.f { . " " W_ E:t) C>_ W -' M 0 -- v - =1"'- - en E:t) fT1 --= M U a- -= M ...: = =CJ en u._ 0 = M > --== ..D "'--- en-=._ ffi M > - fT1 ,I "...... ....... :J:. " , !';..1r ': -: "Y . '. t ,III ; ,} .. ! '}"4::. . : . . ". ST. MICHAEL'S COLLEGE TORONT0 1 CANADA LIBRARY PRESENTED BY J. J. McKnight THE HARVARD CLASSICS The Five-Foot Shelf of Books t I . . r , . I '"II... " THE HARVARD CLASSICS EDITED BY CHARLES W. ELIOT, LL.D. Elizabethan Drama IN TWO VOLUMES VOLUME II Dekker · Jonson Beaumont and Fletcher Webster · Massinger With Introductions and Notes Volume 47 P. F. Collier & Son Corporation NEW YORK Copyright, 1910 By P. F. COLLIER & SoN MANUFACTURED IN U. S. A. Y 1 9 1953 CONTENTS THE SHOEMAKER'S HOLIDAY. . . . . . . By THOMAS DEKKER ...... . PAGE 4 6 9 THE ALCHEMIST . . . . . . . · · · · . . . . 543 By BEN JONSON PHILASTER ............ . . . . 667 By FRANCIS BEAUMONT AND JOHN FLETCHER THE DUCHESS OF MALFI . . . . . . . . · . . . . . . 755 By J OHN WEBSTER A NEW WAY TO PAY OLD DEBTS . . . . . . . . . . . . 859 By PHILIP MASSINGER THE SHOEMAIZER'S HOLIDAY BY THOMAS DEKKER INTRODUCTORY NOTE THOMAS DEKKER'S career is an extreme instance of the hazardous life led by the professional author in the time of Shakespeare. Born in Lon- don about 1570, Dekker first appears certainly as a dramatist about 1598, when we find him working on plays in collaboration with other drama- tists in the pay of the manager, Henslowe. He wrote, in partnership or alone, many dramas; and when the market for these was dull he turned to the writing of entertainments, occasional verses, and prose pamphlets on a great variety of subjects. But all his activity seems to have failed to supply a decent livelihood, for he was often in prison for debt, at one time for a period of three years; and most of the biographical details about him which have come down to us are connected with borrowing money or getting into jailor out of it. He disappears from view in the thirties of the seventeenth century. "The Shoemaker's Holiday," first acted in I 599, is a good example of Dekker's work in the drama. The story is taken from Thomas Deloney's "Gentle Craft," and gives an opportunity for a picture of life among the trades-people of London at a period when the frequency in the drama of Italian Dukes and Cardinals is liable to make us forget that, in spite of vice and frivolity in high places, the world was still kept going by decent work-people who attended to their business. The play is full of an atmosphere of pleasant mirth, varied with characteristic touches of pathos; and it contains in the figure of Simon Eyre a creation of marked individuality and hilarious humor. It is striking that the most high- spirited picture of London life in the time of Elizabeth should come from the pen of the author who seems to have been more hardly treated by fortune than any of his contemporaries. THE SHOEMAKER'S HOLIDAY [DRAMATIS PERSONÆ THE KING. THE EARL OF CORNWALL. SIR HUGH LACY, Earl of Lincoln. ROWLAND LACY, } otherwise HANS, His Nephews. ASKEW, SIR ROCER OATELEY, Lord Mayor of London. Master HAMMON, } ROSE, Daughter of SIR ROGER. Master WARNER, Citizens of London. SYBIL, her Maid. Master SCOTT, MARGERY, Wife of SIMON EYRE. SIMON EYRE, the Shoemaker. JANE, Wife of RALPH. Courtiers, Attendants, Officers, Soldiers, Hunters, Shoemakers, Apprentices, Servants. ROCER, cOmmOnlY } c Ie HOD E F aI d G, EYRE'S Journeymen. IRK, RALPH, LOVELL, a Courtier. DODGER, Servant to the EARL OF LINCOLN. A DUTCH SKIPPER. A Boy. SCENE-LONDON AND OLD FORD] ACT I SCENE I. [A street in London J Enter the LORD MAYOR and the EARL OF LINCOLN Lincoln M y lord mayor, you have sundry times Feasted myself and many courtiers more; Seldom or never can we be so kind To make requital of your courtesy. But leaving this, I hear my cousin Lacy Is much affected to l your daughter Rose. L. Mayor. True, my good lord, and she loves him so well That I mislike her boldness in the chase. Lincoln. Why, my lord mayor, think you it then a shame, To join a Lacy with an Oateley's name? L. Mayor. Too mean is my poor girl for his high birth; Poor citizens must not with courtiers wed, 1 In love with. 4 6 9 470 THOMAS DEKKER Who will in silks and gay apparel spend More in one year than I am worth, by far: Therefore your honour need not doubt 2 my girl. Lincoln. Take heed, my lord, advise you what you do! A verier unthrift lives not in the world, Than is my cousin; for I'll tell you what: 'Tis now almost a year since he requested To travel countries for experience. I furnished him with coins, bills of exchange, Letters of credit, men to wait on him, Solicited my friends in Italy Well to respect him. But to see the end: Scant had he journey'd through half Germany, But all his coin was spent, his men cast off, His bills embezzl'd,3 and my jolly coz/' Asham'd to show his bankrupt presence here, Became a shoemaker in Wittenberg, A goodly science for a gentleman Of such descent! Now judge the rest by this: Suppose your daughter have a thousand pound, He did consume me more in one half year; And make him heir to all the wealth you have One twelvemonth's rioting will waste it all. Then seek, my lord, some honest citizen To wed your daughter to. L. Mayor. I thank your lordship. [ Aside.] Well, fox, I understand your subtilty.- As for your nephew, let your lordship's eye But watch his actions, and you need not fear, For I have sent my daughter far enough. And yet your cousin Rowland might do well, Now he hath learn'd an occupation; And yet I scorn to call him son-in-law. Lincoln. Ay, but I have a better trade for him. I thank his grace, he hath appointed him 2 Fear. 3 Wasted. "Cousin; used of any relative not of one's immediate family. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY Chief colonel of all those companies Must'roo in London and the shires about, To serve his highness in those wars of Prance. See where he comes!- 47 1 Enter LOVELL, LACY, and ASKEW Lovell, what news with you? Lovell. My Lord of Lincoln, 'tis his highness' \vill, That presently5 your cousin ship for Prance With all his powers; he would not for a million, But they should land at Dieppe within four days. Lincoln. Go certify his grace, it shall be done. Exit LOVELL. Now, cousin Lacy, in what forwardness Are all your companies? Lacy. All well prepared. The men of Hertfordshire lie at Mile-end, Suffolk and Essex train in T othill-fields, The Londoners and those of Middlesex, All gallantly prepar'd in Pinsbury, With frolic spirits long for their parting hour. L. Mayor. They have their imprest,6 coats, and furniture;7 And, if it please your cousin Lacy come To the Guildhall, he shall receive his pay; And twenty pounds besides my brethren Will freely give him, to approve our loves We bear unto my lord, your uncle here. Lacy. I thank your honour. Lincoln. Thanks, my good lord mayor. L. Mayor. At the Guildhall we will expect your coming. Exit. Lincoln. To approve your loves to me? No subtilty! Nephew, that twenty pound he doth bestow For joy to rid you from his daughter Rose. But, cousins both, now here are none but friends, I would not have you cast an amorous eye Upon so mean a project as the love 5 At once. 6 Rcgimental badge. 7 Equipment. 472 THOMAS DEKKER Of a gay, wanton, painted citizen. I know, this churl even in the height of scorn Doth hate the mixture of his blood with thine. I pray thee, do thou so! Remember, coz, What honourable fortunes wait on thee. Increase the king's love, which so brightly shines, And gilds thy hopes. I have no heir but thee,- And yet not thee, if with a wayward spirit Thou start from the true bias 8 of my love. Lacy. My lord, I will for honour, not desire Of land or livings, or to be your heir, So guide my actions in pursuit of France, As shall add glory to the Lacys' name. Lincoln. Coz, for those words here's thirty Portuguese,9 And, nephew Askew, there's a few for you. P air Honour, in her loftiest eminence, Stays in Prance for you, till you fetch her thence. Then, nephews, clap swift wings on your designs. Begone, begone, make haste to the Guildhall; There presently I'll meet you. Do not stay: Where honour beckons, shame attends delay. Exit Askew. How gladly would your uncle have you gone I Lacy. True, coz, but I'll o'erreach his policies. I have some serious business for three days, Which nothing but my presence can dispatch. You, therefore, cousin, with the companies, Shall haste to Dover; there I'll meet with you: Or, if I stay past my prefixed time, Away for Prance; we'll meet in Normandy. The twenty pounds my lord mayor gives to me You shall receive, and these ten Portuguese, Part of mine uncle's thirty. Gentle coz, Have care to our great charge; I know, your wisdom Hath tried itself in higher consequence. Askew. Coz, all myself am yours: yet have this care, To lodge in London with all secrecy; 8 Inclination. 9 A gold coin, worth bout three pounds twelve shillings. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY Our uncle Lincoln hath, besides his own, Many a jealous eye, that in your face Stares only to watch means for your disgrace. Lacy. Stay, cousin, who be these? 473 Enter SIMON EYRE, MARGERY his wife, HODGE, FIRK, JANE, and RALPH witlz a piecelO Eyre. Leave whining, leave whining! A way with this whimper- ing, this puling, these blubbering tears, and these wet eyes! I'll get thy husband discharg'd, I warrant thee, sweet Jane; go to! Hodge. Master, here be the captains. Eyre. Peace, Hodge; hush, ye knave, hush! Firk. Here be the cavaliers and the colonels, master. Eyre. Peace, Firk; peace, my fine Firk! Stand by with your pishery-pashery,l1 away! I am a man of the best presence; I'll speak to them, an 12 they were Popes.-Gentlemen, captains, colonels, com- manders! Brave men, brave leaders, may it please you to give me audience. I am Simon Eyre, the mad shoemaker of Tower Street; this wench with the mealy mouth that will never tire, is my wife, I can tell you; here's Hodge, my man and my foreman; here's Firk, my fine firking 13 journeyman, and this is blubbered Jane. All we come to be suitors for this honest Ralph. Keep him at home, and as I am a true shoemaker and a gentleman of the gentle craft, buy spurs yourselves, and I'll find ye boots these seven years. M argo Seven years, husband? Eyre. Peace, midriff/ 4 peace! I know what I do. Peace! Firk. Truly, master cormorant/ 5 you shall do God good service to let Ralph and his wife stay ,together. She's a young new-married woman; if you take her husband away from her a-night, you undo her; she may beg in the daytime; for he's as good a workman at a prick and an awl, as any is in our trade. lane. 0 let him stay, else I shall be undone. Firk. Ay, truly, she shall be laid at one side like a pair of old shoes else, and be occupied for no use. Lacy. Truly, my friend" it lies not in my power: 10 Piece of leather. 11 Twiddle-twaddle. 12 If. 13 Frisky, tricky. 14 Used as a term of contempt. 15 Quibbling on colonel. 474 THOMAS DEKKER The Londoners are press'd/ 6 paid, and set forth By .the lord mayor; I cannot change a man. Hodge. \Vhy, then you were as good be a corporal as a colonel, if you cannot discharge one good fellow; and I tell you true, I think you do more than you can answer, to press a man within a year and a day of his .marriage. Eyre. Well said, melancholy Hodge; gramercy, my fine foreman. Marg. Truly, gentlemen, it were ill done for such as you, to stand so stiffly against a poor young wife, considering her case, she is new- married, but let that pass. I pray, deal not roughly with her; her husband is a young man, and but newly ent'red, but let that pass. Eyre. A way with your pishery-pashery, your pols and your edi- polsP7 Peace, midriff; silence, Cicely Bumtrinket! Let your head speak. Firk. Yea, and the horns too, master. Eyre. Too soon, my fine Firk, too soon! Peace, scoundrels! See you this man? Captains, you will not release him ? Well, let him go; he's a proper shot; let him vanish! Peace, Jane, dry up thy tears, they'll make his powder dankish. 1s Take him, brave men; Hector of Troy was an hackney to him, Hercules and T ermagane 9 scoun- drels, Prince Arthur's Round-table-by the Lord of Ludgate-ne'er fed such a tall, such a dapper swordsman; by the life of Pharaoh, a brave, resolute swordsman! Peace, Jane! I say no more, mad knaves. Firk. See, see, Hodge, how my master raves in commendation of Ralph! Hodge. Ralph, th'art a gull,20 by this hand, an thou goest not. Askew. I am glad, good Master Eyre, it is my hap To meet so resolute a soldier. T rust me, for your report and love to him, A common slight regard shall not respect him. Lacy. Is thy name Ralph? Ralph. Yes, sir. Lacy. Give me thy hand; Thou shalt not want, as I am a gentleman. Woman, be patient; God, no doubt, will send 16 Impressed into service. 17 Solemn declarations. 18 Damp. 19 An imaginary Saracen god. 20 Fool. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 475 Thy husband safe again; but he must go, His country's quarrel says it shall be so. Hodge. Th'art a gull, by my stirrup, if thou dost not go. I will not have thee strike thy gimlet into these weak vessels; prick thine enemies, Ralph. Enter DODGER Dodger. My lord, your uncle on the Tower-hill Stays with the lord mayor and the aldermen, And doth request you with all speed you may, To hasten thither. Askew. Cousin, let's go. Lacy. Dodger, run you before, tell them we come.- This Dodger is mine uncle's parasite, Exit DODGER. The arrant'st varlet that e'er breath'd on earth; He sets more discord in a noble house By one day's broaching of his pickthank tales,21 Than can be sal v' d 22 again in twenty years, And he, I fear, shall go with us to France, To pry into our actions. Askew. Therefore, coz, It shall behove you to be circumspect. Lacy. Fear not, good cousin.-Ralph, hie to your colours. [Exit LACY and ASKEW.] Ralph. I must, because there's no remedy; But, gentle master and my loving dame, As you have always been a friend to me, So in mine absence think upon my wife. fane. Alas, my Ralph. M arg. She cannot speak for weeping. Eyre. Peace, you crack'd groats,23 you mustard tokens,24 disquiet not the brave soldier. Go thy ways, Ralph! lane. Ay, ay, you bid him go; what shall I do When he is gone? Firk. Why, be doing with me or my fellow Hodge; be not idle. 21 Tales told to curry favor. 22 Healed. 23 Fourpenny.pieces. 24 YeHow spots on the body denoting the infection of the plague. 476 THOMAS DEKKER Eyre. Let me see thy hand, Jane. This fine hand, this white hand, these pretty fingers must spin, must card, must work; work, you bombast-cotton-candle-quean; work for your living, with a pox to you.-Hold thee, Ralph, here's five sixpences for thee; fight for the honour of the gentle craft, for the gentlemen shoemakers, the courageous cordwainers, the flower of St. Martin's, the mad knaves of Bedlam, Fleet Street, Tower Street and Whitechapel; crack me the crowns of the French knaves; a pox on t!hem, crack them; fight, by the Lord of Ludgate; fight, my fine boy! Firk. Here, Ralph, here's three twopences: .two carry into France, the third shall wash our souls at parting, for sorrow is dry. F or my sake, firk the Basa mon cues. Hodge. Ralph, I am heavy at parting; but here's a shilling for thee. God send 25 thee to cram thy sl ops 26 wi h French crowns, and thy enemies' bellies with bullets. Ralph. I thank you, master, and I ,thank you all. Now, gentle wife, my loving lovely Jane, Rich men, at parting, give their wives rich gifts, Jewels and rings, to grace their lily hands. Thou know'st our trade makes rings for women's heels: Here take this pair of shoes, cut out by Hodge, Stitch'd by my fellow Firk, seam'd by myself, Made up and pink'd 27 with letters for thy name. Wear them, my dear Jane, for thy husband's sake, And every morning, when thou pull'st them on, Remember me, and pray for my return. Make much of them; for I have made them so That I can know them from a thousand mo. Drum sounds. Enter the LORD MAYOR, the EARL OF LINCOLN, LACY, ASKEW, DODGER, and Soldiers. They pass over the stage; RALPH falls in amongst them; FIRK and the rest cry "Farewell," etc., and so exeunt. . 25 Grant. 26 Breeches (-pockets). 27 Perforated. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 477 ACT II SCENE I. [A garden at Old Ford] Enter ROSE, alone, making a garland Rose. Here sit thou down upon this flow'ry bank, And make a garland for thy Lacy's head. These pinks, these roses, and these violets, These blushing gilliflowers, these marigolds, The fair embroidery of his coronet, Carry not half such beauty in their cheeks, As the sweet countenance of my Lacy doth. o my most unkind father! 0 my stars, Why lower'd you so at my nativity, To make me love, yet live robb' d of my love? Here as a thief am I imprisoned For my dear Lacy's sake within those walls, Which by my father's cost were builded up For better purposes. Here must I languish For him that doth as much lament, I know, Mine absence, as for him I pine in woe. Enter SYBIL Sybil. Good morrow, young mistress. I am sure you make that garland for me; against 1 I shall be Lady of the Harvest. Rose. Sybil, what news at London? Sybil. None but good; my lord mayor, your father, and master Philpot, your uncle, and Master Scot, your cousin, and Mistress Frigbottom by Doctors' Commons, do all, by my troth, send you most hearty commendations. Rose. Did Lacy send kind greetings to his love? Sybil. 0 yes, out of cry, by my troth. I scant knew him; here 'a wore a scarf; and here a scarf, here a bunch of feathers, and here precious stones and jewels, and a pair of garters,-O, monstrousl like one of our yellow silk curtains at home here in Old Ford House here, in Master Belly-mount's chamber. I stood at our door in 1 In preparation. 478 THOMAS DEKKER Cornhill, look'd at him, he at me indeed, spake to him, but he not to me, not a word; marry go-up, thought I, with a wanion!2 He passed by me as proud-Marry foh! are you grown humorous,3 thought I; and so shut the door, and in I came. Rose. 0 Sybil, how dost thou my Lacy wrong! My Rowland is as gentle as a lamb. No dove was ever half so mild as he. Sybil. Mild? yea, as a bushel of stamped crabs. 4 He looked upon me as sour as verjuice. 5 Go thy ways, thought I; thou may'st be much in my gaskins,6 but nothing in my nether-stocks. 7 This is your fault, mistress, to love him that loves not you; he thinks scorn to do as he's done to; but if I were as you, I'd cry, 'Go by, Jeronimo, go by!' 8 I'd set mine old debts against my new driblets, And the hare's foot against the goose giblets, For if ever I sigh, when sleep I should take, Pray God I may lose my maidenhead when I wake. Rose. Will my love leave me then, and go to France? Sybil. I know not that, but I am sure I see him stalk before the soldiers. By my troth, he is a proper man; but he is proper that proper doth. Let him go snick-up,9 young mistress. Rose. Get thee to London, and learn perfectly Whether my Lacy go to France, or no. Do this, and I will give thee for thy pains My cambric apron and my Romish gloves, My purple stockings and a stomacher. Say, wilt thou do this, Sybil, for my sake? Sybil. Will I, quoth'a? At whose suit? By my troth, yes, I'll go. A cambric apron, gloves, a pair of purple stockings, and a stomacher! I'll sweat in purple, mistress, for you; I'll take anything that comes a' God's name. 0 rich! a cambric apron! Faith, then have at 'up tails all.' I'll go jiggy-joggy to London, and be here in a trice, young mistress. Exit. 2 With a vengeance. 3 Capricious. 4 Crushed crab apples. 5 Juice of green fruits. 6 Wide trousers. 7 Stockings. The meaning seems to be that though we may be acquainted we are not intimate friends. 8 A phrase from Kyd's Spanish Tragedy. 9 Go and be hanged I , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY Rose. Do so, good Sybil. Meantime wretched I Will sit and sigh for his lost company. 479 Exit.. SCENE II. [A street in London] Enter LACY, disguised as a Dutch Shoemaker Lacy. How many shapes have gods and kings devis'd, Thereby to compass their desired loves! It is no shame for Rowland Lacy, then, To clothe his cunning with the gentle craft, That, thus disguis'd, I may unknown possess The only happy presence of my Rose. For her have I forsook my charge in France, Incurr'd the king's displeasure, and stirr'd up Rough hatred in mine uncle Lincoln's breast. o love, how powerful art thou, that canst change High birth to baseness, and a noble mind To the mean semblance of a shoemaker! But thus it must be. For her cruel father, Hating the single union of our souls, Has secretly convey'd my Rose from London, To bar me of her presence; but I trust, Fortune and this disguise will further me Once more to view her beauty, gain her sight. Here in Tower Street with Eyre the shoemaker Mean I a while to work; I know the trade, I learnt it when I was in Wittenberg. Then cheer thy hoping spirits, be not dismay'd, Thou canst not want: do Fortune what she can, The gentle craft is living for a man. Exit. SCENE III. [Before Eyre's house] Enter EYRE, making himself ready1 Eyre. Where be these boys, these girls, these drabs, these scoun- drels? They wallow in the fat brewiss 2 of my bounty, and lick up 1 Dressing himself. 2 Beef broth. 480 THOMAS DEKKER the crumbs of my table, yet will not rise to see my walks cleansed. Come out, you powder-beef3 queans! What, Nan! what, Madge Mumble-crust. Come out, you fat midriff-swag-belly-whores, and sweep me these kennels 4 that the noisome stench offend not the noses of my neighbours. What, Firk, I say; what, Hodge! Open my shop-windows! What, Firk, I say! Enter FIRK Firk. 0 master, is't you that speak bandog 5 and Bedlam 6 this morning? I was in a dream, and mused what madman was got into the street so early. Have you drunk this morning that your throat is so clear? Eyre. Ah, well said, Firk; well said, Firk. To work, my fine knave, to work! Wash thy face, and thou't be more blest. Firk. Let them wash my face that will eat it. Good master, send for a souse-wife/ if you'll have my face cleaner. Enter HODGE Eyre. Away, sloven! avaunt, scoundrel!-Good...morrow, Hodge; good-morrow, my fine foreman. Hodge. 0 master, good-morrow; y'are an early stirrer. Here's a fair morning.-Good-morrow, Firk, I could have slept this hour. Here's a brave .day towards. 8 Eyre. Oh, haste to work, my fine foreman, haste to work. Firk. Master, I am dryas dust to hear my fellow Roger talk of fair weather; let us pray for good leather, and let clowns and plough- boys and those that work in the fields pray for brave days. We work in a dry shop; what care I if it rain? Enter MARGERY Eyre. How now, Dame Margery, can you see to rise? Trip and go, .call up the drabs, your maids. Marg. See to rise? I hope 'tis time enough, 'tis early enough for any woman to be seen abroad. I marvel how.many wives in Tower Street are up so soon. Gods me, 'tis not noon,-here's a yawling!9 3 Salted beef. 4 Gutters. 5 Watch-dog. 6 Madman. 7 A woman who washed and pickled pigs' faces. 8 Coming. 9 Bawling. THE SHOEMAKER'S HOLIDAY 4 81 Eyre. Peace, Margery, peace! Where's Cicely Bumtrinket, your maid? She has a privy fault, she farts in her sleep. Call the quean up; if my men want shoe...thread, I'll swinge her in a stirrup. Firk. Yet, that's but a dry beating; here's still a sign of drought. Enter LACY disguised, singing Lacy. Der was een bore van Gelderland Frolick sie byen; He was als dronck he cold nyet stand, U psolce sie byen. Tap eens de canneken, Drincke, schone mannekin.lO Firk. Master, for my life, yonder's a brother of the gentle craft; if he bear not Saint Hugh's bones,Il I'll forfeit my bones; he's some uplandish workman: hire him, good master, that I may learn some gibble.gabble; 'twill make us work the faster. Eyre. Peace, Firk! A hard world! Let him pass, let him vanish; we have journeymen enow. Peace, my fine Firk! Marg. Nay, nay, y'are best follow your man's counsel; you shall see what will come on't. We have not men enow, but we must entertain every butter-box;12 but let that pass. Hodge. Dame, 'fore God, if my master follow your counsel, he'll consume little beef. He shall be glad of men an he can catch them. Firk. Ay, that he shall. Hodge. 'Fore God, a proper man, and I warrant, a fine workman. Master, farewell; dame, adieu; if such a m.an as he cannot find work, Hodge is not for you. Otters to go. Eyre. Stay, my fine Hodge. Firk. Faith, an your foreman go, dame, you must take a journey to seek a new journeyman; if Roger remove, Firk follows. If Saint 10 The language is, of course, meant for Dutch. 'There was a boor from Gelderland, Jolly they be; He was so drunk he could not stand, Drunken (?) they be: Clink then the cannikin, Drink, pretty mannikin I' 11 The bones of St. Hugh, the patron saint of shoemakers, were supposed to have been made into shoemaker's tools. 12 Dutchman. 482 THOMAS DEKKER Hugh's bones shall not be set a-work, I may prick mine awl in the walls, and go play. Fare ye well, master; good..bye, dame. Eyre. Tarry, my fine Hodge, my brisk foreman! Stay, Pirkl Peace, pudding.broth! By the Lord of Ludgate, I love my men as my life. Peace, you gallimaufryP3 Hodge, if he want work, I'll hire him. One of you to him; stay,-he comes to us. Lacy. Goeden dach, meester, ende u vro oak.t 4 Firk. Nails/ 5 if I should speak after him without drinking, I should choke. And you, friend Oake, are you of the gentle craft? Lacy. Yaw, yaw, ik bin den skomawker.I6 Firk. Den skomaker, quoth 'a! And hark you, skomaker, have you all your tools, a good rubbing-pin, a good stopper, a good dresser, your four sorts of awls, and your two balls of wax, your paring knife, your hand- and thumb-leathers, and good St. Hugh's bones to smooth up your work? Lacy. Yaw, yaw; be niet vorveard. lk hab all de dingen voour mack skooes groot and cleane. 17 Firk. Ha, ha!. Good master, hire him; he'll make me laugh so that I shall work more in mirth than I can in earnest. Eyre. Hear ye, friend, have ye any skill in the mystery of cord- wainers? Lacy. lk weet niet wat yow seg; ich verstaw you niet. 18 Firk. Why, thus, man: [Imitating by gesture a shoemaker at work.] lch verste u niet, quoth 'a. LAcy. Yaw, yaw, yaw; ick can dat we! doen. 19 Firk. Yaw, yaw! He speaks yawing like a jackdaw that gapes to be fed with cheese-curds. Oh, he'll give a villanous pull at a can of double-beer; but Hodge and I have the vantage, we must drink first, because we are the eldest journeymen. Eyre. What is thy name? Lacy. Hans-Hans Meulter. Eyre. Give me thy hand; th'art welcome.-Hodge, entertain him;' Firk, bid him welcome; come, Hans. Run, wife, bid your maids, 13 A dish of different hashed meats. Many of Eyre's words have no particular appropriateness. 14 Good day, master, and your wife too. 15 An oath. 16 Yes, yes, I am a shoemaker. 17 Yes, yes; be not afraid. I have everything to. make boots big and little. 18 I don't know what you say; I don't understand you 19 Yes, yes, yes; I can do that well. THE SHOEMAKER'S HOLIDAY 4 8 3 your trullibubs,20 make ready my fine men's breakfasts. To him, Hodge! Hodge. Hans, th'art welcome; use thyself friendly, for we are good fellows; if not, thou shalt be fought with, wert thou bigger than a giant. Firk. Yea, and drunk with, wer-t thou Gargantua. My master keeps no cowards, I tell thee.-Ho, boy, bring him an heel-block, here's a new journeyman. Enter Boy Lacy. 0, ich wersto you; ich moet een halve dossen cans betaelen; here, boy, nempt dis skilling, tap eens freelicke.21 Exit Boy. Eyre. Quick, snipper-snapper, away! Firk, scour thy throat; thou shalt wash it with Castilian liquor. Enter Boy Oome, my last of the fives, give me a can. Have to thee, Hans; here, Hodge; here, Firk; drink, you mad Greeks, and work like true Trojans, and pray for Simon Eyre, the shoemaker.-Here, Hans, and th'art welcome. Firk. Lo, dame, you would have lost a good fellow that will teach us to laugh. This beer came hopping in well. Marg. Simon, it is almost seven. Eyre. Is't so, Dame Clapper-dudgeon ?22 Is't seven a clock, and my men's breakfast not ready? Trip and go, you soused conger,23 away! Come, you mad hyperboreans; follow me, Hodge; follow me, Hans; come after, my fine Firk; to work, to work a while, and then to breakfast! [Exit. Firk. Soft! Yaw, yaw, good Hans, though my master have no more wit but to call you afore me, I am not so foolish .to go behind you, I being the elder journeyman. [Exeunt. 20 Slatterns. 21 0, I understand you; I must pay for half-a-dozen cans; here, boy, take this shilling, tap this once freely. 22 Slang for beggar. 23 Conger-eel. 4 8 4 THOMAS DEKKER SCENE IV. [A field near Old Ford] H olloain g within. Enter Master WARNER and Master HAMMON, attired as Hunters Ham. Cousin, beat every brake, the game's not far, This way with winged feet he fled from death, Whilst the pursuing hounds, scenting his steps, Find out his highway to destruction. Besides, the miller's boy told me even now, He saw him take soil/ and he holloaed him, Affirming him to have been so embost 2 That long he could not hold. Warn. If it be so, 'Tis best we trace these meadows by Old Ford. A noise of Hunters within. Enter a Boy Ham. How now, boy? Where's the deer? speak, saw'st ,thou him? Boy. 0 yea; I saw him leap through a hedge, and then over a ditch, then at my lord mayor's pale, over he skipp'd me, and in he went me, and 'holla' the hunters cried, and 'there, boy; there, boy!' But there he is, a' mine honesty. Ham. Boy, Godamercy. Cousin, let's away; I hope we shall find better sport to-day. Exeunt. SCENE V. [The garden at Old Ford] [Hunting within.] Enter ROSE and SYBIL Rose. Why, Sybil, wilt thou prove a forester? Sybil. Upon some, no. Forester? Go by; no, faith, mistress. The deer came running into the barn through the orchard and over the pale; I wot well, I looked as pale as a new cheese to see him. But whip, says Goodman Pin-close, up with his flail, and our Nick with a prong, and down he fell, and they upon him, and I upon them. By my troth, we had such sport; and in the end we ended him; his throat we cut, flayed him, unhorn'd him, and my lord mayor shall eat of him anon, when he comes. Horns sound within. 1 Cover. 2 Exhausted. THE SHOEMAKER-S HOLIDAY 485 Rose. Hark, hark, the hunters come; y'are best take heed, They'll have a saying to you for this deed. Enter Master HAMMON, Master WARNER, Huntsmen, and Boy Ham. God save you, fair ladies. Sybil. Ladies! 0 grossP Warn. Came not a buck this way? Rose. No, but two does. Ham. And which way went they? Faith, we'll hunt at those. Sybil. At ,those? Upon some, no. When, can you tell? Warn. Upon some, aYe Sybil. Warn. Ham. Boy, which way went he? Boy. This way, sir, he ran. Ham. This way he ran indeed, fair Mistress Rose; Our game was lately in your orchard seen. Warn. Can you advise, which way he took his flight? Sybil. Follow your nose; his horns will guide you right. Warn. Th'art a mad wench. Sybil. Rose. It is not like that the wild forest-deer Would come so near to places of resort; You are deceiv'd, he fled some other way. Warn. Which way, my sugar-candy, can you shew? Sybil. Come up, good honeysops, upon some, no. Rose. Why do you stay, and not pursue your game? Sybil. I'll hold my life, their hunting-nags be lame. Ham. A deer more dear is found within this place. Rose. But not the deer, sir, which you had in chase. Ham. I chas'd the deer, but this dear chaseth me. Rose. The strangest hunting that ever I see. But where's your park? She oOers to go at/Jay. Ham. 'Tis here: 0 stay! Rose. Impale me, and then I will not stray. 1 Stupid. 2 An oath. Good Lord! Wounds!2 Then farewell! 0, rich! T rust me, not 1. 4 86 THOMAS DEKKER Warn. They wrangle, wench; we are more kind than they. Sybil. What kind of hart is that dear heart, you seek? Warn. A hart, dear heart. Sybil. Who ever saw cthe like? Rose. To lose your heart, is't possible you can? Ham . My heart is lost. Rose. Alack, good gentleman! Ham. This poor lost hart would I wish you mi ht find. Rose . You, by such luck, might prove your hart a hind. Ham. Why, Luck had horns, so have I heard some say. Rose. Now, God, an't be his will, send Luck into your way. Enter the LORD MAYOR and Servants L. Mayor. What, Master Hammon? Welcome to Old Ford! Sybil. Gods pittikins,3 Hands off, sir! Here's my lord. L. Mayor. I hear you had ill luck, and lost your game. Ham. 'Tis true, my lord. L. Mayor. I am sorry for the same. What gentleman is this? Ham. My brother-in-law. L. Mayor. Y'are welcome both; sith Fortune offers you Into my hands, you shall not part from hence, Until you have refresh'd your wearied limbs. Go, Sybil, cover ,the board! You shall be guest To no good cheer, but even a hunter's feast. Ham. I thank your lordship.-Cousin, on my life, For our lost venison I shall find a wife. Exeunt [all but MAYOR]. L. Mayor. In, gentlemen; I'll not be absent long.- This Hammon is a proper gentleman, A citizen by birth, fairly allied; How fit an husband were he for my girl! Well, I will in, and do the best I can, To match my daughter to this gentleman. Exit. 3 By God's pity. THE SHOEMAKER'S HOLIDAY 4 8 7 ACT III SCENE 1.-[ A room in Eyre's house] Enter LACY [as HANS], Skipper, HODGE, and FIRK Skip. Ick sal yow wat seggen, Hans; dis skip, dat comen from Candy, is al vol, by Got's sacrament, van sugar, civet, almonds, cam- brick, end aile dingen, towsand towsand ding. Nempt it, Hans, nempt it vor v meester. Daer be de bz1s van laden. Your meester Simon Eyre sal hae good copen. Wat seggen yow, Hans?! Firk. Wat seggen de reggen de copen, slopen-Iaugh, Hodge, laugh! Hans. Mine liever broder Firk, bringt Meester Eyre tot det signe vn Swannekin; daer sal yow finde dis skipper end me. Wat seggen yow, broder Firk? Doot it, Hodge. 2 Come, skipper. Exeunt. Firk. Bring him, quoth you? Here's no knavery, to bring my master to buy a ship worth the lading of two or three hundred thou- sand pounds. Alas, that's nothing; a trifle, a bauble, Hodge. Hodge. The truth is, Firk, that the merchant owner of the ship dares not shew his head, and therefore this skipper that deals for him, for the love he bears to Hans, offers my master Eyre a bargain in the commodities. He shall have a reasonable day of payment; he may sell the wares by that time, and be an huge gainer himself. Firk. Yea, but can my fellow Hans lend my master twenty por- pentines as an earnest penny? Hodge. Portuguese,3 thou wouldst say; here they be, Firk; hark, they jingle in my pocket like St. Mary Overy's bells. Enter EYRE and MARGERY Firk. Mum, here comes my dame and my master. She'll scold, on my life, for loitering this Monday: but all's one, let them all say what they can, Monday's our holiday. 1 I'll tell you what, Hans; this ship that is come from Candia, is quite full, by God's sacrament, of sugar, civet, almonds, cambric, and all things; a thousand, thousand things. Take it, Hans, take it for your master. There are the bill, of Jading. Your master, Simon Eyre, shall have a good bargain. What say you, Hans? 2 My dear brother Firk, bring Master Eyre to the sign of the Swan; there shall you find this skipper and me. What say you, brother Firk? Do it, Hodge. 3 A coin worth about three pounds twelve shillings. 4 88 THOMAS DEKKER Marg. You sing, Sir Sauce, but I beshrew your heart, I fear, for this your singing we shall smart. Firk. Smart for me, dame; why, dame, why? Hodge. Master, I hope you'll not suffer my dame to take down your Journeymen. Firk. If she take me down, I'll take her up; yea, and take her down too, a button-hole lower. Eyre. Peace, Firk; not I, Hodge; by the life of Pharaoh, by the Lord of Ludgate, by this beard, every hair whereof I value at a king's ransom, she shall not meddle with you.-Peace, you bombast- cotton-candle-quean; away, queen of clubs; quarrel not with me and my men, with me and my fine Firk; I'll firk you, if you do. Marg. Yea, yea, man, you may use me as you please; but let that pass. Eyre. Let it pass, let it vanish away; peace! Am I not Simon Eyre? Are not these my brave men, brave shoemakers, all gentlemen of the gentle craft? Prince am I none, yet am I nobly born, as being the sale son of a shoemaker. Away, rubbish! vanish, melt; melt like kitchen-stuff. Marg. Yea, yea, 'tis well; I must be call'd rubbish, kitchen-stuff, for a sort 4 of knaves. Firk. Nay, dame, you shall not weep and wail in woe for me. Master, I'll stay no longer; here's an inventory of my shop-tools. Adieu, master; Hodge, farewell. Hodge. Nay, stay, Firk; thou shalt not go alone. Marg. I pray, let them go; there be more maids than Mawkin, more men than Hodge, and more fools than Firk. Firk. Fools? Nails! if I tarry now, I would my guts might be turn'd to shoe-thread. Hodge. And if I stay, I pray God I may be turn'd to a Turk, and set in Finsbury5 for boys to shoot at.-Come, Firk. Eyre. Stay, my fine knaves, you arms of my trade, you pillars of my profession. What, shall a tittle-tattle's words make you forsake Simon Eyre?-Avaunt, kitchen-stuff! Rip, you brown-bread Tanni- kin; out of my sight! Move me not! Have not I ta'en you from 4 Set. 5 Finsbury was a famous practising ground for archery. THE SHOEMAKER'S HOLIDAY 4 8 9 selling tripes in East-cheap, and set you in my shop, and made you hail-fellow with Simon Eyre, the shoemaker? And now do you deal thus with my journeymen? Look, you po\vder-beef-quean, on the face of Hodge, here's a face for a lord. Firk. And here's a face for any lady in Christendom. Eyre. Rip, you chitterling, avaunt! Boy, bid the tapster of the Boar's Head fill me a dozen cans of beer for my journeymen. Fzork. A dozen cans? 0, brave! Hodge, now I'll stay. Eyre. [In a low voice to the Boy.] An the knave fills any more than two, he pays for them. [Exit Boy. Aloud.]-A dozen cans of beer for my journeymen. [Re-enter Boy.] Here, you mad Mesopo- tamians, wash your livers with this liquor. Where be the odd ten? No more, Madge, no more.-Well said. Drink and to work!-What work dost thou, Hodge? What work? Hodge. I am a making a pair of shoes for my lord mayor's daughter, Mistress Rose. Firk. And I a pair of shoes for Sybil, my lord's maid. I deal with her. Eyre. Sybil? Fie, defile not thy fine workmanly fingers with the feet of kitchen-stuff and basting-ladles. Ladies of the court, fine ladies my lads, commit their feet to our apparelling; put gross work to Hans. Yark and seam, yark 6 and seam! Firk. For yarking and seaming let me alone, an I come to't. Hodge. Well, master, all this is from the bias. 7 Do you remember the ship my fellow Hans told you of? The skipper and he are both drinking at the Swan. Here be the Portuguese to give earnest. If you go through with it, you cannot choose but be a lord at least. Firk. Nay, dame, if my master prove not a lord, and you a lady, hang me. Marg. Yea, like enough, if you may loiter and tipple thus. Firk. Tipple, dame? No, we have been bargaining with Skellum Skanderbag: 8 can you Dutch spreaken for a ship of silk Cyprus, laden with sugar-candy. 6 Prepareo 1 Beside the point. 8 German: Schelm, a scoundrel. Skanderbag, or Scandcr Beg (io e. Lord Alex- ander), a Turkish name for John Kastriota, the Albanian hero, who freed his country from the yoke of the Turks (I443-I467).-Warnke and Proescholdt. 49 0 THOMAS DEKKER Enter Boy wz'th a velvet coat and an Alderman's gown. EYRE puts them on Eyre. Peace, Firk; silence, Tittle-tattle! Hodge, I'll go through with it. Here's a seal-ring, and I have sent for a guarded gown 9 and a damask cassock. See where it comes; look here, Maggy; help me, Firk; apparel me, Hodge; silk and satin, you mad Philistines, silk and satin. Firk. Ha, ha, my master will be as proud as a dog in a doublet, all in beaten lO damask and velvet. Eyre. Softly, Firk, for rearing ll of the nap, and wearing thread- bare my garments. How dost thou like me, Firk? How do I look, my fine Hodge? Hodge. Why, now you look like yourself, master. I warrant you, there's few in the city but will give you the wall,12 and come upon you with 13 the right worshipful. Firk. Nails, my master looks like a threadbare cloak new turned and dressed. Lord, Lord, to see what good raiment doth! Dame, dame, are you not enamoured? Eyre. How say'st thou, Maggy, am I not brisk? Am I not fine? Marg. Fine? By my troth, sweetheart, very fine! By my troth, I never liked thee so well in my life, sweetheart; but let that pass. I warrant, there be many women in the city have not such handsome husbands, but only for their apparel; but let that pass too. Re-enter HANS and Skipper Hans. Godden day, 1nester. Dis he de skipper dat heb de skip van m arch an dice; de commodity hen good; nempt it, master, nem pt it. 14 Eyre. Godamercy, Hans; welcome, skipper. Where lies this ship of merchandise? Skip. De skip ben in revere; dor be van Sugar, cyvet, almonds, 9 A robe ornamented with guards or facings. 10 Stamped. 11 Ruffling. 12 Yield precedence. 13 Address you as. 14 Good day, master. This is the skipper that has the ship of merchandise; the commodity is good; take it, master, take it. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 49 1 cambrick, and a towsand, towsand tings, gotz sacrament; nempt it, 1nester: ye sal heb good copen. IS Firk. To him, master! 0 sweet master! 0 sweet wares! Prunes, almonds, sugar-candy, carrot-roots, turnips, 0 brave fatting meat! Let not a man buy a nutmeg but yourself. Eyre. Peace, Firk! Come, skipper, I'll go aboard with you.-Hans, have you made him drink? Sk1:p. Yaw, yaw, I:C heb veale gedrunck.I6 Eyre. Come, Hans, follow me. Skipper, thou shalt have my countenance in the city. Exeunt. Firk. Yaw heb veale gedrunck, quoth a. They may well be called butter-boxes, when they drink fat veal and thick beer too. But come, dame, I hope you'll chide us no more. Marg. No, faith, Firk; no, perdy,17 Hodge. I do feel honour creep upon me, and which is more, a certain rising in my flesh; but let that pass. Firk. Rising in your flesh do you feel, say you? Ay, you may be \vith child, but why should not my master feel a rising in his flesh, having a gown and a gold ring on? But you are such a shrew, you'll soon pull him down. Marg. Ha, hat prithee, peace! Thou mak'st my worship laugh; but let that pass. Come, I'll go in; Hodge, prithee, go before me; Firk, follow me. Firk. Firk doth follow: Hodge, pass out in state. Exeunt. SCENE II. [London: a 1'oom t'n Lincoln's house] Enter the EARL OF LINCOLN and DODGER Lincoln. How now, good Dodger, what's the news in Prance? Dodger. My lord, upon the eighteenth day of May The P rench and English were prepar'd to fight; Each side with eager fury gave the sign Of a most hot encounter. Five long hours Both armies fought together; at the length 15 The ship lies in the river; there are sugar, civet, almonds, cambric, and a thousand thousand things. By God's sacrament, take it, master; you shall have a good bargain. 16 Yes, yes, I have drunk well. 17 Fr. Par Dietl. 492 THOMAS DEKKER The lot of victory fell on our side. Twelve thousand of the Frenchmen that day died, Four thousand English, and no man of name But Captain Hyam and young Ardington, Two gallant gentlemen, I knew them well. Lincoln. But Dodger, prithee, tell me, in this fight How did my cousin Lacy bear himself? Dodger . My lord, your cousin Lacy was not there. Lincoln. Not there? Dodger. No, my good lord. Lincoln. Sure, thou mistakest. I saw him shipp'd, and a thousand eyes beside Were witnesses of the farewells which he gave, When I, with weeping eyes, bid him adieu. Dodger, take heed. Dodger. My lord, I am advis'd 1 That what I spake is true: to prove it so, His cousin Askew, that supplied his place, Sent me for him from France, that secretly He might convey himself thither. Lincoln. Is't even so? Dares he so carelessly venture his life Upon the indignation of a king? Has he despis'd my love, and spurn'd those favours Which I with prodigal hand pour'd on his head? He shall repent his rashness with his soul; Since of my love he makes no estimate, I'll make him wish he had not known my hate. Thou hast no other news? Dodger. None else, my lord. Lincoln. None worse I know thou hast.-Procure the king To crown his giddy brows with ample honours, Send him chief colonel, and all my hope Thus to be dash'd! But 'tis in vain to grieve, One evil cannot a worse relieve. Upon my life, I have found out his plot; 1 Certainly informed. THE SHOEMAKER'S HOLIDAY 493 That old dog, Love, that fawn'd upon him so, Love to that puling girl, his fair-cheek'd Rose, The lord mayor's daughter, hath distracted him, And in the fire of that love's lunacy Hath he burnt up himself, consum'd his credit, Lost the king's love, yea, and I fear, his life, Only to get a wanton to his wife, Dodger, it is so. Dodger. I fear so, my good lord. Lincoln. It is so-nay, sure it cannot be! I am at my wits' end. Dodger! Dodger. 1rea,mylord. Lincoln. Thou art acquainted with my nephew's haunts. Spend this gold for thy pains; go seek him out; Watch at my lord mayor's-there if he live, Dodger, thou shalt be sure to meet with him. Prithee, be diligent.-Lacy, thy name Liv'd once in honour, now 'tis dead in shame.- Be circumspect. Exit. Dodger. I warrant you, my lord. Exit. SCENE III. [London: a room in the Lord Mayor's house] Enter the LORD MAYOR and Master SCOTT L. Mayor. Good Master Scott, I have been bold with you, To be a witness to a wedding-knot Betwixt young Master Hammon and my daughter. 0, stand aside; see where the lovers come. Enter MASTER HAMMON and ROSE Rose. Can it be possible you love me so? No, no, within those eyeballs I espy Apparent likelihoods of flattery. Pray now, let go my hand. Ham. Sweet Mistress Rose, Misconstrue not my words, nor misconceive 494 THOMAS DEKKER Of my affection, whose devoted soul Swears that I love thee dearer than my heart. Rose. As dear as your own heart? I judge it right, 11en love their hearts best when th' are out of sight. Ham. I love you, by this hand. Rose. Yet hands off now! If flesh be frail, how weak and frail's your vow! Ham. Then by my life I swear. Rose. Then do not brawl; One quarrelloseth wife and life and all. Is not your meaning thus? Ham. In faith, you jest. Rose. Love loves to sport; therefore leave love, y'are best. L. Mayor. What? square 1 they, Master Scott? Scott. Sir, never doubt, Lovers are quickly in, and quickly out. Ha11'l. Sweet Rose, be not so strange in fancying me. Nay, never turn aside, shun not my sight: I am not grown so fond, to fond 2 my love On any that shall quit it with disdain; If you will love me, so-if not, farevvell. L. Mayor. Why, how now, lovers, are you both agreed? Ham. Yes, faith, my lord. L. Mayor. 'Tis well, give me your hand. Give me yours, daughter.-How now, both pull back! \Vhat means this, girl? Rose. I mean to live a maid. Ham. But not to die one; pause, ere that be said. Aside. L. Mayor. Will you still cross me, still be obstinate? Ham. Nay, chide her not, my lord, for doing well; If she can live an happy virgin's life, 'Tis far more blessed than to be a wife. Rose. Say, sir, I cannot: I have made a vow, Whoever be my husband, 'tis not you. L. Mayor. Your tongue is quick; but Master Hammon, know, I bade you welcome to another end. 1 Quarrel. 2 Found, set; a pun upon fond. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 495 Ham. What, would you have me pule and pine and pray, With 'lovely lady,' 'mistress of my heart,' 'Pardon your servant,' and the rhymer play, Railing on Cupid and his tyrant's-dart; Or shall I undertake some martial spoil, Wearing your glove at tourney and at tilt, And tell how many gallants I unhors'd- Sweet, will this pleasure you? Rose. Yea, when wilt begin? What, love rhymes, man? Fie on that deadly sin! L. Mayor. If you will have her, I'll make her agree. Ham. Enforced love is worse than hate to me. [ Aside.] There is a wench keeps shop in the Old Change, To her will I; it is not wealth I seek, I have enough; and will prefer her love Before the world.-[Aloud.] My good lord mayor, adieu. Old love for me, I have no luck with new. Exit. L. Mayor. Now, mammet/ you have well behav'd yourself, But you shall curse your coyness if I live.- Who's within there? See you convey your mistress Straight to th' Old Ford! I'll keep you straight enough. Fore God, I would have sworn the puling girl Would willingly accepted Hammon's love; But banish him, my thoughts!-Go, minion, in! Exit ROSE. Now tell me, Master Scott, would you have thought That Master Simon Eyre, the shoemaker, Had been of wealth to buy such merchandise? Scott. 'Twas well, my lord, your honour and myself Grew partners with him; for your bills of lading Shew that Eyre's gains in one commodity Rise at the least to full three thousand pound Besides like gain in other merchandise. L. Mayor. Well, he shall spend some of his thousands now, For I have sent for him to the Guildhall 3 Puppet, doll. 49 6 THOMAS DEKKER Enter E yltE See, where he comes.-Good morrow, Master Eyre. Eyre. Poor Simon Eyre, my lord, your shoemaker. L. Mayor. Well, well, it likes 4 yourself to term you so. Enter DODGER Now, Master Dodger, what's the news with you? Dodger. I'd gladly speak in private to your honour. L. Mayor. You shall, you shal1.-Master Eyre and Master Scott, I have some business with this gentleman; I pray, let me entreat you to walk before To the Guildhall; I'll follow presently. Master Eyre, I hope ere noon to call you sheriff. Eyre. I would not care, my lord, if you might call me King of Spain.-Come, Master Scott. [Exeunt EYRE and SCOTT.] L. Mayor. Now, Master Dodger, what's the news you bring? Dodger. The Earl of Lincoln by me greets your lordship, And earnestly requests you, if you can, Inform him where his nephew Lacy keeps. L. Mayor. Is not his nephew Lacy now in France? Dodger. No, I assure your lordship, but disguis'd Lurks here in London. L. Mayor. London? Is't even so? It may be; but upon my faith and soul, I know not where he lives, or whether he lives: So tell my Lord of Lincoln.-Lurks in London? Well, Master Dodger, you perhaps may start him; Be but the means to rid him into France, I'll give you a dozen angels 5 for your pains: So much I love his honour, hate his nephew. And, prithee, so inform thy lord from me. Dodger. I take my leave. Exit DODGER. L. Mayor. Farewell, good Master Dodger. Lacy in London? I dare pawn my life, · My daughter knows thereof, and for that cause 4 Pleases. 5 Coins worth about IOS. each. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY Ðeni'd young Master Hammon in his love. Well, I am glad I sent her to Old Ford. Gods Lord, 'tis late; to Guildhall I must hie; I know my brethren stay6 my company. 497 Exit. SCENE IV. [London: a room in Eyre's house] Enter FIRK, MARGERY, [LACY as] HANS, and ROGER Marg. Thou goest -too fast for me, Roger. 0, Pirkl Firk. Ay, forsooth. Marg. I pray thee, run-do you hear?-run to Guildhall, and learn if my husband, Master Eyre, will take that worshipful voca- tion of Master Sheriff upon him. Hie thee, good Firk. Firk. Take it? Well, I go; an he should not take it, Firk swears to forswear him. Yes, forsooth, I go to Guildhall. Marg. Nay, when? Thou art too compendious and tedious. F irk. 0 rare, your excellence is full of eloquence; how like a new cart-wheel my dame speaks, and she looks like an old musty ale- bottle 1 going to scalding. Marg. Nay, when? Thou wilt make me melancholy. Firk. God forbid your worship should fall into that humour;- I run. Exit. Marg. Let me see now, Roger and Hans. Hodge. Ay, forsooth, dame-mistress I should say, but the old term so sticks to the roof of my mouth, I can hardly lick it off. Marg. Even what thou wilt, good Roger; dame is a fair name for any honest Christian; but let that pass. How dost thou, Hans? Hans. Mee tanck you, vro. 2 Marg. Well, Hans and Roger, you see, God hath blest your mas- ter, and, perdy, if ever he comes to be Master Sheriff of London- as we are all mortal-you shall see, I will have some odd thing or other in a corner for you: I will not be your back-friend;3 but let that pass. Hans, pray thee, tie my shoe. Hans. Yaw, ic sal, vro. 4 6 Wait for. 1 Ale-kegs, made of wood. 2 I thank you, mistressl 3 Faithless friend. 4 Yes, I shall, mistress! 49 8 THOMAS DEKKER Marg. Roger, thou know'st the length of my foot; as it is none of the biggest, so I thank God, it is handsome enough; pnthee, let me have a pair of shoes made, cork, good Roger, wooden heel too. Hodge. You shall. Marg. Art thou acquainted with never a farthingale-maker, nor a French hood-maker? I must enlarge my bum, ha, hat How shall I look in a hood, I wonder! Perdy, oddly, I think. Hodge. [Aside.] As a cat out of a pillory.- Very well, I \varrant you, mistress. Marg. Indeed, all flesh is grass; and, Roger, canst thou tell where I may buy a good hair? Hodge. Yes, forsooth, at the poulterer's in Gracious Street. Marg. Thou art an ungracious wag; perdy, I mean a false hair for my pen WIg. Hodge. Why, mistress, the next time I cut my beard, you shall have the shavings of it; but they are all true hairs. Marg. It is very hot, I must get me a fan or else a mask. Hodge. [Aside.] So you had need, to hide your wicked face. Marg. Fie, upon it, how costly this world's calling is; perdy, but that it is one of the wonderful works of God, I would not deal with it.-Is not Firk come yet? Hans, be not so sad, let it pass and vanish, as my husband's worship says. Hans. Ick bin vrolicke, lot see yow SOO.5 Hodge. Mistress, will you drink 6 a pipe of tobacco? Marg. Oh, fie upon it, Roger, perdy! These filthy tobacco-pipes are the most idle slavering baubles that ever I felt. Out upon itJ God bless us, men look not like men that use them. Enter RALPH, lame Hodge. What, fellow Ralph? Mistress, look here, Jane's husband! Why, how now, lame? Hans, make much of him, he's a brother of our trade, a good workman, and a tall soldier. Hans. You be welcome, broder. Marg. Perdy, I knew him not. How dost thou, good Ralph? I am glad to see thee well. Ralph. I would to God you saw me, dame, as well 5 I am merry; Jet's see you so too! 6 Smoke. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDA Y 499 As when I went from London into France. Marg. Trust me, I am sorry, Ralph, to see thee impotent. Lord, how the wars have made him sunburnt I The left leg is not well; 'twas a fair gift of God the infirmity took not hold a little higher, considering thou camest from France; but let that pass. Ralph. I am glad to see you well, and I rejoice To hear that God hath blest my master so Since my departure. Marg. Yea, truly, Ralph, I thank my Maker; but let that pass. Hodge. And, sirrah Ralph, what news, what news in France? Ralph. Tell me, good Roger, first, what news in England? How does my Jane? When didst thou see my wife? Where lives my poor heart? She'll be poor indeed, Now I want limbs to get whereon to feed. Hodge. Limbs? Hast thou not hands, man? Thou shalt never see a shoemaker want bread, though he have but three fingers on a hand. Ralph. Yet all this while I hear not of my Jane. Marg. 0 Ralph, your wife,-perdy, we know not what's become of her. She was here a while, and because she was married, gre\v more stately than became her; I checked her, and so forth; away she flung, never returned, nor said bye nor bah; and, Ralph, you know, 'ka me, ka thee.' 7 And so, as I tell ye-Roger, is not Firk come yet? Hodge. No, forsooth. Marg. And so, indeed, we heard not of her, but I hear she lives in London; but let that pass. If she had wanted, she might have opened her case to me or my husband, or to any of my men; I am sure, there's not any of them, perdy, but would have done her good to his power. Hans, look if Firk be come. Hans. Yaw, ik sal, vro. 8 Exit HANS. Marg. And so, as I said-but, Ralph, why dost thou weep? Thou knowest that naked we came out of our mother's womb, and naked we must return; and, therefore, thank God for all things. Hodge. No, faith, Jane is a stranger here; but, Ralph, pull up a good heart, I know thou hast one. Thy wife, man, is in London; one 7 Scratch me, and I'll scratch thee. 8 Yes, I shall, dame r 500 THOMAS DEKKER told me, he saw her a while ago very brave 9 and neat; we'll ferret her out, an London hold her. Marg. Alas, poor soul, he's overcome with sorro\v; he does but as I do, weep for the loss of any good thing. But, Ralph, get thee in, call for some meat and drink, thou shalt find me worshipful towards thee. Ralph. I thank you, dame; since I want limbs and lands, I'll trust to God, my good friends, and my hands. Exit. Enter HANS and FIRK running Firk. Run, good Hans! 0 Hodge, 0 mistress! Hodge, heave up thine ears; mistress, smug Upl0 your looks; on with your best ap- parel; my master is chosen, my master is called, nay, condemned by the cry of the country to be sheriff of the city for this famous year now to come. And time now being, a great many men in black gowns were asked for their voices and their hands, and my master had all their fists about his ears presently, and they cried 'Ay, ay, ay, ay,'-and so I came away- Wherefore without all other grieve I do salute you, Mistress Shrieve,l1 Hans. .Yaw, my mester is de groot man, de shrieve. Hodge. Did not I tell you, mistress? Now I may boldly say: Good-morrow to your worship. Marg. Good-morrow, good Roger. I thank you, my good people all.-Firk, hold up thy hand: here's a three-penny piece for thy tidings. Firk. 'Tis but three-half-pence, I think. Yes, 'tis three-pence, I smell the rose. 12 Hodge. But, mistress, be rul'd by me, and do not speak so pulingly. Firk. 'Tis her worship speaks so, and not she. No, faith, mistress, speak me in the old key : 'To it, Firk,' 'there, good Firk,' 'ply your business, Hodge,' 'Hodge, with a full mouth,' 'I'll fill your bellies with good cheer, till they cry twang.' 9 Fine. 10 Brighten up. 11 Sheriff. 12 "The three-farthing silver pieces of Queen Elizabeth had the profile of the sovereign with a rose at the back of her head." -Dyce. , THE SHOElvIAKER S HOLIDAY 501 Enter EYRE wearing a gold chain Hans. See, myn liever broder, heer compt my meester. 13 Marg. Welcome home, Master Shrieve; I pray God continue you in health and wealth. Eyre. See here, my Maggy, a chain, a gold chain for Sin10n Eyre. I shall make thee a lady; here's a French hood for thee; on with it, on with it! dress thy brows with this flap of a shoulder of mut- ton/ 4 to make thee look lovely. Where be my fine men? Roger, I'll make over my shop and tools to thee; Firk, thou shalt be the fore- man; Hans, thou shalt have an hundred for twenty.15 Be as mad knaves as your master Sim Eyre hath been, and you shall live to be Sheriffs of London.-How dost thou like me, Margery? Prince am I none, yet am I princely born. Firk, Hodge, and Hans! All Three. Ay forsooth, what says your worship, Master Sheriff? Eyre. Worship and honour, you Babylonian knaves, for the gentle craft. But I forgot myself, I am bidden by my lord mayor to dinner to Old Ford; he's gone before, I must after. Come, Madge, on with your trinkets! Now, my true Trojans, my fine Firk, my dapper Hodge, my honest Hans, some device, some odd crotchets, some morris, or such like, for the honour of the gentlemen shoemakers. Meet me at Old Ford, you know my mind. Come, Madge, away. Shut up the shop, knaves, and make holiday. Exeunt. Firk. a rare! 0 brave! Come, Hodge; follow me, Hans; We'll be with them for a morris-dance. Exeunt. SCENE V. [A room at Old Ford] Enter the LORD MAYOR, [ROSE,] EYRE, MARGERY in a French houd, SYBIL, and other Servants L. Mayor. Trust me, you are as welcome to Old Ford As I myself. Marg. Truly, I thank your lordship. L. Mayor. Would our bad cheer were worth the thanks you give. 13 See, my dear brothers, here comes my master. 14 The flap of a hood trimmed with fur or sheep's wool.-Rhys. 15 1. e., for the twenty Portuguese previously lent. 502 THOMAS DEKKER Eyre. Good cheer, my lord mayor, fine cheer! A fine house, fine walls, all fine and neat. L. Mayor. Now, by my troth, I'll tell thee, Master Eyre, It does me good, and all my brethren, That such a madcap fellow as thyself Is ent'red into our society. Marg. Ay, but, my lord, he must learn now to put on gravity. Eyre. Peace, Maggy, a fig for gravity! When I go to Guildhall in my scarlet gown, I'll look as demurely as a saint, and speak as gravely as a justice of peace; but now I am here at Old Ford, at my good lord mayor's house, let it go by, vanish, Maggy, I'll be merry; away with flip-flap, these fooleries, these gulleries. What, honey? Prince am I none, yet am I princely born. What says my lord mayor? L. Mayor. Ha, ha, hat I had rather than a thousand pounds, I had an heart but half so light as yours. Eyre. Why, what should I do, my lord? A pound of care pays not a dram of debt. Hum, let's be merry, whiles we are young; old age, sack and sugar will steal upon us, ere we be aware. THE FIRST THREE-MEN'S SONG o the month of May, the merry month of May, So frolick, so gay, and so green, so green, so green! 0, and then did I unto my true love say: "Sweet Peg, thou shalt be my summer's queen! "Now the nightingale, the pretty nightingale, The sweetest singer in all the forest's choir, Entreats thee, sweet Peggy, to hear thy true love's tale; Lo, yonder she sitteth, her breast against a brier. "But 0, I spy the cuckoo, the cuckoo, the cuckoo; See where she sitteth: come away, my joy; Come away, I prithee: I do not like the cuckoo Should sing where my Peggy and I kiss and toy." o the month of May, the merry month of May, So frolick, so gay, and so green, so green, so green! , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 503 And then did I unto my true love say: "Sweet Peg, thou shalt be my summer's queen!" L. Mayor. It's well done; Mistress Eyre, pray, give good counsel To my daughter. M arg. I hope, Mistress Rose will have the grace to take nothing that's bad. L. Mayor. Pray God she do; for i' faith, Mistress Eyre, I would bestow upon that peevish girl A thousand marks more than I mean to give her Upon condition she'd be ruI'd by me. The ape still crosseth me. There came of late A proper gentleman of fair revenues, Whom gladly I would call son-in-law: But my fine cockney would have none of him. You'll prove a coxcomb for it, ere you die: A courtier, or no man must please your eye. Eyre. Be ruI'd, sweet Rose: th' art ripe for a man. Marry not with a boy that has no more hair on his face than thou hast on thy cheeks. A courtier, wash, go by, stand not upon pishery-pashery: those silken fellows are but painted images, outsides, outsides, Rose; their inner linings are torn. No, my fine mouse, marry me with a gentleman grocer like my lord mayor, your father; a grocer is a sweet trade: plums, plums. Had I a son or daughter should marry out of the generation and blood of the shoemakers, he should pack; what, the gentle trade is a living for a man through Europe, through the world. A noise within of a tabor and a pipe. L. Mayor. What noise is this? Eyre. 0 my lord mayor, a crew of good fellows that for love to your honour are come hither with a morris-dance. Come in, my Mesopotamians, cheerily. Enter HODGE, HANS, RALPH, FIRK, and other Shoemakers, in a mor- ris; after a little dancing the LORD MAYOR speaks. L. Mayor. Master Eyre, are all these shoemakers? Eyre. All cordwainers, my good lord mayor. Rose. [Aside.] How like my Lacy looks yond shoemaker! 504 THOMAS DEKKER Hans. [Aside.] 0 that I durst but speak unto my love! L. Mayor. Sybil, go fetch some wine to make these drink. You are all welcome. All. We thank your lordship. ROSE takes a cup of wine and goes to HANS. Rose. For his sake whose fair shape thou represent'st, Good friend, I drink to thee. Hans. Ie bedaneke, good frister. 1 Marg. I see, Mistress Rose, you do not want judgment; you have drunk to the properest man I keep. Firk. Here be some have done their parts to be as proper as he. L. Mayor. Well, urgent business calls me back to London. Good fellows, first go in and taste our cheer; And to make merry as you homeward go, Spend these two angels in beer at Stratford-Bow. Eyre. To these two, my mad lads, Sim Eyre adds another; then cheerily, Firk; tickle it, Hans, and all for the honour of shoemakers. All go dancing out. L. Mayor. Come, Master Eyre, let's have your company. Exeunt. Rose. Sybil, what shall I do? Sybil. Why, what's the matter? Rose. That Hans the shoemaker is my love Lacy, Disguis'd in that attire to find me out. How should I find the means to speak with him? Sybil. What, mistress, never fear; I dare venture my maidenhead to nothing, and that's great odds, that Hans the Dutchman, when we come to London, shall not only see and speak with you, but in spite of all your father's policies steal you away and marry you. Will not this please you? Rose. Do this, and ever be assured of my love. Sybil. Away, then, and follow your father to London, lest your absence cause him to suspect something: To-morrow, if my counsel be obey'd, I'll bind you prentice to the gentle trade. [Exeunt. ] 1 I thank you, good maid r , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 505 ACT IV SCENE I. [A street in London] JANE in a Seamster's shop, working; enter Master HAM 10N, muffled; he stands aloof Ham. Yonder's the shop, and there my fair love sits. She's fair and lovely, but she is not mine. 0, would she were! Thrice have I courted her, Thrice hath my hand been moist'ned with her hand, Whilst my poor famish'd eyes do feed on that Which made them famish. I am unfortunate: I still love one, yet nobody loves me. I muse in other men what women see That I so want! Fine Mistress Rose was coy, And this too curious! Oh, no, she is chaste, And for she thinks me wanton, she denies To cheer my cold heart with her sunny eyes. How prettily she works, oh pretty hand! Oh happy work! It doth me good to stand Unseen to see her. Thus loft have stood In frosty evenings, a light burning by her, Enduring biting cold, only to eye her. One only look hath seem'd as rich to me As a king's crown; such is love's lunacy. Muffled I'll pass along, and by that try Whether she know me. fane. Sir, what is't you buy? What is't you lack, sir, calico, or lawn, Fine cambric shirts, or bands, what will you buy? Ham. [Aside.] That which thou wilt not sell. Faith, yet I'll try: How do you sell this handkerchief? fane. Good cheap. Ham. And how these ruffs? Jane. Cheap too. Ham. And how this band? fane. Cheap too. 5 06 THOMAS DEKKER Ham. All cheap; how sell you then this hand? fane. My hands are not to be sold. Ham. To be given then! ay, faith, I come to buy. fane. But none knows when. Ham. Good sweet, leave work a little while; let's play. fane. I cannot live by keeping holiday. Ham. I'll pay you for the time which shall be lost. fane. With me you shall not be at so much cost. Ham. Look, how you wound this cloth, so you wound me. fane. It may be so. Ham. 'Tis so. fane. What remedy? Ham. Nay, faith, you are too coy. fane. Let go my hand. Ham. I will do any task at your command, I would let go this beauty, were I not In mind to disobey you by a power That controls kings: I love you! fane. So, now part. Ham. With hands I may, but never with my heart. In faith, I love you. lane. I believe you do. Ham. Shall a true love in me breed hate in you? fane. I hate you not. Ham. Then you must love? lane. I do. What are you better now? I love not you. Ham. All this, I hope, is but a woman's fray, That means, "Come to me," when she cries, "Awav!" In earnest, mistress, I do not jest, A true chaste love hath ent'red in my breast. I love you dearly, as I love my life, I love you as a husband loves a wife; That, and no other love, my love requires, Thy wealth, I know, is little; my desires Thirst not for gold. Sweet, beauteous Jane, what's mine THE SHOEMAKER'S HOLIDAY 507 Shall, if thou make myself thine, all be thine. Say, judge, what is thy sentence, life or death? Mercy or cruelty lies in thy breath. Jane. Good sir, I do believe you love me well; For 'tis a silly conquest, silly pride For one like you-I mean a gentleman- To boast that by his love-tricks he hath brought Such and such women to his amorous lure; I think you do not so, yet many do, And make it even a very trade to woo. I could be coy, as many women be, Feed you with sunshine smiles and wanton looks, But I detest witchcraft; say that I Do constantly believe, you constant have- Ham. Why dost thou not believe me? fane. I believe you; But yet, good sir, because I will not grieve you With hopes to taste fruit which will never fall, In simple truth this is the sum of all: My husband lives, at least, I hope he lives. Press'd was he to these bitter wars in France; Bitter they are to me by wanting him. I have but one heart, and that heart's his due. How can I then bestow the same on you? Whilst he lives, his I live, be it ne'er so poor, And rather be his wife than a king's \vhore. Ham. Chaste and dear woman, I will not abuse thee, Although it cost my life, if thou refuse me. Thy husband, press'd for France, what was his name? fane. Ralph Damport. Ham. Damport?-Here's a letter sent From France to me, from a dear friend of mine, A gentleman of place; here he doth write Their names that have been slain in every fight. fane. I hope death's scroll contains not my love's name. Ham. Cannot you read? Jane. I can. 5 08 THOMAS DEKKER Ham. Peruse the same. To my remembrance such a name I read Amongst the rest. See here. fane. Ay me, he's dead! He's dead! If this be true, my dear heart's slainl Ham. Have patience, dear love. fane. Hence, hence! Ham. Nay, sweet Jane, Make not poor sorrow proud with these rich tears. I mourn thy husband's death, because thou mourn' st. fane. That bill is forg'd; 'tis sign'd by forgery. Ham. I'll bring thee letters sent besides to many, Carrying the like report : Jane, 'tis too true. Come, weep not: mourning, though it rise from love, Helps not the mourned, yet hurts them that mourn. fane. For God's sake, leave me. Ham. Whither dost thou turn? Forget the dead, love ,them that are alive; His love is faded, try how mine will thrive. fane. 'Tis now no time for me to think on love. Ham. 'Tis now best time for you to think on love, Because your love lives not. fane. Though he be dead, My love to him shall not be buried; For God's sake, leave me to myself alone. Ham. 'Twould kill my soul, to leave thee drown'd in moan. Answer me to my suit, and I am gone; Say to me yea or no. fane. No. Ham. Then farewell! One farewell will not serve, I come again; Come, dry these wet cheeks; tell me, faith, sweet Jane, Yea or no, once more. fane. Once more I say: no; Once more be gone, I pray; else will I go. Ham. Nay, then I will grow rude, by this white hand, Until you change that cold "no"; here I'll stand , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 509 Till by your hard heart- lane. Nay, for God's love, peace! My sorrows by your presence more increase. Not that you thus are present, but all grief Desires to be alone; therefore in brief Thus much I say, and saying bid adieu: If ever I wed man, it shall be you. Ham. 0 blessed voice I Dear Jane, I'll urge no more, Thy breath hath made me rich. lane. Death makes me poor. Exeunt. SCENE II. [London: a street before Hodge's shop] HODGE, at his shop-board, RALPH, FIRK, HANS, and a Boy at work All. Hey, down a down, down derry. Hodge. Well said, my hearts; ply your work to-day, we loit'red yesterday; to it pell-mell, that we may live to be lord mayors, or aldermen at least. Firk. Hey, down a down, derry. Hodge. Well said, i' faith I How say'st thou, Hans, doth not Firk tickle it? Hans. Yaw, mester. Firk. Not so neither, my organ-pipe squeaks this mornIng for want of liquoring. Hey, down a down, derry! Hans. Forward, Firk, tow best un jolly yongster. Hort, I, mester, ic bid yo, cut me un pair vampres vor Mester leUre's boots. I Hodge. Thou shalt, Hans. Firk. Master! Hodge. How now, boy? Firk. Pray, now you are in the cutting vein, cut me out a pair of counterfeits,2 or else my work will not pass current; hey, down a down! Hodge. Tell me, sirs, are my cousin Mrs. Priscilla's shoes done? 1 "Forward, Firk, thou art a jolly youngster. Hark, ay, master, I pray you cut me a pair of vamps for Master Jeffrey's boots." Vamps are the upper leathers of a shoe. 2 Counterfeits sometimes means vamps. 5 I 0 THOMAS DEKKER Firk. Your cousin? No, master; one of your aunts, hang her; let them alone. Ralph. I am in hand with them; she gave charge that none but I should do them for her. Firk. Thou do for her? Then 'twill be a lame doing, and that she loves not. Ralph, thou might'st have sent her to me, in faith, I would have yearked and firked your Priscilla. Hey, down a down, derry. This gear will not hold. Hodge. How say'st thou, Firk, were we not merry at Old Ford? Firk. How, merry! Why, our buttocks went jiggy-joggy like a quagmire. Well, Sir Roger Oatmeal, if I thought all meal of that nature, I \vould eat nothing but bagpuddings. Ralph. Of all good fortunes my fellow Hans had the best. Firk. 'Tis true, because Mistress Rose drank to him. Hodge. Well, well, work apace. They say, seven of the aldermen be dead, or very sick. Fir k. I care not, I'll be none. Ralph. No, nor I; but then my Master Eyre will come quickly to be lord mayor. Enter SYBIL Firk. Whoop, yonder comes Sybil. Hodge. Sybil, welcome, i'faith; and how dost thou, mad wench? Firk. Sybil, welcome to London. Sybil. Godamercy, sweet Firk; good lord, Hodge, what a delicious shop you have got! You tickle it, i'faith. Ralph. Godamercy, Sybil, for our good cheer at Old Ford. Sybil. That you shall have, Ralph. Firk. Nay, by the mass, we had tickling cheer, Sybil; and how the plague dost thou and Mistress Rose and my lord mayor? I put the women in first. Sybil. Well, Godamercy; but God's me, I forget myself, where's Hans the Fleming? Firk. Hark, butter-box, now you must yelp out some spreken. Hans. Wat begaie you? Vat vod you, Frister?3 Sybil. Marry, you must come to my young mistress, to pull on her shoes you made last. S What do you want, what would you, girl? , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY Hans. Vare ben your egle fro, vare ben your mistris?4 Sybil. Marry, here at our London house in Cornhill. F irk. Will nobody serve her turn but Hans? Sybil. No, sir. Come, Hans, I stand upon needles. Hodge. Why then, Sybil, take heed of pricking. Sybil. For that let me alone. I have a trick in my budget. Come, Hans. Hans. Yaw, yaw, ic sail meete yo gane. 5 Exit HANS and SYBIL. Hodge. Go, Hans, make haste again. Come, \vho lacks work? Firk. I, master, for I lack my breakfast; 'tis munching-time, and past. Hodge. Is't so? Why, then leave work, Ralph. To breakfast! Boy, look to the tools. Come, Ralph; come, Firk. Exeunt. 5 11 SCENE III. [The same] Enter a Serving-man Servo Let me see now, the sign of the Last in Tower Street. Mass, yonder's the house. What, haw! Who's within? Enter RALPH Ralph. Who calls there? What want you, sir? Servo Marry, I would have a pair of shoes made for a gentle- woman against to-morrow morning. What, can you do them? Ralph. Yes, sir, you shall have them. But what length's her foot? Servo Why, you must make them in all parts like this shoe; but, at any hand, fail not to do them, for the gentlewoman is to be mar- ried very early in the morning. Ralph. How? by this shoe must it be made? By this? Are you sure, sir, by this? Servo How, by this? Am I sure, by this? Art thou in thy wits? I tell thee, I must have a pair of shoes, dost thou mark me? A pair of shoes, two shoes, made by this very shoe, this same shoe, against to-morrow morning by four a clock. Dost understand me? Canst thou do't? 4 Where is your noble lady, where is your mistress? 5 Yes, yes, I shall go with you. 512 THOMAS DEKKER Ralph. Yes, sir, yes-I-I-I can do't. By this shoe, you say? I should know this shoe. Yes, sir, yes, by this shoe, I can do't. Four a clock, well. Whither shall I bring them? Serve To the sign of the Golden Ball in Watling Street; enquire for one Master Hammon, a gentleman, my master. Ralph. Yea, sir; by this shoe, you say? Serve I say, Master Hammon at the Golden Ball; he's the bride- groom, and those shoes are for his bride. Ralph. They shall be done by this shoe. Well, well, Master Ham- mon at the Golden Shoe-I would say, the Golden Ball; very well, very well. But I pray you, sir, where must Master Hammon be married? Servo At Saint Faith's Church, under Paul's. But what's that to thee? Prithee, dispatch those shoes, and so farewell. Exit. Ralph. By this shoe, said he. How am I amaz'd At this strange accident! Upon my life, This was the very shoe I gave my wife, When I was press'd for France; since when, alas! I never could hear of her. It is the same, And Hammon's bride no other but my Jane. Enter FIRK Firk. 'Snails. 1 Ralph, thou hast lost thy part of three pots, a countryman of mine gave me to breakfast. Ralph. I care not; I have found a better thing. Firk. A thing? A,vay! Is it a man's thing, or a woman s thing? Ralph. Firk, dost thou know this shoe? Firk. No, by my troth; neither doth that know me! I have no acquaintance with it, 'tis a mere stranger to me. Ralph. Why, then I do; this shoe, I durst be sworn, Once covered the instep of my Jane. This is her size, her breadth, thus trod my love; These true-love knots I pricked. I hold my life, By this old shoe I shall find out my wife. Firk. Ha, hat Old shoe, that wert new! How a murrain came this ague-fit of foolishness upon thee? 1 A corruption of "God's nails." , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY Ralph. Thus, Firk: even now here came a serving-man; By this shoe would he have a new pair made Against to-morrow morning for his mistress, That's to be married to a gentleman. And why may not this be my sweet Jane? Firk. And why may'st not thou be my sweet ass? Ha, hat Ralph. Well, laugh and spare not! But the truth is this: Against to-morrow morning I'll provide A lusty crew of honest shoemakers, To watch the going of the bride to church. If she prove Jane, I'll take her in despite From Hammon and the devil, were he by. If it be not my Jane, what remedy? Hereof I am sure, I shall live till I die, Although I never with a woman lie. Exit. Firk. Thou lie with a woman to build nothing but Cripple-gates! Well, God sends fools fortune, and it may be, he may light upon his matrimony by such a device; for wedding and hanging goes by destiny. Exit. 5 1 3 SCENE IV. [London: a room in the Lord Mayor's house] Enter HANS and ROSE, arm in arm Hans. How happy am I by embracing thee! Oh, I did fear such cross mishaps did reign, That I should never see my Rose again. Rose. Sweet Lacy, since fair opportunity Offers herself to further our escape, Let not too over-fond esteem of me Hinder that happy hour. Invent the means, And Rose will follow thee through all the world. Hans. Oh, how I surfeit with excess of joy, Made happy by thy rich perfection! But since thou pay'st sweet interest to my hopes, Redoubling love on love, let me once more Like to a bold-fac'd debtor crave of thee, This night to steal abroad, and at Eyre's house, 514 THOMAS DEKKER Who now by death of certain aldermen Is mayor of London, and my master once, Meet thou thy Lacy, where in spite of change, Your father's anger, and mine uncle's hate, Our happy nuptials will we consummate. Enter SYBIL Sybil. Oh God, what will you do, mistress? Shift for yourself, your father is at hand! He's coming, he's coming! Master Lacy, hide yourself in my mistress! For God's sake, shift for yourselves! Hans. Your father come, sweet Rose-what shall I do? Where shall I hide me? How shall I escape? Rose. A man, and want wit in extremity? Come, come, be Hans still, play the shoemaker, Pull on my shoe. Enter the LORD MAYOR Hans. Mass, and that's well rememb'red. Sybil. Here comes your father. Hans. Forware, metresse, 'tis un good skow, it sa! vel Jute, or ye sal neit betallen. 1 Rose. Oh God, it pincheth me; what will you do? Hans. [Aside. ] Your father's presence pincheth, not the shoe. L. Mayor. Well done; fit my daughter well, and she shall please thee well. Hans. Yaw, yatV, ick tVet't dat well; forware, 'tis un good skoo, 'tis gimait van neits leither; se etter, mine here. 2 Enter a Prentice L. Mayor. I do believe it.-What's the news with you? Prentice. Please you, the Earl of Lincoln at the gate Is newly lighted, and would speak with you. L. Mayor. The Earl of Lincoln come to speak with me? Well, well, I know his errand. Daughter Rose, 1 Indeed, mistress, 'tis a good shoe, it shall fit well, or you shall not pay. 2 Yes, yes, I know that well; indeed, 'tis a good shoe, 'tis made of neat's leather,. see here, good sir! , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 515 Send hence your shoemaker, dispatch, have done! Syb, make things handsome! Sir boy, follow me. Exit. Hans. Mine uncle come! Oh, what may this portend? Sweet Rose, this of our love threatens an end. Rose. Be not dismay'd at this; whate'er befall, Rose is thine own. To witness I speak truth, Where thou appoint'st the place, I'll meet with thee. I will not fix a day to follow thee, But presently3 steal hence. Do not reply: Love which gave strength to bear my father's hate, Shall now add wings to further our escape. Ex unt. SCENE V. [Another 1'oom in the same house] Enter the LORD MAYOR and the EARL OF LINCOLN L. Mayor. Believe me, on my credit, I speak truth: Since first your nephew Lacy went to France, I have not seen him. It seem'd strange to me, When Dodger told me that he stay'd behind, Neglecting the high charge the king imposed. Lincoln. Trust me, Sir Roger Oateley, I did think Your counsel had given head to this attempt, Drawn to it by the love he bears your child. Here I did hope to find him in your house; But now I see mine error, and confess, My judgment wrong'd you by conceiving so. L. Mayor. Lodge in my house, say you? Trust me, my lord, I love your nephew Lacy too too dearly, So much to wrong his honour; and he hath done so, That first gave him advice to stay from France. To witness I speak truth, I let you know, How careful I have been to keep my daughter Free from all conference or speech of him; Not that I scorn your nephew, but in love I bear your honour, lest your noble blood Should by my mean worth he dishonoured. 3 Immediatelf. 516 THOMAS DEKKER Lincoln. [Aside.] How far the churl's tongue wanders from his heard Well, well, Sir Roger Oateley, I believe you, With more than many thanks for the kind love So much you seem to bear me. But, my lord, Let me request your help to seek my nephew, Whom if I find, I'll straight embark for France. So shall your Rose be free, my thoughts at rest, And much care die which now lies in my breast. Enter SYBIL Sybil. Oh Lord! Help, for God's sake! My mistress; oh, my young mistress! L. Mayor. Where is thy mistress? What's become of her? Sybil. She's gone, she's fled! L. Mayor. Gone! Whither is she fled? Sybil. I know not, forsooth; she's fled out of doors with Hans the shoemaker; I saw them scud, scud, scud, apace, apace! L. Mayor. Which way? What, John! Where be my men? Which way? Sybil. I know not, an it please your worship. L. Mayor. Fled with a shoemaker? Can this be true? Sybil. Oh Lord, sir, as true as God's in Heaven. Lincoln. Her love turn'd shoemaker? I am glad of this. L. Mayor. A Fleming butter-box, a shoemaker! Will she forget her birth, requite my care With such ingratitude? Scorn'd she young Hammon To love a honniken, l a needy knave? Well, let her fly, I'll not fly after her, Let her starve, if she will; she's none of mine. Lincoln. Be not so cruel, sir. Enter FIRK with shoes Sybil. I am glad, she's scap'd. L. Mayor. I'll not account of her as of my child. Was there no better object for her eyes 1 Simpleton (?). , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 5 1 7 But a foul drunken lubber, swill-belly, A shoemaker? That's brave! Firk. Yea, forsooth; 'tis a very brave shoe, and as fit as a pud- ding. L. Mayor. How now, what knave is this? From whence cornest thou? Firk. No knave, sir. I am Firk the shoemaker, lusty Roger's chief lusty journeyman, and I have come hither to take up the pretty leg of sweet Mistress Rose, and thus hoping your worship is in as good health, as I was at the making hereof, I bid you farewell, yours, Firk. L. Mayor. Stay, stay, Sir Knave! Lincoln. Come hither, shoemaker! Firk. 'Tis happy the knave is put before the shoemaker, or else I would not have vouchsafed to come back to you. I am moved, for I stir. L. Mayor. My lord, this villain calls us knaves by craft. Firk. Then 'tis by the gentle craft, and to call one knave gently, is no harm. Sit your worship merry! Syb, your young mistress- I'll so bob 2 them, now my Master Eyre is lord mayor of London. L. Mayor. Tell me, sirrah, whose man are you? Firk. I am glad to see your worship so merry. I have no maw to this gear, no stomach as yet to a red petticoat. Pointing to SYBIL. Lincoln. He means not, sir, to woo you to his maid, But only doth demand whose man you are. Firk. I sing now to the tune of Rogero. Roger, my fellow, is now my master. Lincoln. Sirrah, know'st thou one Hans, a shoemaker? Firk. Hans, shoemaker? Oh yes, stay, yes, I have him. I tell you what, I speak it in secret: Mistress Rose and he are by this time-no, not so, but shortly are to come over one another with "Can you dance the shaking of the sheets?" It is that Hans-[ Aside.] I'll so gu1l 2 these diggers!3 L. Mayor. Know'st thou, then, where he is? Firk. Yes, forsooth; yea, marry! Lincoln. Canst thou, in sadness 4 - Firk. No, forsooth; no, marry! 2 Fool. 3 I. e., diggers for information. .. Seriously. 5 I 8 THOMAS DEKKER L. Mayor. Tell me, good honest fellow, where he is, And thou shalt see what I'll bestow on thee. Firk. Honest fellow? No, sir; not so, sir; my profession is the gentle craft; I care not for seeing, I love feeling; let me feel it here; aurium tenus, ten pieces of gold; genuum tenus, ten 'pieces of silver; and then Pirk is your man-[ aside] in a new pair of stretchers. 5 L. Mayor. Here is an angel, part of thy reward, Which I will give thee; tell me where he is. Firk. No point. Shall I betray my brother? No! Shall I prove Judas to Hans? No! Shall I cry treason to my corporation? No, I shall be firked and yerked then. But give me your angel; your angel shall tell you. Lincoln. Do so, good fellow; 'tis no hurt to thee. Firk. Send simpering Syb away. L. Mayor. Huswife, get you in. Exit SYBIL. Firk. Pitchers have ears, and maids have wide mouths; but for Hans Prauns, upon my word, to-morrow morning he and young Mistress Rose go to this gear, they shall be married together, by this rush, or else turn Pirk to a firkin of butter, to tan leather withal. L. Mayor. But art thou sure of this? Firk. Am I sure that Paul's steeple is a handful higher than London Stone,6 or that the Pissing-Conduir7 leaks nothing but pure Mother Bunch?8 Am I sure I am lusty Pirk? God's nails, do you think I am so base to gull you? Lincoln. Where are they married? Dost thou know the church? Firk. I never go to church, but I know the name of it; it is a swearing church-stay a while, 'tis-ay, by the mass, no, no,-'tis- ay, by my troth, no, nor that; 'tis-ay, by my faith, that, that, 'tis, ay, by my Faith's Church under Paul's Cross. There they shall be knit like a pair of stockings in matrimony; there they'll be inconie. 9 Lincoln. Upon my life, my nephew Lacy walks In the disguise of this Dutch shoemaker. Firk. Yes, forsooth. Lincoln. Doth he not, honest fellow? Fir k . No, forsooth; I think Hans is nobody but Hans, no spirit. S Stretchers of the truth, lies. 6 A stone which marked the center from which the old Roman roads radiated. 7 A small conduit near the Royal Exchange. 8 Mother Bunch was a well-known ale-wife. 9 A pretty sight. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY L. Mayor. My mind misgives me now, 'tis so, indeed. Lincoln. My cousin speaks the language, knows the trade. L. Mayor. Let me request your company, my lord; Your honourable presence may, no doubt, Refrain their headstrong rashness, when myself Going alone perchance may be o'erborne. Shall I request this favour? Lincoln. This, or what else. Firk. Then you must rise betimes, for they mean to fall to their hey-pass and repass/ o pindy-pandy, which hand will you have, very earl y . L. Mayor. My care shall every way equal their haste. This night accept your lodging in my house, The earlier shall we stir, and at Saint Faith's Prevent this giddy hare-brain'd nuptial. This traffic of hot love shall yield cold gains: They ban 11 our loves, and we'll forbid their banns. Exit. Lincoln. At Saint Faith's Church thou say'st? Firk. Yes, by their troth. Lincoln. Be secret, on thy life. Exit. Firk. Yes, when I kiss your wife! Ha, ha, here's no craft in the gentle craft. I came hither of purpose with shoes to Sir Roger's \vorship, whilst Rose, his daughter, be cony-catched by Hans. Soft now; :these two gulls will be at Saint Faith's Church to-morrow morning, to take Master Bridegroom and Mistress Bride napping, and they, in the mean time, shall chop up the matter at the Savoy. But the best sport is, Sir Roger Oateley will find my fellow lame Ralph's wife going to marry a gentleman, and then he'll stop her instead of his daughter. Oh brave! there will be fine tickling sport. Soft now, what have I to do? Oh, I know; now a mess of shoe- makers meet at the Woolsack in Ivy Lane, to cozen 12 my gentleman of lame Ralph's wife, that's true. Alack, alack! Girls, hold out tack! For now smocks for this jumbling Shall go to wrack. Exit. 10 Conjuring terms. 11 Curse. 12 Cheat. 5 1 9 5 20 THOMAS DEKKER ACT V SCENE I. [A room in Eyre's house] Enter EYRE, MARGERY, HANS, and ROSE Eyre. This is the morning, then; stay, my bully, my honest Hans, is it not? Hans. This is the morning that must make us two happy or miserable; therefore, if you- Eyre. Away with these ifs and ands, Hans, and these et caeteras! By mine honour, Rowland Lacy, none but the king shall wrong thee. Come, fear nothing, am not I Sim Eyre? Is not Sim Eyre lord mayor of London? Fear nothing, Rose: let them all say what they can; dainty, come thou to me-Iaughest thou? Marg. Good my lord, stand her friend in what thing you may. Eyre. Why, my sweet Lady Madgy, think you Simon Eyre can for- get his fine Dutch journeyman? No, vah! Fie, I scorn it, it shall never be cast in my teeth, that I was unthankful. Lady Madgy, thou had'st never .covered thy Saracen's head with this French flap, nor loaden thy bum with this farthingale, ('tis trash, trumpery, vanity); Simon Eyre had never walked in a red petticoat, nor wore a chain of gold, but for my fine journeyman's Portuguese.-And shall I leave him? No! Prince am I none, yet bear a princely mind. Hans. My lord, tis time for us to part from hence. Eyre. Lady Madgy, Lady Madgy, take two or three of my pie- crust-eaters, my buff-jerkin varlets, that do walk in black gowns at Simon Eyre's heels; take them, good Lady Madgy; trip and go, my brown queen of periwigs, with my delicate Rose and my jolly Row- land to the Savoy; see them link'd, countenance the marriage; and when it is done, cling, cling together, you Hamborow turtle-doves. I'll bear you out, come to Simon Eyre; come, dwell with me, Hans, thou shalt eat minced-pies and marchpane.I Rose, away, cricket; trip and go, my Lady Madgy, to the Savoy; Hans, wed, and to bed; kiss, and away! Go, vanish! Marg. Farewell, my lord. Rose. Make haste, sweet love. 1 A sweetmeat made of sugar and almonds. THE SHOEMAKER"S HOLIDAY 52! Marg. She'd fain the deed were done. Hans. Come, my s"veet Rose; faster than deer we'll run. Exeunt HANS, ROSE, and MARGERY. Eyre. Go, vanish, vanish! Avaunt, I say! By the Lord of Ludgate, it's a mad life to be a lord mayor; it's a stirring life, a fine life, a velvet life, a careful life. Well, Simon Eyre, yet set a good face on it, in the honour of Saint Hugh. Sof.t, the king this day comes to dine with me, to see my new buildings; his -majesty is welcome, he shall have good cheer, delicate cheer, princely cheer. This day, my fellow prentices of London come to dine with me too, they shall have fine cheer, gentlemanlike cheer. I promised the mad Cappado- cians, when we all served at the Conduit 'together, that if ever I came to be mayor of London, I would feast them all, and I'll do't, I'll do't, by the life of Pharaoh; by this beard, Sim Eyre will be no flincher. Besides, I have procur'd that upon every Shrove-Tuesday, at the sound of the pancake bell, my fine dapper Assyrian lads shall clap up their shop windows, and away. This is the day, and this day they shall do t, they shall do't. Boys, that day are you free, let masters care, And prentices shall pray for Simon Eyre. Exit. SCENE II. [A street near St. F.aith's Church] Enter HODGE, FIRK, RALPH, and five or six Shoemakers, all with cudgels or such weapons Hodge. Come, Ralph; stand to it, Firk. My masters, as we are the brave bloods of the shoemakers, heirs apparent to Saint Hugh, and perpetual benefactors to all good fellows, thou shalt have no wrong; were Hammon a king of spades, he should not delve in thy close without thy sufferance. But tell me, Ralph, art thou sure 'tis thy wife? Ralph. Am I sure this is Pirk? This morning, when I stroked 1 on her shoes, I looked upon her, and she upon me, and sighed, asked me if ever I knew one Ralph. Yes, said I. For his sake, said she- tears standing in her eyes-and for thou art somewhat like him, 1 Fitted. 522 THOMAS DEKKER spend this piece of gold. I took it; my lame leg and my travel beyond sea made me unknown. All is one for that: I know she's mIne. Firk. Did she give thee this gold? 0 glorious glittering gold! She's thine own, 'tis thy wife, and she loves thee; for I'll stand to't, there's no woman will give gold to any 'man, but she thinks better of him than she thinks of them she gives silver to. And for Ham- mon, neither Hammon nor hangman shall wrong thee in :London. Is not our old master Eyre, lord mayor? Speak, my hearts. All. Yes, and Hammon shall know it to his cost. Enter HAMMON, his Serving-man, JANE and Others Hodge. Peace, my bullies; yonder they come. Ralph. Stand to't, my hearts. Firk, let .me speak first. Hodge. No, Ralph, let me.-Hammon, whither away so early? Ham. Unmannerly, rude slave, what's .that to thee? Firk. To him, sir? Yes, sir, and to me, and others. Good-morrow, Jane, how clost thou? Good Lord, how the world is changed with you! God be thanked! Ham. Villains, hands off! How dare you touch my love? All. Villains? Down with them! Cry clubs for prenticesl 2 Hodge. Hold, my hearts! Touch her, Hammon? Yea, and more than that: we'll carry her away with us. My masters and gentle- men, never draw your bird-spits; shoemakers are steel to the back, men every inch of them, all spirit. Those of Hammon's side. Well, and what of all this? Hodge. I'll show you.-Jane, clost thou know this man? 'Tis Ralph, I can tell thee; nay, 'tis he in faith, though he be lam'd by the wars. Yet look not strange, but run to him, fold him about the neck and kiss him. Jane. Lives then my husband? Oh God, let me go, Let me embrace my Ralph. Ham. What means my Jane? Jane. Nay, what meant you, to tell me, he was slain? Ham. Pardon me, dear love, for being misled. [ To RALPH. ] 'Twas rumour'd here in London, thou wert dead. 2 "Clubs" was the rallying cry of the London apprentices. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 5 2 3 Firk. Thou seest he lives. Lass, go, pack home with him. Now, Master Hammon, where's your mistress, your wife? Servo 'Swounds, master, fight for her! Will you thus lose her? All. Down with that creature! Clubs! Down with him! Hodge. Hold, hold! Ham. Hold, fool! Sirs, he shall do no wrong. Will my Jane leave me thus, and break her faith? Firk. Yea, sir! She must, sir! She shall, sir! What then? Mend it! Hodge. Hark, fellow Ralph, follow my counsel: set the wench in the midst, and let her choose her man, and let her be his woman. fane. Whom should I choose? Whom should my thoughts affect But him whom Heaven hath made to be my love? Thou art my husband, and these humble weeds Make thee more beautiful than all his wealth. Therefore, I will but put off his attire, Returning it into the owner's hand, And after ever be thy constant wife. Hodge. Not a rag, Jane! The law's on our side; he that sows in another man's ground, forfeits his harvest. Get thee home, Ralph; follow him, Jane; he shall not have so much as a busk-point 3 from thee. Firk. Stand to that, Ralph; the appurtenan s are thine own. Hammon, look not at her! Serv. 0, swounds, no! Firk. Blue coat, be quiet, we'll give you a new livery else; we'll make Shrove Tuesday Saint George's Day for you. Look not, Hammon, leer not! I'll firk you! For thy head now, one glance, one sheep's eye, anything, at her! Touch not a rag, lest I and my brethren beat you to clouts. Servo Come, Master Hammon, there's no striving here. Ham. Good fellows, hear me speak; and, honest Ralph, Whom I have inj ured 'most by loving Jane, Mark what I offer .thee: here in fair gold Is twenty pound, I'll give it for thy Jane; If this content thee not, thou shalt have more. I A lace with a tag, which fastened the busk, or piece of wood or whale-bone, used to keep the stays in position. 524 THOMAS DEKKER Hodge. Sell not thy wife, Ralph; make her not a whore. Ham. Say, wilt thou freely cease thy claim in her, And let her be my wife? All. No, do not, Ralph. Ralph. Sirrah, Hammon, Hammon, dost thou think a shoemaker is so base to be a bawd to his own wife for commodity? Take thy gold, choke with it! Were I not lame, I would make thee eat thy words. Firk. A shoemaker sell his flesh and blood? Oh indignity! Hodge. Sirrah, take up your pelf, and be packing. Ham. I will not touch one penny, but in lieu Of that great wrong I offered thy Jane, To Jane and thee I give that twenty pound. Since I have fail'd of her, during my life, I vow, no woman else shall be my wife. Farewell, good fellows of the gentle trade: Your morning mirth my mourning day hath made. Exit. Firk. [To the Serving-man.] Touch the gold, creature, if you dare! Y'are best be trudging. Here, Jane, take thou it. Now let's home, my hearts. Hodge. Stay! Who comes here? Jane, on again with thy mask! Enter the EARL OF LINCOLN, the LORD MAYOR and Servants Lincoln. Yonder's the lying varlet mocked us so. L. Mayor. Come hither, sirrah! Fir k. I, sir? I am sirrah ? You mean me, do you not? Lincoln. Where is my nephew married? Firk. Is he married? God give him joy, I am glad of it. They have a fair day, and the sign is in a good planet, Mars in Venus. L. Mayor. Villain, thou toldst me that my daughter Rose This morning should be married at Saint Faith's; We have watch'd there these three hours at the least, Yet see we no such thing. Firk. Truly, I am sorry for't; a bride's a pretty thing. Hodge. Come to the purpose. Yonder's the bride and bridegroom you look for, I hope. Though you be lords, you are not to bar by your authority men from women, are you? , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 5 2 5 L. Mayor. See, see, my daughter's masked. Lincoln. True, and my nephew, To hide his guilt, counterfeits him lame. Firk. Yea, truly; God help the poor couple, they are lame and blind. L. Mayor. I'll ease her blindness. Lincoln. I'll his lameness cure. Firk. Lie down, sirs, and laugh! My fellow Ralph is taken for Rowland Lacy, and Jane for Mistress Damask Rose. This is all my knavery. L. Mayor. What, have I found you, minion? Lincoln. 0 base wretch Nay, hide thy face, .the horror of thy guilt Can hardly be washed off. Where are thy powers? What battles have you made? 0 yes, I see, Thou fought'st with Shame, and Shame hath conquer'd thee. This lameness will not serve. L. Mayor. Unmask yourself. Lincoln. Lead home your daughter. L. Mayor. Take your nephew hence. Ralph. Hence! Swounds, what mean you? Are you mad? I hope you cannot enforce my wife from me. Where's Hammon? L. Mayor. Your wife? Lincoln. What, Hammon? Ralph. Yea, my wife; and, therefore, the proudest of you that lays hands on her first, I'll lay my crutch 'cross his pate. Firk. To him, lame Ralph! Here's brave sport! Ralph. Rose call you her? Why, her name is Jane. Look here else; do you know her now? {Unmasking JANE.] Lincoln. Is this your daughter? L. Mayor. No, nor this your nephew. My Lord of Lincoln, we are both abus'd By this base, crafty varlet. Firk. Yea, forsooth, no varlet; forsooth, no base; forsooth, I am but mean; no crafty neither, but of the gentle craft. L. Mayor. Where is my daughter Rose? Where is my child? Lincoln. Where is my nephew Lacy married? 5 26 THOMAS DEKKER Firk. Why, here is good lac'd mutton;4 as I promis'd you. Lincoln. Villain, I'll have thee punish'd for this wrong. Firk. Punish the journeyman villain, but not the journeyman shoemaker. Enter DODGER Dodger. My lord, I come to bring un welcome news. Your nephew Lacy and your daughter Rose Early this morning wedded at the Savoy, None being present but the lady mayoress. Besides, I learnt among the officers, The lord mayor vows to stand in their defence 'Gainst any that shall seek to cross the match. Lincoln. Dares Eyre the shoemaker uphold the deed? Firk. Yes, sir, shoemakers dare stand in a woman's quarrel, I warrant you, as deep as another, and deeper too. Dodger. Besides, his grace to-day dines with the mayor; Who on his knees humbly intends to fall And beg a pardon for your nephew's fault. Lincoln. But I'll prevent him! Come, Sir Roger Oateley; The king will do us justice in this cause. Howe'er their hands have made them man and wife, I will disjoin the match, or lose my life. Exeunt. Firk. Adieu, Monsieur Dodger! Farewell, fools! Ha, hat Dh, if they had stay'd, I would have so lamb'd 5 them with flouts! . . . But let that pass, as my lady mayoress says. Hodge. This matter is answer'd. Come, Ralph; home with thy wife. Come, my fine shoemakers, let's to our master's, the new lord mayor, and ,there swagger this Shrove-Tuesday. I'll promise you wine enough, for Madge keeps the cellar. All. 0 rare! Madge is a good wench. Firk. And I'll promise you meat enough, for simp'ring Susan keeps the larder. I'll lead you to victuals, my brave soldiers; follow your captain. 0 brave! Hark, hark! Bell rings. All. The pancake-be1l 6 rings, the pancake-bell! Trilill, my hearts! Firk. Oh brave! Oh sweet bell! 0 delicate pancakes! Open the 4 A slang term for a woman. 5 Whipped. 6 A bell rung on the morning of Shrove Tuesday. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 527 doors, my hearts, and shut up the windows! Keep in the house, let out the pancakes! Oh rare, my hearts! Let's march together for the honour of Saint Hugh to the great new halF in Gracious Street- corner, which our master, the new lord mayor, hath built. Ralph. 0 the crew of good fellows that will dine at my lord mayor's cost to-day! Hodge. By the Lord, my lord mayor is a most brave man. How shall prentices be bound to pray for him and the honour of the gentlemen shoemakers! Let's feed and be fat with my lord's bounty. Firk. 0 musical bell, still! 0 Hodge, 0 my brethren! There's cheer for the heavens: venison-pasties walk up and down piping hot, like sergeants; beef and brewess 8 comes marching in dry-vats,9 frit- ters and pancakes comes tro\vling in in wheel-barrows; hens and oranges hopping in porters'-baskets, collops and eggs in scuttles,10 and tarts and custards comes quavering in in malt-shovels. Enter more Prentices All. Whoop, look here, look here! Hodge. How now, mad lads, whither away so fast? 1st Prentice. Whither? Why, to the great new hall, know you not why? The lord mayor hath bidden all the prentices in London to breakfast this morning. All. Oh brave shoemakers, oh brave lord of incomprehensible good-fellowship! Whoo! Hark you! The pancake-bell rings. Cast up caps. Firk. Nay, more, my hearts! Every Shrove-Tuesday is our year of jubilee; and when the pancake-bell rings, we are as free as my lord mayor; we may shut up our shops, and make holiday. I'll have it called Saint Hugh's Holiday. All. Agreed, agreed! Saint Hugh's Holiday. Hodge. And this shall continue for ever. All. Oh brave! Come, come, my hearts! Away, away! Firk. 0 eternal credit to us of the gentle craft! March fair, my hearts! Oh rare! Exeunt. 7 Leadcnhall. 8 Beef broth. 9 Barrels. 10 Hods. 5 28 THOMAS DEKKER SCENE III. [A street in London] Enter the KING and his Train across the stage King. Is our lord mayor of London such a gallant? Nobleman. One of the merriest madcaps in your land. Your grace will think, when you behold the man, He's rather a wild ruffian than a mayor. Yet thus much I'll ensure your majesty. In all his actions that concern his state, He is as serious, provident, and wise, As full of gravity amongst the grave, As any mayor hath been these many years. King. I am with child,1 till I behold this huff-cap.t But all my doubt is, when we come in presence, His madness will be dashed clean out of countenance. Nobleman. It may be so, my liege. King. Which to prevent, Let some one give him notice, 'tis our pleasure That he put on his wonted merriment. Set forward! All. On afore! Exeunt. SCENE IV. [A great hall] Enter EYRE, HODGE, FIRK, RALPH, and other Shoemakers, all with napkins on their shoulders Eyre. Come, my fine Hodge, my jolly gentlemen shoemakers; soft, where be these cannibals, these varlets, my officers? Let them all walk and wait upon my brethren; for my meaning is, that none but shoemakers, none but the livery of my company shall in their satin hoods wait upon the trencher of my sovereign. Firk. a my lord, it will be rare! Eyre. No more, Firk; come, lively! Let your fellow-prentices want no cheer; let \vine be plentiful as beer, and beer as \vater. Hang these penny-pinching fathers, that cram wealth in innocent lamb- skins. Rip, knaves, avaunt! Look to my guests! 1 In suspense. 2 Swaggerer. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 529 Hodge. My lord, we are at our wits' end for room; those hundred tables will not feast the fourth part of them. Eyre. Then cover me those hundred tables again, and again, till all my jolly prentices be feasted. Avoid, Hodge! Run, Ralph! Frisk about, my nimble Pirkl Carouse me fathom-healths to the honour of the shoemakers. Do they drink lively, Hodge? Do they tickle it, Pirk? Firk. Tickle it? Some of them have taken their liquor standing so long that they can stand no longer; but for meat, they would eat it, an they had it. Eyre. Want they meat? Where's this swag..belly, this greasy kitch- enstuff cook? Call the varlet to me! Want meat? Firk, Hodge, lame Ralph, run, my tall men, beleaguer the shambles, beggar all East- cheap, serve me whole oxen in chargers, and let sheep whine upon the tables like pigs for want of good fellows to eat them. Want meat? Vanish, Firk! Avaunt, Hodge! Hodge. Your lordship mistakes my man Firk; he means, their bellies want meat, not the boards; for they have drunk so much, they can eat nothing. THE SECOND THREE MEN'S SONG Cold's the wind, and wet's the rain, Saint Hugh be our good speed: III is the weather that bringeth no gain, Nor helps good hearts in need. TrowP the bowl, the jolly nut-brown bowl, And here, kind mate, to thee: Let's sing a dirge for Saint Hugh's soul, And down it merrily. Down a down hey down a down, (Close with the tenor boy) Hey derry derry, down a down! Ho, well done; to me let come! Ring, compass, gentle joy. I Pass. 530 THOMAS DEKKER Trawl the bowl, the nut-brown bowl, And here, kind mate, to thee: etc. [Repeat as often as there be men to drink: and at last when all have drunk, this verse: Cold's the wind, and wet's the rain, Saint Hugh be our good speed: III is the weather that bringeth no gain, Nor helps good hearts in need. Enter HANS, ROSE, and MARGERY Marg. Where is my lord? Eyre. How now, Lady Madgy? Marg. The king's most excellent majesty is new come; he sends me for thy honour; one of his most worshipful peers bade me tell thou must be merry, and so forth; but let that pass. Eyre. Is my sovereign come? Vanish, my tall shoemakers, my nimble brethren; look to my guests, the prentices. Yet stay a little! How now, Hans? How looks my little Rose? Hans. Let me request you to remember me. I know, your honour easily may obtain Free pardon of the king for me and Rose, And reconcile me to my uncle's grace. Eyre. Have done, my good Hans, my honest journeyman; look cheerily! I'll fall upon both my knees, till they be as hard as horn, but I'll get thy pardon. Marg. Good my lord, have a care what you speak Ito his grace. Eyre. Away, you Islington whitepot!2 hence, you barley-pudding, full of maggots! you broiled carbonado!3 avaunt, avaunt, avoid, Mephistophiles! Shall Sim Eyre learn to speak of you, Lady Madgy? Vanish, Mother Miniver-cap; vanish, go, ,trip and go; meddle with your partlets. and your pishery-pashery, your ßewes s and your whirli- gigs; go, rub,6 out of mine alley! Sim Eyre knows how to speak to a Pope, to Sultan Soliman, to Tamburlaine, an he were here, and 2 "A dish, made of milk, eggs and sugar, baked in a pot."-Wt"hster. 3 A steak cut crossways. .. Ruffs for the neck. :; Flaps; as resembling the hanging chaps of a hound. (i Obstruction, a term in bowling. THE SHOEMAKER'S HOLIDAY 53 1 shall I melt, shall I droop before my sovereign? No, come, my Lady Madgy! Follow me, Hans! About your business, my frolic free- booters! Firk, frisk about, and about, and about, for the honour of mad Simon Eyre, lord mayor of London. Firk. Hey, for the honour of the shoemakers. Exeunt. SCENE V. [An open yard hefore the hall] A long flourish, or two. Enter the KING, Nobles, EYRE, MARGERY, LACY, ROSE. LACY and ROSE kneel King. Well, Lacy, though the fact was very foul Of your revolting from our kingly love And your own duty, yet we pardon you. Rise both, and, Mistress Lacy, thank my lord mayor For your young bridegroom here. Eyre. So, my dear liege, Sim Eyre and my brethren, the gentle- men shoemakers, shall set your sweet majesty's image cheek by jowl by Saint Hugh for this honour you have done poor Simon Eyre. I beseech your grace, pardon my rude behaviour; I am a handicrafts- man, yet my heart is without craft; I would be sorry at my soul, that .my boldness should offend my king. King. Nay, I pray thee, good lord mayor, be even as merry As if .thou wert among thy shoemakers; It does me good to see thee in this humour. Eyre. Say'st thou 'me so, my sweet Dioclesian? Then, humph! Prince am I none, yet am I princely born. By the Lord of Ludga-te, my liege, I'll be as merry as a pie. 1 King. Tell me, in faith, mad Eyre, how old thou art. Eyre. My liege, a very boy, a stripling, a younker; you see not a white hair on my head, not a gray in this beard. Every hair, I assure thy majesty, that sticks in this beard, Sim Eyre values at the King of Babylon's ransom, Tamar Cham's beard was 8 rubbing brush to't: yet I'll shave it off, and stuff tennis...balls with it, to please my bully king. King. But all this while I do not know your age. Eyre. My liege, I am six and fifty year old, yet I can cry humph! 1 Magpie. 532 THOMAS DEKKER with a sound heart for the honour of Saint Hugh. Mark this old wench, my king: I danc'd the shaking of the sheets with her six and thirty years ago, and yet I hope to get two or three young lord mayors, ere I die. I am lusty still, Sim Eyre still. Care and cold lodging brings white hairs. My sweet Majesty, let care vanish, cast it upon thy nobles, it will make thee look always young like Apollo, and cry humphl Prince am I none, yet am I princely born. King. Ha, hal Say, Cornwall, didst thou ever see his like? Cornwall. Not I, my lord. Enter the EARL OF LINCOLN and the LORD MAYOR King. Lincoln, what news with you? Lincoln. My gracious lord, have care unto yourself, F or there are traitors here. All. Traitors? Where? Who? Eyre. Traitors in my house? God forbid! Where be my officers? I'll spend my soul, ere my king feel harm. King. Where is the traitor, Lincoln? Lincoln. Here he stands. King. Cornwall, lay hold on Lacy I-Lincoln, speak, What canst thou lay unto thy nephew's charge? Lincoln. This, my dear liege: your Grace, to do me honour, Heap'd on the head of this degenerate boy Desertless favours; you made choice of him, To be commander over powers in France. But he- King. Good Lincoln, pfÏ.thee, pause a while! Even in thine eyes I read what thou wouldst speak. I know how Lacy did neglect our love, Ran himself deeply, in the highest degree, Into vile treason- Lincoln. Is he not a traitor? King. Lincoln, he was; now have we pard'ned him. 'Twas not a base want of true valour's fire, That held him out of France, but love's desire. Lincoln. I will not bear his shame upon my back. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY King. Nor shalt thou, Lincoln; I forgive you both. Lincoln. Then, good my liege, forbid the boy to wed One whose mean birth will much disgrace his bed. Kin g. Are they not married? Lincoln. Both. King. Shall I divorce them then? 0 be it far, That any hand on earth should dare untie The sacred knot, knit by God's majesty; I would not for my crown disjoin their hands That are conjoin'd in holy nuptial bands. How say'st thou, Lacy, wouldst thou lose thy Rose? Lacy. Not for all India's wealth, my sovereign. King. But Rose, I am sure, her Lacy \vould forego? Rose. If Rose were asked that question, she'd say no. King. You hear them, Lincoln? Lincoln. Yea, my liege, I do. King. Yet canst thou find i'th' heart to part these two? Who seeks, besides you, to divorce these lovers? L. Mayor. I do, my gracious lord, I am her father. King. Sir Roger Oateley, our last mayor, I think? Nobleman. The same, my liege. King. Would you offend Love's laws? Well, you shall have your wills, you sue to me, To prohibit the match. Soft, let me see- You both are married, Lacy, art thou not? Lacy. I am, dread sovereign. King. Then, upon thy life, I charge thee, not to call this woman wife. L. Mayor. I thank your grace. Rose. 533 No, my liege. We are. o my most gracious lord! Kneels. King. Nay, Rose, never woo me; I tell you true, Although as yet I am a bachelor, Yet I believe, I shall not marry you. Rose. Can you divide the body from the soul, Yet make the body live? 534 THOMAS DEKKER King. Yea, so profound? I cannot, Rose, but you I must divide. This fair maid, bridegroom, cannot be your bride. Are you pleas'd, Lincoln? Oateley, are you pleas'd? Both. Yes, my lord. King. Then must my heart be eas'd; For, credit me, my conscience lives in pain, Till these whom I divorc'd, be join'd again. Lacy, give me thy hand; Rose, lend me thine! Be what you would be! Kiss now! So, that's fine. At night, lovers, to bed!-Now, let me see, Which of you all mislikes this harmony. L. Mayor. Will you then take from me my child perforce? King. Why, tell me, Oateley: shines not Lacy's name As bright in the world's eye as the gay beams Of any citizen? Lincoln. Yea, but, my gracious lord, I do mislike the match far more than he; Her blood is too too base. King. Lincoln, no more. Dost thou not know that love respects no blood, Cares not for difference of birth or state? The maid is young, well born, fair, virtuous, A worthy bride for any gentleman. Besides, your nephew for her sake did stoop To bare necessity, and, as I hear, Forgetting .honours and all courtly pleasures, To gain her love, became a shoemaker. As for the honour which he lost in France, Thus I redeem it: Lacy, kneel thee down!- Arise, Sir Rowland Lacy! Tell me now, Tell me in earnest, Oateley, canst thou chide, Seeing thy Rose a lady and a bride? L. Mayor. I am content with what your grace hath done. Lincoln. And I, my liege, since there's no remedy. King. Come on, then, all shake hands: I'll have you friends; Where there is much love, all discord ends. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 535 What says my mad lord mayor to all this love? Eyre. 0 my liege, this honour you have done to my fine journey- man here, Rowland Lacy, and all these favours which you have shown to me this day in my poor house, will make Simon Eyre live longer by one dozen of warm summers more than he should. King. Nay, my mad lord mayor, that shall be thy name; If any grace of mine can length thy life, One honour more I'll do thee: that new building,2 Which at thy cost in Cornhill is erected, Shall take a name from us; we'll have it call'd The Leadenhall, because in digging it You found the lead that covereth the same. Eyre. I thank your majesty. Marg. God bless your grace! King. Lincoln, a word with you! Enter HODGE, FIRK, RALPH, and more Shoemakers Eyre. How now, my mad knaves? Peace, speak softly, yonder is the king. King. With the old troop which there we keep in pay, We will incorporate a new supply. Before one summer more pass o'er my head, France shall repent, England was injured. What are all ,those? Lacy. All shoemakers, my liege, Sometime my fellows; in their companies I Ii v' d as merry as an emperor. King. My mad lord mayor, are all these shoemakers? Eyre. All shoemakers, my liege; all gentlemen of the gentle craft, true Trojans, courageous cordwainers; .they all kneel to the shrine of holy Saint Hugh. All the Shoemakers. God save your majestyl King. Mad Simon, would they anything with us? Eyre. Mum, mad knavesl Not a word! I'll do'-t; I warrant you. 2 CIA. D. 14 1 9. This year Sir Symon Eyre built Leadenhall, at his proper expense, as it now appears, and gave the same to the City to be employed as a public granary for laying up corn against a time of scarcity."-Maitland. History and Survry of London. ü., p. 187, quoted by Rhys. 536 THOMAS DEKKER They are all beggars, my liege; all for themselves, and I for them all on both my knees do entreat, that for the honour of poor Simon Eyre and the good of his brethren, these mad knaves, your grace would vouchsafe some privilege to my new Leadenhall, that it may be lawful for us to buy and sell leather there two days a week. King. Mad Sim, I grant your suit, you shall have patent To hold two market-days in Leadenhall, Mondays and Fridays, those shall be the times. Will this content you? All. Jesus bless your grace! Eyre. In the name of these my poor brethren shoemakers, I most humbly thank your grace. But before I rise, seeing you are in the giving vein and we in the begging, grant Sim Eyre one boon more. King. What is it, my lord mayor? Eyre. Vouchsafe to taste of a poor banquet that stands sweetly waiting for your sweet presence. King. I shall undo thee, Eyre, only with feasts; Already have I been too troublesome; Say, have I not? Eyre. 0 my dear king, Sim Eyre was taken unawares upon a day of shroving,3 which I promised long ago to the prentices of London. For, an't please your highness, in time past, I bare the water-tankard/ and my coat Sits not a whit the worse upon my back; And then, upon a morning, some mad boys, It was Shrove Tuesday, even as 'tis now, gave me my breakfast, and I swore then by the stopple of my tankard, if ever I came to be lord mayor of London, I would feast all the prentices. This day, my liege, I did it, and the slaves had an hundred tables five times covered; they are gone home and van- ished; Yet add more honour to the gentle trade, Taste of Eyre's banquet, Simon's happy made. 3 Merry-making. "As an apprentice. , THE SHOEMAKER S HOLIDAY 537 King. Eyre, I will taste of thy banquet, and will say, I have not met more pleasure on a day. Friends of the gentle craft, thanks to you all, Thanks, my kind lady mayoress, for our cheer.- Come, lords, a while let's revel it at home! When all our sports and banquetings are done, Wars must right wrongs which Frenchmen have begun. Exeunt. THE ...ALCHEMIST BY BEN JONSON INTRODUCTORY NOTE BEN JONSON was born of poor parents at Westminster in 1573. Through the influence of Camden, the antiquary, he got a good education at Westminster School; but he does not seem to have gone to a University, though later both Oxford and Cambridge gave him degrees. In his youth he practised for a time his stepfather's trade of bricklaying, and he served as a soldier in Flanders. It was probably about 1595 that he began to write for the stage, and within a few years he was recognized as a distinguished playwright. His comedy of "Every Man in His Humour" was not only a great immediate success, but founded a school of satirical drama in England. "Sejanus" and "Catiline" were less popular, but are impressive pictures of Roman life, less interesting but more accurate than the Roman plays of Shake- speare. For the court of James I, Jonson wrote a large number of masques, which procured him substantial rewards in the form of pensions. But it was between 1605 and 1614 that Jonson's greatest work was d " V I "" E . "" Th Al h ." d " B h I one. 0 pone, plcæne, e c emlst, an art 0 omew Fair" belong to this period, and are all masterpieces. After the accession of Charles I, Jonson fell into adversity. His plays were less successful and he had enemies at court; but he continued to hold his position of leadership among his fellow authors. A specimen of Jonson's prose will be found in the volume of "English Essays" in the Harvard Classics, and a number of his graceful lyrics in the first volume of "English Poetry." Jonson died in 1637, and was celebrated in a volun1e of elegies to which all the chief poets of the day contributed. "The Alchemist" is perhaps the most perfect technically of Jonson's plays, and is an admirable satire on the quacks and humbugs of the day. It contains, at the same time, so much universal human nature, and is so excellent in art, that it holds a place among the first of those Eliza- bethan works that have held the interest of posterity. ARGUMENT THE sickness hot,1 a master quit, for fear, H is house in town, and left one servant there; Ease him corrupted, and gave means to know A Cheater and his punk;2 who now brought low, Leaving their narrow practice, were become C oz'ners 3 at large; and only wanting some House to set up, with him they here contract, Each for a share, and all begin to act. Much company they draw, and much abuse,4 I n casting figures,5 telling fortunes, news, Selling of flies/ flat bawdry, with the stone,7 T ill it, and they, and all in fumes are gone. 1 The plague raging. 2 Mistress. 3 Swindlers. 4 Deceive. S Calculating the future. 6 Familiar spirits. 7 Philosopher's stone. 8 Smoke. PROLOGUE FORTUNE, that favours fools, these two short hours We wish away, both for your sakes and ours, Judging spectators; and desire, in place, To th' author justice, to ourselves but grace. Our scene is London, 'cause we would make known, No country's mirth is better than our own: No clime breeds better matter for your whore, Bawd, squire, impostor, many persons more, Whose manners, now call'd humours, feed the stage; And which have still been subject for the rage Or spleen of comic writers. Though this pen Did never aim to grieve, but better men; Howe'er the age he lives in doth endure The vices that she breeds, above their cure. But when the wholesome remedies are sweet, And in their working gain and profit meet, He hopes to find no spirit so much diseas'd, But will with such fair correctives be pleas'd: For here he doth not fear who can apply. If there be any that will sit so nigh Unto the stream, to look what it doth run, They shall find things, they'd think or wish were done: They are so natural follies, but so shown, As even the doers may see, and yet not own. THE ALCHEMIST DRAMATIS PERSONÆ SUBTLE, the ALCHEMIST. PERTINAX SURLY, a Gamester. FACE, the House-keeper. TRIBULATION WHOLESOME, a Pastor of DOL COMMON, their colleague. Amsterdam. DAPPER, a Lawyer's clerk. ANANIAS, a Deacon there. DRUCCER, a Tobacco-man. KASTRILL, the angry boy. LOVEWIT, Master of the House. Dame PLIANT, his sister, a Widow. Sir EPICURE MAMMON, a Knight. Neighbours. Officers, Mutes. SCENE-LONDO:S ACT I SCENE I. [A room in Lovewit's house] [Enter] FACE, [in a captaz.n's uniform, with llis sword drawn, and] SUBTLE [lvith a vial, quarrelling, and followed by] DOL COMMON Face B ELIEVE 't, I will. Sub. Thy worst. Dol. Have you your wits? why, gentlemen! for love-- Face. Sirrah, I'll strip you- Sub. What to do? Face. Rogue, rogue!-out of all your sleights. 1 Dol. Nay, look ye, sovereign, general, are you madmen? Sub. 0, let the wild sheep loose. I'll gum your silks With good strong water, an you come. Dol. Will you have The neighbours hear you? Will you betray all? Hark! I hear somebody. Face. Sirrah- Sub. I shall mar All that the tailor has made if you approach. 1 Drop your tricks. 543 544 BEN JONSON F ace. You most notorious whelp, you insolent slave, Dare you do this? Sub. Yes, faith; yes, faith. Face. Why, who Am I, my mongrel, who am I? Sub. I'll tell you, Since you know not yourself. Face. Speak lower, rogue. Sub. Yes, you were once (time's not long past) the good, Honest, plain, livery-three-pound-thrum,2 that kept Your master's worship's house here in the Friars,3 For the vacations- Face. Will you be so loud? Sub. Since, by my means, translated suburb-captain. Face. By your means, doctor dogl Sub. Within man's memory, All this I speak of. Face. Why, I pray you, have I Been countenanc'd by you, or you by me? Do but collect, sir, where I met you first. Sub. I do not hear well. Face. Not of this, I think it. But I shall put you in mind, sir;-at Pie-corner, Taking your meal of steam in, from cooks' stalls, Where, like the father of hunger, you did walk Piteously costive, with your pinch'd-horn-nose, And your complexion of the Roman wash/ Stuck full of black and melancholic worms, Like powder-corns 5 shot at the artillery-yard. Sub. I wish you could advance your voice a little. Face. When you went pinn'd up in the several rags You had rak'd and pick'd from dunghills, before day; Your feet in mouldy slippers, for your kibes;6 A felt of rug, 7 and a thin threaden cloak, That scarce would cover your no-buttocks- 2 Poorly paid servant. 3 The precinct of Blackfriars. 41. e., sallow. S Grains of powder. 6 Chilblains. 7 A hat of coarse material. THE ALCHEMIST Sub. So, sir! Face. When all your alchemy, and your algebra, Your minerals, vegetals, and animals, Your conj uring, coz'ning;8 and your dozen of trades, Could not relieve your corpse with so much linen Would make you tinder, but to see a fire; I ga' you count'nance, credit for your coals, Your stills, your glasses, your materials; Built you a furnace, drew you customers, Advanc'd all your black arts; lent you, beside, A house to practise in- Sub. Your master's house! Face. Where you have studied the more thriving skill Of ba wdry since. Sub. Yes, in your master's house. You and the rats here kept possession. Make it not strange. 9 I know you were one could keep The buttery-hatch stilllock'd, and save the chippings, Sell the dole beer to aq ua-vitæ men,10 The which, together with your Christmas vails ll At post-and-pair,12 your letting out of counters/ 3 Made you a pretty stock, some twenty marks, And gave you credit to converse with cobwebs, Here, since your mistress' death hath broke up house. Face. You might talk softlier, rascal. Sub. No, you scarab, I'll thunder you in pieces: I will teach you How to beware to tempt a Fury again That carries tempest in his hand and voice. Face. The place has made you valiant. Sub. No, your clothes. Thou vermin, have I ta'en thee out of dung, So poor, so wretched, when no living thing Would keep thee company, but a spider or worse? Rais'd thee from brooms, and dust, and wat'ring-pots, 8 Swindling. 9 Don't pretend to forget. 10 Sell the beer intended for the poor to liquor-dealers. II Tips. 12 A game of cards. 13 I. ., to the card-players. 545 546 BEN JONSON Sublim'd thee, and exalted thee, and fix'd thee In the third region,14 call' d our state of grace? Wrought thee to spirit, to quintessence, with pains Would twice have won me the philosopher's work? Put thee in words and fashion, made thee fit F or more than ordinary fellowships? Giv'n thee thy oaths, thy quarrelling dimensions, Thy rules to cheat, at horse-race, cock-pit, cards, Dice, or whatever gallant tincture 15 else? Made thee a second in mine own great art? And have I this for thanks! Do you rebel? Do you fly out i' the projection?16 Would you be gone now? Dol. Gentlemen, what mean you? Will you mar all? Sub. Slave, thou hadst had no nam Dol. Will you undo yourselves with civil war? Sub. Never been known, past equi clibanum, The heat of horse-dung, under ground, in cellars, Or an ale...house darker than deaf John's; been lost To all mankind, but laundresses and tapsters, Had not I been. Dol. Do you know who hears you, sovereign? Face. Sirrah- Dol. Nay, general, I thought you were civil. Face. I shall turn desperate, if you grow thus loud. Sub. And hang thyself, I care not. Face. Hang thee, collier, And all thy pots and pans, in picture, I will, Since thou hast mov'd me- Dal. [Aside] 0, this'll 0' erthrow all. Face. Write thee up bawd in Paul's, have all thy tricks Of coz'ning with a hollow coal, dust, sera pings, Searching for things lost, with a sieve and shears, Erecting figures in your rows of houses,11 14 Technical jargon of alchemy. 15 Accomplishment. 16 At the moment when success is near. 11 Astrological tricks. THE ALCHEMIST 547 And taking in of shadows with a glass, Told in red letters; and a face cut for thee, Worse than Gamaliel Ratsey's.18 Dol. Ha' you your senses, masters? Face. I will have A book, but barely reckoning thy impostures, Shall prove a true philosopher's stone to printers. Sub. Away, you trencher-rascal! Face. The vomit of all prisons-- Dol. Will you be Your own destructions, gentlemen? Face. For lying too heavy on the basket. 19 Sub. Face. Bawd! Sub. Face. Sub. Face. Dol. We are ruin'd, lost! Ha' you no more regard To your reputations? Where's your judgment? 'Slight, Have yet some care of me, 0' your republic- Face. Away, this brachFo I'll bring thee, rogue, within The statute of sorcery, tricesimo tertio Of Harry the Eighth: 21 ay, and perhaps thy neck Within a noose, for laund'ring gold and barbing it. 22 Dol. You'll bring your head \vithin a cockscomb,23 will you? She catcheth out FACE his sword, and breaks SUBTLE'S glass. And you, sir, with your menstrue F 4 -Gather it up. Are you sound? OUt, you dog-leech! Still spew'd out Cheater! Cow-herd! Conj urer I Cutpurse! Witch I o mef 18 A notorious highwayman. 19 Eating more than his share of rations. 20 Bitch. 21 33 Henry VIII, the first act against witchcraft in England. 22 "Sweating" and dipping the coinage. 23 Halter. 24 A liquid which dissolves solids. 548 BEN JONSON 'Sdeath, you abominable pair of stinkards, Leave off your barking, and grow one again, Or, by the light that shines, I'll cut your throats. I'll not be made a prey unt.o the marshal For ne'er a snarling dog-bolt of you both. Ha' you together cozen'd all this while, And all the world, and shall it now be said, You've made most courteous shift to cozen yourselves? [ To FACE.] You will accuse him ! You will "bring him in Within the statute!" Who shall take your word? A whoreson, upstart, apocryphal captain, Whom not a Puritan in Blackfriars will trust So much as for a feather: and you, too, [to SUBTLE.] Will give the cause, forsooth! You will insult, And claim a primacy in the divisions! You must be chief! As if you only had The powder to project 25 with, and the work Were not begun out of equality! The venture tripartite I All things in common! Without priority I 'Sdeath! you perpetual curs, Fall to your couples again, and cozen kindly, And heartily, and lovingly, as you should, And lose not the beginning of a term, Or, by this hand, I shall grow factious too, And take my part, and quit you. Face. 'Tis his fault; He ever murmurs, and objects his pains, And says, the weight of all lies upon him. Sub. Why, so it does. Dol. How does it? Do not we Sustain our parts? Sub. Yes, but they are not equal. Dol. Why, if your part exceed to-day, I hope Ours may to-morrow match it. Sub. Ay, they may. Dol. May, mur.muring mastiff! Ay, and do. Death on me! Help me to throttle him. [Seizes SUB. by the throat.] 25 Transmute metals. THE ALCHEMIST Sub. Dorothy! Mistress Dorothy! 'Ods precious, I'll do anything. What do you mean? Dol. Because 0' your fermentation and cibation?26 Sub. Not I, by heaven- Dol. 549 Sub. Would I were hang'd then! I'll conform myself. Dol. Will you, sir? Do so then, and quickly: swear. Sub. What should I swear? Dol. To leave your faction, sir, And labour kindly in the common work. Sub. Let me not breathe if I meant aught beside. I only us'd those speeches as a spur To him. Dol. I hope we need no spurs, sir. Do we? Face. 'Slid, prove to-day who shall shark best. Sub. Agreed. Dol. Yes, and work close and friendly. Sub. 'Slight, the knot Shall grow the stronger for this breach, with me. [They shake hands.] Dol. Why, so, my good baboons! Shall we go make A sort of sober, scurvy, precise neighbours, That scarce have smil'd twice sin' the king came in,27 A feast of laughter at our follies? Rascals, Would run themselves from breath, to see me ride, Or you t' have but a hole to thrust your heads in,28 For which you should pay ear-rent ?29 No, agree. And may Don Provost ride a feasting long, In his old velvet jerkin and stain'd scarfs, My noble sovereign, and worthy general, Ere \ve contribute a new crewel 30 garter To his most worsted 30 worship. Sub. Royal Dol! Spoken like Claridiana,31 and thyself. Face. For which at supper, thou shalt sit in triumph, 26 Alchemical terms. 27 Seven years before. 28 In the pillory. 29 Have your ears cut off. 30 Familiar puns. 31 The heroine of the "Mirror of Knighthood." Your Sol and Luna-help me. [To FACE.] 55 0 BEN JONSON And not be styI'd Dol Common, but Dol Proper, Dol Singular: the longest cut at night, Shall draw thee for his Dol Particular. [Bell rings without.] Sub. Who's that? One rings. To the windo\v, Dol: [Exit DOL.]- pray heav'n, The master do not trouble us this quarter. Face. 0, fear not him. While there dies one a week 0' the plague, he's safe from thinking toward London. Beside, he's busy at his hop-yards now; 1 had a letter from him. If he do, He'll send such word, for airing 0' the house, As you shall have sufficient time to quit it: Though we break up a fortnight, 'tis no matter. Re-enter DOL Sub. Who is it, Dol? Dol. A fine young quodling. 3z Face. My lawyer's clerk, I lighted on last night, In Holhorn, at the Dagger. He would have (I told you of him) a familiar, To rifle with at horses, and win cups. Dol. 0, let him in. Sub. Stay. Who shall do't? Face. Get you Your robes on; 1 will meet him, as going out. Dol. And what shall I do? Face. Not be seen; away! [Exit DoL.] Seem you very reserv'd. Sub. Enough. [Exit.] Face. [aloud and retiring.] God be wi' you, sir, I pray you let him know that 1 was here: His name is Dapper. 1 would gladly have staid, but- 32 Green apple, a youth. ' THE ALCHEMIST 55 1 SCENE II. [The samep FACE, alone Dap. [rvithin.] Captain, I am here. Face. Who's that?-He's come, I think, doctor. [Enter DAPPER] Good faith, sir, I was going away. Dap. In truth I am very sorry, captain. Face. But I thought Sure I should meet you. Dap. Ay, I am very glad. I had a scurvy writ or two to make, And I had lent my watch last night to one That dines to-day at the sheriff's, and so was robb'd Of my'pass-time. 2 [Re-enter SUBTLE in his velvet cap and gown] Is this the cunning-man? Face. This is his worship. Dap. Is he a doctor? Face. Yes. Dap. And ha' you broke 3 with him, captain? Face. Ay. Dap. And how Face. Faith, he does make the matter, sir, so dainty,4 I know not what to say. Dap. Not so, good captain. Face . Would I were fairly rid on't, believe me. Dap. Nay, now you grieve 'me, sir. Why should you wish so? I dare assure you, I'll not be ungrateful. 1 The scene-divisions are Jonson's. 2 Watch. 3 Opened the matter. .. Has such scruples. 55 2 BEN JONSON Face. I cannot think you will, sir. But the law Is such a thing-and then he says, Read's5 matter Falling so lately. Dap. Read! he was an ass, And dealt, sir, with a fool. Face. It was a clerk, sir. Dap. A clerk! Face. Nay, hear me, sir. You know the law Better, I think- Dap. I should, sir, and the danger: You know, I show'd the statute to you. Face. You did so. Dap. And will I tell then! By this hand of flesh, Would it might never write good courthand more, If I discover. 6 What do you think of me, That I am a chiaus?7 Face. What's that? Dap. The Turk \vas, here-- As one would say, do you think I am a Turk? Face. I'll tell the doctor so. Dap. Do, good sweet captain. Face. Come, noble doctor, pray thee let's prevail; This is the gentleman, and he is no chiaus. Sub. Captain, I have return'd you all my answer. I would do much, sir, for your love- But this I neither may, nor can. Face. Tut, do not say so. You deal now with a noble fellow, doctor, One that will thank you richly; and he is no chiaus: Let that, sir, move you. Sub. Pray you, forbear- Face. He has F our angels here. Sub. You do me wrong, good sir. Face. Doctor, wherein? To tempt you with these spirits? 5 A magician recently convicted. 6 Reveal. 7 A Turkish interpreter, like the one who had recently cheated some merchants. THE ALCHEMIST Sub. To tempt my art and love, sir, to my peril. 'Fore heav'n, I scarce can think you are my friend, That so would draw me to apparent danger. Face. I draw you! A horse dra\\l you, and a halter, You, and your flies 8 together- Dap. Nay, good captain. Face. That know no difference of men. Sub. Good \\lords, sir. Face. Good deeds, sir, doctor dogs'-meat. 'Slight, I bring you No cheating Clim 0' the Cloughs 9 or Claribels,lO That look as big as five-and-fifty, and flush;l1 And spit out secrets like hot custard- D . D ! Face. Nor any melancholic underscribe, Shall tell the vicar; but a special gentle, That is the heir to forty marks a year, Consorts with the small poets of the time, Is the sole hope of his old grandmother; That knows the law, and writes you six fair hands, Is a fine clerk, and has his cÏph'ring perfect. Will take his oath 0' the Greek Xenophon,12 If need be, in his pocket; and can court His mistress out of Ovid. Dap. Nay, dear captain- Face. Did you not tell me so? Dap. Yes; but I'd ha' you Use master doctor with some more respect. Face. Hang him, proud stag, with his broad velvet head!- But for your sake, I'd choke ere I would change An article of breath with such a puck-fist! 13 Come, let's be gone. [Going.] Sub. Pray you Ie' me speak with you. 553 8 Familiar spirits. 9 An outlaw hero. 10 Probably a hero of romance. The name occurs in Spenser. 11 Five-and-fifty was the highest number to stand on at the old game of Primero. If a flush accompanied this. the hand swept the table.-GiOord. 12 The Quarto reads Testament. 13 Niggard. 554 BEN JONSON Dap. His ,vorship calls you, captain. Face. I am sorry I e'er embark'd myself in such a business. Dap. Nay, good sir; he did call you. Face. Will he take then? Sub. First, hear me- Face. Not a syllable, 'less you take. Sub. Pray ye, sir- Face. Upon no terms but an assumpsit. a Sub. Your humour must be law. He takes th money. Face. Why now, sir, talk. Now I dare hear you with mine honour. Speak. So may this gentleman too. Sub. Why, sir- [DOering to whisper FACE.] Face. No whispering. Sub. 'Fore heav'n, you do not apprehend the loss You do yourself in this. Face. Wherein? for what? Sub. Marry, to be so importunate for one That, ,\\Then he has it, will undo you all: He'll win up all the money i' the town. Face. How? Sub. Yes, and blow up gamester after gamester, As they do crackers in a puppet..lplay. If I do give him a familiar, Give you him all you play for; never set l5 him: For he will have it. Face. You're mistaken, doctor. Why, he does ask one but for cups and horses, A rifling l6 fly; none 0' your great familiars. Dap. Yes, captain, I would have it for all games. Sub. I told you so. Face. [taking ÐAP. aside.] 'Slight, that is a new business! I understood you, a tame bird, to fly Twice in a term, or so, on Friday nights, 14 That he has undertaken the affair. 15 Stake against. 16 To be used in rafÐcs. THE ALCHEMIST 555 When you had left the office; for a nag Of forty or fifty shillings. Dap. A y, 'tis true, sir; But I do think, now, I shall leave the law, And therefore- Face. Why, this changes quite the case. Do you think that I dare move him? Dap. If you please, sir; All's one to him, I see. Face. What! for that money? I cannot with my conscience; nor should you Make the request, methinks. Dap. No, sir, I mean To add consideration. Face. Why then, sir, I'll try. [Goes to SUBTLE.] Say that it were for all games, doctor? Sub. I say then, not a mouth shall eat for him At any ordinary,17 but on the score/ 8 That is a gaming mouth, conceive me. Face. Indeed! Sub. He'll draw you all the treasure of the realm, If it be set him. Face. Speak you this from art? Sub. Ay, sir, and reason too, the ground of art. He is of the only best complexion, The queen of Fairy loves. Face. What! is he? Sub. Peace. He'll overhear you. Sir, should she but see him- Face. What? Sub. Do not you tell him. Face. Will he win at cards too? Sub. The spirits of dead Holland, living Isaac/ 9 17 Table d'hôte restaurant. 18 The gamblers (who frequented ordinaries) will be so impoverished through his winnings that they will bave to eat on credit. 19 Supposed to refer to two alchemists, but the dates do not agree. 556 BEN JONSON You'd swear, were in him; such a vigorous luck As cannot be resisted. 'Slight, he'll put Six of your gallants to a cloak/ o indeed. Face. A strange success, that some man shall be born to! Sub. He hears you, man- Dap. Sir, I'll not be ingrateful. Face. Faith, I have confidence in his good nature: You hear, he says he will not be ingrateful. Sub. Why, as you please; my venture follows yours. f ace. Troth, do it, doctor; think him trusty, and make him. He may make us both happy in an hour; Win some five thousand pound, and send us two on't. Dap. Believe it, and I will, sir. Face. You have heard all? Dap. And you shall, sir. No, what was't? Nothing, I, sir. F ACE takes him aside. Face. Nothing! Dap. A little, sir. Face. Well, a rare star Reign'd at your birth. D A . ., N ape t mIne, SIr. o. Face. Tht= doctor Swears that you are-- Sub. Nay, captain, you'll tell all now. Face. Allied to the queen of Fairy. Dap. Who! That I am? Believe it, no such matter- Face . Yes, and that You were born with a caul on your head. Dap. Who says so? Face. Come, You know it well enough, though you dissemble it. Dap. I' fac/ 1 I do not; you are mistaken. 20 Strip to the cloak. 21 Faith. THE ALCHEMIST Face. How! Swear by your fac,21 and in a thing so known Unto the doctor? How shaIl we, sir, trust you l' the other matter; can we ever think, When you have won five or six thousand pound, Y ou'II send us shares in't by this rate? Dap. By Jove, sir, I'll win ten thousand pound, and send you half. I' fac's no oath. Sub. No, no, he did but jest. Face. Go to. Go thank the doctor: he's your friend, To take it so. Dap. I thank his worship. Face. So! Another angel. Dap. Must I? Face. Must you! 'slight, What else is thanks? Will you be trivial?-Doctor, [DAPPER gives him the money.] When must he come for his familiar? Dap. Shall I not ha' it with me? Sub. 0, good sir! There must a world of ceremonies pass; You must be bath'd and fumigated first: Besides, the queen of Fairy does not rise Till it be noon. Face. Not if she danc'd to-night. Sub. And she must bless it. Face. Did you never see Her royal grace yet? Dap. Whom? Face. Your aunt of Fairy? Sub. Not since she kist him in the cradle, captain; I can resolve you that. Face. Well, see her grace, Whate'er it cost you, for a thing that I know. 557 558 BEN JONSON It will be somewhat hard to compass; but Ho,vever, see her. You are made, believe it, If you can see her. Her grace is a lone woman, And very rich; and if she take a fancy, She will do strange things. See her, at any hand. 'Slid, she may hap to leave you all she has: It is the doctor's fear. Dap. How will't be done, then? Face. Let me alone, take you no thought. Do you But say to me, "Captain, I'll see her grace." Dap. "Captain, I'll see her grace." Face. Enough. One knocks without. Sub. Who's there? Anon.-[ Aside to FACE.] Conduct him forth by the back way. -Sir, against one o'clock prepare yourself; Till when you must be fasting; only take Three drops of vinegar in at your nose, Two at your mouth, and one at either ear; Then bathe your fingers' ends and wash your eyes, To sharpen your five senses, and cry hum Thrice, and then buz as often; and then come. [Exit. ] Face. Can you remember this? Dap. I warrant you. Face. Well then, away. It is but your bestowing Some twenty nobles 'mong her grace's servants, And put on a clean shirt. You do not know What grace her grace may do you in clean linen. [Exeunt FACE and DAPPER.] SCENE III. [The same] Sub. [Within.] Come in! Good wives, I pray you forbear me now; Troth, I can do you no good till afternoon- [Enter SUBTLE, jollotlled by DRUGGER] Sub. What is your name, say you? Abel Drugger? Drug. Yes, sir. THE ALCHEMIST Sub. A seller of tobacco? Drug. Yes, sir. Sub. lJrnph! Free of the grocers?! Drug. Ay, an't please you. Sub. Well- Your business, Abel? Drug. This, an't please your worship; I am a young beginner, and am building Of a new shop, an't like your worship, just At corner of a street:-Here is the plot 2 on't- And I would know by art, sir, of your worship, Which way I should make my door, by necromancy, And where my shelves; and which should be for box s, And which for pots. I would be glad to thrive, sir: And I was wish'd 3 to your worship by a gentleman, One Captain Face, that says you know men's planets, And their good angels, and their bad. & I If I do see 'em- [ Enter FACE] Face. What! my honest Abel? Thou art well met here. Drug. T roth, sir, I was speaking, Just as your worship came here, of your worship: I pray you speak for me to master doctor. Face. He shall do anything. Doctor, do you hear? This is my friend, Abel, an honest fellow; He lets me have good tobacco, and he does not Sophisticate it with sack-lees or oil, Nor washes it in muscadel and grains, Nor buries it in gravel, under ground, Wrapped up in greasy leather, or piss'd clouts: But keeps it in fine lily pots, that, open'd, Smell like conserve of roses, or French beans. 11. e., a member of the Grocers' Company. 2 Plan. 3 Recommended. 559 560 BEN JONSON He has his maple block,4 his silver tongs, Winchester pipes, and fire of juniper: 5 A neat, spruce, honest fellow, and no goldsmith. 6 Sub. He's a fortunate fellow, that I am sure on. Face. Already, sir, ha' you found it? Lo thee, Abel! Sub. And in right way toward riches- Face. Sir! Sub. This summer. He will be of the clothing of his company,1 And next spring call'd to the scarlet;8 spend what he can. Face. What, and so little beard? Sub. Sir, you must think, He may have a receipt to make hair come: But he'll be wise, preserve his youth, and fine for 't; His fortune looks for him another way. Face. 'Slid, doctor, how canst thou know this so soon? I am amus'd 9 at that. Sub. By a rule, captain, In metoposcopy,to which I do work by; A certain star i' the forehead, which you see not. Your chestnut or your olive-colour'd face Does never fail: and your long ear doth promise. I knew't, by certain spots, too, in his teeth, And on the nail of his mercurial finger. Face. Which finger's that? Sub. His little finger. Look. You were born upon a Wednesday? Drug. Yes, indeed, sir. Sub. The thumb, in chiromancy, we give Venus; The forefinger to Jove; the midst to Saturn; The ring to Sol; the least to Mercury, Who was the lord, sir, of his horoscope, His house of life being Libra; which foreshow'd He should be a merchant, and should trade with balance. .. On which tobacco was shredded. 5 The coals of which were used to light pipes. 6 Usurer. 1 Wear the livery. 8 Be sheriff. 9 Amazed. 10 A branch of physiognomy. THE ALCHEMIST 5 6r Face. Why, this is strange! Is it not, honest Nab? Sub. There is a ship now coming from Ormus, That shall yield him such a commodity Of drugs-- This is the west, and this the south? [ Pointing to the plan.] Drug. Yes, sir. Sub. And those are your two sides? Drug. Ay, sir. Sub. Make me your door then, south; your broad side, \vest: And on the east side of your shop, aloft, Write Mathlai, T armiel, and Baraborat; Upon the north part, Rael, Velel, Thiel. They are the names of those Mercurial spirits That do fright flies from boxes. Drug. Yes, sir. A Beneath your threshold, bury me a loadstone To draw in gallants that wear spurs: the rest, They'll seem ll to follow. Face. That's a secret, Nab! Sub. And, on your stall, a puppet, with a vice And a court-fucus/ 2 to call city-dames: You shall deal much with minerals. Drug. Sir, I have. At home, already- Sub. Ay, I know you have arsenic, Vitriol, sal..tartar, argaile,13 alkali, Cinoper :14 I know all.- This fellow, captain, Will come, in time, to be a great distiller, And give a sayl5-I will not say directly, But very fair-at the philosopher's stone. Face. Why, how now, Abel! is this true? Drug. [Aside to FACE.] Good captain, What must I give? Face. Nay, I'll not counsel thee. 11 Be seen. 12 Paint for the face. 13 Tartar deposited by wine. 14 Cinnabar, mercuric sulphid.' 15 Assay. 5 62 BEN JONSON Thou hear'st what wealth (he says, spend what thou canst), Thou'rt like to come to. Drug. I would gi' him a crown. Face. A crown! and toward such a fortune? Heart, Thou shalt rather gi' him thy shop. No gold about thee? Drug. Yes, I have a portague/ 6 I ha' kept this half-year. Face. Out on thee, Nab! 'Slight, there was such an offer- Shalt keep't no longer, I'll give't him for thee. Doctor, Nab prays your worship to drink this, and swears He will appear more grateful, as your skill Does raise him in the world. Drug. I would entreat _Another favour of his worship. Face. What is't, Nab? Drug. But to look over, sir, my almanac, And cross out my ill-days,17 that I may neither Bargain, nor trust upon them. Face. That he shall, Nab: Leave it, it shall be done, , gainst afternoon. Suh. And a direction for his shelves. Face. Art thou well pleas'd, Nab? Drug. 'Thank, sir, both your worships. Face. Away. [Exit DRUGGER.] Why, now, you smoaky persecutor of nature! Now do you see, that something's to be done, Beside your beech-coal, and your cor'sive 1s waters, Your crosslets,19 crucibles, and cucurbites ?20 You must have stuff, brought home to you, to work on: And yet you think, I am at no expense In searching out these veins, then following them, Then trying 'em out. 'Fore God, my intelligence Costs me more money than my share oft comes to, In these rare works. Suh. Now, Nab, You're pleasant, sir.-How now! 16 A gold coin worth about three pounds twelve shillings. 17 Unlucky days. 18 Corrosive. 19 Crucibles. 20 Glass retort, shaped like a gourd. THE ALCHEMIST 5 6 3 SCENE IV. [The same] F ACE. SUBTLE. [Enter] DOL Sub. What says my dainty Dolkin? Dol. Yonder fish-wife Will not away. And there's your giantess, The bawd of Lambeth. Sub. Heart, I cannot speak with 'em. Dol. Not afore night, I have told 'em in a voice, Thorough the trunk, like one of your familiars. But I have spied Sir Epicure Mammon- Sub. Where? Dol. Coming along, at far end of the lane, Slow of his feet, but earnest of his tongue To one that's with him. Sub. Face, go you and shift. Dol, you must presently make ready too. [Exit FACE.] Dol. Why, what's the matter? Sub. 0, I did look for him With the sun's rising: marvel he could sleep. This is the day I am to perfect for him The magisterium, our great work, the stone; And yield it, made, into his hands: of which He has, this month, talk'd as he were possess'd. And now he's dealing pieces on't away. Methinks I see him ent'ring ordinaries, Dispensing for the pox, and plaguy houses, Reaching his dose, walking Moorfields for lepers, And off' ring citizens' wives pomander 1 -bracelets, As his preservative, made of the elixir; Searching the spittle, to make old bawds young; And the highways, for beggars, to make rich. I see no end of his labours. He will make Nature asham'd of her long sleep: when art, Who's but a step-dame, shall do more than she, 1 A ball of perfume carried against infection. 5 6 4 BEN JONSON In her best love to mankind, ever could. If his dream last, he'll turn the age to gold. [ Exeunt. ] ACT II SCENE I. [An outer room in Loveevit's house] [Enter] Sir EPICURE MAMMON and SURLY Mam. Come on, sir. Now you set your foot on shore In N OtlO Orbe;l here's the rich Peru: And there within, sir, are the golden mines, Great Solomon's Ophir! He was sailing to't Three years, but we have reach'd it in ten months. This is the day,wherein, to all my friends, I will pronounce the happy word, BE RICH; THIS DAY YOU SHALL BE SPECTATISSIMI.% You shall no more deal with the hollow die, Or the frail card. No more be at charge of keeping The livery-punk 3 for the young heir, that must Seal, at all hours, in his shirt: no more, If he deny, ha' him beaten to't, as he is That brings him ,the commodity. No more Shall thirst of satin, or the covetous hunger Of velvet entrails 4 for a rude-spun cloak, To be display'd at Madam Augusta's, make The sons of Sword and Hazard fall before The golden calf, and on their knees, whole nights, Commit idolatry with wine and trumpets: Or go a feasting after drum and ensign. No more of this. You shall start up young viceroys. And unto thee I speak it first, BE RICH. Where is my Subtle, there? Within, hot [ Face, within.] Sir, He'll come to you by and by. Mam. That is his fire-drake,5 His Lungs, his Zephyrus, he that puffs his coals, 1 The New World. % Most gazed at. 3 Female accomplice in swindling heirs out of property. 4 Lining. Ii Dragon. THE ALCHEMIST 5 6 5 Till he firk 6 nature up, in her own centre. You are not faithful, 7 sir. This night I'll change All that is metal in my house to gold: And, early in the morning, will I send To all the plumbers and the pewterers, And buy their tin and lead up; and to Lothbury F or all the copper. Sur. What, and turn that, too? M am . Yes, and I'll purchase Devonshire and Cornwall, And make them perfect Indies ! You admire now? Sur . No, faith. MaIn. But when you see th' effects of the Great Med'cine, Of which one part projected on a hundred Of Mercury, or Venus, or the moon, Shall turn it to as many of the sun;8 Nay, to a thousand, so ad infinitum: You will believe me. Sur. Yes, when I see't, I will. But if my eyes do cozen me so, and I Giving them no occasion, sure I'll have Them out next day. Mam. Ha! why? Do you think I fable with' you? I assure you, He that has once the flower of the sun, The perfect ruby, which we call elixir, Not only can do that, but by its virtue, Can confer honour, love, respect, long life; Give safety, valour, yea, and victory, To whom he will. In eight and twenty days, I'll make an old man of fourscore, a child. Sur. No doubt; he's that already. Mam. Nay, I mean, Restore his years, renew him, like an eagle, To the fifth age; make him get sons and daughters, Young giants; as our philosophers have done, The ancient patriarchs, afore the flood, 6 Stir, rouse. 7 Believing. 8 Turn mercury, copper, or silver into gold. 566 BEN JONSON But taking, once a week, on a knife's point, The quantity of a grain of mustard of it; Become stout Marses, and beget young Cupids. Sur. The decay'd vestals of Pickt-hatch 9 would thank you, That keep the fire alive there. M am. 'Tis the secret Of nature naturiz'd ' gainst all infections, Cures all diseases coming of all causes; A month's grief in a day, a year's in twelve; And, of what age soever, in a month: Past all the doses of your drugging doctors. I'll undertake, withal, to fright the plague Out 0' the kingdom in three months. Sur. And I'll Be bound, the players shall sing your praises then, Without their poets. 10 Mam. Sir, I'll do't. Meantime, I'll give away so much unto my man, Shall serve th' whole city with preservative Weekly; each house his dose, and at the rate- Sur. As he that built the Water-work does with water? M am . You are incredulous. Sur. Faith, I have a humour, I would not willingly be gull'd. 11 Your stone Cannot transmute me. Mam. Pertinax Surly, Will you believe antiquity? Records? I'll show you a book where Moses, and his sister, And Solomon have written of the art; Ay, and a treatise penn'd by Adam- Sur. How! Mam. Of the philosopher's stone, and in High Dutch. Sur. Did Adam write, sir, in High Dutch? Mam. He did; Which proves it was the primitive tongue. 9 A disreputable locality. 10 The theatres were dosed when the plague was prevalent. 11 Fooled. THE ALCHEMIST Sur. What paper? Mam. On cedar board. Sur. a that, indeed, they say, Will last 'gainst worms. Mam. 'Tis like your Irish wood, 'Gainst cobwebs. I have a piece of Jason's fleece too, Which was no other than a book of alchemy, Writ in large sheepskin, a good fat ram-vellum. Such was Pythagoras' thigh, Pandora's tub, And all that fable of Medea's charms, The manner of our work; the bulls, our furnace, Still breathing fire; our argent-vive/ 2 the dragon: The dragon's teeth, mercury sublimate, That keeps the whiteness, hardness, and the biting; And they are gather'd into Jason's helm, The alembic, and then sow'd in Mars his field, And thence sublim'd so often, till they're fix'd. Both this, th' Hesperian garden, Cadmus' story, Jove's shower, the boon of Midas, Argus' eyes, Boccace his Demogorgon,13 thousands more, All abstract riddles of our stone.-How nowf SCENE II. [ The same] MAMMON, SURLY. [Enter] FACE, [as a Servant] Mam. Do we succeed? Is our day come? And holds it? Face. The evening will set red upon you, sir; You have colour for it, crimson: the red ferment Has done his office; three hours hence prepare you To see projection. Mam. Pertinax, my Surly. Again I say to thee, aloud, BE RICH. This day thou shalt have ingots; and to-morrow Give lords th' affront.-Is it, my Zephyrus, right? Blushes the bolt's-head?l 12 Quick-silver. 13 According to Boccaccio, the ancestor of all the gods. 1 A kind of flask. 5 6 7 5 68 BEN JONSON Face. Like a wench with child, sir, That were but now discover'd to her master. Mam. Excellent witty Lungs!-My only care is Where to get stuff enough now, to project on;2 This town will not half serve me. Face. The covering off 0' churches. Mam. Face. Let 'em stand bare, as do their auditory;3 Or cap 'em new with shingles. Mam. No, good thatch: Thatch will lie light upo' the rafters, Lungs.- Lungs, I will manumit thee from the furnace; I will restore thee thy complexion, Puff, Lost in the embers; and repair this brain, Hurt with the fume 0' the metals. Face. I have blown, sir, Hard, for your worship; thrown by many a coal, When 'twas not beech; weigh'd those I put in, just, To keep your heat still even. These blear'd eyes Have wak'd to read your several colours, sir, Of the pale citron, the green lion, the crow, The peacock's tail, the plumed swan. Mam. And lastly, Thou hast descried the flower, the sanguis agni? Face. Yes, sir. Mam. Face. Good man, he's doing his devotions For the success. Mam. Lungs, I will set a period To all thy labours; thou shalt be the master Of my seraglio. Face. Mam. No, sir! buy That's true. Yes. Where's master? At's prayers, SIr, he; Good, sir. But do you hear? 2 Transmute. 3 Congregation. THE ALCHEMIST I'll geld you, Lungs. Face. Yes, sir. Mam. For I do mean To have a list of wives and concubines Equal with Solomon, who had the stone Alike with me; and I will make me a back With the elixir that shall be as tough As Hercules, to encounter fifty a night.- Thou'rt sure thou saw'st it blood? Face. Both blood and spirit, sir. Mam. I will have all my beds blown up, not stuft; Down is too hard: and then, mine oval room Fill'd with such pictures as Tiberius took From Elephantis, and dull Aretine But coldly imitated. Then, my glasses Cut in more subtle angles, to disperse And multiply the figures, as I walk Naked between my succubæ." My mists I'll have of perfume, vapour'd 'bout the room, To lose our selves in; and my baths, like pits To fall into; from whence we will come forth And roll us dry in gossamer and roses.- Is it arrived at ruby?-Where I spy A wealthy citizen, or [a] rich lawyer, Have a sublim'd pure wife, unto that fellow I'll send a thousand pound to be my cuckold. Face. And I shall carry it? Mam. No. I'll ha' no bawds But fathers and mothers: they will do it best, Best of all others. And my flatterers Shall be the pure and gravest of divines, That I can get for money. My mere fools, Eloquent burgesses, and then my poets The same that writ so subtly of the fart, Whom I will entertain still for that subject. The few that would give out themselves to be " Mistresses. 5 6 9 57 0 BEN JONSON Court and to\vn-stallions, and, each-where, bely Ladies who are known most innocent, for them, Those will I beg, to make me eunuchs of: And they shall fan me with ten est rich tails A-piece, made in a plume to gather wind. We will be brave, Puff, now we ha' the med'cine. My meat shall all come in, in Indian shells, Dishes of agate set in gold, and studded With emeralds, sapphires, hyacinths, and rubies. The tongues of carps, dormice, and camels' heels, Boil'd i' the spirit of sol, and dissolv'd pearl (Apicius' diet, 'gainst the epilepsy): And I will eat these broths with spoons of amber, Headed with diamond and carbuncle. My foot-boy shall eat pheasants, calver'd salmons,s Knots,6 godwits, lampreys: I myself will have The beards of barbeF serv'd, instead of salads; Oiled mushrooms; and the swelling unctuous paps Of a fat pregnant sow, newly cut off, Drest with an exquisite and poignant sauce; For which, I'll say unto my cook, There's gold, Go forth, and be a knight. Face. Sir, I'll go look A little, how it heightens. Mam. Do.-My shirts I'll have of taffeta-sarsnet,8 soft and light As cobwebs; and for all my other raiment, It shall be such as might provoke the Persian, Were he to teach the world riot ane\v. My gloves of fishes and birds' skins, perfum'd With gums of paradise, and Eastern air- Sur. And do you think to have the stone with this? Mam. No, I do think t' have all this with the stone. Sur. Why, I have heard he must be homo frugi,! 5 Salmon elaborately prepared. 6 Robin-snipes. 7 A fish. 8 Soft silk. 9 A virtuous man. [ Exit. ] THE ALCHEMIST A pious, holy, and religious man, One free from mortal sin, a very virgin. Mam. That makes it, sir; he is so: but I buy it; My venture brings it me. He, honest wretch, A notable, superstitious, good soul, Has worn his knees bare, and his slippers bald, With prayer and fasting for it: and, sir, let him Do it alone, for me, still. Here he comes. Not a profane word afore hin1; 'tis poison.- ScENE III. [The same] MAMl\10N, SURL Y. [Enter] SUBTLE Mam. Good morrow, father. Sub. Gentle son, good morrow, And to your friend there. What is he is with you? Mam. An heretic, that I did bring along, In hope, sir, to convert him. Sub. Son, I doubt You're covetous, that thus you meet your time I' the j ust 1 point, prevent 2 your day at morning. This argues something worthy of a fear Of importune and carnal appetite. Take heed you do not cause the blessing leave you, With your ungovern'd haste. I should be sorry To see my labours, now e'en at perfection, Got by long watching and large patience, Not prosper where my love and zeal hath plac'd them. Which (heaven I call to witness, with your self, To whom I have pour'd my thoughts) in all my ends, Have look'd no way, but unto public good, To pious uses, and dear charity Now grown a prodigy with men. Wherein If you, my son, should now prevaricate, And to your own particular lusts employ 1 Exact. 2 Anticipate. 57 1 572 BEN JONSON SO great and catholic a bliss, be sure A curse will follow, yea, and overtake Your subtle and most secret ways. Mam. I know, sir; You shall not need to fear me; I but come To ha' you confute this gentleman. Sur. Who is, Indeed, sir, somewhat costive of belief Toward your stone; would not be gull'd. Sub. Well, son, All that I can convince him in, is this, The work is done, bright Sol is in his robe. We have a med'cine of the triple soul, The glorified spirit. Thanks be to heaven, And make us worthy of it!-mlen píegeIt' Face. [within.] Anon, sir. Sub. Look well to the register. And let your heat still lessen by degrees, To the aludels. 4 Face. [within.] Yes, sir. Sub. Did you look 0' the bolt's head yet? Face. [within.] Which? On D, sir? Sub. Ay; What's the complexion? Face. [within.] Whitish. Sub. Infuse vinegar, To draw his volatile substance and his tincture: And let the water in glass E be filt'red, And put into the gripe's egg. 5 Lute 6 him well; And leave him clos'd in balneo. 7 Face. [within.] I will, sir. Sur. What a brave language here is! next to canting. 8 3 The hero of a well-known German jest-book. 4 A pear-shaped vessel, open at both ends. 5 An egg-shaped vessel. Gripe is griffin. 6 Seal with clay. 7 A dish of warm water. 8 Rogues' slang. THE ALCHEMIST Sub. I have another work you never saw, son, That three days since past the philosopher's wheel, In the lent heat of Athanor;9 and's become Sulphur 0' Nature. M am. But 'tis for me? Sub. What need you? You have enough, in that is, perfect. Manz. 0, but- Sub. Why, this is covetise! Manl. No, I assure you, I shall employ it all in pious uses, Founding of colleges and grammar schools, Marrying young virgins, building hospitals, And now and then a church. [Re-enter FACE] How now! Sub. Face. Shall I not change the filter? Sub. Marry, yes; And bring me the complexion of glass B. Mam. Ha' you another? Sub. Yes, son; were I assur'd Your piety were firm, we would not want The means to glorify it: but I hope the best. I mean to tinct C in sand-heat to-morrow, And give him imbibition. tO Mam. Of white oil? Sub. No, sir, of red. F is come over the helm too, I thank my maker, in S. Mary's bath, And shows lac virgin is. Blessed be heaven! I sent you of his fæces there calcin'd: Out of that calx, I ha' won the salt of mercury. Mam. By pouring on your rectified water? Sub. Yes, and reverberating in Athanor. 9 An alchemical furnace. 10 Absorption. Sir, please you, 573 [Exit FACE.] 574 BEN JONSON [ Re-enter FACE] How no\v! what colour says it? Face. The ground black, sir. Mam. That's your craw's head? Sur. Your cock's-comb's, is it not? Sub. No, 'tis not perfect. Would it were the crow! That work wants something. Sur. [Aside.] 0, I look'd for this, The hay'sl1 a pitching. Sub. Are you sure you loos'd 'em In their own menstrue? 12 Face. Yes, sir, and then married 'em, And put 'em in a bolt's-head nipp'd to digestion, According as you bade me, when I set The liquor of Mars to circulation In the same heat. Sub. The process then was right. F ace. Yes, by the token, sir, the retort brake, And what was sav'd was put into the pellican, And sign'd with Hermes' seal. Sub. I think 'twas so. We should have a new amalgama. Sur. [Aside.] 0, this ferret Is rank as any polecat. Sub. But I care not; Let him e'en die; we have enough beside, In embrion. H has his white shirt on? Face. Yes, sir, He's ripe for inceration, he stands warm, In his ash-fire. I would not you should let Any die now, if I might counsel, sir, For luck's sake to the rest: it is not good. Mam. He says right. Sur. [Aside.] Ah, are you bolted? Face. 11 A net for catching rabbits. Nay, I know't, sir, 12 Dissolving fluids. THE ALCHEMIST 5ï5 I have seen the ill fortune. What is some three ounces Of fresh materials? Maln. Is't no more? Face. No more, sir, Of gold, t' amalgam with some six of mercury. Mam. Away, here's money. What will serve? Face. Ask him, sir. Maln. Ho\v much? Sub. Give him nine pound: you may gi' him ten. Sur. Yes, twenty, and be cozen'd, do. Maln. There'tis. [Gives FACE the 1Honey.] Sub. This needs not; but that you will have it so, To see conclusions of all: for two Of our inferior \vorks are at fixation, A third is in ascension. Go your ways. Ha' you set the oil of luna in kemia? Face. Yes, sir. Sub. And the philosopher's vinegar? Face. Ay. [Exit.] Sur. We shall have a salad! Mam. When do you make projection? Sub. Son, be not hasty, I exalt our med'cine, By hanging him in balneo vaporoso, And giving him solution; then congeal him; And then dissolve him; then again congeal him; For look, how oft I iterate the work, So many times I add unto his virtue. As if at first one ounce convert a hundred, After his second loose, he'll turn a thousand; His third solution, ten; his fourth, a hundred; After his fifth, a thousand thousand ounces Of any imperfect metal, into pure Silver or gold, in all examinations, As good as any of the natural mine. Get you your stuff here against afternoon, Your brass, your pewter, and your andirons. Maln. Not those of iron? 57 6 Sub. We'll change all metals. Sur. I believe you in that. Ma1n. Then I may send my spits? Sub. Yes, and your racks. Sur. And dripping-pans, and pot-hangers, and hooks? Shall he not? Sub. Sur. Sub. How, sir! M a1n. This gent'man you must bear withal: I told you he had no faith. Sur. And little hope, sir; But much less charity, should I gull myself. Sub. Why, what have you observ'd, sir, in our art, Seems so impossible? Sur. But your whole work, no more. That you should hatch gold in a furnace, sir, As they do eggs in Egypt! Sub. Sir, do you Believe that eggs are hatch'd so? Sur. If I should? Sub. Why, I think that the greater miracle. No egg but differs from a chicken more Than metals in themselves. Sur. That cannot be. The egg's ordain'd by nature to that end, And is a chicken in potentia. Sub. The same we say of lead and other metals, Which would be gold if they had time. Mam. Our art doth further. Sub. Ay, for 'twere absurd To think that nature in the earth bred gold Perfect i' the instant: something went before. There must be remote matter. Sur. BEN JONSON Yes, you may bring them too; If he please. -To be an ass. And that Ay, what is that? THE ALCHEMIST Sub. Marry, we say- M am. A y, now it heats: stand, father, Pound him to dust. Sub. It is, of the one part, A humid exhalation, which we call Materia liquida, or the unctuous water; On th' other part, a certain crass and viscous Portion of earth; both which, concorporate, Do make the elementary matter of gold; Which is not yet propria materia, But common to all metals and all stones; For, where it is forsaken of that moisture, And hath more dryness, it becomes a stone: Where it retains more of the humid fatness, It turns to sulphur, or to quicksilver, Who are the parents of all other metals. Nor can this remote matter suddenly Progress so from extreme unto extreme, As to grow gold, and leap o'er all the means. Nature doth first beget th' imperfect, then Proceeds she to the perfect. Of that airy And oily water, mercury is engend'red; Sulphur 0' the fat and earthy part; the one, Which is the last, supplying the place of male, The other, of the female, in all metals. Some do believe hermaphrodeity, That both do act and suffer. But these two Make the rest ductile, malleable, extensive. And even in gold they are; for we do find Seeds of them by our fire, and gold in them; And can produce the species of each metal More perfect thence, than nature doth in earth. Beside, who doth not see in daily practice Art can beget bees, hornets, beetles, wasps, Out of the carcases and dung of creatures; Yea, scorpions of an herb, being rightly plac'd? And these are living creatures, far more perfect 577 57 8 BEN JONSON And excellent than metals. M am. Well said, father! Nay, if he take you in hand, sir, with an argument, He'll bray you in a mortar. Sur. Pray you, sir, stay. Rather than I'll be bray' d, sir, I'll believe That Alchemy is a pretty kind of game, Somewhat like tricks 0' the cards, to cheat a man With charming. Sub. Sir? Sur. What else are all your terms, Whereon no one 0' your writers ' grees with other? Of your elixir, your lac virginis, Your stone, your med'cine, and your chrysosperm, Your sal, your sulphur, and your mercury, Your oil of height, your tree of life, your blood, Your marchesite, your tutie, your magnesia, Your toad, your crow, your dragon, and your panther; Your sun, your moon, your firmament, your adrop, Your lato, azoch, zernich, chibrit, heautarit, And then your red man, and your white woman, With all your broths, your menstrues, and materials Of piss and egg-shells, women's terms, man's blood, Hair 0' the head, burnt clouts, chalk, merds, and clay Powder of bones, scalings of iron, glass, And worlds of other strange ingredients, Would burst a man to name? Sub. And all these nam'd, Intending but one thing; which art our writers Us'd to obscure their art. Mam. Sir, so I told him- Because 13 the simple idiot should not learn it, And make it vulgar. Sub. Was not all the knowledge Of the Ægyptians writ in mystic symbols? Speak not the scriptures oft in parables? 13 In order that. THE ALCHEMIST 579 Are not the choicest fables of the poets, That were the fountains and first springs of wisdom, W rapt in perplexed allegories? Mam. I urg'd that, And clear'd to him, that Sisyphus was damn'd To roll the ceaseless stone, only because He would have made ours common. DOL appears [at the door.]- Who is this? Sub. 'Sprecious!-What do you mean? Go in, good lady, Let me entreat you. [DOL retires.]-Where's this varlet? [Re-enter FACE] Face. Sub. You very knave! do you use me thus? Face. Sub. Go in and see, you traitor. Go! Mam. Sub. Nothing, sir; nothing. Mam. What's the matter, good sir? I have not seen you thus distemp'red: who is't? Sub. All arts have still had, sir, their adversaries; But ours the most ignorant.- Sir. Wherein, sir? [Exit FACE.] Wh .. .? o IS It, SIr. Re-enter FACE What now? Face. 'Twas not my fault, sir; she would speak with you. Sub. Would she, sir! Follow me. [Exit.] Mam. [stopping him.] Stay, Lungs. Face. I dare not, sir. Mam. How! pray thee, stay. Face. She's mad, sir, and sent hither- Ma1n. Stay, man; what is she? Face. A lord's sister, SIr. He'll be mad too.- Mam. I warrant thee.- Why sent hither? S80 BEN JONSON Face. Sir, to be cur'd. Sub. [ within. ] Why, rascal! Face. Lo your-Here, sir! Exit. Mam. 'Fore God, a Bradamante, a brave piece. Sur. Heart, this is a bawdy-house! I'll be burnt else. Mam. 0, by this light, no: do not wrong him. He's Too scrupulous that way: it is his vice. No, he's a rare physician, do him right, An excellent Paracelsian, and has done Strange cures with mineral physic. He deals all With spirits, he; he will not hear a word Of Galen; or his tedious recipes.- Re-enter FACE How now, Lungs! Face. Softly, sir; speak softly. I meant To have told your worship all. This must not hear. Mam. No, he will not be gull'd; let him alone. Face. You're very right, sir; she is a most rare scholar, And is gone mad with studying Broughton's14 works. If you but name a word touching the Hebrew, She falls into her fit, and will discourse So learnedly of genealogies, As you would run mad too, to hear her, sir. Mam. How might one do l' have conference with her, Lungs? Face. 0, divers have run mad upon the conference: I do not know, sir. I am sent in haste To fetch a vial. Sur. Be not gull'd, Sir Mammon. Mam. Wherein? Pray ye, be patient. Sur. Yes, as you are, And trust confederate knaves and bawds and whores. Mam. You are too foul, believe it.-Come here, Wltn, One word. Face. Mam. I dare not, in good faith. [Going. ] Stay, knave. 14 A learned eccentric of the time. THE ALCHEMIST 5 81 Face. He is extreme angry that you saw her, sir. Mam. Drink that. [Gives him money.] What is she when she's out of her fit? Face. 0, the most affablest creature, sir! so merry! So pleasant! She'll mount you up, like quicksilver, Over the helm; and circulate like oil, A very vegetal: discourse of state, Of mathematics, bawdry, any thing- Mam. Is she no way accessible? no means, No trick to give a man a taste of her-wit- Or so? Sub. [tvithin.] 11ltn! Face. I'll come to you again, sir. [Exit.] Mam. Surly, I did not think one of your breeding Would traduce personages of worth. Sur. Sir Epicure, Your friend to use; yet still loth to be gull'd: I do not like your philosophical bawds. Their stone is lechery enough to pay for, Without this bait. Mam. Heart, you abuse yourself. I know the lady, and her friends, and means, The original of this disaster. Her brother Has told me all. Sur. And yet you ne'er saw her Till now! Mam. 0 yes, but I forgot. I have, believe it, One 0' the treacherousest memories, I do think, Of all mankind. Sur. What call you her brother? Mam. My lord- He wi' not have his name known, now I think on't. Sur. A very treacherous memory! Mam. On my faith- Sur. Tut, if you ha' it not about you, pass it, Till we meet next. Mam. Nay, by this hand, 'tis true. 5 82 BEN JONSON He's one I honour, and my noble friend; And I respect his house. Sur. Heart! can it be That a grave sir, a rich, that has no need, A wise sir, too, at other times, should thus, With his own oaths, and arguments, make hard means To gull himself? An this be your elixir, Your lapis mineralis, and your lunary, Gi ve me your honest trick yet at primero, Or gleek; 15 and take your lutum sapientis, Your menstruum simplex! I'll have gold before you, And with less danger of the quicksilver, Or the hot sulphur. [ Re-enter FACE] Face. Here's one from Captain Face, sir, rTo SURLY.] Desires you meet him i' the Temple-church, Some half-hour hence, and upon earnest business. Sir, (tvhispers MAMMON) if you please to quit us now; and come Again within two hours, you shall have My master busy examining 0' the works; And I will steal you in unto the party, That you may see her converse.-Sir, shall I say You'll meet the captain's worship? Sur. Sir, I will.- [ Walks asidr.] But, by attorney, and to a second purpose. Now, I am sure it is a bawdy-house; I'll swear it, were the marshal here to thank me: The naming this commander doth confirm it. Don Face! why, he's the most authentic dealer In these commodities, the superintendent To all the quainter traffickers in town! He is the visitor, and does appoint Who lies with whom, and at what hour; what price; Which gown, and in what smock; what fall; 16 what tire. 17 Him wil1 I prove, by a third person, to find 15 Games at cards. 1& A collar, or a veil. 17 A head-dress. THE ALCHEMIST 583 The subtleties of this dark labyrinth: Which if I do discover, dear Sir Mammon, You'll give your poor friend leave, though no philosopher, To laugh: for you that are, 'tis thought, shall weep. Face. Sir, he does pray you'll not forget. Sur. I will not, sir. Sir Epicure, I shall leave you. [Exit. Mam. I follow you straight. Face. But do so, good sir, to avoid suspicion. This gent'man has a parlous head. Mam. But wilt thou, Wlen, Be constant to thy promise? Face. As my life, sir. Mam. And wilt thou insinuate what I am, and praise me, And say I am a noble fellow? Face. 0, what else, sir? And that you'll make her royal with the stone, An empress; and yourself King of Bantam. Mam. Wilt thou do this? Face. Will I, sir! Mam. Lungs, my Lungs! I love thee. Face. Send your stuff, sir, that my master May busy himself about projection. Mam. Thou'st witch'd me, rogue: take, go. [Gives him 1noney.] Face. Your jack, and all, sir. Mam. Thou art a villain-I will send my jack, And the weights too. Slave, I could bite thine ear. Away, thou dost not care for me. Face. Not I, sir! Mam. Come, I was born to make thee, my good \veasel, Set thee on a bench, and have thee twirl a chain With the best lord's vermin of 'em all. Face. Away, sir. Mam. A count, nay, a count palatine- Face. Good sir, go. Mam. Shall not advance thee better: no, nor faster. [Exit.] 5 8 4 BEN JONSON SCENE IV. [The same] FACE. [Re-enter] SUBTI..E and DOL Sub. Has he bit? has he bit? Face. And swallo\ved, too, my Subtle. I have given him line, and now he plays, i' faith. Sub. And shall we twitch him? Face. Thorough both the gills. A wench is a rare bait, with which a man No sooner's taken, but he straight firks mad. t Sub. Dol, my Lord What'ts'hum's sister, you must now Bear yourself state/ich. Dol. 0, let me alone. I'll not forget my race, I warrant you. I'll keep my distance, laugh and talk aloud; Have all the tricks of a proud scurvy lady, And be as rude's her woman. Face. Well said, sanguinef2 Sub. But will he send his andirons? Face. His jack too, And's iron shoeing-horn; I have spoke to him. Well, I must not lose my wary gamester yonder. Sub. 0, Monsieur Caution, that will not be gull'd? Face. Ay, If I can strike a fine hook into him, now!- The Temple-church, there I have cast mine angle. Well, pray for me. I'll about it. Knocking tvithout. Sub. What, more gudgeons!3 Dol, scout, scout! [DOL goes to the win do tv. ] Stay, Face, you must go to the door, 'Pray God it be my anabaptist-Who is't, Dol? Dol. I know him not: he looks like a gold-end-man: ' Sub. 'Ods so! 'tis he, he said he would send-what call you him? The sanctified elder, that should deal 1 Runs mad. 2 Red cheeks. 3 Easy dupes. "A man who buys broken remnants of gold. THE ALCHEMIST 5 8 5 For Mammon's jack and andirons. Let him in. Stay, help me off, first, with my gown. [Exit FACE with the gOtlln.] Away, Madam, to your withdrawing chamber. [Exit. DOL.] Now, In a new tune, new gesture, but old language.- This fellow is sent from one negotiates with me About the stone too, for the holy brethren Of Amsterdam, the exil'd saints, that hope To raise their discipline 5 by it. I must use him In some strange fashion now, to make him admire me. SCENE V. [The sanze] SUBTLE. [Enter] ANANIAS Where is my drudge? [Aloud. ] [ Enter] FACE J:ace. Sir! Sub. Take away the recipient, And rectify your menstrue from the phlegma. Then pour it on the Sol, in the cucurbite, And let them macerate together. J:ace. Yes, sir. And save the ground? Sub. No: terra da1nnata Must not have entrance in the work.-Who are you? Ana. A faithful brother/ if it please you. Sub. . What's that? A Lullianist? a Ripley?2 J:ilius artis? Can you sublime and dulcify? Calcine? Know you the sapor pontic? Sapor stiptic? Or what is homogene, or heterogene? Ana. I understand no heathen language, truly. Sub. Heathen! You Knipper-doling?3 Is Ars sacra, :; Puritan form of church government. 1 A Puritan. Subtle wilfully misunderstands. 2 A follower of Raymond Lully (1235-1315) or George Ripley (d. c. 1490), well. known alchemical writers. 3 An Anabaptist leader. 586 BEN JONSON Or chrysopæia, or spagyrica, Or the pamphysic, or panarchic knowledge, A heathen language? A na. Heathen Greek, I take it. Sub. How! Heathen Greek? Ana. All's heathen but the Hebrew. Sub. Sirrah my varlet, stand you forth and speak to him Like a philosopher: answer i' the language. Name the vexations, and the martyrizations Of metals in the work. Face. Sir, putrefaction, Solution, ablution, sublimation, Cohobation, calcination, ceration, and Fixation. Sub. This is heathen Greek, to you, now!- And when comes vivification? Face. After lTIortification. Sub. What's cohobation? Face. 'Tis the pouring on Your aqua regis, and then drawing him off, To the trine circle of the seven spheres. Sub. What's the proper passion of metals? Face. Malleation. Sub. What's your u/timum supp/iciunl auri? Face. Antimoniurn. Sub. This is heathen Greek to you!-And vvhat's your mercury? Face. A very fugitive, he will be gone, sir. Sub. How know you him? Face. By his viscosity, His oleosity, and his suscitability. Sub. How do you sublime him? Face. With the calee of egg-shells, White marble, talc. Sub. Your magisterium now, What's that? Face. Shifting, sir, your elements, Dry into cold, cold into moist, moist into hot, Hot into dry. THE ALCHEMIST 587 Sub. This is heathen Greek to you still! Your lapis philosoplzicus? Face. 'Tis a stone, And not a stone; a spirit, a soul, and a body: Which if you do dissolve, it is dissolv'd; If you coagulate, it is coagulated; If you make it to fly, it flieth. Sub. Enough. [Exit FACE. J This is heathen Greek to you! What are you, sir? Ana. Please you, a servant of the exil'd brethren, That deal with widows' and with orphans' goods, And make a just account unto the saints: A deacon. Sub. 0, you are sent from Master Wholesome, Your teacher? Ana. From Tribulation Wholesome, Our very zealous pastor. Sub. Good! I have Some orphans' goods to come here. Ana. Of ,vhat kind, sir? Sub. Pewter and brass, andirons and kitchen-ware. Metals, that we must use our med'cine on: Wherein the brethren may have a penn'orth F or ready money. Ana. Were the orphans' parents Sincere professors? Sub. Why do you ask? Ana. Because We then are to deal justly, and give, in truth, Their utmost value. Sub. 'Slid, you'd cozen else, An if their parents were not of the faithful!- I will not trust you, now I think on it, Till I ha' talk'd with your pastor. Ha' you brought money To buy more coals? Ana. No, surely. Sub. No? How so? Ana. The brethren bid me say unto you, sir, 588 BEN JONSON Surely, they will not venture any more Till they may see projection. Sub. How! Ana. You've had For the instruments, as bricks, and lome, and glasses, Already thirty pound; and for materials, They say, some ninety more: and they have heard since, That one, at Heidelberg, made it of an egg, And a small paper of pin-dust. Sub. What's your name? Ana. My name is Ananias. Sub. Out, the varlet That cozen'd the apostles! Hence, away! Flee, mischief! had your holy consistory No name to send me, of another sound, Than wicked Ananias? Send your elders Hither, to make atonement for you, quickly, And give me satisfaction; or out goes The fire; and down th' alembecs, and the furnace, Piger Henricus, or what not. Thou wretch! Both sericon and bufo shall be lost, Tell them. All hope of rooting out the bishops, Or th' anti-Christian hierarchy shall perish, If they stay threescore minutes: the aqueity, Terreity, and sulphureity Shall run together again, and all be annull'd, Thou wicked Ananias! [Exit ANANIAS.] This will fetch 'em, And make 'em haste towards their gulling more. A man must deal like a rough nurse, and fright Those that are froward, to an appetite. SCENE VI. [The same] SUBTI..E [Enter] FACE [in his uniform, followed by] DRUGGER Face. He's busy with his spirits, but we'll upon him. Sub. How now! What mates, what Bayards 1 ha' ,ve here? 1 Blind horses. THE ALCHEMIST 589 Face. I told you he would be furious.-Sir, here's Nab Has brought you another piece of gold to look on; -We must appease him. Give it me,-and prays you, You would devise-what is it, Nab? Drug. A sign, sir. Face. Ay, a good lucky one, a thriving sign, doctor. Sub. I was devising now. Face. [ Aside to SUB.] 'Slight, do not say so, He will repent he ga' you any more- What say you to his constellation, doctor, The Balance? Sub. No, that way is stale and common. A townsman born in Taurus, gives the bull, Or the bull's head: in Aries, the ram, A poor-device! No, I will have his name Form'd in some mystic character; whose radii, Striking the senses of the passers-by, Shall, by a virtual 2 influence, breed affections, That may result upon the party owns it: As thus- Face. Nab! Sub. He first shall have a bell, that's Abel; And by it standing one whose name is Dee,3 In a rug. gown, there's D, and Rug, that's drug: And right anenst him a dog snarling er; There's Drugger, Abel Drugger. That's his sign. And here's now mystery and hieroglyphic! Face. Abel, thou art made. Drug. Sir, I do thank his worship. Face. Six 0' thy legs 5 more will not do it, Nab. He has brought you a pipe of tobacco, doctor. Drug. Yes, sir; I have another thing I would impart- Face. Out with it, Nab. Drug. Sir, there is lodg'd, hard by me, 2 Due to the virtue or power of the device. 3 A reference to Dr. Dee, the famous magician 3nd astrologer, who died in 1608. 4 Of coarse frieze. 5 Bows. 590 BEN JONSON A rich young widow- Face. Good! a bona roba?6 Drug. But nineteen at the most. Face. Very good, Abel. Drug. Marry, she's not in fashion yet; she wears ...\ hood, but 't stands a cop.; Face. No matter, Abel. Drug. And I do now and then give her a fucus 8 - Face. What! clost thou deal, Nab? Sub. I did tell you, captain Drug. And physic too, sometime, sir; for which she trusts me \Vith all her mind. She's come up here of purpose To learn the fashion. Face. Good (his match too!)-On, Nab. Drug. And she does strangely long to know her fortune. Face. 'Ods lid, Nab, send her to the doctor, hither. Drug. Yes, I have spoke to her of his worship already; But she's afraid it will be blown abroad, ...\nd hurt her marriage. Face. Hurt it! 'tis the way To heal it, if 'twere hurt; to make it more Follow'd and sought. Nab, thou shalt tell her this. She'll be more known, more talk'd of; and your \vido\vs ...\re ne'er of any price till they be famous; Their honour is their multitude of suitors. Send her, it may be thy good fortune. What! Thou clost not know. Drug. No, sir, she'll never marry Under a knight: her brother has made a vow. Face. What! and dost thou despair, my little Nab, Knowing what the doctor has set down for thee, \nd seeing so many 0' the city dubb'd? One glass 0' thy water, with a madam I know, Will have it done, Nab. What's her brother, a knight? Drug. No, sir, a gentleman newly warm in's land, sir, 6 Handsome girl. 7 Peaked (?) or straight on the top of her head, instead of tilted (?). 8 Paint for the face. THE ALCHEMIST Scarce cold in his one and twenty, that does govern His sister here; and is a man himself Of some three thousand a year, and is come up To learn to quarrel, and to live by his \vits, And will go down again, and die i' the country. Face. How! to quarrel? Drug. Yes, sir, to carry quarrels, As gallants do; to manage 'em by line. Face. 'Slid, Nab, the doctor is the only man In Christendom for him. He has made a table, With mathematical demonstrations, Touching the art of quarrels: he will give him An instrument to quarrel by. Go, bring 'em both, Him and his sister. And, for thee, with her The doctor happ'ly may persuade. Go to: 'Shalt give his worship a ne\v damask suit Upon the premises. Sub. 0, good captain! Face. He shall; He is the honestest fellow, doctor. Stay not, No offers; bring the damask, and the parties. Drug. I'll try my power, sir. Face. And thy \vill too, Nab. Sub. 'Tis good tobacco, this! What is't an ounce? Face. He'll send you a pound, doctor. Sub. 0 no. Face. He will do't. It is the gooclest soul !-Abel, about it. Thou shalt know more anon. A way, be gone. [Exit ABEL.] A miserable rogue, and lives with cheese, And has the worms. That was the cause, indeed, Why he came now: he dealt with me in private, To get a med'cine for 'em. Sub. And shall, sir. This works. Face. A \vife, a wife for one on us, my dear Subtle! We'll e'en draw lots, and he that fails, shall have The more in goods. 59 1 59 2 BEN JONSON Sub. Faith, best let's see her first, and then determine. Face. Content: but Dol must ha' no breath on't. Sub. Mum. A way you, to your Surly yonder, Gltch him. Face. Pray God I ha' not staid too long. Sub. I fear it. [Exeunt.] ACT III SCENE I. [The lane before LovetIJit's house] Enter TRIBULATION WHOLESO IE and ANANIAS Tri. These chastisements are common to the saints, And such rebukes we of the separation Must bear with willing shoulders, as the trials Sent forth to tempt our frailties. Ana. In pure zeal, I do not like the man; he is a heathen, And speaks the language of Canaan, truly. T ri. I think him a profane person indeed. Ana. He bears The visible mark of the beast in his forehead. And for his stone, it is a \vork of darkness, l\nd \vith philosophy blinds the eyes of man. Tri. Good brother, we must bend unto all means, That may give furtherance to the holy cause. Ana. Which his cannot: the sanctified cause Should have a sanctified course. Tri. Not always necessary: The children of perdition are oft times Made instruments even of the greatest \vorks. Beside, we should give somewhat to man's nature, The place he lives in, still about the fire, .A.nd fume of metals, that intoxicate The brain of man, and make him prone to passion. Where have you greater atheists than your cooks? Or more profane, or choleric, than your glass-men? More anti-Christian than your bell-founders? THE ALCHEMIST 593 What makes the devil so devilish, I would ask you, Sathan, our common enemy, but his being Perpetually about the fire, and boiling Brimstone and arsenic? We must give, I say, Unto the motives, and the stirrers up Of humours in the blood. It may be so, When as the work is done, the stone is made, This heat of his may turn into a zeal, And stand up for the beauteous discipline Against the menstruous cloth and rag of Rome. We must a wait his calling, and the coming Of the good spirit. You did fault, t' upbraid him With the brethren's blessing of Heidelberg, weighing What need we have to hasten on the work, For the restoring of the silenc'd saints/ Which ne'er will be but by the philosopher's stone. And so a learned elder, one of Scotland, Assur'd me; aurum potabile being The only med'cine for the civil magistrate, T' incline him to a feeling of the cause; And must be daily us'd in the disease. Ana. I have not edified more, truly, by man; Not since the beautiful light first shone on me: And I am sad my zeal hath so offended. T ri. Let us call on him then. Ana. The motion's good, And of the spirit; I will knock first. [Knocks.] Peace be within! [The door is opened, and they enter.] SCENE II. [A room in Lovewit's house] Enter SUBTLE, followed hy TRIBULATION and ANANIAS Sub. 0, are you come? 'T\vas time. Your threescore minutes Were at last thread, you see; and do\vn had gone Put'nus acediæ, turris circtllatorius: Limbec, bolt's-head, retort, and pelican 1 Non-conformist ministers not allowed to preach, 594 BEN JONSON Had all been cinders. Wicked Ananias! Art thou return'd? Nay, then it goes down yet. T ri. Sir, be appeased; he is come to humble Himself in spirit, and to ask your patience, If too much zeal hath carried him aside F rom the due path. Sub. Why, this doth qualify! Tri. The brethren had no purpose, verily, To give you the least grievance; but are ready To lend their willing hands to any project The spirit and you direct. Sub. This qualifies more! Tri. And for the orphans' goods, let them be valu'd, Or what is needful else to the holy work, It shall be numb' red ; here, by me, the saints Throw down their purse before you. Sub. This qualifies most! Why, thus it should be, now you understand. Have I discours'd so unto you of our stone, And of the good that it shall bring your cause? Show'd you (beside the main of hiring forces Abroad, drawing the Hollanders, your friends, From the Indies, to serve you, with all their fleet) That even the med' cinal use shall make you a faction, And party in the realm? As, put the case, That some great man in state, he have the gout, Why, you but send three drops of your elixir, You help him straight: there you have made a friend. Another has the palsy or the dropsy, He takes of your incombustible stuff, He's young again: there you have made a friend. A lady that is past the feat of body, Though not of mind, and hath her face decay'd Beyond all cure of paintings, you restore,. With the oil of talc: there you have made a friend; And all her friends. A lord that is a leper, A knight that has the bone-ache, or a squire THE ALCHEMIST 595 That hath both these, you make' em smooth and sound, With a bare fricace l of your med'cine: still You increase your friends. Tri. Ay, 'tis very pregnant. Sub. And then the turning of this lawyer's pewter To plate at Christmas- Ana. Christ-tide, I pray you. Sub. Yet, Ananiasl Ana. I have done. Sub. Or changing His parceF gilt to massy gold. You cannot But raise you friends. Withal, to be of power To pay an army in the field, to buy The King of France out of his realms, or Spain Out of his Indies. What can you not do Against lords spiritual or temporal, That shall oppone 3 you? T ri. V eriI y, 'tis true. We may be temporal lords ourselves, I take it. Sub. You may be anything, and leave off to make Long-winded exercises; or suck up Your ha! and hum! in a tune. I not deny, But such as are not graced in a state, May, for their ends, be adverse in religion, And get a tune to call the flock together: For, to say sooth, a tune does much with women And other phlegmatic people; it is your bell. Ana. Bells are profane; a tune may be religious. Sub. No warning with you? Then fare\vell my patience. 'Slight, it shall down; I will not be thus tortur'd. T ri. I pray you, sir. Sub. All shall perish. I have spoke it. Tri. Let me find grace, sir, in your eyes; the man He stands corrected: neither did his zeal, But as your self, allo\v a tune some\vhere. Which now, being to\v'rd" the stone, \ve shall not need. 1 Rubbing. 2 Partly. 3 Oppose. 4 Near possession of. 596 BEN JONSON Sub. No, nor your holy vizard,5 to win widows To give you legacies; or make zealous wives To rob their husbands for the common cause: Nor take the start of bonds broke but one day, And say they were forfeited by providence. Nor shall you need o'er night to eat huge meals, To celebrate your next day's fast the better; The whilst the brethren and the sisters humbled, Abate the stiffness of the flesh. Nor cast Before your hungry hearers scrupulous bones;6 As whether a Christian may ha\vk or hunt, Or whether matrons of the holy assembly May lay their hair out, or wear doublets, Or have that idol, starch, about their linen. Ana. It is indeed an idol. Tri. Mind him not, sir. I do command thee, spirit (of zeal, but trouble), To peace within him! Pray you, sir, go on. Sub. Nor shall you need to libel 'gainst the prelates, And shorten so your ears 7 against the hearing Of the next wire-drawn grace. Nor of necessity Rail against plays, to please the alderman Whose daily custard you devour; nor lie With zealous rage till you are hoarse. Not one Of these so singular arts. Nor call yourselves By names of Tribulation, Persecution, Restraint, Long-patience, and such like, affected By the whole family or wood 8 of you, Only for glory, and to catch the ear Of the disciple. Tri. Truly, sir, they are Ways that the godly brethren have invented, For propagation of the glorious cause, As very notable means, and whereby also Themselves gro\v soon, and profitably famous. 5 Set expression of face. S The dry bones of discussion on such scruples. 7 Have your ears cut off in the pillory. 8 Assembly. THE ALCHEMIST 597 Sub. 0, but the stone, all's idle to'r! Nothing I The art of angels, nature's miracle, The divine secret that doth fly in clouds From east to west: and whose tradition Is not from men, but spirits. Ana. I hate traditions; I do not trust them- Tri. Peace! Ana. They are popish all. I will not peace: I will not- T ri. Ananias! Ana. Please the profane, to grieve the godly; I may not. Sub. Well, Ananias, thou shalt overcome. T ri. It is an ignorant zeal that haunts him, sir: But truly else a very faithful brother, A botcher,9 and a man by revelation That hath a competent knowledge of the truth. Sub. Has he a competent sum there i' the bag To buy the goods within? I am made guardian, And must, for charity and conscience' sake, Now see the most be made for my poor orphan; Though I desire the brethren, too, good gainers: There they are within. When you have vie\v'd and bought 'em, And ta'en the inventory of what they are, They are ready for projection; there's no more To do: cast on the med'cine, so much silver As there is tin there, so much gold as brass, I'll gi' it you in by weight. Tri. But ho\v long time, Sir, must the saints expect yet? Sub. Let me see, How's the moon no\v? Eight, nine, ten days hence, He will be silver potate; then three days Before he citronise. 10 Some fifteen days, The magisterium ll will be perfected. 9 Tailor. But the term was used generally of Puritans. 10 Become the color of citron-a stage in the process of producing the stone. 11 Full accomplishment. 598 BEN JONSON Ana. About the second day of the third week, In the ninth month? Sub. Yes, my good Ananias. T ri. What will the orphans' goods arise to, think you? Sub. Some hundred marks, as much as fill'd three cars, Unladed now: you'll make six millions of ' em- But I must ha' more coals laid in. Tri. How? Sub. Another load, And then we ha' finish'd. We must now increase Our fire to ignis ardens ;12 we are past Fimus equinus, balnei, cineris}3 And all those lenter 14 heats. If the holy purse Should with this draught fall low, and that the saints Do need a present sum, I have a trick To melt the pewter, you shall buy now instantly, And with a tincture make 'you as good Dutch dollars As any are in Holland. Tri. Can you so? Sub. Ay, and shall bide the third examination. Ana. It will be joyful tidings to the brethren. Sub. But you must carry it secret. Tri. Ay; but stay, This act of coining, is it lawful? Ana. Lawful! We know no magistrate: or, if we did, This is foreign coin. Sub. It is no coining, sir. It is but casting. Tri. Hal you distinguish well: Casting of money may be lawful. Ana. 'Tis, sir. Tri. Truly, I take it so. Sub. There is no scruple, Sir, to be made of it; believe Ananias: This case of conscience he is studied in. 12 Fiery heat. 13 Heat from horse-dung, warm bath, ashes. 14 Milder. THE ALCHEMIST 599 Tri. I'll make a question of it to the brethren. Ana. The brethren shall approve it lawful, doubt not. Where shall it be done? Sub. For that we'll talk anon. Knock without. There's some to speak with me. Go in, I pray you, And view the parcels. That's the inventory. I'll come to you straight. [Exeunt TRIB. and ANA.] Who is it?- Face! appear. SCENE III. [The same] SUBTLE. [Enter] FACE [in his uniform] How now! good prize? Face. G<>od pox! Yond' costive cheater Never came on. Sub. How then? Face. I ha' walk'd the round Till now, and no such thing. Sub. And ha' you quit him? Face. Quit him! An hell \vould quit him too, he were happy. 'Slight! would you have me stalk like a mill-jade, All day, for one that will not yield us grains? I know him of old. Sub. 0, but to ha' gull'd him, Had been a mastery. Face. Let him go, black boy! And turn thee, that some fresh news may possess thee. A noble count, a don of Spain (my dear Delicious compeer, and my partyl-bawd), Who is come hither private for his conscience And brought munition with him, six great slops,! Bigger than three Dutch hoys,3 beside round trunks,' Furnish'd \vith pistolets,5 and pieces of eight,6 Will straight be here, my rogue, to have thy bath, (That is the colour,7) and to make his battery 1 Partner. 2 Large breeches. 3 Ships. 4 Trunk hose. 5 A Spanish gold coin worth about I6sh. 8d. 6 A coin worth about 4sh. 6d. 7 Pretext. 600 BEN JONSON Upon our Dol, our castle, our cinq ueport, Our Dover pier, our what thou wilt. Where is she? She must prepare perfumes, delicate linen, The bath in chief, a banquet, and her wit, Where is the doxy? Sub. I'll send her to thee: And but despatch my brace of little John Leydens,8 And come again myself. Face. Are they within then? Sub. Numbering the sum. Face. How much? Sub. A hundred marks, boy. [Exit.] Face. Why, this is a lucky day. Ten pounds of Mammon! Three 0' my clerk! A portague 0' my grocer! This 0' the brethren! Beside reversions And states to come, i' the widow, and my count! My share to-day will not be bought for forty- [Enter DOL] Dol. What? Face. Pounds, dainty Dorothy! Art thou so near? Dol. Yes; say, lord general, how fares our camp? Face. As with the few that had entrench'd themselves Safe, by their discipline, against a world, Dol, And laugh'd within those trenches, and grew fat With thinking on the booties, Dol, brought in Daily by their small parties. This dear hour, A doughty don is taken with my Dol; And thou mayst make his ransom what thou wilt My Dousabel;9 he shall be brought here fetter'd With thy fair looks, before he sees thee; and thrown In a down-bed, as dark as any dungeon; Where thou shalt keep him waking \vith thy drum; Thy drum, my Dol, thy drum; till he be tame As the poor blackbirds were i' the great frost, 8 Puritans, from the name of the Anabaptist leader. 91. e., douce et belle; sweetheart. THE ALCHEMIST Or bees are with a bason; and so hive him l' the swan-skin coverlid and cambric sheets, Till he work honey and wax, my little God's-gift.lO Dol. What is he, general? Face. An adalantado,Il A grandee, girl. Was not my Dapper here yet? Dol. No. Face. Nor my Drugger? Dol. Neither. Face. A pox on 'em, They are so long a furnishing! such stinkards VV ould not be seen upon these festival days.- [Re-enter SUBTLE] How now! ha' you done? Sub. Done. They are gone: the sum Is here in bank, my Face. I would we kne\v Another chapman who would buy 'em outright. Face. 'Slid, Nab shall do't against he ha' the wido\v, To furnish household. Sub. Excellent, \vell thought on: Pray God he come. Face. I pray he keep a\vay Till our ne\v business be o'erpast. Sub. But, Face, Ho\v camst thou by this secret don? A Brought me th' intelligence in a paper here, As I was conjuring yonder in my circle For Surly; I ha' my flies 12 abroad. Your bath Is famous, Subtle, by my means. Sweet Dol, Tickle him with thy mother tongue. His great VerdugoshipI3 has not a jot of language; So much the easier to be cozen'd, my Dolly. He \vill come here in a hir'd coach, obscure, 10 Referring to the literal meaning of Dorothea. 11 A Spanish governor. 12 Familiars. 13 Verdugo is a Spanish name, but the precise allusion is uncertain. 601 602 BEN JONSON And our own coachman, whom I have sent as guide, No creature else. One knocks. Who's that? Sub. Face. 0 no, not yet this hour. [Exit DOL.] It is not he? Re-enter DOL Sub. Who is't? Dol. Dapper, Your clerk. Face. God's will then, Queen of Fairy, On with your tire; [Exit DOL.] and, doctor, with your robes. Let's despatch him for God's sake. Sub. 'Twill be long. Face. I warrant you, take but the cues I give you, It shall be brief enough. [Goes to the tlJindotv.] 'Slight, here are more! Abel, and I think the angry boy, the heir, That fain would quarrel. Sub. And the \vidow? Face. No, Not that I see. Away! [Exit SUB.] SCENE IV. [The same] FACE. [Enter] DAPPER Face. 0, sir, you are welcome. The doctor is within a moving for you; I have had the most ado to win him to it!- He s\vears you'll be the darling 0' the dice: He never heard her highness dote till now. l Your aunt has giv'n you the most gracious words That can be thought on. Dap. Shall I see her grace? Face. See her, and kiss her too.- I Folio adds (he says). THE ALCHEMIST [Enter ABEL, followed by KASTRIL] What, honest Nab! Hast brought the damask? Nab. No, sir; here's tobacco. Face. 'Tis well done, Nab; thou'lt bring the damask too? Drug. Yes. Here's the gentleman, captain, Master Kastril, I have brought to see the doctor. Face. Where's the widow? Drug. Sir, as he likes, his sister, he says, shall come. Face. 0, is it so? Good time. Is your name Kastril, sir? Kas. Ay, and the best of the Kastrils, I'd be sorry else, By fifteen hundred a year. 2 Where is this doctor? My mad tobacco-boy here tells me of one That can do things. Has he any skill? Fa Wherein, sir? Kas. To carry a business, manage a quarrel fairly, Upon fit terms. Face. It seems, sir, you're but young About the town, that can make that a question. Kas. Sir, not so young but I have heard some speech Of the angry boys,3 and seen 'em take tobacco; And in his shop; and I can take it too. And I would fain be one of 'em, and go down And practice i' the country. Face. Sir, for the duello, The doctor, I assure you, shall inform you, To the least shadow of a hair; and show you An instrument he has of his own making, Wherewith, no sooner shall you make report Of any quarrel, but he will take the height on't Most instantly, and tell in what degree Of safety it lies in, or mortality. And how it may be borne, whether in a right line, Or a half circle; or may else be cast 21. ., he is it ,500 a year richer than any other of the Kastrih. 3 Roysterers, young bloods. 60 3 60 4 BEN JONSON Into an angle blunt, if not acute: And this he will demonstrate. And then, rules To give and take the lie by. Kas. How! to take it? Face. Yes, in oblique he'll show you, or in circle;4 But never in diameter. 5 The whole to\vn Study his theorems, and dispute them ordinarily At the eating academies. Kas. But does he teach Li ving by the wits too? Face. Anything \vhatever. You cannot think that subtlety but he reads it. He made me a captain. I was a stark pimp, Just 0' your standing, 'fore I met with him; It's not two months since. I'll tell you his method: First, he will enter you at some ordinary. Kas. No, I'll not come there: you shall pardon me. Face. For why, sir? Kas . There's gaming there, and tricks. Face. Why, would you be A gallant, and not game? Kas. Ay, 'twill spend a man. Face. Spend you! It will repair you when you are spent. How do they live by their wits there, that have vented Six times your fortunes? Kas. What, three thousand a year! Face. A y, forty thousand. Kas. Are there such? Face. Ay, sir, And gallants yet. Here's a young gentleman Is born to nothing,-[ Points to DAPPER.] forty marks a year Which I count nothing :-he is to be initiated, And have a fly 0' the doctor. He will win you By unresistible luck, within this fortnight, Enough to buy a barony. They will set him 4 The lie circumstantial. 5 The lie direct. THE ALCHEMIST Upmost, at the groom porter's,6 all the Christmas: And for the whole year through at every place Where there is play, present him with the chair, The best attendance, the best drink, sometimes Two glasses of Canary, and pay nothing; The purest linen and the sharpest knife, The partridge next his trencher: and somewhere The dainty bed, in private, with the d inty. You shall ha' your ordinaries bid for him, As playhouses for a poet; and the master Pray him aloud to name what dish he affects, Which must be butter'd shrimps: and those that drink To no mouth else, will drink to his, as being The goodly president mouth of all the board. Kas. Do you not gull one? Face. 'Ods my life! Do you think it? You shall have a cast commander, (can but get In credit with a glover, or a spurrier, For some two pair of either's ware aforehand,) Will, by most swift posts, dealing [but] with him, Arrive at competent means to keep himself, His punk, and naked boy, in excellent fashion, And be admir'd for't. Kas. Will the doctor teach this? Face. He will do more, sir: when your land is gone, (As men of spirit hate to keep earth long), In a vacation,7 when small money is stirring, And ordinaries suspended till the term, He'll show a perspective,8 where on one side You shall behold the faces and the persons Of all sufficient young heirs in town, Whose bonds are current for commodity;9 On th' other side, the merchants' forms, and others, 6 An officer of the royal household, having charge of the cards, dice, etc. He had the privilege of keeping open table at Christmas. 7 Of the law-courts. 8 A magic glass. 9 The reference is to the ucommodity" fraud, in which a borrower was obliged to take part of a loan in merchandise, which the lender frequently bought back by agents for much less than it represented in the loan. 60 5 606 BEN JONSON That without help of any second broker, Who would expect a share, will trust such parcels: In the third square, the very street and sign Where the commodity dwells, and does but wait To be deliver'd, be it pepper, soap, Hops, or tobacco, oatmeal, woad,lO or cheeses. All which you may so handle, to enjoy To your own use, and never stand oblig'd. Kas. I' faith! is he such a fellow? Face. Why, Nab here knows him. And then for making matches for rich widows, Young gentlewomen, heirs, the fortunat'st man! He's sent to, far and near, all over England, To have his counsel, and to know their fortunes. Kas. God's will, my suster shall see him. Face. I'll tell you, sir, What he did tell me of Nab. It's a strange thing- (By the way, you must eat no cheese, Nab, it breeds melancholy, And that same melancholy breeds worms) but pass it:- He told me, honest Nab here was ne'er at tavern But once in's life. Drug. Truth, and no more I was not. Face. And then he was so sick- Drug. Face. How should I know it? Drug. In troth, we had been a shooting, And had a piece of fat ram-mutton to supper, That lay so heavy 0' my stomach- Face. And he has no head To bear any wine; for what \vith the noise 0' the fiddlers, And care of his shop, for he dares keep no servants- Drug. My head did so ache-- Face. And he was fain to be brought home, The doctor told me: and then a good old woman- Drug. Yes, faith, she d\vells in Seacoal-Iane,-did cure me, With sodden ale, and pellitoryll 0' the wall; 10 A plant used for a dye. 11 A herb. Could he tell vou that too? J Cost me but t\vopence. I had another sickness Was worse than that. Face. Ay, that was with the grief Thou took'st for being cess'd 12 at eighteenpence, For the waterwork. Drug. In truth, and it was like T' have cost me almost my life. Face. Thy hair went off? Drug. Yes, sir; 'twas done for spite. Face. Nay, so says the doctor. Kas. Pray thee, tobacco-boy, go fetch my suster; I'll see this learned boy before I go; And so shall she. Face. Sir, he is busy now: But if you have a sister to fetch hither, Perhaps your own pains may command her sooner; And he by that time will be free. Kas. I go. [Exit. ] Face. Drugger, she's thine: the damask!-[Exit ABEL.] Subtle and I Must wrastle for her. [Aside.] Come on, Master Dapper, You see how I turn clients here away, To give your cause dispatch; ha' you perform'd The ceremonies were enjoin'd you? Dap. And the clean shirt. Face. 'Tis well: that shirt may do you More worship than you .think. Your aunt's a-fire, But that she will not show it, t' have a sight of you. Ha' you provided for her grace's servants? Dap. Yes, here are six score Edward shillings. Face. Dap. And an old Harry's sovereign. Face. Very good! Dap. And three James shillings, and an Elizabeth groat, Just twenty nobles. 13 Face. THE ALCHEMIST Yes, 0' the vinegar, Good! 0, you are too just. 12 Assessed, taxed. 13 A noble was worth 6sh. 8d. 60 7 608 BEN JONSON I would you had had the other noble in Maries. Dap. I have some Philip and Maries. Face. A y, those same Are best of all: where are they? Hark, the doctor. SCENE V. [The same] FACE, DAPPER. Enter SUBTLE, disguised like a priest of Fairy [with a strip of cloth] Sub. [in a fez'gned voice.] Is yet her grace's cousin come? Face. He is come. Sub. And is he fasting? Face. Yes. Sub. And hath cried hum? Face. Thrice, you must answer. Dap. Thrice. Sub. And as oft buz? Face. If you have, say. Dap. I have. Sub. Then, to her cuz, Hoping that he hath vinegar'd his senses, As he was bid, the Fairy queen dispenses, By me, this robe, the petticoat of fortune; Which that he straight put on, she doth importune. And though to fortune near be her petticoat, Yet nearer is her smock, the queen doth note: And therefore, even of that a piece she hath sent, Which, being a child, to wrap him in was rent; And prays him for a scarf he now will wear it, With as much love as then her grace did tear it, About his eyes, They blind him with the rag, to show he is for- tunate. And, trusting unto her to make his state, He'll throwaway all worldly pelf about him; Which that he will perform, she doth not doubt him. Face. She need not doubt him, sir. Alas, he has nothing But what he will part withal as willingly, THE ALCHEMIST 609 Upon her grace's word-throwaway your purse- As she would ask it :-handkerchiefs and all- She cannot bid that thing but he'll obey.- If you have a ring about you, cast it off, Or a silver seal at your wrist; her grace will send He throws awaYI as they bid him. Her fairies here to search you, therefore deal Directlyl with her highness: if they find That you conceal a mite, you are undone. Dap. Truly, there's all. Face. All what? Dap. My money; truly. Face. Keep nothing that is transitory about you. [Aside to SUBTLE.] Bid Dol play music.-Look, the elves are come. [Dol. plays on the cittern within. To pinch you, if you tell not truth. Advise you. [T hey pinch him.] Dap. 01 I have a paper with a spur-ryal 2 in't. Face. Ti l tie They knew't, they say. Sub. Ti l til ti l tie He has more yet. Face. Ti, ti-ti-ti. I' the other pocket? Sub. Titi, titi, titi, titi, titi. They must pinch him or he will never confess, they say. [They pinch him again. Dap. 0, 01 Face. Nay, pray you, hold: he is her grace's nephew, Ti, ti, ti? What care you? good faith, you shall care.- Deal plainly, sir, and shame the fairies. Show You are innocent. Dap. By this good light, I ha' nothing. Sub. Ti, ti, ti, ti, to, ta. He does equivocate she says: Ti, ti do ti, ti ti do, ti da; and swears by the light when he is blinded. Dap. By this good dark, I ha' nothing but a half-crown Of gold about my wrist, that my love gave me; And a leaden heart I wore sin' she forsook me. 1 Uprightly. 2 A gold coin worth I5sh. 610 BEN JONSON Face. I thought 'twas something. And would you incur Your aunt's displeasure for these trifles? Come, I had rather you had thrown away twenty half-crowns. [Takes it off.] You may wear your leaden heart still.- [Enter DOL hastily] How now! Sub. What news, Dol? Dol. Yonder's your knight, Sir Mammon. Face. 'Ods lid, we never thought of him till now! Where is he? Dol. Here hard by. He's at the door. Sub. And you are not ready nowl Dol, get his suit. [Exit DOL.] He must not be sent back. Face. 0, by no means. What shall we do with this same puflin 3 here, Now he's on the spit? Sub. Why, lay him back awhile, With some device. [Re-enter DOL with FACE'S clothes] - T i, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, Would her grace speak with me? I come.-Help, Doll Knocking without. Face. [speaks through the keyhole.]-Who's there? Sir Epicure, My master's i' the way. Please you to walk Three or four turns, but till his back be turn'd, And I am for you.-Quickly, Doll Sub. Her grace Commends her kindly to you, Master Dapper. Dap. I long to see her grace. Sub. She now is set At dinner in her bed, and she has sent you From her own private trencher, a dead mouse, And a piece of gingerbread, to be merry withal, 3 A sort of gull. THE ALCHEMIST And stay your stomach, lest you faint with fasting: Yet if you could hold out till she sa\v you, she says, It would be better for you. Face. Sir, he shall Hold out, an 'twere this two hours, for her highness; I can assure you that. We will not lose All we ha' done.- Sub. To anybody, till then. Face. A stay in's mouth. Sub. Of what? Face. Of gingerbread. Make you it fit. He that hath pleas'd her grace Thus far, shall not now crinkle 4 for a little.- Gape, sir, and let him fit you. [They thrust a gag of gingerbread into his mouth.] "There shall we now 611 He must not see, nor speak For that we'll put, sir, Sub. Bestow him? Dol. I' the privy. Sub. Come along, sir, I must now show you Fortune's privy lodgings. Face. Are they perfum'd, and his bath ready? Sub. Only the fumigation's somewhat strong. Face. [speaking through the keyhole.] Sir Epicure, I am yours, sir, by and by. [Exeunt with DAPPER.] All: ACT IV SCENE I. [A room in Lovewit's house] Enter FACE and MAMMON Face. 0, sir, you're come i' the only finest time.- Mam. Where's master? Face. Now preparing for projection, sir. 4 Turn aside from his purpose. 612 BEN JONSON Your stuff will be all chang'd shortly. Ma1n. Into gold? Face. To gold and silver, sir. Mam. Silver I care not for. Face. Yes, sir, a little to give beggars. M am. Where's the lady? Face. At hand here. I ha' told her such brave things 0' you, Touching your bounty and your noble spirit- Ma1n. Hast thou? Face. As she is almost in her fit to see you. But, good sir, no divinity i' your conference, For fear of putting her in rage.- M am. I warrant thee. Face. Six men [sir] will not hold her down. And then, If the old man should hear or see you- Mam. Fear not. Face. The very house, sir, would run mad. You know it, How scrupulous he is, and violent, 'Gainst the least act of sin. Physic or m1thematics, Poetry, state/ or bawdry, as I told you, She will endure, and never startle; but No word of controversy. Mam. I am school'd, good Wltn. Face. And you must praise her house, remember that, And her nobility. M am. Let me alone: No herald, no, nor antiquary, Lungs, Shall do it better. Go. Face. [Aside.] Why, this is yet A kind of modern happiness,2 to have Dol Common for a great lady. [Exit. ] Mam. Now, Epicure, Heighten thyself, talk to her all in gold; Rain her as many showers as Jove did drops Unto his Danaë; show the god a miser, Compar'd with Mammon. What! the stone will do't. 1 Politics. 2 Up-to-date appropriateness. THE ALCHEMIST She shall feel gold, taste gold, hear gold, sleep gold; Nay, we will concumbere gold: I will be puissant, And mighty in my talk to her.- [Re-enter FACE with DOL richly dressed] Here she comes. Face. To him, Dol, suckle him. This is the noble knight I told your ladyship- Mam. Madam, with your pardon, I kiss your vesture. Dol. Sir, I were uncivil If I would suffer that; my lip to you, sir. Mam. I hope my lord your brother be in health, lady. Dol. My lord my brother is, though I no lady, sir. Face. [Aside.] Well said, my Guinea bird. Mam. Right noble madam- Face. [Aside.] 0, we shall have most fierce idolatry. Mam. 'Tis your prerogative. Dol. Rather your courtesy. Mam. Were there nought else t' enlarge your virtues to me, These answers speak your breeding and your blood. Dol. Blood we boast none, sir; a poor baron's daughter. Mam. Poor! and gat you? Profane not. Had your father Slept all the happy remnant of his life After that act, lien but there still, and panted, He'd done enough to make himself, his issue, And his posterity noble. Dol. Sir, although We may be said to want the gilt and trappings, The dress of honour, yet we strive to keep The seeds and the materials. Mam. I do see The old ingredient, virtue, was not lost, Nor the drug money us'd to make your compound. There is a strange nobility i' your eye, This lip, that chin! Methinks you do resemble One 0' the A ustriac princes. 61 3 61 4 BEN JONSON Face. [ Aside. ] Very like! Her father was an Irish costermonger. Mam. The house of Valois just had such a nose, And such a forehead yet the Medici Of Florence boast. Dol. To all these princes. Face. [Aside.] I'll be sworn, I heard it. Mam. I know not how! it is not anyone, But e'en the very choice of all their features. Face. [Aside.] I'll in, and laugh. Mam. That sparkles a divinity beyond An earthly beauty! Dol. 0, you play the courtier. Mam. Good lady, gi' me leave- Dol. To mock me, sir. Mam. To burn i' this sweet flame; The phænix never knew a nobler death. Dol. Nay, now you court the courtier, and destroy What you would build. This art, sir, i' your words, Calls your whole faith in question. Mam. By my soul- Dol. Nay, oaths are made 0' the same air, sir. Mam. Never bestow'd upon mortality A more unblam'd, a more harmonious feature; She play'd the step-dame in all faces else: Sweet madam, Ie' me be particular- Dol. Particular, sir! I pray you know your distance. Mam. In no ill sense, sweet lady; but to ask How your fair graces pass the hours? I see You're lodg'd here, in the house of a rare man, An excellent artist; but what's that to you? Dol. Yes, sir; I study here the mathematics, And distillation. Troth, and I have been lik'ned [ Exit. ] A certain touch, or air, In faith, I may not, Nature THE ALCHEMIST 6 I 5 Mam. 0, I cry your pardon. He's a divine Instructor! can extract The souls of all things by his art; call all The virtues, and the miracles of the sun, Into a temperate furnacc; teach dull nature What her own forces are. A man, the emp'ror Has courted above Kelly;3 sent his medals And chains, t' invite him. Dol. Ay, and for his physic, sir- Mam. Above the art of Æsculapius, That drew the envy of the thundered I know all this, and more. Dol. Troth, I am taken, sir, Whole with these studies, that contemplate nature. Mam. It is a noble humour; but this form Was not intended to so dark a use. Had you been crooked, foul, of some coarse mould, A cloister had done well; but such a feature That might stand up the glory of a kingdom, To live recluse! is a mere solæcism, Though in a nunnery. It must not be. I muse, my lord your brother will permit it: You should spend half my land first, \vere I he. Does not this diamond better on my finger Than i' the quarry? Dol. Yes. Mam. Why, you are like it. You were created, lady, for the light. Here, you shall wear it; take it, the first pledge Of what I speak, to bind you to believe me. Dol. In chains of adamant? Mam. Yes, the strongest bands. And take a secret too.- Here, by your side, Doth stand this hour the happiest man in Europe. Dol. You are contented, sir? Mam. Nay, in true being, 3 The partner of Dee, the astrologer. 616 BEN JONSON The envy of princes and the fear of states. Dol. Say you so, Sir Epicure? MaIn. Yes, and thou shalt prove it, Daughter of honour. I have cast mine eye Upon thy form, and I will rear this beauty Above all styles. Dol. You mean no treason, sir? Mam. No, I will take away that jealousy. I am the lord of the philosopher's stone, And thou the lady. Dol. How, sir! ha' you that? Mam. I am the master of the mastery.4 This day the good old wretch here 0' the house Has made it for us: now he's at projection. Think therefore thy first wish now, let me hear it; And it shall rain into thy lap, no shower, But floods of gold, whole cataracts, a deluge, To get a nation on thee. Dol. You are pleas'd, sir, To work on the ambition of our sex. Mam. I'm pleas'd the glory of her sex should know, This nook here of the Friars is no climate For her to live obscurely in, to learn Physic and surgery, for the constable's wife Of some odd hundred in Essex; but come forth, And taste the air of palaces; eat, drink The toils of empirics, and their boasted practice; Tincture of pearl, and coral, gold, and amber; Be seen at feasts and triumphs; have it ask'd, What miracle she is; set all the eyes Of court a-fire, like a burning glass, And work them into cinders, when the jewels Of twenty states adorn thee, and the light Strikes out the stars! that, when thy name is mention'd, Queens may look pale; and we but showing our love, Nero's Poppæa may be lost in story! 4 The art of transmutation. THE ALCHEMIST 61 7 Thus will we have it. Dol. I could well consent, sir. But in a monarchy, how will this be? The prince will soon take notice, and both seize You and your stone, it being a wealth unfit For any private subject. Mam. If he knew it. Dol. Yourself do boast it, sir. Mam. To thee, my life. Dol. 0, but beware, sir! You may come to end The remnant of your days in a loath'd prison, By speaking of it. Mam. 'Tis no idle fear. We'll therefore go with all, my girl, and live In a free state, where we will eat our mullets, Sous'd in high-country wines, sup pheasants' eggs, And have our cockles boil'd in silver shells; Our shrimps to swim again, as when they liv'd, In a rare butter made of dolphins' milk, Whose cream does look like opals; and with these Delicate meats set ourselves high for pleasure, And take us down again, and then renew Our youth and strength with drinking the elixir, And so enjoy a perpetuity Of life and lust! And thou shalt ha' thy wardrobe Richer than nature's, still to change thyself, And vary oftener, for thy pride, than she, Or art, her wise and almost-equal servant. [Re-enter FACE] Face. Sir, you are too loud. I hear you every word Into the laboratory. Some fitter place; The garden, or great chamber above. How like you her? Mam. Excellent! Lungs. There's for thee. Face. Good sir, beware, no mention of the rabbins. [Gives him money.] But do you hear? 618 BEN JONSON Mam. We think not on 'em. [Exeunt MAM. and DoL.] Face. 0, it is well, sir.-Subtle! SCENE II. [The same] FACE. [Enter] SUBTLE Dost thou not laugh? Sub. Yes; are they gone? Face. All's clear. Sub. The widow is come. Face. And your quarrelling disciple? Sub. Ay. Face. I must to my captainship again then. Sub. Stay, bring 'em in first. Face. So I meant. What is she? A bonnibel? Sub. I know not. Face. We'll draw lots: You'll stand to that? Sub. What else? Face. 0, for a suit, To fall now like a curtain, flap! Sub. To th' door, man. Face. You'll ha' the first kiss, 'cause I am not ready. [Exit.] Sub. Yes, and perhaps hit you through both the nostrils. 1 Face. [within.] Who would you speak with? Kas. [within.] Where's the captain? Face. [within.] Gone, sir, About some business. Kas. [within.] Gone! Face. [ within. ] He'll return straight. But, master doctor, his lieutenant, is here. [Enter KASTRIL, followed by Dame PLIANT] Sub. Come near, my worshipful boy, my terræ liii. That is, my boy of land; make thy approaches: 1 "Put your nose out of joint." THE ALCHEMIST 619 Welcome; I know thy lusts, and thy desires, And I will serve and satisfy 'em. Begin, Charge me from thence, or thence, or in this line; Here is my centre: ground thy quarrel. Kas. You lie. Sub. How, child of wrath and anger! the loud lie? For what, my sudden boy? Kas. Nay, that look you to, I am aforehand. Sub. 0, this is no true grammar, And as ill logic! You must render causes, child, Your first and second intentions, know your canons And your divisions, moods, degrees, and differences, Your predicaments, substance, and accident, Series extern and intern, with their causes, Efficient, material, formal, final, And ha' your elements perfect? Kas. What is this? The angry2 tongue he talks in? Sub. That false precept, Of being aforehand, has deceiv'd a number, And made 'em enter quarrels oftentimes Before they were aware; and afterward, Against their wills. Kas. How must I do then, sir? Sub. I cry this lady mercy; she should first Have been saluted. Kisses her. I do call you lady, Because you are to be one ere 't be long, My soft and buxom widow. Kas. Is she, i' faith? Sub. Yes, or my art is an egregious liar. Kas. How know you? Sub. By inspection on her forehead, And subtlety of her lip, which must be tasted Often to make a judgment. Kisses her again. 'Slight, she melts Like a myrobolane. 3 Here is yet a line, 2 Swaggering. 3 A kind of dried plum, esteemed as a sweetmeat. 620 BEN JONSON In rivo frontis,4 tells me he is no knight. Dame P. What is he then, sir? Sub. Let me see your hand. 0, your linea fortunæ makes it plain; And stella here in monte Veneris. But, most of all, junctura annularis. 5 He is a soldier, or a man of arrt, lady, But shall have some great honour shortly. Dame P. Brother, He's a rare man, believe me! [Re-enter FACE, in his uniform] Kas. Hold your peace. Here comes the t' other rare man.-'Save you, captain. Face. Good Master Kastril! Is this your sister? Kas. Please you to kiss her, and be proud to know her. Face. I shall be proud to know you, lady. Dame P. He calls me lady too. Kas. Ay, peace: I heard it. Face. The count is come. Sub. Face. Sub. Why, you must entertain him. Face. With these the while? Sub. Why, have 'em up, and show 'em Some fustian book, or the dark glass. Face. 'Fore God, She is a delicate dabchick! I must have her. [Exit.] Sub. [Aside.] Must you! Ay, if your fortune will, you must.- Come, sir, the captain will come to us presently: I'll ha' you to my chamber of demonstrations, Where I'll show you both the grammar and logic, And rhetoric of quarrelling; my whole method "Fronta} vein. 5 These are the cant phrases of palmistry. Ay, sir. [Kisses her.] Brother, [ Takes her aside.] Where is he? At the door. What will you do THE ALCHEMIST Drawn out in tables; and my instrument, That hath the several scales upon't, shall make you Able to quarrel at a straw's-breadth by moonlight. And, lady, I'll have you look in a glass, Some half an hour, but to clear your eyesight, Against you see 6 your fortune; which is greater Than I may judge upon the sudden, trust me. 621 [Exeunt.] SCENE III. [ T he same] [Enter ] FACE Face. Where are you, doctor? Sub. [within.] I'll come to you presently. Face. I will ha' this same widow, now I ha' seen her, On any composition. [Enter SUBTLE] Sub. What do you say? Face. Ha' you dispos'd of them? Sub. I ha' sent 'em up. Face. Subtle, in troth, I needs must have this widow. Sub. Is that the matter? Face. Nay, but hear me. & Go If you rebel once, Dol shall know it all: Therefore be quiet, and obey your chance. Face. Nay, thou art so violent now. Do but conceive, Thou art old, and canst not serve- Sub. Who cannot? I? 'Slight, I will serve her with thee, for a- Face. Nay, But understand: I'll gi' you composition. 1 Sub. I will not treat v/ith thee. What! sell my fortune? 'Tis better than my birthright. Do not murmur: Win her, and carry her. If you grumble, Dol Knows it directly. 6 In preparation for seeing. 1 Recompense. 622 BEN JONSON Face. Well, sir, I am silent. Will you go help to fetch in Don in state? Sub. I follow you, sir. We must keep Face in awe, Or he will overlook us like a tyrant. [Re-enter FACE, introducing] SURLY disguised as a Spaniard Brain of a tailor! who comes here? Don John! Sur. Senores, beso Zas manos a vuestras mercedes. z Sub. Stab me; I shall never hold, man. He looks in that deep ruff like a head in a platter, Serv'd in by a short cloak upon two trestles. Face. Or what do you say to a collar of brawn,3 cut down Beneath the souse,4 and wriggled with a knife? Sub. 'Slud, he does look too fat to be a Spaniard. Face. Perhaps some Fleming or some Hollander got him In d'Alva's time; Count Egmont's bastard. Sub. Don, Your scurvy, yellow, Madrid face is welcome. Sur. Gratia. Sub. He speaks out of a fortification. Pray God he ha' no squibs in those deep sets. 5 Sur. Por dios, senores, muy Zinda casa!6 Sub. What says he? Face. Praises the house, I think; I know no more but's action. Sub. Yes, the casal My precious Diego,7 will prove fair enough To cozen you in. Do you mark? You shall Be cozened, Diego. Face. Cozened, do you see, My worthy Donzel,8 cozened. Sur. Entiendo. 9 Sub. Do you intend it? So do we, dear Don. [Exit. ] 2 Spanish. "Gentlemen, 1 kiss your hands." 3 Neck of a boar, or boar's flesh rolled. 4 Ear. S The deep plaits of his ruff. 6 "Gad, sirs, a very pretty house:' 7 Spaniard. Strictly, Spanish for James. 8 Diminutive of Don. 9 "1 understand." THE ALCHEMIST Have you brought pistolets,lO or portagues, My solemn Don? [ to FACE.] Dost thou feel any? Face. feels his pockets. Full. Sub. You shall be emptied, Don, pumped and drawn Dry, as they say. Face. Milked, j n troth, sweet Don. Sub. See all the monsters; the great lion of all, Don. Sur. Con licencia, se puede ver a esta senora?11 Sub. What talks he now? Face. Of the senora. Sub. 0, Don, This is the lioness, which you shall see Also, my Don. Face. 'Slid, Subtle, how shall we do? Sub. For what? Face. Why, Dol's employ'd, yeu kno,,,. Sub. That's true. 'Fore heaven I know not: he must stay, that's all. Face. Stay! that he must not by no means. Sub. Nor ,vhy? Face. Unless you'll mar all. 'Slight, he'll suspect it; And then he will not pay, not half so well. This is a travell'd punk-master, and does know All the delays; a notable hot rascal, And looks already rampant. Sub. 'Sdeath, and Mammon Must not be troubled. Face. Mammonr in no case. Sub. What shall we do then? Face. Think: you must be sudden. 12 Sur. Entiendo que la senora es tan hermosa, que codicio tan a tIer/a, como la bien aventuranza de mi vida. 13 Face. Mi vida! 'Slid, Subtle, he puts me in mind 0' the widow. What dost thou say to dra\v her to't, hat 10 Spanish gold coin, worth about 16sh. 8d. nUIf you please, may I see the lady?" 12 Quick about it. 13 "I understand that the lady is so handsome that I am as eager to see her as the good fortune of my life." 62 3 624 BEN JONSON And tell her 'tis her fortune? All our venture Now lies upon't. It is but one man more, Which on's chance to have her: and beside, There is no maidenhead to be fear'd or lost. What dost thou think on't, Subtle? Sub. Who, I? why- Face. The credit of our house too is engag'd. 14 Sub. You made me an offer for my share erewhile. What wilt thou gi' me, i' faith? Face. 0, by that light I'll not buy now. You know your doom 15 to me. E'en take your lot, obey your chance, sir; win her, And wear her-out for me. Sub. 'Slight, I'll not vvork her then. Face. It is the common cause; therefore bethink you. Dol else must know it, as you said. Sub. I care not. Sur. Senores, porque se tarda tanto?16 Sub. Faith, I am not fit, I am old. Face. That's now no reason, sir. Sur. Puede ser de hacer burla de mi alnor?17 Face. You hear the Don too? by this air I call, And loose the hinges. Dol! Sub. A plague of hell- Face. Will you then do? Sub. You're a terrible rogue! I'll think of this. Will you, sir, call the widovv? Face. Yes, and I'll take her too with all her faults, Now I do think on't better. Sub. With all my heart, sir; Am I discharg'd 0' the lot? Face. As you please. Sub. Hands. [They shake hands.] Face. Remember now, that upon any change, You never claim her. 14 Involved. 15 Agreement. 16 "Sirs, why so long delay?" 17 "Can it be to make sport of my love?" THE ALCHEMIST 625 Sub. Much good joy and health to you, sir, Marry a whore I Fate, let me wed a witch first. Sur. Por estas honradas harha/ 8 - Sub. He swears by his beard. Dispatch, and call the brother too. [Exit FACE.] Sur. T engo duda, senores, que no me hagan alguna traycion. 19 Sub. How, issue on? yes, præsto, senor. Please you Enthratha the chambratha, worthy don: Where if you please the fates, in your hathada, You shall be soak'd, and strok'd and tubb'd and rubb'd, And scrubb'd, and fubb'd,20 dear don, before you go. You shall in faith, my scurvy baboon don, Be curried, claw'd, and flaw'd/ 1 and taw'd,22 indeed. I will the heartlier go about it now, And make the widow a punk so much the sooner, To be reveng'd on this impetuous Face: The quickly doing of it is the grace. [Exeunt SUB. and SURLY.] SCENE IV. [Another room in the same] [Enter] FACE, KASTRIL, and Dame PLIANT Face. Come, lady: I knew the doctor would not leave Till he had found the very nick of her fortune. Kas. To be a countess, say you? [Face.r A Spanish countess, sir. Dame P. Why, is that better than an English countess? Face. Better! 'Slight, make you that a question, lady? Kas. Nay, she is a fool, captain, you must pardon her. Face. Ask from your courtier to your inns-of -court-man, To your mere milliner; they will tell you all, Your Spanish jennet is the best horse; your Spanish Stoop is the best garb;2 your Spanish beard Is the best cut; your Spanish ruffs are the best 18 "By this honored beard- n 19 "I fear, sirs, that you are playing me some trick." 20 Cheated. 21 Cracked. 22 Soaked, like a hide being tanned. 1 Folio gives this line also to Kastril. 2 Bodily carriage. 626 BEN JONSON Wear; your Spanish pavin the best dance; Your Spanish titillation in a glove The best perfume: and for your Spanish pike, And Spanish blade, let your poor captain speak.- Here comes the doctor. [Enter SUBTLE with a paper] Sub. My most honour'd lady, For so I am now to style you, having found By this my scheme,3 you are to undergo An honourable fortune very shortly, What will you say now, if some-- Face. I ha' told her all, sir, And her right worshipful brother h re, that she shall be A countess; do not delay 'em, sir; a Spanish countess. Sub. Still, my scarce-worshipful captain, you can keep No secret! Well, since he has told you, madam, Do you forgive him, and I do. Kas. She shall do that, sir; I'll look to it, 'tis my charge. Sub. Well then: nought rests But that she fit her love now to her fortune. Dame P. Truly I shall never brook a Spaniard. Sub. No? Dame P. Never sin' eighty-eight! could I abide 'em, And that was some three years afore I was born, in truth. Sub. Come, you must love him, or be miserable; Choose which you will. Face. By this good rush, persuade her, She will cry5 strawberries else within this twelve month. Sub. Nay, shads and mackerel, which is worse. Face. Indeed, sir! Kas. God's lid, you shall love him, or I'll kick you. Dame P. Why, I'll do as you will ha' me, brother. 3 Horoscope. 4 I. e., since 15 88 , the year of the "Invincible Armada." 5 Sell on the street. THE ALCHEl\IIST KM. D Or by this hand I'll maul you. Face. Nay, good sir, Be not so fierce. Sub. No, my enraged child; She will be rul'd. What, when she comes to taste The pleasures of a countess! to be courted- Face. And kiss'd, and ruffled! Sub. Ay, behind the hangings. Face. And then come forth in pomp! Sub. And know her state! Face. Of keeping all th' idolaters of the chamber Barer to her, than at their prayers! Sub. Is served Upon the knee! Face. And has her pages, ushers, Footmen, and coaches- Sub. Her six mares- Face. Nay, eight! Sub. To hurry her through London, to th' Exchange,6 Bethlem, 7 the China-houses 8 - Face. Yes, and have The citizens gape at her, and praise her tires,9 And my lord's goose-turd lO bands, that rides with her! Kas. Most brave! By this hand, you are not my suster If you refuse. Dame P. I will not refuse, brother. [Enter SURLY] Sur. Que es esto, senores, que non se venga? Esta tardanza me mata!11 Face. It is the count come: The doctor knew he would be here, by his art. 6 There were shops in the Royal Exchange. 7 The madhouse was often visited for entertainment. S Shops with merchandise from China. 9 Head-dresses. 10 In greenish-yellow liveries. 11 "Why doesn't she come, sirs? This delay is killing me." 62 7 628 BEN JONSON Sub. En gallanta madama, Don! gallantissima! Sur. Por todos los dioses, la mas acahada hermosura, que he visto en ma vidap2 Face. Is't not a gallant language that they speak? Kas. An admirable language! Is't not French? Face. No, Spanish, sir. Kas. It goes like law French, And that, they say, is the court-liest language. Face. List, sir. Sur. El sol ha perdido su lumbre, con el rcsplandor que trae esta damal Valgame dios/ 13 Face. H' admires your sister. Kas. Must not she make curt'sy. Sub. 'Ods will, she must go to him, man, and kiss him! It is the Spanish fashion, for the women To make first court. Face. 'Tis true he tells you, sir: His art knows all. Sur. Porque no se acude?14 Kas. He speaks to her, I think. Face. That he does, sir. Sur. Por el amor de dios, que es esto que se tarda?lS Kas. Nay, see: she will not understand him! Gull, Noddy. Dame P. What say you, brother? Kas. Ass, my suster, Go kuss him, as the cunning man would have you; I'll thrust a pin in your buttocks else. Face. 0 no, sir. Sur. Senora mia, mi persona muy indigna esta allegar a tanta hermosura.1 6 Face. Does he not use her bravely? Kas. Bravely, i' faith! Face. Nay, he will use her better. 12 "By all the gods, the most perfect beauty I have seen in my life!" 13 "The sun has lost his light with the splendor this lady brings, so help me God." 14 "Why don't you draw near?" 15 "For the love of God, why this delay?" 16 "Madam, my person is unworthy to approach such beauty." THE ALCHEMIST 62 9 Kas. Do you think so? Sur. Senora, si sera servida, entremos. 17 [Exit with Dame PLIANT.] Kas. Where does he carry her? Face. Into the garden, sir; Take you no thought: I must interpret for her. Sub. Give Dol the word. [Aside to FACE who goes out.] -Come, my fierce child, advance, We'll to our quarrelling lesson again. Kas. i\greed. I love a Spanish boy with all my heart. Sub. Nay, and by this means, sir, you shall be brother To a great count. Kas. i\y, I knew that at first, This match will advance the house of the Kastrils. Sub. 'Pray God your sister prove but pliant! W Her name is so, by her other husband. Sub. How! Kas. The Widow Pliant. Knew you not that? Sub. No, faith, sir; Yet, by erection of her figure,18 I guess'd it. Come, let's go practise. Kas. Yes, but do you think, doctor, I e'er shall quarrel well? Sub. I warrant you. [ Exeunt.] SCENE V. [Another room in the same] Enter DOL [in her fit of raving, followed by] 11Ar..f ION Dol. For after Alexander's death 1 - Mam. Good lady- Dol. That Perdiccas and Antigonus were slain, The two that stood, Seleuc' and Ptolo1ny- 17 "Madam, at your service, let us go in." 18 By her horoscope, with a pun on her bearing. 1 Dol's ravings are taken almost at random from the headings of columns, preface, etc., of the "Concent of Scripture," by Hugh Broughton. 630 BEN JONSON Mam. Mad am- Dol. Make up the two legs, and the fourth beast, That was Gog-north and Egypt-south: which after Was call'd Go g-iron-Ieg and South-iron-Ieg- Mam. Lady- Dol. And then Gog-horned. So was Egypt, too: Then Egypt-clay-leg, and Gog-clay-Ieg- Mam. Sweet madam- Dol. And last Gog-dust, and Egypt-dust, which fall In the last link of the fourth chain. And tllese Be stars in story, which none see, or look at- M am. What hall I do? Dol. For, as he says, except We call the rabbins, and the heathen Greeks- Mam. Dear lady- Dol. To come from Salem, and from Athens, And teach the people of Great Britain- [Enter FACE hastily, in his servants dress] Face. What's the matter, sir? Dol. To speak the tongue of Eber and Javan- Mam. 0, She's in her fit. Dol. We shall knotlJ nothing- Face. Death, sir, Weare undone! Dol. Where then a learned linguist Shall see the ancient us'd communion Of vowels and consonants- Face. My master will hear! Dol. A wisdom, which Pythagoras held most high- Mam. Sweet honourable lady! Dol. To comprise All sounds of voices, in few rna"ks of letters. Face. Nay, you must never hope to lay her now. They all speak together. THE ALCHEMIST Dol. And so we may arrive by T a/mud .)4kill,2 And profane Greek, to raise the building up Of Helen's Ilouse against the Ismaelite, King of Thogarma, and his habergions Brimstony, blue, and fiery; and the force Of king Abaddon, and the beast of Cz"ttim; Which rabbi David Kimchi, Onkelos, ".' ""-"'.Jdi!-,,r :iben Ezra do z'nterpret Rome. . How did you put her into't? '1. Alas, I talked l fth monarchy I would erect he philosopher's stone, by chance, and she . n the other four straight. "i. Out of Broughton! "; 'ou so. 'Slid, stop her mouth. . Is't best? .\ She'll never leave else. If the old man hear her, ... but fæces, ashes. 1 [withz'n.] What's to do there? ;e 0, we are lost! Now she hears him, she is quiet. 63 1 ;i ::i [Enter SUBTLE;] they run different ways ;t . Where shall I hide me! How! what sight is here? 'eeds of darkness, and that shun the light! tim again. Who is he? What, my son! ,:" e,.l:-d to ,!?, : , . .... . '11