Ladies and gentlemen, the secret word tonight is bread. B-R-E-A-D.
Really?
You bet your life!
The DeSoto Plymouth Dealers of America present Groucho Marx in You Bet Your Life,
the comedy quiz series produced and transcribed from Hollywood.
And here he is, the one, the only...
Groucho!
Is that fool still around?
Oh, that's me, Groucho Marx!
Thank you.
Well, here I am again with $2,500 for One About Couple tonight.
A lot of money.
George Fenneman, who's first to try for it?
We invited some pediatricians to the show tonight,
and just before we went on the air, we selected Dr. Alonzo Kant.
His partner is a young mother from the audience, Mrs. Christine Garcia.
Folks, meet Groucho Marx.
Welcome, kids, to You Bet Your Life.
And if one of you says the secret word, he wins $100 immediately.
It's a common word, something you'll find around the house.
A young mother and a pediatrician.
Which one is the young mother?
I am.
You are?
No.
Congratulations, Mrs. Christine Garcia.
Yes.
You know that you're named after a ten-cent cigar. Did you know that?
Yes, I...
Where are you from? I'll call you Christine.
Okay. I'm...
You'll call me Garcia.
All right.
Later on, I'll give you a message from Garcia.
Where are you from, Christine?
Albuquerque, New Mexico.
And Mr. Alonzo Stag... Cass.
What's your hometown?
Los Angeles.
Mr. Cass, how long have you two been married?
I'm a pediatrician.
Oh.
Well, I don't care what your religion is, just as long as you're happy.
Now then, how long have you two been married?
She's not my wife.
I'll find time to desert her right after she has a child.
How old are you, Christine?
Nineteen.
Nineteen?
You're certainly well-preserved.
You don't look a day over eighteen.
How long have you been a mother?
My baby is eight months old.
Mr. Cass, what did you say your vocation was?
And don't tell me the last two weeks in August.
I'm a pediatrician.
That's a very old joke.
I'm so old, I didn't even get a laugh.
What is your vocation?
And don't tell me the last two weeks in August.
Maybe the month is wrong. I'll try July next year.
You're a pediatrician, huh?
That's right.
Is that so? How long have you been a bicycle rider?
I don't ride bicycles. I take care of babies.
Oh, you're a baby doctor, huh?
Oh, I thought a baby doctor would be about three years old.
Like a baby elephant, huh?
Well, I'll show you.
Do you mind if I call you doctor?
Well, most doctors like to be called just doctor or Al.
Couldn't call my doctor Al. His name is Henry.
Dr. Al, his name is Henry.
Do you want me to call you doctor or Al or what?
Well, you use your own judgment. That's perfectly all right.
Okay, well, tell me Josephine, how long have you been a bicycle rider?
You brought that on yourself, doctor.
Do you have any little patients of your own at home?
Yes, I have six children. They're not patients.
They're not your patients.
Smart kids, they don't trust their old man.
Why is that? Why aren't they your victims, your patients?
Well, usually it's not considered ethical to take care of your own family.
In addition, that'd be kind of difficult collecting the bill, wouldn't it?
How old is your husband, Mrs. Goscha?
Twenty-three.
Is he shaving yet?
Oh, yes.
What sort of work does he do?
He's an imposter.
How did you meet him?
I met him at a dance. My father introduced him to me.
What do you mean, your father introduced you?
Well, he knew him.
Oh, he knew him. And did you have a desire to meet this man?
No.
Did your father drag over everybody at a dance and say,
here's another specimen, try this one.
No.
What is the baby's name, Christine?
John Joseph.
John Joseph? Any reason why you chose that name?
Well, John is my husband's first name and Joseph is my father's name.
He gets an assist for dragging him over that dance.
How much did your baby weigh when it was born, Christine?
Six pounds, eight ounces.
And what does it weigh now?
Twenty-two pounds.
Gained a lot of weight, didn't he?
Well, they're supposed to double their weight in six months.
At that rate, by the time the kid is 21, he'd weigh about 2,300 pounds.
Doc, I mean Crocker, is Christine doing the right thing?
Well, the first job of a baby is to gain weight and keep its strength up.
In some cases, that's the last job the bum ever has.
How much does your pride and joy eat in a day, Christine?
Besides baby food, four bottles.
He eats four bottles a day?
That's a pretty hearty kid, you know.
When you bite them, isn't there danger of flying glass?
I suppose he just lies there on his back and blows martini bubbles.
What did you put in his bottle, Christine?
His formula, about 160 calories.
What's that calorie? Is that any relation to cab calories?
Well, that's something in food that makes a baby strong.
You'd better stick to a plain diet for that kid, huh?
Every day, he holds some food like bottles and glasses.
Now, Pabl and Pete, suppose you tell this little mother what a calorie is.
Well, a calorie is the amount of heat that it takes to heat a cubic centimeter of water through one degree.
Well, if your kid can swallow that, he has a cast iron stomach.
Doc, what kind of a pediatrician are you?
Well, I belong to the Blue Shield.
What's that? What's the Blue Shield?
The Blue Shield is a national organization organized by the doctors.
It's a voluntary medical insurance plan where the people pay a certain amount each month,
then they're taken care of by any doctors they choose.
Like in England, can they get glasses and toupees and things like that?
Well, I don't dispense glasses and toupees. I suppose they'd have to pay.
Have you got an old toupee?
Not yet.
Well, what do you do as a pediatrician?
Well, I take care of the babies right from birth and watch their development
and advise the mothers how to feed their babies and see that they're raised, I hope, into being good citizens.
Do the mothers swallow all this hoopla?
No.
Tell me, Christine, does your pediatrician do all this work on your baby?
Well, so far he's given him a couple of shots.
You mean he shot him?
Well, we've all got to go sometime, I guess.
Why do you shoot him in the head?
No, in the arm.
I'm still getting those, huh?
I'm glad to hear that. He just winged him, in other words.
Now, Doc, as long as you're here, would you mind if I steal some free advice?
No, go ahead.
I have a three and a half year old daughter and she loves candy. Should I give it to her?
Why, of course.
How much?
Well, she can have all she wants, as a matter of fact.
All she wants?
Yes.
Isn't it bad for the teeth?
No.
Is that so? I'm glad my kid can't hear that.
If she doesn't like to drink her orange juice in the morning, what should I do about that?
Well, you could try drinking it yourself.
Well, by the time I get to her, it's pretty sloppy.
During the night, she likes to get up out of bed every few hours. How can I make her sleep?
Try spanking her.
Every night, slugging her?
I don't think it would last very long if you slug her once or twice.
I don't think I would either.
Well, you're pretty tough with babies.
Give them a lot of candy, snatch away their orange juice and slug them, huh?
Can't wait until I get home with that baseball bat.
Well, in spite of my kidding, doctor, I'm sure you pediatricians are contributing a great deal of the health of the community.
Now, in just one minute, you're going to try for the DeSoto Plymouth $2,500 question.
Every DeSoto Plymouth dealer has an assignment that means service to you, a mission to deal with you fairly and squarely,
whether it be for a new car, a used car, or a simple repair job.
Friends, those few simple words stand for a whole way of doing business, a business policy, you might call it,
by which more than 3,000 DeSoto Plymouth dealers across the entire country have made a reputation
which, frankly, is the envy of many other folks in the automotive business, or in any business for that matter.
These dealers realize that it's good business sense to treat customers right,
to make courtesy an important part of the day's work of all their employees,
to tackle any job, no matter how small, with an honest desire to please you.
Now, if that's the kind of place you like to do business with, drive in to any authorized DeSoto Plymouth dealer.
Now, let's see if a young mother and a pediatrician will get the chance at the $2,500.
Send them and tell them the rules.
Each of our three couples has $20. They've got as much of that $20 as they want on each of four questions.
The couple that earns the most money gets a chance at the DeSoto Plymouth $2,500 question at the end of the show.
Our other two couples are in a waiting room off stage, so they don't know what's happening out here.
Here we go. Let's see how high you can build your $20. You selected songs with beverages in the title. Is that right?
Here's your first question. You have $20. How much are you going to try and talk right into the microphone?
$10. What's the name of this song? Play, Jerry.
Roll out the barrels.
And they're on their way. They have $30, Rocco.
Well, now you've got $30. Remember, you're going for $2,500 tonight. How much of the $30 will you try?
$20.
$20. Let's see if you can identify this one.
P for two.
P for two.
They're climbing now. They have $50.
All right, you have $50. How much of the $50 will you bet?
$40.
$40. Give me the title of this song with a beverage in the title. Music, please.
Cream and My Coffee.
Cream and My Coffee.
You're the cream of my coffee at 70 cents a pound. Now here's the...
They have $90, Rocco.
$90. They wouldn't have written that song today. It's your last chance to beat the other couples.
How much of the $90 are you going to try?
$20.
$20. All right. This song is by Hoagy Carmichael. It's got a beverage in the title. Okay.
Old Buttermilk Sky.
Old Buttermilk Sky.
And they wind up with $110.
Thanks and good luck from the DeSoto Plymouth dealers. Now don't sneak off. You might still be high for the night and get the chance at the $2,500 question.
Rocco, the secret word is still bred. Perhaps our next couple will say it.
Just before we went on the air, our studio audience selected a shoemaker and a housewife.
And here they are, Mr. Marvin Babb and Mrs. Harriet Moseley meet Rocco Marks.
Welcome folks to You Bet Your Life. And if one of you says the secret word, he wins $100 in cash instantly.
It's a common word, something you'll find around the house. Mrs. Moseley, is that right?
Right.
Where are you from, Mrs. Moseley?
Sioux City, Iowa, originally.
Sioux City, huh? Mr. Babb, who do you work for?
For Joe Zinke.
Are you married, Mr. Babb?
Yes.
Does your wife think you're a good shoemaker?
Oh, naturally.
Probably thinks you're a fine fellow to boot, too, huh?
Has she ever done that?
She's tried a few times.
Do you have any little hides at home that need tanning?
Got one.
Got one, huh? How long have you been married, Mrs. Moseley?
Almost 14 years.
Well, you don't look like that.
Thank you, sir.
You look like a recent bride.
I'm almost old enough to be your mother-in-law, babe.
I would consider that very seriously, about you.
Anytime, Mr. Marx. You come out and join the brood.
Well, if I have to be part of a brood, let's take it, huh?
I want to do my own brooding.
You have children?
Yes.
I'll call you Harriet, huh?
Thank you. Yes, I have children.
What are their ages?
Twelve, eight, and six, and four.
Bingo. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you called my number.
How did you meet your husband, Harriet?
Feet first.
Feet first?
Yes, sir. He was stuck in a transom.
Was it your transom?
No, sir.
Would you mind clarifying that?
Well, he was trying to get into his own hotel room, the hard way, I guess.
He started through, and the transom had closed on him, and he couldn't get out. He couldn't get in.
Are you sure that was his room?
Yes, sir, I am. Because he was making these strange noises. That's the first thing that drew my attention to him.
Well, it's not the customary position, I guess.
No. It certainly isn't. And he said, I have a key in my pocket.
That seemed awfully silly, but I got the key out of his pocket.
Just a moment, Harriet. Just a moment.
Why was he going in through the transom if he had a key in his pocket?
Mr. Marks, he's never told me. I honestly don't know. That's the truth.
I have my own ideas, but...
They're not your own ideas. They're mine, too.
Now, Shoemaker, I'll just call you Cobbler, huh?
We don't like to be called that. That's more of a butcher.
Well, some of my shoes have been butchered up pretty well.
So what specifically do you do?
I repair shoes, put on new soles, new heels, make repairs on the uppers.
You repair uppers? You mean you're also a dentist?
No, I just like shoes.
Oh, now what's the...
There used to be an old joke about a fellow's patent leather shoes.
Leather on top and his bare feet were patent on the ground.
That belonged to Moran and Mack, the two black crows.
And they can have it, I might add.
How'd you get to be a shoemaker? Did you study at Oxford?
No.
That's a kind of a joke, you see.
Which shoes are harder... Do you ever sing Shoo Shoo Baby when you're working on them?
No, I guess not.
Which shoes are harder to repair, men's or women's?
No, women's shoes are much harder to repair.
Why is that?
Well, because of all those fantastic designs and styling.
Why do they wear such fantastic styles? Harriet, maybe you can answer that.
Why do they wear such cute designs?
To get the men to know their feet.
Wouldn't they do better attracting attention as they walked around barefoot?
If you really want to stop traffic, try going without...
Well, without looking carefully before you cross the street.
What do they put in cheap shoes that make them wear out?
Well, they put a lot of belly leather in the soles and the insoles.
What's belly leather?
Well, that's the part of the hide that is the covering for the animal's belly.
What's the matter with that? Why isn't that just as good as any other part?
Well, that's nice for the cow, but it don't work very good in shoes.
You mean they just can't stomach that kind of leather, eh?
Suppose I brought some shoes into your shop and they were in pretty bad shape.
Exactly, what would you do to them?
They were really knocked around and beat up and ripped, rattled and run down.
Because I start putting on new welts, new heels, new heel bases.
You do all that, eh?
Really making them look like a new pair of shoes.
It seems hardly worthwhile to go to all that trouble. I'm talking about horseshoes.
Now, can you tell anything about a person just by looking at a pair of shoes?
Yes.
Well, what can you tell? Give us an example.
Well, you can tell whether he's a man or a woman.
Shoemaker, stick to your lads.
How would you like it if I came down to your shop and tied all the shoelaces together?
Well, I must say I learned a lot about shoe repairing here tonight.
Now, you're going to play your bet your life for $2,500.
You beat our other coppers and you'll get a chance at the big question later.
I can't tell you how much the first couple won, but Fenneman is off stage to remind our listeners.
The pediatrician and the young mother earned $110.
Here we go. Let's see how high I can build you $20.
You selected leaders in our government as your category.
Now, here's your first question. You have $20. How much are you going to try?
$20.
Who is vice president of the United States?
Barkley.
Alvin Barkley is right.
You're on the way with $30, Groucho.
Remember, you're going for $2,500 tonight. How much of the $30 will you try?
$20.
Who is the chief justice of the United States?
Douglas.
No, I'm sorry. It's Fred Vinson.
Now, they have $10.
Well, now you've got $10. Here's your third question. How much of the $10 will you try?
I bet the $10.
Who is the senior senator from Ohio? His father was a president.
Tapp.
Senator Tapp is correct.
And they're on their way again. They have $20.
Now, you've got $20. Here's your last chance to beat the other couple. How much of the $20 will you bet?
$20.
Who is the secretary of state?
Dean Atkinson.
Dean Atkinson is correct.
And they wind up with $40.
Thanks and good luck from the DeSoto Plymouth dealers.
Now, in a moment, we'll know we're going to earn the chance at the $2,500 question.
George, who's ahead so far?
The pediatrician and the young mother are leading with $110.
And the secret word is still bread.
We invited a number of models to the program tonight.
And just before we went on the air, our studio audience chose Dorothy Green.
Her partner is Mr. M.A.K. Felsberg, an artist.
And here they are. Folks, meet Groucho Marx.
Welcome, kids, to the DeSoto Plymouth dealers, including at Whistle.
And if one of you says the secret word, he wins $100 instantly.
It's a common word, something you'll find around the house.
Miss Dorothy Green, is that right?
That's correct.
You're the model and a very, very lovely one, too.
Are you married?
Yes, I am.
Let's quit right here.
Do you have any little new models at home?
Well, they're sort of new. I have three.
You have three?
Yes, I do.
How old are they?
I have one six, one five, and one two.
Well, you don't look it.
Well, thank you.
You must have got married on your bar mitzvah.
That's right.
And Mr. M.A.K. Felsberg, is that right?
Yes.
Where are you from, Max?
New York, or anywhere else.
You're called your Max, huh?
Yes, definitely.
Where are you from?
New York, originally.
New York, huh?
You're the artist, huh?
That's right.
You look a little drawn. I didn't...
I didn't recognize the name. What comic strip do you draw, Mr. M.A.K. Felsberg?
I don't draw comic strips.
Well, keep trying. You'll get there, huh?
Are you married, Max?
Yes.
How did you meet your wife?
At Carnegie Hall. We happened to have been sitting together.
Did you go in there together, or just...
No.
Just music lovers, huh?
Yes.
You started out as music lovers, is that it?
That's right.
And you didn't wind up that way, then?
No, I carried on with my painting.
I hope that's the only carrying on you did, Mr. M.A.K. Felsberg.
Definitely.
What were they playing the night you were at Carnegie Hall? Do you remember?
All... Brown, Brandenburg, and Chaffer No. 2.
Chaffer, yes.
It's Bach, you know. It's not...
Bach, yes.
Just wanted you to know that I'm no schmo, you know.
I need a glass of Bach beer I've drunk in my time.
Have you ever painted a portrait of your wife, Mr. Felsberg?
Yes, from that old fact.
Where do you hang her? Where did you hang her?
In the living room over the fireplace.
Isn't it a little warm there?
We're talking about the painting.
On this program, we're never sure, Mr. Felsberg.
Do you have many paintings on exhibition and galleries?
Yes, I have some all the way across the country, Boston, New York, Pittsburgh, and a few others.
Any local people?
Yes, I sold...
Theatrical people?
Recently I sold a painting, quite a large painting, to Frank Sinatra.
To Sinatra?
Yes.
What was the barrier at home for?
That was probably a frame-up, huh?
How can you tell if someone has artistic talent?
Well, I don't believe in talent. There is no such thing as talent.
There is no such thing as talent?
No.
This will be a great blow to Bing Crosby, you know.
Particularly since his son is now pushing him off the airwaves.
Could I line to paint a picture of Dorothy Green here?
I think so, with proper supervision.
Well, if I have to have supervision, I'm not interested in it.
Now, what kind of a model are you, outside of being a pretty fair-looking dish there, Dorothy?
Are you the new 1950 model to Soda that's all new from bumper to bumper?
Well, I wouldn't say that, no. I'm a photographic and showroom model.
And where do you do your modeling?
I work through Carol and Leonetti's agency in Hollywood.
House of Charm, isn't it?
May I ask how old you are, Dorothy?
Yes, I'm 26.
You're a fairly recent model, aren't you?
What size are you?
What size am I? I'm a perfect size 12.
I don't care what size you are, you're just perfect, Dorothy.
What do you say is the most difficult part about modeling?
Well, I would say the fact that we usually work a season ahead.
You wind up in a nice, stuffy, hot showroom modeling fur coats in the middle of the summer,
and you usually wind up out on the beach in the pouring rain modeling bathing suits in January or something.
You wear a bathing suit in the winter?
Yes, I have, many times.
I can't see what keeps you warm.
You're not supposed to.
Well, I can dream, can't I?
Now, what kind of models do you prefer to work with, Mr. Felsberg?
Well, I'm paying to see landscapes and see the cake.
You stick to your work and I'll stick to mine.
Now, Mr. Felsberg, I want you to disregard anything I've said about you.
Your professional reputation is safe in spite of me.
Now, you're going to play the DeSoto Plymouth game. You bet your life.
You beat our other two couples, you'll get a crack at the $2,500 question.
I can't tell you how much they won, but George is offstage to remind our listeners.
The pediatrician and the young mother are still ahead with $110.
Here we go, let's see how high you can build your $20.
You selected maiden names of movie stars as your category.
Here's your first question, how much of the $20 will you try?
Ten? All right, we'll try ten.
What is Mrs. Humphrey Bogard's maiden name?
Lauren Bacall.
Lauren Bacall is correct.
And they're off to a good start with $30, Groucho.
How much of the $30 are you going to try?
Remember, you're going for $2,500, that's the big one now.
I'll try 20.
20? What is Mrs. Theron Power's maiden name?
Linda Christian.
Linda Christian is correct.
They're climbing now, they have $50.
Now you have $50. Here's your third question, how much will you bet of the $50?
25.
25, here we go.
What is Mrs. Walter Wayne's maiden name?
Joan Bennett.
Joan Bennett is right.
They're really on their way, they have $75.
Now you've got 75, and here's your last chance to beat the other couples.
How much of the 75 will you risk?
60.
What is Mrs. Desiarnes' maiden name?
Lucille Ball.
Lucille Ball.
And they wind up with a grand total of $135, and that means that they get the chance of
the DeSoto Plymouth $2,500 question.
If you own a car, it's important to you to get expert service at a fair price.
You don't have to be told that.
I do want to tell you that it pays to go to an authorized DeSoto Plymouth dealer, whether
it's an emergency or a routine checkup.
For there, you get expert, courteous service at the lowest possible cost.
In fact, that's a DeSoto Plymouth dealer's everyday way of doing business.
Now they're able to accomplish this because they have highly skilled mechanics in their
shop, and these experts work with special factory-designed and approved tools.
From the records they keep on your car, they're able to tell you, for example, when your engine
is ready for a tune-up or new lubrication.
They'll tell you when your tires should be rotated to add thousands of miles to their
life.
So, for the best from your car, drive in where you get the best service at the sign of an
authorized DeSoto Plymouth dealer.
And here's the model and the artist, the winning couple, all ready for the DeSoto Plymouth
$2,500 question, Groucho.
Well, you won't have to paint anything for a long time if you get this, Mr. Felsberg.
All right, here we go for $2,500.
Ready?
I'll give you 15 seconds to decide on a single answer between you, so think carefully and
please, no help from the audience.
Here it is.
As you know, members of the president's cabinet are appointed.
The portfolio of one of these, however, expires every four years.
Which cabinet member's time expires every four years?
Okay, what's the answer you two have decided upon?
No, I'm sorry.
It's the postmaster general.
So, that means the big question next week will be worth $3,000.
Well, you lost the big money, but you won $135 in the quiz.
Congratulations and thanks to both of you.
You Bet Your Life is a John Goodell production transcribed from Hollywood, directed by Bob
Dwan and Bernie Smith.
Music by Jerry Fielding.
Be sure to tune in again next Wednesday night at this time for the Groucho Marx show, You
Bet Your Life.
Presented by the more than 3,000 DeSoto Plymouth dealers of America.
And remember, all dealers who sell DeSoto also sell Plymouth.
Two great cars, both products of the Chrysler Corporation.
And don't forget, next week the big question will be worth $3,000.
Well, it's almost time for Bing Crosby, so good night folks and remember, just be sure
to see your DeSoto Plymouth dealer.
Here's a tip from the National Safety Council.
Just take it slow on ice or snow.
This is George Fenomen signing off with more than 3,000 DeSoto Plymouth dealers from coast
to coast.