A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no one can talk to a horse, of course,
that is, of course, unless the horse is a famous Mr. A.
Go right to the source and ask the horse, he'll give you the answer that you endorse.
He's always on a steady course.
Talk to Mr. A.
Put flour, baking powder, and salt together.
Carol.
Carol, would you like to hear the speech I wrote?
What speech?
Well, you know, the one I'm giving to the canvassers at the Treadway Iron and Steel Company.
Hmm?
Mr. Treadway, he wants me to show them how to sell a payroll savings plan to their fellow employees.
I'm supposed to talk on the subject of designing your future on account of my being an architect.
You get it, designing?
I get it.
Pretty clever, too, but you're a little out of practice about payroll savings.
We haven't bought a savings bond in a long time.
Ever since I sold the board of directors on Mr. Treadway's pet plan for the new administration building,
he thinks I'm a great orator.
You must be.
You sold me on marrying you.
Go ahead and read me your speech.
Ahem.
Fellow Americans, the job you are about to undertake is one which will benefit both your coworkers and your country.
It is a public service of the highest order.
You're not listening, Carol.
Yes, I am. Let me go on.
No.
It is a privilege to address you on the importance of the payroll savings plan for the purchase of savings bonds.
This plan is a boon to all Americans because, let us be honest,
when a man brings home his hard-earned money at the end of the week, what does he do with it?
Pour into an ungreased pan.
He pours it into an ungreased pan.
Go ahead, honey.
But, and I say this in all sincerity,
if the worker will take time to beat his yolks well and add the necessary hot milk
and bake in a moderate oven at 330 degrees Fahrenheit,
then he will realize the goal of every loyal citizen the day when he can retire to his own little sponge cake
and live happily between two layers.
I thank you.
What do you think?
It sounds wonderful, honey, but don't you think you could cut it down a little?
You mean make it one layer?
Hmm.
Well, I bet Lincoln's wife wasn't baking a sponge cake when he was trying out his Gettysburg address on her.
Well.
And if Mrs. Washington didn't help George out with his speech,
that farewell address might never have gone beyond the two words, goodbye, fellas.
Wilbur, what on earth are you talking about?
Oh, never mind.
I'll just go back to the barn and try my speech out on my horse.
Oh, Wilbur, have you called the electrician to have him come fix that short nap bridge lamp?
He'll be here right after lunch.
Thank you.
Carol, you, would you hear my speech after lunch?
Carol?
I heard you, darling, the electrician will be here after lunch.
Yeah.
I, uh, I hope your sponge cake drops, honey.
Thank you, darling.
You're welcome.
The payroll savings plan offers the worker an opportunity to accumulate savings bonds on a regular basis.
Savings are done for him by his company each payday.
How's it sound so far, Ed?
Pretty bad.
Think you could do any better?
If I couldn't, I'd give up talking.
What don't you like about the speech, Ed?
You don't sound sincere.
I don't?
Uh, how many bonds do you own, Wilbur?
You mean, um, savings bonds?
We're not talking about watermelons.
Well, I, I don't own any at the present time, Ed.
You see, uh, when I went in business for myself,
I went off my company's, uh, payroll savings plan.
And you cashed the bond you had, and...
Yeah.
Well, if Carol and I needed the cash for a town payment on this house,
you would have done the same thing.
I doubt it.
I'm eccentric.
I prefer living in a stable.
Ed, I don't have to own savings bonds to be a bond salesman.
Besides, I told you, I used to have a lot of savings bonds
before I started my own business.
And I used to have a lot of hay before I started lunch.
Ha! What does a horse know about savings bonds?
I just know your speech doesn't sound sincere.
Well, what can I do about it?
Buy bonds.
Ed, will you stop nagging?
Right now, I just don't have any real need for savings bonds.
OK. But how about the future?
You know, someday we'll both want to retire.
So what?
So, savings bonds are one of the surest, safest ways of saving.
You know that?
No.
They're backed by the government.
You'll always get what you put in.
Plus interest.
You can't lose.
Right, but...
No buts about it.
And consider these points.
Savings bonds are just like cash,
meaning they can be redeemed quickly and easily at your bank.
Are you finished?
Not yet.
Savings bonds are also loss-proof,
meaning if stolen, lost, or destroyed,
your bonds are replaced by the government.
Are you finished?
Finally, the payroll savings plan is the most painless way of saving ever invented.
You'll never miss those few dollars out of each paycheck
because the saving is done for you before you ever see it.
Now I'm finished.
Nice speech, Ed. Nice speech.
Well, anyway, it's sincere.
How could it be when you don't have any bonds, wise guy?
You mean I don't sound sincere?
Of course not.
You made that point to me, remember?
And what's good for the boss is good for the horse.
Hey.
Hmm.
I wonder if they sell savings bonds to horses.
Operator, get me Washington, D.C., Treasury Department.
Yeah, I'll pay.
Carol, can you spare a few minutes to hear my speech?
As soon as I put the cake in the oven, honey.
OK.
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, please, not too much. You're spoiling me.
No, there's too much.
Thank you. Thank you.
Mr. Chairman, fellow citizens, it is a privilege to address you on the subject of designing your future.
Believe me, in building a family's financial plan, just as in building a skyscraper, the foundation is all important.
So, when you advise your fellow workers to build that plan around United States savings bonds, you are giving them the best possible advice.
Savings bonds are a solid rock of security, a launching pad for those dreams of the future.
Oh, hey, that's pretty cute, Mr. Post.
I like that launching pad angle.
I wish I'd set it.
Oh, hi, Mr. Davis.
Did you fix the lamp?
Oh, don't worry about that.
It'll live.
Hey, what's with the speech?
You going on TV?
Well, I'm giving a talk to the payroll savings canvassers at Treadway Iron and Steel.
You know, pep them up, inspire them to be good bond salesmen.
I got news for you, Mr. Post.
Making a speech won't do the job.
I know.
I was a canvasser myself in the last drive at our shop.
You know what you got to do?
You got to give them the answers.
You got to tell them how to meet objections.
Objections?
Sure.
Savings don't come easy to most people.
They'll give you 87 excuses for not signing up.
So, the canvasser's got to have 88 answers.
I'll show you what.
Now, look.
You'll be the canvasser, and I'll be the guy in the job, and you try and sign me up.
Mr. Davis, I'm paying you by the hour.
I can't afford the lecture.
All right.
Forget it.
But when you fall flat on your face, remember you heard it here first.
Well, maybe you could give me a short course.
You know, just tell me the question.
Al, like a guy, I'll say, I can't afford to say.
That's a very good point.
What do I tell him?
Tell him, look, Charlie, you can't afford to be sick or off the job either.
But it happens.
And you better be ready for that kind of an emergency when it comes up with saving bonds in the sock.
And then maybe he'll tell you they already got too many D-Ducks off their check.
That's a tough one to answer.
For you, but not for me.
I say, this is a D-Duck you take right home with you, only it's in the shape of a bond.
This is take-home pay, too, and the only kind that grows.
That's what I tell him.
When you're canvassing, you've got to be a real live wire.
Well, that's easy for you.
You're a real live person.
Yeah.
Then they'll tell you, I can save better some other ways.
And I say, sure, sure, you can save any way you want.
But you'll never find an easier way than this when the saving is done for you before you even get your hands on the money.
Bonds are just like cash when you need it.
But if you let them lay, they'll keep growing to buy the important things you'll need someday.
And not only that, but you can save on your taxes.
Because you don't have to pay income tax on the interest until you cash the bonds.
You might even be retired by then, and you won't have much to pay.
You know, that's something I didn't know.
You mind if I take a few notes?
I don't mind if you make a movie out of it.
Mr. Post, I got a hunch that you don't know too much about payroll savings.
I mean, being a big shot architect and all, you know.
I want you to know, Mr. Davis, that I was in the payroll savings plan myself for many years before I went into business on my own.
I know all about it.
That's why they picked me to make the speech.
Well, no offense, Mr. Post, but you sound like a guy just making a speech, you know?
No oomph.
Oomph?
Right.
No oomph.
Like a guy that maybe isn't using the product himself.
You got any bonds?
Well, now, that's a rather personal question, Mr. Davis.
When I discussed the matter with my horse...
Any horse will tell you the same.
Horse?
Yeah, well, I was rehearsing my speech in front of him the way I was with you,
and he doesn't know half as much as you do about payroll savings.
Oh, well, he hasn't had a chance to study, has he?
Oh, come on, you got me talking like you.
Now, tell me some more of the questions you get, Mr. Davis.
Well, there's the one where they say,
I'd like to sign up, but I got a lot of bills to pay.
I should think you'd tell them, sign up now,
and we'll date the card ahead to whenever you say.
How's that?
As an electrician, I hate to say this, Mr. Post.
But you are now cooking with gas.
Thank you.
I bet between us we'd have them eating out of our hands.
I'd do okay, but I hate to say this, Mr. Post.
You don't have it here, on account of you ain't a payroll saver.
You know, folks can always tell.
But I used to be on payroll savings.
We bought a lot of bonds while we bought this house with them.
Yeah, but what have you done about it lately?
It's not my fault. I'm my own boss now.
I can't get on payroll savings.
Oh, I'm bleeding for you, Mr. Post.
I'm bleeding for you.
Tell you what, Mr. Post.
You give me your house and your business, and I'll give you my job.
Very funny.
To hear you talk, you'd think that payroll savings
was the only way you could buy bonds.
Don't you ever go to the bank?
Certainly.
To pick up a free calendar, maybe?
Don't you know your bank's got savings bonds on sale at all times?
Why, they'd even let you sign up to buy a bond a month automatically
out of your checking account.
Well, excuse me, Mr. Post.
Well, let there be light.
You're not feeling too bad.
Edison didn't hit it the first time either.
Well, like the guys at the office always say,
I'm a great bond salesman, but the world's worst electrician.
Hi, honey.
Why the sad look?
I think I'm going to ask Mr. Treadway to get somebody else
to make that bond speech.
What? Why?
Well, I thought I knew all about savings bonds,
but it seems everybody else knows more about it than I do.
Don't say that, honey.
Would you like to try your speech out on me?
Again?
What do you mean?
20 minutes ago, I lost a close decision to your sponge cake.
Darling, I'm sorry.
I should have paid more attention.
You didn't miss a thing.
I'm a pretty terrible salesman.
Now, Wilbur, don't say that.
I couldn't sell a rowboat to a drowning man.
Now, stop that.
I will not have you knocking my husband.
Know what I think?
What?
You have a guilty conscience.
Ever since we cashed our savings bonds to buy this house,
we've been spending every last cent and never saving anything.
That's what you get for marrying a sport.
I wanted you to have things.
Silly, you can have things and still save regularly.
All a woman really wants is security,
plus a loving husband, of course.
Even if he can't make a decent speech?
You can make a fine speech.
All you need is to be sincere.
Oh, you sound just like that electrician.
He says if you're not buying bonds yourself,
you can't convince other people they should buy them.
He's right.
I have to confess something to you, honey.
I heard you and Mr. Davis talking about the payroll savings plan in there.
You know, all the arguments people give for not being able to save
and all those answers he had.
Why, it's the first time I've ever been sold anything by remote control.
You know, I think we should sign up for a regular bond every month.
Well, there's one thing about my little wife.
When she's right, she's right.
And when she's wrong, she's right.
And this time, I'm wrong and you're right.
We'll start buying bonds again.
Oh, honey, and then you can do your canvassing with sincerity.
You know, give it a little oomph.
Wait till I tell that electrician.
Well, I fixed the light, Mr. Post.
Well, now fix my nose.
I'm sorry.
I smell cake.
My sponge cake!
Oh!
Look!
My sponge cake.
Look at it.
It's flat.
Well, honey, as long as we have savings bonds, we'll never be flat.
What do you mean, horses can't own savings bonds?
What are they, animals?
You listen to me, fella.
I...
Take it easy, Ed.
The nerve of that guy.
Suppose we horses passed a law that people couldn't ride horses.
Ed, listen.
Horses can't own savings bonds.
A cat, I could understand.
Relax, Ed.
Carol and I are going to be buying a horse.
We're going to be buying a horse.
Relax, Ed. Carol and I are going to be buying savings bonds regularly through our bank.
And as a member of the family, you will be sharing in the pride of ownership.
You feel better now?
Yes, sir.
But you can't blame me for feeling hurt, Wilbur.
After all, horses are human too.
Friends, I hope you enjoyed our special Mr. Ed story for United States savings bonds
half as much as we enjoyed doing it for you.
But now for a minute, I'd like to be myself, Alan Young,
to thank you on behalf of the Treasury Department for the important work you are doing
as canvassers for the payroll savings plan.
And let me remind you that the service you are performing for your co-workers is one they will never forget.
We all have a way of remembering the nice things in our lives and the people who are associated with them.
Maybe signing somebody up for payroll savings is not quite the same as performing a marriage ceremony
or delivering a young couple's first baby, but just the same.
Learning to save is an important milestone in any family's life.
And every payday as their bonds keep piling up,
the people you signed up will feel grateful all over again.
Your country is grateful too, because savings bonds are good for America,
an investment in our free way of life.
So for everyone in our cast, Connie Hines who plays the part of Carol,
George O'Hanlon who as Mr. Davis was the electrician and super bond salesman,
and of course, Mr. Ed, who has authorized me to speak for him.
Thanks again and good luck.