WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:05.540 Well, sir, it's early evening as our scene opens now. 00:05.540 --> 00:10.040 And here in the living room of the small house halfway up in the next block, we find Mr. 00:10.040 --> 00:12.120 and Mrs. Victor Gooke. 00:12.120 --> 00:16.180 Vic has been talking on the telephone the last quarter hour and has only just this moment 00:16.180 --> 00:18.380 replaced the receiver on the hook. 00:18.380 --> 00:19.860 And he seems upset. 00:19.860 --> 00:20.860 Listen. 00:20.860 --> 00:21.860 He was patronizing. 00:21.860 --> 00:22.860 He even condescended. 00:22.860 --> 00:23.860 Ha ha. 00:23.860 --> 00:29.860 Maybe you have some literature on it you could drop in the mail and I'd find time to grab 00:29.860 --> 00:31.360 a glance over, he says. 00:31.360 --> 00:32.360 Oh. 00:32.360 --> 00:33.360 Literature. 00:33.360 --> 00:35.240 Does he think we print advertisements? 00:35.240 --> 00:36.240 I was afraid he'd... 00:36.240 --> 00:38.080 He'd find time to glance over. 00:38.080 --> 00:39.560 How do you like that? 00:39.560 --> 00:40.560 I was afraid... 00:40.560 --> 00:44.860 By the big gap, sounds like he thought there wasn't any more to obtaining membership in 00:44.860 --> 00:49.000 the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way than walking up and buying a ticket. 00:49.000 --> 00:50.560 Did you follow him out? 00:50.560 --> 00:51.560 Ah? 00:51.560 --> 00:52.560 You didn't holler at him. 00:52.560 --> 00:53.560 I hardly opened my trap. 00:53.560 --> 00:54.560 Oh, that's good. 00:54.560 --> 00:55.560 See, he doesn't realize... 00:55.560 --> 00:56.560 I was stunned. 00:56.560 --> 00:57.560 I was understruck. 00:57.560 --> 01:03.120 Maybe you have some literature on the club you could drop in the mail and I might find 01:03.120 --> 01:04.960 time to glance over, he says. 01:04.960 --> 01:05.960 I was afraid... 01:05.960 --> 01:07.280 A club, he called it. 01:07.280 --> 01:08.960 A club, mind you. 01:08.960 --> 01:12.400 The Sacred Stars of the Milky Way, he called it a club. 01:12.400 --> 01:13.400 Ha ha ha. 01:13.400 --> 01:16.880 Fred just don't understand about such things, Vic. 01:16.880 --> 01:18.320 I'll say he don't. 01:18.320 --> 01:20.080 He's worked hard all his life. 01:20.080 --> 01:21.080 That's no excuse. 01:21.080 --> 01:22.080 That's no excuse. 01:22.080 --> 01:24.720 I was afraid this would come up. 01:24.720 --> 01:25.720 Why? 01:25.720 --> 01:30.640 Well, you know, I heard that he was going to join the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way. 01:30.640 --> 01:31.640 I heard that. 01:31.640 --> 01:35.600 I heard that he was going to join the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way. 01:35.600 --> 01:36.600 I heard that. 01:36.600 --> 01:37.600 And that's the same thing that he said a year or so ago. 01:37.600 --> 01:38.600 What was that? 01:38.600 --> 01:39.600 I don't know but what I might let myself be talking to join in Vic's Lodge. 01:39.600 --> 01:40.600 Is that what he said? 01:40.600 --> 01:41.600 Just about that. 01:41.600 --> 01:42.600 Our founder, R.J. 01:42.600 --> 01:45.840 Conk ought to be turning over in his grave. 01:45.840 --> 01:48.160 I never heard anything so ignorant. 01:48.160 --> 01:50.000 Like that big fat head. 01:50.000 --> 01:52.440 The more I think about it, the madder I get. 01:52.440 --> 01:57.640 Here we have a great secret brotherhood over 75 years old. 01:57.640 --> 02:02.560 A brotherhood of men chained tightly together with shackles of brightest gold. 02:02.560 --> 02:09.400 A brotherhood born in the highest concepts of honor, ambition, courage, progress, ideals, 02:09.400 --> 02:11.400 chivalry, art, beauty. 02:11.400 --> 02:12.400 You really? 02:12.400 --> 02:13.960 And some lame brain. 02:13.960 --> 02:18.640 Pipsqueak allows that maybe he might let himself be talked into joining that brotherhood. 02:18.640 --> 02:19.640 Good evening, lady. 02:19.640 --> 02:20.640 Well, I'm coming. 02:20.640 --> 02:21.640 Why do I stand here? 02:21.640 --> 02:24.640 Why don't I go paste a one upside a snoot? 02:24.640 --> 02:25.640 Here's Uncle Fletcher. 02:25.640 --> 02:26.640 I've known all along, Fred. 02:26.640 --> 02:31.440 The stem bottom was the nitwit, of course, but it's hard to realize the depths of his 02:31.440 --> 02:33.440 ignorance to actually reach. 02:33.440 --> 02:36.760 Well, you home too, Vic. 02:36.760 --> 02:38.120 Drop him some literature. 02:38.120 --> 02:40.120 I'll drop him some literature. 02:40.120 --> 02:41.720 How are you, Uncle Fletcher? 02:41.720 --> 02:42.720 First rate, Franks. 02:42.720 --> 02:43.720 Glorious evening. 02:43.720 --> 02:44.720 He is. 02:44.720 --> 02:47.720 Fred's heard me talk about the lodge. 02:47.720 --> 02:52.160 Surely he must know it isn't anything a guy can just walk up and join. 02:52.160 --> 02:53.800 Is that a fact, Vic? 02:53.800 --> 02:56.880 Well, like my landlady was saying at the supper table tonight. 02:56.880 --> 03:00.520 He must know that you have to submit an application and then be voted on. 03:00.520 --> 03:03.040 That it's a process that takes weeks. 03:03.040 --> 03:05.000 And there's hard work to be done. 03:05.000 --> 03:06.360 Lessons to be learned. 03:06.360 --> 03:09.200 No, I don't think he realizes that. 03:09.200 --> 03:10.920 Hello, Uncle Fletcher. 03:10.920 --> 03:11.920 Hello, Vic. 03:11.920 --> 03:16.440 Say, I stopped past Cully Morris's gas station on my way over here. 03:16.440 --> 03:18.000 Why don't he realize it? 03:18.000 --> 03:21.760 I've talked about it enough times when he and Ruthie were playing cards with it. 03:21.760 --> 03:24.360 You appreciate how Fred is, Vic. 03:24.360 --> 03:28.640 He listens to himself talk, but he don't pay much attention to anybody else. 03:28.640 --> 03:31.240 Remember Ernie Salkers and Bubba, dear Sadie? 03:31.240 --> 03:32.480 Why, just the other evening. 03:32.480 --> 03:36.880 I must have proliferated at least a quarter of an hour on the subject. 03:36.880 --> 03:42.320 I described how a class of lodge candidates in Ohio had half of their number to get black 03:42.320 --> 03:43.320 balls. 03:43.320 --> 03:47.440 I told about three fellows that wanted to belong to the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way 03:47.440 --> 03:51.000 so much they wept when they got turned down. 03:51.000 --> 03:53.200 I remember amplifying the story. 03:53.200 --> 03:54.200 Went into details. 03:54.200 --> 03:55.200 Where was Fred? 03:55.200 --> 03:58.720 I guess he just wasn't paying attention. 03:58.720 --> 04:00.280 Why wasn't he paying attention? 04:00.280 --> 04:01.280 I was the host. 04:01.280 --> 04:04.360 Ain't people supposed to listen to the host when he's talking? 04:04.360 --> 04:07.880 I'm just finding out about that big ox. 04:07.880 --> 04:10.680 Remember Ernie Salkers and Bubba, dear Vic? 04:10.680 --> 04:15.280 Why when I wanted to belong to the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way, my application was 04:15.280 --> 04:19.160 turned down three separate and distinct times before they'd take me. 04:19.160 --> 04:25.280 There's a case on record of a chap in Missouri that tried fruitlessly for 20 years, and he 04:25.280 --> 04:26.920 never did make it. 04:26.920 --> 04:31.480 And Mr. Frederick Stembottom, the hot shot half-wit from the foundry, says maybe if I 04:31.480 --> 04:36.280 send him some literature, he might possibly let himself be taught into joining. 04:36.280 --> 04:37.280 You people may laugh. 04:37.280 --> 04:41.960 Let me get volume seven out of my large library and see what it says on the matter. 04:41.960 --> 04:45.040 Oh gee, Vic, I wouldn't let myself get too upset. 04:45.040 --> 04:46.840 No, not at all. 04:46.840 --> 04:49.720 Can't you just charge it up to Fred's ignorance? 04:49.720 --> 04:50.720 Sure. 04:50.720 --> 04:51.720 And then forget it? 04:51.720 --> 04:54.720 Let's see what volume seven says. 04:54.720 --> 04:57.640 Remember Ernie Salkers and Bubba, dear Sadie? 04:57.640 --> 04:59.320 No, I don't, Uncle Fletcher. 04:59.320 --> 05:03.280 Ernie Salkers was accused of marrying a woman 35 years old. 05:03.280 --> 05:04.280 Was he? 05:04.280 --> 05:09.120 Because gee, it'd be too bad if somebody's silliness made us break up or anything. 05:09.120 --> 05:11.400 How do you mean, break up or anything? 05:11.400 --> 05:17.080 Well, we see so much of Fred and Ruthie, play so much cards and everything, you know. 05:17.080 --> 05:18.280 Be just awful if we... 05:18.280 --> 05:23.080 You know in what a steam I hold my large saying, it's one of the biggest things in my life. 05:23.080 --> 05:24.080 Yes, but still... 05:24.080 --> 05:28.600 Just a second, I'll read you a few revealing passages from volume seven. 05:28.600 --> 05:33.280 Ernie Salkers, Sadie, was accused of marrying a woman 35 years old. 05:33.280 --> 05:35.800 She was accused wrong because the woman was 46. 05:35.800 --> 05:37.680 I knew the woman myself. 05:37.680 --> 05:39.560 She went under the name of Dala Fusco. 05:39.560 --> 05:40.560 Oh really? 05:40.560 --> 05:43.520 Well, and another thing please don't forget is that Fred... 05:43.520 --> 05:44.520 Here we are. 05:44.520 --> 05:47.040 This is something in my tooth. 05:47.040 --> 05:48.040 What? 05:48.040 --> 05:50.240 I believe it has got something in my tooth. 05:50.240 --> 05:54.880 No, but all that off to one side, forgiven and forgotten. 05:54.880 --> 05:59.240 To finish this story about Ernie Salkers, he got disgusted with the whole works and lost 05:59.240 --> 06:00.320 his hands of it. 06:00.320 --> 06:04.800 I have been accused of marrying a woman 35 years old, he told the boys. 06:04.800 --> 06:08.880 That woman has produced a birth certificate proving her to be 46. 06:08.880 --> 06:10.040 My name is cleared. 06:10.040 --> 06:11.920 I can look any man in the face. 06:11.920 --> 06:14.840 But, says Ernie, I'm sick and tired of the whole business. 06:14.840 --> 06:15.840 I'm leaving town. 06:15.840 --> 06:16.840 And he did. 06:16.840 --> 06:22.000 Moved to Dallas, Arizona and got a good product for darkening the hands and feet. 06:22.000 --> 06:25.240 Put work to enjoy his money and later died. 06:25.240 --> 06:27.240 But, uh, fine. 06:27.240 --> 06:30.120 Want to listen to a little of this? 06:30.120 --> 06:31.120 Why? 06:31.120 --> 06:37.520 Membership in the sacred stars of the Milky Way is a precious amulet to be worn gloriously 06:37.520 --> 06:38.520 through life. 06:38.520 --> 06:40.520 Our founder, R.J. 06:40.520 --> 06:49.920 Conk, has said, in total non-cum-lawed apoboist gank, sim-spittle ad nauseam agri-cola-feech, 06:49.920 --> 06:54.920 I'm the agarice-s-divisie in-cuz-fidey-spinny-z-yach-dumb-cuck-ing-ad-a-p-k-e-d-e-d-y-t. 06:54.920 --> 06:57.920 Well, don't you ever read that to me, Vic. 06:57.920 --> 06:58.920 Ha? 06:58.920 --> 07:01.880 You know, a book to me don't help the situation. 07:01.880 --> 07:04.120 I popped some popcorn last night. 07:04.120 --> 07:05.680 Did your Uncle Fletcher? 07:05.680 --> 07:06.680 H.K. 07:06.680 --> 07:07.680 Huckerman and myself. 07:07.680 --> 07:08.680 Tastes good, did it? 07:08.680 --> 07:09.680 Tastes fine. 07:09.680 --> 07:10.680 That's nice. 07:10.680 --> 07:11.680 Tastes so good, bye George, H.K. 07:11.680 --> 07:12.680 Huckerman and myself. 07:12.680 --> 07:13.680 Uh-huh. 07:13.680 --> 07:18.680 Fred's been stupid and made you mad and I can understand why and don't blame you a bit. 07:18.680 --> 07:20.680 But it seems to me we're out of time. 07:20.680 --> 07:25.680 Do you think you can join the sacred stars of the Milky Way just like you'd walk up to 07:25.680 --> 07:29.000 the ticket window and buy a ticket for the movie show? 07:29.000 --> 07:31.000 Yes, he does think that. 07:31.000 --> 07:34.680 It's taken me all this while to find out about that bird. 07:34.680 --> 07:39.280 We've spent a good deal of time with Fred and Ruthie the last seven, eight years, Vic. 07:39.280 --> 07:40.280 Too much. 07:40.280 --> 07:41.280 Hundreds of evenings. 07:41.280 --> 07:42.280 Ha-ha. 07:42.280 --> 07:43.280 Sam McWaschak, right? 07:43.280 --> 07:45.280 And they've been pleasant evenings. 07:45.280 --> 07:51.040 Wouldn't it be too bad to end such a nice friendship just over something silly that's 07:51.040 --> 07:53.680 all Fred's fault and none of yours? 07:53.680 --> 07:54.680 Hmm. 07:54.680 --> 07:57.080 It's a good thing you're not so bad to me like you could afford to laugh. 07:57.080 --> 08:00.400 I don't laugh with the largest concern, Sadie. 08:00.400 --> 08:02.400 Sam McWaschak, Aaron Dixon, Sadie. 08:02.400 --> 08:05.080 Yes, Uncle Fletcher, excuse me. 08:05.080 --> 08:09.840 Sam McWaschak, Aaron Dixon, used to claim he could play a cornet from the long end. 08:09.840 --> 08:10.840 Oh? 08:10.840 --> 08:14.960 Instead of holding the mouthpiece up to his mouth, he'd blow through the end that flares 08:14.960 --> 08:17.400 out where ordinary music comes from. 08:17.400 --> 08:18.400 Well. 08:18.400 --> 08:19.400 He just claimed that. 08:19.400 --> 08:21.400 I never saw a half-wit do it. 08:21.400 --> 08:22.400 Yeah, that's nice. 08:22.400 --> 08:23.400 Uh-huh. 08:23.400 --> 08:24.400 Very nice. 08:24.400 --> 08:25.400 Yes. 08:25.400 --> 08:30.120 Couldn't you afford to laugh at Fred Vicks? 08:30.120 --> 08:32.400 I don't laugh with Elijah's concern. 08:32.400 --> 08:34.640 Well, I mean under the circumstances. 08:34.640 --> 08:38.320 But let me tell you what the half-wit said over the telephone. 08:38.320 --> 08:39.320 You did tell me. 08:39.320 --> 08:40.320 Uh-huh. 08:40.320 --> 08:42.000 Another Dixon fellow caused a good deal of trouble. 08:42.000 --> 08:46.040 I don't think you need to be worried about Fred's actually trying to join the lodge. 08:46.040 --> 08:47.840 Sadie, another Dixon fellow caused a... 08:47.840 --> 08:53.040 Because as soon as he realizes all the formality he has to go through, the applications and 08:53.040 --> 08:58.960 voting and studying and memorizing stuff and all that, he'll lose interest. 08:58.960 --> 09:00.440 I know you'll lose interest. 09:00.440 --> 09:02.440 Sadie, another Dixon fellow... 09:02.440 --> 09:04.160 And then there's the money part. 09:04.160 --> 09:09.040 When he finds out what the initiation fee is, he'll stop right now. 09:09.040 --> 09:14.200 And he was telling Ruthie the other day, one thing he positively refused to do was wear 09:14.200 --> 09:15.200 a funny suit. 09:15.200 --> 09:16.200 Funny suit? 09:16.200 --> 09:17.200 Lodge, regalia. 09:17.200 --> 09:20.200 Oh, he told Ruthie that, did he? 09:20.200 --> 09:21.200 Yeah. 09:21.200 --> 09:22.200 Another Dixon fellow, Sadie. 09:22.200 --> 09:27.040 He said he'd be willing to devote one evening a week to sitting around the club room playing 09:27.040 --> 09:32.600 a game of checkers and maybe munching on solid peanuts, but he wouldn't be interested in 09:32.600 --> 09:38.080 putting on robes and bothering with any tyrants and ceremonies. 09:38.080 --> 09:41.960 And so you see, he's not really interested in the lodge. 09:41.960 --> 09:43.200 Sadie, another Dixon fellow... 09:43.200 --> 09:45.600 He won't give beans for the lodge. 09:45.600 --> 09:46.840 Sadie, another Dixon fellow... 09:46.840 --> 09:48.640 Why should you get upset? 09:48.640 --> 09:52.120 Can't you just forget about it? 09:52.120 --> 09:53.120 Sadie, another... 09:53.120 --> 09:58.120 We'll go along just as we have been. 09:58.120 --> 10:01.120 Isn't that better? 10:01.120 --> 10:04.120 Sure, it's better. 10:04.120 --> 10:05.120 Sadie. 10:05.120 --> 10:06.120 Yes? 10:06.120 --> 10:07.120 Yes, Uncle Fletcher? 10:07.120 --> 10:08.120 What is it? 10:08.120 --> 10:09.120 I believe I'll go home. 10:09.120 --> 10:28.120 I believe I'll go home. 10:28.120 --> 10:51.120 I believe I'll go home.