'^H^t

txhvary of t:he theological ^tmimry

PRINCETON . NEW JERSEY PRESENTED BY

Dr. Charles G. Osgood

'See

v-^ >9»H-'

0!

mm

\

Account of the

LIFE

Of the late Reverend

Mr. David Bramerd,

j Miniftcr of the Gofpel,

i Mifftonary to the Indians, from the honourable Society in Scotland ^^^r:^

\ f the Propagation of Chriftian Know- ledge, and Pallor of a Church of Chriftian Indians in New-Jerfey.

Who died at Northampton in New-EnglanDj OSfoh.^th 1747. ^" ^^^ 3^^^ Year of his Age :

Chiefly taken from his own Diary^ and other prirate Writings, written for his own Ufe ; and now

|i)ub]iflied.

By Jonathan Edwards, A. M. I Minilter of the Gofpel at Northampton.

'^^ B O ST O N : N. E.

^ for and Sold by D, Henchmam, in CofnhiK' '749- %

W.

*^

sy^^ t(f" >■«'%,•

iP ■>•? i%(,:'

. ;>c7

a\1»V

^y

'',

r

4

m^ i

r--

'he PREFACE.

THERE are two Ways of rcprefentiflg^nd recommending true Religion and Virtue to the World, which God hath made Ufe of: The one is by Doflrine and Precept ; the other is by Inftance and Example : Both are abundantly ufed in the holy Scriptures, Not only are the Grounds, Nature, Defign and Importance of Religion clearly ex- hibited in the Dodrines of Scripture, and it's Exercife rndPradlice plainly delineated and abundantly cnjoin'd and enforc'd in it's Commands and Counfcls : But there

?we have many excellent Examples of Religion, in it's Power and Pradice, fet before us, in the Hiftories both of the Old Teftament and New. — Jesus Christ^ the great Prophet of God, when he came into the World to be the Light of the IVorld^ to, teach and enforce true Religion, in a greaterDegrce than ever had been before, he made Ufe of both thefe Methods : In his Dodrine he declared the Mind and Will of God, and theNiiture and Properties of that Vertue which becomes Creatures of ourMake and in our Circumftances, more cle^lrly and fully than ever it had been bcfore,and more powerfully enforced it by what he declared of the Obligations and Inducements to Holinefs ; and he alfo in his own Prac- tice gave a mod pcrfc6l Example of the Vertue he I taught. He exhibited to the World fuch an illuftrious g^'^attern of Hunriility, divine Love, difcreet Zeal, Self*- Ijenjala Obcd/enee, Patience, Rcfignation, Fortitude, / ' A z Mcckacfs,

11

*rbe PREF ACE.

Meeknefs, Forgivenefs, Companion, Benevolence, and univerfal Holinefs, as neither Men nor Angels ever faw before. God alfo in his Providence has been wont to make Ufe of both thefe Methods to hold forth Light to Mankind, and Inducement to their Duty, in all Ages ; He has fromTime toTime raifed up eminent Teachers, to exhibit and bear. Tcftimony to the Truth in their VoffrmCy and oppofe the Errors, D^rknefs andWickcd- nels of the World ; and alfo has, from Age to Age, raifed up feme eminent Perfons that havefet bright Ex- amples of that Religion that is taught and prefcribed in the^Pord of God ; whofc Examples have in divine Providence been fet forth to publickView. Thefe have \ a great Tendency to engage the Attention of Men to \ the Dodlrines and Rules that are taught, and greatly to^ confirm and enforce them ; and efpecially when thefe \\ bright Examples have been exhibited in the fame Per- \ fons that have been eminent Teacben, fo that the World ^ has had Opportunity to fee fuch a Confirmation of the Truth, Efficacy, andAmiablenefsof the Religion taught^ in the PraQike of the fame Perfons that have moft clearly and forceabiy taught it; and above all, when \ ihefc bright Examples have been fet by eminentTeach- } crs in a variety of unufual Circum (lances of remarkable Trial ; and God has withal remarkably diftinguifh'd them with v/onderful Succefi of their Inflrudiions and Labours, confiiling in glorious Events that have been in many Refpe<5ls new and ftrange. ,

Such sn Inftance we have in the e^ccellefitPerfin^whofc Life is publiHied in the foIlowingPages. HisExampIe is attended with a great Variety of Circumftances, tend- ing Co engage the Attention of religious People, efpeci- ally in thefe Parts of the World ; He was one of dif- cinguidiM natural Abilities i as all are fenfible, that had Acquaintance with him : He was a Minifter of the Golpei, and one who was called to unufual Services 'm\ ihli Workj whofc M'niftry was attended with very re-'

^he PREF AC E^

iii

markable and unufual Events, an Account of which has already been given to thePublick ; one whofeCourfe of Religion began before the lateTimes of extraordinary religious Commotion, but yet one that lived in thofc Times, and went through them, and was very much in the Way of t^e various extraordinary Effeds and unuiial Appearances of that Day, and was not an idleSpedlator, bat had a near Concern in many Things that pafs'd at that Time j one that had a very extenfiveAcquaintance with thofe that have been the Subjcdls of the late reli- gious Operations, in many of thefe Britifh Colonies^ in Places far diftanc one from another, in People df many different Nations, of difFerewt Educations, Manners and '"uftoms ; one who had peculiar Opportunity of Ac- uaintance with iht falfe Appearances and Counterfeits f Religion : One who himfeif was the Inftrument of a lofl remarkableAwakening, and an exceeding wonder- \ \\ and abiding Alteration and moral Transformation of \ ich Subjcdls as do peculiarly render the Change rare and i^onifhing.

i In the following Account, the Reader will have Op- ij ortunity to fee, not only what v/ere the external Cir- i jmftances and remarkable Incidents of the Life of this /|| 'erfon, and how he fpent his Time from Day to Day, % s to his external Behaviour ; butalfo what pafs'd in his /jwn Heart, the wonderful Change that he experienced in his Mind and Difpofition, the Manner in which that Change was bro't to pafs, how it continued, what were it's Confcquenccs in his inward Frames, Thoughts, Af- feflions and fecret Exercifes, through many Yiciffitudes and Trials, from thenceforth for more than eightYears, 'till his Death -, and alfo to fee how all ended at lad, in his Sentiments, Frame and Behaviour, during a long Seafon of the gradual and fenfible Approach of Death, under, a lingringlllnefs, and what were the Effeifls of his Religion in dying Circumftances, or in the laft Siages of his dying Illncfs. The Accoynt being writ- ten,

w ne preface:

ten, the Reader may have Opportunity at hisLeifure te compare the various Parts of the Story, and deliberately to view and weigh the whole, and confider how far what \s related is agreeable to the Didates of right Rea- fon and the holy Word of God.

1 am far from fuppofing, that Mr. Brainerd'% inward Exercifes andExpericnces, or his external Condudl, were free from all Imperfection : ThcExample of Je/usCbrifi is the only Example that ever was fet in the human Nature, that was altogether perfect ; which therefore is a Rule, to try all other Examples by ; and the Difpofi- tionSjFramcs, andPraflices of others muft be commend- ed and followed no further, than they were Followers of CbriJ^.

There is one Thing in Mr. Brainerd^^aCily difcerna- ble by the following Account of his Life, that may be called an Imperfeflion in him, which tho' not properly an Imperfedion of a moral Nature, yet may poffibly be made anObjedion againlt the extraordinaryAppcarances of Religion and Devotion in him, by fuch as feek for Objedions againft every Thing that can be produced ia Favour of true vital Religion ; and that is, that he was one who by his Conflitucion and natural Tempet was fo prone to Melancholy and Dejcdion of Spirit. There are fome who think that all ferious ftridReligion is a melancholy Thing, apd that what is calledChriftian Experience, is little dP^befides melancholy Vapours difturbing the Brdin, 'IPS exciting enthufiaftical Imagi- nations. But that M(i Brainerd's Temper or Confti- tution inclined him toiDefpondency, is no juft Ground lo fufpedl his extraordinary Devotion, as being only the Fruit of a warm Imagination. I doubt not but that all who have well obfervedMankind, will readily grant this, that it is not all thofe who by their natyral Conftitution or Temper are moft difpofed to Deje^ion^ that arc the Perfons who are the mod fufceptive of lively and ftronf ImprcfTions on their Imagination, or the moftfubj-d/

the PREFACE. '- y

thofe vehement impetuous AfFeflions, which are the Fruits of fuch Impreffions ; but that many who are of a ■y ay gay and /i«^a/»^naturalTcraper are vaftly more fo, and if their Affcdions are turned into a religious Chan- nel, are much more cxpofed to Enihuftafm^ than many of the former. And as to Mr. Brainerd in particular, notwichftanding his Inclination toDefpondency, he was ipvidcntly one of that Sort of Perfons who ufually are the Furtheft from a teeming Imagination ; being one of a penetrating Genius, of clear Thought, of clofe Reafon- ing, and a very cxadl Judgment ; as all know, that knew him. As he had a great Infight into human Nature, and was very d'tfcerning and judicious in Things in ge- neral, fo he excell'd in his Judgment and Knowledge of things inDivinity.but efpecially inThings appertaining to inward cxperimentalReligion ; mod accurately diftin- guifhing between real folid Piety and Enthufiafm, be- tween thofe AfFcdtions that are rational and fcriptural, having their Foundation in Light and Judgment, and thofe that are founded in whimfical Conceits, (trong Impreffions on the Imagination, and thofe vehement Emotions of the animal Spirits that arife from them. He was exceeding fenfible of Men'sExpofednefs to thefc Things, how much they had prevailed, and what Mul- titudes had been, deceived by them, of the perniciouj Confequenccs of them, and the fearfulMifchief they had done in the Chriftian World. He greatly abhor'd fuch a Sort of Religion, and was abundant.ijj bearing Tefti- mony againft it, living and dyin^vir^cl was quick to difcern when any Thing of that 'Nature arofe, tho' i« it's, firft Buddings, and appearfng under the moft fair and plaufible Difguifes ; and had that Talent at defcrib- ing the various Workings of i\\\^ imaginary Entbu^ fiafical Religion, evincing the Falfenefs and -Vanity of it, and dcmonftrating the great Difference between this and true fpir it ual Devotion,, which 1 fcarcely ever knew equalled in any Other Perfon. rrr: And hisjudicioufnefs

did

vi ne PREFACE.

did not only appear in diftinguifhing among the Expe- riences of others^ but alfo among the various ExercifeS of bis own Mind ; and particularly in difccrning what ^vithin himfelf was to be laid to the Score o{ Melancholy *y in which he exceeded all melancholy Perfons that ever I was acquainted with (tho'Ihave been in the Way of Acquaintance with very many ; ) which was doubtlcls owing to a peculiar Strength in his Judgment : "Tis a rare Thing indeed, that melancholy People arc well fen- fible of their own Difeafe, and fully convinced that fuch and fuch Things are to be afcribed to it, as are indeed

it's genuine Operations and Fruits. Mr. Braineri

did not obtain that Degree of Skill, which he had in this Matter, at once, but gain*d it gradually ; as the Reader may difcern by the following Account of his Life. In the former Part of his religious Courfe, he imputed much of that Kind ofGloomincfs of Mind and thofe dark Thoughts^ to fpiritual Befertion^ which in the latter Part o* bis Life, he was abundantly fcnfible, were owing to the Difeafe of Melancholy -, accordingly he often exprcfly fpeaks of them in his Diary as arifing fromthisCaufe ; and he was often inConverfation fpeak- ing of the Difference between Melancholy and godly Sorrow, true Humiliation and fpiritual Defertion, and the great Danger of miflaking the one for the other, and the very hurtful Nature of Melancholy, difcourfing •with great Judgment upon it, and doubtlefs much more judicioufly for what he knew by his own Experience. But bcfides what maybe argued from Mr Brninerd's Strength of Judgment, 'tis apparent in F^ff, that he was not a Perfon cA a warm Imagination. His inward Experiences, either 'n hisConvidlions or his Converfion, and his religious Views and Impreffions thro' the Courfe cf his Life to his Death C of which he has left a very particular Account ) none of them confided in, or were- excited by,(lrong and lively Imag«s formed in his Ima- gination j there is nothing a^ a|i appears of it in h^

Dioff^

ns preface: vh

Ibtary^ From Beginning to End : Yea, he told me on hisDcath-Bed, that, altho' once when he wasvery young in Years and in Experiencejhe was deceived into a high Opinion of fuch Things, Jooking on them as fupcriour Attainments in Religion, beyond what he had ever arrived to, and was ambitious of them and earncflly fought them, yet he never could obtain them 5 and that he never in his Life had a ftrong ImprefTicn on his Ima- ginaciottj of any V.fdge, outward Form, external Gioryj or any other Thing of that Nature ; which Kind of ImprtlTions abound among the wild enthufiaftic Peo- ple of the lace and prefent Day,

As Mr. Brainerd's Religious Imprefliong, Views and AfFedions in theii Nature were vaftly different fromEn- thufialrn^ fo were tht-ir Effe5f5 in him as contrary aS poffible to the ordinary Effcds of that. Nothing ^0 puffs Men up, as Enthufiajmy with a high Conceit of their own Wifdom, Holmefs, Eminency and Sufficien- cy, and makes 'em fo bold^ forward, affuming, and arrogant : But the Reader will fee, that Mr. Brainerd's Religion conftantly difpofed him to a moft meanTho't of himfelf, an abaling Senfe of his own exceeding Sin- fulnefs, Dtrficiency, Unprofitablenefs, and Ignorance 5 looking on himfeif as v/orfe than others ; difpofing him to univerfal Benevolence, Meeknefs, and in Honour to prefer others, and to treat all with Kindnefs andRefped. And when Melancholy prevailed, tho' the Effeds of it were very prejudicial to him,yet it had not thofeEffeds of Enibujiafm ; but operated by dark and difcouraging Thoughts of himfelf, as ignorant^ wicked and wholly unfit for the Work of the Miniftry^ or even to be fecn among Mankind, &c, Indeed at the Time fore- mentioned, when he had not learn'd well to difiinguilb. betweenEnthufiafm &rolidReligion,he joining and keep- ing Company with fome that were tinged with no fmall Degree of the former, for a Seafon partook with them in a Degree of their Difpofitions and Behaviours ; tho* as Nvas obferved before, he could not obtain ihokThingt

a a wherein

viii ne PREF ace:

wherein their Enthufiafm it fcif confided, and fo could not become like 'em in that Refped, however he er- roneoudy defir^d and fought it. But certainly it is not at all to be wondered at, that a Youth and a young Convert, cne that had his Heart fo Ivvallowed up inRc Jigion, and fo carneftly dePifcd the flourifliing of it, buc had had fo little Opportunity for Reading; ,Obfervation and Experience, fhould for a while be dazzled and de- ceived with the glaring Appearances of that miftaken Devotion and Zeal ; efpecially confidering what the extraordinary Circumftances of that Day were. He told me on his Dcath-Bcd, that while he was in thefe Cir- cumftances he was out of his Element, and didViolcncc to himfelf, while complying, in his Condu6l, withPer- fons of a fierce and imprudent Zeal, from his great Veneration of fome that he looked upon much better than himfelf. So that it would be very unreafonable,that his Error at that Time fhould neverthelefs be efteemed a juft Ground of Prejudice againft the whole of his Re- ligion, and his Charafler in general ; efpecially confi- dering, how greatly his Mind was foon changed, and how exceedingly he afterwards lamented his Error, and abhor*d himfelf for his imprudentZealandMifcondudl at that Time, even to the breaking of his Heart, and al- moft to the overbearing and breaking theSrrength of his Nature ; and how much of a Chriftian Spirit he (hew- ed, in his condemning himfelf for that Milcondudl, as the Reader will fee.

What has been now mentioned of Mr. Brainerd.h fo far from being juft Ground of Prejudice againft what is related in the following Account of his Life, that, if duly confidcrcd, it will render the Hiftory the more Ssrvieeahle, For by his thus joining for a Seafon with Enibiijiaffj^he had a more full & intimateAcquaintance with what belonged to thatSort of Religion, and fo was under better Advantages to judge of the Difference be- tween that,and the other, which he finally approved and ftrovc to his utmoft to promote, in Oppofition to it :

And

The PREFACE, jx

And hereby the Reader has the more to demonftrate to him, that Mr. Brainerd in his Tedimony againft it and the Sp.rJc and Behaviour of thofe that are influenced by it, fpeaks from impartial Ccnviclion, and not from Pre- judice ; bccaufe therein he openly condemns his own for- mer Opinion and Condu6l, on Account of which h * had greatly fuffered from hisOppofers,and for v^fiich fome continued to Reproach him as long as he hved.

Another Imperfection in Mr. Braindpa^vjhKh maybe obferved in the following Account of his Life, was his being excejjive in his Labours ; not taking due Care to Proportion his Fatigues to his Strength Indeed the Cafe was very often To, and fuch the feeming Calls of Providence, that it was extremely difficult for him to avoid doing more than his Strength would well admit of; yea, his Circumftances, and the Bufintfs of his Miflion among the Indians^ were fuch, that great Fa- tigues and Hardfhips were altogether inevitable. How- ever, he was finally convinced, that he had err'd in this Matter, and that he ought to have takf^n more thoro* Care, and been more refolute to withftand Temptations to fuch Degrees of Labour as injurM his Health ; and accordingly warned his Brother^ who fucceeds him in his MifTion, to be careful to avoid this Error.

Befides thelmperfedlions already mentioned, it Is rea- dily allowed, that there were fome Imperfedions that ran through his whole Life, and were mixed with all his religious Affedions and Exercifes, fome Mixture of what was natural with that which was fpiritual •, as it evermore is in the befl Saints in this World. Doubtlefs there was fome Influence that natural Temper had in the religious Exercifes and Experiences of Mr. Brainerd^^^ there molt apparently was in the Exercifes of devout T>avid, and the Apoflles Peter, John and Paul : There was undoubtedly very often fome influence of his natural Difpofition to Dejection in his religious Mourning,fome Mixture of Melancholy with truly godly Sorrow arid real Chriftian Humility, and fome Mixture ok the natural

a a 2 FiU

X ne P REFACE.

Fire of Youth with his holy Zeal for God, and fome Influence of natural Principles mix'd with Grace in va- rious other Refpedls, as it ever was and evrr wili be with the Saints while on this Side Heaven. Pei haps none were more fenfibic of Mr. Brainerd's Imperftdlions ihaa hehimfelf; or could diftinguifh more a^curattiy, tl* .n he, between what was natural and what was Ipintual, *Tis eafy for the judicious Reader to oblerve, that his Graces ripen'd, and the religious Exercifes of his H^art became more and more pure, and he more and more diftinguifhing in his Judgment, the longer he Jiv'd : He had much to teach and purify him,and he failed not £0 make his Advantage thereby.

Butnotwithftanding all thefe Imperfeftions, lam per- fwaded, every pious and judicious Reader will acknow- ledge, that what is here fet before him is indeed a re- markable Inftance of true and eminent Chriftian Piety in Heart and Praflice -, tendinggreatly to confirm theReali- ty of vital Religion and the Power of Godlinefs, mod worthy or Imitation, and many Ways tending to the fpiritual Benefit of the careful Obferver.

Tis fie, the Reader fliould be aware, that what Mr. Brainerd wrote in his Diary, out of which the following Account of his Life is chiefly taken, was written only for his own private Ufe, and not to get Honour and Applaufe in the World, nor with any Defign that the World fliould ever fee it, either while h^e lived or after his Death, excepting fome few Things that he wrote in a dying State, after he had been perfwaded fwith Diffi- culty) not entirely to fcpprefs all his private Writings. He fliewed himfelf almolt invincibly averfe to the Pub' lijhing of any Part of \mDiary after hisDeath ; and when he was thought to be dying at Bojiony gave the moft flridt peremptory Orders to theContrary : but being by fome of his Friends there prevailed upon to v/ithdraw foftridand abfolute a Prohibition,hc was pleafed finally to yield fo far as that hisPapers /hould be left in myHands^ ihat I might difpofi of them as libougbt "Jijould he violifsr

the preface; ^

God^s Glory and tbs Inter efi of Religion '"l^\^t afewDays before his Death, he ordered fomc Part of his Diary to be defl:royed(as will afterwards be obferved; which ren- ders the Account of hrLife the lefs compleat. And there are fome Parts of \i\iDiary are here left out for Brevity's Sake, that would ( I am fenfible) have been a great Ad- vantage to the Hiftory, if they had been inferted ; par^ cicularly the Account of his wonderful Succeffcs among the Indians \ which for Subftance is the fame in his pri- vate Diary with that which has already been made pub- lick, m the Journal he kept by order of the Society in Scotland^ for their Information. That Account, I am of Opmion,would be morcentcrtaining and more profitable, if it were publifhed as it is written in his Diaryy in Con- nection with his fecret Religion and the inwardExercifes of his Mind, and alfo with the preceeding and following Parts of the Story of his Life. But becaufe thatAccount has been Publifhed already, and becaufe the adding it here would make the Book much more bulky and more co{lly,which might tend to difcourage the Purchafe and Perufal of it, and fo render it lefs extenfively ufeful, I have therefore omitted that Part. However, this Defeft may in a great Meafure be made up to the Reader, by his purchafing his publickJ^wr^^Aand reading it in its Place, with this Hiftory of his Life ; which undoubtedly would ts well worth the while for every Reader, and would richly recompenfe the additional coft of the Purchafe. I hope therefore, that thofe of my Readers who are aoc furnilhcd with that Book, will, for their own Profit and Entertainment, and that they may have the Story of this excellent Perfon more compleat, procure one of thofe Books ; v/ithout which he muft h^ve a very impcrfcdt View of the moft important Part of his Life, and ( on fomc Accounts^ of the moft remarkable and wonderful Things in it.— I ftiould alfo obferve, that bcfides that ^ook, and antecedent to it, there is a Narrative relating Hjto the IndianA&dirs^ annexed to Mr. Pemkrton^s Sermon 'if Mr. Brainerd's Ordination j which lijcewife may the

mom

ja^ rhs P REF ACE.

more profitably be read in Conjunftion with his Diar^ previous to Nov. 5. j 744.

But M is Time to end this Preface, that the Reader Oiay be no longer detained from the Hiftory it fcif.

JV. B. Thofe Parts of the following Hiftory, that are included between Brackets thus [ J are the Words of the Publt/her^ot the moft Part, fumma- lily reprefenting ( for Brevity's Sakf) the fubftance or chief Things contained in Mr. 5r^m<?r^'s Diary, for fuch a certain Space of Time as is there fpeci- ficd ; The reft is the Account that he givrs of him- fclf in his private Writings, m his own Words.

I prefuroe, fcarce any Reader needs to be told, that [ A. Mt, ] on the top of the Page, fignifies ^he Tear of his Age, and [ A. D. ] The Tear of our Lord.

SS2§2SISllglSISIBISIBIl^SS!§2SS§S§SSSS§g§

Bcfides the Errata at the End of the Life, the Reader is defir'4 to correal the following.

Page 69. 1. 36. r. cries, p. 77. I. 35. r. wring out. p. 122. 1. 31. r. have more. p. 124. J. 24, 25. r. and often feel. p. j2^« 1. 12. r. BlefTed be God. p. 154. 1. 16. r. Nfjhaminy, ^ I'j'j, 1. 22. r. any Spirit, p. 311. J» 14. r. (o aiCft. p. 31^4 1. 29. r. taken iiom.

^m^m^^^mwMmmm^mmm^^w

The Names of Subfcribers to the Rev. Mr. Brainerd\ Life.

Province of the Mafiachufetts-Bay.

His Excellency Jonathan Belcher, Efq; late Governour of the MaJfacbuJettSy now Govcrnour

ef New Jerjey,

The Hon. Sir William Pepperrell, Baronet,

^

TjOn. JohnAlford, P Efq;

DanielAppletonjEfq; Rev. Nath. Appkton Rev. Hull Abbot Rev. Jofeph Afhltcy JoA'pb Appleton Samuel Adams, A.M. Capt. WiJljam Ayres Capt. Jacob Abbot Aaron Auftin Elifha Allis Jofeph AlJcn i)amue] Adams Samuel Adams, jun, David Adams John Applen Capf. Noah Afhley Richard At well Mary Auftin Samuel Allen John Adams Peter Adams IfracI Afliley John Afhky Benjamin Auftin Sarah Allen

B

HOn. Tho. Berry Efq; Hon. Sylv.BournEfq; Rev. John Barnard Andrew Burley, Efq; Rev. Daniel Blifs Rev. Thomas Balch Rev.SiroonBraoltreet Edward Bromfield John Barret Jeremiah Belknap Jofeph Be'knap Jer. Belknap jun, Thomas Baxter Mary Bennet Thomas Bromfield Ep^^anm Brown John Beatton John Barnard Jonathan Burt Fellows Billings , B-cuben Belding Jofeph Billings Jofeph Bacon Preferved Bartlet Jofeph Baldwin Eikanah Burt

Samuel Brett Capt. — Brown Samuel Bancroft jURa Abigail Beck Mofes Bradftreet Spencer Bennet William Browajun* Samuel Bifs John Billentine Cotton Bradbury Jofeph BragdonjuE., Tabuha bragdoa Samuel Sragdon Jeremiah Hragdon Mary Bulman Ifrael Butler Jofeph Bifiiop Jofeph ijiickiin William Brown ". Jacob Hurgis r. \-" ,' Jacob Barney ; ^

Edward Hiake GrinHU Blake James Brigs WilliamBrettur John Brigs Jarass Bfftl;a ,_^ .

Suhfcrikrs NamiSl

John Chamberlain Capt. Mofes Cunifs John Clement Kicazer Clark Ll (ha Cook Nuah Cook, juHi David Llark Charles CJap bclah Clark Iihamar Clark Eliphalct Clap J fuh Llark, jun. Mofes Clark Daniel Clark Aaron Cock Jofiaii V hauncey

H'

Benjamin Blaney David Blood William Bartlet John Bulkley Jolhua Barton Robert Blake Samuel Blifs tjtcphen Bidger Berjamin Belknap Samuel Baicumb David B^air Daniel Bucknam Noah Brooks Jonathan Biker JonaihanBakcr C

HOn.JuhnChand- • apt. JonathanCIark C hriftopher Dyer Icr, Efq; Eliakim Clark Wililam Dunning

Hon.Ez.ChecvcrEfq, Jofiah Llark ~

Jofhua ChcevcrjEfq; j hn Clap Rev. Ames Cheevcr Jofeph Clark Rev. Peter Cl.rk ilaacLhild John Choatc;, Efq; Samuel Colburn Roland Cottcn, Efq; Abraham C umings Jonas Clark, Efq; Jofeph C apron Rev. Sam. Chcckley Samuel Cufhman Bci.j. Crocker M. A. C apt. Elea. Carpenter Samuel Dak;n Rev. AaronC'evciand Ber^jamin Crabtree BerjaminDay Rev. Samuel Cooper J^hn Lrablree Rcv.S Chcckley.jun James Coding Jkcv. JamesChandler Nathaniel Carver Rev. John Chandler i^amuel C afwcll

D

On. Sana. Dan- forth, Efqs Hon.Jof.DwighiEfq; Timoih) DwightEfq; WilliamDownejEfqj Rev. Jofeph Davis Stephen Dean Samuel Dcming John Deming Nathaniel Davis C apt. Eliphalct Day Col. Thomas DunucH Hannah Dyer Simeon Dwight John Deman

Ifaac Dodge Ezckiel Dodge Samuel Dwight Obadiah Dickinfon John Dickinfon Thomas Dickinfon Jonathan Dickinfon Azariah Dickinfon

Samuel Day Ephraim Dean David Dean Elijah Dean Rev. Ji^fiah Crocker ( apt. Thomas Cobb Ebenezer Dean

Rev. S)lvaniJS'Jonart Ebenezer Cr^ni

Berj. Church, M. A. Capt. J'hn Ccdman Nathan Chctvcr William Ccf-ptr Tlirmas Cuflnn^^ John Call Ralph ( rof:i R (hj'd Caiy jMJuifnin Cli^pin

jf-fiah Connant Jfracl Cheever John Croxford Stephen Crawfoot Lnmberton C ooper 'A chcus Crocker Ebenezer Child Jonathan Church iMufva CufSn.

John Dexter, E

REv. JofEmerfon Rev. Andr.Eliot Rev, Jofhua Eaton

RevJof.Emerfon,jun; Andrew Eliot hrtwn Emerfon Jacob Emmons Jofeph Edwards

/

Suhf<rihers Namesl

Benjamin Edwards John Eli Samuel Edwards Jofiah Edfon Jonathan Everet. F

Rev.Dan.Greenleafe David Gorham Efq; Rev, Ebenezcr Gay Rev. Ellis Gray Rev. J«hn Graham

Re V. Samuel Hopkfna Rev. Abraham Hill R«v.Ph,. Hemingway Rev. Ellas Haven Abiah Hoibrook John Hillier

Capi.J^hn Harmon V.apf. Dan. Hay ward

John Greenleafe LJOn, Francis Fox- Jofeph Green

■■'■ croft, Efq. Samuel Grant ^ _^

H©n.Wm.Foje,Erq; Benjamin Greenleafe Reuben Hermon johnFairweatherErq; James Green Daniel Hubbard

Rev. John Fox ijamuel Git^n Aaron Hichcock

Rev. Tho. Foxcroft Ezckiel Goldthwait Enoch Holcomb Thomas Greenough Simon Hunt BenjaminGoldthwait John Hammond

John Fofter, Efq; William Fenwick William Fairfield Andrew Frifwel James Fofter

Ab:el Goodwin Daniel Grove Robert Gordon

bamuel Frothinfyham I^bez Gay

Ebenezer Fiflier James Fofdick Philip Freeman Jofeph Fofter Ralph Farnam Matthew Farnam Jofeph Farnam Grafton Feveryear Benjamin Fofter E!foaFj{h Ell Forbufh Obadiah Frary Jacob French Jo^n Field Gerftiom Fletcher Ifaae Farnfwcrrh Timothy Fu!ler Edward Fofter Jonathan Freeman -bcephen Fu cr Jonathan Fox

iabez Fifher ibenczcr Freefe.

G LjOn John Green* ^, . leafc, Ef^i

William George Jofeph Gillfon Benjamin GotC

James Gv^y Edward Goodwin Samuel Gay ford Jvhn Gunn Ebenezer Guild Robert Grey Chauncey Graham Robert Grey IchabodQoodin.

H OOn. Ed. Hutch-

Lawrence Hart Nehemiah Hail David Hall Stephen Hc/k'ns William Hodgea Jofeph Hall Abigail Hall Jofeph Hall, Jun. William Hack John Hall

Shad. Hachway M.A» Jacob Hayward Thomas Hayward N^emiah Hcbart Jofeph Hews Naib Healy Aaron Havs

Capt. Eliflia Hedge infon, E'q; Jonathan Hale Edw.Holyoke, Preft. jchn Hacks of Harvard-College Stephen HaU Robert Hale, E^qj Eliftia Hill ThomasHubbaraE q Henry Hayward ThomasHanctxkEfqfSamuel Haven J^hn Hill, Efq; !V ofcsHale

Ed w. Hayward, Efq; Benjamin Holt Rev. NathHf nchman Nehemiah Harrcndf Jl Rev. William Hobby Jofeph Holt Rev. Ivory Hovey Caleb Hopkins

a SI a Jchji

Suhjcrihers Nam^fl

L TjOnEzckielLewIs

Efq;

H tn.GeoLconardE'q Jofeph Lemmon Efq; Samuel Leonaid^Eiq; Rev. Dutilev Leavit Thonia>Lm]bertErq. Maj. Zeph. Leonard

JohnHarburt Willum Humes

iofcph Hidden phfaim HaywarJ Joha Hart Jnhn Hay Kich: las Hopping John Hancock

iJcnjimin Hvird, Jun. Caleb L)man Aaron Hjtchinfun. Noah L) man 1 (lad Lyman

HOri.JohnJcfFrics, Ehas L^ man Efq; Caltb Lampfon Thomas Jcnncr,h«q; Sam.je' L-rd Rev. Jcdu:iah J. wet John Lan^^Jon Rev. Samuel Jtffcrds Ebcruztr Little Rev. Ifaac Jones EdwardLangdon jun.

Rev. Jonathan Judd Jokph L\man 1'homas Judd ITaac Lyman

Samuel Jones \Viiliam L\man

Jonathan Ingram Nathaniel Lewis ieriamin Ingott Robert Lufcomb

Tabcz rA>throp James Leonard Jonathan J.incoln Jonathan Lillcy James Lcland Jeremiah Lawrence John Long'ey^jun.

Jerjamin Ingott JDanicl Johnfon th Irigraham John Johnlon Samuel Ji'hnfon £Jward Jn^raham.

K

SAmucI Kent, Efq, ,. -...^_, ,j Rev. Sim.Kcndall Fcleg I^awrence John Knight Ebenczcr Lane John Knccland J bf) Knceland, jun Jonathan Kettle William Kettle

Dudley Kent Simuel Kinfley David Kennedy Benjamin King JLbcnczcr Kendall John Kendall Nathaniel Kimball Richard KifnSall Cakb Kimball.

Ca| t. Elipb. Leonard John Littlefield John LiftlcHeld, jun. Daniel Little Jofeph Low William L;;mron Jofeph Lord Robert Lawtridgc Ebenczcr Luce.

M LJOn.Jer. Moulton E^q; Hun.JamcsMinoiLq

Rev. Hen. Me/Tengcr Daniel Moulton, Efq; Capt. Jer. Moalton Rev. John Moorhead Rcv.Thad. Maccarty Tim. Minot M. A. Daniel Mil (h Buriah Maa Capt- E!e;;zerMeIvfn Capt. SamMountagu James Mears Mofes Mar(h Richard Millberry Samuel MarOi Ebenczer Marfh jun. Daniel Marfh Jt'hn Mountagu Jonathan Moody E'lA'ard Mackard John Mifchel Michael Mctcalf John Mounrgomery IJeij;imin Mors JVIoody Mors John Mudge Sarah Martyn Richard Martyn Gerfliom Makepeicc Nathaniel Metcalf Cutting Moody Samuel Millberry Jofeph Main Robert Martyn Michael Met calf Sam'jei Meriam Edward ManindaJe, N

F Rancid NichoIfoH Afd Noble Thomas Nortor\ Daniel Novcc Jonathan Nicholf J hn Nichols John Noyce

1

Suhfcribers Names]

Q

HOnJofenO{b-)rn,

Hon.Andr.OliverEfq William Owen Jonathan Oakes.

P TjOn.Jof.Pynchon

John Phillips, Efq; Timothy Prout, Efq; Rev. Thomas Prince Charles Peirce, Efq; OliverPareridge,Erq; Samuel Pool, Efq; Thomas Pain, M. A. Rev. Samuel Phillips Rev. Jona. Parfons Rev. Tho. Prentice Rey. Solo, Prentice Rev, John Porter Rev. Eben. Parkman Rev. John Parker

Rev. Mofes Parfons

Rev. Samuel Porter

Charles Phelps

Jvdartin Phelps

E'liiha Pomroy

William Phillips

SimPhillipsjun.M.A,

Mofes Peck

Eiiflu Pomroy

J >hn Perry

Benjamin Parker

William Prefect

James Pullen

William PuHen

Abiel Packard

Lydia Packard

James Packard

Ifaac Packard

Ebene^er Pitts Fetsr Pott

John Pickens Zechariah PavJeford Cornelius Putnam Jacob Parker Eleazar Pearce J liin Parker Jerathmeel Pierce J jfeph Phipps E ijah Phipps Lemuel Powers Edward Putnam Stephen Prentice J)hn Pearfon John Powers J.-.fuh Putnam Nathan Peabody Timothy Prat Jjfeph Parker J-icob Porter Thomas Payne John Procter Daniel Pomroy Ifaac Parfons Jofnh Parfons Jacob Parker William Patten.

HOn. John Qiiin- cy, Efq; R

HOn.DanielRulTel Efq; Syl V.Richmond, Efq; Rev. Natb. Rogers Ifaac Royal, Efq; Rev. Solomon Reed Capt. Obadiah Reed Capt. William Reed Jafeph RobertsM.A- J ->f«ph Robey, M.A. James Rankin John Robbins Noah Rob in foil a a sa

R

Daniel Reed Benjamin Rockwood Ifaac Rand Nathaniel Rand George Robmfotl Thomas Rich Jacob Reed James Reed John Robbins Simeon Root. S EvJof.SewallD.D Rev. Nath. Stone Samuel Sewali, Efq; John Storer, Elq; Jofeph Sawyer, Efq; John Steel, Efq; Nathaniel Stone, Efqj Rev. John Shaw Rev. Nathan Stone Capt.EbenczerStorcf Jofeph Sherburn Malachi Salter John Symmes John Scollay Capt. Edward Sheaf Samuel Phil. Savage Thomas Symmes Zechariah Symmes Abigail Stevens Capt.Jonath. ShcMon Jonathan Sheldon jun» Elijah Sheldon Obadiah Smith Thomas Smith Samuel Smith Ichabod Strong No;U3 Strong Caleb Strong Elifha Searl Caleb Sheldon Elizabeth St/ong J©h:s §tiickland

Suhfcrihers frames]

5Mnuel>mth ]-)aniel ^mth Aaron Smith Cm^tni Southworth Zccliariah SucU Miihcw Siniih i)in)on Sloe jmb Bcrj»m n Siaclc KuhSlick Npah Sabin S»fnucl Shacklcy Cipt. J >hn b'.cv'cns John iihrd Jcrcmah Shuttack John >wa'iow

John SpafF rd .M.hn Scott Thom3s Strowbridgc Simucl Somncr NathaniclSnell M.A. C.^p^ JohnStdckwell John btock'A'cli Jan. William Sh cpird FrinCii Strat'cn R-^harJ Strattcn B:wvhcnScwii!,M.A. ^licharl Share Abraham Sm:;h luac Sini:i; Bcrj^min Smiih Jjha Smich Jfaac Smith jun, Samuel Sar^ cut Daniel Fijjjw

J '

U' arj

S^niuri ^cwa'I £«inuei Bcwt'tn, j'in. f^amuel Scwaii, Vcr. lknj\niin Scone Jcrtaihai) Savward

IN.., -..ck-

Ruth Shck Thomas Stanley Luke St^bhins Eihanan Spear Jofeph Svviin.

T /^XcnbridgcThat- ^^ chcr, Efq;

Rcv'. Samuel Tobcy Rev. Row). Thacher Rev. Peter Thacher William Thomfun Tvbj. Nath. Thwing Jofcph Torry RichjrJ Thorn pfon Stephen Titcomb Sjmuic! Trcaclwtll William Thomas Henry True Peter Thaver Gcifhom Tinncy Archibald Thomas Ifiacl Tifdale Ji)hn Tifdalc Barth^lemew Town Juhn Town Solomon TownftJnd David Trail David Taylor Richard Tiippen Timothv 'i'iippen Samuel Titconib CVpf. Samuel T)Ier (apt. Samuel Tingle)' J<mes IMlfjn John Tawa W.jliam Tenill Wj^oltrsvurthTapen MofrsTuttlc lildau Ta vl.ir,

U

l-jU^h V ins Jibcz Upbara

Richard Upham Nathaniel Upham,

V/ OOn. Jofiah Wil- *"^ lard.Efq;

Hon. Jacob Wendell, Efq; Hon.Sam.Wellcs.Efq Hun. Sim. WattsEfqi Rev. Edward Wig- gle fworth, D. D» Rev. Nehe. Walter EdwardVVinflow^Efq Rev. Jeremiah Wife Rev. Wm. Williams JcfhuaWinflow,Erq; Rev.SamueiWigglef- wortb, Njhum Ward, Efqs Rev. John Webb Rev. Abjab Weld Rev. John WaJcs Rer. Juhn Walle7 RevChef^er Williams Pele.^ Wifwall A.M. Ifaac Walker Jonathan Wills ThL*)nias Wait John WmQovv John Weft Daniel W^air Capt. David Wyt? David XVood Thomas Wood I^ezaliel Wilder Ji fe})h Whitney Jonathan Wella Thcmaa V/y»r S'cnhcr. VVright Oliver Warner ?"fiiua Wells Nathaniel Well§ Ui\icd Ward

;

I

Sul>fcrlhers Natnes,

Arteraas Ward Benjamin White Jeremiah Whipple Naihaniel Whitney B^njamii Wheeler Francis Wheeler Nath. Whittemore He^zskiah Ward Ob^diah Walker Sarah Williams Simeon Wilijajus James Walker

Peter Walker Ifaac Whitney Nath. Williams Abiel Williams Joliah Waters William Whitweli Jonaihaa White John Woods Ifaae Woods Obadiah Wright James Wilfoa Jonathan Wheelock

Oliver Watfon Ebenezer Warren John Watfon, jun. Jotham Walton Jabez Weaze John Whiting Jonath:in Whiting Jofhua Winter Ephraim Weffea.

Y TJ Enajah Young,

COLONT OF CONNECTICUT^.

CHfiftopherAvory, Efg; Capt. John Avered Abraham AwQty John Alien Joftiua Avered Jofeph Alien Jafon Allen Richard Andrews Jofeph Arnold Enoch Arnold Samuel Andrews |"ohn Abbie Phillip Abbot Samuel Afhie/, jun.

B <THsophiIus Bild- *• win, Efq

Col. Aaron Brovvnfon William Buel, Efq; John ^is.%^ Erq; Samuel BaiTet, Efq; Rev. Wm. Burnham Rev. |ofeph Bellamy Rev'„ Ge«. Bsckwitl'j

Jofeph Bird, Efq; RevDan Buckingham Capr. JonathanBaker Capt. [ohn Bebee Timothy Brownfon Richard Brownfon Matthew Bellamy MatthewBsllamrjun. Samuel QQlVdmy Abel Bains Jonathan Benedick Thomas Benedick Thomas Bstts Ifaac Brownfon Jofiah Q:ow»('on Thomas Brov/nfon James Bild win Jofiuh Bumb James 8raufor«J Hczckiah B'ilU Daniel Bjtt Ebenezer Balch Capt. Samuel Bebee Enoch Bayer Benjamin Baldwin Theophilus Baldwin Benjamin Blackman

Jonathan Brownfon Theop. Baldwin jun, Jonathan Billings Jonathan Bradford Pelatiah BHfs William Bennet Capt. Samuel Blftiop Samue! B«tt Ebenez«r Baldwin Nathaniel Browa Mofes Rarret Elijah Belcher Jonathan Brewfter Samuel Branch Benjamin Blogget Tho. Btncdick, jun, James Buld win Abraham Bennet Caleb Baldwin Jonathan Botsfcrd Jacob Banee James Bebee Abel Beech Jonathan Burr Noah Baldwin Joel Baldwin* Nathaniel Brownfofl! Ctoles Brownfon

Suhf^rihers N^mes,

William Btbes

Daniel Braincfd

Azar Beech onaihfcn Badger onathan Bingham ofcph Bingham

Alalichi Butler

Solomon Bill

OlivciBrcwftcr. C

COL'-ConantEfq; Maj Samuel Coit Jofcph Clark, K^q; Rev ThomasCanlield Jw)hn Crcry, E'"q; dpi. Elcazer Carey Jofiah Conant Jofeph Clark Hezekiah Camp Chirles Chopcn NaihaniclCompalk James Clap John Comllock ZebadiahComltock Samccl Comltjck Gideon Comftock JohnCdpp Nathaniel Culhman J)t:adatus Curtifs J«njthan Cafs Nathaniel Conc Jofcp'i Cone John Church Capt. Samuel Cowlcs Matthew Cole (icorge Clark, A M. Maiihcw Cadwell Capt. ThD. Curtiis Lbw-ncfccr Coc yktsriahCurtifs Jofeph Clark Elcazer Clark D--icl Cur lift

Obadiah Cook Jonathan Clarkjun. Scth Cutler John Clark Benjamin Chaplin I3cnjaminCh;iplinjun. bamuclCoburn.

D

ELiphalet Dyer, E^q;

Rcv.MofesDickinfon

Samuel Dorrance

George Dorrance

Robert Denifoti*

Avery Denifon

Capt. John Douglafs

Seih Dcin, A. M.

William Dcnifcn

Adam Denifon

Jonathan Dean

Kbcnezer Dains

Jedidiah Dana

Abi Dammon Daniel Dudley John Djwn Elcazec Dicklnfon A fa Douglafs Jofiah Dean Jonathan Dcvercux Naihaniel Dean William De.in 13erjimin Denton IJenjimin J)aning Ebcnezcr i^owne Ehenczer Dains Silas Doan Jtdidiih Dana,

E

S Amu el Emmons Ebcnezcr Everit John Enjlidi

IOrephFowler,Efq; Rev. Jnfeph Ki{h Capt. Benjamin Fenn Amos Fuller Nathaniel Fifli John Flower Ephraim Fellows Nathaniel Ford William Farnam Ezekiel Fox Thomas Fargo Stephen Fuller Zebediah Farnam Phineas Ford EliHia Fitch Pclatiah Ficch Ruth Fobes Simon Fobes Daniel Fitch Jofiah Finney John Fmney Abigail Falmon Ebenezer Fuller Samuel Fielding James Flint Matthias Fuller Thomas Fitch, jun, G

REv. John Gra- ham Math. Gr'ifwold E'q; Capt.NathanGidiiens Rev. Jicob Green Obaduh Gore Jofeph (Tannings Henry Gibbs Thomas Goodwin John Gourdon J >hn Ciroman John Gillet Francis Guitcau Timothy Goodwin Benj.

Suhfcrihers Names,

Ebenezer Grant Benjamin Graves Lemuel Griffin Jedidiah Graves iiamuel Gillet Ifaac Grifworth Alexander Gordon Daniel Gates. H

HOn.Hezek. Hun- tington, Efq; JabezHuntingtonEfq Rev. Dan. Humphry Noah Hinman, Efq; Capt.Ele.Hutchinfon John Hutchinfon James Hanes, jun. Samuel Hare Barnabas Hall Nathaniel Hall William Holt PwObefC Holt Jofiah Hammon Nathaniel Hovey NathanielHovey jun. Zsbediah Holt John Houfe Stephen Hutchinfon Samuel Houfe Lebnit Harris Kaac Higley Ifaac H('fFord Jofeph Flinfdell Jofiah Burlburt Daniel Hoffjrd Tofiah Hooker Capt.Mofes Hawkins Benjamin Hicock Eleazer Flinm^n Stephen Hicock Andrew Hinman Juftus Hicock John Hove/

JamesHurlburtM.D. Jufhua Holt Paul Holt John Hibbard Henry Hewit Daniel Holt Nehem. Huntington Richard Hide Obadiah Heath David How Robert Hebard James Mc'Hillhoufe Abel Holbrook John Hal! Nathaniel Hide Jonathan Hinckley Thomas Harvey Jofeph Huntington Jofhua Hendie Chrifto. Huntington Reuben Hubbard William Hambleton Ifaac Hill, jun. James Hooker Hezck. Hooker, jun, William Hooker Hugh Hanna Ahira Hill. I

REv. David Jewit Rev David Judfon Jacobjohnfon, A.M. James Ingalls William Johnfon Jr.fcph Jacobs, jun. Nathaniel Jewit James Jud Abel Judfon Ebenezer Janes Calebjohnfjn. K

JGnsthan Kelfey R'jbert Kennedy

Dennifon Kingfljcrry Jonathan Kingfbcrr/ Thomas Kenny Azariah Kenny Timothy Kimball Jofiah Kin^fley James Kaflba Samuel Knowles Eldad King Joh» Kafen Benjamin Kellogg Samuel Kellogg.

IJjOn.SamuclLynde " Efq;

Rev. Henry Lord Rev. Jonathan Lee Rev. Mark Leaven- worth Sam. Lock wood A M^ James Lockwood Jofeph Lee Jofeph Lee, jun, biimeon Lyman John Landon Ebenezer Leach Nathaniel Loomis Jjcob Lyman Divld Lyman Ifaac Lawrence Jofeph Lockwood Peter Lockwood Nehemiah Lewi* Hezekiah Lee Jirhn Ledyard Ebenezsr Lyman Jcfiah Lyman Benoni Loomis J -feph Loomis Benjamin Lothrop Thomas Lyraan Nathaniel L iomis Thomas Loomis

Samue^l

Samuel Lee Ifaac Lawrence Bcr\jamin Lord. M

Simeon Minor,Efq; Rev. QidconMills RevEvanderMorrifoD Capt Richar^Mcnfon Daniel Mccks S«muel More Jtaaihan Mcaritt Hczekiah May Samuel Miner J»hn Meigs John Meijs, joji. bamuel MarQ^all Jimcs Morris Jonathan Munger Jiphraim Miner element Minor Matthew Minor Matthew Mitchel Simon Mitchel Jonathan Martin Sarah Millard J3avid Miller Thomas Millard Jonathan' Maliby Jofiah Mack William Morgan r>anicl Morgan Jofcph Morgan ' Thomas Marfhal Kcv. Sjmue.' Mofe'y Nathaniel Mofcly ([jcorgc Martin C^corgc M.irtin, jun Lbcrczer Martin. N

]Ohn Ncwcomb Obadiah.Newcom Na.hjp:cl Newell

Ruth NcwcJl

Suhfmhers Names]

Hezek'ah Ncwcomb Theodore PreRon '^

Jfaac Nortun, jun, Jtmcs Norton Ji nathai) North £benezcr North O

Timothy Pearl Cart, iraac Parifa Edward Paine Jofcph Porter Abraham Pcirfon

iApt.S.muelOlm- Gerfhcm Palmer ' ftcad Benjamin Pcmroy

John Owen Jufeph Otis vViliiam Ofgood Daniel Ofgood James Occom. ^ P

Timoihy Porter Williani Porter John Peck Jacob Prefton William Prefton.- R Ev.Dav Rowland

SAmuelPrenticeEfq T\ - JofcphFitkm, Efq; ^Rev.N^il Roberta

Jcieph Perliin5,A.M

J« hn Porter

Experience Porter

B#njam!n Paine

Jofeph Prefti n

John Potwine

Jjhn Pair c William Peai>ody Simuel Piumb Jonathan Prentice Peter Pov/ers Thcmas Phelps Nathaniel Porter Richard Pect

Rev. -Aibcr Rt.fuer J hn R; binil.n Jchabcd R bmfon Eiifha Rcickweli Nathan Randall Jofhua Ra\ mor.d Jufiah Rofe Rufus Rude George Richards ^ Ebenezer Richardfoa David Ripley Az^riah Rood J'.'feph Richards Samuel Ravmond

Nathaniel Porter jun. Jonathan RufTdl Ifaac Peck Samuel Robbins

Henry Peck Micjih Pride David Palmer John Palmer Kufu9 Price John Phelps Ezckitl Peirce J mcs Pinncs Mary Pierce

Eliakim Ra}mond Jofeph Rofts SaraaclRindle^

S npHomasStorrs E'q;

^ Rev.Rich.Silter BerJaminStiles A.M. J'feph Spencer

Willianj Steward'

Capt. Edward Phelps James Steward }Am I'tiice Ji:'cicr Spencer

Jofcfh

Suhfcrihers Names]

JofephSk'fF Nithaniei Shattock J >reph Sailard Ifrael Shaw Eliakim Smith Daniel Si John Thomas Seymour William :)umner Samuel Steel Afa Strong Nathaniel Skliiner Eliflia Sheldon Az^r Smith Capt. John Sprague Huchcns Storrs Capt. Samuel Storrs

Capt. Jof. Sweetland

Recompence Smith

Jof. Sweetland, jun.

Thomas Shaw

Jacob Stebblns

Jonathan Smith

J;)hn Steel

tjamuel Strong

John Sherman

Giles Siaufihter

Ifaac Scudder

JofephSt.Jihn

Daniel Si.J hn

Samuel Saiiford

John Sanford

Andrew Sanford

David Sanford

EphraimStrong A.M

f ofeph. Saff.»rd

Solomon SafFord

Ezekicl Story

Jofeph 5 nford

Ephraim ^m-th

J^cob Str&ng

Jcihn Shepard

Z^ebulon Se)'mour

fcarauel Smcdiey

Capt. Eliftia Stoddard Jof.Wncockfon,Erq;

^ '^ ' -'- - Roger WolcottjEfqj

David Whitney, E!q; Rev.Solom, Williams Ebenezer Wales, Efq; NaihanielWales,Erq; Rev. Stephen White Rev. Jabcz Wright Rev.Eben.Wheclock Warham Williams

Tut. Yale CoK Peletiah Webftcr

Jofiah Strong James Stoddard David Stowell Ebenezer Stowell David Smith Ann Seldin Samuel Spencer Benjamin Smalley Eljah Sprague Elizibeth Swiff. T

/^Api

James Tyler Eliftia Wanea

W Mofec T>ler Stephen Tucker Jedidiah Tracy Hopeftil Tayler Nathaniel Tracy Daniel Tracey Joel Thrall Samuel Tracey Elifha Tracey Philip Turner Nathaniel Tracey JcTeph Tracey EliakimTupper E« mond Tompkins Ndihaniel Thornton Samuel Tonfly

Benoni Wright William Williams Ebenezer Wiiliamsi John Watfon Caleb Wheeler Wil'iamWaafworth Bti jamin Wheat Joftph Williams William Whitter Eleazer Wright Nathaniel Wales Jjfeph Warner Katharine Webifff Samuel Woodward Ifrael Woodward Preferved Wright

Capt. JofiihThatcher Icbibod VVarner James Tompfon Benjamin Wirchol

WilliamTrumball Jonathan Twifs Ebentzcr Tompfon Ebenezer Taylor John Tweedy Taaits Tuttle. ^ U

/^Apt. JamesUtley.

W

/^OiEifh. Williams

a a3 a

Charles WoodrufF Berjamin Woodruff Efnathan Whitman Joftiua Whitney, jun. Daniel Williams Samuel Warner 9tby\k Whitehead (

Pnvmt

Suhfcrihers Names,

Province of N ElVTO R K.

A Ft

Wflliani AJams, QTcphcn Foffer CAmuelLondonErq; A. M. •^ G ^ Willi. Lawrence

B X 1 A^Abra.Garner Benjamin Lawrence

1Sa.ic Bnrnes, Efq; ^'^ William Glean Capt.BenjLhomedieu Ellas Baiiev, Efq; Thomas Goldfmith PVBLevingftoa A.M Rev. David Boftsvick Daniel Goldfmith JamesLopor. Rev. Ifaac Brown Jafper Griffin. M

Rev. Simuel BucI H tlOn.E. Miller Efq

Jona. Barber, A. M. CLifhaHutchinfon, *"** Andrew Miller Capt. WilJiamBryanl *-^ Efq; Samuel Mulford

Samuel Brown Rob. Hempfted, Efq; Daniel Miller

BernJaminBiiley Jofiah Howell, Efq; Thomas Mulford

Nathaniel Bailey Rev. Azar. Horton Lemuel Mulford Elias Bailey, jun. Jon. Hunting, A. M, Ifrael More Elizabeth Hreezs William Hedges Thomas More

John Biilcy Jofeph Hicks John Mackie

J »cob Bergen Samuel Hazard Capt. -- Merfey

Beujamin Biufter. JonathanHazard,jun. Daniel More

C Nathaniel Hazard John Mitchell

¥lOn. Tho. Chat- John Hunting John Marfton

* A field, Efq; Exekiel Hedges Zcbulon Mills

J /cph Conklin John Hedges Ifaac Mills

Jofvph ConklinTcr. Benjamin Hutchinfon William Miller :5^«.ucl Cox Abigail Hull Hannah MeniO).

Tnonus Coupcr Conftant Havens N

J(.hnC.>«-.k Samuel Howell /^ Eorge Norton

Davitj Corwiih Samuel Hunting ^-^

NJ.uniaii Car,)cnter ('apt. Theo. Howell P

Jof( ph Carpenter El. (ha Howell p Ev. Ebenez.Pem-

JiCch Carle ilVael Flaifey Ia. berton

A*in Cafle. Capt.Eleaz. Hawkins R

D Kieazc Hawkin«,jun. » Ohn Rhc

^Am-jcl Uentrn Charles Howell J

»^ Jjleph Djvi, Abraham Howell S

Margaret Du Bull Fzekie) Ilowell YyllliamSmith,Erq;

Daiiiel Daiton. Kcnjan in Hinchman Capt. VVm. Smith

^ Samuci Higbce, jun. WilliamP.^mithA.M.

P ^«*<cl Evcrct 1 Nicholas Snith

■*-' Nicholas Evcrct I Otn Jennings Liizabeth StttweU

John Evcrcc J Tlrmas Jyiup Cuibcrc .Smiih

b:mon L.i N^rh. n fv^.-. Richari

Suhfcrihers Names.

RIchari Smith Job Smith Benjamin Strong Selah Strong Benajah Strong Thomas Strong,

W

REv.VVm.Throcp lOfeph Wickam

John rhurftun Tonahan Tornpl'on.

U *YOfcph Vdlentine

t Elq;

Kev. Sylvanus Whue 1 Inaihan White Richard Wigging Benjamin Wright Richard VVoodhulj^ Rich. WV,odhull jun, Obadiah Wells,

PROVINCE OF N EW'J ERS ET.

T> Ev.Tho.Ahthur *^ JohnAyreSjEf ; William Allen John Anderfon Janet Aikman Hannah Anderfon Mofes Ayres William Axtell Jonathan Arrifon Henry Axtell Thomas App'egate James Afnton W^ilJiam Aline. B

RE^^.Aa.BarrPrefi. of N.JirfnyCol Rev Eiiab Byram Robert Barkley Henerica Bennom Samuel Brown Daniel Bayles, jun. Caleb Baldwia Ifaac B.bbet Ebenezsr Byramjun. William Boyd Samuel Beaty Solomon Brown Frederick Buchelow John Buckelow

Samuel Barren Timothy B^ll John Black Francis Rrewftcr Robert Breden Peter Booth Robert B air. C

REv.JaraCampbeH (ame^ Cr lumnoe Mary Craig Thomas Comra^ Barnabas Curtifs Jonathan Comes John Carr, jun. William Collwell Elizabeth Crawford William Cruckfhank Jean Cathcart John Chambers W^illiam Cove/)haven Alexandria Cr^jig Ezra Gary John Cary Daniel Cary Jacob Coazocart Thomas Cock Samuel Clark.

s a aa 2

D

O Ev. Jamts Da- *-^ venport

Narhaniel Dotey Henry D-fbroy Lucus J^vvedt William Davifcm WilliamDavifon, ym Samuel Daly high Duncan DovQ^ E

MAfkell Ervln David Enghfa James Englifh . NoahEley. F

J Ames Fullerfon Jeremiah Field Michael Field Kitharinc Frazlci Charles Ford Jonathan Frazec William i'\»rd Saiali f'rancia NathaniclyKi Her J ihnFinley. G

William GdHon Divid Gioze^ Eilenor Gjlhland

Jofcpii

Suhfcrihers Ntwtes.

fofcph Gafton Hcndnck*^i»ilock Jucham Gulock.

H 'lO'iath.Hulmcs,Erq. .1 Rev Andr. Hunter Thomas Hamblin Jonas Hocy Adam Hall Mofes Hemb Mary Heid Francis Hall James Hamilton bimon Horn William Horn Hannah Horn William Hugan fjhn FIcndcrfjn John HM Michael Henary William Henary Daniel Henary John Hoey.

1 CAmuel J *hnfon, •^ Hfqj

Richard Jewell "William J ties S(ej)hen Jcfup,

K

C>^n King hn Kelly Akxande'KilIpairick Williau) Ktrr Samuel Kcr Jjh.ph Kcr.

^^RlV, I'lio. Lewis J'viiraim Lnckhcari iVter Lccnn e.M.D. Kjtbariric />lord li<y.m ;Iv<cfly

J

James Lvan Levi Lewis

James Lisdcy R >ger Lawfon Ehphalet Lewis Mary LtfF:rs Abraham La Rue Thomas Lake Samuel Lowden.

M T> ev.Cbarlcs Mac- -^ knight

Samuel Mac'Conkey Mary Mih'ikin El.zabeth Mtllikin Jamcs'-Moore Robert Mc'Fee Mary.Maitifon Aaron Mactifon John Macferran h'eter Mac' Dowel David Mac'Cv)vvin Matthias Mount Anne Mount John Morehead Thomas Mcrfhon Jofeph Mon'ov/ J hn Macombs Mary Mac mbs Samuel M^comaly Andrew Mackmakin Jdtties Magce S^rah Macalalter Jan,e> Martin John Mac'Ciiilird Cicor^e Milis Ifjac Mills Beija. Mp.ckrarlino; ( jcof^e Mitc'K fk.a J^cob Mamlon Hugh Martin James Martin rraocis Mac'Konnic

N

WliiiamNorcrofs Rob. Newell Sanauel Neilfon Thomas Newman.

O TOhn Oiivantj '^ Stephen Ogdcn. P

REv. John Peirfon Tho. Paget, Elq; Jofeph Peck, Efq; JohnPeirfonjun.M.D Tobias Polemus Ephraim Phillips Peter Parine Howell P;well Herbert Peck Jimes Pitney John Porter. R

HOn JuhnReading Efqi Martin RycrfQn,Eiqi R bert R.ife James R -fs Sarah Read Brict R.hy J >hn Roy

Nath. jbicz Randolph Matihew Rue Simuel Rolte Robed Roel Abraham Reeves John Rofbrugh John R.;ncy RobcitRenolds,

S p> Alph Smith, Wv

Rev. Elihu Spencer Michai-1 bweeiman Denck Sutvan

Suhfcrihers Thames.

John Stockton John Sodon Derick Sutvan Aiburt Shank William Suobey Luke Scank Ht-nry Sloan James Stout Henry Scajy,

CJe^,

T Koart Van Voorhaat

Wm Tennent Henrick Voorhas

John Tomfon Rurh Towefhend Aaron Tern Ton Jrfiah Throope. U

THomas Vanclife Art Vankirk

Thomas Urmftone Tobias Van-Nordcn. W

EleazerWales J.WctheriU,Efq, Agnis Watfon J^mes Wales.

Rp

PENNSTL VAN I A.

A Matthew Clarfcfon

^VTWWzm Adams Th mas Oark

'^ Arch, ^nderfon John Larfcn Thomas Armftrong J -mes Craig David Allen. Kuharine Culley

B David Chambers

Vy Ev. Char. Beatty Jacob Cooper *-^Rev. SamuelBlair Samuel Cheefeman

Rev. John Blair Thomas Brov^n Hugh Bartley John Bowrhn Stephen Bower Ifaac Billien Nathaniel Britten Robert Bredcn George Bradley J -hn Elakly Edmond Beach William Biddle E. Bou^inot Thomas B ;urne Jofeph ^iddome Andrew Blackburn Jofeph Browne John B yd. C

John Campbel Mary Campbel William Clingan George Clingan Mofes Cravi'ford

James Cumings imes Craven Daniel Craig John Crawford.

D T> Obert Downey -^-^ Thomas Davis Tr ftram Davis John Davis Jonathan Drewrcl Mary Dobin.

E

John FInlcy Hugh Fargufon J >hn Fullerlawa Thomas Francis John Fifher Rt bert Fin ley ManafTeh Finley Wjjliam Falconar John Freenaan Jofeph Fox Samuel Fifher John Frazier. G Apt. Wm

C

Grant

DAvid Edmlfton John Edward XY/M. Craig, E'q; Robert Ealtburn ^^ Tho.CraigEfq; WilhamEdmifton. Rev, Alex.Cumming F

Ais;^ander Colbreth O Ev. Sam. Finley ^^Magnes Falconar

' John Gvty Hugh Gunning. H

A Lex. Hunter, Efq; Cap< Jam.Huftoa Samuel Hazard Jjfeph Hair Benjamin Hair Hugh Hamilton Robert Henry Alexander Hannah William Hodge Andrew Hodge Hugh Hodge Ka<hrine Harrifon Jofeph Hall

Suhjcrikrs Names

^^m. Smith, Efqi Q>S

Mary fleron Abel Marple

Pcnn HoaJc John Mac'Coombs

Tames Horner Alexander Magec ^ 'Samuel Smith

Thomas Hutchinfon Hugh Mc'Cullough William bhippcn

Thomas Hcrren James Mc'Cullough Jofeph Shippcn

William Heflct Anthony Morris Jol)n bmith

1 John Mc^Nair James Simplon

CApt.Rob. Jamir^n James Martin ' Abraham Scott

Samuel Johnfon ThomasMc'Cracken Henjamin Snodgrak

Henry J ami fen Henry Joicnfton.

K 'T'Horaas Kid ^ Mary King Henry Kclfey James Kelly John Kirkpatrick James Ker Jofeph Ker.

REvDanLawrcncc Thomas Logan fj Annah Owen Thomas Lewis *• •*■

Fiancis Linfil

Alexander Miller Thomas Smith John Miller Robert Stewart

Tho. Mounrgomery AnthcBiy Scout

James Mc'Kee Alex. Mc'Clintock John Mudict Tohn Mackmath.

N SAmuelNeilfon James Neilfon Thomas Nefmith.

O

Archibald Leari Robert Lyle Charles Lyons Jofeph Leech. M

npHomas Poe •■■ John Poak John Potter James Pethoren Jeremiah Peck

CApt. Nath M3gec'-arah Prichard Alexander Moure John Pcet. J^.hn Mc'Ferren R

Robert Mc'Cracken R^v. John Rnan John Mc'Ciillock V\iiiam Rankin

John Mitchell Ifibcl Mc'Donnel M^nhcw Mc'Min 7hi.mas Miller J'»hn Man J^'fhua Ma'.Jdox John Mc'Lall ^iar^h Moore C ':j]cn Mdc'Swcny

Francis Ricliley Fvan RawianJ |ohn Riddle

'/'hnmas Ruddy ,

Kliz^beih Rubctde^u Ldward Warner S. Robeitfon Rochal Wallace

▲dnari Scout George Spaffota Mary Stevens Thomas Sloan.

T 15 Ev.Gilb.Tennent Rev. Rich. Treat Mofes Thompfon Tunis Titus Jcfliua Thomas Hugh Torrence.

U OEnry Vernor *-•■ Henry VanDykc Ifuiah Vanfandt.

W r^Apt.Rich. Walker ^^Corncl. Wynkoop Nicholas VVynkoop Jchji Wjpton James Wyer VVillnm Walker Robert Wyer Mt.fcs VVMiire Hugh Wdfon ohn VValker

James R^UIon 'Willum Rufli Sarah P.fvnoI'J??

1 homas Wclfh. Y

William Yo'i?. NLff

Subjerihers Names.

Province of N EW- H A MP S H I R E,

A Capt. Daniel Oilman Thomas Patch

JOfeph A(iams. Jofiah Gilman M. D. William Pottle John Gilman John Purmet

B Samuel Goodhue Jv fiab Pyper

EZra Barker Griffis. James Pike.

Ebenezer Barker A^ R

Mofes Boynton D En^nin Jewit, REv. Daii. Rogers.

Samuel Brown ^ ^^

Jofiah Rrown ^ L S

Benj. BianGhardjjun. ^^Ofes Leavltt, tJEnry Sherburne, JofliuaBoynton. *^^ Efq;tJ. j^m,

R

C Mat. LivermorCjEfqi Job Strong, B. A.

Ev. Ward Cotton Jonathan Low. Theophilus Smith

Wm.Cunimin£S M Elias Smith

James Cate R-^^* ^^^^'^ ^^^* Jacob Smith.

Nathaniel Clement Gregore fer him- T

Jofiah Conant. felf & 30 of hisParifh HEnjamin Thing ,

D Wilh'amMoore ^ Jonathan Taylor

ZEdekiah Drury. Daniel Mafoa EdwardTaylor.

John Mead. W

E N /^Ol.Anri.Wiggint

15 Ev. Dan. Emer- TTHomas Neivlns Vj Simon VVig£;in? ^^ fon *• JofhuaNeal. Thomas Wiggins

John Eh'ot. P AnJr. Wiggins, jan-

G <jOhn Phillips, A.M. Francis Worceftcr.

Gilman, Efq; Col. Sam. Gilman

Eter Gilman, Efqjy Capt. Peter Powers

Colony of RHODE-ISLAND.

A Nathaniel Coegcfnail G

pOI. Job Ahny, Thomas CVggtihall C Bberezcr Grrr

Martha Church i-- Nalh. (ircei bii-,

R Henry Cogirefha!! H

UErmione Ban'fler Jamss Cjhwon. W/M. Hall^ E q; *■•* JofephBaylfv D ^^ Jof. Hvwiand.

ConU;*nt I-Jayley "px Aniel Donbam K

.7 imo'hy Balch 1--^ Jacob Dehane. pBenezcr Ko=£ht.,

Hjcxandcr Bradford. F ^

C T^Benezer Fifhcr M

':- O'h Campbell ^-^ Peter Frai.kiin. 3'-^ Avid Moore

Suifcrihers Names,

W

Sinieon Price. -'•^ Jorm Sawyer. J Benjamin Wyat

R T • JohnWillfon

TVTIlliara Rich- rjEnrv Tifdale Benj min VViliron

^^ mond, Efqj ^* James Tanner. Abigail Wanton. Ichabod Richmond U Y

Samuel Rhodes "D Ev-WilliamVinal. CAmuel Yeats.

Jeremiah Rofs- '^^ % ^

T'he Names of the following Subfcribers^ not being received in Stafon^ we have iho*t it proper to injert them here,

D Avid Burt ThomasHibbertB.A. Thomas Sweet Dr.JonathanBlifsDr. Charles Pynchon Mofes Stebbms

Nathaniel Burt Rev. John Sergeant Rev. PeterThacher

Alexander Bolckum Capt. Benj, Savage Rev. Benj. Tappen Simon Col ton So. Cflr^/zwc. John Tyler

Obadiah Carpenter William Stebbins Henry Tolman

William Carpenter Robert Sandcrfon Rev.Sreph. Williams

Thomas Coeper Henry Sweet Richard Woolworth

Nathaniel Eiy John Sweet Jofiah Welman.

Ali4GS Dennifoa

The Names of many ethers who have fubfcribV, are not yet come to Hand. And in the roregoing Lifis, wheie any Gen- tlemen are mention*d without their proper Addition or Title, or out of their proper Place, the Fubliftier rely's en their Candour to excufe it.

»^gS^BPPI§|g?B^.^|||?gi

An Account

of the Life of The Reverend

Mr. David Brainerd^

Part 1

From his Birth, to the T'ime whe7z he hegah to devote himfelf to the Study of Divi- nity, in order to his being fitted for thd Work oj the Miniftry^

M

R. David Bralntrd was horn Jprii 20. 171^* at Haddam^ a Town belonging to the County of Hartford^ in the Colony of ConneSficut^ New-England. His Father ^vvho^'itd whcri this his Son was about nine Years of Age, was the Worihipful Hezcklah Brainerd Efq; an Affiftant, or oftc of his Majefty-'s Council for that Colony, and the Son of Danitl Brainerd Efq; ajufticc of the Peace, and a Deacon of theCh'jfch of Chriit in Haddam, His Mother was Mrs. Dorothy Hohart^ Dawgbtet to the Rev. l/ir, Jeremiah Hob art ^ whopreach'da iR'hile at Topifield, and then removed to Hmp/lead on Lon^- Jjhhdy and afterwards removed from Hmpjiead ( by Reafon ot Humb§rs mmg Quakers, and many o^bws being fo Irreligious,

IS

thi<

2 <r;^^ LIFE ' -

that they would <3o nothing towards the Support of theMlniHryJ and came and fettled in the Work of the Miniftry at Haddam : Where he died in the 85th Year of his Age : Of whom it is remarkablcjthathewent to the publickWorfhipin theForenoon, and died in his Chair between Meetings. And this Rev. Gen- tleman was Son of the Rev. Mr. Peter Hohari^ who was, firft, Minifterof the Gofpelat Hingham^ io tl>e County of Norfolk in England, and by Reafon of the Perfecution of the Puritans, re- moved with his P'amily to New-Engla:^d, and was fettled in the Miniftry at Hin^ham, in the Majfachujetts. He had five Sons, viz. Jojhuay Jeremiah, Gerjhom, Japheth, and Nehemiah, His Son jQf})ua was Minifter at Southol^ooLong- Iftand ; —Jeremiah was Mr. David Brainerd's Grandfather, Minifter at Haddam^ See. 45 was before obferved : Gerfhom was Minifter o^Groton in ConneSficut : Japbeth was a Phyfician, and went '\n the Quality of a Do6tor of a Ship to England, ( before theTime for the tak- ing his fecond Degree atCollege ) and defigned to go from thente .tdthe Eafi-lndiei, and never was heard of more : Nekemiahvjz^ fometime Fellow of /:^^rz;ar^ College, and afterwards Minifter at Newton in the MaJJufhufetts. The Mother of Mrs. Dorothy . Hgbart ( who was afterwards Brainerd ) was Daughter to the Hev. Mr. Samuel Whiting, Minifter of the Gofpel, firftat Boflon 4n Lincoln(hire,^nd afterwards Til Lynn in the MaJJachujetts ,NeW' England : He had three Sons that were Minifters of the Gofpel.

. Mr. David Brainerd was the third Son of his Parents. They liad five Sons and four Daughters : Their eldeft Son is Hezekiah Brainerd. Efq; a Juftice of the Peace, and for feveral Years pafl a Reprefentative of theTown of Haddam, in the GeneralAfTem- \>\'j o\ ConneSficutCoXony : The fecond was theRev.Mr.A^^^^ZKw^ '^praiper^^- a worthy Minifter 2ki Ea/ibury in Conne^icut, who ^difd of a Confumption Nov. 10. 1742. The fourth is Mr. jjohn Brainerd, who fucceeds his Brother David, as Miffionary to the Indians, and Paftor of the fame Church of Chriftian Jn- ■tiansii^ New-Jtrfey ; And the fifth was Ifrael, lately Student at Tale-CoWcgQ in New- Haven, and died fince his Brother JD^vid.'-' Mrs, Dorothy Brainerd having lived feveral Years a Widow, died, when her Son, whofe Life I am about to give an Account of, was about fourteen Years of Age : So that in hi?3 Youth he was left both Fatherlofs and Motherlefs.— What Ac- count he has given of Himfelf, and his own Life, may b« ktvi iu what fellows. J . • '•

A..^^/.i-'i5- ^/ ^-^D^vidB.ainerd. AD I732-I733- 3 \

T Was, I think, from my Youth, fomething Tober, and inclined -*• rather to MeiancKoly, than the contrary Extreme ; but don't yemember any Thing of ConvidUon of Sin, worthy of Remark, *till I was, I believe, about feven or eight Years o^ Age ; when I became fomething concerned for my Soul, and terrified at the Thoughts of Death, and was driven to the Performance of Du- ties : But it appeared a melancholy Bufinefs, and dcf^royed my i Eagernefs for Play. And ala^ ! This religiousCojicern was but ' lliort-Iived. However, I fometimes attended fecretPrayer ; and thus lived at Eafe in Z/Vff, iv'ithout Gad in the IVi^fldj and with- out much Concern, as I rememb.er, *till 1 was above thirteen Years of Age. Butfomctime in the Winter 1732, I was feme- thing roufed out of carnal Security, by ifcarce know whatMeans s^tfir/i ; but was much excited by the prevailing of a mortal Sickncfs in Haddam : I was frequent, conftant and fomething fervent in Duties, and took Delight in reading, efpecially Mr. yaneway'i Token for Children ; I felt fometimes much melted in Duties, and took great Delight in thePerformance of 'em : And I fometimes hoped, that 1 was converted, or atleaft in a good and hopeful Way for Heaven and Happinefs, not knowing what Converfion was. The Spirit of God at this Time proceeded far with me ; I was remarkably dead to the World, and my Thoughts were almoft wholly employed about my Squl's Con- cerns ; and I may indeed fay, almoji 1 was perfwaded to be a Chrijiian. I was alfo exceedingly diftrefTed and melancholy &t the Death of my Mother, in March 1732. But afterwards my jeligtous Concern began to decline, and 1 by Degrees fell back into a confiderable Degree of Security j tho' Iftill attended fecrct Prayer frequently.

About the 15th of April 1733, I removed from my Father*^ Houfe to Ea/i- Haddam^ where 1 fpent four Years, but l^iU without God in thelVorld ; tho* for the mofl Parti went a Round . of fecret Duty. 1 was not exceedingly addi6led to young C(un- pany, or Frolicking (as it is called) But this I know, that when 1 did go into Comply, I never returned from a Frolick in my Life, with fo good a Confcience as I went with ; It always add- ed new Guilt to me, and made me afraid to come to the Throne of Graces and fpoilcd thofe good Frames, I was v^ont furne- times to pleafe myfelfwich. But alas! all my good Frames were but Self-Ri^hteou/nefs^ not bottomed on a Dcfirc lor tha Giory of God.

R 2 -'^'^""i

"^ y£'A 19-21. 21&^ LIFE A.D.i737£^i738;

About thje latter End of yfpril 1737, being full 19 Years of Age, I removed to Durham, and began to work on my Farm, ^and fo continued the Year out, or near, 'till I was 20 Years old ; frequently kinging, from a natural Inclination, after a liberal Education. When I was about twenty Years of Age, I applied my felf to Study ; and fometime before, was more than ordinarily pxcited to and in Duty : But now engaged more than ever in the Duties of Religion. I became very ftri^, and watch- ful over my Thoughts, Words, and Actions ; and thought I mufl be fober indeed, becaufe 1 defigned to devote my felf to the |v4iniftry ; and imagined I did dedicate my felf to the Lord*

Some Time in ^pril 1738, I went to Mr. Fijke's, and lived with him, during his Life. * And I remember, He advifed me wholly to abandon young Company, and afTociate myfelf with grave elderly People : which Counfel I followed ; and my Man^ per of Life was novy exceeding regular, and full of Religion, iuch as it was : For I read my Bible more than twice through in lefs than a Year, I fpent much Time every Day in fecret Pray- er, and other fecret Duties ; I gave greatAttention to theWord preached, and endeavoured to my utmoft to retain it : So mach concerned was I about Religion, that I agreed with fome young ):^erfons to meet privately on Sabbath- Evenings for religious Ex- crcifes, and thought my felf fincere in thefe Duties j and after our Meeting w;is ended, I ufed to repeat the Difcourfes of the Day to my felf, and recolle(£t what I could, tho' fometimes it '•A'as very late in the Night. Again, on Mondoy- Mornings^ I ufed fometimes to recolle6l the fame Sermons. And I had fometimes tonfiderable Movings of AfFe(f^iQns inDuties,andmuchPieafure, and had many Thoughts of joining to the Church. In (hort, I had a very good outfide, and reftcd entirely qri my Duties, tho' 1 was not fenfibleof it.

After Mr. /"//^^'s Death, I proceeded in my Learning with- niy Brother ; and was ftill very conftant in religious Duties, and often wondered at the Levity of ProfefTors f 'twas a Trouble to me, that they were fo carelcfs in religious Matters.-— Thiis I proceeded a confiderable Length on ^ Jelf -right eons Foundation ; and (bould have been entirely ioft and undpne,had not the mcer Mercy of God prevented.

t Mr. Ftjk^e Wa? th? Pafhr of ^he Church in Haddam.

Mt, 2U 0/ Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1738. 5

Some Time in the Beginnine; of Winter, Jnno i738,itp]eafed God, on one Sabbath-day Morning, as I was walking out for Tome fecret Duties ( as I remember ) to give me on a Sudden fuch a Senfcof my Danger and the Wrath of God, that I ftood amazed, and my former good Frames, that I had pleafed royfelt with, all prefently vani(hed ; and from the View, that I had of my Sin and Vilenefs, I was much diftrefled all that Day, fear- ing theVengeance of God would foon overtake me \ I was much dejeded, and k?pt much alone, and fomstimea begrutched the Birds and Beafts their Happinefs, becaufe they were not expofed to eternal Mifery, as I evidently faw 1 was. And thus 1 lived from Day to Day, being frequently in great Diftrefs : Sometimes there appeared Mountains before me to obftruS my Hopes of Mercy ; and the VVork of Converfion appeared fo great, 1 thought I (houid never be the Subjeft of it : But ufed, however, to pray and cry to God, and perform other Duties with great Earneftnefs, and hoped by fome Means to make theCafe better. And tho* I Hundreds of Times renounced all Pretences of any IVorih in my Duties ( as I thought ) even in the Seafon of tha Perforniance of them, and often confefled to God that I defer v- ed nothing for the wtry beft of them, but eternal Condemnation : Yet ftill 1 had a fecret latent Hope of recommending my felf to God by my religious Duties ; and when I prayed affedionately, and my Heart feemed in fome Meafure to melt, I hoped God would be thereby moved to pity me,my Prayers then look'd with fomeAppearance oiGoodne/s in 'em,& I feemed to mourn farSln : and then I could in fome Meafure venture on the Mercy of God in Chrift ( as I tho*t ; ) Tho* the preponderating Thought and Foundation of my Hope was fome Imagination of Goodne/s in my Heart Meltings, and Flowing of AfFe6lions in Duty, and ( fometimes) extraordinary Enlargements therein, i^c. Tho' at fome Times the Gate appearec} fo very /irait^ that it look'd iie^ft to impoffible to enter, yet at other Times I flittered my felf that it was not fo very difficult, and hoped I fbould by Diligence and Watchfulnefs foon gain the Point. Sometimes after Enlarge- ment in Duty and confiderable Affection, I hoped I had made a good Step towards Heaven, and imagined that God was afFefled as I was, and that he would hear fuch /mare Cries { as I called them) and fo fometimes when I withdrew for fecret Duties in greatDiflrefsjI returned fomething comfortable ', and ihusheal'd my klf with my Duties,

Soiiiv

n-

6 j^L 22. r^ LIFE A. D. 1739;

Some Time in February 1738,9* I fet apart a Day for feeret Fading and Prayer, and fpent the Day in almoft incefTant Cries to God for Mercy, that he would open my Eyes to fee the Evil of Sin, and the Way of Life by Jefus Chrift. And God was pleafed that Day to make confiderable Difcoveries of my Heart to me : But ftill I tru/ied'm all the Duties I performed ; tho' there was no Manner of Goodnefs in theDuties I then performed^ there being no Manner of Refpedl to theGlory of God in them, nor any fuch Principle in my Heart : yet God was pleafed 10 make my Endeavours that Ddiy^ a Means to (hew me my Help*- lejmefs in fome Meafure.

Sometimes I was greatly encouraged^ and imagin'd that God

loved me and was pleafed with me, and thought I ftiould fooa

be fully reconciled to God ; while the Whole was founded on

nicer Prefumption^ aiifing from Enlargement in Duty, or FJow^

ing of Affections, or fome good Refolutions, and the like. And

xvhen, at Times, great Diftrefs began to arife, on a Sight of my

Vilenefs and Nakednefs, and Inability to deliver my felt from a

i'overeign God, I ufed to put off* the Difcovery, is what I could

not bear. Once, I remember, a terrible Pang of Diftrefs feized

nie, and the Thoughts of renouncing my Self, and ftanding

naked before God, ftripped of all Goodnefs, were fo dreadful

to me, that I was ready to fay to 'era as Felix to Pauly Go th^

TVay for this Time. Thus, tho' I daily long*d for greater Con-

vidion of Sin, fuppoung that I muft fee more of my dreadful

Slate in order to a Remedy, yet when the Difcoveries of my

vile hellifh Heart were made to me, the Sight was fo dreadful,

and fbewed me (o plainly my Expofednefs to Damnation, that

I could not endure it.—- I conftantly ftrove after whatever

^alificattGnSy I imagined others obtained before the Reception

of Chrift, in order to recommend me to his Favour. Sometimes

I felt the Power of an hard Heart, and fuppofed it muft be

foften^d before Chrift would accept of me ; and when I felt

any Meltings of Heart, I hoped now the Work was almoft

done : And hence, when my Diftrefs ftill remained, I was

wont to murmur at God's Dealings with me ; and thought,

when others felt their Hearts foftened, God (hewed them

Mercy : But my DiiU-efs remained ftill.

Sometimes I grew rem'ifi z^^jluggip), without any great Con- vi£lians of Sin, for a confiderable Time together ; bux after fuch a Seafon, ConviSliom fometimes feized me more violently. One Night I remember in particular, when I was walking i4>iit^rily Abroad, { had open'd to ins fuch a View of my Sin^that

I

'JEt.22: ^/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D.1739; 7

I feared the Ground would cleave afunder under my Feet, and become my Grave, and fend my Soul quick into Hell, before i could get Home. And tho' I was forced to go to Bed left my Diftrefs (hould be difcovcred by others, which I much feared ; yet I fcarce durft Sleep at all, for I thought it would be a great Wonder if I (hould be out of Hell in the Morning, And tho' my Diftrefs was fometimes thus great, yet I greatly dreaded the lofs of Convidions, and returning back to a State of carnal Security, and to my former Infenfibility of impending Wrath ; which made me exceeding exa6t in my Behaviour, left I {hould ftifle the Motions of God's Spirit. When at any Time I took a View of my Conviaions of my own Sinfulnefs, and thought the Degree of 'em to be confiderable, I was wont to truft in my Convidtions : But this Confidence, and the Hopes that arofe in me from it, of foon making fome notable Ad- vances towards Deliverance, would eafe my Mind, and I fooa became more fenfelefs and remifs : But then again, when £ difcerned my Convi61ions to grow languid, and £ tho*t them about to leave me, this immediately alarmed and diftre/Ted me. Sometimes I expe<3ed to take a large Step, and get very far to- wards Converfion, by fome particular Opportunity or Means I had in View.

The many Difappointments, and great DiftrefTes and Per-*- plexity I met with, put me into a moft horrible Frame of lon-^ tefiing with the Almighty; with an inward Vehemence and Virulence, finding Fault with his Ways of Dealing with Mankind. I found great Fault with the Imputation of AdanC% Sin to his Pofterity : And my wicked Heart often wifhed for fome other Way of Salvation, than by Jefus Chri/i : And being iih the troubled Sea, and my Thdljghts confufed, { ukd to con- trive to efcape the Wrath of God by fome other Means, and had ftrange ProjecStlons, full of Atheifm, contriving to difappoint God's Defigns and Decrees concerning me, or to efcape God's Notice, and hide myfelf from him : But when, upon Reflec- tion, I faw thefe Projections were vain, and would no^fcrvfc niGi, and that I could contrive nothing for my own Relief, tb^ would throw my Mind into the moft horrid Frame, to wifh there was no God, or to wifh there were fome other God that could controul him, t5?c. Thefe Thoughts and Defires Were the fecret Inclinations of my Heait, that were frequently '■&€i\ng before 1 was aware 'y but alas, they were mine! AUho* I was affrighted with them, when [ came to refle<5l on them : When I coufidcred ©f it, it diftreilcd me, to chink, that mv

HeaTt

S JBl It. ri^ L I F E A.D. 17 j^:

Heart was (o full of Enmity againfl Gcd ; and it made mc tremble, left God*s Vengeance fliculd fuddenly fall upon me* I ufed before, to imagine my Heart was not fo bad, as the Scriptures and fome other Books reprefchted. Sometimes £ wfed to take much Pains to work It up into a good Frame, a humble fubmiflive Difpofition ; and hoped there was then fomeGoodnefs in me : But it may be on a fuddenithe Thoughts of the Stridnefe of the Law, or the Sovereignty of God, would fo irritate the Corruption of my Heart, that I had fo watched pver, and hoped I had brought to a good Frame, that it would break over all Bounds, and burft forth on all SideSj like Floods of Waters, when they break down their Damm. But being fenfibleof the Neceffityof a deep Humiliation in ©rder to a faving Clofe with Chrift, 1 ufed to fet my felf to work . in my own Heart ihokConvi^ionSy that were requisite in fuch an Humiliation : As, a Conviction, that God would be juft, if he caft me off for ever : And that if ever God (hould beftowMer- cy on me, it would be meer Grace, tho* Ifhould be in Diftrefs many Years firft, and be never fo much engaged in Duty 5 that God was not in the leaft obliged to pity me the more for all paft X)uties, Cries, and Tears, t^c. Thefe Things I flrove to my iitmoft to bring my felf to a firm belief of, and hearty aiTentto ; 3nd hoped that now I was brought off from my felf, and truly humbled and bowed to the divine Sovereignty 5 and was wont to tell God in my Prayers, that now I had thofe veryDifpofitions of Soul that he required, and on which he (hewed Mercy to others, and thereupon to beg and plead for Mercy tome: But when 1 found no Relief, and was ftill oppreffed with Guilt and J ears of Wrath, my Soul was in a Tumult, and my Heart rofe againft God, as dealing hardly with me. Yet then myConfcicncc Hew in my Face, putting me in Mind of my late Confeffion t0 God of his Jufticein my Condemnation, t5fc. And this, giving me a Sight of the Badnefs of my Heart, threw me again into Diftrefs, and I wifhed I had watched my Heart more narrowly, to keep it from breaking out againftGod*sDealings with me, and 1 even wifhed 1 had not pleaded for Mercy on Account of my Humiliation, becaufe tiiereby 1 had loft all my feeming Good-

Thus, Scores of Times, I vainly imagined my felf humbled and prepared for faving Mercy.

While 1 was in this diftrefl'ed, bewildered, and turaultuou* State of Mind, the Corruption of my Heart was efpecially irri'^ taitd With ihcfc Things Mlowing ;

^/. 22." ^/ Mr. David Bralnerd. A.D.i

739-

1. The Jfrii^ne/i of the dmne Law, For I found it was im- poffible for me (after my utmoftPains) to anfwer theDemands of it. I often made new Refolutions, and as often broke them. I imputed the whole to Carelefnefs, and the Want of being more Watchful, and ufed to call my felf a Fool for my Negligence i But wheM> upon a ftronger Refolution, and greater Endeavours, and dole Application of my felf to Fafting and Prayer, I found all Attempts fail, then I quarrelled with the Law of God, as unreafonably rigid. I thought, if it extended only to my out- Ward Adions andBchaviours, I could bear with it : But 1 found it condemned me for my evil Thoughts, and Sins of my Heart, which I could not pcflibly prevent. I was extreamly loth to give out, and own my utter Helplefnefs in this Matter : But after repeated Difappointments, thought that, rather than perifh, I could do a little more ftill, efpecially if fuch and fuch Circuiijftances might but attend my Endeavours and Strivings ; I hoped, that I fhould ftrive more earneflly than ever, if the Matter came to Extremity ( iho' I never could find the Time to do my utm -H-jin the Manner I intended :) And this Hope of fu- ture more favourable Circun^ftances, and of dojng fomcthing great hereaiter, kept me /rem urterDefpair in my felf, and from feeing my felt fallen into the Hands ot a fovereign Cjod, and dependent on nothing but free and boundlefs Grace.

t. Another Thing was, that Faith alone was the Condition of Salvation ; and that God would not come down to lowerTewns, that he would not promife Life and Salvation upon my fincere and hearty Prayers and Endeavours, That Word, Mark xvi. i6» Hi that beiteveth not, /hall be damned^ cut ofF all Hope there : And 1 found. Faith was the fovereign Gift of God \ that I could not get it as of my felf, and could not obligeGod to beftow it upon me, by any of my Performances. ( Eph. ii. i, & 8. ) l^his^ I was ready to fay, is a hard Sayings who can hear it ? I could not bear, that all 1 had donelhould ftand for meer nothing, who had been very Confciencious in Duty , and had been ex« needing religious a great while, and had ( as f thought ) done much more than many others that had obtained Mercy. I con* fef^'d indeed the Vilenefs of my Duties ; but then, what made 'em at that Time feem vile, was my wandring Thoughts ire them ; not becaufe { was all over cefiled like a Devil, and the Principle corrupt from whence they flowed, fo that 1 could not p'jffibly do any Thing that was Good. And thtreforc I called wnat I did, by the Nime of honeft faithful Endeavcurs; and could n^t b«ar it,tha<God had made ngPrgmifcs of Salvation tOLifejja. C 3' Anoiber

to Ml 22: 21^^ L I F E A.D. 1739;

3. Another Thing was, that 1 could not find out what Fahh was ; or what it was to believe, and come to Chriji, \ read the Calls of Chrift, made to the weary and heavy laden ; but could iind no J^f^ay^ that he dirc6led them to come in. I thought, I would gladly come, if 1 knew hoWy tho* the Path of Duty diredted to were never fo difficult. I read Mr. Stoddard's Guide to Chriji (which I truft was, in the Hand of God, the happy Means of my Converfion ) And my Heart rofe againft the Author ; for tho* he told me my very Heart all along under Convldions, and feem'd to be very beneficial to me in his Di- redlions ; yet here he fail'd. He did not tell me any Thing I could do, that would bring me to Chrift, but left me as it were with a^ great Gulf between me and Chrift, without any Directi- on to get through. For I was not yet effe6lually and experi- mentally taught, that there could be no Way prefer ibed, where- by a natural Man could, of his own Strength, obtain that which is fupernatural, and which the higheft Angel cannot give.

4. Another Thing that I found a great inward Oppofition to, was the Sovereignty of God. I could not bear, that it (Uould be wholly at God's Pleafure, to fave or damn me, juft as he would. That Pafiage, Rom.AX. 1 1 ,—23. was a conftant Vexation to me, efpeclally /^^r//? 21. The reading or meditating on this always deftroyed my feeming good Frames : When 1 thought I was almoft humbled, and almoft refigned to] God*s Sovereignty, the reading or thinking on this Pail'age would make my Enmity againft the Sovereignty of God appear. And when I came to rtfle<5t on my inv^ard Enmity and Blafphemy, that arofe on this Occafion, I was the more afraid of God, and driven further from any Hopes of Reconciliation with him ; and it gave me- fuch a dreadful View of my felf, that I dreaded more than ever jo fee myfcifinGod's Hands, and at his fovereign Difpofal, and it tn^de me more oppofite than ever to fubmit to his Sovereignty j for I thoui^ht God deHgned my Damnation.—

Ail this Time the Spirit of God was powerfully at work with? ine ; and I was inwardly prcfTed to relinquifh ail Self- Confidence i" pll Hopes of ever helping mv felf by any Means whatfoever : if^nd the Convidion of my hji Eftatc was fometimes fo clear and nianifcft before my Eyes, that it was as if it bad beer declared to rne in* /o many Words, " 'Tis done, 'tis done, 'tis forever -im- poiBble to deliver your felf. " For about three or four Days, thy Soul was thus diftrefied, trpecially at fonie Turns, wji^- for at- Monicnuifeenv^dito «)>''fdf l^ft an4 undone ^i^&trt tht-rt

'JEi,iz\ «/ M*. David Brainerd. A.D. 1739. n

Would ftirmk back immediately from the Sight, becaufe I dared not venture my felf into the Hands of God, as wholly helplefs, and at the Difpofal of his fovereign PJeafure. I dared not fee that important Truth concerning my felf, That I was ^tW/« TrefpaJJes and Sins, But when I had as it were thruft away thefc Views of my felf at any Time, I felt diflrefled to have the fame Difcoveries of my felf again ; for I greatly feared being given overof God to final Stupidity. When I thought of putting it off to a more convenient Seofon^ the Convi<5tion was fo clofe and powerful with Regard f.o the prefent Time, that it was the beft Time, and probably the only Time, that I dared not put it ofF. It was the Sight of Truth concerning my felf, Truth \t(' pedling my State, as a Creature fallen and alienated from God, and that confequently could makenoDemands onGod for Mercy, but muft fubfcribe to the abfolute Sovereignty of the divine Be- ing ; the Sight of the Truths I fay, my Soul fhrank away from, and trembled to think of beholding. Thus, he that doth Evil (as all unregenerate Men continually do ) hates the Light of Truths i^either cares to come to it, becaufe it will reprove his Deeds, and ftiew him his juft Deferts. ( Joh. iii.20.) And tho% ibme Time before, I had taken much Pains ( as I thought ) to fubmit to the Sovereignty of God, yet I miftook theThing ; and did not once imagine, that feeing and being made experimentally fenfible of this Truth, which my Soul now fo much dreaded and trembled at a Senfe of, was the Frame of Soul that I had been fo ear- neft in purfuit of heretofore : For I had ever hoped, that when I had attained to that Humiliation, which I fuppofed neceflary to go before Faith, then it would not be fair forGod to caji me off\, but now I faw it was fo far from any Goodnefs in me, to own my felf fpiritually dead, and deftitute of all Goodnefs, that, on the contrary, my Mouth would be forever /?<?/> V by it ; and it look'd as dreadful to me, to fee my felf,and the Relation I flood in to God, as a Sinner and a Criminal, and he a great Judge and Sdverei^n^ as it would be to a poor trembling Creature, to ven- ture ofFfome high Precipice. And hence I put it off for a IVIi-j nute or two, and tried for better Circumftances to do it in'iMji^ ther I muft read a PafTage or two, or pray fird, or f^methingof the like Nature ; or elfe put ofF my Submiflion to God's Sove- reignty, with an Objedion, that I did not know how to fubaiit;. But the Truth was, I could fee no Safety in owning my felf m the Hands of a Sovereign God, and that I could lay no Claim t@ 7 Thing better than Damiiation.

C a P^^^

li muii. T/^^ LIFE A. D. 1-39:

But after a confiderable Time fpent in fuch Uke Exercifes and Diftrefles, oneMorning, while I was walking in a folitary Place as ufual, I at once faw that ail my Contrivances and Proje£lions to effedt or procure Deliverance and Salvation for mv felf, were utterly in vain : I was brought quite to a ft^nd, as finding my felf totally loft. I had thought many Times before, that the Difficulties in mv Way were very great : But now I faw, in ano- ther and very different Light, that it was forever irnpoffible for mc to do any Thing towards helping or delivering my felf. I then thought of blaming my felf, that I had not done more, and been more engaged, while I hadOpportunity ( fbr it feemed now as if the Seafon of doing was forever over and gone ) But I in- ftantly faw, that let me have done what ] would, it would no more have tended to my helping my felf ; than what I had done ; that I had made all the Pleas, 1 ever could have made to all Eternity ; and that all my Pleas were vain. The Tumult that had been before in my Mind, was now quieted ; and I was feme- thing eafed of that Diftrefs, which I felt, while flruggling a- gainfta Sight of my felf, and of the divine Sovereignty. I had the greateft Certainty, that my State was forever miferable, for all that i could do ; and wondered, and was almoft aftonifaed, ihat I had never been fenfible of it before.

In the Time while I remainM in this State, my 'Notlom ref- pc^ting my -D«//^;, were quite different from what I had ever entertained in Times pafh Before this, the more I did in Duty, the more I thought God was obliged to me ; or at leait the more hard I thought it would be for God to caft me ofF ; ^ho at the fame Time I confefled, and thought I faw, th^t tlieie was no Goodnefs or Merit in my Duties : But now the morel did in Pfaycr or any other Duty, the more I faw f was indebted to God for allowing me to afk for Mercy ; For I faw, it was Sclf- Intereft had led me to pray, and that I had never once prayed from any Refpe(Sl to the Glory of God. Now 1 faw, there was \\o neceffary Conne6iion between my Prayers and the Beftow- iiiCnt of divine Mercy ; that they laid not the leaft Obligation upon God to beflow his (jrace upon me ; and that there was jio more Vertiie or Goodnefs in them, than there would be m xny jy^ddling with my Hand in the Water ( which was the Com- parifo.'i i had then in my Mind) and this becaufe they were not performed frorn any Love or Regard to Cjod. I faw, that Ihad been heaping up my Devotions before God, F^a fling. Praying c^j^^^ jtr^endin^, 4nd jnd^^d really thinking, at fome TimeSi that I

JEL2.1. r/ilfr. David Brainerd. A.D.1739. ^3

was aiming at the Glory of God ; whereas T never once truly intended it, but only my own Happinefs. I faw, that, as I had never done any Tb'xngfor God, I had no Claim to lay to any Thing from him, but Perdition, on Account of my Hypocrify and Mockery. Oh how different did my Duties now appear from what they ufed to do ! I ufed to charge them with Sin and Imperfcdtion ; But this was only onAccount of the Wandrings and vain Thoughts attending them, and not becaufe I had no Regard to God in them ; for this I thought I had : But when I faw evidently that 1 had Regard to nothing but Self-Intereft, then they appeared vile Mockery of God, Sclf-Worfhip, and a continual Courfe of Lies ; fo that I (aw now, there was fome- thing worfe had attended my Duties, than barely a few Wan- drings &c. For the whole was nothing but Self-Worfhip and an horrid Abufe of God.

I continued, as I remember, in this State of Mind, from Fri- day-Morning 'till the Sabbath-Evening following, ya/y 1 2. 1739. when I was walking again in the fame folitary Place where £ was brought to fee my felf loft and helplefs ( as was before men- tioned j and here, in a mournful melancholy State, was attempt- ing to pray ; but found noHeart to engage in that, or any other Duty ; my former Concern and Exercife and religious AfFe<5li- ons were now gone. I thought, the Spirit of God had quite left me ', but ftill was not diftrefled : Yet difconfolate, as if there was nothing in Heaven or Earth could naake me happy. And having been thus endeavouring to pray (tho* being, as I thought, very ftupid and fenfelefs ) for near half an Hour, (and by this Time the Sun was about half-an-hour-high, as I remember ) then, as I was walking in a dark thick Grove, unfpeakable Glory feemed to open to the View and Apprehenfion of my Soul : I don't mean any external Brightnefs, for I faw no fuch Thing, ijor do I intend any Imagination of a Body of Light, fome where away in the third Heavens, or any Thing of thatNaturc ; but it was a new inward Apprehenfion or View that I had of (3OD, fuch as I never had before, nor any Thing which had rhe leaft Refemblance of it. I flood flill, and wonder'd and ad- mired ! I knew that 1 never had feen before any Thing com- parable to it for Excellency and Beauty : It was widely different from 2l]\ theConceptions,that ever I had had of God, orThings •divine. I had no particular Apprehenfion of any one Pcrfonin ^e Trinity, cither the Father, the Son, or the Holy Gboft : ^'>i it appeared to be divm Gkry^ that I then beheld : Ahd my

S.oni

Soul rejoyced with Joy unfpeakable^ to fee fuch a'GoD, fuch a glorious divine Being ; and I was inwardly pleafed and faiisfied, that he fhould be God ever all forever and ever. My Soul was fo captivated and dehghted with the Excellency, Loveliners, Greatnefs, and other Ferfeflions of God, that I was even fvtrallowed up in Him ; at lead to that Degree, that I had no Thought ( as I remember) at ^r^, about my own Salvation, and fcarce refleded there was fuch a Creature as my felf.

ThusGod, I truft, brought me to a hearty Difpofition to "-aft htmy and fet him on the Throne, and principally and ultimately to aim at his Honour and Glory, as King of the Univerfe.

I continued in this State of inv.'ard Joy and Peace, yet Aftonifhment, 'till nearDark, without any fenfible Abatement,' and then began to think and examine what I had feen ; and felt fwcetly compofed in my Mind all the Evening following : I fejt myfelf in a new World, and every Thing about me ap- peared with a different Afpedl from what it was v/ont to do. ' At this Time, the IVay of Salvation opened to me with fuch infinite Wifdom,Suitablenefs and Excellency, that I wondered I fhould ever think of any other Way of Salvation ; was a- liiazed, that I had not drop'd my own Contrivances, and com- plied with this lovely blcfTdd and excellent Way before. If I could have been faved by my own Duties, or any other Way that I had formerly contrived, my whole Soul would now have refufed. I wonder *d, that all the World did not fee and comply with this Way of Salvation, intirely by the Right eoujnefs of Chri/f,

The fweet Relifh of what I then felt, continued with me f6r feveral Days, almoft conftantly, in a greater or lefsDegree : I could not but fweetly rejoyce in God, lying down and ri- fing up. The next Lords- Day I felt fomething of the fame K-nd ; the' not fo powerful as before. But, not long after," was again involved in thick Darknefs.zi^d under great Diflrefs : yet not of the fame Kind with my Diftrefs under Convidlions, I was guilty, afraid and afhamed to come before God, was exceedingly prefsM with a Senfe of Guilt : But it was not long before I felt ( I truft ) true Repentance and Joy in God.

About the latter End of Auguft^ I again fell under great Dark- nefs ; It feem'd as if the Prefence of God vtz^ clean gene forever* Tho' I was not fo much diflreifed about my fpiritual State, as I was at my being fhut out from God's Prefence, as I then.fenfi- bly was. But it pleafed the Lord to return gracioufly to VM^ not long after. . • . : V ' ;

^/. 22,23. c/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D.1739; '5

In the Beginning of Septmhrlwent to College %, and entred there : But with Tome Degree of Reluaancy, fearing left I {bould not be able to lead a Life of ftridt Religion, in the midft of (o

many Temptations After this, in the Vacancy, before I

went to tarry at College, it pleafed God (o vifu mv Soul with clearer Manifeftations of himfelf and his Grace. I was fpending fomeTime in Prayer, & Self-Examination ; and the Lord by his Grace (o (hined into my Heart, that { enjoyed full Aflurancc of hib Favour, for that Time ; and my Soul was unfpeakably refrefhed with divine and heavenly Enjoyments. At this Time efpecially, as well as fome others, fundry PafTages of God's Word o^tii\^ to my Soul v/ith divine Clearnefs, Power and Sweetnefs, foasto appear exceeding precious, and with clear and certain Evidence of it's being the IVord of God. I enjoy'd confiderable Sweetnefs in Religion all the Winter following.

In Jan. 1739,40. The Meapi fpread much in College ; and I having taken theDiflempsr, went home to Haddam : But fome Days before I was taken Sick, I feem'd to bs greatly deferted, and my Soul mourned the Abfence of the Comforter exceeding- ly : It feem'd to me, all Comfort was forever gone; I pray'd and cried to God for H^Jp, yet found no prcfent Comfort or Relief. But thro' divine Goodnefs, a Night or two before I was taken III, while [ was walking alone in a very retired Place, and engaged in Meditation and Prayer, I enjoyed a fweet re- frefhing Vifit, as 1 truf}:, from above, fo that my Soul was raifed far above the Fears oi Death y indeed [rather longed forDeath^ than feared it. O how much more refrefhing this one Ssafom wa-, than all the Pleafures and Delights that Earth can afFjrd ] After a D^y or two f was taken with the Meafles, and was very 111 indeed, fo that I almoit defpaired of Life: Bwt had no dif- trefTinsj Fears of Death at all. However thro' divine Goodnef$ i foon recovered : Yet, by Reafon oi hard and clofe Studies, and bemsj much expofed on Account of my Frefiiman-fhip, 1 had but little Time for fpiritual Duties ; my Soul often mourned for V/ant of more Time and Opportunity to be alone with God^ Iq the Spring and Summer following I h^d better Ao^van^age* for Retirement, and enjoyed more Comfort m Religion,: ' Tho^ indeed my Ambition in mv Studies greatly wrongqd the Actr/|f<r and Vigour of m* fpiritual Life : '^Yit this w.^is ufuaily the <^r« vvnh me, that in the Multitude of my^htfughts within ?«>, tyid-^j. Cc--^r^rfs onnclpiWy delighted my Scul : Thefc v/ere my grearcft 1' "^ i:>nsDay by Day.

C'.^i.le^c in Neix;- Haven. ®'i«

:x6 JEt. 23; 7£^ L I F E A. D. f 740?

One Day I remember in particular ( I think it was in Juni 1740. ) I walked to a confiderable Diftance from the College, in the Fields alone at Noon, and in Prayer found fuch unfpeak- able Sweetnefs and Delight in God, that I thought, if Imuft continue ftill in this evil World, I wanted always to be there, to behold God's Glory : My Soul dearly loved all Mankind, and longed exceedingly that they fhould enjoy what I enjoyed.—— It feem'd to be a little Refemblance of Heaven.

On Lord's- Day, July 6. being Sacrament- Day, I found fome divine Life and fpiritual Refrefhment in that holy Ordinance, When I came from the Lord's Table, I wondered how my Fel- low-Students could live as I was fenfible moft did Next

Lord's-Day July 13. I had fome fpecial Sweetnefs in Religion.— Again Lord's-Day July 20. my Soul was in a fwect and preci- ous Frame.

Sometime in Jugufl following, I became fo weakly and difordered, by too clofe Application to my Studies, that I was advifed by my Tutor to go Home, and difengage my Mind from Study, as much as I could ; for I was grown fo Weak, that I began to fpit Blood. I took his Advice, and endeavoured to lay alide my Studies. But being brought very low, I look'd Death in the Face more fted/aftly ; and the Lord was pleafed to give me renewediy a fweet Senfe and Relifli of divine Things ; and particularly in OSloher 13, I found divine Help and Confolation in the precious Duties ot fecret Prayer and Self Examination, and mySoultookDelight intheblefled God :— fo likcwifeon the 1 7 th of Oilober,

Sat ui day Oilober 18. in my Morning-Devotions, my Soul was exceedingly melced for and bitterly mourned over my ex- ceeding Sinfulnefs and P'ilenefs. I never before had felt fo pun- gent and deep a Senfe of the odious Nature of Sin, as at thisTime, My Soul was then unufual'y carry'd forth in Love to God, and had a lively Senfe of God's Love to me. And this Love and Hope, at that Time, caft out Fear. Both Morning and Even- ing I rpent fome Time in Self-Examination, to find the Truih of Grace, as alfo my Firnefs to approach to God at his Table the next Day ; and through infinite Grace, found the holy Spirit influencing my Soul with Love to God, as a Witneji within tny

f'<f-

Lord's-Day O^ober 19. In the Morning, I felt my Soul bun^ gring andihirjiing after RigbteouJnef\. In the Fore-Noon, while I w^s lookin^i on the Sacramental Elements, and thinking that y*/ui Chriji wculd focn h^Jet forth (rucijied before me^ my Soul

'Bt. 23^ of Mr] David Brainerd, A.D. 1 741: j ^

was fill'd with Light and Love, fo that I was almoft in an Ex- tafy ; my Body was fo weak, I could fcarcely ftand. 1 felt at the fame Time an exceeding Tendernefs and moft fervent Love towards all Mankind ; fo that my Soul and all the Powers of it fcemedj as it were, to melt into Softnefs and Sweetnefs. But in the Scafon of theCommunion there was fomp Abatement of this fweet Life and Fervour. This Love and Joy caft out Fear { and my Soul longed for perfect Grace -ind Giory. This fweet Frame continued 'till the Evening, when my Soul was fweetly fpiritual in fecret Duties.

Monday, OSfober 20. I again found thefwect Affiftanceof the; holy Spirit in fecret Duties^ both Morning and Evening, and. Life and Comfort in Religion through the whole Day.

Tuefday, OSiober 21. I had likewifeExperience of thcGood- nefs of God in Jhedding abroad his Love in my Hearty and giv- ing me Delight and Confolation in religious Duties. And all the remaining Part of the Week, my Soul*feemed to be taken up with divine Things. I now fo longed after God, and to be freed from Sin, that when ( felt myfelf recovering, and thought I muft return to College again, which had proved (o hurtfuF to my fpiritual Intereft theYearpaft, I could not but be grtcved^. and 1 thought I had much rather have died ; for it diftrefs'd me, to think of getting away from God. But before I went, I enjoyed feveral other fweet and precious Seafons of Communioa with God { particularly OSiober 30. and Nov* 4. ) wherein my Soul enjoyed unfpeakable Comfort.

I returned to College about November 6. and through the Goodncfs of God felt the Power of Religion almoft daily, lor the Space of fix Weeks.

November 28. In my Evening- Devotion, I enjoyed precious Difcoveries of God, and was unfpeakably refrefhed with that PafTage Heb. xii. 22, 23, 24. That my Som\ longed to wing away for the Paradi(e of God ; I longed to be conformed to God in all Things.— A Day or two after, I enjoyed much of the Light of God*s Countenance^ moft of the Day ; and jqtiy Soul refted in God.

Tuefday, December 9. I was in a comfortable Frame of Soul moft of the Day j but efpecially in Evening- Devotions, When God was pleafed wonderfully to affift and ftrengthen me ; fo that I thought nothing (hould ever move me from the Love of God in Chriftjefus mvLord.— O ! one Hour with God infinite- ?y exceeds all the Plealurcs and Delights pf this lowef World.

■ ^ D Some-

18 y^/. 23,24- 2^*5 LIFE A.D. 1741 &? 174:^;

Sometime towards thelatterEnd oi January 1740,41. I %i^% more cold and dull in Matters ^of Religion, by Means of my_ old Temptation, v\%. Ambition in my Studies.— But thro' divine Goodnefs, a great and general Awakming fpread it felf over the College, about the latter End of February ^ in which f fyras much quickned,and more abundantly engaged in Religion*

[ This Awakening here fpoten of, was at fhe Beginning of that extraordinary religious Commotion through the Land, which is frefh in every one's Memory, This Awakening was for a Time very great and general at 'New-Haven ; and the College had no fmall Share in it : That Society was greatly re- formed, the Students in general became ferious, and many of them remarkably fojand much engaged in the Concerns of their eternal Salvation. And however undefirable the IfTue of the Awakenings of that Day have appeared in many others, there have been manifeftly happy and abiding Effects of the Impreffi- ons then made on the Minds of many of the Members of that College. And by all that 1 can learn concerning Mr. Brainerd, Ihcre can be no Reafon to doubt but that he had much of God 'a gracious Prefence, and of the lively Ablings of true Grace, at that Time : But yet he was afterwards abundantly fenfible, that his religious Experiences and AiFetS^ions at that Time were not /reefrom a corrupt Mixture, nor his Condu£l to be acquitte4 from many Things that were imprudent and blamcable ; which jhe greatly lamented himfelf, and was willing that others fhould forget, that none might make an ill Improvement of fuch anEx- ample. And therefore altho' in the Time of it, he kept a con- f^ant Diary^ containing a very particular Account of what pafs'd from Day to Dny, for the next thirteen Months, froin the latter End of ya/zz/^rj;, 1740,41. foremention'd, in two fmall Books, which he callsd the two firft Volumes of hisDiary, next following the Account before given of his Convictions, Converfion, and confequent Comforts ; yet, when he lay on his Death- Bed, he gaveOrder (unknown to me,'till after hisDeath) that thefe two VoJumes ihould be deftroyed, and in the Begin- ning; of the third Book of his Diary, he wrote thus, ( by th©- Band of another, he not being able to write himfelf) ''I'he two ** preeceding Volumes, immediately following the Account of- ** the Author'sConverrion,are loft, li any are delirous SQ knov/ *' how the Author lived, in general, during that Space of.T|p[ie» «* let them read the firft: ^thirty Pages of this Volume; :Wb«r^' *^ they Will find fgmethins Qf a Spssiinjenof hisordio^fjj.Mar.-';

^/.23,24. fc/Mr.DavIdBrainerd.A.D.1741^1742. 19

^« ner of living, through that whole Space of Time, which waj

«« about 13 Months 5 excepting that here he was more rcfiiied

•' fromfome Imprudencies and indecent Heuis, than there ; but

*« the Spirit of Devotion running through the whole, was ths

V fame."

It could not be otherwife than that One whofe Heart had been fo prepared and drawn to God, zs Mr, Bra insnfs had been, •fliould be mightily enlarged, animated and engaged, at the Sight of fuch an Alteration made in the College, the Town and Land, and fo great an Appearance of Men's reforming theirLives, and turning from their Profanenefs and Imniorality, to ^erioufnefs and Concern for their Salvation, and of Religion's reviving and fiourifliing almoft every where. But as an intemperate impru- dent Zeal, and a Degree of Enthufiafm foon crept in, and ming'* led it felf with that Revival of Religion ; and fo great and gene- ral an Awakening being quite a new Thing in the Land, at leafl as to all the living Inhabitants of it ; neitherPeople norMiniflers had learn'd thoroughly to diftinguifh between (olid Religion an4 its delufive Counterfeits ; even many Miniftcrs of the Gofpel, of long (landing and the beft Rejmtation, were for aTime over- powered with the glaringAppearances of the latter : And there* fore furely it was not to be wondered at, that young Braimrd^ but a Sopbimore at College, fhould be fo ; who was not only, young in Years, but very young in Religion and J^xperience, and had had but little Opportunity for the Study of Divinity, and ftill lefs for Obfervation of the Circumftances and Events of fuch an extraordinaryState of Things : AManmufldiveft him* felf of allReafon, to make {l:ange of it. In thefe difadvantagious Circumftances, 5r5/;z^r^ had the Unhappinefs to have aTinclure of that intemperate indifcreet Zeal, which was at that Time toe* prevalent; and was led, from his high Opinion of others ihac he looked upon better than himfelf, into fuch Errors as were really contrary to the habitual Temper of his Mind. One In- ftance of his Mifcondudl at that Time, gave greatOfftnce to ths Rulers of the College, even to that Degree that they expeil'^i him the Society ; which it is neceilary (liould h6c be particular ly related, with it's Circumftances.

In the Time of the Awakening at College, there wci - iw. > . u. religious Students that afibciated themfelves one wit^ another' for mutual Convcrfation and Affiftancc in fpirilual Thin v;£ie want freely to open themfelves one to anotherj ■^- ,■

D 2 -^-

£0 ^V. 24." !ra<? LIFE *4.D. 1742:

an J intimate Friends : Bralnerd was one of this Company. And it once happ»ii''o', that he and two or three more of thefe his intimate Friends were in the Hall together, after Mr. Whittelpy, one of 'he Tutors, had been to Prayer there with the Scholars ; no other Pcrfon now remaming in the Hall, but Brainerd and thefc his Companions. Mr. TVhittelfey having been unufually pathetical in his Prayer, one of Brainerd^s Friends on this Oc- cafion afked him what he thought of Mr. Whiitelf-ty \ He made Anfvver, He has no more Grace than this Chair. One of the Frefhmen happening at that Time to be near the Hall (tho* not in the Room) over-heard thofe Words of his ; tho* he heard no Name mention'd. and knew not who the Perfon was, which was thus cenfured : He informed a certain Woman that belonged to the Town, withal telling her his own Sufpicion, viz. that he believ'd Brainerd faid this of fome one or other of the Rulers cf the College. Whereupon fliewent & informed the Re6lor, vvho Tent for this Frefhman and examined him ; and he told the Ke£lor the Words that he heard Brainerd utter, and informed h\xn who were in the Room with him at that Time. Upon ■u'hich the Redor fent for them : They were very backward to jnform againft their Friend, of that which they look'd upon as private Converfation, and efpecially as none but they had heard or knew of whom he had uttered thofe Words ; yet the Re6lor compelPd them to declare what he faid, and of whom he faid at.-— Brainerd look'd on himfelf greatly abufed in the Manage- ment of this Affair ; and thought, that what he faid in private, •was injurioufly extorted from his Friends, and that then it was 5njurioufly required of him (as it was wont to be of fuch as had teen guilty of fome open notorious Crime) to make a publick <Jor.fefiion, and to humble himfelf before the whole College in

the Hall, for v/hat he had faid only in private Converfation.

lie not complying with this Demand, ?nd having gone once to the feparate Wxttungzi New-Hwoen, when forbidden by the Recf^or, and alfo having been accufed by one Perfon of faying concerning the Re£lor, (hat he wondered he did not expert to drop down dead for fining the Scholars who fol lowed Mr.7>««tf«/ to MUfcrcl^ tho* there was no Proof of it (and Mr. Brainerd ever profefsM that he did noi remember his faying any Thing t^ that Purpofe) for thefe Things he was expcll'd the College.

Now, how far fhe Circumftances and Exigences of that Day might julfify Aich great Severity in the Governors of theCollege, I will not undertake to determine \ it being my Aim, not rpi

brin*

""JEt. 24: 0} Mr. David Braincrd, A.D. 1 742; 21

trlng Reproach on the Authority of the College, but only to do Tuftice to the Memory of a Perfon who I think to be eminently

one of thofe whofe Memory is blejfed The Reader will fee,

in the Sequel of the Story of Mr. Brainerd's Life, J what his own Thoughts afterwards were of hisBehaviour in thefeThings, and in how Chriftian a Manner he conduaed himfelf, with Rcf- pe£l to this Affair ; tho* he ever, as long as he lived, fuppofed himfelf much abufed, in the Management of it, and in what he fuffer*d in it.

His Expulfion was in the Winter Jnno 1741,2. while he waj in his third Year in College.]

-5i=^.^

J Particularly under the Date, Wedn^fday^ Sept. 14. 174^.

»ISISi?1^2S^l^lISI§?^?'^^^2i^5^5^s?

PART

?SSS!SilS^2l^^^!S!Si?lll?SIS^^I§IS^^

i3 ^/. 24. Ti&5 LIFE A.D.I 742;

Part II.

From about the Time that he firji hega7t to devote hiinf elf more efpecially tothe^tudy of Divinity, "till he was examined and lice7tfed to preach, hy the A^ociation of Minifiers belonging to the Eaflern Dif- triEi of the County of Fairfield in Con- nedicut.

["M y|"R. Bralnerd, the spring after his Expulfion, went to I V/1 Jive with the Rev, Mr. Mills of Ripton, to follow his "^ -*• iStudies with him, in order to his being fitted for the Work of the Miniftry ; where he fpenf the greater Part of the Time 'till the AlToGiaiion licenfed him to preach ; but fre- quently rode to vifit the neighbouring Minifters, particularly ^r. Cooke of Stratfieldy Mr. Graham of Soi^ihbury^ and Mr, Bellamy of Bethlehem,

Here (at Mr. Midi's) he began the third Book of his DIary> in which the Account he wrote of himfelf, is as follows.]

lliurfday, j4pril i, 1742. I feem to be declining withRefpefl to my Life & Warmth in divincThings : Had not fo freeAccefs "to God in Prayer, as ufual of late. O that God would humble ine deeply in th« Duft before him. I deferve Hell every Day, for net loving my Lord more, who has (I truft ) /oved me end given himfelf for me ; and every Time I am enabled to exercife anyGrace renewedlyj arn renewedly indebted to the God of all Grace for fpecial AfTiflance. Where then is Boajiing ? Surely it is exiluded, when we think how we are dependent on God for the Being iind every A6t of Grace. Oh, if ever I get to Heaven, it will be becaufe God will, and nothing elfe ; fori never did any thing of my ff;lf, but get away from God ! My Soul will be aftonifhed at the unfearchable Riches of divine Grace, when I arrive at the Manfifi^s^ which the blelTed Saviour is gon« be- - lore to prepare-

\PEt.2d,: <?/ 7.^r. David Braintrd. A.D.1742: 20

Friuay, y^pril 2. In the Afternoon I felt fomething fweetly in fecret Prayer, much refigned, calm and ferene. What are all the Storms of this lower World, if Jefus by his Spirit does but come vjalking on the Seas ! — SomeTime paft, I had much Piea- fure in the Profpcd of the Heathens being brought home to Chrift, and defired that the Lord would improve me in that Work : — But now my 5oul more frequently defires to die, to be wtthChri/I. O that my Som\ were wrapt up in divineLove, and my longing Defires after God increafed.— In the Evening, was refrefh'd in Prayer, with the Hopes of the Advancement of Chrift's Kingdom in the World.

Saturday, j^pril 3. Was very much amifs this Morning, and had an ill Night lalt Night. I thought, if God would take me to himfelf now, my 5oul would exceedingly rejoyce. O that J may bs always humble and refign'd to God, and that God would caufe my So\x\ to be more fix'd on himfelf, that I may be more fitted both for doing and fufFering.

Lords-Day, Jpril 4. My Heart was wandring and lifelefs.-- In the Evening God gave me Faith in Prayer, and made my Squ\ melt in fomeMeafure, and gave me to tafte a divine 5weetr nefs.--- O my bleflcd God ! Let me climb up near \o him, and love, and long, and plead, and wreftle, and reach, and ftretch after him, and for Deliverance from the Body of Sin and Death.—' Alas, my So\x\ mourn 'd to think I fhould ever lofe -Sight of it's Beloved again ! O come^ Lord Jesus / Amen.

[On the Evening of x\\Qnexi Day, he complains that be feem'd to be void of all Relifli of divineThings, felt much of the Prevalence of Corruption, and faw in himfelf a Difpofition to all Manner of 5in ; which brought a very great Gloom on his Mind, and caft him down into the Depths of Melancholy j fo that he fpeaks of himfelf, as aftoniflied, amazed, having no Comfort, being filled with Horror, feeing no Comfort in Hea- ven or Earth.

ruefday,y^r/7 6. I walked out thisMorning to the famePlace where I was laftNight,and felt fomething as I did then ; But waa fomething relieved by reading fome PaiTages in my Diary, and feem'd to feel as iff might pray to the great God again with Freedom ; but was fuddenly ftruck with a Damp, from the Senfe I had of my own Vilenefs.-- Then I cryM to God to V/afli my Soul and cleanfe me from my exceeding Filthinefs, tcj give me Repentance and Pardon ; and it began to be feme- thins fweef, to pray ;--- And I cculd think of undergoing the

grcatcft.

24 JE/.24: The LIFE :A.D.i742:

greateft Sufferings in the Caufe of Chrift, with Pleafure ; and found my feU willing ( if God. (hould fo order it) to fufFcr Ba-* niftiment from my native Land, among the Heathen^ that I might do fomething for their Souls Salvation, in Diftrefles and Deaths of any Kind.-— Then God gave me to wreftle earneftly for others, for the Kingdom of Chrift in the World, and for dear Chriftian Friends. — I felt wean'd from the World and from my own Reputation amongft Men, willing to be defpiftd, and to be a gazing Stock for the World to behold.— 'Tis im- poflible for me to exprefs how 1 then felt : I had not much Joy, but fome Senfe of the Majcfty of God, which made me as it were tremble : I faw my felf mean and vile, which made me more willing that God fhould do what he would with me 5 it was all infinitely reafonable.

Wednefday, Jpril 7. I had not fo much Fervency, but felt fomething as I didYefterday-Morning,in Prayer : — At Noon \ fpent fome Time in fecret, with fome Fervency, but fcarce any Sweetnefs : And felt very dull in the Evening.

Thurfday, yipril 8. — Had raifed Hopes to Day refpc6ling the Heathen, O that God would bring in great Numbers of 'em to Jefus Chrift. I can't bu t hope I fhall fee that glorious Day .— Every Thing in this World feems exceeding vile and little to me : I look fo to my felf.-— I had fome littleDawn of Comfort to toay in Prayer : But efpecially to Night I think I had fome Faith and Power of Interceffion with God, was enabled to plead with Qod for the Growth of Grace in my felf ; and many of the T^ear Children of God then lay with Weight upon my Soul. BlefTed be the Lord. 'Tis good to wreftle for divine Bleffings.

Friday, April 9. Moft of my Time in Morning-Devotion was fpent without fcnfible Sweetnefs ; yet I had one delightful Prcfpe(5t of arriving at the heavenly World, I am more amaz'd than ever at fuch Thoughts ; for 1 fee my felf infinitely vile and unworthy. I feel very heartlefs and dull ; and tho' I long for the Prefence of God, and feem conftantly to reach towards God in Defires, yet I can't feel that divine and heavenly Sweet- nefs that I ufed to enjoy. --No poor Creature ftands in Need of divine Grace more than I, and none abufe it more than 1 have done, and ftill do.

Saturday, April 10. Spent much Time in fecret Prayer this Morning, and not without fome Comfort in divine Things, and I hope had fome Faith in Exercife : But am fo low, and feel fa little of the fcnfible Prefence of God, that I hardly know what ^ocaiJ Faiih^ and am made rs> pojfefi th ^im of my Tmh, and

^/. 24- ^/ Mr. David Brainerd. A,D,iY\2. 25

the dreadful Sfh of my Nature, and am all Sin ; I can't think hor aa, but every Motion is Sin. -- I feel fome faint Hopes* that God willj of his infinite Mercy, return again withShowera of converting Grace to poor Gofpel^abufing Sinners ; and my Hopes of being improved in the Gaufe of God, which of late have been almoft extindt, feem novv a little revived. O that all my late Diftrcfles and avi^ful Apprehenfions might prove but Chrift's School, to make me fit for greater Service, by learning me the great Leflbn of Humility.

Lord's- Day, jlpril n. In the Morning, felt but little Life, excepting that myHeart was fomething drawn out in Thankful- nefs to God for his amazing Grace and Condefcenfion to me in

paft Influences and Affiftances of his Spirit. Afterwards had

ibme Sweetnefs in the Thoughts of arriving at the heavenly World. O for the happy Day !— After publickWorfhip God gave me fpecial AfTiftance in Prayer ; I wreftled with my dear Lord) with much Sweetnefs ; and Interceffion was made a fwect

and delightful Employment to me. In the Evening, as I was

viewing the Light in the Norths was delighted in Contemplation on the glorious Morning of the Rcfurredtion.

Monday, Jpril 12. This Morning the Lord was pleas'd to lift up the Light of his Countenance upon me in fecret Prayer, and made the Seafon very precious to my Soul. And tho' I have been fo deprefs*d of late, refpccSling my Hopes of future Servi^ ceablenefs in the Caufe of God ; yet now I had much En- couragement refpedting that Matter. I was fpccially afiifted to interceed and plead for poor Souls, and for the Enlargement of Chrift's Kingdom in the World, and for fpecial Grace for my felf, to fit me for fpecial Services. I felt exceeding calm, and quite refign'd to God, refpefting my future Improvement, when and where he pleafed : My Faith lifted me above the World, and removed all thofe Mountains, that I could not look over of late : I thought I wanted not the Favour of Man to lean upon ; for 1 knew Chrift's Favour was infinitely better, and that it was no Matter tuhen^ nor where^ nor how Chrift i^ould fend me, nor what Trials he (hould ftill cXcrcife me with> if I might be prepared for hisWork&Will. I how found fweetiy revived in myMind the wonderful Difcovery, of infinite Wifdotn in all the Difpenfations of God towards me, which I had a lit- tle before I met with my great Trial at College ; every Thing appeared full of the iVifdom of God,

Tuefday, yfpril i j. Saw my felf to be very mean and vile | w»ii^^ at thgft that ftewcd n^e R^^p^ft, Aft€rwar<is wat •- ' - E " - ~ foma*

7. 6 JEl 24: Tbs LIFE A. D: i 742:

fomething comforted in fecret Retiremenf, and was afiifted t© wreflle with God, with fome Power, Spirituality and Sweetnefs. Bleflpd.be the Lord, he is never unmindjul oF me, but always fends "me ne^ied Supplies, and from Time to Time, when I am like one dead, raifes me to Life, O that I may never diftrafl infinite Goodnefs.

Wednefday, /fpril 14. My Squ\ longed for Communion with Chrift, and for the Mortification of indwelling Corruption, ef- pecially fpiritual Pride. O (here is a fweetDay coming, wherein the weary will he at Reji. My Soul has enjoyed muchSweetnefs this Day in the Hopes of its fpeedy arrival.

Thurfday, Jpril 15. My Defires apparently centerM in GoD> and I found a fenfible Attraction of Soul after him, fun- dry Times to Day : I know / long for GOD, and a Conformity to his Will, in inward Purity and Holinefs, tenThoufandTimes mere than for any Thing here below.

Friday & Saturday, Jpril 16,17. Seldom prayed without fome fenfible Sweetnefs and Joy in the Lord. Sometimes I longed much io be dijfolved and to be with ChriJI. O that God would enable me to grow in Grace every Day. Alas, my Bar* rennefs is fuch, that God might well fay. Cut it down, — I am afraid of a dead Heart on the Sabbath now begun : O that God would quicken me by his Grace.

Lord's-Day Jpril 18. Retir'd early this Morning into the Woods for Prayer j had the Afliftance of God's Spirit, and Faith in Exercife, and was enabled to plead with Fervency for the Advancement of Chrift's Kingdom in the. World, and to interceei for dear abfent Friends. — At Noon, God enabled me to wreftle with him, and to feel (as I trufl) the Power cf divine Love in Prayer. --- At Night, faw my feif infinitely in- debted to God, and had 'a View of my Short- comings : It feem'd to me, that I b?,d done as it were nothing for God, and that I never had lived to him but a few Hours of my Life.

Monday, j^prii 19. I fet apart this Day for Fafting & Prayer to God for his Grace, efpecially to prepare me for the Work of the Minijiry^ to give me divine Aid and Direction in myPrepa- rations for that great Work, and in his own Time to fend me into his Harve/i, Accordingly, in the Morning, endeavoured to piead for the divine Prefence for the Day, and not without fbme Life. In the Forenoon, I felt a Power of Interceffion for precious immortal Souls, for the Advancement of the Kingdom of my dear Lord and Saviour in the World ; and withal, amof^ fwcet Refi^natien, and evta CoiifolaiiQnand Jo^ in ifcc Tho'ts

Mt.i^: ^/Afr. David Brainerd. A.D.i;42. ij

of fuffcring Hardfhips, DlftrefTcs, and even Death it felf, in the PfomotJonof it ; and had fpecial Enlargement in pleadine; for the Enlightning and Converfion of tiie pour Heathen. .. \t\ the Afternoon, God wa^ with me of a Truth. O 'twas ! blefled Company indeed ! God enabled me fo to agonize in Prayer, that I was quite wet with Sweat, tho' in the Shade, and the Wind cool. My Soul was drawn out very much for theWarld - I grafp'd for Multitudes of Souls. I think, I had more £nlarc;c- ment for Sinners, than for the Children of God ; tho* I felt a^ if I could fpend my Life in Cries for both. r*^njoyed great Sweetnefs in Communion with my dear Saviour, i think, I never in my ,Life felt fuch an intire Weanednefs from this World, and fo much refignM to God in every Thing. — - O that { may always live to^ and u^on my bleflcd God. Amen, Amen.

Tuefday, Ap^il 20. This Day I am twenty- four Years of Age. O how much M-ercy have T received the Year pafl ! — How often has God caufed his Gosdnefs to pafs before me f And how pooxly have I anfwered theVpws I made thisTime twelve- month, to be wholly the Lord's^ to be forever devoted to hts Service ! The Lord help me to live more to his Glory forTime to come.-— This has been a fweet, a bappy Day to me : Bkfled be God. I think, my Soul was never (o drawM out in Inter- ceifion for tf/^^n, as it has been this Night. Had a moft fer- vent Wreftlc with the Lord to Night for my Enemies ; and I hardly ever fo longed to live to God, and to be altogether de- voted to him ; I wanted to wear out my Life in his Service and for his Glory.

Wednefday, /fpril 21. Felt much Calmnefs and Refignation, and God again enabled me to wref^le for Numbers of Souls, and had much Fervency in the fweet Duty of Interceflion. — I en- joy of late more Sweetnefs in Intercejfion for others, than in any other Part of Prayer. My bleiled Lord really l^c me come near to hiaiy and plead with bim*

[Tbe Frame of Mind, and Exerclfes of Soul, that he ex- preiTes the three Days next following, Tkurfday, Friday and Saturday, are much of the fame Kind with thofe exprefs'^ the two Days paft.]

LordVDay April 25. This Morning fpent about twoHou^ri in fecret Duties, and was enabled more than ordinarily to a^^- nizs for immortal Souls » ibo' it v^as early 'n\ the Mornir-ga^^^^

E % the

28 Ml IS. f^^ LIFE A. D.I 742:

the Sun fcarcely fhined at all, yet my Body was quite wet with Sweat. Felt much prefs'd now, as frequently of late, to plead for the Meeknefs and Calmnefs of thi L,amb of God in mySouI : Thro* divine Goodnefs felt much of it this Morning. O 'tis a fvveet Dlfpofition, heartily to forgive all Injuries done us ; to wifli our greateft Enemies as well as we do our own Souls ! Blefledjefus, may I daily be more and more conformed to Thee. At Night was exceedingly melted with divine Love, and had fome feeling Senfe of the BlefTednefs of the upper World. Thofe Words hung upon me, with much divine SweetnefsjPfal. Ixxxiv. 7. They go from Strength to Strength^ every one of them in Zion appear eth before God. O the near Accefs^ that God fome- times gives us in our Addrefles to him I This may well be tern[ied appearing before God : 'Tis fo indeed, in the true fpiritual Senfe, and in the fweeteft Senfe.--— I think I have not had fuch Power of Interceffion, thefe niany Months, both for God's Children, and for dead Sinners, as I have had this Evening. I wiftied and longed for the Coming of my dear Lord : I long'd to join the Angelick Hofts in Praifips, wholly free from Imper- fe^ion. O the blefTed Moment haftens ! All I want is to be more holy, more like my dear Lord. O for Sandtifjcation f My very Soul pants for the compleat Reftoration of the blefled Image of my fweet Saviour ; that I may be fit for the blefTed Enjoyments and Employments of the heavenly World,

Farewell, vain World ; 7/iy Soul can bid Adieu : My Saviour'; taught me to abandon you. Tour Char mi may gratify a fenfuai Mind ; ISiot pieafe a Soul vu hotly for GoD deftgn'd. Forbear i' entice, cesfe th^n my Soul to call': 'Tis fx'dj tbrctigh Grace ; my God Jhall be my AIL While he thus lets me heavenly Glories vieWy Tour Beauties fade^ my Heart'' s no Room for you.

The Lord refrefhed my Soul with many fwect Paflages ol Lis Word. O the New Jsrufalem ! My Soul longed for it. O the Song of Alofes and the Lamb ! And that blefTed Song, that no Man can learn, but they that are redeemed from the Earth ! And the glorioqs whits RobeSy that were given to ih^ Souls under the Altar J

Lord^ Pm a Stranger here alone ; iliarth no true Comforts can afford : Tet, ahjent from my deareji One, My Soul delights to cry^ My Loid I

/£■/. 2S' c/Mr. David Bralnerd. A.D. 1742. 2^

Jesus, my Lord, my only Love, Pojfefs my Soul, nor thence depart : Grant me kind Vifits, heavenly Dove ; My God Jhall then have all my Heart,

Monday, Jpril 26. Continued in a fweet Frame of Mind • but in the Afternoon felt fomething of fpiritual Pride ftirring! God was pleafed to make it a humbling Seafon at firft ; tho* afterwards he gave me Sweetnefs. O my Soul exceedingly longs for that blefTed State of Perfe6lion of Deliverance from all Sin !-— At Night, God enabled me to give my Soul up to him, to caft my felf upon him, to be ordered and difpofed of according to his fovereign Pleafure ; and [ enjoyed great Peace andConfolation in fo doing. My Soul took fweetDelight in God to Night : MyThougbts freely and fweotly centred in him. O that i could fpend every Moment of my Life to his Glory.

Tuefday,y^/)n7 27. Retir'd pretty early for fecretDevotions ; and in Prayer God was pleafed to pour fuch ineffable Comforts into my Soul, that I could do nothing for fome Time but fay over and over, O my fweet Saviour ! O my fweet Saviour / Whom have I in Heaven, but Thee f and there is none upon Earthy that Idefire hefide Thee. If I had had a Thoufand Lives, mySouI would gladly have laid 'em all down at once to have been with Chrjst. My Soul never enjoyed fo much of Heaven befpre ; 'twas the moft refined and moft fpiritual Seafon of Communion with God I ever yet felt : I never felt fo great a Degree of Refignation in my Life : I felt very fweetly all the Forenoon. — In the Afternoon I withdrew to meet v/ith my God, but found my felf much declined, and God made it a humbling Seafon to my Soul ; I mourned over the Body of Death, that is in me : it grieved me exceedingly, that [ could not pray to and praife God with my Heart full of divine heavenly Love.--" O that my Soul might never offer any dead cold Services to my (Sod, — In the Evening had not fo much fv/eet divine Love, as in the Morning ; but had a fweet Seafon of fervent Inter cefjion,

Wednefday, April 28 Withdrew to my ufual Place of Re- tirement in great Peace and Tranquillity, and fpent about two Hours in fegretDuties. 1 itii much as I didYefterday-Morqing, only \veaker and more overcome. I fecmed to hang and depend wholly on my dearLord ; wholly wean'd from sll otherDepen- dances. I knew not what to fay to myGod,bat only lean en his ^ojom, zsh were, & breathe out my Defircs after a perfedCon- formity to him in ailThings. ThirilingDsfifes$cinfatiablcI»ong-

ii?gi

§€> mt. 25. nt LIFE A.D. 1 742;^

ings pofTcfled my Sou], after perfeflHolinefs : God was fo preci- ous to my Soul, that the World with all its Enjoyments was in- finitely vile : I had no more Value for the Favour of Men, than for Pebbles : TTie Lord was my All ; and He over-ruled all ; which greatly delightad me. I think, my Faith and Depen- dance on God fcarce ever rofe fo high. I faw Him fuch aFoun- tain of Goodnefs, that it feem'd impoffible I fhould diftruft him again, or be any Way anxious about any Thing that fhould happen to me* I now enjoyed great Sweetnefs in praying for abfent Friends, and for the Enlargement of Chrift's Khigdora in the World.— Much of the Power of thefe divine Enjoyments remained with me thro* the Day.— In the Evening my Heart feem'dfweetly to melt, & I auft,was really humbled for indwel- ling Corruption, and I mourned like a Dove, 1 felt that all jny Unhappinefs arofe from my being a Sinner ; for withRefignation I could bid Welcome all other Trials ; but Sin hung heavy upon me ; for God difcovered to me the Corruption of my Heart : fo that I went to Bed with a heavy Heart, hecaufe I was a Sinner ; tho' I did not in the leaft doubt of God's Love^ O that God would purge away my Drofs, and take away my Tin^ land make me feven Times refined.

Thurfday,y^/ir/i 29. Was kept off at aDiftance from Gojd j— but had feme Inlargement in Interceflion for precious Souls.

Friday, Jpril 30. Was fomething dejected in Spirit : No- thing grieves me fo much, as that I cannot live conftantly to God*s Glory. I could bear any Defertion or fpiritual Confli<£ls, if I could but have my Heart all the while burning within mi with Love to God and Defires pf his Glory : But this is im- poffible ; for when \feel thf fe, I can't be dejeded in my Soul, but only rejoyce in my Saviour, who has delivered me from the reigningPower, and will {hortly deliver me from the Indwelling of Sin.

Saturday^ May j. Was enabled to cry toGod withFervency for minifterial Qualifications, and that God would appear for the Advancement of his own Kin^rdom, and that be would bring in the Heathen World, &c. Had much Affiftance in my Studies.— This has been a profitable Week to me ; I have en- joyed many Communications of the bleffed Spirit in my Soul.

Loj-d's-Day, May 2. God was pleafed this Morning to give iqc fuch a Sight of my felf, as made me appear very vile in my own Eyes : I felt Corruption ftirring in my Heart, which I could by no Means fupprefs : felt more and more dcferted : was ex-- cccdipg weak, and almoft Tick with my inward Trials.

Monday

i£'/. 25. of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 742: ^i^

Monday, Ma^ 3, Flad a Senfe of vile Ingratitude. In the Morning I withdrew to my ufual Place of Retirement, and mourned for my Abufc of my dear Lord : fpent the Day in Fading and Prayer : God gave me much Power of wreftling for his Caufe and Kingdom : And it was a happy Day to my Soul. God was with me all the Day, and I was more above the World, than ever in my Life,

[Through the remaining Part of this Week, he complains almoft every Day of Defertion and inward Trials and Confli6ls, attended with dejedlion of Spirit 5 but yet fpeaks of Times of Relief and Swe^tnefs, and daily refrefhing Vifits of the divine Spirit, afFording fpccial Alliftance and Comfort, and enabling, at ibme Times, to much Fervency and Enlargement in religious Duties.]

Lord*s-Day, iT/jy 9. I think, I never felt fo much of the curfed Pride of my Heart, as well as the Stubbornnefs of my Will before. Oh dreadful I what a vile Wretch I am ! I could not fubmit to be nothing, and to lie down in the Duft \ Oh that God would humble me in the Duft. I fek my felt fuch a Sinner, nil Day, that I had fcarce any Comfort. Oh, when (hall I be delivered from the Body of this Death ! I greatly fear*d, left thro* Stupidity and Carelefnefs I ihould lofe the Benefit of thefe Trials. O that they might be fandified to my Soul. Nothing feemed to touch me but only this, that f was a Sinner. — Had Fervency and Refrefliment in fjcial Prayer in the Evening.

Monday, May 10. Rode to A^^ty-iij^/^zr; fawfomeChriftian Friends there ^ hadComfort in joining inPrayer with them, and hearing of the Goodnefs of God to them fmce I laft faw them.

Tuefday, May ir. Ko^q Uom New- Haven XoPf^eat ben field -, was very dull moft of the Day ; had litcle Spirituality in this Journey, tho' I often longed to be alone with God ; was much perplexed with vile Thoughts ; was fometimes afraid of every Thing : But God was my Hdper,--' Catch'd a little Time for Retirement in the Evening, to my Comfort and Rcjoycing. Alas, I can't live in the midft of a Tumult ! I bng to enjoy God alone.

Wedncfday, Ma^ 12. Had a diftreffing View of the Pride and Enmity and ViJenefs of my Heart. — Afterwards bad fweet Refrefliment IQ cgnverfingj 1% Wftri^'pping ^^^y withChriftian

T/jurfJay,

g2 Mt. 25. sra^ L I F E A.D: x74i?:

Thtirfday, May 13. Saw fo much of the Wickednefs of my Heart, that I longed to get away from my felf. 1 never before thought, there was fo much fpiritual Pride in my Soul : I felt almoft prefs'd to Death with my own Vilencfs. Oh, what a Body of Death is there in me ! Lord, deliver my SouL I eould not find any convenient Place for Retirement, and was greatly cxercifed.— Rode to Hartford in the Afternoon : had fomeRe- frefhment and Comfort in religious Exercifes with Chriftian Friends ; but longed for moreRetirement. O the clofefl Walk ivithGod is the fweeteftHeaven,that can be enjoyM on Earth \

Friday, May 14. Waited on a Council of Minifters con- vened at Hartford, and fpread before them the Treatment I had met with from the Redlor and Tutors of Tale- College y who thought it advifeable to interceed for me with the Re£tor and Truftees, and to intreat them to reftore me to my former Pri- vileges in College, t "-- After this, fpent fome Time in reli- gious Exercifes with Chriftian Friends.

Saturday, May 15, Rode from Hartford to Hebron 5 was fomething deje(^ed on the Road ; appeared exceeding vile in my own Eyes, faw much Pride and Stubbornnefs in my Heart. Indeed I never faw fuch a Week before, as this ; for I have been almoft ready to die with the View of the Wickednefs of i^y Heart. I could not have thought I had fuch a Body of Death in me. Oh that God vv^ould deliver my SouL

[The three next Days (which he fpent at Helron, Lebanon^ and Norwich) he complains ftill of Dulnefs and Defertion, and exprefies a Sciifc of his Vilenefs, and longing to hide himfelf in ibme Cave or Den of the Earth : But yet fpeaks of fome Inter- vals of Comfort and Soul-Refrefhment each Day.]

Wednefday, AJay 19, [At Millington] I Was fo amazingly defertcd this iMoming, that I feem'd to feci a Sort of Horror in my Soul. Alas, v^-hcn God withdiaws,what is there that cart afford any Comfort to the Soul I

[Through the eight Days next following, he exprefTes more Calmnefs and Ct ci'ort, and confiderable Likf Fervency and Sweetnefs in Religion,]

f The Ap[!!icat;rrn which was then made 01? his Behalf, had not the si^iircd Succcf*r

Ffidayj

:^/. 25. e?/ Mr*. David firaincrd A.D:i^42. 33

Friday, May 28. [At N^w-Haven-] I think, I fcarce ever felt fo calm in my Life ; I rejoyced in Refignation, and giving toy felf up to God, to be wholly and intirely devoted to him forever.

f On the three folbwing Days, there was, by the Account he gives, a ContinaanCe of the fame excellent Frame of Mind !aft expreffed : But it feems not to be altogether to fo great a Degree.]

Tuefday, Jafte i. Had much of the Prefence of God in Family-Prayer,and had foitie Comfort in Secret. I was greatly refrefhed from the Word of God, thisMorning, which appear'd exceeding fweet to me : feme Things that appear'd myfterious, were opened to me. O that the Kingdom of the dear Saviour might come with Power, and the healing PFaters of the SanSfuary fpread far and wide for the Healing of the Nations, — Came to Ripton ; but was very weak : However, being vifited by a Number of young People in the Evening, I pray'd with thera*

[The remaining Part of this Week, be fpeaks of being much diverted and hindered in the Bufinefs of Religion, by great Weaknefs of Body, and necefiary Affairs, that he had to at^- tend, and complains of having but little Power in Religion j But fignifies, that God hereby fhewed him, He was like a help- lefs Infant caft out in the open Field.]

Lord's- Day, June 6. — I feel much defer ted : But all this teaches me my Nothingnefs and Vilenefs more than ever.

Monday, June 7, Felt ftill powerlcfs in fecret Prayer.— Afterwards I pray'd,and converfed, with fome little Life. God feeds me with Ciumhs : BlefTed be his Name for any Thing. I felt a great Defire, that all God's People might know how mean and little and vile I am ; that they might fee I am nothing, that fo they may pray for me aright, and not have the leaft Dependance upon me.

Tuefdjy, June 8. I enjoyed one fweet and precious Seafon this Day : I never felt it fo fweet to be nothing, and lefs than nothing, and to be accounted nothing.

[The three ne^^t Days lie complains of Defertlon, and Wairt of tcrvency in Religion 5 but yet his Diary fhews that every Day his Heart was engaged in Rcligipn, as bis great and as it were Qjily Bufhicfs.] " - F Saturdaj'a

34

^/.25: "^ixi LIFE A.D.17^2:

Saturday, June 12. Spfent much Time in Prayer, thisMorn* ing, and enjoyed much Sweetnefs : — Felt infatiable Longings after God, much of the Day : 1 wonder *d how poor Souls do to live, that have no God*— The World, with all its Enjoy- ments, quite vanifhed. I fee my felf very helplefs : but I have a blefled God, to go to. 1 long*d exceedingly to be dijfolvidy and to be ivith Chri/i^ to behold his Glory, Oh, my weak weary Soul longs to arrive at my Father's Houje !

Lor d's^ Day, June 13, Felt fomething calm and refigned in the publick Worfliip : At the Sacrament faw my felf very vile and worthlefs. O that I may always lie low in the Duft. My Soul feemed fteadily to go forth after GOD, in longing Defires to live upon him.

Monday, 'June 14., Felt fomething of the Sweetnefs of Com- rnunion with God, and the con/iraining Force of his Love : How admirably it captivates the Soul, and makes all the Defires and AfFedtions to center m God I -— I fet apart this Day for fe- cret Fafting and Prayer, to intreat God to diredl and blefs me ivith Regard to the great Work I have in View, of Preaching the Gojpei ; and that the Lord would return to me and /hew me the Light of his Countenance, Had little Life and Power in the Torenoon : Near the middle of the Afternoon, God enabled me to wreftle ardently in Interceflion for abfent Friends:— But juft at Night, the Lord vifited memarvelloufly in Prayer ; I think, my Soul never was in fuch anAgony before : I feltnoReftrainC ; for the Treafures of divineGrace were opened to me : I wreftled for abfent Friends, for the Ingathering of Souls, for Multitudes of poor Souls, and for many that I thought were the Children oi God, perfonally, in many diftant Places. I was in fuch an i^gony, from Sun half an Hour high, 'till near Dark, that I was all over wet with Sweat ; but yet h feem*d to me that I had nvaftcd away the Day, and had done nothing.. Oh, my dear Jesus did yif^^f jS/W for poor Souls I I long for more Com- paffion towards them.-— Felt ftill in a fweet Frame, under a Senfe of divine Love and Grace ; and went to Bed in fuch a J:^rame, with my Heart fet on God.

Tuefday, June 15. Had the moft ardent Longings after God, that ever I felt m ray Life : At Noon, in my fecret Re- ;tirement, I could do nothing but tell my dear Lord, ia a fweet Calm, that he knew 1 longed for nothing but Himfelf^ nothing but HoUfiejs ; Thiit He had given me ihefe Defires, and He 'tnly could give me the Thing defired. I never feem*d to be fo iinhin^Qd from my felf, and to be i"o wholly dcvol^d to God,

Mt. 25; «/ Mr. David Braincrd. A.D. 1742: 35

My Heart was fwallowed up in God, moft of the Day. In the Evening Ihadfuch aViewof theSoul's being as it were enlarged, to contain more Holinefs, that my Soul feem'd ready to feparatc from my Body, and ftretch to obtain it. I then wreftled in an Agony for divine Bleifings ; had my Heart drawn out in Prayec for fomeChriftian Friends, beyond what I ever had before.— I feel diiFerently novr from what evfer I did under any fweei En- joyments before, more engaged to Uve to GOD for ever, and lefs pleafed with my own Frames : I am not f^tisfied with my Frames, nor feel at all more eafy after fuch fvveet Strugglings than before ; for it feems far too little, iff could always be fo. Oh, how fhort do I fall of my Duty in my fweeteli Moments !

[In his Diary for the two next Days, he expreiTcs ibmething of the fame Frame, but in a far lefs Degree. *]

Friday, June 18. Confidering my great Unfitnefs for the Work of the Minijiry^ my prefent Deadne/s, and total Inability to do any Thing for the Glory of God tbatWay, feeling my idi very helplefs, and at a great Lofs what the Lord would have me to do^ I fet apart this Day for Prayer to God, and fptnt moft of the Day in that Duty ; but amazingly deferted, moft of the Day : yet I found God gracioufly near, cnce in particular, while \ was pleading for more CompaiTion for immortal Souls, my Heart feem'd to be cpen'd at once, and I was enabled ro cry with great Ardency, for a few Minutes. ---Oh, I was diftrefs'd, to think, that I fhould offer fuch dead cold Services to the living God! My Soul feem'd to breathe after Holinefs, a Life of conftant Devotednefs to God. But I am almoft lort ftmetimes in the purfuit of this Bleffednefs, and ready to fink, bccaufe 1 continually fall fliort and mifs of my Defire. O that iheLoid would help me to holdout, yet a littfe while, 'till the happy Hour of Deliverance com&s.

Saturday, June 19. Felt much difordered ; my Spirits were very low : but yet enjoyed fome Freedom and Sweetnefs in the Duties of Religion. Bleffed be God.

* Here end the 30 firft Pages of the third Volume of his Diary, which he fpeaks of in the Beginning of thisVolume (as was obferved before) as containing a Specimen o# his ordinary Manner of living, thro' the whole Space of Time, kom iheBcginning of thofe two Volumes that were dcftroy'd. ° • F2 Lord's-

^^ G jEt. IS. «^ L I F E A.D; 1 742:

LordVDay, June 20. 5pent much Time alone.— My Soul longed to be holy, and reach*d after God ; tut feem*(J not to obtain my Defirc : I hungred and thirfted ; but was not fweetly refrefh'd and fatisfied. My Som\ hung on God, as my cnljr Portion. O that I could grow in Grace more abundantly every Day.

[The nextDay he fpeaks of his having Afliftance ip his^tudiies^ ^nd Power, Fervency and Comfort in Prayer.]

Tuefday, June 22. In the Morning, fpent abput twoHourg in Prayer and Meditation, wlthconfiderable Delight. Towards Night, felt my Soul go out in longing Defires after God, in fe- cret Retirement. In the Evening, was fweetly compofed and yefigned to God's Will ; was enabled to leave my felf and all my Concerns with Him, and to have my whole Dependance upon Him : mv fecret Retirement was very refrefhmg to my Soul ; It appeared iuch a Kappinefs to have God for my Portion, that I Jiad rather be any other Creature in this lower Creation, than rot co.me to the Enjoyment of God : I had rather be a Beaft^ than a Man, without God, if I were to live here to Eterpity, jLord, endear thy felf more to me.

[In his Diary for the next feven Days, he e^prefles a variety of Exercifes of Mind : He fpeaks of great Longings after God and Holinefs, and earnelt Defires for the Converfionof others^ of Fervency in Prayer, and Power to wreftle with God, and of Compofure, Comfort and ^weetnefs, from Time to Time j but exprefTes a Senfe of the vile Abomination of his Heart, and bitterly complains of hii Barrenncfs, and the preifing Body of Death ; and fays, he ^flw clearly, thai whatever he enjoyed^ petter than H^liy was free Grace : Complaips of his being e;j- ceeding low, much below the Character of a Child of God s and is fomeiiiTies very difconfolate and dgciSled.]

Wcdnefday, Jum 30. Spent this Day ^lone in the Woods, |n Parting and Prayer ; underwent the molt dreadful Conflid^s in my Soul, that ever I felt, in fome RefpeiSls : \ faw my felf (q vile, that I was ready to fay, J Jhallnoiv perijh by the Hand of Saul..-— I thought, and almoft concluded, I had no Power to ifand for the Caufe of God, but was almoft afraid of the fl)aking of a Leaf, Spent almoft the whole Day in Prayer, inceflantly.. I fGuU noi b-ar to think uf Chriftians (hewing me any |lcfpea-,

JE(. 2^. c/ iWr. David Brainerd. A.D.1742. oj

I almoft defpaired of doing any Service in the World : I could not feel anyHope or Comfort,rerpe£ling the Heat hen ^whkh ufed to afford me fome Refrefbment in the darkeft Hours of this Na- ^ture. I fpent away the Day in the Sitternefs of my Soul, Near Night, I felt a little better j and afterwards enjoyed fome SweeV nefs in fecret Prayer.

Thurfday, ^uly i. Had fomeSweetnefs in Prayer, this Morn- ing.—Felt exceeding fweetly in fecreiPrayer toNi^ht,& dcfircd nothing fo ardently as that GodJJioulddo with mejuji as hepieafed,

Friday, yuly 2. Felt compofed in fecret Prayer, in the Morn- ing.— My Defires fweetly afcended to God this Ddy, as I was travelling : and was comfortable in the Evening. BleiTed be God for all my Confolations.

Saturday, ^uly 3. My Heart feemed again to fink. TheDif-

grace I was laid under at College, feemed to damp me, as it opens

the Mouths of Oppofers. I had no Refuge but in God only.

BlefTed be his Name, that I may go to Him at all Times, and

Jind him zprefent Help.

Lord's-Day, y«/y 4, Had confiderable A/fiftance. In theE- vening, T withdrew and enjoyed a happy Seafon in fecretPrayer : God was pleafed to give me the Esercife of Faith, and thereby brought the invifible and eternal World near to my Soul ; which appeared fweetly to me. I hoped, that my weary Pilgrimage in the World would be Jbirt, and that it would not be long before I was brought to my heavenly Home and Father'sHoufe : I was fweetly refigned to God's Will, to tarry his Time, to do his Work, and fufFer his Pleafurc I felt Thankfulnefs to God for all ray prcffing Defertiom of late ; for I am perfwaded, they liave been made a Means of making me more humble, and mtich more refign'd. I felt pleafed, to be Uitlej to ht nothing, and vt fie in the DujL I enjoy'd Life and fweet Confolation in plead- ing for the dear Children of God, and the Kingdom of Chrift in the World : and my Soul earneftly breathed afterHolinefs and the Enjoynient of God. Q com Lor4 Je^us ! Gome quickly* Amen.

[ By his Diary for the remaining Days of this Week, it appears that he enjoyed confiderable Compofure and Tranouillity, and had Sweetnefs and Fervency of Spirit in Prayer, Irom Day to

Lords-Day, Jul^ 11. Was deferted ahd exceeding dejeaed \n the Morning. — In theAfternoon, had fome Life and AfTiflance^ fh^ii fsit refigticd ; I favy "^^ ^?lf cxceediflg vile^

'38 ^/. 25. r^^LlFE A.D.i74i;

fbn the two next Days he exprefTes inward Comfort, Refig^ nation, and Strength in God.]

Wednefday^ya^ 14. Felt a Kind of humble refigned Sweet- nefs : Spent a confiderable Time in Secret, giving my felf up wholly to theLord.— Heard Mr. Bellamy preach, to wardsNighl: felt very Sweetly, part of the Time : Longed for nearer acctfi U God.

[The four next Days, he exprefTes confiderable Comfort and Fervency of Spirit in ChriftianConverfation and Religious Exer- cifes. ]

Monday, July ig. My Defires feem efpecially to be carried out after Wcanednefs from the Worlds perfe£t Dead nefs to it, and to be even crucified to all its Allurements. My Soul longs to feel it uilf more of a Pilgrim and Stranger here below ; that nothing may divert me from preffing through the lonely Defart, 'till I arrivj at my Father's fioufe.

Tuefday, July 20. It was fweet, to give away my felf toGoD, to bedifpofed of at his Pleafure ; and had fome feeling Senfe of the Sweetnefs of being a Pilgrim en Earth.

[The nextDay,he exprefleshimfelf as determined to be wholly devoted to God ; and it appears by his Diary, that ho fpent the whole Day in a moft diligent Exercife of Religion, and exceed- ing comfortably,]

Thurfday, July 22. Journeying from Southbury to Ripiotty called at aHoufe by the Way, where being very kindly entertain'd and refiefh^d, I was fiU'd with Amazement and Shame, that God fliould (tir up the Hearts of any to fhew fo much Kindnefs to ftch a dead Dog as 1 ; was made ferdible, in fome Meafure, how exceeding vile it is, not to be wholly devoted to God. I wcnder'd, that God would fufFer any of his Creatures to feed and fuftain me, from Time to Time.

[ In his Diary for the fix next Days, are expreffed various Exercifes and Experiences, fuch as fweet Com pofu re and Fer- vency of Spirit in Meditation and Prayer, Weanednefs from the World, being fenfibly a Pilgrim and Stranger on the Earth, Engagednefs of Mind to fpend every Inch of Time forGod,^^.]

I'hurfday, July, 29. Was examined by the Aflbciation met at Danbury^zs to my Learning, and alfomy Experiences^ Re- ligion, awd received a Licence from them to preach the (Jrofpel of Chrift.--- Afterwards felt much devoted to God ; join'd in Prayer with one of the Minifters, my peculiar Friend, in a convenient Place 5 went to Bed refolving to live devoted toGod all my Days.

pari;

^/.2j.- e/Afr. David Brainerd, AD. 1742: 3^ Part III.

mmmm

From the "Time of his being licenfed to preachy by the Affociation, '//// he was examined in New- York, by the Correfpondents or CommiJJioners of the Society in Scotland for propagating Chriflian Knowledge^ and approved and appointed as their Miflionary to the Indians.

FRiday, July ^O- 1742. Rode from Danhury to Southhury ; Preach'd there from iPet.'w. 8. Had much of the comfor- table Prefence of God in the Exercife : 1 feem'u to have Power withGod in Prayer, and Power to get hold of the Hearts of the People in Preaching.

Saturday, July 31. Exceeding calm and compafed, and was greatly refrefhed and encouraged.

[ It appears by his Diary, that he continued in this Sweetnefs and Tranquillity, almoft through the whole of the next Week.]

Lord's-Day, Jug. 8- In the Morning felt comfortably in fe- cret Prayer ; my Soul was refrefh'a with the Hopes of the Bia- //^^«j coming home to Chrifl ; was much refigned to God, f thought it was no Matter what became of me. — Preacn'd both Parts of the Day at Bethlehem, from Job xiv. 14. It was fweet to me to meditate on Death. In the Evening, felt very comforta- bly, and cried to God fervently, in fccret Pra}cr.

[ It appears by his Diary, that he continued thro' the three nexiDays, engaged with all his Might in the Bufinefs of Religi- gn, and 1-n almoft a conflant Enjovmeut of the Comfoits of 11.]

Thu'fday

io ^/. 25. ^16^ L I F E . A.D. 1 742:

Thuifday, v^/zfJ^y? 12. This Morning and laft Night was ex- ercifed with fore inward Trials : I had no Power to pray ; but Icemed (hut out from God. I had in a great Meafure loft mf Hopes of God *s fending me among the Heathen afar off, and of feeing them fl ck home to Chrift. I (aw fo much of my hellifh Vilenefs, that i appeared worfe to my felf, than any Devil : I wonder'd, that God would let me live, and wondered that Peo- ple did not ftone me, much more, that they would ever hear me preach f It feem'd as tho' I never could nor fhould preach an)? more, yet about 9 or 10 o'Clock, the People came over, and I was forced to preach : And blefied be God, he gave me his Pre- fenceand Spirit in Prayer and Preaching : So that I was much aflifted, and fpake with Power from Job xiv. 14. 5orne Indians cry'd out in great Diftrefs, * and all appeared greatly concerned. After We had pray'd and exhorted them to feek the Lord with Conftancy, and hired an EngUfh Woman to keep a Kind of SchooUmong them, we came away about one o'Clock,and came to y«<^^fi, about 15 or 16 Miles, There God was pleafed to vifk my 5oul with mi^h Comfort. BlelTcd bt the Lord for allThings Imect with.

[ It appears, that the two next Days he had much Comfort^ and had his Heart much engaged in Religion. J

Lords"Day, Jugu/i 13. Felt much Comfort and Devotednefs to God this Day. At Nigbt, it was refreftiing, to get alone with GoD and pour out my Soul. O, who can conceive of the Sweet- nefs of Communion with the blefled God, but thofe that have Experience of it f Glory to God forever, that I may tafte Hea- ven below.

Monday, J^ugujl 16. Had fome Cornfort in fecret Prayer, \n. the Morning :-- Felt fweetly fundry Times in Prayer this Day : But was much perplexed in the Evening with vain Converfation*

Tuefday, Auguft ij. Exceedingly deprefs'd in Spirit, It cuts and wounds my Heart, to think how much Self- Exaltation^Spi" ritual Pride^hUaynith cf Temper ^\ \\zsz formerly had interming'- led with my Endeavours to promote (jod's Work : And fome- times! long to lie down at the Feetof Oppofers,and confcfs what a poor imperfe£l: Creature 1 have been and ftill am.-- Ob, the

* It was in a Place near Kent^ in the Wefiern Borders of Con-

ihcje is a N'jniberof /-T.'/ijv;.

Mt. 2S. <?/ Mr. David Brainfrd. A.D.1742. 41

Lord forgive me, and make me for the iMi\xrtioife as a Serttnt and harmlefi as a Dove. — Afterwards enjoy 'd confiderab^e Com- fort and Delight of Soul.

Wednefday, Auguft 18. Spent moft of this Day in Prayer and Reading.— I fee fo much of my own extrcam Vilenefs, that I feel afhamed and guilty before God and Man : I look, to my fclf, like the vileft Fellow in the Land : \ wonder, that God ftirs up his People to be fo kind to me.

Thurfday, Auguft 19. This Day, being about to go from Mr. Bellamy*s at Buhlehem^ where I had refided fome Time, prayM with him, and two or three other Chriftian Friends, and gave our felves to God with all our Hearts, to be his for ever : Eternity looked very near to mc, while I was praying. If I never fhould fee thefe Chriftians again in this World, it feem*d but a fewMoments before I fhould meet *em in another World.— Parted with them fweetly.

Friday, Auguji 20. I appeared fo vile to my felf,that I hardly dared to think of being feen, efpeciaily on Account of fpiritual Pride. However, to Night, I enjoyed a fweet Hour alone with God [at Ripton] I was lifted above the Frowns and Flatteries of this lower World, had a fweet Relifh of heavenly Joys, and my Soul did as it were get into the eternal World, and really tafte of Heaven. I had a fweet Seafon of IntercefTion for dearFriends in Chrift ; andGod helped me to cry fervently for Zion, BlefTed be God for this Seafon.

Saturday, Auguft 21. Was much perplex'd,in iheMorning.— Towards Noon enjoyed more of God in fecret, was enabled to fee that it was beft to throw my felf into the Hands of God, to be difpofed of according to his Pleafure, and rcjoyced in fuch Thoughts. In the Afternoon, rode to New- Haven ; was much confufed all the Way. — Juft at Night, underwent fuch a dread*- ful Confli£l, as I have fcarcc ever felt. I faw my felf exceed* ing vile and unworthy ; fo that I was guilty, and afhamed, that any Body (hould beftow any Favour on me, or flicw me any Refpea.

Lord's- Day, AuguJ} 22. In the Morning, continued ftill in Perplexity.— In the Evening, enjoyed that Comfort that feemM to me fufficknt to ovcr-ballance all my late DiftrelTcs. I faw, that God is the only Soul-fatisfymg Portion, and I really foand Satisfadion in him : My Soul was much enlarged in fweet Interceflion for my Fellow-Men every where, and for m^ny Chriftian Fri^^iids, in particular, in diftant Places.

G Monday,

42 >€/. 2 5. TheAAFE A.D.f742;;

*

Monday, Auguji 23. Had a fweet S^afon in fecret Prayer V The Lord drew near.tp my Soul, and filled me with Peace arf^ divine Confolation. O, my Soul tafted the Sweetnefs of th<S upper World \ and was fweetly drawn out in Prayer for tiie World, that it mig^t eome home toChrift ! Had much Comfert in the Thoughts and Hopes ^^ the In^a5l>ering of the Heathtn } ^as greatly aflided in loiereeiTion for Chriftjan Friends.

[He confirjued ft ill in the fame Frame of Mind the next Day, but in a leiier Degree.]

Wednefday, j^ugu^ 2^. In Family-Prayer, God helped me to climb up Hear Him, fo that I fcarce ever got nearsr.

[The four next Days, he appears to have been the SubjecEl of Defertion, and of Comfort and Fervency in Religion, inter- changeably, together with a Seafe of Vilenefa and Unprofita- blenels.]

Monday, Auguft 30. Felt fomething eomfortably in the Morning ; converfed fweetly with fome Friends ; was in a fe- tious campofed Frame ; pray'd at a certain Houfe with fome Degree of Sweetnefs. Afterwards, at another Houfe, pray'd pi'ivately with a dear Chriftian Friend or two ; and I think, I fcarce ever launch'd fo hx into the eteraal World, as then ; I got fo far out on the broad Ocean, that my Soul with Joy tri- umphed over all the Evils on the Shores of Mortality. I think. Time and ail its gay Amufements and cruel Difappointments, rievcr appeared fo inconfiderable to me before : I was in a fweet Frame ; I h^ my felf nothing, and my Soul reach'd after (7013 with intenfe Defire. O f I faw what I owed to God, in fuch a Manner, as I fcarce ever did : [ knew, ( had never lived a Moment to him, as I Ihould do : Indeed It appeared to me, I bad never done any Thing inChrif^ianity ; My Soul longed with a vehement Defire to Uvs to GOD. ---In the Evening, fung and pray'd with a Number of Chriltians : Felt thi Powers of the fi'jrU to corns, in my Soul, in Prayer, AJterwarfe's prayed again p'ivaiely, wi'h a dear Chri(!ian or two, and found the Prefenee <>f (loi ; was fomething humbled in my fecret Retirement ; frh my Ingratitude, bccaufc I vv23 not wholly fwaliowed up in

rj U was in a fvvcct Frame great Part of the next Day.]

^/. 25. ^/ Air. David Brainerd. A.D.1742. ^.

• ^i^/^%' f'!^''":^' \:" ^^'"^ *^> ><^'^^ to the Ordina- tion oiUv. Judd. Dear Mr. BelUmy pieach'd from Matth. XXIV. 46. 5/f^^ is that Servant iffc. I felt very folemn, and very fweetly, njoftof the T/me ; had my^Tnoughts much on thuTime when 6ur Lord will conje-, that Time refrefhed my Soulmuch ; only I was afraid, 1 fliould not be found faithful^ becaufe I have fo vile a Heart. My Thoughts were much in Eternity, where I love to dwell. Hleffed be God for this fo- Jemn Seafon.-— Rode home to Might with Mr. Bellamy ; felt fomething fweerly en the Road ; converfed with fome PMen-Js 'till it was very jale, and then retir<;d to Reft in a comfotiiible Frarae.

Thurfday, Septemher 2. About two in the Afternoon, I preach'd from John vi. 67. And Godaffifted ms in fome com- fortable Degree ; but more efpecially in my fir ft P/ ay cr ; my Soul feemed then to liunch quite into the eternal World, and to be as it were feparated from ihis lower World.-— Afterwards preach'd again from Ifaiah v. 4. God gave me fome Afiiftancci But I faw my felf a poor Worm.

f On Friday, September 3. He complains of having but little Life in the Thingsof God, the former Part of tin: Day, but af- terwards Tpeaks of Swcetnefs and Enlargembcnt. J

Saturday, September /\.. Much out of Health, and exceedingly deprefa'd in my Soul, and was at an awful Diftar.cefrom God.— - Towards Night, fpcnt fome Time in profitable Thoughts on Rem. viii. 2.-— Near Night, had a very fweet Seafon in Prayer ; God enabled me to wreftle ardently for the Advancement of the Redeemer's Kingdom ; pleaded earneftly for my own dear Bro- ther John^ that Ciod would make him more of a Pilgrim and Stranger on theEarth, and lie him for fingular Serviceablenefs in the World ; and my Heart fweeily exulted in the Lord, in the Thoughts of anyDiftrefi'es that might alight on him or me, in ihc Advancement of Chrift^s fCingdom. — *Twas a fweet and com- fortable Hour unto my Soul, while I was indulged Freedom to plead, not onlv for my k\i^ but for many other Souls.

Lord's-Day, Septemher c. Preach'd all Day : was fomething ftrengthen'd & aftifted in the Afternoon j more el^jecially ii) the Evenmg: had a Senfe of my unfi^eakable Short-comings in all my Duties. 1 found, alas ! that I had never lived to Gop «n

ms Life, ' . , ,'

(2 1 Uoi\^^yi

44

JEl 25, ne L IF E A. D. 1742:

Monday, Septemh. 6. Was informed, that they only waited for an Opporturiity to apprehend me for Preaching at Ntw-Ha^ ven lately, that fo they might impriibn me : This made me more folemn and ferious, and to quit all Hopes of the World's Ffiendfliip : It brought mc to a further Senfe of my Vilenefs, and juft Defert of this, and much more, from the Hand of God, tho* not from the Hatid of Man : Retired into a convenient Place in the Woods, and fpread the Matter before God.

Tuefday, Septemb. 7. Had fome Relifh of divine Things in the Morning. Afterwards felt more barren and melancholy. Rode to Niw-Haven^to a Friend *s Ho«fe at a Diftance from the Town ; that I remain undifcovered, and yet have Opportunity to do Bufmefs privately with Friends, which come to Com" inenament*

Wednefday, Septemh. 8. Felt very fweetly, when I firft rofc in the Morning. In Family-Prayer, had fome Enlargement, but not much Spirituality, *till Eternity came up before mc and look'd near ; I found fome Sweetnefs in theTboughts of bidding a dying Farewell to this tirefbm World : Tho' fometime ago I reckoned upon feeing my dear Friends at Commencement ^ yet being now denied the Opportunity, for fear of Imprifonment, I felt totally refign'd, and as contented to fpend this Day alone in the Woods, as I could have done, if I had been allowed to go to Town. Felt exceedingly vvean*d from the World to Day.—- In the Afternoon difcourfed fomething on fome divineThings with a dearChriftian Friend, whereby we were both refrefhed. Then I pray'd, with a fweet Senfe of the Bleflednefs of Communion with God : I think, I fcarceevcr enjoyed more of God in any one Praver, O it was a blell'ed Seafon indeed to my Soul ! I knew not that ever I faw fo much of my own Noihingnefs in mv Life ; never wondered fo, that God allowed me to preach his Word ; nevex was fo aftoni(he<i as no'A^.--This has been a fweet and comforta- ble Day to my Sou! ; BlefTed be God.— Pray'd again with my cear Friend, with forr>ething of the divine Prefence.— I long to he wholly conformed to God, and transformed into his Image.

7'hur(day, Septemh, 9. Spent much of the Day alone : En- joyed the Prefence of God in fome comfortable Degree : wa« vilited by fome dear Friends^ and pray'd with them : Wrote fundry f^etters to Friends ; felt Religion in my Soul while writ- ing : Enj jyed fome fweet Meditations on fome Scriptures.—- In the Eve.iing, went very privately into Town, from the Place of myReriJciice at iheFarms,and converfed with fome dearFriends j fftit fwe«;ly mi fmging Hynins with them j and made wy Efca^te

^/. 25- «/-Wr, David Brainerd. A.D.1742. 4^

to the Farms again, without being difcovered by any Enemies, as I knew of. Thus the Lord preferves me continually.

Friday, September 10. Longed with intenfe Defire after God : ray whole Soul feem'd impatient to be Conformed to him, and to become Moly^ os he is Holy,— In the Afternoon, pray'd with a dear Friend privately, and had the Prefence of God with us ; our Souls united together to reach after a blefled Immortalitv to be unclothed of the Body of Sin and Deathy and to enter the blefled World, where no unclean Thing enters. O, with what intenfe Defire did our Souls long for that blefled Day, that we might be freed from Sin, and forever live to and in our God !— In the Evening,took leave of thatHoufe ; But firft kneel'd down and prayed ; The Lord was of a Truth in the midji of us ; 'twas a fweet parting Seafon ; felt in my felf much Sweetnefs and Affec- tion in theThings of God. BleflTed be (3od for every fuch divine Gale of his Spirit, to fpeed me on in my Way to the New-Jerw faletn ! — Felt fome Sweetnefs afterwards, and fpent theEvening in Converfation with Friends, and pray'd with fomc Life, and retired to Reft very late.

[The five next Days, he appears to have been in an exceeding comfortable, fweet Frame of Mind, for the moft Part, and to have been the Subjed of the like heavenly Exercifes as are often exprefled in preceeding Paflages of his Diary ; fuch as hav- ing his Heart much engaged for God, wreftling with God in Prayer with Power andArdency, enjoying atTimes, fweet Calm- nefs and Compofure of Mind, giving himfelf up to God to be h\\ forever, with great Complacence of Mind, being wholly refigned to theWill of God, that God might do with him what he pleafed, longing well to improve Time, having the eternal World as it were brought nigh, longing after God and Holinefs, earneftly dcflring a compleat Conformity to him, and wondriiig how poor Souls do to exift without God. J

Thurfday, September 16. At Night, felt exceeding fweetly : Enjoyed much of God in fecret Prayer : Felt an uncommonRefig- nation J to ^^and </<?whatGod pleafed. SomeDays paf}, I (tk great Perplexity en Account of my paft Condudt : My Bitter nef>^ a«d Want of Chriftian Kindnefs andLove,has been very dijlrejftng to my Soul : The Lord forgive me my unchriJiianfVarmth,?ind wane ®f a Spirit of Meekncfs.

#

[The

46 JEt. 25. Us LIFE A. D. 1 74^.

[ The next Day, He fpeaks of much Refignation, Calmncfs 2.nd Peace of Miod, and Dear Views of the eternal Wo^-ld. ]

Saturday, Septemb. i8. Felt fome Compaffion for Souls, and mournM I had no more. I feel much more Kindnefs, Meek- i\c(sy Gerrtlenefs and Love towards all Mankind, t*han ever. I long to be at theFeet of my Enemies and" Perfecutors . Enjoyed fome Sweet ncfs, in feeling my Soul conformed to C/jriti Jefus^ and given away to him forever, in Prayer to Day.

[ The next Day, he fpeaks of much Dcjc£^ion and Difcou- ragemerU, from an Apprehenllon of his own Unfitnefsever to do any Good in Preaching ; But blefTes God for all Difpenfations of Providence andGrace ; finding t^at by all God wean'd him more from the World, and made him more refign'd.

The next ten Days, he appears to have been for the moft Part under great Degrees of Meiancholy, exceedingly dejeiled and difcouraged ; fpeaks of his being ready to give up all for gone refpetSting the Caufe of Chrift, and exceedingly longing to di^ : Yet had fome fweet Seafons and Intervals of Comfort, and rpecial Afliftance and Enlargement in the Duties of Religion, and m performing publick Service?, and confiderable Succefs in them. ]

Thurfday, September 30. Stil! very low in Spirits, and did not know how to engage in any Woik or Bufmefs, efpecially to ccr^ 7e£f form Diforders among Chrifliam ; felt as tho' I had noPower «lo be faithful in that Regard. However towards Noon, preach'd ixowi Deut. viii. 2. And was enabled with Freedom to reprove fome Things in ChrifHans Condud:, that I thought very unfuiia- ble and irregular i irii<(ied near two Hours on this Subjed.

[ Through this, and the two following Weeks, he pafTed through a Variety of Exercifes : He was frequently deje6led,and felt inward DiftreJles \ and fometimes funk into the J(^epths of Melancholy : At which Turns, he was not exercifed about the State of his Soul, wi^h Regard to the Favour of God and his In- tcrcft \x\ Clirirt, b'Jt about his own finful Infirmities, and unfitnefs for God'? Srrvire. Ifis Mind appears fometimes extremely de- prefb'd and funk with a Senfe of inexprefiible Vilenefs. But in ihe mean Time, he fpeaks of many Seafons of Comfort and fpiri- lual Rerrefiimcnt, wherein hisHeart was encouraged and ftrcngth*-^ p^d in Qodj and fwcrily refignecj to his VVjlIj and of fome^j^

Seafons

yg"/. 2 5. " ^/ Mr. David Brainerd. A,D. 1742. 47

'Seafons of very'Mgh Degrees of fpiritual Confolation, and of his ,great Longings alter Holinefs ind Conformity to God,of hb 'great Fear of oftending God,of hisHeart's being Tweetly melted •in religiousDulifcs,ofhis longing for theAdvancement ofChrift's 'Kingdom, and of his having at fome Times much Affiftance in Preaching, and of remarkable Effect's on the Auditory. ]

Lords- Day, OSiob. 17. Had a confiderable Senfeof my Help* 'lefnefs and Inability ; faw that I mufl be dependent on God for ail I want ; and efpecially when I went to the Place of publick Worfhip ; I found I could not fpeak a Word for God without his fpecial Help and AiEflance : I went into the Aflem-bly trem- bling, as I frequently do, under a Senfe of my InfufHciency to do any Thing in the Caufe of God, as I ought to do.-— But it pleafed God to afford me muchAffiftance, and there feem'd to be a confiderable Effect on the Hearers.— In the Evening, I felt 3 Difpofiiion to praife God for his Goodnefs to me, in fpecial, that he had enabled me in foms Meafure to be faithful ; and my So j2 rejoyced to think, that J had thus performed the Work of one Day more, and was oneDay nearer my eterna!,and ( I truft ) my heavenly Home. O that 1 might be faithful to the Deaths ful" filling a: an Hirslkng my Day^ 'till the Shades of the Evening of Life {hall free my houl from the Toils of the Day ! This Even- ing, in fecret Prayer, I (elt exceeding folcmn, and fuch longing Defires after Deliverance from Sin, and afterConformity toGody as melted my Heart. Oh, I longed to be delivered from this Body vf Death ! I felt inward pleafing Pain, that [ coald not be con- formed toGod entirely, fully and forever.— I fcarce ever preach without being firft vifsted with inward ConfliiSlswnd fore Trials,-- BleiTed be the Lord for thefe Trials and Di'Ax&iXQs, as they arc blefs'd for my humbling.

Monday, OSfob, 18. Fn the Morning, felt fome Sweetnefs, but ftill prefs'd thro' fome Trials of Soui. My Life Is a con- ftant Mixture of Confjlations and Confiids, and will befo 'till arrive at the World of Spirits.

Toefday, OSioher 19. This Morning and laft Ni^ht, felt a fweet Longing in my Soul after Holinefs : My Soul feem'd fo to reach and ftretch towards the Mark of perfedi San^iiy, that it was ready to break with Longings.

Wcdnefday, OSlober 20. Exceeding im'irm in Body,exerC:rcd

ith much Pain, and very lifelefs in^diviae Things. -- ¥tU a

tic Syjreetnefs m the Even if»g. _. .,

ThurfJ.^v

C

4S Mt. 25; r*^ L I F E A»D. 1742;

Thurfday, OSlohtr 21. Had a very deep Senfc of the Vanity of the World, moftof theDay j had little more Regard to it, than if I had been to go into Eternity the next Hour. Thro' divine Goodnefs, I felt very feriOus and folemn. O, I love to Jive on the Brink of Eternity, in my Views and Meditations ! This gives me a (weet, awful and reverential Senfe and Apprc- henfion of God and divine Things, when I fee my felf as it Vf^refiand'ing before the yudgment^Seat (^f Chrift.

Friday, Oiioher 22. Uncommonly weaned from the World to Day ; My Soul delighted to be a Stranger and Pilgrim oh the Earth : I felt a Difpofition in me never to have any Thing to do with this World : The Charafter given of fome of the ancient People of God, in Heb, xi, 13, was very pleafing to me, flhey confejjed that they werePilgrims tff Strangers on the Earthy by

iheir daily Pra<5lice ; and O that I could always do fo 1

Spent fome confiderable Time, in a pleafant Grove, in Prayer and Meditation. O it is fweet, to be thus wean'd fromFriends, and from my felf, and dead to the prefent Wojld, that (q I may live wholly to and upon the blefTed God ! Saw my felf little, low, and vile, in my felf.— -In theAfternoon, preach'd at Beihteheniy from D^ut. viii. 2. and felt fweetly both in Prayer and Preaching : God helped me to fpeak to the Hearts of dear Chriflians. BlefTed be the Lord for this Seafon r I truf^, they and I fhail rfjoyce on thisAccount to all Eternity.— Dear Mr. Bellamy came in, while I was making the firftPrayer ( being returned Home from a Journey) and after Meeting, we walked away together, and fpent the Evening in fweetly coverfmg on divineThings,and praying together, with fweet and tender Love to each other, an«i return'd to Reft with our Hearts in a ferious spiritual Frame.

Saturday, O^ob. 23. Something perplexed and confufed. Rode this Day from 'Bethlehem to Sim/bury.

Lord's- Day, O^fZi?/'. 24. Felt fo vile and unworthyjthat I fcarcc knew how to converfe with human Creatures.

Monday, O^ober 25. [At Turkey- Hills ^'\ln the Evening en- joyed the divine Prefcnce in fecret Prayer : It was a fweet and comfortable Seafon to me : A^y Soul longed forGod^ for the living Cod : Enjoyed a fweet Solemnity of Spirit, and longing De- fire after the Recovery of the divire Image in my Soul : Then Jhall I befaii^fied^whm 1 Jhall cziah in GOD's Likenejs^ and ne- ver before.

Tuefoay, OSlcher 26. [At IVefl-Suffield,'] Underwent the moll dfcadful Diftreffes,under a S^jifewl my gwnUflvVorlhinefs fl

a

mt, IS. c/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D.1742. ^9

It feem'd to me, I deferved rather to be driven out of the Place than to have any Body treat me with any Kindnefe, or come to bear me preach. And verily my Spirits were fo dcprefs'd at this Time, as well as at many others, that it was impoffible I fhould treat immortal Souls with Faithfulnefs : I could not deal clofely & faithfully with them, I felt fo infinitely vile in myfelf. Oh, what Duft andJ/hes I am, to think of preaching theGofpel to others ! Indeed,! never can be faithful for oneMoment,but (hall certainly daub with untempered Mortar^ if God don't grant me fpecial Help.- In theEvening, I went to the Meeting-Houfe» and it look'd to me near as eafy for one to rife out of the Grave and preach, as for me. However, God afforded me feme Life and Power, both in Prayer and Sermon : God was pleafed to lift me up, and fhew me that he could enable me to preach. O the wonderful Goodnefs of God to fo vile a Sinner !— Re- turned to my Quarters ; and enjoy'd feme Sweetnefs in Prayer alone, and mourn'd that I could not live more to (iod.

Wednefday, OSfober 27. Speot the Forejioon in Prayer and Meditation : Was not a' little concerned about Preaching in the Afternoon : Felt exceedingly without Strength^ and very helplefs indeed : Went info the Meeting-Houfe, afbamcd to fee an/ come to hear fucb an unfpeakably worthlefs Wretch. However, God enabled me to fptak with Gearnefs, Power, & Pungency, But there was fome Noife and Tumult in the Aflembiy, that I did not well like, and endeavoured to bear publick Teftimony againft, with Moderation and Miidnefs, through the Current of my Difcourfe.-"ln the Evening, was enabled to be in fomeMea- fure thankful and devoted to God.

[The Frames and Exercifes of hisMind, during the fcur next Days, were moftiy very Similar to thofe of the two Days paft ; excepting Intervals of confiderable Degrees of divine Peace anci Confolation.

The Things exprefs'd within the Space of the three following Days are fuch as thefe ; fome Seafons of Dejection, mourning for being fo dcflituce of the Exercifes of Giace, longing to be delivered from Sin, preffing after more of God, Seafons of fweet Confolation^ precious and intimate Converfe with God in fecret Prayer, Sweetnefs of Chriftian Converfation &c.'-- Within this Time he rode from Suffiddto Eajibury^ Hebron^ and Lebanon.}

Thurfday, Novmh. 4. [At Lebanon. J Saw much of my Nothmgnel's, moft of ihisDdy ; bac felt CtfiiCerned Ui^t I had no

H more

50 JEt.25. "The LIFE A.D.1742.

more Senfe of my rnfufiiciency k Unv^orthincfs. O 'tis fwect lying in theDuJi ! But 'tis diftrefling,to feel in my Soul thatHell of Corruption, which ftill remains in me.— In theAfternoon, had a Senfeof theS\yeetnefsof a ftri<£t clofe & ConftantDcvotcdnefs to God,& raySoul was comforted with theConfolations of God ; my Soul felt a pleafing, yet painfulConcern, left I (bould fpend fome Moments without God. O may I always live to God. — In the Evening, was vifited by fome Friends, and fpcnt the Time hi Prayer and fuch Converfation as tended to our Edification. It was a comfortable Seafon to my Soul : I felt an intenfe Defire to fpend every Moment for God. — God is unfpeakably graci- ous to me continually : In Times paft, he has given me inex- prellible Sweetnefs in the Peiforipance of Duty : Frequently my Soul has enjoyed much of God ; but has been ready to fay, Lord^ 'tis good to be here ; and To to indulge Sloth, while I have lived on the Sweetnefs of my Feelings. But of late, God has been pleafed to keep my Soul ^tt»^ry,aImoft continually ; fo that 1 have been filPd with aKind of a pleafingPain : When I really enjoy God, I feel mv Defires of him tlie more infatiable, and ray Thirftings after Holinefs the more unquenchable ; and the Lord will not allow me to feel as tho' I were fully fupplied and fatisfied, but keeps me liill reaching forward 5 and I feel barren and empty, as tho* I could not live, without more of God in me ; 1 feel afhamed and guilty before God. Oh, I fee, theLaw is /f>iritual, but I am carnal / I don't, I can't live to God. Oh for Holinefs I Oh for more of God in my Soul ! Oh this pleafing Pain ! It makes my Soul prefs after God ; the Lan- guage of it is, Then /hail I be fatisfied ^ when 1 awah in GOD's Likeneji (Pfal. xvii, ult.) but never, never before : and confe- quently 1 am engaged to prefi toward the Mark^ Day by Day. O that I may feel this continual Hunger^ and not be retarded, but rather animated by every Clutter from Qanaan^ to reach for- ward in the narrow Way, for the full Enjoyment andPofleflion of the heavenly Inheritaoce. O that I may never loiter in my heavenly Journey.

[ Thefe infatiable Defires after God and Holinefs continued the two next Days, with a great Senfe of his own exceeding Unworthinefs, and the Nolhingnefs of the Things of thi$ World.]

Lord's-Day, Novemb. 7. [At Alillington.] It feem'd as if fuch an unholy Wretch as I never could arrive at thatBleflcdnefs, to be holy y as Gfdis holy. At Nooji,I longed for San^ti&ation,

and

Mi. 25. of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D.1742. 51

and Conformity to God. Oh, That Is the All, the All ! The Lord help me to prefs afUr GOD for ever.

Monday, Novemb. %. Towards Night, enjoyed muchSwect- nefs in fecret Prayer, fo that my Soul longed for an Arrival in the heavenly Country^ the blcfled Paradife of God. Thro* divine Goodnefs, I have fcarce feen the Day, for two Months, but Death has looked fo pleafant to me at one Time or other of the Day, that I could have rejoyced the prefent {hould be my lajf^ notwithftanding ray preiling inward Trials and Confli6^s : And I trufl, the Lord will finally make me a Conqueror, and more than fo ; that I (hall be able to ufe that triumphant Language, O Death, where is thy Sting ! And 0 Grave, where is thyVi^ory !

[Within the next ten Days, the following Things are cx- prefs'd ; Longing and wreftling to be holy and fo live to God ; 9 Defire that every fingle Thought might be for God ; feeling guilty, that his Thoughts were no more fwallowed up in God ; fweet Solemnity and Calmnefs of Mind, Submiflion and Refig- nation to God, great Weanednefs from the World, Abafement in the Duft, Grief at fome vain Converfation that wasobferved, SweetnefsJ from Time to Time in fecret Prayer and in con^ verfing and praying with Chriftian Friends. And every Day he appears to^iave been greatly engaged in the great Bufmefs of Religion and living to God, without Interruption.]

Friday, Novemb. 19. [Kt New- Haven'] ReceivM a Letter from the Rev. Mr. Pembertonoi New- Tor i, d^Cinng me fpee- dily to go down thither, and confult about the Indian Affairs in thofe Parts, and to meet certain Gentlemen there, that were intruded with thofe Affairs : My Mind was inftaritly fei^'d with Concern ; fo I retired with two or threeChriftian Friends, and prayed ; and iadeed it was a fweet Time with me ; I was ena- bled to leave my felf an,d all my Concerns with God 3 and taking Leave of Friends, I rode to Ripton,^ znd was comforted in an Opportunity to fee and converfe with dear Mr. Mills.

[ In the four next foUowingDays, he wasfometimes opprefa'd with the Weight of that great Affair, about which Mr. Pem^ berton had written to him ; but was enabled fromTime toTime to cajl bis Burden en the Lord, and to commit himfelf and all his Concerns to him : And he continued flill in a Senfe of the Ex* cellency of Holinefs, and Longings after it, and earneftDefires Of theAdvaneement of Cbrift'sKingdom in iheWgrld i and had

52 JEt.is- Thelul^K A.D.1742;.

from Time to Time fweet Comfort in Meditation and Prayer.]

Wear.efday, Novemb, 24. Came to New-Tork ; felt ftill much concerned about the Importance of my Bufmefs ; put up many earncft Requefts to God for his Help and Dire<5tion ; was coniufed with the Noife and Tumult of the City ; enjoyed but little Time alone with God ; but my Soul longed after Him.

Thurfday, Novemh, 25. Spent much Time in Prayer and Supplication : VVas examined by fome Gentlemen, of my Chrittian Experiences, and my Acquaintance with Divinity, and fume other Studies, in order to my Improvement in that important/XfTair of Gofpeliizing the Heathen ; || Was made fenfible of my great I^jnorance and Unfitnefs for publick Ser- vice : I had the moft abafing Thoughts of my felf, I think, that ever I had ; I thought ray felf the worft Wretch that ever lived : it hurt me h pained my veryHeart>that anyBody fhould Jhew me any Refpedt : Alas ! methought, how fadly they are deceived in me ; howmiferably v/ould they be difappointed, if they knew my Ipfidc I Oh my Heart ! --- And in this deprefs'd Condition, I was forced to go and preach to a confiderable Afiembly, before fome grave and learned Minifters ; but felt fuch a PrefTure from a Senfe of my Vilenefs, Ignorance & Unfit- nefs to appear in Publick, that I was almoft overcome with it ; rny Soul was grieved for the Congregation, that they fhould fit there to hear fuch a dead Dog as I preach ; I thought my felf infinitely indebted to the People, and loAged that God would reward them with the Rewards pf bis Grace.-- I fpent much of the Evening alone.

tl Thefe Gentlemen that eximined Mr. ^rahird, were the Currefpondciii-s, i^ New-Tor A' ^ New- Jerj'ey zndPenvfthama^ ot the honcuralffc Sociefy in Scotland for propagating Ciirillian Knowledge ; to whom was committed the l\']2i;2i^e!r3c.;c of thtir Affairs in thofe Parts, and who were now met at New-Torh,

PART

'Mt, 25. of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1742. r^

Part IV.

From the T'ime of his Examination by the Correfpondents of the Society for propa- gating Chriflian Knowledge^ and bei?tg appointed their Miflionary, to his firfl ^Entrance on the Bufinefs of his Miffion among the Indians at Kaiinaumeek.

FR.iday, ISIovemh. 26. Had ftill a Scnfe of my great Vile- nefs, and endeavoured as much as I could to keep alone. Oh, what a Nothing, what Duft and Afhes am I !- -En- joy'd feme Peace and Comfort in fpreading my Complaints be- fore the God of a]] Grace.

Saturday, Novemh. I'-j. Committed my Soul to God wid^ fome Degree of Comfort ; "left New-York about nine in the Morning ; came away with a dil^refling Senfe ftiU of my un- fpeakable Unworthinefs. Surely I may well love ail my Bre- thren ; for none of them ail isvfo vile as I ; whatever they do outwardly, yet it feems to me nope is confcious of fo much Guilt before God. Oh my Leannefo, my Barrennefs, my Car- nality,and paftBitternefs, &VVant of aGofpel-Temper ! Thefe Things opprefs my Soul.— -Rode fromA>fii;-3^r;^,<hirty Miles, to White Plains^ and molf of the Way cdltinued liftinji; up my Heart to God for iVIercy and purifying Grace ; and fpent the Evening much deje<Sled in Spirit.

[ The three next Days, be continued in this Frame, in a great Senfe of his own Vilenefs, with an evident Mixture of Melan- choly, in no fmali Degree ; bu>t had Tome Intervals of Com- fort and God's fenfible Preience with him. ]

Wednefday, Decemb. i. My Soul breath'd after God, \a

fweet fpiritual and longing Defires of Confaimity to him 5 my

goul was brought to reft it felf and all on his rich Grace, and

° felt

54 ^A25' ^*^ LIFE

ielt Strength and Encouragement to do or fufferany Thing that divine Providence (hould allot me.— Rode^ about twenty Miles, Irom Stratpeld to Newtown.

[Within the Space of the next nine Days, he went a Jour- rey from Newton to Haddam, his Native Tovi^n ; and after flaying there fomeDays, returned again into thcWeftcrn Part of Conne^icut, h czme toSouthbury. In his Account of theFrames and Exercifes of his Mind, during this Space of Time, arefuch Things as thefe ; Frequent Turns of Dejeiftion, a Senfe of his Vilenefs, Emptinefs, and an unfathomable Abyfs of dcfperatc Wickednefs in his Heart, attended with a Conviction that he bad never feen but little of it ; bitterly mourning over his Bar- rennefs, being greatly grieved that he could not live to God, to whcm he owed his all ten Tbou/and Times ; crying out^ MyLeatt^ mfsf my Leannefs ! A Senfe of the Meetnefs and Suitableneis of his lying in the Duft beneath God*s Feet, Fervency and Ar- dour in Prayer, longing to live to God, a being aiijifled with fome impertinent trifling Converfation that he heard ; but enjoy- ing Sweetnefs in Chriftian Converfation.]

Saturday,Z>ff^OT^.ii. Converfed with a dear Friend, to whom I had Thought of giving a liberal Education, and being at the whole Charge of it,that he might be fitted for the Gofpel-Mini- ftry * I acquainted Ijim with my Thoughts in that Matter, and folef: him to confider of it, 'till I fhopld fee him again. Thea

• Mr. Brainerdhzv'ing, now undertaken the Bufirefs of a Miflionary to the Indians^ and expe(?ling in a little Time to leave his native Country, to go amon^ the Savages, into the Wildernefs, far diftant,and fpend the Remainder of his Life among ihcm, and having fomeEftate left him by his Father, ?nd thinking he fhould have noOccafion for it among them, ( tho* afterwards, as he told me, he found himfelf miftaken) be fet himfelf to think which Way he might fpend it molt to theGlory of God ; &no Way prefenting to his Thoughts, wherein he could do more Good with it, than by being at the Charge of educating fome young Perfon for the Mini- firy, that appeared to be of good Abilities and well difpofed, he pitched upon this Perfon here fpoken of, to this End : who accordingly was foon put to Learning ; and Mr^Brai- »<r<i continued to be at the Charge of his Education from Year to Year, fa long as he (Mr. Brainerd) lived, which was *tiM this young Man was carried through hi» third Year in College, ^

ef Mr, David Brainerd. AD. 1 742. 55

I rode to Bethlehem, and fo came to Mr. Bellamy's Lodgings ; fpcnt the Evening with him in fweet Converfaiion and Prayer : We recommended the important Concern before mentioned (of fending my Friend to College) unto the God of all Grace. BlefTed be the Lord for this Evening's Opportunity together.

LordVDay, Decemh, 12. I felt, in the Morning, as if Ihad little or no Power either to pray or preach, and felt a diftrefling Need of divine Help : 1 went to Meeting trembling : But it pleafed God to aflift me in Prayer & Sermon : I think, my Soul fcarce ever penetrated fo far into the immaterial World, in any onePrayer that ever I made,nor were myDevotions ever fo much refined, and free from grofsConceptions, & Imaginations framed from beholding material Objeds. I preach'd with fomeSwcet- tiefs,from Math.m.'^T^.But Jeek ye firft &c. And in theAfternoon from Rom. xv. 30. And now 1 befeech you^ Srethren^ &c. There was much AfFedion in the Aficmbly. Thig has been a fweet Sabbath to me ; and blefled be God, I have Reafon to think» that my Religion is become more refined and fpiritual, by Means of my late inwaj-d Confli6ls. Amen / May I always be willing that God fhould ufe his own Methods with me.

Monday, Decemh. 13. Join'd in Prayer with Mr. Bellamy ; and found Sweeinefs and Compofure in parting with him, who went a Journey. Enjoy 'd fome Sweetnefs through the Dty, and juft at Night rode down to IVoodbury.

'i'uefday, Decemb. 14. Some Perplexity hung on my Mind : was diftrefs'd, laft Night and this Morning, for the Intercft of 'ZtOHy cfpecially on Account of \\\q falfe Appearances of Religion^ that do but raiher breed Confufion, efpecialiy in fome Places. I cried to God for Help, to enable me to bear Tefh'mony againft thofe Things, which inflead of promoting, do but hinder the Progrcfs of vital Piety. Jn the Afternoon, rode down loSouth- ittry,and converfed again with my Friend about the important Affair of his following the Work of the Miniftry ; and he ap- peared much inclined to devote himfelf to that Work, if God (hould fucceed his Attempts to qualify himfelf for fo great a Work. Jn the Evening, I preach'd from i The/, iv. 8. And endeavoured, tho' withTendernefs, to undermine falfeReligion. The Lord gave me fome AiTiflance ; but however, 1 feemM fo vile, I was afhamed to be feen when I came outofthcMect- ing-Houfe.

Wednefday, Decemb. 15. Enjoyed fomething of God toDay, both in fecret and fecial Prayer ; bat was feofible of much Ihr- rcnncfs, and Defed in Duty, as vveii as my liiability to hc'p my

kit

^6 ^/. 15- TJ^ LIFE

felf for the Time to come, or to perform the Work and Bufinefs I have to do. Afterwards, felt much of the Sweetnefs of Religion ^ dnd the Tendernefs of the Gofpel-Temper : was far from Bil- tcrnefs, and found a dear Love to all Mankind, and was afraid of fcarcely any Thing fo much as left fdme Motion of Anger or Refentment fhould feme Time or other creep into my Heart. Had feme comforting Soul-Refroflimg Difcourfe with fome dear Friends, juft as vvc took our Leave of each other, and fuppofed it might be likely we {hould not meet again 'till we came to the eternal World. * But 1 doubt not, thro' (grace, but that fome of us (hall have a happy Meeting there, and blefa God for this Sea- ,f^n, as well as many others. Amen.

]- Tbur{ddiy,Dec£mb. i6. Rode down toDarby ^ had fome fweet Thoughts, on the Road : My Thoughts were very clear, efpe- cialiy on theEfTence of our Salvation byChrift,from thofeWords^ Thou /halt call hi: Najnejefus^ he.

•■ Friday, Decemh. iy. Spent muchTime in fweet Converfation on fpiritual Things with dear Mr. Humphreys. Rode ioRipion j fper.t fome Time in Prayer with dear Chriiiian Friends.

Saturday, D^f^/w^.i8. Spent muchTirae inPrayer in the Woods: feem'd raifed above theThings of theWorld : mySoul was Itrong in the Lord of Hods : But v/as fenfible of great Barrennefs. . Lord^s-Ddiy^ Deccmb. iq. At the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper, feem'd flrong in the Lord ; and the World with all its Frowns & Flatteries in a great Meafure difappear'd, fo that my Soul had nothing to do with them ; and I felt aDifpcfition to be wholly and forever the Lord's.-- In theEvening, enjoyed fome- tbing of the divine Prefence ; Had a humoling Senfeofmy Vile- nef?, Barrennefs, and Sinfuincfs. Ob, it v/ounded me, to think of the Mifimprovement of Time ! Gcd be merciful to me a Sinner, Monday, Decemb. 20. Spent this Day in Prayer, Reading, and Writing ; and enjoyed fome AfTifbnce, efpecialjy in corre6lin-g fome Thoughts on a ceruin Sul>je6l -, but had a mournful Senfe of my Barrennefs.

♦ It bad been determined by the Commiffioners, who em- ployed Mr. Bftiincrd z%2, MifTjonary, that he fliould go aj fojn as mifZht be convenier.tlv,to the Indians living near the- Forks of Delaware River in Penfylvania and the Indicns on Sufquehanneh River ; which being far off, v;here he would be e^cpofcd to many Harcffliips arjjJ Dangers j This was the Occafic;^ of his i?.k\r\^ Leave ^ hia Fii«nds in thi«

c/M-. David Brainerd. if\.D. 1742: 57

'^"'m'^'w'T^' y p r"'r^ ^'"^'°f mylnfufficiency for • any publick Work and Bufinefs, as well as to live to God I rode over to Derby, and preach'd there : It pleafed God to give me very fweet AlTiftance and Enlargement, and to enable me to fpeak with a foft and tender Power and Energy.— We had after- wards a comfortable Evening in Singing and Prayer : (god ena- bled me to pray with as much Spirituality and Sweetnefs as I have done for fome Time : My Mind feem*d to be uncloathed of Senfe and Imagination, and was in a Mcafure let into the immaterial World of Spirits. This Day and Evening was, I truft, thro' infinite Goodnefs made very profitable to a Number of us, to advance our Souls in Holinefs and Conformity to God : The Glory be to Him forever : Amtn. How blefled 'tis to grow more and more like God !

Wednefday, Decemb. 22. Enjoyed fome AiTiftance in Preach- ing at Ripton i but my Soul mourned within me for my Barren- ncfs.

Thurfday, Decemb, 23. Enjoy'd, I truft, fomething of God this Morning in Secret. Oh how divinely fweet is it to come into the Secret of his Prcfence, & abide in his Pavilion I— Took an afFedionate Leave of Friends, not expeiliing to fee ThciH again for a very confiderable Time, if ever in thisWorld. Rode with Mr. Humphreys to his Houfe at Derby ; fpent the Time m fweet Converfation ; my Soul was rfere(h*d and fweetlv melted with divine Things. Oh that I was always confecrared toGod. Near Night, I rode to 'New-Haven^ and there enjoved fome Sweetnefs in Prayer and Converfation, with fome dear Chriftian Friends : My Mind was fweetly ferious and compofed : Dut alas, I too much loft the Senfe of divine Things !

[He continued much in the fame Frame of Mind, and in like Exercifes, the two foilowingDays.]

LordVDay, Decemb. lb. Felt much Sweetnefs and Tender- nefs in Prayer, efpccially my whole Soul feem'd to love my worft . Enemies, and was enabled to pray for thofc that are Strangers and Enemies to God with a great Degree of Softnefs and paih# tick Fervour. In the Evening, rode from New- Haven to Bran- ford^ after I had kneel'd down and pray'd with a Number of dear Chriftian Friends in a very retired Place in theWcods,asii .fo parted.

Monday, Decemb, 27. Enjoyed a preciousSeafon indeed j h?.d nfw^et H3«Uing Senfe gf divine Things, ©f tbe pure Spirittality

I •£

58 Mt. 25. ne luWE

ci the Religion of Chrift Jefus. In the Evening, I preachM from Matth. vi. 33. with much Freedom, and fweet Power and Pungency : The Prefence of God attended our Meeting. O the Sweetnefs, the Tendcrnefs I felt in my Soul I If ever I felt the Temper of Chrifl, I had fome Senfe of it now. BlefTed be my God, I have feldom enjoy'd a more comfortable and profita- bJe Day than this. O that I could fpend all j»y Time for God. Tuefd^, Dscemb, 28. Rode from Branfordto Haddam. In the Morning, myClearnefs and Sweetnefs in divine Things con- tinued 'y but afterwards my fpiritual Life fenfibly declined.

[The next twelve Days, he was for the moft Part extreamly dejected, difcouraged and diflrefTed, and was evidently very much under the Power of Melancholy 5 and there are from Day to Day mofl bitter Complaints of exceeding Vilenefs, Ignorance, Corruption, an amazing Load of Guilt, Unworthinefs to cree^ on God's Earth, everlafting Ufslefnefe, Fitnefs forNothingj^V. and fometimes Expreffions even of Horror at the Thoughts of ever Preaching again. But yet in this Time of grcatDejedtion, he fpeaksoffeveral Intervals of divine Help and Comfort.

[The three next Days, which were fpent at Hebron and the Crank (a Parifh in Lebanon) he had Relief, and enjoyed confide- rable Comfort.]

Friday, Jan, 14. 1742,3. My fpiritual Conflids to Day were unfpeakably dreadful, heavier than the Mountains and overflowing Floods : I feem'd inclofed, as it were, in Hell it itAi ! 1 was deprived of all Senfe of God, even of the Being of a God ; and that was my Mifery I I had no awfulApprehen- lions of God as angry. This was Diftrefs, the neareft a-kin to the Damned's Torments, that I ever endured ; Their Tor- ment, I am fure, will confift much in a Privation of God, and confcquenily of all Good. This taught me the abfolute Depcn-, dance of a Creature upon God the Creator, for every Crumb of Happinefs it enjoys* Oh ! I feel that if there is no Go^, tho' I might live for ever here, and enjoy not only this, but all other Worlds, I fhould be ten Thoufand Times more miferable than a I'oad ! My Soul was in fuch Anguifh I could not eat, bat felt as 1 fuppofed a poor Wretch would that isjufl going to the Place of Execution. I v/as almoft fwallowed up with Anguifh, when I fav/ People gathering together to hear me preach. Hcw- cver, 1 went in that Diftrefs to the Houfe. of God, and found no: mu«fe Reli©{ia t^Q foil Prayer ; It feem'd as if God would

lee

<?/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D.1743. 59

let loofe thePeopIe upon me to deftroy me, nor were thcTho'ts of Death diftreffing to me, like my own Vilenefs. But after- wards, in my Difcourfe from Deut, viii. 2. God was pleaftd to give me fome Freedom and Enlargement, feme Power and Spirituality ; and I fpent the Evening fomething comfoi tably.

[The two next Days, his Comfort continues, and he feems (o enjoy an almoft continual Sweetnefs of Soul in the Duties and Exercifes of Religion and Chriftian Convcrfation. On Monday was a Return of the Gloom he ha;i been under the Friday before. He rode to Covmtry this Day, and the latter Part of the Day had more Freedom. On Tuefday he rode to Canterbury^ and continued more comfortable.]

Wednefday, Jan, 19. [At Canterbury.'] In the Afternoon preach'd theLedlureat the Meeting-Houfe : Felt fome T'cn- dernefe, and fomething of the Gofpel-Temper : exhorted the People to love one another, and not to fet up their own Fra-mcs as aStandard to try all theirBrethren by. But was much prefs'd, moft of the Day, with a Scnfe of my own Badncfs, inward Im- purity, and unfpeakable Corruption. Spent the Evening in Joving Chriftian Converfation.

Thurfday, Jan. 20. Rode to my Brother's Houfe between Norwich and Lebanon ; and preach'd in the Evening to a Num- ber of People: enjoy'd neither Freedom nor Spirituality j but Uw my felf exceeding unworthy.

Friday, Jan. 21. Had great inward Conflidls ; enjoy'd but little Comfort. Went to fee Mr. fFilliams of Lebanon, and fpent feveral Hpurs with him ; and was greatly delighted with his ferious, deliberate and impartial Way of Difcourfe about Religion.

[The next Day, he was much dejecled.J Lord*s-Day, Jan. 2^. Scarce ever felt my felf fo unfit t» cxift, as now : 1 faw, 1 was not worthy of a Place among thj Indians^ where I am going, if God permit : I thought, 1 rnould bs afhamed to look them in the Face, and much more to have any Refpea (hewn me there. Indeed I felt my felf banilhel from the Earth, as if all Places were too good for fuch aWreic.i as I : I thought I fliould be afliamed to go among the very Sava- ges of Africa ; I appeared to my felf a Creature fit forNothmg, neither Heaven nor Earth.— None knows, but ihofc that feci it, what the Soul endures that is fenfibly fhut out trcm the Irc- fcnce of God : Ala?, 'tis more bitter than Death !

12

6o JEi. 25. r/&^ L I F E

[On Monday, he rode to Stoningiown, Mr. Fijh^s Pariflj.-— On Tuefday he exprefies confiderableDegrees of fpiritual Com- fort and Refrefhment.J

Wednefciay, Jan. 26. Preach'd to a pretty largeAfTembly at Mr. Fi/h's MeeiingHoufe : Infifted on Hunmility, & Stedfaftnefs in keeping God's Commands, and that thro' Humility we fhould prefer one another in Love, and not make our own Frames the Rule by which we judge others. I felt fweetly calm and, full of brotherly Love ; and never more free from Party-Spirit. I hope, fome Good will follow, that Chriftians will be freed from falfe Joy, and Party-Zeal, and cenfuring one another.

[On Thurfday, after confiderable Time fpent in Prayer and

Chriitian Converfation, he rode to New London ]

Friday, Jan. 28. Here I found fome fallen into fome Extra- vagances, too much carried away with a falfe Zeal and Bitter- nefs. Oh, the Want of a Gofpel-Temper is greatly to be la- mented. Spent theEvening in converfmg with fome about fome Points of Condud in both Minifters and private Chriftians ; but did not agree with them ; God had not taught them with Briers md Iharns to be of a kind Difpofition toward Mankind.

[On Saturday, he rode to Eaji-Haddamy and fpent the three following Days there ; and in that Space of Time he fpeaks of his feelingWeanednefs from the World, a Senfe of the Nearnefs of Eternity, fpecial Affiftance in praying for the Enlargement of Chrift's Kingdom, Times of fpiritual C«»mfort &c.]

"Wednefday, Feb. 2, Preach'd my Farewell-Sermon, laft Night, at the Houfe of an aged Man, who had. been unable to attend on the publick Worfbip for fome Time ; and thisMorn- ing, fpent the Time in Prayer, almofi: wherever I went ; and having taken Leave of Friends,! fet out on my Journey towards ihe Indians ; tho* by the Way I was to fpend fome Time at Eafl' Hampton on Lovg-ljland^y theLeavc of theCommilfioners v.'ho employed me in the Indian Affair ; * and being accompa-

The Reafon why the Commiffioners or Correfpondents ri'd not order Mr. Brainerd to go immediately to the Indi-* c-if, and f nter on his Bufinefs as a MifHonary to them, was ;riat theJf'inier was not judged to be a convenient Seafon for him firft to go out into the Wildcinefs, and enter on the DiflicuUH's and Hardi'hip? hg- rauft there Ik expofed tt>*

nied

of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D.1745. Si

mt^hy zMt^QngtritomEaJi- Hampton, we travelled to L^w^, Gn the Road I felt an uncommon PnfTure of Mmd : I feem'd to ftruggle hard for fome Pleafure in lomeihing here bel >w, and feem'd loth to give up all for gone ; but then faw my felf evj'dent- Jy throwing my felf into all Hardfhips and Diftrefl'es in my pre- fentUndertaking ; I thought it would be lefs difficult to lie down in the Grave : But yet I chofe to go, rather than liray.— Came to Lyme that Night.

[ He waited the two next Days for a PafTage over theSound, and fpent much of the Time in inward Coiifl.ds and Dejedion> but had fome Comfort.

On Saturday, he crofs'd the Sound, landed at Oy/ier- Ponds on Long-l^and^ and travelled from thence to E a ft Hampton, And the feven following Days he fpent there, for the moft Part,under extream Dejedlion and Gloominefs of Mind, with great Com- plaints of Darknefs, Ignorance he. Yet his Heart appears to have been conftantly engaged in the great Bufjnefs of Religion, much concerned for the Intereft of Religion in Eaji- Hampton^ and praying and labouring touch for k. ]

Saturday, Feb. 12. Enjoyed a httle more Comfort, was ena- bled to meditate with fome Compofure of Mind ; and efpecially in the Evening, found my Soul more refrefh'd in Prayer, than at any Time of late ; my Soul feem'd to take hold of God's Strength^ & was comforted with hisConfolaiions. O how fweeC are fome Glimpfes of divine Glory ! How ftrengthening and quickening.

LordVDay, Feb. 13. At Noon, under a great Degree of Difcouragement ; knew not how it was poffiblc for me to preach in the Afternoon, was ready to give up all for gone ; but God was pleafed to affift me in fome Meafure. In the Evening, my Heart was fweetly drawn out after God, and devoted to him.

[ The next Day,he had Comfort andDejedion intermingled.]

Tuefday, Feb. 15. Early in the Day I felt fome Comfort, afterwards 1 walked into a neighbouring Grove, and felt more as a Stranger on Earth, I think, than ever before ; Dead to any of the Enjoyments of the World as if I had been dead in a na- tural Senfe.— In the Evening, had divine Sweetnefs in fccret Duty : God was the^i my Portion, and my Soul rofe above thofe deep Waters, into which I have funk (o low of late ;-- My Soul then cried for Zioji, and had Sweetnefs in fj doing.

[Thi«

62 JEf. 25, 7/^i?LIFE

[ This fweet Frame continued the next Morning ; but after- wards his inward Diftrefs returned.]

Thurfday, F^b. 17. In the Morning, found my felf foinething comfortable, and reftcd on God in fome Meafure.— Preach'd ihisDay at a little Village belonging xoEa/i- Hampton ; and God was pleafed to give me his gracious Prefence and AfTiftance, fo that I fpake with Freedom, Boldnefs and fome Power. In the Evening, fpent fome Time with a dear Chriftian Friend ; felt fweetly ferious, as on the Brink of Eternity ; my Soul enjoyed Sweetnefs in lively Apprehenfions of {landing before the glorious God : prayed with my dear Friend withSweetnefsjSnd difcourfed with utmoft Solemnity. And truly it was a little Emblem of Heaven it felf.--- I find my Soul is more refined and weaned from a Dependance on my Frames and fpiritual Feelings.

Friday, Feb, 18. Felt fomcthing fweetly moft of the Day, and found accefs to the Throne of Grace. BlefTed be the Lord for any Intervals of heavenly Delight and Compofure, while I am engaged in the Field of Battle. O that I might be ferious, folemn and always vigilant, while in an evil World. Had fome Opportunity alone to Day, and found fome Freedom in Study. O, I long to live to God.

Saturday, Feb. 19. Was exceeding infirm to Day, greatly troubled with Pain in my Head and Dizzinefs, fcarce able to fit up. Hov/ever, enjoyed fomething of God in Prayer, and per- formed fome necefTary Studies. I exceedingly long to die, and yet through divine Goodncfs have felt very willing to live, for two or three Days paft.

LordVDay, Feb. 20. Was fomething perplexed on Account of my Carelefnefs ; I thought 1 could not be fuitably concerned about the important VV^ork of the Day, and fo was reftlefs with my Eafinefs.-- Was exceeding infirm again to Day; but the Lord ftrengthened me, both in the outward and inward Man, fo that I preach'd with fome Life and Spirituality, cfpccially in the Afternoon, wherein 1 was enabled to fpeak clofely againlt fe!§fh Religion, that loves Chrift for his Benefits, but not for himfelf.

[ Durlnrr the next Fortnight, it appears that he for the moft Part enjoyed much fpiritual Peace and Comfort. In his Diary for this Space of Time, are exprefl'ed fuch Things as thefe ; Mourning over indwellingSin andUnprofitablenefs ; Deadnefs to the Worlfl, Longing afier God and 10 live to his Glory, Heart- mclling Dcfircs after his eternal Flom^, fix'd RcUapce on God

(gx

(?/ Mr. David Brainefd, A.D.1743; 5*

for his Help, Experience of much divine AiTiftance both in the private and publick Exercifesof Religion ; jnward Strength and Courage in theService of God, very frequent Refrefhment, Con- folation and divine Svi^eetnefs in Meditation, Prayer, Preaching and Chriftian Converfation. And it appears by his Account that this Space of Time was filled up u'ith great Diligence and Earncftnefs in ferving God, in Study, Prayer,Meditation,Pfeach- ing, and private Inftru6ling and Counfelling. ]

Monday, Anarch 7. This Morning when I arofe, I found my Heart go forth afterGod in longingDefires ofConformity tohim, and in fecret Prayer found my felf fweetly quicken'd and drawn out in Praifes to God for all he had done to and for me, and for all my inward Trials and Diftrefles of late ; my Heart 'afcribed Glory, Glory, Glory to the blefled God I And bid Welcome all inward Diftrefs again, if God faw meet to exercife me with it ; Time appeared but an Inch long, and Eternity at Hand ; and I thought I could with Patience and Chearfulnefs bear any Thing for the Caufe of God :— For I faw that a Moment would bring me to a World of Peace and Ble/Tednefs -, and my Soul, bv the Strength of the Lord, rofe far above this lower World, and all the vain Amufements ana frightful Difappointmcnts of it. Afterwards, was vifited by fome Friends, but loft fome Sweet- nefs by the Means. After that, had fome Tvi^eet Meditation on Gen. v. 24. Jni Enoch walked with God &c. --- This was a comfortable Day to my Soul.

[The next Day, he feems to have continued in a confidera- ble Degree of Sweetnefs and Fervency in Religion.]

Wednefday, -^^riT-^g. Endeavoured t© commit my felf and all my Concerns to God. Rode 16 Miles to Mantauk. * and had fome inward Sweetnefs on the Road ; but fomerhing of Flatnefs Sc Deadnefs after I came there and had feen the Indians : I withdrew, and endeavoured to pray, but found mv felf awfully deferted and kft^ and had an aiHiding Senfe of my Vilenefs and Meannefs. However, 1 went and preach'd from Jfai. liii. 10. Had fome Affiftance ; and, I truft, fomethipi; ©f the divine Prefence was among us. In the Evening, again ( pray'd and exhorted amoag them, after having had a Scafon alone, wherein I was lo prefs'd with the Blacknefs of my Na- ture, that I thought it was not fit for me to fpeak io much as to Indians.

* Alantauk is the Eaftcrn Cape or End of Long- JJland , hyhz- hltad QhkAy by Indians* [The

€4 ^t, 25. The LIFE

[The next Day, he returned to Eaft- Hampton ; was exceed- ing infirm in Bodv through the remaining Part of this Week ; but fpe ks of AiTiftance and Enlargement in Study and religious ExercifcSj and of inward Sweetnefs and breathing after God.}

Lord's-Day, March 13. At Noon, I thought it impoffible for me to preach, b\ Reafun of bodily Weaknefs and inward Deadnefs ; and in the firft Prayer, was fo weak that I could hardly ftand ; but in i>ermon, God ftrenthgned me, fo that I fpake near an Hour and half with fweet Freedom, Clearnefs, and fome tender Power, from Gen. v. 24. ^«^ Enoch walked with Cod. I was fweetly aflifled to infift on a clofe Walk with God^ and to leave This as mv parting Advice to Clod's People here, that they Jhsuld walk with God, May the God of all Grace fucceed my poor Labours in this Place !

Monday, March 14. In the Morning, was very bufy in Pre- paration for myjourney, and was almoft continually engaged in cjaculatory Prayer. About ten, took Leave of the dear People of Ea/i- Hampton. M)Heaft grieved & mourned, and rejoyced at thefameTime, rode near fifty Miles to aPart of Brook-Haven^ and lodged therejand had refrefhingConverfation with aChriltian Friend.

[In two Days more he reached New-York \ but complains of iriAJch Defertit^n and Deadnefs on the Road. He ftay'd one Day in New-York^ and on Friday went to Mr. Dickinfon's at Elifabeth-Town His Complaints are the fame as on the two preceeding Days.]

Saturday, March 19. Was bitterly diftrefTed under a Senfe ef my Ignorance, Darknefs and Unwonhinefs ; got alone, and poured out my Complaint to God in the Bitternefs of mySoul.— In the Afternoon, rode to Newark^ and had fome Sweetnefs m Converfation with Mr. Burr^ and in Praying together. O ! 'blefled be God forever and ever, for any enlivening and quick- ening.

Lords-Day, Anarch so. Preach'd in the Forenoon : God gave me fome Afiiftance ar.dSwectnefs, and enabled me tofpeak with real Tendernefs, Love and Impartiality. In the Evening, preach'd again ; and of a Truth God was pleafed to afTitt a poor Worm. Bleffed be God, I was enabled to fpeak with Life, Power,and paflionate Defire of the Edification of God*s People, and with fome Power to Sinners. In the Evening, I felt fome- thing fpiritual and watchful, left my Heart fliould by any Means be drawn away from God, Ob, when fhall I ccwie to tliat

'e?/ Mr. David Braincsd. 17^^.3. 5^

WcfTcd Wnrld, whprp every Pow.rof my Eoul will be inccfTantlv and eternally wound up, in heavenly Employment and Enjov. ments, to the higheft Degree. ■' ^

t On Monday he went to H^obdbridgiy where he fpeaks of his being with a Number of Miniflers j * and the Day following of his travelling part of the Way towards iVm;-rtfri^,and lodging at a Tavern : On Wednefday, he came to New-Tor k : Oa Thurfday, he rode near 50 Miles, from Nnu-Terk to Nenb* CoftU : On Friday, went to Danbury : On Saturday, to Nno* Mlford: On the Sabbath, fee rode 5 or 6 Miles to ^ Place near Kent in Conne^icut^ called Scatuoke, where dwell a Number of Indians^ || and preached to them : On Monday, being detain*d by the Rain, he tarried at Kent : On Tuefday, he rode from Kent to Salfkury 3 Wednefday, he went to Sheffield : Thurfday, Anarch 31. he went to Mr. Sergeant's at Stockbridge. He was dejected and very difconfolate, thro' the main of this Journey from NeW'Jerfey to Stockbridge ; and efpecially on the laftDay his Mind was overwhelmed with an exceeding Gloominefs and Melancholy]

* Thefe Minifters were the Correfpendenti^ who now met at Woodbridge^ and gave Mr. Brainerd new Diredlions, mi inftead of fending him te thelndians at XhtFcrki of Delaware^ as before intended ; they ordered him to go to a Number of Indians, at Kaunaumeek^ a Place in the Province of New Torky in the Woods between Siocibridge and J/bany. This Alteration was cccafioned by twoThings, viz. 1. Informa- tion that the Correfpondents had received, of fome Conten- tion now fubfifling between the white People and the Indi- aBS atZ)^/tfWflr^, concerning their Lands, which they fuppo- fed would be a Hindrance at prefent to their Entertainment ©f a Miffionary, and to his Succefs among them. And 2*.^ Some Intimations they had received from Mr Sergeant^ Mi/Tionary to the Indians at Stvdbridge, concerning the In- dians at Kaunaumeeky and the hopeful Profpedt of Succefs that a Miffionary might have among them.

( Thefe were the fame Indiam that Mr. Brainerd ment-ow in his Diary, on Aug, I2. the preceeding Year.

K PART

66 ^/•..25. r/;^LIFE

•?i

Part V.

From his Jirfi Beginning to infiruSi the. Indians at Kaunaumeek, to his Ordina- tion.

I"lRIday, April i, 1 743. I xo^Q io Kaunaumeek ^ ntTiX ivttniy ^* A/liles from Stcckbridge^ where the Indians YivQ^Vfiih. whom " . I am concerned, and there lodgM on a littleHeap of Straw : was greatly exercifed with inward Trials and Diftrefles all Day 5 and in the Evening, my Heart was funk, and I feemed to have ri.o God to go to. O that God would help me !

[The next five Days, he was for the moft Part in a dejedted depreb'd State of Mind, and fometimes extreamly fo. Hefpeaks

of God's JVaves and Bilkws rolling over his Soul ; and of his being ready fometimes to fay, Surely his Mercy is clean gone for ever^ and he will he favourable no more ; and fays, The Anguiih he erKlured, was namclefs and inconceivable : But at the fame Time fpeaks thus concerning his DiflrefTes, IVhat God deftgnshj all my Dijlrejfes I know not 5 but this I know, 1 deferve 'them all^ end ThoufaKds more."- He givss an Account of the Indians kindly receiving him, and being ferioufly attentive to hislnftrudions.j

Friday, Jpril'j. Appeared to my felf exceeding ignorant, weak, helplefs, and unworthy, and altogether unequal to my Work. It feem*d to me, I fhould never do any Service, or i#!iave any Succefs among the Indians, My Soul was weary of my Life : I longed for Death, beyond Meafure. When I thought of any godly Soul departed, my Soul was ready to envy Jhim his Privilege^ 'thinking, Oh^ when will my 7urn come / Muji it be Tears firfl /-- But I know, thofe ardent Defires, , at this and other Times, rofe partly for Want of Relignation' to C^od under allMifcries ; and fo were but Impatience. Towards Night, 1 had ([ think) the Exercife of Faith m Pfayer,and fom« Aitft3!ice ia Wriiing* Q thai God woti'ld keep me nearhim f

Fiida^^

ej Mr. David Braincrd. A D. 1 7 43. 67

Friday, Jpril 8. Was exceedingly prefs'd under a Senfe of TAy Pride ^S elf fiinefs, Bittermfs^ and Party-Spirit, inTimes p;ift, while I attempted to promote the Caufe of God : It's vile Na- ture and dreadful Confequences appeared in fuch oJious Coloars to, me, that ray very Heart was pained : I faw how poor Souls ftumbled over it into everlafling Def^rudlion, that 1 'was coif" ftrained to make that Prayer in the Bitternefs of my Soul, O Lord, deliver me from Blood-Guiltinefs. I faw my Dcfert of Hell on this Account. My Soul was full of inward Anguifli and Shame before God, that I had fpcnt fo much Tiir.e in Converfa- tion tending only to promote a Party-Spirit. Oh, I faw I ha^ not faitably prized Mortification, Self-denial, Refign^tionundtrr all Adverfities, Mecknefs, Love, Candour, and Holinefs of Heart and Life : And this Day was alraoft whally fpent in fuch bitter and Soul-afflicting Refle(£lions on my paft Frames and Condud.— Of late,I have thought much of having the Kingdom of Chrift advanced in the World ; But now I faw I had enough to do within my felf. The Lord be merciful to me a Sinner, and wafh my Soul.

Saturday, j^pril 9. Remained much in the ^jme State as Yefterday ; excepting that the Senfe of my Vilenefs was not fo quick and acute.

Lord's-Day, j^pril 10. Rofe early in the Morning, and walked out, and fpent confiderable Time in the Woods, in Prayer and Meditation. Preach'd to the Indiom ,hoi\\ Forenoon andAfternoon. They behaved foberly in general : two or threfs in particular appeared under fome religious Concern j with whom I difcourfed privately ; and one told me, ker Heart hnd cried , ever fine e Jhe heard me preach fir ft,

[The next Day, he complains of much Defer t ion ]

Tuefday, Jpril 12. Was greatly opprefs'd with Grief at^4 Shame, refleding on my paft Condua, my BiiterneU & Pt^r.^M Zeal : I was afhamed,to think that fuch a Wretch a^ I had evff preach'd ! — Longed to be excufed from that Work. A\v\ when my Soul was not in Anguifh and keen Diftrefs, I \t\z Senfelefs a^a Beafi before G;i, and felt a PCind of guikyAmufe- ment with the leaft Trifles ; which ftiil maintainM a Kinder ftifle-d Horror of Confcience, fo that I could not red any mor? than a condemned MalefafSlor.

i^Wednefday, Jpril i^^ My Heart was overwhelmed Wiihm 1^1 : I verily thought I was the mean?(t, vileft, mpft l.clplers.

68 JEi.25* The LIFE

guilty, ignorant, benightned Creature living. And yet I knew what God had done for my Soul, at thefameTime : The' fome<- times I was aflaulted with damping Doubts and Fears, whether it was poflible for fuch a Wretch as I to be in a State of Giace.

Thurfday, Jpril 14. Remained much in the fame State as Yefterday,

Friday, Jpril 15. In the Forenoon, very difconfolatc. In the Afternoon, preach'd to my People, and was a little encou- raged in (ome Hopes God might beftow Mercy on their Souls.— Felt fomething refigned to God under all Difpenfations of his Providence.

Saturday, Jpril 16. Still in the Depths of Diflrefs. — In the Afternoon, preach'd to my People ; but was more difcouraged with them than before ; fear'd that nothing would ever be done for them to any happyEffecS. I retired and poured out my Soul to God for Mercy ; but without any fenfible Relief. Soon after, came an Irifh-man and a Dutch-many with a Deflgn, as they faid, to hear me preach the next Day ; but none can tell how I felt, to hear their profane Talk. Oh, I longed that !fome dear Chriftian knew my Diftrefs. I got into a Kind of Hovel, and there groan'd out myComplaini to God ; and withal felt more fenfible Gratitude and Thankfulnefs to God, that he had made me to differ from thefe Men, as I knew thro' Grace he had.

LordVDay, Jpril 17. In the Morning was again diftrcfTed as foon as I waked, hearing much Talk about the World and the Things of it : Tbo* I perceived the Men were in fome Meafure afraid of me ; and I difcourfed fomething about fandli- fying the Sabbath, if poflible, to folemnize their Minds : But when they were at a littIeDiftance,they again talked freely about fecular Affairs. Oh, I thought wh^t a Hell it would be, to live with fuch Men to Eternity ! The Lord gave me fomeAflift- ance in Preaching, all Day, aad fome Refignation, and a fmall I)egrce of Comfort in Prayer at Night.

[ He continued in this difconfolate Frame the next Day.]

Ttjcfday, Jpril iq. In the Morning, enjoyed fome fweeC Rcpofe and Reft in God ; felt fome Strength and Coniidengc in God ; and my Soul was in fome Meafure refrcfh'd and com" forted. Spent moft of the Day in Writing, and had fome Ex^ ercife of Grace fenfible and i:omfortable ; my Soul fecm*d lifjM ;kbove the dtepff^av^.^nh^xm it has bc^n fo lopg aJmoft drow^^i'

felt

JEl.iS. of Mr. David Bralncrd. A.D. 1 743. 69

felt fome fpiritual Longings and Breathings of Soul after God ; found my felf engaged for the Advancement of Chrift*s Kingl tlom in my own Soul, more than in others, more than in the Heathen World.

Wedncfday, Jpril 20. Set apart this Day for Fafting and Prayer, to bow my Soul before God for the Beftowment of di- vine Grace ; efpecially that all my fpiritual AfHi6tiorK and in- ward Diftrefles might be fan6lificd to my Soul. And endea- voured alfo to remember the-Geodnefs of God to me in the Year paft, this Day being my Birth-Day. Havmg obtained Help of God, I have hitherto lived, and am now arrived at the Age of 25 Years. My Soul was pained, to think of my Barrennefs and Deadnefs ; that I have lived fo little to the Glory of the eternal God. I fpent the Day in the Woods alone, and there poured out my Complaint to God. O that God would enable me to live to his Glory for the future.

Thurfday, Jpril 21. Spent the Forenoon in Reading and Prayer, and found my felf fomething engaged ; but ftill mucf» deprefs'd in Spirit under a Senfe of my Vilenefs and Uiifitnefs for any publick Service. In the Afternoon, I vifited my Peo- ple, and prayed and converfed with fome about their SoulsCon- cerns: and afterwards found fome Ardour of Soul in fecret Prayer. O that I might grow up into the Likenefs of God.

Friday, yfpril 22. Spent the Day in Study, Reading and Prayer ; and felt a little relieved of my Burden, that has been fo heavy of late. But ftill in fome Meafure opprefs'd : had a Senfe of Barrennefs. Oh, my Leannefs teftifies againft me ! My very Soul abhors it felf for it*s Unlikenefs to God, it's Inactivity and Sluggiftinefs. When I have done all, alas, what an un- profitable Servant am I ! My Soul groans, to fee the Hours of the Day roll away, becaufe I don't fill them, in Spirituality and Heavenly-Mindednefs, And yet I long they fhould fpecd their Pace, to haften me to my eternal Home, where I may fill up all my Moments, thro* Eternity, for God and his Glory.

[On Saturday and Lord VDay, his Melancholy again pre- vailed : He cried out of his Ignorance, Stupidity, and Senfe^' Icfnefs ; while yet he feems to have fpent the Time with ut^ moft Diligence, in Study, in Prayer, and in Inftruftirtg and Coqnfelling the Indians, On Monday, he funk into thedeepcft Melancholy 5 fo that he fuppofed he never fpent a Day in fuch refs in his Life ; not in Fears of Hell, (which, be fays, he viQ prciljng Fear of ) but a diftrcffing Senfe of his own Vilc-

ntfc

J

"O

^/. 26. "ih LIFE

rcfs &c. On Tuefday, he exprefles fome Relief. Wcdnefday he kept as a Day of Fafting and Prayer, but in great Diftrefs. The three Days next following, his Melancholy continued, but in a lefTer Degree, and with Intervals of Comfoit. * ]

Lord's- Day, May i. Was at Stockbridge to Day. In the Forenoon had fome Relief and Ailiftance ; tho' not fo much as ufual. In the Afternoon, felt poorly in Body and Soul 5 while I was preaching, feemed to be rehearfing idle Tales^ without the leaft Life, Fervour, Senfe, or Comfort : and efpecially afterwards, at the Sacrament,Fny Soul was filled withConfufion, and the utmofl Anguifh that ever I endured, under the Feeling of my inexpreiTible Vilenefe and Meannefs : It was a moft bitter and diftrefling Seafon to me, by Reafon of the View I had of my own Heart, and the fecret Abominations that lurk there : I tho*t the Eyes of all in the Houfe were upon me, and I dared not look any One in the Face ; for it verily feem'd as if they faw the Vile- nefs of my Heart, and all the Sins I had ever been guilty of. And if I had been^baniflied from the Prefence of all Mankind, never to be feen any more, or fo much as th9Ught of, ftill I fhould have been diltrcfTed with Shame ; and I (hould have been afhamed to fe^^the moft barbarous People on Earth, becaufe I was viler, and feemingly more brutifhly ignorant than they. — - 1 am made to pojfefs the Sins of my Touth,

[ The remaining Days of this Week were fpent, for the moft Part, in inward Diftrefs andGloominefs. The next Sabbath, he had Encouragement, Ailiftance and Comfoft ; but on Monday lunk again.]

Tuefday, May 10. Was in the fame State, as to my Mind, that I have been in for fome Time, extremely prefs'd with a Senfe of Guilt, Pollution, Blindnefs : The Iniquity of my Heels have (owpajjed mc about ; the Sins of my Tcuth have been fet in order before me ; they have gone over my Head, as an heavy Burden, too 1?eavyfor me to bear, Almoft all the Adlions of my Life paft feem to be cover'd over with Sin and Guilt ; and thofe of them that 1 performed in the moft confcientious Manner, now fill me with Shame&Confurion,that I cannot hold up myFace. Oh ! thcPride^ Seifi/Ii^^fSiHypocrify, Ignorance, Biitermjs,Party'Zeal, & x\izWant

. : -^

* On the laft of thefe Days he wrote the firjl Litter ^Ai^X the End of this Hiftorv, ^' ^

of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D.i;^^; -yf

of Love, Candour, Meeknefs and Gentlenefs,tliat have attended my Attempts to promote Religion and Vertue -, and this when 1 have Reafon fo hope I had real Affiftance from above,and fome fweec Intercourfe with Heaven ! But alas, what corrupt Mixtures attended my beft Duties I

[ The next feven Days, his Gloom and Diftrefs continued, for the moft Part : but he had feme Turns of Relief and fpiri- tual Comfort. He gives an Account of his fpending Part of this Time in hard Labour, to build himfelf a little Cottage to live in a- mongft the hdians^m which he might.be by himfelf ; having ( it feems) hitherto lived with a poor-Scotch-Man, as he obferves in theLetter jufl now refei'd to in the Margin ; and afterwards,be- forehis own Houfe was habitable, lived in a Wigwam among the Indians. ]

Wednefday, May i8. My Circumdances are fucb that I have no Comfort, of any Kind, but what I have in God.* I live in the moft lonefom Wiidernefs ; have biit.one Tingle Perfon to Converfe with,- tfeat can fpeak EngUJh : ;* Mofl of the Talk I hear, is either Highland- Scotch or Indian, I have no Fellow- Chriftian to whom I might unbofom my felf, and lay open my fpiritual Sorrows, and with whom i might take fweet Counfel in Converfation about heavenly Things, and join in fecial Prayer. I live poorly with Regard to the Comforts of Life : moft of my Diet confiltsof boil'd Corn, Flafty- Pudding, ^r. Ilodgedha Bundle of Straw,and mvLabour is hard and extreamly difficult^ and I have f little Appearance of Succefs, to comfort me. The Indians Affairs are very difjicult ; having no Land to Xwq on, but what the Dutch People lay Claim to, and threatfq^o drive them ©fF from ; they have roRegard m the Souls of the poor Indians ; and, by what I can learn, they hatdfmejbecaiile I come to preach to 'em.—' But that which makes al! my Difficulties grievous to be born, Is^ that God hides his face from me.

* This Perfon was Mr. Brainerd's Interpreter ; who wa^aa. ingenious young Indian belonging i&'^tockbridgc, vvhcfc Name was John IVauwaumpeqiiunnaunt ^ who had b^en in- flrudted in the Chriftian Religion by Mr. Serge^int ; aiiJ had lived with theRev. Mr. tPiliioms of Lting-Meadow.zw^ had been further inftructeti by him, at the Charge oi l^jr. 1^ Mollis of London ; and underliood both Englijh Z'\dJ/ioiaa "Ve/v well, aad wrote aggcd'Hand,

Thuffdjy,

;^2 y^/. 26. ne LIFE

Thurfday, May 19. Spent moft of this Day in clofe Studies : But was fometimes fo diftrefs'djthat 1 could think of nothing but my rpiritual Blindnefs, Ignorance, Pride, and Mifery, Oh, I have Reafon to make that Prayer, Lord^ forgive my Sins o/Touthy and fornxer Trefpafles !

Friday, May io. Was much perp]exed,fome Part of theDay ; tut towards Night, had fome comfortable Meditations on Ifai. xl. I. And enjoyed fome Sweetnefs in Prayer. Afterwards my Soul rofc fo far above the deep Waters^ that I dared to rejoyce in God : I faw, there was fufHcient Matter of Confolation in the blcfTed God.

[ The next nine Days, his Burdens were for the moft Part alleviated ; but with Variety : at fome Times having confidcra- ble Confolation, and at other Times more deprefTed. The next Day, Monday, May 30. He fet out onajourney toNew-Jerfey^ to confult the Commiffioners that employed him about the Affairs of his Miilion : f performed his Journey thither in four Days ; and arrived at Mr. Burr's in Newark on Thurfday. In great Part of his Journey, he was in the Depths of Melancholy, under like Difireffes with thofe already mentioned. On Friday, he rode to Etifabeth-Town j and on Saturday to New-Tor k ; and from thence on his way Homewards as far as White-Plains ; where he (pent the Sabbath, and had confiderable Degrees of divine Confolation andAfTiftance in publick Services. On Mon- day, he rode about 60 Miles xoNew- Haven. There he attempted a Reconciliation with the Authority of the College i and fpent this Week in vifuing his Friends in thofe Parts, and in his Jour- ney Homewards, *till Saturday, in a pretty comfortable Frame of Mind. On Saturday, in his Way from Stockbridge to Kau- naumeik, he was loft in the Woods, and lay all Night in the open Air ; but happily found his Way in the Morning, and came to his Indians onLord'^-Day, June 12. And had greater Affiftance in Preaching among them than ever beforCjfince his iirft coming *mong them.]

t His Bufinefs with the CommiiHoncrs now was, to obtain Orders from them to fet up a School among the Indians at Kaunaumeek^sind that his Interpreter might be appointed the School- Maftcr ; Which was accordingly done.

of Mr. Divid Brainerd. A.D. 1 74^. 73

[From thisTime forward be was the Subjed of variousFramcs and Exercifes of Mind : But it fecms, in the general, to have been with him much after the fame Manner as it had been hi- therto from his firft coming to Kaunaumeek^ 'till he got into his own Houfe (a little Hut^ that he made chiefly witli his own Hands, with long and hardLabour) which was near fcvenVVeeks froni this Time. Great Part of this Space of Time, he w'as de- jeded and deprefled with Melancholy, and fometimcs very ex- treamly : his Melancholy operating in like Manner as has been related of Times paft. How it was with him in thofe dark Sea- fons, he himfclf further defcribes in his Diary for Juh 2. in the following Manner. My Soul island has for a longTime been in a piteous Condition^wading thro* a Series of Sorrows^ of various Kinds, 1 have been fo crufi' d down fometimes with a Senje of my Meannefs and infinite Unworthinefs^ that 1 have been ajhamed that any even the meanefi of my Fellow- Creatures fhould fo much as fpend a Thought about me^l^ have wiJ})^dfometimes while 1 have travelled among tbg thick Brakes, as one of them^ to drop into everiajiing Oblivion, In this Cafe^ fometimes, 1 have almaji rejolved never again to fee any of my Acquaintance ; and really thought, 1 could not doit and hold up my Face \ and have longed for the remoteji Region^ for a Retreat from all my Friends, that I might not be feen or heard of any more. —Sometimes the Confideration of my Ignorance has been a Means of my great Difirefs and Anxiety, And efpecially my Soul has been in Anguij}) with Fear, Shame, and Guilt, that ever 1 had preach' d^ or had anyThought thatfVay.—- Sometimes my Soul has been inDiJJrefs on feeling feme particular Corruptions rife and fwell like a mighty Torrent, with prefent Violence ; having at the fame Time, tenThou- fand former Sins and FoIIJcj prefented to View, in all their Blacknefs and Aggravations*--' And tkefe attended with fuch external Circum- Jiances as mine at prefent are ; deflitute of moji cfthe Conveniences of Life^ and 1 may fay, of all the Plea fares of it ; without a Friend /# communicate any of my Sorrows to, andfometimes without any Plact of Retirement, where 1 mav unburden my Soul before God.iuhich has greatly contributed to my Difirefs.— - Of late, more efpecially ^ my great Difficulty has been a Sort of Carelefnefs, a Kind of regardlefs Temper of Mind, whence 1 have been difpofed to Indolence and Tri- filng : And this Temper of Mind has confiantly been attended with Guilt and Shame ; fo that fometimes 1 have been in a Kind of Horror,' to find myfelffo unlike tbe bleffed God ; and have thought I grew worfe under all my Trials ; and nothing has cut and woundc ' my Soul more than This. Oh., if J am one of God's chofen^ as Itrufi thr^ infinite Grace I am^ I find of a Truth, that the righteous ^^re (carcely faved J- L *^^

74

muiS. «^LIFE

*Tis apparent that one mainOccafion of that diftreflingGIoo- mlnefs of Mind which he was fo much exercifed with ztKaunaw meek, was Refledion on his paft Errors and mifguided Zeal at College^ in the Beginning of the late religious Commotions in the Land. And therefore he repeated his Endeavours this Year for Reconciliation with the Governours of the College, whom he had in that Time offended. Aliho' he had been at New^ Haven in June, this Year, and had attempted a Reconciliation, as has been mentioned already, yet in the Beginning of July, he made another Journey thither, and renewed his Attempt, but ftill in vain.

Altho* he was much dejeded, great Part of that Space of Time that I am now fpeakmg of, yet there were many Inter- miirions of his Melancholy, and fome Seafpns of Comfo rt,fwect Tranquillity and Refignation of Mind, and frequent fpecial AfTilhnce in publick Services, that he fpeaks of in his Diary. The Manner of his Relief from his Sorrow, once in particular, is worthy to be mentioned in his own Words, in his Diary for July 25, which are as follows : Had little or no Refolution for a Life of Holinefs ; was ready almoft to renounce my Hopes of living to God, And Oh how dark it looked, to think of being unholy for ever ! This J could not endure. The Cry of my Soul was ihat, P/<2/.lxv. 3. Iniquities prevail againft me. But was in fomeMea- fure relieved by a comfortable Meditation en God's Eternity, That hi never had a Beginning, &c. Whence 1 was led to admire his Great' nefs and Power &c. in fuch a Manner, that Ijioodjiill i^ prais'd the Lord for his own Glories and PerfeSfions ; tho* 1 was {and if I Jhouid forever be) an unholy Creature, my Soul was comforted to apprehend an eternal, infinite, powerful. Holy God.}

Saturday, July 30. Juft at Night, moved into my ownHoufe^ and lodged there that Night ; found it much better fpendingthc Time alone in my own Houfe, than in the Wigwam where I was before.

f.ord's-Day, July 31. Felt more comfortably than fomeDays pa-a^.— BlefTed be the Lord, that has now given me a Place of Retirement.-- O that I might find God in it, and that he wc»iild dwell with me for ever.

Monday, Au^. i. Was ftiil bufy in further Labours on my

Houfe. — Felt a little of the Sweefnefs of Religion, and thought

n was worth the while to follow after God thro* a Thoufand

Snares, Defarts,anu Death it fclf. O that I might always fdlow

iiiUT H^linej}, that i may be fullv conformed to God.. Tnad

foms

of Mr. David Brainerd. A.DLi 743 . 75

fome Degree of Sweetnefs, in fecret Prayer, tho' I had much Sorrow.

Tuefday, Aug. 1. Was ftill labouring to make my fclf more comfortable with Regard to my Houfe and Lodging. Laboured under fpiritual Anxiety ; It feem'd to me, 1 deferved to be kick'd out of the World 5 yet found fome Comfort \n committing my Cauje fo God. 'Tis good for me to be offliSied^ that 1 may die wholly to this World and all that is in it.

Wednefday, Aug. 3. Spent moft of the Day in Wiiting. Enjoyed fome Senfe of Religion. Thro' divine Goodnefs I am now uninterruptedly alone \ and find my Retirement comforta- ble. I have enjoyed more Senfe of divine Things within a few Days laft paft, than for fomeTime before. I longed after Holi- nefs,Humility& Meeknefs : O thatGod would enable rne \.Q.pQfi the Time of my fojourning here in his Pear^ and always live to him, Thurfday, Aug, 4. Was enabled to pray much, thro' iho wholeDay ; and thro' divine Goodnefs found fome Intcnfenefs of Soul in the Duty, as I ufed to do, anc* fome Ability to pcrfe- vere in my Supplications : Had fome Apprchenfiorjs of divine Things, that were engaging, and thatgaveme fome Courage and Refolution. 'Tis good, I find, to perfevere in Attanpti to pray, if I can't pray with Perfeverance^ i. e. continue long in my Ad- drefTes to the divincBeing. I have generally found, that the more 1 do in fecret Prayer, the more 1 have delighted to do, and have enjoyed more of a Spirit of Prayer : and frequently have found the contrary, when with Journeying or otherwife, I have been much deprived of Retirement. A fcafonable f^eadyPerformance of fecret Duties in their proper Hours^Sc a careful Improvement of all Time, filling up every Hour with fome profitable Labour, either of Heart, Head, or Hant's, are excellent Means of fpiritual Peace and Boldnefs before God. Chrili indeed is our Peart ^ and by him we have Boldnefs of Accefs to God ; but a good Confcietice, void of Offence^ is an excellent Preparation for an Approach mio the divine Prefence. There is Difference between SeifConf' ^ dence and a Self-righteous pUofmg ourfelves (wiih our ownDuties, Attainments, and fpiritual Enjoyments) which godlySouls lomc- times are guilty of, and that holy Confidence arifmg from the Tel^imony of a good Confcicnce, which good Hezekijh had when he fays, Remember^ O Lord^ I bejeech lihee^ how J have walked before thee in Truth and with a perfect Heart. Then (Oys the holy Pfalmii!) /hall I not be afhamedy when ] have Relpeff to all thy Commandments. Prilling up our Time with and V God is ihc Way to rife up and lie down in Peace.

L 2 [The

/

5 ^/. 26. K^^ LIFE

[ The next eight Days, lie continued for the moft Part in a very comfortable Frame, having his Mind fixed and fweedy en- gaged in Religion ; and more than once bleflesGodjihat he had given him a \ht\cCottagey where he might live alone, and enjoy a l»ppy Retirement, free from Noife and Difturbance, and could at any Hour of the Day lay afide all Studies, and fpend Time in lifting up his Soul to God for fpiritual BlefHngs.]

Saturday, Ji/g, 13. Was enabled in fecretPrayer to raife my Soul to God, with Defire and Delighr. It was indeed a blefTed" Seafon to my Soul : I found the Comfort of being a Cbriftian : / counted the Sufferings of the prefent Life not worthy to he compared with the Glory of divine Enjoyments, even in this World. All my paft Sorrows feemed kindly to difappear, and*I remembrednomore the Sorrow^ for Joy -— O, how kindly, and with what a filial Tendernefs, the Soul hangs on, and con- fides in the Rock of j^ges^zi fuch a Seafon, that he will never leave it nor for fake it, that he will caufe all Things to work together for its Good^ Uc / 1 longed, that others fhould know how good a God the Lord is. My Soul was full of Tendernefs and J^ove, evfen to the moft inveterate of my Enemies : 1 long'd they iLould (hare in the fame Mercy. 1 loved and longed that God fhould do juft as he pleafed, with me and every Thing elfe. I felt exceeding ferious, calm and peaceful, tnd encouraged to prefs after Holinefs as long as I live, whatever Di'^culties and Trials may be m my Way. May the Lord always help mc fo to do .- AmeUy and Jmen !

Lord's-Day, Aug. 14. I had much more Freedom in publick, than in private. God enabled me to fpeak with foroe feeling I'enfe of divine Things ; but perceived no confiderable Effc61.

Monday, Aug. 15. Spent moft of the Day in Labour to pro- cure fomething to kee^ my Horfe on in the Winter.— -Enjoyed not much Sweetnefs in the Morning : Was very v^eak in Body, through the Day, and tho*t this frail Body would focn drop into ibeDufl : Had u^me very lealizingApprehenfionsof a fpeedy Entrance into another World. And in this weak State of Body, was not a little diftrefled for want of fuitable Food. Had no Bicad , nor could I get any. I am forced to go or fend ten or ^Uciin Miles for all the Bread I eat ; and Icmctimcs 'tis mouldy and foure, before i eat it, if 1 get any confiderable Quantity : And then again I have rone for feme Days together, for want o»' 2!V Opportunity to fend for it, aiid can*t find my Horfe h\ the VV^o.:)d 3 to go my felf ; ?.nd this was my Cafe now: But tfe.'o' divine CiOodnef* i hft«l f*mc Indian Meai, of whi'cj. ;''

(9/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1743. 77

made little Cakes, and fried them. Yet felt contented with my Circumftances, and fvveetly refigned to God. In Prayer I en- joyed great Freedom ; and blefs'd God as much for my prefent Circumftances, as if I had been a King ; and thought, I found a Difpofition to be contented in any Circumftances • BlciTed be God !

[The reft of this Week, he was exceeding weak in Body and much cxercifed with Pain ; and yet obliged from Day to "Day to labour hard, to procure Fodder for his Horfe ; except- ing fome Part of the Time he was fo very ill, that he was neither able to work nor ftudy : But fpeaks of Longings afterHolinefs and per fe6l Conformity to God ; complains of enjoying but little of God ; yet fays, That little was better to him, than all the World befides. In his Diary for Saturday, he fays. He was fomething Melancholy and forrowful in Mind ; and adds, / never feel comfortably^ but when 1 find Tiiy Soul gmng forth after God : If lean* t be holy, I mufi necfijfarily be mi fer able for ever. ^

Lord's-Day, Aug. 21. Was much ftraiten'd in theForenoon- Exercife : my Thoughts feem*d to be all fcatter'd to the Ends of the Earth. At Noon, I fell down before the Lord, and groan'd under my Vilenefs, Barrennefs, Dcadncfs, and felt as if I was guilty of Soul-Murther, in fpeaking to immortal Souls in fuch a Manner as I had then done.—- In the Afternoon, God was pleas'd to give me fome Afliftance, and I was enabled to fet before my Hearers the Nature and Neceftity of true Repen*- tance, ls?c. Afterwards had fome fcnall Degree of Thankfulnefs. Was very ill and full of Pain in the Evening ; and my Soul mourned that I had fpent fo much Time to fo little Profit.

Monday, Aug. 22. Spent moft of the Day in Study ; and found my bodily Strength in a Meafure reftored. Had fome intenfe and paflionate Breathings of Soul after Holinef:?, and very clear Manifeifations of my utter Inability to procure. Or work it in my felf ; 'tis wholly owing to the Power of Goc'. O, with what Tendernefs the Love and Defire of Holinefs fills the Soul ! I wanted to wing out of my felf, (o God ; or rather to get a Conformity to 'Him : But alas, I can't add to my Stature in Grace one Cubit. Hov;cver, my Soul csn nevi r leave ftriving for i( ; or at Icafl groaning, th:5t it can't ftrive for it, and obtain more Purity of FIcart. -— At Night, I fpenc fomsTime in inflruc^ing my poor People : Ob, that God \vou!d pity their Souls.

Tuefday, /far. 23. Studied in the Forenoon, and cij'"\'d ume FiCC'Jom. '' In the Afternoonj li»bou;ed Abroad : Effrfei-

78 JEf. 26. ne LIFE

voured to pray mtich ; but found not much Swcetnefs or In- tenfenefs of Mind. Towards Night, was very weary, & tir'd of this World of Sorrow : The Thoughts of Death & Immor- tality appeared very defirablcjand even refrelh'd my Soul. Thofe Lines turned in my Mind with PJeafure,

Com, Death, Jhake Hands ; Vll kifs ib'^ Bands : 'T:s Happimfs for me to die. What ! Do/i thou think, that Iwilljhrink ? ni go to Immortality,

In Evening-Prayer, God was pleafed to draw near my Soul, tho' very finful and unworthy : Was enabled to wreftle with God, and to perfevere in my Requefts for Grace : I poured out my Soul for all the World, Friends and Enemies. My Soul was concerned, not fo much for Souls as fuch, but rather for Chrift's Kingdom, that it might appear in the World, that God might be known to be God, in the whole Earth. And Oh, my Soul abhor'd the very Thought of a Party in Religion ! Let the Truth of God appear, wherever it is ; and God have theGlory for ever. Amen. This was indeed a comfortable Seafon : I tho't I had fome fmall Tafte of, and real Relifh for the Enjoy- ments and Employments of the upper World. O that mySoul was more atremper'd to it.

Wednefday, Aug. 24. Spent fome Time, in the Morning, in Study and Prayer. Afterwards, was engaged in fome necefiary Bufinefs Abroad. Towards Night, found a littleTime for fome particular Scudies. I thought, ifGodfhould fay, Ceafe making Am Provifion for this Lifgy for you fljall in a few Days go out of Time into Eternity., my Soul would leap for Joy. O that I may both deftre to be dijfolvedto be with Chrift^ and like wife wait pati- intly all the Days of my appointed Time Uill my Change come. - — But alas, I am very unfit for the Bufinefs 3* Bleffednefs of Heaven.— O for more Holinefs.

Tbuifday, Aug. 25. Part of the Day, engaged in Studies ; and part, in Labour Abroad. I find, 'tis impoiTible to enjoy Peace and Tranquillity of Mind without a careful Improvement of Time. This is really an Imitation of God and Chriii Jefus : My Father war keth hitherto^ and 1 work, fays our Lord. But ftill, if we would belike God, we mud fee that we fill up our Time for him.--- 1 daily long to dwell in perfe(ft Light & Love. In the mean Time my Soul mourn^-, that 1 make To little Pro- grefs in (jracc atid Preparation for the World of BleUVdncfs : { fef aiwi kflQw that i am a very barren Tree in God's Vineyard

of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1743. 79

and that he might juftly fay. Cut it down &c. O that God would make me more lively and vigorous in Grace; for his own Glory ! Amen,

[The two nextDays, he was much engaged in fome neceflary Labours, in whicl^heextreamly fpent himfelf. He fcems,ihe(e Days to have had a great Senfe of the Vanity of the World ; and continued Longings after Holincfs, and more Fervency of Spirit in the Service of God.]

LordVDay, Aug. 28. Was much perp!ex*d with fome irre* ligious Dutch-men. AH their Difcourfe turned upon tbcThings of the World : which was nofmall Exercife to m/ Mind. Oh, what a HeH it would be to fpend an Eternity wih fuch Men ! Well mi^tDavid fay, 1 beheld theTranfgrtJfors^iff was grieved. — But, adored be God, Heaven is a Place, into which no unclean Thing enters. Oh, I long for the Holinefs of that World ! Lord, prepare me therefor.

[The next Day, he fet out on a Journey to New-Tork. Was fomething dejeded, the two firft Days of his Journey ; but yet feems to have enjoyed fome Degrees of the fcnfibie Prefence of God.]

Wednefday, Aug. 31. Rode down to Bethlehem : Was in a fweet, ferious, and, I hope, Chriftian Frame, when I came there ; Eternal Things engrofs'd all my Thoughts ; and I long'd to be in the World of Spirits. O how happy i$ it, to have all our Thoughts fwallowed up in that World ; to feci one's kli a ferious confiderate Stranger in this World, diligently feeking a Road thro* it, the bcft, the furc Road to the heavenly Jeru* falem !

Thurfday, Sepiemh. i. Rode to Danbury. Was more dull and dejected in Spirit, than Yefterday. Indeed, I always feci comfortably, when God realizes Death and the Things of ano- ther World to my Mind : Whenever my Mind is taken cfF from the Things of this World, and fet on God, my Soul is then at Reft.

[He went forward on his Journey, and came toNefv-Tofi on the next Monday. And after tarrying there two or threeDnys, fet out from theCity towzrdsNeW'fJaveny intending to be there ^t fhe Commencement ; and on Friday came to Horfe-^tck,

In

go JEi. 16. ne LIFE

In the mean T/me, he complains much of Duhicfs, and Want of Fervour in Religion : But yet from Time to Time, fpeaks ofhis enjoying fpiritual Warmth and Sweetnefs in Converfation with Chriftian Friends, AfTiftanoe in publick Services, ^V.]

Saturday, Sept* 10. Rode fix Miles to Sianwich, and preach*d to a confiderable Ailembly of People. Had fomc AiTiftance and Freedom, efpecialiy towards the Clofe. Endeavoured much afterwards, in private Converfation, to eftabiijfh Holiaefs, Hu- mility, Meeknefs i2fc, as the Eflence of true Religion ; and to moderate fome noify Sort of Perfons, that appeared to me to be ad^ed by unfeen fpiritualPride. Alas,whatExtreams Men incline to run into I — Returned ioHorfe-Neck^zn^ felt fome Serioufnefs and fweet Solemnity in the Eveaing.

LordVDay, Sept, 11. In the Afternoon, preach'd from *ritus iii. 8. I think, God never helped me more in painting out true Religion, and in detecting clearly, and tenderly difcounte- nancingfalfe Appearances of Religion, Wild-fire Party- Zeal, fpiritual Pride, ^c, as well as a confident dogmatical Spirit,and it's Spring, viz. Ignorance of the Heart--— In the Evening, took much Pains in private Converfation to fupprefs fome Con- fufions, that I perceived were amongft that People. " Monday, Sept, 12. Rode to Mr. Miih's at Ripton, Had feme perplexing Hours ; but wzs fome Part of the Day very comfortable. 'Tis through great Trials^ J fee, that we wuj} enter the Gates of Pcradife, If my Soul could but be Holy, that God might not be difhonoured, melhinks, I could bear Sorrows.

Tuefday, Sept. 13. Rode to New-Haven, Was fometimes <3eje6led ; not ip the fweeteft PVame. Lodged at ****. Had feme profitable Chrifiian Converfation, i^c.—'l find,tho* my in- ward Trials are great, and a Life of Solitude gives 'em greater Advantage to fettle and penetrate to the very iumoft Recefles of the Soul ; yet 'tis better to be alone, than incumbeiM withNoife and Tumult. I find it very difKcult maintaining any Senfe of diviae Things, while removing from Place to Place, diverted with new Objedts, and fili'd with Care and Bufinefs. A fettled lieady Bufinefs is befl adapted to a Life of ftri(Sl Religion.

Wednefday, Sept, 14. This Day I ought to have taken my Degree -, * but God fees fit to deny it me. And iho' I was greatly afraid of being overwhelmed with Perplexity aad Con- fuMon, when I fhould fee my Clafs- Mates take theirs 5 yet, in

This being Commencement Da v.

. tht

cf Mr. David Braiaerd. A.D. 1 743. g j

the very Seafon of it, God enabled me with CaJmnefs and Re- fignation to hy ^ThePyUl of the lord bs done. Indeed, thro' divine Goodnefs, I have fcarcely felt my Mind fo calm, fedate and comfortable for fome Time. I have long fearM this Seafon and cxpeifted my Humility, Meeknefs, Patience and Refignation would be much tried f : But found much more Plcafure and divine Comfort, than I expedted. — Felt fpiritually Serious, ten- der and AfFecSlionate in private Prayer with a dear Chriftian Friend to Day,

Thurfday, Sept. 15. Had fome Satisfaaion in hearing the Miniflers difcourfe ^r. 'Tis always a Comfort to me, to hear religious and fpiritual Difcourfe. O that Minifters and People were more fpiritual and devoted to God.— Towards Night, with the Advice of Chriftian Friends, I offered the folr lowing Reflexions in Writing, to the Reilor andTruJiees of ihi College ( which are for Subftance the fame that f had freely of- fered to the ReSfor before, and intreated him to accept) and this I did that if poffible I might cut off allOccafion of Scumbling and Offence, from thofe that feek Occafion. What I offered, is as follows.

«' Whereas I have faid before feveralPerfons, concerning Mr. <« Whitielfey^ one of the Tutors of Tale College., that / did not " believe he had any more Grace^than theCkair J then tean'd upon ; •' I humbly confefs, that herein I have fm'd againft God, and *« adled fcontrary to the Rules of his Word, and have injured «' Mr.TFhittelfey. I had no Right to make thus free w/th his *' Charad^er ; and had no juftReafon to fay as I did concerning «< him. My Fault herein was the rhore Aggravated, in thatl •' faid this concerningOne that was fo much my Supcriour, and <' one that I was obliged to treat with fpecial Refped and Ho- <« nour, by Reafon of the Relation I flood in to him in the '« College. Such a Manner of Behaviour, I confefs, did not *' become a Chriftian 5 it was taking too much upon me, and

His Trial was the greater, in that, had it not been for the Difpleafure of the Governcurs of the College, he would not only on that Day have fhared with his Clafs- Mates in the pubiick Honours which they then received, but would on that Occafion have appeared at the Head of thatX^Iafs 5 which, if he had been with them, would have been ihi moll numerous of anv that ever had been graduated at that Ccllt'ge. ' ^. ,

M M

gz JEi.iS. The LIFE

<« did not favour of that humble Refpedl, that I ought to have «« exprefsM towards Mr. IVhitufsy. I have long fince been «< convinced of the Falfenefs of thofe Jpprehenfiom^ by which I «« then juftified fuch a Condu6t. I have often refledled on this «« A£l with Grief; I hope, on Account of the «Si« of it : «« And am willing to lie low, and be abafed beforeGod andMan «« for it. And humbly afk the Forgivenefs of the Governcurs << of the College, and of the whole Society ; but of Mr. Whit- <« telfty in particular. And whereas I have been accufed by one ** Perfon of faying concerning the Rev. Re£ior of TaU-Colhge^ ** that / wondered he did not expeSf to drop down dead for fining «« theSchoLrs that followed Mr, Tennentio Milford ; Iferioufly «« profefs, that I don't remember my faying any Thing to this *< Purpofe. But if I did, which I am not certain I did not, I *« utterly condemn it, and deie/i all fuch Kind of Behaviour ; << and especially in an Undergraduate towards the Redlor. And «< I now appear, to judge and condemn my felf for going once to *« the feparate Meeting in New-Haven, a little before I wasex- «* peird, tho* the ReSfor had refufed to give me Leave, For this *' 1 humbly afk the Rector's Forgivenefs. And whether the «' Governoursof the College fhall ever fee Caufe to remova «« the Academical Cenfure I lie under, or no, or to admit me *< to the Priviledges I defire ; yet I am willing to appear, if «* they think fit, openly to own, and to humble ray felf for •« thofe Things I have herein confefsM.'*

God ha? made me willing to do any Thing, that I can do, Gonfiftent with Truth, fcr the Sake of Peace, and that I might not be a Stumbling-block and OfFence to others. For thisRea- ion I can cheerfully forego, and give up what I verily believe, after the mofl mature and impartial Search, is my Right, in fome Inftances. God has given me that Difpofition, that if this were the Cnfe, that a Man has done me an hundred Injuries^ and I ftho' ever fo much provoked to it) have done Him one, I feel difpofed, and heartily v/il!ing humbly to confefs myFauIt to him, and on my Knees to afk Forgivenefs of him ; tho' at the fame Time he fhouid jufiify himfelf in all the Injuries he has done me, and fhouid only make Ufcof my humble Con fcHion to blacken mv Chara<Sier the more, and reprcfcnt me 'as the only Perfon guilty, i5fc. Yea, tho' he (hould as it v ere infult me, and fay He knew ali this before^ and that 1 was making work for Repen- tance^ &c. Tho' what I faid concerning MxWhittelfey was only rpokcn in private, to a Friend or two ; and being partly over- heard, was related to the Rc<5lor, and by h^m extorted from my

FiiCiids ;

of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1 743. g^

Ff lends ; yet, feeing it was divufged and made publick, I wat willing to confefs my Fault therein publickly.-— But 1 truft,God iviil plead my Caufe. *

'[ThenextDay he went to Derby ; then to5<j«/i(?^ar^,wherehc fpent the Sabbath : and fpeaks of fome fpiritual Comfort ; but complains much of Unfixednefs, and Wandrings of Mind in Religion.]

Monday, ^ept, 19. In the Afternoon, rode to Bethlehem^ and there preached. Had fome Meafure of Afriftance,both inPrayer and Preaching. I felt ferious, kind and tender towards allMan- kind, and longed that Holinefs might fluurifli more on Earth.

* I was witnefs to the veryChri{^ianSpiritMr.5r^;W(i fhew'd at that Time, being then at New-Haven^ and being One that he faw fit to confult on that Occafion. (This was the firftTime that ever 1 hadOpportunity of perfonalAcqualn- tance with him.) There truly appeared in him a great De- gree of Calmnefs and Humility ; without the leafl Ap- pearance of Riling of Spirit for any ill Treatment he fup- pofed he had fuitered, or the leaft Backwardnefs to abafe himfelf before Them who he thought had wrong'd him. What he did was without any Objecllon or Appearance of Reludance, even in private to his Friends, that he freely open'd himfelf to. Earneit Application was made on his Behalf to the Authority of the College, that he might have hisDegree then given him ; and particularly by theRev.Mr. Burr^ of Newark^ one of the Correfpondents of the Hon. Society in Scctland ; He being fent from New-Jerfey to New-Haven^ by the reft of thcCommifIioners,for thatEnd ; and many Arguments were ufed 5 but without Succefs. Indeed the Governours of the College were fo far fatisfied with the Rcfledtions Mr. Brainerd had made on himfelf, that they appeared willing to admit him again into College ; but not to give him VAsDegree^ 'till heftiould have remain'd there, at Jeaft a Twelve-Month, which being contrary to what the Correfpondents, to whom he was now engaged, bad declared to be their Mind, he did not confent to it. He deiired bis Degree, as he thought it would tend to his being more extenfively ufeful ; butftill when he was deny'd itj^, he manifeftcd nQDifappointment or Refentment.

M 2 Tuefd^y

84 ^/. 2*^. ^*^ LIFE

Tuefday, Sept. 20. Had Thoughts of going forward on my Journey to my Indians -^ but towards Night was taken with a hard Pain in my Teeth, and fhivering Cold, and could not pofTibly recover a comfortable Degree of Warmth the whole Night following. I continued very full of Pain all Night ; and in the Morning had a very hard Fever, and Pains almoft all over my whole Body. I had a Senfe of the divine Goodnefs in appointing this to be the Place of my Sicknefs, viz. among my Friends that were very Kind to me. 1 {hould probably have periflied, if I had firft got Home to my own Houfe in the Wil- dernefs, where 1 have none to converfe with but the poor rude ignorant Indians. Here I faw was Mercy in the midft of AfHi(5lion. I continued thus, moftly confined to ray Bed, *till Friday-Night ; very full of Pain mod of the Time ; but thro* divine Goodnefij not afraid of Death. Then the extream Folly ofthofe appear'dto me, who put cfi" their turning to God ^ill a Sick-Bed. Surely this is not a Time proper to prepare for Eternity.—- On Friday-Evening my Pains went ofF fomething fuddenly ; and 1 was exceeding weak, and almoft fainted ; but was very comfortable the Night following. Thofe Words PfaL cxviii.17. I frequently revolved in myMind ; and thought we were to prize the Continuation of Life only on thisAccount, that we n^-^y fkeiv forth God's Goodnejs and Works of Grace.

[P'rom this Time, hegradually recovered : And on the next Tuefday was fo well as to be able to go forward on his Journey Homewards : But was 'till the Tuefday following before he reached KaunaumesK And feems, great Part of this Time, to have had a very deep and lively Senfe of the Vanity and Empti- Ti^{s of all Things here below, and of the Reality, N{;arnefs and vafl Importance of eternal Things. ]

Tuefday, 0/?^^^r 4. ThisDay rodeHome to my ownHoufeand People. The poor Indiav.s 2^pear*d very glad of my Return. Found my Houfe and all Things in Safety. I prefently fell on my Knees and bleffed God for lay fafe Return, after a long and tedious Journey, and a Seafon of Sicknefs in feveral Places where I had hpcr;, and after I had been fick my felf. God has irencwed his Kindnefs tome, in preferving me onejourney more. 1 have taken many confiderablc Journeys fince this Time laft Year, and yet God has never fufFered one of my Bones to be broken, or any diftrefling Calamity to befall me, excepting the ill T'urn I had in my laft Tourney ; Tho' I have bjen often ex- pefed lo Cold and Hunger in the Wijderncfs, where th^ Com-

foiC&

of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1 74^. 3^

forfs of Life were not to be had ; have frequently been loft in the Woods ; and fometimes oblig'd to ride mich of the Night ; and once lay out in the Woods all Night. BlefL^d beGod thac has preferved me.

[ In his Diary for the next eleven Days, are great Complain tt of Diftaace from God, fpiritual Pride, Corruption, and exceed- ing Vi'ehefs He once fays, hisHeart was fo prefs'd wiihaSenfe of his Pollution, (hat he could fcarcely have the Face and Im- pudence (as it then appeared to him) to defire that God fhould not damn him forever. And at another Time, he fays. He had fo little Senfe of God, or Apprehenfion and Relifh of his Glory and Excellency, that it made him more difpofed to Kindneft and Tendernefs towards thofe who are blind and ignorant of God and Things divine and heavenly.]

Lord*s-Day, OSiob. 16. In the Evening, God was pleafed td give me a feeling Senfe of my own Unworthinefs ; but thro' di- vine Goodnefs fuch as tended to draw, rather than drive me from God : It filPd me withSolemnity. I retired alone ('having at this Time a Friend with me) and poured out my Soul to God, with much Freedom 5 and yet in Anguifli, to find my felf fo urifpeakably finful and unworthy before a holy God. Was now much refigned under God*s Difpenfations towards me,tho' my Trials had been very great. But thought whether I could be refign'd, if God {hould let the Frenchlndians come upon me, and deprive me of my Life, or carry me away Captive ( tho' I knew of no fpeciai Reafon then to propofe this Trial to myfelf, more than any other) and mv Soul feem'd fo far to refl and ac- quiefce in God, that theSting andTerror of thefeThings feem'J in a great Meafure gone . Prefently after I came to the Indians ^ whom I was teaching to fing Pialm-Tunes that Evening, 1 re- ceived the following Letter from Stockbridge^ bv a MefTenger fent on the Sibbath on Purpofe, which made it appear of greater Importance.

*« 5/r, Juftnowwe received Advices from Col. Stoddard^ " that there is the utmoft Danger of a Rupture with France* ** He has received the fame from his Excellency ourGovcrnour, " ordering him to give Notice to ail the expofed Places, that ^' they may fecure themfelves the beft they can againfl: any " fudden Invafion. We thought beft to fend di redly to Kau- «« naumeeky that you may take the prudenteft Meafures for your «^ Safety that dwell there. i am. Sir, ^c.

S5 jEt. 26. r^^ LIFE

I thought, upon reading the Contents, it came in a goodSea- fon ; for my Heart feem'd fomething fix'd on God, and there- fore I was not much furprized : But this News only made mc more ferious, and taught me that I muft not pleafc my felf with any of the Comforts of Life which I had been preparing for my Support. Blefled be God, that gave me any Intenfenefs and Fervency this Evening.

Monday, Odfob. 17. Had fome rifing Hopes fometimcs, that God would arife and have Mercy on 'Zlon fpeedily. My Heart is indeed refrefhed, when 1 have any prevailing Hopes of Z/e«'s Profperity. O that I may fee the glorious Day, when Zion fhall become the Joy of the whole Earth ! Truly there is nothing that I greatly value in this lower World,

[OnTuefday,he rode ioStockhridge -, complains of being much diverted, and having but little Life. On Wednefday, he ex- prefies fome folemn Senfe of divine Things, and a longing to be always doing for God with a godly Frame of Spirit.]

Thurfday, OSiob. 20. Had but little Senfe of divine Things this Day. Alas, that fo much of my preciousTime is fpent with fo little of God ! Thofe are tedious Days, wherein 1 have ko Spirituality.

Friday, OSloh, 21. Returned home to Kaunaumeek : Was glad to get alone in my littleCotiage,and to cry to that God who Teeth in fecret and is prefent in a Wiidernefs.

Saturday, O^^i?^. 22. Had but little fenfibleCommunion with God. This World is a dark Cloudy Manfion. Oh, when will the Sun of Righteoufnefs fliineon my Soul withoutCefTation or Inter- in iifion.

Lords- Day, O£ioh. 23. In iheMorning, bad a little Dawn of Comfort arifing fromHopes of feeing gloriousDays in theChurch of j3od : Was enabled to pray for fuch a gloriousDay with fome Courage and Strength of Hope. In the Forenoon, treated on the Glories of Heaven, i^c— In the Afternoon, on theMiferies of Hell, and the Danger of going there. Had fomeFreedom and Warmth, both Parts of the Day. And my People were \tiy Attentive. In the Evening, two or three came to me under Concern for their Souls; to whom I was enabled to djfcourfe elofely, and with fome Earneftnefs and Dcfire. O that God would be merciful to their poor Souls.

. [He

of Mr. David Bralnerd. A D. 1743. %y

[ He feems, through the whole of this Week, to have been greatly engaged to fill up every Inch of Time in the Seivice of God, and to have been moft dcligently employed inStudy,Prayer and inftrudting the Indians ; and from Time to Time exprefTes Longings of Soul after God, and the Advancement of his King- dom,and fpiritual Comfort and Refrclhment.]

Lords- Day, OSfoh. 30. In the Morning, enjoyed fome Fixed- nefs of Soul in Prayer, which was indeed fwect and defirable : Was enabled to leave my felf with God, and to acquiefce in him. At Noon, my Soul was refrefh'd with reading Rev. iii. more cfpecially the nth and 12th Verfes. O my Soul longed for that blefled Day, when I fliould dwell in the Temple ofGady and ^9 no more out of his immediate Prefence !

Monday, 05iob, 31. Rode to Kinderhook^ about 15 Miles from my Place. While riding, I felt fome divine Sweetnefs in the Thoughts of being a Pillar in the Temple of God in the upper World, and being no more deprived of his ble/Ted Prefence and the Senfe of his Favour^ which is better than Life. My Soul was fo liftecTup to God, that I could pour out my Defircs to him, for more Grace and furtherDegrees of SaniSlification,with abundant Freedom. Oh, I longed to be more abundantly pre- pared for that BleiTednefs, with which I was then in fome Mea- fure refrefh'd ! — Returned Home in the Evening ; but took aa extrcamly bad Cold by riding in the Night.

Tuefday, Novemb. I. Was very much difordcred in Body, and fomerimes full of Pain in my Face and Teeth : Was not able to ftudy much, and had not much fpiritual Comfort. Alas, when God is withdrawn, all is gone I — Had fome fweetTho'ts,'* which I could not but write down, on the Dffi^n, Nature, and End of Chrifiianily.

Wednefday, Novemb. 2. Was ftill more indifpofc^d m Body; and in much Pain, moft of the Diy : Had not much Comfort ; was fcarcely able to ftudy at all ; and ftill intirely alone in the Wildernefs. But bleftcd be the Lord, I ben*t cxpofed in the open Aii»: I have a Houfe, and many of the Comforts of Life, to fupport me. I have learn'd, in a Meafure, that a;! good Things, relating both to Time and Eternity, come from God.-- In the Evening, had fome Degree of quickening in Prayer : I think, God gave me fome Senfe of his Prefence.

Thurfday, Novemb. 3. Spent this Day in fecret Faftiiig and Prayer, from Morning 'till-Night. Early in the Morning, bad (! think) fome fmali Degree of AfTiftance iu Prayer. Aftsi-

vvard^j

g8 JEt.iS. T^^LIFE

wards, read the Story o^ Elijah the Prophet/i ^/«^;, xvli, xviH;, andxix Chapters, and alfo 2 Kings ii. and iv. Chapters. My 'ooii. was much moved, obferving the I'aith, Zeal and Power of tna^ holy Man ; how he wreftled with God in Prayer, (sfc. My Soul fhen cried with EliJJm, IVhere is the Lord God cfEVij^hl Oh, I longed for more Faith ! My Soul breathed after God, and pleaded with him, that a double Portion of that Spirit, which was given to Elijah, might re/i on me. And that which was divinely refrefhing 2nd (frengthning to my Soul, was, I faw that God is ihtfame that he was in the Days of Elijah. — Was enabled to wreftic with God by Prayer, in a more afFe6lionate, fervent, humble, intenfe, and importunate Manner, than I have far many A4onihs pall. Nothing feem'd too hard for God to per- form ; nothing too great for me to hope for from Him.— I had for many AJonths intirely loft all Hopes of being made in- ftrumental of doing any fpf cial Service for God in the World : It has appeared intirely impoffible, that one fo black and vile ihould be thus improved for God ! But at this Time God was pleafed to revive this Hope.-— Afterwards read the iiid Chap, of Excd' and on to the xxrh, and faw more of the Glomf & Majefty of God difcovcrcd in thofe Chapters, than ever I had {ttn be- fore ; frequently in the mean Time falling on my Knees and crying to God for the Faith of Mofes, and for a Manifeftation of the divine Glory. Efpecially the iiid & ivth, and Part of the xivth& xvth Chapters, were unfpeakably fweet to my Soul : My Soul blefled God, that he had fhewn himfelf fo gracious to his Servants of old. The xvih Chapter feem*d to be the very Lan- guage which mySoul utter'd toGod in theSeafon of my firft fpiri- tual Com for t,v/ lien I had jufl got thro* i\\QRedSea,hy2, ^i?y that I had no Expectation of. O how my Soul then rejoyced in God / And now thofe Things came freih and lively to ray Mind ; now my Soul blefs'd God afrefh, that he had open'd that unthought of fVay to deliver me from the Fearcf the Egyptians, when I al- moftdefpair'dof Lile.--- Afterwards read the Story of Jbraham's Pilgrimage in the Land of Canaan: My Soul was melted, in obferving his Faith^ how he lean'd on God ; how he communed with God, and v»hat a Stranger he was here in the World. After that, read the Story of Jofeph's Sufierings, and God's Goodncfs to him ; BlefTed God for ihefe Examples of Faith and Patience. My Soul was ardent in Prayer, was enabled to Wfeftle ardently for my felf, for Chrif^ian Friends, and for the Church of God. And felt more Dciire to fee the Power of iioU in the Convcrfion oi Souls, vhan i have dgne for a Jong

Seafon.

c/ ^fr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1743: 87

Bcafon. Blefled be God for this Scafon of Fafting and Prayer. May hIsGoodnefs always abide with mc%& draw mySoul toHim.' Thurfday, Novemk 4. Rode to Kinderhook ; went quite to HuiforCs' River y about 20 Miles from my Houfe ; performed fome Bufinefs j and returned Home in the Evening to my own Houfe. I had rather ride hard, and fatigue my felf, to eet Home, than to fpend the Evening and Night amongft thofe that have no Regard for God.

[The two next Days, he was very ill and full of Pain, proba- bly through his riding in theNight, after a fatiguing Day's Jour- ney onThurfday : But yet fcems to have been diligent inBufmefs.}

Monday, Novemb. 7. This Morning, the Lord afforded me fome fpecial Afliftance in Prayer : My Mind was folemn, fix'd, affeiStionate, and ardent in Defires after Holinefs ; and ic\t full of Tendernefs and Love ; and my Aitedtions feemed to be diflblved into Kindnefs and Softnefs.--fn the Evening, en- joyed the fame comfortableAffiftance in Prayer, as in rheMorn- ing : My Soul longed after God, and cried to him with a filial Freedom, Reverence and Boldnefe. O that I might be intirely consecrated and devoted to God.

[ThetV70 next Days, he complains of bodily Illnefs & Pain j but much more of fpiritual Barrennefs and Unprofitablenefs.j

Thurfday, Nov. 10. Spent this Day in Fafting and Ptayer alone. In theMorning,was very dull and life'efs j was fomething melancholy and difcouraged. But after fome Time, reading 2 Kings xix Chap, my Soul was moved and affe6led ; efpecially reading Verfe 14. and onward. I faw there was no other Way for the afflided Children of God to take, but (o go to God with all their Sorrows. Hezekiah, in his great Diftrefs, went and fpread his Complaint before the Lord. I was then enabled to fee the mighty Power of God, and my cxtreamNeed of that Power : Was enabled to cry to God affectionately & /ardently for his divine Power and Grace to be exercifed towards m.e.— After- wards, read the Story of Dav^id's Trials, and obferved theCourfe he took under them, how he ftrengthncd his Hands in God ; whereby my Soul was carried out after Gcd, enabled to cry to Him and rely upon Him, and felt JircTig in the Lord. Was afterwards refrefli'd, obferving the bkfl'cd Temper that was wrought in David by his Trials : All Biiternefs ard Defire of

N Reve^ngc

ss

/Z

/. 16.

the LIFE

Revenge fwemecJ '.vholly taken av.ay ; Co that he mourned for

thr Death of his EuLniies ; 2 Sr^m. i. 17. &i iv. 9. ad Fin.

Was enabled to bkis Gocl, that he had ^'wzn me fumcihing of this divint; Temper, that my Soul fieely forgives^ and heartily loves my Enemhi,

Hi appears by his Diary for the remaining Part of this Week, nnd /or the two ft lIo'.^/ing Week?, t-hat great Part of the Time he was very ;il and full of Pain ; and yet obliged through his Ciicumflanccs, in this ill State 0/ Body, to be at great Fatigues, jnL^bour, and travelh'ng Day and Nigbt,and to expofe himfelf, in ftormy and fevere Seafons. He from Time to Time, wUhin this i'p:^ce, fpc.ks ot out- goings of Soul after God; his Heart UrcDgthjied InGod ; SeaJons .1 divine Sweetnefs and Comfort ; hisHeart afTec'led wiihGrautude for Mercies, ^t\ And yet there are m?^nyCompIain:s of Lifelefnefs, Wcaknefsof Grace, Diftance fromGcdj and great Uncrofitablcners. But flill there appears a conftantCareJromD^.y toDay,not to icfeTime, but to improve it all for God.]

Lord '3- Day, JsJovemb. 27. In theEveningjWas greatly affe<3ed in reading an Account of the very joyful Death of a pious Gen- tleman ; wh;ch feemM to invigorate my Soul in God's Ways : I felt couregeoufiy engaged to purfuc aLife of Holinefs and Self- den'al as long as I'live ; and poured out my Soul to God for his Kelp and Alliihnce in order theieto. Eternity then feem'd near, and my Saul rtjoyced, and longed to meet it. O, I trufl, that will be a b'cfied Day, that finifl:es my Toil here !

Mcnday, Novanb. 28. In the Evening, was obliged to fpend Time in Company and Converfation that was unprofi-able.--- N'jthing lies heavier upon me, than the Mifimprovement of I'ime.

Tuefday, Ncvemh. 7g. Began to ftudv the Indian Tongue ^ with Mr. Sargeant at StockhriJge *.-- Was perplexed for want

\

Th? CcmmiiTioners that smp'eyed him, had .j(re<5rcd him to fpend pTtuch Time ihis VVJntcr N^ith Mi. S^ygsanU to learn the L.!nguagc of the Indians ; v.'hicn ( Vivy often to ride, backwards and /oi v^ Oirough the uninhabited Woods bet vv. fir- Ksur.aumftk ; which many Times - Har-Jihi^ in ihc fcvcrc Scafons t* i

rr/Fi'atcd him ■ r-^iles , nd

I

^^hi

of Mr. David B, aincrd. A D. 1 743. g^

of more Retirement.— I love to live alone in m;.' own little Cf>ifogi^ where I can fpend much Time in Prayer, i^

Wednefday, Ndvemb. 36. Purfucd my Study of ^mcn : But was very vi&'^k and difordered in Body, and was troubled in Mind at the B^rrennefs of the D^y, thiir I had done To little for God. I had Tome Enlargement in Prayer a: Ni'-ljt. Oh a Barn, or Stable, Hedge, or any other Pl^iCc, is truly defif?bfe, if God is there ! Somenmes, of late, my Htpes of Z/cn's Pj;of- perity are more rai fed, than they were in the Sumn.er psft. My Soul feems to confide in God, that he v:\\\ yzi Jheiv forth his Salvation to hiiPeopic.and make Z/j«r \iejsy of the whsie Earth, O hew cxcilUni h ihi Lsvii^- kindnefs of the Lord ! M v^ru) (bme- times inwardly exults at the lively Thoughts of what God \,..% already done for his Churchy and what mine E)cs hsve Jeen cf the S hat ion of God. *Tis fwcet, to hear noihwg but fpi'i'qai Difcourfe from God's Children ; and Sinners ^r^^/i?/W the fy^'ay to Zion, hy'miJFbatJhjll ivs do^ ccc. O that 1 may fee moie of this bjefled Work.

Tkurfday, T^^f^w^. i. Both Morning 2nd Evening, I en- joyed fome intenfenefs of Soul in Prayer, ?nd longed for the Enlargement of Chrift'sKTigdom in the World. My Soul fttms, of la5e, to loeii on God for his BkfTmg on Z/;,7. O that Re- ligion might powerfully revive.

Friday, Decemb. 2. Enj >y'd not fo much Heahh of Body, or Fervour of Mind, as Yeiterday. If the Chariot- VVhee's mov- v/ithEafe and SpeeJ atanyTimej^or a fliort Space ; yei by and by they drive heavily again. , O that 1 had ihs If^ings of a Dove^'hat J might Jiy away from Sin & Corruptiun,and htatRcj} in Gcd. Saturday, Dicemb. 3. Rude fiorne, to my Hcuf;-' ^ndPe pie. Suffered much v/ith the extreme Cold.— 1 truf}, I Cva\]y 't^re long, arrive fafe to my Journey's End, where my Toils fnall ceafe.

LordVDay, Dscemb. 4. Had but little Senfe of divine and hcavcBly Things. My S >ul mourns over nu" BarrCiincfs. Oh how hd is fpiritual Deadnefs !

Monday, Decemb. 5. Rode tc StockhiJge. Wa? ?lm£)ft out done with thee^itream Cold. Had fume reiVefljirg Mv^ditatJcn-f by the Way 5 but was barren,, wandring, ^md Life'efs-, mt'cn of the Day. Thus my Days roll aw^y, with but litiie done for Cj<^d 5 and this is my Burden.

Tuefday, Decemb. 6. .Was perplexed {o fee the Vanity zp^ Leviry of profeiTsd Chrifli^jns. Spent the Evening whhjx Chrii- 1 1\\ Friend, that was M^ is fome*Tvleafurc to iymp^tjbise witia

N 2 «^^'-

90

^/.25. The LIFE

ine in my fpiritual Conflicts. Was a little refrefh'd to find one with whom I could converfe of inward Trials, &c.

Wednefday, Decemb, 7. Spent the Evening in Perplexity, with a Kind of guilty Indolence. When I have no Heart or Refolution for God and the Duties intunribent on me, 1 feel guiltv of Negligence and MifimprovtmeHt of Time. Certainly 1 ought to be engaged in my Work and Bufmefs, to the utmoft Extent ot my Sfrength and Ability.

Thurfday, Decemb. 8. Mv Mind was much diftradled with difFerent AfFeJions. Seem'd to be at an amazing Diftance from God : and looking round in the World, to fee if there was not fome Happinefs to be derived from it^GoD, and fome certain CbjeiSts in the World, feem*d each to invite my Heart and Af- fections ; and my Soul feem*d to be diftra£led between them, I have not been fo much befet with the World for a long Time ; and that withRelation to fome particularObje6ls which I thought my felf moft dead to. But even while I was defiring to pleafe my felf with any Thing below. Guilt, Sorrow and Perplexity attended the firft Motions of Defire. Indeed I can't fee the Appearance of Pleafure and Happinefs in theWorld, as I ufed to do : And blefled be God for any Habitual Deadnefa to the World.- - I found no Peace, orDeliverance from thisDiftra6tion and Perplexity of Mind, 'till I found Accefs to the Throne of Grace : And as foon as 1 had any Senfe of God and Things di- vine, the Allurements of the World vanifh'd, and my Heart was determined for God. But my Soul mourned over my Folly, that I fhould defire any Pleafure, but only in God. God forgive my fpiritual Idolatry.

[ The next thirteenDays,he appears to have been continually in deepConcern about the Improvement of preciousTime ; and there are many Expreffions of Grief, that he improved Time no tetter ; fuch as,OA, what Mifery do I feel, when my Thought rove after Canity / 1 [houU he happy if always tngagtd for God ! O wretched Man that I am^ &c I Speaks of his being pained with a Senfe of hisBarrennefs, perplexed with hisWandrings, longing for Deliverance from the Being of Sin, rnourning that Time pift away, and (o little was done for God, i^^c.—- On Tuefday, Decemb. 20. He fpeaks of his being vifited at Kaunaumeek by fjme under fpiritual Concern.]

Thurfday, Decemb. 22. Spent this Day alone in Fafiing and Prayer, and Reading in God's Word the Exercifes and Deli- verances of God*s Children. Had, I truft, fome Exercifc of Faiib and realizing Apprehenfion of divine Power, Grace and

^/ Mr. David Bralaerd. A.D.1743. ^r

Holinefs ; and alfoof the Unchangeablenefs of God, that he is the fame as he was when he delivered his Saints of old out of great Tribulation. My Soul was fundry Times in Prayer en- larged for God's Church andPeople. O that Zion might become the Joy of the H^hole Earth. 'Tis better to wait upon God with Patience, than to put Confidence in any Thing *in this lower World. My Souly wait Thou on the Lord ; for from him comes thy Salvation,

Friday, Decemb, 23. Felt a little more Courage and Refolu- tion in Religion, than at fonae other Times.

Saturday, Decemb. 24. Had fome Ailiftance, and longing Dellres after Sanillfication*, in Prayer thieDay ; erpeci^lly in the Evening : Was fenfible of my own Weaknefs and fp'rUnal [m- potency : Saw plainly,! (hould fall into Sin, if God of hi • h^un- ^ dant Mercy did not uphold my Soui, and withold mi fro.^ Evil, O that God would uphold me by hii free Spirit y and fave me from the Hour of Temptation.

LordVDay, Decemb, 25. Pray'd much, in theMorning,with a feeling Senfeof my own fpiritual Weaknefs and InfufEcicncy for any Duty. God gave me forae Affiftancc in Preaching to the Indians ; and efpecially in the Afternoon, when I was ena- bled to fpeak with uncommon Plainnefs, Freedom, and Ear- neftnefs. BlefTed be God for any Affiftance granted to one (o unworthy. Afterwards felt fome Thankfulnefs ; but fiill fen- fible of Barrennefs.— Spent fome Time in the Evening, with one or twoPerfons under fpiritual Concern, and exhorting others to their Duty, bfc,

Monday, Decemb. 26. Rode down to Siockbrid^e. Was very much fatigued with my Journey, wherein I underwent great Kardfhip : Was much expofed and very v/et by falling into a River. Spent the Day and Evening without much Senfe of divine and heavenly Things ; But felt guilty, griev'd, and per- plcx'd with wandring carelefs Thoughts.

Tuefday, Decemb, 27. Had a fmall Degree of Warmth m fecret Prayer, in the Evening : but, alas, had but little fpiritual Life, and confequently but littleComfort I Oh, thePrefTurc of a Body of Death ! *

Wedncfday, Decemb, 28. Rode about fix Miles to the Ordi- nation of Mr. Hopkins, In the Seafon of the Solemnity was

* This Day he wrote the td Letter added at the End cf this

Hiltdry,

fomewhst

^2 jEt. 1^. Tbi LIFE A.D.1744;

• fomewhat afFe£led with a Senfc of theGreafnefs and fmportance of the Work of a Minifter of Chrift. Afterwards was grieved to fee the Vanity of the Multitude. In the Evening, fpcnt a iittle Time with fome Chnflian Friends, with fome Degree of Satisfadtion j but moft of the Time had rather have been alone. Tnurfday, Dtcemb. 29. Spent the Day mail, !y in converfihg v.'ith Friends j yet enjoyed little Satisfadlion, bccaufe I ccuid n\d but fewdifpofed to Converfe of divine and heavenly Things. Alas, what are Things of this World, to afford Satisfadlion to ihe Soul !-— Near Night, returned to Stockbridge ; in fecret blefs'd God for Retirement, and that I ben't always expofed to theCompany and Converfation of ttie World. O that I could Jive in the Jecret of God's Prcfence*

Friday, Decemb. 30. Was in a folemn devout Frame in the Evening. Wonder'd that Earth, with all its Charms, fhould ever allure me in the leaft Degree. O that I could always realize Che Being and Holinefs of God.

Saturday, Z)^ivw^. 31. Rode from Stccktridge home to my Houfe : The Air was clear and Calm, but as Cold as ever I felt it in the World, or near. I was in great Danger of perifhmg by the Extremity of the Seafon.— - Was enabled to Meditate much on the Road.

Lord's- Day, Jarrjary i. 1743,4. In the Morning, had fome fmali Degree of AiTift^nce in Prayer. Saw my felf fo vile and unv/orthy, that I could not look my People in the Face, when J cam»to Preach. Oh, my Meanncfs, Folly, Ignorance, and inward Pollution !---Iii the Evening., had a iittle Affiftance :a Praver,fo that thcDaiy was delightfome, rather then burdenfom. ivefle6led on the Gocdnef? of God to me in the paft Year, dffr. Of a Truth God has been kind and gracious to me, tho* he has caufed ine to pafs thro' many Sorrows ; he has provided for me bomuifully, fo that 1 have been enabled, in about 15 Months paft, to bf [low to charicablcUfes about an Hundred Pounds New- £hgland Money, ih^t I can now remember. * Bleflcd be the

* Which was, J fuppofe, to the value of about one Hundred end eighty five Founds in our Bills of the olJ Tenour, as they now pafs.--- By this, as well as many other Thing:;, it is manifcft, that his frequent Melancho'y did not arife from the Confideration of any Difadvanta re he was laid under to get a Living io the World^by his Lxpulfion from the College, r ,

of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 744. 9 j

Lord, that has fo far ufed me as h'n Steward^ to diftributc a Par- tion of his Goods. May I always remember, that all I have comes from God. BlelTed be the Lord, that has carried me thro' all the Toils, Fatigues, and Hardfhips of the Year paft, as well as the fpiritual Sorrows and Conflifls that have attended if. O that I could begin this Year with God, and friend the whole of it to his Glory^ either in Life or Death. ' '

Monday, Jan. 2. Had fome affecting Senfeof my own Im- potency and fpiritual Weaknefs.— - 'Tis nothing but the Power of God that if^eeps me from all Manner of Wickednefs. I fee, I am nothings end can do nothing without Help from above. Oh, for divine Grace \ In the Evening, had fome Ardour of Soul in Prayer, and longing Defires to have God for my Guide and Safe-guard at all Times, f

Tuefday, Jan. 3.. V/as employed much of theDay inWrit- ing ; and i*pcnt foaie Time in other ncccfiary Employment. But my Time pafles away fo fwiftly, that I am aftonifhed v/hen I refle-flon it, and fee how little I do in it. My State of Solitude does not make the Hours bang heavy upon my Hinds. O what Reafon of Thankfulnefs have I, on account of this Retirement ! I find, that 1 donU^ and it feems I can^t^ lead a Chri/lian Life, when I am abroad, and can't fpend Time in Devotion, Chrif- tian Converfation, and SeriousMeditation,as Ifhould do. Tiiofe Weeks that I am obliged now to be from heme, in order to learn the/^^V^^Tongue, are moftly fpent inPerplexity & Barren- nefs, without much AveerRelifb of divir.eThings ; and I feel ray felf a Stranger at theThrone of Grace. for want of more frequent and continued Retirement. Whe^j I return Home, and giMQ my felf to Meditation, Prayer, and Faffing, a new Scene opens to my Mind, and my Soul longs for Mortiftcation, Self- (tenia!. Humility, and Divorcement from all the Things of the ^Vcrld. This Evening, my Heart was fomewhat warm and fervent in Prayer and Meditation, fo that I was loth to indulge Si-ep. Con- tinued in thofe Duties 'fill shout Midnight.

Wednefday, Jan. 4. Was in a reiijrned and mortififd Temper of Mind, much of the D\y, Time appeared a Moment^ Life a Vapour^ and ail its Enjoyments as empty Bubbles, and fleeting Blalfsof Wind.

f I'hi? D.iy hr wrote fhe 3V UUer^ publifhed at the End of . shis Accoun: of his Lilc.

Thurfjav,

94 .^t.i6. ri^ LIFE

Thurfday, Jan 5. Had a humbling and prcifing Senfe of my Unworthinefs. My Senfe of the Badncfs of my own Heart filled my Soul with Bi tier nefs and Anguifli ; which was ready to fink, as under the Weight of a heavy Burden. And thus fpent the Evening, 'till late.— Was fomewhat intenfe and ardent inPrayer.

Friday, Jan* 6. Feeling and confidering my extreamWeak- nefb, and Want of Grace, the Pollution of my Soul, andDanger of Temptations on every fide, I fet apart this Day for Fafting andPrayer, neither eating nor drinking fromEvening toEvening, befeeching God to have Mercy on me. And my Soul intenfely long'd, that the dreadful Spots and Stains of Sin might be wafti'd away from it. Saw fomething of the Power and Alfufficiency of God. My Soul feem'd to reft on his Power andGrace ; longed for Refignation to his Will, and Mortification to all Things here below. My Mind v/as greatly fix'd on divine Things : My .Refolutions for a Life of Mortification, continual Watchful- nefs, Self-denial, S> rioufnefs, and Devotion to God, were ftrong and fix'd ; my Defires ardent and Intenfe ; my Confcience tender, and afraid of every Appearance of Evil. My Soul grieved with the Reflection on paft Levity, and Want of Refolution for God. I folemnly renewed my Dedication of my felf to God, and longed for Grace to enable me always to keep Covenant v/ith him. Time appeared very fhort. Eternity near ; and a great Name, either in or after Life, together with all earthly Pleafures and Profits, but an empty Bubble, a deluding Dream.

Saturday, Jan. 7. Spent this Day in Serioufnefs, with fted- faft ReK:»lutions for God and a Life of Mortification. Studied clofcly, *till I felt my bodily Strength fail. Felt fome Degree of Refignation to God, with an Acquiefcence in hisDifpenfations. Was grieved, that I could do fo little for God before my bodily Strength faiTd.--- In the Evening, tho' tired, yet was enabled to continue inftant in Prayer for fome Time. Spent the Time in Reading, Meditation, and Prayer, 'till the Evening was far fpent : vVas grieved, to think that I could not watch unto Prayer t!je whole Night.-- But bleffeii be God, Heaven is a Place of contii ual a;)d inceffant Devotion, tho' Earth is dull.

[The fix Days following, he continued in the fame happy PVi;rne of Mind ; enjoyed the fame Compofure,Calmnefs, Re- %nauon, ardent Dcfire and fweet Fervency of Spirit, in a high Degree, every Day, not one excepted. Thurfday, this Wcek> be kept 23 s Day of fccret Falling and Prayer.]

^?

aturca

of Mr. David Brainerd* h .D. 1 744. 95

Saturday, Jan. 14, This Morning, enjoyed a moft folemn

Seafon in Prayer : My Soul feem'd enlarged and a/Tiftcd to pour

out it felf to God for Grace, and for every Bleflingl wanted,

for my {€ii^ my dear Chriftian Friends, and for the Church of

God ; and was fo enabled to fee him who u inviftble^ that tnv

Soul rejied upon him for the Performance of every Thing I afked

agreable to his Will. It was then my Happinefs, to continue

inftant in Prayer^ and was enabled to continue in it for near an

Hour. My Soul was thenjirong in the Lord and in the Power of

his Might : Long'd exceedingly for angelick Holinefs and Purity,

^nd to have all my Thoughts, at all Times, employed in divine

and heavenly Things. O how blefTed is an heavenly Temper I

O how unfpeakably blefled it is, to feel a Meafure of that ReiSli-

tede, in which we were at firft created !-— Felt the fame divine

Afliftance in Prayer fundry Times in the Day. My Soul cch-

fided in God for m^ felf, and for his Xion ; trufied in divine

Power and Grace, that he would do glorious Things m his

Churchj on £arth, for his own Glory.

[ The next Day he fpeaks of fome Glimpfes he had of the di- vine Glories, and of his being enabled to maintain his Refoluiions in feme Meafure ; but complains, that he could not draw ne^c toGod : Seems to be fili'd with tremblingFears left he fliouid re- turn to a Life of Vanity, to pleafe himfelf with feme of ths Enjoyments of this lower World j and fpeaks of his being much troubled, and feeling guilty, that he (hould addrefs immortal Souls with no more Ardency and Defire of their Salvation. Monday, he rods down to SiscUridgc, was diftrefs'd v/ith"i extream Cold : But notwithftanding, his Mind was in a dcvo and folemn Frame in his Journey. The four next Day?, he was very ill, probably by his fufrering from the Cold in hh Jc'ur- ney ; yet he iays he ipent the Time in a more folemn Manner than he fear'd. On Friday Evening, he rode down and vifired Mr. Hopkins I and on Saturday, rode i8 Miles to 5<?//^«r>, where he kept Sabbath, and enjoyed confiderable Degrees of God's gracious Prefence.,Affiftance in Duty, and divine Comfort ard Refrelhmentj longing to give himfelf wholly to God, to bs hfs forever.]

Monday, Jan. 23. I think I never felt more refigned to God, nor io much dead to theWorld, in every Refpf;cV,asn£»W ; Was dead to all Ddire of Reputation and Greatnefs, either in Life or afterDeath : All I longed for, was to be holy, htynble, cmcifisd to the World ^;.

O Tuefcay,

96 ^/. 26. Tk LIFE

" Tuefday, Jan, 24. Near Noon, rode over toCanaan. In the Evening, was unexpe£ledly vifited by a confiderable Number of People, with whom I was enabled to converfe profitably of di- vineThings: Took Pains to defcribe the DifFerence between a I'egular and irreguIar5^//^-/(?z;^ : The one confifting with aSupream Love to God, but the othernot ; The former uniting God's Glory and the Soul's Happinefs, that they become one common Intereft, but the latter disjoyningand feparating God's Glory and the Man's Happinefs, feeking the latter with a Negledl of the former. Illuftrated this by that genuine Love that is found betwf en theSexes ; which is diverfe from that which is wrought up towards a Perfon only by rational Arguments, or Hope of Self-Intereft. Love is a pleafingPaflioHjit afFordsPleafure to the Mind where it is ; but yet true genuine Love is not nor can be placed upon any Obje6l with that Defign of pleafmg itfelf with the feeling of it in a Man's own Breaft.

[ On Wednefday, he rode to Hhcff^JA ; the next Day., to Stockbridge : And on Saturday, home to Kaunaumeek^ tho' the Feafon was Cold and Stormy : Which Journey was followed with lilnefs and Pain. It appears by his Diary, that he fpent the Time, while riding, in profitable Meditations, and in lifting up his Heart to God ; and he fpeaks of Affiftance, Comfort, and Rtfrefliment ; but f^ill complains ofBarrennefs, ^c. His Diary for the five next Days is full of the mofl heavy bitterCom- plaints ; and he expreiTes himfelf as full of Shame ^nd Self-loath- ing for his lifelefs Temper of Mind andSluggifhnefs of Spirit, and asteing in Perplexity and Extremity, and appearing to himfelf unfpeakably vile and guilty before God on Account of fome in- ward workings ofCorruption he found in his Heart, ^^.]

Thurfday, Feb, 2. Spent this Day in Fading and Prayer, feeking the Pr efence ^nd AfTiftance of God, that he would.ena- b'e me to overcome all my Corruptions and fpirituai Enemies.

Fiiday, Feb. 3. Enjoy'd more Freedom and Comfort than nf late ; was intenfely engaged in Meditation upon the different Vv^hifpers of the variousPowers andAfFedions of a pious Mind, t:-:ercifcd with a greatvaricty ofDifpenfations: And could not but Wiite 35 well as meditate on To entertaining aSubje6t. * 1 hope.

; find what he wrote on this Head amons; his Paper?, that were left in my H?.nd, and it i;; here pubhilicd at ihcEndof this Account of hia Life.

c/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1744. ^57

the Lord gave me fome true Senfe of divine Things this Day : But alas, how great and preffing are the Remains of indwelling Corruption ! I am now more fenfible than ever, that God alone is the Author and Fimjher of our Faith \ i. e. that the whole and every Part of Sanguification, and every good Word, Work, or Thought, that is found in me, is the Effect of his Power and Grace ; that without him 1 can do ISioihing^ in the fln'deft Senfe ; and that ke worh in us to will and to do of hii ciun pcod Pleafure^ and from no other Motive. Ob, how amazing it is that People can talk fo much about Men*sPower and Goodnefs ; when, if God did not hold us back every Moment, v/e fhould be Devils incarnate ! This my bitter Experience, for feveral Days laft paft, has abundantly taught me concerning my kU,

Saturday, Feb. 4. Enjoy'd fome Degree of Freedom snd fpiritualRefrefliment ; was enabled to pray v/iih fomeFervency, and longing Defires of Xion^s Profperity ; and my Faith and Hope feems to iah hold of God^ for the Performance of what f was enabled to plead for. San6lification in my k]f^ and the In- gathering of God's Eled, was all my Defire -, and the Hope of its Accomplifhment, all my ^oy.

Lords-Day, Feb. 5. VVas enabled in fome Meafure to reft and confide in God, and to prize his Prefence and fomeGlimpfes of the Light of his Countenance, above my neceffary Food. Thought my felf, after the Seafon of Weaknefs, Temptation, and DefertionI endured the laft Week, to be fcmewhat like Samfon when his Locks began to grow again. Was enabled to preach to my People with more Life and Warmth, than I have for fome Weeks paft.

Monday, Feb. 6. This Morning, my Sou] again was ftrengfh- ned in God, and found fom.e fweet Repofe in him in Prayer : Longing efpecially for the complcai Mortification of Senfualitv and Pfidej and for Refignation to God*s Difpenfaujns, at ail Times, as thro' Grace 1 felt it at this Time. I did not defire Deliverance from any Difficulty, that attends my Circurnftsn- ces, unlefs God was willing. O how ccmfortiible is this Tcm- ppr |... Spent moft of the Day in reading God's Word, iw Writing, and Prayer. Enjoyed repeated and frequent Comfort, and Inienfenefs of SoftI in P-ayer thro' the Day. In the Even- ing, f^^ent fome Hours in private Converfation with my People ; ^nd afterwards, felt fome Warmth in fecret Prayer.

Tuefday, Feb. 7. Was much engaged in fome fweet Medi- tations on the Powers and •Aff'eiSiionsoLthe godly Soul in thei;- Puifijit of their belovedObjea : WroteTomelhing of the nutr.e

O 2 Language

9^ AY 26. T^^LIFE

Language of fplritual Senfation, in its foft and tender Whifpers 5 declaring, that it now feels and ta/ies that the Lord is gracious 5 that he is the Supreme Good, the onlySoui-fatisfying Happincfs ; that he is a Compleat, Sufficient, and Almighty Portion : faying, «' If^horn have I in Heaven but Thee ? And there is none upon <« Earth that 1 defire^beftdes this blefled Portion. O, I /eel 'tis <« Heaven to ple^fe him, and to be juft what he would have me <« 10 be ! O that my Soul were Holy^ as heisHoly ! O that it <« were pure even as Chrijl is pure ; and pe^feSi^ as my Father in *< Heaven is perfe6f I Thefe, I feel,aie the fweeteft Commands *' in God's Book, comprifiLg ell others. And fliall I break *« them » Muft I break 'em ! Am I under a Neceflity of it as <« Icn;^ as I live in the World ! O mySoul, Wo, Wo is me that <« I am a Sinner, becaufe i now neceflarily grieve and offend this *« blefTed God, who is infinite in Goodnefs and Grace ! Oh, '-« methinks, if he would p unifh me for my Sins, it would not «« wound myFIeart fo deep to offend him : But tho' I fm con- '« tinually, yet he continually repeats hisKindnefs to me ! Oh, «« Methinks I ccuid bear any fuffering ; but how can I bear to << grieve and d;fhonour this blefTed God ! How fhall I yield <•' ten Thoufand 7'imes more Honour to him ? What fhall I *' do to glGrify &: worfbip this beft of Beings ? O that I could '' coiiiecrate my fclf, Soul and Body, to his Service forever. O »^« that! could give up my felf to him fo as never more to attempt *' to be my own, or to have any Will or AfFe<5lions that are «' not perfeiSliy confoi med to him. But, ala:,alas,l find I can't <« be thus entirely devoted to God : I can't live and not fin. *« O yi Angels, do ye glorify him incefTantly ; and if poffible, «-' priflrateyouifelves lower before the blefled King of Heaven. ♦' I long to bear a Part v.'ith you ; and, if it were poffible, to *' help you. Oh, when we have done all that we can, to all '^ Esernicy, we (liall not be able to oiFer the ten Thoufandth ^* Part of the Homage that the glorious God deferves !"

Felt fomethin^ fpiritua), devout, refigned, and mortified to the World, much of the Day ; and efpecially towards aad in ihe Evening. BitiTcd be God, that he enables me to Icve him for himfeif.

Vv edneii'j) , Feb. 8. Was in a comfortable Frame of Soul, jnofi of iheDay ; tho' fenfible of and ref^lefs under fpiritu?.] Bas- lennets. i find that both Mind andBody are quickly ti.~ed with intcnfcnefs and Fervour in theThin^s of God. O that I toiild txas incc'T^!;: ar^ An^^ih m DcvoLion and fplritual fcjvour.

of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 744. 9^

: Thurfr^ay, Feb. 9, Obferved this Day as aDay of Fafting and prayer, intreating of God to beftow upon me his Blefling and Grace ; efpecially to enable me to live a Life of Moriification to the World, as well as of Refignation and Patience. Enjoy'd fome realizing Senfe of divine Power and Goodnefs in Prayer, leveral Times ; and was enabled to roll the Burden of my felf and Friends, and of Ziotiy upon theGoodnefs andGrace of God : But, in the general, was more dry and barren than I have ufually been of late upon fuch Occafions.

Friday, Feb. 10. Was exceedingly opprefs'd, moft of the Day, withShame, Grief and Fear, under a Senfe of my paftFolly, as well as prefent Barrennefs and Coldnefs. When God fetr. be- fore me my paft Mifcondudl, efpecially any Inftances of mi/guid- ed Zeal, it (inks my Soul into Shame and Confufion, makes me afraid of a fhaking Leaf. My Fear is fuch as the ProphetJ^r^f- my complains of, ^er. xx. 10.-— I have no Confidence to bold up my Face, even before my Fellow- Worms ; but only when my Soul confides in God, and I find the fweetTemper of Chrift, the Spirrt of Humility, Solemnity, and Mortification, and Re- fignation, alive in my Soul.— But, in the Evening, was unex- peiSiedly refrefh'd in pouring out my Complaint to God : MyShame and Fear was turned into a fweet Compofure and Acquiefcence in God.

Saturday, Feb. 11. Felt much as Ycderday : enjoyed but little (enfible Communion with God.

Lords-Day, Feb. 12. My Soul feem*.d to confide in God, and to repofe itfelf on him ; .and had out-goings of Soul after God in Prayer. Enjoyed fome divine Aififtance, in the Forenoon, \a Preaching ; but in the Afternoon, was more perplex'd with Shame bV. Afterwajr's, found fomeReiief inPrayer : Lov'd, as a feeble afflidted defpifedCre3ture,to caft myfelf onaGod of infi- r.ice Grace andGoodnefs, hoping for noHappinefs but from him. Monday, Feb. 13. Was Calm andSedate in Morning-Devo- tions ; and my Soul feem*d to rely on God.— Rode to Stock- bridge^ and enjoyed fome comfortable M^editations by theWay : Had a more refrefhing Tafte and Relifh of heavenly BleiTednefs, than I have enjoy'd for many Months paft. 1 have m-anyTimes, of late, felt as ardent Defires of Holinefs as ever : ^\it not fo much Senfe of the Sweetnefs and uafpeakable Pleafare of theEn- .joyments and Employments of Heaven. My Soul longed to jcave Earth, and bear a Part with Angeis in their celeltial £m- pioyments. My Soul faid, L')rd, it is good to be here ; and it r;- scared to me better to die, than to lofe the Relifli of th^fe ;....:- !v Delights, [-^

1 GO

JEt.iS, The LIFE

[ A Senfe of divineThings feem'd to continue with him,ina JefierDegree,thro'thenextDay. OnWednefday he was,by fome Difcoud'e that he heard, caft into a melancholyGloom, that ope- rated much in the fameManner as hisMelancholy had formeriy done, when he came firft ioKaunaumeek ; TheEfFe(Els of which feem'd to continue ,in fjme Degree the fix following Days.]

Wednefday, Feb. 22. In the Morning, had as clear a Senfe of the exceeding Pollutionof my Nature, as ever I remember to have had in my Life. I then appeared to my felf inexprefTibly loathfom, & defiled : Sins of Childhood, of early Youth, and fuch Follies as 1 had not thought of for Years together, (as I remem- ber) came now frefli to my View, as if committed but Yefter- day, and appeared in the moft odious Colours : They appeared more in Number than the Hairs of my Head : Yea, they went ever my Head as an heavy Burden,—- In the Evening, the Hand of Faith feem'd to be Ihengthen'd in God : My Soul feemed 10 reft and acquiefce in him : Was fupported under myBurdens, reading the cxxv. Pfalni : Found that it was fvveet and co^iifor- tab!e to lean on God.

Thurfday, Feb, 23. Was frequent in Prayer, and enjoyed fome Affiilance.— There is a God in Heaven^ that over-rules all Things for the beft ; and this is theComfort of my Soul : 1 had fainted^ unUjs 1 hsd believed to fee the Goodnejs of God in the Land cfthe Livings notwiihftanding prefent Sorrows.— In the Even- ing, enjoyed fome Freedom in Prayer, for my felf, Friends, and the Church of God.

Friday, Feb, 24. Was exceeding refflefs and perplexM under a Sciife of the IVIiiiniprovement of Time ; Mourn'd to feeTime pafs away ; Felt in the greatefl Hurry ; feem'd to have every 'i^hing to do : Yet could do Nothing, but only grieve and groan under my Ignorance, Unprofitiiblene(s, Meannefs, the Foolifh- refs of my Adtions and Thoughts, the Pride and Bitternefs of my paft Frames (at fome Times,at IcaftJ all which at thisTime appeared to me in lively Colours, and fill'd me with Shame. I could not compofe my Mind to any profitable Studies, by Rea- fon of this Prelfurc. ' And the Reafon, I judge, why I am not allowed to Study, a great Part of my Time, is, becaufe lam endeavouring to lay in fuch aSiock ofKnowledge, as fliall be 4 Sclf-Sulncicncy.--- I know it to be my indifpcnfable Duty to Study, arjd qualify my felf \\\ the befl Manner 1 caw for publick ."■■cfvice; But this is rny Miferv, I naturally Study and prepare, :'.<r f vx^x c'.njume it upon my Lu/ls of Pride andSdf- Confidence.

of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 744: lor

[ He CGntlriued in much the fame Frame ofUneafinefs at the Mifimprovement of Time, and PrefTure of Spirit under a Senfe of Vilenefs, Unprofitablenefs ^f. for the fix next following Days ; excepting fome Intervals of Calmnefs and Compofure, in Refignation to and Confidence in God.]

Friday, March 2. Was moft of the Day employed in Writ- ing on a divine Subje£l. Was frequent in Prayer, and enjoy'd fome fmall Degree of Affiftance. But in the Evening, God was pleafed to grant me a divine Sweetnefs in Prayer ; efpecially in the Duty of Interceilion. f think, I never felt fo much Kind- nefs and Love to thofe who I have Reafon to think are my Enemies (tho* at that Time I found fuch a iDifpofition to think the beft of all, that I fcarce knew how to think that any fuch Thing as Enmity and Hatred lodg'd in afiy Soul ; it feem'd as if all the World muft needs be Friends) and never pray'd with more Freedom and Delight, for my felf, or deareft Friend, than I did now for my Enemies.

Saturday, March 3. In the Morning, fpent ( I believe ) an Hour in Prayer, with great Intenfenefs and Freedom, and with the mofl foft and tender Affed-ion towards Mankind. I longed that thofe who I have Reafon to think owe me 111- Will, might be eternally happy: It feem'drefrefhing,to think of meeting tHcm inHeaven,how much foever they had injured me onEarth ; Had noDifpofition to infiit upon anyConfeiTion from them, in order to Reconciliation & theExercife ofLove ^Kindnefs to them. O'tis anEmblem of Heaven it felf, to love all the World with a Love of Kindnefs, Forgivenefs, and Benevolence ; To feel our Soula fedate, mild and meek ; to be void of all evil Surmifings and Sufpicions, and fcarce able to think Evil of any Man upon anv Occafion ; To find ourHearts fimple, open, and free, to thole that look upon us v/ith a different Eye !-— Prayer was fo fvvect an Exercife to me, that I knew not how to ceafe, h^l fhould lofe the Spirit of Prayer. Felt no Difpcfition to eat or drink, for the fake of the Pleafure of it, but only to fupport my Na- ture, and fit me for divine Service. Could not be content without a very particular mention of a great Number of dear Friends at the Throne of Grace -, as alfo the particularCircum- ftances of many, fo far as they were krrown.

Lords-Day, Nov. 4. In the Morning, enjoyed the fame In- tciifenefs in Prayer as Yei^erday- Morning ; iho' not info prea: .1 Degree : Fek the fame Spirit of Love,univcrfal Benevolence,

rgivenefs, Humility, Refignation, Mcnificaticn to theVv'or/J, , ; r,^,7-, n-.fufe of Mcnd^as then. My Soul rtfcd hi God \ 2nd

1

I02 JEt.26. IheX^lVE

I found, I wanted no cthcrRefuge or Friend, While my Soul thus trufts in God, all Things feem to be at Peace with me, even the Stones of the Earth : But when I can't apprehend and confide in God, all Things appear with a diifferent Afpeft,

[Through the four next Days, he complains of Barrennefs, want of holy Confidence in God, Stupidity, Wandrings of Mind, ^c. and fpeaks of Oppreffion of Mind under a Senfe of exceed ingMeannefs, paft Follies, as well as prefent Workings of Corruption.— On Friday, he feems to have been reftored to a confiderableDegree of the fame excellentFrame that he enjoyed the Saturday before/]

Saturday, March lo. In the Morning, felt exceeding dead to the World and all its Enjoyments : I thought, 1 was ready ?nd willing to give upLifeand all its Comforts, as foon as called to it : And yet then had as muchComfortof Life as almoft ever I had. Life itfelf now appeared but an empty Bubble : The Riches, Honoars, and coramonEnjoymenis of Life appeared ex- tremely taftlefs. I longed to be perpetually and entirely crucified tt^ all Things here below, by the Croji cf Chri/i. My Soul was fweetly rcfigned toGod's Difpofal of me, in every Regard j andl fivv, there had nothing happened to me but what was belt for me. ) confided in God, that he would never leave me y tho' I fhould tuaik thro' the. Valley of the Shadow of Death. It was then my Meat and Drink to be holy, to live to the Lord, and die to the Lord: And I thought, that I then enjoyed fuch a Heaven, as far exceeded the moft fublime Conceptions of an unregenerate Soul ; and even unfpeakably beyond what I my felf could con- ceive of at another Time. ,1 did not wonder, that Peter faid. Lord, it is gocd to be ^frf,when thus rcfrefh'd with divineGlorier. My Soul was full of Love and Tendernefs in the Duty of Inter- cefiion ; efpecially felt a moft fweet Affe6tion to fome precious oodly Minifters, of my Acquaintance. Pray'd earneftly for <iear Chrifiians, and for thofe I have Reafon to fear are myEne- mies : And cou'd not have fooken a Word of Bitternefs, or entertained-?, oitterThougbf, a^ainft the vileft Man living. Had a icnfe of my ov/n great Unworthinefs. My Soul feem'd to breath forth Love and Praife to God afrefli, when 1 thought he would let his Children love and receive me as one of their Bre- thren andFcllow- Citizens : And when I thought of their treat- ing mc in that Manner, I longed to \\q at theirFeet j and ro'ild think o[no\Vay to cxprcfjdH-Sir.ceiiiy ^^implic't;. cf myLovv'.

cf Mr. David Bralnerd. A.D. 1 744. \ oj

and Efteem of them, as being much better than my felf.— To- wards Night, was very forrowful : Seem'd to my felf the worft Creature living ; and could not pray, nor meditate, nor think of holding up my Face before theWorld. — Was a little relieved in Prayer, in the Evening ; but longed to get on my Knees and alk Forgivenefs of every Body that ever had feen any Thing amifs in my paft Condu<a,efpecially in my religiousZeai—W^ afterwards much perplex'd, fo that I could not Sleep quietly.

Lords-Day, March 11. My Soul was in fome Meafure y?rtf»^/^/»Vz«GoD,inMorning-Devotion; (o that I was released from trembling Fear and Diftrefs.-- Preached to my People from the Parable of the Sower^ Matth. xiii. And ei^oyed fome Afliftance, both Parts of the Day : Had fome Freedom, Affec- tion, and Fervency in addrefling my poor People ; long'd thflt God fhould take hold of their Hearts,and make them fpiri'tually alive. And indeed I had fo much to fay to them, that I knew not how to leave off fpeaking. *

Monday, March 12. In the Morning, was in a devout, ten- der, and loving Frame of Mind ; and was enabled to cry ta God, I hope, with a Child-like Spirit, with Importunity, and Refignation, and Compofure of Mind. My Spirit was full df Quietnefs, and Love toMankind ; and longed thatPeace (houli reign on theEarth : Was grieved at the very Thoughts of a/^ry, engry and intemperate Xeal in Religion 5 mourn'd over paft Follies in thatRegard ; and mySoul confided inGod foiStrengtfe and Grace fufficient for my future Work and Trials.— Spent the Day mainly in hard Labour, making Preparation for my intended Journey.

Tuefday, March 13. Felt my Soul going forth after God fometimcs ; but not with fuch Ardency as I longed for. In the Evening, was enabled to continue hjiant in Prayer^ for fome confiderable Time together ; and efpecially had refped to the Journey I defigned to enter upon, with the Leave of divine Providence, on the Morrow. Enjoyed fome Freedcm and Fer- vency, intreating that the divine Prefence might attend me in

* This was the lafl Sabbath that ever he performed publick Service at KaunaumeeJ^, and thefe the laft Sermans that evef he preached there. It appears by his Diary, that while he continued with thefe Indians^ he took great Pains with them, and did it with much Difcretion 5 But the particufer MaruJer, how; has been omitted for Brevity's Sake.

P c^'^y

104 ^t.i6. ne LIFE

^v^ry Place where my Bufinefs might lead me ; and had a par- ticular Reference to the Trials and Temptations that I appre- hended I might be more eminently expofed to in particular Places* Was ftrengthenM and comforted ; altho* I was before very weary. Truly the Joy of the Lord is Strength and Life,

Wednefd&Yf March i^* Enjoy'd fome Intenfenefs of Soul in Prayer, repeating my Petitions for God's Prefence in every Place where I expedted to be in my Journey. Befought theLord that I might not be too much pleafed and amufed with dear Friends and Acquaintance, in onePlace and another.— Near lo fct out on my Journey, and near Night came to Stockbridge.

Thurfday, Marth 15. Rode down to Sheffield, Here \ met a Meflenger from Eaji- Hampton on Long-lfland ; who, by the unanimous Vote of that large Town, was fent to invite me thi- ther,in order to fettle with that PeopIe,where I had been before frequently invited. Seem'd more ataLofs what was my Duty, than before ; when I heard of the greatDifficulties ot thatPlace, I was much conterned and grieved, and felt fome Dtfires to comply with their Requeft ; but knew not what to do : En- deavourecj to commit the Cafe to God.

[ The two nextDaySjhe went no further ih^inSalifburyy being much hinder'd by the Rain. When he came there, he was much indifpofed.-- He fpeaks of comfortable and profitable Converfation with Cbriftian Friends, on thefe Days.j

Lord's-Day, M^rch iS, [ At Saiiftury^ 1 Was exceeding weak and fainr, fo that I could fcarce walk : But God was pleaf- ed to afford me much Freedom, Clearnefs and Fervency in f*reachiiig : I have not had the like AfTiftance in Preaching to Sinners for many Months paft. —- Here another Meflenger met ine, and informed me of the Vote of another Congregation, to give me an Invitation to come among them upon Probation for Settlement. * Was fcmething exercifed in Mind with a Weight and Burden of Care. O that God would fsnd forth faithful Labourers into his tiarveji,

^ [' After this, he went forward on his Journey towards l<!ew- xork ^T\dNe'w-ye*fey : fn which he proceeded flowly j perform- ing his Journey under great Degrees of bodily indifpofttion.

* This Congregation was that at Millington, near Ha^dam* They were very earnestly defirgus of his com-ng among them. Hew-

i?/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1744; 5©^

However, he preach'd feveral Times by the Way, being urged by Friends ; in which he had confiderable Affiftance. He fpeaks of Comfort in Converfation with Chriftian Friends, from Time to Time, and of various Things in the Exercifes and Frames of his Heart, that ihew much of a divine Iniluence on his Mind in this Journey : But yctc omplains of the Thing that hefear^d^ viz. z Decline of his fpiritual Life, or Vivacity in ReJigion, by Means of his conftant Removal from Place to Place, and want of Retirement ; and complains bitterly of his Ujnworthinefs, Deadnefs, ^c— He came to New-Tork on Wednefday, March 28. And to Elizabeth-Town on the Satur- day following, where itfeems he waited 'till the CommiFioncrs came together.]

Thurfday, yipril 5. Was again much exercifed with Weak- fiefs, and with Pain in my Head. Attended on theCommifTio- ners in their Meeting. * Refolved to go onflill with the Indian AfFair, if divine Providence permitted ; altho' I had before felt fome Inclination to go to E aft- Hampton y where I was /blicited to go. t

[ After this, he continued two or three Days in (he Jerpys^ very 111 ; and then returned to New-York ; and from thence into New- England 3 and went tohisnativeTown of Haddam : where

hs

* The Indians at Kaunaumeek being but few inNumber,anc? Mr. 5rfl;«^r^ having now been labouring among them about a Year, and having prevailed upon them to be willing to leave Kaunaumeek^ and remove to Stockbridge, to live con- ftantly undctMr.Sargeani*sM\n'iQ.ry ; he thought he might now do more Service for Chrift among the Indians elfe- where : And therefore went this Journey to New-jerfey to lay the Matter before the Commiifioners ; who met at Elizabeth-Town, on this Occafion, and determined that he fhould forthwith leave Kaunaumeek , and go to the £>«- hware Indians,

^ By the Invitations Mr. Brainerd had lately received, it appears, that it was not from NecefHty,or for want of Op- portunities to fettle in the Miniftry amongft the Engli/hy notwithflanding theDifgrace he had been laid under atC;?/- legey that he was determined to forfake all the outward Comforts. to be enjoyed in the EngtiJJ) Settleraoits, to go and rpend his Life among the brutilh Savagesy and endure P 2 the

To6 Mt. 26. TJ^ L I F E

he arrived on Saturday, jlprtl 14,— And he cojitinHes ftill his bitter Complaints of want of Retirement. While he was in ISleW'Tork^ he fays thus, <« OA, Uh not the PUaJurei of the «' World can Comfort me ! If God deny his PrefencCy what are *« the Plea fur es of the City to me f One Hour of five et Retire- «« ment where God is, is better than the whole fForld/* And he continues to cry out of his Ignorance, Meannefs, and Unwor- thinefs. However, he fpeaks of fome Seafons of fpecial Aflifl- ance and divine Sweetnefs.— He fpent fome Days among his Friends at Ea/i- Hampton and Millmgton.']

Tuefclay, Jpril ij. Rode to Millington again ; and felt perplcx'd when I fct out ; Was feeble in Body» and weak in r'aith. I v/as going to preach a Le<Sture ; and fearM I fhould never have Affiftance enough to get thro*. But contriving to ride alone, at a Diftance from the Company that was going, I fpent the Time in lifting up my Heart to God : Had not gon« far before niySoul was abundantlyflrengthen'd withthofcWordSj

the Difficulties and Self-denials of an Indian Miffion. He had, j lift as he was leaving Kaunaumeek^ had an earnefl In- vitation to a Settlement 2^1 EaJ}- Hampton oxxLong-Jfland^xho. faireft pleafantefl Town on the whole lHand^and one of its largeft and moft wealthy Parifhes. The People there were unanimous in their Defires to have him for their Paftor, and for a long Time continued in an earneft Purfuit of what they dc/ired, and were hardly brought to relinquifli thcirEndcavours and give up theirHopes of obtainijig him. Befides thelnvitation he had ioMillington ; which was near his native 'Fovvn, and in the midft of his Friends. Nor did Mr. Bralnerd chufe the Bufmefs of a Miiljonary to the Indians, rather than accept of thofe Invitations, becaufe he wasunaccjuainted with the Difficulties andSufrerings which attended fucb aService ; for he had hadExperience of thefe D.filculties in Summer and Winter j having fpent about a "l\velve- Month in a lonely Oefert among thefe Savages, v.'hcre he had pone through extream Hardfhlps, and beea theviubjcdt of aTrain of outward and inwardSorrows, which were now frefh in his Mind. Notwithftanding all thefe Thin<^^n, he rhofa (iUl to go on with this Bufmefs ; and that alfho' the Plate he was now going to, was at a ftill mw'.h greater Diftance from moft of his Friends, Acquain- tanrc*, r^rid natrve I.nr.u,

//

V

of Mr. David Brainerd A.D. 1 744. 107

if God be for us, who can he again/i us ? I went on, confiding jn God ; and fearing nothing fo much as Self-Confidence. In this Frame I went to the Houfe of God, and enjoyed fome Affiftance. Afterwards felt the Spirit of Love and Meeknefs in Converfation with fome Friends. Then rode Home to my Brother's : And in the Evening, finging Hymns with Friends, my Soul feemM to melt : And in Prayer afterwards, enjoyed the Exercife of Faith ^Tin^ was enabled to be ferixent inSpirit : Found more of God's Prefence, than I have done any Time in my late wearifom Journey. Eternity appeared very near : My Nature was very weak, and feem'd ready to be difTolved : The Sun declining, and the Shadows of the Evening drawjng on apace. O I long'd to fill up the remaining Moments all forGod ! Tho* my Body wasfo feeble, and wearied with Preaching, and much private Converfation, yet I wanted to fit up all Night to do fomething for God. To God, the Giver of thefe P^efrefhrnents, be Glory forever and ever ; Amen.

Wednefday, v^pr// 18. Was very weak, and enjoyed but little fpiritualComfort. Was exercifed withOne cavilling againli: Original Sin, May the Lord open his Eyes to fee the Fountain of Sin in himfelf.

[ After thi», he vifitad feveral Miniflers in ConneSficut ; and then travelled towards Kaunaumeek, and came to Mr. Sargeam's at Stockbridge, Thurfday, Jpri/ 26. He performed this Journey in a very weak State of Body. The Tfiings he fpeaks of'. -in the meanTime, appertaining to the Frames and Exercifes ol^j^fe Mind, are at fome Times Deadnefs anda being void of ^jn^l Comfort, at other Times refting in God, fpiritual Sweetnft in Converfation, Engagednefs in Meditation, on the Road, A/fifl- ance in Preaching, Rejoycing to thinlc that fo much more of his Work was done, and hefo much nearer to the eternal World. And he once and again fpeaks of a Senfe of great Ignorance, fpiritual Pollution &c.]

Friday a«d Saturday, Jpri/ 27, and 28. Spent fome Time in vifiting Friends, and difcourfmg with my People (who were now moved down from their own Place to'Mr.Sargeant's) and found them very glad to fee me returned. Was Exercis'd in my Mind wii]^ a Senfe of my own Unworthinefs.

Lord*i,-Day, Jprii 29, Preach'd for Mr.SargeaniyhothFarts , of the Day, from Rev, xiv. 4^ JEnjoyed fome Freedom in- Preaching, tho' not much Spirituality. In the Evening, my Heart was in fomtf Mi ifurc iiftied up in Thankfulnefs to God for any Affitt%nce.

Mondaji

:.o JEU^^, ^i^ LIFE

Monday, J^pr'il 30. Rode to Kaunaumed, hut was extrcamly 111 : Did not enjoy the Comfort I hoped for in my own Houfe.

Tuefday, May i. Having received new Orders to go to a Number of Indians on Delaware Ri\rer in Penfylvania^ and my People here being moftly removed to Mr. SergeanVsy I this Day took all my Cloaths, Books, ^c, and difpofed of them, and fet out for Delaware River : But made it my Way to return toMr. Sargeant's : Which I did this Day, juft at Night. Rodefeveral Hours in the Rain thro' the howling Wildernefs, altho' I was fo difordered in Body, that little or nothing but Blood came from me.

[ He continued at StocHridge ^the next Day ; and on Thurf- day rode a little Way, to Sheffield^ under a great Degree of Illnefs ; but with Encouragement andChearfulnefs of Mind un- der his Fatigues. On Friday, he rode to Salijbury^ and con- tinued th^-re 'till after the Sabbath. He fpeaks of hisSours being, feme Part of this Time, refrefti'd in Converfation with fome Chriftian Friends, about their heavenly Home and their Journey thither. At other Times, he fpeaks of himfelf as exceedingly perplexed with Barrennefs and Deadnefs, and has this Exclama- tion, Oh^ that Time P)ould pafs with fo little done for God /—On Monday, he rode to Sharon ; and fpeaks of himfelf as diftrefs'd at the Confideration of the Mifimprovement of Time.]

Tuefday, Aloy 8. Set out from Sharon in Conne^icut^ and travelled about 45 Miles to a Place called the Fijh-Kily f and lodg*d there. Spent much of my Time, while riding, in Prayer, thtt God would go with me to Delaware. My Heart fometimes was*ready to fink with the Thoughts of my Work, and going alone in the Wildernefs, I knew not where : But flill it was comrortable,to think, that others of God*sChildren had wander^ ed about in Caves and Dens of the Earth ; and Abraham^ when h£ was called to go forth, went out not knowing whither he went* O that I might follow after God.

[ The next Day, he went forward on his Jourqey ; crofs'd Hudfon's River, and went to Gofl)en in the Highlands ; and fo travelled a-crofs the Woods, fromHud/on*$ River to Delaware, about an loo Miles, through a defolate and hideous Country, above New-Jerfcy ; where were very fewSettlemcnts : In which Journey he fufFered much Fatigue and Hardfhip. He vifued

t A Place fo called in New-Tor k Governmcntjnear Hudfon** River, on the Weft fide of the River.

fome

of Mr, David Brainerd, A.D.1744: ,09

fomc Indiam in the Way, f anddifcourfed with them concern- ingChriftianity. Was confiderably Melancholy andDi/Gonfolate, being alone in a ftrange Wildernefs. On Saturday, he came to a Settlement of Irijh and Dutch People,about 12 Miles above the Forks of Delaware. ]

Lord's-Day, Ma^ 13. Rofe early : Felt very poorly after my long Journey, and after being wet and fatigued. Was very Melancholy -y have fcarce ever feen fuch a gloomy Mornincr irs my Life ; there appeared to be no Sabbath ; the Children were all at Play ; I a Stranger in the Wijdernefsjand knew not where to go ; and all Circumftances feem'd to confpire to render my Affairs dark and difcouraging. Was difappointed refpe^ting aa Interpreter^ and heard that the/ndians were much fcatt^r'd, ^c. Oh, I mourned after the Prefence of Go^ and feem*d like a Creature banifh'd from his Sight ! Yet he was pleafed to fupport my finking Soul, amidft all my Sorrows ; fo that I never enter- tained any Thought of quitting my Bufmefs among the poor Indians '3 but was comforted, to think, that Death would 'ere long fet me free from thefeDiftrefies.--- Rode about 3 or 4 Miles to tfee Jrijh People, where I found fome that appeared Sober and concerned about Religion. My Heart then began to be a little encouraged : VVent and preached, fiift to the Iri/hy and then to the Indians : And in the Evening, was a little comforted ; my Soul feem'd to reft on God, and take Courage. O that the Lord would be my Support and Comforter in an Evil World.

Monday, Alay 14. Was very bufy in fome neceflary Studies. Felt my ielf very loofefrom all the World : Ail appeared ^^;7;Vy and Vexation of Spirit. Seera*d fomething loncfom and difcon- folate, as if I was banifh'd from all Mankind, and bereaved ofa!4 that is called pleafurable in the World : But appeared to my feif fo vile and unworthy, it feem'd fitter for me to be here than any where.

Tuefday, May 15. Still much enc^agerl in my Studies ; and enjoyed more Health, than i have forfomeTime paft : But W2s fjmething dejected in Spirit with a Senfe of my Meannefs ; feem*d as if I coujd never do any Thing at all to any good Pur- pofe by Reafon of Ignorance and Folly. O that a Senfe of thsfs Things might work more habitual Humility in my Soul.

f See Mr. Brainerd*s Narrative in aLetter to Mr. Pemberion, at the the End of his Oidiiiittion-Sermon,-— Pa^e 32, 33.

no .5/. 2;. ^^LIFE

r He coodflucd naidi in the Ciune Fnme the next Day.]

Tburfday, May 17. W»j rfws Day grr^tly diftrefeM with a Sciife pf my ViJoiefc : Appeared to ray Iclt too bad to walk oa Goa's Eirth, or tc bf trcatcc with Kindnds by any of hisCrca- turcs. God wzi v.ti'ti to let me fee my inward Pollution and Corruptioii, to fjch a Decree, that I aknofi defpair'd of being made hcAy : Ob / wreuM Mn dmt 1 am f Wht /bail deGwr mi frvm tie B^df tf this Dtmtb ^ In the Afterntwn, met with tke Imei^KS accordiDg to AppcintiDent, and preach'd to thenu Asd while riding to them, my Soul fetm'xl to confide in God ; aud afterwards had feme Relief; and Enlargement of Soul in Prayer, ard fome Affiftance in the Duty of Iriterccffion : Vital Px:v and Holmefs appeared iwect to me, and I iocged for the Pcr/eaionof it.

Fricav, Alcy i S. Felt again fomething of the fwset Spirir of Reiitnon ; and my Soul feens'd to corlice in God, that be would ncTcr jc2ve me.— But oftentimes faw mv ic]f (o mean a Crei- loxe, that I knew not how to think of Preaching. O iha: I conSd always live l» and zrpn Gcd.

S^rvrdav, Mcj iq. VV25, fome Part of the Time, greatly rrp-e'sQ with the Weight an^Burcen cf mv Work : It fecm'd irr' 7: 10 go thro' with the Bulinefs I had undcr-

ti^; - . . ^ht.wai \ ery calm and comfortable 3 And I

Umk, mv Soul trudcd io God for Help.

Lord* s- Diy, *ii^ 20. Preach'd twice to the poor 7«ix«r/, 2cd cnioTcd fome Freedom in fpetkioz, whi'el attempted to removs - - ^. agalnft Chrifiiaciry. My Soul longed for

AMdzz. . - , il. the while ; for I faw \ had no Strength

fu^cient lor teat Work. Afterwards, preach'd iq the Iriji People : Was much aiUfted in the firfl Prayer, and fomething in S^rmoo. Several TerioDS fecm'd much concerned for their Souls, wiih "s^bcGT. I cifcr jffed afterwards with much Freedom and f^ne Pcxer. Kz'Zz6 be God fcr 2ny AiHtia^ce tEoidcd to an L'nworcnT Wcrm. Oti^atleculd live to him I

[ Thro* the rtS of this Week, He was foroctimes ready to fink with a Scr.fc of hi« unworihinefs and unfitncfs for the Work cf the Miniftry ; and fome'ir»cs encouragod and lifted above kis Fears ^nJ Sorrows, and was enabled corfideritly torelf on Goi ; and cfpeciallj on S11.1- irds N:gh-, he erjoyed

Caimnefs cr.d Compc^ftre, l .nee in Prayer to God.

He fcii'Tced (ts ht U\s) Th^t G'.d rezruiMs tncii&nzeshlj ffWtfful ^^/ .-^../ - .^ a jbre and fffiiUrt Panic:, erd '-• Dvjf'.hrfi'Pl^ce g' la in oI»G{r,(raU9Ki '^ JLrord'i-

c/A^. David Br.

I II

Lord's- Day, AJay 27. Vifited my ladiamy in thcMcrEinr, and attcacsd upon iFtpursi among tba& : Was affc&d ts ire their htathenijh Pra£fias. O that tbcy mi^t be mnud frzm Darknefi it Light, Autrwards, goC a confiderablc Number of them together, and preacfa'd to them ; and obierTed them Very attcntiTc. After this, preach'd to the White People from Meb, ii. 3. Was enabLsd to fpeak with feme Freedom aod^ Power : Several People Oeem'd mach coocemed for thciiSoab,; cfpecialiy one who bad been educated a Raman CathoUck. meS^ be the Lord for any Help.

Monday, May 28. Stt out from the Indians above the Forks of Deiaxcarey 00 a Journey towards Nnuerk in A>tD- y^y/j, according to toy Orders. Rode thro' the Wiidcrcefi ; was much fatigued with the Heat ; locged at a Place caBed Biaci'Rher ; was exceedingly tired and worn out.

[ On Tuesday, he came to Krvirl : Tbe next Dar, west to Elifahttb-Tewn : On Thurfday, he went toXeuj-Tsrk ; and on Friday returned to hizfabftb-TTan, Thefe Ehjs were rpent in feme Perplexity of Mind. He ccntinjed at Eizfabetb^ Tint-? 'tillFridayin the Week following .W25enliver/d,re:'refh'd and ftrengthen'd on the Sabbath at theLord'sTab.'e.The erfiiing Days of the Week were fpent chiefi/ in Studies preparatory ta his Ordination ; and on fgme of them he feemed to hive much of Gad's gracious Prefence, and of the fweet Influences of his Spirit ; but was in a very weak Stats of Body. On SatuC' day, he rode to Nnoari.'^

Lord's-Day, June i?. [a: Nricari'\ In the Mominz,W2s much concerned how I fhould perform the Work of the Day j and trembled it the Thoughts of being left to my felf. — En- joyed very conliderable Atfiftance in all Parts of the puback Service. Had an Opportunity again to attend on the Ordinance of the Lord's-Supper, and thro* divine Goodoe^ was refrdhM in it : My Scyl was full or Love and Tcndcmcfe towards the Children of God, and towards all Men : ftli a certain Sweet- ness of D ■ ' ^rds Qwziy Creature. At N:ght, I en- joyed mc:; .mi r*-eet Deli re of Ho'ineff^ than I hive fck for 1" .T.e T me : Was a.riid of every Thought and ever? MoticHjicit tbsreb? mvHeart fhould be drawn away from God. * O that I naight never leave the blefied God. Lord, sm thy PrefiM.f is FfLmfs sf Jtj. O ths BicUc inefs of living to God !

Q^ Mcnday,

JJ2 ^/. 27: "The LIFE

Monday, June II. This Da^v iht Pt e [by tery met together at Newark, in order to my Ordit^ation, Was very weak and diforder'd in BoJy ; yet endeavoured to repoCe my Confidence in God. S^ent mod of the D^y alone; efpecially the Fore- noon. At three in the Afternoon preached my Probation- Ser- mon, from M. xxvi. 17, 18. being a Text given me for that End. Felt not well, either in Body or Mind ; however, God carried me thro' comfortably. Afterwards, pafs'd an Exami- nation before the Prefhytery, Was much tired, and my Mind burden'd with the Greatnefs of that Charge, I was in the moft folemn Manner about to take upon me : My Mind was ^o prefs'd with the Weight of the Work incumbent upon me, that I could not fleep this Night, tho' very Weary and in great need of Reft. ^

Tuefday, June 12. ^Af as this Morning further examined, rerpe<Slin2 niy Experimental Acquaintance with Chriftianity. * At ten o'clock my Oriination was attended : The Sermon preach'd by the Rev. Mr. Pembe?iGn, At this Time I was af- fcded with a Senfe of the important Truft committed to me ; yet was Compofed, and folemn, without Diftrailion ; And I hope, I then ( as many Times before) gave my felf up to God, to be for him, and not for another. Q that I might always be engaged in the Service of God^and duly remember the folemn Charge I have received, I'n tlie Prefence of God, Angels and Men ; Amen : May I be aflifted of God for this Purpofe. — Towards Night, rode to £"/./ra^^/.^-7^tc';i.

* Mr. Pejnlerion^ in a Letter to the Honourable Society in Scotland that enaployedMr. 5r^;W^, which he wrote con- cerning him, ( publiihed in Scoilandyinthe Chrijiian month' ly Hiflory ) writes thus, '^ We can with Pleafure fayjthat *« Mr. Braitierd pafs'd thro' his Ordination-Triajsj to the «< univerfai Approbation of the Pr//^)'/^r^, and appeared «< uncommonly qualiMed for the Work of the Miniftry. «* fie feem:- to be armed with a great deal of Self-denial, < « and animated with a noble Zeal to propagate the Gofpel '« amo.ng thofc barbarous Nations, who have long dwelt <« in the Darknefs of Hcaihenifm.

FART

of Mr* David Brainerd. A.D. i

744* 113

/

Part Vt.

From his Ordination, 'till he fir ft began to preach to the Indians at Crolweckfung, among who??t he had his mojl remarkakk Succe/s. 4/,^ ' '

WEdnefday, Jwne 13. Spent forrve confiderable Time \x\ writing an Account of the Indian Affairs to go to Scot- land ; fpencfome Time in Converfation with Friends j But enjoy'd not much Sweetnefs and Satisfadion.

Thurfday, yune 14. Received fome particular Kindnefs from Friends ; and wondered, that Goc( fliould open the Hearts of any to treat me with Kindnefs : Saw my felf to be unworthy of any Favour, from God, or any of nrc' Fellow-Men. Was'much exercifed with Pain in my Head ; ^owever determined to fet out on my Journey towards Deiawan in the Afternoen i put in the Afternoon my Pain increafed exceedingly ; To that I v/asjob- liged to betake my (c]( to theBed ; and tbeNight foJIowingJvvas greatly diftrefs'd withPain andSicknefs .'i^Was fometimes aljinoft bereaved of the Exercifc of Re^fon by the Extremity of rain. Continued muchDiftrefs'd 'till Saturday ; when I was/fomeping^ reliev'd by an Emetick : But was unable to v;a]k abroad Mil the Monday following, in the Afternoon ; and l^ill rcmain*d very feeble. I often admired the Goodnefs of God, that he did not TufFer me to proceed on my Journey from thi-s Place where I was fo tenderly ufed,and to be Sick by the VVay amon-: Strangers.—- God is very gracious to me, both in Health ai-. Sicknefs, and intermingles much Mercy with all my Aifli^^llrni and Toils, Enjoyed fonie Sweetnefs in Things divine, in ihc midft of my Pain and Weaknefs. Oh, that I could praife tl:^ Lord.

Q 2 V'^^

:ii4 mt.z-j. r/^-^LIFE

[ On Tuefday, 'June 19. He fet out on his Journey Home, and in three Days reached his Place, near the Forks of Dela- ware. Performed the Journey under much Wcaknefs of Body ; but had Comfort in his Soul, from Day to Day : And both his Weaknefs of Bodyjand Confolation of Mind continued through the Week.]

Lord^s-Da^^, June 24. Extreamly Feeble ; fcarce able to walk : However, vifited my h.dians^ and took much Pains lo inflrucl them : Laboured with fome that were much difaf- i"e<Sed to Chriflianity. MyMind was much burden'd with the Weight and Difficulty of my Work. My whole Dependence 2nd Hope of Succefs feem'd to be on God ; who alone I faw could make them willing to receive Infirudlion. My Heart Was much engaged in Prayer, fending up filent Requeftsto God, even while I was fpeaking to them. O.that I could always go in the Strength of the Lord.

Monday, June 2£. Was fomething better in Health than of late : Was able to fpend a confiderable Part of the Day in Prayer and clofe Studies. Had more Freedqm and Fervency in Prayer than ufual of late : EfpeciaJly long'd for the Prefence of God in my Work, and that the poor Heathen might be con- verted. And in Evening-Prayer my Faith and Hope in God were much raifed. To an Eye of Reafon every Thing that lefpccSs the Conveifion of the Heathen is as dark as Midnight ; and yet I can^t but hope in Got! for the Accomplifhment of Something glorious among them. My Soul longed much for ihe Advancement of the Redeemer's Kingdom onEarth. Was very fearful left I ftiould admit fome vain Thought, and fo lofc the Senfe I then had of divine Things. O for an abiding hea- venly Temper !

Tuefday, Jur?e 26. In the Morning, my Dcfires feem*d to rifcjand afccnd up freely to God. W^s bufy mofl of theDay in tranflating Prayers into the Language of the Delaware- Indiani : Met with j>reat Difficulty by Reafon that my Interpreter was altogether unacquainted with theBufmefs. But tho' I was much difcouraged with the cxtream l^ifficulty of that Work, yet God fupportcd me ; and efpecially in the Evening, gave me fvveet Refrcfhment : [n Prayer my Soul was enlarged, and my I'aith drawn into fenf»ble Exercife ; was enabled to cry to God /or my poor JrJiam ; and tho* the Work of their Converfion 'appeared imp^ffibU with Afan, y^t with God I faw ali Things were tofiHe, Aiy Taith w.!" riiucb iir?njfhen*(), by .obferving the

vvondcrfuj

of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1744. 1 15

wonderful Affiftance God afForded his Servants Nehemlah and Ezra^ in reforming his People, and re-eftablifhing his antient Church. I was much affifted in Prayer for dear Chriftian Friends, and for others that 1 apprehended to be Chriftlefs ; but was more efpecially concerned for the poor Heathen, and thofe of my own Charge : Was enabled to be inftant in Prayer for them ; and hoped that God would bow the Heavens and come down for their Salvation. It feem'd to me,- there could be no impediment fufficient to.obftru6l that glorious Work, feeing the living God, as I ftrongly hoped, was engaged for it. I continued in a folemn Frame, lifting up my Heart to God for Afliftance, and Grace, that I might be more mortified to this prefent World, that my whole Soul might be taken up conti- nually in Concern for tli^Advancement of Chrift's Kingdom : Longed that God would purge me more, that I might be as a chofen Veflel to bear hisName among the Heathens. Con-Cinued in this Frame 'till I drop'd afleep.

Wednefday, June 27. Felt fomething of the fame folemn Concern, and Spirit of Prayer, that I enjoy'd laft Night, foon after I rofe in the Morning.-— In the Afternoon, rode feveral Miles to fee if I could procure any Lands for the poor Indians^ that they might live together, and be under better Advantages for Inftru£tion. While I was riding, had a deep Senfe of the Greatnefs and Difficulty of my Work ; and my Soul feemed to rely wholly upon God for Succefs, in the diligent and faith- ful ufe of Means. Saw, with greateft Certainty, that the Arm of the Lord mufl be revealed^ for the Help of thefe poor Hea- then, if ever they were delivered from the Bondage of thePow- ers of Darknefs. Spent moft of the Time, while riding, ia lifting up my Heart for Grace and Alliftance.

Thurfday, June 28. Spent the Morning, in reading feveral Parts of the Holy Scripture, and in fervent Prayer for my In- dians^ that God would fet up his Kingdom among them, and bring them into his Church.—- About nine, I withdrew to my ufual Place of Retirement in the Woods ; and there again enjoyed fome Afnlhnce in Prayer. My great Concern was for the Converfion of the Heathen to God ; and the Lord helped me to plead with him for it. Towards Noon, rode up to the Indians^ in order to preach to 'em ; and while going, my Heart went up to God in Prayer for 'em ; could freely tell God, He knew that the Caufe was not mine, which I was engaged in ; but it was his own Caufe, and it would be for his own Qlory to convert the poor Indians : A^nd bleflcd be God, I felt ng Defire

of

ji6 JEt. 2y. nehlFE

of theirConverfion,that I might receiveHonour from theWorld, as being the Inftrument of ic. Had fome Freedom in fpeaking to the Indians,

[ The next Day, he fpeaks of fome ferious Concern for the Kingdom of the bleiTed Redeemer -, but complains much of Bariennefs, Wandrings, Inadivity, ^c. ]

Saturday, June 30. My Soul was much Solemnized in read- ing God*sWord ; efpecially the ninth Chapter oi Daniel. J faw how God had called out his Servants to Prayer, and made them wreftle with him, when hedefigned to beftow any great JVler- cy on his Church. And alas, I was afhamed of my felf, to think of myDulnefs and Ina6livity,when there feemed to be fo much to do for the upbuilding of Zion. Oh, howdoes Zion lie wafie^! £ longed, that the Church of God might be enlarged : Was ena- bled to pray, I think, in Faith : My Soul feem'd fenfibly to confide in God, and was enabled to wrefile with him. After- wards, walk'd Abroad to a Place of fweet Retirement, and en- joyed fome AfTiftance in Prayer again : Had a Senfe of my great need of divine Help, and felt my Soul fenfibly depend on God. Blefled be God, this has been a comfortable Week to me.

Lord's-Day July i. In the Morning, was perplex'd with wandring vain Thoughts : Was much grieved, judged and condemned my felf before God. And Oh,, how miferable did 1 feel, becaufc I couid not live toGod ! At ten, rode away with a heavy Heart, to preach to my Indians. Upon the Road, 1 attempted to lift up my Heart to God ; but v/as infeffed with an unfcttled wandring Frame of Mind ; and was exce'feding reftlefs and perplex'd, and filPd with Shame and Confufion be- fore God. 1 feem*d to my felf to be more hrutifl) than anyA4an ; and thought, none deferved to be ca(i out of God'^ Pr e fence (o much as I. If [ attempted to lift up my Heart to God, as I frequently did by the Way, on a fudden, before I was aware, my Thoughts were wandring to the Ends of the Earth : And my Soul was fill'd with Surprize andAnxiety, to find it thus. Thus alfo afterl came to the7«^/^«;,myMind was confufed ; and I felt nothing fenfibly of that fweet Reliance on God, that my Soul has been comforted with in Days paft. Spent the Forenoon in this Polture of , Mind, and preachM to the Indians without any . Heart. In the Afternoon, I felt flill barren, when I began to preach ; and after about half an Hour, I feem'd to my kU to know nothing;, and to have nothing to fay to the Indians ; but

foon

r/iV^r. David Brainerd. A.D.1744. 117

e

foon after, 1 found in my felf a Spirit of Love, and Warmth, and Power to addrefs the poor Indians ; and God helped mc to plead with them to turn frcm all the Faniii£s of the Heathen^ i9 the living God : And I am perfwaded, the Lord touch'd their Confciences ; for I never faw fuch Attention raifed in thera be- fore. And when I came away from them, I fpent the whole Time while I was riding to my Lodgings, three Miles diftant, in Prayer and Praife to God. And after I had rode more than two Miles, it came into my Mind to dedicate my felf to God again ; which I did with great Solemnity, and unfpeakable Satisfadlion ; efpecially gave up my felf to him renewedly in the Work of the Miniftry. And this I did by divine Grace, I hope, without any Exception or Referve ; not in the leaft fhrinking back from any Difficulties, that might attend this great and blefl'ed Work. I feem*d to be moft free, chearful, and full in this Dedication of my felf. My whole Soul cried, " Lord, to thee I dedicate my felf : O accept of me, and let " me be thine forever. Lord, I defire nothing elfe ; I defire " nothing more. O come, come, Lord, accept a poor Worm. " Whom have 1 in Heaven^ but thee ; and there is none upon <« Earthy that 1 dffire be/tdes thee.'' After this, was enabled to praife God with my whole Soul, that he had enabled me to devote and confecrate all my Powers to him in this folcmnMan- ner. My Heart rejoyced in my particular Work as a MiJJis- nary ; rejoyced in myNeceffity of Self-denial in manyRefpcdb ; and (till continued to give up my felf to God, and implore Mer- cy of him ; praying inceflantly, every Moment, with fwcet Fervency. My Nature being very weak of laie, and much fpent, was now confiderably overcome : My Fingers grew very feeble, and fomew^hat numb ; fo that I could fcarce'y ftretch them out (freight : And when I lighted from m^' Horfr, could hardly walk : My Joints feem'd all to be loofed. But I felt abundant Strergth in the inner Ahn. Preach'd to the White People : God helped me much, efpecially in Prayer. Sundry of my poor Indians were fo moved as to come to Meet- ing alfo ; and one appeared much concerned.

Monday, July 2. Had fome Relifli of the divine Comforts of Yefterday ; but could not get that VVarmth and Exercifc of Faith, that I defired. Had fometimes a didrefling Senfe of my paft Follies, and prcfent Ignorance and Barrennefs : And efpecially in the Afternoc^i, was funk down under a Load of Sin and Guilt, in that I had lived fo little to God, after his abun- dant Goodntfs to me Yefterday. In the Evening, tho' very

ii8 muii. W^ LIFE

weak, was enabled to pray with Fervency, and to continue in* ftant in Prayer, near an Hour. My Soul mourned over the Power of its Corruption, and longed exceedingly to be wofh^d and purgid as with HyJJop. Was enabled to pray for my dear abfent Friends, Chrift's Minifters, and hisChurch ; and enjoyed much Freedom and Fervency, but not fo much Comfort, by Reafon of Guilt andShame beforeGod.— Judged and condemned my felf for the Follies of the D,ay.

Tuefday, July 3. Was ftill very weak. This Morning, was enabled to pray under a feeling Senfe of my need of Help from God, and, J trufi, had feme Faith inExercife ; and,blefled be God, was enabled to plead with God a confiderable Time. Truly God is good to me. But my Soul mourned and was grieved at my Sinfulnefs and Barrennefs, and long'd to be more engaged for God. Near nine, withdrew again for Prayer j and thro* divine Goodnefs, had the blefled Spirit of Prayer ; my Soul loved the Duty, and lorded for God in it. O it is fweet to be the Lord's, to be fenlibly devoted to him I What a blefled Portion is God .! How glorious, how lovely in himfelf ! O my Soul long'd to improve Time wholly for God !-— Spent moft of the Day in iranflating Prayers into Indian.— In the Evening, was enabled again to wreftle with God in Prayer with Fervency. Was enabled to maintain a Self-diffident and watch- ful Frame of Spirit, in the Evening, and was jealous and afraid left I fhould admit Carelefnefs and Self- Confidence.

[ The next Day, he feems to have had fpecial AfTiftance and Fervency moft of the Day, but in a lefs Degree than the preceed- ing Day. Thurfday was fpent in great bodily Weaknefs ; yet feems to have been fpent in continual and excefedingPainful- nefs in Religion ; but in great Bitternefs of Spirit by Reafon of his Vilenefs and Corruption ; he fays thus, 1 thought there was not one Creature living Jo viie as ]. Oh^ my inward Pollution ! Oh^ rny Guilt and Shame before God !-— I know not what to do, Oh^ 1 long'd ardently to he clear fed and wafhed from the Stains of in- ward Pollution ! Oh, to be made like God, or rather to be made fit for God to own.]

Friday, July 6. Aw(ike this Morning in the Fear of God : Soon cnlled to Mind my Sadnefs in the Evening pafi ; and fpent my firlt waking Minutes in Prayer for Sandification, that my Soul might be wafti'd from its exceeding Pollution and Defile- ment. Alter 1 arofe, ! fpent feme Time in rcadingGod's Word

and

c/M-. David Brainerd; A.D.1744: 119

and Pray cr : 1 cried to God tinder a Senfe of my great Indigen- cy.— I am, of late, moft of all concerned for Minifterial Q^iali- lications, and the Converfion of the Heathen : Laft Year I longed to be prepared for a World oi Glory ^ and fpeedily to de- part out of this World ; but of late all my Concern almoft is for the Converfion of the Heathen 5 and for thatEnd, I long to live. But bleflcd be God, I have lefs defire to live for any of the Pleafures of the World, than ever I had : I long and love to be a Pilgrim ; and want Grace to imitate the Life, Labours and Sufferings of St. Paul among the Heathen. And when I long for Holinefs now,it is not fomuch for my felf as formerly 5 but rather that thereby I may become an able Minijier of the NgW'Te/iament, efpecially to the Heathen. Spent about two Hours this Morning inReading and Prayer by Turns 5 and was in a watchful tender Frame, afraid of every Thing that might cool my AfFedions, and draw away my Heart from God, Was fomething ftrengthen'd in my Studies 3 but near Night was very weak and weary.

Saturday, J^uly 7. Was very much difordered thisMorning, and my Vigour all fpent and exhaufted : But was affected and jefrefh'd in reading the fweet Story of Elijah's TranfIation,and enjoyed fome AfFedion and Fervency in Prayer 5 longed much for Minifterial Gifts and Graces, that I might do fomething in the Caufe of God. Afterwards was refrefh'd and invigorated > while readingMr. yofephJl/eine'shr&CafeoiConkienzQ^^c.znd enabled then to pray with feme Ardour of Soul, and was afraid of Carelefnefs and Self- Confidence, and longed for Holinefs.

Lord's-Day, yuly g. Was ill laft Night, not able to red quietly. Had fome fmall Degree of AiTiftance in preaching to the Indians ; and afterwards was enabled to preach to the White People with fome Power, efpecially in the Clofe of my Difcourfe from Jer, iii. 23. The Lord alfo aflifted me in fome Meafurc in the firft Prayer : BleiTed be his Name. Near Night, tho* very weary, was enabled to read God's Word with fome (wcct Relifh of it, and to pray with Affection, Fervency, and ( [ truft) Faith: My Soul was more fenfibly dependent on God, than ufual. Was watchful, tender, and jealous of my own Heart, left { (hould admit Carelefnefs and vain Thoughts, and grieve the blclTed Spirit, fo that he fhould withdraw his fweet, kind> and tender Influences. Long'd to depart and h tuithChr iff ^moic than at any Time of late. My Soul was exceedingly united tc* the Saints of ancient Times, as well as thofe now living ; efpe- cially my Soul melted for the Society of Elijah and EHJha.

R Waj

120 /EL 27. "The LIFE

Was enabled to cry to God with a Child-like Spirit, and tfl continue inftant in Prayer for feme Time. Was much enlarged in the Tweet Duty of Interceffion : Was enabled to remember great Numbers of dear Friends, and precious Souls, as well as Chrift's Minifters. Continued in this Frame, afraid of every idle Thought, 'till I dropM aileep.

Monday, July 9. Was under much Illnefs of Body moft of the Day, and notable to fit up the whole Day. TowardsNight, felt a little better. Then fpent fomeTime in reading God's Word and Prayer : Enjoy'd fome Degree of Fervency and Af- fe<Stion : Was enabled to plead with God for his Caufe and Kingdom : And, thro' divine Goodnefs, It was apparent to me that it was his Caufe I pleaded for, and not my own : And was enabled to make this an Argument with God to anfwer my Requefts.

Tuefday, ^uly 10. Was very ill and full of Pain, and very dull and fpiritlefs.--- In the Evening, had an aiFedting Scnfe of my Ignorance, ifiV. and of my need of God at all Times, to do every Thing for me ; and my Soul was humbled before God.

Wcdnefday, Ja/y II. Was ftill exercifed with Illnefs and Pain. Had fome Degree of AfFecSion and 'Warmth in Pray- er and reading God's Word : Long'd for Abraham^i Faith and Fellowfhip with God ; and felt fome Refolution to fpend all my Time for God, and to exert ray felf with more Fervency in bis Service j but found my Body weak and feeble. In the Afternoon, tho' very ill, was enabled to fpend fome confiderable Time inPrayer ; fpent indeed moft of theDay in that Exercife ; an^ my Soul was diffident, watchful and tender, left 1 fhould ofFend my blefled Friend, in Thought or Behaviour. I am perfwaded my Soul confided in, and lean'd upon the blcfTedGod. OhjWhat need did 1 fee my felf to ftand in of God at all Times, to a/Tift me and lead me I— Found a great want of Strength and Vigour, both in the outward and inner Man.

[ TheExercifes an(lExperiences,that he fpeaks of in the ne^ct njneDay.sare verySimilar to ihofeof tbe prcceecJinoDaySjOf this and the foregoinpr \'/eek ; aSenfeof his own Weaknefs, Igno- rance, UnproficableneCs, and Vilenefs ; loathing and abhorring hjmfcif ; Seif-difHdence ; Senfeof the Grcatnefsof his Work, and his great need of divine Help, and the extream Danger of Self-Confi'ic-nce ; loBging'for Flolinefs and Humility, and to be fitted fcr his Work ; and to live toGod ; and longing for the Converfnn of the indium ; and thcfc Things to a ?ery great Degree-.]

Sitorday,

ef Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 744: 1 2 1

Saturday, Jaiy 21. This Morning, was greatly opprefled with Guilt and Shame, from a Senfe of inward Vilenefs and Pollution. About nine, withdrew to the Woods for Prayer ; but had not much Comfort ; I appeared to my felf the vileft meaneft Creature upon Earth, and could fcarcely live with my felf; fo mean and vile I appeared, that 1 thought I (liould never be able to hold up my Face in Heaven, if God of his infinite Grace fhould bring me thither. Towards Night my Burden refpeding my Work among ihtlndians began to increafe much ; and was aggravated by hearing fundry Things that look'd very difcouraging, in particular that they intended to meet together the next Day for an idolatrous Feaji and Dance, Then I began to be in Anguifh : I thought I mult in Confcience go and en- deavour to break them up ; and knew nothov/ to attempt fuch a Thing. However I withdrew^ for Prayer,hoping forStrength from above. And in Prayer I was exceedingly enlarged, and my Soul was as much drawn out as ever I remember it to have been in my Life, or near. I was in fuch Anguifli, and pleaded with fo much Earncftnefs and Importunity, that when I rofe from my Knees I felt extreamly weak and overcome, I could fcarcely walk flrait, mv Joints were loofed, the fweat ran down my Face andBody, &Nature feem'd as if it would di/Tolve. So far as I could judge, I was wholly free Uomfelfijl) Ends in my ferventSupplications for the poor Indians, I knew, they were met together to worftiip Devils^ and not God ; and this made me cry earneflJy, that God would now appear, and help me in my Attempts to break up this idolatrous Meeting. My Soul pleaded long ; and I thought, God would hear, and would go with me to vindicate his own Caufe : I feem'd io confide in God for his Prefence and Afliftance. And thus I fpent the Evening, praying incefTantly for divine Affidance, and that I might not be Self»dependent, but flill have my whole Depen- dance upon God. What I pafs'd thro* was remarkable, and indeed inexprefTible. All Things here below vanifh'd ; and there appeared to be nothing of any confiderable Importance to me, but Holinefs of Heart and Life, and the Converfion of the Heathen to God. All my Cares, Fears and Defires, which might be (aid to be of a worldly Nature, difappeared ; and were, in my Efteem, of little more Importance than a PufFof Wmd. I exceedingly long'd, that God would get to hmfelfa IMami among the Heathen : And I appealed to him with th* greateft Freedom, that he knew I perfer'd him above my chief J^h Ind^edj I had noNotion of Joy from this World ; I carei

R2 not

122 ^t.tf. Thel^WE

not where or how I lived, or what Hard(hips 1 went thro' ; fo that I could but gain Souls to Christ. I continued in this Frame all the Evening and Night. While I was afleep, I dream*d of thefe Things ; and when I waked (as I frequently did) the firft Thing I thought of was this great Work of plead- ing for God againlt Satan,

Lord's- Day, ytt/> 22. When I waked, my Soul was bur* denM with what feemed to be before me : I cried to God, be- fore I could get out of my Bed : And as foon as I was drefs'd, J withdrew into the Woods, to pour out my burden'd Soul to God, efpecially forAffiftance in my great Work ; for I could fcarcely think of any Thing elfe : And enjoyed the fame Free- dom and Fervency as the lafl Evening ; and did with unfpeaka- ble Freedom give up my felf afrefh to God, for Lifeor Death, for all Hardftiips be fliould call me to among the Heathen ; and felt as if nothing could difcourage me from this blefled Work, I had a (trong Hope, that God would bow the Heavens and come down^ and do feme marvellous Work among the Heathen. And when I was riding to the Indians^ three Miles, my Heart was continually goin^ up to God for his Prefence and Affiftance ; and hoping^asd almoft expe6ling, thatGod would make this the JD ay of bis Power and Grace amongft the poor Indians, When i came to them, I found them engaged in their FroUcky but thro'divineGoodnefs I got them to break up, and attend to my Preaching : Yet Itill there appeared nothing of the fpecial Pow- ^r of God among them. Preach'd again to them in the Af- ternoon ; and ohkxvzfl^xht Indians were more foi?er than before; But ftill faw nothing fpecial among: them ; from whence Satan took occafion to tempt and bufFet me with thefe curfed Suggfftion3,T/^^r^ is noCod^ci if there be,he is not able toconvcif the Indians^ before they had more Knowledge, i^fc. I was very weak and weary, and my Soul born down with Perplexity : But was mortified to all the World, and was determined ftill to wait upon God for the Converfion of the Heathen, tho' the Devil •jcmpted me to the contra-^y.

Monday, yw/y 23, Retained ftill a deep and prefllng Senfc of what lay with fo much V/eight upon me Yefterday : But was more calm and quiefj' enjoyed Freedom and Compofurc, after the Temptations of the laft Evening : Had fweet Refigna- tion to the diviiie Will ; and defired nothing fo much as thp Converfion of the Heathen to God, and that hisKingdom might i:ame in ray own Heart, and the Hearts of others. Rode to a isttl^Ojent cf 4'''fi People, about 15 Miles South- W^Hwardj

hfMnDivid Braincrd A.D. 1744.^ 123

foent my Time in Prayer and Meditation by the Way. Near Night, preach'dfrom Math. v. 3.— God was pleas'd to afford me fome Degree of Freedom and Fervency. BlefTed be God for any Meafure of Affiftance.

Tuefday, Juljf 24. Rode about 17 Miles Weftward, over a hideous Mountain, to a Number of Indians. Got together near 30 of *em : Preach'd to 'em in the Evening, and lodg'd among them f.— Was vireak, and felt fomething difconfolate: Yet could have no Freedom in the Thought of any other Cir- cumftanccs or Bufinefs in Life : All my Defire was the Couver- fion of the Heathen, and all my Hope was in God : God does not fuiFer me to pleafe or comfort my felf with Hopes of feeing Friends, returning to my dear Acquaintance, and enjoying worldly Comforts.

[ The next Day, he preach'd to thefe Indians again ; and then returned to the Irijb Settlement, and there preach'd to a numerous Congregation : There was a confiderable Appear* ance of Awakening in theCongregation. Thurfday, he returned home, exceedingly fatigued and fpent ; ftiil in the fame P>ame ofMortification to the World, and folicitous fortheAdvancement of Chrift's Kingdom : And on this Day he fays thus^ '* I have *« felt, this Week, more of the Spirit of a P/V|-r//n «« Earthy «' than perhaps ever before ; And yet fo defirous to fee Zion's *' Profperity, that I was not fo willing to leave this Scene of *' Sorrow as I ufed to be.*'—- The two remaining Days of the Week, he was very ill, and cries out'of Wandrings, Dulnefs, and want of fpiritual Fervency and Sweetnefs. On the Sabbath, He was confined^1)y Illnefs, not able to go out to preach. After this, his Illnefs increafed upon him, and he continued very ill all the Week ; * and fays, that " he thought he never before *' endured fuch a Seafon of diftreffingWeaknefs j and that his •^' Nature was fo fpent, that he could neither fland, fit, nor lie *' with any Quiet ; and that he was exercifed with extream ^' Faintnefs and Sickncfs at his Stomach; and that his Mind *' was as much diforder'd as his Body, fecming to be ftupid, *' and without all kind of AfFeftions towards allObjedsj and *^' yet perplexed, to think, that he lived for nothing, that preci-

i See Mr. Brainerd's Narrative at the End of his Ordinaticn

Sermon^ Page 34. '■^ This Week, on Tuefday, he wrote the 4th LttUr added

2t the Eiid of thisAccouRt,

• CU?)

X24 /^/. 2;: 2/&<?LIFE

«« ousTime roH'd away, and he could do nothing but trifle : '*' And fpeaks of it as a Seafon wherein Satan bufFeted him with '* fome peculiar Temptations."— Concerning the next five Days he writes thus, " OnLord*s-Day ylug. 5. Was ftillvery «' poor. But, tho* very weak, 1 vifited and preach'd to the <' poor Indians twice, and was ftrengthen'd vaftly beyond my *' Expectations. And indeed, the Lord gave me fome Frce- *' dom and Fervency in addreifing them ; tho' I had not «'' Strength enough to ftand, but was obliged to fit down the «« wholeTime ; TowardsNight, was extreamly weak, faintjfick «« and full ofPain. And thus I have continued much in the fame *« Statethat I was in laft Week, through the moft of this(it being «* now Friday 5 ) unable to engage in anvBufinefs; frequently *« unable to pray in the Family. lam obliged to let all my *' Thoughjs and Concerns run atRandom ; for I have neither «' Strength to read, meditate, or pray : And this naturally per- " plexes my Mind. 1 feem to my felf like a Man that has all " his Eftate embarqued in one fmall Boat, unhappily going «« adrift, down a fwift Torrent. The^poor Owner ftands on <« the Shore, and looks, and laments his Lofs. — But alas, tho' *' my all feems to be adrift, and I ftand and fee it, I dare not " lament; for this fmks my Spirits more, and aggravates my <■'- bodih Diforders ! lam forced therefore to divert my felf «< withTfifles ; altho' at the fameTimel am afraid, and after *' feel as if 1 was guilty of the Mifimprovement of Time. And '« oftentimes my Confcience is fo exercifediwith this miferable " Way of fpending Time, that 1 have no Peace ; tho' I have *f no Strength of MindorBody to improve it to betterPurpofe. s' O that God would pity my diitrefled State.

The next three Weeks after this, his Illnefs was not ^o ex- tfeme : He was in fome Degree capable of Bufinefs, both pub- lick and private ; ( ahho he had fome Turns wherein his Indif- pofition prevailed to a great Degree : ) He alfo in this Space had, for the moft Part, much more inward Afliftance, and Strengthof Mind : He often expreflcs great Longings for the Enlargement of Chrilt's Kingdom ; efpecially by the Conver- fion of the Heathen to God : He fpeaks of his Hope of this as all his Deligkt and Joy. He continues ftill to exprefs hisufual Longings after Holinefs and living to God, and his Senfe of his own Unworthinefs : He feveral Times fpeaks of his appearing to himfelf the vilefl Creature on Earth ; and once fays, that he verily tho't there were none of God's Children who fellfo far fiiort of that Holinefs, and Perfij^iw in their Obedience^ which

God

tf Mr. David Brawicrd. A.D. 1 744: 1 2 5

God requires, as he. He fpeaks of his feeling more dead than ever to the Enjoyments of the World. He fometimes mentioivs fpecial AlTiftancc that he had in this Space ofTime, in preachin» to the Indians^ and of Appearances of religiousConcern among them. He fpeaks alfo ofAffiftance in Prayer for abfent Friends and cfpecially Minifters and Candidates for tha Miniftry ; and of much Comfort he enjoy 'd in the Company of fomeMinifters that came to vifit him. ]

Saturday, Sept, i. Wasfo far ftrengthen'd, after a Seafon of great Weaknefs, that I was able to fpend two or three Hours in writing on a divine Subjedl. Enjoy'd fomeComfort andSweet- ncfs in Things divine and facred .- And as my bodily Strength was in feme Meafure reftored, fo my Soul feem*d to be fome- what vigorous, and engaged in the Things of God.

Lords-Day, Sept. 2. Was enabled to fpeakto my poorJndiafis with much Concern and Fervency ; and lam perfwaded, God enabled me to exercifeFaith in him,whilelvvasfpeaking tothem. I perceived, thatfome of them were afraid to hearken to, and embrace Chrijiianiiy^ left they fhould be inchanted and poifon'd hy fome of the Powcws : But I was enabled to plead with them not to fear thefe ; and confiding in God for Safety andDeliver- ance, I bid a Challenge to all thefe Powers of Darbie/s, to do their worft upon me firft : I told my People, I was a Chrjji'wn^ and afk'd them why the Powows did not Bewitch and Poifon me. I fcarcely ever felt more fcnfible of my ownUnworthinefs, than in this Ailion ; I faw, that the Honour of God was con- cerned in the AfFair ; and I defired to be preferved, not from felfifh Views, but for a Teftimony of the divine Power and Goodnefs, and of theTruth ofChriftianity, and that God might be glorified. Afterwards, I found my Soul rejoice in God for his ailifting Grace.

[ After this, he went a Journey into New- England^ and was abfent from the Place of his Abode, at the Forks of Delawarty about three Weeks, rfe was in a feeble State thegrea{er Pait of the Time. But in the latter Part of the Journey, he found he ^gained much in Health and Strength. And as to the State of his Mind, and his religious and fpiritualExercifesjit was much With him as had been before ufual in Journeys ; excepting that thcFrame of hisMind fcemed more generally to be comfortable. But yet there are Complaints of fome uncomfortable Sesfons, want of Fervency, and want of Retirements, and Time alons with God. In this Journey, he did not forget the Indi&ns ; bdt once and again fpeaks of his longing for their Convarfion. J

126 ^L 27 irJ(? LIFE

Wednefday, Sept, 26. Rode Home,to theForks oWehwan, What Reafon have I to blefsGod, who has preferved me in rid- ing more than 420 Miles, and has kept all my Bones^ that not one cfthem has been%roken ! MyHealth likewife is greatly rccover'd.

0 that I could dedicate my all to God : This is all the Return

1 can make to him.

Thurfday, Sept, 27. Was fomething melarcholy : Had not much Freedom and Comfort in Prayer : My Soul is difconfo- jate, when God is withdrawn.

Friday, Sept, 28. Spent the Day in Prayer, Reading, and Writing. Felt fomcfm all Degree of warmth inPrayer,and fome Defires of the Enlargement of Chrift's Kingdom by the Con- verfron of the Heathen, and that God would make me a chofen Fejfely to bear his Name before them : Longed for Grace to ena- ble me to be faithful.

[ The next Day, he fpeaks of vhe fame Longings for the Ad- vancement of Chrifi's Kingdom, and the Converfion of the In- dkns ; but complains greatly of the ill EfFedis of theDiverfions of his late Journey, as unfixing his Mind from that Degree of Engagednefs, Fervency, Watchfulnefs, k^c, which he enjoyed before. And the like Complaints are continued the pextDay.]

Monday, O^ob, 1. Was engaged this Day in makingPrepa- ration for my intended Journey xoSufquahannah : Withdrew fe- veral Times to the Woods for fecret Duties, and endeavoured to plead for thedivinePrefenceto go with me to the poorPagans, to whom I was going to preach the Gofpel. Towards Night, rode about four Miles, and met Brother Byram ; * who was come,at myDefire, tobemyCompanion inTravel toihelndians^ I rejoiced to fee him ; and, I truft,God made his Converfation profitable to me ; I faw him, as I thought, more dead to the World, it*s anxious Cares, and alluring Ob>6ls, than I was : and tltis made me look within my felf, and gave me a greater SenfeofmyGuilt, Ingratitude, and Mifery.

Tuefday, OSfob. 2. Set out on my Journey, in Company with dear Brother Byram^ and my Interpreter, and two chief Indians from the Forks of Delaware, Travelled about 25 Miles and lodged in one of thelaft Houfes on our Road ; after which there was nothing but a hideous and howling WiUernefs,

* Minifter at a Place called RaMtkus^ about 40 Miles from Mr. Br diner dU Lodgings,

Wcdn^lday^

r/Mf. David Bramerd. A.D.1744: Y27

Wednefday, Oaob, 3. We went on our Way into the Wildernefs, and found the moft difficult and dangerous travel- Jing, by far, that ever any of us had {^zn 5 we had fcarce any Thing elfe but loftyMountains, deepValleys,and hideousRocks to make our Way thro'. However, I felt fome Sweetnefs in divineThings, part of the Day, and had my Mind intenfely cn«* gaged in Meditation on a divine Subject, Near Night, my Beaft that I rode upon, hung one of her Legs in the Rocks,' and fell down under me ; But thro' divineGoodnefs, I was not hurt. However, fhe broke herLeg ; and being in fuch a hideous Place, and near 30 Miles from any Houfe, I faw nothing that could be done to preferve her Life, and fo was obliged to kill her, and to profecute my Journey on Foot. This Accident made me ad- mire the divineGoodnefs to me, that my Bones were not broken, and the Multitude of 'em fill'd with ftrong Pain. Juft at Dark, we kindled a Fire, cut up a few Bufhes, and made a Shelter over our Heads, to {blsq us from the Froft, which was very hard that Night ; and committing our felves to God by Prayer, we lay down on the Ground, and flept quietly-

[ The next Day, they went forward on their Journey, and at Night toolc up their Lodging in the Woods in like Manner.]

Friday, OHoh. 5. We arrived at Sufquabannah River, at a Place called Opeholhaupung f : Found there 12 Indian Houfes r. After I had faluted the King in a friendly Manner, I told him. my Bufinefs, and that my Defire was to teach themCbn/iiamiy. After fome Confultation, the Indians gathered, and I preach'd to 'em. And when I had done, I afked, if they would hear me again. They reply 'd, that they would confider of it 5 and fooa after fent me Word, that they would immediately attend, if I would preach : Which I did, withFreedom,bothTimes. When I afked 'em again, whether they would hear me further, they reply 'd, they would the next Day. I was exceeding fenfible of the ImpofTibility of doing any Thing for the poor Heathen with- out fpecial Affiftance from above : And my Soul feem'd to refl on God, and leave it to him to do as he pleafed in that which I faw was his own Caufe : And indeed, thro* divine Goodnefs, I had felt fomething of this Frame moft of the Time while I was travelling thither j and in fome Meafure before I fet out.

t See hkNarrativ( at theEnd of his Ord, Strmon Pag. 35» 3^- S ■ ' ■ Saturday,

^28 Ml if. !ratfLIFE ^ -^

Saturday, OSioh* 6. Rofe early, and befoOght the Lord fo? Help in my great Work; Near Noon, preach'd again to the Indians : And in the Afternoon, vifited them from Houfe to Houfe, and invited them to come and hear me again the next Day, and put off their hunting Defign, which they were juft cn- tring upon, 'till Monday. This Nighty I truft, the Lord flood by me to encourage and ftrengthen my Soul : I fpent more than an Hour in fecret Retirement ; was enabled to pour out my Mean lefore God^ for the Increafe of Grace in ray Soul, for Minifle- rial Endowments, for Succefs among the poor IndianSyiot God's Minifters and People, and for dear Friends vaftly diftant, t^c* BlefTed me God.

[ The next Day, he complains of great want of Fixednefs and Intenfenefsin Religion, fo that he could not keep any fpiritual Thought one Minute without Diftradlion ; which occafion'd Anguifh of Spirit. He felt (he fays) amazingly Guilty ^ andex* iremely Miferahle ; and cries out, " Oh my Soul, what Death *' it \^^ to have the Affections unable to center in God, byRea- *' fon of Darknefsjand confequently roving after thatSatisfa6lioii *' elfe where, that is only to be found here !" However, he preach'd twice to the Indians with fome Freedom and Power : But was afterwards damp'd by the Ohjeiiions they made againfl Chrijiianity, In the Evening, in a Senfe of his great Defeats in Preaching, he intreated God not to impute to him Blood- Guiitinefs j but yet W3S at the fame Time enabled to rejoyce in God,']

Monday, O^oh. 8. Vifited the Indiam with a Dcfign to take my Leave of themjfuppofuig they would this Morning go out to Hunting early j but beyond my Expedation and Hope, they defired to hear me preach aaain. I gladly complied ^j.ith their Requcfl, and afterwards endeavoured to anfwer their Ohje^ions againft Cbriflianity. Then they went away ; and we fpent the left of the Afternoon in Reading and Prayer, intending to go Home- ward very early the next Day. My Soul was in fome Meafure rcfrefli'd in fecret Prayer and Meditation. BlefTed be the Lord for all his Goodnefs.

Tuefday, C?^i)^. r). We rofe tbout 4 in the Morning, and commending our felves to God by Prayer, and afking his fpccial Proted^ion, we fee out on our Journey homewards about 5. and travelled with great i^eadinefs 'till paft 6 at Night. And then made us aFirCjand aSholter of Barks, and fo refted. I had fome clear and comfortable Thoughts on a divine Subjedljby the Way, towards Night.— - In the Night, the Wolves howi'd around us ; but God preitrved U5.

[ The

of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 744. 1 29

[ The next Day, they rofe early, and fet forward, and fra- vcUefl that Day, 'till they came to an Ir'ijh Settlement, where Mr. Brainerd was acquainted, and lodged there. He fpeaks of IbmeSweetnefs in divineThings, andThankfulnefs toGod for his Goodnefs to him in this Journey, that he felt in his Heart in the Evening, tho' attended with Shame for his Barrennefs, On Thurfday, he continued in the fame Place; and he and Mr. Byram preached there to the People.]

Friday, OSfob. 12. Rode Home to my Lodging J where I poured out my Soul to God in fecret Prayer, and endeavoured to blefs him for his abundantGoodnefs tome in my )ate Journey. I fcarce ever enjoyed moreHealth ; at Icaft, of later Years 5 And (Sod marvclloufly, and almoft miraculouily, fupported me under theFatigues of the Way, and Travelling onFoot. BlefTed be the Lord, that continually preferves me in all my Ways.

[ On Saturday, he went again to the Irijh Settlement, to fpend the Sabbath there, his Indians being gone.]

.Lord*s-Day, 0^5^. 14. Was much confufed and perplexed in ray Thoughts ; could not pray ; and was almoft difcouraged, thinking Ifliouid never be able to preach any more. But after- wards, God was pleafed to give me' fome Relief from thefe Confufions : But ftill I was afraid, and even trembled before God. 1 went to the Place of publick Worfhip, lifting up my Heart to God for Afliftance and Grace, in my great Work : And God was gracious to me, and helped me to plead with him for Holinefsjand to ufe the ftrongeft Arguments with Wm, drawn from the Incarnation and Sufferings of Chrift for th<s very End, that Men might be made holy. Afterwards, I was much afTifted in preaching. I know not that ever God helped me to preach in a more dofe and diftinguifhingManner for theTrial of Men's State. Thro' the infinite Goodnefs of God,! felt what I fpakc ; and God enabled me to treat on divine Truth with uncommon Clearnefs : And yet I was fo fenfible of myDefeds inPreaching, that I could not be proud of myPerformanve, as at fome Times ; And blefTed be the Lord for this Mercy. In the Evening, I long*d to be entirely abne, to blefs God for Help in a Time of Extremity 5 and longed for great Degrees of Hoiinefs, that I might ftiew my Gratitude to God.

\ [ The next Morning, he fpcnt fome Time before Sun-rife in Prayer, in the fame fweet and grateful Frame of Mind, that he k^ad been in the Evening before : And afterwards went to hli Indians i and fpent fome Time in teaching and exhorting them.] \. S 2 Tuefday,

130 Ml if. Th LIFE

Tuefday, O^ob. 1 6. Felt a Spirit of Solemnity and Watch- fulnefs ; was afraid I fliould not live to and upon God : Longed for more Intenfenefs and Spirituality. Spent the Day in Writ- ing ; frequently lifting up my Heart to God for more Heavcnly- mindednefs. In the Evening,enjoyed fweet Afliflance in Prayer, and thirfted and pleaded to be as holy as the blefled Jn^els : Longed for Minifterial Gifts and Graces, and Succefs in my Work : Was fweetly affifted in the Duty of Interceffion, and enabled to remember and plead for Numbers of dear Friends, and Chrift's Minifters.

[He feemed to have much of the fame Frame of Mind, the two next Days.]

Friday, O^ob, ig. Felt an abafing Senfe of my own Impu- rity and Unholinefs ; and felt my Soul melt and mourn, that I had abufed and grieved a very gracious God, who was ftill kind to me, notvviihftanding all my Unworthinefs. My Soul en- joyed a fweet Seafon of bitter Repentance and Sorrow, that I had wronged that blefTed God, who ( I was perfwaded ) was reconciled to me in his dear Son. My Soul was now tender, devout, and folemn. And I was afraid of nothing, but Sin j and afraid of ihat in every A6lion and Thought.

[The four nextDays,were manifef^ly fpent in a moft conftant Tendernefs,VVatchfulnefs, Diligence and Self- Diffidence. But he complains ofWandrings of Mind, Languor of AiFedlions ^^]

Wednefday, Octob, 24. Near Noon, rode to my People ; fpent fume Time, and pray'd with them : Felt the Frame of a Pilgrim on Earth ; longed much to 1-^ave this gloomy Manfion ; but yet found the Exercife of Patience and Refignation. And as I returned home from the Indians^ fpent the whole Time in lifting up my Heart to God, In the Evening, enjoy 'd a blefTed Seafonalone in Prayer ; was enabled to cry toGod with aChild- like Spirit, for the Space of near an Hour: Enjoyed a fweet Freedom in fupplicating for my felf, for dearFriends,Minifler5, and fome who are preparing for that Work, and for the Church of God ; and longed to be as lively my felf in God's .Service as the Jngels,

Thurfday, Octob. 25. Was bufy in Writing. Was very fenfib'e of my abfolutcDcpendance on God in allRefpe£ls ; faw that I could do nothing in thofe Affairs, that I have fufficient na- turalKacultiesforjUnlefsGcd fhould fmile upon myAttempt. No\ that weare [ufficunt c[ our felvei^ to think anyThlng^ai of ourfeivss -, ift'as n facred Text that I law the Truth of.

Fridajv

e/ Mr, David Bralnerd. A.D. 1 744. 13 1

Friday, Octob, 26. In the Morning, my Soul was melted with a Senfe of divine Goodnefs and Mercy to fuch a vile un- worthy Worm as I : Delighted to lean upon God, and place my whole Truft in him : My Soul was exceedingly grieved for Sin, and prized and longed afterHolinefs ; it wounded myHeart deeply, yet fweetly, to think how I had abufed a kind God. I longed to be perfedlly Holyjthat I might not grieve a gracious G06 i who will continue to love, notwithftanding his Love is abufed : I longed for Holinefs more for this End, than I did for my own Happinefs fake : And yet this was my greateft Happi- ncfs, never more to difhonour, but always to glorify the bleffed God. Afterwards,rode up to the Indiansy in theAftemoonj^r.

[ The four next Days, he was exercifed with much Diforder andPain of Body, with a Degree of Melancholy andGloominefs of Mind, bitterly complaining of Deadnefs andUnproiitablenefa, yet mourning and longing after God. j

Wednefday, Octob, 31. Was fenfibl^ of my Barrennefs, and Decays, in theThings of God ; My Soul fail'd, when I remein- ber*d the Fervency I had enjoyed at .the Throne of Grace. Oh (I thought) If I could but befpiiitual, warm> heavenly- minded, and afFedionately breathing,' after God, this would be better thanLife to me ! My Soul longed exceedingly forDeath, to be loofed from this Dullnefs andBarrennefs,and made forever adtlve in the Service of God. I feemed to Wvt for nothing, and to do no Good : And Oh, the Burden of fuch a Life I Ob, Death, Death, my kind Friend, haften and deliver me from dull Mortality, and make me fpiritual and vigorous to Eternity.

Thurfday, November i. Had buft little Sweetnefjs in divine Things. But afterwards, in the Evening, felt fome Life, and Longings afterGod ; I longed to be always folemn, devout, and heavenly-minded 5 & was afraid to leave offpraying,left I fhould again lofe a Senfe of the fweet Things of God.

Friday, Nov, 2. Was fiil'd /with Sorrow and Confufion, in the Morning, and could enjoy ^o fweet Senfe of divine Things, nor get any Relief in Prayer. Saw I deferved, that every one of God's Creatures fhould be letloofe upon me to be theExccutio- ners of his Wrath againft me : And yet therein I faw I deferved what I did not fear as my Portion. About Noon, rode up to the IfJians ; and while going, could feel no De/ires for them, gnd even dreaded to fay any Thing to 'em ; but God was pleafed to give me fome Freedom and Enlargement, and made^

the

f^i JELif. The LIFE

the S^afon comfortabje to me. In the Evening,hadEnlargement in Prayer. But alas, what Comforts and Enlargements I have felt for thefe many Weeks paft, have been only tranfient & (hort 5 and the greater Part of my Time has been fillM up with Dead- nefs, or Struggles with Deadnefs, and bitter Conflids with Cor- ruption. I have found my felf exercifed forely with fome parti- cular Things that I thought my felf moft of all freed from. And thus I have ever found it, when I have tho't theBattle was over, and the Conqueft gained, and fo let djawn my Watch, the Ene- my has rifcn up and done me the greateft Injury.

Saturday, Nov. 3. I read the Life andTrials of a godlyMan, and was much warm'd by it : I wondered at my paftDeadnefs ; and was more convinced of it, than ever. Was enabled to confefs and bewail my Sin before God, with Self-abhorrence.

Lord's-Day, Nov,/\.. Had, I think, fome Exercife of Faith in Prayer, in the Morning : Long'd to be Spiritual. Had con- fiderableHelp in preaching to my poovlndians : Was encouraged with them, and hoped that God defigned Mercy for them.

[ The next Day» t He fet out on a Journey to New-Tor k^ to the Meeting of the Prejbytery there ; and was gone from Home more than a Fortnight. He feem'd to enter on this Journey v/ith great Reludance ; fearing, that the Diverfions of it would prove a Means of cooling his religiousA{Fe6lions,ashe had found in other Journeys. But yet, in this Journey he had fome fpecial Seafons wherein he enjoyed extraordinary Evidences and Fruits of God's graciousPrefence. He was greatly fatigued andexpofed in this Journey by Cold and Storms ; And when he returned from New-Tor k to New-Jerjey^ on Friday, w^as taken very ill, 'and was detained by his Ulnefs fome Time.]

Wednefday, Nov. 21. Rode from Newark to Rockciticus in the Cold, and was almoft overcome with it. Enjoyed fome Swectnefs in Converfation with dear Mr. Jones, while I dined with him : My Soul loves the People of God, and efpecially the Minifters of Jefus Chrift, who feel the fame Trials that I do.

Thurfday, Nov. 22. Came on my Way from Rockciticus to Delaware River. Was very much difordered with a CcJd and Pain in my Head. About 6 at Night, I loft my Way in the

f On this Day he concluded his Narrative^ that is at the End of his Ordination Sfrmon* t Wildernefs^'

i/ Mr. David Braincfd. ■A.D.1744; jVn

Wilderncfs, and wandered over Rocks and Mouhtains, dov^ hideousSteeps, thro' Swamps, and moft dreadful and dangerous Places ; And the Night being dark, fo that few Stars could be feen, I was greatly expofed ; Was much' pinch'd with Cold, and diftrefs'd with an extream Patn in my Head, attended with Sicknefs at my Stomach ; fo that every Step I took was diftrcf- fmg to me. I had little Hope for feveral Hours together, but that I mutt lie out in the Woods all Night, in this diftrefled Cafe. But about 9 o'Clock, I found a Houfe, thro* the abun- dantGbodnefs of God, and was kindly entertained. Thus I have frequently been expofed, & fometimeslain out the whole Night : but God has hitherto preferved me ; and blefTed be his Name. Such Fatigues and Hardftiips as thefe ferve to wean me more from the Earth ; and, Itruft, will make-Heaven the fweeter. Formerly, when I was thus expofed to Cold, Rain-, (sf^ . I was ready to pleafe my felf with the Thoughts of erjoyW?/t>in- fortable Houfe, a warm Fire, and other outward COTnfprts; but now thefe have lefs Place in my Heart ( thro' the Grace of God ) and my Eye is more to God for Comfort. In this World I expe6l Tribulation ; and it does not now, as formerly, appear ftrange to me ; I don't in fuch Seafons of Difficulty flatter my felf that it will be better hereafter ; but rather think, how much Worfe it might be ; how much greater Trials others of God'ii Children have endured ; and how much greater are yet per> haps referved for me. Bleffed be God, that he makes the Thoughts of my Journey's End and of my Diflblution a great Comfort to me, under my (harpeftTrials ; & fcarce ever lets thefe ^ Tnoughts be attended with Terror or Melancholy ; but thcy.> are attended frequently with great Joy. ^

Friday, Nov. 23. Vifited a fick Man ; difcourfed and pray'd with him. Then vifued another Houfe, where was one dead and laid out ; look'd on the Corps, and loaged that my Time mightf come to depart, that I might be with Chri/i, Then went home to my Lodgings, about one o'Clock. Felt poorly ; but was able to read, moftcf the Alternoon.

[ Within the Space of the next twelve Days, he pafTed under many Changes in the Frames and Exercifes oi his Mind. He had many Seafons of the fpecial influences of God's Spirit, animat- ing, invigorating, and comforting him in the Wa /s of God and Duties of Religion ; but had fome Turns of great Deje^iion and Melancholy. He fpent much Tinae, within this Space, in haid Labour, with others, to make for himfelf a little Cott?ga^

134 -^/. 27; 5"^^ LIFE

or Hut, to live in by himfelf thro' the.Winter. Yet he frequently preached to ihtlndians ^k. fpeaks of fpecial Afliftance hchad from Time to Time, in addrefling himfelf to them ; And of his fomc'. times having confiderableEncouragement, from theAttention they gave. But onTuerdayZ)^^/'^^.4. he was funk into greatDifcou- ragement, to fee 'em ( mofl of 'em ) going in Company to an idolatrous Feaji and Dance^ after he had taken abundant Pains with them to diflwade 'em from thefe Things. ]

Thurfday, Decemb. 6. Having now a happy Opportunity of being retired in a Houfe of my own, which I have lately procur- ed and moved into, and confidering that it is now along Time fmce I have been able, either on Account of bodily Weaknefs, or for want of Retirement, orfome other Difficulty, to fpend any Time in fecret Fafting and Prayer ; confidering alfo the greatnefsofmyWork, and the extream Difficulties that attend it : And that my poor Indians are now worjhipping Devils^ not- withflanding all the Pains I have taken with them, which almoft overv^helms my Spirit : Moreover, confidering my extremeBar- renncfs, fpiritual Deadnefs and Deje£lion, of late ; as alfo the Power of fome particular Corruptions ; 1 fat apart this Day for fecret Prayer and Fading, to implore the Bleffingof God on my fclf, on nsy poor People, on my Friends, and on the Church of God. At firf^, I felt a great Backwardnefs to the Duties of the Day, on Account of the feeming Impoffibility of performing them: But the Lord helped me to break thro' this Difficulty. God was pleafed, by the Ufe of Means, to give me fome clear . Convi<Slion of my Sinfulnefs, and a Difcovcry of the Plague of %Tny own Heart, more affedling than what I have of late had. And efpecially I faw my Sinfulnefs in this, tha/ when God had withdrawn himfelf, then, inftead of living and dying in Purfuit of him, I have been difpofed^to one of thefe two Things ; ei- ther ( firft ) to yield an unbecoming Refpedt to fome earthlyOb- jecSls, as if Happinefs were to be derived from them ; or (idly) to be fecretly froward and impatient, and unfuitably defirous of Deaths (0 that ( have fometimes tho't I could not bear to think my Life muft belengthen'd out. And that which often drove me to this impatient Defire of Death, was aDefpair of doing any Good in Life ; and I chofe Death, rather than a Life fpent for Nothing. But now God -made me fenfible of my Srn in thefe Things, and enabled me to cry to him for Forgivenefs, Yet this was nor all [ wanted ; for my Soul appeared exceedingly vfpolluted, my Heart feem'd like a Neft of Vipers, or a Cage of

unclean

cf Mr. David Brainerd; A.D.174^^ i^|

ijnclean and hateful Birds : And therefore I wanted to be pu- rified by the Blood of Sprinklings that cUanfeth from all Sin. And this, I hopc,I was enabled to pray for inFaith. I enjoyed much more Intenfenefs, Fervency, andSpirituality, than I expe^ed* God was better to me than my Fears. And towards Night* I felt my Soul rejoyce, that God is unchangeably happy and glorious 'y that he will be glorified, whatever becomes of his Creatures. I was enabled to perfevere in Prayer 'till IbmeTime in the Evening : At whichTime 1 faw fo muchNeed of divine Help, in every Refpedl, that I knew not how to leave 0% and had forgot that I needed Food. This Evening, I was much ailifted in meditating on J/ai. lii. 3. BlelTed be the Lord for any Help in the paft Day.

Friday, Decemb. 7. Spent fome Time in Prayer, in the Morning 5 enjoyed fome Freedom and Affefiion in the Duty, and had longing Defires of being made faithful to the Deaths Spent a little Time in writing on a divine Subje6t : Then vifited the Indians, and preach'd to 'em. But under inexpre:fii- h\Q Dejedion : 1 had no Heart to fpeak to them, and could not do it, but as I forced my felf : I knew, they muft hate to hear me, as having but jufl got Home from their idolatrous Fcaft and Devil-Worfhip. — In the Evening, had fome Free- dom in Prayer and Meditation.

Saturday, Decern. 8. Have been uncommonly free this Day from Dejedion, and from that diftreffing Apprehenfion, that I could do nothing : Was enabled to pray and ftudy with fome Comfort ; and cfpecially was aflifted in writing on a divine Subjedt. In the Evening, my Soul rejoyced in God ; and I blefs*d his Name for fiiining on my Soul. O the fweet and blefTed Change I then felt, when God brought mt out of Darknefs into his marvellous Light !

Lord's-Day, Decern. 9. Preach'd, both Parts of the Day, at a Place call'd Greenwich^ in Neiv-Jerfey^ about loMiles from my own Houfe. In the firft Difcourfe I had fcarce any Warmth^ or afFe(Slionate Longing forSouls. In the Intermifllon-Seafon I got alone among the Bufhes, and cried to God for Pardon of my Deadnefs ; and was in Anguifh and Bittemefs, that I could not addrcfs Souls with more Compailion and tender AiFeftion : Judged and condemned my felf for want of this divineTemper : Tho* I faw I could not get it as of my felf, any more than I could make a World. In the latter Exercife, blefTed be the Lord, I had fome Fervency, both in Prayer andPreaching ; and cfpecially in th« Application of piyDifcguife was enabled to

T addreft

2^6 Mt. 27: fi^^ LIFE

addrefs precious Souls with Affe6lion, Concern, Tcndernefs ar<3 Importunity. The Spirit of God, I thiffk, was there 5 as tl.« EjfFe(5ls were apparent. Tears running down many Cheeks.

Monday, Dicem. 10. Near Noon, I preach'd again : God cave me fome Affiftance, and enabled me to be in fome Degree faithful ; io that I had Peace in my own Soul, and a very com- fortable Compofure, alM Ifrael Ihiuld mt he gathered. Came away homGreenwich^znd rodeHcme ; arrived juft in theEvening. By the Way, my Soul blefs'd God for his Goodnefs ; and I rejoyced, that fo much of my Work was done, and I fo much nearer my bleiled Reward . Blefled be God for Grace to be faithful.

Tuefday, Decern. 1 1. Felt very poorly in Body, being much- tired and worn cut the laft Night. Was afHfted in fome Mea- fure in writing on a divineSubjedl : But was fo feeble and fore in my Breaft, that I bad not much Refolution in my Work. Oh, how I long for that World where the weary are atReJi ! And yet thro* the Goodnefs of God I don't now feel impatient.

Wednefday, Decern. 12. Was again very weak ; but fome- what afEfted in fccret Prayer, and enabled with Pleafure and Sweetnefs to cry y Come, Lordje/us/ Comey Lordjefus-y corns quickly » My Soul longed for Gody for the living God. O how delightful it is, to pray under -fuch fweet Influences \ Oh how much better is this, than one's neceJfaryFood ! I had at thisTimc no Difpofition to eat ( tho' lat? in the Morning ; ) for earthly Food appeared wholly Taftlefs. O how much better is thyLove than Wine, than the fweeteft Wine !— I vifited and preached to the Indiansy in the Afternoon 5 but under much Dejection. Found my Interpreter under fome Concern for his Soul ; which was 'iome Comfort to me 5 and yet filPd me with new Care, I longed greatly for his Converfion ; lifted up my Heart to God for it, while I was talking to him ; CameHome,and poured out my Soul to God for him : Enjoyed fome Freedom in Prayer, and was enabled, I think, to leave all with God.

Thurfday, Decern. 13. Endeavoured to fpend the Day in Fafting and Prayer, to implore the divine Blefling, more efpeci- ally on my poor People ; and in particular, I fought for con- verting Grace for my Interpreter^ a.nd three or four more under fome Concern for their Souls. I was much difordered in the Morning when I arofe ; but having determined to fpend theDay in this Manner,! attempted it. SomeFrcedom I had in pleading for thefe poor concerned Souls, feveral Times ; and when in- ttrcseding for ihem, Unjoyed greater Freedom from wandring

6^vA

(?/M-. David Bcainerd; A.D.1744: 157

and diflraaing Thoughts, than in any Part of my Supplications: But, in the general, was greatly exercifcd with Wandrings ; fa that in the Evening it feemed as if 1 had need to pray for no- thing fo much as for thePardon of Sins committed in theDay paft, and theVilenefs I then found in ray felf. TheSins I had moftSeni'b of, were Pride, and wandring Thoughts, whereby 1 mocked God. The former of thcfe curfed iniquities excited me to think of writing, or preaching, or converting Heathen,or performing fome other great Work, that my Name might live when I (liouid be dead. My Soul was in Anguifh, and ready to drop into Defpair, to find fo much of that curfed Temper. VVith this, and the other Evil I laboured under, i/Zz. wandring Thoughts, I was almoft overwhelmed, and even ready to give over flriving; after aSpirit of Devotion ; and oftentimes funk into a confidera- ble Degree of Defpondency, and thought I was more bruti/h than any Man, Yet after all my Sorrows, I truft thro' Grace, this Day and the Exercifes of it have been for my Good, and taught me more of m)' Corruption, and Weaknefs without Chrift, than Iknewbeforfe

Friday, Decern, 14. Near Noon, went to the Indians i but knew'not what to fay to them, and was afliamed to look them in the Face : I felt I had no Power to addrefs their Confciences, and therefore had no Boldnefs to fay any Thing. Was, much of the Day, in a great Degree of Defpair about ever doing or feeing any Goad in the Land cf the Living,

f He continued under the fame Dejedtion the next Day.]

Lord*s-Day, Decern, 16. Was (o overwhelmed with De- je£tion,that I knew not how to live : I long'd forDeath exceed- ingly : My Soul was funk into deep Waters^ and the Floods were ready to drown me : I was fo much opprefs'd, that my Soul was in a kind of Horrour : I could not keep niy Thoughts fixed in Prayer, for the Space of one Minute, without Fluttering andDi- ftradlion : I was exceedingly a{hamed,thatl did not live toGod : I had no diftreffing Doubt about my own State ; but would have cheerfully ventured ( as far as I could poflibly know) into Eternity. While 1 was going to preach to the Indians^ my Soul was in Anguifti ; I was fo overborn withDifcourageme^^ ; that I defpair'd of doing any Good, and was driven to my Witi End ; I knew nothing what to fay, nor what Courfe to take. But at laft I infifted on the Evidence we h^/e of the Truth of Chriftianity from the Miracles o( Chrift; many of which I fet

T 2 before

13^ -^/. 27^ K^ LIFE

before them : And God helped me to make a clofe Application to thofi; that refufed to believe theTruth of what I taught them : And indeed I was enabled to fpeak to the Confciences of all, in feme Meafure. I was fomething encouraged, to find, that God enabled me to be faithful once more. Then came and preached to another Company of them ; but was very weary and faint. In the Evening, I was fomething refrefh'd, and was enabled to pray and praife God with Compofure and AfFe£lion : Had fome Enlargement andCourage with Refpedl: to my Work : Was willing to live, and longed to do more for God, than my weak ftate of Body woiald admit of. 1 can do all Things through Chri/i that Jirengthens me ; and by his Grace, I am willing to fpend and be /pent in his Service, when I am not thus funk in Peje6tion and a kind of Defpair.

Monday , Decern. 17. Was fomething comfortable in Mincf» ynoft of the Day ; and was enabled to pray with fome Freedom, Cheerfulnefs, Compofure, and Devotion ; had alfo fome Af- (iftance in writing on a divine Subje6l.

Tut^ddiy^ Decemb. 1%. Went to the Indians, and difcourfed to them, near an Hour, without any Power to come clofe to their Hearts. But at lalt, [ felt fome Fervency, andGod help'd ine to fpeak with Warmth. My Interpreter alfo was amazingly afTifted ; and I doubt not but theSpirit o/God was upon him (tho* |,had no Reafon to think he had any true and faving Grace, but was only under Convidtion of his loft State ; ) and prefently upon this moft of the grown Perfons were much afFedled, and the Tears ran down their Cheeks ; and one oldMan ( I fuppofe, ^n hundred Years old ) was fo afFedled, that he wept,and feem'd convinced of the Importance of what I taught them. I ftaid with them a confiderable Time, exhorting and directing them j and c^me away, lifting up my Heart toGod in Prayer and Praife, and encouraged and exhorted my Interpreter to firive to enter in at th^ /trait Gate, Came home, and fpent moft of the Evening in Prayer and Thankfgiving ; and found my felf much enlarged 9^^ quicken'd. Was greatly concerned, that the Lord's ^ork which feem'd to be begun, might be carried onwithPower, to the Converfion of poor Souls,and the Glory of divine Grace.

Wednefday, Decemb. 19. Spenta greatPart of theDay inPray^ er to God for the Out pouring of his Spirit on my poor People j Bialfo to blefs his Name for awakning my Interpreter ^ and (ome ethers, and giving us fome Tokens of his Prcfence Yefterday. And blefied be God, I hid much Freedom, five or fix Times in the Day, in Prayer and Praife, and felt a weighty Corxern

tspOD

ofMr. David Brainerd. A.D, 1744. 139

upon my Spirit for the Salvation of thofe predous Souls, and the Enlargement of the Redeemer's Kingdom among them. My Soul hoped inGod for fomeSuccefs in my Miniftry ; And blefled be his Name forfo much Hope.

Thurfday, Decemb. 20. Was enabled to vifu the Throne of Grace frequently, this Day ; and thro' divine Goodnefs enjoy- ed much Freedom and Fervency, fundry Times : Was much aflifted in crying for Mercy for my poor People, and feltChear- fulnefs and Hope in my Requefts for them. Ifpent much of the Day in Writing s but was enabled to intermix Prayer with my Studies.

¥nd2iy,Decemb.2i* Was enabled again to pray withFreedom, Chearfulnefs, and Hope. God was pleafed to make the Duty comfortable and pleafant to me ; fo that I delighted to perfe- vere, and repeatedly to engage in it. Towards Noon, vifited my People, arid fpent the whole Time in the Way to them in Prayer, longing toy^^ the Power of God among them, as there appeared fomething of it the laft Tuefday ; and 1 found it fweet to reft and hope In God. Preach'd to them twice, and at two diftindt Places : Had confiderable Freedom, each Time, and (oh^d my Interpreter, Several of 'em followed me from one Place to the other : And I thought, there was fome divine In- fluence difcernable amongft them. In the Evening, was aflifted in Prayer again. BlefTed, blefted be the Lord.

[ Very much the fame Things are exprefTed concerning his inward Frame, Exercifes, and Afliftances on Saturday, as on the preceeding Days. He obferves, that this was a comfortable Week to him. But then concludes, Oh ! That I hadnoReafon to complain of much Barrennefs. Oh that there were no vainThoUf end evil JffeSfions lodging within me. The Lord knows how 1 long for that JVorld^ where they refl not Day nor Nighty faying ^ Holy^ Holy^ Holy^ is the Lord God Almighty^ Sec, On the following §abbath, he fpeaks of Afliftance and Freedom in his pablick Work, but as having lefs of the fenfible Prefencc of God, than frequently in the Week paft : But yet fays,hisSouI was kept from linking it> Difcouragement. On Monday, again he feem*d to enjoy very much the fame Liberty and Fervency, thro' theDay, that he enjoyed thro* tlie greaterPartof the preceeding Week.*]

* This Day he wrote the fifth Ldtgr added at the End of this Hiftpry,

Tucfdavj

>40 y^/. 27. [The LIFE A.D, 1745:

Tuefday, Decmh, 25.Enjoy'd very little quIetSIeep laftNighf, by Reafon of bodily Wcakneis, and the clofenefs of my Studies Yefterday ; YetmyHeart was fomewhat lively in Prayer&Praife : I was delighted with the divine Glory and Happinefs, and re- joyced that God was God, & that he was unchangeably poflefs'd of Glory and Ble/Tednefs. Tho' God held my Eyes ivakingy yet he helped me to improve my Time profitably amidft my Pains and Weaknefs, in continued Meditations on Lukexnu "]. Behold ihefe three Yean 1 come ]e shin g Fruity he. My Meditations were fwect y and I wanted to fet before Sinners iheir Sin andDanger*

[ He continued in a very low State, as to his bodily Health, for fome Days : Which feems to have been a great Hindrance to him in his religious Exercifes and Purfuits. But yet he ex- prefTes fome Degree of divine Affiftance, from Day to Day,, thro' the remaining Part of this Week. He preached feveral Times this Week to his Indians ; and there appeared flill fome Concern amongft them for theirSouJs. OnSaturday, he rode to the Jrijh Settlement, about 15 Miles from his Lodgings, in order to fpend the Sabbath there. ]

LordVDay, D^f^fw^. 30. Difcourfed, both Parts of the Day, from Mark viii. 34. Who fcever will come after me^ &c. God gave me very great Freedom and Clearnefs, and (in the Afternoon efpecially ) confiderable Warmth and Fervency. In tfee Even- ing alfo, had very great Clearnefs while converling with Friends on divine Things ; \ don't remember ever to have had more clear Apprehenfions of Religion in mvLife : But found a Strug- gle, in the Evening, with fpiritual Piide.

[ On Monday, he preach'd again in the fame Place with Freedom and Fervency ; and rode home to his Lodging ; and arrived in the Evening, under a confiderable Degree of bodily lllnefs, which continued the two next Days. And he complains much of fpiritual Emptinefs and Barrennefs on thofe Days.]

Thux^6?iy ^January 3.1744,5. Being fenfible of the great want of divine Influences, and the out- pouring of God's Spirit, I fpent this Day in Falling and Prayer, to feck fo great a Mercy for my fei', and my poor People in particular, and for the Church of God in general. In the Morning, was very Lifelefs in Prayer, and could get fcarce any Senfe of God. Near Noon, enioycd fome fweet Freedom to pray that ih^ff'illrfGsdsT.izhi in every

Refpea

of Mr, Dav'id Bralneid. A.D. 1745. 141;

Hcfpedt become mine : And I am perfwaded, it was fo at that Time in fome good Degree. In the Afternoon, I was exceeding weak, and could not enjoy much Fervency in Prayer ; but felt a great Degree of Dejedtion ; which, I believe, was very much owing to my bodily Wealcnefs and DfTorder.

Friday, Jan, 4. Rode up to the Indians^ near Noon ; fpent fome Time there under greatDiforder : My Soul was/««/^ down into ^i^^^^aters^2Si^ I was almoft overwhelmed with Melancholy.

Saturday, Jan* 5. Was able to do fomething at Writing i&t, but was much difordercd with Pain in my Head. At Nighr, wa?'' diftrefs'd with a Senfeof my fpiritual Pollution, and tzn Thou- fand youthful, yea,, and childifh Follies, that no Body but; ,ny id( had any Thought about ; all which appeared to me now frefh, and in a lively View, as if committed Yefterday,and made HIV Soul afhamcd before God, and caufed me to hate my felf.

Lord's-Day, Jan. 6. Was ftill diftrefs'd with vapoury Dif- ordersr Preached to my poor Indians ; but had little Heart or Life. Towards Night, my Soul was prefs'd under a Sen fe of myUnfaithfulnefs. O the Joy & Peace that arifes from a Senfe of having obtain' d Mercy of God to be faithful J And Oh,theMifcry and Anguifh that fpring from an Apprehenfion of the contrary ?

[ His Deje6tion continued the two next Days ; but not to fo great a Degree on Tuefday, when he enjoyed fome Freedom and Fervency in preaching to the Indians,']

Wednefday, Jan, 9. In the Morning, God was pleas'd to remove that Gloom which has of late opprefs'd my Mind, and gave me Freedom and Sweetnefs in Prayer. I was encouraged and flrengthe'd, and enabled to plead for Grace for my (df^ and Mercy for my poor Indians ; and was fvireetly aflifted in my Interceffions with God for others. BIcffed be his holy Name forever and ever ; Amen, and Amen. Thofe Things that of late have appeared moft difficult and almoft impofTible, now ap- peared not only pofTible, but eafy. My Soul fo much delighted to continue inftant in Prayer, at this bleiTed Seafon, that I had noDefire for my necejfary Food : even dreaded leaving ofFpraying at all, left I fliould lofe this Spirituality, and this blefTedThanlcful- nefs to God which I then felt. I felt now quite willing to live, and undergo all Trials that might remain for me in a World of Sorrow ; but ftill longed for Heaven, that I might glorify God in a perfedl Manner. O c-jme, Lord Jefus^ come quickly. Spent the Day in Reading a little ; and in Ibme Diverfions, which I was neccflitated to take by Reafon of much Weaknefs and Diforder. In the Evening, enjoyed fomeFreedom and Intenfe- lafs ia Prayer, ' [The

142 /^/. 27. TZ^^LIFE

[ The three remaining Days of the Week, he was very low and feeble inBody ; but nevcrthelefs continued conftantly in the fame comfortable fweet Frame of Mind, as is exprefled onWcd- irefday. On the Sabbath, this Sweetnefs and fpiritual Alacrity began to abate : But ft ill he enjoyed fome Degree of Comfort, and had Afliftance in preaching to the Indians,}

Monday, Jan. 14. Spent this Day under a great Degree of \^odi]y Weaknefs and Diforder ; and had very little Freedom, either in my Studies cr Devotions : And in the Evening, I Vi'as mach dejeded and melancholy. It pains and diftreffes me, that I live fo much of my Time for nothing. I long to do much in a little Time, and if it might be the Lord's will, to finijh mf Work fpeedily in this tirefom World. Tm fure, I don't defire to live for any ThiRg in this World ; and thro* Grace I am not afraid to look the King of Terrors in the Face : I know, I (hall be afraid, if God leaves me ; and therefore I think it always Duty to lay in for that folemn Hour. But for a very confidera- ble Time paft, my Soul has rejoyced to think of Death in its neareft Approaches ; a«d even when I have been very vi'eak,and feem'd neareit Eternity. Jslot unto me^ not unto me^ but to God be the Glory, 1 feel that which convinces me, that if God don't enable me to maintain a holy Dependance upon him,Death will eafdy be a Tcrrour to me ; but at prefent, 1 muft fay, Ilongto depart and to be with Chrijiy which is beft of all. When I am in a fweet refigned Ffame of Soul, I am willing to tarry a while in. a World of Sorrow, 1 am willing to be from Home as long as God fees fit it fhould be io : But when I want the Influence of this Temper, I am then apt to be impatient to be gone.-— Oh when will the Day appear, that I fhall be perfect in Holinefs, and in the Enjoyment of God 1

[ The next Day was fpent under a great Degree of Deje£lion andMelancholy ; which ( as he himfelf fa> s, he was perfwaded ) was owing partly to bodily Weaknefs, and vapoury Diforders.J

Wednefday, & Thurfjay, Jan. 16 & 17. I fpent moft of theTimein writing on a fweet divine Subje6l,and enjoyed fome Freedom and AlHftance. Was likewife enabled to pray more frequently and fervently than ufual : and my Soul, I think, rcjosced iR God i efpecially on the Evening of the laft of thefe Days : Praije then feem'd comely^ and I delighted to blefs the Lord. O what Rcafon have I to be thankful, that God «ver

.''^' helps

/ yJ

i?/iWir. David Bramerd. A.D.1745: 14^

helps me to Labour and Study for him I He does but receive his «ar«,when I am enabled in anyMeafure to praife himjlabour for him, and live to him. Oh, how comfortable and fweetitis^ to feel the Affiftance of divine Grace in the Performance of the Duties God has enjoined us I Ble/s the Lord^ O my SouL

[ The fame Enlargement of Heart andjoyfulFrame of Soul continued thro' the next Day. But on the Day following it began to decline 5 which Decay feems to have continued the whole of the next Week : Yet be enjoyed fome Seafons of Ipccial and fweet Affiftance.]

Lord's- Day, Jan. 27. Had the greateft Degree of inward Anguifh, that almoft ever I endured : I was perfedly over- whelmed, and fo confufedjthat after I began to ^ifcourfe to the Jndiansy before I could finifh a Sentence, fometimes I forgot en- tirely what I was aiming at ; or if, with much difficulty, I had recolleded what I had before defigned, ftill it appeared ftrange, and like fomething I had long forgotten, and had now but an imperfect Remembrance of. I know, it was a Degree of Diftradlion, occafion'd by vapoury Diforders, Melancholy, fpiritual Defertion, and fome other Things that particularly prefs'd upon me, this Morning, with an uncommon Weight, the principal of which rerpe(5ed my Indians, This diftrelTing Gloom never went off the whole Day j but wasfo far removed, that I was enabled to fpeak with fome Freedom and Concern to the Indians y at two of their Settlements ; and I think, there was fome Appearance of the Prefence of God with us, fome Serioufnefs, and feeming Concern among the Indians^ at leaft a few of them. In the Evening, this Gloom continued ftill, 'till Family-Prayer, * about nine o'Clock, and almoft thro' this, until I came near the Clofe, when I was praying ( as I ufualiy do) for the Illumination andConverfion of my poor People \ and then the Cloud was fcattcr'd, fo that I enjoyM Sweetnefs and Freedom, and conceived Hopes, that God defigned Mercy foe fome of them. The fame I enjoyed afterwards in fecretPraycr ;

Tho' Mr. Brainerd now dwelt by himfelf in the foremen- tion*d littleCottage,which he had built for his ownUfe.yeC that was near to a Family of white People with whom he had lived beforCi and with whom he ftill attended Family- Prayer,

144 ^^' ^7- ^^^ LIFE

in which preciousDuty I bad for a confiderable Time Sweet-^ ttefs and Freedom, and ( I hope ) Faith, in praying for rriy fcif, my poor Indians, and dear Friends and Acquaintance in New ■ EnglarJ and elfewhere, and for the dear Intereft of Xim in general. Bufs the Lor^y O my Soui, and forget not all his Benefits,

[ He fpent the reft of this Week, or at leaft the moft of it, under Dejedion a.ndMelancholy : Which on Friday rofe to an c^ctream Height ; he being then, as he himfelf obferves, much exercifed with vapoury Diforders. This exceed ingGloomlnefs continued on Saturday, 'till the Evening, when he was again re- lieved in Family-Prayer ; and after it, vi^as refrefh'd in fecret, and felt willing to live, and endure Hardfhips in the Caufe of God ', and found his Hopes of the Advancement of Chrift's Kingdom, as alfo his Hopes to fee the Power of God among the poor Indians, confiderably raifed. ]

Lord's-Day, Feb. 3. In the Morning, I was fomewhat re- lieved of that Gloom and Confufion, that my Mind has of late been greatly exercifed with : Was enabled to pray with fome .. Compofure, and Comfort. But however, went to my Indians tremblings for my Soul remembredihe Wormwood and the Gall ( I might almoft fay the Hell ) of Friday laft ; and I was greatly afraid 1 fhould be obliged again to drink of i\\2XCup of Tremblings which was inconceivably more bitter than Death, and made me long for the Grave more, unfpeakably more, than for hid Trea- sures, yea, inconceivably more than the Men of this World long for fuch Treafures. But God was pleafed to hear my Cries,and to afford hie great Afiiftance ; fo that 1 felt Peace in my own Soul ; and was fatisfied that if not one of the Indians fhould be profited by my Preaching, but fliould all be damned, yet I fhould be accepted and rcwardecJ as faithful ; for I am perfwaded, God enabled mc to be io.— Had fome good Degree of Help after- . ^v^rds, at another Place j and much longed for the Converfion of the poor Indians, Was fomewhat refrefhed, and comfortable, . tq,wards Nighr, and \n the Evening. O that my Soul might praife the Lord for his Goodnefs.--- Enjoyed fomeFreedom, in ihe Evening, in Meditation on Luke xiii. 24. ^ [ In the three next Days, he was the Subject of much De- jedlion ; But the three remaining Days of the Week feem to have been fpent with much Compofure and Comfort, On the nqxt Sabb.iih, he preach'd at Greenwich in New-Jerfey. In the Evening, he rode eight Miles to vifit a Tick Man at the Point of Death, and found him Speecbkfs and Senfclcfs. ]

,; Mdndavj

<»/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1745; 145

Monday, Feb. n. About Break-of-Dav the firk l\/r,„ died. IwasaffeaedaetheSight: Sp.nt tSofn nfwith^t .^ Mourners; and afrer Prayer, and fome Difcourfe with theZ 1 returned to Greenwich, zv,^ preached again fromP/^/. Ixxxix i c And the Lord gave me Affiftance : 1 felt afweet Love to Souls, and to the Kingdom of Chrift ; and longed that poor Sinners might know the joyful Sound. Several Pcrfons v^^ere much ^^^^f^ And after Meeting, I was enabled to difcourfe with l-reedom and Concern, to fome Perfons that appffed to me under fpimual Trouble. Left the Place, i^^^t\y compofed, and red' home to myHoufe about 8 Miles diftant. Difcourfed re Friends and mculcated divine Truths upon feme. In the Evening, was m the moft folemn Frame that almoft ever I remember to have experienced : 1 know not that ever Death appeared more real tome or that ever I faw my felf in the Condition of a dead Corpfe laid out and^drefs'd for aLodging in the filent Grave, fo evidently as at thisTime. And yet I felt exceeding comfortably : My Mind was compofed and calm, and Death appeared with^ out a btwg, I think, I never felt fuch an univerfal Mortifica- tion to all created Objeas as now. Oh, how great and folemn a I hing It appeared to die \ Oh, how it lays the greateftHonour in the Duft I And Oh, how vain and trifling did the Riches Honours, and Pleafures of the World appear I I could not I dare not, fo mucji as think of any of them : for Death, Death, lolemn ( tho' not frightful ) Death appeared at the Door. Oh I could fee my fclf dead, and laid out, and inclofed in myCoifin' and put down into the cold Grave, with greateft Solemnity,buc without Terror I If pent moft of the Evening, in conveifing with a dearChriftianFriend : And,blefled be God, it was a com- fortable Evening to us both.-- What are Friends? What are Comforts ? What are Sorrows ? What are Difirt/les ?-- The Time is/hort : It remains, that they which weep.be asiho' they wept not ; ^ and they which rejoyce, as tho* they rej^yceJ not : for the Fa/hion of this World paffeth azvqy, O come, Urd Jefus, ceme quickly ; Amen.— Blelled be God for the Comfor'ts of the paft Day.

Tuefday, Feb. 12. Was exceeding weak 3 but in a fweet refigned, compofed Frame, moft of ^he Day ; Felt my Heart freely go forth after God in Prayer. ^'

^ednefday, Feb, i^. Was much exercifcd with vapoury Diforders J butftili enabled to maintain SoIemnity,and i thin^.. Spirituality,

146 mt.if. "The LIFE

Thurfday, Fel^ 14. Spent the Day in writing on a divine Subjedl : Enjoy'd Health, and Freedom in my Work : Had a folemn Senfe of Death ; as I have indeed had every Day this Week, in feme Meafure : What I felt on Monday laft, has been abiding, in feme confiderable Degree, ever fmee.

Friday, Fgb, 15. Was engaged in writing again almofl the whole Day. In the Evening, was much aflifted in meditating on that precious Text, John vii. 37. Jifusjiood and cried &c. I had then a fweet Senfe of the free Grace of the Gofpel : My Soul was encouraged, warm'd and quicken'd, and my Defires drawn out after God in Prayer ; My Soul was watchful, and afraid of lofing fo fweet a Guefl as I then entertain*d, I conti- nued long in Prayer and Meditation, intermixing one with the other j and was unwilling to be diverted by any Thing at all from (o fweet an Exercife. I longed to proclaim the Grace I then meditated upon, to the World of Sinners.—- O how quhk and powerful is the IVcrd of the blelTed God !

[ The next Day, he complains of great Confli<5is with Cor-^ ruption, and much Difcompofure of Mind.]

Lord 's- Day, /v^. 17. Preach'd to the iw^/Zr People ( my Interpreter being abfent ) in the WiJderncfs upon the funny fide of a Hill : Had a cofrnderable Affembly, confifling of People that lived (at lead many of them) not k(s than 30 Miles afun- der ; fome of them came near 20 Miles. I difcourfed to 'em, ^11 Day, from John vii, 37. Je/us (losd and cried ^ faying ^ JIf ony Man ihirfl^ &c. In the Afternoon, it pleafed God to grant me -^reat Freedom and Fervency in my Difcourfe 5 and I was ena- bled to imitate the Example of Chrift in the Texr,whoy?Wa«d iried.-" I think, I was fcarce ever enabled to offer the free Grace of God to perifhing Sinners with more Freedom and Plainnefs in my Life. And afterwards, I was enabled earneftly to invite the Children of.God to come renewedly, and drink of this Fountain of Water of Life, from whence they have here- tofore derived unfpeakable Saiisfadlion. It was a very comfor- table Time to me. There were many Tears in the Affembly ; and I doubt not but that the Spirit of God was there, convincing poor Sinners of their need of Chrifl.— \:\ the Evening, I felt compofed, and comfortable, tho' much tired : I had i<^vo.t fweet Senfe of the Excellency and Glory of God ; and my Soul r?'^ jovced, that he was God over all, hUJJ'ed forever ; but was.t<>® i«uch Cfoudtd vviih fj-jm^any and C'onverfation, and io»g€^''

to

(?/iHr. David Brainerd. A.D.1745. j^y

to be more alone with God. Oh that I could forever blefs God for the Mercy of this Day, who anfwered me in the Joy of my Heart.

[The reft of this V/eek feems to have been fpent under a Decay of this Life and Joy, and in diftreffing Conflifts with Corruption ; but not without fome Seafons of Refrefhment and Comfort.]

Lord's-Day, Feb, 24. In the Morning, was much perplex'd : My Interpreter being abfent, I knew not how to perform my Work among the Indians, However, I rode to the Indians^ got a Dutch' Man to Interpret for me, tho' he was but poorly qua- lified for the Bufinefs. Afterwards, I came and preach'd to a few white People from Johnv'u 67. Here the Lord feemed to unburden me in fome Meafure ; efpecially towards the clofe of rny Difcourfe : I felt Freedom to open rhe LeveofChriJi to his own dear Difciples : When the reft of the World for fakes him, and ^TQforfaken by him, that he calls them no more, he then turns to his own, and fays. Will ye otfjgo away / I had a Senfe of the free Grace of Chrift to his own People, in fuch Seafons of general Apoftacy, and when they themfelves in fome Mea- fure backflide with the World. O the free Grace of Chrift, that he feafonably minds his People of their Danger of Back- flidingy and invites them to perfevere in their Adherence to him- felf ! I faw that backjliding Souls, who feem'd to be about logo away with the World, might return, and welcome, to him im- mediately ; without any Thing to recommend them, ; notwith- ftandingall their formerBackflidings. And thus my Difcourfe was fuited to my own Soul's Cafe : For,of late, I have found a great want of this Senfe and Apprehenfion of divincGrace ; and have often been greatly diftrefs'd in my own Soul, becaufe I did not fultably apprehend this Fountain open' d to purge away Sin ; and fo have been too much labouring for fpiritual Life, Peace of Ccn- fcience, and progreflive Holinefs, in my own Strength : But now God (hewed me, in fome Meafure, the Jrmof all Strength, and the Fountain of nW Grace.—- In the Evening, I felt folemn, devout, and fweet, refting on free Grace for Ailiftance, Accep- tance, andPeage of Confcience.

[ Within the Space of the next nine Days, he had frequent refrefhing, invigorating Influences of God's Spirit; attended withComplaintof Dulijefs, and withLongings after fpiritualLife *.n:! holy Fexvency.J

Wednefday^

M^ ^V. 27: " fX^ L I F E

Wednefday, March 6. Spent moft of the Day in preparing fsr a Journey to New- England. Spent fome Time in Prayer, with a fpecial Reference to my intended Jouxney. Was afraid I fhould forfake ihcFountain of livinglVaten ^h attempt to derive Satisfadtion from brokenCiJierns^my dearFriends&Acquaintance, with whom I might meet in my Journey. 1 looked to God to keep me from ihisFanity in fpecial, as well as others. Towards Night, and in the £vening,was vifited by fome Friends, fome of whom, I truft, wepe real Chriftians ; who difcovered an af- fcdionate Regard to me, and feem'd grieved that I was about to leave them ; efpecially feeing I did not expe6l to make any confiderable Stay among them, if I fhould Vive to return from New-England. * O ho^w kind has God been to me 1 How has he raifed up Friends in every Place, where his Providence has called me I Friends are a great Comfort ; and 'tis God that gives them ; 'tis be makes them friendly to me. BUfs the Lordy O my Souly and forget not all his Benefit u

f The next Day, he (Qt out on his Journey : And it was about five Weeks before he returned.—- The fpecial Dcfign of this Journey, he himfelf declares afterwards^ in his Diary for March 21. Where, fpeaking of his converfing with a certain Minifter in New- England, he fays thus, Contrived with him how to raifefome Money among Chrifiian Friends ^ in order to fupport a Colleague with me in the IViliernejs^ ( 1 having now fpent twoTears in'avery folitary Manner) that we might be together ; as Chrififent out hisDifciples^ two and two : And as this was the principal Con^ cern I had in View, in taking this Journey^ fo 1 took Pains in /*/, und hope God will fucceed it, if for his Glory. He firft went into various Parts of NeW'Jerfey,?Lnd vifited feveralMinifters there : And then went to New-Tor k ; and from thence into New-tng- land, going to various Parts of Conne^icut : And then returned into Ne W' J er fey : He met aNumber of Minifters at IFoodbridge^ ivho (he fays) met there to confult about the Affairs of Chri/i's King- dom^ in fome important Articles. He feems, for the molt Part, to have been free from Melancholy in this Journey ; and many Times to have had extraordinary Affiftance in publick Miniltra- tions, and his preaching fometiraes attended with very hopeful

* It feems, he had a Defign^ by what afterwards appears, to remove and live among thg Jndiar\i at Sujfjuahannah-* River,

Appear^ncej

<?/ Mr. David Bralncrd. 'A. D. 1 745; 1 49

Appearances of a good EfFeft on the Auditory. He alfo had many Seafons of fpecial Comfort and fpiritual Refrefhment^ in Converfation with Minifters and other Chriftian Friends, and alfo in Meditation and Prayer by himfelf alone.]

Saturday, jfpril 13. Rode Home to my own Houfe at the Forks of Delawaie : Was enabled to remember the Goodnefs of the Lord, who has now preferved me while riding full 600 Miles in this Journey ; has kept me that none of my Bones have been broken. BlefTed be the Lord, who has preferved me in this tedious Journey, and returned me in Safety to my own Houfe. Verily 'tis God that has upheld me, and guarded my Goings.

Lord's-Day, April i^. Was difordered in Body with the 'Fatigues of my latejourney ; but was enabled however to preach fo a confiderable AlTembly of white People, gathered from all Parts round about, with fome Freedom, from Ezek. xxxiii. 11, As 1 live, faith the Lord Gody Sec, had much moie AfHftance than I expe(Sed.

I This Week, he went a Journey to Philadelphia, m order to engage the Governour there to ufe his Intereft with the Chief Man of the Six Nations, { with whom he maintained a llrict Frfend{hip)that he would give himLcav^e to Uve ztSufquahannah.^ and inflrudt the Indians that are within their Territories. * in his Way to and from thence, he lodged with Mr. Beaty, a young Prefbyterian Minif^er. He fpeaks df Seafons of fweel fpiritual Refrefhment, that he enjoyed at his Lodgings]

Saturday, April 20. Rode with Mr. Beafy to Abington^ to attend Mr. TnaC^ Adminiftration of the Sacrament, accoe'-ding to the Method of the Church of Scotland. When we arrived^ we found M.r.Treat preaching ; Afterw2rds I preached aSsrmoii from Maith. v. 3. Bleffed an the Paor in Spirit, 5c c. Gcd was pleafed to give me great Freedom auJ Tendernefs, both inPra^- er and Sermon ; The Aflbmbly was (weeily melted, and Scores

The Indians ziSufquahannah are a mix'dCompany of many Nation^-, fpeaking various Languages, and few Oi 'em pro- perly of the Six Nations. But yet the Country having formerly been conquered by the Six Nations, they claim the Land'; and the Sufquah'innah-Inciiav.i. are a kind of Vafiah to them.

were ',

"150 ^/. 28. 7^^ LIFE

were all in Tears. It was, as I then hoped and was afterwar(?3> abundantly fatisfied by converfing with them, a Word fpoken in Sea [on to many weary Souh. I was extremely tired, and my Spi- rits much exhaufted, fo that I could fcarcely fpeak loud j yet I could not help rejoicing in God.

Lords-Day, jfprilii. In the Morning, was calm and com* pofed,and had fome out-goings of Soul afterGod in fecretDutieSj and longing Defires of his Prefence in the SunSiuary and at his Table ; that his Prefence might be in the Afiembly ; and that his Children might be cntertain'd with a Fea/i of fat Things,-"' In the Forenoon, Mr. Treat preach'd. I felt fome AfFe6tion and Tcndernefs in the Seafon of tbeAdminifh-ation of theOrdinance- Mr. ^eaty preached to the Multitude abroad, who could not half havecrouded into the Meeting-Houfe. In the Seafon of the Communion, I had comfortable and fweet Apprehenfions of the blifsful Communion of God's People, when they fliall meet at tlieir Father's Table in his Kingdom, in a State of Perfection.— In theAfternoon, I preach'd abroad to the whole Aflembly5from Rev* xiv. 4. Tbefe are they that follow the Lamb, &c. God was pleafed again to give me very great Freedom and Clearnefs, but notfo much Warmth as before. However, there was a moft a- mazing Attention in the whole AfTembly ; and, as I was in- formed afterwards, this was a fweet Seafon to many.

Monday, Jpr, 22. I enjoy'd fome Swcetnefs inRetiremenf, in the Morning. >j^t eleven o'Clock, Mr. Beaiy preach'd,witb Freedom and Life. Then 1 preach'd from "foh, vii. 37. and concluded the Solemnity. Had fome Freedom ; but not equal to whst I had enjoyed before : Yet m thePraver, the Lord ena- bled' me to cry ( I hope) with a Child-like Temper, withTen- dernefs and Brokennefs of Heart.--- CameHome with Mr, Seaiy to his Lodgings ; and fpent the Time, while riding, and after- wards, very agreably on divine Things.

Tuefday, Jpril 23. Left Mr. ^eaty^s, and returned Home to the Forks ot Delaware : Enjoyed fome fweet Meditations, on the Road, and was enabled to lift up my Heart to God inPrayer and Praife.

[ The two next Days, hefpeaksof much bodily Difordefj but of fome Degrees of fpiritual Affiftance and Freedom, j

Friday, April 26. Converfed with a Chriftian Friend mi% fnrreVVarmth j and felt a Spirit of Mortification to theWorld-j^ in a \QTy great Degree, Afterwards^ was enabled t9 pray^«*r'

vent'/

of Mr. D^vid Brainerd. A.D. 1745. Y^i

Vcntlyj and to rely on God fweetly, for all Things pertaining u Life and Godlinefs, Juft in the Evening, was viiited by a dear Chriftian Friend, with whom 1 fpent an Hour or two in Con- verfation, on the very Soul of Religion. There are many with whom I can talk about Religion : But alas, 1 find fev& with whom I cm ii[\i Religion it felf : But, blefled be the Lord, there are Tome that love to feed on the Kernel, rather than the Shell.

[ The next Day, he went to the Iri/h Settlement, often be- fore mentioned, about 15 Miles diftant ; where he fpent the Sabbath, and preached with fome confiderable Affiftance. On Monday,he returned, in a very wcakState,to his ownLodgiBgs.l

*

Tuefday, jfpril 30. Was fcarce able to walk about, and was obliged to betake my felf to the Bed, much of the Day j and fpent away the Time in a very folitary Manner ; being neither able to read, meditate, nor pray, and had none to converfe within that Wildernefs. Oh, how heavily does Time pafs away, when I can do nothing to any good Purpofe 5 but feem obliged to trifle away precious Time ! But of late, I have (ttn it my Duty to divert my felf by all lawful Means, that I may be fit, at leaft fome fmall Part of my Time, to labour for God. And here is the Difference between my prefent Divcrfions, and thofe I once purfued, when in a natural State. Then I made a god of Diverfions, delighted in them with a NegleiSl of God, and dreiv my higbeft Satisfad^ion from them : Now I ufe them as Means to help me in living to God ; fixedly delighting fn Him^ and not in them, drawing my higheft Satisfadion from Him* Then they were my Jll ; now they are only Means leading to my JIL And thofe Things that are the greateft Di- verfion, when purfued with this View, don't tend to hinder, buc promote my Spirituality ; and I fee now, more than ever, that they are abfolutely necefTary.

Wednefday, A/ay i. Was not able to fit up more than half the Day ; and yet had fuch Recruits of Strength fometimes^ that I was able to write a little on a divine Subjedt, Was grieved that I could no more live to God. In the Evening, had fome Sweetnefs and Intenfenefs in fecret Prayer.

Thurfday, May 2. In the Evening, being a little better In Health, I walk'd into the Woods, and enjoyed a fweet Seafon of Meditation and Prayer. My Thoughts run uponP/^/.xvii. 15. J. Jhall befatufiedy when I awake with thfLikenefs, And it was 'fldeed a preciou&Text to me. 1 long'd to preach to the whole

X ' " World;

Tsi mLi%: !rj<f LIFE

World : And it feem*d to me, they muft needs all be melted in hearing fuch precious divineTruths, as I had then aView and Relifh of. MyThoughts were exceeding clear,and my Soul was refrefhed. ---BleiTed be the Lord, that in my late & prefent Weaknefs, now for many Days together, my Mind is not gldo- my, as at fome other Times.

Friday, May 3. Felt a little Vigour of Body and Mind, in the Morning : Had fome Freedom, Strength, and Sweetnefs in Prayer. Rode to and fpent fome Time with my Indians^ In the Evening, again retiring into the Woods, I enjoyed feme fweet Meditations on Ifaiah liii« i. Tet it pleofed the Lord to brulje him^ &c.

[ The three nextDays were fpent in much weaknefs of Body : But yet he enjoyedfomeAffiftance in publick and privateDuties : and feems to have remained free from Melancholy.]

Tuefday, May 7. Spent the Day mainly in making Prepa- ration for a Journey into the Wildernefs. Was flijl weak, and concerned how I fhould perform fo difficult a Journey. Spent fome Time in Prayer for the divine Bleffing, Diredion and Protedtion in my intended Journey ; but wanted bodily Strength to fpend the Day in Falling and Prayer.

[The next Day, he fet out on his Journey to Sufquahannah^ with his Interpreter. He endured great Hardfhips & Fatigues in his Way thither thro' a hideous Wildernefs ; where, after having lodged one Night in the open Woods, he was overtaken with a North- Eaflerly Storm, in which he was almoft ready to perifh. Having no Manner of Shelter, and not being able to make a Fire in fo great a Rain, he could have no Comfort if he ftopt ; therefore determined to go forward, in Hopes of meeting with fomeShelter, without which he tho't it impoilible he (hould live thcNight thro' : But theirHorfes hap'ning to have eatPoifon (for want of otherFood) at a Place where they lodged the Night l)efore,were fo Tick that they could neither ride nor lead 'em, but "weic obliged to drive *em before them, and travel onFoot ; until thro* theMercy of God (juft atDufkjthey came to aBark-Hutr, where they lodged thatNight. Atter he came ioSufquahannah^ho travelled about theLength of an lOoMiles on theRiver,& vifited JnanyTowns & Settlements of theJndians ; faw fome of 7 or 8 diftin<5i Tribes ; and preached to difFerentNations, by different Interpreters. He was fometimss much difcouraged, arid funk zn his Spirit?, thro* iks Oppolitigq thst appeared in the* hdiant

'of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1745. 15^

,to Chriftianity. At other Times, he was encouraged by the , Difpofition that feme of thefq People manifefted to hear, and Wiliingnefs to be inftrufte4. He here met with fome that had formerly been his Hearers at Kaunaumeeh^ and had removed hi- ther ; who faw and heard him again with great Joy. He fpent a Fortnight among the Indiam on this River ; and pafs'd thro* confiderable Labours and Hardfliips, frequently lodging on the Ground, and fometimcs in the open Air ; And at length he fell extremely III, as he was Riding in the Wildernefs, being feized with anAgue, followed with a burning Fever, and extremePains in his Head and Bowels, attended with a great Evacuation of Blood J fo that he tho*t hemuft have perifhed in theWilderncfs: But at laft coming to an Indian Trader's Hutt, he got Leave to ftay there ; and tho' without Phyfick or Food proper for him, it pleafed Godjafter about aWeek's Diftrefs, to relieve him fo far that he was able to ride^ He returned homewards from Ja«- tauta^ an Ifland far down the River ^ where was a confiderable Number of Indians^ who appeared more free from Prejudices a- gainft Chriftianity, than moft of the other Indians, He arrived at theForks o( Delaware on Thurfday-^-3y 30, after having rode in this Journey about 34oMiles. f He cameHome in a very weak State, & underDeje6lion of Mind 5 which was a greatHindranCe to him in religious Exercifes. However, on the Sabbath, after having preach'd to the Indians, he preach'd to the white People, with fome Succefs, from Jfai, liij. 10. Te< it pleafed the Lord t a bruife him^ ^c. fome being awakened by his preaching. The next Day, he was mu<:h e;iercifed for want of fpiritual Life and Forvency.]

Tuefday, June 4. Towards Evening, was in Diftrefs for God*s Prefence and a Senfe of divine Things : Withdrew my felf to the Woods, and fpent near an Hour in Prayer and Me- ditation ; and I think, the Lord had CompafTion on me, and gave me fome Senfe of divine Things ; which was indeed re- frefti-ing & quick'ning to me : MySoul enjoyed Intenfenefs and Freedom in Prayer, fo that it grievM me to leave the Place.

Wednefday, June 5. Felt thirfting Defires after God, in the Morning. In the Evening,enjoyed a precious Seafon ofRe- tiremgijt : Was-favoured with fome clcaj: and fweetMeditations upon a facrcd Text ; DivineThings open'd with Clearnefs and

t This is the Journey which he occafionally mentions in his primed Joar/igl^ P# 53»-56»

X t Certaiftty

154 Mt:i%. r/&^LIFE

Certainty, and had a divine Stamp upon thero f My Soul was alfo enlarged and refrefh*d inPrayer ; and I delighted to continue in the Duty ; and was fsveetly afHfted in praying for Fellow- Chriftians, and my dear Brethren in the Miniftry. Blefledbc the dear Lord for fuch Enjoyments. O how fweet & precious it is, to have a clear Apprehenfion & tcnderSenfe of the My/iery of Goalinefsy of true Holinefs, & Likenefs to the beft of Beings ! O what a BlefTednefs it is, to be as much like God, as 'tis poifi- ble for a Creature to be like his great Creator ! Lord, give me more of ^^y Likenefs : I (hall he fatisjied, when I awake with it. Thurfday, June 6 Was engaged, a confiderable Part of the Day, in Meditation and Study on divine Subjects. Enjoyed fome fpecial Freedom, Clearnefs, and Sweetnefs in Meditation. O how refrefhing it is, to be enabled to improve Time well !

[ The next Day, he went a Journey of near fifty Miles to 2sJeft)amingy to aflift at a Sacramental Occafion, to be attended at Mr. Beaiy's Meeting- Houfe s being invited thither by him and his People, j

Saturday, June 8. Was exceeding weak and fatigued with Riding in the HeatYefterday : But being defired, I preached in the Afternoon, to a crouded Audience, from Jfai. xl. i. Comfort ycy Comfort ye my People^ faith your God. God was pleafed to give me great Freedom, in opening the Sorrows of God's Peo- ple, and in fetting before them comfortingConfiderations. And, blefied be the Lord, it was a fweet melting Seafon in the AfTem- biy.

Lord's-Day, June c^. Felt fome longing Defires of the Pre- fence of God to be with his People on the folemnOccafion of the Day. In the Forenoon, Br. Beaty preached ; and there appear- ed fome Warmth in the AfTembly. Afterwards, I afHfted in the Adminittration of the Lord's Supper : And towards the clofe of it, I difcoarfed to the Multitude eatempore^ with fomeReferencc to that facred PafTagc Ifai. liii. lO. Tet it pleafed the Lord to bruife Him, Here God gave me great Afliftance in addreffingiinners : And the Word was attended with amazingPower ; manyScores, li not Hundreds, in that great AfTembly, confifting of three or foul- Thoufand, were much afFeded ; fo that there was a very vr/nt Alourningy like the Adourning of Hadadrimmon. — - In the Evening, I could hardly look any Body in the Face, be- \-aufe of the Imperfedlions I faw yfjIfkM Performances in the

Monday^

oj Mi: David Brainerd. A.D. 1 745. 155

Monday, June 10. Preacb'd with a good Degree of Clearners and feme fwcet Warmth, from Pfal. xvii. 15. Ijhall he fath^ ^ed^ when 1 awake with thy Likenefs, And blefled beGod, there was a greatSoleiiinity,and Attention in the Afiembly, and fweet Refreflimcnt among God's People ; as was evident then, and afterwards.

Tucfday, June i r. Spent the Day mainly in Converfatloil •with dear Chriftian Friends ; and enjoyed fome fweet Senfe of divine Things. O howd'efirable itrs, to keep Company with <jod's dear Children ! TheCc arc the exreilent (Dnes 0/ the Earthy in whom^ I can truJy fay, is oil my Delight, O v/hat Delight will it afford, to meet them all in a State of Perfedion ! Lord, prepare mc for that State.

[ The next Day, he left Mr.5^ff/>'s,and went to Maidenhead in New J erf ey, and fpent the next feven Days in a com- fortable State of Mind, vifiting feveral Minifters in thofe Parts.]

Tuefday, June i^. Set out from New-Brunfwick with a Defign to vifit fome Indians at a Place called Crofweekjung in New-Jerfey^ towards the Sea. f In the Afternoon, came to a Place called Cranberry^ and meeting with a ferious Minifter, Mr. Mc Nighty I lodged there with him. Had fome Enlarge- ment and Freedom in Prayer with a Number of People.

f Mr. Brainerd having, when at Bofton^ wrote and left with a Friend a brief Relation of Fa6!s touching hisLabours with the Indians 2nd Reception among them, during the Space of Time between Nov. 5. 1744, and Ju^e 19. 1745. (with a View to connect his Narrative, at the End of Mr. Pern- berton^s Ordination-Sermon, and his Journal, in Cafe they fhouldever be reprinted) concludes the fame with this PafTage : yfj my Body was very feeble, fa myMin^ was fear ce ever fo much damped and difcourag'd about the Converfton of the Indians, as at this Time, And in this State of Body and Mind J made my firji Viftt to the Indians in New- Jerfcy, where God was ■pleas'' d to difplay his Power i^ Grace in the remarkable Manner that I have reprefented in my printed Journal,

PART

y^S Mt.zi. Tie LIFE

Part VIL

From his Jirji Beginning to preach to the Indians at Crofweekfung, V/7/ he r^- turrid from his lajl Journey to Sufqua- hannah ill with the Confumption^ whereof

'" he died.

r IT 7 E are now come to that Part of Mr. Brainerd'z Ufe^ L VV wherein he had his greateft Succefs^ in his Labours for the good of Souls, and in his particular Bufinefs as a IVliiTionary to the Indians » An Account of which, if here pub- lifh'd, would doubtlefs be very entertaining to the Reader, after he hasfeen by the preceeding Parts of this Account of his Life, how great and long-continued his Defires for the fpiritual Good of this Sort of People were,how he prayed, labouredj^c wrefUed, 9nd how much he denied himfelf and (uiFered,to this End. After all Mr. Brainerd's agonizing in Prayer, and travailing in Birth, (or the Converfion of Indians^ and all the Inteichanges of his raifed Hopes and Expedations, and then Difappointments and Difcouragcments ; and after waiting in a Way of perfevering Prayer, Labour and Suffering, as it were through a \ongNight ; at length the Day dawns : IVeeping continues for a Night, but Joy comes in the Morning, Me went forth weepings bearing precious tleed^ and now he comes with Rejoycinvy bringing his Sheaves with him. The defircd Event is bro't to pafs at laft ; but at a Time, in a Place,and uponSubje<3s,that fcarce ever entered into his Heart. An Account of this would undoubtedly now much gratify the Chriflian Reader : And it fhould have been here in- ferred, as it (lands in his Diary, had it not been, that a particu- lar Account of this glorious and wonderful Succefs was drawn up b; Mr. ^r^/W^ himfelf, purfuant to the Order of the ho- nourable Society in Scotland^ and publifh'd by him in his Life- time 5 v/hich Account many have in flicir Hands j and tbein-

fcrtinc^

'6f Mr, David Braincrd: A.D. 1 745: i^j

Iferting it here would- too much fwell this Book, ag was faid before in the Preface. However, I look upon the want of this Account here, as a real Defe6l in this Hiftory of Mr. Braimrd's Life ; which, I v/ould hope, thofe of my Readers, who are not already poffefs'd of his publick Journal, will fupply, by procur- ing one of thofe Books, that they mayn't be without that which in fome Refpeds is the moft remarkable, and to a Chriftian Mind would be the moft pleafantPart of the wholeStory. That theReader who is furnifh'd with one of thofe Books, may know the Place where the Defers of thisHiftory are to be fupplied from thence, I fhall either exprefly obferve it as I go along, or elfe

make a dafli or ftroke thus Which when the Reader finds

in this 7th Part of this Hiftory,he is to underftand by it, that in that Place fomething in Mr. Brainerd'i Diary^vrorth obferving, is lift out, becaufe the fame for Subftance was publifhed before in his printed Journal.]

Wednefday June 19. 1745. Rode to the Indians at Crofweek* fung : Found few at Home : Difcourfed to them however ; and obferved them very ferious and attentive. At Night I was ex- treamly worn out, and fcarce able to walk or fit up. Oh, how tirefome is Earth ! How dull the Body I

Thurfday, June 20. Towards Night, preach'd to the Indians again ; and had more Hearers than before. In the Evening, cnjoy'd fome Peace and Serenity of Mind, fome Compofure and Comfort in Prayer alone; and was enabled to lift up my Head with fome Degree of Joy, under an Apprehenfioa that my Re- demption draw* nigh. Oh, blefTed be God, that there remains a Refi to his poor weary People !

Friday, June 21. Rode toFre^boldyto (eeMr JVilliamTennent; and fpent the Day comfortably with him. My finking Spirits were a little raifed and encouraged ; and I felt my Soul breath- ing after God, in the midft of Chriflian Converfaiion. And in the Evening, was rcfrefh'd in fecret Prayer : Saw my felf a poor worthlefs Creature, without Wifdom to dire<5t, or Strength to help my felf. Oh, blefTed be God, that lays me under a happy, a blefTed Ncceffity of living upon himfelf !

Saturday, June 22. About Noon, rode to the Indians again -^ and ncarNight,preach'd to 'em. Found myBody much ftrength- en'd,and was enabled to fpeak with abundantPlaioners& Warmth. And the Power of God evidently attended the Word ; f> that fundry Perfons were brought under greatConcern for their Souls* a«d made to ihe<J many Tears, and to wifh for Chrifl to favc

ibera.

158 JEt. 28: W^LIFE

them. My Soul was much refrcfh'd,and quicken'd,in myWork^ andl could not but fpend much Time with them, in order to open both their Mifery and Remedy, This was indeed a fweet Afternoon to me. While riding, before I came to the Indians^ my Spirits wererefrefh'd, and my Soul enabled to cry to God almoft incefTantly, for many Miles together. In the Evening alfo I found the Confolations ofGod were not fmall : I was then willing to live, and in feme Refpedts defirous of it, that I might do fomething for the dear Kingdom of Chrift 5 and yet Death appeared pleafant : So that I was in fome Meafure in a Strait between two,having a defire to depart. I am often weary of this World, and want to leave it on that Account : But 'tis defirablc to be drawn, rather than driven out of it.

[ In the four next Days is nothing remarkable in his Diary, but what is in his publick Journal. ]

Thm((\zy, June 27. MySoul rejoiced, to find,tbatGod ena- bled me to be faiihtul, and that he was pleafed to awaken thefc poor Indians by my Means. O how Heart- reviving, and Soul- refrefhing is it to me to fee the Froit of my Labours !

Friday, J'aw^ 28. In theEveningjmySoul was revived, and

my Heart lifted up to God in Prayer, for my poor Indians^ my Self and Friends, and the dear Church of God. And O how re- frefihing, how fweet was this ! Blefs the Lord, O my Soul, and forget not his Goodnefs and tender Mercy.

Saturday, June2<^. Preach'd twice to the Indians i and could not but wonder at their Serioufnefs, and the Stridtnefs of their

Attention. BlefTed be God, that has inclined their Hearts

to hear. And O how refrefhing it is to me, to fee them attend withfuch uncommon Diligence afid AfFedtion, with Tears in their Eyes, and Concern in their Hearts ! In theEvening, could not but lift up my Heart to God in Prayer, while riding to my Lodgings : And biefled be his Name, had AlTiftance and Free- dom. O how much better than Life is the Prefence of God 1

[ His 7);flry gives an Account of nothing remarkable on the two next Days, befides what is in his publick Journal ; except- inghis Heart's being lifted up with Thankfulnefs, rejoicing in God, i^c,-]

Tuefday, y^/y 2. Rode from xhtlndiam toBrunfwick^ near 40 Miles, and lodged there. Felt my Heart drawn *ut after God in Prajer^ almoft all the Forenoon i -efpecially while riding.

And

£?/ Afr. David Bramerd; A.D.i;45: i^^'

And in the Elyening, could not help crying to God for thofe poor Indianfi and after I went to Bed, my Heart continued to go out to God for them, 'till I dropM afleep. O blcflcd be God a that I may pray !

[ He was fo beat out by conftant preaching to tbefe Indianr, yielding to their earneft and importunate Defires, that he found it neceflary to give himfelf feme Relaxation. He fpent therefore about a Week in Neuf-^erfiy^zher he left thefe Indians, vifiting fevcralMinifters, and performing feme neceflary Bufinefs, before he went to the Forks of Delaware. And tho' he was very \veak inBody, yet he feems to have been ftrongin Spirit. OnFri^y, July 12. he arrived at his own Haufe ia theForks of Delaware ; continuing (till free from Melancholy ; from Day to Day, en- joying Freedom, Affiftance and Refrefhment in the inner Man* But on Wednefday, the next Week, he feems to have had fome melancholy Thoughts about his doing fo litUe for God 5 being fo much hindered by weaknefsof Body.]

Thurfday, July 18. Longed to fpend the little Inch of Time I have in the World more for God. Felt a Spirit of Seriouf'^ nefs, TendernefsjSweetners, and Devotion, and wifti'd to fpend the whole Night in Prayer and Communion with God.

Friday, July 19. In the Evening, walked abroad for Prayer and Meditation, and enjoyed Compofure and Freedom in thefe fweet Exercifes ; efpecially in Meditation on Rev. iii. i2. Him that over Cometh, will 1 make a Pillar in the Temple of my God &c. This was then a delightful Theme to me, and it refrefhed my Soul to dwell upon it. Oh, when fliall I go no more out from the Service and Enjoyment of the dear Lord ? Lord, haften the blefTed Day.

[ Within the Space of the next fix Days, he fpeaks of much inward Refrefliment and Enlargement, from Time to Time.]

Friday, July 26. In the Evening, God was pleafed to help me in Prayer, beyond what I have experienced for fome Time ; efpecially my Soul was drawn out for theEnlargement of Chrifl's Kingdom, and for the Converfion of my poor People : and my Soul relied on God for the Accomplifhment of that great Work. Oh,how fweet were theThoughts of Death to me at thisTime ! Oh, how I longed to be with Chrift, to be imployed in the glo- fious Work of Angels, and with an Angel's Freedom, Vigour

Y and

i£o M. 29. "Ihe LIFE

and Delight ! And yet bow willing was I to ftay a while on Earth, that I mig^it do Something, if the Lord pleafed, for his Intcreft in the World ! My Soul, my very Soul, longed for the Ingathering of the poor Heathen ; and I cried to God for them moft willingly and heanlly ; and yet becaufe I coald not but cry. This was a fweetSeafon ; for I had fome lively Tafte of Heaven, and a Temper of Mind fuited in fome Meafure to the Employ- ments and Entertainments of it. My Soul was grieved to leave the Place ; but my Body was weak and vi^orq out, and it was near nine o'clock. Oh, I longed that the remaining Part of myLife might be fill'd up with moreFervency andAftivity in the Tilings of God ! Oh the inwardPeace,Compofure, andGod-like Serenkyof fuch aFrame ! Heaven muft ncedsdiffer from thisonly in Degree,and not inKind. Lord^ever give ms this Sread of Lifs, ^ [ Much of this Frame feem'd to continue the next Day.] . Lord's-Day, July 28. In the Evening, my Soul was melted, and my Heart brol^n, with aSenfeof paftBarrennefsand Dead- iiefs : And Oh, howl then longed to live to God, and bring forth much Fruit to his Glory I

Monday, July 29. Was much exercifed with a Senfe of Vilenefs, with Guilt and Shame before God.

[ For other Things remarkable, while he was this Time at the Forks o^ Delaware ^ih^ Reader mufl be refer'd to his publick Journal, As particularly for hisLabours andSuccefs there among the Indians,

On Wednefday, July 31. He fet out on his Return to Crof-

weekfungyTivA arrived there the nextDay* In his Way thither, he

had longing Defires that he might come to ih^lniians therc,in the

fulnefio/the BUJfing oftheGcfpel ofChri/i ; attended with a Senfe

of his own great Weaknefs^ Dependance and Wonhlefnefs. J

Friday, Auguji 2, In the Evening, I retired, and my Soul wsrs drawn out in Prayer to God ; efpecially for my poor Peo- ple, to whom I had fent Word that they might gather together, that I might preach to 'em the next Day. I was much enlarged in Praying for their faving Converfion ; and fcarce ever found my Defires of any Thing of this Nature fo fenfibly and clearly ( to my own SatisfacSlion) difintereited, and free from felliffe Views. It feem'd to me, 1 had no Care, or hardly any Defire to be the Inftrument of fo glorious a Work, as I wifh'd and pray'd for among the Indians'. If the blefled W^ork might be accompliflied to ihe Honour of God, and the Enlargement of the dear Redeemer's Kingdom, this was all my Dcfire and Care; and for this Mercy I hoped, but with Trembling,; ^o\A

felt

e/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D.1745. 161

fek what 7^^ exprelTes, Chapter ix, 16. My nUnz Hopes, re- fpCiSling the Converfion of the Indiansy have been fo often dafh- ed, that my Spirit is as it were brokenj and Courage wafted, and 1 hardly dare hope.

[ Concerning his Labours and marvellous Succefs amongft the Jndiansyfov the following 16 Days, let the Reader fee hispublick JournaL The Things worthy of Note in his Diary ^ not there publiflied, are his earneft and importunate Prayers for the In- digm^ and the Travail of his Soul for them from Day to Day ; and his great Refrefhment and Joy in beholding the v/onderful Mercy of God, and the glorious Manifeftations of his Power and Grace in his Work among them ; and his ardent Thankf- givings to God ; his Heart's rejoycing in Chrif?:, as King of his Church, and King of his Soul -, in particular, at the Sacra- ment of the Lord's Supper, at Mr. McJSIight\ Meeting- Houfe ; aSenfeofhis own exceeding Unvvorthinefs j which fometimes was attended with Deje(5tion and Melancholy.]

Monday, Aug, ic^, Near Noon, I rode toFreehold^ and

preach'd to a confiderableAfTembly, UoaniVlatth, v. 3. It pleafed God to leave me to be very dry and barren ; fo that I don't re- member to have been To ftraiten'd for a whole twelve Month paft. God is juft, and he has made my Soul acquiefce in his Will in this Regard. 'Tis contrary ioFleJh and Blood to be cut ofFfrom all Freedom, in a large Auditory, where their Expedta- tions are much raifed ; but ^o it was with me : AndGod helped me to fay Amm to it- ; Good is theWill of the Lord, In iheEven- ing, I felt quiet and compofed, and had Freedom and Comfort in fecret Prayer.

Tuefday, Aug, 20. Was compofed and comfortable, flill in a refigned Frame. Travelled from Mr. Tennent's in Freehold to Elifabeth-Town, Was refrefh'd to fee Friends, and relate to them what God had done,and was ftill doing among my poor People.

Wednefday, Aug, 21. Spent the Forenoon in Converfation with Mr. Dickinfon^ contriving fomething for the Settlement of the Indians together in a Body, that they might be under better Advantages for Inftrudtion. In the Afternoon, fpent Time agreably with other Friends ; wrote to my Brother at College : But was grieved that Time Aid away, while I did fo little for God,

Y 2 Friday,

i62 JB^fB. The LIFE

Friday, Aug. 23. In the Morning, was very weak ; but favoured with fome Freedom and Sweetnefs in Prayer : Was compofed and comfortable in Mind. After Noon, rode to Crofweekfung to my poor People.

Saturday, Af. 24. ——Had Cocnpofure SiPeace, while riding from the Indians to my Lodgings : Was enabled to pour out my Soul to God for dear Friends in New- England. Felt a fweet tender Frame of Spirit : My Soul was compofed and refrefhed in God. Had likewife Freedom and Earneftnefs in praying for my dear People : BlefTed be God. O the Peace of God thai paf- jeth aUVnder Handing ! 'Tis impoffible todefcribe thefweetPeacc bf Confcience, and Tendernefs of Soul, I then enjoyed. O the blefled Foretaftes of Heaven f

Lord's- Day, yf«^.25. 1 rode to my Lodgings in theEvcn-

ing, blefJing the Lord for his gracious Vifttation of the Indians^ and the Soul-refrefhing Things I had feen theDay paft amongft them, and praying thatGod would ftill carry on his divineWork among them.

Monday, ^tt^. 26. 1 went from the Indians to my Lodg- ings, rejoycing for the Goodnefs of God to my poor People $ and enjoyed Freedom of Soul in Prayer, and other Duties, in the Evening. Blefs the Lord, O my Soul.

[ The next Day, he fet out on a Journey towards the Forks oi Delaware, dcCigning to go from thence ioSufquahannah, htioxQ he returned to Crofweekjung, It was five Days from hisDepar- ture from Crofweekfung^hzioxc he reach'd ih^Forks^gomg round by the Way of Philadelphia, and waiting on the Governour of Penfylvania, to get a Recommendation from him to the Chiefs of the Indians ; which he obtain'd. He fpeaks of much Com- fort and fpiritual Refrefhmcnt in this Journey ; and alfo a Senfe of his exceeding Unworthin^fs, thinking bimfelf the meaneft Creature that ever lived.]

Lord's- Day, September i. [ At theForks oWelaware ]-

God gave me the Spirit of Prayer, and it was a blefled Seafon in that Refpecl. My Soul cried toGod forMercy,in an afFe£tionatC Manner. h\ the Evening alfo my Soul rejoyced in God.

[ His private Diarv has nothing remarkable, for the two next pays, but what is in his ^MiQkJournaL ]

Wcdnefday,

«>/ il4ir. David Brainerd. A.D. 1745. 163

Wednefday, Sept, 4. Rode 15 Miles to an Iri/h Settlement, and preachM there from Luke xiv 22.— Jnd yet there is Room. God was pleafed to afford me fome Tender nefs and Enlarge- ment in the firft Prayer, and much Freedom, as well as Warmth, in Sermon. There were many Tears in the AfTembly : The People of God feemed to melt, and others to be in fome Mea- fure awaken'd. BlefTed be the Lord, that lets me fee his Work going on in one Place and another.

[ The Account for Thurfday is the fame for Subftanceas in his publick Journal.]

Friday, S^pt, 6. Enjoyed fome l^reedom and Intenfenefs of Mind in Prayer alone ; and longed to have mySoul more warm'd with divine and heavenly Things. Was fomewhat melancholy, towards Night, and longed to die and quit a Scene of Sin and Darknefs j but was a little fupported in Prayer.

f This Melancholy continued the next Day.]

JjOrd'S'DayySept. 8. In theEvening,God was pleafed to

enlarge me in Prayer, and give me Freedom at the Throne of Grace : I cried to God for the Enlargement of his Kingdom in the World, and in particular among wy dear People ; was alfo enabled to pray for many dear Minifters of my Acquaintance, both in thefe Parti, and in New- England ; and a!fo for other dear Friends in New- England. And my Soul was fo engaged and enlarged in that fweet Exercife, that I fpent near an Hour in it, and knew not how to leave the Mercy-Seat. Oh, how I delighted to ppey and cry to God ? I faw, God was both able and willing to do all that I defired, for my felf and Friends, and his Church in general. I was likewife much enlarged and affift- cd in Family-Prayer. And afterwards, when I was juft going to Bed, God helped me to renew myPetitions withArdency and Freedom. Oh, 'twas to me a bieflcdEveningof Prayer I Blefs the Lord, O my Seul.

[ The next Day, he fet out from the Fof ks of Delaware to go to Sufquahannah. And on the fifth Day of his Journey^ he airived at Shaumoking^ a large Indian Town on Sufquahannah' River. He performM the Journey under a confiderable Degree of Melancholy, occafion'd at firfl by his hearing that the Mora- vians were gone before him to the Su/quahannah-Indiam.] > Saturdays

1^4 JSf. is: 7beLlFE

Saturday, Sept. 14. [At Shaumoking ] > Jn the Evening, mySoul was enlarged airofweetly engaged inPrayer ; efpecially, tbatGoD would fet up hisKingdom in thisPlace, where the Devil now reigns in the moft eminent Manner. And I was enabled to afk this for God, for his Glory, and bccaufe I longed for the Enlargement of his Kingdom, to the Honour of his dear Name. I could appeal to God with the greateft Freedom, that he knew it was his dear Caufe, and not my own, that engaged myHeart : And my Soul cried, Lardy fet up thy Kingdom^ for thine ownG lory. Glorify thyfelf •, and 1 /hail re Joyce, Get Honour to thy bb-ffed I^ame : Jnd this is all I defire. Do with me juji what thou wilt, Blejfed be thy Name forever^ that thou art God^ and that thou wilt glorify thy f elf . O that the' whole IVorld might glorify thee, O let thefe poor People be brought to know thet^ and love thee, for the Glory of thy dear ever-bkjfed Name, I could not but hope, ^that God would bring in thefe miferable, wicked Indians : Tho' there appeared little humanProbability of it ; for they were then dancing and revelling, as if pofTefTed by the Devil. But yet I hoped, iho' againjl Hope, that God would be glorified, that God's Name would be glorified b«. thefe poor Indians, I continued long in Prayer and Praife to God ; and had great Freedom, En- largement and Sweetnefs, remembring dearFriendsiniV^iu-^w^- hnd, as well as the People of my Charge. Was entirely free from that Dejedion of Spirit,with which I am frequently exer* cifed : Blefied be God.

[ His Diary from this Time toSept, 22. ( the laft Day of his Continuance among the Indiam at Sufquahannah) is not legible , by Reafon of the Badnefs of the Ink. It was probably written with the Juice of fome Berries found in the Woods, having no other Ink in that Wildernefs. So that for this Space of Time the Reader muft be wholly refer'd to his publick Journal,

On Monday, Sept, 23. He left the Indians, in order to his Return to the Forks of Delaware, in a very weak State of Body, and under Deje<Stion of Mind, which continued the two firfi Days of his Journey.]

Wednefday, Sept. 25. Rode ftill homeward. In the Fore- noon,enjoy'd Free^Dm and Intenfenefs of Mind in Meditation on Jub xhi. 5 ,6. 1 have heard of Thee by the hearing of the Ear ; but now mine Eye feeth thee : fVherefore 1 abhor my fel/^ and repent in Dufi ond /{Jhes, The Lord gave rae Clearnefs to penetrate into the fweet Truths contained in that Text. It was a com" furtable^nd fvvcet beafon to me.

Thurfday,

ef Mr. David Brainerd. A.D, 1 745. 1 65

ThurfJay, Sept, 26. Was filll mucfi diforder'd in Body, and able to ride but flowly. Continued my Journey however. Near Night, arrived at the Irijh Settlement, about 15 Miles from mine ovi^n Houfe. This Day, while riding, I was much exercifcd with a Senfe of my Barrennefs ; and verily thought, there was no Creature that had any true Grace, but what was more fpiritual and fruitful than I ; I could not think that any of God's Children made fo poor a Hand of living to God as I,

Friday, ^ept. 27. Spent confidcrableTime, in the Morning, in Prayer and Praife to God. My Mind was fomewhat intenfe in the Duty, and my Heart in fome Degree warm'd with aSenfe of divine Things : My Soul was melted, to think, that God had, accounted me faithful^ putting me into the Mihijiry^ notwithftand- ing all my Barrennefs and Deadnefs. My Soul was alfo in fome Meafure enlarged in Prayer for the dear People of my Charge, as well as for other dearFriends. In theAfternoonjVifited foms Chriftian Friends, and fpent theTime, I think, profitably : My Heart was warm'd, and more engagec^ in the Things of God. In the Evening, I enjoyed Enlargement, Warmth, andComfort in Prayer ; My Soul relied on God for Affiftance and Grace to enable me to do fomething in his Caufe : My Heart was drawn out in Thankfulnefs to God for what he had done for his own Glory among my poorPeopIe of late : And I felt encouraged to proceed in his Work, being perfwaded of his Power,and hoping his Arm might be further revealed, for the Enlargement of his dearKingdom : And my Soul rejoycedin hope of the Glory of Gody in Hope of the'Adva<ncement of his declarative Glory in the World, as well as of enjoying him in a World of Glory. Oh, bleiTed be God, the living God, forever !

[ He continued in this comfortable, fweet Frame of Mind, the two next Days. On theDay following, he went to his owri Houfe, in the Forks of Delaware^ and continued ftill in the fame Frame. ThenextDay, v;hich was Tuefday, he vifited his hir diam.- Wednefday he fpent mollly in writing the Medita- tions he had had in his latejourney to Sufquahannah* On Tbarf- day, he left the Forks of Deiaiuare, and travelled towards Crof- week/ung, where he arrived on Saturday [OSiob, 5.) and conti- nued from Day to Day in a comfortable State of Mind. There is nothing material in his Diary for this Dd^y and the next, but what is in his printed JournaUl

Monday,

'i66 mui%. ri^LIFE

Monday, 05ioh, 7. Being called by the Church and People of Enfihampton on Long- IJland ^ as a Member of a Council, to aflifl and advife in Affairs of Difficulty in that Church, I fet out en my Journey this Morning, before it was well Light, and tra- velled to Elijabeih'Tcwn^ and there lodged. Enjoyed fomc Comfort on the Road, in Converfation with Mr. WiUiamT^en- nenty who was fent for on the fame Bufmefs.

[ He profecuted hisjourney with theotherMiniflers that were fent for; and did not return till O^o^. 24. While he was at £a/i' Hampton^ the Importance of the Bufmefs that the Council were come upon, lay with fuch Weight on his Mind, and he was fo concerned for the Intereft of Religion in that Place, that he flept but little for feveral Nights fucceflively. In his Way to and from Ea/i- Hampten, he had feveral Seafons of fweetRefrcfh- ment, wherein his Soul was enlarged and comforted with divine Confolations, in fecret Retirement ; and he had fpecial AlTift- ance in publick minifterial Performances in the Houle of God ; and yet, at the fame Time, a Senfe of extreme Vilenefs and Un- prftfitablenefs. He from Time to Time fpeaks of Soul-refrefh- ment and Comfort in Converfation with the Miniflers that tra- velled with him ; and feems to have little or nothing of Melan- choly, 'till he came to tjic Weft-End of Long-jpand^ in his Return. After that, he was opprefled withDejedlion andGlocmi- refs of Mind, for feveral Days together.— For an Account of the four firft Days after his return from his Journey, I refer the Reader to his publick "Journal,

Monday, 0^<s^.28. Had anEvening of fweelRefrefhing;

my Thoughts were raifed to a blefled Eternity ; my Soul was melied with Defires of per fcdt Holinefs, and perfectly glorifying God.

Tuefday, Osioh. 2C). About Noon, rode and viewed the Indian Lsnds at Cranberry : Was much dejefted, and grea:ly perplexed in Mind : Knew not how to lee any Body again, my Soul was fo funk within me. Oh that thefe Trials might make rne more humble and holy. Oh that God would keep me from giving Way to fmful Deje£lion, which may hinder my Ufefulnefs.

Wednefday, O£iob. 30. My Soul was refrefhed with a View of the Conticuance of God's blefTed Work among the Jndians,

Thurfday, Oaob. 31. Spent moft of the Day in Writing : Enjoyed not much fpiritualCcmfort ; but was not fo much funk with Melancholy as at fomc other Times.

Friday^

cf Mr, David Bralnerd. A.D. 1 745. 1 67

Friday, Nov. i. [See the publick jfsumal ] Saturday, Nov, 2. Spent the Day with thelndians, and wrote fome Things oMmportance; and long'd to do more for God, than I did, or couid do in this prefent feeble and imperfedStatc. [ Nov. 3. & 4. [ See the publick Journal. ] Tuefday, Nov. 5. He left the Indians, and fpent the remain- ing Part of thisWeek in travelling to variousParts oiNew-Jerfey^ in order to get a ColleElion for the Ufe of the Indians^ and to obtain a School- Ma/ier toinftru6t them. And in the meanTime, he fpeaks of very fweet Refreftiment and Entertainment with Chnftian Friends, and of his being fweetly employed, while riding, in Meditation on divine Subje6ls ; his Heart's being en- larged, his Mind clear, his Spirit refrefhed with divine Truths, and Jiis Hearths burning zviihin him, while he went by the JVay^and the Lord opened to him the Scriptures. ]

Lord's- Day, Nov. 10. [ At Elizabeih-Town. ] Was com- fortable in the Morning, both in Body and Mind ; preach*d in the Forenoon from 2 Cor. v. 20. God was pleafed to give mc Freedom and Fervency in my Difcourfc ; and the Prefence of God feem'd to be in theAfTembly : Numbers were affe(5ted,and there were manyTears among them. In the Afternoon, preach'd from LuL xiv. 22. Jnd yet there ii Room, Was favoured wiiii divine Afliftance in the firft Prayer, and poured out my Soul to -God with a filial Temper of JNiind ; the living God alio ailifted me in Sermon.

[ The next Day, he went to New-Town on Long-IJland, i^ a Meeting of the Pr//^>/^ry. He fpeaks of fome fweet Med' ~ tations he had while there, on ChrijVs delivering up the Kin^a:rn to the Father^ and of hisSoul's being much refrefli'd and warm'J with the Conlideration of that bliisful Day. ]

Friday, Nov. 15. Could not crofs the Ferry by Rcafon of thf: Violence of the Wind ; nor could I enjoy any Place of Retire- ment at the Ferry-Houfe : So that I was in Perplexity. Yet God gave me fome Satisfaction and Sweetnefe inMeditation,and lifting up my Heart to God in the midft of Company. And altho' lome were drinking and talking profanely , which was ir - deed a Grief to me, yet my Mind was calm and compofsJ- And I could not but blefs God, that. I was not like to fjjend an Eternity in fuchCompany. In thcEvening, Ifatdown and wrore with Compofure and Freedom; and can fay ( through pure Grace ) it was a comfortable Erening; to my Scui, an Evening I was enabled to fpend in the Service of God.

Z Saturday,

i68 y^/.28. ne LIFE

Saturday, iVtf^% i6. CrofsM theFerry about tcrt o'CIock ; ar- rived at Elizabeth-Town near Night. Was in a calm compofed Frame of Mind, and felt an entire Refignation with Refpe^t to a Lofs I had lately fuflain'd, in having my Hoife flollen from mc the !aft Wednefda>Njght,at New-Towr}. Had fomeLongings-of Sou! for the dear People of Elizabeth-Town^ that God would pour out his Spirit upon them, and revive hislVork amongft them.

[ He fpent the four next Days at Elizabetb-Town ; for the moft Part, in a Free and Comfortable State of Mind, intcnfcly engaged in the Service of God, and enjoying, at fome Times, the fpecial AlTiftances of his Spirit. OnThurfday,thisWeek,he rode tofreehoUy^nd fpent theDay under confiderableDejedlion.]

Friday, A^^i/. 2 2. Rode to Mr. Tennem's^ and from thence to Crofweekfung, Had little Freedom in Meditation, while riding; V^hich wasaGriefand Burden to my Soul. Oh that I could fill up all my Time, whether in the Houfe or by the Way, forGod! I was enabled, I think, this Day to give up my Soul to God, and put overall my Concerns into his Hands ; and found fome real Confolation in the T'lought of being entirely at the divine Difpofal, and having no Will or Intereftof my own. I have re- ceived my all from God ; Oh that I could return my all to God. Surely God is worthy of my higheftAfFedlion, and moft devout Adoration : He is infinitely worthy, that I fhould make him my laft End, and live forever to him : Oh that I might never more, in any one Inf!ance,Iive to my felf.

Saturdav, iVw. 2^3. Vifited my People ; fpent the Day with them : Wrote fome Things of Importance. But was pretty much dejected, moft of the Day.

[ There is nothing very material in h\sDiary for the four next Days bat what is alfo in his publick yournal. ]

Thurfday, Nov, 28 I enjoyed fome divine Comfort,

and Fervency in the publick Exercife, and afterwards. And While ridJKg to my Lodgings, was favoured with fome fweet Meditations on Luk. ix. 31. Who appeared in Glory^ and /pake of his Deceaje^ which he /hould accompAJ}} at Jerufalem. My Tho'ts ran with Freedom, and I faw and felt what a glorious Subj'dl the D^^/;^ of Chr is r is for ^/.r/yzW Souls to dwell upon in their Converfaticn. Oh, the Death of Christ ! How in- finitely/)r^f/^ttj /

[ For the three next Days, fee the publick Journa\.\^ Moniay, Deccmb, 2. Was much afFedted with Grief, vhat I had not lived more to God ; and ft I' ftrong Refviut? • u- bl.;my Diligence in m) Maftcr's^c/vicc.

of Mr. David Brainerd. A,D. 1745. 169

[ After this, he went to a Meeting of the Frefhytery^ at a Place mNewJ er J ey ^C'hWqo Connect tcut- Far mi ; which occafion'd hisAbfence from his People the reft of this Week. He fpcaks of fomeSea'bnsof Sweetnefs, Soiemniiy and fpiritual AfFe<5lion in his Abfence.

Lord*s-Day, Decemb, 8. See his publick Journal,'^

MoHi^ay, Decern. 9. Spent moft of the Day in procuring Provifions, in Order to my fetting up Houfe- keeping among the Mians* Enjoyed little Satisfaction thio* the Day, beirg veryfmuch out of my Element.

Tuefday, Decemh. 10. Was engaged in the fame Bufincfs as Yefterday. Towards Night, got into my own Houfe.*

VVednefday, X)^^^;;?. II. Spent the Forenoon in neceffary Labour about my Houfe. In the Afternoon, rode cut upon Bufinefs, and fpent the Evening with fome Satisfadiion among Friends in Converfation on a feiioas and profitable Subjedl.

f Thurfday, Decern. 12. See his publick Journal.'^

Friday, Decern, 13. Spent the Day mainly in Labour about my Houfe. In the Evening, fpent fome Time in writing ; but was very weary, and much out-done with the Labour of the Day.

Saturday, Decern. 14. Rofe early,and wrote by Candle- Light fome confiderable Time ; fpent moft of the Day in writing : But was fomewhat dejeded. in the Evening, was exercifed wiih a Pain in my Head.

[ For the twonextDays5fee his ^MhWckJournal The remain- der of thisVVeek he fpent chiefly in writing : Some part of the Time under aDegree of Melancholy i but fome Part of it with a fweet Ardency in Religion.]

Saturday, Decern. 21. ' ■■ After my Labours with the /«* dlans^ I fpent fome Time in . writing fome Things divine and folemn i and was much wearied with the Labours of the Day ;

This is the third Houfe that he built to dwell in by hlm- felf among the /«(Sf>*(J«; ; The iirft at Kaunaumeek in the County of Albany ; the fecond at the Forks of Delaware in Penfylvania : And now this at Crofwtikfung in iV«w/-

Z 2 found

1 70 Ml 28. t;6^ L I F E i 745.

found that mySpirits were extretnelvfpent, and that I could do no more. I am confcious to my felf that my Labours are as great and conftant as my Nature will bear, and that ordina- rily I go to theExtent of my Strength i So that I do all I can : But the Mifery is, 1 don't labour with that heavenly Temper, that fmgle Eye to the Glory of God,^ that [ long for. [ Lord's-Day, Decern, 42. See the publicky^arw^^/.]

Monday, and Taefday, Decern, 23 & 24. Spent thefe Days in Writing, with the urm)ft Diligence. Felt in the main a fweet Mortification to the World, and a Defire to live and la- bour (.nlv for God ; but wanted more Warmth andSpirituality, a more fenfib'e and afFe^ionate Regard to the Glory of God. [ Wednefday, Dec. 2^. See the publick y^^wrwa/. ]

Thurfday, and Friday, Decern. 26^ h IJ Laboured in my Studies, to the utmoft of myStreagth : And tho' I felt a fteady Dirpofition of Mmd to live to God, and that I had nothing in this VV .rid to live for ; yet I did not find that fenfibleAfFeftion in the Service of God, that I wanted to have ; myHeart feem'd barren, ibo* my ^ead and Hands were full of Labour, [ For the four next Days, fee his publick Journal.^]

"VVeJnefday, January i 1745,^6. 1 am thisDay begln-

Tiing a New Tear ; and God has carried me thro' numerous Trials and Labours in th® pafl. He has amazingly fupporced my feeble Frame ; for having obtained Help of God, 1 continue to this Day O that ( migiit live nearer to God, this Year,than I did the bft. The Bufinefs I have been called to, and enabled to go through, I know, has been as great as Nature could bear up under, and what would have funk and overcome me quite, without fpecial Supoort. But Alas, Alas I Tho' 1 have done the Labours, and endured the Trials, with what Spirit have I done the one, and barn the other ? How cold has been the Frame of my Heart oftentimes I And how little have I fenlibly eyed the Glory of God, in all my Doings andSufferings ! I have found, that I could have no P;.-ace without filling up all my "?'inne with Labours ; and thus NecejlJity has been laid upon me ; vea, i:i that Refpedl, I have loved to labour : But theNdi/isry is, t coaU noi fenfihly labour for God^Ti^ \ would have done. May ■ for the future be enabled more fenlibly to makti the Glory of

* On the fiiol of thefeDays he wrote the 6ih£^//<r herep«t>-

;;ih\i a: 'h^' Kfi;i

hi"-

^/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1746. 171

[ For the Space from this Time 'till the next Monday, fee the publick Journal.']

Monday, Jan. 6 Being very weak in Body, I rode for my Health. While riding, my Thoughts were fweetly engaged, for a Time, upon the Stone cut out of the Mountain without Handiy which brake in Piecef ?M before it, znd wax^d great, and became a great Mountain^ and filled the whole Earth : And 1 longed that Jesus fhould take to him/elf his great Power, and reign to the Ends of the Earth, And Oh, how fweet were the Moments, wherein I felt my Soul warm with Hopes of the Enlargement of the Redeemer's Kingdom ! I wanted nothing elfe but that Christ ftiould reign^ to the Glory of his blefled Name.

[ The next D2iy he complains of want of Fervency. ]

Wednefday, Jan, 8. In the Evening, mv Heart was drawn out afterGod in fecret : My Soul was refrefh'd and quicken'd ; and I truft, Faith was in Exercife. I had great Hopes of the Ingathering of precious Souls to Chrift 5 not only among my own People, but others alfo. I was fweetly refigned and com- pofcd under my bodily Weaknefs ; and was willing to live or die, and defirous to labour for God to the utmoft of my Strength.

Thurfday, Jan. 9. Was ftill very weak,and much exercifed with vapoury Diforders. In the Evening, enjoyed fome En- largement and Spirituality in Prayer. Oh that I could always fpend my Time profitably, both in Health and Weaknefs.

Friday, Jan. 10, My Soul was in a fweet, calm, compofed Frame, and my Heart fill'd with Love to all the World ; and Chriftian Simplicity and Tendernefs feemed then to prevail and reign within me. NcarNight^vifited a feriousBaptift- Minifter, and had fome agreable Converfation with him ; and found that I could tafte God in Friends.

[ For the four next D^yiy fee the publick journal,]

Wednefday, Jan. 15. MySpirits were very low and flat, and I could not but think I was aBurden toGod*sEarth ; and could fcarcely look any Body in the Face, thro* Shame and Senfe of Barrennefs. God pity a poor unprofitable Creature.

[ The two next Days, he bad fome Comfort and Rs^frefii' ^iCii;. For the two following D^ys, fse the publick JournaL

3^hc

172 Ml 28. ^^i? LIFE

The next Day, he fet out on a Journey to EUfabeth-Tcwn^ to confer with the Correfpondenti at their Meeting there -, and enjoyadmuch fpiritual Refrefhment from Day to Day, through this Week. The Things exprcfled in this Space of Time, are fuch as tbefe ; Serenity, Compofure, Sweetnefs^and Tendernefs of Soul, Thankfgiving toGod for his Succefs among the Indians^ Delight in Prayer and Praile, fweet and profitable Meditations on various divine Subjeds, Longing for more Love, for more Vigour to live to God, for a Life more intirely devoted toGod^ that be might fpend all his Time profitably for God, and la his Caufe ; converfing on fpiritual Subjects with AfFedion 5 and Lamentation for unprofitablenefs.

Lord's- Day, ^an. 26 [At ConneSficuh Farms, ] Was calm and compofed. Was made fenfible of my utter Inability to preach, without divine Help; and was in fome good Meafure willing to leave it with God, to give or with-hold Afliflance, as he faw would be moft for his own Glory. Was favoured with a confidcrable Degree of Affiitance in my publick Work. After publick Worihip, I was in a fweet and folemn Frame of Mind, thankful to God that he had made me in fome Meafure faithful in addrelling precious Sauls,but grieved that I had been no more fervent in my Work j and was tende:ly a{Fe6i:ed towards all the World, longing that every Sinner might be faved ; and could not have entertained any Bitternefs towards the worft Enemy living. In the Evening, rode to EUfabeth-Town : while aiding, wasalmoft conftantly engaged in lifting up my Heart to God, left I (hould lofe that fweet heavenly Solemnity and Com- pofure of Soul I then enjoyed. Afterwards, was pleafed, to think, that God reigneth ; and thought, I could never be un- eafy with any of his Difpenfations ; but muft be entirely Satis- fied, what ever Trials he fliould caufe me or his Church to en- counter. Never felt more Sedatenefs, divine Serenity andCom- pofure of Mind : Could freely have left the deareft earthly Fn'end, for the Society of Jngeh and Spirits of jujl Men made prj\a : Mv Affedions foar*d aloft to the blelled Author of every dear Enjoyment : I view*d the Emptinefi andUnfatisfac- tory Nature of the moft defirable earthly Objeds, any further than God isfeen in them : and longed for aLife of Spirituality and inward Purity ; without which, I faw, there could be no true Plcafure.

[ He retained a greatDegree of thisexcellentFrame ofMInd, the four next Days. As to his publick Services for and among the /ndiansy and hisSucccfs in thisTime,fce the publicky^ar«i?/J

bitufday.

of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 74^; 1 73

Saturday, Feh i. Towards Night, enjoyed fome of the clear- eft Thoughts on a divine Subje<a ( 7;/z. that treated of 1 Car. KV, 13,-16.) that ever I remember to have had upon any Sub- ject wharfoever ; and fpsnt two or threeHoursin writing them. I was refreHi'd with this Intenfenefs : My Mind wasfo engaged in thtie vieditations, f could fcarcely turn it to anv Thing elfe ; and indeed I could not be willing to part with (o fvveet an En^^ lertainment. — — -

Lord's-Day , i^f^. 2 After publickW"orfhlp,my bodily

Strength being much fpent, my Spirits funk amazingly ; and ef- pecially on hearing that I was fo generally taken to be a Roman Cathdick, fent by the Papi/^s to draw the Indians into an Infur- re6tion againft the Englifh^ that fome were in Fear of me, and others were for having me taken up by Authority and punifh'd. Alas, what will not the Devil do to bring a Slur and Difgrace on the Work of God ! Oh, how holy and circumfpedt had I need to be ! Thro* divine Goodnefs, I have been enabled to mind my own Buftnefs, in thefe Parts, as well as elfe where ; and to let all Men and all Denominations of Men alone, as to their . Party- Notions ; and only preach'd the plain and necelTary Truths ofChri/iianityy neither inviting to nor excluding from my meeting Any, or any Sort or Perfwafion whatfoever. Towards Night, the Lord gave me Freedom at the Throne of Grace, in my firlt Prayer before my Catechetical Ledlure : And in opening tha xlvi. Pfalin to my People, my Soul confided in God, altho* the wicked World fhould llander and perfecute me, or even con- demn and execute me as a Traitor to my King and Country. Truly GoD is a prefent Help in Time of Trouble, h^ theE vening* my Soul was in fome Meafure comrorted, having fome Hope that one poor Soul was brought Home to God this Day ; tho' the Cafe did by no Means appear clear. Oh that I could fill up every Moment of Time, during my Abode here below, ia the Service of my God and King. •

Moiictay, Feb. 3. My Spirits were ftill much funk with what I heard -f^he D^ OQtov^, of my being furpe61:ed to be engaged in the Pretender^ s In tereft : It griev'd me, that after there had been fo much Evidence of a glorious Work of Grace among thcfepoor Indians^ as that the moft carnal Men could not but t?.ke Notice oF the grez.tChan^e made among them, (o many poorSoulsfhould f^'!l fa fpe£t the whole to be only a P<?/7/^ Plot, and fo caft .^ri avvfal Reproach on this blefTed Work of the divine SpiRI i' > and at the fame Tims wholly exclude themfelves from recsivin-^ ^:\'^ 3eneficby this divine Influence. This put me upon f^arch-

174 ^/. 28.

7he LIFE

ing whether I had ever drop'd any Thing inadvertently, that might give Occafion to any to fufpecSl that I was ftirring up the Jn^iarsd^s'ii^a the Engltfl)'. And could think of Nothing, un- lefs it was my attempting fometimes to vindicate the Rights of the y^<^/^wj, and complaining of the horrid Pra£lice of making the /?j^;fl»j drunk, and then cheat ing them out of their Lands and otherProperties : And once, I remembred, 1 had done this with too much Warmth of Spirit. And this much difhefs'd me; thinking that this might pofTibly prejudice them againft this Work of Grace, to their everlafting Deftrudion. God, I be- lieve, did me good by this Trial ; which ferved to humble me, and {hew me the NecelTity of Watchfulnefs, and of being wife as a Serpent^ rs well as harmlefs as a Dove. This Exercife led me often to the Throne of Grace ; and there I found fome Sup- port : Tho* I could not get the Burden wholly removed. Was zfTifted in Prayer, efpecially in the Evening.

[ Ui: remained flill under aDegree of Exercife of Mind about this AfFair ; which continued to have the fame Effedlupoa him, to cjufe him to refledt upon, and humble himfeif, and frequent the 7 hrone of Grace : But foon found himfeif much more re- lieved and fupported. He was, this Week, in an extremely wtak State, and obliged (aske exprefTes it ) to confume confiderA" hit Timt tn Diver fiom for his Health.

For baiurday, Feb. 7. And the Sabbath following, fee his pubitck yournal.

The Monday after, he fet out on a Journey to the Forks of Delatucre, to vifit the Indiar.s there. He performed the Jour- r.cy ur.dergrest Wtakncfs, and fometimes was exercifed with much Puin -, but fays nothing of Dejf(?tion and Melancholy. He arrived at his own Houfe at the Fcrh, en Friday. The Tilings appertaining to his inward Frames and Exercife?, ex- prefi>*d vi'itKiii ihisVVeck, are fweetCompofure ofMind,Thank- fulr.cfs to God for his Mercies to him and others, Refignation Jo the uivincVVill, Comfort inPrayer and religious Converfation, hb Heart drawn out after God, a;id affetSted with a Senfe cf li!3 own B?.rrennefs, as well as the Fulnefs and Freenefs of tiivjrc Grace, j

Lcro"r-Day, Peh. 16 In the Evening, was in a fwcet

Ci n-jofcd Fr:-me of Mmd. It was exceeding refieihing and tcmfort^bc, to think, thatGod had been with me, afllrdingme Icme gotd Meafuc ot Aflifttncc. I iber. found Freedom and

Sweetnefs

i?/Mr. David Brainerd; A.D.1746, '175

Sweetncfs in Prayer and Thankfgiving to God ; and found my Soul fweetly engaged and enlarged in Prayer for dear Friends and Acquaintance. BlefTed be the Name of the Lord, that ever I am enabled to do any Thing for his dear Intereft and Kingdom. Blcffed be God who enables me to be faithful. Enjoyed more Refolution and Courage for God, and more Refrefhment of Spirit, than I have been favoured with for many Weeks paft.

Monday, Feb, 17. I was rcfrefhed and encouraged :

Found a Spirit of Prayer, in the Evening, and earneft Longings for the Illumination and Converfion of thefe poor Indians.

[ Tuefday Feb, 18. See the publick Journal}

Wednefday,/>^. 19.'

— My Heart was comforted and re- frefh'd, and my Soul fili'd with Longings for the Converfion of the Indians here.

Thurfday, Feb, 20. ■ God was pleafed to fupport and

refrcfh my Spirits, by affording me Afliftance, this Day, and fo hopeful aProfpedl of Succefs ; and I returned home rejoycing, and blefling the Name of the Lord ; and found Freedom and Sweetnefs afterwards in fecret Prayer, and had my Soul drawn out for dearFriends. Oh, how blelTed a Thing is it, to labour for God faithfully, and with Encouragement of Succefs ! Bleffed be the Lord forever and ever, for the Afliftance and Comfort granted this Day.

Friday, Feb, 21.' "My Soul wasrefrefn'd and comforted*

and I could not but WefsGod,who had enabled me in fome good Meafure to be faithful in the Day paft. Oh, how fweet it is to be fpcnt and worn out for God !

Saturday, Feb, 22. My Spirits were much fupported,

tho' my bodily Strength was much wafted. Oh that God would be gracious to the Souls of thefe poor Indians^

God has been verygraciousto me thisWeek : He has enabled me to preach every Day ; and has given me fome Affiftance, and encouragingProfpe6l of Succefs, in almoft every Sermon. BlefTed te his Name. Divers of the white People have been awakened this Week, and fundry of the Indians much cured of their Pre- judices and Jealoufies they had conceived againft Chriftianity, and fome feem to be really awaken'd.

[ Lord's-Day, Feb. 23. Sec the publick Journal, The next Day, he left the Forks of Delaware.^ to return fo Cre/week/ung j and fpent the whole Week 'till Saturday, before

A a 'he

174 ^/. ^S. The LIFE

ing whether I bad ever drop'd any Thing inadvertently, that inight give Occafion toany to fufpecSl that I was ftirring up the Mians sgs'ii^a the Englijh : And could think of Nothing, un- lefs it was my attempting fometimes to vindicate the Rights of the 7n<^/^;7j, and complaining of the horrid Pradlice of making the Indians drunk, and then cheating them out of their Lands and otherProperties : And once, I remembred, I had done this with too much Warmth of Spirit. And this much diftrefs'd me 5 thinking that this might polTibly prejudice them againf?^ this Work of Grace, to their everlafting Deftrudlion. God, I be- lieve, did me good by this Trial ; which ferved to humble me, and {hew me the NecelTity of Watchfulnefs, and of being wife as a Serperjt^ ?.s well as harmhfs as a Dove. This Exercife Wd. me often to the Throne of Grace ; and there I found fome Sup- port : I'ho* 1 could not get the Burden wholly removed. Was affiftcd in Prayer, efpecially in the Evening.

[ fie remained ftill under aDegree of Exercife of Mind about this Affair ; which continued to have the fame EfFedl upon him, to caufe him to refledt upon, and humble himfelf, and frequent the J hrcne of Grace : But foon found himfelf much more re- lieved and fupported. He was, this Week, in an extremely weak State, and obliged (aske exprefTes it ) to confume confidern" ble Timt in Diver fton, for his Health.

For baturday, Feb. 7. And the Sabbath following, fee his publick Journal.

Tie i\londay after, he fet out on a Tourney to the Forks of Delaixjcre^ to vifit the Indians there. He performed the Jour- rey ur.der grejit Wcaknefs, and fometimes was exercifed with mLch Pjin j but fays nothing of Dejf(^ion and Melancholy. He arrived at his own Houfe at the Forks ^ en Friday. The Thirgs appertaining to his inward Frames and Exercifes, cx- prefb'd witl.iii thisVVeck, are fweetCompofure ofMind,Thank- fulrcfs ro God f<'r his Mercies to him and others, Refignation 10 the divine Will, Comfort inPrayer and religious Converfation, his Heart drawn out after God, aid affedtcd with a Senfe of h:3 own Barrcnnefs, as well as the Fulnefs and Freenefs of tilvjrc Grace. ]

Lcrc]'f.-Day, Pch. 16 In the Evening, was in a fwcet

crfrpofcd Fri^me of Mind. It was exceeding refielhing and ccm fortes be, to think, thatGod had been with mc, afFcrdingme icnie gotd Meafu.c Qt Afliftincc. I then found Freedom and

Sweetnef»

r/M*. David Brainerd; A.D.1746, '175

Swcctnefs in Prayer and Thankfgiving to God ; and found my Soul fweetly engaged and enlarged in Prayer for dear Friends and Acquaintance. BlefTed be the Name of the Lord, that ever f am enabled to do anyThing for his dear Intereft and Kingdom. BlefTed be God who enables me to be faithful. Enjoyed more Refolution and Courage for God, and more Refreftiment of Spirit, than I have been favoured with for many Weeks paft.

Monday, Feb, 17. I was rcfrefhed and encouraged :

Found a Spirit of Prayer, in the Evening, and earneft Longings for the Illumination and Converfion of thefe poor Indians^

[ Tuefday Feb. 18. See the publick Journal^

Wednefday,/V^. 19.— My Heart was comforted and re- frefh'd, and my Soul fill'd with Longings for the^ Converfion of the Indians here.

Thurfday, Feb. 20. " God was pleafed to fupport and

refrcfti my Spirits, by affording me AiTiftance, this Day, and fo hopeful aProfpedl of Succefs ; and I returned home rejoycing, and bleUing the Name of the Lord ; and found Freedom and Sweetnefs afterwards in fecret Prayer, and had my Soul drawn out for dearFriends. Oh, how bleffed a Thing is it,to labour for God faithfully, and with Encouragement of Succefs ! BleiTed be the Lord forever and ever, for the Affiftance and Comfort granted this Day.

Friday, Feb, 21.— "My Soul was refrefn'd and comforted^ and I could not but blefsGod,who had enabled me in fome good Meafure to be faithful in the Day paft. Oh, how fweet it is to be fpcnt and worn out for God I

Saturday, Feb. 22. My Spirits were much fupported*

tho' my bodily Strength was much wafted. Oh that God would be gracious to the Souls of thefe poor Indians.

God has been verygraciousto me thisWeek : He has enabled me to preach every Day ; and has given me fome Affiftance, and encouragingProfpe6l of Succefs, in almoft every Sermon. BlefTed he his Name. Divers of the white People have been awaken'd this Week, and fundry of the Indians much cured of their Pre- judices and Jealoufies they had conceived againft Chriftianity, and fome feem to be really awaken'd.

[ Lord's- Day, Feb, 23. Sec the publick Journal The next Day, he left the Forks of Delaware^ to return fo Grojweekfun^ 5 and fpent the whole Week 'till Saturday, before

A a 'he

-176 ^'/. 28: 2^^ LIFE

he arrived there ; but preachM by the Way every Day, except- ing one ; and was feveralTimes greatly aflifted ; and had much inward Comfort, and earneft Longings to fill up all his Time with the Service of God. He utters fuch Expreflions as thefe, after Preaching : Oh that J may be enabled to plead the Caufe of God faithfully^ to my dying Moment. Oh how fweet it would be to Jpend my f elf wholly for God, and in his Caufe^ and to be freed fromjelfijh Motives in my Labours I

For Saturday and Lord's-Day, March i & 2. See the pub- Irck Journal The four next Days were fpent in great bodily Weaknefs ; but he fpeaks of fomeSeafons of confiderable inward Comfort.]

Thurfday, Ji^arch 6. / I walked alone in the Evening, and enjoyed Sweetnefs and Comfort in Prayer, beyond what I have of late enjoyed : My Soul rejoyced in my Pilgrimage-State^ and I was delighted with the Thoughts of labouring and enduring Hardnefs for God : Felt fome longing Defires to preach the Gofpel to dear immortal Souls ; and confided in God, that he would be with me in my Work, and that he never would leave nor for fake me^ to the End of my Race. Oh, may I obtain Mercy of Cod to be faithful^ to my dying Moment.

Friday, March 7. In the Afternoon, went on in my Work with Freedom and Chearfulnefs, God afTifting me ; and enjoyed Comfort in the Evening.

[ For the two next Days, fee the publick Journal'^

Monday, March 10. • ■ My Soul was refrefh'd withFree- dcm and Enlargement, and ( I hope ) the livelyExercife of Faith, in fecret Prayer, this Night : My Will was fweetly refigned to (he divine Will, and my Hopes refpeiting the Enlargement of the dear Kingdom of Chritt fomcwhat raifed, and could commit jLioh's Caufe to God as his own.

f On Tuefday, he fpeaks of fome Sweetnefs and Spiritualify in Chriftian Converfation, On Wednefday, complains that he enjoyed not much Comfort and Satisfaction, thro* the Day, btcaufche did but little for God. On Thurfday, fpent confi- derable Time in Company, on a fpccial Occafion ; but in Per- plexity, becaufe without favoury religious Converfation. For Friday, Saturday and Lord*s-Day, fee the publick Journal,

In the fcrmer Part of the Week following he was very^ill ; and alfo under great Dcjc^^ionj being, as he apprehended,

itndei'd

«/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D 174^. 177

rendered unferviceable by his Illnefs, and fearing that he fhculd never be Serviceable any more ; and therefore exceedingly long- ed for Death. But afterwards was more encouraged, and Life appeared more defirable ; becaufe ( as he fays) he had a Utile D2wn of Hope, that he might be ufeful in the Wurld, In the latter Part of the Week, he was in fome Meafure relieved of his Ill- nefs, in the Ufe of Means prefcribed by a Phyfician.

For Saturday, and Lord's- Day, March 22 y and 23. See his publick journal,']

Monday, March 24. After the Indians were gone td

their VVorkjto clear their Lands, I got alone and poured out my Soul to God, that he would fmile upon thefe feeble Beginnings, and that he would fettle an Indian Tov/n, that might be aMoun- tain of Holinefs 'y and found my Soul much refrefhed in thef« Petitions, and much enlarged for Zion's Intereft, and for Num- bers of dear Friends in particular. My finking Spirits were re- vived and raifed, and I felt animated in the Service God has called me to. This was the deareft Hour I have ^enjoyed for many Days, if not Weeks. I found an encouraging Hope, that fomcthing would be done for God, and that God would ufe and help me in his Work. And Oh, how fweet were th« Thoughts of labouring for God, when I feltmySpiritandCourage, and had any Hope that ever I fliould be fucceeded I

[ The next Day, his School-MaJIer was taken Sick with a Pleurify ; and he fpent great Part of theRemainder of thisVVeek in tending him : which in his weak State was alnioft an over- bearingBuriJen to him ; he being obliged coniiantly to waif upoa him, all Day, from Day toDay,and to lie on the Floor at Night. His Spirits funk in a conriderableDegree,with his bodily Stiength, under this Burden.

For Saturday, and Lord's- Day, March 2p, h 30. See the publick Journal,

Monday, ^art/; 31. Towards Night, enjoyed fome fweet Meditations on thofe Words, // is good for me to draw near is God, My Soul, I think, had fome fweet Senfe of what is in* tended in thofe VVords, »

[ The next Day, he was extremely bufy in tending the School- Mjfter, and in fome other neceflary AiFairs,that greatly diverted, him from what he looked upon as his proper Bafinefs : But ycc fpeaks of Comfort ^and Refrefhment, at fome Times of the

A a a Wedaefday,

178 JEt.iS: "Tbi LIFE

Wedncfday, April «. Was fomewhat cxercifed with a fplrlt- lefs Frame of Mind. Was a little relieved and refrefli'd in the Evening, with Meditation alone in the Woods. But alas, my Days pafs away as the Chaf! 'Tis but little I do, or can do, that turns toanyAccount ; and 'tis my conttant Mifery andBur- den^ that 1 am fo fruithrfs in the Vineyard of the Lord. Oh that I were Spirit, that I might bea6livc for God. This ( I think ) more than any Thing elfe, makes me long, that this corruptible might put on Jncorruptioriy^nd this mortal put on Immortality, God deliver me from Clogs, Fetters,and a Body ofDeathy that impede xny Service for him.

[ The next Day, he complains bitterly of fome Exercifes by Corruption he found in his own Hearts]

Friday, yfpril 4.. Spent moftof the Day in writing on Rev, 3cxii. 17. And whofoever will, &c. Enjoyed fome Freedom and EncQiiragement in my Work ; and found fome Comfort and Compofure in Prayer.

Saturday, April 5. — After publick Worfhip, a Number

of my dear Chriitian Indians came to my Houfe ; with whom 1 felt a fweet Union of Soul : My Heart was knit to them ; and I cin't fay, 1 have felt fuch a fweet and fervent Love to the Bre^ thren, for fome Time paft : And 1 faw in them Appearances of the fame Love. This gave me fomething of a View of the hea- venly Stare ; and particularly that Part of the Happinefs of Hea- ven, which coriiifts in the Communion of Saints : and this was affedling tome.

[ For the (wo next Days, fee the publick Journal.

On Tuer!av,he went to aMeetmg of the Prefbytery appointed at Elifabelh-Town. in his Way thither, he enjoyed fome fweec Me^liati jns : But after he came there, he was (as he cxprefles it ) vcrv vop'iurv tjnd rneinnchnly^ and under an awful Gloom, that opprefled his Mind. And this continued *till Saiurday-Evening, when he beg. n to have fome Relief and Encouragement. He fpent the Sabbath at Staten-l(land ; where he preach*d to an Aflcrnbly of Dutch and Engl'tftj^ and enjoyed confiderable Re- frefnmcnt and Cunifort, both in pnblick and private. In the Even 11.*^, he rcturjied to lilifcbfth-Town.]

Montiay, /^(^ril 14. My Spirits this Day were raifed and re- (fcfl/d, an. I my Mind compofcd, fo that [ was in a comfor tabic Kr^meGi Suul, mnfl of the Day. In ih* Evening, my Head wa$

cleui^

of Mr, David Bralnerd. A.D. 1 746. 1 79

clear, my Mind ferene; I enjoyed Sweetnefs in fecretPfayer,and Meditation onPfaL Ixxiii. 28. Oh, how frecjhow comfartable, cheerful, and yet Tolemn do I feel when I am in a good Meafurc freed from thofe Damps and melancholy Glooms, that I often labour under I And biefTed be the Lord, 1 find my felf re- lieved in this Refpedl.

Tiiefday, Jprili^» My Soul longed for more Spirituality ; and it was my Burden, that I could do no more for God. Oh, my Barrennefs \s my daily AffliiSlion and heavy Load ! Oh, how precious is Time : and how it pains mc, to fee it Aide away, while I do fo very little to any good Purpofe ! Oh thatGod would make me more fruitful and fpiritual,

[The next Day, hefpeaks of his being almoft overwhelmed with vapoury Dlforders ; but yet not fo as wholly to deftroy the Compofure of his Mind.]

Thurfday, jfpril 17. Enjoyed fome Comfort in Prayer, fome Freedom in Meditation, and Compofure in my Studies. Spent fome Time in writing, in the Forenoon. In the Afternoon, fpent fome Time in Converfation with feveral dear Minifters. In the Evening, preach'd from Pjal. Ixxiii* 28. But it is good for me io draw near to God, God helped me to feel the Truth of my Text, both in the firft Prayer and in Sermon. I was enabled to pour out my Soul to God, with great Freedom, Fer- vency, and AfFedtion : And, blefled be the Lord, it was a com- fortable Seafon to mc. I was enabled to fpeak with Tendernefs, and yet with Faithfulnefs: And divine Truths feemed to fall with Weight and Influerffe upon the Hearers. My Heart was melted for the dear AfTembly, and I loved every Body in it ; and fcarce ever felt more Love to immortal Souls in my Life ; my Soul cried, Oh that the dear Creatures might he Javed I Oh that God luould have Mercy on them I

[ He feems to have been in a very comfortable Frame of Mind the two next Days.]

Lord V Day, y/pn7 20. % Enjoyed fome Freedom, and, I hope, Exercife of Faith in Prayer, in the Morning -, efpecially when I came to pray for 'Zion, I was free from that gloomyDifcour* agement, that fo often opprefl'es my Mind ; and mySoul rejoyc- €d in the Hopes of Zion' s Profperity, aai the Enlargement of the dear Kingdom of the grea,t Redeemer. Oh that his Kingdom might come I

X This D^y he enter'd into the 29/^ Year of his Age.

Moflday

iSo JEs. 2g: 7^^ LIFE

Monday, Jprii 21. Was compofed and comfortable inMind, moft of iheDay : Was mercifully freed from thofe gloomy Damps, that I am frequently exercifed with : Had Freedom and Com- fort in Prayer, feveral Times ; efpecialiy had feme rifmg Hopes of Zion's Enlargement and Profperity. And Oh, how refrefhing were thefe Hopes to my Soul ! Oh that the Kingdom of the dear Lord might come. Oh that the poor Indians might quick- ]y be gathered in, in great Numbers.

Tuefday, Jpril 22. My Mind was remarkably free, thisDay, from melancholy Damps and Glooms, and animated in my Work. I found fuch frefh Vigour and Refolution in the Ser- vice of God, that the Mountains fcem*d to become a Plain be- fore me. Oh, biefTed be God for an Interval of Refrefhment, and fervent Refolution in my Lord's Work ! In the Evening, my Soul was refrefh'd in fecret Prayer, and my Heart drawn out for divine Bleffings ; efpecialiy for the Church of God, and his Intereft among my own People, and for dear Friends in remote Places. Oh that Zion might profper, and precious Souls be brought home to God !

[ In this comfortable fervent Frame of Mind he remain*d th« two next Days.

For the four Days next following, viz, Friday, Saturday, Lord's- Day, and Monday, fee his publick ^ournaL • • ' On Tuefday he went to £'///j^(?//?-7i7i(;«, to attend the meeting of the Prifiytery there : And feem'd to fpend the Time, while abfcnt from his People on this Oecafion, in a free and comfort- able State of Mind. J

Saturday, A<f£!y 3. Rode from EUfaheth-Town home to my People, at or near Cranberry ; whither they are now removed, and where, I hope, God will fettle them as a Chriftian Congre- gation. Was refrefh'd in lifting up my Heart to God, while riding ; and enjoyed a thankful Frame of Spirit, for divine Fa- vours fecciv'd the Week pafl. Was fomewhat uneafy and dejeded, in the Evening ; having no. Houfe cf roy own to gg into in this Place : But God was my Support.

[ Fur Lord's-Day and Mond3y,See the publickj^'tt^^^/ ]

Tuefday, May 6. Enjoy'd fome Spirit and Courage in my Woik J was in a good Meafurc free from Melancholy : BlefTcd be God for Freedom from ibis Death.

Wednefday,

of Mr, David Brainer^ A.D. 1 745. 1 8 i

Wednefday, May 7. Spent moft of the Day in writing, as ufual. Enjoyed fome Freedom in my Work. Was favoured with fome comfortable Meditations, this Day. In theEvening, was in a fweet compofed Frame of Mind : ,Wa8 pleafed and de- lighted to leave all with God, refpcaing my felf, for Time and Eternity, and refpedting the People of my Charge, and dear Friends : Had no Doubt but that God would take Care of mcj and of his own Intereft among my People : And was enabled ta ufe Freedom in Prayer, as a Child with a tender Father. Oh» how fweet is fuch a Frame I

Thurfday, May 8. In the Evening, was fome what refrefh'd with divine Things, and enjoyed a tender melting Frame in fe- cret Prayer, wherein my Soul was drawn out for the Interefl of Z/«», and comforted with the lively Hope of the appearing of the Kingdom of the great Redeemer. Thefe were fweet Mo- ments : I felt almoft loth to go to Bed, and grieved that Sleep, was neceflary. However, Hay down with a tender reverential Fear of God, fenfible that his Favour is Life^ and his Smilea better than all that Earth can boaft of, infinitely better than Life it felf.

[ Friday, May 9. See the publick Journal ]

Saturday, May 10. Rode to AlkrCs-Town^ to aiHft in theAd- miniftration of theLord's-Supper. In the Afternoon, preached from T//. ii. 14. Who gave him felf for us, &c. God was pleafed to carry me thro' with fome Competency of Freedom j and yet to deny me that Enlargement and Power I long'd for. In the Evening, my Soul mourn'd,and could not biitmourn, that I had treated fo excellent a Subjedl in fo 6efe€iivQ aManner,thatI had born fo broken a Teftimony for fo worthy and glorious a Re- deemer. And if myDifcourfe had met with the utmoftApplaufe from all the World ( as I accidentally heard it applauded by fome Perfons of Judgment ) it would not have given me any Satis- faction : Oh, ir grieved me, to think, that I had had no more holy Warmth and Fervency, that I had been no more melted in difcourfing of Chrift's Death, and the End and Defign of it ! Afterwards, enjoyed fome Freedom and Fervency in fe- cret and Family-Prayer, and longed much for the Prefence of God to attend his Word and Ordinances the next Day.

Lord's- Day, AJay 11. Affifted in the Adminiftration of the Lord's-Supper ;. but enjoyed little Enlargement : Was grieved and funk with fome Things I thought undefirable, l^c. In the Afternoon, went to the Houfs of God weak and fick in Soul,

as

182 JEt, 29: ne LIFE

as well as feeble in Body : And longed, that the People might be cntertain'd and edified with divine Truths, and that an honeft fervent Teftimony might be born for God ; but knew not how it was poflible for »< to do any Thingof that Kind, to any good Purpofe. Yet-x-God, who is rich in Mercy, was pleafed to give me AiTiftance, both in Prayer and Preaching : God helped me to wreftle for his Prefence, in Prayer, and to tell him, that h« had promifcd. Where two or three are met together in his Name^ there he would be in the midfl of them 5 and that we were, at leaft fome of us, fo met 5 and pleaded, that for his Truth's fake he would be wiih us. And blefled be God, it was fweet to my Soul, thus to plead, and rely on God's Promifes. Difcourfed upon Luke ix. 30, 31. And hehoU^there talked with him twoMeUy which were Mofes and Elias ; who appeared in Glory^ and fpake ef his Deceafe^ which he /houldaccomplijhat]txuh\^m. Enjoyed fpccialFreedom, from theBeginning to the End of myDifcourfe, without Interruption. Things pertinent to the Subjed were •abundantly prefented to my View, and fuch a Fulnefs of Mat- ter, that I fcarce knew how to difmifs the various Heads and Particulars I had Occafion to touch upon. And, blefled be the Lord, 1 was favoured with fome Fervency and Power, as well as i'reedom ; fo that the Word of God feem'd to awaken ihe At- tention of a ftupid Audience, to a confiderable Degree. I was inwardly refrefh'd with the Confolations of God ; and could with my whole Heart fay, Tho^ there be no Fruit in the Fine, Sic, yit will I rtjosce in the Lord, After publick Service, was rcfrcfh'd with the fweet Conveifation of fome Chriftian Friends.

[ The four next Days fccm to have been moftly fpcnt with fpiritual Comfort and Profit. ]

F^riday, ^/tfy 16. Near Night, enjoyed fome agreeable and fweet ConverfatJQn with a dear Minifter, which, I truft, was biefs'd to my Soul : My Heart W3s warmed, and my Soul en- gaged to live to God ; (o that I longed to exert my felf with more Vigour, than ever I had done, in his Caufe : And thofe Words were quickniiig to mt^ Herein is my Father glorified^ that ye bring forth much Fruit, Oh, my Soul longed, and wi(h'd,and ^rav'd, to be enabled to live to God with utmoft Conftancy and Ardour ! \n the Evening, Cjodwas pleafed to fliine upon me in fecret Prayer, and draw cut my Soul after himfelf ; and I had Freedcm in "supplication for my felf, but much more in Inter- ccffiun for otbcrs : So that I wa« fweetly conftrain'd to fay,£ffr(/,

uft

of Mr. David Brainefd. A.D. 1 74^. 1 S^

ufs me as thou wilt ; do as ihou wilt with me : But Oh, pro" mote thine own Caufe. Zion is thine -, Oh vt/it thine Her itage i Oh let thy Kingdom come ; Oh let thy blejfed Inter efi he advanced in the World, When I attempted to look to God, rcfpe6l- ing my worldly Circumftances, and his providential Deal- ings with me, inRegard of my fettling down in my Congregati- on, which feems to be neceflary, and yet very difRcult, and contrary to my fix'd Intention for Years paft, as well as my Difpofition, which has been, and ftill is, at Times efpecially, to go forth, and fpend my Life in preaching theGofpel from Place to Place, and gathering Souls afar offt^ Jesus the great Re- deemer ; when I attempted to look to God with Regard to tbefe Things, and hisDefigns concerning me, I could only Tiy, Hhe IVill of the Lord be done : 'Tis no Matter for mQ* Tic fame Frame of Mind I felt with Refpe6l to another important Affair 1 have lately had fome ferious Thot's of : I could fay, with utmoft Calmnefs and Compofurc, Lard^ if it hs mofi fsr thy Glory ^ let me proceed in it \ hut if thou fee ft that it will in any wife hinder my lJfefulnef$ in thy Caufe^ Oh prevent my proceeding: For all 1 want, refpe^ing this fVorld, is fuch Circumftances as may left capacitate me to do Sefvice for God in the World. But bleffed be God, I enjoyed Liberty in Prayer for my dear Flock, and was enabled to pour out my Soul into theBofom cf a tender Father : My Heart within me was melted, when I came to plead for my dear People, and for the Kingdom of Chrift m gfc^neral. Ob, how fweet was this Evening to my Soul f [ knew? not how to go to Bed ; and when got to Bed, longed for fome Way to improve Time for God, to fome excellent Purpofe. Blefs the Lord^ O my SouL

Saturday, May 17. VValk'd out in the Morning, and fc!t much of the fame Frame I enjoyed the Evening before : Had my Heart enlarged in praying for xhs Advancement oi the Kingdom of Chrift, and found uimoft Freedom in leaving all my Concerns with God.

I find Difcuuragement to be an exceeding Hindrance to my fpiritual Fervency and Affedion : But when God enables nrc fenfib'y to find that 1 have done fome thing for Him^ this r.;- frefbes and animates me, fo that I could break (hrb^all Hi«rt-i- ih:u?, undergo any Labours, and nothing feems too much cither Ici ao or to fuffcr. But Oh, what a Death it 15, to ftrive.and E»ive ; to be always in a Hurry, and yet do Nothings or at, leaft nothing for God I Alas, Alas, that Time flies away, an J I do !b iitile for God I

B b Lord's-Day»

;S4 ^A 29. The LIFE

Lord's Da) , May 18. I felt my own utter Infufficicncy for my Work : God made me to fee, that I was 2iChild ; yea,that I was a /W. 1 diTcourfed, both Parts of the Day, from Rev, iii, 10. Behold^ 1 /i^nd at the Door^ and knock. God gave mc pVecdom and Power in the latter Part of my (Forenoon's) Dif- courfe ; altho*, in the former Part of it, I felt peevifh and pro- voked with the unmannerly Behaviour of the white People,who croudcd in between my People and me ; which proved a great Temptation to me. But blefled be God, I got thefe Shackles oft before the middle of my Difcourfe, and was favoured v\^itl» a fweet Frame of Spirit in the latterPart of the Exercife ; was full 0/ Love, Warmth, and Tendernefs, in addreffing my dear

People, In the Intermiffion-Seafon, could not but dif-

courie to my People on the Kindnefs and Patience of Chrift \n

ftanding and knocking at the Door^ &c. In the Evening, I

was grieved, that I had done fo little forGod. Oh that I could be a Flame of Fire in the Service of my God.

[ Monday, May 19. See the publick Journal, On Tuefday he complains of Want of Freedom andComfortJ but had lome Return of thefe on Wednefday. ]

Thurfday, May 22. In the Evening, was in aFrame fomc- what remarkable : Had apprehended for feveral Days before^ that it was the Defignof Providence I fhouldy>///^ among my People here ; and had in my own Mind begun to mzkz Pro- vifion for it, and to contrive Means to haflen it ; and found my Hear: fomething engaged in it, hoping I might then enjoy more agreableCircumftances of Life, in feveral Refpedts : And yet was never fully determined, never quite pleafed with the .Thoughts of being fettled and confin'd to one Place. Never- thelels I fcem*d to have fome Freedom in that Refpe6l,becaufc the Congregation I thought of fettling with, was one that God had enabled mc to gather from arnongft Pagam. For I never iincc I be^an to preach, could feel any Freedom to enter into ether Men'i Lahcurs.zud fettle down in the Miniltry where the Gofpel UJOi preached before ; I never could make that appear to be my Province : When I felt any Dirpohtioii to confu'lt my tare and worldly Comforf, God has never given me any Liber* ty in that Ref]je6l, either fince, or for Years b:f. :c l b^cri,n to preach. But God having fucceeded my Labours, and iT::&4^ '^' Tiftrutmental cf gathering a Church for him amonfr -- ' • rii^ i W43 ;cady to ihiRk, it mi^ht be hi^^t^ign Co i

of Mr. David Brainerd. 'A.D, 174^; 185

a quiet Settlement and a ftated Home of my own. And this, confidenr?: the late frequent Sinking and Failure of my Spirits, and the Need I flood in of fome agreable Society, and my great Defire of enjoying Conveniencies and Opportunities for profi- table Studies, was not altogether difagreable to me : Altbo* I Hdl wanted to go about far and wide, in order to fpread the blelTed Gofpsl among benighted Souls, far remote ; yet I never had been fo willing to fettle in any one Place, for more than five Years paft, ?.s I was in the foregoing Part of this Week. But now thefe Thoughts feem'd to be wholly da(h'd to Pieces ; not by Neceflity, but of Choice : For it appeared to me, that God'sDealings towards me had fitted me for a Life of Solitari- nefs and Harrifhip ; it appeared to me, I had nothing to hSe^ nothing to do with Earth, and confequently nothing to lofe by a total Renunciation of it : And it appeared juft right, that I fhould be deftitute of Houfe and Home, and many Comiorts of Life, which I rejoyced to fee others of God's People enjoy. And at the fams Time, I faw fo much of the Excellency of Chrift*s Kingdom, and the infinite Defirabienefs of it's Ad- vancement in the World, that it fwallowed up all my other Thoughts ; and made me willing, yea, even rejo) ce, to be made a Pilgrim or Hermit in the Wildernv^-fs, (o my dying Moment, if I might thereby promote the blefTed Intereft of the great Redeemer. And if ever my Soul piefented it fclf to God for his Service, without anyReferve of any Kind, it did fo now. The Language of my Thoughts and Difpofition ( altho* I fyzkt no Words) now were, " Here I am^ Lord, fend me ; (ttid •' me to the Ends of the Earth ; fend me to (he rough, the *' favage Pagam of the Wildernefs ; fend me from all that •* is called Comfort in Earth, or earthly Comfort ; fend me *^ even to Death it felf, if it be but in thy Service, and to p^re- *« mote thy Kingdom." And at the fameTime i had asqu-ck and lively a Senfe of the Value of worldly Comforts, as ever I had ; but only faw them infinitely overmatch'd by the Worfh of Chrift's Kingdom, and the Propagation of his blefledGofpa/. The quiet Settlement, the certain Place of Abode, the tendet Friendfhip, which I thought I might be likely to enjoy in Con- fequence of fuch Circumftances, appeared as valuable to me, confidcrcd abfolutely and in themfelves, as ever before ; but confider'd comparatively, they appeared nothing .* Compared with the Value and Precioufnefs of an Enlargement of Chi ifl's Kingdom, they vanifhM like the Stars before the rifing Sun. Aad furc I aai) that altho' the comfortab'eAcconimodations of

B b a Life

iS6 yfi/. 29; ^ie LIFE

Life appeared taluable and dear to me, yet I did furrendcr and refiu^n my felf. Soul and Bodyy to the Service of God, and Pro- morion of Chrift's Kingdom ; tbo' it fhould be in the Lofs of them all. Ana I could not do any other, becaufe I could not will or chufe any other. I was conftrained, and yet chofe, to fay, Farewelly Friends and earthly Comforts^ the deareji of them ell, the very dear eft ^ if the Lord colli for it ; Adieu^ Adieu ; I'll fpend my Lif^^ to my latejl Momently in Caves and Dens of the Earth, if the Kingdom of Chriji may thereby be advanced^ I found extraordi-nary Freedom at this Time in pouring out my Soul to God, for his Caufe ; and efpecially that his Kingdom might be extended among the Indiansy far remote ; and I had a great and ftrong Hope, thatGod would do it. I continued wreftling with God in Prayer for my dear little Flock here ; and more efpecially for the Indians elfewhere ; as well as for dearFriends in one Place and another ; 'till it was Bed-Time, and I fear'd Ifhould hinder the Family, ^c. But Oh, with whatReluc- tancy did 1 find my XeU obliged to confume Time in Sleep ! i longed to be as a Flame of Fire^ continually glowing in the divine Service, preaching and building up Chrift's Kingdom, to my lateft, my dying Moment.

Friday, May 23. In the Morning, was in the fame Frame of Mind, as in the Evening before. TheGlory of Chrift'sKmg- dom fo much out-fhone the Pleafure of earthly Accommodati- ons and Enjoyments, that they appeared comparatively Nothing, tho* in themfelves good and defirable. My Soul was melted in fecret Meditation and Prayer, and I found my h\f divorced trom anyPart in this World ; fo that m thofe Affairs that feena'd of the greateft Importance to me, in refpe^l of the prefentLife, and thofe wherein the tender Powers of the Mind are moft fcndhly touched, I could only fay, The Will of the Lordbedone^ Bu: ji:{t the fame Things that I felt the Evening before, I felt n3 V ; aRd found the fame Freedom in Prayer for the People of myChtrge, for the Propagation of the Gofpel among the Jnaiay^s^ and lor the Enlargement and fpiritual Welfare of Zion i*» ^<:aeraU and my dear Friends in particular, now, as I did fixri ; and longed Co burn out in one continued Flame for God. Recain'd rnucn of the fame Frame through the Day, In the Vv.Miing. wr.s viiitcd by my Brother John Brainerd: The firft Vifit 1 have ever received «rom any near Relative, fince I have been a Mifiion^ry. Felt the fame Frame of Spirit in the Even- ing, as in the M.'rning i and found ihzt it zuas good for ae (a .ivuiii ^ffir to God^ \^m lertVCHll my Concerns and Burdezis witb

hinic

(?/ Mr. David Bra r.erd. .4.0,1745. 187

bira. Was enlarged and refrefh'd in pouring out my Soul for the Propagation of the Gofpel of the Pvedeemer among the diftant Tribes of Indians. BlefTed be God. If ever I fill'd up a Day with Studies and Devotion, I was enabled fo to fill up this Day.

Saturday, May 24. Enjoyed this Day fomething of

the fame Frame of Mind as I felt the Day before.

[ Lord VDay, May 25. S&e the publick Journal.

This Week, at leaft the former Part of it, he was in a very .w-eak State : but yet feems to have been free frorii Melancholy » which often had attended the failing of his bodily Strength. He from Time to Time fpeaks of Comfort and inward Refrefh- mcnt, this Week.

Lorxl's-Day June i. See the publick y^arna/. J

Monday, June 2. In the Evening, enjoyed fome Freedom in fecret Prayer and Meditation.

Tuefday, June 3. My Soul rejoyced, early in the Morning, to think, that all Things wereatGod's Difpofal. Oh, it pleafed me, to leave 'em there ! Felt afterwards much as I did, on Thurfday Evening, May 22. laft; and continued in this Frame for feveral Hours. Walked out into the Wildernefs, and en- joyed Freedom, Fervency, andComfort, in Prayer : And sgain enjoyed the fame in the Evening.

W^datidsiyy June 4. Spent the Day in Writing, ami en- joyed fome Comfort, Satisfa<5tion, and Freedom in my Work. In the Evening, I was favoured with a fweet refrefliing Frame of Soul in fecret Prayer and Meditation. Prayer was now wholly turned into Praife ; and I could dd little elfe but fry to adore and blefs the living God : The Wonders of his Grace difplay'd in gathering to himfelf a Church among the poor In- dians here, were the Subjedl- Matter of my Meditation, and the Occafion of exciting my Soul to praife and blefs his Name. MySoul was fcarceever more difpofed to inquire, ^"/^^z 1 fhouli render to God for all his Benefits^ than at this Time. Oh, I was brought into a Strait, a fweet and happy Strait, to know what to do! I longed to make fome Returns to God j but found I had nothing to return : I could only rejoyce,that God had done the .Work himfelf ; and that none in Heaven or Earth mi t^bi pretend to (hare the Honour of it with him ; I could only be glad, that God's declarative Glory was advanced by the Con- vcifion of tbefc Seuls, and that it v;as to the Eiilargement of

hit

F.38 mt, 29. ?^tf LIFE

his Kingdom in the World : But faw I was fo poor, that 1 had nothing to oiFcr to kirn. My Soul and Body, thro' Grace, I ceuld chearfuliy furrcnder to him: But it appeared to me, this was rather a Cumber, than a Gift : And nothing could I do to glorify his dear and blefled Name. Yet I was glad at Heart, that he was unchangeably poflefled of Glory and Bleflednefs. Oh that he might be adored and praifed by all his intelligent Creatures, to the utmoft of their Powers and Capacities. My Sc>ul would have rejoyced to fee others praifc him, tho* I could do nothing towards it my felf.

[ The next Day, he fpeaks of his belBg fubjefl to fome De- gree of Melancholy ; but of being fomething relieved in the Evening.

Friday, June 6. See the publick Journah ]

Saturday, yune 7. Rode to Freeholtiy to aflift Mr, Ten-

nent in the Adminiftration of the Lord's Supper. In the Af- ternoon, preaeh'd from Pf^tl, Ixxiii. 28. God gave me fome Freedom and Warmth in my Difcourfe ; and 1 truft, his Pre- fcnce was in the AfTembly. Was comfortably compofed, and enjoyed a thankful Frame of Spirit ; and my Soul was grieved, that I could not render fomething toGod for hisBenefiis beftow- cd. Oh that 1 could be fwallowed up in his Praife !

Lord's Day, yiww^ 8. Spent much Time, in the Morning, in fecret Duties ; but between Hope and Fear, refpe^^ing ilie Enjoyment of God in the Bufinefs of th« Day then before bs. Was agreeably entertained, in theForenoon,by aDifcourfe from Mr. Tif/iwcw/, and felt fomewhat melted and refrefii'd. In the Seafon of Communion, enjoyed fome Comfort ; and efpecially in feiving one of the Tables. BlelTed be the Lord, it was a *T%ms of Refrefning to me, and I truft, to many others. A Number of my dear People fat down by themfelves at the lafl Table ; at which Time God feem*d to be in the midft of

ihem, And the Thoughts of what God had done among

them were refrefhing & melting to me. In iheAfternoon,God enabled me to preach with uncommon Freedom, from 2 Cor,\, 20. Thro' the great Goodnefs of God, I was favoured with a conftant Flow of pertinent Matter, and properExpreffion?;,from the Beginning to the End of my Difcourfe. In the Even- ing, I could not but rejoice in God, and blefs him for the Mani* filiations of his Ciiace in the Day paft. Oh, it was a fwcet and lolemn Diy and Evening | A Seafon of Comfoii: cc ihs QoSy-

(?/ iWr. David Braincrd. A.D. 1745. ig^

and of Awakning to fome Souls. Oh that I could praife the Lord.'

Monday, y«ff^ g.Enjoy'd fomeSweetnels infeGretDutics.— i Preach'(! the concluding Sermon from Gen, v. 24. And Enoch waihd wifh God^ &c. God gave me Enlargement and Fer- vency in my Difcourfe ; fo that I was enabled to fpeak with Plainnefs and Power ; and God's Prefence feem'd to be in the AfTembly. Praifed be the Lord, it was a fweet Meeting, a defitable AiTembly. I found my Strength renewedjand length- ened out, even to a Wonder ; fo that I felt much ftronger at the Concliifioii, than in the Beginning of this Sacramental So- Icninit). I have great Reafon to blefs God for this Solemnify, ^ ' -rdn i hi. t found Affiftance in addreffing others jandSweet- ^.:^in my own Soul.

rOr»Tuerday,he found himfelf fpent, and his Spirits cxhauft- -rc b, his late Labours ; and on Wednefday, complains of va- poury Diforders, and Dejedion of Spirit, and of enjoying but little Comfort or Spirituality. ]

Thurfday, June 12. In the Evening, enjoyed Freedom of Mind, and fome Sweetnefs in fecret Prayer : It was a deiirabis Seafon to me ; my Soul was enlarged in Prayer foi my ov;a dear People, and for the Enlargement of Chrift'sKingdom,and cfpecially for the Propagation of the Gofpel among the Indians^ back in the Wildernefs. Was refrefh'd in Prayer for dear Fiiends in New- England, and elfewhere : I found it fweet to pray at this Time ; and could with all my Heart fay. It is gQod for me to draw near to God,

Friday, June 13. 1 came away from the Meeting of

the Indians, this Day, rejoycingand bleffing God for his Grace manifefled at this Seafon.

Saturday, June 14. Rode to KingJIon, to affift the Rev» Mr, Wales in the Adminiftration of the Lord's Supper. In "the Af- ternoon, preach'd ; but almoft fainted in the Pulpit : Yet God ftrengthen'd me when I was juft gone, and enabled me to fpeak his Word with Freedom, Fervency andApplication to theCou- fcience. And praifed be theLord ; Out ofweaknefs Iw^.s if.ads Jirong. I enjoyed fome Sweetnefs, in and after piibIickVv''orOiipi but was extreamly tired. Oh, how many are the Merc':s of thfc Lord ! To them that have no Might, heincreafeth Strey^gth,

Lord's- Day, June 15, VVas in a dejected fpiritlefs FramCj thi'' I could not hold up my Head, nor lock any Body m the

Face*

nj^ Mt, 29. fT/^^LIFE

Face. Adminiftred the Lord's-Supper at Mr. H^ajii*^ Defire: And found my Celf ina good Meafure unburdenM and relieved of my preiHng Load, when I came to alk a Bleffing on theEle- ments : Here God gave me Enlargement, and a tender afFcG- tionate Senfe of fpiritualThings ; fo that it was aSeafon ofCom- forf , in fome Meafure, to me, and I truft,more fo to others. In the Afternoon, preach'd to a vaft Multitude, from Rev. xxii. 17. Jnd whofeever will. Sec, God helped me to offer a Tefti- mony for himfclf, and to leave Sinners inexcufable in negledting his Grace. I was enabled to fpcak with fuch Freedom, Fluen- cy, and Clearnefjj, as commanded the Attention of the Great. V/as extreamly tired, in the Evening, but enjoyed Compofure and Sweetnefs.

Monday, June 16. PreacVd again. ; and God helped me amazingly, fo that this was a fweet refreftiing Seafon to mySouI an:j others. Oh, forever blefled be God for Help afforded at this Time, when my Body was fo weak, and while there was fo large an Aflembly to hear. Spent the Afterjnoon in a com- fortable agreable Manner.

[ The next Day was fpent comfortably.

On VVednefday, he went to a meeting of Minifters at

HopewelL

Thurfday, Junei(), See his publick JiParw^?/. * On Friday and Saturday, he was very much amifs ; but yet preachM to his People on Saturday. His Illnefs continued on rheSabbaih; but he preach'd, notwithftanding, to his People, both Parts of the Day : And after the publick Worfhip was ended, he endeavoured to apply divine Truths to the Cenfcien- ces of feme, and addrefb'd them perfonally for that End: Se- veral were iw Tears, and feme appeared much affe£led. But he was extremely wearied wiih the Services of the Day, and was fo ill at Night, that he could have no^bodily Reft ; but re- marks, that Gcd tuns his Support, and that he was not left defii- iute of CoTTffort in him. On Monday, he continued very 111 ; but fpcaks of his Mind's being calm and compofed, reiigned to the diviiK* Dirpcnlations, and content with his feeble State. And by the Account hcgives ofhimfelf, the remaining Part of this Week, he continued very feebje,and for the molt Part dcjedlcd

* Trie pii?. lick jQurnaJ that has been fo often refer'd to, corcludcs Vr'jih ^he Account of ibis Day.

<?/ Mr. David Bramerd. A.D.1746. 191

edinMind,and enjoy'd no great Freedom nor Sweetnefs in fpiritual Things ; excepting that for fome very (hort Spaces of Time he had Refrcfliment and Encouragement, which engaged feis Heart on divine Things ; and fomeiimes his Heart was melted with fpiritual AiFedtion. J

Lord's- Day, June 29. Preach'd, both Parts of the Day,from "Job, xiv. 19. Tet a little while ^ and the World feeth me no morty &c. God was pleafed to aiTift me, to afford me both Freedom and Power 5 efpecially towards theclofe of ray Difcourfesjboth Forenoon, and Afternoon. God's Power appear'd in the Af- fembly, in both Exercifes. Numbers of God's People were refrefli'd and melted with divine Things ; on© or two comfort- ed, who had been long under Diftrefs : Convidlions, in divers Inftances, powerfully revived ; and one Man in Years much awaken'd, who had not long frequented our Meeting, and ap- pear'd before as ftupid as a Stock. God amazingly renewed and Jengthen'd out my Strength. 1 was fo fpent at Noon, that i could fcarcewalk, and all my Joints trembled ; fo that I could rot fit, nor fo much as hold my Hand ftill : And yet God ftrengthned me to preach with Power in the Afternoon ; aliho' I had given out Word to myPeople, that I did not expe£t to be able to do it. Spent fome Time afterwards in converfing, particularly, with feveral Ferfons, abt>ut their fpiritual State ; and had fome Satisfadtion concerning one or two. Pray 'd af- terwards with a fick Child, and gave a Word of Exhortation. Was aflifted in all my Work. Bleffed be God. Returned home with more Health, than I went out with ; altho my Lin- nen was wringing wet upon me, from a little after ten in the Morning, 'till paft five in the Afternoon. My Spirits alfo were Confiderably refrefh'd ; and my Soul rejoiced in Hope, that I had through Grace done fomething for God. In thcEvening, walked out, and enjoyed a fweet Seafcn in fecret Praver and Praife. But Oh, I found the Truth of the Pfalmift's Words, My Goodnefi extendeih not to Thee I I could not make sny Re- turns to God : 1 longed toHve only to Him, and to be in Tune for his Praife and Service forever. Oh, for Spirituality and holy Fervency, that I might fpend and be /pent for God, to my lateft Moment !

Monday, June 30. Spent the Day in writing ; but under much Weaknefs and Diforder. Felt the Labours of the pre- ceeding Day ; altho' my Spirits were fo refrefh'd the Evening before, that I was not not then fenfible of my being fpent.

C c Tuefday,

XQ2 ^/. 29: yi^LIFE

Tuefday, yft/y r» In the Afternoon, vifitcd, and preachM to my People, from Heb, ix. 27. on Occafion of feme Perfons lying at tb*? Poiiit of Death, in my Congregation. God gave nie fomc AiTiftance ; and his Word matie fome Imprelfions on the Audience, in general. This was an agreable and com- fortable Evening to my Soul : My Spirits were fomewhat re- ♦reih'd , with a fmall Degree of Freedom and Help enjoyed in my Work.

[ On Wednefday, he went to Newark^ to a Meeting of the Prfjhytery : Complains of lownefs of Spirits 5 and greatly la- ments his fpending his Time fo unfruitfully. The remaining Part of the Week he fpent there, and at Elijaheth-Town ; and fpeaks of Comfort and divine Afliftance, from Day to Day : But yet greatly complains for want of more Spirituality, j

Lord's -Day, July 6. [ At Elifaheih-Town ] Enjoyed fome Compofure and Serenity of Mind, in the Morning : HeardMr. Dickinfon preach, in the Forenoon, and was refrefti'd wit^ his Difcourfe ; was in a melting Frame , fome Part of the Time of Sermon : Partook of the Lord's-Supper, and enjoyed fomd t^enfe of divine Things in that Ordinance. In the Afternoon, I preach'd from E%ek, xxxiii. \i. As 1 live ^ faith the Lord God^ &c. God favoured me with Freedom andFervency 5 and help- ed me to plead his Caufe, beyond my own Power.

Monday, jfuly 7. My Spirits were confiderably rcfrefh*dund railed, in the Morning. There is no Comfort, I find, in any Enjoyment, without enjoying God and bein^ engaged in his Service. In the Evening, had the moft agreeable Converfation that ever I remember in all my Life, upon God's being all in all^ and all Enjovments being juft that torn which God makes them,, and no more. 'Tisgood to begin and end with God* Oh, how does a fwect Solemnity lay a Foundation for true Pleafure and Happinefs I

Tuefday, */2/.V 8. Rode hrme, and enjoyed fome agreeable Me(?!taticns by the Way.

Wednefday, July 9. Spent the Day in writingjCnjoyedfome Comfori and Refrefhment of Spirit in my Evening-Retirement.

Thurfday, Ju:y 10. Spent moft of cheDay in writing. To- wards Night, rode to Mr. Tennent^s ; enjoyed fome agreeable Converfation : Went home, in the Evening, in afolemn f»vect Frame of Mind ; wss refrefh'd in fccret DutieS;> longed toiite wholly and only for God^ and faw plainly, there was ^loihiug ?fi

i?/Mf. D4v!d Braiaerd: A.D. 174^. 193

ihe World worthy of myAfFe£lion ; fo that my Heart was dead to all below ; yet not thro' Dejedlion as, at fomc Times, but from Views of a better Inheritance*.

Friday, July 11 » Was in a calm competed Frame, in the Morning, efpecially in the Seafon of my iecret Retirement : I thinkjl was wellpleafed with the Will of Gcd, whatever it was, or fhould be, in all Refpeds I had then any Thought f. Inif nd- ing toadminifter theLord's-Supper the nextLord'sDay,! lcok*d to God for his Prefence and Affiftance upon that Occafion ; but felt a Difpofition to fay, The Will of the Lord be done, v/hethcr it be to give me Affiftancc, or not. Spent foine little Titp.e ui writing : Vifited the Indians^ and fpent feme Time in ferious CoKverfation with them ; thinking it not beft to preach, by Reafon that many of them were abfent.

Saturday, July 12. This Day was fpent in Fading andPray* cr by my Congregation, as preparatory to the Sacjapnent, I difcourfed, both Parts of the Day, from Rom. iv. 25. Who zua.t delivered for our Offencei^ &c. God gave me fome AfHftance 'wi my Difcourfes, and fumething of divine Power attended the Word ; fothat this was an agreeable Seafon. Afterwards led them to a folemn Renewal of theirCovenant, and frefiiDedica- tion of ihemfelves to God. This was a Seafon both of Solemni- ty and Sweetnefs, and God feem*d to be in the midji of m. Re- turned to my Lodgings, in theEvening, in a comfortableFrame ii£.Mind.

Lord's-Day, July i'^. In the Forenoon, difcourfed en th^ l^read of Life^ from Joh. vi. 35. God gaveme rorneAfTiiiaiice, in Part of my Difcourfe efpecially; and there appear'd foinc tender Affedlion in the Affembly under divine Truths : my Soul alfo wasfomewhat rcfre(h*d. Adminiftred the Sacra- ment of the Lord's Supper to thirty-one Perfons of the Indians^ God feem'd to be preient in this Ordinance ; the Communi- cants were fweetly melted and refreih'd, moft of them. Oh, how they melted, even when theElementswerefirft uncovered ! There was fcarcely a dry Eye amongft them, when I took ofe" the Linnen, and fhewed thcna the Symbols of Christ's hrchn

Body* — Having refted a little, after the Adminiltration tf

the Sacrament, I vifitcd the Communicants, and found th?m generally in a fvveet loving Frame ; not unlike what apoearM among them on the former SacramentalOccaficn, on J^prii ^-7- Tn the Afternoon, difcourfed upon coming to Christ, and the HatisfaSfionok thofe who do fo, from the fame^>/^I indeed on in the Forenoon. This was likewifean agr^^eable Seafon j 1

C c 2 Seafon

194 ^/. 29- ^^^ I-IFE

Seafon of much Tendernefs, Affeftion and Enlargement in di- vine Service : And God, I am perfwadedjCrown'd ourAflembly with his divine Prefence. I returned home much fpent, yet rejoicing in the Goodnefs of God.

Monday, July 14. Went to my People, and difcourfed to them (romP/al. cxix 106. 2 have fworn^and 1 will perform it ^Uc» Cbferved, I. That all God's Judgments or Commandments Mc righteous, 1. That God's People have /zf^rs io keep them ; and this they do efpecially at the Lord's Table. There appear'd to be a powerful divine Influence on the Affembly, and confi- derable melting under the Word. Afterwards, 1 led them to a Renewal of then Covenant before God ( that they would watch over therrifelves and one another, left they fhould fall into Sin, and diflionour the Name of Chrift ) juft as I did on M'^nday y^/)r/7 28. This Tranfadion was attended with grdat Solemnity : And God feem'd to own it by exciting in them a Fear and Jealoufy of themfelves, left they fhould Sin againft God ; fo that the Prefence of God feem'd to be amongft us in this Conclufion of the Sacramental Solemnity.

[ The next Day, he fet out on a Journey towards Philadel" phia ; from whence he did not return 'till Saturday. He went this Journey, and fpent the Week, under a gccat Degree of lllnefy of Body, and Dejection of Mind.]

Lord's- Day, ya>' 20. Preach'd twice to my People, from jfch. xvii. 24. Father y J will that they alfo whom thou haft given mcy be ivith me, where 1 am^ that they may behold my Glory^ which then haft given me. V/as helped to difcourfe with great Clear- fiefs and Plainr.cfs in the Forenoon. In the Afternoon, enjoy'd fomeTcndernefs, and fpake with fome Influence. Divers were in Tears ; and lome, to Appearance, in Dif^refs.

Monday '/f^/y 21. Preach'd to the Indians, chiefly for the fake of fome Strangers. Then propofed my Defij^n of taking a Journey fpeeJily {oSufquahannah : ExJiorted my People to pray for me, that God would be with me in thatjourney, t^c. Then diofe divers Perfoi^s of the Congregation to travel with me. Altcrwanls, rpent Tirne in difcourfing to the Strangers^^ud was foHiewhat encouraged with them. Took Care of my People's fecular Bufinefs, and was not a little exercifed with it Had fome Degree of Compofure and Comfort in fecret Retirement. TuefJay, Ju/y 22. Was in a dejected Frame, moft of the Day: Wanted to v/ear out Life, and have it at anEnd ; but had (cmc Deilres of //'i;/>;p'^^ GoD,and wearing out Life for him. Ob thdi I could indeed do fo !

[Th«

of Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 746, 195

[The nextDay, he went to Elijah eth-T: own ^ to a Meeting of the Prejbytery ; and fpent this, and Thurfday, and the former Part of Friday, under a very great Degree of Melancholy, and exceedingGloominefs of Mind ; not through anyFear of future Punifhment, but as being diftrelTed with a Scnfelefnefs of all Good, fo that the whole World appeared empty and gloomy to him. But, in the latter Part of Friday, he was greatly relieved and comforted.]

Saturday, ^uly 26. Was comfor.table in the Morning ; my Countenance and Heart were not fad, as in Days paft ; enjoy'd fome Sweetnefs in lifting up my Heart toGod. Rode Home to my People, and was in a comfortable pleafant P'rame by the Way; my Spirits were much relieved of their Burden, and I felt free to go through all DifHculties and Labours in my Ma- fter's Service.

LordVDay, July 27. Difcourfed to my People, in theFore- noon, from Luke xii. 37. on the Duty and Benefit of watch- ing : God helped me in the latter Part of my Difcourfe, and the Power of God appeared in the AfTembly. In the Afternoon, difcourfed from Luke xiii. 25. Here alfo I enjoyed fome Aflift- ance, and the Spirit of God feemed to attend what was fpoken, fo that there was a great Solemnity, and fome Tears among 7«- dians and others.

Monday, July 28. Was very weak, and fcarce able to per- form any Bufinefs at all ; but enjoyed Sweetnefs and Comfort in Prayer, both Morning and Evening ; and was compofcd and comfortable thro* the Day : My Mind was intenfe, and my Heart fervent, at leatt in fome Degree, in fecret Duties ; and I longed {o Jpend and be fpent for God.

Tuefday, July 2g. My Mind was chearful, and free from thofe melancholy Damps, that I am often excrcifed with : Had Freedom in looking up to God, at fundry Times in the Day. In the Evening, I enjoyed a comfortable Se.ifan in fecretPrayer ; was helped to plead with God for my own dear People, that he would carry on his own blefledWork among them j wasaHifled ^Ifo in praying for the divinePrefencc to attend me in my intend- ed Journey to Sujquahannah ; was alfo helped to remember dear Brethren and Friends in New- England : fcarce knew how to leave the Throne of Grace, and it grieved me that i was obliged to go to Bed \ I longed to do fomething for God, but knew not how. BicfTed be God for this Freedom from De- jedxion,

Wednefday,

ig6 JEl 29: «« LIFE

Wcdnefday, j^u^y 30. Was uncommonly comfortable,both in Body and Mind ; in the Forenoon efpecially : My Mind was folemn, I was aflifted in my Work, and God feem'd to be near to me ; (o that the Day was as comfortable as moft I have en- joyed for fome Time. In the Evening, was favoured with Afliftance in fecret Prayer, and felt much as I did the Evening before. Blefled be God for that Freedom I then enjoyed at the Throne of Grace, for my felf, my People and my dear Friends, // is good for me to draw near to God,

[ He feems to have continued very much in the fame free, comfortable State of Mind the next Day.]

Friday, Auguft i. In the Evening, enjoyed a fweet Seafon in fecret Prayer 5 Clouds of Darknefs and perplexing Care were fweetly fcatter'd, and nothing anxious remained. Ob, how ferene was my Mind at this Seafon 1 How free from that diftra£ling Concern I have often felt ! 77;y Willie done^ was a Petition fweet to my Soul ; and if God had bidden me chufe for my felf in any Affair ; I fhould have chofen rather to have refer'd the Choice to him ; for I faw he was infinitely wife, ?nd could not do anyThing amifs, as I was in Danger of doing. Was afTifted in Prayer, for my dear Flock, that God would pro- mote his own Work among themj and that God would go with me in my intended Journey to Sufquahannah ; was helped to remember dear Friends in New-England^ and my dear Brethren in the Miniftry. 1 found enough in the fweet Duty of Prayer to fcave engaged me to continue in it the whole Night, would my bjdily State have admitted of it. Oh, how fweet it is, to be enabled heartily to fay, Lord^hot my Will, but thine be done /

Saturday, Jug. 2. Near Night, preach'd (romMattb. xi. 29. Was ccnfiderably helped ; ai^i the Prefence of God feem'd to befomewhat remarkably in the Aflembly ; divine Truths made powerful ImpreiTions, both upon Saints and Sinners. Bleffed be God for fuch a Revival among us. In the Evening, was very weary, but found my Spirits fupportcd and refrefli'd.

Lord's- Day, Jug. 3. Difcourfcd to my People, in the Fore- noon, from Cfilof iii. 4. Obferved, that Chri/i is the Believer's Life. God helped me, and gave me his Prefence in this Dif- courfe ; and it was a Seafon of confiderable Power In theAflem- bly. In the Afternoon, preach'd from Lukexix 41, 42. I en- joyed fonie Aflifhnce ; tho* not (o much as in the Forenoon. In the Evening, I enjoyed Freedgm and Sweetnefs in fecret

Prayer j

of Mr\ David Brainerd: A.D. x 746. 197^

Prayer; God enlarged my Heart, freed me from melancholy Damps, and gave me Satisfa6lion in drawing near to himfelf. Oh that my Soul could magnify the Lord, for thefe Seafons of Compofure and Rclignation to his Will.

Monday, Jug» 4, Spent the Day in writing ; enjoyed mach Freedom and Affiftance in my Work : Was in a compofed and comfortableFrame,moft of the Day ; and in theEvening enjoy- ed fome Sweetnefs in Prayer. BlefTed be ^od,mySpirits were yet up, and I was free from fmkin? Damps ; as I have been ia general ever fince I came from EUfabeth-l^iun laft. Oh what a Mercy is this I

Friday, ^«f . 5. Towards Night, preach'd at the Funeral of one of my Chriftians, from Jfai. Ivii. 2. Was opprefTed with the nervous Head-Ach, and confiderably dejeded : However, had a little Freedom, fome Part of the Time I was difcouriing. Wascxtreamly weary in the Evening; but notwithfianding enjoyed fome Liberty and Chearfalnefs of Mind in Prayer -, and found the Dejection that I feared j much removed, and mySpiriu^ confiderably refrefh'd.

[ He continued in a very comfortable chcarful Frame of Mind the next Day, with his Heart enlarged in the Service of God.]

Thurfday, Aug. 7. Rode to my HoufejWhere I fpent the lad Winter, in order to bring fome Things I needed for my Sufqua- bannab Journey : Was refreih'd to fee that Place, which God fvi marvelloufly vifited with the Showers of his Grace. Oh how amazingly.did the Power i/ God pften appear there ! Bk/^ the Lord, O my Soul^ and forget not all his Benefits,

[ The next Day, he fpeaks of Liberty, Enlargement, and Sweetnefs of Mind, in Prayer and religious ConverfatiCn.J

Saturday, Aug. 9. In the Afternoon, vifited my People ; (zt their Affairs in Order, as mach as pofTible, and contrived for them theManagement of their worldly Bufinefs : Difcourfed tq them in a folcmn Manner, and concluded with Prayer. Was compofed, and comfortable in theEvening, and fomewfcat hi- vent in fecret Prayer : Had fome Senfe and View of the eternal World,and found a Serenity of Mind. Ob tliat I could magnify the Lord for any Freedom he affords me in Prayer,.

Lord*s-Day, Au^. 10. Difcourfed to my People, both P^rts 01 the Day, from ASfs iii. 15. In difcourfing o[ ReiKraams, m

thxC

1^8 ^V. 29. y.&^LIFE

the Forenoon,God helped me, fo that roy Difcourfe was fearch- ing, fome were in Tears, both of the Indians and white People j and the Word of God was attended with fome Power, In the Intcrmiffion-Seafon, I was engaged in difcourfing to fome in or- der to their Eaptifm ; as well as with One who had then lately met with fome Comfort, after fpiritual Trouble and Diflrefs. la the Afternoon, was fomewhat affifled again, tho' weak and weary. Afterwards baptized 6 Perfons ; 3 Adults, and 3 Chil- dren. Was in a comfortable Frame in the Evening, and en- joyed fome Satisfa6ti(Wi in fecret Prayer. I fcarce ever in my Life felt my itM fo full of Tendernefs, as this Day.

Monday, Jug. 1 1. Being about to kt out on a Journey to Sufquahannah the next Day, with Leave of Providence, I fpent fome Time this Day in Prayer with my People, thatGod would, blefs and fucceed my intended Journey, that he would fend forth his blefTed Spirit with his Word, and fet up his Kingdom among the poor Indians in the Wildernefs. While I was opening and applying Part of the cxth & iid/yj/wj,the Power of God kem'd to defcend on the AfTembly in fome Meafure ; and while I was making the firft Prayer, Numbers were melted, and I found fome afFedlionateEnlargementof Soul my felf. Preach'd IxomASfs iv. 31. God helped me, and my Interpreter alfo : There was a (baking and melting among us ; and divers, 1 doubt not,were ia fome Meafure filled with the Holy Gho/i, Afterwards, Mr. Mc Knight pray'd : I then open'd the two laft Stanza's of the Ixxiid Pfalm ; at which Time God was prefent with us ; efpe- cially while I infifted upon theProm.ife of ali Nations blefftng the great Redeemer : My Soul was refrefh'd, to think, that this Day, this blefTed glorious Seafon, (hould furely come ; and I trufl. Numbers of my dear People were alfo refrefh'd. After- wards pray'd ; had fome Freedom, but was almofl Spent : Th€n walk'd out, and left my People to carry on religious Exeroifes among themfelves : They pray'd repeatedly, and fung, while I refted and refrcfh'd my feif. Afterwards, went to theMeeting; pray'd with, and difmife'd the AfTembly. BlefTed be God, this has been a Day of Grace. There were many Tears and afTec^ionate Sobs among us this Day. In the Evening, my Soul was refrefh'd in Prayer : Enjoyed Liberty at the Throne of Grace, in praying for my People and Friends and CheChurch of God in general. Blefi the Lord^ Omy Soul.

[ The next Day, he fet out on his Journey towards Sufqua* bannah^ and fix of his Chrifiian Indians with him, whom he had

cbofca

^/MK David Bralnerd. A.D. Ty^G. 199

chofen out of his Congregation,a§ thofe that he judged moft fit to affift him in the Bufinefs he was going upon. He took his Way through Philadelphia ; intending tago to Sufquahamafj^ River, fardownalong,whereitis fettled by the white People, below the Country inhabited by the Indiam ; and fo to travel up the River to the Indian Habitations : For altho' this was much further about,yet hereby he avoiacJ the hugeMountains and hideousWildernefspthat muft be crofs'd m the nearerWay • which in Time paft he had found to be extreamly difficultand fatiguing. He rode this Week as far as Char left own y a f^lacc of thatName about 30 Miles Weft ward of Philadelphia ; where he arrived on Friday : And in his Way hither, was for the moft Part in a compofed comfortable State of Mind.]

Saturday, Jug» 16. [At Chat le/? own ] It being a Day kept by thePcople of the Place where I now was, as preparatory to the ^Celebration of the Lord's-Supper, I tarried ; heard Mr. Treat preach ; and then preach'd, my felf. God gave me Tome good Degree of Freedom, and helped me to difcourfe with Warmth, and Application to the Confcience* Afterwards, I was refrcfh'd in Spirit, tho' much tired ; and fpent the Even- ing agreably5having fomeFreedom inPfayer,a3 well asChriftian Converfation.

^ LordVDay, Jug, 17. Enjoyed Liberty, Compofure^and Sa* tisfadion, io the fecret Duties of the Morning : Had myHeart fomewhat enlarged in Prayer for dearFriends,as well as for my felf. In the Forenoon, attended Mr, Treat's Preaching, par- took of the Lord's-Supper, five of my People alfo communi- cating in this holy Ordinance : I enjoyed feme Enlargement andOut-going of Soul in thisSeafon. In theAfternoon,preacb'd from Ezek. xxxiii. 11. Enjoyed not fo much fenfibleAlTiftance as the Day before ; however, vv-as helped tofome Fervency in addreffing immortal Souls. Was fomewhat confounded in the Evening, becaufe I thought I had done little or nothing for God; yet enjoyed fome Refrefhment of Spirit in Chiiftian Converfation and Prayer. Spent the Evening, 'till near mid- night, in religious Exercifes ; and found my bodily Strength, which was much fpent when I came from the publickWorfhip, fomething renewed before I went to Bed.

Monday, Jug. 18. Rode on my Way tov/ards Paxicn, upon Sufquabannah'River. Felt my Spirits fink, towards Night, fo that I had little Comfort.

D d Tuefday,

aoo yE/. 29. ^Tif^ LIFE

Tuefday, -^«^. 19. Rode forward ftlll ; and at Night lodged by theSide of Sufquahannah. Was weak and diforder'd, both this and vhe preceedingDay,and found my Spirit?: confiderably damp*d, meeting with none that I thought godiy People.

Wednelday, Aug. 20. flaving lain ina cold fweat allNighf, I coughMmuch bloodv Matter this Morning, and was under great Diforder of BocW a"'^ ^^^ a ^'ftle ;/le]ancho]y ; but what gave me ^<^^^ Encouragement, was, I had a fecrei Hope that I mi^^it fpeedily get a Difmiffion from Eanh and all it's Toi/s and Sorrows. Rode this Day to one Chambers's^ upon Sujquahannoh^ and there lodged. Was much affliaed, in the Evening,wlih an ungodly Crew, drinking, fwearing, k^c. Oh, what a Hell it would be, to be numbered with the Vngof.ly f Enjoyed fome agreable Converfation with a Traveller, who fecm*d to have fome Relilh of true Religion.

Thurfday, Jug. 21. Rode up the River about 15 Miles, and there lodged, in a Family that appeared quite deftitute of God. Laboured to difcourfe with the Man about the Life of Religion, but^ found him very artful in evading fuch Converfation. OhjWhat a Death It is to fome, to hear of the Things of God i Was out of my Element , but was not fo dejcded as at fome Times.

Friday, Jug. 12. Continued my Couifcup the River ; my People now being with me, who before were parted from me : Travelled above all the Engli/h Settlements ; at Night, lodged in the open Woods ; and flept with m.ore Comfort, than while among an ungodly Company of white People. Enjoyed fome Liberty in fecret Prayer, this Evening ; and was helped to re- member dear FrienGs,as well as my dear Fiock,and theChurch of God in general.

Saturday, Jug. 23. Arrived at the hdian Town, called Shaumoktng, near Night. Was not fo dejefled as formerly ; but yet fomewhat exercifed. Felt fomewhat ccmpofed in the Evtning ; enjoyed fomeFreedom in leaving my JU withGoD : Thro' the great Gcodnefs of God, I enjoyed fome Liberty of Mind; was ngt diftrefs'd with a Defpondency, as frequently heretofore.

Lord's- Day, Jug. 24. Towards Noon, vifited fome of the Delawaresy and difcourfed with them about Chriftianity. In the Afternoon, difcourfed to the King,znd others, upon divine Things ; who feem'd difpofed to hear. Spent moft of the Day in thefe Exercifes. In the Evening, enjoyed fome Comfort and Sa^sfaaian y and cfpecially had fome Swectnefs in fecret

Prayer :

ef ilfr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1746. 201

Prayer : This Duty was made fo agreable to me, that I loved to 7. ilk abroad and repeatedly engage in it. Oh^ how comfor- table > a liftle Glimpfe of God !

Monciijy. Au^. 25. Spent molt of the Day in writing. Sent out my Pev^ple that were with me, to talk with the Indiam,zi\d contr?6t a Friendftiip and Familiarity with them, that I might have a better Opportunity of treating wi(h them about Chrif- tianity. SomeGood feem'd to be done by their Vifits this Day, divftTfi pppear'd wilh'ng to hearken to Chriftianity. My Spirits werea litUe refre{h*d,this Evening ; and I found fome Liberty and 5atisfa<5tiQn, in Prayer.

Tuefday, Jug. 26. About Noon,dircourfed to a confidera- ble Number of Indians : God help*d me, I am perfwaded ; I was enabled to fpeak v/ith much Plainnefs, and fome Warmth and Power. The Di/coutie had Imprefiion upon fome, and made them appear very ferious. I thought, Things now ap- pear'd as encouraging^as they did at Crojweeks. At the Time of my firft V^ifit to thofe Indians. I was a little encouraged : I preiTed Things with all my Might ; and calTd out my Peo- ple, who were then prefent, to give in their Te/iimony for God 5 which they did. Towards Night, was reftefli'd ; felt a Heart to pray for thefetting upofGod*s Kingdom here ; as well as for my dearCongrcgation below, and my dearPViends elfewhere.

Wednefday, Jug. 27. There having been a thick Smoak, in the Houfe where I lodged, all Night before, v/hereby I was almoft choked, I was this Morning difirefs'd with Pains in my Head and Neck, and could have no Reft. In ihs Aborning, the Smoak was ftill the fame ; and a cold eafterly Storm gathering, I could neither live within Doors nor without, any long Time together ; I was pierced with the Rawnefs of the Air abroad, in the Houfe diftrefs'el with the Smoak. I was this Day very vapoury, and lived in greatDiftrefs,and had not Health enough to do any Thing to any Purpofe.

Thurfday, Jug, 28. In the Forenoon, was under great Concern of Mind about my Work. Was vifited by fome who defired to hear me preach ; difcourfed to 'em, in the After- nooxij with fome Fervency, and laboured to perfwade 'em to turn to God, Was full of Concern for the Kingdom of Chrift, and found fome Enlargement of Soul in Prayer, both in fecret and in myFamily. Scarcely ever faw moreclearlyjthan thisDay, that 'tis God's fi^ark to convert Souls, and efpecially poor Heathsm i Iknew, I could not touch them; I faw, 1 could D i 2 only

.^,. .9.

Hit?^ Lilt' E

only fpeak to dry Bones^ but could give them no Senfe of what I faid. My Eyes were up to God for Help : I could fay, the Work was his j and if done, the Glory would be his,

Friday, Aug* 29. Felt the fame Concern of Mind, as the Day before. Enjoyed fome Freedom in Prayer, and a Satis- faction to leave all with God. Travelled to the Delawares, found few at home : Felt poorly, but was able to fpend fome Time alone in readingGod'sWord & i n Pr ay er,S: enjoyed fome Sweetncfs in thefe Exercifes. In the Evening, was ailifted re- peatedly in Prayer, and found fome Comfort in coming to the Throne of Grace.

Saturday, yf^/^-. 30. Spent theForenoon in vifiting aTr^^^r, that came down the Kwti ftck ; who appeared as ignorant as any Indian, In the Afternoon, fpent fome Time in Writings Reading and Prayer.

Lord's* Day, Aug. 31. Spent much TIme,in theMorning, in fecret Duties : Found a Weight upon my Spirits, and could not but cry to God with Concern and Engagement of Soul. Spent fome Time alfo in reading and expounding God's Word to my dear Family, that was with me, as well as in Singing and Prayer with them. Afterwards, fpake the Word of God, to fome few of the Sufquahannah- Indians. In the Afternoon, felt very weak and feeble^ Near Night, was fomething refrefli'd in Mind, with fome Views of Things relating to my great Work. Oh, how heavy is my Work, v/hen Faith can't take hold of an Aimighty Arwy for the Performance of it ! Many Times have 1 been ready to fmk in this Cafe. BleiTcd be God, that I may repair to a full Fountain,

Monday, September i. Set out on ajourney towards a Place called The great Iflund, about 50 M\\t5^\iHx\K.itomShaumoking^ in the North- weltern Branch of Sufquahannah, Travelled fome Part of the Way, and at Night lodg'd in the Woods. Was exceeding feeble, thisDay, and fweat much the Night following, Tuefday, Sept. 2. Rode forward j but no rafter than my People went on Foot. Was very weak, on this, as well as the prccccdingDays : Was fo feeble and iaint,that 1 fear'd it would kill mc to lie out in the open Air ; And fome of ourCompany bein^ parted from u$, fo liiat we had now no Ax with us, I'had no Way but to climb into a young Pine-Tree, and with my Knife to lop ihc Branches, and lo made a Shelter from theDew. But the Evening he\ng cloudy and very likety for Rain, I was ftill under Fc•a^'^ of being extremely expofed : Sweat muoh in ^hc; flight, (0 ih.u rny i.inctt was almoft wringing wet all

Nishf,

of Mr, David Braint^d. A.D.i 74^. 203

Night. I fcarce ever vpas more weak and weary, than this Evening, when I was able to fit up at all. This was a melan- choly Situation I was in ; but I endeavoured to quiet ray felf withConfiderations of the Poflibility of my being in much worfc Circumftances, amongft Enemies, ^c,

Wednefday, ^ept, 3. Rode to the Delaware-Tovjn ; found divers drinking and drunken. Difcourfed with fome of the Indians about Chriftianity ; obferved my Interpreter m^ich en- gaged and affifted in his Work : Some few Perfons feem'd to hear with great Earneftnefs and Engagement of Soul. About Noon, rode to a fmall Town oi Shauwaunoes, about 8 Miles diftant ; fpent an Hour or two there, and returned to thcDela^ urare-Town, and lodged there. Was fcarce ever more con- founded with a Senfe of my own Unfruitfulnefs and Unfitnefs for my Work, than now. Oh, what a dead, heartlefs,barren, unprofitable Wretch did I now fee my kU to be ! My Spirits were fo low, and my bodily Strength fo wafted, that I could do nothing at all. At Length, being much overdone. Jay down on a Buffalo-Skin ; but fv/eat much, the whole Night.

Thurfday, Sept. 4. Difcourfed with the Indians, in the Morning, about Chriftianity ; my Interpreter ^ afterv/ards, car- rying on the Difcourfe, to a confiderable Length : Some few appeared well-difpofed, and fomewhat affe6ted. Left thisPIace, and returned towards Shaumoking ; and at Night lodged in the Place where^I lodged the Monday-Night before : Was in very uncomfortable Circumftances in the Evening, my People beincr belated, and not coming to me 'till paft 10 at Night ; {q tha^t I had no Fire to drefs any Vi6Vuals, or to keep me Warm_, or keep cfF wild Beafts ; and I was fcarce ever more weak and worn out in all my Life. However, I lay down and llept be- fore my People came up, expelling Nothing eife but to fpend the whole Night alone and without Fire.

Friday, Sept. 5. Was exceeding weak,fo that I could fcarce- ly ride ; it feem'd fometimes as if I muft fall oiFfrom myHorfe, and lie in the open Woods : However, got to Shaumoking^ tcwards Night : Felt fomethingofa Spirit of Thankfulncls, that God had fo far return'd mc : Was refrefh'd, to fee ons of my Chriftians, whom I left here in my late Excurfion.

Saturday, Sept* 6. Spent the Day in a very weak State 5 Coughing and fpitting Blood, and having little Appetite to any Food I had with me : Was able to do very little, except Ciifcouife a while of divine Things to my own People, and to ibaie few I met with. Had, by this Time, vzry little Life or

Heart

'204 ^t, 29: r^5 L I F E

Heart to fpeak for God, thro' Feeblenefs of Body, and Flatnefa of Spirits. Was fcarcely ever more alhamed and confound eel in my (cM^ than now- I was fenfible, that there wereNum- bers of God's People, who knew I was then out apon a Defign (or at leaft the Pretence) or doing fomething for God, and in bis Caufe, among the poor Indians ; and they were ready to fuppofe, that I was fervent in Spirit : But Oh, the heartlefs Frame of Mind that I felt, fill'd me with Confufion I Oh (methought) if God's People knew me, as God knows, they would not think fo highly of my Zeal and Refolution for God, as perhaps now they do ! I could not but defire they (hould fee how heartlefs and irrefolute I was, that they might be undeceived, and not think 'of me above what they ought to think. And yet I thought, if they faw the utmoflof myFlat- nefs and Unfaithfulnefs, the Smallnefs of my Courage andRe- folution for God, they would be ready to fhut me out of their Doors, as unworthy of theCompany orFriendfhipof Chriftians.

Lord's- Day, Sept. 'j^ Was much in the fame weak State of Body, and afflifted Frame of Mind, as in the preceedingDay: My Soul was grieved, and mourn'd, that I could do nothing for God. Read and expounded fome Part of God's Word to my own dear Family, and fpent fome Time in Prayer with Ihem ; difcourfed alfo a little to i\\Q Pagans : But fpent the Sabbath with little Comfort.

Monday, Sept, 8. Spent the Forenon among the Indians ; in the Afternoon, left Shaumoking, and returned down the River, a few Miles. Had propofed to have tarried a confide- rable Time longer among the Indians upon Sufquahannah^ but was hindred from purfuing my Purpofe by the Sicknefs that prevailed there, the weakly Circumftances of my own PeopFe that were with me, & efpecially my own extraordinary Weak- nefs, having been exercifed wir^^ great noilurnal Sweats, and a coughing up of Blood, in almoft the whole of the Journey ; and was a great Part of the Time fo feeble and faint, that it leem'd as tho' I never (hould be able to reach home ; and at the fameTime very deftitute of thpComforts& evenNeceflarief ofLife ; at leaft, what was neceflary for one in fo weak aState. In this Journey [ fometimes was enabled to fpeak the Word of God WJth fome Power, and divine Truths made fome Impref* fions on divers that heard me ; fo that feveral, both Men and Wcmcn, old and young, fcem'd to cleave to us^ and be well difpofcd towards Chri/fianity ; but others mocked and flouted, which damp'd thofe who before feem'd friendly, at leaft fome

of

fffMr» David Bramerd. A.D. 174^; 205

of them : Yet God, at 'times, was evidently prefent, affifting me, my Interpreter, and other dear Friends who were with me : God gave, rometimes, a goodDegree of Freedom inPray- er for the ingatnering of Souls there ; and I could not but en- tertain a itiong Hope, that the Journey, fhould not be wholly fruiclefs. VVhelher the IfTue of it would be the fetting upChrift's Kingdom iberey or only the drawing of feme few Perfons down to my Congregation in New-Jerfey^ or whether they were now only preparing for fome further Attempts, that might be made among them, I did not determine : But I was perfwaded, the Journey would not be loft. Blefled be God, that I had any Encouragement and Hope.

Tuefday, Sept, p. Rode down the River, near 30 Miles. Was extreme weak, much fatigued, and wet with a Thunder- Storm. Difcourfed with fome Warmth and Clofenefs to fome poor ignorant Souls, on the Life and Power of Religion ; what were and what were not iht Evidencts oi it. They feem'd much aftonifh*d, when they faw my Indians afk a BleilingaBd give Thanks at Dinner ; concluding that a very highEvidence of Grace in them : But were aftonifhed, when I infifted that neither that, nofyet fecret Prayer, was any furc Evidence of Grace. Oh the Ignorance of the World ! How are fome empty outward Formsy that may all be inurtXy felfijl?, miftaken for true Religion, infallible Evidences of it ! The Lord pity a deluded World.

Wednefday, Sept, 10. Rode near twenty Miles homeward. Was much folicited to preach, but was utterly unable, thro' bodily Weaknefs. Was extremely overdone with the Heat and Showers this Day, and coughed up confiderable Blood.

Thurfday, Sept. 11. Rode homeward ; but was very weak, and fometimes fcarce able to ride. Had a very importunateln- vitation to preach ataMeeting-Houfel came by, thePeople be- ing then gathering ; but could not,byReafon of Weaknefs. Was refigned and compofed under my Weaknefs ; but was much exercifed with Concern for my Companions in Travel, whom I had left with much Regret, fome lame, and fome fick.

Friday, iSlf^/. 12. Rode about fifty Miles ; and camejuft at Night to a Chrifiian Eriemi'sHoufe, about 25 Miles Wef^ward from Philadelphia. Was courteoufly received, and kindly en- tertained, and found my feif much refrefa'd in the midft of my Weaknefs andFatigues.

Saturda^'^

206 Ml 29: Iht LIFE

Saturday, Sept. 13. Was ftill agreably entertained with Chriftian Friendihip, and allThings neceflary for my weakCir- cumftances ; In the Afternoon, heard Mr. ^r^at preach 5 and was refrefh'd in Convcrlation with him, in the JEvcning.

LordVDay, ^^/>M4. At the Defire of Mr. Tr^fl/ and the Pctiple, I preach'd bor/i Parts of the Day ( but fhort ) from Luk, xiv. 23. God gave me fome Freedom and Warmth in my Difcourfe ; and 1 truft, helped me in fome Meafure to la- bour inftngknefs of Heart, Was much tired in the Evening, but was comforted with the moft tender Treatment 1 ever met with in my Life. My Mind, thro' the whole of this Day, was exceeding calm ; and I could afk for nothing in Prayer, with any Encouragement of Soul^ but that the fFill of God might he (ione.

Monday, Sept. 15. Spent the whole Day, in Concert with Mr. Tre(.t, ift JEndeavours to compofe a Difference, fubfifting between certain Perfons in the Congregation where* we now were : There feem'd to be a Blefling on our Endeavours. In theEvening, baptized aChild : Was in a calm compofed Frame, and enjoyed ( I trufl ) a fpiritual Senfe of di\une Things,while adminiftring the Ordinance. Afterwards, fpent the Time in religious Converfation, 'till late in the Night. This was indeed a pleafant agreable Evening.

Tuefday, Sept. 16. Continued ftill at my Friend's Houfe, about 25 Miles Weftward o^» Philadelphia, Was very weak, unable to perform any Bufinefs, and fcarcely able to fit up.

Wednefday, Sept. 17. Rode into Philadelphia, Still very weak, and my Cough and fpitting of Blood continued. Enjoy- ed fome agreable Converfation with Friends, but wanted more Spirituality.

Thurfday, Sept. 18. Went (rom Philadelphia ioMr, Treat's : W'as agreably entertained on the Road i and was in a fweet compofed Frame, in the Evening.

Friday, Sept. 19. Rode from Mr. Treat's to Mr. Stockton's at Prince-Town : Was extrcam weak, but kindly received and cntertain'd. Spent the Evening with fome Degree of Satis*

Saturday, Sept. '/o. Arrived among my own People, juft at Night : Fouud 'em praying together : Wentinjand gave them fome Account of God's Dealmgs with me and my Companions in ihcjourney ; which feem'd afFe<Sling to them. I then pray'd with :hem, and thought the divine Prefence was amongft us ; ilivers weie m;hed into Tca^s, and feem'd to have a Senfe of

Divine

ip/ Mr. David Brainerd: A.D. 1 74S. 207

divtne Things. Being very weak, I was obliged foon to re- pair to my Lodgings, and felt much worn out, in the Evening. Thus God has carried me thro* the Fatigues and Perils of ano- ther Journey to Su/quabannah^2ind returned me again in Safety, tho* under a great Degree of bodily Indifpofuion. Oh that my Soul were truly thankful for renewed Inftances of Mercy I Many Hardfhips andDiftrefles I endured in this Journey : But the Lor^ fupported me under them all.

Part VIIL

j^fi^er his Return from his laji your my to Sufquahannah, until his Death.

[iV. ^.TjriTHERTO Mr. Braimrd had kept a ccnftant Jj^ Diary, giving an Account of what pafs'd from Day to Day, with very little Interruption : But henceforward his Diary is very much interrupted by his Jllnefs ; under which he was often brought fo low, as either not to be capable of writing, or not well able to bear the Bur- den of a Care fo confiant, as was requifite, to recollsft, every Evening, what had palled in the Day, and digefl it, and fet down an orderly Account of it in Writing. However, his Diary was not wholly negleded 5 but he took Care, from Time to Time, to take fome Notice in it of the moft material Things concerning himfelf and the State of his Mind,.even till within a few Days of his Death j as the Reader will fee afterwards. * j

Lord's- Day,

Mr. Shepard^ in his SeJe£f Cafes rtfolvidj under the firft Cafe fays as follows. < * I have lately known one very able, *' wife, and godly, put upon the Rack, by him that en- ** vyingGod'sPeople's Peace,knows how to change him- *' felf into zn Angel of Light : For it being his ufualCourfe *' in the Time of his Health to make aDiary of his hourly " Life, and finding much Benefit by it, he was in Con- £ e fcicflce

**

2o8 Mt.i^l ?i^tIFE i

Lord's-Day , ^epu 21. 1 746. I was fo weak I ccmid n6f preach, nor pretend to ride over to my People in tbeForcnoon. In the Afternoon, rode out ; fat in my Chair, and difcourfed tomyPeoplc itoiaRom, xiv. 7,8. I was ftrengthen'd and helped in my Difcourfe : And there appeared fomething agreablc in the AfTembly. I returned to my Lodgings extremely tired ; kut thankful, that I had been enabled to fpeak a Word to my poor People I had been fo long abfent from. Was able to fleep very little this Night, thro' Wcarinefs and Pain. Oh, how bleffed fliould I be, if the little I do were all done with light Views ! Oh that whether llive^l might //«;* to iheLttrd^Ucm

Saturday, Sept, 27. Spent this Day, as well as the whole Week paft, under a great Degree of bodily Weaknefs, exer- cifed with a violent Cough, and a confiderable Fever ; had no Appetite to any Kind of Food ; and frequently brought up what I eat, as foon as it was down ; and oftentimes had little Ref( in my Bed, by Reafon of Pains in my Breaft and Back : Waa able, however, to ride over to my People, about two Miles, every Day, and take fome Care of thofe who were then at Work upon a fmall Houfe for me to refide in amongft thelndi- ens. * I was fometimes fcarce able to walk, and never able to fit up the whole Day,thro' the Week. Was calm and com- pofed, and but little exercifed with melancholy Damps, as in former Seafons of weaknefs : Whether I fliould ever recover, or no, feemM very doubtful ; but this was many times a Com- Ibrt to me,that/.//V ^nd Death did not depend upon my Choice, I was pleafed, to think, that he who is infinitely wife, had the

«' fciencc prefs'd, by the Power and Dclufion of Satan,. <« to make and take the fame daily Survey of his Life in *« theTime of his Sickneft : By Means of which he fpent «« his enfeebled Spirits, caft on Fuel to fire his Sicknefs. *« Had not a Friend of his convinced him of his erroneous < « Confcience mifleading him at thatTime,be had murdct'd « hisBodyjOutofConfciencetofavehisSoulandtopreferve *« his Grace. And do you think ihtfe were theMotions of «' God'sSpirit.which WkQihokLocufls^RevAX, 9, 10. Had «« Faces like^//«, but had Tails like Scorphns.^nd Stings «« in their Tails?" * This was the /ir/r//^ Houfe he built for his Rcfidencca- mon^ the Indiam. Befidcs that at Kaunaumeek. and that at the Folks of Delawaigy and another a* Crojweikjung^ he bwilt oiia now at Cranhefry, Determination

(>/ Mf. David Bfaifierd. A.D.i;46. 209

Determination of this Mattel ; and that I had no Trouble, to confidcr and weighThings upon all-Sides, in order to make the Choice, whether I would live or die. Thus my Time was confumed ; I had little Strength to pray, none to write or read, and fcarce any to meditate : But thro' divineGoodnefs,! could with great Compofure look Death in the Face, and frequently with fenfible Joy. Oh, how blefled it is, to be habitually pre* partd for Death ! The Lord grant, that I may be actually rea-* dy alfo.

Lord's- Day, Sipt^ 28. Rode to my People ; and tho* under much Weaknefs, attempted to preach,from 2 Cbr.xiii. 5. Dif- Gourfed about half an Hour; at which Seafon divine Power feem'd to attend the Word : But being extreme weak, I was obliged to defift ; and after a Turn of Faintnefs, with much Difficulty, rode to my Lodgings; where betaking my h\i to my Bed, I lay in a burning Fever, and almoft delirious, for feveral Hours ; 'till towards Morning, my Fever went oiF with a violent Sweat. I have often been fcverifh, and unable to rch quietly after Preaching ; but this was the moft fevere diftreiling Turn, that ever Preaching brought upon me. Yet I felt perfe<Slly at Keft in my own Mind, becaufe 1 had made my utmoft Attempts to fpeak for God, and knew I could do no more.

Tucfday, Sept. 30. Yefterday, and to Day, was in the fame weak State, or rather weaker than in Days paft ; was Ccarce able to fit up half the Day. Was in a compofed Frame of Mind, remarkably free from Dejedion and melancholy Damps i as God has been pleafed, in great Meafure, to deli- ver me from thefe unhappy Glooms, in the general Courfe of my prefsnt weaknefs hitherto, and alfo from a peevifh froward Spirit : And Oh, how great a Mercy is this ! Oh that I might always be perfe<31y quiet in Seafons of greateft Weaknefs, a) tho" Nature (hould fink and fail. Oh that I may always be able with utmoft Sincerity to fay. Lord, not my IVill^ but thine he., done / This, thro' Grace, I can fay at prefent, with Regard to'* Life or Death ; The Lord do with me aifeemsgood in his Sight ; that whether I live or die, I may glorify him^ who is worthy to receive Bkjjing^ and Honour^ and Dominion forever* Jmen.

Saturday, O£foh, 4. Spent the former Part of this Week un- der a great Degree of Infirmity and Diforder, as I had done feveral Weeks before : Was able however to ride a little every Day, altho' unable to fit up half the Day, 'till Thurfday. Took fome Care daily of fomePcrfons at work upon myHoufe.

E e a |Pn

m.

Iio ^/. 29: fbi LIFE

On Friday, aft*r Noon,found my felf wonderfully revived and ftrengthen'd ; and having fome Time before given Notice to my People, and thofe •f 'em at the Forks of Delaware in parti- cular, that I defigned with Leave of Providence, to adminifter the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper upon the firft Sabbath in OSiober^ the Sabbath now approaching, on Friday- Afternoon I preach'd, preparatory to the Sacrament, from iC^r. xiii. 5. Finifhing what I had propofed to offer upon the Subject the Sabbath before. The Sermon was blefs'd of God to the ftirring up religious AfFc6lion, and a Spirit of Devotion, in the Peo- ple of God ; and to the greatly afFeding one who had back' /7/V<^^« from God, which caufed him to judge and condemn himfelf. I was furprizingly ftrengthned in my Work, while I was fpeaking : But was obliged immediately after to repair to Bed, beins now removed into my own Houfe among the /«- dians ; which gave me fuch fpeedy Relief and Refrefhment, as I could not well have liv'd without. Spent fome Time on Frida)'*Night in converfing with my People about divineThings, as I lay upon my Bed ; and found my Soul refrefh'd, tho' my Body was weak. This being Saturday, I difcourfed particu- larly with divers of the Communicants ; and this Afternoon preach'd from Z^r^. xii. 10. There feem'd to be a tender Melting, and hearty mourning for Sin, inNumbers in theCon- gregation. MySoulwasin a comfortable Frame, and I en- joy'd Freedom andAffiftance in publick Service : Was my felf, as well as moftof the Congregation, much afFe£led with the humble ConfefTion, and apparent Broken-heartednefs of the forementioned Bachfnder ; and could not but rejoyce, that God had given him inch a Senfe of his Sin and Unworthinefs. Was extremely tired in the Evening ; but lay on my Bed, and difcourfed to my People.

Lord*3-Day, O^^ib. 5. Was ftill very weak ; and in the Morning, confiderably afraid I flnuld not be able to go thro' - the Work of the Day ; having much to do, both in private and ' publick. Difcourfed before the Adminiflration of the Sacra- ment, from y^A. i. 29. Behold the Lamb of God^ that iaketh away the Sin of the IVorld. Where I confidered, I. Jn what Re- fpcdtsChrilt is called thcLamb of God ; and obferved that he is fa called, ( I ) From the Purity and Innocency of his Nature. ( * ) From his Meeknefs and Patience under Sufl'erings. ( 3 ) From his being that Atonement^ which was poiilted out in the Sacrifici of Lambs, and in particular by ihe pafchal h^mb, II. Confi- dered bow and in Vhat Senfc he taka away the ^inofikiWorld :

ArA

cf Mr, David Bralnerd, A.D. 1 746. 2 1 1

And obferved, that the Means and Manner, in and by v/hich he takes avt-ay the Sins of Men, was his giving himfelf for tbem^ doing and fuffering in theirRoom and Stead, ^fff. And he is faid to take away the Sin of the Worlds not becaufe all the World (hall aSiually be redeemed from Sin by him, but becaufe, ( i ) He has done and fuftered fufficient to anfwer for the Sins of the World, and fo to redeem all Mankind ; (^ 2 ) He eBually does take away the Sins of the eleSf World. And III. Confidered how we are to behold him, in order to have our Sins taken away. ( I ) Not with our bodily Eyes : Nor ( 2 ) By imagining him on theCrofs, t^c. But by z fpiritual View of his Glory and

Goodnefs, engaging the Soul to rely on him, ^c. The di-

vinePrefence attended thisDifcourfe ; and theAfTembly was con- fidcrably melted withdivineTrutbs. After Sermon baptized two Perfons. Then adminiftred theLord's Supper to near 40 Com- municants, of the /«i/5«j, bcfides divers dear Chriftians of the white People. It feem*d to be a Seafon of divine Power and Grace ; and Numbers feemM to rejoycc in God. Oh, the fwect Union and Harmony then appearing among the religious Feople ! My Soul was refrefh'd, and my reli'gious Friends, of the whitePeople, with me. After the Sacramentjcould fcarcely get home, tho' it was not more than 20 Rods ; but was fup- ported and led by my Friends, and laid on my Bed ; where I lay in Pain 'till fomeTime in the Evening 5 and then was able to lit up and difcourfc withFriends. Oh, how was thisDay fpent in Prayers and Praifes among my dearPeople ! One might hear them, all the Morning, before publick Worfhip, and ia>tl»c Evening, 'till near Midnight, praying and Tinging^ praifes to God, in one or other of their Houfes. MySoul was refrefh'd, tho' my Body was weak.

[ This Week, he went ( in a very low State } in f^joD^ys^ to Elifabeth-Town^ to attend the Meeting of the Synod there : But was difappointed by it's Removal to New-Tor k. He con- tinued in a very compofed comfortable Frame of Mind. J

Saturday, Oi?tf/^. 11, Towards Night was feized with an Ague , which was followed with a hard Fever,and confiderable Pain : Was treated with great Kindnefs, and was afhamed to fee fo much Concern about fo unworthy a Creature, as I knew my felf to be. Was in a comfortable Frame of Mind, wholly fibmiflive, with Regard to Life or Death. It was indeed a peculiar Satisfaction to me,to lfeink,that it was not w>Concern

ox

212 mt, 29: TZ-i? LIFE

or Bufmcfs to fletermine whether I (hould live or die^i I like- wife felt peculiarly fatisfied, while under this uncommon De- gree of Diforder ; beiog now fully convinced of my being really weak, and unable to perform ray Work ; whereas at other Times my Mind was perplex'd with Fears, that I was a Mif- improvcr of Time, by conceiting I was fick, when I was not in Reality fo. Oh, how precious is Time t And how guilty it makes me feel, when I think I have trifled away and mifim- proved it, or ncgle6led to fill up each Part of it with Duty, to t\it utmoft of my Ability and Capacity !

LordVDay, Of/^*. 12. Was fcarce able to fit up, in the Forenoon ; In the Afternoon, attended publick Worfhip, and was in a compofed and comfortable Frame.

LordVDay, Octoh, 19. Was fcarcely able to do any Thing at all in the Week pafl, except that on Thurfday I rode out about four Miles 3 at which Time I took Cold. As I was able to dolittieor nothing, fo I enjoyed not much Spirituality, or lively religious AiFedlion ; tho' at fome Times I longed much to be more fruitful and full of heavenly AfFedtion 5 and was grieved to fee the Hours Aide away, while I could do nothing for God. Was able, this Day, to attend publick Wor- fhip. Was compofed and comfortable, willing either to die or live ; but found it hard to be reconciled to the Tho'tsof living Ufelefi, Oh that I might never live to be a Burden to C§od*s Creation ; but that I might be allowed to repair Homt^ when fnyfojourning Work is done.

[ This Week, he went back to his Indians at Cranberry, to take fome Care of their fpiritual and temporal Concerns : And was much fpent with riding ; tho* he rode but a little Way" in a Day. ]

Thurfday, Octob. 23. Went to my own Houfc, and fct Things in Order. Was very weak, and fomewhat melan- choly : Laboured to do fomething, but had no Strength 5 and was forced to He down on my Bed, ve^ry folitary.

Friday, Octob. 24. Spent the Day in overfeeihg and dire£t- ingmy People, about mending their Fence, and fecuring their Wheat. Found, that all their Concerns of a fecular Nature depended upon me.. — — --- Was fomewhat refrefh'd in the Evening, having been able to do fomething valuable in the Day-7 line. Oh, how it paips me, t6 fee Time pafs away, wl^iiaFf^^i) ^0 nothing to a»y Purpofe !

Saturday,

'^fMr. David BVainerd:* A.D. 1746,' 215.

Saturday, Octoh. 25. Vifited fome of my People ; fpent foincTime in writing,and felt much better inBody,than ufual : When it was near Night, I it\i fo well, that I had Tho'ts of expounding : But in theEvcning was much difordered again, and fpent the Night in Coughing, and fjpitting of Blood.

LordVDay, Ocioh» 26. In the Morning, was exceeding weak : Spent the Day, 'till near Night,in Pain to fee my poor People, wandring as Sheep not having a Shepherdy waiting and hoping to fee me able to preach to them before Night : It couJd not but diftrefs me, to fee *em in this Cafe, and to find my felf unable to attempt any Thing for their fpiritual Benefit. But towardsNight, finding my felf a little bett«r, I calPd them together to my Houfe, and fat down and read and expounded Matth. V. I, "^ -^ 16. ThisDifcourfe, tho' delivered in much Weaknefs, was attended with Power to many of the Hearers j cfpecially what was fpoken upon the laftof thofeVerfes ; where I infifted on the infinite Wrong done to Religion, by having our Light become Darhefs, inftead o^ /Inning before Men. As many in the Congregation were now deeply afFe(Sled with 2 Senfe of their Deficiency, in Regard of a fpiritual Converfati- on, that might recommend Religion to others, and as a Spirit of Concern and Watchfulnefs feem'd to be excited in them ; fo there was one, in particular, that had fallen into the Sin of Drunkennefs, fome Time before, who was now deeply con- vinced of his Sin, and the great Dilhonour done to Religion by his Mifconded, and difcovered a great Degree of Grief and Concern on that Account. My Soul was refrcfh'd, to fee this. And the* I had no Strength to fpeak (o much as I would have done, but was obliged to lie dov/n on the Bed : Yet I re- joyced to fee fuchan humbleMeltfng in theCongregation ; and that divine Truths, tho' faintly delivered^, were attended with fo much Efficacy upon the Auditory.

Monday, Octob, 27. Spent the Day in overfceing and direfting the IndianSy about msnding the Fence round their Wheat : Was able to walk with them, and contrive their Bu- finefs, all the Forenoon, in the Afternoon, was vifited by two dear Friends, and fpent fomeTime \a Converfntion with them ; towardsNight, was able to walkout, and take Care of the Indians again. In the Evening, enjoyed a \Giy peacefi:] Frame.

Tuefday, Ociob. 28. Rode to Prince-Town^ in a very ^eak

Sta^e : Had fuch a vicleniFever,by the Way, that I was ^oxQz^i

to alight at a Friend's Houfe i^f nd lie down {^^ fomc Twe.

NearN'ghtjWas vifice^ byMr. fn^/, fvlr.^^^/jj^^nd his Wife,

** and

114 JEt.z^: Ti/fLIFE

and another Friend : My Spirits were refrefh'd, to fee them 5 but I was furprized, and even afhamed, that they had taken fo niuchPains as to ride3o or 4oMiles to fee me ! Was able to fit up moft oi the Evening ; and fpent the Time in a very com* forrable Manner with my Friends.

Wednefday, Octob. 29. Rode about 10 Miles, with my Friends that came Yefterday to fee me ; and then parted with them, all but one, who ftay'd on Purpofe to keep me Compa- ny, and cheer my Spirits. Was extreme weak, and very fcvcrifh, efpecially towards Night ; but enjoyed Comfort and Satisfadlion.

Thurfday, OSiob, 30. Rode 3 or 4 MiIes,to vifit l/ix,WaUi : Spent fomeTime,in an agreabJeMannerjin Converfation ; and tho' extreme weak, enjoyed a comfortable compofcd Frame of Mind. .

Friday, Of /<?^. 31. Spent the Day amongFriendSjin a com- fortable Frame ot Mind, tho' exceeding weak, and under a confiderable Fever.

Saturday, November i. Took Leave of Friends, after having fpent the Forenoon with them, and returned Home to my own Houfe. Was much difordered in the Evening, and opprefs'd with my Cough % which has now been conftant for a long Time, with a bard Fain in my Breaft, and Fever.

Lord'; -Day, Ncv. 2. Was unable to preach, and fcarcely able to fit up, the whole Day. Was grieved, and almoft funk, to fee my poor People deftitute of the Means of Grace ; efpe- cially confidejiDg they could not read, and fo were under great Difadvantages for fpending theSabbath comfortably. Oh,me- thought, I could be contented to be fick, if my poor Flock had a faithful Paftor to feed them with fpiritual Knowledge! A View of their Want of this was more afflidiive to me, than all my bodily Illncfs,

Monday, h'ov. 3. Being now in fo weak and low a State, that 1 v/as utterly uncapable of performing my Work, and hav- ing little Hope of Recovery^ unlefs by much Riding, I thought it myDuty to take a lengthy Journey intoNsw-Eng/and^and to divert my fcU among myFriends,whom 1 had not now feen for a long Time. Aid accordingly took Leave of my Congregation

this Day. Before I left my People, I vifited them all in

their rcfpc(5iivcHcufes,r.nd difcourfed to each one, as I thought

jBoli pic per i;iid fuitsble for their Circumftances, and found

jKt^ Freedom and Aii^flancein fo doing : I fcarcely left one

I :> ''. but 1( me were inTcarsj and many were not only aiFe6ted

with

cf Mr. David Bralncra.' A.D. 1746. 2 1 .•

with my being about to leave them, but with the folemn M- drejfss I made them upon divine Things ; for I was helped to be (ervent in Spirit, while I difcourfed to them. When I had thus gone through my Congregation ( which took me moft oi theDay ) and had taken leave of them, and of the School, I left Home, and rode about two Miles, to the Houfe where I lived in the Summer paft, and there lodg'd. Was refrefh'd, this Eveningjin that I had left myCongregation fo well difpofcdand afFecSte^, and that I had been fo much aflifted in making mv Farewel-AddrefTcs to them.

Tuefday, Nov, 4. Rode to Woodhridgef and lodg'd with Mr. Pierfon ; continuing ftill in a very weak State.

Wednefday, TSlov, 5. Rode to Elifahsth-Town ; intending^, as foon as poffible,to profecute myjourney intoNew-Englami . But was, in anHouror two after myArrivaljtakenmuch worie.

After this, for near a Week, was confined to my Chamber, and moft of the Time to my Bed : And then fo far revived a^ to be able to walk about the Houfe ; but was ftill conSnci within Doors.

In the Beginning of this extraordinary Turn of Diforder, after my coming to Elifabeth'Town^ I was enabled thro' Mercy to maintain a calm compofed and patient Spirit, as I had beeu before from the Beginning of my Wcaknefs. After I had been in EUfabeth-Town about a Fortnight, and had fo far recovered that I was able to walk about Houfe, upon a Day of Thankf- giving kept in this Place, I was enabled to recall and recount over the Mercies of God, in fuch a Manner as greatly afl'ettcv; me, and fill'd me ( I think ) with Thankfulnefs and Fraifc (a God : Efpecially my Soul praisM him for his Work of Grsce among the i«^/^«;, and the Enlargement of his dearKing-iom : My Soul blefs'dGod for what he is in himfelf, and adored him, that he ever would difplay himfelf to Creatures : I rejoyced., that he was God, and longed that all (hould know h, and feel it, and rejoyce in it. Lord, glorify thy [elf, was the Defire and Cry of my Soul. Oh that alt People might Icve and praifc the blefTed God : That he might have all poffible Honour and Glory from the intelligent World. *

After thiscomfortableThankfgiving-Seafon, I frequently en* joyed Freedom and Enlargement and Engagednefs of Soul in

About this Time he wrote the yth Leiiet^ pMidic: :. the End of this Account of his Lire.

F f Prayer,

^i6 'y^. if9. ^he LIFE

Prayer, and was enabled to intercede with God for my ccar Congregation, very often for every Family, and every Perfon, in particular ', and it was often a great Comfort to me, that I could pray heartily to God for thofejto whom I could not fpeak, and whom I was not allowed to fee. But at other Times, my Spirits were fo flat and Jow, and my bodily Vigour fo much y/afted, that I had fcarce any Affections at all.

In December^ I had revived fo far as to be able to walk abroad, and vifit Friends, and feem'd to be on the gaining Hand with Regard tomyHealth, inthe main,until Lord's-Day Decemb.^i. At which Time I went to the piblick Worfhip ; ind it being S»crament-Day, I laboured much, at the Lord's-Table, to bring forth a certain Corruption, and have xijlain^ as being an Emmy to God and my own Soul ; and could not but hope,that I had gained feme Strength againft this, as well as other Corrup- tions ; and felt fome Brokennefs of Heart for my Sin.

After this, having perhaps taken fome Cold, I began to de- cline as to bodiiy Health ; and continued todofo, 'till the latter End of January^ 1746,7. And having a violent Cough, a con- fiderable Fever, and ailhmatick Diforder, and no Appetite for ?.ny Manner of Food, nor any Power of-Digeftion, I was re- duced lo ib low a State, that my Friends ( I believe ) generally <3efpaired of my Life ; and fome of them, for fome Time toge- therjthought 1 could fcarce liveaDay to an End. In this Time, I could think of nothing with any Application of Mind, and fcemed to be in a great Meafure void of all AfFedien, and was exercifed with greatTemptaiions s but yet was not, ordinarily, afraid of Death.

On Lcrd's-Day, Feb. i. Tho' in a very weak and lowStafe, I c.7joyed a confiderable deal of Comfort and Sweetnefs in divine rlTangs -% and was enabled to plead and ufe Arguments with God in Prayer, I think, with a Child- like Spirit. That Paflage i^f Scripture occur 'd to laiy Mind, and gave me greatAfiiilancc, J'fye, being Evil, hiow how to give gocdGi/tiia yrur CkiBreriy hiiu niuch more will your heavenly Father give the holy Spirit to thmthMtcfi him ? This Text I was hclp'd to plead, trd \tS\^ «;^cn ; and faw the divineFaiihfulnefs engaged for dealing with J5ne better than any eartkly Parent can do with his Child. This Seafon io reirelh*d my Soul, that my Body fcem'd alfo to be a U;;iner by it. And from thisTime, I began gradually to amend. Aivl as I recovered fome Strength, Vigour and Spirit, ! found at Tinit3 feme Freedom and Life in the P^xercifcs of E)cvottda, 3ni feme f.cni.iiia after Spiiituajity and a Life of Ufcfuiii^tf* t«

tbu

cf Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1747; 217

the Interefis of the great Redeemer : Altho' at other Times, I was av/fu lly barren and lifelefs, and out of Frame for the Things of God j fothat I was ready often to cry out. Oh that it wen with me as in Months faji I Oh that God had taken me away in the midft of my Ufefulnefs, with a fudden ftroke, that I might not have been under a neceffity of trifling awayTime ia Diverfions ! Oh that I had never lived to fpend fo much pre- cious Time, in fo poor a Manner, and to fo little Purpofs ! Thus I often reflected, was grieved, afhamed £nd even coi:- founied, funk and difcouraged.

On Tuefday, Feb, 24. I was able to ride as far as NeiViiri^.^ (having been confined within EUfaheth-Town almoft four Months) and the next Day returned to Elifabetb-Town. My Spirits were fomewhat refrefh'd with the Ride, tho' my Body was weary.

Oa Saturday, Fti, 28. Was vifited by an Indian of my own Congregation ; who brought me Letters, and goodNe;vs of the fober and good Behaviour of my People, in general : This refrefh'd my Soul ; I could not but foon retire, and bid's God for his Goodnefs 5 «nd found, I truft, a truly thankful Frame of Spirit, that God feem*d to be building up that Con- gregation for himfelf.

On Wednefday» March 4. I met with Reproof from a Friend, which, aitho' I thought I did not defcrve it from him, yet was ( I truft ) blefs*d of God to make me more tenderly afraid of Sin, more jealous over my feJf, and more concerReJ to keep both Heart and Life pure ind un-blameable : Itlikev/ife caufed me torcfle<5t on my paft Deadnefs, and want c:,^ Spiritu- ality, and to abhor my felf, and look on my felf mo(t unworthy. This Frame of Mind continued the next Day ^ and for feveraJ Days after, f grieved, to think, that in my neteiTaryDiverficns I had not maintained more Serioufnefs, SolefftuJty, heavenly AfFeilion and Converfation. And thus my Spirits were often deprefs'd and funk, and yet, I trufl, that Reproof was made to be beneficial to me.

Wednefday, March ir. Being kept in Elifaheth-Town as a Day of Fafllng and Prayer, I was able to attend publick Wor- fhip ; which was the firftTime I was able fo to do afterJO^t:. 21.. Oh, how much Weaknefs and Diftrefs did God carry me thic' in this Space of Time ! But having obtained Help from himy 1 ycf live : Oh that I could live more to his Glory.

LordVDay, March 15. Was able again to attend the

pnblick Wgrfbip, and felt fome carneft Defires of being re-

F f 2 (tor€«l

2i8 Mt. 29: ^^^ LIFE

ftored to the MInifterial Work : Felt, I think, feme Spirit and Life, to fpeak for God.

VVednefday, March 18. Rode out with a Defign to vifit my People: And the next Day arrived among them : Was under great Dejection in my Journey.

On Friday- Morning, I rofe early, walk'd about among my People, and inquired into their State and Concerns ; and found sn additional Weight and Burden on my Spirits, upon hearing fome Things difagreeable. I endeavour'd to go to God with my Diftrell'es, and made fome kind of lamentable Complaint ; and in a broken Manner fpread my Difficulties before God ; but notwithftanding, my Mind continued very gloomy. About tea o'clock, I call'd my People together, and after having ex- plained and fung a Pfalm, I pray'd with them: There was a confiderable deal of AfFedion among them ; 1 doubt not, ia fome Inftances, that which was more than mecrly natural.

[ This was the lafl Interview^ that he ever had with his People. About II o'clock the fame Day, he "left 'em ; and X\iz riext Day, came to Elifabeth-Town ; his Melancholy re- maining ftlil : And he continued for a confiderable Time under a great Degree of Dejedion thro' vapoury Diford^rs. ]

Saturday, March 28. Was taken this Morning with violent 5?riping Pains. Thefe Pains were extreme, and conftant, for feveral Hours ; (o that it feem'd impoffible for itie, without a Miracle, to live 24 Hours in fuch Diflrefs. I lay confined to my Bed, the whole Day, and in diltreffing Pain, all the ^former P;irt of it : But it plea fed God to blefs Means for the abatement or ./.y Diftrefs. Was exceedingly weakened by this Pain, and continued fo for fevcral Days follov/ing ; beir.gex- ercifed with n'l%*ver, Cough, and no*.^-iurnal Sweats. In this liirieirvid Cafe, fo long as my llcdd was free of vapoury Con- jufions, Diaib appeared agreeable tc me ; I look'don it as the >£:jd of Trails, and an Entrance into a Place whenjhe weary iinairel} ; and, 1 think, 1 bad fome Rdifli of the Entertain- fuents of the heavenly State ; fo that by thefe I was allured and c'viv.'n.ai vk'ell as driven by theFatigues of Life. Oh, how happy ■I ic, u:» be drawn by Defires of a State of perfect Holinefs ?

S;;turdav, April :^.i Was funk and dejected, very reftlels ar.-i. unea.) , Ly Reafon of the Mifimprovement of Tiinef ard ye; ot, whit to do : I longed to fpend Time in Fading an. thai I n-:ig!;t i»c ddivered frciii Fr-JolvnCv nri^J Co.'t-"

(?/ Mr. David Brainerd: A.D, 1747. 2i<)

in the Things of God ; but alas, I had not bodiJy Strength for thefe Exercifes ! Ob, how blefled a Thing is it, to enjoy Peace of Confcience ? But how dreadful is a Want of inward Peace and Compofure of Soul ! 'Tis impoflible, T find, to en- joy this Happinefs without redeeming Time, and maintaining a fpiritual Frame of Mind,

Lord's-Day, April ^. It grieved me, to find my fdf {q in- conceivably barren. My Soul thirfted for Grace : But alas^ how far was I from obtaining what I faw fo exceeding excellent! 1 was ready to defpair of ever being a holy Creature ; and yet my Soul wasdefirousof/o/^it//^^ hard after GoTt^ but never did I fee my felf fo far from having apprehended^ or being already ^^r/<f^, as at this Time. The Lord's Supper being this Day adminiftred, I attended the Ordinance : And tho' I faw in my felf a dreadful Emptinefs, and want of Grace, and faw my feif as it were at an infinite Diltance from that Purity, which is becoming the Gofpel ; yet in the Seafon of Communion, efpe- clally in the Time of the Diflribution of the Bread, I enjoyed fome Warmth of Affedion, and felt a tender Love to the Bre* ihren ; and, I think, to the glorious Redeemer, the Firji-hom among them. I endeavoured then to bring forth mine and y?>/j Enemies^ and flay them before him ; and found great Freedom in begging Deliverance from this fpiritual Death, as well as in allcing divine Favours for my Friends, and Congregation, and the Church of Chrift in general.

Tuefday, April "j. In the Afternoon, toie to Newark ^ in order to marry {he Rev. Mr. Dickinfon f ; and in theEvening, performed that Work. Afterwards, rode home to EUfaheth- 'Towny in a pleafant Frame, full of Compofure and Sweetnefs.

The late learned and very excellent Mr. Jonathan DiCKiNscfN, Paftor of a Church in EIifabeth-Towny?rc- fident of the College of New-Jer/eyy and one of theCorref- pondents of the honourable Society in Scotland for propa- gating Chriftian Knowledge : Who had a great Eftecm for Mr. Brainerdy and had kindly entertained him in his Houfe during his Sicknefs in the Winter pafl 5 and who^ after a (hort Illnefs, died in the next cnfuing OMer^ tv/o Days after Mr. Brmsrd,

Thui-fd^y^

2 20 mt. 29: "The LIFE

Thurfday, Jprtl 9. Attended the Ordination of Mx.Tuchr^ and afterwards the Examination of Mr. Smith : Was in a com- fortable Frame of Mind this Day, and felt my Heart, 1 think, fometimcs in a fpiritual Frame.

Friday, April 10. Spent the Forenoon in Prejbyierial Bufi- refs : In the Afternoon, rode to Elifabeth-Town 5 found my Brother John there ; % Spent fome Time in Converfation with him ; but was extreme Weak and out-done, my Spirits confi- derably funk, and my Mind dejeded.

Monday, ^/>r;7 13. Affifted in examining my Src/^^r. In the Evening, was in a folemn devout Frame ; but was much overdone and opprefs'd with a violent Head-ach.

Tuefday, April 14. Was able to do little or nothing : Spent fome Time with Mr. Byram and other Friends. This Day my Brother went to my People.

Wednefday, April 15. Found fome Freedom at theThrone of Grace, feveral Times this Day. In the Afternoon, was very weak, and (pent the Time to very little Purpofe ; and yet in the Evening, had ( I thought ) fome religious Warmth and fpi- ritual Defues in Prayer : MySoul feem'dto go forth afterGod, and take Complacence m bis divine Perfections. But alas, afterwards awfully letdown my Watch, and grew carelefs and fecure.

Thurfday, April 16. Was in bitter Anguifh of Soul, in the Morning, fuch as I have fcarce ever felt, with a Senfe of Sin and Guilt. I continued in Dif^refs the whole Day, attempting

to

* A worthy pious young Gentleman ; who lived in theMi-

niftry but a very fhortTime: He died 2it S tret field in

Connecticut yXhtDecember following hisOrdination ; being a

little v.'hile after Mr. Brainerd's Dcd^ih 2ii Northampton*

He was taken ill on a Journey, returning from a Vifu to his

Ffiends at Milton ( in the Majfachufetti ) which, as I take

it, was bis native ?hQe,?Liid Harvard- Collf^e the Place of his

Education,.

J This Brother of hi^had been fent for by ihcCorrefpondents^

to take Care of,and inflrudl Mr. Brainerd's Congregation

of Jndiam , he being obliged by his lllnefs to be abfent

from them. And he continued to take Care of ihem 'till

♦><^^ yir. Brainerd's Death : and fmce his Death, has been or-

V tlained his Succejfor in his MifTion, and to thcChargc of his

Congregation ; which c:)ntinues much to Paurilh undei'

his paftoral C«iie.

r/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.ai747; 221

to pray where-evcr I went ; Sc indeed could not help (0 doing : but look'd upon my felf lb vile, 1 dared not look any Body in the Face ; and was even grieved, that any Body fliould fliew me a'ny Refpedl:, or at leaft, that they fliould be fo deceived as to think I deferved it.

Friday, Jpril 17. In the Evening, could not but think^that God helped me to araw near to the Throne of Grace ^ tho' moft unworthy, and gave me a Senfe of his Favour ; which gave me inexprefiibleSupport andEncouragement ; tho' I fcarc^ily dared to hope the Mercy was real, it appear'd io great : Ytr could not but rejoyce, that ever God fhould difcover his reconciled ;^?^jjFace to fuch a vile Sinner. Shame and Confufion, at Timetv^ tover'd me ; and then Hope and Joy and Admiration of divine Gobdnefs gain'd the Afcendant. Sometimes I could not but admire the divine Goodnefs, that the Lord had not let me fall intoall the grofleft vileft A6I3 of Sin and open Scandal, that could be thought of ; and it\X. my felf {0 neccllitated to praife God, that this was ready for a little while to fwallow up my Shame andPreflure of Spirit on Account of my Sins.

[ After this, hisDeje£lion and PrefTure of Spirit returned % and he remained under it the two next Days. J

Monday, April 20. "Was in a very difordered State, and kept my Bed moft of the Day. I enjoyed a little more Comfort, than in feveral of the preceeding Daj/s. This Day I arrived at th'j Age of 29 Years.

Tuefday, Jprilii. I {zi out on my Journey for Neiu-Eng- Jcndy in order (if it might be the Will of God ) to recover my Health by riding : Travelled to NewTcrk^ and there lodged.

[ This proved his final Departure from New- J er fey,

He travelled flowly, and arrived among his Friends at Iio/i- Haddam, about the beginning of Ulay. There is very little Ac- count in his Diary y of the Time that pafsM from hisfetting out on this Journey to May 10. He fpeaks of his fomctimes hnd- inghis Heart rejoicing in theglorious Pcrftdlions of God, iind knping to live to him j but complains of the Unfixcdnefs of lisTho'ts, and their beinor^afily diverted from divine Subjecii- ■^nJ cries out of his Lcannefs, as teitifying againfi him, in 'Le i indeti: Manner. And concerning ihofe Dhcrficm he was ch/* iijcJ to ufe for bio HcaUh, he fays, that hei^^mctimss found he

couM

222 Mt.^0. TX^^LIFE

could ufe Diverfions XVith ftngknefs of Hearty aiming at the Glory of God ; but that he alfo found there was a Neceflity of great Care and Watchfulnefs, left he fhould lofe that fpiri- tual Temper of Mind in his Diverfions, and left they ftiould degenerate into what was meerly fcliifli, without any fupreme Aim at the G\oty of God in them. ]

LordVDay, May lo. (At Had-Lime) I could not but feel fomeMcafure of Gratitude to God at thisTime (wherein I was much exercifed ) that he had always difpofed me, in myMi- niftry,to infift on the great Doflrines of Regeneration^ the New* Creature^ Faith in Chrijl^ progrejjive Sanctification^ fupreme Love U God, living intirely to the Glory of Gody being not our own, and the like : God has helped me to fee, in the fureft Manner, from Time to Time, that thefe, and the likeDo£lrines,neceira- rily connedled with them, are the only Foundation of Safety and Salvation for perifhing Sinners ; and that thofe divine Difpofi- tions, v/hich are confonant hereto, are that Holinefs, without which no Manjhallfee the Lord : The Exercife of thefeGod-like Tempers, wherein the Soul a6ls in a kind of Concert with God, and would be and do every Thing that is pleafing to God ; This, I faw, would ftand by the Soul in a dying Hour ; For God muft, I think, deny Himfelf, if he cafts away /;/; own Imager even the Soul that is one in Defires with himfelf.

LordVDay, May i^j. (At Millington ) Spent the Forenoon at Home, being unable to attend the pubh'ck Wbrfhip. At this Time, God gave me fome afFedling Senfe of my own Vile- uefs, and the exceeding Sinfulnefs of my Heart ; that there i"eem*d to be Nothing but Sin and Corruption within me. Innu- merable Evils compafi^dme about ; my want of Spirituality and holy livmg, my negledof God, and living to my felf -— All the Abominations of my Heart and Life feem'd to be open to my View ; and I had nothing to fay, but, God he tnercifulio me

e Sinner* TowardsNoon, I faw,lhatiheGrace of God in

Chrift is infinitely free towards Sinners, and fuch Sinners as I was ; I alfo faw, that God is the fupream Good, that in his Prefence is Life ; and 1 began to long to die, that I might be with h:m, in a ftate of Freedom from all Sin. Oh, how a fmnli Ghm^jfc of his Excellency refrefh'd my Soul I Oh,hov/ worthy i«;thebleflbd God to be loved, adored, and delighted in, fer himfelf, for his own divine Excellencies.

Tho' I fcit much Dulnefs, and want of a Spirit of Pi H;C- , this VVetlc :' Yet I bad fomc Glimpfcs of the Excellency ct

cf Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1 747. 223

divine Things ; and efpecially one Morning, in fecret Medita- tion and Prayer, the Excellency and Beauty of Holinefs, as a Likenefs to the glorious God, was fo difcovered tome, that I began to long earneftly to be in that World where Holinefs dwells in Perfe6tion : And I feem'd to long for this perfe6t Holinefsjnot fo much for the fake of my own Happinefs (altho* I faw clearly that this was the greateft, yea, the only Happinefs of the Soul ) as that I might pleafe God, live intirely to him, and glorify him to the utmoft Stretch of my rational Powers and Capacities.

Lord's-Day, iT^<7y 24. ( At Long- Meadow in Springfield) Could not but think, as I have often remark'd to others, that much more of true Religion confifts in deep Humility^ Brokenneft of Hearty and an aiafing Senfe of Barrennefs and zu ant of Grace and Holinefiy thaa moft who are called C^r//?/tf»/, imagine ; efpecially thofe who have been efteemed the Converts of thb late Day ; many of whom feem to know of no other Religion but elevated Joys and JffeSiions^ arifing only from fome Flights of Imagination ^or fome Su^gejiion made to theirMind, of Cbri/i's being iheir'syGod's loving them^ and the like.

[ On Thurfday, May 28. He came from Long-Meadow to Northampton ; appearing vaftly better than, by his Account, he had been in the Winter ; indeed (o well, that he was able to ride 25 Miles in a Day, and to walk half a Mile ; and appeared chearful, and free from Melancholy : But yet undoubtedly, at that Time, in a confirmed, incurable Confumption.

I had had much Opportunity, before this,of particular Infor- mation concerning him, from many that were well acquainted with him ; and had my felf once anOpportunity of confidcrable Converfation and fome Acquaintance with h\rci^2ithJew-Havenf near four Years before, in the Time of the Commencement when he offered that Confeflion to the Redtor of the College, that has been already mentioned in this Hiftory ; I being one he was pleafed then feveral Times to confult on that Affair : But now I had Opportunity for a more full Acquaintance with him. I found him remarkably fociable,pleafant, and entertaining in his Converfation ; yet folid, favoury, fpiritual, and very profitable ; appearing meek, modeft, and humble, far from any StifFnefs, Morofenefs, fuperflitious Deraurcnefs, or affedled Sinp;ularity in Speech orBehaviour,and feeming to naufeate all fuch Things. We enjoyed not only the Benefit of his Converfation, but had the Comfort and Advantage of hearing him pray in thcFamily*

G g (torn

324 ^t, 30. «^ L I F E

from Time to Time. His Manner of praying' was very agre- able'; moft becoming a Worm of the Duft, and a Difciple of Chrift, addrelling to an infinitely great and holy God, and Fa- ther of Mercies ; qot with florid Expreffions, or a ftudy'd Elo- quence ; net with any intemperate Vehemence, or indecent Boldncfs ; at the greateft Diftance from any Appearance of Oftentation, and from every Thing that might look as tho' he meant to recommend himfelf to thofe that were about him,or fet himfelf off to their Acceptance ; free too from vainRcpetitions, without impertinentExcurfionSjOr needlefs multiplying of Words. Heexprefled himfelf with the ftriaeft Propriety, with Weight, and Pungency ; and yet what his Lips uttered feem'd to flow from i\\tfulngf$ ofh'n Hearty as deeply imprefled with a great and folemn Senfe of our NeceflTities, Unworthinefs, and Depen- dance, and of God's infinite Greatnefs, Excellency and Sufli- ciency, rather than meerly from a warm and fruitful Brain, pouring out good Expreflions. And I know not, that ever I heard him fo much as a(k a Bleflin^ or return Thanks at Table, but there was fomething remarkable, to be obferved both in the Matter and Manner of the Performance. In his Prayers, he infifled much on the Profperity of Z/fl», the Advancement of Chrifl'^s Kingdom in the World, and the Flouriftiing and Pro- pagation of Religion among the Indians^ And he generally made it one Petition in his Prayer,/^fl/ we might not out-live our Ufefulnefs,}

Lord's- Day, May 31. [At Northampton^'] I had little inward Sweetnefs in Religion, moft of the Week paft ; not realifing and^1)eholding fpiritually thcGlory ofGod^andthe bleJJedRedeemer ; from whence always arife my Comforts and Joys in Religion, if I have any at all : And if I can't fo behold the Excellencies and Perfedtions of God, as to caufe me to rejoyce in him for what he is in himfelf^ I have no folidFoundation forjoy. To rejoyce, only becaufe I apprehend I have an IntereflinChriJiy and fhall be finally faved, is a poor mean Bufinefs indeed.

[ This Week, he confulted Dr. Mather^ at my Houfe, con- cerning hjs IJlnefa ; who plainly told him, that there were great Evidences of his being in a confirmed Confumption^ and that he could give him no Encouragement, that he fhould ever re- Corer. But it feemed not to occafion the lead Difcompofure in him, nor to make any Manner of Alteration as to theChear- futncfs and Serenity of his Mind^ or the Freedom or Plcafant- riefsofhis Converfation.j

LordVDay,

c/ Afr. David Brainerd; A. D. 1747; 225

Lord'S'Day, June 7. My Attention was greatly engaged, and my Soul fo drawn forth, this Day, by what I heard of the exceeding Precioujntfs of the faying Grace of God*s Splrity that it almoft overcame my Body, in my weak State : I faw, "that true Grace is exceeding precious indeed 5 that it is very rare 5 and that there is but a very fmall Degree of it, even where the Reality of it is to be found j at leaft, I faw this to be my Cafe.

In the preceeding Week, I enjoyed fome comfortable Seafons of Meditation. One Morning, the Caufe of God appeared exceeding precious to me : The Redeemer'sKingdom is all that is valuable in the Earth, and I could not but long for the Pro- motion of it in the World : I faw alfo, that this Caufe is God's, that he has an infinitely greater Regard and Concern for it, than I could poiTibly have ; that if I have any true Love to this blefled Intereft, it is only a Drop derives^ from that Ocean. Hence, I wa? ready to lift up my Head with Joy j and ct)nclude, TVelly ifGod^s Caufe hefo dear and precious to him, he will promote it. And thus I did as it were reft on God,that furely he would promote that which was fo agreable to his own will ; tho' the Time, when, muft ftill be left to his fovereign Fleafure.

[ He was advifed by Phyficians flill to continue Riding, as what would tend, above any other Means, to prolong his Life. He was at a Lofs, for fomeTime, which Way to bend hisCourfe next ; but finally determined to ride from hence to Boflon ; we having concluded that One of this Family fhould go with him, and be helpful to him in his weak and low State. ]

Tuefday, June 9. I fet out on a Journey from Northampton to Bofion : Travelled (lowly, and got fome Acquaintance with divers Minifters on the Road.

I having now continued to ride for fome confiderable Time together, felt my felf much better than I bad formerly done ; and I found, that in Proportion to the Profpeft I had of beini» wftored to a State of Ufefulnefs, fo Idefired ths Continuance of Life : But Z)^«/^ appeared inconceivably more defirable to me, than a ufelefs Life ; yet blefled be God, I found my Heart, at Times, fully refigned and reconciled to this greateft of Af- flictions, if God faw fit thus to deal with me.

Friday, June 12. I arrived in Bo/Ion this Day, fome what fa- tigued with my Journey. Obferved, that there is no Reji, but in God : Fatigues of Body, and Anxieties of Mind attend us, both in Town and Country ; no Plaee is exempted.

G g 2 Lord's-Day^

liS JEl 30: 315^ L I F E

Lord's-Day, Junei^. I enjoyed fome Enlargement &Sweet- nefs in Family-Prayer, as well as in fecrct Exercifes ; Godap- pcar'J excellent, his Ways full of Pieafure and Peace, and all I wanted was a Spirit of holy Fervency, to live to him.

Wednefday, yune 17. This, and the two proceeding Days, I fpent mainly in vifiting the Minifters of the Town, and was treated with great RefpecS: by them.

On Thurfday,ytt«^ 18. 1 was taken exceeding ill,and bro't to the Gates of Death, by the breaking of fmallUlcers in my Lungs, as my Phyfician fappofed. In this extreme weak State I conti- nued for feveral Weeks, and was frequently reduced fo low, as to be utterly Specchlefs, and not able To much as to whifper a Word ; and even after I had fo far revived, as to walk about Houfe, and to ftep out of Doors, I was exercifed every Day with a faint Turn, which continued ufually four or. fiveHours; at which Times, tho' I was not utterly Speechlefs, fo but that I could fay Yes or No, yet I could not converfe at all, nor fpeak nne Sentence without making Stops for Breath ; and divers Times in this Seafon, my Friends gathered round my Bed, to fee me breathe my laft, which they look'd for every Moment, as I my felf alfo did.

How I was, the firft Day or two of ifiy Illnefs,withRegard to the Exercifeof Reafcriy I fcarcely know ; but I believe I was fomething fhatter'd with tha Violence of the Fever, at Times : But the third Day of my Illnefs, and conftantly afterwards, for four or five Weeks together, { enjoyed as much Serenity of lVlind,and Clearnefsof ThoMght, as perhaps I ever did in my Life ; and I think, my Mind never penetrated with fo much Eafe and Freedom into divine Things, as at this Time ; and I never felt fo capable of demonftrating the Truth of many im- portant Dc6l. ines of the Gofpel as now. And as I faw clearly the Truth ct^ thofe great DocSlrines, which are juftly ftiled the DOCTRINES of GRACE ; fo I faw with no lefs Clearnefs, that the Ejfence di Religion coniifted in the SouPs Conformity to God, and ading above all felfifli Views, for his Glory ^ longing to be for him, to W^o. to him, and pleafe and honour him in all Things ; and this from a clear View of his infinite Excellency andWorthinefsi'^ hinjelf, to be loved, adored, worfhipped,and ferved by all infel'igcnt Creatures. Thus I faw,that when a Soul loveiGod with a fuprcme Love, he therein adts like the blelled God himfctlf, who mod juflly loves himfelf in that Manner : So when God's Intcrefi: and his arc become one, and he longs h?,t God Ihoald be ^/cr/y?^^; aqi rejoyccs to think that he is

' ^achangs7ib!y

<?/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D.1747. 227

unchangeably pofTefs'd of the hig;hcft Glory and BlefTednefs, herein alfo he a6ls InConformity toGodiln likeManner,when ihe Soul is fully refigned tOy and refts fatisfied and contented with the divine Will, here it is alfo conformed to God.

I faw further, that as this divine Temper, whereby the Soul jcxalts God, and treads Self in theDuft, is wrought in the Soul by God's difcovering his own glorious Perfedions in ihe Faci tf Jefus Chrifi to it, by the fpecial Influences of the holy Spirit, fo he cannot but have Regard to it, as his own Work ; and as it is his Image in the Soul, he cannot but take Delight in it. Then I faw again, that if God (hould flight and rejedl his own moral Image, he muft needs deny him/elf; which he cannot do. And thus I faw the Stability and Infallibility of this Religionjand that thofe who are truly pofTefs'd of it, have the moft compleat and fatisfying Evidence of their being interefted in all the Be- nefits of Chrift's Redemption, having their Hezvts conformed to him ; and that thefe and thefconly are qualified for the Employ- ments andEntertainments of God'sKingdom of Glory ; as none but thefe have any Relifh for the Bufinefs of Heaven, which is to afcribe Glory to God, and not to themfelves ; and that God jf tho' I would fpeak it with great Reverence of his Name and Perfedions) cannot, without denying himfclf, finally caft fuclj away.

The next Thing I had then to do, was to enquire, whether ibis was my Religion : And here God was pleafed to help me to the moft eafy Remembrance and critical Review of what had pafs'd in Courfe, of a religious Nature, thro' feveral of the lat- ter Years of my Life : And ahho' I could difcover much Cor- ruption attending my bell Duties, many felfifh Views and car- nal Ends, much fpiritual Pride and Self-Exaltation, and in- numerable other Evils which conapSfs'd me about ; 1 fay,altho' I now difcerned the Sins of my holy Things, as well as other Anions, yet God was pleafed, as I was reviewing, quickly to put this Queftion out of Doubt, by {hewing me, that I had, from Time to Tirpe, a6^ed above the utmoft fnfluence of meer Self- Love ; that I had longed to pleafe and glorify him, as my higheft Happinefs, (^c. And this Review was thro' Grace attended with a prefent Feeling of the fame divine Temper of Mind ; I felt now pleafed, to think of the Glory of God, and longed for Heaven, as a State wherein I might glorify God perfe<91y> r^' ther than a Place of Happinefsfor my felf : And this Feeling ^f the Love of -God in my Heart, which 1 trufl the Spirit of ^cd ezcited ir. me afrs&j was fufficieht to giv^me full Satisfadlion,

228 ^/. 30. ^he LIFE

and make me Iong,as I had many Times before done,to be with Chrift : I did not now want any of the fudden Suggejiiom ^vihioh many arc fo pleafed whh^That Chri/i and his Benefits or^MiNE, That God laves Me, ^c. in order to give me Satisfadion about my State: No, my Soul now abhor'd thofeDelufionsof 5<2/<2i?, which are thought to be the immediauWiinefs of the Spirit ^whWe ti ere is nothing but an empty Sugge/iion of aceriainFacSljWithout any gracious Difcovery of the divine Glory, or of the Sf iritis Work in their ownHearts : I faw the awfulDelufion of this Kind of Confidences, as well as of the whole of that Religion, which they ufuaily fpring from, or at ieaft are the Attendants of ; the falfe Religion of the late Day f tho* a Day of wondrousGrace) the Imaginations, and Impreffions made only on the animal AflFedions, together with the fudden Suggcftions, made to the Mind by Satan, transformed, into an Angel of Light, of cer- tain Fa(3s not revealed in Scripture : Thefe, and many like Things, I fear, have made up the greater Part of the religious Appearances in many Places.

Thefe Things I faw with great Clearnefs, when I was tho't to be dying. And God gave me great Concern for his Church and Intereft in the World, fat this Time : Not fo much bccaufc the late remarkable* Influence upon the Minds of People was abated, and almoft wholly gone, as becaufe that falfe Religion, thofc Heats of Imagination, and wild and felfifh Commotions of the animal AfFedlions, which attended the Work of Grace, had prevailed fo far. This was that which my Mind dwelt up- on, almoft Day and Night : And this, to me, was the darkeft Appearance, refpcding Religion, in the Land ; for 'twas this chiefly, that had prejudiced the World againft inward Religion. And I faw, the great Mifer]^of all was, thatfo few faw any Man- ner of Difference between thofe Exercifes that were fpiritual and holy, and thofe which have Self-Love only for their Beginning, Center, and End.

As God was pleafed to afford me Clearnefs of Thought, and Compofure of Mind, almoft continually, for feveral Weeks togcther,under my grcatWeaknefs ; fo he enabled me^ in fome Meafure, to improve my Time ( as i hope ) to valuable Pur- pofes. 1 was enabled to write a Number of important L^//^rj, iQ Friends in remote Places * : And fometimes I wrote when

Among thefe are the eighth', ninth, and tenth Letters, at

ifee ]i\\Qi of this Hiftory.

of Mr. David Bralnerd. A.D. 1747. 229

I was Speechlefs ; i. e. unable to maintain Converfation with any Body ; tho* perhaps I was able to fpeak a Word or two Co as to be heard. — At this Seafon alfo, while I was confined aS Bojlon^ I read with Care and Attention fome Papers of old Mr. Skepard's^ lately come to Light, and defigaed for the Prefs : And as I was defired, and greatly urged, made fomeCorredlions, where the Senfe was left dark, for want of a Word or two.— Befides this, I had many Viftiarrtsi with whom, when I was able to fpeak, I always converfed of the Things of Religion ; and was peculiarly difpofed and aflifted in diftinguifhing between the true and falfe Religion of theTimes : There was fcarce any Subject:, that has been Matter of Debate in the late Day, but what I was at one Time or other brought to a Sort of Neceffity to difcourfe upon, and fhew myOpinion in ; and that frequently beforeNumbers of People ; and efpecially,Idifcourfed repeatedly on the NatureandNeceifityof that Humiliation's elf- Emptinefs^ or full Conviction of a Perfon's being utterly undone in himfclf, which is neceiTary in order to a faving Faith, and the extreme Difficulty of being brought to this, and the great Danger thste isofPerfons taking up with (owtS elf -righteous Appearances of it : The Danger of this I efpecially dwelt uponjbeingperfwaded that Multitudes perifh in this hidden Way ; and becaufe fo little is faid from moft Pulpits to difcovcr any Danger here : So that Perfons being never effe£lually brought to die in themfelves, are never truly united to Chrift, and fo perifh.* I alfo difcourfed much on what I take to be the EfTence of true Religion, endea- vouring plainly to defcribc that God-like Temper and Difpofi- tion of Soul, and that holy Converfation and Behaviour, that may juftly claim the Honour of having God for its Original and Patron. And I have Reafon to hope God bleifed my Way ofdifcourfing and diftinguifliing, to fome, both Miniftcrs and People ; fo that my Time was not wholly loft.

[ He was much vifited, while in Bo/Ion^ by many Perfons of confiderable Note and Figure, and of the beft CharaCler, and by fome of the firftRank: Who {hewed him uncommon Refpefi-, and appeared highly pleafed and entertained with hisConverfatioR, And befides his being honoured with the Company and Rerpe<^.t of Miniftefs of the Town, he was vifited by feveral Mi- nifters from various Parts of the Country. And as he took all Opportunities to difcourfe ofthe peculiar Nature, and diftin- guifhing Characters of true fpiritual and vital Religion, ^od to bear his Teftiraony againft the rarious falfe Appearances of it, - confillin^

X3P ^A 2>^' ^he LIFE

confifting in, or arifing from Imprellions on the Imaginationjand fudden and fuppofed immediate Suggeftions of Truths, not contained in theScripture, and thatFaith which confifts primarily in a Perfon's believing that Chrtfi died for him in particuiar,Sic, So what he faid was for the moft Part heard with uncommon Attention and Regard ; and his Difcourfes and Reafonings ap- peared manifeftly to have great Weight and Influence, with many thatheconverfed with, both Minifters and others.*

Alfo the Honourable Commiflioners in Ba/ion^ of the incor- porated Society in London for propagating the Gofpel in New^ England and Parts adjacent, having newly had committed to 'em a Legacf of the late Rev. and famous Dr. Daniel IVilliami of London^ for the Support oUwo Mijfionariei to the Heathen, were pleafed, while he was in Boflon^ to confult him about a Miflion to thofe Indian: called the Six Nations, particularly about the Qualifications requifite in a Miflionary to thofe Indians ; and were fo fatisfied with his Sentiments on this Head, and had that Confidence in bis Faithfulnefs and his Judgment and Dif- cretion in Things of this Nature, that they defired him to under- take to find and recommend a couple of Perfons fit to be employed in this Bufmefs ; and very much left the Matter with him.

Likewife certain pious and generoufly difpofed Gentlemen in Bo/ion, being moved by the wonderful Narrative of his Labours and Succefs among the Indians, in New-Jerfey, and more efpeci- ally by their Converfation with him on the fame Subje6l, took Opportunity to enquire more particularly into the State and Necellities of his Congregation, and the School among the 7/7- dians, with a charitable Intention of contributing fomething of iheir Subfhnce to promote the excellent Defign of the Advance- ment of the Interefts of Chriftianity among the Indians ; and underftanding that there was a want of Bibles for theSchool, three Dozen of Bibles were immediately procured, and 14/,'. in Bills ( of the old Tenour ) given over and above, befides more large Benefactions made afterwards, which I fhall have Occafion to mention in their proper Place.

I have had Advantage for the more full Information of his ConducSt and Converfation, the Entertainment he met with, and what pafs*d relating to him while in Bo/lon ; as he was confhntly attended, during his Continuance there, by one of my Children, in order to his Afliftancc in his likcfs.

of Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. ij^^j'. 231

Mr. Braimrd's Reftoration from his extreamly low State m Bo/Icrty fo as to go abroad again and to travel, was very unex- peaed to him and his Friends. My Daughter who was with him, writes thus concerning him, in a Letter dated Ja^^ ji j. << «< OiiThurrday,he was very ill with a violen* Fever, & extreme << Pain in his Head and Breaftjand, at Turns, c'elirious. So he « « remained 'till Saturday Evening,when he feem'd to be in the <c Agonies of Death : The Family was up with him *till one « or two o'clock, expefling every Hour would be his laft. On << Sabbath Day he was a little revived, his Head was better, << but very full of Pain,and exceeding fore at his Breaft, much «« put to it for Breath &c. Yefterday he was better upon all <« Accounts. Laft Night he flcpt but little. This Morning «« he is much worfe. Do^koxPynchon fays,he has noHopes

«' of his Life ; nor does he think it likely he will ever come *« out of the Chamber ; tho* he fays, he may be able to come *' to Nsrthampton,'

In another Letter dated June 29. She fays as follows. " Mr, <« Brainetd has not fo much Pain norFever, fince I laft wrote, « as before : Yet he is extreamly weak and low, and very *« faint, expedting every Day will be his laft. He fays, '//; im" *' poffible far him to live, for want of Life, He has hardly Vi- ** gour enough to draw his Breath. I went this Morning into << Town, and when I came Home, Mr. Bromfietd fa id, he «' never expedled I ihould fee him alive 5 for he lay twoHours, *' as they thought, dying ; One could fcarcely tell, whether «« be was alive, or not ; he was not able to fpeak, for fome ** Time: But now is much as he was before. The DoSfor «< thinks, he will drop away in fuch a Turn. Mr. Brainerd «« fays, he never felt any Thing fo much like Diffolution^ as <« what he felt to Day ; and fays,he never had an;; Conception «' of its being pofTible for any Creature to be alive, and yet fo

<« weak as he is from Day to Day. Dodlor Pyruhon fays,

*' he fhould not be furprized, if h«fhould (o recover as to live *« half a Year ; nor would it furprize him, if hefliould die in *' half a Day. Since I began to write, he is not fo well ; hav- *' ing had a faint Turn again : Yet patient and refjgncd, hav- ** ing no diftreffing Fears, but the contrary."

His Phyfician, the honourable Jofeph Pynchon Efq; when he vifited him in his extream lllnefs in Bofion^ attributed his fink- ing fo fuddenly into a State fo extreamly low, and nigh unto peath, to the breaking of Ulcers, that had been long gathering (.in his Lungs (as Mr. Brainerd himfelf intimates in a foremen-

H h mn%

tlon'd Paffege in his Diary) and there difcharging and diffufing their purulent Matter ; which, while Nature was labouring and ftruggling to throw ofF (that could be done no otherwifc, than by a gradual ftraining of it thro' the fmall Veffelsof thofe vita! Parts ) This occafion'd an high Fever, and vioIcntCough- ing, and threw the whole Frame of Nature into the utmoft Diforder, and brought it near to a Diflblution. But fuppofed, if the Strength of Nature held 'till the Lungs had this Way gra- dually cleared themfclvcs of this putid Matter, he might revive, and continue better, 'till new Ulc«rs gathered and broke ; but then would furely fink again ; and that there was no Hope of his Recovery ; but ( as he exprefled himfelf to one of myNeigh- bours, who at that Time Taw him in Boflon) he was as certainly a dead Man, as if he was {hot through the Heart.

But fo it was ordered in divine Providence, that the Strength of Nature held out through this great Conflid, io as juft io cfcape the Grave at that Turn ; and then he revived, to the AftonifhmenC of all that knew his Cafe.

After he began to revive, he was vifited by his youngeft Bro- ther, Mr. Ifrael Braiuerd^ a Student at Yalt- College ; who hav- ing heard of his extreme lllnefs, went from thence to Bo/lorty in order to fee him, if he might find him alive, which he but iittle expe£ted.

This Vifit was attended with a mixture of Joy and Sorrow to Mr, Bralnerd. He greatly rejoycedto fee his Brother, efpecialiy becaufe he had dcfired an Opportunity of fome religiousConver- fation with him before he died. But this meeting was attended %fith Sorrow, as hisBrother brought tohim the forrow/ulTidings of |iis Srfter o/>^«c^r'sDcath at Haddam-y a Sifter, between whom and him had long fubfifted a peculiarly dear Affection, ar)d much Intimacy in fpiritual Matters, and whofe Houfe he ufed to make his Home, when he went to Haddam, his native Place". He had heard nothing of her Sicknefs 'till this Report of herPcath. But he had ihcfe Comforts, together with the Tidings, •C^iz* a Confidence of her being gone to Heaven, and an Expedaticpn of his foon meeting her tlierd— His Brother continued with hini 'rili he left the Town, and Came with him from thence to IQortkampton.

Concerning tbe laft Sabbath Mr. Brainerd fpent in Bofion^ jhc Writes in his jD;<2ry as follows.] 'i

f/jrd'3-Day, July 19. I was juft able to attend public kWoA- fiiip, being carri^tothe Hauft of God in a Chaile. Hc-aril Dr. 5/wtf// preach, i« ths Forenoon : Partook of the Lordv "'-' Sup|,$i

ef Mr, David Brainerd. A.D. 1747. 233

Supper at this Time. In this Sacrament, 1 faw aftonifhing di- vine/iTir/Jc^ difplay'd ; fuch Wifdom as I faw required "the Tongues of 'Angels and glorified Saints to celebrate : hkt^*d to me, I never foould do anyThing at adorin^;^ the infinite Wif- dom of God difcovered in theContrivance of Man's Redemption^ until 1 arrived at a World of Perfe6tion ; yet 1 could not help ftriving to calltipon my Soul and all within me to blefi the Name ef

God. In the Aftcrnoonjheard Mi. Prince preach.--- f faw

more of God in the Wifdom difcovered in the Plan of Man's Redemption, than I faw of any other of his PerfecStionSjthrough the whole Day.

[ He left Bo/Ion the nextDay, But before he came away, he had Occafion to bear a very full plain and c^cnTe/iimony againft that Opinion, that the EJfena of faving Faith lies in believing ihatChriJi died for me in particular ^zudi that this is xhtfirfik^k of Faith in a true Believer's clofing with Chrift. He did it in a long Conference he had with a Gentleman, that has very pub- lickly and ftrenucufly a-pear'd to defend that Tenet. He had this I)ifcourfe with him in the Prefcnce of a Number of confi- derable Perfons, who came to vifit Mr. Brainerd before ,'beleft the Town, and to take their Leave of him. In which Debate, he made this plain Declaration (at the fame Time confirming whathefaid, by many Arguments) That the EJfenceoi faving Faith was wholly left out of that Definition of faving Faith which that Gentleman has publifhed ; and that the Faith which he had defined^ had nothing of God in it, nothing above Na- ture, nor indeed above the Power of the Devils j and that all fuch as had this Faith, and had no better^ tho' they might have this to never fo high a Degree, would furelv perifh. And he declared alfo, that he never had greater A[furance of the Falfe- nefs of the Principles of thofe that maintained /a^r^ a Faith, and of their dangerous and deftru6iive Tendency, or a moj*c afFcft- ing Senfe of the great Delufion and Mifery of thofe that de- pended on getting to Heaven by fuch a Faith (while they had n9 hetter)K\\2in he lately had when he was fuppofed to be at thePoint

to^/>,and expedled everyMinutetopafsinto^/^m/;-. -Mr.

-Sra/Wi'sDifcourfe at this Time, and the forceableReafonings, by which he confirmed what he afTerted, appeared to be greatly la the Satisfadlion of thofe prefent ; as feveral of them tookOc- cation ?xprefly to manifeft to him, before they took Leave of him,

H h i WhcB

.'?*■

234 •^^- 3<^- ^*^ LIFE

When this Converfation was ended, having bid an afFedlio- nate Farewel to his Friends, he fet out in the Cool of the Af- ternoon, on his Journey toNorthamptofty attended bV hisBrother, and my Daughter that went with him to B ofion ; and would have been accompanied out of the Town by a Number ofGen- ' tlemen, befides that honourable Perfon who gave him his Com- pany for fome Miles on that Occafion, as a Teftimony of their Efteem and Rerpe6l,had not his Averfion to any Thing of Pomp and Shew prevenied it. j

Saturday, y«/y 25 1 arrived here at Northampton'^ having fet out from Bojion on Monday, about 4 o'Clock P. M. In this Journey, I rode abou*^ 16 Miles a Day, one Day with another. was fometimes extremely tired and faint on the Road, fo that it feem'd impoffible for me to proceed any further : At other Times I was confiJcrably better, and felt fame Freedom both of Body and Mind,

Lord's-Day, July 26. This Day, I faw clearly, that I fhould never be happy ; yea, that God himfelf could not make me hap- py, unlefs 1 could be in a Capacity to pleafe and glorify him for ever : Take away this^ and admit me into all the fine Heavens that can be conceived of by Men or Angeb, and I fliould ftill be miferable forever.

[ Tho* he had fo far revived, as to be able to travel thus far, yethe manifefted no Expectation of Recovery: He fup- pofed, as his Phyfician did, that his being brought fo near^to Death at 55/?^», was owing to the breaking of Ulcers in his Lungs : He told me, ihat he had had feveral fuch ill Turns be- fore, only not to fo high a Degree, but as he fuppofed, owing to the fame Caufe, viz. the breaking of Ulcers ; and that he was brought lower and lower every Time ; and it appeared to him, that in his laft Sicknefs (in Bo/ion) he was brought as low as it was pofTible and yet live ; and that he had not the IeaftExpe6lation offurviving the nextReturn of this breaking of Ulcers: But ftill appeared petfe6tly calm in theProfpect ofDeath.

Ort Wednefday-Morning, theWeek after he came ioNorth- errtptofty he took feave of his Brother J/raei, as never expeding to fee him again m this World ; he nowietting out from hence on his Journey to New- J^aven. "

When Mr. BrainnJ came hither, helitid fo much Strength a«s to be ablp, from Day » o Day, to ridcMttit two or threeMiies, nnd to r^tturn ; and fometi;iies to praylkt4heFamily ; but from this Time he r^raduallyj but feuhblyj decayed, U became weak- er an4"*(eaiccr. .>,. Whi!*?

<?/ Mr. David Brainerd. A. D. 1747. 235

While he was here, his Converfation from fi;ft to laft was much on the fame Sabje6ls as it had been when in Bojion : He wasmucb in fpeakingof the Nature of true Religion oi Heart and Practice, as diftinguifhed from it's various Counterfeits 5 expreffinghis great Concern, that the latter did fo much prevail in many Pluces. He often manifefted his great Abhorrence of all fuch Doifrines and Principles in Religion, as in any virife fa- voured of, and had any ( tho' but a remote ) Tendency to An- tinomianifm ; of all fuch Notions, as feem'd to diminifli tbeNe- ceflity of Holinefsof Life,or toabateMen's Regard to theCom- mands of God, and a ftridt diligent and univerfal Pra6>ice of Vertue and Piety, under a Pretence of depreciating ourWorks, and magnifying God's irtQ Grace. He fpaks often, with much Deteftation, of fuch Experiences and pretended Difcoveries and Joys^ as have nothing of the Nature oi San^ification in them, and don't tend toStridnefs, Tendcrnefs, and Diligence inReli- gion, and Meeknefs and Benevolence towards Mankind, and an Humble BehaWour : And he alfo declared, that he looked on fuch pretended Humility as worthy of no Regard, that was not manifefted by Modefly of Condu^f and Convsrfation. He fpake often, with Abhorrence, of the Spirit and Pradice that appears among the greater Part of Separati/is at this Day in the Land, particularly, thofe in the eafiern Parts of Connecticut ; in theic condemning andfeparating fromtheJ?i3ndingM'm\{i{y &Churches:, their crying down Liarning & a Learned Miniftry, theirNotion of an i/nmediateCall io the Work of theMiniftry,and theForward- nefs of Lay- men to fet up themfelves as publick Teachers. He had been much converfant in the Eaftern Part of ConneSJicut(\\\s native Place being near to it) when the fime Principles, Noti- on and Spirit began to operate, which have fincc prevailed to a greater Height ; and had Acquaintance with fome of thofe Per- fons who are become Heads and Leaders of the Separati/is ; ho had alfo been converfant withPerfons of the fumeWay elfcwhere: And I heard him fay, once and again, he knew by his Acquain- tance with this Sort of People, that what was chiefl/ and mofl generally inRepufe among them as thePower o/Godline/s yV/as an intircly diff'erent Thing from that true vital Piety recommended in the Scriptures^ and had nothing in it of that Nature. He ma- nifefted a greatDillike of a Difpofition in Perfons to much Noifa and Show in Religion, and affe^ing to be abundant in proclaim- nig and publiftiing their own Experiences ; Tho' at the fame Time he did not condemn^ but approved of Chriftians fpeak- ui their qwn Experiences on fome Qccafions^ an(J to fome Per- fons,

K

>36 JEl/,20: The LIFE

fons, with due Modefty andDifcretion. He him/e/f fom£\lmety while at my Houfe, fpake of his own Experiences : But it was always with apparent Rtjerve^ and in the Exercife of Care and Judgment with Refpefl toOccafionSjPerfons, and Circumftan- ces. He mention'd fome remarkable Things of his own religi- ous Experience to two young Gentlemen, Candidates for the Miniftry, who watched with him { each at a difFv-^rent Time ) when he was very low and not far from his End -, But he defired both of them not to fpeak of what he had told them 'till ofur hii Death.

The Things which were the Subjedl of that Debate I men- tioned before, that he had with a certain Gentleman, the Day he left Bojlon^ feem'd to lie with much Weight on his Mind after he came hither ; and he began to write a Letter to that Gentleman ; expreffing his Sentiments concerning the dange- rous Tendency of fome of (he Tenets he had expreficd in Con- verfation, and in the Writings he had publifhed ; v/ith theCon* fiderations by which the exceeding hurtful Nature of thofe No- tions is evident 5 but he had not Strength to finifh his Letter.

\ After he came hither, as long as he lived, he was much in pcakir>g of that future Profperi ty of Xioriy that is fo often fore- 1 old and promifed in the Scripture : It was a Theme he delight- ;rd to dwell upon ; and his Mind feem'd to be carried forth ►vith earned Concern about it, and intenfe Defires, that Reli- ifion might fpeedily and abundantly revive and flourifh ; tho' he had not the leaft Expectation of Recovery ; yea, the nearer Death advanced, and the more the Symptoms of it's Approach increafed, ftill the more did hisMind feem to be taken up with this Subje(Sl, He told me, when near his End, that «* hene- *« ver in all his Life had his Mind {q led forth in Defires and *' earneft Prayers for the flourifhing of Christ's Kingdom on ** Earth, as fince he was brought fo exceeding low at Bojion.^* He feem'd much to wonder, that there appear'd no more of a Difpofition in Miniftersand People to pray for the flourifhing of Religion thro' the World ; that fo little a Part of ihtxxPray erswzi^ generally taken up about it, in their Families, and elfe- where ; and particularly, he fevcral Times exprefTed his Won- der, (hat there appear'd no more Forwardnefs to comply with the Piopofal lately made, in a Memorial from a Number ofMi- nilters in Scotland, and fent over \uKo America^ for united extra or^ dinary Prayer^ among Chrift's Minifters and People, for the coming 0/ ChrifiU Kingdom : And he feftlit as his dying Advice-

to

e>/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D.1747. 237

to his cvjn Congregaticriy that they fliould pradife agreably to that PropofaL t

Tho' be was conftantly exceeding weak, yet there appcar'd in him a continual Care well to improve Time^znd fill it up with fomething that might be profitablcjand in feme Refped for the Glory of God or the Good of Men ; cither profitable Conver- fation,or writing Letters to abfent Friends, or noting fomething in his Diary, or looking over his former Writings, correding them, and preparing them to be left in the Hands of others at his Death, or giving Tome Diredtions concerning a future Con- dading and Management of his People, or Employment in fecret Devotions. He feemM never to be eafy, however 111, if he was not doing fomething for God, or in his Service.

After he came hither, he wrote a Preface to a Diary of the famous Mr. Shepard's ( in thofe. Papers before-mention'J,lately found ) having been much urged (o it by thofe Gentlemen in Bo/ion who had the Care of the Publication : Which Diary, with his Preface^ has fince been publifhed. %

In his Diary for LordVDay, Augufl 9. He fpeaks of longmg Defires affer Deaths thro' a Senfe of the Excellency of a State of PcrfeSiion,

In his Diary for- Lord's- Day Aug. 16. He fpeaks of his having fo much Refrefliment of Saul in the Houie of (^^^^ that it feem'd alfo to rcfrefh his Body* And this is not only noted in his Diary, but was very obfervable to others ; it was very ap- parent, not only, t"hat his Mind was exhilcrated with inward Confolation, but alfo that his animal Spirits and bodily Streiif^th feemed to be remarkably redored, as tho' he had forgot hi?

Illnefa But this was the lad: Time that ever he attended

publick Worfhip on the Sabbath.

f His Congregation, fince this, have with great Chearfulnefs and Unanimity fallen in with this Advice, and have praiSti- fed agreably to the Propofal from Scotland ; and have at Times, appeared with uncommon Engagednefs and Fer- vency of Spirit in their Meetings and united Devotions, purfuant to that Propofal : Alfo the Prefbyteries of Isliw Torkj and Neiu-Brunfvjick^ fmce this, have with one Con- fent, fallen in with the Propofal, aslikewife {otne others of God's People m thofe Parts.

X A Part of this Preface is infertexi in the Appendix to this Hiiiory.

On

i

238 Mt. 30. 1U LIFE

OnTuefday-Morning that Week ( I being abfent on a JouN ney ) he prayed with my Family ; but not without much Difficulty, for want of bodily Strength : And this was the laft Family-Prayer that ever he made.

He had been wont, 'till now, frequently to ride out, two or three Miles ; But this Week, on Thurfday, was the laftTimc he ever did fo.]

Lord*s-Day, Aug* 23. This Morning, I was confiderably refrcfh'd with the Thought, yea, the Hope and Expedatinn of the Enlargement o{ Christ's Kingdom ; and I could not but hope, the Time was at Hand, when ^fl^y/tf« the great would /c//, and rije no more : This led me to fome fpiritual Meditations^ that were very refrefhing to me, I was unable to attend pub* lick VVorfhip, either Part of the Day ; but God was pleafed to afford me Fixcdncfs and Satisfa£lion in divine Thoughts. No- thing fo refrefhes my Soul, as when I can go to God, yea, to God my exceeding Joy, When he is fo, fenfibly, to my Soul, Ob^ how unfpeakably delightful is this !

In the Week paft, 1 had divers Turns of inward Refrefhing ; tho* my Body was inexpreffibly weak, followed continually with Agues and Fevers. Sometimes my Soul center'd in God, as my o\^\) Portion ; and I felt thatlfhould be forever unhappy, i/ he did not reign : I faw the Sweetnefs andHappinefs of being 4 his Subject, at bis Difpofal : Th^s made all my Difficulties quickly vanifh.

From thisLord's-Day,z;/z. Jug.i^-^ was troubled very much with vapoury Diforders, and could neither write nor read, and could fcarcely live ; altho* through Mercy, was not fo much opprefsM with heavy Melancholy and Gloominefs, a$ at many other Times.

[ 'Till this Week he had been wont to lodge in a Room above Stairs ; but he now grew lo weak, that he was no longer able to go Mp Stairs and down ; Friday Jug. 28. was the laft Time he ever went above Stairs, henceforward he betook him- felf to a lower Room.

On Wednefdav, September 2. Being the Day of our publick Leaure,he feemM to be refrelh'd with feeing theNeighbouring Minifters that came hitber to the Leaure,and exprcfsM a great Defire once m^re to go to theHoufe of God on thatDay : And accordingly rode to the Meeting, and attended divine Service,. while iheRtv. Mr. IFofdhridicQi Hat field ^izd^zWd. He fignified

thafi

<?/ ikfr. BavfdBralnerda A.D.1747; 239

that he fuppofcd it to be the laft Time that ever he fliould at- tend the publick Worfhip 5 as it proved. And indeed it was the lalt Time that ever he went out at our Gate alive.

On the Saturday-Evening next following, he was unexped- cdly vifitcd by his Brother Mr. JchnBrainerd^ who came to fee him from JSJew-Jerfey, He was much refrefhed by this unex- pected Vifit,this Brother being peculiarly dear to him ; and he feem'd torejoyce in a devout and foJemn Manner, to fee him, and to hear the comfortable Tidings he brought concerning the State of his dear Congregation of Chriftian Indians : And aCir- cumftancje of this Vifit, that he was exceeding glad of,was, that his Brother brought him feme of his privateWritings UomNew- ^erfey^ and particularly his Diary that he had kept for many Years paft. ]

Lord VDay, Sept. 6. I began to read feme of my private Writings, which my Brother brought me ; and was confidera- bly refrefh'd, with what I met with in them.

Monday, Sept. 7. I proceeded farther in reading my old pri- vate VV^ritings, and found they had the fame Effedt upon me as before : I could not but rejoyce and blefs God for what pafTed long ago, which without Writing had been entirely loft.

This Evening, when I was in great Diftrefs of Body, jmySou! long'd that God fhould be glorified : 1 faw there was no Hea- ven but this. I could not but fpeak to the By-flanders then of the only Happlnefi, viz. Pleafeng God.. Oh that 1 could foe ever live to God! TheDay, I trufl,is at Hand, the perfedDay : Oh, the Day of Deliverance from all Sin !

Lord's-Day, Sept. 13. I was much refrefliM and engaged m Meditation and Writing, and found a Heart to a<5l for God,. My Spirits were refrefhed, and my Soul delighted to do fome- thing for God.

[On the Evening following that Lord's Day, his Feet begart to appear fenfibly fweird ; which thenceforward fwell'd more and more. A Symptom of his D ffolution coming on.

The next Day, his Brother John left him, being obliged to^ return to New-jferfeyoi^ fome Bufinefs of great Importance and Neceflity ; intending to return again with all pofTiblc Speed „ hoping to fee his Brother yet once more in the Land of the Living.

Mr. Brainerd having now with much Deliberation confider- cd of fche impprt^nt Affair fore-mentionedjlcfi with him by the

I i honctiraWe

240 ^V. 30: 7S(? L I F E

honourable Commiffioners in Boflon, of theCorporatfon inXtf;y- donioT the Propagation of the Gofpel in New- England and Parts adjacent, viz. the fixing upon and recommending two Pcrfons proper to be" improved as Miilionaries to the Six Na- /w;?;, he about this Time wrote a Letter, recommending two young Gentlemen of his Acquaintance to thofeComraiffioncrs, viz. Mr, Elibu Spencer of Eaft'Haddam^ and Mr. J oh Strong of Northampton, The Coramiilioners on the Receipt of thisLet- ter, cheerfully and unanimoufly agreed to accept of and employ thePerfons he had recommended : Who accordingly have fmce waited on the Commiffioners to receive their Inftruftions ; and purfuant to their Inftruilions, have applied themfelves to a Pre- paration for the Bufinefs of their Miifion, in the Manner to which they dire(Stcd them ; and one of them, viz. Mr. Spencer, has been folemnly ordained to that Work, by feveral of theMi- nifters of Bo/ion^ in the Prefence of an Ecclefiaftical Council convened for thatPurpofe ; and is now gone forth to the Nation of the Oncidaes, about 170 Miles beyond Albany,

' He alfo this Week, viz. on Wednefday, Septemb. 16. wrote a Letter to a particular Gentleman in Bojion ( one of thofc charitable Perfons foremention'd, who appeared fo forward to contribute of their Subfiance for the promoting Chriftianity a- moKg the Indiam ) relating to the Growth of the 7«^w«School, and the Need of another School-Mafter or fome Perfonto aflift the School-Mafter in iiaflruding the Indian Children. Thefe Gentlemen, on the Rec;eipt of this Letter, had a Meeting, and agreed with greatChearfulnefs to give 200 Pounds ( in Bills, of the old Tenor ) for the Support of another School-Mafter -, and dcfired the Rev. Mr. Pembertonoi New-York ( who was then at Bojion, and was alfo, at their Dcfire, prefent at their Meet- ingj as fl)on as poiTible to procure a fuitable Perfon for thatSer- vice ; and alfo agreed to allow 75 Pounds to defray feme ifpe- cial Charges, that were requifite to encourage the MifTion to the Six Nations (befides the Salary allowed by the Commiflio- rers ) which was alfo done on fome. Intimations given by Mr. £rc incrd.

Mr. £Vtf;Wrifpcnt himfelf much in writing thofe Letters, being exceeding weak : But it feem'd to be much to his Satis- facSlion, that he had been enabled to doit ; hoping that it was fomethingdone for God, and which might be for the advance- ment of Christ's Kingdom and Glory. In writing the laft

f thefe Letters, he was obliged to ufc the Hand of another, cing able to write himfel.'.

On

o/ Mr. David Brainerd. A...D. 1747.' 24.1

On theThurfday of this Week [Septemh. 17. ) was thelaft Time that ever he went out of his Lodging Room. That Day, he was again vilited by his Brother Ifraet, who continued with him thence-forward 'till his Death. Oa that Evening, he was taken with fomething of a Diarrhea ; which helook'd up- on as another Sign of his approaching Death : Whereupon he exprefs'd himfelf thus ; Oh^ theg/oricus Time is r,ow coming ! I have UngediQ ferve GodperfeSily : Now God will gratify thofe Defires ! And fromTime toTime, at the fevcral Steps and new Symptoms of the fenfible Approach of his DiUbluiion, he was fo far from being funk or damp'd, that he feem'd to be animat- ed, and made mgrechearful ; as being glad at the Appearance:? of Deaih*s Approach. He often ufed theEpithet, glorious^ when fpeaking of the Day of his Deaths calling \i that glorious Day. And as he faw his DifTolution gradually approaching, be was much in talking about it, with perfed Calmnefs fpeaking of a future State ; and alfo fettling all hisAfFairs, yexy particularly and minutely giving Directions concerning what he would have done in one Refpe<Sl and another after he was dead. And the nearer Death approached, the more defirous he feem'd to be of it. He feveral Times fpake of the difFerent Kinds of PFil- lingnefs to die ; and fpoke of it as an ignoble, meanKind of Wii- lingnefs to die, to be willing to leave the Body, only to get rid of Pain ; or to go to Heaven, only to get Honour and Advance- ment there.]

Saturday, ^^p/. 19. near Night, while I attempted to walk a little, my Tho'ts turned thus ; How infinitely Jweet it is^to lovi God, and be all for him I Upon which ic was fuggefted to me, Tou are not an Angel^mt lively ana a^ive. To which my whole Soul immediately replied, 1 as fmcerely defire to love and glorify God^as any Angel in Heaven. Upon which it was fuggefted again. But you are filthy ^not fit for Heaven. Hereupon inftantly appear'd the blefled Robes of Christ's Righteoufnefs, vih'xch 1 could not but exulc and triumph in ; and 1 view'd the infiniteExcellency of God, and my Soul even broke with Longings, tfiat God^ ihouldhz glorified, I thought of Dignity in Heaven ; but in- ftantly the Tho't returned, 1 don't goto Heaven to get Honour^ hut to give all pojfible Glory and Pra'tfe. Oh, how I ionged,that ' God (hould be glorified on Earth alfo I Oh> 1 was made, foe Eternity, if God might be glorified! Sodi/y Pains Icztcd not for: Tho' I was then in Extremity, I never felt eafier ; I felt willing to glorify GdH in that State of bodily Diftrefs, as long as he picafed I fhould continue in it. The Qravs appeared really

111 * fv/ect^

242 yS/.3<5- ^^^ ^^^^

fwect, and 1 longed to lodge my weary Bones in it : But Oh that God might be glorified ! this was the Burden of all myCiy. Oh, I knew, 1 {hould be a£five as an Angel, in Heaven ; and that I fhould be itrip'd of my fiUhyGarmenti ! So that there was

no Objedion. But Oh, to love and praife God more, to

plea/e him for ever ! This my Soul panted after, and even now pants for while 1 write. Oh, that God might be glorified in the whole Earth. Lor d^ let thy Kingdom come. I longed tor a Spi- rit oi Preaching to defcend and reft on Af/«//?^r;, that they might addrefs the Confciences of Men with Clofenefs and Power. I faw, God had therefidue of the- Spirit ; and my Soul longed it fhould ht poured from on high, 1 could not but plead with God for my dear Congregation, that he would preferve it, and not fuffci his great Nam^e to lofe it's Glory in that Work ; MySouI ftill longing, that Gci might be glorified,

[ The extraordinary Frame, that he was in, that Evening, could not be hid ; his Mouth /pake out of the Abundance of his Heart, eXpreiTmg in a very afFecSling Manner much the fame Things as are written in his Diary : And among very many other extraordinary ExprefHons, which he then uttered, were fuch as thefe ; «' My Heaven is to pleafe God, and glorify hi?:!^ *' and give all to him, and to be wholly devoted to his Glory ; <« that is the Heaven I long for ; that is my Religion, and *^ that is my Happ'mefs ; and always was ever fmce 1 fuppofe «« i had any true Religion ; and all thofe that are of that Re-

^« Ilgion, diajl meet me in Heaven.- • I don't go to Heaven

*' to be advanced, but to give Honour toGod. 'Tis noMatter *« where I fhall be fbtion'd in Heaven, whether 1 have a high <' or a low Seat there ; but to love and pleafe and glori/y God *« is al! : Had I a Thoufand Sculsy if they were worth any ** Thing, 1 would give 'cm all to God ; but I have nothing " to give, when all is'donc. — ~ h is impofTible for any rational *' Creature to be happy vi'ithout ccling aW for God : God him-

** fslr could not make him happv any other Way. 1 long

*' to be in Heaven, prarfing ai;d glorifying GoD .with the holy

*» Angels : All my Dcfire is to glorify God. My Heart

*^ eoe; out to the 'liur)ir:g Place \ it f«ems to me a dejirabk '* V\oiZ'C : but Oh io glorify (lOD^that is it ; that is above

" all 'Tis a great Comf'^rapb mc, to think, that i have

'' done a liltlc/<?r God in the V\i?rld : Oh ! 'tis but z very " Jmail Matter ; yet 1 have d<»he a little ; and I lament it, ^ " that I have not done mors for hiiT)''- — • There is nothing

(>/ Mr. David Brainerd. A.D. 1747. 24,^

c« in the World worth living for, but doing Good, znd ^ni/hing «« God's IVork^ doing theWork that Chrljl did. I fee iiothincr <« elfein the World, that can yield any Satisfaaion, bcfide*

*' living to God, pleafmg hinty and ^^y/wi- his whole Will. .

*' Mv greateft Joy and Comfort has been, to do fomething for '' promoting thelntered of Religion, and theSouls of particular *' Perfons : And now, in my Illnefs, while I am full of Pain ** and Diftrefs, from Day to Day, all the Comfort I have, is *' in being able to do fonie little Chare [ or frnall Piece of *' Work ] for God ; either by fomething that I fay, or by " writing, or fome other Way."

He intermingled with thefe and other like Exprellions,m3ny pathetical Counjels to thofe that were about him ; particularly to my Children and Servants. He applied himfelt to fome of my younger Children at this Time ; calling them to him, and fpeaking to *em one by one j fetting before them, in a very plain Manner, the Nature and Efl'ence of true Piet)', and its great Importance and Neceffity ; earnefily warning them not to reft in any Thing (hort of that true and thorough Change of Heart, and a Life devoted toGod ; ccunfelling them not to be flack in the great Bufinefs of P.eligion,nor in the leaft to delay it ; enforcing his Counfels with this, that his Words were the Words of a dying Man : Said he, "I fhall die here, and here £ *' fhall be buried, and here you will fee my Grave, and do you " remember what I have faid to you. I am going intc Eternity v «« And 'tis fweet to me to think of Eternity; the Endlefnefs *« of it makes it Tweet: But Oh, what fiiall 1 fay to the Eter- *« nity of the^F/V/^^^/ I can't mention it,nor think of it : The '' Thought is too dreadful. When you fee my Grave, then " remember what I faid to you while f was alive : then think '« with your felf, how thatMan, that lies in that Grave, coun- f ' felPd and warned me to prepare ^or Death."

His Body fceroed to be marvelloufly ftren^hen'd, through the inward Vigour andRefrefhment of h\s Mind ; fo that, akho' be!ore he was fo weak that he could hardly utter a Sentence, yet now he continued his moft affecting and profitable Difcourfe to us for more than an Hour, with fcarce any Intermiflion ; and faid of it, when he had done, // was the iajl Sermon thai evir he Jhould preach.

This extraordinary Frame of Mind continued the nextDay ; cf which he fays in his Diary as follows. J

Lord's-Day Sept, 20. Was itill in a {^wztt and comfortable Frame j and was again melted with Defires that Q::Ti migbt

be

244 ^^' 50. TU LIFE

be ghriJiediZX)d with Longings to love and live to him. Longed for the Influences of the divine Spirit to defcend onMini/ien^ in a fpecial Manner. And Oh, I longed to be with God, to be- told his Glory, and to bow in his Prefence !

[4t appears by what is noted in his Diary, both of thisDay, and the Evening preceeding, that his Mind at this Time was much imprefs'd with a Senfe of the Importance of the Work of the Minijiry, ind the Need of the Grace of God, and his fpecial fpiritual Affiftance in this Work : And ft alfo appeared in what he exprefTed in Converfation ; particularly in his Difcourfe to bis Brother J/rae/, who was then a Member of Tale-College at 2s!ew-Haven, and had been profecuting his Studies and acade- mical Excrcifes there, to that End, that he might be fitted for the Work of the Miniftry, and was now with him.* He now, and from Time to Time, in this his dying State, recommended to his Brother, a Life of Self-denial, of Weanedncfs from the World, and Devotedncfs to God, and an earneft Endeavour to obtain much of the Grace of God's Spirit, and God's gracious Influences on his Heart ; reprefenting the great Need which Minil^ers ftand in of them, and the unfpeakable Benefit of them from his own Experience. Among many other Expref- fions, he faid thus ; «' When Minifiers feel thefe fpecial gra- *' cious Influences on their Hearts, it wonderfully aififts them << to come at the Confciences of Men, and as it were to handle <« them withHands ; whereas, without them,whateverReafon «« and Oratory we make ufe of, we do but make ufe oi Stumps, «« inftead of Hands.*']

Monday, Sept. 21. I began to corrcft a little Volume of mv private Writings : God, I believe, remarkably helped me in it ; my Strength was furprizingly lengthened out, and my Thoughts quick and lively, and my Soul refrefh'd, hoping it ^ might be a Work for God. Oh, how good, how fweet it is, to labour for God !

This young Gentleman was an ingenious,ferious,ftudiou$ and hopefully truly pious Perfon : There appeared in him many (Qualities giving Hope of his being a great Bleffing in his Day. But it has pleafed God, fince the Death of his Brother, to take him away alfo. He died that Winter, at New- Haven, on Jan. 6. 1747,8. of a nervous Fever,

after about a Fortnight's Illncfs.

Tuefday,

cfMr. David Brainerd A.D.1747. 245

Tuefday, 5/?p/. 22. Was again employed in reading and- corre6ting, and had the fame Succefs, as the Day before. I was exceeding weak; but it feem'd lo refrefh my Soul, thus to fpend Time.

Wednefday, Sept. 23. I finifhM my Correaions of the little Piece foremention'd,and felt uncommonly peaceful : It {q^xs^^ as if I had now done all my Work in this World, and flood ready for my Call to a better. As long as I fee any Thing to be done for God, Life is worth having : But Oh,how vain and unwor- thy 'tis, to live for any lower End ! This Day, I injJited

a Letter, I think, of great Importance, to the Rev. Mr. Byram in New-Jerfey : Oh that God would blefs and fucceed thatLet- ter,which was written for theBenefit of hisChurch ! * Oh that God would puri/y ihe Sons of Levi, that his Glory may be ad- vanced ! This Night, I endured a dreadful Turn, wherein

my Life was expeded fcarce an Hour or Minute together. But blefled be God, I have enjoyed confiderable Sweelnefs in divine Things, this Week, both by Night and Day.

Thurfday, Sept, 24. My Strength began to fail exceedingly ; which look'd further as if I had done all my Work : However I had Strength to fold and fuperfcribe my Letter. About two I went to Bed, being weak and much difordered, and lay in a burning Fever 'till Night, without any proper Reft. In the Evening, I got up, having Jain down in fome of myCloaths j but was in the greateft Diftrefs, that ever I endured, having an un- common Kind of Hiccough ; which either ftrangled me, or threw me into a Straining to vomit ; and at the fame Time was diftrefs'd with griping Pains. Oh, the Diftrefs of thisEvening I 1 had little Expedaiion of my living th^ Night tHVough, nor indeed had any about me; and I longed for the finijhinz Mo- ment ! I was obliged to repa'r to*Bed by 6 o'Clock ;

and thro' Mercy enjoyed Tome Reft; but was grievoufly dif-

tref^'d at Turns with the Hiccough ^ My Soul breathed

a^ter God, while the Watcher was with me: — When flyall 1 come to Godjf even to Gody my exceeding "Joy? Oh for hii' b^ejjed Likenefs !

PViday, Sept. 25. This Day, I was unfpeakably weak, and little better than bpeechlefs all the D^y : However, I v/as abJe

If^ was concerning theQ^jalificaiions of Mtmflers^zvi^ the Examination and L'Cenfing 0' Caniida'e: for the Vfork of

the Mifjiitry

x<a

246 Mt 0,0. ri'(?LIFE

to write a . '^, and felt comfortably in fome Part of the Day, Oh, it rc':cf:i:dmy Sou), to think of former Things, ofDefires to glorif}' G:d, of the Pleafures of living to him ! Oh my dear Godyl am fpeediiy coming to ihee^ 1 hope ! Ha ft en the Day^ OLord^ if it be thy bUJJ'edWill : Oh come^ Lord Jefus^ come quickly. Amen, *

Saturday, Sept. 7.6. I felt the Sweetnefs of divine Things, this Forenoon ; and had the Coiifolation of a Confcioufnefs that I was doing fome thing for God.

Lord's-Day, Sept. 27. This was a very comfortable Day to my Soul ; I think, 1 awoke with God, 1 was enabled to lift up my Soul to God., early this Morning ; and while I had little bodily Strength. I found Freedom to lift up my Heart to God for my felt and others. Afterwards, was pleafed with theThoughts offpcedily entrifig into the unfeen World.

[ Eariy this Morning, ^s one of the Family came into the Room, he exprefs'd himfelf thus : 1 have had more Pleafure this Morning., then cU the Drunkards /« the fVorli enjoy ^ if it were

ail (xiraaed ! So much did he efteem the Joy of Faith

eibovmhQ Plt!afur£s of Sin.

He fcilt. that Morning, an unufual Appetite to Food ; with which his Mind fcem'd to be exhilarated, as looking on it aSign of the very near Approach of Death ; and faid upon it, I was horn en a Sabbath-Day ; and 1 hf^ve Reafon io think 1 was new- bornon «Sabbath-Day ; iff 1 hope Ifhalldie on /^/i Sabbath- Day : J fhould look vpm it as a Favour, if it may be the Will of God that it fh:u'd hefo : I ion^rfor the Time. Oh, why is his Chariot fo Joi;g in coming I Why tarry the Wheels of his Chariots ? 1 am very willing to part with all- : 2 am willing to part with my dear Brotherjohn, and never to fee him again, to go to be forever with she Lord, f Qh, when I pothers, hoivtuill Gcd's dear Church on Earth be upon my Mind !

* This was the h.ft that ever he wrote in his Diary with his own Hand : Tho' it is continued a little farther, in a bro- ken Manner ; written hv his Brother Ifrael, but indieJ by his Mouth in this his weak and dying State.

t He had, bcfo/e this, txprefs'd a Dciire, if it m'ght be the Will of God, to live *till his Brother returned from Kew^ Jerfey : Who, when he went away, intended, if ponible,to perform his Journey and return in a Fortnight ; hoping once more to meet his Brother in the Land of the Living. Tiie Foruiight was nor.' :Kar expired, it ending the next Da;'. " AUervvards

cf Mr. David Brainerd; A.D. i ^j^f, 247

Afterwards, the fame Morning, being aflced, how he did, he anfwered, / em almo/i in Eternity ; Jiong to be there. MylVork is done : J have done with ali my Friends : All the IVorld is nothing to me. I long to he in Heaven, praifing and glorifying God tuith the holy Angels : All my Defire is to gloiify Qod,

During the whole of thefe laft two Weeks of his Life he feem*d to continue in this Frame of Heart, ioofe from al/the World, as having done his Work, and done with all Things here below, having nothing to do but to die, and abiding in an earneft Defire and Expectation of the happy Moment, when his Soul fhould take it's Flight, and go to a State of Pcrfe£lioii of Holinefs and perfe6t glorifying and enjoying God, manifefted in a variety ofExpreffions. He faid. That the Confederation of thi Day of Deathy and the Day of Judgment^ had a long Time been peculiarly fweet to him. He from Time to Time fpake of his being willing to leave the Body and the VVorld immediately, that Day, that Night, and that Moment, if it was the Will ofGod. He alfo was much in expreffing his Longings that the Church of Chrifl on Earth might flourifh, and Chrift's Kingdom here might be advanced, notwithftanding he was about to leave the Earthy and fhouid not with his Eyes behold the defirableEvent,, nor be inftrumental in promoting it. He faid to mejOneMorn- ing, as I came into the Room, M^ Thoughts have been employed en^he old dear Theme, The Profperity of God's Church on Eartho. jis 1 waked out of Sleep, 1 was led to cry for the pouring out of God's Spirit, and the Advancement of Chriji*s Kingdom, which the cear Redeemer did and fuffered fo much for, *Tis that efpeci-' ally makes me long for it,— He exprelTed much Hope that a glo- rious Advancement of Chrift's Kingdom was near at Hand.

He once told me, that he had formerly longed for the Out'^ pouring of the Spirit of God, and the glorious Times of the Churchy end hoped they were coming ; andjhould have been willing to havi. lived to promote Religion atthatTime, if that had been the Will of God ; But ( fays he ) I am willing it /hould be as it is 5 / would not have the Choice to make for my felf, for ten Thoufand Worldu He exprefTed on his Death- Bed a full Perfwafion, that he fl^ould in Heaven fee the Profperity of the Church on Earth, and ihould rejoyce with Chrift therein ; And the Confideration of it feem'd to be highly pleafing and fatisfying to bis Mind.

He alfo ftill dwelt much on the greatlmportance of iheWork

of Miniflers of the Gofpel -, and exprefs'd his Longings, that

xhey might he filled with the Spirit of God -y and manifefted much

Dcfirc to k^ l9mc of the Neighbouring Minifters. whcxn he

■ Kk bad

248 -^/. 30: T'^tf L I F E

had fome Acquaintaiv:e with, and whofe finccre Fricndfhip he was confident of, that he might Gonverfe freely with (hem on that Subjc6l:, before he died. And it fo happened, 'hat he had Opportunity with fome of them, according to his Dclire.

Another Thing that Jay much on hisHeart, and that he fpakc ©f, from Time to Time, ira thefe near Approaches ot Death, was the rpiritual Profperityof his own Congregation ofChriftian Indians in Ngw-Jer/ey : and when he fpakeof them,it was with peculiar Tendcrnefs ; fo that his Speech would be prefently interrupted and drowned with Tears.

Healfo exprclTed much Satisfaction in the Difpofals of Pro- vidence, with Regard to the Circumftances of his Death ; par- ticularly that God had before his Death given him the Oppor- tunity he had had in Bojion^ with fo many confiderablePerfons, Miniflers and others, to give in hU Tefitmony for God, and againft falfe Religion, and many Miftakes that lead to it, and promote it ; and there to lay befor^e pious and charitable Gen- tlemen, the State of thelndians^ and theirNeceffities, to fo good EfFe6t ; and that God had fince given- him Opportunity to write to them further concerning thefe Affairs ; and to write other Letters of Importance, that he hoped might be of good Influence with Regard to the State of Religion among the 2ndi^ ens, and elfewhere, after his Death. He exprefs'd greatThank- f ulnefs to God for his Mercy in thefe Things. He alfo men- tioned it as what he accounted a merciful Circumftance of his, Death, that he fhould die here \\ . And fpeaking of thefe Things, he hid, God had granted him allhiiDeJtre i and fignified, that now he could with the greater Alacrity leave the World.]

d The Editor takes Leave to make the Remark, that when Mr. Brainerd v/as at 'Bofton, fick nigh unto Death, it was with Relu6iance he thought of dying in a Place where Funerals are often attended with a Fomp & Shaw^ which ( efpecially on Occafion of his own ) he was veiy averfe to any Appearance of : And tho' it was with fome Difficulty he got his Mind reconciled to the Profpe(5l then before him, yet at laft he was bro't to acquiefce in the Divine Will, with Rcfpcd to this Circumftance of his Departure. However, it pleafed God to order theEvent fo as to gratify his Defire^ which he had exprefs'd, of getting back to Northampton^'w'wh a Vicw particularly t0j a more filcnt and privaie BuriaU " ^ ""

fcbndayj

ef M*. David Bralnerd. A,D. 1747.^ 249

Monday, Sept. 28. I was able to read, and make fome few Corrections in my private Writings ; but found I could not write, as I had done ; I found my feif fenfibly declined in all Refpedls. It has been only from a little .while before Noon, 'till about one or two o*Clock, that I have been able to do any Thing, for fome Timepaft : Yet this refrefli'd my Heart, that I could do any Thing, either publick or private, that 1 hoped was for God.

[ This Evening, he was fuppos'd to be dying : He tho*t fo himfelf, and was tho't fo by thofe who were about him. He feem'd glad at the Appearance of the near Approach of Death. He was almoft Speechlefs, but his Lips appeared to move ; and one that fat very near him, heard him utter fuch Expreffions as

thefe* Comey Lord Jefus^ come quickly. — Oh, ivhy is his

Chariot Jo Ion j^ in coming ! — — * After he revived, he blamed himfelf for having been too eager to be gone. And in exprefling what he found in the Frame of his Mind at that Time, he faid, he then found an inexpreflibly fweetLove to thofe that he look- ed upon as belonging to Chrijij beyond almoft all that ever he felt before ; fo that it feerrCd ( to ufc his own Words ) like a little Piece of Heaven to have one of them near him. And being alked, whether he heard the Prayer that was ( at his Defire ) made with him ; he faid, Tes^ he heard every Word^ and had an uncommon Senje of the Things that were uttered in that Prayer ^and that every Word reached his Heart,

On the Evening of the next Day, viz. Tuefday, Septemkig. As he lay in his Bed, he feem'd to be in an extraordinary Frame ; his Mind greatly engaged in fweet Meditations con- cerning the Profperity of Zion : There being prefent here at[ that Time two young Gentlemen of his Acquaintance, that were Candidates for the Mi^iif^ry^ he defired us ali to unite in finging a Pfalm on that Subjed, even Z/Vi's Profperity. And on his Defire we fung a Part of the CII Pfalm. This feem'd much to refrefh and revive him, and gave him new Strength ; fo that, tho* before he could fcarcely (peak at all, now he pro- ceeded, with fome Freedom of Speech, to give his dying Coun- fels to thofe two young Gentlemen fore-mentioned, relating to their Preparation for, and Profecution of that great Work of theMiniftry they were defigned for ; and m particular, earneftly recommended to 'cm frequent fccret Fcjling and Prayer : And enforced his Counfel with Regard to this, from his own Experi- ence of the great Comfort and BeneiKt of it ; which ( faid he ) I (koMld not mention, were it not that I am a dying Perfon. And^

K k 2 afttr

ft5o 2Ei. 30: ne LIFE

after he had finifhed his Counfel, he made a Prayer, in the Au*- dience of usall ; wherein, befides praying for this Family, for his Brethren, and thofe Candidates ror the Miniftry, and for his own Congregation, he earneftly piaycd for the reviving and flourifhingof Reh'gionin the World,

'Till now, he bad every Day fat up Part of the Day ; but after this, he never tofe from his Bed. ]

Wcdnelday, S^pt. 30. I was obliged to keep my Bed the whole Day, thro' Weaknefs. However,redecm*d a littleTirae, and with the Help of my Brother, read and cone6ted about a Dozen Pages in mv M.S.giving an Account of my Converfion.

Thurfday, O^oh. I. I endeavoured again to do fomething by Way of writing, but foon found my Powers of Body and Mind utterly fail. Felt not fo f wee tly, as when I was able to do fomething that 1 hoped would do fome Good. In the Evening, was difcompofed and wholly delirious ; but it was not long be- fore God was pleafed to give me fomeSlecp, and fully compofed my Mind, f Oh, blefTcd be God for his great Goodnefs to me, fmce I was fo low at Mr. Brdmfield's, on Thurfday Jung 18 laft pafl. He has, except thofe few Minutes, given me the clear Exercife of myReafon, and enabled me to labour much for him, in Things both of a publick and private Nature ; and perhaps tp do more Good, than I fhould have done if 1 had been well j jbefides the comfortable Influences of his blcfTed Spirit, with which he has been pleafed to refrefh my Soul, May his Name have all the Glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Friday, Qifob, 2. My Soul was this Day, at Turns, fwcctly fcton God : 1 longed to be with him ^ that I might behold hit Glory ', 1 felt fweetly difpofed to commit all to him, even my deareft Fi lends, my dearclt Flock, and my abfent Brother, and all my Concerns for Time and Eternity. Oh that hiiKing^om might come in the World ; that they might all love and glorify him, for what he is in himfclf ; and that the blcfTed Redeemer might /^^ of the Travail of his Soul, and be fatisfied^ Oh, comt^ Lord Jefus^ come quickly. Amen. *

'I" From this Time forward, he had the freeUfe of his Rea- fon 'till (he Day before hisDeath ; excepting that at fome times he appeared a little lofl for a Moment,at fjrlt waking out of Sleep.

♦ Here ends his Diary : Thefe are the laji fVordi^ that are Written in it, either by his oyvn Han«l, or by any other from his Mout;h? f The

0/ Mr. David Braineri A.D. 1747. 251

f The next Evening, we very much cxpe6led his Brother John from Neiv-Jerfey ; it being about a Week after theTime that he propofed for his Return,when he went away. And tho* our Expectations were ftill difappointed ; yet Mr. Brainerd fcem'd to continue unmoved, in the fame calm and peaceful Frame, that he had before manifcfted ; as having refigned all to God, and having done with his friends, and with all Things here below.

On the Morning of the next Day,being LordVDay, Osf. 4. as ray Daughter Jeru(ha ( who chiefly tended him ) came into the Room, he look'd on her very pleafantly, and faid. Dear Je- ruiha, are you wiiiin^ to part with me ? ■ ■■ 1 am quite willing to part with you : 1 am witling to part with all my Friends : I em willing to part with my dear Brother John ; altho' J love him the heji of any Creature living : I have committed him and all my Friends to God, and can leave them with God. Tho\ if J thought 1 Jhould not fee you^and be happy with you in another World, I could not bear to part with you. But we Jhall fpend an happy Eternity together I * In the Evtning,as one came into the Room with a

Bible

* Since this, it has pleafcd a holy and fovereign God to take away this my dear Child by-Death, on the 14 of February^ next following ; after a fhort Illnefs of five Days ; in the eighteenth Year of her Age. She was a Perfon of much the fame Spirit with Mr. Brainerd, She had conflantly taken Care of,and tended him in hisSicknefs,for igWeeks before hisDeath ; devoting herfelf to it with greatDelighf, becaufe fhe look'd on him as an eminentjServant of Jc- fus Chrift. In thisTime, he had much Converfation with heron Things of Religion; and in his dying State, oftca exprefs'd to us,herParents, his greatSatisfadion concerning her true Piety, and his Confidence that he fhould meet her in Heaven ; and his high Opinion of her, not only as a true Chriflian, but a very eminent Saint ; One whofe Soul was uncommonly fed and cntertain'd With 7'hings that appertain to the moft fpiritual experimental and dif- tinguifhingParts of Religion ; and one who by theTemper of her Mind was fitted to deny herfelf for God, and to do Good, beyond any young VVoman whatfoever that he Icnew of. S^e had manifefted a Heart uncommonly de- voted to Gydj in the Courfc of her Lifc^ many Years be- fore

^c,^ 'ML'Xo: 5i&tfLIFE

o

Bible in hcrHand,he exprcfo'd himfelf thus ; Oh, that dtarBook f that lovely Book ! I /hall Joan fet it open'd f The A^yfliries that are in it, a%d the Myjieries of God's Providence, will be all un- folded !

Hls Diftemper now very apparently prey'd on hisVitals in an extraordinaryManner : Not by a fudden breaking of Ulcers in his Lungs, asat-Bff/^flWjbut by a conftantDifchargeofpurulentMatter, in greatQuantities : So that what he bro't up by Expedloration, fcem'd to be as it were Mouthfuls of almoft clear Pus ; which was attended with very great inward Pain and Diftrefs.

On Thurfday, O^ok, 6. He lay, for a confiderable Time,as if he were dying. At which Time, he was heard to utter, in broken Whifpers, Tuch Expreffions as thefe ; Ue will come^ he will not tarry.— Ijhallfoon be in Glory,-- 1 /hall foon glorifyGod with the Angeli. But after fome Time he revived.

The next Day, viz. VVedncfday,0^tf^. 7. His Brother John arrived, being returned from New-j/erfey -, where he had been detained much longer than he intended, by a mortal Sicknefs prevailing amogg tlieChriftian Indians^znd by fome otherThings in their Circumllances that made his Stay with them ncceflary. Mr. Brainerd was afFe(5ted and refrefhM with feeing him, and appeared fully fatisfied with the Reafons of his Delay ; feeing the Intercft of Religion and of the Souls of his People required

it.

The next Day, Thurfday,0^^^. 8. He was in great Diftrefs and Agonies of Body ; and for the bigger Part of the Day, was much difordered as to the Exercife of his Reafon. In theEven- ing, he was more compofed, and had the Ufe of his Reafon well ; but the Pain of his Body continued and increafed. He told me, it wa^ jmpoffible for any to conceive of the Diftrefs he felt in his Breaff. He manifefted much Concern left he fhould difhonourGod by Impatience,under his cxtremeAgony ; which was fucb, that he faid, the Thought of enduring it one Minute longer was almoft infupportabie. He defired,that others would be much in lifting up their Hearts continually to God for him, that God would fupport him, and give him Patience. He fig-

fore her Death; and faid on her Death-Bed, that /he had ffotfeen one Minute {or fiveral Tears, wherein /he deftred to live one Minute longer, for the fake of any other Good in Life, hut doing Good/ivin^ to Gsd^ and doin^ what might be far hii. Glory, -

c/M. David Bralnerd. A.D. 1747. 253

Kificd, that he expcdcd to die that Night ; but feem'd to fear a longer Delay : and the Difpofition of his Mind with Regard to Death appeared ftiH the fame that it had been all along. And notwithftanding his bodily Agonies, yet the Intercft ofZion lay ftill with great Weight on his Mind ; as appeared by fome con- fiderablc Difcourfe he had that Evening 1 with the Rev. Mr. Biilms^ cnc of the neighbouring Minifters (who was then pre^ fent) concerning the great Importance of the Work of theMi- niftry, Iffc, And afterwards, when it was very late in theNight, he had much very proper and profitable Difcourfe with his Brother yohn^ concerning his Congregation in l^ew-Jerfefydn^ the Intereft of Religion among the Indians, In the latter Pars of the Night, his bodily Diftrefs feemed to rife to a greater Height than ever ; and he faid to thofe then about him, that // was another Thing io die, than People imagined 5 explaining him- felf to mean that they were not aware what bodily Pain and An- guifli is undergone before Death. Towards Day,his Eyes fix'd ; and he continued lying immovable, 'till about 6 o'CJock in the Morning, and then expired, on Friday, O^ob, 9. 1747. whea hisSouljas we may well conclude,was received by his dear Lord and Mafter, as an eminently faithful Servant, into that State of Perfection ofHolinef9,andFruition ofGod, which he had fo often and fo ardently longed for ; and was welcom'd by the glorious AfTembly in the upper World, as one peculiarly fitted to join them in their bleiled Employments and Enjoyments.

Much Refped was fhewn to bis Memory at his Funeral ; which was on the Monday following, after a Sermon preach/d the fame Day, on that folemn Occafion. His Funeral was at- tended by eight of the neighbouring Minifters, and feventceb other Gentlemen of liberal Education, and a great Concourf«? of People.

^m ®®3J®®® ®®®®^®®®:€^®® ®aj® § ®®®®

Som-

f5t?^,?^t^?'^^.

"^-^m^^nm^jii^^^mm^^t'iw^n^

254 The LIFE

Some further REMAINS of the Rev, Mr. David Brainerd.

[I.] A Scheme of a Dialogue between the wznou^Powers and /iffeEiions of the Mind, as they are found alter- nately whiipcring in the godly SouL [Mentioned in his- Dwr;', Feb. 3, 1744.]

I. ^nr^HE Vnder/ianding introduced, (i) As difcovering it'sr I own Excellency, and Capacity of enjoying the moft -^A- fublime Pleafure and Happinefs. (2) As obferving it's Defire eq'ual to it's Capacity, and incapable of being fatisfi- ed with any Thing that will not fill it in the utmoftExtent of it's Exetcife. ( 3 ) As finding it felt a dependent Thing, not Self- fufHcient ; and confequently unable to fpin Happinefs ( as the Spider fpins it*s Web) out of it's own Bowels. This Self-fuffi- ciency obferved to be the Property and Prerogative of GOD alone, and not belonging to any created Being. ( 4 ) As in vain ieeking fublime Pleafure, Satisfa6lion,and Happinefs adequate to it's Nature, amongft created Beings. The Search and Know- ledge of the Truth in the natural World allowed indeed to be rc- I'refiiing to the Mind ; but iWW failing toafi'ord compleat Hap- pinefs. (5) As difcovering the Excellency and Glory of GOD, that he is the Fountain of Goodnefs, and Well-Spring of Happi- nefs, and every Way fit to anfvver the enlarged Defires and Crav- ings of our immortal Souls.

2. The Will introduced, as nccefiarily, yet freely chufing this GOD for it's fupreme Happinefs and only Portion, fully complyingwith theUnderffanding'sDi£tates,acquiefcing inGOD as the belt Go.od, his Will as the belt Rule for intelligent Crea- tures, and rejoicing that GOD is in every Rcfpc6l juft what he is ; and withal chufing and delighting to be a dependent Crea- ture, always fubjed to this GOD, not afplring afterSclf-fuffict- cAcy aad Suprc/nacy, h\x\ acqui^fciiig ill ihs ceaUary.

3» hl^^^X

of Mr. David Brainerdi 255

3. Ardent Love ox Vefire introduced, as paflionately longing to pleafe and glorify the Divine Being, to be in every Refpeft conformed to him, and in that Way to enjoy him. This Love or Defire reprefented as moft genuine ; not induced by mean and mercenary Views; not primarily Springing from felfifh Hopes of Salvation, whereby the divine Glories would be Sacri- !ficed to the Idol Self ; not arifmg from a llavifh Fear of Divine Anger in Cafe of NegledV, nor yet from Hopes of feeling the Sweetnefs of that tender and pleafant Pailicn of Love in one's ownBreall; but from a juftEfteem of the beauteousObjed belov- ed. This Love further reprefented, as attended with vehement Longings after the Enjoyment of it's Objedl, but unable to find by what Means.

4. The Underjianding again introduced, as informing(r.)Hovv God might have been enjoyed, yea, how hemuft necefTarily have been enjoyed, had not Man fm*d againft him ; that as there was Knowledge ^Likenejs^zn^Love^{o there mufl needs beEnjoyment, while there was no Impediment. (2.) How he may be en- joyed in fome Meafure now, vi%. by the fame Knowledge be- getting Likenefi and Lovt^ which will be anfwer'd with Returns of Love^ and the Smiles of God's Countenance, which are better than Life. ( 3. ) How .God may be perfetSlly en- joyed, vtz. by the Soul's perfedt Freedom from Sin. This perfe£l Freedom never obtain'd 'till Death ; and then not by any unaccountable Means, or in any unheard-of Manner ; but the fame by which it has obtain'd fome'Likenefs to andFruition of God in thisWorld, viz. a clear Manifeflation of him. .

5. Holy Defire appears, and enquires why the Soul may not be perfectly holy ; and fo perfecSl in theEnjoymentofGod here ; and exprefles molt infatiableThirftinga after fucha Temper, and fuch Fruition, and moft confummate BlefTednefs.

6. Under [landing again appears, and informs, that God defigns that thofe whom he fan6tifics in Part here, and intends for immortalGIory,fhall tarry a while in this prefent evilWorld, that their own Experience of Temptations ^c, may teach 'em how great the Deliverance is, which God bas wrought for 'em, that they may be fwallowed up in Thankfulnefs and Admira- tion toEternity ; as alfo that they may be inftrumental of doing Good to their Fellow-Men. Now if they u-ere perfedly holy i^c, a World of Sin would not be a fit Habitation for them : and further, fuch Manifeftations of God as are necelTary compleatly to fandify the Soul, would be infupportable to the Body, fo that we can't fee God and live,

L 1 7. Holy

2^6 The LIFE

7 Hdly Impatience is next introduced jComplaining of thcSIns and Sorrows of Life, and almoft repining at the Diftance of a State of Perfection, uneafy to fee and feel the Hours hang (o dull and heavy, and almofl concluding that the Temptations, Hardfhips, Difappointments,Impcrfe<5tionr, and tediousEmploy- inents of Life will never come to a happy Period.

8. Tender Confcience comes in, and meekly reproves the Complaints of Impatience ; urging how careful and watchful we ought to be, left we fhould oiFend the divine Being with Com- plaints ; alledging alfo the Fitnefs of our waiting patiently upon God for all we want, and that in a Way of doing and fufFering; and at the fame Time mentioning the Barrennefsof the Soul, how much precious Time it mifimproved, and how little it has enjoyed of God, compared with what it might have done ; as alio fuggefling how frequently impatient Complaints fpring frcm nothing better than Self-love, want of Refignation, and a greater Reverence of the Divine Being.

9. Judgment OT found Mind ntxt z^^td^xs^ and duly weighs- ihe Complaints of Impatience, and the gentle Admonitions of tender Confcience^ and impartially determines between 'em. On the one hand, it concludes, that we may always be impatient with Sin ; and fuppofer, that we may alfo with fuch Sorrow, Pain, and Difcouragement, as hinder our Purfuitof Holinefs, tho' they arife from the weaknefsof Nature. It allows us to be impatient of the Diftance at which we ftand fipm a State of Perfeftion and Blefiednefs. It further indulges Impatience at the Delay of Time, when we deiire the Period of it for no other End than that we may with Angels be employed in the mofl lively fpiritual A6ls of Devotion, and in giving all polTible Glory to him that lives forever. Temptations and finful Im- perfe6tions, it thinks we may juftly be uneafy with ; and Dif- appointments, at leafl thofe that relate to our Hopes of Com- munion with God, and growing Conformity to him. And as to the tedious Employments and Hardfliips of Life, it fuppofes feme Longin2; for the End of 'em not inconfiftent with a Spirit of FaithfulneTs, and a chearful Difpofition to perform the ore and endure the other : It fuppofes, that a faithful Servant, vho fully defigns to do all he poiribly can, may ftiil jufUy long for theEvening ; and that no rationalMan would blame his kind and tender vSpoufcJf he perceived her longing to be with him, while yetFaithfulnefs &:Duty to him might fiill induce her to yield, for the prefent, to remain at a painful Diftance from him. — On the other Hand, it approves of theCaution, Care and Watchful-

fiefg

ef Mr. David Brainerd. 257

ncfs offender Cen/cience^le^ thcDivine Being fhould be offended with impatient Complaints : It acknowledges theFitnefsof our waiting upon God, in a Way of patient doing and fufFering ; But fuppofes this very confiftent with ardent Defires to depart and to h with Chriji* It owns it fit that we fhould always remember our own Barrennefs,and thinks alfo that we fhould be impatient of it, and confequently long for a State of Freedom from it ; and this, not fo much that we may feel the Happinefs of it, but that God may have the Glory. It grants, that impatient Com- plaints often fpring from Self-love, and Want of Rcfignation and Humility. Such as thefe it difapproves ; and determines, we fhould be impatient only of Abfence from God,& Diflanct from that State and Temper wherein we may moft glorify him.

10. Godly Sorrow introduced, as makir^g her fad Moan, not fo much that fhe is kept from the free Pofleffion and full Enjoy- ment of Happinefs, but that God muft be difhonoured j the Soul being fiill in a World of Sin, and itfelf imperfcd. She here, with Grief, counts over paft Faults, prefent Temptations, and Fears for the future.

11. Hope or holy Confidence ^^^^^2^x5, and feems perfwaded that nothing fnall ever fepar ate the Soul from the Love of God in Chrijl Jsfus. It expedls divine Affiftance and Grace fufficient for all the doing and fufFering- Work of Time, and that Death will ere long put a happy Period to all Sin and Sorrow > and fo takes Occafion to rejoyce.

12. Godly Fear, ox holy Jealoufy here fleps in, and fuggef!s feme timorous Apprehenfions of the Danger of Deception ; mentions the Deccitfulnefs of the Heart, the great Influence of irregular Self- Love in a fallen Creature ; enquires whether it felf is not likely to have fallen in with Delufion, fince the Mind is fo dark, and fo little of GOD appears to the Soul ; and que- ries whether all it's Hopes of perfevering Grace mayn't bePre- fumption, and whether it's confident Expedations of meeting Death as a B^iend, mayn't ifTue in Difappointment.

13. Hereupon, ^^^^/<7« appears, and minds the Perfon of his paft Experiences ; as to the preparatory Work of Convidti- on and Humiliation ; TheView he thrn had of the Impoflibility of Salvation, from himfqlf, or any created Arm : TheManifefla- tion he has hkewife had of the Glory of GOD in Jefu: Chri/i : How he then admired that Glory, and chofe that GOD for his only Portion, becaufe of the Excellency and Amiablenefs he dif- covered in him ; not from flavifh Fear of being damned, if he did not, nor from bafc and mercenary Hopes of faving himrelf;

L 1 2 bat

258 The hlFE

bat from a juft Efteem of that beauteoas and glorious ObJ€(£F: As alfo how he had from Time toTime rejoyced and acqaiefced in GOD, for what he is in himfelf ; being delighted, thai he is infinite in Holincfs, Juftice, Power, Sovereignty, as well as in Mercy, Goodnefs and Love : How he has iikewifc , Scores of Times, felt his Soul mourn for Sin, for this very Reafon,becaufe it is contrary and grievous to GOD ; yea, how he has mourned over one vain and impertinent Thought, when he has been fo far from Fear cf the divine vindidtive Wrath for it, that on the Contrary he has enjoyed the higheft Affurance of the divine cver- lafting Love : How he has, from Time to Time, delighted in the Commands of God, for their own Purity and Perfedlion, and longed exceedingly to be conformed to 'cm, and even to be holy as GOD ii holy ; and counted it prefent Heaven, to be of a heavenly Temper : How he has frequently rejoyced, to think of being for ever fubje6l to, & dependent on GOD ; account- ing it infinitely greater Happiijefs to glorify God in a State of Sabjed:ion to, and Dependence on him, than to be a god him- felf ; and how Heaven it felf would be no Heaven to him, if he could hot there be every Thing thatGOD would have him be.

14. Upon this, Spiritual SenJationhQ\i\g2iVf2ikQ6^ comzs lily and declares that She now feels U taftes that theLord is gracious^ that he is the onlyfupreme Good, the only Soul-fatisfying Hap- pinefs ; that he is acompleat, felf-fufficient, and almighty Por- tion. She whifpers. Whom have 1 in Heaven but this GOD, i^.$ dear and blelFed Portion j ana there is none upon Earth I defire befides him. Oh, *tisHeaven,to pleafehmand to bejuft wbat^ be would have me be ! O that my Soul were boly,asGodis holy f* O that it was pure^ as Chriji is pure ; and perfe£f as my Father in , Heaven isperfecl. Thefe are the fweeteft Commands in God's Book, comprizing all others j and (hall I break *em ? Muft I 'break' 'cm ? Am 1 under a fatal NccefTity of it, as long as I live in this VV(>rld ? Oh my Soul ! Wo, Wo is me, that I am a Sinner ! Bccaufe I now neccfiarily grieve and ofFcnd this blcfTed GOD, who is infinite in Goodnefs and Grace. Oh,methinks, fhould he pimifh me for my Sins, it would not wound myHeart fo deep to ofF^nd him ; But, iho* 1 fin continually, he continu- ally repeats his KmdntTs towards me ! Oh, methinks I could b'iar any SufFerincy ; hut how can 1 bear to grieve and difhonouc this bLfTed C^od ! f^ow fiiall f give ten^Thoufand Tin^s more Hr>nour to him? What fliall I do, to glorify and wofitiip this befi of Beings ? O that 1 could confecrate my feU,Soul andBo.dy, to his Service for ever. O that I could give up my felf to hiniv

iff Mr. David Brainerd, 259

fo as never more to attempt to be my own, or to have any Will or AfFedlions that are not perfedlly conformed to his. But Oh Alas, Alas ! I can*!, I feel I -can't, be thus entirely devoted to GOD : I can't live and fm not. O yevf/z^^/i,do ye glorify him incefTantly : If poflible,exert your felves ftiJi more, in more live- ly and ardent Devotion : If poflible, proftrate your felves ftill lower before the Throne of the blefTed King of Heaven :' I long to bear a Part with you, and if it were poffible, to help you. Yet when we have done, we (hall not be able to ofFer the ten Thoufandth Part of the Homage he is worthy of. While /j&ir/- tual Senfation whifpered thefe Things, Fear and Jealoufy were greatly overcome ; and the Soul replied, A^cw 1 know ^ and am ojfured^ &c. and again it welcom'd Death as a Friend, faying, O Deaths where is thy Stingy Sec,

15. Finally, Boly Re/olui ion concludes the Dlfcourfe, fixedly determining io follow hard afterGOD^znd continually to purfue a Life of Conformity to him. And the better to purfue this,en- joining it on the Soul always to remember, that God is the on- ly fource of Happinefs, that his Will is the only Rule of Re£li- t^dc to an intelligent Creature, that Earth has nothing in it deferable for it felf,orany further than GOD is feen in it j a.nd that the Knowledge of God in Chrift, begetting and maintain- ing Love, and mortifying fenfual and flefhly Appetites, is the Way to be holy on Earth,; and fo to be attempered to the com- pleat Holinefs of the heavenly World.

[II. ] Somt gloomy zn^ defponding Thoughts of a Soul under ConviSions of Sin^ and Concern for it's eter- nal Salvation.

I. T Believe, my Cafe h finz^ular^ that none ever had fo many * ftrange and different Thoughts and Feelings as I.

2. I have been concern'd much longer than many others^ that I have known or read of, who have been favingly converted^ and yet I am left.

3. I have withflood the Power of ConviSiiom a longTime,and therefore I fear, I fhall be finally Xtit of God.

4. I never (hall be converted, without (ironger Convidlions, and greater Terr on of Confcience.

5* f don*r^im at the Glory of Goi> in any Thing I do, and ifesrefore I Wn't hope for Mercy. *" '■ n. The

26o r^^ L I F E

6. I don't fee the Evil Nature of Ji/r, nor the Sin of my N<?- iure ; and therefore I am difcouraged.

7. The more IJirive, the moie blind and hard my Heart is, and the worfe I grow continually.

g. I fear, God never {hew*d Mtrcy to one Co vile as I.

9. I fear, I ^mnoieleSfedy and therefore muft pcrifli.

10. I fear, the Day of Grace i^paji with me.

11. I fear, I have committed the unpardonable Sin.

12. lam an 0/^ Sinner ; and if God had defigned Mercy for mc, he would have called me Home to himfclf before now*

[ III. ] Some Signs of Godlinefs.

The diftinguilhing Marks of a trueChriliiatty taken from one of my old Manufcripts ; where I wrote as / felt and experienced^ and not from any conftdcrablc Degree of dodrinal Knowledge, or Acquaintance with the Sentiments of others in this Point.

I. T1 E has a true KnowUige of the Glory and Excellency of •"■ God, that he is moft worthy to be loved and praifcd for his own divine Perfections. Pfal. CXLV. 3.

2. God is his Portion. Pfal. LXXIII. 25. An4 God's

Glory^ his great Concern. Matth. VI. 22.

3. Holinefs is his Delight ; nothing he io much longs for^as to be holy, as God is holy. PhiL III. 9, 12.

4. Sin is his greateft Enemy. This he hates, for it's own Nature, for what it is in it felf, being contrary to a holy GOD. yer. 11. I. And confequently he hates all Sin. Rom. ^IL 24, I Job. III. 9.

5. The Laws of GOD alfo are his Delight. P/al.CXlX.gy. Ran. VII. 22. Thefebeobferves, not out of Conftraint, fron\ a fervile Fear of Hell ; but they are hisChoice. Pfal.CXlX.'^o. The ftri(Sl Obfervance of them is not his Bondage, J?ut his great- eft Liberty, v^r. 45,

flV.] LETTERS^

of Mr. David Brainerd. 261

t IV. ] LETTERS, written liy Mr. Brainerd to his Friends.

ADVERTISEMENT.

MR. Brainerd had a largeAcquaintance and Correfpondence, efpecially in the latter Part of his Life, and he did much at writing Letters to his abfentFriends ; but the moft of his Ac- quaintance living at a great Diftance from me, I have not beea able to obtain Copies of many that he wrote : However, the greater Part of thofe which I have fcen,are fuch as appear to me of profitable Tendency-, and worthy of the publick View : I have therefore here added a few of his Letters.

N. B. Several of thefe which follow, are not publifhcd at large, becaufe fome Parts of them were concerning particular Affairs of a private Nature.

No. I. To his Brother 'John, then a Student at TaU'CoUege in New- Haven,

Kaunaumeek, April 30. 1743. Dear Brother, T Should teil you, / long to fee ycu^ but that my ownExperience ■^ has taught me, there is no Happinefs, & picnarySatisfadlion to be enjoyed, in earthly Friends ^iho' ever fo near and dear, or in any other Enjoyment, that is not God himfelf. Therefore, if the God of all Grace would be pleafed gracioufly to afford us each his Prefence and Grace^ that we may perform the Work, and endure the Trials he calls us to, in a moft diflreiTing tire- fome Wiidernefs, 'till we arrive at our Journey's End ; the lo- cal Diftance, at which we are held from each other at the pre- fent, is a Matter of no great Moment or Importance to either of

lis. But Alas ! The Prefence of God is wha!:I want. — •

I live in ihe moft lonely melancholvD^/^r/, about 18 Miles from Albany (for it v^tas not thought belt that I fhould go to Delaware- River, 23 I believe 1 hinted to you in a Letter from New-York.) I board with a poor Scotch- Adan : His Wife can talk fcarce any Englijh, My Diet confifts moflly of Harty-Pudding,boirdCorn, and Bread baked in the Aflies, and fomctimes a little Meat and Butter. My Lodging \s a llttlfe Heap of Scraw, laid upon feme Boards, a little Way from the Ground : Fcr it is a Log-Room^ _ without

262 TZ»^ L I F E

without any Floor, that I lodge in. My PTork is exceeding hard and difficult : I travel on Foot a. Mile and half, the ^orft of Way, ajmoft daily, and back again ; for I live (o far from

rny Indians.' I have not feen an Engii/h Perfon thisMonth. —

Thefe, and many otherCircumftances, as uncomfortable,attend me ; and yet my fpiritualConJliSis and DiflreJJes fo far exceed 2M thefe, that i fcarce think of them, or hardly mind but that I am entertain'd in the mofl fumptuous Manner. The Lord grant ihatl may learn to endure Hardnejs^ai a goodSoidier of Jesvs Christ. As to my Succefs here, I can't fa> much as yet : The Indians faem generally kind, and well difpofed towards me, and are moftly very atteotive to my Inflrudtions, and feem willing to be taught further: Two or three, I hope, are under fome Convi^ions ; But there feems to be little of the fpecial Workings of the divine Spirit among them yet ; which gives xne many a Heart-finking Hour. Sonletimes I hope, God has abundant Blefiings in Store for them and me ;**but at other Times I am fo over- whelmed with Diftrefs, that I can't fee how his Dealings with me are confittent with Covenant- Love and Faithfulnefs, and I fay, Surely his tender Mercies are clean gone

for ever.' —But hov/ever, I fee, I needed all this Chajiifement

already : 'Tis good forme, that I have endured thefe Trials, and have hitherto little or no apparent Succefs. Don't be difcou- raged by my DiftrefTes : I was under great Diflrefs, at Mr. Pomroy^s^ when I faw you laft ; but God has been with me of a Truth, fince that : He helped me fometimes fweetly at Long- Jfland, and elfewhere. But let us always remember, that we muft through much Tribulation enter mto God's eternal Kingdom of Reft and Peace; The Righteous are fiarcely faved : Tis an infinite Wonder, that we have well-grounded Hopes of being faved at all. For my Part, I feel the moft vile of any Creature living ; and I am fure fometimes, there is not fuch another ex-

ifting on this Side HelL Now, all you can do for me, is, to

pray incefTantly, that God would make me humble, holy, rc-

figned, and heavenly-minded., by all my Trials. Bejirong

in the Lord, and in the Power of his Might. Let us run, wre/ile ^u^ fight, that we may win the Prize, and obiaift that compleat Happinefs, to be Holy as God is Holy. So, wifhing and praying that you may advance in Learning and Grace, and be fit for fpecial Service for God, I remain

Ygur afFei^ionate Brother.

/). Braintrd,

ef Mr, David BraincrdJ 2^j?

No. 2. To his Brother John, at Yak-College in New-Haven. kaunaumeek, D^c^m^^r 27. lyA-?. Dear Brother, ^ ^^*^

I Long to fee you, and know how you fare in your Journey thro' a World of inexprefTible Sorrow, where we are com- pafsM about with Vanity^ Confufton2Lndi Fexation of Spirit, I am mors weary of Life, I think, than ever I was. The whole IForld appears to me like a huge Vacuum^ a vaft empty Space, whence nothing defirable,or at leaft fatisfa£tory,can poffibly be derived ; and I long, daily to die more and more to it ; even tho* I ob- tain not that Comfort from fpiritual Things, which I earneftly defire. Worldly PJeafures, fuch as flow from Greatnefs, Riches, Honours, & fenfualGratifications,are infinitely worfe than none. May the Lord deliver us more and more from thefe Vanities, I have fpent moft of the Fall and Winter hitherto in a very weak State of Body ; and fometimcs under preffing inward Trials and fpiritual Conflids : but having obtained Help from God, 1 continue to this Day ; and am now fometbing better in Health, than I was fometime ago. I find nothing more conducive to a Life of Chri/iianity, than a diligent, induftrious and faithful Improvement of precious Time, Let us then faithfully per- form that Bufmefs, which is allotted to us by divineProvidencc, to the utmoft of our bodily Strength, and mentalVigour. Why (hould we rink,and grow difcouragedjWith any particularTrials, and Perplexities, we are called to encounter in the World I Death and Eternity are juft before us ; a few toiling Billows? more will waft us into the World of Spirits, and we hope (thro" infinite Grace ) into endlefs Pleafures, and uninterrupted Reft and Peace. Let us then run with Patience the Race fet before us^ Hcb. xii. I, 2. And Oh that we could depend more upon the living GOD, and lefs upon our own Wifdom and Strength.- — • Dear Brother, may the God of all Grace comfort your Heart, and fucceed your Studies, and make you an Inftrument of Good to his People in your Day, This is the conftant Prayer of Your afFedlionate Brother :

David Brainerd.

No. 3. To his Brother Ifrael, at Haddam,

Kaunaumeeky<j«. 21. 1743,4 My Dear Brother,

TPHere is but one Thing, that defervesour hlgheft

Care and mofl ardent Defires ; and that is, that Wcmay anfyyer the great^^(^,for which wc were made ; vi%.t<%

M m g^'i^^fy

^■-

254 ^he LIFE

glorify that God, who has given us ourBeings and all ourCom- forts, and do all the GW, we pofiibly can, to our Fellow-Men, while we live in the World : And verily Life is not worth the having, if it be not improved for this noble End and Purpofe* Yet, '^las, how little is this thdlight of among Mankind ! Moft Men Teem to live to therrifelves^ without much Regard to the Glory of God, or the Good of their Fellow-Creatures; ihey earneftly derire,and eagerly purfue after theRiches,theHonoufS, and the Pieafures of Life, as if they really fuppofed, thatWealth, or Greatnefs, or Merriment, could make their immortal Souls happy. Bur, alas, what falfe and delufive Dreams are thefe ! And howMiferable will thofe ere long be, who are not awaked out of them, to fee, that all their Happinefs confifls in living to GcD, and becoming holy as he is holy ! Oh, may you never fall into the Tempers and Vanities,* the Senfuality and Folly of the prefent World. You aie, by divine Providence, left as it were tf/fl?;^ in a wide World, to a6l for your felf : Be fure then to remember, 'tis a World of Temptation, You have no earthly Parents to be the Means of forming your Youth to Piety and Vcrtue, by their pious Examples, and feafonableCounfels 5 Let this then excite you with greater Diligence and Fervency to look up to the Father of Mercies for Grace andAffiftance againft all the Vanities of theWorld. And if you would glorify God, anfwer his juft ExpecSlations from you, and make your own Soul happy in this and the coming World, obferve thefe few Directions ; tho' not from a Father, yet from a Brother wh* is toucb'd with a tender Concern for your prefent and fiiturq Happinefs. And,

Flr/l^ refolvc upon, and daily endeavour to prailife a Life of Serioufnefs and Itrid Sobriety, The wife Man will tell yoa the great Advantage of fucha Life, Ecclef. vii. 3. Think of theLife of Chr ist ; and when you can find that he was pleas'd with jelling and vain Merriment, then you may indulge it in your felf.

Jgain, be careful to make a good Improvement of precious Time. VViien you ceal'e from Labour, fill up your 7"imc in Reading, Meditation, & Prayer: And while your Hands are la- bouring, let your Heart be employed, as much as poiTible, in divine Thoughts.

Further^ take Heed that you faithfully perform the Bufincfs you have to do in the VVorld, from a Regard to the Commt^ds of God ; and not from an- ambitious defire of being edeenisd better ihaa others. Wcfliould always look upon our felvcs aS/

G0D'$

Ik

<?/ Mr. David Brainerd. 265

GOD's Servants, placed in GOD's World, to Jo his Work j and accordingly labour faithfully for him ; not with a Deiiga to grow rich and great, butjK) glorifyGOD,and do all theGood we pofTibly can.

Jgain, Never expe<5l any Safisfa^ion or Happinefs from the T^orld. If you hope for Happinefs Z;? the VVorld, hope for it from God, and not from the World. Don*t think you fhall be more happy^ if you live to fuch or fuch a State of Life, if you live to be for your felf, to be fettled in the World, or if you fliould gain anEftate in it : but look upon it that you TnaU then be happy ^ when you can be conftanily employ'd forGOD, and not for your fclf ; and defire to hvc in this World, only to do and Juffer what GOO allots to you. VVhen you can be of the Spirit and Temper oi Angels^ who are willing to come down into this lower World, to pcfform what God commands them, tho' their Defircs are heavenly^ and not in the leaft fee on earthly Things, then you will be of that Temper that you ought to have. Col. HI. 2.

Once more. Never think that you can live to GOD bvy^«r cwn Power or Strength ; but always look to, and r^ly on him for AfTiftance, yea, for all Strength and Grace. There is no greater Truth, than this, That we can do nothing, of our [elves ; Joh. XV. 5. and 2 Cor. iii. 5. Yet nothing but our own Expe- rience can efFedually teach it to us. Indeed we are a long I'lme in learning, that tf/ZourStrength and Salvation is inGOD. This is a Life, that I think v\o unconverted Man can poilib.V live ; and yet it is aLife that every godly Soul is preffing after', in fome good Meafure. Let it then be your great Concern, thus to devote your lelf and your all to GOD.

I long to fee you, that I may fay much more to you than I now can, for your Benefit and Welfare ; but 1 defire to com- mit you to, and leave you with the Father of Mercies, and God of all Grace ', praying that you maybe directed fifcly ihro' an evil IVorid, to GOD*s heavenly Kingdom, 1 am your affectionate loving Brother,

David Brainerd.

No. 4. To a fpecial Friend.

The Forks of Delaware, July 31. 1744.

— — r^Ertainly the greateft, the noble/i Pleafure of intelligent

^^ Creatures muft refult from their Acquaintance with the

WefTcd GOD, and with their own rational and immortalSouls*

M m 2 Ani

266 TbehlFE

And Oh, how divinely fweet and entertaining is it, to look in- lo our own Souls, when we can find all our Powers andPafliona united and eogaged in Purfuit a|pr GOD, our whole Souls longing and paffionatcly breathing after a Conformity to him, and the fuilEnjoymentof him ! Verily there are no Hours pafs away with fo much divine Pleafure, as thofe that arc fpent in Communing withGOD and our ownHearts. Oh, how fweet is a Spirit of Devotion, a Spirit of Serioufnefs and divineSolem- nity, a Spirit of Gofpel-Simpllcity, Love, Tendernefs ! Oh, how derirable,andhow profitable to the Chriftian Life, is aSpi- rit of hoiyVVatchfulnefsj&godlyJealoufy over ourfelves; when our Souls are afraid of nothing fo much as that we (hall grieve and offend the blefrcdGOD,whom at fuchTimeswe apprehend, or at leaft hope, to be a Father and Friend ; whom we then love and long to p/eafe, rather than to be happy our felves, oi at leafl we delight to derive our Happinefs from pleafing and glo- rifying him ! Surely this is a pious Temper, worthy of the higl)e(t Ambition and clofeft Purfuit of intelligent Creatures and holy Chriflians. Oh, how vaftly fuperiour is thePleafure, Peace, and Satisfaction derived from thefe divine Frames, to that which we ( alas ) fometimes purfuein Things impertinent and triflino; j Oar own bitter Experience teaches us, that in the midfi of fuch Laughter the Heart is forr awful, and there |s no trueSatisfaCtion but inGOD. But, alas ! How fhall we ob- tain and retain this fweet Spirit of Religion and Devotion ? Let us follow the Apoftle's Direction, PhiL ii. 12. and labour ^upon the Encouragement he there mentions ver. 13. Foj *tis GOD only can afF.rd us this Favour; and he will he fought io^ and 'tis fit we fhould wait upon him for fo rich a Mercy, Oh, may the (jOD of allGrace afFjrd us the Grace and influ- ences ot hrs divine Spirit ; and help us that we may from our Hearts efleem it our greateft Liberty andHappinefs, that whe- ihirwe live, we rnay live to the LORD, or ivhether we die, we mujf die to the LORD ; that in Life andDeath we may he his.

I am in a very poor State of Health j i think, fcarce ever poorer ; Bur, thro' divme GoodneT ; I atii not difcontented unlci my Weaknefs, and Confinement to this Wildernefs : I blefs GOD for .iliis Retirement : 1 never was more thankful for any rhiog, than I have been of late for theNeceffity 1 am under of SelfTdeiiial in many Refpe6ls : I love to be a Pilgrim , and Stranger in this VVjldernefs : It feems molt fit for fuch-a pour ign oiant, v.^orihiefs, defpifed Creature as f. I would not Chang* my prcfent Mifft(.n loi any other Bufinefsin the whoie:

ef Mr. David BralnerdJ 267

World. I may tell you freely, without Vanity and Oftenta- tion, GOD has of late given me great Freedom and Fervency in Prayer, when 1 have bee%fo weak and feeble, my Nature feem*d as if it would fpeedily diflblve. I feel as if my all was lo(t, and I was undone for this World, if the poor Heathen mayn't be converted. I feel, in general, different from what I did, when 1 faw you laft ; at leaft naore crucified to all theEn- joyments of Life. It would be very refrefhing to me, to fee you here in thisDefert ; efpecially in my weak difconfolate Hours: But, I think, 1 could be content never to fee you, or any of my Friends again in this World, if GOD would blefi my La- bours here to the Converfion of the poor Indians,

I have much that 1 could willingly communicate to you, which I muft omit, 'till Providence gives us Leave ta fee each other. In the mean Time, I reft

Your obliged Friend and Servant,

David Br ai nerd.

No. 5. To a fpecial Friend, a Minifter of the Gofpel in

NeW'Jerfey,

The Forks of D^AsK/flr^, Decemb. 24. 1744.

Rev. and dear Brother, — T Have little to fay to you, about fpiritual ^m, and thofe J- bleffcd Refrejbment', & divine Confolations, v/ith which I have been much faveuf'd inTimespaft : But this lean tellyou, that if I gainExperience in no other Point, yet I am fure I do in this, viz. That iht prefeni World has nothing in it to Jatisfy an immortal Soul ; and hence, that it is not to be defired for it felf^ but only becaufe GOD may ht feen & fervedm it : And I wifti I could be more patient & willing to live in it for /^/V^W, than I can ufually find my felf to be. 'Tis no Vertue, I know, to defire Death, only to be freed from the Miferies of Life : But I want that divine HOPE, which you obferved, when I faw you Jaft, was the very Sinnews of vital Religion. Earth can do us no Good, and if there be no HOPE of our doing Good onEarth, how can we defire to live in it ? And yet we ought to defire,or at leaft to be refign'd, to tarry in it ; becaufe 'fis the Will of our alwife Sovereign. But perhaps thefe Thoughts will appear melancholy and gloomy, and confequently will be very unde- firable to you ; and rherefore 1 forbear to add. I wifh, you mayn't read them in the fame Circumftances in which { write ihem. I have a little more to do and fuffer in a dark dirconfoiate

%VorId

268 «^ L I F E

World ; and then I hope to be as happy as you are. .r I (hould afk you to pray for me, were I worth your Concern. Mzy the Lord enable us both to iitjlfltre Hardnefs as good Soldiert i>/ Jesus Christ ; and may we obtain Mercy of God to h faithjuly to the Death, in the Difchargc of our refpe<StiveTruft$, I am your very unworthy Brother,

and humble Servant,

Dav* Brainerd.

No. 6. To his Brother John, at College.

Crofweekfung^ in New-Jerfey, Decern. 28. 1745.

Very dear Brother, — T Am in one continued, perpetual, and uninterrupted -*- Hurry ; and divine Providence throws fo much upon me,that I don't fee it will ever be otherwife. May I ohtainMercy of GOD to be faithful ^to the Death. 1 can't fay, I am weary of my Hurry ; I only want Strength and Grace to do more for GOD, than I have ever yet done.

My dear Brother, ^The LORD «/ Heaven, that has carried me thro' many Trials, hlefi you ; blefs you for Time, andEter- nity; and fit you to do Service for him in his Church below, and to enjoy his blifsfulPrefence in hisChurch triumphant. My Brother, the Time is Jhort : Oh, let us fill it up for GOD: Let us count the Sufferiv,gi of this prefent Time as nothing, if we can but run our Race, and finifi our Courfe with Joy. Oh, let us firive to live to GOD. I blefs the Lord, I have nothing to do with Earth, but only to labour honeftly in it for GOD, 'till I fhall accompli fl) as an Hireling my Day. I think, I don't defire to live one Minute for any Thin? that Earth can afFord. Oh, that I could live for none but GOD, 'till my dying Moment. 1 am your afFecSionate Brother, ^ . D. Brainerd,

No. 7. To his Brother Jfraely then a Student at Yale-Collegf in New Haven.

EliJaheth-Town^lSleW'JerJey^QV. 24. 1746. Dear Brother, Had determined to make you and my other Friends in ISJew £ rg land a V lilt, this Fall ; partly from an earneft Defire I had to fee you and them, and partly with a View to the Reco- very of my Health ; which has, for more than three Months psf^ been much impair 'd. And in Order to profecute this D^

figny

I

of Mr. David Brainerd.' ^^^

fign, I fct out from my own People about three Weeks ago, and came as far as to this Place ; where, my Diforder greatly increafing, I have been obliged to keep Houfe ever fince,untii the Day before Yefterday ; at which Time, I was able to ride about half a Mile, but found my felf much tired with the Jour- ney. I have now no Hopes of profecuting my Journey into A^. England this Winter, fuppofing my prefent State of Health wiir by no Means admit of it : Aliho' I am thro' divine Good- nefs much better than I was fomeDays ago, yetl han'tStrength now to ride more than ten Miles a Day, if the Seafon were warm,& fit for me to travel in. My Diforder has been attended with feveral Symptoms of a Confumption ; and I have been at Times apprehenfive, that my great Change was at Hand : Yet blefTed be GOD, I have never been affrighted-, but on the contrary, at feme Times much delighted with a View of it's Approach. Oh, the BlefTednefs of being delivered from the Clogs of Flefh and Senfe, from a Body of Sin and fpiritual Death ! Oh, the unfpeakable Sweetnefs of being tranflated in- to a State of compleat Purity and Perfection ! Believe me, mY Brother, a lively View and Hope of thefeThings will make the

King of Terron himfelf appear agreable. Dear Brother,

\zt me intreat you, to keep Eternity in your View, and behave your felf as becomes one that muft fhortly give an Account of alt Things done in the Body, That GOD may be your GOD, and prepare you for his Service here, and his Kingdom of Glery hereafter, is the Defire and daily Prayer of

Your afFedionate loving Brother,

D. Brainerd,

No. 8. To his Brother Jfrael, at College ; written in the Time of his extreme llincfs in Bofton^ a few Month before his Death.

Bo/icn^ June 30. 1747. My dear Brother, TT is from the fides of Eternity I now addrcfs you. I am hear- ■■■ tily forry, that I have fo little Strength to write what i long ^o much to communicate to vou. But let me tell you, my Bro- ther, Eternity is another Thing than we ordinarily take it to be in a heaithtul State. Oh, how vaft and boundlefs I Oh, how fix'd and unalterable ! Oh, of what infinite Importance is it, that we be prepared for Eternity ! I have been jull a dying, novi/ for more than a Week ; and all around me have, thou '>:hc m* Tq : Buc in this Time { have had clear Views of Eternity ;

have

270 g-^^fLIFE

have feen the BlefTednefs of the Gadly, in fome Meafure ; and havelorg'd to (hare their happy State ; as well as been com- fortably fatisfied, that through Grace, I fnall dofo : But Oh, what Anguifh is raifed in my Mind, to think of an Eternity for thofe who are Chrlftlefs^ for thofe who are miftakcn, and who bring their fa) fe Hopes to the Grave with them ! The Sight was fo dreadful, I could by no Means bear it : My Thoughts recoiled, and 1 faid ( but under a more affeciing Senfe than ever before ) f^ho can dwell with everh/iing Burnings ! Oh, me- thought, that 1 could now fee my FrieRds, that i might warn them, to fee to it, they lay their Foundation for Eternity fure. And you, my dear Brother, I have been particularly concerned for ; and have wondered, I fo muchregledted converfing with you about your fpiritual State at our laftMeeting. Oh, my Bro- ther, let me then befeech you now to examine, whether you are m^tt6 2i new Creature? Whether you haveever a6ledabove5^//? "Whether the Glory of God has ever been the fweeteft higheft Concern with you ? Whether you have ever been reconciled to all the Perfections of God ; in a Word, whether God hai been your Portion^ alid a holy Conformity to him your chief Delight ? If you can't anfwer pofitively,confider ferioufly the frequent Breathings ofyourSoul : But don't however put your felf off with a flight Anfwer. If you have Reafon to think you are Gracelefs^ Oh give your felf and the Throne of Grace no Reft, 'tillGoD arife and fave. But if the Cafe fhould be other- Wife, blefs God for his Grace, and prefs after Holinefs. *

My Soul longs, that you floould befitted for, and in dueTime go into theWork of the Miniflry, I can't bear to thinkofyour going into any other Bufinefs in Life. Don't be difcouraged, becaufe you fee your elderBrothers in theMiniftry die early^otiQ after another : I declare, now 1 am dying, I would not have fpent my Life othrwife for the whole ''Vorld. But I muft leave ihis with God.

If this Line fhould come to your Hands foon after the Date, I fiiould be almoft defirous you (hould fet out on a Journey to me : It may be, you may fee me alive ; which 1 (hould much rejoyce in. But if you can't come, I muft commit you to the Grace of G©d, where you are. May he be your Guide and Counfeller, your Sandiiiier and eternal Portion.

Mr. 5rr7/Wfl' afterwards had greater Satisfaction concern- ing the State of his Brother's Soul, by much Opportunity of Converfation with him before his Death, Oh,

of Mr. David Brainerd; 271

Ob, my dear Brother, flee flefhly Lufls^ and the inchanting AmufmentSy as well as corrupt Do£lrines of the prefent Day j and ftrive to live to GOD.

Take this as the la/i Line from

Your afFedtionate dying Brother,

D, Brainerd,

No. 9* To a young Gentleman, z Candidate for the Work of the Mini/iryy for whom he had a fpecial Friendfiiip 5 alfo written at the fame Time of his great lllnefs and nearaefs to Death in Bofton,

Very dear Sir,

HOw amazing 'tis, that the Livings who how 'tkey mufl die, fhould notwithftanding put far away the evil Day, in a Seafon of Health and Profperity ; and live at fuch an awful Diftancc from a Familiarity with the Grave, and the great Concerns beyond it ! And efpecially itmay juftly fill us with Surprize, that any whofeMinds have been divinely enlight", nedy to behold the important Things of Eternity as they are, I fay, that fuch fhould live in this Manner. And yet Sir,how frequently is this the Cafe ? How rare are tjie Inftances of thofe who live and a£t, from Day ^to Day, as on the Verge of Eternity ; ftriving to fill up all their remaining Moments, in the Service, and to the Honour of thefr great Mafler ? We infenfibly trifle away Time, whilp we feem to have enough of it; and are fo ftrangely amufed, as in a great Meafure to lofe a Scnfeof the Holinefs and bleffed Qualifications necefTary to prepare us to be Inhabitants of the heavenly Paradife. But Oh, dear Sir, a dying Bed^ if we enjoy our Rcafon clearly, will give another View of Things. I have now, for mor« than three Weeks, lain under the greateftDegree of Weaknefs ; the greater Part of the Time, expecting daily and hourly to enter into the eternal World : fometimes have been fo far gone, as to be wholly ^peechlefs, for fome Hours together. And Oh, of what vaft Importance has a holy fpiritual Life appeared to me to be in this Seafon 1 I have longed to call upon all mvFriends, to make it their Bufinefs to live to GOD 5 and cfpecs^llv all that are dcfigned for, or engaged in the Service of theSan^uary. O dear Sir, don't think it enough, to live at theRaie of common Chri/Iians, Alas, to how little Purpofe do they often convtrfe^ when they meet together I The Vifits^ even of thofe who are called Chriftianj indeed, are frequently extreme barren : And

N a Con{cien«e

272 5^^ L I F E

Ccnfcience can't but condemn us for the Mifimprovement of Time, while we have been converfant with them. But tfi€ Way to enjoy the divine Prefencejand be fitted tor diftinguifti'^ ingService forGOD,is to live aLifc oi greatDtvotion $c eenjiant Self- Dedication to him ; obferving the iVIotions and Difpofiti- ons of our own Hearts, whence we may learn the Corruptions that lodge there, and our conflant Need of Help from GOD for the Performance of the leaft Duty. And Ob, dear Sir, let me befeech you frequently to attend the great and preciousDu- ties of fecret Fa/iing Sin& Prayer,

I have a fecret Thought, from feme Things 1 have obfervcdi that GOD may perhaps defign you for fome fingular Service in the World. Oh then labour to be prepared and qualified to do much for GOD. Read Mr. Edwards's Piece on the Jf- feSliom^ again and again ; and labour to dijlinguijh clearly upon £xperiences&AfFe(StionsinReligion, that you may make aDiiFe- rence between th^GoIdSc thefhiningDr^/f ; I fay, labour here, as ever you would be an u/efui Minijier of Chrift : For nothing has putfucha Stop to the Work of GOD in the late Day as the faUe Religion, the wild AfFedtions, that attended it. Suffer me therefore, finally, to intreat you earneflly to give your f elf to Prayer, to Reading and Meditation on divineTruths : Strive to penetrate to the Bottom of them, and never be content with a fuperficial Knowledge. By this Means, yourThoughts will gradually grow weighty and judicious ; and you hereby will be pofTcfTed of a valuable Treafure, out of which you may produce Things new and old, to the Glory of GOD.

And now 1 commend you to the Grace of GOB ; earneftly dtfiring, that a plentiful Portion of the divine Spirit may reft upon you 5 that you may live to GOD in every Capacity of IJfe, and do abundant Service for him in z.puhlick^ if it be his Will ; and that you may be richly qualified for the Inheritance of the Saints in Light.

I fcarce expect to fee your Face any more in the Body; and therefore mireat you to accept thii> as the Uik Token of Love, from

Your fincerely affedlicnate dying Friend,

David Brainerdi -

P. S, I aril now, at the dating of this Letter, corfiJcrably recovered from what I was v;hen I wrote it ; it haviiil^iain by xiK (ofttQ TuiiCj for \v«r.: of an Opportunity of Coiiveyunce ;

k

of Mr. David Brainerd. 273

it was written in Bofton» I am now able td ride a little,

and fo am removed into the Country : But I have no more Expectation of recovering, than when I vi^rote, tho' I am a little better for the prcfent 5 and therefore I (till fubfcribe my felf. Your dpng Friend, iffr.

D. B.

No. 10. To his Brother John, at Bethel, the Town of Chriftian Indians in New-Jerfey ; written likewife at Bojion^ when he was there on the Brink of the Grave, in the Summer, before his Death.

Dear Brother,

I Am now jufl on the Verge of Eternity ^ expe£ling very fpeedily to appear in the unfeen World. I feel my felf ho more an Inhabitant of Earth,2nd fometimes earneftly long to depart and be with Chriji. I blefs.God,he has for fome Years given me an abiding Conviftion, that it is impoflible for any rationalCreature to enjoy txne Happinefs without being entirely devoted toHim. Under the Influence of this Convidion I have in fome Meafure a6led : Oh that I had done more fo ! I faw both the Excellency &Nccefrity oiHoline/s in Life ; but never in fuch a Manner as now, when I am juft brought to the Sides of the Grave. Oh, my Brother, purfue after Holinejs ; prefs towards this blefTed Mark ; and let your thirfty Soul continu- ally fay, 1 Jhall never be Satisfied 'till 1 awake in thy Likenefs, AUhb' there has been a great deal of Selfijhnefs in my Views ; of which I am afhamed, and for which my Soul is humbled at every View : Yet, blefled be God, I find I have really had, for the mofl part, fuch a Concern for his Glory, and the Ad- vancement of his Kingdom in the World, that it is a Satisfadtion to me to refleft upon thefe Tears,

And now, my dear Brother, as I muft prefs you to purfue after perfonal Holinefs, to be as much in Fafiing and Prayer as your Health will allow, and to live above the Rate of common Chri/iians ; fo I muft intreat you folemniy to attend to your publici Work: Labour to diftinguifh between true znd/alfe Religion : And to that End, watch the Motions of God's Spirit upon your own Heart ; look to him for Help ; and im- partially compare your Experientes with his ff^ord. Read Mr* Edwards on the Jfe^ions^ where the EfTence and Soul of Re-

N n 2 ligion

274

ne LIFE

llgion is clearly diftinguifli'd from falfe Affeftions. * Value religious jfoys according to the SuhjeSf-Matur of them : There are many thatrejoycc in their (uppokd yu^ificathn; but what do thcfcjoys argue,but only that they iove themf elves ? Whereas, in irui fpiritual Joys, the Soul rejoyces in God for what he is in himftlf 'y blefles God for his Holinefs, Sovereignty, Power, Faithfuinefs, and all his Perfedlions ; adores God, that he is what he is, that he is unchangeably poflefs'd of infinite Glory and Happinefs. Now, when Men thus rejoyce in the PerftC' tionsofGod, and in the infinite Excellency of the Way of Sal' vation h Chri/f, and in the holy Commands of God, which arc a Tranfcript of his holy Nature, ih^/e Joys are divine and fpi- ritual. Our Joys will ftand by us at the Hour of Deaths if we can be then fatisfied, that we have thus adled above /f^, and

* I had at firft fully intended, in publifliing this and the forcgoingLetterSjto have fupprefs'd thefePaflages wherein ■my Name is mention'd, and my Difcourfe on religious Af" feSftons recommended : And am fenfible,ihat by my doing otherwife, I fliili bring upon me the Reproach of fome. But how much foeverlmay be pleafed with theCommen- dation of an)* Performance of mine ( and I confefs, £ efteem the Judgment and Approbation of fuch a Perfon as Mr Brainerd, worthy to be valued, and look on my felf as highly honoured by it ) Yet I can truly fay, theThings that governed me in altering my foremention'd Determi- nation, with Refpe6l to thefe PalTages, were thcfe two. (i .) What Mr. Brainerd here fays of that Difcouife, fhews very fully and particularly what his Notions were of ex- perimental Religion, and the Nature of true Piety, and how far he was from placing it in Impreffions on the Ima^ gination, or any enthufiaftical Impulfes, and how efTential in Religion he efteem*d holy Pradice, ^£. ^c. For all that h^ve read tfeat Difcourfe, know what Sentiments are there exprefs'd concerning thefe Things. ( 2. } I judged, that the y^pprobation of fo apparent andeminent a Friend and Example of inward vital Religion, and evan >elical Piety in the Height of it, would probably tend to make ih^tBock more Serviceable ; efpecially among fome Kinds of zealoi^s Pcrfons, whofe Benefit was efpecially aim*d at in the Book; fome of which are prejudiced againft it, as written in too legal a Strain, and oppoiing fome Things wherein the Height of Chriftian Experience con- fifts, and tending to build Men up on their own Wofks.

ill'

e?/Afr. David Brainerd. 275

in a difintcrcfted Manner ( if I may fo exprefs it ) rejoyced in

the Glory of the blcfTed God. -I fear, you are not fuf-

ficiently aware how much falfe Rehgion there is in the World : Many ferious Chriftians and valuable Minifters are too eafily impofedupon by thisfalfefi/^z^. Ilikewife fear, you are not fen- fibleof iht dreadful EffeSis & Confequencei or this falfeReligion. Let me tell you, 'tis iht Devi I transformed into an Angel of Light ; 'cis a Brat of Hell, that always fprings up wiih every Revival of Religion, andftabs and murders the Caufe of God, while ij paffes Current with Multitudes of well-meaning People for the Height of Religion. Set yourfelf, my Brother, to crufh ail Appearances of this Nature, among the Indians^ and never en- courage any Degrees of Heat without Lighf. Charge my Peo- ple in the Name of their dying Mini/fer^ yea, in the Name of Him whowas dead and is alive^io live and walk as becomes the Gofpel. Tell them, hov; great the Expedlations of God and his People are from them, and how awfully they will wound God's Caufe, if they fall into Vice ; as well as fatally prejudice other poor Indians. Always infift, that their Experiences are rotten, that their Joys are deluftve^ altho' they may have beea rapt up into the third Heavens in their own Conceit by them, unlefs the main Tenour of their Lives be fpiritual, watchful, and holy. In preffing thefeThings, Thou Jhalt both fave thy f elf , and thofe that hear thee ? >-■

GOD knows,! was heartily willing to have ferved him longer in the Work of the Miniftry, altho' it had ftill been attended with all the Labours and Hardjhips of paft Years, if he had (ttn fit that it (hould be fo : but as his Will now appears otherwife, I am fully content,and can with utmoflFreedom fay, The IVill oftheLord be done. It afFeds me, to think of leaving you in a World of Sin: My Heart pities you, that thofe Storms and Tempefts are yet before you, which, I truft, through Grace I am almoft delivered from. But God lives, andhhjfed be myRock : He is the fame almighty Friend ; and will, I truft, be youiGuide and Helper, as he has been mine.

And now, my dear Brother, 1 commend you to God and ta the Word of His Grace^which is able to build you up, and give you Inheritance among all them that are fanSfifjed. May you enjoy the divincPrefence,both in private and publick ; and may the Arms of your Hands be madejlrong, by the right Hand of the mighty God f/Jacob, Which are the paffionate Defires and Prayers of Your affectionate, dying Brother,

David Brainerd. APPENDIX.

276 Refleftions and Obfcrvations

A N

APPENDIX.

Containing fome REFLECTIONS and OBSERFA7I0NS on the preceeding Memoirs of Mr. Brainerd.

L W 7 E have here Opportunity, as I apprehend, in a very

W lively Injiance^ to fee the Nature of true Religion ;

and the Manner of it's Operation^ when exemph'fied

in a high Degree and powerful Exercife, Particularly it may

be worthy to be obferved :

I. How greatly Mr. Brainerd' s Religion differed from that of fome Pretenders to the Experience of a clear Work of favirg Converfton wro*t on their Hearts ; who depending and living on thatjfettle in a coldycarelefs h carnal Frame of Mindjand in a Negledt of thorough, earneft Religion, in the ftated Pradlice of it. Altho* his Convictions an^ Converfion were in allRef- pe6ls exceeding clear, and very remarkable ; yet how far was he from a6ling as tho* he thought he had got through his Work^ when once he had obtained Comfort, and Satisfaction of his Intereft in Chrifl, and Title to Heaven. On the contrary, thatWork on his Heart, by which he was brought to this, was with him evidently but the Beginning of hii Work^ his firft entring on the great Bufinefs of Religion and the Service of GOD, his firft fetting out in his Race. His obtaining Reft of Soul inChrift, after earneft ftriving to enter in at the ftraitGate, and being violent to take the Kingdom of Heaven, he did not look upon as putting an End to any further Qccafion for ftriv- ing and Violence in Religion ; but thefe were continued ftill, and maintained conflantly, through all Changes, to the very End of Life. His Work was not finifhed,nor hisRacc ended, 'tiilLifcwas ended ;agreeable to ircqucniScripture- Reprefentations of the Chriftian Life. He continued prcffing forward in a conftant Manner, forgetting the Things that were bchind,and reaching forth towards the Things that were before. HisPains and Earneftncfs in the Buftnefs of Religion were rather increaf-

cdy

On the preceeding Memoirs. 277

ed, than diminiftied, after he had received Comfort andSatis- fa&Xon concerning the fafety of his State. Thofe divinePrin- ciples, which after this he was actuated by, of Love to GODj and Longings and Thirftings after Holinefs, fcem to be more cfFedual to engage him to Pains and Adlivity in Religion, than Fear of Hell had been before.

And as his Converfion was not the End of his IP'orky or of the Courfe of his Diligence and Strivings in Religion ; fo nei- ther was it the End of the Work of the Spirit of GOD on his Heart : But on the contrary, the Beginning of that Work ; the Beginning of his fpiritual Difcoveries,and holy Views j the firftDawning of theLight, which thenceforward increafed more and more ; the Beginning of his holy AfFe6tions, hisSorrow foi Sin, his Love to GOD, his Rejoycing in Chrift Jefus, his Longings after Holinefs. And the powerful Operations of the Spirit o\ God in thefe Things, were carried on, from the Day of his Converfion, in a continued Courfe, to his dying Day. His religious Experiences, his Admiration, his Joy and Praife, and flowing AfFedlions, did not only hold up to a confir'erable Height for a few Days, Weeks or Months, at firft, whileHope and Comfort were new Things with him -, and then gradually dwindle and die away, 'till they came to almoft nothing, and fo leave him without any fenfible or remarkable Experience of fpiritual Difcoveries, or holy and divine AfFedions, forMonths together ; as it is v/ith many, who after theNewnefs of Things is over, fooncome to that pafs, that it is again with 'em very much as it is ufed to be before their fuppofedConverfion, with Refpea to any prefcntViewsof GOD'sGlory,of Chrift'sExcel- lency, or of the Beauty of divine Things ; and with Refpeit to any prefent Thirftings for GOD, or ardeniOut-goings of trieir Souls after divine ObjccSls ; But only now and then they have a comfortabieRefledion onThings they have met with inTimes pafl, and are fomeihing ef^cded with them j and {o reft eafy, thinking allThings are well ; they have had a good cUarlVorky and their State is fate, and they doubt not but they fhall go to Heaven when they die. How far otherwife was it with Mr. Srainerd, than it is with fuch Ferfons ! His Experiences, in- ffead of dying away, were evidently of an incieafing Nature. His firft Love and other holy AfFc6ticns,even at the i'.cgiviiUng were very great ; but after Months and Years, became much greater, and more remarkable ; and the Spiritual Exercifes of h s Mind continued exceeding great (iho* not equally fo at all Timesiyetufually fo) without indulged Remifnefs and without

habitual

2jZ Refledlions and Obfervations

habitual dwindling & dying away, even 'till bisDeceafe. They began in a Time of generalDeadnefs all over tbcLand,and were greatly increafed in a Time of general Reviving of Religion. And when Religion decayed again, and a general Deadnefs returned, his Experiences were ftill kept up in their Height, and his holy Exercifes maintained in their Life and Vigour ; and fo continued to be, in a general Courfe, wherever he was, and whatever his Circumf^ances were, among En^ii/h and In- dians^ in Company and alone, in Towns and Cities and in the howlingWildernefs,in Sicknefs and inHealth, living and dying. This is agreable toScripture Defcriptions of true and rightRe- Jiglon, and of theChriftianLife. TheChange, that was wrought in him at his Converfion, was agreable fo Scripture-Reprefen- tations of that Change which is wrought in true Converfion 5 a great Change, and an abiding Change, rendring biro a new Man, a new Creature: Not only a Change as to Hope and Comfort, and an Apprehenfion of his own good Eflate 5 and a tranfientChange,confiftinginhighFlights,of pafTingAfFe^tions ; but a Change of Nature^ a Change of the abiding Habit and Temper of his Mind. Nor a partial Change, meerly in Point of Opinion, or outward Reformation ; m«ch lefs a Change from one Error to another, or from one Sin to another : but an univerfal Change, both internal and external ; as from cor- rupt and dangerous Principles in Religion, unto the Belief of the Truth, fo from both the Habits and Ways of Sin, unto uni- verfal Holinefs of Heart and Pradlice j from the Power and Service of Satariy unto God.

2. His Religion did apparently and greatly differ from that of many high Pretenders to Religion, who are frequently ac- tuated by vehement Emctiom of Mind, and are carried on in a Courfe o{ fudden 2.T\^Jirong Impreffions^ and fuppofed high Illu- minations and immediate Difcoveries^ and at the fame Time are Perfons of a virulent Zeal^ not according to Knowledge,

His Convidions, preceedinghis Convej;rion, did not arife from any frightful Imprtffions on his Imagination, or any external Images and Ideas of Fire and Brimftone, a Sword of Vengeance drawn, a dark Pit open. Devils in terrible Shapes, ^c. ftrongly lix*d in hisMind. His Sight of his own Sinfulnefs did not con- fift in anylmagination of a heap of loathfome material Filthinefs within him; nor did his Scnfc of the Hardnefs of his Heart confilt in any bodily feeling in his Breaft foraething hard and heavy like a Stone, nor in any Imaginations whatever of fuch

a Nature.

His

On the preceeding Memoirs. 279

His firft Difcovery of God or Chrift, at his Converfion, was not any ftrong Idea of any external Glory or Brightnefs, or Majetty and Beauty of Countenance, or pleafant Voice 5 nor was it any fuppofed immediate Manifeftation of God's Love to him in particular ; nor any Imagination of Chrift's fmiling Face, Arms open, or Words immediately fpoken to him, as by Name, revealing Chrifl's Love to him ; either Words of Scriptare, or any other : But a Manifeftation of God's Glory, and the Beauty of his Nature, as fupremely excellent in it felf ; powerfully drawrng,and fweetly captivating hisHearc ; bringing him to a hearty Defire to exalt God, fet him on the Throne> and give him fupreme Honour and Glory, as the King and Sovereign of the Univerfe ; and alfo a newSenfe of the infinite Wifdom, Suitablenefs and Excellency of the Way of Salvation by Chrift ; powerfully engagmg his whole Soul to embrace this Way of Salvation, and to delight in it. His firft Faith did not confift in believing that Chrift loved him, and died for him, in particular. Hib firft Comfort was not from any fecret Sug- geftion of God's Eternal Love to him, or that God was recon- ciled to him, or intended great Mercy for him ; by any fuch Texts as thofe. Son, be of good Cheat , thy Sins ate forgiven thee i. Fear not, 1 am thy God, &c. or in any fuch Way. On the contrary, when GOD's Glory was firft difcovered to him, it was without any Thought of Salvation as his own. His firffe Experience of the fandlifying & comforting Power of GOD's Spirit did not begin in fome bodily Senfation, any pleafant warmFeeling in his Breaft, that he ( as fome others ) called the Feeling the Love of Chrift in him, and being full of the Spirit. How exceeding far were his Experiences at his firft Converlio^ from Things ef fuch a Nature !

And if we look thro' the whole Series of his Experiences,' from his Converfion to his Death, we (hall find none of this Kind. I have had Occafion to read his Diary over and over, and very particulacJy andcritically to review eve ryPafTage in it; and 1 find no one Inftance of a ftrong Impreflion on his Ima- gination, through his whole Life : No Inftance cf a ftrongly imprefs'd Idea of any external Glory and Brightnefs, of any bodily Form or Shape, any beautiful Majeftick Countenance : No imaginary Sight of Chrift hanging on the Crofs, wi«h his Blood ftreaming from his Wounds ; or feated in Heaven on a bright Throne, with Angels and Saints bowingbefore him ; or with a Countenance fmiling on him ; or Arms open to embrace him : No Sight of Heaven, in his Imagination, with Gatestof

O o Pearl,

:28o Rcfle^ioiis. and Obfervations

MurT, and Golden Streets, and vaft Multitudes of glorious In- liabitants, with fhining Garments ; No-Sight of the Book of Life opened, with his Name written in it : No hearing of the fweet Mufeck made by the Songs of heavenly Hofts 5 No hear- ing;^flfod or Chrifl immediately fpeaking to him ; nor any fud- den^ggeftions of Words or Sentences, either Words of "igeripture, or any other, as then imnaediately fpoken or fent to him • No new objective Revelations, no fudden ftrong Sug- geftions of fecretFadls. Nor do I find any one Inftance in all the Records he has left of his own Life, from Beginning toEnd, of Joy excited from a fuppofed immeaiaieWitnt(s of theSpirit; or inward immediate Suggeftion, that his State was furely good, that God loved him with an everlaftingLove, that Chrift died for him in particular, and that Heaven was his ; cither with or without a Text of Scripture : No Inflance ofComfort by a fudden bearing in upon hisMind, as tho' at that veryTime diredled by God to him in particular, any fuch kind of Texts as thofe 5 Fear not. Jam with thee ; — It is your Father^ s good Tleajure to give you the Kingdom ; — You have not chofen me^ ^ut 1 have chofen you ; — / have called thee by thy Name, thou art mine ; •« — Before thou waji formed in the Belly, I knew lhee,&iQ. No* fuppofedCommunion & Converfation with GOD carried on in this Way 3 no fuch fuppofed Tafting of the Love ofChrift. But the Way he was fatisfied of his own goodEftate, even to the entire abolifhing of Fear, was by Feeling within himfelf the lively adings of a holy Temper and heavenly Dif- pofitionjthe vigorous Exercifes of that divineLove, which cafts out Fear : This was the Way he had full Satisfadlion fqon af- ter his Converfion ( fee his Diary on O^ob. 18 5c 19. 1740.) And we find no other Way of Satfsfa<Stion through his whole Life afterwards : And this he abundantly declared to be the Way, the only Way, that he had complete Saiisfadion, when he looked Death in the Face, in it's near Approaches,

Some of the Pretenders to an immediate Witnefs by Suggefti- on, and Defenders of it, with an afiuming Confidence, would bear us in Hand, that there is no full AfTurance without it ; and that the Way of being fatisfied by Signs, and arguing an Intereit in Chrift from Sanilification, if it will keep Men qui- et in Life and Health, yet wjjl never do when they come to die : Then ( they fay ) Men muft have immediate Witnefs, or cHe be in a dreadful Uncertainty. But Mr. /?r^/«^rr^'s Experi- ence is a Confutation of this ; for in him we have an Inftance ©f CMC that pofTcf&'d as cgnft^nt and unfhaken an AiFurance^ _ . thro'

On the preceedlng Memoirs. -*fi^t

(faro' the Courfe of his Life, after Con vcrfion, as perhaps can be produced in this Age ; which yet he obtained and enjoyM without any fuch Sort of Te/iimony^ and without all Manner of Appearance ofitjOrPretence to it ; yea, while utterly difclaim- ing any fuch Thing, and declaring againft it : And one whofe Afturance,we need not fcruple to affirm, has as fairaCiaim,and as juft a Pretenfion to Truth and Genuinenefs, as any that the Pretenders to immediate IVitnefs can produce : And not only an Inftance of one that had fuch AfTurance in Life, but had it in a conftant Manner in his laft Illnefs ; and particularly in the latter Stages of it, through thofe laft Months of his Life, wherein Death was more fenfibly approaching, without the leaft Hope of Life : And had it too in it's Fulnefs^ and in the Height of it*s Exercife, under thofe repeated Trials, that he had in this Space of Time ; when brought from Time toTime to the very Brink of the Grave, expeding in a fewMinutes to be in Eternity. He had the full JJfurance of Hope, unto the End, . When on the Verge of Eternity, he then declares his Affurance to be fuch as perfectly fecluded all Fear ; and not only fo, but it manifeftly fill'd his Soul with exceeding Joy : He declaring at the fame Time, that this his Confolation and good Hope thro' Grace arofe wholly from the Evidence he had of his good Ethtc, by what he found of his Sandification, or theExercife of a holy heavenlyTemper of MindJupreme Love to God, ^c. and not in the leaft from any immediate Wjtnefs by Suggeftion : Yea, he declares that at thcfe very Times he faw the awful Delufion of that Confidence which is built on fuch a Foundation, as well as of the whole of that Religion which it ufually fprings from, or at leaft is the Attendant of 5 and that his Soul abhor'd thofe Delufions : And he continued jn this Mind, often expreliing it with much Solemnity, even 'till Death.

Mr. Brainerd's Religion was not fe/fi/b and mercenary : His Love to God was primarily and principally for the fupreme Excellency of his own Nature, and not built on a preconceived Notion that God loved him^ had received him into Favour, and had done greatThings /^r him^ox promifed greatThings to him : So hisjoy was Joy in God, and not in himlelf. We fee by his Diary how, from Time to Time, through the Courfe of hi§ Lite, his Soul was fill'd with ineffable Sweetnefs and Comfort. But what was the Spring of this ftrong and abiding Confo- lation ? Not fo much the Confideration of the fu re Grounds he had to think that his State was good, that God had delivered

O o 2 hins

2S2 Refleaions and Obfervations

him from Hell, and (hat Heaven was his ; or any Thoughts concerning his own diftinguilhed happy and exalted Circum- ftances, as a high Favourite of Heaven: But the fweet Medi- tations and entertaining Views he had of divine Things without himfelf ', the afFcdling Confiderations and hvely Ideas of God's infinite Glory, his unchangeable BlefTednefs, his Sovereignty and univerfal Dominion ; together with the fwcet Exereifes of Love to GOD, giving himfelf up to him, abafing himfelf be- fore him, denying himfelf for him, depending upon him, adting for his Glory, diligently ferving him ; and the pleafmg Prof- pe6ls or Hopes he had of a future Advancement of the Kmg- dom of Chrift, ^c.

It appears plainly and abundantly all aIong,from hisConver- fion to hi^ Death, that that Beauty, that Sort of Good, which was the great Object of the new Scnfc of his Mind, the new Relifh and Appetite given him in Converfion, and thencefor- ward maintained and increafed in his Heart, was HOLINESS, (Conrormsty to God, living to God, and glorifying Him, This tvas what drew/ hisHeart ; this was the Center of his Soul ; this was the Ocean to which all the Streams of his religious Affec- tions tended : This was the Obje6f that engaged his eager thirflingDefires and earned Purfuits : He knew no true Excel- lency or Happiriefs, bat this: This was what he longed for jnoft vehemently and conttantly on Earth ; and this was with him the Beauty and Bleffednefs of Heaven ; which made him fo much and fo often to long for that World of Glory ; it was to be perfe^^lyholy, and perfecStly exercifed in the holy Employ- ments of Heaven ; thus to glorifvGod and enjoy him forever.

His religious Illuminations, AfFe6tions and Comfort feem'd, to a great Degree, to be attended v/\t\i Evangelical Humiliation ; confiftingin a Senle of his own utter Infufficiency,Derpicable- nefs andOJioufners ; with an anfwerable Difpofition andprame of Heart. How deeply afrcdled was he almoft continually with his greatDcfeds in Religion j with his vaft Diftance from that Spirituality ?.nd holy Krame of Mind that became him -, with his Ignorance, Pride, Dcadnefs, Unfteadinefs, Bairennefs f He was not only affeded with the Remembrance of his former Sinfu'neHj, before his Converfion, but with the Senfe of his preff t Vilcnef'^nd f\)"lution. He was not only difpofed to think meanly of himfelf as before God, and in Comparifon of him 5 but among/I AUn^ and as compared v/ith.them : He was aot to think otherSaiits better than he; yea, to look on himfelf ai the meanelt and .'caft of Saints 5 yea, ^Qxy often, as the " ■ ' ■ ■ F-ilcf^

On the preceeding Memoirs. 283

vHeft and worft of Mankind. And notwithftanding his great Attainments in fpiriiual Knowledge^ yet we find there is fcarce any Thing that he is more frequently afFe6ted and abafed with a Senfe of, than his Ignorance,

How emfnently did he appear to be of a meek and quiet Spirit, refemblingtheLamb-like,Dove-likeSpiritof JefusChrift ! How full of Love, Meeknefs, Quietncfs, Forgivenefs and Mercy ! His Love was not meerly a Fondnefs and Zeal for a Party, but an univerfal Benevolence ; very often cxercifed in the moft fcnfible and ardent Love to his greatefl Oppofers and Enemies. His Love and Meeknefs were not a meer Pretence, and out- ward Profeflion and Shew ; but they were efFe£lual Things, manifefted in expenfive and painful Deeds of Love and Kind- nefs ; and in a meekBehaviour ; readily confeilingFaults under the greatefl Trials, and humbling himfelf even at the Feet of thofe from whom he fuppofed he had fufFered moft ; and from Time to Time, yery frequently praying for his Enemies, ab- horring the Thoughts of Bitternefs or Refentment towards them. 1 fcarcely know where to look for any parallel Inftance ofSelf-denial,in thefe Refpedts, in the prefent Age. He was a Perfon of great Zeal ; but how did he abhor a bitter Zeal, and lafnent it where he faw it ! And tho* he was once drawn into fome Degrees of it, by the Force of prevailing Example, as it were in his Childhood ; yet how did he go about with a Heart bruifed and broken in Pieces for it all his Life after !

Of how/oft and tender a Spirit was he ! How far were his Experiences, Hopes, and Joys from a Tendency finally to flupi- iy and harden him, to lelTen Convi6lions and Tendernefs of Confcience, to caufehim to be lefs afFeded with prefent and paft Sins, and lefs eonfcientious with Refpe£t to future Sins, more eafy in the Negledl of Duties that are troublefome and inconvenient, more flow and partial in complying with difficult Commands, lefs apt to be alarmed at the Appearance of his own Defeats andTranfgrellions, moreeafily induced to a Com- pliance with carnal Appetites ! On the contrary, how tender was his Confcience ! How apt was his Heart to fmite him ? How eafily and greatly was he alarmed at the Appearance of moral Evil ! How great and conftant was his Jealoufy over his own Heart ! How ftrici his Care and Watchfulnefs againfi Sin ! How deep and fenfible were the Wounds that Sin made in his Confcience I Thofe Evils that are generally accounted fmall, were almoft an infupportabie Burden to him ; fuch as his inward DeficicncieSjhis having no more Love toGOD,find-

2$4 Reflexions W Obfervations

ing within himfelf any flacknefs or dulnefs in Religion, any Unfteadinefs, or wandriug Frame of Mind, &c. How did the Confideration of fuch. Things as thefe opprefs and abafc him, and fill him with inward Shame and Confufion ! HisLove and Hope, tho* they were fuch as call out a fervile Fear of Hell, yet they were fuch as were attended with,and abundantly che- rifh'd and promoted a reverential filial Fear of God, a Dread ofSinandof God*s holy Difpleafure. His Joy fcem'd truly to be a rejoicing with Trembhng. His AfTurance and Com- fort differed greatly from a falfe enthufiaftick Confidence and Joy, in that it promoted and maintained Mourning for Sin : holy mourning, with him, was not only the Work of an Hour or a Day, at his firfl: Converfion ; but Sorrow for Sin was like aWound conftantly running : He was aMourner for Sin all his Days. He did notjj after he received Comfort and full Satis- faction of the Forgivenefs of all his Sins, and the Safety of his State, forget his paft Sins, the Sins of his Youth, that were committed before his Converfion ; but the Remembrance of them, from Time to Time, revived in his Heart, with renew- ed Grief. That in Ezek. xvi. 63. was evidently fulfiPd in him, That thou mey/i remember ^ and be confounded ^ and never open ihy Mouth any more^ becaufe of thy Shame ; when 1 am ^pacified toward thee for all that thou haji done. And how laftingly did the Sins that he committed after his Converfion, afFe6land break his Heart ! If he did any Thing whereby he thought be had in any Refpeddifhonoured God, and wounded thelntereft of Religion, he had never done with calling it to Mind with Sorrow and Bitternefs : Tho' he was afTured that God had forgiven it, yet he never forgave himfelf : His paft Sorrows and, Fears made no Satisfadion, with him ; but ftill the Wound renews and bleeds afrefh, again and again. And his prefent Sin?, that he daily found in himfelf, were an Occafion of daily fenfiblc and deep Sorrow of Heart.

His Religion did not confift in unaccountable Flights and vehement Pangs ; fuddenly rifing, and fuddenly falling ; at fome Turns exalted almoft to the third Heavens, and then at other Turns negligent, vain, carnal, and fwallowed up with the World; for Days and Weeks, if not Months together. His Religion v/as not like a blazingMeieor,or like a flamingComet, (or a wandring Star, as the Apoftle7«^^ calls it, ver. 13 J flying thro' theFirmament with a brightTrain ; & then quickly going out in perfedtDarknefs :. But more like the fteadyLightc ofHea- ven } that are confiant Principles of J-aght, tho* fometimes hid

with

On the preceding Memoirs. 2 S5

v/hh Clouds. Nor like a Land-Flood, which flows far and wide, with a rapid Stream, bearing down all afore it, and thea dried up; but more like a Stream fed by livingSprinps ; which tho' fometimes mcreafed by Showers, and at other Times di- minifhed by Drought, yet is a conjiant Stream,

His religious AfFedlions and Joys were not like thofe of fome, who have Rapture and mighty Emotions from T<me to Time in Company j but hav,e very little AfFeaion in Retirement and fecret Places. Tho* he was of a very fociablcTemper, and loved thcCompany ofSainis,and delighted very much in religi- ous Converfation and infocial Worfhip ; yet his warmeft Af- fedions and their greateft EfFeds on animal Nature, and his ^ fweeteftjoys, were in his Clofet-DevetionSjand folitaryTranf- adtions between God and his own Soul ; as is very obfervable thro' his whole Courfe, from his Converiion to his Death. He delighted greatly in facredRetirements ; and loved to get quite away from all the World, toconverfe withGoD alone,in fecret Duties.

Mr, Brainerd*s Experiences and Comforts were^very far from being like thofe of fome Perfons, which are attended with a rpiritual Satiety^ and put an End to their religious Defines and Longings, at leaft to the Edge and Ardency of them ; reftin^; fatisfied in their own Attainments and Comforts, as having ob- tained their chief End, which is to extinguifh their Fears of Hell, and give 'em Confidence of the Favour of GOD. How far were his religious AiFe6tions,Refre{hments, & Satisfadlions, from fuch an Operation and Influence as this ! On the contra- ry, how were they always attended with Longings an-' Thirft- ings after greater Degrees of Canformity toijOD ! And the greater and fweeter his Comforts were, the more vehement were his Defires after Holinefs. For 'tis to be obferved, ihac hisLongings were notfo much after joyfulDifcoveries of God's Love and clear Views of his Title to future Advancement and eternal Honours in Heaven ; «s after more of prcfent Holinclii, greater Spirituality, an Heart more engaged for GOD, to love and exalt and deperid on hirrf, an Ability better to ferve him, to do more for bis Glory, and to do all that he did with more of a Regard to Chrift as his Righteoufnefs and Strength ; and after the Enlargement and Advancement of Chrift'sKingdorn in the Earth. And his Defires were not idle wifhings and wouldings, but fuch as were povverlul and cfFcdiual, to ann- mate him to the earnefl, eager purfuit of thefc Things, with wimoft Diligence and unfainimg Labc/ur and Scll^denial. Hij

Com fur t»

286 Refle6lions fl»^ ObfcrvationS

Comforts never put an End to his feeking after GOD, and flriving to obtain his Grace ; but on the contrary, greatly en- gaged and enlarged him therein.

His Religion did not confiftonly inExperiencSiW'uhout Prac-^ iice. All his inward Illuminations, AfFed^ions and Comforts feem'd to have adiredl Tendency to Pradlice, and to illue in it ! And this, notmeerly a Pra<5tice negatively good, free from grofs A6ls of Irreljgion and Immorality ; But a Pradlice poji-" lively Holy and Chriliian, in a ferious, devout, humble, meek, merciful, charitable, and beneficent Conveifation ; making the Service of GOD, and our Lord Jefus Chrift, the greatBu- fmefs of Life, which he was devoted to, and purfued with the greateft Earneftnefs and Diligence to the End of his Days, thro' all Trials. In him was to be feen the right Way of be- ing lively in Religion : His Livelimfs in Religion did not confift meerly or mainly in his being lively with the Tongue^ but in Deed \ not in being forward in Profeflion and outward Shew, and abundant in declaring his own Experiences j but chiefly in being a6tive and abundant in theLabours &Duties of Religion ; not flothful in Bvfmefs^ but fervent in Spirit, ferving the Lord, and ferving his Generation^ according to the mil of God,

By thefe Things, many high Pretenders to Religion, andPro- fefTors of •extraordinary fpiritual Experience, may be fenfible, that Mr. Brainerd did greatly condemn their kind of Religion; and that not only in Word, but byExample,bo;h living and dy- ing ; as the whole Series of his Chriftian Experience andPrac- ticc, from his Converfion to his Death, appears a conftantCon- demnation of it.

It can*t be obje6led,that theReafon why he fo much difliked the Religion of ihefePretenders, and why his own fo much dif- fered from it, was, that his Experiences werenot clear. There is no Room to fay, they were otherwife, in any Refpedt, in which Clearnefs of Experience has been wont to be infifted on; whether it be the Clearnefs of thftir Nature, or of their 0*der^ and the Method his Soul was at firil brought toRelt ar.d Com- fort in his Conveifion. I am (ar from thinking ( and fe was he) that Clearnefs of the Order of Experience is, in any Mea- fure, of equal Importance with the Clearnefs of their I>iature : I have fufficiently declared in my Difcourfe on Religious J ffiHi- ens (uhichhe exprefly approved of and recommended ) that I cJon't ruppofe,a fenfible Dif^ind^nefs of the 5r^piof the Spirit's Operation and Method of fuccefTive Cojividions and Illumina- riwns, isaneccllary Fcquifitc to Pcrfons being received in full

Chanty,

Oh the preceedhg Memoirs. '287

Charity, as true Saints ; provided the Nature of the Things they profefs, be right, and their Praaice agreeable. Ncverthc- lefs, 'fis obfervable, ( which cuts off allObjedlion from fuch at would be moft unreafonably difpofed to objca and cavil in the prefentCafe ) So it was, that Mr.Srainerd^Exptnenccs were not only clear in the latter RefpecS, but remarkably fo in the former : So that there is not perhaps one Inftance infiveHun- dred rue Converts, that on this Account can be parallel'd with him-

It can*t be pretended , that the Reafon why he fo much ab- hor'd andcondmncd the Notions and Experiences of thofe whofe/r/? Faith conCilis in believing that Chrifl// iheirsy and that Chrift ^/W Ar them ; without any previous Experience of Union of Heart to him, for his Excellency, as he is in himfelf, and not for his fuppufed Love to them ; and who judge of their Intereft in Chrift, their Juftificaiion, and GOD's Love to them, not by their Sanilification and the Exercifes and Fruits of Grace, but by a fuppofed immediate Witnefsof the Spirit, by inward Suggeftion ; I fay, it can*t be pretended, that theRea- fon why he fo much deteftcd and condemned fuch Opinions and Experiences, was, that he was of a too legal Spirit ; either that he never was dead to the Law, never experienced a thoro' Work of Convi£lion,was never fully brought off from his own Righteoufnefs,and wean'd from the old Covenant ^hy a thorough legal Humiliation ; or that afterwards, he had no great De- gree of fvaw^W/W Humiliation, not living in a deep Senfe of his own Empiinefs, Wretchednefs, Poverty, and abfolute Dc- pendance on the meer Grace of GOD through Chrift. For hisConvidlions of Sin,preceedinghis lirflConfolations inChrift» were exceeding deep and thorough ; his Trouble and Exercifc of Mind, by a Senfe of Sin and Mifery, very great and long continued ; & theLight let into hisMind at hisConverfion and in progrefiive Satidtification, appears to have had its genuine humbling Influence upon him, to have kept him low in his ownEves,not confiding in himfelf, but in Chrift, living by thi Faith of the Son of- GODi and looking' for the Adercy of the Lord yejus to eternal Life.

Nor can it be pretended, that theReafon why he condemned tbofe, and other Things, which this Sort of People call the very Height of vital Religion and the Power of Godlinefs, was,tr.ac he was a dead Chri/iian, and lived in the Dark (as they exprcfs themfclves ) that his Experiences, tho' they mipht be frur, were not great 5 that he did not live near to GOD, had but a

P p fmall

28S Reflexions and Obfervations

fmall Acquaintance with him, and had but a dim Sight of fpi- ritual Things. If any, after they have read the preceeding Account of Mr. ^rfl/?2fr^'s Life, will venture to pretend thus, they will only (hew that they them/elves are in the Dark^ and do indeed put Darknefsfor Lights and Light for Darknefs,

'Tis common with this Sort of People, if there is any one whom they can't deny to exhibit goodEvidencesof true God- linefs,who yet appears to diflike theirNotions,& condemn thofe Things wherein they place theHeight of Religion, to infmuate, that they are afraid of the Crofs^ and have a Mind to curry Pa' vour with the World, and the like. But I pre fume, this will not be pretended concerning Mr. Brainerd, by any one Perfon that has read the preceeding Account of hisLife. It rauft needs appear aThing notorious to fuch,that he was an extraordinary, and almoft unparallel'd Inflance ( in ibefe Times and thefe Parts of the World ) of the contrary Difpofition : and ihat^ whether we confider what he has recorded of his inward Ex- ferience, from Time to Time ; or his PraSf ice yhow he in Fa6l took up and embraced the Crofs^ and bore it conftantly, in his great Self- Denials, Labours, and Sufferings for the Name of Jefus, and went on without fainting, without repenting, or repining, to his dying lllnefs : How he did not only, from Time to Time, rellnquiOi and renounce the ^or/^ fecretly, in his Heart, with the full and ferventConfent of all thePowers of his Soul ; but openly and adtually forfook the Worldy with it's Pofleifions, Delights, and common Comforts, to dwell as it were with wild Beafts, in a howling Wildernefs , with con- ftant Chearfulnefs, complying with the numerous Hardfhips of a Life of Toil and Travel there, to promote the Kingdom ef his dear Redeemer. And befides, it appears by the preceed- ing Hiiiory, that he never did more condemn the Things fore- mentioned, never had a greater Senfe of their Delufion, per- nicious Nature, and ill Tendency, and never was more full of Pity to thofe that are led away with them, than in his laft lilnefs, and atTimes when he had the neareflPtofpedt of Death, fuppofed himfelfto be on the very Brink of Eternity, and looked on all this lower World as what he never fliould have any Thing more to do with. Surely he did not condemn thofe Things at thefe Seafons, only to curry Favour with the fVorld, Befides what has been a^iieady related of Mx.Brainerd's Sen- timents in his dying State concerning true and falfe Religion, we have his deliberate and iblemn Tho'ts on this Subje<SV, fur- ther appcanng by his Preface to Mr. Shepard*i Diary, before

mentioned %

On the precetdtng Memoirs: sg^

aicntioned ; which, when he wrote if, he fuppofcd to be ( as itproved) one oiiht laji Things he fhould ever write. 1 (hall here infert a Part of that Preface^ as follows.

" How much Strefs is laid by many upon fome Things as •^ being EfFe6ls andEvidences of exalted Degrees of Religion, *< when they are fo far from being of any Importance in it' «« that they are really irreligious, ^MmuxtoiSelf-Lovi.lma" <« ^/»fl//5«, and fpiritual Pr/^^, or perhaps the Influence of «« 5fl/fl« transformed into anAngel ofLight ; I fay, how much «« Strefs is laid on thefeThings by many,! fliall not determine : •< But 'tismuch to be fear'd, that while GOD was carrying «« on a glorious Work of Grace, and undoubtedly gathering *« a Harveft of Souls to himfelf ( which we fl^ould always re- *' member with Thankfulnefs) Numbers of others have at the *« fame Time been fatally deluded by the Devices of theDevil, *' and their swn corrupt Hearts. It is to be fear'd, that the ** Canv^rfions oi fosne have no better Foundation than this ; *« viz. That after they have been under feme Concern fof *' their Souls for a while, and it may be manifefted fome *' very great and uncommon Diftrefs and Agonies, they ** have on a fudden imagined they fawCuRi st ^in fomePofture *' or other ; perhaps on theCrofs, bleeding and dying for their *« Sins ; or it may be, fmiling on them, and thereby fignify- *' ing his Love to them : And that thefe and the like Things, *' tho' meer Imaginations, which have nothing Spiritual in *' them, have inflantly removed all their Fears and Diftrefl'es, *' fill'd them with Raptures of Joy, and made them imagine, <« that they loved Chrifi with all their Hearts ; when theBot- *' torn of all was Nothing but Self-love* For when they ima- *' gined that Chrifthad been fo good to them as to fave them, *' and as it were to fingle them out of all the World, they *' could not but feel fome kind of natural Gratitude to him ; *« altho* they never had any fpiritual View of his divineCilory, •* Excellency and Beauty, and confequently never had any *' Love to him for himfelf. Or that inftead of having fome *< fuch imaginary View of Chrift as has been mention'd, in *• order to remove their Diftrefs and give them Joy, fome «' having had a Paflage, or perhaps many Paflages of Scriptun *« brought to their Minds with Power ( as they exprefs it ) *« fuch as that, Son^ he of good Chear.thy Sins are forgiven thee^ *' and the like, thev have immediately applied thefe Paflages <« to themfehes^ fuppoflng that God hereby manifefted his «^ peculiar Favour to them, as if mention'd by Name : Never

|» p 2 confitlcrirgi

290 Reflexions and Obfervarions

•« confidering, that they are now giving Heed to new Revc- «« latrons ; there being no fuch Thing leveal'd in the Word «« of God, as that this or that parncu!ar Perfon has, or ever <« (hall have his Sins forgiven ; nor ye; remembring, that 5a- •' tan can, with a great deal of feeming Perrnency ( and per- *< haps alfo with confiderable Power) bring Scripture to the *« Minds of Men, as he did 10 Chrift himfeh. Anu ihus ihefe *' rejoyce upon having fome Scripture fuddenS fuggelted to «' them, or imprefs'd upon their Minds, fuppofing they are ** now the Children ot God, juft as did the other upon their •* imaginary Views of Chrift. And 'tis faid, that fome fpeak ** of feeing a gre2itLight, which flli'd all the Place where they «« were, and difpePd all their Darkncfs, Fears and DifirefTes, •' and almoft ravifti'd their Souls. While others have had it *« warmly fuggefted to their Minds, not by any PafTage of '^ Scripture, but as it were by a Whifper or Voice from Hea- '« ven, Jhat God loves them, that Chrifl is theirs y &c. which *< groundlcfs Imagiiiations and Suggef^ion? o; Satan have had *' the fame Effed upon them, that the Delufions before men-

*< tion'd had on the others. And as is the Converfion

*« of this Sort of Perfons, fo are their After- Experiences j the «' whole being built upon Imaginati in,ftrong ImpreflionSjand << fudaen Suggcftions made to their Minds : Whence they *' are ufaally extreme confident (as if immediately informed •« from God ) not only of the Goodnefs of their own State, << but of their infallible Knowledge, and abfolute Certainty, of ** the Truth of every Thing they pretend to, onder the No- *' tion of Religion ; and thus allReafonmg with fome of them •' is utterly excluded.

*« But 'cis remarkable of thefe, that they are extremely defi' *« cient in Regard of true Poverty of Spirit, Senfe of exceeding ** Vilcnefs in themfelves, fuch as frequently makes truly gra- •' cious Souls to grcan, being burdened -^ as alfo in Regard of *« Meeknefs, Love and Gentlenefs towards N4ankind, Ten- *< dernefs of Conlcience in their ordinary AfFiirs and Dealings *« in the World. And 'tis rare to fee *em deeply concerned *« about the Principles and Ends of their Adions, and under *< Fears left they fhould not eye the Glory of God chicfjy, *^ but live to themfelves ; or this at ieaft is the Cafe in their •' ordinary Conduct, whether civil or religious. But if any ^* one of their particular /Vi?//(?;2i, which theirZeal hasefpoufed, *♦ be attacked, they are then fo confcientious, they muft bum^ ** if cali'd to itj faf Uie Defcace qI it. Yet, at the fameTimc,

<< when

On the preceedifi^ Memoirs.' 291

«' when they are fo extremely deficient in Regard of thefe preci- <« ous divine Tempers which have been mention'd, they arc <« ufually full of Xeal, Concern and Fervency in the Things *' of Religion, and often difcourfe of them with mJchWarmth *^ and Engagement : And to thofe who clon^ k(iow,or don't <« confider, wherein the EJfence of trueReligion confifts, viz, *' in being conformed to the Image of Chriji^ nut in Point of <« Zealand Fervency only, bat in all divine Teinpers and << Pradtices ; I fay, to thofe who don't duly obferve and dif- " tinguifh, they often appear like the beft of Men.'*

'Tis common with this Sort of People to fay, that God it amon^Ji themyhis Spirit accompanies their Exhortations and other /fU- minijirations^and they are feal*d by the hoiyGhoJi^'m the remarka- ble Succefs they have, in the greatAfFedlinns that arc ftirred up in God's People ^f. but to infinuate, on the contrary, that he is not with their Opponents i and particularly, that God has forfaken the /landing Minifiry ; and thai the Time is come^ when it is the Will of God that they fhould he put down, and that God*s People Jhouid for fake 'em ; and that no more Succefs is to be ex- peSfed to attend their A dminifi rations.- But where can they find aa Initance, among all their moft flaming ExhorterSyVf\^o has been fealed with fo unconteftible and wonderful Succefs of his La- bours,as Mr. Brainerd, not only in quickening and comforting God's Children, but alfo in a Work of Conviction and Con- verfion ( which they own has in a great Meafure ceafcd for a long Time among themfelv^s ) with a moft vifible and ailo- nifhing Manifcilation of God's Power, on Subjedb fo unpre- pared, and that had been brought up and lived, fome of them to old Age, in the deepeft Prejudices againft the very firftPrm- ciples of Chriftianity ; the divine Power accompanying his Labours, producing the mofi remarkable and abiding Change, turning the Wildernefs into a fruitful Field, and caufing thac which was aDefart indeed to bud and bloilom as theRufe? And this altho' he was not only one of their greatcft Opponents in their Errors j but alfo one of thofe they call the fiandini^ Mi- ni/iry ; fij ft examined and licenfed to preach byfuch Mini/hrs^ and fent forth among the Heathen by fuch Minijiers ; and af- terwards ordained hy fuch Mini flers ; always dire^ed by them, and united with them in theirConfiiiorieSjandAdminifhations ; and even abhorring thePraaicc of thofe who give out, that they ought to be renounced and feparatcd ffonOj and that Tcacners may be ordained by Lay-Men*

It

2p2 Reflexions and Obfcrvations

It cannot be pretended by thefe Men, that Mr. Braintrd condemned their Religion, only becaufe he was noi acquainted with them^ and had not Opportunity for full Obfervationof the Nature,Operation& Tendency of their ^A-p^r/ffffw : For he had abundant and peculiar Opportunities of fuch Obfervation and Acquaintance : He lived through the late extraordinary Time of religious Commotion, and faw the Beginning and End, the Good and the Bad of it: He had Opportunity to fee the vari- ous Operations an^ Effedls, that were wrought in this Seafon, more extenfwely^ than any Perfon I know of : His native Place was about the middle of ConneSficut ; and he was much con- verfant in all Parts of that Colony : He was converfant in the Eaflern Parts of it, after the Religion, which he condemned, began much to prevail there : He was converfant with the zealous People onLong- Ijland ^from one End of the Ifland to the other ; and alfo in New-Jerfey, and Pennfylvania ; with Peo- ple of various Nations : He had feme fpecial Opportunities ia (bme Places in this Province ( Majptchufetts-Bay) where has been very much of this Sort of Religion, and at a Time when it greatly prevailed : He had converfed & difputed with Abun- dance of this Kind of People in various Parts, as he told me ; and alfo informed me, that he had feen fomethiog of the fame Appearances in fome of the Indians^ whom he had preached to, and had Opportunity to fee the Beginning and End of them. And befides, Mr. Braimrd could fpeak more feelingly and un- derftandingly concerning thefe Things, becaufe there was once a Time when he was drawn away into an Efteem of them, and for a fhort Seafon had united himfeif to this Kind of People, and partook, in fome Refpe<5ls, of their Spirit and Behaviour.

But 1 proceed to another Obfervation on the foregoing Memoirs.

II. This Hiftory of Mr. Brainerd's may help us to make I)i/iin^ions3moDg the high religious .^^^f?/^?;;;, and remarkable Jrnprejfiom made on the Minds of Perfons, in a Time of great Jivokemn^^znd Revival of Religion ; and may convince us, that there arc not only Diftin6iions in T/^^^ry, invented to fave the Credit of pretended Revivals of Religion, and what is called the Experience of the Operations of the Spirit ; but Diftin6lions that do actually take Pla<:e'fn the Courfe of Events^ and have a real and evident Foundation*in Fa5f,

Many do^n^ it//7/ ooftfouri^ Things, blend all together, and hy^ *Tis all alike 5 Uii all ej the fame Sort, So there are many

thaf

On the preceeding Memoirs. 293

that fay concerning the Religion moft generally prevailing among the Separati/is^ and the AfFeaions they manifeft, *77x the Jame that was all over the Land /even Yean ago. And fome that have read Mr. -flrfi/«^r^*sJournaI,giving an Account of the extraordinary Things that have come to pafa among xhtlndians in New-Jerfey^'hy, 'Tls evidently the fame Thing that appeared in many Places among/i /^^Englifh, which hat now proved naughty and come to that which is worfe than nothing. And all the Reafon they have thus to determine all to be the Jame Wotk^ and the fame Spirit, is, that the one manifefted high AfFedlions, and fodo the other ; the great Affedlions of the one had fome Influence on their Bodies, and fo have the other; the one ufe the Terms CQnvi6lion^Converfion^ Humiliation, Coming to Chrifl ^Difcoveries^ Experiences, &c. and fo do the other ; the Imprellions on the one are attended with a great deal of Zeal, and fo it is with the other ; the AfFecStions of the one difpofe 'em to fpealc much about Things of Religion, and fo do the other ; the one delight much in religious iVIeetings, and fodo the other. — The Agreement, that appears inthefe, and fuch like Things^ make 'em conclude, tbatfurely all is alike, all is the fame Work> Whereas, on a cloferInfpe6lion &criticalExamination,it would appear, that notwithftanding an Agreement in fuch Circum- ftances, yet indeed there is a vaft Difference, both in EJJence and Fruits, A confiderable Part of the religious Operations, that were fix or fevenYears agOjefpecially towards the latierPart of that extraordinary Seafon, was doubtlefs of the fame Sort with the Religion of theSeparatiJls ; but not all : There were many, whofe Experiences were, like Mr. 5rj/«^rJ's, in a Judg- ment of Charity, genuine and inconteftible.

Not only do theOppofers of all Religion confifting in power- ful Operations and Affections, thus confound Things ; but many of ihtPretenden to fuch Religion do fo. They that have been theSubjeds of fome fort of vehement, but vain Operations on their Mind, when they hear the Relation of the Experi- ences of fome real and eminent Chriftians, they fay,Their Ex- periences are of the fame fort : So they fay, they are juft like the Experiences of emincntChriftians in former Times, which we have printed Accounts of. So, 1 doubt not, but there arc many deluded People, if they (hould read thepreceedinj» Ac- countof Mr. Brainerd's Life, who reading without much Un- derftanding, or careful Obfervation, would (ay, without Hcfi- tation, that fomeThings which they have met with, are of the \Qry fame Kind with what he cxpreflcs ; When the Agreement

294 Reflexions and Obfervations

is only in fome generalCircumftances,or fomeparticularThinge that are fuperficial, and belonging as it were to the Profeffion and Out-fide o( Religion ; but the inward Temper of iVlind and the Fruits in Pradticc, are as oppofite and cjiftant as Eaft and Weft.

Many hom/} good?co^\t alfo, and true Chrj/iiam^ don't very well know how to make a Difference. The giiftering Appear- ance and glaring Show of falfe Religion dazzles their K}es ; and they fometimes are fo deluded by it, that they lo^ k on fome of thefe Impreffions, which H)pocrifes tell of, as the brighteft Experiences. And tho' ihey have experienced no fuchThings themfelves,they think, it is beeaufe they are vaftly ]ower in Attainments, and but Babes, in Comparifon of thefe flaming Chriftians. Yea, fometimes from their differing fo much from thofe who make fo great a Show, they doubt whe- ther they have any Grace at all. And it is a hard Thing, to bring many well-meaning People to make proper Diftin6tions in this Cafe ; and efpecially to maintain and ftand by 'em ; through a certain Weaknefs they unhapply labour of, whereby they are liable to be overcome with the Glare of •utward Appearances, Thus, if in a fedate Hour they are by Reafoning brought to allow fuchand fuch Diltindions, yet the next Time they come in the Way of the great Show of falfe Religion, the dazzling Appearance fwallows them up, and they are carried away. Thus the Devil, by his cunning Artifices, eafily dazzles the feeble Sight of iVIen, and puts 'em beyond a Capacity of a proper Exercife of Confideration, or hearkning totheDjdUtes of calmThought & cool Un' erftand- ing. When they perceive the great AffecSlion, earneft Tajk, ftrong Voice, allured Looks, vaft Confidence, and boldAlFerti- ons, of thefe empty afTuming Pretenders, they are pver-born, Jofe the PofTeflion of their Judgment, and fay, Surely thefe Men are in theRight^ God is with Urn of a Truth ; andfo they are carried away, not with Light and Reafon, but ( like Chil- dren) as it were with aflrong Wind.

This confounding all Things together, th'at have a fair Shew, is but ading the Part of aChild, that going into a Shop, where a variety of Wares are expofed to Sale (all of a fhining Ap- pearance ; fomeVeflels of Gold and Silver, and fomfeDiamonds and other precious Ston^^ ; and other Things that are Toys of littleValue ; which arc of fome bafe Metal giltjOrGlafs po- lifhed, 2nd painted with curiousColours, or cut likeDiamonds) fhould efteem all alike, and give as great a Pi ice for the vile as

On the preceeding Memoirs: 2^^

for the precious: Or 'tis like the Condua of fame un/kilful rafli Perfon, who finding himfelf deceived by fomc of the Warci he had bought at that Shop, fhould at once conclude, all he there faw was of noValue ; and purfuant to fuch aConclufion when afterwards he has true Gold and Diamonds offered him| enough to enrich him and enable him to liv« like a Prioce all his Days, he fhould throw it all into the Sea.

But we muji get into another Way. The want of diftin- guiihing in Things that appertain to experimental Religion, it one of the chief Miferies of the profcifing World. 'Tis at- tended with very many mofl difmal Confcquenccs : Multi- tudes of Souls are fatally deluded about thenifelves, and their own State ; and foare eternally undone : Hypocrites are con- firmed in their Delufions, and exceedingly puffed up with Pride : Many fincere Chrifiians are dreadfully perplexed, darkened, tempted, and drawn afide from the Way of Duty ; and fometimes fadly tainted with falfe Religion, to the great Difhonour of Chriftianity,and Hurt oi their own Souls : lome of the moft dangerous and perniciousEnemies ofReJigion in the World ( tho' called bright Chriftians ) are encouraged and honoured ; who ought to be difcountenanced and fiiun'd by every Body : And Prejudices are begotten and confirmed in vaft Multitudes, againfl every Thing wherein the Power and EiTence of Godlincfs confifts ; and in theEnd Deifm &:Aihcifm are promoted.

III. The foregoing Account of Mr. Brainerd^s Life may afford Matter of Conviclion, that there is indeed fuch aThing as trne experimtntal Religioriy arifing /rom immediate divine Influences, fupernaturally enlightning and convincingthcMind, and powerfully imprefBng, quickening, fandifying, and go- verning theHcart ; which Religion is indeed an amiabieThing, of happy Tendency, and of no hurtful Confequence to human Society ; notwithftanding there having been (b many Pretences and Appearances of what is called experimental vital Re- ligion, that have proved to be nothing but vain, pernicious Enthujiajm»

\i any infif!:, that Mr. Brainerd*s Religio.i was Enihvjiafm^ and nothing butaftrange Heat and blind Fervour of Mind, arifing from the ftrong Fancies and Dreams of a notional whimfical Brain ; I would afk, if it be fo, that fuch Things as thefe are the Fruits of Enthufiafm, viz a prcat Degree ef Honcf^y and Simdlicitysfmcere and carneft Defircs and£ndea-

Q^q TOUIJ

296

Reflexions and Obfervations

vours, to know and do whatever is right, and to avoid every Thing that is wrong ; an high Degree of Love to God, De- light in the Perfedions of his Nature, placing the Happinefa of Life in him ; not only in contemplating him, but in being aftire in pleafing and ferving him ; a firm and undoubting Belief in the Mfftah, as the Saviaur of the World, the great Prophet of God, and King of God's Church ; together with great Love to him. Delight and Complacence in the Way of Salvation by him, and longing for thcEnlargement of hisKing- dom ; earneft Defires that God may be glorified and the Jlfeffiah's Kingdom advanced, whatever Inftruments are made ufe of ; uncommon Refignation to the Will of God, and that under vaft Trials ; great and univerfal Bewevolence to Man- kind, reaching all Sorts of Perfons without Diftindtion, mani- fefted in Sv/eetnefs of Speech and Behaviour, kind Treatment, Mercy, Liberality, and earneft feeking the Good of the Souls, and Bodies of Men; attended with extraordinary Humility* MeeknefsjForgivenefs of Injuries,and Love to Enemies ; and a greatAbhorrence of a contrary Spirit andPra6lice ; not only as appearing in others, but whereinfoever it had appeared in bimfelf ; caufing the moft bitter Repentance, and Brokennefs of Heart on Account of any paft Inftances of fuch a Condud : A modeft, difcreet & decentDeportment, among Superiours, Inferiours and Equals ; a moft diligent Improvement ofTime, and earneft Care to lofe no Part of it ; great Watchfulnefs againft all Sorts of Sin, of Heart, Speech, andAd^ion: And this Example and thefe Endeavours attended with moft happy Fruits, and blefTedEft'edls on others, in humanizing, civilizing, and wonderfully reforming and transforming fome of the moft brutifh Savages ; Idle, Immoral, Drunkards, Murderers, grofs Idolaters, and Wizards ; bringing them to permanentSobriety, Diligence, Devotion, Honefty, Confcientioufners, andCharity : And the foregoing amiable Virtues and fuccefsful Labours all ending at laft in a marvellousPeace,unmoveableStability,Ca!m- nefi', and Refignation, in the fenfible Approaches of Death ; witb Longing for theHeavenlyState ; not only for theHonourt and circumftantial Advantages of itjbut above all for the moral Perfcilion, and holy and blefled Employments of it : And thefe Things in a Pcrfon indifputably of good Undeiftanding and Juf^gment : I fay, if all thefe Things are the Fruits of Enihu- Jiaf/fiy v/hy VnouU not Enthu/icfm be thought a deferable and excellent Thing ? For what can true Religion, what can the htH Philofopby dQ m^je ? If Vapours and Whimfy will bring

Men

On the preceeding Memoes. 297

Men (0 the moft thorough Virtue, to the moft benign and fruitfulMorality ; and will maintain it through aCourfe ofLifc (attended with many Trials ) without AfFeftation or Self- Ex- a]tation,and with an earneft conftant bearingTeftimony againlt the Wildnefs, the Extravagances, the bitter Zeal, afluming Behaviour, & feparating Spirit of Enthufiafts ; & will do all this more efFe6tualIy,than any Thing e'.fe has ever done in any plain knowa Inftance that can be produced ; if it be fo, 1 fay, what Caufe then has the World to prize and pray for this blefTcd Whimlicalnefs, and thefe benign Sort of Vapours ?

It would perhaps be a Prejudice with fome againft the whole of Mr. 5rfl;ff^r^'s Religion, if it had begun in the Time of the late religious Commotion ; being ready to 'conclulje (how- ever unreafonably ) that nothing Good could take it's Rife from thofe Times. But it was not fo; his Converfion was be/ore thofc Times, in a Time of general Deadnefs ( as has been before obferved ) and therefore at a Seafon when it was impoflible,that he fhoujd receive aTaint from any corrupt Noiions,Examples,orCufloms,that hadBirth in thofeTimes.

And whereas there arc many who are not profcfTed Oppofers of what is called experimentalReligion,v/ho yet doubt of the Re- ality of it, from the had Lives of fome Pro fe (Tors ; and are ready to determine that there is nothing in all the Talk about being horn again y being emptied of Self^ brought to a faving Clofe with Chri/i, &c. becaufe many that pretend to thefe Things, and are thought by others to have been the Subjects of 'em,maniteft no abiding Alteration in their moral Difpolition and Behaviour; are as carelefs,carnal,coveteous,^f. as ever ; yea, fome much worfe than ever : It is to be acknowledged and lamented, that this is the Cafe with fome ; but by the prcceeding Account they may be fenrible,that it is not ^o with ajl. There are fome indifputable Inftanccs of fuch aChange, as the Scripture fpeaks of ; an abiding great Change, a Renovation of the Spirit of the Alindy and ^a Walking in Newne/s of Life. In the foregoing Inftance particularly, they may fee the abiding Influence of fuch a Work of Converfion, as they have heard cf from the Word of GOD ; the Fruits of fuch Experiences through a Courfe of 'Years ; under a great Variety of Circumftances, many Changes of State, Place, and Company ; and may fee the blcflcd IfTue and Event of it in Life and Death.

IV. The preceedlngHiftory fcrves to confirm thofeDo£lrjnc8

ufually called the Do^rines of Grace, For if it be allowed

(iq 2 that

29^ Rf fleftions mid Obfervatlons

that (here is Truth, Subftance, or Value in the maio of Mr. Braintrd's Religion, it will undoubtedly follow,that thofe Doc- trines are divine : Since 'tis evident, that the whole of it, from Beginning to End, 19 according to that Scheme of Things ; all built •n thofe Apprehenfions, Notions, and Views, that are produced and eftabliflicd in the Mind by thofe Dodlrincs, He was brought by Do6lrines of this Kind, to his Awakening, and deep Concern about Things of a fpiritual and eternal Nature ; and by thefe Do^rines his Convi^ions were maintained and carried on ; and hisConvcrfion was evidently altogether agree- able to this Scheme, but by no Means agreeing with the con- trary ; and utterly inconfiftent with the Ar minion Notion of Converfion or Repentance. HisConverfion was plainly found- ed in a clear ftrong Con virion, and undoubting Perfwafion ol the Truth of th^fe Things appertaining to thefe Do6lrines, which jirminions moil objedi againfl^ and which his own Mind ha^ contended moft about. And his Converfion was no con- firming and perfeding of moral Principles and Habits, byUfe and Practice, and his own Labour in an induftrious difciplln- ing himfelf, together with the concurring Suggeftions and con- ipiring Aids of GOD's Spirit : But entirely a fupernatural Work, at omcc turning him fromDarknefs to marveUousLight, and from the Power of Sin to theDominion of divine and holy Principles ; an EfFe<Sl, in no Regard produced by his Strength or Labour, or obtained by his Vertue ; and not accompli&'d 'till he was firft brought to a full Conviction that all his own Vertue, Strength, Labours, and Endeavours could never avail any Thing to the producing or procuring this EfFe6t.

Avery little while before, his Mind was full of the fame Cavils againft theDo6lrines of GO D's Sovereign Grace, which are made by Arminians ; And his Heart full even of a raging Oppofition to 'em.'AndGOD was pleafed to perform this good Work in him juft after a fullEnd had been put to this Cavilimg andOppofitLon; after he was entirely convinced,that he was dead in Sin, and was in ihc Haads of GOD, as the abfolutely fove- rcipn, unobligcd, fple Difpofer and Author of true Holinefs. GOD's (hewing himMercy at fuch a Time, is a Confirmation, that this was aPreparaiion fofMercy ; & CGnfequentlyjthat thefe Things which he was convinced of, were true : While he op-^ pofed thefe Things, he was the Subject of no fuch Mercy; tho' he fo earneflly fought it, and prayed for it with fo much Painfuinefs, Care and Stridlnefs in Religion : But when once Lis OfvpofitioA in iu.\\y fuj^^dued, an^ he js brought to fubmit tP

the

On the preceeding Mcmolri; 2cip

the Truths, which he before had oppored,with full Conviaion then the Mercy he fought for is granted, with abundant Lighf, great Evidence and exceeding Joy, and he reaps the fwcetFruit of it all his Lite after,& in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. In his Converfion, he was brought to fee the Glory of that Way of Salvation by Chrifl, that is taught in what are called the DoSirines of Grace } and thence-forward, with unfpeakable Joy and Complacence, to embrace and acquiefce in that Way of Salvation. He was in his Converfion, in all Refpeas, bro't to thofe Views, and that State of Mind, which thefeDoarincs fhew to be necefTary. And if his Converfion was any realCon- vcrfion, or any Thing befides a meer Whim, and if the Reli- gion of his Life was any Thing elfe but a Series of Freaks of a ivhimfical Mind, then this one grand Principle, on which de- pends the whole Difference between Cahini/fi and Arminians^ is undeniable, v/z> That the Grace or Vertue-. of truly good Men, not only differs from the Vertue of others /« /)^^r^/, but even in Nature and Kind* If ever Mc. Brainerd was truly turned from Sin to GOD at all, or ever became truly Religi- ous, none can reafonably doubt but that his Converfion was at the Time when he fuppofed it to be : The Change he thea experienced, was evidently the greateft moral Change,that ever he pafs'd under ; ^nd he was then apparently firft brought to that Kind of Religion, that remarkable newHabit andTemper of Mind, which he held all his Life after. The Narration fliews it to be different, in Nature and Kind^ from all that ever he was the Subjedi of before. It was evidently wrought at once, without fitting and preparing his Mind, by gradually con- vincing it more and more of the fame Truths, and bringing it nearer and nearer to fuch aTemper : For it was foon after his Mind had been remarkably full of Blafphemy, and a vehement Exercife of fenfible Enmity againfl God, and great Oppofii ion to thofe Truths, which he was now brought with his whole Soul to embrace, and reft in, as divine and glorious, and to place hisHappinefs in the Contemplation and Improvement of. And he himfelf (who wasfurely beft ablctojudge)declare5,that the Difpofitions and Affections, which were then given him, and thence-forward maintained in hirn, weremoftfenfibly and certainly, perfectly different, in their Nature^ from aU that ever he was the Subjeft of before, or that he ever had any Con- ception of. This he ever ftood to & was peremptory in (as what he certainly knewj even to hisDeath. He muft be looked upon ;^3 capable o/jjidging i he had Opportunity to know ; He had

pradhfcd

^oo ReSedions 4J»J ObfcrvatioBS

pradifcd a great deal of Religion before, was exceeding ftriS and cocfcientious, and had continued (o for a long Time ; had various religious Affections, with which he often flattered himfelf, and fometimcs pieafed himfelf as being now in a good Eflate: And after he had thofe new Experiences, that began in bis ConverfioD, they were continued to the End of hisLife; long enough for him thoroughly to obferve their Nature, and compare 'cm with what had been before. Doubtlefs he was (9mp«s maitis ; and was at leaft one of fo good an Underfland- ing and Judgment, as to be pretty well capable of difcerning and comparing the Things that pafTed in his own Mind.

'Tis further obfervable, that his Religion all along operated in fuch aManner as tended to confirm hisMind in ftieDcctrines of Gee's abfolute Sovereignty, Man's univerfal and intire De- pcndancc on God's Power and Grace, i^c. The more hisRe- iigion prevailed in his Heart, and the fuller he was of di?ine LovCjard of clear and delightful V'iews of fpiritual Things,and the more his Heart was engaged in God*s Service ; the more fenfible he was of the Certainty and tbeExccllency and Impor- tance of thefe Truths, and the more he was affcded with tbem and r«joyced in them. And he declares particularly, that when he lay for a long while on the Verge of theeternalVVorld, 6ftcn expecting to be in thstWorld in a fewMinutes,yct at the fame Time enjoying gre^r Serenity of Mind, and Ciearnefs of Thcughr, and being mafi apparently in a peculiar Manner at a Diftance from an enthufiaftical Frame, he at that TimeJ^w dtarlj ibeTrutbof ibofe great Ds^rina €f theGsfpel, which are juft If fiuti ice Doctrines of Grace, end never felt bimfeif fo capakU §f ce^:infi rating tke Truth of them.

So that 'tis very evident, Mr. Braimrits Religion was wholly cerrefpcndent to what is Cilied the Calvimjiical Scheme^ and was the Effect of thofe Dofirincs applied to his Heart : And certainly it cannot be denied, that the Effe^ was good, unlefs

we turn Athei-ls, or Deifls. I would afi:, whether there

be any fuch Tiling, in Reality, as Cbriflian Devstica f — If there be, what is it ? What is its Nature ? And what its ')Mi\ Mealure ? Should it not be in a great Degree ? VVe read ibundar.t'jy in Scripture, of hving God with all the Hearty with alttte Siul^ with alt the MirJ^and with all the Strength, of Z)r- ' :^g inGsd^ o^i Rtjoycing in the Lyrd, Rrj cuing with Jef .zkable ar-.d full of Glory, ^he SiuPs Magnifying the Lord ^ 7- -'jiir.g fcr G:d, Hungring and ThirfUng after Righteoufnefs^ . . Sfj.'j hrtrr-^. f-.r. ^re L:Jig:ng it kaib to Gt^Ps JudgmtntSy

Preying

On the pncndi^ Memoirs. 30 1'

Praying to God with\Groaningi that cannot be uttered^ Mourning for Sin with a broken Heart and contrite Spirit, kc. How full is the Book of Pfalms, and other Pans of Scripture, of fuch Things as theft; ! Now wherein do thefe Things, 33 exprefs*d by and appearing in Mr. 5rfl/;7^r^, either iheThings themfelvcs or their EfFe^s and Fruits, differ from the Scripturc-Reprc* fentations ? Thefe Things he waj brought to by that f^range and wonderful Transformation of the Man, which he called his CoTtverfion. And don't this well agree with what is fo often faid, in Old Teflament and New, concerning the giving of a new Hearty creating a right Spirit, a being renewed in the 6'p/- rit of the Mind, a being fanSiified throughout , becoming a new Creature, &c ? Now where is there to be found an Jrminian Converfion orRepent3nce,conrifting in fo great and admirable a Change ? Can [hzArminians produce an Inflance, within this Age, and To, plainly, within our Reach and View, of fuch a Reformation, fuch a Transformation of a Man, to Scriptural Devotion, Heavenly-Mindednefs, and true Chriflian Morality, in one that before lived without thefe Things, on the Foot of //^«>Principles,and through the Influence of thci^Dodtrines ?

And here, is worthy fo be confidered, not only theEfFedt of Calvini/iical Doctrines ( as they are called ) on Mr. Brainerd himfelf, but aifo the EfFe6l of the fame Dodtrines, as taught and inculcated by him, on others. 'Tis abundantly pretended and aflcrted of late, that thefe Doctrines tend to undermine the very Foundations of all Religion and Morality, and to en- ervate and vacate all reafonaWe Motives to the Exercifs and Practice of them, and lay invincible Stumbling-Biocks be- fore 7n/i^/i, to hinder their embracing Chri(tianity ; and that the contrary Dofirines are the fruitfulPrinciples cf Virtue and Goodnefs, fet Religion on it's right Bafis, reprefent it in an amiable Light, fzive it's Motives their full Force, and recom- mend it to the Reafon and common Senfe of Mankind. — ^\it where can they find an Inffance of (o great and fignal anEffe«St of their Dedrines, in bringing Infidels, who were at fuch a Diftance from all that is Civil, Human, Sober, Rational, and Chriftian, and fo full of inveterate Prejudices againft ihcfc Things, to fuch a Degree of Humanity, Civility, Exercife of Reafon, Self-denial, and Chrifiian Vertue ? ^miniam place Religion in Mcraliiy : Let them br-ing an Infhnce of their Doctrines producing fuch aTransformation of aPcoplc inPoint GfMoraliiv. 'Tis flrangc, if the Al wife God fo ordersThings in his Providence, that reafcuable a/iJ proper Means ^ and hit

3©2 Reflexions and Obfervations

cwn Means, which he hirofelf has appointed,(hould in no known remarkable Inftance be inftrumental lo produce fo good an Ef-^ fc6l ; anEffe6l fo agreable to his own Word & Mind, and that veryEfFe£l for which he appointed thefe cxceilentMeans ; that ' they fhould not be foSuccefsfuI^as thofeMeans which are nathis own, but very contrary to 'eai> and of a contrary Tendency ; Means that are in themfelves very abfurd, and tend to root all Religion and Vertue out of the World, to promote and cfta- blifli Infidelity,and to lay an infuperable Stumbling- Biock be- fore Fagam, to hinder their embracing the Gofpel : I fay, if this be the true State of the Cafe, 'tis certainly pretty won- derful, and an Event worthy of fome Attention.

1 know, that many will be ready to fay, Jt is too /eon fety to glory in tbelVork^ihat has hmivro't among Mr, BrsLinerd'sInc^iansi ^Tiybeft to wait and Jee the final Event \ Jtmay be^ all will come U nothing by and by ; To which I anfwer ( not to infift, that it will not follow, according to Jrminian Principles, they are not nowtrueChriftians,realIypious& godly, the' ihey /hould i2\hw2iy and come to nothing) that I never fuppofed, every one of thofc Ja^;j»/,whoinProfcflion renounced their Heathenifm $c vifibly embraced Chriftianity, and have had fome Appearance of Piety, will finally prove true Converts : If two thirds, or in- deed one half of 'em ( as great a Proportion as there is in the Parable of the Ten Virgins) fhould perfevere ; it will be fuffici- cnt to (hew the Work, wrought among them, to have been truly admirable and glorious. But fo much of Permanence of their Religion has already appeared, as Ihewsit to be fomething elfe befides an Indian Humour or good Mood, or any tranfient EfFeft in the Conceits, Notions, and AfFe6lions of thefe igno- rant People, excited at a particular Turn, by artful Manage- ment. For 'tis now more than three Tears ago, that this Work began among them, and a remarkableChange appear'd in many of them ; fmce which Time the Number of vifible Converts has greatly increafed : And by repeated Accounts, from feve- ral Hands, they ftill generally perfevere in diligent Religion and flriil Vertue. I think worthy to be here inferted, a Letter from a young Gentleman, a Candidate for the Miniftry, one of thofe before mentioned, appointed by the honourable Commiflioners InSqfionyZS MiiTionaries to theHeathen of the Six Nations^ fo called ; who, by their Order, dwelt with Mr. John Srainerd, among thefe Chriftian Indians^ in order to their being prepared for the Bufinefs of their Miffion. The Letter wa$ written from then^Cjio his Parents here in Nortjfempton^k is as follows.

' ' Bsthek

On the preaedifi^ Memoirs;

S€>^

Bethih m New-Jerfey, Jan. 14. 1747,$. Honoured and dear Parents,

<« AFteralong and unccmfortable Journey, by Reafon of ^A «« bad Weather, I arrived at Mr. ^ro/'n/r^'s, the 6th «< of this Inftant; where I defign to ftay this Winter : And <« asyet, upon many Accounts, am well fatisfied with my *« coming hither. The State and Circumftances of the 7/i- <' dians^ fpiritual and temporal,much exceed what I expedlerf, <^ I have endeavoured to acquaint my felf with the State of *« the Indians in genera], with particular Pcrfons, and with *« the School; as much as the fhort Time I have been hero «« would admit of. And noiwithftanding my Expedationa «« were very much raifed, from Mr. David Brainerd's Jour- «^ nal, and from particular Informations from him; yet I <« muft confefs, that in many Refpeds, they are not equal to «< that which now appears to me to be true, concerning the »« glorious Work of divine Grace arnongft the Indians,

«* The Evening after I came to Town, I had Opportunify «« to fee the Indians together, whilft the Rev. Mr. Arthur *« preach'd to them : At which Time there appeared a wtr^ <« general and uncommon Serioufnefs and Solemnity in the «« Congregation : And this appear'd to me to be the EfFedt <c of an inward Senfe of the Importance of divine Truihj, << and not becaufe they were hearing a Stranger : Which was «« abundantly confirmed to me the next Sabbath, when there << was the fame devout Attendance on divine Service, and a *« furprizing Solemnity appearing in the Performance of each <c Part of divine Worfhip. And fome, who are hopefully true «« Chriftiansjappear to have been atthatTime much cnliven'd *« and comforted j not from any obfervableCommotions then, <« but from Converfation afterwards: And others fecm'd ta «« be under preffing Concern for their Souls. I have cndea- «« voured to acquaint my felf with particular Perfons ; many «' of whom feem to be very humble and growing Chriftians ; *' altho' fome of them ( as I am informed) were before their <« Converfion moft monftroufly Wicked.

*' Religious Converfation feems to be very pleafing and <« delightful to many, and efpecially that which relates to <« the Exercifes of the Heart. And many here don*t fecni *« to be real Chriftians only, but growing Chriftians alfo ; «' as well in do<3rinal, as experimental Knowledge. Bcfidofi '« myConverfation with particularPcrfons,! have badOppor- ^' tunity to attend upon one of Mfi Brmnd'% catechetical " R r l^^witn

oo^ Reflexions and Obfervations

*« Leisures ; where I was furprized at their Readlnefs in <' anfwering Queftions which they had not been ufed to : «« Altho' Mr. i^mwgr(i complained much of their uncommon <« Deficiency, it is furprizing, to fee this People, who not «« long fince were led Captive by Satan at his Will, and liv- <« ing in the Practice of all manner of Abominations, with- <« out the leaft Senfe even of moral Honefty, yet now living •« foberiy and regularly, and not feeking every Man his own, «< but every Man, in fome Senfe, his Neighbour's Good ; «« and to fee ibofe, who but a little while paft, knew nothing ^ of the true GOD, now worfhipping Him in a folemn and <« devout Manner 5 not only in publick, but in their Fami- <« lies and in Secret ; which is manifeftly the Cafe ; it being *« a difficuli: Thing to walk out in the Woods in theMorn- <« ing, without difturbing Perfons at their fecret Devotion. «' And it feems v/onderful, that this fhould be the Cafe, not <« only with adult Perfons, but with Children alfo. It is ob- «« fervabic here, that many Children ( if not the Children << in general) retire into fecret Places to pray. And, as far «« as at prefent i can judge, this is not the EfFeft of Cuflom *« and Fafhion, but of real Serioufnefs and Thoughtfulnefs <* about their Souls.

" 1 have frequently gone into the School^ and have fpcnt << confiderabie Time there amongft the Children ; and have «« been furprized to fee, not only their diligent Attendance «« upon theBufmefsof theSchool,butalfo the Proficiency they «« have made in it, in Reading and Writing, and in their Ca- ♦^ techifms of divers Sorts. It feems to be as pleafing and as << natural to thefe Children, to have their Books in theirFIands, *« as ii does for many ethers to be at Play. I have gone into «' an Houfe where there has been a Number of Children ^c- <« cidentaily gathered together ; and obferved, that every one «' had his Book in his Hand, and was diligently ftudying of .<« it. There is to the Number of about thirty of shefs Chil- <« drcp, who csn anfwer to all the Qiieflipns in the JJfemr «« lihf'i^ Cafcchifm \ and the bigger Part of them are able to do *' it with thePro^y^jr, to the fourth Commandnicnt. I v;ifh «' there were many fueh Schools : I confefs, that I never was *' acquainted with fuch an one, in many Refpc6!s. Oh that "• what God has done here, may prove to be the Beginning '• cifa hx more glorious and cxtenfive Work of Grace among << the Heathen. I am your cbsdicniand dutiful Son,

Job Strong, « P.S. Since

On the preceeding Memoirs. 305

<c P, S. Since the Date of this, I have had Opportunity to <« attend upon another oiMr. Brainerd's caiechcticalLedlures: <« and truly I was- convinced, that Mr. Braim^rd &id not ccni" « plain before of his People's Defedls in anfwering toQuefti- « ons propofed, without Rcafon : For altho' iheir An/wen " at that Time exceeded my Expectations very much ; yet «« their Performances at this Lecture very much exce'edcd

Since this, we have had Accounts from Time to T me,and fome very late, which (hew that Religion ftill continues in profperous and moft defirable Circumftances among thefc Indians,

V. Is there not much in the preceedingMemoirs ofMr/Src/- nerdio teach, and excite toDuty,U9 who are called to the Work of th^Mini/iry^ and all that siteCandidates for thatgreatWcrk? What a deep Senfe did he feem to have of the Greatnefs and Importance of that Work, and with what Weight did it lie on his Mind ! How fenfible was he of his own lafufficiency for this Work ; and how great was his Dependance on God's Sufficiency I How folicitous, that he might be fitted for it ! And to this End, how much Time did he fpend in Prayer and Fafting, as well as Reading and Meditation ; giving himjdf to thefe Things ! How did he dedicate his whole Life, all his Powers and Talents to God ; and forfake and renounce the World, with all it's pleafing and enfnaring Enjoyments, that he might be wholly at Liberty, to ferve Chrift in this Work ; and to pleafe him who had chofen him to be a Soldier^ under -the Captain of our Salvation ! With what Solicitude, Solemnity, and Diligence did he devote himfelf to God our Saviour, and feek his Prefence and Blefling in fecret, at the Time of his Ordination ! And how did his whole Heart appear to be con- ftantly engaged, his whole Time employed, and his whole Strength fpent in the Bufinefs he then folemnly undertook and

was publickly fet apart to I And his Hiftory fliews us the

right Way to Succefs in the Work of the Miniftry. He fought it, as a refolute Soldier feeks Vidory, in a Siege or Battle j or as a Man that runs a Race, for a great Prize. Animated with Love to Chrift and Souls, how did he labour always fervently ^ not only in Word and Dodtrine, in publick and private, but \n Prayers Day and Night, wrejlling with God in fecret, and travailing in Birth, with unutterable Groans and Agonies, ««- til Chri/i wtre formed in the Hearts of the People to R r 2 whonj

^5

Reflcftions and Obfervatiohs

whom he was fent ! How did he thirft for a Bleffing on his Miniftry ; and watch for Souls, as one that muft give Account / How did Yitgo forth in the Strength of the Lord God-, feeking and depending on a fpecial Influence of the Spirit to aflift and fuccccd him ! And what was the happy Fruit at laft, though after long waiting, and many dark and difcouraging Appear- ances I Like a true Son of Jacob, he perfevered in wrefth'ng» through all theDarknefs of theNight, until the breaking of tha Day.

And his Example of labouring, praying^denying himfelf,and enduring Hardnefs, with unfalnting Refolution and Patience,* and his faithful, vigilentjand prudent Conduft in many other Refpedls (which it would be too long now particularly to re- cite ) may afford Inftru61ion to Mifftonaries in particular.

VI. The foregoing Account of Mr. Brainerd*s Life may afford Inftruftion to Chriftians in general; as it fhews,in many Rcfpe<^s, the right Way of praSiifing Religion, in order to obtaining the Ends of it, and receiving the Benefits of it ; or how Chriflians (hould run the Race, Jet before them, if they would not run in vain^ or run as uncertainly, but would ho- nour God in the World, adorn their Profeffion, be Service- able to Mankind, have the Comforts of Religion while the/ live, be free from difquieting Doubts and dark Apprehenfions about the State of their Souls ; enjoy Peace in the Approaches

of Death, and finifh their Courfe with Jop In general, he

much recommended, for this Purpofe, the Redemption of Time ^ great Diligence in the Bufinefs of the Chriflian Life, Watchful'- T^efs^ he. And he very remarkably exemplify'd thefeThings,

But particularly, his Example and Succcfs with Regard to one Duty in fpecial, may be of great Ufe to bothMinifters and private Chriftians 5 I mean, the Duty o( fecret Fa/ling, The Reader has feen, how much Mr. Brainerd recomrnends this Duty, and how frequently he exercifed himfelf in it ; Nor can it well have efcap'd Obfervation,how much he wasown'd and blefs'd in it, and of what great Benefit it evidently was to bis Soul. Among all the many Days he fpent in fecretFafling and Prayer, that he gives an Account of in his Diary, there is (carce an Inftance of one, but what was either attended or foon followed with apparent Succcfs, and a remarkable Bleffing^ in fpecial Incomes and Confolations of God's Spirit ; and

very often, before the D^y was ended.- But it muft be

pbfef v£d, that when he fee aboi^t this Duty, he did it in good

Earneftj

C» the pnceeding Memoirs. ^or

Earncft ; ^irrhg up hlmfelfu take hold o/GodyZnd coni'mulnz injiant in Proyery with much of the Spirit of Jacob, v^ho ikid to the Angel, 1 will not }et the go^ txcept thou blefs me.

VII. There is much in the preceding Account to excite . and encourage God's People to carneft Prayers and Endea- vours for the Mvancemtnt and Enlargement of the K'n^dom of Chuist in the IVorld, Mr. Brainerdfat us an excellent Ex- ample in this Refpedl : He fought the Profperity of Zion with all his iMight : He prefer'd Jerufahm above his chief Joy. \iov7 did his Soul long for it, and pant after it ! And how earneftlv and often did he wreftle with God for it ! And how far did he, in thefe Defircs and Prayers, feem to be carried beyond all private and felfifh Views ! being animated by a pure Love to Chrift, an earneft Defire of his Glory, and a difinterefted AfFe£lion to the Souls of Mankmd.

The Cenfideration of this, not only oughc to be an Incitement to the People of God, but may alfo be a juft Encouragement to *cm, to be much in feeking and praying for a general Out- pouring of the ^p\r\t of God, and extenfive Revival ofRcligion. I confefs, that God's giving fo much of a Spirit cf Prayer for this Mercy to fo eminent a Servant of his, and exciting him, in fo extraordinary a Manner, and with fuch vehement Thirftings of Soul, to agonize in Prayer for it, fromTime to Tjme.jthro* the Courfe of his Life, is one Thing, among other?, which gives me great Hope, that God has a Defign of accomplifhing fomething very glorious for the Intereft of his Church before long. One fuch Inflance as this, I conceive, gives more En- couragement, than the common, cold, formal Prayers of Thoufands. As Mr. Brainerd's Defires and Pravers for the coming ofChrift'sKingdom, were vtry /pecial and extraordinary; fo, I think, v/e may reafonably hope, that the God, who ex- cited thofe Defires and Prayers, will anfwer them with fome- thing y^^aa/ and extraordinary. And in a particular Manner, do I think it worthy to be takenNotice of for ourEncouragmenr, that he had his Heart (as he declared ) unufually, and beyond what had been before, drawn out in Longirgs and Prayers for theFlourifhing of Chrift's Kingdom on Earth, when he was in the Approaches of Death ; and that with his d)ing Breath he did as it were breathe out his departing Soul into the Bofom of hisRedeemer, in Prayers andPantings after this gloriousEvent; expiringin a very greatHopethat it would foon begin to be ful- /i'ed. And 1 wifh, that the Tho'ts which he in h:s dying State

exprcffci

^oS Refledions and Obfcrvatloiis

cxpreficd of that explicitAgreementjand vifibleUnion of God's People, in extraordinary Prayer for a general Revival of Reli- gion, lately propofed in a Memorial from Scotland^ which has been difperfed among us, maj/ be well confidered by thofethat

hitherto have notfeen fit to /all in with that Propofal. But

I forbear to fay any more on this Head, having already largely publifhed my Thoughts upon it, in aDifcourfe written onPur- pofe to promote that Affair ; which, Iconfefs,! wifh that every one of myReadersmight be fupplied with ; not that my Honour, but that this excellent Defign might be promoted.

As there is much in Mr. Brainerd^s Life to encourage Chri- ftians to feek the Advancement of ChrifPs Kingdom, in gene- ral ; fo there is, in particular, to pray for the Converlion oMhe Indians on this Continent, and to exert themfelves in the Ufe of proper Means for it's Accomplifhment. For it appears, that he in his unutterable Longings and Wreftlings of Soul for the Flourlfhing of Religion, had his Mind peculiarly intent on tl-e Convcrfion and Salvation of thefe People, and his Heart moreefpecially engaged in Prayer for them. And if we confi- der the Degree and Manner in which he from Time toTime, fought and hoped for an extenfiveWork of Grace among them, I think, we have Reafon to hope, that the wonderful Things, wbichGod wrought among them by him, are but aFore-runner of fomething yet much more glorious and extenfivc of that Kind ; and this rnay juftly be an Encouragement, to well- difpcfed charitable Perfons, to honour the Lord with thsir Sub- fiance^ by contributing, as they are able, to promote the fpread- inc of theGofpel among them ; and this alfo may incite and en- courage Gentlemen who are incorporated, and intrufted with the Care and Difpofal of thofe liberal Benefa6lions, which have already been made by piousPerfons, to that End ; andlikewife the Mifiionaries themfelves, that are or may be employed ; and it may be of Diredion unto both, as to the properQualifications of MifTicnarics, and the proper Meafures to be taken in order to their Succefs.

One Thing in particular, I would take Occafion from the foregoing Hiftory to mention and propofe to the Confideration of fuch as have the Care of providing and fending Ji^iJJionaries amongSavages ; uiz. Whether it would not ordinarily be befl to ftnd two together ? It is pretty manifeft, that Mr. Brainerd's going, as he did, alone into the howling Wildernefs, was one great Occafion of fuch a prevailing of Melancholy on hisMind; which was his greateft D:fadvantage. He was much in fpeak-

M

On the preceedifjg Memo'rrs. 309

ing of it himfelf, when he was here in his dyingState ; and ex- pre/Ted himfelf, to this Purpofe, that none could conceive of the Difadvantage 3 Miffionary in fuch Circumftances was un- der, by being alone ; efpecialJy as it expofed him to Difcou- ragement and Melancholy : And fpokeof thcWifdoin ofChrift in fending forth his Difciples by Two and Two ; and left it as his dying Ad vice to his Brother, never to go to Sufquahannah, to travel about in that remote Wildernefs, to preach to the Indians there, as he had often done, without the Company of a Fellow - A/liJfionary .

VIII. One Thing more may not be unprofitably obfervcd in the preceeding Account of Mr. Brainerd ; and that is the fpecial and remarkable Difpojal of divine Providence, with Re- gard to the Circum/fances of his laft Skknefi and Death,

Tho' he had been long infirm, his Conftitution being much broken by his Fatigues and Hardfliips ; and tho' he was often brought very low by lllncfs, be'^ore he left Kaunaumeek, and alfo while he lived at the Fsrks of Delaware : Yet his Life was preferved, 'till he had feen that which he had Co long and greatly defircd and fought, a glorious Work of Grace among the hdians, and had received the wifhed for Bleflingof (jod on his Labours. Tho* as it were in Deaths cft^ yet he lived to behold the happy Fruits of the long continued Travail of his Soul and Labour of his Body, in the wonderful Conver- fion of many of the Heathen, and the happy Y.?it€i. of it in the great Change of their Convcrfation, with manyCircumftances which afforded a fair Profpe6t of the Continuance of God's Bleffing upon them ; as may appear by what I fhall prcfently

further obferve Thus he did not depart, 'till his £)is

had feen God's Salvation,

Tho* it was the Pieafureof God, that he fliould betaken clFfrom his Labours among that People whbm God had made him a fpjriiual Father to, who were (0 dear to him, and whofe fpiritual Welfare he was fo greatlvconcerned for ; yet this wai not before they were well initiated and initrudled in the Chr il- tian Relijrion, thoroughly wei^ned from their old heathenilh and brutifb Notions and Pracf^ices, and all 'heir Prejudices and Jealoufies, which tended to keep their Minds unfeitled, were fully removed ; and they were confirmed and fixed in the ChriftianFaiih and Manners, were formed into a Church, had ecclefiafticalOrdinanccs and Difciplinc introduced h fettled ; were brought into a good Way with Rtfpedt to the Education of Children, h«d a School- Mallw fcni to' them ia Providence,

c^ccilcfitly

'5I* Reflexions and Obfervatiofjs

excellently qualified for the Bufincfs, and had a Scijool ki up and eftabljfhed, in good Order, among them ; had been well brought ofF from their former Idle, ftrolling, fottiih Way of Living ; had removed from their former fcattered uncertain Habitations ; and were colledled in aTown by themfelves, on a good Piece of Land of their own ; were introduced into thej, Way of living by Hufbandry, and begun to experience the Benefits of it, b'r. Thefe Things were but jufl brought to pafs by his indefatigable Application and Gare,an<i then he was taken ofF from his Work by liinefs. If this had been but a lictle fooner, they would by no Means have been fo well pre- pared for fuch aDifpenfation ; and it probably would have been unfpeakably more to the Hurt of their fpiritual Intereft, aijd of the Caufe of Chrif^ianity among them.

The Time and Circumftances of his Illnefs were fo or- dered, that he had juft Opportunity to finifh his Journal^ and prepare it for the Prcfs ; giving an Account of the marvellous Display of divine Power and Grace among the7»^/fl»; in NeW' '^erfey^ and at the Forh of Delaware : His doing which was a Thing of great Confequence, and therefore urged upon him by the Correfpondents^ who have honoured his Journal with a Preface. The World being particularly and juflly informed of that Affair by Mr. Brainerdy before hisDeath, a Foundation was hereby laid for a Concern in others for that Caufe, and proper Care and Meafures to be taken for the maintaining it after his Death. As it has actually proved to be of greatlnflu- cnce andBenefit in thisRefpe6t ; it having excited and engaged many in thofe Parts, and alfo more diliant Parts of Jmerica^ to exert themfelves for the upholding and promoting fo good and glorious a Work, remarkably opening their Hearts and Hands to that End : And not only in America^ but in Great Sritairig where that Journal ( which is the fame that I have earnefily re- commended to my Readers to pofTefs themfelves of) has been an Occafion of feme large Benefadlions, made for the promoting the Intereft ofChriftianity among the Indians, ——If Mr. Srainerdhzd been taken 111 but a little fooner, he had not been able to compleat this his Journal, and prepare a Copy for the Prefs.

He was not taken cfFfrom the Workof theMinif!ry among his People, 'till his Brother was in a Capacity and Circum- ftanccs to fucceed him in hisCare of them : Who fucceeds him in the like Spirit, and under whofe prudent and faithful Care his Congregation ha« flgurilhed, and been very h^ppyj fincehc ^ - ' ~ J;ft

On the freceeding Memoirs. « , t

left them ; and probably could not have been fo well provided for, other wife. If Mr. Brainerd h^d been difabled fooner, his Brother would by no Means have been ready to ftand up in' his Place 5 having taken his firft Degree at College but about that very Time that he was feiz'J with his fatal Confump- tion. ^

Tho' in that Winter that he lay fick at Mr. Dickinfon's in Eltfabeth'Town^ he continued for a long Time in an extremely low State, fo that his Life was almoft dcfpair'd of, and his State was fometimes fuch that it was hardly expedled he would live a Day to an End 5 yet his Life was fpared a while longer ; he lived to fee his Brother arrived in JSJew-Jerfey^ being come tofucceed him in theCare of his Indians ; and he himfelf had Opportunity to affift in his Examination and Introdudion into hisBufinefsj and to commit the Conduct of his dear People to One whom he well knew, and could put Confidence in and ufe Freedom with in giving him particular Inftru^ions and Charges, and under whofe Care he could leave his Congrega- tion with great Chearfulnefs.

The Providence of God was remarkable in fo ordering of it, that before his Death he (hould take a Journey into New- Eng/andyZnd go to BoJ?on : Which was, in many Refpe(5ls, of very great and happy Confequence to the Intereft of Religion, and efpecially among his own People. By this Means, as has been obfervcd, he was brought into Acquaintance with many Perfons of Note and Influence, Minifters and others, belonging both to the Town and various Parts of the Coun- try ; andhad'Opportunity, under the beft Advantages, to bear a Teftimony for God and true Religion, and againft thofe faife Appearances of it that have proved mofl pernicious to the Interefts of Chrifl's Kingdom in the Land. And the Provi- dence of God is particularly obfervable in this Circumftance of the Teftimony he there bore for true Religion ; viz. That he there was brought (o near the Grave^ and continued for fo long a Time on the very Brink of Eternity ; and from Time to Time, look'd on himfelf, and was looked on by others, as juft leaving the World ; and that in thefe Circumftances he (hould be (o particularly directed and affifted in his Tbo'fs and Views of Religion, to diftinguifh between the true and the falfe, with fuch Clearnefs and Evidence ; and that after this he (hould be unexpe6tedly and furprizingly reftored and ftrengthned, fo far as to be able to converfe freely ; and have fuch Opportunity, and fpecial Occafions to declare ibeScnti- ' S f meiit?

212 Refledions and Obfefvations

ments he had in thefe, which were, to human Apprehenfion, his -3) ing Circumftances ; and to bear his Teftimony concern- ing the Nature of true Religion, and concerning the mifchie- vous Tendency of it*s moit prevalent Counterfeits and falfe Appearances ; as Things he had a fpecial, clear, diftindView of at thst Time, when he expelled in a few Minutes to be in Eternity ; and the Certainty & Importance of which were then, in a peculiar Manner, imprefs'd on his Mind«

Among the happy Confequences of his going to BoJion^wetQ thofe Hberal Benefadions that have been mention'd, which were made by pious difpofed Pcrfons, for the maintaining and promoting the Intereft of Religion among his People : And alfo the meeting of a Number of Gentlemen in Bo/fon, of Note and Ability, to confult upon Meafures for that Purpofe ; who were excited by their Acquaintance and Converfation with Mt,Brawerd, ^n6 by the Account of the greatThings God had wrought by his Miniftry, to unite themfelves, that by their joint Endeavours and Contributions they might promote the Kingdom of Chrift, and the fpiritual Good of their Fellow- Creatures, among the Indians in New-Jer/ejfyTLnd elfewhere.

It was alfo remarkable, that Mr. Brainerd fhould go fo Bcficn, at ihst Time ; after the hanourable Commiffioncrs there, of the Corporation ia Ltndon for propagating thcGofpel in New- England and Parts adjacent, had received Dr. IVil- liam's'Lig^cy for (he maintaining of two Miifionaries among the Heathen ; and at a Time when they having concluded on a MifBon to the Indians of the Six-Nations (fo called ) were lookii:g out for fit Perfons to be imployed in that Important Service. This proved an Occalion of their committing to him the AfFaii of finding and recommending fuirable Perlons : Which has proved .a fuocefful Means of two Perfons being fjund and actually appointed to that Bufinefs ; who feem to be well qualified for lU and to have theirHearts greatly engaged in it : One of which nes been folemnly ordain'd to that Work in fiojion^ and is now gone forth to one of thofe Tribes, who have appeared well-difpofed to hisReception : It beingjudged not convenient for the other to go 'till the next Spring, by Rcafon of his bodily Infirmity. * Thefe-

* The Appomanent of ihefe Gentlemen to this Miffion has been blthirto much fmiled on ia Providence j as in Other Re]pci5isf,_fopHrticuiaiIy in the wonderful opening

of

On the preceeding Memoirs. 3 1 ^

-Thefe happy Confequences of Mr. ^r/2/«^r^'s Journey to ^opn would have been prevented, in Cafe he had died, when he was brought fo near to Death in jSJewJerfey. Or if after he c »m- firft to Northampton ( vvherd ha was much at a Lofs and long dehberating which Way to bend his Courfe ) he had determined not to go to Bo/im.

The Providence of God was obfervable in hi^ going to Sojion at aTimc when not only the honourableComnjifiioncrs wfere feeking Mi^onaries to the Six Nations ; but jult after his Journal^ which gives an Account of his Labours and Suc- cefs among the Jadiam^had been received and fpread in^o/hn .- Whereby his Name was known, and the Minds of lerirjus People were well prepared to receive his^Peifon, and the Teftimony he there gave for God ; to exert themTelves for the upholding and promoting the Intereft of Religion in his Congregation, and amon^fl the /«^/^»j elfewhcre j and to regard his Judgment concerning the Q^iaiifications of Mi{riC' naries, ^c, U he had gone there the Fall before (when he had intended to have made his jo-^rney into New-Englayid, but was prevented hy afudden greatlncreafe of his Jilnefs) it would not have been likely to liave been in any Meafurc to To good EiFe6l : And aifo if he had not been unexpecSledly detained in Bo/ion ; For when he v/cnt from my Houfe, jhe intended to make but a very fhort Stay there ; But divine Providence by his being brought fo low there, detain'd him long ; theicby to make Way for the fulfilling it's own gracious Ddigns.

The Providence of God was remarkable in fo ordering, tiiat altho' he was brought To very near thcGrave \v\Bcfion^ that it was not in the leafl expected he would ever come alive out of his Chamber ; yet he wonderfuily revived, and was prc- ferved feveral Months longer : So that he had Opportunity to fee, and fully to converfe with both h\syoun<i,dx Brethren before ^

he died ; which wasaThing he greatly delircd ; and cfpccially ^

to fee his Brother John,\v\ih whom wa^left theCarc of hisCon" gregation -, that he might by him be fully informed of their

of the Hearts of many to contribute libcr;»lly to fo excel- lent aDefign ; bcfides the B^nefadions in /;ry?o«,aNumbcr of Perfons at Norihompton with much Chcarfulncfs have given about jT. i6o fold 1 enor ) ; and a particular Pcr- fon in Spritipficla has devoted a conficlerablc Part of Ms

Eflare to this inter efh

S f 2 State

^T^ Rcfleftions and Obfcr^tions

State, and might leave with him fuch Inftruflions and Direc- tions as were requifite in order to their fpiritual Welfare, and to fend to them his dying Charges and Counfels. And he had alfo Opportunity, by Means of this Sufpenfion of hit Death, to find and recommend a Couple of Perfons fit to be employed as Mijianaries to the 5/> Nations^ as had been dcfircd of him.

Thus, altho' it was the Pleafureofa fove reign God, that he fhould be taken away from his Congregation, the People that he had begotten through the Gofpel, who were fo dear to him ; yet it was granted to him, that before he died he Ihould fee them well provided for^ every Way : He faw them provided for with One to inftrud them,and take Care of their Souls ; his own Brother, whom he could confide in : He faw a good Foundation laid for the Support of the School among them ; tbofe Things that before were wanting in order to it, b:;ng fupplicd : And he had the Profpedl of a charitable Society being eftabliflicd, of able and well-difpofed Persons, who feem to make the fpiritual Intereft of his Congregation their own ; whereby he had a comfortable View of their being well-pro- vided for, for the future : And he had alfo Opportunity to leave all his dying Charges with his SuccefTor in the Paftoral Care of his People, and by him to fend his dying Counfels to them. Thus God granted him to fee all Things happily fettled, or in a hopeful Way of being fo^ before his Death, with Re- fpe^l to his dear People — And whereas not oiily his ownCon- grcgation, but the Souls of the Indiam in North- America in general, were very dear to him, and he had greatly fet his Heart on the propagating and extending the Kingdom of Ch:ifi among 'em ; God was pleafcd to grant to him (however it w;is his Will, that he fhould be taken away, and fo fhould not be the immediate Ir.f^rument of their Infiru6lion andCon- yerfion, yet ) that before his Death, he fhould fee unexpedled rxiraordin^ry Provilion made for this alfo. And 'tis remarka- ble, that God not only allowed him to fee fuch Provifion made for the maintaining the Interefi of Religion among his own People, and ♦hePropagation of it elfewhere ; but honoured him by making him theMeans or Occ fion oi it. So that it is very probable, however Mr. Brainerd^ during the lafl four Months of his Li/e, was ordinarily in an extremely weak and lowState^ very often f^drcttly able to fpeak ; yet that he was made the if«ihument oi- Means of much m.ore Good ia that Space of

Timc^

On the f receding Memoirs. ^ i -

Time, than he would have been if he had been well, and m full Strength of Body. Thus God^i Power was manifeftcd ia J)is fVeaknefsyZnd iheLt/e of ChriJI was ntanifefted in his mortal Flejh.

Another Thing, wherein appears the merciful Difpofal of Providence with Refpedt to his Death, was, that he did not die in the Wildernefs, among KhQ^z^TLgts^^iKaunaumtekyOx the Forks of Delaware^ or at Sufquahannah-y but In a Place where his dying Behaviour and Speeches might be obferved and rc- membred, and fome Account given of them for the Benefit of Survivors ; and alfo where. Care might be taken of him in his Sicknefs, and proper Honours done htm at his Death.

The Providence of God is alfo worthy of Remark, in fo over-ruling and ordering the Matter, that he did not finally leave abfolute Orders for the intire fuppreffing of his private Papers ; as he had intended and fully refolved, infomuch that all thelmportunity of hisFriends could fcarce reftrain him from doing it, when fick at Sofion* And one Thing relating to this is peculiarly remarkable, v/z. that his Brother, a little >before his Death,' fliould come from the J^r/^yj unexpeded, and bring hhDiary to him,tho* he had received nofuchOrder. So that he had Opportunity of Accefs to thefe his refcrvcd Pa« pers, and for reviewing the fame ; without which, it appears, he would at laft have ordered them to be wholly fupprefs*d : But after this, he the more readily yielded to the Defires of his PViends, and was willing to leave them in their Hands to be difpofed of as they thought might be moft for God's Glory : By which Means, he being dead, yet fpeaketh, in thcfeMcmoirs of h.s Life, taken from thofe private Writings : Whereby it is to be hoped he may ftill be as it were the Inftrument of much promoting thclntereft of Religion in this World ; the Advancement of which he (o much dcfired, and hoped would be accomplifh'd after his Death.

If thefc Cir.cumftances of Mr. ^ramerd's Death be duly confidered, I doubt not but they will be acknowledged as a notable Inftance.of God's Fatherly Care, andCovenant F-iiih- fulnefs towards them that are devoted to him, and faithruliy Terve him while they live ; whereby he never fails nor forfakis them, but is with them living and dyini^ ; fo that whether the; live, they live to the LORD ; or whether they die,they die to the Lord ; and both in Life andDeath they are own'd and taken Cafe oi as /^j..-'Mr.^rjTnr;ihimrclf as was before obferved,

Wii

3i6

Reflc6lioi« and Obfervations (^c.

was much in taking >foticc ( when near his End ) of th£ mer- ciful Circumftances of his Death ; and faid, fpom Time to Time, that God had granted him all his Defire.

And 1 would not conclude myObfervations on the merciful Circumftances of Mr. Brainerd?^ Death without acknowledg- ing withThankfulnefs, the graciousDifpenfation of Pfovidence to me and my Family, in fo ordering, that he ( tho' the ordi- nary Place of his Abode was more than 200 Miles diftant ) (hould be caft hither, to my Houfe, in his laft Sicknefs, and {hould die here : So that we had Opportunity for much Ac- quaintance and Converfation with him, and to fhew himKind- nefs in fuch Circumftances, and to fee his dying Behaviour, to hear his dying Speeches, to receive his dying Counfels, and to have the Benefit of his dyingPrayers. May God in in- finite Mercy grant, that we may ever retain a properRemem- brance of thefe Things, and make a due Improvement of the Advantages we have had, in thefe Refpeds I The Lord grant alfo, that the foregoing Account of Mr. Brainerd\ Life and Death may be for the great fpiritual Benefit of all that fhall icad it, and prove a happy Means of promoting the Revival of true Religion in thefe Parts of the World. Amen.

5f U ^ 3 :S>.

w.

-^^\-

ciscl

^B^

E RRAT A. Pag. 57. 1. 24. r. rcfitfliU Pjg. 219' Marg. Not: f in."i)'t. r Davs before.

^mm^

BOOKS printed for and fo^d by D. Henchman at his Shop over againji the Old Brick Meeting- HoU/^ in CornhilL Jf ^

V •

^Toddard*i Safety of appearing in thcRighteoufnefs of Chrift. ^ — His Guide to Chrift.

Shepard's Sincere Convert. -— Sound Believer.

Appleton's Wifdom of GOD in thsRedcmption of fallenMan, — Difcourfes from Rom, viii. 14. Setting forth the cicareft and fureft Marks cf our being fo led by the Spirit of God as to demonftrate that wc axe the Children of God.

Pemberion's Pradlcal Difcourfes, I. The Dignity & Glory of Man's Primitive State. 11. The Nature aiij Neceflity of Converfion, IJI. The Rcafcnahienefs of ftriving to obtain Sal- vation. iV. The iVIethod of Divine Grace in Converfion.

V. The Nature and Obligation of Receiving Chrift by Faith.

VI. The Duty of imitating the Example of Christ.

VII. The Folly of iofing the Soul fox the Gain oith^fVorld,

Dr. Watt'^ Guide to Prayer.

An Account of the Life and Death of Mrs. Elizabith Bury,

The Marrow oF Modern Divinity. Touching the Cove- nant of Works, and the Covenant of Grace. In a Dia- logue between a Miniller of the Gorpel--a Legaliit — an Antinomian — and a young Chriftian.

Dr. Colman's Difcourfes on the Incomprehenfiblenefs of GOD.

Spiritual Songs— Or Songs of Praifc, with Penitential Cries to Almigkty GOD upon fcvcral Occafisnj. Together v/ith the Song of Songs which is Solomons.

Ho9ker*s Doubting Chrijiian drawa to. Christ.

Uri^^'i Nature an4 Ncce.Tity of the New-Bif(h.

Edwardi 's

. BOOKS Sold hy D. Henchman.

«

Edwards's Humble Attempt to promote explicit Agrey ment and vifible Union of God's People in extraordina^" Prayer for the Revival of Religion &c.

Holmei's Good Governmei;t of Chriftian Families recom- mended. With a Difcourfe of fecret Prayer.

Wright's Treatife of beirg born again, without which no Man can be faved.

jilltine's Alarm to the Unconverted.

Fox on Time and the End of Time.

Huffil's ^tytn Sermons.

Udeedy {Jo/huo) Praaical Difcourfe concerning the Bene- iit of Communion with GOD in his Houfe.

Mather's Apology for the Liberty of the Churches in New-England* To which is prefixed a Difcourfe concerning Congregational Churches.

Barnard's Sermons on feveral Subjects, viz* A Confirma- tion of the Truth of the Chriftian Religion. Compel them to come in. The Chriftian Hero, or the Saints Vi^ory and Reward.

Jfilliams (Solomon) Christ the King and Witnefs of Truth, and the Nature Excellency and Extent of his Kingdom as founded in Truth and only promoted by it*

Some Remarkable PafTages in the Life of the Hon> Col. James Gardner, who was ShmditPrtj^on-Fans, With a Sermon by P. Dodridge, D. D,

Meditations on feveraj divine Subjeds. I. The Humanity pf Christ. JI. The Extcnfivenefs of God's good Dcfign In felling Jo/eph into Egypt. III. Christ the King fitting at his Table. IV. Of the Love of Christ and faving Knowledge of it. With a Letter to a Friend.

'"'''?,//^.

./

>/

1

« f

r-^

yy7rfi7Ji

f

0^

/">'?,

c?'

y

/

\9M ""fj^ ' V -*^

/7^y^