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THE

Lady's New-years Gift :

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ADVICE

T Q	A
DAUGHTER.
Under thde following Heads ; Vi^,
Religion^ Husband^ Houfe and Fa- mily. > Servants^ Bthaviour and Converfationy	'^FriendJhipSy Cenfurdy Vanity ^nd. <AffeUationy Pride. DiverJionSy Dancing..
The third Edition Correlied by the Original*

London, Printed for Matt, Gillyftower in Weftminfier-Hall^ and Jamui VartrUge Sit Char mg-Crofs: i688.-

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LICENSED.

>-|- SlokM#.

ADVERTISEMENT.

THis Bvok being fent to a Scri've^ ner to he Coped eut, the Sen- *vener furreftitioufly took another Co-

it to a Terjon that knew not what to do with it, and ignorant of its worth, he fold it us : We getting a Licence for it, as a Book of an un- known Author f p0t it to the Trefs ; hut finding fucb a multitude of Faults in it^ as hath made us ajhamed and troubled that fo excellent a Tiece (according to the Uniyerfal Judg- ment) jhould be fo mangltd-mndabH^ fed, we have made all the hafie^'^^J^ . could to get the Original Manufcrlbt it felf which the [aid Per [on had^ and Printed this fiew Edition. The "Reader fliall know this right Copy from the ether by the Engraved Fi- gure before the Title.

Matthew Gillyflow^.

James Partridge.

THE

Lady's New- Years Gifc : O R,

ADVICE

T O A

DAUGHTER-

IJSjTRODVCTION.

Dear Daughter^

IFind, that even our moft pleafing Thoughts will be unquiet 5 they will be in B motion k

2 Advice to a Daughter.

motion 5 and the Mind can have no reft whilft it is pof- fefsd by a darling Paflion. Ton are at prefent the chief Objed of my Care , as well as of my Kindmfs ^ which fometimes throweth me in- to Vifions of your being happy in the World, that are better fuited to my partial Wipes , than to my reafona- ble Hopes for you. At other times, when my Fears prevail, I fhrink as if I were ftruck at the profpedUof Danger^ to which a young Woman muft be expos'd. By how much the more Lively , fo much the more Liable you are to be hurt , as the fineft Plants are fooneft nipped by the Frofi. Whilft you are play- ing

INTRODVCTION. 3

ing fall of Innocence, the fpiteful World will bite, ex- cept you are guarded by your Caution. Want of Care therefore, my dear Child, is never to be excused 5 fince, as to this World , it hath the fame efFeft as want of Ver- tue. Such an early fprouting Wit requireth to be fo much the more fheltred by fome Jbiles^ like fomething ftrew'd on tender Flowers to pre- ftrve them from being bla- ftcd. You muft take it well to be prund by fo kind a Hand as that of a Father. There may be fome bitter- nefs in meer Obedience ; The natural Love of Liberty may help to make the Commands of a Parent harder to go B 2 down.

4 Advice to a Daughter.

down. . Some inward refi- ftance there will be, where Power and not Choke ma- keth us move 5 but when a Father layeth afide his Au- thority, and perfuadetli only by his Kindnefs, you will never anfwer it to Good Na- ture, if it hath not weight with you.

A great part of what is faid in the following Dif- courfe may be above the prefent growth of your Un- derftanding 5 but that becom- ing every day taller, will in a little time reach up to it, fo as to make it eafie to you. I am wiUing to begin with you before your Mind is quite form'd, that being the time in which it is moft ca- pable

ItTTRODVCTlON. 5

pable of receiving a Colour that will laft when it is mix'd wiih it. Few things are well learnt, but by early Precepts : Thofe well infus'd, make them NatHrd 5 and we are never fure of retaining what is valuable, till by a continu- al Habit we have made it a Piece of us.

Whether my Skill can draw the Pidure of a fine Wo- man, may be a Queftion ^ but it can be none. That! have drawn that of a kind Father : If you will take an exaft Copy, I will fo far pre- fume upon my Workman(hip, as to undertake you fhall not make an ill Figpire^ Give me fo much Credit as to try, nd I am fure that neither B 3 your

6 Advice to a Daughter.

your Wiflies nor mine fliall be difappointed.

RELIGION.

THe firft thing to be confidered, is Religion : It mufc be the chief Objed cf your Thoughts , fince it would be a vain thing to direft your Behaviour in the World, and forget that which you are to have towards him who made it. In a ftrid fenfe, it is the only thing neceflary : you muft take it into your Mind^ ,and thence throw it' into your Heart , where you are to embrace it

fo

RELIGIOK 7

fo clofe, as never to lofe the Pojejjion of it. ' But then it is neceflary to diftingnifh be- tween the Reality and the Pretence. Religion doth not confift in believing the L#^ gend o? the Nitrfery^ •where Children with their Milk^ are fed with the Tales of Witch- es, Hobgoblins, Prophecies, and Miracles. We fiick in fo greedily thefe early Mi^ flakes^ that our riper llnder- ftanding hath much ado to cleanfe oar Minds ft'om this kind of Traljo : The Stories are i^o entertaining, that we do not only believe them , but relate them 5 which makes the difcovery of the Trnth fomewhat grievous, when it makes us lofe fuch a Field B 4 of

8 Advice to a Daughter.

of Impertinence , where we might have diverted our felves , befides the fhame thrown upon us for having ever receiv'd them. This is making the World a Jeaji^ and imputing to God AfBiighty, That the Province he anign- eth to the Devil, is to play at Blind-mans-bufF, and (hevv Tricks with Mankind ^ and is fo far from being Religio?/^ that it is not Se/ife ^ and hath right only to be caird that kind of Devotion, of which. Ignorance is the undoubted Mother , without competi- tion or difpute. Thefe Mi- ftakes are therefore to be ieft off with your Hanging- lleeves , and you ought to be as much out of counte- nance

RELIGION. 9

nance to be found witji them about you, as to be feen playing with Babies, at an Age when other things are expe- ded from you.

The next thing to be ob- ferv'd to you, is , That Re- ligion doth as little confift in loud Anfwers and devout Convulfions at Church , or Praying in an extraordinary manner. Some Ladies are fb extreme ftirring at Churchy one would fwear the Wor/^ in their Confcience made them fo unquiet. Others will have fuch a Divided Face be- tween a DevoHt Goggle and an Inviting Glance , that the unnatural Mixture maketh even their heji Looker to be at that time ridiculous. Thefe B 5 af^

lO Advice t& a Daughter. afFefted, Appearances are ever fufpefted , like very ftrong Perfumes, v^hich are general- ly thought no very good Symptoms in thofe that make ufe of them. Let your ear- neftnefs therefore be referv'd for your Clofet , where you may have God Almighty to your felf : In Puhlkk^ be ftill and calm, neither indecently Carelejs"^ or Affe^ed in the o- ther Extream.

It is not true Devotion, to put on an angry Zeal againft thofe who may be of a di'Jering Perfuafion. Par-- /i^//Yj/ to our felves^ makes us often miftake it for a Dntj^ to fall hard upon others in that cafe ^ and being pulh^d on with Self-cotteeit ^

we

RELIGION. II

we ftrike without mercy, be* lieving that the Womds we give are Meritorious^ and that we are fighting God Al- mighty's Quarrels when the truth is, we are only fecting out our felves. Our Devoti-. ail too often breaketh out into that vShape which moft agreeth with our particular Temper. The Cholcrick^gvow into a hardned Severity a- gainft all who dident from them, fnatch at all the Texts of Scripture that fait wich their Complexion 5 and becaufe God's Wrath was fome time kindled, they conclude, That Anger is a Divine Vertue 5 and are fo far from imagin- ing that their ill-natured Zeal requireth an Apology^ that

they

12 Advice to a Daughter. they value themfelves upon it, 8c triumph in it. Others^ whofe Nature is more Credulous than ordinary, admit no Bounds or Meafiires to it 5 they grow as proud of extending their Fazth^ as Princes are of en- larging their Dominions ^ not confidering, that our Faith^ like our Stomach, is capable of being over-charg'd ^ and that as the Laft is deftroyM by taking in more than it can digeft, fo our Reajbn may be extinguifh'd by oppreffing it with the weight of too many ftrange things 5 efpe- cially if we are forbidden to chew what we are command- ed to fwallow. The Melan- choly and the SuUen are apt to place a great part of their

Religion

RELIGION. 13

Religion in Dejefted and HI- humour'd Looks , putting on an unfociable Face , and de- claiming againft the Innocent Entertainments of Life^ with as much (harpneis as they could beftow upon the great- eft Crimes, This generally is only a Vizard^ there is fel- dom any thing real in it. No other thing is the better for being Sorvre 5 and it would be hard that Religion ftiould be fo , which is the beft of things. In the mean time it may be faid with truth , That this furly kind of Devotion hath per- haps done little lefs hurt in • the World, by frighting, than the moft fcandalous Examples have done by infefting it.

Having

1 4 Advke U a Daughter.

Having told you, in theft few Inftances, to which ma- ny more might have been added, what is not true Re- Ijgion 5. it is time to defcribe to you^ what is (b. The or- dinary Definitions are no more like it, than the com- mon Sign-pofts are like the Princes they would reprefent 5 the unskilful Dciwhers in all A- ges have generally laid on filch ill ColoHrs^2ind drawn fijch harfh Lines^ that the Beauty of it is not eafily to be dif- cover'd : They have put in all the forbidding Features that can be thought of 5 and in the firft place^ have made it an irreconcileable Enemy , to Nature^ when, in reality, they are not? only Friends^

but

RELIGION. 15

but Tvpins^ born together at the fame time 5 and it is do- ing violence to them both, to go about to have them feparated. Nothing is (q kind and fo inviting as true and unfofhijiicated Religion : In ftead of impofing unne- eeflary Burdens upon our Nature^ it eafeth us of the greater weight of our Pajfi- ens and Mijiakes : In ftead of fubduing us with Rigour^ it rcdeemeth us from the SU- very we are in too our felves, who are the moft fevere Ma- fters, whilft we are under the Ufurpation of our Ap^ petites let loofe and unre- ftraind.

Religion is a chearful thing, £b far from being always at

1 6 Advice to a Daughter. Cuffs with Good Humour^ that it is infeparably united to it. Nothing unpleafant be- longs to it, though the Spirr- tual Cooks have done their un- skilful part to give an ill Relijh to it. A wife Epicure would be Religious for the fake of Pleafure : Good Senfe is the Foundation of both 5 and he is a Bungler who aimeth at true Luxury^ but where they are joynd.

Religion is exalted Reafon^ refin d and fifted from the grofler parts of it : It dwel- leth in the upper Region of the Mind^ where there are no Clouds or Mijls to dar- ken or offend it : It is both the Foundation and the Cro5A?^n of all Vertues : it is

Morality

RELIGION. 17

Morality improv d and rais'd to its height, by being car- ried nearer Heaven , the only place where Per- feftion refideth. It cleanfeth the XJnderflanding^ and brufh- eth off the Earth that hang- eth about our Souls, It doth not want the Hopes and the Terrors which are made ufe of to fupport it 5 neither ought it to defcend to the borrowing any Argument out of it felf, fince there we may find every thing that fhould invite us. If we were to be hired to Religion , it is able to out-bid the cor- rupted World , with all it can offer to us, being fo much the Richer of the too in every thing where Reafon is admit- ted

1 8 Advice to a Daughter.

ted to be Judge of the Value. Since this is To , it is worth your pains to make Religion your choice, and not make ufe of it only as a Refuge.

There are Ladies, who finding by the too vifible decay of their good Looks, that they can fhine no more by that Lights put on the Var- njjk of an afFefted Devotion, to keep up fome kind of Fi- gure in the World 5 they take Sanftuary in the C/^/zr^/', where they are putfued by growing Contempt , wnich will not be ftopr, but followeth thjem to the Altm^ : fuch late penitence is only a difguife for the tor- menting grief of being no more handfom. That is the killing thought which draw-

eth

RELIGION. If

eth the fighs and tears, that ap- pear outwardly to be applied to a better end.

There are many who have an^ Agnifl) Devotion^ Hot and Cold Fits, long Intermiffions, and violent Raptures \ this nnevennefs is by all means to be avoided : let your method be a fteady courfe of good Life 5 that may run like a fmooth Stream, and be a per- petual Spring to furnifti to the continued Exercife of Vertue. Your Devotion may be earneft, but it muft be unconftrained 5 and like other Duties, you muft make it your Pleafiire too , or elfe it will have but very Uttle efB- cacy. By this Rule you may beft judge of your own

Heart 3

20 Advice to a Daughter,

Heart. Whilft thefe Duties are Joys^ it is an Evidence of their being fincere ^ but when they are a Penance , it is a fign that your Nature ma- keth fome refiftance 5 and whilft that lafteTE , you can never be entirely fecure of your felf.

If you are often unquiet, and too nearly touch'd by the crofs Accidents of Life^ your Devotion is not of the right Standard^ there is too much Alky in it. That which is right and unmixt , taketh away the 5^i/?g of every thing that would trouble you ; It is like a healing Bdm , that extingufheth the ftiarpnefs of the Blood 5 fo this foftneth and dilTolveth the Angmjh of

the

RELIGION. 21

the Mmd. A devout Mind hath this Privilege , of being free from Pajjion^ as fome CHmates are from all manner of venomous kind of Crea- tures ^ it will raife you above the little Vexations to which others for want of it, will be exposed, and will bring you to a Temper , not of ftupid Indifference^ but of fuch a w'lk Reffgnation^ that you may live in the Worlds fo as it may hang about you like a loofe Garment, and not tied too clofe to you.

Take heed of running into that common Error ^ of apply- ing God's Judgments upon particular Occafions. Our Weights and Meafures are not competent to make the Di- ftribution

2 2 Advice to a Dmghter.

ftribution either of his Mercy or his Juftice : He hath thrown a Veil over thefe things, which makes it not only an Imperti- nence , but a kind of S^cri* lege^ for us to give Sentence in them without his Commif" fion.

As to your particular jF^/Y/6, keep to the Religion that is grown up with you, both as it is the beft in it felf , and that the reafon of ftaying in it upon that Ground is fome- what ftronger for your &x, than it will perhaps be allow'd to be for ours 5 in refped that the Voluminous Enqui- ries into the Truths by Read- ing,^ are lefs expedited from you. The Be/? of Books will be diredtion enough to you

not

RELIGION. 23

not to change 5 and whilft you are fix d and fufficiently confirm'd in your own Mind^ you 1 do beft to keep vain Doubts and Scruples at fuch a diftance, that they may give you no difquiet. Let me re- commend to you a Method of being rightly informed, which can never fail : it is in fliort this : Get Underjland- ing^ and praftife Vertue 5 and if you are fo BleJJedas to have thefe for your Share , it is not furer that there is a God^ than it is, that by him all Necejjary Truths will be re- vealed to you.

HUSBAND.

24 Advice to a Daughter .

HVSBAND.

THAT which challen- geth the next place in your Thoughts, is. How to live with a Husband : And though that is fo large a Word, that few Rules can be fix*d to it which are unchangeable , the Methods being as various as the {kyQY2^.Tempers of Men to which they muft be fuited 5 yet I cannot omit fome Gene- ral Obfervations^ which, with the help of your own, may the better direft you in the part of your Life upon which your Happinefs moft dependeth.

It

HVSBAND. 25 It is one of the Difadvan- tages belonging to your Sex^ that young Women are fel- dom permitted to make their own Choice 5 their Friends Care and Experi- ence are thought fafer Guides to them^ than their own Fan^ cks 5 and their Modefly often forbiddeth them to refufe when their Parents recom- mend, though their inward Confe?2t may not entirely go along with it : In this cafe there rcmaineth nothing for them to do, but to endea- vour to make that eafie which falleth to their Lot^ and by a wife ufe of every thing they may diilike in a Husband , turn that by de- grees to be very fupportablc, C which

2 6 Advice to a Daughter,

which, ifnegLefted, might in time beget an Averfion.

You muft firft lay it down for a Foundation in general, That there is Inequality in the Sexes^ and that for the bet- ter Oeconomy of the World, the Men^ who were to be the Law-givers, had the lar- ger (hare of Reafon beftow'd upon them 5 by which means your Sex is the better pre- pared for the CorrJ^liance that is neceflary for the better perfor- mance of thofe Duties which feemd to be moft properly affignM to it. This looks a little uncourtly at the firft appearance ^ but upon exa- mination it will be ic%\\\di , that Ni?////'c is fo far from be- ing unjuft to you, that lh.e

is

HVSBAND. 27

is partial on your fide : She hath made you fuch large Amends by other Advantages, for the iecming hijuftke of the firft Diftribution , that the Right of Complaining is come over to our Sex 5 you have it in your pov^er not only to free your felves,, but to fubdue your Mailers, and without violence throw both their Natural and Legal Autho- rity at your Feet. We are made of differing Tempers^ that our Defers might be mutually fupplied : Your Sex wanteth our Reafon for your Conduct^ and our Strength for your ProteSion : Ours vvant- cthyour Gentlenefs tofoften, and to entertain us. The firft part of our Life is a good C 2 deal

2 8 Advice to a Daughter.

deal of it fubjefted to you in the Nurfery ^ where you Reign without Competition, and by that means have the advantage of giving the firft Imprejjions 5 afterwards you have ftronger Influences , which, well manag'd , have more force in your behalf, than all our Priviledges and jHrifdi^Jons can pretend to have againft you. You have more ftrength in your Looks , than we have in our Laws 3 and more .power by your Tears , than we have by our Arguments,

It is true, that the Laws of Marriage^ run in a harfher ftile towards your Sex. Obey is an ungentle word, and lefs eafie to be digefted , by ma- king

HVSBAND. 29

king fuch an unkind diftinfti- on in the Words of Contraft, and fo very unfuitable to the excefs of Good Manners^ that generally goes. before' it 5 befides , the univerfality of the Rule feemeth to be a Grievance , and it appeareth reafonable, that there might be an Exemption for extraor- dinary Women, from ordina- ry Rules, to take away the juft Exception that liath a- gainft the falfe meafure of general Equality : it may be a Hedged by the Council re- tained by your Sex, as there is in all other Laws, an Appeal from the Letter to Equity in Cafes that require it. It is as reafonable, that fome Court of a larger Jurifdi&ion mi^ht C 3 "be

50 Advice to a. Daughter.

be erefted, where fome Wives might refort and plead, efpe- cUlly^ and in fuch Inftances, where Nature is fo kind, as to raife them above the level of their own Sex, that they might have Reliefi and ob- tain a Mhigdtion in their own particular, of a Sentence which was given generally againft Woman-ki^d.

The caufes of Separation are now fo very courfe, that few are confident enough to buy their Liberty at the price of having theij Modefty fo Crxpofed, and for difparity of Mifids^ which above all o- ther things requireth a Re- t}iedy^ the haws have made no provijion--^ fo little refin'd are numbers of Men , by

whom

HVSBAND. 51

whom they are compird* This, and a great deal more might be Paid to give a co- lour to this Complaint ^ but the Anfwer is, in fhort, That the InjiitHtion of Marriage is too facred to admit of a Li- herty of Objeliien to it 5 that the Suppofition of your be- ing the weaker Sex, having without all doubt a good Foundation, maketh it rea- fonable to fubjeft it to the Mafculine Dominion ^ that no Rule can be fo perfel^^ as not to admit fome Exceptions 5 but the Law prefumeth there v/ould be fo few found in this Cafe^ who ^ould have a.fufficient Right to fuch a Privilege, that it is fafer fome Injnflice fnould be conmvd C 4 at

52 Advice to a Daughter.

at in a very few Inftances ■> than to break into an Efta- bliftiment , upon which the Order of Humane Society doth fb much depend. You are therefore to make the beft of what is fet led by Law and Cuftom, and not vainly ima- gine, that it will be cha?Tged for your fake. But that you may not be difcouragcd, as if you lay under the weight of an incurable Grievance^ you are to know, that by a wife and dexterous Conduft, it will be in your power to relieve your felf from any thing that looketh like a difadvantage in it. For your better dire- ftion, I will give a hint of the moft ordinary Caufes of Dijfatisfa&ion between Man,

and

HVSBAND. 3?

and Wife, that you may be a- ble by fuch a Warning to live fo upon your Guards that when you {hall be married, you may know how to cure your Hus- band's M/Jlakesj and to prevent your own.

Firft then, you are to con- fider, you live in a time which hath rendred fome kind of Frailties fo habitual, that they lay claim to large Grains of AUovpance. The World in this is fomewhat unequal, and our Sex feem- eth to play the Tyrant^ in di- ftinguifhing partiality for our {elves, by m_aking that in the utmoft degree Criminal in the Woma^n , which in a: Man pa{reth under a much gmtkr Cenfnre, The R.oot. C 5 and

o i^. Adbice^ to a Daughter.

and Excufe of this Injuftice is the Prefervatio^ of Families from any Mixture that may bring a Blemifti to them : Andwhilft the Poij/t of Ha^ 7ioHr continues to be fo plac d^ itfeems unavoidable to give. your Stx the greater fhare of the Penalty. But if in this it lieth under any Difadvan- Uge^ you are more than re- compensed, by having the Honour of Families in your keeping. The Confideration fo great a Truft mull; give you , maketh full amends y .and this Power the World hath lodgM in you, can hard- ly fail to reftrain the Seve- iky of an ill Husband, and to improve the Rindnefs and Eftee^mof a gooclon^. This.

being;

HVSBAND 35

being fo, remember. That next to the danger of com^ mittirrg the Fault your felf, the greateft is that of feei^fg it in your Husband, Do not feem to look or hear that way : If he is a Man of Senfe, he will reclaim him- felf 5 the Folly of it, is of it felf fufficient to cure him: If he is not fo, he will be provok'd, but not reformed. To expoftulate in thcfe Cafes, looketh like declaring War, and preparing for Reprifals 3 which to a thinking Husband would be a dangerous Re- flexion. Befides, it is fo courfe a Reafon which will be af- fignd for a Lady's too great Warmth upon fuch an occa- fioa, thatModefty nolefsthan

Prui.

a 5 Advice to a Daughter.

Prudence ought to reftrain her 5 fince fuch an undecent Complaint makes a Wife much more ridiculous, than the In- jury that provoketh her to it. But it is yet worfe , and more unskilful, to blaze it in the World, expeding it ftiould rife up in Arms to take her part : Whereas fhe will find , it can have no other EfFeft, than that fhe will be ferved up in all Companies , as the reigning Jeaji at that time J and will continue to be the common Entertain- ment , till (he is refcu'd by fome newer Folly that cometh upon the Stage, and driveth her away from it. The Im- pertinence of {uch Methods is fo plain , that it doth not

defervc

HVSBAND. 37

dcferve the Pains of being laid open. Be affur'd , that in thele Cafes your Difcretion 2n6. Silence will be the moft ■prevailing Reproef 5 and an affe&ed Ignorance^ which is fel- dom a Vertue^ is a great one here : And when your Huf- band feedi how unwiUing you are to be uneafie , there is no ftronger Argument to perfvvade him not to be un juft to you. Befides , it will na- turally make him more yield- ing in other things : And whe- ther it be to cover or redeem his Ojfence^ you may have the good EfFeflh of it whilft it lafteth, and all that while have the moft reafonable Ground that can be, of prefu- niing, fuch a Behaviour at

laft

38 Advke t^ a Daughter.

laft will intirely convert him. There is nothing fo glorious to a Wife^ as a Vidory fo gain d : A Man lb reclaim'd, is for e- ver after fubjefted to her Ver- tne'^ and her bearing for a time, is more than rewarded by a Triumph that will con- ti^nue as long as her Life.

The next thing I will fup- pofe, is. That your Husbaad may love Wim more than is convenient. It will be grant- ed. That though there are Vices of a deeper dye, there are none that have greater Deformity than this, when it is not reftrain'd : But with all this, the fame Cuftom which is the more to be la- mented for its being fo gene- ral, fhould make it lefs un-

eafie

HUSBAND. 39

eafie to every one in particu- lar who is to fuffer by the EfFefts of it : So that in the firft place, it will be no new thing if you {houkl have a Drtmkard for your Husband ^ and there is by too frequent Examples evidence enough, that fuch a thing may happen, and yet a Wife may live too without being miferable. Self-love diftateth aggravating words to every thing we feel 3 Ruine and Mjfiry are the Terms v/e apply to whatever w^e do not like, forgetting the Mixture allo-t- ted to us by the Condition of Humane Life, by which it is Hot intended we ftiould be quite exempt from trouble. It is fair, if we can efcape

fuch

40 Advke to a Daughter,

fuch a Degree of it as would opprefs us, and enjoy fb much of the pleafant part as may lefJen the ill tafte of fuch things as are unwelcome to us. Every thing hath two Sides, and for our own ea(e we ought to direft our Thoughts to that which muft be leaft liable to exception^ To fall upon the vporji fide of a Drunkard , giveth fo unpleaftnt a Profpedi: , that it is not poffible to 'dwell upon it. Let us pals then to the more favourable part^ as far as a Wife is concern d in it. I am tempted to fay (if the Irregularity of the Ex- preffion could in ftriftnefi be juftified) That a Wife is to thank God her Husband hath.

Faults,

HVSBAND. 41

Faults. Mark the feeming Pa- radox , my Dear , for your own Inftruftion, it being in- tended no further. A Huf- band without Faults is a dan- gerous Obferver 5 he hath an Eye fo piercing, and feeth eve- ry thing fo plain, that it is ex- posed to his full Cenfure 5 and though I will not doubt but that your Vertue will difap- point the fharpeft Enquiries 5 yet few Women can bear the having all they fay or do re- frefented in the clear Glafs of an Underftanding without Faults. Nothing foftneth the Arrogance of our Nature^ like a Mixture of fome Frai'Mes 5 it is by them we are beft told, that we muft not ftrike too hard upon others, becailfe we

our

42 Advice to a Daughter,

onr fclves do fo often de- ferve Blows : They pull our Rage by the Sleeve, and whil^er Gentlenefs to us in our Cenfures , even when they are rightly applied. The Fmlts and Pajfions of Huf- hands bring them down to 3|E>u, a'nd make them con- tent to live upon left une- qual Terms, than Faultlefs Men would be willing to ftoop to ^ fp haughty is Man- kind till huffibled by com- mon Weaknefies and Defefts, which in our corrupted State contribute more towards the reconciling us to one ano- ther, than all the Precepts of the Ph/lofophers and Z)i- Tjwes'^ fo that where the Errors of our Nature make

amends

HUSBAND. 43 amends for the Difxdvantages of yours, it is more your part to make ufe of the Benefits^ than to quarrel at the Fault.

Thus in cafe a drunh^n Hpishoijd fhould fall to your fhare, if you will be wife and patient^ his Wine ftiall be of your fide 5 it will throw a Veil over your Mi- ftakes, it will fet out and im- prove every thing you do, that he is pleafed with. O- thers will like him lefs, and by that means he may per- haps like you the more ,. when after having dined too well, he is received at home without a Storm^ or fo much as a reproachful Look,^ the Wine will naturally work out all in Kindnefi , whick

a. Wife

44 Advice to a Daughter. a Wife miift encourage, let it be wrapped up in never fo much Impertinence : On the other fide, it would boil up into Rage^ if the miftaken Wife ftiould treat him rough- ly, like a certain thing called a ki?^d Shrew^ than which the World, with all its Plenty, cannot (hew a more Sencelefs, Ill-bred , forbidding Crea- ture. Confider, that where the Man will give fuch fre- quent Intermiffions of the u(e of his Reafon , the Wife infenfibly getteth a Right of Governing in the Vacancy, and that raifeth her Chara&er and Credit in the Family, to a higher pitch than perhaps could be done under a fo- ber Husband^ who never put-

teth

HVSBAND. 45

teth himfelf into an Incapa- city of holding the Reins. If tliefe are not Intire Confolati- ons^ at leaft they are Reme- dies to' fome Degree : They cannot make Drunkenmfs a Fertile , nor a Husband gi- ven to it a Felicity , but you will do your felf no ill of- fice in the endeavouring, by thefenieans, to make the beft of fuch a Lot^ in cafe it fliould happen to be yours, and by the help of a wife Obfervati- on, to make that very fuppor- table, which would otherwife be aLWthat would opprefs you.

The next Ca(e I will put

is. That your Husband may

be Choleriek^ or lU-humourd,

To this it may be faid, „That

pajfwnate

46 Advice to a Daughter,

fajfiomite Men generally make- amends at the Foot of the Account : fach a Man, if he is angry one day without any Senfe^ will the next day be as kind without any Rea- fon 5 fo that by marking how the Wheels of fuch a Mans Head ufe to move, you may eafily bring over all his Paf- Jionf to your Party ^ in ftead of being ftruck down by his Thunder, you (hall direft it where and upon whom you {hall think it beft ap- pUed. Thus are the flrdngejl Poifons turn d to the beji lie- medies'^ but then there muft be Art in it, and a skilful Hand^ elfe the leaft hungUng maketh it mortal. There is a great deal of nice Care re- quired

HVSBAND. 47

quired to deal with a Man

of this Complexion 5 Choler

proceedeth from Pnde^ and

maketh a Man fo partial to

himfelf, that he fwelleth a-

gainft Contradiction , and

thinkethhe is lelTened if he

is oppofed 3 you muft in this

Cafe take heed of mcrei^g

the Storm by an unvpary Word^

or kindling the Fire whilft

the Wind is in a Corner

which may blow it in your

Face : You are dextroufly

to yield every thing till he

beginneth to cool, and then

by How degrees you may

rife and gain upon him :

Your Gentknefs well timed,

will , like a Charm , difpel

his Anger ill placed 3 a k^nd

Smk will reclaim^ when a

finUl

48 Advice to a Daughter.

Jlmll pettijh Anfwer would provoke ^ him 5 rather than fail upon fuch occafions, when other Remedies are too weak, a little Flattery may be admit- ted, which by being necelTary, will ceafe to be Criminal : If Ill-Humour and Sullennefs^ and nogSDpen and fudden Heat is his Difeafe , there is a way of treating that too, fo as to make it a Grievance to be endured : In order to it, you are firft to know, that natu- rally good Sence hath a mix- ture of jurly in't 5 and there being fo much folly in the World, and for the moft part fo triumphant, it giveth fre- quent Temptations to raife the Spleen of Men who think right 3 therefore that

which

HVSBAND. 49

which may generally be caird III Humour^ is not al- ways a Fault; it becometh one, when either it is wrong applyed, or that it is con- tinued too long, when it is not fo : For this Reafon , you muft net too haftily fix an ill name upon that which may perhaps not deferve it 3 and though the Cafe fhould be, that your Husba/id might too fowrly refent any thing he diiliketh, it may fo hap- pen, that more Blame may belong to your Mijinke^ than toYiis ill Humour, If a Hnf- hand bebavedi himfelf fome- times with an Indifference that a Wife m.ay tliink ofFen- five, (he is in the wrong to put the worii fcfife upon it.

50 Advke io a Daughter.

if by any means it will ad- mit a better. Some Wives will call it his Hur/wur^ if their Husbands change their Style from that which they ufed whilft they made their firft Addrefles to them : Others will allow no intermijjion or abatement in the Expreflions of Rindnefs to them, not e- nough diftinguifhing Times, and forgetting that it is im- poffible for Men to keep themfelves up all their Lives to the height of fome extra- vagant Moments, s A Man may at fome times be lefs careful m little things, without any cold or difobliging Reafons for it 5 as a Wife may be too expecting in fmaller matters, without drawing upon her-

felf

HVSBAND. 51

felf the Inference of being unkind : And if your Huf- band^GX\\A be really fnllen^ and have fiich frequent Fits, as might take away the Ex- cufe of it, it concerneth you to have an Eye prepared to difcern the firft Appearances of Cloudy Weather, and to watch when jthe Fit goeth off, whrch'Ieldom lafteth long if it is let alone 5 but whilft the Mind is fore, every thing galleth it, and that maketh it necelTary to let the Blacky Httmour begin to fpend it felf, before you begin to come in and venture to un- dertake it.

If in the Lottery of the

World you fhould draw a

Covetous liiishand^ I confcG it

D a will

52 Advke to a Daughter. will nor make you proud of your good Luck'-) yet even fuch a one may be endured too, though there are few Paffions more untraftable than that of Avarice. You niuft firft take care that your definition of Avarice may not be a Miftake 5 you are to examine every Circumftance of your Husband's Fortune, and weigh the Reafbn of every thing you expedt from him before you have right to pronounce that Sentence : The Complaint is now fo ge- nerally againft all Husbands^ that it giveth great fufpicion of its being often ill-groun- ded^ it is impbffible they fhould all deferve that Cen- furcj and therefore it is cer-

tain?

HVSBAND. 55

tain, that it is many times mifapplyed : he that Jpareth in every thing is an imxcajkble Niggard^ he ih^t Jpareth in no- thing is as inexcufabk <i Mad- man--^ the mean \s^ to fpare in what is leaft neceflary, to lay out more liberally in what is moft required in our feveral citcumftances 5 yet this will not always fatisfie, there are Wives who are impatient of the Rules of Oeconomy, and are apt to call their H/^sbands Kindnefs in qneftion, if any other meafure is put to their expence than that of their own Fancy 5 be fure to avoid this dangerous Errour, fucli a partiality to your Self, which is fo ofFenfive to an un- derftanding Man, that he will D 5 very

54 Advice to a Da fighter,

very ill bear a Wifes giving her felf fuch an hijmious pre- fer e^/ce to all the Family^ and whatever belongeth to it ; But to admit the worft, and that your Husband is really a Clofe-handed Wretch^ you muft in this, as in ether Cafes, en- deavour to make it lefs afflift- ing to you 3 and firft you muft obfcrve feafonable hours of fpeaking.

When you offer any thing in oppofition to this reigning Humour, a third hand and a wife Friend;^ may often pre- vail more than you will be allowed to do in your own Caufe:Sometimes you are dex- troufly to go along with him in things, where you fee that the niggardly part of his Mind

is

HVSBAND. 55

is moft predominant^by which you will have the better op- portunity of perfwading him in things where he may be more indifferent : Our PaJJi- ons are very unequal, and are apt to be raifed or lefiened, according as they work upon different Objefts, they are not to be flopped or reflrained in thofe things where our Mind is more particularly en- gaged : In other matters they are more traftable, and will (bmetimes give Reafon a hear- ing, and admit a fair Difpute. More than that, there are few Men, even in this inftance of Avarice^ fo intirely abandoned to it, that at fome hours, and upon fome occafions, will not forget their natures, and for D 4 that

5 6 Advice to a Daughter.

that time turn Prodigal 3 the fame Man who will grudge himftlf what is 7teceJJliry^ let his Vride be raifed and he (hall be profiife ^ at another time his Anger fhall have the fame efFedi: 5 a fit of Vanity^ Ambi- tion^ and fometimes of" Kind- nefs^ fhall open and inlarge his narrom Mind 5 a Dofe of Wine will work upon this tough humour ^and for the time dif^ folve it : Your bufinefs mufl: be, if this Cafe happeneth, to watch thefe critical moments^ and not let one of them flip without making your advan- tage of it 5 and a Wife rnay be faid to want skill, if by thefe means fheis not able to fecure her felf in a good meafure a- gainftthe Inconveniencies this

fcurvy

HVSEAND 57

(curvy quality in a HHsl?a?/d might bring upon her, ex- cept he fhould be fuch an in- curable Monfter, as I hope will never fall to your (hare.

The laft fuppolition I will make, is. That your Hnsband (hould be weak^ and incompe^ tent to make ufe of the Privi- leges that belong to him 3 it will be yielded, that (uch A one leaveth room for a great many Objeftions 3 but God Almighty feldom fendeth a Grievance without a Remedy^ ^or at leaft fuch a Mitigation as taketh away a great part of thefting, and fmart of it. To make fuch a Misfortune le(s heavy, you are f r^ to bring to your Obfervation, That a D 5 Wife

5§ Advice to a Daughter .

Wife very often maketh the better Figure, for her Huf- hands making no great one , and there feemeth to be little reafbn, why the fame Lady that chufeth a Waiting-Woman with worfe Looks^ may not be content with a Husband with lefs Wit 5 the Argument being equal from the advantage of the Comparifon : If you will be more aftiamed in fome Ga- les, of fuch a Hushatzd^ you will be left afraid than you would perhaps be of a wife one 5 his TJnfeafonable Wea^- mfs may no doubt fometimes grieve you, but then fet ^- gainft this, that it giveth you the Dominion^ if you will make the right ufe of it 5 it is Rext to his being dead,, in

which

HVSBAND. 59

which Cafe the Wife hath right to Adminifter ^ therefore be fure, if you have fuch an Ide- ot, that none, except your felf, may have the benefit of the forfeiture : Such a Fool is a dangerous Beaft, if others have the keeping of him 5 and you muft be very undextrous if v^hen your Husband (hall refolve to be an Afs^ you do not take care he may be j/our Afs 5 but you muft go skill- fully about it, and above all things, take heed of diftin- guiihing in publick what kind of Husband he is 5 your in- ward thoughts muft not hin- der the outward payment of the confideration that is dwe to him 5 yom flighting him in Company 5 befides that, it

would^

go Advice to a Daughter,

would,to a difcerning By-ftaii- der,give too great encourage- ment for the making near- er application to you, is in it felf fuch an undecent way of afliiming, that it may pro- voke the tame Creature to break loofe, and to fbew his Dominion for his Credit,which he was content to forget for his Eafe : In ftiort, the fureft and the moft approved nie- thod will be to do like a wife Minijier to an eafie Prince 5 firfc give him the Orders you afterwards receive from him 5 with all this, that which you are to pray for, is a Wife Hnshand^ one that by know- ing how to be a Majier^ for that very reafon will not let you feel the weight of it ; one

whofe

HVSBAND. 61

whofe Authority isfofoften'd by his Kindnefs, that it gi- veth you eafe without abridg- ing your Liberty 5 one that will return fo much tender- nefs for Juji^ Ejieem of him, that you will never want pow- fr, though you will feldom care to ufe it 5 fuch a Huf- band is as much above all the other Rinds of them, as a rtttiojial fitbjedlion to a Prince, great in himfelf, is to be pre- ferr'd before the difquiet and uneafinefs of Unlimited Li- berty,

Before I leave this Head, I muft add a little concerning your Behaviour to your Huf- bands Friends^ which requi- reth the moft refined part of your Underftanding to ac- quit

62 Advice to a Daughter.

quit your felf well of it 5 you are to ftudy how to live with them with more care than you are to apply to any other part of your Life 5 eQ)ecially at firft, that you may not ftum- ble at the firft fetting out 5 the Family into which you are grafted will generally be apt to expeft, that like a Stran- ger in a Foreign Country,you ftiould conform to their Me- thods, and not bring in a new Model by your own Authori- ty 5^ the Friends in fuch a Cafe are tempted to rife up in Arms as againft an unlawful Invafion, fo that ycu are with the utmoft Caution to avoid the leaft Appearances of any thing of this kind 5 and that you may with lefs diffi- culty

HVSBA^rND. 63

culty afterwards give your Direftions, be fure at firft to receive them from your HuJ^ bands Friends, gain them to you by early applying to them, and they will be to fa- tisfied, that as nothing is more thankful than Pride, when it is complyed with^they will ftrive which of them fhall moft recommend you 5 and when they have helped you to take Root ^ in your jF////i^«d's good Opinion, you will have lels dependance up- on theirs, though you muft not negleft any reafonable means of preferving it.

You are to confider, that a Man govern d by his Friends^ is very eafily inflamed by them 5 and that one who is

not

64 Advice to a Daughter.

not {b, will yet for his own fake expeft to have them confider d. It is eafily impro- ved to a point of honour in a Husband^ not to have his Re- lations negleftedj and no- thing is more dangerous, than to raife an Objection, which is grounded upon 'Pride '-^ it is the moft ftubborn and lafting Paflion we are fubjeft to, and when it is the firft caufe of the War^ it is very hard to make a fecure Peace ; your Caution in this is of the laft importance to you 5 and that you may the better fucceed in it, carry a ftrift Eye upon the Impertinencies of your Ser- i}ants 5 take heed that their ill humour may not engage you to take Exceptions, or their

too

HUSBAND. 65

too much affiiming in fmall matters, raife Confequences which may bring yon under great difadvantage.

Remember that in the cafe of a Rojal Bride^ thofe about her are generally fo far fii- fpedted to bring in a Foreign Intereft, that in moft Coun- tries, they are infenfibly redu- ced to a very fmall number, and thpfe of fo low a Figure, that it doth not admit the be- ing Jealo//s of them. In little, and in the Proportion, this may be the Cafe of every New^ Married-Woman^ and there- fore it may be more advife- able for you, to gain the Ser- vants you find in c^ Family, than to tye your felf too faft to thofe you carry into it 3 you

are

66 Advke fo a Daughter.

are not to overlook thofe fmall Refleftions, becaufe they may appear low and inconfi- derable 5 for it may be faid, that as the greateji ftreams are made up of the fmall drops art the head of the Springs from whence they are derived, fb the greateji circnmflances of your Life, will be in fome de- gree direfted by xhtikfeeming trifles^ which having the ad- vantage dF being the firft afts of it, have a greater efFed than fingly in their own nature they could pretend to.

I will conclude this Article with my Advice, that you would, as much as Nature will give you leave, endeavour to forget the great Indulgence you have found at home,after

fuch

HVSBAND. 67

facli a gentle Difcipline as you have been under 5 every thing you diflike will feem the har(her to you^ the tender- nefs we had for you, Mji Dear^ is of another nature, peculiar to kind Parents, and differ- ing from that you will meet with at firft in any ^ Fa- mily into which you fhall be tranfplanted 5 and yet they may be very kind too, and afford no juftifiatR reafon to you to complain. You muft not be frighted with the firft Appearances of a differing Scene 5 for when you are ufed to it, you may like the Houfe you go to, better than that you left ^ and your Husband's Rindnefs will have fo much advantage of ours, that we

ftiall

68 Advice to a Daughter, (hall yield up all Competition^ and as well as we love you, be very well contented to Surrender to fuch a iJ/z;^/.

HOVSE, FAMILY, and CHILDREN.

YOU muft lay before you, My Dear% there are de- grees of Care to recommend your felf to the World in the feveral palfe of your Life, in many things, though the do- ing of them well, may raife your Qxdit and EJieem, yet the omiffion of them would draw no immediate reproach upon you 5 in others, where your duty is more particularly ap- plyed, the negle^ of them is a- mongft thofe Faults which are

not

Houfe^ Family^ &c, 69

not forgiven, and will bring you under a Cenfure ^wKich will be much a heavier thing than the trouble you would avoid 3 of this kind is the Government of your Houfe^ Family and Children^ which fince it is the Province allotted to your Sex, and that the difcharging it •well^ will for that reafon be expefted from you, if you ei- ther defert it out of Lazinefs^ or manage it with want of skilly inftead of a help you will be an Incumbrance to the Fa- mily where you are placed. I muft tell you, that no refpe^ is lafting, but that which \s produced by our being in fome degree ufeful to thofe that pay it : where that fail- cth, the Homage and the Re- verence

70 Advice to a Daughter.

verence go along with it, and fly to otners where fomething may be expefted in exchange for them 5 and upon this prin- ciple the rcfpedfs even of the Children and the Servants will not ftay with one that doth not think them worth their Care, and the old Honfe-kecper ftiall make a better Figure in the Family, than the Ladj with all her fine Cloths, if (he wilfully relinquifli her Title to the Government ^ therefore take heed of carrying your goedBreedingto fuch a height, as to be good for nothing, and to be proud of it : fome think it hath a great Air to be a- bove troubhng their thoughts with fuch ordinary things as their Hoiffe and Familj 5 o-

thers

Houfe^ Family^ d^c. 7 1

thersdare not admit Gre/ for fear they (hould haften Wrin- kjes 5 miftaken Pride maketh fome think they muft keep themfelves up, and not de- fcend to thofe Duties , which do not feem enough refined for great Ladies to be im- ploy'd in 5 forgetting all this while, that it is more than the greateft Princes can do, at once to preferve refpeft, and to negleft their bufinefs , no Age ever erefted Altars to />- fgnificant Gods 5 they had all fome quality applyed to them to draw worfiip from Man- kind ^ this maketh it the more unreafonable for a Ladj to ex- peft to be confider'd, and at the fame time refolve not to deferve it 5 good looks alone

will

72 Advice tQ a Danghter.

will not do, they are not fuch a lafting Temre^ as to be relyed upon 5 and if they ftiould ftay longer than they ufiially do, it will by no means be fafe to depend upon them 5 for when time hath abated the violence of the firft liking, and that the JSIapp is a little worn off, though ftill a good degree of kindnefs may remain. Men recover their fight which be- fore might be dazell'd, and allow themfelves to objeft as well as admire 5 in fuch a Cafe, when a Husba^nd feeth an empty airy thing that fails up and down the Houfe to no purpofe, and looks as if (he came thither only to make a Vifit, when he find-

eth,

eth, that after her Emptinefs hath been extream bufy about forae very fenfelefs thing, that fhe eats her Breakfaft half an hour before Dinner, to be at greater liberty to afflid the Company with her Difcourfe^ then calleth for her Coach, that (he may trouble her Ac- quaintance, who are already cloy'd with her : And having fome proper Dialogues ready to difplay her FooUJId Eloquence at the top of the Stairs, (he fetteth out like a Ship out of Harbour, laden with trifles, and Cometh back with them , at her return fhe repeateth to her faithful Waiting- Wo- man, the Triumphs of that^ day's Import i^ence^ihen wrap'd up in Flattery and clean Li- E nen,

74 Advica to a Daughter.

nen, goeth to Bed fo fatisfied, that it throweth her into plea- fant Dreams of her own Fe- licity 5 fuch a one is fcldom lerious but with her Taylor 3 her Children znd Family may now and then have a random thought, but fhe never taketh aim but at fomething very Impertinent.

1 fay when a Hmbattd^ whofe Province is without Doors, and to whom the Oeconomy of the Houfe would be in fome degree Indecent, findetb no Order nox^ujet in h\s Family^ merteth with Complaints of all kinds fpringing from this Root, the Miftaken Lady^v/ho think- ethto make amends for all this, by having a well-chofen Pet- tjtCoatj will at laft be con-

viH-

Bcufe^ Family^ &c, 75

Tinced of her Err or ^ and with grief be forced to undergo the Penalties that belong to thofe who are wilfully In^ Significant $ when this fcurvy hour Cometh upon her, (he firft groweth Angry 5 then when the time of it is paft, would perhaps grow wifer, not remembring that we can no more have Wifdotn than Grace, when ever we think fit to call for it $ there are Times and Periods fix'd for both 3 and when they are too long neglefted, the Punifli- mect is, that they are Irreco- verahle^ and nothing remain- eth but an ufelefsGrie/for the Folly of having thrown them out of our Power ^ you are to think what a mean Figure E 2 a Wo-

J 6 Advice to a Daughter.

a Woman niaketh, when {he is (b degraded by Iier own Faults whereas there is no- thing in thofe Duties which are expected from you, that can be a leflening to you, ex- cept your want of Co^dh&: make it fo : You may love your Children without living in the Nurferj/^ and you may have a competent and dijcreet care of them, without letting it break out upon the Com- pany, or expofing your felf by turning your Di(courfe that way, which is a kind of L^^- ing Children to the Parijh^ and it can hardly be done any where, that thofe who hear it will be fo forgiving, as not to think they are over- charged with them. A Wo-

mans

Hohfe^ Family^ &c. "jj

mans tendernefs of her Chil- 'dren is one of the leafk de- ceitful Evidences of her Ver- •tue '-) but yet the way of ex- ' preffing it, muft be fubjeil to the Rules oi good Breeding : And though a Woman of^ia- lity ought not to be lefs kind to them, than Mothers of the mecwejl Rank, are to theirs, yet (lie may diftinguifh her felfin ihQ maimer, and avoid the courfe Methods, which in r Women of a lower fize might be more excufable. You muft begin early to make them Love you, that ;they may Obey you; Tiiis Mixture is no vyhere more neceffary than in Children 5 and I muft tell you, that you are not to expeft Returns of E 3 Kind-

78 Advice to a Daughter^

Kindnefs from yours, if ever you have any, without Grains of Allowance 5 and yet it is not fo much a defect in their good Nature^ as a Jhortrjef of Thought in them , Their firft h^fufficJeficy maketh them lean fo entirely upon their Pa- rents for what is veccffary^ that the habit of it maketh them continue the fame Bx- pe&ations for what is nm-ear fonahle 5 and as oft as they are derned^ fo often they think they are it^jnred ^ and whilft their Deftres are ftrong, and their Reajons yet in the Cradle, their Anger looketh no farther than the thing they long for and cannot have 5 and to be dijpleafed for their oj^ff good , is a

Maxifff

Houfe^ Family^ &c. jg

Mttxim they are very flow to underftand 5 to that you may conclude , the firft Thoughts of your Children will have no fmall Mixture of Mutiny ^ which being lb natural, you muft not be an- gry, except you would in- creafe it ^ you muft deny them as feldom as you can, and when there is no avoid- ing it, you muft do n gefjtly^ you muft flatter away their ill Humours , and take the next Opportunity of pleafing them in fome other things, before they either ask or look for it : This will ftreng- then your Authority^ by ma- king it foft to them 5 and con- firm their Obedience^ by ma- king ft their Intereft.

E 4 ., Yota

8o Advice to a Daughter.

You are to have as ftrift a Guard upon your felf amongft your children^ as if you were amongft your E^e- mies 5 they are apt to make wrong Inferences, to take Encouragement from half Words, and mifapplying what you may fay or do, fo as either to leflen their Duty^ or to extend their Liberty far- ther than is convenient : Let them be more in awe of your K-indnefs than of your Poriperj and above all, take heed of fupporting a Favou- rite Child in its Impertinence, which vAW give Right to the reft of chiiming the fame Privilege. If you have a di- vided Number, leave the Boys to the taibcrs more peculiar

Care,

Hovfi^ Family J dv. 8 1

Care, that you may with the greater Juftice pretend to a more immediate Jurifdiftion over thofe of your own Sex : You are to live fo with themf, that they may never chufe to avoid you, except w^hen they have offended ^ and then let them tremble, that they may diftinguifho But their Penance muft not continue fo long as to grow fovpre upon their vV/^- machs^ that it may not har- den in ftead of corrcUifig them : The kind and fevere Parts muft have their (everal inrtis feafonably applied 5 but your Indulgence muft have the broader mixture, that Love^ rather than Fear, may be the Root of their Ohedi- vice*

E 5 Your

82 AdvkeU a Ddnghfer.

Your Servants are in the next place to be confidered 5 and you tnuft remember not to fall into the miftake of thinking, That bccaufe they receive Wages, and are fo much Infcriour to you, there- fore they are below your Care to know bow to mannage them. It would be as good Reafon for a Mafler Workman to de{pife the Wheels of his Erjgifte becaufe they are made of Wood. Thefe are the Wheels of your Family 3 and let your Direftions be never fo faultlefi, yet if thefe En- gines ftop or move wrong , the whole Order of your Houfe is either at a ftand, or difcompofed : Befidesjthe In- tffal/ty which is between

you,

you, muft not caule you to forget, that Nature maketh no fuch diftinftion, but that Servarits may be looked upon as humbk Frie^ds^ and that Retnrns of Kwd^^efs and good iJfage. are as much due to fuch of them as defer ve it, as their Service is due to u^ when wcTequire it. hfooUfh hanghtwefs m the Style of jp24kif7g^ or in the manner of commanding them, is in it felf very undecent, befides, that it begetteth an Aversion in them, of which the leaft ill EfEbft to be expefted , is, that they will h^jlow and carekfs in all that is injoyned them, and you will find it true by your Experience, that you will be ib much the more

obej'sd

84 Advice to a Daughter.

eheyed as you are lefs Imperi- ous. Be not too hafiy \n gi- ving your Orders^ nor too an- gry when they are not alto- gether obferved 5 much lefs are you to be loud, or too much difturbed ^ an evef7fie(i in diftinguifhing when they do well or ill^ is that which will make your Family move by a Rule^and without Noife, and will the better (et out your Skill in conducing it with Eafe and Silence, that it may be like a v/ell-difci- plin'd Army, which knoweth how to anticipate the Orders that are fit to be given them. , You are never to negleft the Duty of the prefect Hour, to do another thing, which though it may be better in

it

Honfe^ Family, C^c. 85

it felf, is not to be iin- feafonably preferred. Allot well chofen Hours for the Infpeaion of your Fami- ly, which may be (o diftin- guiflied from the reft of your Time, that the mctffary Cares may come in their proper Places, without any Influ- ence upon your good Hu- mour, or Interruption to o- ther things. By thefe Me- thods you will put your felf 'in pofleffion of being valued by your Servants, and then thQit Obedience will naturally follow.

I rauft not forget one of the greateft Articles belong- ing to a Family, which is the Expence: Itmuftnotbefuch^as by failing either in the Time

or

86 Advice to a Daughter,

or meaftre of it, may rather draw Cenfure than gain Ap- plaufe. If it was well Exa- mined, there is more Money given to be laughed at, than for any other thing in the World, though the Purcha- sers do not think fb. A well- ftated Rule is like the L//;e, when that is once pafs'd we arc under another Pole 5 (b the firft /?r^'/>^ frotn a Rule^ is a ftep towards making that which was before a Vertue^ to change its Nature, and to grow either into a Vice^ or at leaft an Imperii* netice : The Art of laying out Money wifely, is not at- tained to without a great deal of thoupjht 5 and it is yet more difficult in the Cafe of

a Wife,

Houfi, Family^ &c. 87

a Wife^ who is accountable to her Husbdfjd for her miftakes in it : It is not only his Mo- ney^ his Credit too is at Stake, if what lyeth under the Wifes Care is managed, either with undecent Thrifts or too loofe Frofufwn 5 you are therefore to keep the Mean between thefe two Extreams^ and it being hardly poffible to hold the Balance exactly even, let it rather incline towards the Liberal fide, as raore fuitable to your ^ality^ and lefs fub- )t8i to Reproach ^ of the two, a little Money mifpent is foon- er recovered^ than the Credit which is lofl: by having it un- hand fomely /^z/e^ V and a Wife Husband will lefs for- give a (hameful piece of P^r-

fimony^

88 Advice to a DaPighfer,

(Imony^ than a little Extrava- ganccy if it is not too often repeated 5 his Mind in this mufl: be your chief DireUion 5 and his Temper ^ when once known, will in a great mea- fure juftifie your part in the managementj if he is pleated with it.

In your Cloths avoid too much Gaudinefs 3 do not va- lue your felf upon an Imhroi- dered'Govon 3 and retnember, that a reafonabk Word^ or an ohligit7g Loo^, will gain you more refpcft, than all your fif^e Trappi^jgs, This is not faid to reftrain you from a decent Compliance with the World, provided you take the wifer, and not the foo- liflier part of your Sex for

your

Hopfe^ Family y &c. 89

your Pattern : Some diftinSi- ons are to be allowed, whilft they are well-fuited to your ^alJty and Fortune, and in the diftribution of the Ex- pence, it feeraeth to me, that a fnll Attendance^ and well- cho- fen Ornaments for your Houfe, will make you a better Fi- gure, than too much glittering in what you wear, which may with more ea(e be imitated by thofe which are below you ^ yet this muft not tempt you to ftarve every thing but your own Apartment 5 or in order to more abundance there, give jufl: caufe to the kafi: Servant you have, to complain of the want of what is neceflary : Above all, fix it in your thoughts, as an un- changeable

90 Advice to a Daughter.

changeable Maxim, That no- thing is truly fine but what is fit^ and that juft fo much as is proper for your Or cum- fiances of their (everal kinds, is much finer than all you can add to it ^ when you once break through thofe bounds, you launch into a wide Sea of Extravagai'ce, every thing will become neceflary,bec2ur€ you have a mind to it 5 and you have a mind to it, not becaufe it is fit for you , but becaufe fbme body elfe hath H : This LadyjLagick^ fetteth Reafon upon its Head, by carrying the Rule from things to Per- yj«/, and appealing from what , is right to every Fool that is - in the wrong 5 the word neoef: fary is miferably applyed, it

difbr-

Hon/e, Family^ &c, 91

difordereth Fumilies^ and o- verturneth Governments by be- ir^foabufed : Remember, that Children and Fools want eve- ry thing, becaufe they want- Wit to diftinguifh : and there- fore there is not a ftronger Evidence of a Cra%y Under- flanding^ than the making too large a Catalogue of things neceffary, when in truth there are fo very few things that have a right to be placed in it 5 try every thing firft in your 'jndgement^ before you allow it a place in your De- ftre^ elfe your Hmhand may think it as neceflary for him to deny, as it is for you to have wljatever is unreafona- ble 5 and if you (hall too of- ten give him that advantage,

the

92 Advice to a Daughter.

the habit of refufmg may per- haps reach to things that are not unfit for you 5 there are unthinking Ladks^ who do not enough confider, how lit- tle their own Figure agreeth with the fi?7e thif7gs they are fo proud ofv others when they have them, will hardly allow them to be vijibk'-^ they cannoi be feen without Lights and that is many times fo fawcy and fo prying^that is like a too fo[ \^ ai d Gallant to be for- bid the Chamber to. SomejWhen you are uQiercd into their Dark l^ti^Iie^ it is^lth fuch fo- lemnity^tharaManwouldfwear there was fomethiog in it, till ih^TJnskjIful L^iij' breaketh (i- lence, ai>d beginneth a Chat, which difcovereih it is Puppit-

Play

Houfe^ Family., d^c. 95

Play with Magnificent Scenes, many eftcem things rather as they are hard to be gotten, than that they are worth get- ting : This looketh as if they had an Intereft to purfue that Maxim, becaufe a great part of their own valine dependeth upon it. Truth in thefe Ca- fes would be very often ;/«- manrierly^ and might derogate from the Prerogative^ great Ladies would aflume to them- felves, of being diftind Crea- tures from thofe of their Sex, who are inferiour, and of lefi diflBcult accefs in other things too. Your Condition mun: give the rule to you, and there- fore it is not a Wifes part to aim at more than a bounded Liberality 5 the farther extent

of

94 Advice to 4 Daughter.

of that ^ality (otherwife to be commended ) belongeth to the Husband^ who hath better means for it.

Gemrojity wrong placed becometh a Vice^ and it is no raore a Vertue when it grow- cth into an Inconvenkfjee, Ver* tyes rauft be inlarged or re- ftrained according to the dif- fering Gircumftances 3 A Frifjcely Mind will undo a private Family^ therefore things aiuft be fuited, or elfe they will not deferve to be Com- mended, let them in them- felves be never fo valuable 5 and the Expeftations of the World are beft anfwered when we acquit our felves in that manner which feemeth to be prefcribed to our feveral

Condi-

Houje^ Family^ &e, 95

Conditions, without ufurping upon thofe Duties, which do not fo particularly belong to us. I will clofc the confidera- tion of this ArticU of Ex- fence^ with this fhort word. Do not fetter your felf with (uch a Rejiraint in it as may make you Remark^bh 3 but remember that Fcrtue is the greateft Ornament^ d^nA good Setice the hefi Equipage.

BEHAVIOVR and CON- VERSATION.

IT is time now to lead you out of your Houfe into the World. A Dangerous ftep 3 where your Vertue alone will not ferve you;j except it is at- tended

9$ Advke to a Danghter.

tended with a great deal of Prudefjce : You muft have both for your Guards and not ftir without them, the Ene- my is abroad, and you are fure to be taken, if you are found ftragling: Your Beha- viour is therefore to incline ftrongly towards the Refer- ved part : your Chara&er is immovably to be* fixed upon that Bottom, not excluding a mixture of greater freedom, as far as it may be innocent and well-timed. The Extravagan- cies of the Age have made Caution more neceffary , and by the fame reafon that the too great Licence of 111 Men hath by Confequence in many things rcftrained the Lawful Liberty of thofe who did

not

BEHAVlOVR,&c. 97

not abufe it, the unjuftifiabla Freedom of fome of your Sex have involved the reft in the Penahy of being redu- ced. And though this can- not fo alter the Nature of things, as to make that Cri- tnind^ which in it felf is In- different 5 yet if it maketh it dangerous^ that alone is infuffi- cient to juftifie the Refiraint. A clofe behaviour is the fitteft to receive Vertue for its con- ftant Gueji^ becaufe there, and there only, it can be fecure. Proper Referves are the Out- v^orks, and muft never be de- ferted by thofe who intend to keep the Place 5 they keep off the poffibility not only of being taken^ but of being at- tempted 5 and if a Woman F feeth

^8 Advice to a Daughter.

feeth Danger at never fo re- fnote a Diftance, fhe is for that time to (horten her Line of Liberty : She who will al- low her felf to go to xh^ut- mofl Extents of every thing that is Lawful, is fo very near going farther, that thofe who lie at watch, will begin to count upon her.

Mafiki^id^ from the double temptation of Vanity and De- fire^ is apt to turn every thing a Woman doth to the hopeful fide 5 and there are few who dare make an impudent Appli- cation, till they difcern fome- thing which they are willing to take for an Encouragement: It is fafer therefore to prevent fuch Forwardnefs^ than to go about to cure it ; It gathereth

Strength

BEHAVlOVR, &c. 99

Strength by the firfl: allovpatjcts^ and claimeth a Right from having been at any time fuf--' fered with Impunity : There- fore nothing is with more care to be avoided, than fuch a kind of Civility as may be miftaken for Invitation, It will not be enough for you to keep your felf free from any criminal Etjgagemerjts 3 for if you do that which ei- ther raifeth Hopes^ or crea- teth Difcourfey there is a Spot thrown upon your Good Name 5 and thofe kinjd of Stains are the harder to be taken out, being dropped upon you by the Mans Va- nity^ as well as by the Wo- man s Malice. Moft Men are in one fence Platonic^ Lovers^ F 2 though

100 Advice to a Daughter,

though they are not willing to own thzt Char a&er'j they are fo far Philofophers^ as to allow, that the greateft part of Pleafure lieth in the Mind^ and in purfuance of that Maxinty there are few who do not place the Felicity more in the Opinion of the World, of their being pro- Jperous Lovers^ than in the Blejjifjg it felf, how much fo- ever they appear to value it This being fo, you muft be very cautious not to gratifie thofe Camelions at the price of bringing .a Cloud upon your Reputation^ which may be deeply wounded, though your Confcjence is unconcern- ed. Your own Sex too will not fail to help theleaft Ap- pearance

BEHAFIOVR,&c. loi

pea ranee that giveth a Ha^i- die to be ill turned 5 the beft of them will not be difplea- fed to improve their own Value, by laying others un- der a Difadvantage ^ when there is a fair Occafion given for it 5 It diftinguiflieth them (till the more, their own Crc* dit is ftiU the more exalted, and, like a Pifture fet off with Shades, fhineth more when a Lady , Ie(s Innocent , or lefs Difcreeti is fet near, to make them appear fo much the brighter. If thefe lend their Breath to blaft fuch as are fo unwary as to give them this Advantage, you may be fure there will be a ftronger Gale from thofe, who, befides Malice or E^nlatipn^ have F 3 an

102 Advice to a Daughter,

an Interejl too, to ftrike hard upon a Vertuous Woman : It feemeth to them, that their Load of Infamy is lefTened, by throwing part of it upon others , fo that they will not only improve when it lieth in their way^ but take pains to find out the leaft miftake an Innocent Woman commit- teth, in Revenge of the In- jury fhe doth in leading a Life which is a Reproach to them. With thefe you muft be extream vpary^ and neither piovoke them to be angry^ nor invite them to be inti- r/iate.

To the Men you are to have a Behaviour which may fecure you, without offend- ins them : No ill-bred affe-

"^ aed

BEHAVIOVr, &c. 105

fted ShiKcfs nor Roughmfs^ unfaitable to your 6'ex, and unneceffary to your Vertiie j but a way of Living that may prevent all courfe Railleries or nn mannerly Freedoms 5 Look^ that forbid without Rtide^ fiefs.^ and oblige without In- vitation^ or leaving room for the fawcy Inferences Mens Vanity fuggefteth to them upon the leaft Encourage- ments. This is fo very nice, that it muft engage you to have a perpetual Wateh upon your Fyes^ and to remember, that one carelefs Glaunce gi- veth more advantage than a hundred Words not enough confidered ^ the Language of the Eyes being very much the moft [tgnijicant^ and the rnofl: F 4 obfervedo

104 Advtceto a Daughter.

obferved. Your C/W//)', which is always to be preferved, muft not be carried to a Com- flia^ce^ which may betray you into irrecoverable Miftakeso This French ambiguous word Complaifance hath led your Sex into more blame, than all other things put together : It carrieth them by degrees into a certain thing called a good kjnd of WoMan^ an eafie Idle Creature^ that doth nei- ther Good nor III but by chance^ hath no Choice^ but leaveth that to the Company fhe keepeth. Time^ which by degrees addeth to the figniii- cation of Words^ hath made her 5 according to Modern Stile, little better than one who thinketh it a Rndenefs

to

BEHAVIOVR, &c. 105

to deny, when civilly requi- red, either her Service in Per- fen^ or her fiiendly Ajfiitanre^ to thofe who would have a meetings or want a Cotjjidznt. She is a certain thing always at hand, an eafie Compamort^ who hath e\GvgrtnCompaJJion for diflrejjed Lovers : She cen- fureth nothing but Rigour^ and is never without a PUi/ier for a wounded Reputation^ in which chiefly lieth her Skill in Chirurgery : She feldom hath the Propriety of any particular Gallant^ but liveth upon Brokage^ and waiteth for the Scraps her Friends are content to leave her.

There is another Chara&er not quite fo Criminal^ yet not lefs Ridicnlom ^ which is that F s. of

lo6 Ad vice to a Daughter.

of a goo d- humour d Woman ^ one who thinketli (he muft always be in a Laugh, or a broad Smile , and becaufe Good-Humour is an obliging Qaality, thinketh it left ill- manners to talk impertinently^ than to be filent in Company. When fuch a prating Engine rideth Admiral^ and carrieth the La nt horn in a Circle of Fools^ a cheerful Coxcomb com- ing in for a Recruit^ the Chat* iering of Monkeys is a better iioife than fuch a Concert of fencelefs Merriment .-If (lie is applauded in it, (he is fo en- couraged, that, like a Bat- ladfwger^ who, if commend- ed, breaketh his Lungs, (he letteth her felf loofe, and o- verfloweth upon, the Compa- ny,

BEHAFIODR, &c. 107

ny. She concciveth that Mirth is to have no Intermif- fion, and therefore (he will carry it about with her, though it be to a Fuf^eral ^ and if a Mm fliould put a familiar Qaeftion, (lie doth not know very w^ell how to be angry, for then (he would be no more that pretty thing called a Good humour d Wo- ntdti. This neceffity of appea- ring at all times to be infinite- ly pleafed, is a grievous mi- ftake 5 fince in a ha^idfom Wo* man that Invitation \^ unne- ceffary , and in one who h not foj ridiculous.

It is not intended by thi?, that you fhould forfwear Laughing'^ but remember, that Fools being alwnys painted

ia

io8 Advice to a Daughtet.

in that pofture it may fright thofe who are wife from do- ing it too frequently, and go- ing too near a Copy which is fo little inviting, and much more from doing it /W, which is an unnatural Sound, and looketh fo much like ano- ther Sex, that few things are more ofTenfive. That hoi- firoHs kind of Jvllitji is as contrary to Wit and Good manmrs^ as it is to Modejlji and Verftie 5 befides, it is a courfe kind of quality, that throweth a Woman into a lower Form, and degradeth her from the Rank of thofe who are more refined. Some Ladies fpeak aloud and make a noife to be the more mind- ed, which looketh as if they

beat

BEHAl'lOVR.^c. 109 beat their Drums for Volnn- tiers 5 and if by misfortune none come in to them^ they may, not without reafon, be a good deal out of Counte- nance.

There is yet one thing more to be avoided, which is the Example of thofe who intend nothing farther than the Vanity of Conqueft^ and think themfelves fecure of not having their Honour tainted by it. Some are apt to be- lieve their Vertue is too Oi- fcure^ and not enough kpow??, except it is expofed to a broader Lights and fet out to its beft advantage, by fome publick Trials 5 thefe are dan- gerous Experiments, and ge- nerally fail, being built up- on

1 10 Advice to a Daughter.

on fo weak a foundation, as that of too great Cor^^dence in cur felves 5 it is as fate to play with Fire^ as to dally with Gallantry,

Love is a Paffion that hath Friends in the Garrifon, and for that reafon muft by a Woman be kept at fuch a di- ftance, that fhe may not be within the danger of doing the moft ufual thing in the World , which is confpiring againft her Self, elfe the hum- ble Gallant, who is only ad- mitted as a Trophy, very of- ten becometh the Conquerour 3 he putteth on the ftyle of Vi- Gory, and from an Admirer groweth into a Maflcr, for fo he may be called from the moment he is in Pofleilion.

The

BEHAFIOVR, &c. iii

The firft Refolutions of top- ping at good Opinion and Efteem, grow weaker by de- grees againft the Charms of Cofirtfiip skillfully applyed. A Lady is apt to think a Man fpeaketh fo much reafon whilft he is Commetjdwg her^ tha't {he hath much ado to believe him in the wrong when he is making Love to her, and when befides the natural In- ducements your Sex hath to be merciful, fhe is bribed by well-chofen Flattery ^\\\t poor Creature is in danger of being caught like a Bird liftening xo the Whiftle of one that hath a Snare for ir, Conqnefl is (o tempting a thing, that it of- ten maketh Women miftake Mens SuhmijUons'^ which with

all

112 Advice to a Daughter.

all their fair Appear ances^have generally left ReJ^eS than Art in them. You are to remem- ber, that Men who fay ex- tream fine things, many times fay them moft for their own fakes, and that the vain Gal- lant is often as well pleafed with h\s own Complif^e»ts^ as he could be with the kiffdefi anfwer ^ where there is not that Ojientation you are to fufpeft there is a Defign 5 and as ftrong ferfnmes are feldom ufed but when they are neceffary to fmother an unwelcome y?^«r3 fo ExceJ? of good Words ^ leave room to believe they are ftrewed to cover fomething which is to gain admittance under a Difguife : You mufl: be therefore upon your Guard,

and

BEHAV[OVR,&c. 113

and confider, that of the two, RefpeS is more dangerous than A^ger^ it puts even the beft llnderftandings out of their place, till the time of their fecond thoughts reftore them \ it ftealeth upon us in- fenfibly, throweth down our Defences, and maketh it too late to refift, after we have given it that advantage , whereas railing goeth away in (bund , it hath fo much noife in it,. that by giving warning it befpeaketh Cauti- on. RefpeS is a (low and fur^ Poifon^ and like Poifon fwel-*" leth us within our felves , where it prevaileth too much, it groweth to be a kind of Apoplexia in the Mind, turn- eih it quite round, and after

it

114 Advice to a Daughter,

it hath once feized the under- ftanding, becometh mortal to it ; For thefe reafons, the (a- - fed way is to treat it like a'* fly Enemy, and be perpetu- ally upon the watch againft it.

I will add one Advice to conclude this head, which is, that you will let every feven years make fome alteration in you towards the Graves fide, and not be like the Girls of Fifty, who refblve to be al- ways Toufjg^ what ever Time with his Iron Teeth hath de- termined to the contrary h un- natural things carry a Defor- niity in them never to the Dif- guifed 5 the Livelinefs of Touth in a riper Age, lookcth like anold patch upon a ^ewGow»h

fo

BEHAFIOVR,&c. 115

fo that a Gajf Matron^ a chearful old Fool may be rea- fonably put into the Lift of the Tamer kind of Monfters: There is a certain Creature call'd a Grave Hohby-Horje, a kind of (he Numps^ that pre- tendeth to be pulled to a Play, and muft needs go to Bartho- lomew-Fair^ to look after the young Folks, of whom (he onely feemeth to take care, when in reality {he onely ta- keth them for her excule 5 fuch an old Butterfly is of all Creatures the moft ridiculous, and the foontft found out. It is good to be early in your Caution, to avoid any thing that Cometh within diftance of fuch defpicable Patterns, and not like fonie Ladies, \vho

defer

Ij6 Advict to a Daughter.

defer their Converjlon , till they have been fo long in poffeffion of being laughed at, that the World doth not know how to change their ftyle, even when they are re- claimed from that which gave the firft occafion for it 5 the advantages of being referved are too many to be fet down, I will only fay, that it is a Guard to a gaodWoman^ and a Dijgtiife to an ilJ one. It is of (b much ufe to both, that thofe ought to ufe it as an Ar- tifice^ who refufe to pradife it as a Vert fie.

FRlEND^

FRIENDSHIPS. 117

FRIENDSHIPS.

IMuft in a particular man- ner recommend to j^ou a ftria Care in the Choice of your Friends 5 perhaps the bed are not without their OhjeSions^ but however, be fure that yours may not ftray from the Rules which the wi- fer part of the World hath ftt to them ^ the Leagues Offen* five and DefenJiveStXAom hold m Politicks^ and much lefs is Frkndjhip 5 the violent Inti- macies^ when once broken, of which they fcarce ever fail, make fuch a Noife^ the Bag of

Secrets

1 18 Advice to a Daughter.

Secrets untied, they fly about like Birds let loofe from a Cage, and become the En- tertainmefit of the Tovppj, Be- fides, thefe great Dearfjejfes by degrees grow injurious to the reft of your Acquaintance^ and throw them off from you: There is fuch an Offenfive Diftinaion when the Dear Friend cometh into the Room, thnt it is flinging Stones at the Company^ who are not apt to forgive it.

Do not lay out your Friend' Jhip too lavijhly at firft, fince it will, like other things, be fo much the Iboner fpent 5 neither let it be of too quick a growth 5 for as the Plants which (hoot up too fa(i are not of that continuance^ as

thofc

FRIENDSHIPS. 119

thofe which take more time for it 3 fo too fwift a Progrefs in pouring out your Kindnejs^ is a certain Sign that by the Courfe of Nature it will not be long-lived. You will be refpt nibble to the World, if you pitch upon fuch Friends as at the fame time are under the weight of any Criminal OhjeSion 3 in that cafe you will bring your felf under the difadvantages of their Chu- raSer^ and muft bear your part of it. Chnfwg implicth Approving 5 and if you fix upon a Lady for your Friend againft whom the World ihall have given Judgment, 'tis not fo well natur*d as to believe you are altogether averfe to her way of livings

fince

I20 Advice to a Daughter.

fince it doth not difcourage you from admitting her into your Kindfjefs 5 and Refem- blame of Inclinations being thought none of the leaft Inducements to Friendjhip^ you will be looked upon at leaft as a well-wi(her if not a Partner v^ixh her in her Faults: If you can forgive them in an- other, it may be prefumedyou will not be lefs gentle to your felf 5 and therefore you muft not^ke it ill, if you are rec- koned a Croupiere^ and con- demned to pay an equal Share with fuch a friend of the Re- piitation fhe hath loft.

If it hapneth that you4: Friend (hould fall from the State of Innocence after your Kindnefs was engaged to her,

you

FRIENDSHIPS. 121

you may be flow in your be- lief in the beginning of the Difcovery 5 but as foon as you are convinced by a i?^- twffal Evidence , you muft: , without breaking too roughly^ make a fair and quick Retreat from fuch a Miflakcn Acqitajn- tance 5 clfe by moving too Jlowly from one that is fo tainted, the Contagion may reach you fo far as to give you part of the Scaridal, though not of the Guilt. This Mat- ter is fo nice, that as you muft not be too hafty to jojn m the Cenfitre upon your triend when (he is accufed^ fo you are not on the other fide to deferid her with too much warmth 3 for if (he (hould happen to deferve the Re- G port

122 Advice to d Datighttr.

port of Common Fame^ befides the Vexation that belongeth to fuch a miftake, you will draw an ill appearance upon your felf , and it will be thought you pleaded for her not without fome confiderati^ en of your felf. The Anger which muft be put on to vin- dicate the Reputation of an injured Friend^ may incline the Company to fufpefl: you would not be {o zealous^ if there was not a poffibility that the Gafe might be your own : For this reafon you are not to carry your dearne/s (6 far, as abfolutely to lofe your Sight where your Friend is concerned : Becaufe Malice is too quick- lighted, it doth not foUoWj that triendfiip muft be

blind :

FRIENDSHIPS. 123

hli^d: There is to be a Meaft between thofe Extreams^ elfe your Excufe of Good Nature may betray you into a very ridiculous Figure^ and by de- grees may be preferred to fuch Offices as you will not be proud of. Your Ignorance may leffen the Guilty but will improve the Jeji upon you, who (hall be kindly foUicitous to procure a Meet- ing, and innocently contri- bute to the Ills you would avoid 5 whilft the Contriving hovers^ when they are alone, (hall make you the Subjeft of their Mirth^ and perhaps ( with refpeft to the Goddeft of Love be it fpoken) it is not the v/orft part of their Entertainment^ at leaft it is the G 2 moft

124 Advice to a Daughter.

moft lafting, to laugh at the believifjg Friend^ who was fo eafily deluded.

Let the good Senfe of your Frhfjds be a chief Ingredient in your Choke of them 5 elfe Jet your Reputation be never fo clear, it may be clouded by their Impertimtjce, It is like our Houfes being in the Powder of a Drunken and Carelels Neighbour 5 only fo much worfe, as that there will be no Infiirance here to make you amends, as there is in the Cafe of Fire.

To conclude this Para- graph 5 If Formality is to be allowed in any Inftance, it is to be put on to refifl: the In- trufion of fuch forward Wo- men as (hall prefs themfelves

into

CENSVRE. 125

into your Fne^dfirp. where, if admitted, they will be ei- ther a Sf^are or aa I?tcum-

CENSVRE.

IT will come next to your Confiderdtion, how you are to mannage your Ce^fure 5 in which both Care and Skill will be a good deal required, to dift'inguitli is not only fja- tural but ftcceffiry ^ and the Effeft^ of it is, That we can- not avoid giving Judgment in our Minds, either to ab- folve or to cotidemti as the Cafe requireth. The DificHltji is, G 3 to

126 Advice to a Daughter,

to know where and when it is proper Xoproclaimx\itSe?2ience. An Averfwn to what is Crimi- ^al^ and a Contempt of what is ridicnlof^^ are the infef arable Companions of llnderftanding and Vertue 5 but the letting them go farther than our own Thoughts, hath fo much dan- ger in it, that though it is neither poffible nor fit \o [up- pref them intirely, yet it is lieceffary they ftiould be kept under great ReUraints, An urjlimited Liberty of this kind is little lefs than fending a Herald to proclaim War to the World, which is an angry Beaji when fo provoked : The Conteft will be unequal, though you are never fo much in the right 3 and if you be- gin

CENSVRE,&c. 127

gin againft fuch an Adverfa- ry, it will tear you in pieces, and v/ith this Juftification, That it is done in its own defence. You muft therefore take heed of Langhwg , ex- cept in Company that is very fure 5 it is throwing Snov/- balls againft Bullets y and it is the dijadvatjtage of a Wo- man, that the Malice of the World will help the Brutality of thofe who will throw a JlovQnly U77truih upon her. You are for this Reafon to fupprefs your Im^alknce ^ for Fools, (which befides that they are too ftrong a Party to be unneceffarily provoked ) are, and of all other the raoft dan- gerous. In this Cafe, a Blockc head in his Rage will return G 4. a

1^8 Advice to a Daughter.

a dfill Jefi , which will lie heavy, though there is not a Grain of Wit in it. Others will do it with more Art, and you muft not think your felf fecure becaufe your Reputati- on may perhaps be out of reach of III will ^-^^ for if it findeth that part guarded^ it will feek one which is more expfed ^ it fiieth, like a cor- rupt Humour in the Body, to the weaksfi Part ; If you have a tender Side, the World will be fure to find it, and to put the word Colour on all you fay or do, give an Aggravation to every thing that may lef- fen you, and afpiteful turn to every thing that might re- commend you. Anger \2\^i\\ open ihofe Defefts which

Friend-

CENSVRE, 12^

Friendjlyip would not fee, and Civjiity would be willing to forget. Malice needeth no fach InvitcUion to encournge it, neither are any Pains more fuperfluous than thofe we take to be ill fpoken of; \( Envy^ which never dyeth, and feldom (leepeth, is content fometimes to be in a Slnmher^ it is very unskilful to make a noife to awaken it : Befides, your Wit will be mifapplied in it, if it is wholly direSed to dilcern the Faults of others^ when it is fo neceflary to be fo often ufed to »0end and prevent your ovpn. The fend- ing our Thoughts too much abroad, hath the fanie Effcd, as when a Family never Ray- eth at home 5 l>^egUB and Dif- G 5 ord^r

130 Advice to a Daughter.

order naturally foUowcth 5 as it muft do within our fdves, if we do not frequent- ly turn our Eyes inwards, to fee what is amifs with us, where it is a fign we have an unwelcome ProJpeH^ when we do not care to look, upon it, but rather feek our Confolati- ons in the Vaults of thole we converfe with. Avoid be- ing the firft in fixing a hard Cenfurty but let it be confirm- ed by the general Vohx^ be- fore you give credit to it : Neither are you then to give Sentence like a Magifirate^ or as if you had a Jpecial Autho- rity to beftovv a good or ill Name at your difcretion. Do^ not dwell too long upon a y^^ak^ Side^ touch and go a-

way 5

CENSVRE, &c. 191

way 5 take pleafure to ftay lon- ger where you can commend^ like Bees that fix only upbn thofe Herbs out of which they may extraft the Juice of which their Honey is cora- pofed. A f^erthc ftuck with Briflks is too rough for this Age 5 it muft be adorned with fome Florvers, or elfe it will be unwillingly enter- tained 3 fo that even where it may be fit to ftrike, do it like a Ladj/^ gently ^ and af- fiire your felf, that where you take care to do it, you will wound others more, and hurt your felf lefs, by feft Slrokss^ than by being harfi or violent. The Triumph of Wit is to make your good Nature fub- due your Ce/jfire , to be quick

in

132 Advice to a Da fighter.

m feeing Fajdts^ and flow in expoftffg them. You are to coniider , that the invifible thing called a Good Name , is made up of the Breath of Numbers that fpeak well of you 5 fo that if by a difoW- gi>7g Word you filence the fMeanefl^ the Gale will be lefs ftrong which is to bear up your Ejieem, And though no- thing is fo vain as the eager purfuit of empty Afplaufe^ yet to be well thought of, and to be kindly ufed by the World, is like a Glory about a Wo- mans Head 5 'lis a Perfume fhe carrieth about with her , and leaveth where- ever fhe goeth ^ 'tis a Charm againft ///- will 5 Malice may empty her Qiiverj but cannot wound 5

the

the Dirt will not ftick, the Jefts will not take : Without the confent of the World, a Scaridal doth not go deep 3 it is only a flight ftroke upon the Party injured, and return- eth with the greater force up- on thofe that gave it.

FANITTa^dAFFEC' T ATI ON.

IMuft with more than ordi- nary earmflnefs give you Caution againft Vanity^ it be- ing the Fault to which your Sex feemeth to be the moft inclined , and fince Affectation for the moft part attendeth it 5 I do not know how to

divide

134 Advice ia a Daughter,

divide them : I will not call them Trvi^s , becaufe more properly Vanity is the Mother^ and Affectation the Darling Daughter ; Vanity is the Sin, and AffeBation the Punifh- ment 5 the firft may be called the Root of Self -Love ^ the o- ther the bruit 5 Vanity is ne- ver at its full growth till it fpreadeth into AffeUation^ and then it is compleat. Not to dwell any longer upon the de- finition of them, I will pafs to the means and motives to a- void them: In order to it, you are to confider, that the World challengeth the right of diftributingEfteem and Ap- plaufe 5 fo that where any a(^ fume by their fingle Authority^ to be their own Carvers 5 it

groweth

VANITY, &c. 155

groweth angry, and never faileth to feek Reveffge--^ and if we may meafure a Fault by the greatnefs of the Penalty^ there are few of a higher fize than Vanity^ as there is fcarce a Puniihment which can be heavi'er than that of being laughed at. Vanity ma- keth a Woman tainted with it, fo top-ful of her felf, that {he fpilleth it upon the Com^ fany 5 and becaufe her own thoughts are intirely imploy- ed ia SelfContemplation 3 fhe endeavouretb, by a cruel Mi- ftake, to confine her Acquaw-^ tatjce to the fame narrow Cir- cle of that which only con- cerneth her Ladifhip, forget- ting that (he is not of half that Imforiance to the World, that

(he

1^6 Advk^ to a Daughter,

fhe is to her felf, fo miftaken fhe is in her Value, by being her own Appraifer 5 {he will fetch fuch a Gompafs in Dif- courfe to bring in her beloved Self^ and rather than fail^ her fine Petty-Coat , that there can hardly be a better Scene than fuch a Tryal of ridicu- lous Ingenuity : It isa Pleafure to fee her Angle for Commtn- datiofz^ and rife io diffatisfied with the Ul-bred Compa?7y^ if they will not hiie. To obferve her throwing her Ejes about to fetch in Prifoners, and go about Cruizing like a Pri- vateer, and fo out of Counte- vancQ^ if (he return without Booty ^ is no ill piece of Co- medy ; She is fo eager to draw refpeft, that fhe always mif-

feth

VANITY, &c. 137

feth it, yet thinketh it fomuch her due, that when (he fail- eth (he groweth wafpijh , not confidering, that it is impof^ fib!e to commit a Rape upon the will. That it moft be fairly gained, and will not be taken by Storfn , and that in this Cafe, the Tax ever ri- feth higheft by a Benevolence. If the World inftead of ad- miring her Imaginary Excel* lencies^ taketh the Liberty to laugh at them, (he appealeth from it to her felf, for whom {he giveth Sentence, and pro- claimeth it in all Companies : On the other fide, if incoura- ^ed by a Civil Word^ fhe is fo ♦obliging, that (he will give thanks for being laughed at in good -Language : She taketh

a Com-

158 Advice to a Daughter.

a Complement for a Dernonftra- tion, and fetteth it up as an Evidence , even againfk her Looking-Glafi 3 but the good Lady being all this while in a mofl: profound Ignorance of her felf, forgetteth that Men would not let her talk upon them, and throw fo many fencelefs words at their heads, if they did not intend to put her Perfon to Fine and Ran- fome for her Impertinence. Good words of any other La- dy, are fo many Stones thrown at her, (he can by no means bear them, they make her fo uneaficj that (he cannot keep her Seat 5 but up (he rifeth, and goeth home half burft with Anger and Strait- Lacing ^^ if by great chance (he faith

any

VANITY, &e. 139

any thing that hath fence in it, (he expefteth fuch an Ex- ceffive rate of CommendatJo>2s^ that to her thinking the Com- pany ever rifeth in her Ddt 5 fhe looketh upon Rnks as things made for the common People, and not for Perfons of her Rank^'^ and this Opini- on fometimes provokes her to Extend her Prerogative to the difpencing with the Com- mandments : If by great Far^ turn (he happeneth, in fpite of her Vanity^ to be honeft, Ihe is fo troublefome with it, that as far as in her lieth, (he ma- keth a fcurvy thin^ of it 5 her bragging of her Verfne^ look- eth as it' it coft her fo much pains to get the better of her Self, that the hferetjces are

very

140 Advice to a Daughter,

very ridiculous. WtrgoodHu- mouT is generally applied to the laughing at good Sence, It would do one good to fee how heartily (he defpifeth any thing that is fit for her to do. The greateft part of her Fan- cy is laid out in chufing her Gow/i^ as her Difiretion is chiefly imploy'd in not fayhtg for it. She is faithful to the Fajhiofj^ to which not only her Opinion^ but her Senfes are wholly refigned 5 fo obfe- quious (he is to it, that flie would be ready to be recon- ciled even to Vertue with all its Faults^ if (he had her Dan- cing Ma fter's Word that it was praftis'd at Court,

To a Woman fo composed, when Affectation corametb in

to

VAN ITT, &c. 141

to improve her Chara&evy it is then raifed to the higheft FerfcBion, She firfl: fetteth up for a Fwe things and for that Reafon will diftinguiih her felf, right or wrong, in every thing {he doth. She would have it thought that (he is made of fo much the finer Clay^ and fo much more Jifted than ordinary, that (he hath no common Earth about her : To this end (he muft neither move nor fpeak like other Women, becaufe it would be vulgar 5 and therefore muft have a Language of her ovpn^ fince ordinary Englijh is too courfe for her. The Looking- gla^ in the Morning difta- tetn to her all the Motions of the Day, which by how much

the

142 Advice to a Daughter.

the more jiudied^ are fo much the more miflaken. She com- eth into a Room as if her Limbs were fet on with ill- made Screws, which raaketh the Company fear the pretty thing (hould leave forae of its artificial Per/on upon the Floor. She doth not like her felf as God Almighty made her, but will have fome of her own Workmanfhip 5 which is fo far from making her a better thing than a Womaff^ that it turneth her into a worfe Creature than a M^«- hy. She falleth out with NatPire, againft which (he raa- keth War without admitting of a Tiv/re, thofe Moments ex- cepted in which her Gallant may reconcile her to it, when

(lie

VANITr,&c. 143

The hath a mind to be fofi and larjguijhwg : There is fomething fo unnatural in that affeBed Eafwefs^ that her Frowns could not be by ma- ny degrees fo forbidding. When ffie would appear un- reafonably humble^ one may fee {he is (b exceffively fronds that there is no enduring it* There is fiich an impcrtinerjt Smtle^ fuch a fatisfied Simper^ when Qie faintly difbwneth fome fulfom Commendation a Man hapneth to beftow upon her againft his Gonfcience , that her Thanks for it are more vifible under fuch a thin Difguife^ than they could be if (he (hould print them. If a handfomer Woman taketh any liberty of DreJJjng out

of

144 Advice to a Daughter,

of the ordinary Rules, the mi- ftaken Lady followeth, with- out diftinguifhing the unequal Pattern, and maketh her felf uglier by an Example miP- placed 5 either forgetting the Privilege of good Looks in another^ or prefuming, with- out fufficient reafon, upon her own. Her Difcour/e is a fenf- lefs Chime of empty Words, a heap of Complements fo equal- ly applied to differing Per-^ fons, that they are neither va- lued nor believ'd. Her Eyes keep pace with her Tongue^ and are therefore always in ptotion 5 one may difcern that they generally incline to the compajjzonate fide, and that, notwithftanding her pretence to Vertue^ (lie is gentle to di-

ftrefed

FAN ITT, 6-0. 145

fireffed Lovers , and Ladies that are merciful. She will repeat the tender part of a Play fo feelingly , that the Company may guefi, without Injuftice, fhe .was not altoge- ther a dijtnierejjed Spe^ator. Shethinketh that Paint and Sin are concealed by rail- ing at them 5 upon the latter fhe is lels hard, and being divided between the two op- polite Prides of her Beauty and her Vertue, (he is often tempted to give broad Hints that fome body is dying for her 5 and of the two (he is left unwilling to let the World think (he may be fometimes profan d, than that (he is never worfhipped. Ve- ry great Beauty may perhaps H &

146 Advice to a Daughter.

fo dazle for a time, that Men may not fo clearly fee the De- formity of thofe AjfeUions : But when the Brightnefs goeth off, and that the Lover s Eyes are by that means fet at liber- ty to fee things as they are, he will naturally return to his loft Senfes, and recover the Miftake into v/hich the Lady's good Looks had at firft engaged him 5 and being once undeceived, ceafeth towor- (hip that as a Goddefs^ which he feeth is only an artificial Shrine^ moved by Wheels and Springs to delude him. Such Women pleafe only like the firfi Opening of a Scene^ that hath nothing to recommend it but the being New ; They may be compared to Flies ^

that

FAN ITT, &c. 147

that have pretty fhining Wiftgs for two or three hot Months, but the firft cold Weather maketh an end of them 5 fo the Utter Seafon of thefe fluttering Creatures is difinal: From their neareft Friends they receive a very faint Refpeft^ from the reft of the World, the utmoft de- gree of Contempt.

Let this Pi6fure fupply the place of any other Rules which might be given to pre- vent your refe/nblanco to it. The Deformity of it , well confidered, is InjiruSion e- nough, from the very lame reafon, that the fight of a Drunkard is a better Sermoic againft that Vice^ than the belt that was ever prcach'd upon that 5^/i/cJ?. H2 ?Rim.

148 Advice to a Daughter,

PRIDE.

AFter having faid this againft Vanity^ I do not intend to apply the fame Cen- Jure to Pride^ well placed, and rightly defined. It is an amb/gHo/^f Word 3 one kind of it is as much a Vertue^ as the other is a Vice : But we are naturally fo apt to chufe the vporfl^ that it is become dangerous to commend the hefi iide of it. A Woman is not to be proud of her fine Gown ^ nor when (he hath lefs Wit than her Neigh- bours, to comfort her felf

' that

PRIDE. 149

that fhe hath more Lace. Some Ladies put fo much weight upon Orna/^/e?tts^ that if one could fee into their Hearts^ it would be found, that even the Thoughts of Death are made lefs heavy to them by the Contemplation of their being kid out in St ate ^ and honourably attended to the Grave. One may come a good deal (hort of fuch an Extream^ and yet ftill be fuf- ficiently Impertinent^ by fet- ting a wrong Value upon things which ought to be ufed with more indifference. A Lady muft not appear fol- licitous to ingrofs ReJpeS to her felf, but be content with a reafonable Diftrikitton^ and allow it to others, that fhe H 3 may

1 50 Advice to a X^anghter.

may have it returned to her* She is not to be troublefomly nice^ nor diftinguifh her felf by being too delicate^ as if or- dinary things were too cenrfe for her 5 this is an unmajiner- ly and offenfive Pride, and where it is praclifed , defer- veth to be mortified , cf which it feldom faileth. She is not to lean too much upon her Quality, much lefs to de- fpife thofe who are below ft. Some make ^ality an Idol^ and then their Reafon muft fall down and worftiip it 5 they would have the World think , that no amends can ever be made for the want of a great Title^ or ancient Coat of Arms : They imagine, that with thefc Advantages they

ftand

PRIDE. 151

ftand upon the higher Groimd\, which maketh them look down upon Merit audVert^e^ as things inferiour to them. This Miftake is not only fencelefs^ but criminal too, in putting a greater Price upon that which is a piece of good Liicl{^ than upon things which are valuable in themfelves. hanghing is not enough for fuch a Folly \ it muft be le- vcrcly whipped^ as it juftly de- ferves. It will be confeiied, there are frequent Te/^;j?^^^i^/^j" given hj pert TJpjiarts to be angry, and by that to have our Judgment corrupted in thefe Cafes 5 but they are to be refifted , and the utmoft that is to be allowed, is, when thofe of a new Editiou will

for-

152 Advice to a Daughter.

forget themfelves, fb as either to brag of their weal{^ Jide^ or to endeavour to hide their Mean^efs by their Infolence 5 to cure them by a little fea- fonable Raillery , a little Sharpnefs well placed , with- out dwelling too long upon it. Thefe and many other kinds of Fride are to be a- voided. That which is to be recommended to you, is, an 'Emulation to raife your felf to a CharaUer^ by which you may be diftinguiflied, an Ea- gernefi for precedence in Vertue^ and all fuch other things as may gain you a grea- ter (hare in the good Opinion of the World. Ejitem to Ver^ tue is like a cheriJJnng Air to '!^knU and Howers ^ which

maketh

PRIDE. 155

maketh them blow and prof- per 'y and for that reafon it may be allowed to be in fome degree the Caufe as well as the Reward of it. That Pride which leadeth to a good End^ cannot be a Vice^ fince it is the beginning of a Vertue 5 and to be pleafed with juft Af- plauje^ is fo far from being a Fault 5 that it would be an ill Symptom m a Woman, who Ihould not place the greateft part of her Satkfa&ion in it. Humility is no doubt a great Vertue 5 but it ceafeth to be fo,^ when it is afraid to fcorn an ill thing. Againft Vice and Folly it is becoming your vS*^x to be haughty ^ but you muft not carry the Contempt of things to Arrogance towards

Perfen

154 Advice to a Daughter.

Perfons^ and it muft be done with fitting Difiin&ions^ elfe it may be Inconvenient by be- ing unfeafonable. A Pride that raifeth a little Anger to be out-done in any thing that is good, will have fo good an EfeS^ that it is very hard to allow it to be a Fault. It is no eafie matter to carry even between thefe diftbring kinds fo defcribed ^ but remember, that it is fafer for a Womun to be thought too proud, than too familiar.

DIVER'

DIVERSIONS. 155

DIFERSIONS.

TH E laft thing I {hall re- commend to you, is a wife and fafe method of ufing Dtverfiofts X, to be too eager in the purfait of pleafare whilft you are Tonng^ is dan- gerous 5 to catch at it in riper Tears^ is grafping a (hadow that will not be held 5 befides, that by being lefs natural it groweth to be indecent 5 Di- verjions are the moft properly to be applied, to eafe and relieve thofe who are Oppref- fed^ by being too much Im- ployed 5 thofe that are Idle

have

156 Advice to a Daughter,

have no need of them, and yet they above all others give themrelves up to them. To un- bend our Thought s^Y^htn they are too much ftretched by our Cares, is not more natural than it is neceflary , but to turn our whole Life into a ^olj'day^ is not only ridicu- lous, but deftroyeth pleafiire inftead of pomoting it 5 the Mind like the Body is tired by being Mways in one Pofture, too ferious breaketh it, and too diverting loofeneth it : It is Variety that giveth the Re* lifh,fo that Diver f&ns too fre- quently reaped, grow firfk to be indifferent, and at laft tedious 5 whilft they are well ehofen and well timed, they are never to be blamed > but

whea

DIVERSIONS. 157

when they are ufed to an Ex- cels, though very Innocent at firft, they often grow to be Criminal^ and never fail to be Impertinent : Some Ladies are befpoken for Merry Meet- ings, as Bejji^ was for Duels 5 they are ingaged in a Circle of Idlenefs^ where they turn round for the whole Year, without the Interruption of a ferious hour , they know all the Players Names,8c are Inti- mately acquainted with all the Bootlis in Bartholomew Fair 5 no Souldier is more Obedient to the found of his Captain's Trumpet^ than they are to that which fummoneth them either to a PHppit-Plaji or a Monjier 3 the Spring that bringeth out Flies^ and Fools maketh them Inhabitants

158 Advice to a Danghter.

Inhabitants in iif/We-P^r^s in the Winter they are an Incum- brance to the Play-Hotije^ and the Ballaft of the Drawings Room 5 the Streets all this while are fo weary of thefe daily Faces, that Mens Eyes are over-laid with them 5 the fight is glutted with fine things as the Stomach with fweet ones 5 and when a fair Lady will give too much ofherfelf to the Worlds (he groweth lufhious, and oppreileth in- ftead of pleafing.

Thefe Jolly Ladies do fb continually feek Diverfion^ that in a little time they grow into a Jeajt^ yet are unwilling to remember^that if they were feldomer feen they would not be fo often laughed at--,

befides.

DIFERSIONS. 159

befides, they make themfelves Cheapo than which there can- not be an nnkinder word be- ftowed upon your Sex. To play fometimes, to entertain Cor/ipany^ or to divert your ftlf, is not to be difallowed, but to do it fo often as to be called a Gamefler^ is to be a- voided, next to the things that are moft CriminaLlt hath Con- fequences of fever d kinds not to be indured 5 it will ingage you into a habit oHdlemfs and 7llhoTtrs^Ax2iW you into ill mix- ed Company^ make you negled your Civilities abroad, and your hiijinefs at home, and im- pofc into your Acquaintance fuch as will do you no Credit. To deep VUy there will be yet greater ObjelJions 3 it will

give

1 6o Advice to A DuHghter,

give Occajion to the World to ask fpitefnl ^ejlions^ how you dare venture to lofe^ and what means you have to pay fuch great fums. If you pay exadtly^ it v/ill be enquired from whence the money cometh , if you owe, and efpecially to a Man, you muft be fo very Civil to him for his for- bearance, that it layeth a ground of having it farther improved if the Gentleman is fo difpofed, who will be thought no unfair Creditor^ if where the Ejiate faileth he feizeth upon the Perfon s be- fides, if a Lady could fee her own Face upon an ill Game^ at a deep Stake, fhe would certainly forfwear any thing

that

DANCING. i6i

that could put her looks un- der fuch a Difadvantage.

DANCING.

TO Dance fometimes will not be imputed to you as a fault, but remember that the end of your Learning it, was, that you might know the better how tomove^r^<:e- fHllj 5 it is only an advantage fo far 5 when it goeth beyond it, one may cdllitexcellingm a Miftake, which is no very great Commendation : It is better for a Woman never to Dance^ becaufe {he hath no ^illinit, than to doit too I often*^

1 62 Advice U a DoHghter. often, becaufe (he doth it well 5 the eafieft as well as thefafeft Method of doing it, is in private Companies^ as a- mon^{i particular Friends^ and then carelefly, like a Diver- fion^ rather than with Solem- nity^ asif it was bufinefi, or had any thing in it to deferve a Months preparation by feri- ous Conference with a Dance- ing'Mafter.

Much more might be faid to all thefe heads, and many more might be added to them 5 but I muft reftrain my thoughts, which are full of my Dear Child, and would overflow into aVolume,which would not be fit for a New- Tears-Gift. I will conclude with my warmeft Wiflies for

all

DAisrcmG. 165

all that is good to you, that you may Uve fo as to be an Ornament to your Family^and a Pattern to your Sex, that you may be blefled with a Husband that may value^, and with Children that may inherit your Vertue^ that you may fliine in the World by a true Light, and filence Envy by deferving to be efteemed, that Wit and Vertue may both eonlpire to make you a great Figure s when they are Separa- ted, the firft is fb empty, and the other fo faint, that they fcarce have right to be commended : May they there- fore meet and never part 5 let them be your Guardian An- gels, and be fore never to ftray out of the diftance of

their

l6^ Advice U a Dangler.

their joint-proteftion : May you fo raife your ^arafter, that you may help to make the next Age a better thing, and leave Pofterity in your Debt for the advantage it (hall receive by your Exam* pie : Let me conjure you. My JOeareJi^ to comply with this kind Ambition of a Father, whoft thoughts are (b ingaged in your behalf, that he rec- koneth your Happinefi to be the greateft part of his own.

FINIS.

NO

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5?^

#M

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^

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l^<^

to.

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