Well sir, it's late afternoon as we enter the small house halfway up in the next block
now and here in the living room we find Mr. and Mrs. Victor Gooke.
Vic has just this moment arrived home from the office and he's contemplating his wife
who is replacing the telephone receiver back on its hook.
That was Fred.
I gathered as much from here and you say goodbye friend.
Vic, he's pulling off that stunt of his again.
Which stunt do you have reference to Professor Hyderstein?
Oh, where he's got work around the house he wants done and tricks you into helping him.
I will settle Fred's hash in five seconds.
One side.
Papa would use the telephone.
Is Fred at home or at the foundry?
Well he's at home but I wouldn't call.
Why not?
Because we're already involved.
How so?
Well you yourself suggested playing 500 this evening.
They asked us to their house and you said fine.
I said fine as regards playing 500.
I didn't say fine as regards shingling Fred's roof.
That isn't what he wants done.
He'd like me to take his furniture part?
No, not that either.
The thing is Vic, we accepted their invitation and if we call up and make some sick excuse
for not going, Fred will see through it and get huffy.
And a situation like that makes it mean and uncomfortable and awkward for everybody concerned
for weeks to come.
Ruthie Stembaum's my best friend.
We spend lots of time together.
It's just hateful when stuff like this comes up.
Well I'm certainly not going to let Fred make me the goat.
You might not have to break your back working.
I don't intend to break my back working.
Might even be fun.
What is this job Fred's got up his sleeve?
Lay a concrete floor in his garage.
What?
He's got sacks of cement and sand and gravel in his backyard and he's going to put a concrete
floor in his garage.
You sick of that?
Well it might not be so bad.
Fred's home number I believe is...
Now wait Vic.
You're not going to holler and scream over that telephone.
Fred talked gentle as a lamb just now.
I bet he did.
I know how that guy operates.
He's going to make a picnic out of this ain't he?
Oh boy are Vic and I going to have a circus tonight.
We're going to put a concrete floor in my garage.
Tell Vic to wear his old clothes because the fun's liable to get a little rough.
Yeah.
Is that what he said?
Pretty much.
That big ox.
You can lead a horse to water.
Huh?
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
Fred can't force you to mix concrete.
You can wear your old clothes over there and when he starts mixing his concrete you can
just kind of stand there and watch.
Well can't you?
Kiddo, Fred's got to learn he's not dealing with a half wit.
It's Ruthie though.
He's tried this junk on me twice before that I remember.
Once when he tried to make me help him change all his lame brain tires and another time
when he generously suggested that I tear down a solid oak partition in his basement.
But you didn't change the tires or knock down the partition.
I'll say I didn't.
I don't believe Fred actually realizes what he's asking.
Don't fool yourself.
He was so bright and boisterous and happy over the phone just now.
Like a little boy.
What'd he say?
You scallywags are coming over here and shuffle some cards around this evening.
Uh huh.
Better tell the old man to bring his think tank along because I got some mighty clever
tricks up my sleeve.
Do you?
An old lady is a warm lemonade going to flow in rivers.
Warm lemonade?
He's got the idea you're crazy about warm lemonade.
Where in Sunday would he get that idea?
Well when you were just back from your inspection tour and were telling us about your different
experiences you had a good deal to say about the warm lemonade you drank in Dubuque, Iowa.
I remember that but I said I hated warm lemonade.
Well Fred never got that impression I guess.
See you were telling how nice your friend's wife was that went to the trouble of making
the warm lemonade.
So I guess Fred somehow went home with the notion warm lemonade is the thing you love
best.
I loathe warm lemonade like I loathe a snake.
It's Ruthie.
What's Ruthie?
It's Ruthie I'm thinking of.
She hates this kind of a nasty situation as much as you do.
Ruthie's no infant.
Yes she is in a way.
What else did that fathead Fred say?
How do you lead up to the concrete floor?
Well he said knowing how much that Vic guy of yours loves to boss people around I'm going
to give him a chance to do some bossing tonight.
After we've played a few fine jolly hands of 500 I'm going to excuse myself a minute or
two and put a concrete floor in my garage.
Me and the kids next door are going to do it.
Vic can stand around and give us directions.
Be sure and tell Vic to wear old clothes.
Really now Sage really.
I know I know.
He's going to excuse himself a minute or two huh.
How long does it take to put in a concrete floor?
I don't know maybe four hours five six seven.
I haven't any notion but I know you got to mix the half wheat concrete and then then pour
it and then smooth it out even with a trowel.
Might take all night.
Fred's got electric lights rigged up out and back.
Has he?
Has he indeed?
Well of course that makes all the difference in the world.
I won't have to work in the dark.
It's Ruthie.
Huh?
Look kiddo if Fred come to me man to man as a friend and said Vic I know this is a darn
big favor to ask and I hate to do it but I've got cement and sand and gravel in my backyard
and I want to put a concrete floor in my garage tonight.
I haven't got the money to pay wages to a regular mason and I was wondering if maybe
you'd be willing to give me a hand with a job.
That would be different.
I might think oh heck why not.
But no Fred don't operate that way.
Fred's too foxy.
Holding out a bucket of warm lemonade is a lure.
Why that big ape?
Yeah but since you see through him.
Who are these kids next door that he's talking about?
What?
You said he said some kids next door were going to help mix concrete.
Who are they?
Marvin and Carolyn Jortle.
How old is he?
Marvin's eight.
Carolyn's eleven.
Oh for Pete's sake.
Well don't fly off the handle too quick Vic.
After all.
A couple of neighbor kids eight and eleven years old line up to mix concrete has he?
And I'm going to stand around in Boston am I?
Work faster there Carolyn before I knock your head off.
You can handle a bigger shovel full of cement than that Marvin you lazy rascal.
You're just working yourself up now Vic.
2572X.
What?
Your stem bottoms number 2572X.
What you going to say to Fred?
Nothing extreme.
Whatever you say he'll get huffy.
And won't that be just too bad?
Don't suppose there'd be any chance that it might be fun.
I can't hear you say it.
I say I don't suppose there's any chance that it might be fun.
Fun to mix concrete?
Is it hard work?
Plenty hard.
But if you threw yourself into it, got the spirit, why Fred said it'd be.
Picnic?
Yes.
Vic and I'll fill our good old glasses clear to the brim with steam and warm lemonade.
I hate warm lemonade.
I'm just telling you what Fred said.
Vic and I'll fill our good old glasses clear to the brim with steam and warm lemonade.
Warm lemonade that's the stuff for tough guys.
That Roystron Virial He-Man chatter only makes me feel melancholy, said.
Only makes me feel melancholy.
You're going to call Fred and say we can't come?
Yes.
We've accepted his invitation.
We accepted his invitation to play cards.
We didn't accept any invitation to mix concrete.
He'll be huffy.
That suits me fine.
He'll stay huffy for a month.
Oh, maybe not.
He will too.
I know he will.
But during that month he'll have time for reflection.
Don't you suppose some truth might come to him in that time?
I think they might.
2572X?
Yeah.
Kiddo, of course I don't want to do this.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
2572X, please.
Kind of an excuse you're going to make for not coming.
I got one.
One that sounds likely?
No, not particularly.
You won't storm it, Fred.
No.
Because that would only make me...
Oh, hello, Fred.
How are you, sport?
Yeah, old Rick Cook, that dirty rotten crook.
How's that, Freddy, my boy?
What the Pullman Forties said to the Irishman?
No, I don't believe I caught that, do I?
No, tell it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, you're not helping, are you?
Sweet, Fred.
Yeah.
I will tell that to the boys tomorrow.
Oh, say, Fred, reason I'm calling.
No, here's the thing.
I understand we got a 500 game cooked up for this evening.
Yeah.
No, doggone it, Fred.
It looks like we can't.
Well, I'm leaving for Seattle, Washington tonight.
Yeah.
No, not business, Fred.
The fact of the matter is, Fred, I'm taking some trained rattlesnakes to Seattle.
That's right.
I'm taking these trained rattlesnakes to Seattle tonight, and I'm coming home the first thing in the morning.
No, not an airplane. High-powered motorcycle.
Well, I'm sorry we can't get together this evening, Fred, but we'll make it another time real soon.
You bet.
Goodbye, Fred.
How is that?
All right.
Give the halfwit something to think about, maybe.
He might do a little reflecting before he tries this tent again.
Oh, hey, now. It's not as bad as all that.
Look, I'm not crying.