am I.
Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin.
They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in.
You're all invited back next week to this locality to have a heaping helping of their hospitality.
Hillbilly, that is.
Set a spell. Take your shoes off.
Y'all come back now, yeah?