The Druggist of America.
In cooperation with the National Association of Retail Druggists.
The Cavalcade of Stars.
Starring Jackie Gleason.
Jackie Gleason.
Hey friends, each year the American drug industry spends over one million dollars in research and development.
And the benefits are made available to you and your physicians through your friendly professional drug store.
So get to know your druggist, trade with him, he serves your family well.
And now here he is, the star of our show, Jackie Gleason!
I can't control somebody so high oh.
I've got the cutest little oh my oh.
There ain't nobody half as pretty as she, as sweet as she.
And jumpin' deep in speeches, she's crazy for me.
What a my oh my oh, the only one I've met who ever thrilled me so.
She's not a glamour girl or no movie star.
But when she's out with me she's Teddy Lamar and when she's oh oh oh.
Just wait till I get back to oh, high oh.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I uh.
Oh, he.
Oh, oh.
Oh, boy.
You are a dandy, dandy, dandy crowd.
I want to say before we go any further, a lot of people have been claiming that when they get here late, they can't get a seat down front.
So starting next week we're all having all of the front seats put in the back and all the back seats put in the front.
So if you get here late, you'll get a front seat even though you sit in the back.
I believe.
I uh.
Please, please, I have a headache.
Now, I feel, oh, I have an announcement to make before we get going, ladies and gentlemen.
If there is a Mr. or Mrs. Brown in the audience, your babysitter just called and wants to know how you fold it, triangular or square.
Thank you.
We do these little services for everyone.
Whoops, there he is.
There he is, Sammy Spear.
He is beautiful tonight.
In your little Robert Hall suit.
Taking your Arthur Murray dancing lessons.
You're lovely tonight.
Are you ready, Sammy?
Is the camera on?
Ah, he is beautiful.
Lovely little fella.
You've heard of music that ripples, music that bubbles?
His squirts.
Nice guy, though.
He had me over to his house the other day for a little dinner and his son came in from school and he said to his son, he said, well, what did you learn today?
The kid said, well, we studied about evolution.
He says, evolution, what's that?
He says, you know, the teacher told us everybody comes from monkeys.
Sammy says, what?
He says, the teacher told us.
He said, maybe you come from a monkey, but not me.
But he's a nice guy.
I love you, Sam, anyway.
You're a good boy, Sam.
Oh, you're a good one.
I feel like killing myself.
You got a little dance music there.
A little soft shoe style, my boy.
I lost about 300 pounds.
I lost about 300 things that time going over there.
This is nothing.
Look at the tumble that Churchill took.
He got up and come back, you know.
Now, before we start our show, I would just like to say to Marilyn Taylor, who's still in the hospital, she's one of our show girls, she's feeling much better, she's watching the show now.
Of course, that will cause a relapse.
But we just want to say hello to you.
We've got a swell show and I think you'll like it.
Give me a little traveling music, please.
There you go.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're riding high with the Hunes Hala dances and away we go.
The Hunes Hala dance.
The Hunes Hala dance.
The Hunes Hala dance.
The Hunes Hala dance.
The Hunes Hala dance.
The Hunes Hala dance.
It's always a pleasure to welcome back to the Cavalcade of Stars one of the great singing personalities of our time.
We know you're going to love her, her nib, Miss Georgia Gibbs.
I wish you happiness as for me sweetheart I will.
I'll always be in love with you.
Cause I could show the world how to smile.
I could be glad all of the while.
I could change the great skies to blue if I had to.
I could leave the old days behind.
Leave all my past, I'd never mind.
I could start my life all anew if I had you.
I could climb the snow-capped mountains, sail the mighty ocean wide.
I could cross the burning desert if I had you by my side.
Cause I could be a queen dear and fine, humble and poor, rich or innocent.
Why there is nothing I couldn't do if I had you.
I can't give you anything but love, baby.
That's the only thing I plan at all, baby.
Dream a while, scheme a while, you're sure to find happiness and I guess all those things that you've always had.
Yes, I can see you're a little flat, baby.
Little diamond bracelets, woo, a dozen pair, my little baby.
You're that lucky day, you know darn well, my baby.
I can't give you anything but love.
I'd like to see you looking sweat, baby.
Little diamond bracelets, woo, a dozen pair, my baby.
You're that lucky day, you know darn well, my baby.
Say I can't give you, oh, tell me I can't give you.
I can't give you one nothing but love.
Oh, tell me I can't give you, oh, tell me I can't give you.
And there's Miss Georgia Gibbs. Say, friends, scheduled on our show tonight is that great man of mystery, Ramadel Bay.
However, he cannot be with us tonight. And so our star, Jackie Gleason, sometimes a singer, sometimes a clown, but always a trooper,
will attempt to do the act that Ramadel Bay was supposed to perform.
You know, this is the third time that Ramadel Bay hasn't shown up. Hmm.
Well, here he is, and who knows what'll happen. The great imperial Aldini shell guard to form!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
We have a special treat for you. Sammy, will you play that music?
♪♪
I'll be ready.
♪♪
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a tune that we're very proud of,
because it was written by one of Sammy Spears' men in the orchestra,
our piano player, Bernie Morgan.
And what is so wonderful about this tune, besides the nostalgic quality that it contains,
is the fact that it can be played in a variety of ways.
And tonight, the June Taylor dancers are going to do a ballet to it,
a lush waltz, a soft shoe, and a vocal.
So ladies and gentlemen, it's with a great deal of pride and pleasure
that we present Bernie Morgan, our piano player's tune,
Hanging Around With You.
♪♪
♪ I had a number of flames, all of them false alarms.
You took me out of this world, into your loving arms.
Hanging around with you, wonderful thing to do.
Having a time, the moment that I'm with you.
Finding a love so true, something I never knew.
Something I found just hanging around with you.
Taking a flyer around the blue, floating through Spain.
Traveling higher than heaven's door, locked in your sweet embrace.
Nothing but love in view, beautiful thing for two.
Paradise found, just hanging around with you.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
That's it.
Bernie Maltin's hanging around and say if you like the music real well,
there are several fine records of hanging around at your favorite music store, so go out and get one.
You know friends, in all the famous friendships of history,
the one outstanding fact is that through thick and through thin,
they remain friends to the end.
And everyone agrees that the friendship between little Clem Finch
and his blustery pal Charlie Bratton is really the end.
Here they are now in the little lunchroom where they meet every day.
Art Carney as Clem and Jackie Gleason as Charlie Bratton, the loud mouth.
♪♪
Hurry.
Yes, Mr. Finch?
Is the loud mouth been in yet?
Not yet, Mr. Finch.
Well, will you hurry up and bring me a bowl of cream of wheat with skim milk and no lumps.
My stomach's been acting up again.
Okay.
It's Charlie!
Ha ha!
What a day, what a day!
Beautiful!
I started getting kind of chilly out myself.
It is that, Clem, it is that.
Well, summer goes away and winter draws on.
Ha ha ha!
You know, if there's one thing I know how to do, Clem, it's handle women.
Did you get a load of that Veronica?
Veronica?
Yeah, the new redhead that's working over in the filing department.
Oh.
Yesterday I met her at the water cooler.
Really?
Yeah.
What happened?
I gave her the dimple treatment.
Dimples?
Oh.
Sure.
You know, redheads are nuts about dimples.
I think.
Didn't you know that?
No.
Sure.
Hey, who do you think I ran into up in Roseland Ballroom last night?
Miss Beck up herself.
Laverne?
Yeah.
The boss's secretary?
That's the one.
But I fixed her.
I walked in, I said, have you got a dance?
She says, no.
I says, well, hold my cigar, because I have.
Ha ha ha!
I'm a...
Oh, hiya, baby.
Hello, Mr. Bratton.
How about you and me having a little date tonight?
Uh-uh, I'm busy tonight.
Let's have a little date.
We'll both be busy.
Ha ha ha!
Say, you know, I wrote a little song and dedicated it to you.
Really?
It's called, Come Be My Bumblebee, and we'll have the hives together.
Ha ha ha!
Mmm, boy!
There's a motion they ought to bring before Congress.
Hey, what's that slop you're eating?
Cream of wheat, skim milk, no lump.
Cream of wheat, skim milk with no lump?
Last time I saw anything eating that, it was a sick canary through a tube.
Well, you know I have to watch what I eat, Charlie.
Oh, why don't you stop that, Clem.
Why don't you eat like me?
I stick my fork into anything.
If it don't scream, I eat it.
La-da da-da-da-da-da...
Da-da da-da da-da...
Da-da da-da da-da-da-da...
Oh, hey, baby.
Yes, Mr. Braddons?
Sweetheart, let me have some onion soup,
and you know that wet toast that floats around on top?
Put a big blob of Hollanday sauce it.
Okay.
♪
Mmm, boy!
♪
Well...
Get this cleaned up here.
Get the set going.
What?
What?
I said get the set going.
What's with the radio?
In a few moments, the first race in Jamaica
is going to come flashing over this set.
And I happen to know who's going to win it.
I got a hot tip on a hundred to one shot.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
By the way, uh, Clammy, you want to make a little bet?
No thanks, Charlie. I don't gamble, you know that.
You don't gamble?
Heh. You got married, didn't ya?
Ha!
Aaaaaah!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Boy, I'm a murderer!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Stop!
Don't you dare!
Ow!
Don't eat that cream!
Um, excuse me, Miss Howlett?
What do you think this judge will tell the jury?
The jury looks worried, a battle of wits is made.
Now we better caution the judge.
Should he nod and say he would hate to see hisbabysailing with an odd margin,
you know how it is.
That may save your face.
Well I'm a bit dizzy.
It's time to even listen to the race.
I gotta get to the bank and make a deposit for the boys.
There's six hundred dollars in here.
Six hundred dollars?
Uh, wait a minute, Clem.
our winnings at 2.30.
We take $50 out of the winnings,
put it back with the $600,
you make the deposit at 3 o'clock.
Now Charlie...
Come on, pal, come on!
You'll be rich!
You'll be so rich, you'll only
celebrate one holiday a year,
Rockefeller's birthday!
♪
I don't want to be rich, Charlie.
What do you mean you don't want to be rich?
You can have all the luxuries of life!
Furs, jewelry, big cars, meat...
Come on, let me have it.
50 bucks.
Boy, you're 100 to 150 bucks.
I've just got enough time to get a bookmaker.
Wait a minute, Charlie.
♪
Hey Charlie...
What?
Is this bookmaker honest?
Are you kidding?
Oh...
Hello, shifty.
Oh...
Well is Deadeye there?
All right, let me speak to Knifey.
Hello, Knife?
Charlie Bratton.
Yeah.
Look, put 50 dollars...
Yeah.
Put it down on bright futures.
Certainly, on the nose, to win, what else?
Yeah, and call me back,
let me know what the prices are after we won.
Yeah.
Bye, pal.
We're in business, pal.
We're in business.
They're all in the gate now, the first race.
Flag is up, and there they go.
Honeybun breaks in front, Bullitt's head is second,
bright future third between horses,
at the quarter it's Honeybun,
bright future's coming up to take second by a nose,
and Bullitt head on the outside.
Hand of the stretch is bright future in front by three lanes,
bright future is flying,
they're coming down to the wire,
the winner, Starvation!
♪
Well, easy come, easy go.
Charlie...
What's money, poor people do without it.
Charlie, what do I do?
Where'll I get the money?
It's all in the pocket of the boss.
Let him take it out of your salary, $5 a month.
Oh, thank you, baby.
Oh, you're such a lamby pie.
Sit.
Sit.
Charlie.
Why are you interrupting me?
Couldn't you maybe give me the 50 bucks back,
and let the bookmaker wait?
Let the bookmaker wait?
Nancy?
Besides a bookmaker, he shrinks heads for a living.
Wait a minute.
Hello?
Yeah, this is Charlie.
Oh, hello, Nance.
Huh?
Oh.
Yeah, okay.
All right, pal.
Say, Clem.
What?
What would you say if I told you
I was gonna give you your 50 bucks back?
I'd say you were a very nice fellow.
Well, that's exactly what I'm going to do, Clem.
There you are, your 50 bucks back.
Thanks, Charlie.
Now, remember, we have no bet.
Just forget about it.
No bet.
Well, what are you gonna do about the money?
Well, I'm gonna get it out of my winnings.
Your winnings?
Yeah.
Who won?
Bright Future.
The fellow said on the radio, starvation.
I know what he said on the radio,
but that was my boy, Knifey.
You see, starvation was disqualified.
Bright Future won.
Well, I gotta go.
Hey, what about my bet?
What's the matter with you?
Didn't we make it up just now that you didn't make a bet?
What's the matter with you, Clem?
I'm surprised at you.
Do you know that gaveling's a bad habit?
You know what bad habits form?
It denotes weak characterization.
Anyway, Clem, I got another tip for tomorrow.
A horse by the name of Mattress.
Mattress?
Yeah.
It's a sleeper.
Ha, ha, ha!
Someday I'm gonna kill that man.
Ladies and gentlemen, we've a real treat
in store for you tonight.
Just arrived from the West Coast for his first appearance
on Cabalcade of Stars, Hollywood's favorite singing
personality, Arthur Lee Simpson.
Do you recall that night in June when first we met?
Do you remember all of the words we spoke?
Have you forgotten all the tender vows we made?
In the silent magic moonbeam's light,
gone are the golden dreams.
We've come a-drawing over.
Come all our tenderest vows were made, but to be broken.
Strong are the bonds, strong of memory,
and the broken memory of love and life.
Nevermore for me will that melody fill the heart
with the joys once we've shared.
Oh, night of beauty, night of tune and love,
beneath the stars and in the roses.
Oh, dream of delight that faded at dawn.
Oh, song of song, oh, night of bliss, when you
are my whole world, oh, glow.
When you are my whole world of love, of love.
Thank you very, very much.
I'd like to sing next, ladies and gentlemen,
a bit of an Irish commadier.
That's the Donny Gough, my sir.
Donny Gough.
Six years ago, this very night, I left the county park,
and all aboard Premier in Files, I landed in New York.
And there wasn't a soul to bring me a stranger on your shore,
but Irish luck would twist me there and riches came galore.
And now that I'm going back again to dear old Irenfield,
I'm sure I'll meet me own dear, greet me with a smile,
for there are faces there almost forgot.
I've been so long away, but me mither will introduce them all
in this judicial state.
Shake the hand if your uncle likes me,
boy, the hand if your sister cate.
And here's the girl you used to swing down by the garden gate.
Shake the hand of all of the neighbors
and tip the calling sword, for you're welcome as a thousand
Irishmen, dear old Donny Gough.
And they will give a party when I come back.
They will come from near and far.
They will line the road for near a mile with Irish chart and car.
The whiskey will flow like full of milk
and fill our hearts with joy.
And the piper will play a Yankee reel to greet the Irish boy.
And now that I'm going back again to dear old Irenfield,
where me friends will meet me on the pier
and greet me with a smile, for there are faces there
I've almost forgot.
I've been so long away, but me mither will introduce them
all in this judicial state.
Why, there came Branigan, Flanagan, Milligan, Gilligan,
Duffy, McCartney, Malarkey, Mohon, Rafferty, Lafferty,
Donnelly, Connolly, Dooley, Oholey, Muldonney, Mohon.
And then I'll shake the hand of me uncle,
my kind of hand of me sister cate.
I'll hug and I'll squeeze as much as I please the girl
of the garden gate.
And I'll shake the hand of me neighbors
and call them one and all.
And I'll kiss your tip and say the way
to dear old Darnigan.
Ladies and gentlemen, what is expected to be
one of the outstanding social events of the season
is about to take place.
It's the charity bazaar scheduled to be held
at the home of the parents of that man-capped
society playboy, Reggie Van Gleason III.
Now, everyone who is anyone will be there.
So join us now on the sumptuous lawn
of Van Gleason's country estate.
Well, Mildred, looks like our charity bazaar
is going to be a grand success.
Yes, and isn't it wonderful that our son Reggie
has taken such an interest in this worthy cause?
Oh, Reggie's been such a good boy lately.
Why, last night he was in bed at 9 o'clock,
sleeping like a baby.
With a bottle in his fist.
Sedgwick, I do wish you would stop teasing that boy.
He isn't so bad.
He isn't so bad?
No.
Just the other night he got thrown out of the Copacabana
nightclub for carrying a torch.
And what is wrong with carrying a torch?
This torch belonged to the Statue of Liberty.
Sedgwick, I definitely think you are hard on the boy.
He is not well, you know.
Remember, he was injured when he was in the army.
Help!
Help!
If I know Reggie, he'll be six paces after that girl.
Oh, Reggie.
Take my horse back to the brewery.
I don't think I'll play polo today.
Very good, sir.
Hello, Dad.
Hello.
Hello, Mother, my, but you're getting fat.
Oh, Reggie, we're so pleased with you,
and I'm so glad you've turned over a new leaf.
I have found that there are more things that are interesting
than chasing girls.
Oh, and what is that?
Catching them.
Oh.
Hey, what have we here?
Oh, um.
Kisses for sale, eh?
Here you are, my little dear.
Get ready.
Burn to a crisp.
I love you.
Announcing the arrival of Miss Pamela Bumper.
Ah.
Hello, my dear.
Reginald, where did you ever learn to kiss a hand like that?
I used to be a taster in a pickle factory.
Ah.
Now I'd like to present you to my mother and dad.
Mother and dad, Miss Pamela Bumper.
Bumper?
Mm.
Of course, that name you know from the music world.
Her father was the eminent composer of rag mop.
Now, my dear, are you ready for a tidbit?
I am a bit hungry.
Uh, what can I have?
Well, let's see.
What month is this?
It's October.
That has an R in it, which means it's
a little bit of a R in it.
Would you care for a frankfurter?
A frankfurter?
Don't I have a choice?
Yes, you have your choice of taking it or leaving it.
From your appearance, I think you've been taking them
instead of leaving them.
Say, that is a nod stone you have on that ring.
That's no stone.
It's a setting made to fit around my wart.
Why don't you take a little turn around the lawn, my dear?
I beg your pardon, Mr. Reginald.
There's some musicians are outside,
and they said that you're expecting them.
Yes, I am.
Send them in.
Well, there's a Mr. Covington Crove and Mr. Oliver Stain.
Good evening, my boys, good evening.
Mr. Crove, may I introduce you to Mr. Stain, Mr. Stain,
Mr. Crowe?
How do you do?
If you mind looking at the music,
the rest will be here any moment.
I love you, Nelly Jones.
I love you, Nelly, dear, you're my...
Mr. Reginald, the next one is Mr. Brewster Bubble Bath.
Brewster Bubble Bath.
Oh, Brewster, it's good to see you.
You are such a fine gentleman.
Now, I've had...
Brewster, oh, I'm very sorry.
I must be...
There.
Would you mind waiting till the rest arrive?
Mr. Reginald, the next one is Mr. Christopher Blemish.
Christopher Blemish.
What an artist.
What an artist.
What an artist.
This boy defies miracle drugs.
You look like the advanced man for a famine.
Would you mind getting in line?
Mr. Holmes, my instrument.
Thank you.
Would you mind holding that, please?
Mr. Christopher, what do you think we ought to play for our first selection?
I got a...
Spanish number, eh?
All right, shall we get going?
All righty.
Now, for our next selection,
Rathom from the opera of Rolford.
Oh, I'd like to belt you, woman.
And away.
What are you doing?
I'm with you.
And now, Mr. Covington Crove in a selection
from the street opera of Carl's Mrelven by Cosman
entitled Far.
Far.
Far.
Far.
Far.
I can't see!
I can't see!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I can't see!
I can't see!
Why, why can't you see?
I got my eyes closed.
I got my eyes closed.
That's it!
Really?
Really?
Well, I think I may want to publish this issue
with my cousin, ranged buffoon,
calledizes dato,
dataurous,
George,
to the remaining three wives,
druno,
and Gy富 number.
All aboard!
A dog, a dog, a dog, a dog
Going through a tunnel
♪
Much obliged for being so nice to me.
And now ladies and gentlemen, introducing that eminent columnist
from the New York Daily Post, Darrell Wilson.
Darrell.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Jackie, as a member of the AMPS committee, I want to thank you, our national chairman,
for all the nice work you've been doing and are going to continue to do for this campaign.
Thank you, Warren.
You know, folks, we've seen the amputees who've been literally helped back on their feet by
the work that's been done by this National Amputation Foundation, and Jackie's helping
out.
And these people, incidentally, don't want great big contributions.
Of course, we're glad to get those, but they can have small contributions too.
And if you'll just send them along to the AMPS, A-M-P-S, Box 566, New York, they'll
be glad to get them.
And you'll be, at the same time, tripling their efforts to help those 900,000 American
amputees.
Thank you, Jackie.
Thank you, Earl Wilson.
Good night, Linda.
Good night, Geraldine.
Good night.
Good night, everybody.