THE MADNESS
OF PHILIP

BY

JOSEPHINE DODGE
DASKAM

With -^
Illustration*

by

F. Y. CORY

r r
r

LIBRARY

UNIVEflSfTY OF

*

presented to the

LIBRARY
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA SAN DIF.GO

by

FRIENDS OF THE LIBRARY

MR. JOHN C. ROSE

donor

\

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

AND OTHER TALES OF
CHILDHOOD

BY
JOSEPHINE DODGE DASKAM

Illustrated by F. Y. Cory

McCLURE, PHILLIPS & Co.

NEW YORK

1902

COPYRIGHT, 1902, BY
McCLURE, PHILLIPS & CO.

1901, by Harper & Bros.
1900, 1901 and 1902, by S. 8. McClure Co.

Published, Harch, 1002

SECOND IMPRESSION

To my Father

kindest of many kind critics

these stories are

dedicated

PAGE

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP .<,... 1

A STUDY IN PIRACY 31

BOBBERT S MERRY CHRISTMAS 69

THE HEART OF A CHILD 95

ARDELIA IN ARCADY 119

EDGAR, THE CHOIR BOY UXCELESTIAL . .153

THE LITTLE GOD AND DICKY 191

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

HIS mother, being a woman of percep
tion, realized early that something was
wrong. Even before breakfast she
found Philip trying to put his sister into the
bolster case, checking her vivid denunciations by
a judicious application of the pillow. After
breakfast it was im
possible to get him
ready in time, as
his rubbers had
been hidden by a
revengeful sister,
and the bus was
kept waiting fully
five minutes, to the
irritation of the
driver, who made
up the lost interval

by a rapid pace.

Checking her vivid denunciations
l>i/ a judicious application of the

pilloio."

[1]

THE M A D N ESS O F P H I I. 1 P

This jolted the children about, and frightened the
youngest ones, so that they arrived at the kinder
garten bumped and breathless, and only too dis
posed to take offense at the first opportunity. This
opportunity Philip supplied. As they swarmed
out of the bus he irritated Joseph ZukofFsky by a
flat contradiction of his pleased statement that he
was to lead the line into the house.

" Oh, no, you ain t ! " said Philip.

Joseph stared and reiterated his assertion
Philip again denied it. He did nothing to pre
vent Joseph from assuming the head of the line,
but his tone was most exasperating, and Joseph
sat down on the lowest step of the bus and
burst into angry tears he was not a person of
strong character.

Some of the more sympathetic children joined
their tears to his, and the others disputed vio
lently if vaguely ; they lacked a clear idea of the
difficulty, but that fact did not prevent eager
partisanship. Two perplexed teachers quieted
the outbreak and marshaled a wavering line, one
innocently upholding Philip to the disgusted
[2]

THE MADNESS OK PHILIP

group, " because he walks along so quietly," the
other supporting Joseph, whose shoulders heaved
convulsively as he burst out into irregular and
startling sobs. It was felt that the day had be
gun inauspiciously.

They sat down on the hall floor and began to
pull off their rubbers and mufflers. As Philip^s
eye fell to the level of his feet a disagreeable as
sociation stirred his thoughts, and in a moment
it had taken definite form : his rubbers had been
stolen and hidden ! His under lip crept slowly
out ; a distinctly dangerous expression grew in
his eyes; he looked balefully about him. Ma-
rantha Judd pirouetted across his field of vision,
vainglorious in a new plaid apron with impracti
cable pockets. Her pigtails bobbed behind her.
She had just placed her diminutive rubbers
neatly parallel, and was attaching the one to the
other with a tight little clothes-pin provided for
the purpose.

Casually, and as if unconscious that Marantha
was curiosity incarnate, Philip took his own
clothes-pin and adjusted it to his nose. It gave

m

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

him an odd and, to Marantha, a distinguished
appearance, and she inquired of him if the sensa
tions he experienced were pleasurable. His an
swer expressed unconditional affirmation, and un
clasping her clothes-pin Marantha snapped it

" Tore off the clothes-pin with a jerk."

vigorously over her own tip-tilted little feature.
A sharp and uncompromising tweak was the
result, and Marantha, shrieking, tore off the
clothes-pin with a jerk that sent little Richard
Willetts reeling against his neighbor. Out of
the confusion Richard was a timorous creature,
[41

THE MADNESS OF P H I I. I 1

and fully convinced that the entire kindergarten
meditated continual assault upon his small per
son rose the chiding voice of Marantha :

" You are a bad, bad boy, Philup, you are ! "

To her tangled accusations the bewildered
teacher paid scant heed.

" I can t see why all you little children find so
much fault with Philip," she said reprovingly.
" What if he did put his clothes-pin on his nose ?
It was a foolish thing to do, but why need you
do it ? You have made more trouble than he,
Marantha, for you frightened little Richard ! "

Marantha s desperation was dreadful to wit
ness. She realized that her vocabulary was
hopelessly inadequate to her situation : she knew
herself unable to present her case effectively, but
she felt that she was the victim of a glaring in
justice. Her chin quivered, she sank upon the
stairs, and her tears were even as the tears of
Joseph Zukoffsky.

The youngest assistant now appeared on the
scene.

" Miss Hunt wants to know why you re so late

THE MADNESS OF V H I I. I i

with them," she inquired. " She hopes nothing s
the matter. Mrs. R. B. M. Smith is here to-day
to visit the primary schools and kindergartens,
and "

" Oh, goodness ! " the attempted consolation
of Marantha ceased abruptly. " I can t bear that
woman ! She s always read Stanley Hall s last
article that proves that what he said before was
wrong ! Come along, Marantha, and don t be a
foolish little girl any longer. We shall be late
for the morning exercise."

Upstairs a large circle was forming under the
critical scrutiny of a short, stout woman with
crinkly, gray hair. They took their places,
Marantha pink-nosed and mutinous, Joseph not
yet recovered from a distressing tendency to
burst out into gulping sobs he was naturally
pessimistic and treasured his grievances indefi
nitely. Philip s eyes were fixed upon the floor.

" Now what shall we sing ? " inquired the prin
cipal briskly. " I think we will let Joseph
choose, because he doesn t look very happy this
bright morning. Perhaps we can cheer him up."
[6]

T II E M A I) N K S S O F 1 II 1 I. I I

In a husky voice Joseph suggested " My heart
is God s little garden." In reply to Miss Hunt s
opening question Eddy Brown had proposed
" Happy greeting to the rain," a sufficiently
maudlin request, as there was absolutely no indi
cation of that climatic condition, past, present, or
future. Eddy possessed the not unusual combi
nation of a weak mind and a strong voice, and
though the piano prelude was that of Joseph s
choice, the effect of a voice near him starting the
well-known air of his own suggestion was over
whelming, and Eddy began shout
ing it lustily. Marantha, whose
susceptibilities were, like those of
others of her sex, distinctly sharp-

Marantha . . . upheld Josuph until all her powers of
heart and voice."

[7]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

ened by suffering, knew well enough who was re
sponsible for the rival chorus, and upheld Joseph
with all her powers of heart and voice. The tunes
in question were, like many of the kindergarten
repertoire, somewhat similar, and a few seconds of
chaotic discords amazed Mrs. R. B. M. Smith and
vexed the teachers.

Now see on what slight thread events are
strung ! What she innocently supposed to be a
misunderstanding of the song selected, influenced
one of the teachers to announce the subsequent
songs herself. This led Mrs. R. B. M. Smith to
suppose that the teacher was selecting all the
songs, thus depriving the children of the divine,
not to say formative, privilege of individual
choice. This opinion, in turn, led her to beckon
one of the assistants to her and describe her own
system of awakening and continuing, by a cease
less series of questions, the interested cooperation
of the child s intelligence. In order to do this,
she added, the subjects of song and story must be
more simple than was possible if complex histori
cal incidents were used. She indicated her will-
I 8 1

THE MADNESS OF PHI LI I

ingness to relate to the children a model story of
this order, calling the teachers 1 attention in ad
vance to the almost incredible certainty that
would characterize the children s anticipation of
the events thus judiciously and psychologically
selected.

The arm-chairs shortly to contain so much ac
curate anticipation were ranged neatly on both
sides of the long room. Some malefic influence
caused the officiating teacher to appoint Philip to
lead one-half of the circle to the chairs and Ma-
rantha the other. More than one visitor had
been wont to remark the unanimity with which
this exercise was performed. Each child grasped
his little chair by the arms, and holding it before
him, carried it to its appointed place in the circle.
So well had they learned this manoeuver that the
piano chords were sufficient monitors, and the
three teachers, having seen the line safely started,
gathered around their visitor to hear more of the
theory.

Under what obsession Philip labored, with what
malignant power he had made pact, is unknown.

T H E M A D N E S S OF PHILIP

He had no appearance of planning darkly : his
actions seemed the result of instantaneous inspira-

The effect was inexpressibly

indiscreet."

tion. Standing

before his chair

as if about to

take his seat,

he subsided partially ; then,

grasping the arms, half bent

over, he waddled toward the
circle. This natural method of transportation
commended itself in a twinkling to his line, and
without the slightest disturbance or hesitation,
they imitated him exactly. Experience should
have taught Marantha the futility of following
his example, but she was of an age when expe
rience appeals but slightly ; and determined to
excel him, at the risk of falling at every step
on her already injured nose, she bent over so far
that the legs of her chair pointed almost directly
upward. Her line followed her, and waddling,
f 10]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

shuffling, gnome-like, they made for the circle.
It had all the effect of a carefully inculcated drill,
and to Mrs. R. B. M. Smith the effect was inex
pressibly indiscreet.

"Is it possible that you she inquired,
pointing to the advancing children, many of
whom promptly fell over backward under the
sudden onslaught of the horrified teachers.

Miss Hunt colored angrily.

" Something is the matter with the school to
day," she said sharply. " I never knew them to
behave so in my life ! I can t see what s come
oxer them ! They always carry their chairs in
front of them.""

" I should hope so," responded the visitor
placidly, " nothing could be worse for them than
that angle."

" At least they re safe now," the youngest as
sistant whispered to her fellow-teacher, as the
children sat decorously attentive in their chairs,
their faces turned curiously toward the strange
lady with the fascinating plumes in her bonnet.

" Nothing like animals to bring out the

[11]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

protective instinct feebler dependent on the
stronger," she concluded rapidly, and then ad
dressed the objects of these theories.

" Now, children, Fin going to tell you a nice
story you all like stories, I m sure."

At just that moment little Richard Willetts
sneezed loudly and unexpectedly to all, himself
included, with the result that his ever-ready sus
picion fixed upon his neighbor, Andrew Halloran,
as the direct cause of the convulsion. Andrew s
well-meant efforts to detach from Richard s vest
the pocket-handkerchief securely
fastened thereto by a large, black
safety-pin strengthened the lat-
ter s conviction of intended as
sault and battery, and he squirmed
out of the circle and made a dash
for the hall the first stage in
an evident homeward expedi
tion.

This broke in upon the story,

, and even when it got under way
Sneezed loudly and

unexpectedly." again there was an atmosphere

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

" Yesterday, children, as I came out of my yard, what do
you think I saw ?

of excitement quite unexplained by the tale
itself.

" Yesterday, children, as I came out of my
yard, what do you think I saw ? " The elabo
rately concealed surprise in store was so obvious
that Marantha rose to the occasion and sug
gested :

" An ePphunt ! "

" Why, no ! Why should I see an elephant
in my yard ? It wasn t nearly so big as that
it was a little thing ! "

" A fish ! " ventured Eddy Brown, whose eye
fell upon the aquarium in the corner. The racon-
teufse smiled patiently.

" Why, no ! How could a fish, a live fish, get
in my front yard ?"

" A dead fish ? " persisted Eddy, who was never
known to relinquish voluntarily an idea.
[131

THE M A D N K S S OF PHILIP

" It was a little kitten," said the story-teller,
decidedly. "A little white kitten. She was
standing right near a great big puddle of water.
And what else do you think I saw ? "

" Another kitten ? " suggested Marantha con
servatively.

" No, a big Newfoundland dog. He saw the
little kitten near the water. Now cats don t like
the water, do they ? They don t like a wet place.
What do they like ? "

" Mice ! " said Joseph Zukoffsky abruptly.

" Well, yes, they do ; but there were no mice
in my yard. I m sure you know what I mean.
If they don t like water, what do they like ? "

" Milk ! " cried Sarah Fuller confidently.

" They like a dry place," said Mrs. R. B. M.
Smith.

" Now what do you suppose the dog did ? "
It may be that successive failures had disheartened
the listeners ; it may be that the very range pres
ented alike to the dog and them for choice dazzled
their imaginations. At any rate they made no
answer.

[141

T HE MADNESS OF PHILIP

" Nobody knows what the dog did ? " repeated
the story-teller encouragingly. " What would
you do if you saw a little white kitten like that ?"

Again a silence. Then Philip remarked gloom-
ily:

" Fd pull its tail."

Even this might have been passed over had
not the youngest assistant, who had not yet lost
her sense of humor, giggled convulsively. This,
though unnoticed by the visitor, was plainly ob
served by fully half the children, with the result
that when Mrs. R. B. M. Smith inquired patheti
cally,

" And what do the rest of you think ? I
hope yon are not so cruel as that little boy ! " a
jealous desire to share Philip^s success prompted
the quick response :

" Fd pull it, too ! "

Miss Hunt was oblivious to the story, which
finished somehow, the dog having done little, and
the kitten, if anything, less. She was lost in a
miserable wonder what was the matter with them ?
Alas ! she could not know that the root of all

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

the evil was planted in the breast of Philip, the
demon-ridden. His slightest effort was blessed
with a success beyond his hopes. He had but to
raise his finger, and his mates rallied all uncon
sciously to his support. Nor did he require
thought ; on the instant diabolical inspiration
seized him, and his conception materialized al
most before he had grasped it himself. The very
children of light were made to minister unto him,
as in the case of his next achievement.

With a feeling of absolute safety the teacher
called upon Eddy Brown to lead the waiting circle
in a game. Eddy was one of the stand-bys of the
kindergarten. He was a little old for it, but
being incapable of promotion owing to his inabil
ity to grasp the rudiments of primary work, he
continued to adorn his present sphere. It would
almost seem that Frobel had Eddy Brown in
mind in elaborating his educational schemes, for
his development, according to kindergarten stand
ards, was so absolutely normal as to verge on the
extraordinary. He was never ennuye, never cross,
never disobedient. He never anticipated ; he
f 161

T H K MADNESS OF PHILIP

never saw what you meant before you said it ; he
never upset the system by inventing anything
whatsoever the vice of the too active-minded.
He was perennially surprised at the climaxes of
the stories, passionately interested in the games ;
and clay balls and braided straw represented his
wildest dissipations. He sat in his chair till he
was told to rise, and remained standing till he
was urged to take his seat. His voice, if some
what off the key, was always prominent in song ;
his feet, if not always in time, were always in
evidence when it was a question of marching.

To-day he took the middle of the ring and
beamed cheerfully on them all as they swayed
back and forth and sang to him :

Now Eddie if you ll teach its

A new game to play,
We II watch you and try to

I)o just as yon say !

There was a slight poetic exaggeration in the
idea of Eddy Brown s being able to teach any
body anything new, but this was felt by no one
but the youngest assistant, who, recalling his

[17]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

Tripping lightly as
we go."\

regular programme upon such
occasions, smiled somewhat sar
donically.

As she had expected, Eddy
inclined to play " Tripping
lightly as we go." His concep
tion of the process implied in
the song was a laborious jump
ing up on one toe and down on
the other. This exercise he
would keep up till the crack of
doom if undiverted from it.
When induced to stop, he signalled to Joseph
Zukoffsky to take his place. Joseph, on being
tunefully implored to produce something new in
the way of a game, declared for " Did you ever
see a laddie ? " and the ring started in blithely :

Did you ever see a laddie, a laddie, a laddie ;
Did you ever see a laddie, do this way or that ?

After some seconds of consideration Joseph
solemnly lifted his left heel from the floor and re
placed it. This enthralling diversion occupied
[18]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

the ring for a moment, and then Marantha was
summoned. Though plump as a partridge, Mar
antha was born for the ballet.

" Did you ever see a lassie, a lassie, a lassie"
sang the children as Marantha, arching her little
instep and pointing her toe deliciously, kicked
out to one side, almost as high as her waist, with
a rhythmical precision good to see.

Her eyes sought Philip s, and with a coy little
smile, she took his hand to lead him to the centre.
Too many poets and novelists have analyzed the
inevitable longing of woman to allure him who
scorns her charms, the pathetic passion to attract

SO

" Marantha was born for the ballet."
\ 191

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

where she has been brutally repulsed, to make it
necessary for me to discuss her attempted endear
ments as Philip sulkily flung away her hand.

Just then somebody wanted a drink ; and as
one teacher led the thirsty child away, and the
other turned her head to attract the pianist s at
tention and propose a new tune, Philip, who had
not begun to set his model till the last moment,
suddenly lifted his thumb to his nose, contracting
and expanding his fingers in strict time.

Her rapid glance had shown the teacher a ring
of children apparently tapping their noses, and
only a horrified snort from Mrs. R. B. M. Smith
and a murmured " Heavens ! " from the returning
assistant called her attention to the circle of chil
dren gravely assuming an attitude prescribed no
where in Frobel, nor, indeed, in any system, social
or Delsartean.

Philip, now utterly abandoned to the spirit of
successful deviltry that intoxicated him beyond
control, danced up and down, inviting one, two,
and three out of the demoralized ring to share
his orgy. They pranced about wildly, shouting
[201

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

snatches of song, pushing each other, deaf to
the shocked remonstrance of the teachers, while
in their midst,
flushed and
screaming, Philip
and Marantha,
satyr and bac
chante, leaped
high in the air.
In the door

" Leaped hiyh in the air."

there suddenly
appeared a wom
an in a checked
apron with a shawl over her head. As the teach
ers pulled the ring-leaders apart, and the pianist,
to a shocked murmur of remonstrance, played
Triiumerei with the soft pedal down, while a circle
of flushed and palpitating " little birds " rocked
themselves to sleep with occasional reminiscent
giggles and twitters, the woman in the door ad
vanced to a little bird whose chief interest, as he
ruffled his gingham plumage, seemed to be to
evade an obviously maternal call.
1211

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

" Philup, ye bad boy, where s the carvin knife? 1
she said angrily. This was too much for the
youngest assistant, who went off into something
very like hysteria, while the principal tried to
explain the inevitable bad effect of shocks and
slaps upon the delicate organization of the child.

" An it s beggin y r pardon, Miss, but it s a
rale imp o Satan he ll be some days, like, an I
see it in his eye this marnin ! An imp o Satan ! "

The principal smiled deprecatingly. " We
don t like to hear a child called that," she said,
gently. " Philip has not been so good as usual
this morning "

" Ye may say so ! " interrupted Philip s parent.

" Philup, ye bad boy, where s the
carvin knife ? "

" An whin it s that way
he is, it s little good soft
words 11 do, Miss. He
gets it from his father.
An me not able to cut
the mate fer his father s
[22]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

dinner ! He s a sly young one ! It s a good
spankin he needs, Miss an hell get it, too ! "

"Take her into the hall with him. Tell her
not to spank him. Tell her we ll punish him.
We understand how to make him sorry," mur
mured the principal to the youngest assistant, as
she turned to quiet the circle.

The youngest assistant conducted Philip s
mother, and dragged Philip to the hall.

" Now, Philip, tell your mother where you hid
the carving knife," she said invitingly. Philip
made a break for the outer door. He was caught
and reasoned with. Incidentally his naughtiness
in leading the game was mentioned. His mother
set her jaw and loosened her shawl.

" An that s what ye did, ye bad boy ? What
did I say the last time I see ye at it ? Dirty
thrick ! You come here to me, sir ! "

Philip kicked violently and pinched the young
est assistant. Her lips assumed the set expres
sion of the other woman s. The light of genera
tions of Philistine mothers kindled in her eye.
As Philip struggled silently but wildly, the voice
[23J

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

of Mrs. R. B. M. Smith, high and resonant,
floated through the transom.

" And so we never strike a little child, Joseph,
and you must never talk about it. His mother
and Miss Ethel are going to talk with little
Philip, arid try to make him see

Philip ducked under his mother s arm and al
most gained the door. The youngest assistant
caught him by his apron-string and towed him
back. His mother looked around hastily, noticed
a small door half open, and caught the youngest
assistant s eye.

" Cellar ? " she inquired.

The youngest assistant nodded, and as his
mother lifted Philip bodily and made for the lit
tle door, it was opened for her and closed after
her by the only other person in the hall.

His mother carried Philip to the coal-heap,
and upon it she sat and spanked her son
spanked him systematically, and after an ancient
method upon which civilization has been able to
make few if any improvements. She had never
read that excellent work, " Child Culture, or
[24]

It was opened for her and closed after her.
[25]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

How shall we Train our Mothers ? " (R. B. M.
Smith).

Soon she led him in, subdued and remorseful,
the demon expelled, to the principal.

" Spanked him systematically."

" He ll throuble ye no more, Miss, an 1 the carv-
in knife is underneath th 1 bolster av his bed
the bad un that he is ! "

" Now that Philip is good again and you see
[20]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

how quiet he was out in the hall ; I told you he
was thinking very hard we ll all sing a song to
show how glad we are, and he shall choose it.
What would Philip like to sing ? "

Philip murmured huskily that his heart was
God s little garden, and there was more joy over
him than over the two dozen that needed no re
pentance.

But the youngest assistant avoided Mrs. R. B.
M. Smith s eye, for she had opened the cellar
door !

" Murmured huskily that his heart
was God s little garden."

A STUDY IN PIRACY

IT might not have occurred to you to find
the Head Captain terrible to look upon,
had you seen him first without his uniform.
There seems to be something essentially pacific
in the effect of a broad turn-over gingham collar,
a blue neck-ribbon, and a wide straw hat ; and
you might be pardoned for thinking him a
rather mild person. But could you have encoun
tered him in a black cambric mask with pinked
edges, a broad sash of Turkey red wound tightly
about his waist, and that wide collar turned up
above his ears the tie conspicuous for its ab
sence you might have sung another tune.
His appearance was at such a time nothing short
of menacing.

The Lieutenant was distinctly less impressive.
His sash, though not so long as the Head Cap
tain s, was forever coming untied and trailing
behind him, and as he often retreated rapidly, he
T311

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

stumbled and fell over it twice out of three
times. This gave it a draggled and spiritless
look. Moreover, he was not allowed to turn his
collar up except on Saturdays, and the one his
sister had made him from wrapping paper had an
exotic, not to say amateur theatrical, effect that
was far from convincing. The eye-holes in his
mask, too, were much too large showing, in
deed, the greater part of both cheeks, each of
which was provided with a deep dimple. Seen
in the daytime, he was not to speak confiden
tially very awesome.

As for the Vicar well, there were obstacles
in the way of her presenting such an appearance
as she would have liked. In the first place, there
was not enough Turkey red to go evenly round,
and to her disgust she had been obliged to put
up with a scant three-quarters of a yard not a
wide strip at that. What was by courtesy
called the Vicar s waist was not far from three-
quarters of a yard in circumference, which fact
compelled her to strain her sash tightly in order
to be able to make even a small hard knot, to
f 321

A STUDY IN PIRACY

say nothing of bows and ends. She had no col
lar of any kind her frocks were gathered into
bands at the neck and she was not allowed to
imitate the Lieutenant s ; who, though generally
speaking a mush of concession, held out very
strongly for this outward and visible sign of a
presumable inward and spiritual superiority. So
the Vicar, in a wild attempt at masculinity, had
privately borrowed a high linen collar of her uncle.
The shirts in her uncle s drawer had printed inside
them, "wear a seventeen-and-a-half collar with this
shirt" so you will not be surprised to learn that
the Vicar occasionally fell into the collar, so to
speak, and found herself most effectually muzzled.
But the worst was her mask. Her hair came
down in a heavy bang almost to her straight

brown eyebrows ; her round,
brown eyes were somewhat short
sighted ; her eye-holes were too
small. In consequence of these
facts, whenever it was desirable The Vicar.
[331

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

or necessary to see an inch before her nose she was
obliged to push the mask up over her bang, when
it waved straight out and up, and looked like some
high priest s mitre.

Her title was due to her uncle, who, to do him
justice, was as innocent of his influence in the
matter as of the loss of his collar.

" When a person isn t the head of the Pi
rates, but is an officer just the same, and
has some say about things, what do you call
that ? " she asked him abruptly one day. He
was reading at the time, and not unnatu
rally understood her to say " the head of the
parish."

" Why, that s called a vicar, I suppose you
mean," he answered.

" A vicker ! Does he have some say ? "

" Some say ? "

" Yes " - impatiently " some say. He
hasn t got to do the way the others tell him all
the time, has he ? "

" Oh, dear, no. Don t you know Mr. Wright,
down at the chapel ? He s called the vicar. He
[341

A STUDY IN PIRACY

really manages it, I think. Of course it s not
like being the rector "

" Chapel ? Is that the only kind of vicker,
like Mr. Wright ? "

" Why, of course not, silly ! There are lots of
different kinds."

" Oh ! " and she retired, practising the word.
The others were much impressed by her clever
ness in discovering such a fascinating title. It
savored of wicked and villain, to begin with ;
and pursuing the advantage of their previous
ignorance of it, she invented several privileges
and perquisites of the office, which to deny
would argue their lack of information on the
subject, a thing she knew they would never
own.

One of these was the right to summon the
band, when the Head Captain had decided on an
expedition, to any meeting-place she saw fit ;
and though in a great many ways her superiors
found her a nuisance, the Lieutenant in particu
lar objecting in a nagging, useless sort of way to
most of her suggestions, they could not but admit
f 35 1

THE MADNESS OF P H I I- I P

that her selection of mysterious, unsuspected ren
dezvous was often brilliantly original.

On one especial occasion, a warm afternoon late
in June, when the houses and yards were all
quiet, and the very dogs lay still in the shade,
the Vicar led them softly to the chicken yard,
mystified them by crawling through a broken

" Crouching along beneath the, perches."

glass frame into the covered roost, crouching
along beneath the perches, and going out again
by the legitimate door without stopping to speak.-
This effectually silenced the Lieutenant the
chicken house seemed an old ruse to him, and he
was sniffing in preparation for the expression of
his opinion. Out across the yard and twice
around an enormous hogshead they walked sol-
[361

A STUDY IN PIRACY

einnly. Such a prelude must mean a great
Jinale, and the Head Captain felt decidedly curi
ous. The Vicar paused, made a short detour for
the purpose of getting two empty boxes, piled
them one on the other, and lightly swung herself
into the cask. A loud thud announced her safe
arrival at the bottom, and flushed with delight
at the incomparable secrecy of the thing, the
Head Captain followed her. The Lieutenant,
grumbling as usual, and very nearly hanging
himself in his sash, which caught on the edge,
tumbled after, and standing close together in
the great barrel they grinned consciously at
each other.

The Head Captain broke the silence.

" Are we all here ? " he demanded, his voice
waking strange and hollow echoes.

" Yes ! " replied the Vicar delightedly, burst
ing with pride.

" Aye, aye ! " said the Lieutenant with careful
formality.

" Then listen here ! " the Head Captain spoke

in a hoarse whisper. " This 11 be a different

[37 1

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

way. This is going to be the real thing. To
day we re going to steal ! "

The Vicar gasped. " Really steal ? " she whis
pered.

" Steal what ? " said the Lieutenant with a
non-committal gruffness.

" I don t know till I get there," replied the
Head Captain grandly. "Gold, I suppose, or
treasures or something like that. Of course, if
we re caught "

The Lieutenant sucked in his breath with a
peculiar whistling noise one of his most envied
accomplishments and ran his finger-nail with a
grating sound around his side of the barrel.

"Jim Elder stole some apples from my father s
barn, and my father licked him good," he sug
gested.

" Apples ! Apples ! " The Head Captain
frowned terribly, adding with biting irony : " I
s pose Jim Elder s a Pirate ! I s pose he wears
a uniform ! I s pose he knows the ways this
gang knows ! I s pose he meets in a barrel like
this ! Huh ? "

[38]

A STUDY IN PIRACY

There was no answer, and the Head Captain
settled his mask more firmly. " Come on ! " he
said.

They looked at the sharp edge of the hogs
head ; it was far away. They looked inquiringly
at the Vicar ; she dropped her eyes. Oh,
Woman, in your hours of ease you can devise fine
secret places, you can lead us to them, but can
you bring us back to the outer world and the
reality you seduced us from ? There was an em
barrassing pause. The seconds seemed hours.
Would they die in this old, smelly barrel ?

The Head Captain smiled to himself.

" I guess you kids never d git out o here unless
I showed you how ! " he remarked cheerfully.

" Forward ! March ! " He took the one step
possible, and scowled because they did not follow
him.

" Don t you see ? " he said irritably. " When
I say three, fall over. Now, one two three ! "

He pushed the Lieutenant and the Vicar
against the side of the barrel, and precipitated
himself against them. The barrel wavered, tot-
[39]

THE MADNESS OP PHILIP

tered, and fell with a bang on its side, the sub
ordinate officers jouncing and gasping, unhappy

" Now, one two three/

cushions for their Head Captain, who crawled
out over them, adjusted his collar, and strode off
across the chicken yard. At the gate they
caught up with him.

" Lieutenant ! "

"Aye, aye, sir."

" Go straight ahead and watch out for us.
[40]

A STUDY IN PIRACY

Whistle three times if the coast is clear. Beware
of of anything you see ! "

" Aye, aye, sir."

The Lieutenant slunk off, a peculiar caution in
the slope of his shoulders and his long, noiseless
stride. He rounded the barn and disappeared
from sight. There was a moment of suspense.
Suddenly he ap
peared again, his
hand raised warn-
ingly.

" Sst, sst ! " he
hissed.

Promptly they
skipped behind the
wood-house door. In
a moment a man s
footsteps were audi
ble ; somebody was
swinging by the barn,

A peculiar caution in the
slope of his shoulders."

whistling as he went. He called out to the cook
as he went by : " Pretty hot, ain t it ? Hey ! I
say it s pretty hot ! "

[41]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

He was gone. He had absolutely no idea of
their presence. The first of the delicious thrills
had begun. The Lieutenant, from his post be
hind the barn door, could have leaned out and
touched him, but he had no idea. From that
moment the scenery changed. The yard was en
chanted ground, the buildings strange and doubt
ful, the stretches between haven and haven full of
dangers.

Presently three soft whistles broke the silence.
They glided out around the barn, and scaled the
first fence. The Head Captain stopped to caution,
the Lieutenant became hopelessly complicated in
his sash, so the Vicar got over first. Though
plump, she was light on her feet, and had been
known to push the others over in her nervous
haste ; she threw herself upon a solid board fence
in an utterly reckless way, striking the top flat on
her stomach, and sliding, slipping down the other
side. Her method, thoroughly ridiculous and
unscientific as it was, invariably succeeded, and
she usually waited a few seconds for them after
picking herself up. When one climbs after the
[42]

A STUDY IN PIRACY

" She threw herself over a solid board
fence in an utterly reckless way."

most approved fashion, employing as few separate
motions as possible, making every one tell, the
result of such slippery, panting scrambles as the
Vicar s is particularly irritating. The success of
the amateur is never pardonable.

" Which way, Head Captain ?"

A dusty forefinger indicated the neighboring
barn.

" Secret way or door ? "

" Secret way."

They cast hurried glances about them: nobody

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

was in sight. At the corner of the barn the
Lieutenant again performed scout duty, and his
three whistles brought them to a back entrance
hardly noticeable to the chance explorer of stable
yards a low door into a disused cow-house.

Softly they stole in, softly peeped into the
barn. It lay placid and empty, smelling of
leather and hay and horses, with barrels of grain
all about, odd bits of harness, and tins of wag
on grease, wisps of straw, and broken tools scat
tered over the floor. Broad bands of sunlight
streaked everything. They crept through a lane
of barrels, and mounted a rickety stair, heart in
mouth. Who might be at the top ?

A moment s pause, and then the Head Captain
nodded.

" All right, men, 1 he breathed.

They went carefully through the thick hay
that strewed the upper floor, avoiding the cracks
and pits that loosened boards and decayed plank
ing offered the unwary foot. With unconscious
directness the Lieutenant turned to the great pile
of hay that usually marked the end of this expe-
[44]

A STUDY IN PIRACY

dition, but the Head Captain frowned and passed
by the short ladder that led to the summit. He
pushed through an avenue of old machinery,
crawled over two old sleighs and under a grind
stone frame, and emerged into a dim, almost
empty corner.

The heat of the hay was intense. The stuffy,
dry smell of it filled their nostrils. Where the
bright, wide ray of sunlight fell from the little
window in the apex, the air was seen to be danc
ing and palpitating with millions of tiny particles
that kept up a continuous churning motion.
The perspiration dripped from the Vicar s round
cheeks ; she panted with the heat.

Walking on his tiptoes, the Head Captain
sought the darkest depths of the corner, stum
bling over an old covered chest. He stopped, he
put his hand on the lid. The two attendant offi
cers gasped. The Head Captain, with infinite
caution, lifted that lid.

Suddenly a dull, echoing crash shook the floor.
The Vicar squeaked in nervous terror. I say
squeaked, because with grand presence of mind
[45]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

the Lieutenant smothered her certain scream in
the folds of his ever-ready sash, and only a faint

" Smothered her certain scream in the folds of his ever-
ready sash."

chirp disturbed the deathly silence that followed
the crash. The Head Captain s hand trembled,
but he held the cover of the chest and waited.
Again that hollow boom, followed by a rustling,
as of hay being dragged down, and a champing,
swallowing, gurgling sound.

" Nothin 1 but the horses," whispered the Lieu
tenant, removing his sash. " Shut up, now ! "
[46]

A S T U D V IN" P I R A C Y

The Vicar breathed again. The Head Cap*
tain bent over the chest.

"Oh! Oh! Oh, fellows! Look a -here!"
His voice shook. His eyes stared wide. They
crept nearer and caught big breaths.

There in the old chest, carelessly thrown to
gether, uncovered, unprotected, lay a glittering
wealth of strange gold and silver treasures.
Knobs, cups, odd pierced, shallow saucers, count
less rings as big as small cookies, plain bars of
metal, heavy rods.

The Head Captain s eyes shone feverishly, he
breathed quick.

" Here, here, here ! " he whispered, and thrust
his hands into the box. He ladled out a handful
to the Vicar. For a moment she shrank away ;
and then, as a shallow, carved gold-colored thing
touched her hand, her cheeks heated red, she
seized it and hid it in her pocket.

" Gimme another," she begged softly, " gim
me that shiny, little cup ! "

If there had been any doubt as to the heavenly
reality of the thing, it was all over now. No
[47]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

more need the Head Captain s swelling words fill
out the bare gaps of the actual state of the case.
Here were the things this was no pretend-
game. Here was danger, here was crime, here
was glittering wealth all unguarded, and no one
knew but them !

They gloated over the chest ; their hot fingers
handled eagerly every ring and big chain. Only
the Lieutenant, sucking in his breath, excitedly
broke the ecstatic silence.

The Head Captain first mastered himself.

" Hm, that s enough from here!" he com
manded with dreadful implication. " Come on.
They ll kill us if they catch us ! Soft, now.
Don t breathe so loud, Vicar ! "

Off in a different direction he led them, having
closed the box softly, and instead of making for
the stairs, stopped before three square openings
in the floor. He lay flat on his stomach and
peered down one. It opened directly above the
manger, and when he had cast down two arm-
fuls of hay and measured the distance with his
eye, they saw that he meant to drop through,
[48]

A STUDY IN PIRACY

and realized that his blood was up, and heaven
knew where he would stop that day.

The Vicar caught the idea before the Lieutenant,
and with characteristic impatience, was through the
second hole before the thii-d member of the band
had thrown down his first armful. Light as a cat
she dropped, scrambled out of the manger, and as
a step sounded in the outer barn, dragged the
Lieutenant through in an agony of apprehension,
stumbled across the great heap of stable refuse, and
crouched, palpitating, behind the cow-house door.

The Head Captain, whom crises calmed and
immediate danger heartened, himself crept back
into the stable to gather from the sound of the
steps the direction taken by the intruder.

He was talking to the horse.

"Want some dinner? Ill bet you do. Steal
ing hay, was you ? That ll never do."

It was enough. Soon he would go upstairs to
count over the treasures who would ever have
supposed that this simple-looking stableman had
known for years of such a trove ? and then woe
to the Pirates !

[49]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

" Come on, you ! Run for your life ! " he shot
at them, and they tore across the yard, over a
back fence, and across a vacant lot, panting,
stumbling, muttering to each other, the Vicar
crying with excitement. The Lieutenant caught
his foot in his sash and fell miserably, mistaking
them for arms of the law, as they loyally turned
back to pick him up, and fighting them with
feeble punches. They dragged him through a
hedge and took refuge in an old tool-house.

Slowly they got back breath. The delicious
horror of pursuit was lifted from them. It ap
peared that they were safe.

" You goin 1 home, now ? " said the Lieutenant
huskily.

Home ? Home ? Was the fellow mad ? The
Head Captain vouchsafed no answer.

" Forward ! March ! "

He strode out of the tool-house and made for
the barn. A large dog barked, and a voice
called :

" Down, Danny, down ! "

They returned hastily, and climbed laboriously
[50]

A S T r D Y IX PIRACY

out of a little window on the other side of the
tool-house, striking a bee-line for the adjoining
property. The treasure jingled in their pockets
as they ran stealthily into this barn. The last
restraint was cast away, they were on new terri
tory. A succession of back-yard cuts had re
sulted in their turning a corner, and had they
gone openly and in the light of day out into the
street, they would have found themselves in an
other part of the town. The Head Captain
crept in through a low window. He was entirely
wrapped up in his dreadful character. Blind to
consequences, hardly looking to see if the others
followed him, he worked his way over the sill and
stared about him. Imagination was no longer
necessary. No fine-spun trickery was needed to
turn the too-familiar places into weird dens, the
well-known barns into menacing danger-traps.
Here all was new, untried, of endless possibilities.
It was a clean, spacious spot. Great shadowy,
white-draped carriages stood along the sides ; a
smell of varnish and new leather prevailed. On
the walls hung fascinating garden tools : quaint-
[51]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

nosed watering-pots, coils of hose, a lawn foun
tain. All was still. The Head Captain strode
across the floor, extending his hand with a majes
tic sweep.

" All these things all of em anything we
want, we can take ! " he muttered, but not to
them. They could plainly see he was talking to
himself. Rapt in wild dreams of unchecked
depredation he stamped about, fingering the gar
den hose, prying behind the carriages, tossing
his head and breathing hard.

Suddenly came a step as of a
man walking on gravel. It drew
nearer, nearer. For one awful
moment the Lieutenant seemed
in danger of thinking himself a
frightened little boy in a strange
barn ; he plucked at his sash ner
vously. The next instant two
hands fell from opposite direc
tions on his shoulders.

" Get into a carriage quick,
Anything we want

we can take/ 1 quick, quick! 11 hissed the Head
[52]

A STUDY IN PIRACY

Captain, and he heard the Vicar panting as she
shoved him under the flap of the sheet that
draped a high -swung victoria. She was with
him, huddled close beside him on the floor
of the carriage, and it seemed hardly credible
that the clatter of the Head Captain s hasty
dive into the neighboring surrey could have
failed to catch the ear of the man who entered
the barn. But he heard nothing. He walked
by them lazily, he paused and struck a match on
the wheel of the victoria, and the smell of tobac
co crept in under the sheet. It seemed to the
Vicar that the thumping of her heart must shake
the carriage. She dared not gasp for breath,
but she knew she should burst if that man stood
there much longer. It could not be possible
that he wouldn t find them. Ah, how little he
knew ! Right under his very pipe lay those
who could take away everything in his old barn
if they chose. Perhaps the very surrey that
now held that terrible Head Captain might be
gone ere morning, he had such ambitions, such
vaulting dreams.

[53]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

Thump ! thump ! thump ! went her heart, and
the Lieutenant s breath whistled through his
teeth. Never in their lives had such straining
excitement possessed their every nerve. Oh, go
on, go on, or we shall scream !

He sauntered by, he opened some door at
the rear. The latch all but clicked, when a
hollow but unmistakable sneeze burst from the
Head Captain s
surrey. Imme
diately the door-
opened again.
The man took
a step back.
All was deathly
still, the echoes
of their leader s
fateful sneeze
alone thrilled the
hearts of his an
guished follow
ers.

"Hum p h ! " " She knew she should burst if that

[54]

A STUDY IN PIRACY

muttered a deep voice, " that s queer. Anybody

out there ? "

Silence. Silence that buzzed and hummed and

roared in the Vicar s ears.

" Queer I thought I heard. . . . Damn

queer ! " muttered the man. The Lieutenant

shuddered. That was a word whose possibilities

he hesitated to consider. Piracy is bad enough,

heaven knows,
but profanity is
surely worse.

Again the
*. latch clicked.
After an artful
pause the nose of
the Head Cap
tain appeared,
inserted at an
inquiring angle
between the two
sheets that
draped the sur-

man stood there much longer." re V- Cautiously

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

he swung himself down, cautiously he tiptoed
toward the others.

" Sst ! Sst ! All safe ! " he whispered. They
scrambled out, and a glance at his reserved frown
taught them that the recent sneeze must not be
mentioned.

Like cats they crept up the stairs, and only
the Head Captain s great presence of mind pre
vented their falling backward down the flight, for
there on the hay before them lay a man stretched
at full length, breathing heavily. His face was a
deep red in color, and a strong, sweetish odor
filled the loft. They turned about at the Head
Captain s warning gesture, and waited while he
stole fearfully up and examined the man. When
he rejoined them there was a new triumph in his
eyes, a greater exaltation in his hurried speech.

" Come here, Lieutenant ! "

" Aye, aye, sir."

" This is a dead pirate. He died defending
defending his life. He will be discovered if we
leave him here."

This seemed eminently probable. The Lieu-
[561

A STUDY IN PIRACY

tenant looked alarmed. He took a step or two
on the loft floor and returned, relieved.

" No, he ain t dead, either, 1 he announced,
" he s only as

" He is dead," repeated the Head Captain
firmly. " Dead, I say. You shut up, will you ?
And we must bury him."

The Lieutenant looked sulky and chewed the end
of his sash. To be so put down before the Vicar !
It was hardly decent. And she, in her usual and
irritating way, grasped the situation immediately.

" We must bury him right off," she whispered
excitedly, " before that man gets up here."

" That man," added the Head Captain, " is a
dreadful bad fellow, I tell you. If he was to
catch us up here, I don t know I don t know
but he d here, come back, Lieutenant ! Come
back, I say ! "

They stole up to the dead pirate, who had not
the appearance attributed by popular imagination
to those who have died nobly. The Lieutenant
was frankly in the dark as to his superior officer s
intentions.

[57]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

" If you take him off to bury him he ll
wake "

" Hush your noise ! " interrupted the Head
Captain angrily.

The Vicar could not wait for any one else s
initiative, but began feverishly pulling up hand-
fuls of hay and piling them lightly over the dead
pirate s boots. The Head Captain covered the
man s body with two hastily snatched armfuls,
and as the Vicar s courage gave out at this point,
coolly laid a thin wisp directly over the red face.
The pirate was buried. It gave one a thrill to
see hardly a dim outline of his figure.

" Hats off , my men," whispered the Head
Captain, hoarse with emotion, "and we will say
a prayer. Lieutenant," with a noble renuncia
tion in his expression, "you may say the
prayer ! "

The Lieutenant was touched, and melted from
his sulky scorn.

" What ll I say ? What ll I say ? " he muttered
excitedly. " Not Hollow be thy Name ? That s
a long one."

[58]

A STUDY IN PIRACY

" Now I lay " suggested the Vicar tremu
lously.

" Pshaw, no ! " interrupted the Head Captain.
" Not a baby thing like that ! If you don t
know one, Lieutenant, I ll make one up. 1

" No, 111 say one," urged the Lieutenant has
tily. " Fll say one, Captain. I ll say my colick
that I had yesterday. Wait up a second, till I
remember it."

The heavy, regular breathing continued to
come out from under the hay, where lay the
martyred pirate. The hens in a near-by hen-
yard cackled shrilly, the trilling of an indefati
gable canary in the coachman s rooms rose and fell
through the hot June air. Red and dripping
with the heat, dusty and sprinkled with the hay,
the outlaws stood, solemn and tense, starting at
the least fancied sound from below.

The Lieutenant cleared his throat, shut his eyes
tight to assist his memory, and began his burial
service :

" Almighty V everlastm" 1 God, who s given
unto us, J hy servants, grace by the confession of a

[59]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

true faith f acknowledge ili 1 glory of th Eternal
Trinity, and and "

"And in the power of the Divine Majesty "

prompted the Vicar ostentatiously.

" Will you keep still, Miss ? Majesty to wor
ship the Unity *, we beseech Thee that Thou wouldst

" * Almighty n everlastiri 1 God. "

keep - - keep * steadfast, er, woiddst keep \9
steadfast

The Lieutenant paused helplessly.

" In this faith" added the Vicar with tri
umph, dashing on with almost unintelligible
rapidity, " and evermore defend sfrom all dver-

[60]

A STUDY IN PIRACY

sities, who livest V re ignest one God, world ^thout
end. Amen ! "

She took a necessary breath, and pushed back
her mask still further from her tumbled bang.

The Head Captain was visibly impressed. It
had never occurred to him to say a collect. The
Lieutenant was not such a poor stick, after all. .

Gravely he led the way down-stairs and climbed
abstractedly through the little window. Some
thing was evidently on his mind.

" The last time I saw that pirate," he began.

The Lieutenant tripped, and sat down abruptly*

" The the last time you saw him ? " he
stammered.

" That s what I said," responded the Head Cap
tain shortly. " The last time I saw him I didn t
s pose Fd have to bury him. He d just got a lot
of treasure and stuff and Sst ! Sst ! For your
lives !"

They scuttled off desperately. The ground was
new to them, and had it not been for providential
garbage barrels and outhouses, they could hardly
have hoped to conceal themselves from the man

[61]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

who was raking up the yard. To avoid him they
dashed straight through his barn, and rounded a
summer-house without perceiving a small tea-party
going on there, till they ran through it, to their
own sick terror, and the abject amazement of the
tea-party. They tore through a hedge, panted a
doubtful moment in a woodhouse, then took up

" Then took itp their headlong flight."

their headlong flight with the vague, straining
pace of crowded dreams. On, on, on. Slip be
hind that lilac clump wait! Sst! Sst! Then
get along ! Oh, hurry, hurry ! Pick up your
sash ! Whose is this yard ? Never mind ! hurry !
They dropped exhausted under their own pear
tree.

[62]

A STUDY IN PIRACY

" My, but that was a close shave ! I thought
they d got us sure ! " breathed the Head Captain.

" Wh-who were they ? " asked the Lieutenant,
round-eyed.

" Who were they ? Who were they ? " the
Head Captain repeated scornfully. " The idea !
I guess you d find out who they were if they
caught you once ! "

The Lieutenant shot a sly glance at the Vicar.
Did she know ? You never could tell, she pretended
so. She shivered at the Head Captain s implication.

" Yes, sirree, I guess you d find out then," she
assured him.

Suddenly the Head Captain s face fell. "The
treasure ! " he gasped. " It s gone ! "

In dismay they turned out their pockets. All
those vessels of gold and vessels of silver were lost
- lost in that last mad rush. All but the shal
low, gold-colored saucer in the Vicar s hand.
They looked at it enviously, but honor kept them
silent. To the Vicar belonged the spoils.

" I don t see what good they were, anyhow,"
began the Lieutenant morosely.
[63]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

" Good ?" mimicked the Head Captain, en
raged. " Good ? Why, didn t we steal em ? "

Slowly they took off their uniforms and hid
them under the back piazza. Slowly the occasion
faded into the light of common day ; objects lost
their mystery, the barn and the tool-house im
perceptibly divested themselves of all glamour.
It was only the back yard.

The Head Captain and the Lieutenant threw
themselves down under the pear tree again and
fell into a doze. The Vicar, grasping her treas
ure, stumbled up the back stairs and took an in
formal nap on the landing. It must have been at
this time that the gold-colored saucer slipped from
her hand, for when she woke on the sofa in the
upper hall, it was nowhere about.

The same hands that had transferred her to
that more conventional resting-place, bathed and
attired her for supper, and though two hours ago
she would, as a pirate, have exulted in her guilty
possession, somehow as a neat, small person in
pink ribbons she felt shy at approaching the sub
ject, and ate her custard in silence.
[64]

A STUDY IN PIRACY

Some time during the hours of the next long
morning, as she played quietly on the piazza, she
caught her mother s voice, slightly raised to reach
the cook s ear :

"Why, I suppose it is. I shouldn t wonder, Mag
gie. I suppose the child picked it up somewhere.
Did you hear that, Fred, about Mr. Van Tuyl s

BWf

neat, small person in pink ribbons."

best harness ? All scattered through half the back
yards on Winter Street. All those brass ornaments,
and parts of the very side-lamps, too. Fortunate
ly they found it all. Take that piece, Maggie,
and give it to the man when you see him."

The Vicar sighed. Just then she felt, with the
poet, that home-keeping hearts are happiest.

[6,5]

BOBBERTS MERRY CHRISTMAS

ND that s how I came to be born in a
manger ! " Bobbert concluded.

The baby nodded, her mouth a com
prehending bud, her eyes big with interest.

" Nuv tory ! Tell Babe nuv tory ! " she de
manded.

" So then the wise men came. They were shep
herds. They came with their flocks-by-night "

" Huh ? "

"Flocks-by-night, I say. It was something
they had. They brought me some Frank s in
cense

" Unka Fank ! Goo-ood Unka Fank ! "

" Will you keep still ? I twasn t that Frank."

" Warum nicht?" inquired the baby, with a
startling intelligibility. Her German, for some
reason best known to herself, was as distinct as
her English was garbled.

" Because it isn t, silly. Uncle Frank isn t a
[69]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

wise man he s a p fessor in college. And they
brought me

" Look here, Bobbert, what on earth are you
talking about ? "

" I m telling her all about Christmas, Uncle
Frank." Bobbert removed the corner of the rug
from the baby s mouth and handed her her silk
rag doll. " Minna said to amuse her, and I was.
About the manger I was telling "

" So I heard. But why do you cast it in that
form precisely ? You see, you weren t born in
one, and and er you really oughtn t to
talk that way, don t you know."

" Why wasn t I ? "

" Because you weren t."

" Well, where was I, then ? "

" You were born in this house."

" Where in this house ? "

" Where ? Why, upstairs, I suppose."

" Are people always born upstairs ? "

" Usually."

" Never born downstairs at all ? Didn t you
ever know anybody that was born down -
[70]

BOBBER T S MERRY CHRISTMAS

" Oh, stop, Bobbert ! Go on amusing your
sister. You have a genius for pure idiocy.
Where s your mother ? "

Bobbert s face fell. The baby tore off a bit
of her doll and swallowed it unrebuked it was
one of her swallowing days and began wetting
her finger and following in a smudgy outline the
figures on the Kate Greenaway wall-paper, with
out one reprimand from her brother.

" F Fm goin to have a tree, I want to make
it myself. They re all down in the libYy, and I
have to keep out. They ve got a ladder in there,
too. And they laugh all the time. I have to
stay here with her ! What s the good o calling
it my tree if I can t help ? Aunt Helena says
won t my eyes pop out when I see ; but they
won t."

(" Hadn t she better keep the doll to play with
and eat something else ? ")

" I think I might go in ! Here, stop eating

that, Baby ! Let go ! Somebody fell off the

ladder, too, and there I was out in the hall ! I

don t believe they had the little back thing up

[71J

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

that keeps it from doubling up, sort of, that way
it does, you know. Do you ? I could a 1 told
them about that. What s the good of a tree,
anyway ? "

(" Do you think she improves the wall-paper
with that border ? Perhaps the color comes
off.")

" Here, stop that ! Don t suck your hand,
Baby. Oh, goodness ! I wish Minna was here.
I m not a nurse. I never made such a fuss when
I was little, I know. If I had a tree for anybody,
I d let them have the fun of it. Wouldn t you ? "

His audience looked uncertain. In his heart
he felt that his nephew was right, but prudence
restrained him, and he rose to go with a tempo
rizing air. " Well, you know, it s usually done
this way," he suggested. " It s supposed to be in
the nature of a surprise. If you arranged the
whole thing, there wouldn t be anybody to sur
prise, would there ? "

Bobbert sniffed. " Oh, if you stay out, we
could s prise you, I s pose," he said, somewhat
cynically.

[72]

BOBBERT S MERRY CHRISTMAS

Bobberfs father and mother, bubbling over with
delight and busyness and vague Christmas good
feeling, ran about holding the same parcels,
straightening the same red candle, pulling at the
same rope of cranberries.

" Isn t it grand, Frank ? This is really the
best we ve ever had. How are the children ?
-)o they suspect anything ? "

tl "Nothing nothing whatever," he assured her.
sug)bbert thinks the odor of hemlock and pop-
fat s to be attributed to the window-boxes, and
with tino doubt that he supposes you re conduct-
tache neral down here. It s so still and sol-
he shouli

that she tank, how absurd ! Well, I suppose
taste - - -i to suspect -

" How do ^ sister, your penetration does you
" I heard." rt is only nine, and he has only
" How ? " nance nine times, so it would be
" I heard." have any exact idea of what you
" How did b ut he probably has a dim - - "

]^ y OU are tiresome. Of course he
and tw DU t how can he know the size of it ? He

[7.5]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

that keeps it from doubling up, sort of, that way
it does, you know. Do you ? I could V told
them about that. What s the good of a tree,
anyway ? "

(" Do you think she improves the wall-paper
with that border ? Perhaps the color comes
off.")

" Here, stop that ! Don t suck your hand,
Baby. Oh, goodness ! I wish Minna was here. )-
I m not a nurse. I never made such a fuss wh ing
I was little, I know. If I had a tree for anybc. the
I d let them have the fun of it. Wouldn t y

His audience looked uncertain. In hie will de-
he felt that his nephew was right, but rx oncluded
restrained him, and he rose to go with
rizing air. " Well, you know, it s us \ncle slipped
this way," he suggested. " It s suppo
the nature of a surprise. If you ering to corn-
whole thing, there wouldn t be arpes of pop-corn
prise, would there ? " vnward ; snowy,

Bobbert sniffed. " Oh, if you sa the boughs ;
could s prise you, I s pose," he said, smcles chat-
cynically. V, while
[72]

BOBBERT S MERRV CHRISTMAS

Bobbert s father and mother, bubbling over with
delight and busyness and vague Christmas good
feeling, ran about holding the same parcels,
straightening the same red candle, pulling at the
same rope of cranberries.

" Isn t it grand, Frank ? This is really the
best we ve ever had. How are the children ?
Do they suspect anything ? "

"Nothing nothing whatever," he assured her.
" Bobbert thinks the odor of hemlock and pop
corn is to be attributed to the window-boxes, and
I have no doubt that he supposes you re conduct
ing a funeral down here. It s so still and sol
emn."

" Oh, Frank, how absurd ! Well, I suppose
he does begin to suspect "

" My dear sister, your penetration does you
credit. Bobbert is only nine, and he has only
seen this performance nine times, so it would be
odd if he should have any exact idea of what you
are all doing, but he probably has a dim "

" Now, Frank, you are tiresome. Of course he
knows, but how can he know the size of it ? He

[7.5]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

never saw one so big. And we never had so
many candles there are three boxes here. And
look at this. What do you think Uncle Ritch.
has sent him ? "

One of the aunts waved at him a set of red,
blue and yellow balls attached by elastic cords to
a brightly colored stick.

" I suppose the dear old man thinks Bobbert
is about two years old ! Where have you put
that Japanese juggler s outfit, Kate ? See, Frank,
that beautiful French puzzle ! It s awfully inter
esting. I hope he 1 !! like it. More candy ? The
idea ! The child would die ! Where s Father
Robertson s bird-book, dear ? I sha n t dare let
him take it alone ; it s too exquisite. See, Frank,
there are two hundred and fifty colored plates.
Isn t it beautiful ? "

Bobbert s uncle fell upon the book. " By
George ! " he said, " but that s a beauty ! Rather
wasted on Bobbert, isn t it? Doesn t know an
ostrich from a canary, does he ? "

" Well, that s what Father Robertson wants
him to learn ! " they cried in chorus.
[76]

BOBBERT S MERRY CHRISTMAS

He nodded doubtfully. " Pity he can t come in
and help," he suggested, "he d enjoy this rumpus."

They stared at him in consternation.

"Why, Francis Robertson, what are you think
ing of? Have Bobbert help on his own tree ?
Are you crazy?"

" I suppose it wouldn t do," he admitted, "but
you see that s just what a little fellow likes all
the noise and fuss and running about and the
smells," he added vaguely.

" The smells ? " demanded Bobbert s mother.

"The hemlock and the candy and the new
smell of all the things," he persisted.

" In short," said the fat one with the yellow
mustache, looking up from a box of many-colored
baubles with which he and Aunt Helena were
playing in undisguised joy, "just what we like ! "

" Precisely," remarked Uncle Frank.

" Really," said Aunt Kate, somewhat stiffly,
" if Bobbert and Babe should help about the tree,
I can t quite see whom we d call in to see it this
evening ! What are we working so hard for
to please ourselves ? "

[77]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

" Oh, no ! great heavens, no ! " cried Uncle
Frank.

Bobbert s father appeared with an armful of
steel rails and cross-pieces. " What do you say
to this, Robertson ? " he called delightedly.
" Jove ! these are heavy. Three switches to the
thing, and you ought to see the engine ! There s
a parlor-car, a smoker, and two passengers. See
the tender ? Jove ! I call that pretty good.
Ring the bell, Kate. Look at that piston-rod,
Frank ! "

They clustered about him excitedly.

"Father sent it round just now. Wouldn t
tell what he paid for the thing. You clamp it
down to the carpet right through it goes. There
are forty-two feet of railing how s that ? Four
curves and three switches regular thing, you
know. We ll put it right through the library,
across the hall, and loop it back in front of the
conservatory. What do you say ? "

" Won t he be delighted ! " sighed the aunts.

" Can we get it down before evening ? " said
Bobbert s mother nervously.

[78]

BOBBERT S MERRY CHRISTMAS

" Well, I should say so ! " The fat one with
the yellow mustache seized an armful of rails and
began to study the joinings ; Bobberfs father and
Uncle Christopher explained the switch-workings
eagerly to each other ; and Bobberfs mother flew
about wondering how the rugs could stand it,
and picturing Bobberfs joy as the train puffed
out from the base of the tree.

" This is great ! " Uncle Christopher cried, as
the rails went down with wonderful celerity.
" Haven t had such fun in an age ! Half the fun s
in getting it ready ! "

The fat one with the mustache glanced up and
caught Uncle Frank s eye.

" Perhaps he d rather

Bobberfs mother shook her head at them.
" Now stop right there," she said merrily, " if
you re going to suggest that he should come
down and help ! You don t seem to see my plan
at all, Frank. I want this thing to be perfect
I want it all to burst on him at once. How can
we put it down in the evening when we re all
dressed ? And there wouldn t be time, anyway.
[79]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

Oh, Chris, you didn t get him that, too ? See
that lovely dog collar ! And the chain, too !
Now Don will look respectable. Just step up
stairs, won t you, Frank, and keep Bob on that
floor till supper ? Minna will bring it to him
up there. Hell see the rails, you see, if he comes
down into the hall. Helena, if you and Mr.
Ferris eat any more of that broken candy, you ll
certainly be sick. No, I- don t mean ill I mean
plain sick."

" Do you mean to say you re not going to let
that child out into the dining-room ? He ll be
so disgusted there ll be no managing him."

Bobbert s mother looked plaintive. " I wish to
heaven, Frank," she said, " that you had some
children of your own ! Perhaps you wouldn t be
so ridiculous then. How on earth is it going to
hurt Bobbert, to-night of all nights, to stay in
the nursery a few hours, just so that we may all
toil for his own particular amusement ? Tell
him a story, or something. We ll barely have
time - - "

A burst of laughter interrupted her. Uncle

B O B B E R T S MERRY CHRISTMAS

Christopher had wound up the train and started
it on what extent of rail was already laid, to his
own great comfort and the disgust of Bobberfs
father and the fat one with the mustache, w r ho
shrieked at him to
"stop it off ," and
nervously waved
their hands at the
engine as it hove
down upon the un
finished curve at the
hearth rug, while
Aunt Helena waved
a red flag wildly, and
Aunt Kate began to
pass round a hat for
a purse for " the brave girl who risked her life so
gallantly to save the train."

He left them with a chuckle, and began to
mount the stairs two steps at a time, just saving
himself from falling upon a huddled group at the
top of the flight.

" What are they doing in the hall ? " Bobbert

[81 ]

What ara they doing in the hall ? "

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

demanded, abruptly, clutching the baby s skirts
with one hand and supporting himself in a peer
ing attitude with the other. " What makes em
scream that way ? Why do they say, Down
brakes ? Is it a game ? When Aunt Helena
laughs and laughs that way, she usually cries
afterward."

Uncle Frank towed them back into the nurs
ery, and led the conversation story ward, but Bob-
bert was not to be beguiled.

" I m tired of stories. I d rather be down
stairs," he yawned. "I know one thing if I get
another old carpenter s set, I ll sell it to-morrow
for five cents. I hate em. All I want s a boat,
and I can t have that. I don t see why I can t go
out, if it is snowing. I never can do a single thing
I want, anyway."

" You are a little cross," observed his uncle,
surveying him critically, " but I don t know that
I blame you. Minna s coming up soon."

" Well, she better." Bobbert scowled at the
baby, who smiled sweetly back.

" You re bad," he said, shortly.
[82]

BOBBEET S M E R R Y CHRISTMAS

" Oh, ne in" she

Oh, nfin, she smiled.
Oh, ja, he scowled."

smiled.

"Oh, jfl," he
scowled. " You re
always chewing
the wrong thing.

jf

y Look at

J your shoe,

JT all wet!

What ll Minna

2 11

say r

She screwed her
face into wrinkles

[83]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

and shook her head, wringing her hands with
Minna s gesture. " Pfni ! pfui dock ! s ist
abscheulich ! " she scolded.

" I don t believe you ll get a present at all," he
continued.

" Babe get p es t ! Babe get big p es t ! "

" Not a one ! Not a one ! " he persisted.

Her eyes filled ; she implored him earnestly.

"Fease, Babe get big p es t ! "

Not a "

" Stop teasing your sister, Bobbert. Of course
she ll get a present. Why not ? "

" Because she swore."

" What on earth do you mean ? "

" I mean what I say."

" When did she swear ? "

" Day before yesterday night. She said she
was going to be bad when she got up, and
they kept at her to say she wouldn t and she
said she would. She can be the worst you ever
saw."

" Worse ever saw ! " echoed the baby.

" And all day they were afraid she would be,
[84]

B O B B E R T S MERRY CHRISTMAS

and she wasn t and she wasn t, and she wasn t.

Not till she went to bed. And she said her

prayers that one she says, HOT Jesus, mild

and something

Du and then she

just looked right up

at the ceiling and

swore as hard as she

could."

"What in th -
time did she say ? "

" She said : O
Lord ! Good Heavens !
Damn ! "

" Oh ! "

"And she got her
little hands mighty well slapped, too. She must
never say it again, must you, Baby ? "

The baby laughed impishly. There was no
telling what more she knew.

At exactly half-past six the library doors flew
open with a bang, the piano struck up a brilliant
march and Minna escorted her charges pompously
[85]

Oh Lord ! Good Heavens !
Damn ! "

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

down the stairs, the baby in white, with a be
wildering number of pink bows, Bobbert in a blue
sailor suit.

Around the gleaming tree stood a ring of
aunts, uncles and grandparents, flushed and
happy.

" Merry Christmas, Bobbert ! Merry Christ
mas, Babe! How do you like it ? Isn t it grand ?
See the angel ? See the pop-corn ? Don t look
at the floor yet ! (No, it isn t time so soon.
Chris will start it.) Well, was it lovely, bless
her little heart ? Wunderschon, liebchen, nicht
wahr ? "

Bobbert smiled perfunctorily at the tree,
blinked a little, leaped through the ring of bright-
frocked relatives, and fell upon a red- faced, apolo
getic man standing with the group of delighted
servants near the door.

" Hello David ! " he cried. " When did you
come back ? Are you going to stay ? Did you
know I could swim ? Will you tell me a story
to-night ? "

David, whose only fault was too great an at-

[86]

BOBBERTS MERRY CHRISTMAS

tachment to the cup that cheered him too fre
quently, and who had been devoted to Bobbert,
coughed deprecatingly and explained : " Only
dropped in for the tree, Mr. Bob, your papa
havin 1 asked me in with the rest. And a fine
tree it is, Fin sure. I expect most o them pres
ents will be for you, Mr. Bob ? "

David prefixed the title of respect in public,
but his private relations with Bobbert had been
anything but formal.

Aunt Kate, dancing with impatience, had be
gun to detach the presents from the lower boughs,
and soon they were piling up around him.

" Master Robertson Wheeler. Master Robert
son Wheeler oh, Bobbert, that s a whopping
fine present. Miss Dorothea Wheeler. Siehst
du, mein susses Kind ? Master Robertson Wheel
er. See what Uncle Ritch. sent you, Bob ! He
forgot how you had grown ! "

They were laughing, explaining, thanking,
eating, all at once.

" And the candy, motherll keep till to-morrow.
Now, Bob, see ! Under the tree ! "
[87]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

The engine rattled proudly forth. The uncles
and aunts fell upon it.

" There ! I told you it wasn t oiled enough !
See, where the smoke-stack joins on ! Will she
take the curve by the rug? See, Bobbert, how
the switches work ! Real switches ! Father !
Here, this way, Father Robertson ! Mr. Ferris
is going to work the switch. Isn t it wonderful,
Bobbert ? It s from Grandpa Wheeler. Thank
him. It goes through the hall. Oh, Kate, you
can t work that switch, can you ? See Aunt
Kate work the switch, dear."

Bobbert watched it curiously. He ran for
ward to the third switch.

" Want to see how it goes, Bob ? Here, I ll
work it for you. It s a little catchy at first.
Yes indeed, Mr. Robertson, we had more fun
than a little getting this ready, I assure you.
Quite complete, isn t it ? "

Uncle Christopher began to juggle with the
Japanese outfit, to the intense delight of the ser
vants. The aunties and Mr. Ferris played with
the engine explaining its mechanism to the won-
[88]

BOBBERT S MERRY CHRISTMAS

dering grandfathers. Grandma Wheeler marvelled
at the French dissecting puzzle. Bobbert s mother
happily guarding the candy, laughed at the baby,
who, harnessed into the dog collar, pranced along
before her father, waving the colored balls in the
air, a woolly lamb under her free arm. The
merry moments passed.

Suddenly Grandfather Wheeler looked up from
the bird-book, which he was sharing with Uncle
Frank. " But where is Robertson, Jr. ? " he in
quired mildly.

They stared. " Why, right here, 1 they said.
But he was not right there.

Uncle Frank looked about comprehensively at
the relatives and smiled a superior smile. Then
his eye fell on the bird-book in his lap, and the
smile changed its quality.

He glanced at the ring of servants. " And
where is David ? " he added. Suddenly he sprang
to his feet. "Come on!" he said. "We ll
find him. Don t make a noise walk softly,
now."

And still holding the presents, they trooped
[89]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

after him through the hall, Bobbert s mother
close to the leader, the aunties and Mr. Ferris at
the end of the line. Through the dining-room,
through the wide pantry, through the hall, and
up to the kitchen door they tip- toed.

Uncle Frank paused a moment, nodded, and
made room for Bobberfs father, while the grand
fathers crowded up and the aunties peeped under
and over.

On the floor before the well-swept kitchen
hearth sat David ; beside him, a little space away,
squatted Bobbert, a long black hockey-stick in
his hand. Between them were arranged large
pieces of coal from the hod arranged in what
appeared to be nine-pin patterns.

" I shall attack from the right at daybreak.
You ll see what the Mosquito Fleet can do, Mr.
David ! Your clumsy old Spanish ships can t
move quick enough ! Can they ? "

" Wait and see, Bob, my boy ! "

" This coal makes dandy ships don t it ? A
lot of coal would be a fine present wouldn t it?
They use wood upstairs, and I don t believe I
[90]

B O B B E K T S MERRY CHRISTMAS

could get hold of any. Are you enjoying your
self, David ? "

" You bet I am, Bob. Put your flagship in
line."

" Well, I will. She was out for for repairs.
When I go skating, David, I ll never use any
other hockey-stick. I wanted a black one next
to a boat. You were lovely to give it to me.
Til be big enough for a boat next year, I
hope."

" Well, now it s daybreak. Lieutenant, are
you ready ? "

" Aye, aye, sir."

" Begin the fight ! "

" Aye, aye, sir."

The coal flew about thick and fast, the com
manders shuffled the lumps into place, cheering
and encouraging their officers and crews. Ship
after ship sank, to rise no more, in a clatter of
coal on the hearth.

Under cover of the noise Uncle Frank led
them away, silent, through the empty rooms, to
where the deserted Christmas tree sheltered only
[911

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

Minna, cooing German cradle-songs to her sleep
ing baby.

" Now look here," he said. " Let s be sensible,
dear people. We ll go on enjoying our presents
and sports and let Bobbert enjoy his. Why
not, eh ? "

[92]

THE HEART OF A CHILD

THE HEART OF A CHILD

THE sun-glare lies on the road and the
field and the house. The beetles buzz
and buzz, and the hens chuckle drowsily,
half sunk in the gray dust. There are only three
little white clouds in all the warm blue sky. It is
quite still, except for the hens and the beetles and
the occasional flap of the collie s tail on the warm
flags. No one passes up or down the road. It is
the hot noon sleep of the country in August.

Suddenly comes the grating sound of something
dragged over the floor, and the door opens. The
Child pushes out with a little wooden rocking-
chair and a great tin pan heaped with unshelled
peas. She stands the chair carefully in the coolest
patch of shade and squeezes her plump little body
between the curved arms. Her blue-checked
apron is tied by the waistband around her neck
- it is a grown woman s apron, and covers her
and the chair, which is far too small for her, now.
[95]

THE M A D N K S S OF PHILIP

But one cannot be always eight years old, and
when one is eleven shall one relinquish without a
pang the birthday gifts of one s childhood ?

She lays the pan beside her and puts a handful
of peas into her blue-checked lap. She presses
her brown little thumb against the sharp green
edge and drags it down the pod. Out patter the
little green balls, and rattle into the pan. Truly,
a pleasant sound ! Like the rain on the roof.
When she was very little and slept with her
mother, she woke once in the night, and it was
raining hard. The thunder frightened her, and
her mother comforted her and sang her to sleep
in the bed. And when the lightning flashed and
all the room was bright and dreadful, her mother
told her to keep her eyes shut and then the flashes
would not trouble her. So she screwed her eyes
hard together and held her mother s hand and
drifted off to sleep.

That was so long ago ! But whenever any
thing rattles and patters she shuts her eyes quickly,
and sees for a moment the dark room and the
square white counterpane, and hears her mother
[96]

THE HEART OF A CHILD

singing " Mary of Argyle." She wonders if when
we die and go to heaven we are reminded by little
sights and sounds of what we used to do on earth.
Of course, we shall do only pleasant things there,
but they might remind us of the pleasant things
here the pasture in the early morning, when it
is so still and cool and almost strange ; the barn,
full of sweet piles of hay, musical with pigeons,
checkered with amber sunlight, a fairy palace on
whose fragrant divans one sits with sultans and
slave girls, and listens to Sindbad and Aladdin ;
the shady porch, where cool white milk and dark
shiny gingerbread wait the weary, berry-stained
wanderer. In the brown book in the parlor is a
poem about a little girl who used to " take her
little porringer and eat her supper there." The
Child feels like that little girl when she eats in
the porch.

There is another little girl in the brown book
" Sweet Lucy Gray." She thinks of Lucy when she
comes home alone at dusk, and quickens her steps.

For some maintain unto this day

She is a living child

[97]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

How frightened she would be ! Not that the
Child has been foolishly taught to fear. Only that
she is imaginative, and knows enough to be afraid.

In that poem there is mention of one " minster-
clock." What may that be ? She connects it
hazily with the watch that the minister takes out
before the sermon. But that could never strike.
If she could have one wish in all her life she
knows what it would be. A beautiful gold watch
all chased with figures and a cherry-colored ribbon
tied into the handle. Then she would put it into
her waist but her dresses open in the back ! The
disadvantages of youth are obvious enough, in
all conscience, without that last pathetic touch.
When can she have a separate waist and skirt ?

Suppose she should die before she grows old
enough to attain this glory ? People have died
when they were young much younger than she.
The little Waters girl died, and she was only nine.
The Child went to the funeral, but not with her
mother. She slipped into the kitchen and listened
at the door. When she told her mother that she
had gone her mother looked at her so strangely.
[98]

THE HEART OK A CHILD

" Why did you want to go ? " she said. The
Child could not tell.

" It made me cry," she answered, " but I felt
good, too. I want her to tell my brother that I
am pretty well, and that I hope he is the same,
when she gets to heaven. Do you suppose she
will get there by to-night ? "

They talked about her conduct on that occasion
so strangely and so long that she never spoke any
more with them about death or the life after it.
But she thought about these things.

She wondered whether Mary Waters remem
bered the secret place they made together in a
hollow gate-post. Mary Waters had a way of
sometimes telling things not quite as they really
were. Did she do so now ? Or had she told
enough lies to send her to hell ? For liars inherit
hell. It is not that this fact has been impressed
upon her mind by others, but she has read it in
the Bible and heard it read.

There are strange things in the Bible. One is
commanded to refrain from doing so many things
that one never would do anyway. But those
[99]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

things must have been done by the Israelites and
the Pharisees and the Hittites and the Publicans.
Then did God mean that the Americans must
keep the same laws ? But Americans were free
and equal. They threw over the tea, and with
a wild whoop wait ! let us pretend !

This is Boston. It is still and quiet. Night
is dark all around. Soft and stealthy come foot
steps the Indians ! They gather from the
shadows of the trees and houses, they wave their
tomahawks exultantly, they glide to the wharf.
In their path stands a little girl in a blue-checked
apron. She falls upon her knees in terror.

" Save me ! " she cries. The chief laughs a
horrid laugh ; he raises his tomahawk the dog
barks loud and the Child nearly drops the peas
in her lap, so frightened she is.

" I thought they were real ! I thought they
were coming ! " she whispers to herself.

Let us think of pleasant things ! Peas are so
small if you count them by ones ! If people con
sidered whenever they gobbled peas so quickly
that every one had to be shelled by one poor,
[100]

THE HEART OF A CHILD

tired little girl ! But no, they eat them with
out a thought of how she sat in the little tight
chair and rattled them into the pan. If they
were only rich enough to leave the chair and the
peas and the farm and go to a city ! What
city ? Oh, New York or Boston or Persia. In
Persia the days are full of richness and the
nights are Arabian. Along the streets walk
veiled and lovely women does it matter that to
the Child their veils are of the dull blue cotton
that wreathes her mother s hat ? By all the Per
sian monarch*, no ! driving black dogs and
white hinds, followed by turbaned slaves and
glaring eunuchs, with misty genii hovering in the
background. They enter a frowning portal
but let us pretend !

This is Persia. The streets are narrow ; the
people jostle and crowd to one side a little girl in
a blue-checked apron. She walks along unknown,
unnoticed. Wait ! Who is this ? It is a slave
in a turban with a scimitar flashing with jewels.
He bows low.

" I am bidden to tell you that your presence
[101]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

is desired by my master, lovely maiden ! " The
lovely maiden looks haughtily at him.

" I will follow you, Slave," she says. They go
on to a low narrow door. The slave says a magic
word and the door swings open. Through a long
passage and a great hall they go. There bursts
upon them a radiance of light. Flowers fill the
air with an unearthly fragrance. Golden goblets
and ruby pitchers stand on silver salvers with
"dried fruit, cakes, and sweetmeats, which give an
appetite for drinking." Lovely slave girls lead
the maiden to the bath, and attire her in rich and
costly robes. They seat her in a golden chair
and give her a bowl of seed-pearls to string.
(These are the pearls.) She lifts her lovely head
and says in a voice of silver music, " Where is
your master ? "

" Lady," says one of the slaves, bowing low,
" he comes." She hears the feet of the approach
ing prince ; she dares not raise her eyes. How
will he look ? What gift will he bring ? She
sinks her hands deep in the pearls. Ah, what is
that ? A great sweet-bough drops in the pan.
[102]

THE HEART OF A CHILD

" Your gran ma wants them peas ! " says the
prince in genial rebuke. Alas ! And did Ha-
roun-al-Raschid speak through his nose ?

The Child stares at him, dazed.

" These these are pearls ! " she says. " I am

" These are the pearls."

stringing them for my girdle! Does your Highness
desire that I should wear this this carbuncle ? "

His Highness laughs loud and long.

" It s a sweet- bough," he chuckles, " and I
guess you better eat it right up, now. 1 One mo
ment of wavering : shall awful wrath come upon
this desecrator of the soul s best rites, or good

[103]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

fellowship and feasting be given him ? She
scowls, she shrugs her aproned shoulders, she
glances from beneath her lashes, she smiles.

" 111 give you half," she announces. After all,
it is hardly probable that the prince would have
helped her shell the peas. And William Searles
will, if he is only the chore-boy. Vain hope !

" I got to drive the chickens round back, 11 he
demurs. " I can t spend my time shellin 1 peas.
Your gran ma says if you don t get em done
pretty soon you can t go over to Miss Salome s
this afternoon. She says you re a dreadful slow
child ! "

This is the last straw. The Child rises with
what would indeed be a freezing dignity were it
not that with her rises the birthday-chair.
" William," she begins. But more suddenly than
is consistent with her tone she sinks back. Will
iam sits upon the grass shaking with laughter.

"You looked so awful funny, so awful funny! "
he gasps. The Child hangs for a moment be
tween tears and laughter. Then she accepts the
situation and laughs as merrily as the chore-boy
[104]

THE HEART OF A CHILD

" I was pretending I was a princess," she ex
plains. " I -

" Ho ! " rejoins William, "you ain t like a prin
cess ! You don t look like the ones you tell about,
anyway ! Why " as she glares at him over the
apron, " your hair s red, red ! An your eyes are
kind o green, they are ! An 1 you re just jam-
packed full o freckles ! I guess I know well
enough how they look, and you ain t like em ! "

The tears stand in her eyes, but she will not
let them fall.

" I don t care, William Searles," she says
bravely, " I may look freckled, but I don t feel so!
And it s better to know how they look than "
But no ! She is an honest Child, with all her
imaginings. She knows that it is better to look
like them than to know about them : better for
the maiden and the prince, at least. William
waits for the sentence. She begins again.

" William Searles," she says solemnly, " wouldn t
you rather I could tell you about those princesses
than look like them ? " William s eyes sparkle
greedily.

[105]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

** You bet ! " he replies with fervor. The
Child sighs with relief.

" All right," she says, " then don t complain."

She is alone again, and only William s faint
and fainter invitations to the chickens break the
silence. The peas fly into the pan. Suppose
she should be kept from Miss Salome s ! But no,
that shall not be. She looks ahead to the
happy afternoon, singing as she works.

And now, and now the time has come. The
dishes are wiped, the cat fed, and the fennel
picked for the long sermon to-morrow. She, her
very self, in her new dotted lawn walks carefully
up the hill to the big house, terraced and gravel-
pathed. She knocks timidly at the brass ring
and the tall colored butler lets her in. He is the
only indoor man-servant she has ever seen, and
she reverences him greatly. He smiles conde
scendingly at her, as he smiles not upon all the
country people.

" If Miss will walk up," he says. She goes up
the soft-carpeted stairs into the upstairs drawing-
room. She draws a long breath of happiness and
[106]

THE HEART OF A CHILD

wonder ever new, and makes her little courtesy to
Miss SaLome.

Out of the dim delicious dusk of the room
come slowly the. familiar treasures : the high pol
ished desk, the great piano, the marvelous service
of Delft that fills a monstrous sideboard in the
distance, the chairs, all silk and satin and shining
wood, the great pictures in gilt frames. In the
largest chair sits Miss Salome. Will the Child
ever tire of looking at her pale lined face, her sil
ver high-dressed hair, her beautiful hands spar
kling with rings, her haughty mouth, her tired,
troubled eyes ? She must have been almost as
lovely as the Princess Angelica, once. But she
smiles so seldom. She puts out her hand.

" And what has happened since last Satur
day ? " she says.

The Child laughs for pure joy. To talk, to
describe, to venture at analysis, to ask the why
and wherefore, to illustrate by gesture as vivid as
her speech these things are her happiness. To
be suffered this joy in snatches is much, to have
it demanded, and for one whole afternoon ! Here

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

is no one to reprove, no one to blame the idle
hands, no one to question the propriety of mim
icry, or to insist on her sitting in her little chair.

Miss Salome watches her flitting about the
dusky parlor, her reddish gold hair gleaming now
against the Delft blue, now against the polished
mahogany desk. She tells of the chickens that
lost their mother. She wanders about clucking
for her brood and cooing over the returned prodi
gals. She walks across the room as William does
her slouching gait, open mouth, drawling voice,
irresistibly perfect. She describes the shooting
star that seemed to her like a lost spirit, gone to
sorrow and the earth.

" It made me think of Lucifer, son of the
morning, how art thou fallen ! " she says sol
emnly. " I wonder how that star felt, Miss Sa
lome ? "

There is a long pause. The lady sighs.

Then, " You may read, if you like," she says
at last.

The Child s face flushes for joy. She runs to
the book-cases and brings out a small brown

f 108 1

THE HEART OF A CHILD

book. She fingers lovingly the tree -calf that
covers the precious pages, and opens them before
she finds her chair. She curls up on a great satin
ottoman and smooths the leaves. Where is the
farm ? Where the peas ? Where William ?
They are less than shadows, more unreal than
dreams. Her voice trembles as she begins :

" And now, your Highness permitting, I shall
relate to your Majesty one of the most surprising
adventures ever known to your Majesty 1<l
Ah, it is good to have been a child and per
fectly happy.

What do children know of life, she thinks, who
play with tops and dogs and kittens ? There are
books in the world. And they own all lands
and seas and peoples, who own those printed
leaves. Even Miss Salome does not know as
much as the books. Even Miss Salome cannot
say such curious wonderful things. Why is Miss
Salome so good to her ? In heaven, will they
see each other ? " In my Father s house are
many mansions." Suppose she should be put in
Miss Salome s ? Will the " Arabian Nights " be
[109]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

there ? When she lifts her eyes from the book
they fall on an immense peacock -feather fan. It
glows on the wall, and the eyes dilate and trem
ble and satisfy her hungry little soul with the
color she loves. On a small table near her stands
a sandal-wood cabinet. Its faint sweet smell
mingles with the spices and gums of the tale, and
should a Genius spring from the cover and bow
to the ground before them, she would not be sur
prised.

With a sigh of pleasure she releases the prin
cess and outwits the evil spirit.

" And now if your Majesty would care to
listen to the story of the Fisherman

" That is enough," says Miss Salome. " Are
you tired ? " The Child s eyes answer her.

" Then sing to me."

" What shall I sing ? " says the Child. " Lord
LovelP"?

" If you like," answers Miss Salome.

The Child rises and stands before the great
chair. Her face is raised and serious. She
knows only ballads, but to her they are opera

I HOI

THE HEART OF A CHILD

and symphony in one. She clasps her hands and

begins :

Lord Lovell he stood at his castle gate,
A-combing his milk-white steed,
When out came Lady Nancy Bell,
To wish her lover good spee-ee-eed,
To wish her lover good speed.

Her voice rings true as a bell. Miss Salome
smiles at the eager little face.

J J J * * * N J / J

" Now where are you going, Lord Lovell ? " she said,
" Now where are you going ? " said she.
" I m going away, dear Nancy Bell,

Strange countries for to see-ye-ye,

Strange countries for to see ! "

She carries them through fateful verses and un
consciously softens and saddens her voice at the
woful ending, where

They buried the lady in the nave of the church,
They buried the lord in the choir.
And out of her bosom there grew a red rose,
And out of her lover s a brier-ier-ier,
And out of her lover s a brier.
[Ill]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

Miss Salome applauds vigorously.

" One more," she begs.

The Child s heart grows big with happiness.
That she should love it so, and yet with it pleas
ure others ! It is too much joy. She will make
a special prayer to-night and thank God, as does
her grandmother, for unexpected bounty.

" I will sing, Come with thy lute, " she says.
It is a quaint, old-fashioned tune, and her voice
rises and falls, and reaches for the notes with an
almost pathetic feeling for their beauty :

Moderate.

Come with thy lute to the fountain,
Sing me a song of the mountain.
Sing of the happy and free :

She looks at the lovely lady in the white satin
gown in the great gold frame before her. How
beautiful she must have been ! She died when
she was very young. Her husband shot himself
with grief for her. She might have sung that
[112]

THE HEART OF A CHILD

song to him who knows ? The Child chokes
and swallows her tears at the end of the song,
and when she looks at Miss Salome she sees that
her eyes, too, are full of tears.

" Oh, I have made you cry ! I am sorry so
sorry ! "

Miss Salome wipes her eyes.

" If I make my guests unhappy, they will not
care to come again," she says. " Ring for Peter,
dear child." So the Child taps the bell, and
Peter comes gravely in with the beautiful silver
tray, and in a flutter of delight the Child forgets
the song and the picture. Miss Salome cuts the
dark frosted cake, and dishes into glass plates
the candied ginger, floating in syrup, and pours
out cups of real tea. And the Fairy Princess is
served with a banquet worthy of her dreams.
Oh, to be at last in Miss Salome s mansion !

The clock chimes for half-past five. Heaven
is over. She brushes the crumbs to a little heap
on her gilt-rimmed plate.

" I must go now, I think," she says with ob
vious effort. Her hostess smiles.

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

" But you will come next week ? " she asks.
And the Child s face lights up.

" Oh, yes ! I ll surely come next week, surely?
she replies with emphasis. So she goes around
to Miss Salome s chair, and the beautiful ringed
hand raises her face and strokes her little freckled
cheek.

" Good-by, my Sunshine ! " she says. The
Child catches the hand in a rush of loving wor
ship and kisses it.

" I will never be cross to William Searles
again, never ! " she cries. " I will be good to
everybody even to stupid people ! " Miss Sa
lome pinches her cheek and laughs.

And the Child goes out and down the steps of
the terrace, rapt, wondering, lifted to a height of
love and admiration that keeps her little soul to
its sweetest, highest pitch for ah, measure not
the time, I beg you ! The children who are
older, how long do the glow and the flush remain
with them ? They can only say, " There will be
another ! " and wait for it as well and patiently
as may be.

[114]

THE HEART OF A CHILD

The Child goes back to the life of everyday,
and embroiders its dull web with eyes of peacocks
and sifts into it the scent of sandal -wood, and
sets it weaving to the tune of ballads, quaint and
sweet. Yet she has taken into another s web,
unknowing, a tiny scarlet thread of happiness,
that weaves through the tarnished cloth of silver
and blesses the pattern as it grows. And the
Master of the Looms has planned it all.

[115]

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

WHEN first the young lady from the
College Settlement dragged Ardelia
from her degradation she was sit
ting on a dirty pavement and throwing assorted
refuse at an unconscious policeman like many
of her companions in misery,
she totally failed to realize
the pit from which she was
digged. It had never oc-

" Throwing assorted refuse."

curred to her that her situation was anything less
than refined, and though, like most of us, she had

[119]

T H K MADNESS OF PHILIP

failed to come up to her wildest ideals of happi
ness, in that respect she differed very little from
the young lady who rescued her.

" Come here, little girl," said the young lady
invitingly. " Wouldn t you like to come with
me and have a nice, cool bath ? "

" Naw," said Ardelia, in tones rivaling the bath
in coolness.

" You wouldn t ? Well, wouldn t you like
some bread and butter and jam ?"

" Wha s jam ? " said Ardelia conservatively.

" Why, it s er marmalade," the young
lady explained. " All sweet, you know."

" Naw ! " and Ardelia turned away and fingered
the refuse with an air of finality that caused the
young lady to sigh with vexation.

" I thought you might like to go on a picnic,"
she said helplessly. " I thought all little girls

" Picnic ? When ? " cried Ardelia, moved in
stantly to interest. " I m goin 1 ! "

She brushed the garbage from her dress
Ardelia was of that emancipated order of women

A R D L I A IN ARCADY

who disapprove of the senseless multiplication of
feminine garments, and wore, herself, but one
and regarded her rescuer impatiently.

"What s the matter? "she asked. "I m all
ready. Hump along ! "

" We ll go and ask your mother first, won t
we ? " suggested the young lady, a little be
wildered at this sudden change of attitude.

"Jagged," Ardelia returned laconically. "She d
lift y r face off yer ! Is it the Dago picnic ? "

The young lady shuddered, and seizing the
hand which she imagined to have had least to do
with the refuse, she led Ardelia away the first
stage of her journey to Arcady.

Ardelia s origin, like that of the civilization of
ancient Egypt, was shrouded in mystery. At the
age of two months she had been handed to a police
man by a scared-looking boy, who said vaguely
that he found her in the park under a bench. The
policeman had added her to the other foundling
waiting that day at headquarters, and carried
them to the matron of the institution devoted
to their interest. Around the other baby s neck
[121]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

was a medal of the Blessed Virgin, and a slip of
paper pinned to her flannel petticoat labeled her
Mary Katharine. The impartial order of the
institution therefore delivered Ardelia, who was
wholly unlabeled, to the Protestant fold, and one
of the scrubbing-women named her.

Later she had taken up her residence with
Mrs. Michael Fahey, who had consented to add
to her precarious income by this means, and at
the age of four she became the official nurse of
Master John Sullivan Fahey. A terribly hot
August, unlimited cold tea, and a habit of play
ing in the gutter in the noon glare proved too
much for her charge, and he died on his third
birthday. The ride to the funeral was the most
exciting event of Ardelia s life. For years she
dated from it. Mrs. Fahey had so long regarded
her as one of the family, that though her occupa
tion was gone, and her board was no longer paid,
she was whipped as regularly and cursed as com
prehensively, in her foster-mother s periodical
sprees, as if they had been closely related.

What time she could spare from helping Mrs.
[ 12-2 ]

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

Fahey in her somewhat casual household labor,
and running errands to tell that lady s perenni
ally hopeful employers that her mother wasn t
feeling well to-day, but would it do if she came
to-morrow, Ardelia spent in playing up and
down the street with a band of little girls, or, in
the very hottest days, sitting drowsy and vindic
tive at the head of a flight of stone steps that led
into a down-stairs saloon. The damp, flat, beer-
sweetened air that rushed out as the men pushed
open the swing-doors was cool and refreshing to
her ; she was in a position to observe any possi
ble customers at the three push-carts in her line
of vision, and could rouse a flagging interest in
life by listening to any one of the altercations
that resounded from the tenements night and
day. Drays clattered incessantly over the pave
ment, peddlers shouted, sharp gongs punctuated
the steadier din. A policeman was almost always
in sight, and one of them, Mr. Halloran, had
more than once given her a penny for lemonade.
In the room above her head an Italian band prac
tised every evening, and then Ardelia was perfectly
[ 123 ]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

happy, for she loved music. Often before the
band began, a hurdy-gurdy would station itself
at the corner, and Ardelia and the other little
girls would dance about, singly and in pairs,
shouting the tunes they knew, rejoicing in the
comparative coolness and the generally care- free
atmosphere. Ardelia was the lightest-footed of
them all ; her hands held her skirts out almost
gracefully, her thin little legs flew highest. Some
times the saloon-keeper they called him " Old
Dutchy " would nod approval as Ardelia
skipped and pranced, and beckon her to him mys
teriously.

" You trow your legs goot," he would say.
" We shall see you already dancing, no ? Here
is an olluf ; eat her."

And Ardelia, who loved olives to distraction,
would nibble off small, sour, salty mouthfuls and
suck the pit luxuriously while she listened to the
Italian band.

Except for Mrs. Fahey^s errands, which never
earned her far off the street, Ardelia had never
left it in her life, and her journey to the Settle-
[124]

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

ment-house was one of interest to her. She was
a silent child, but for occasional fits of gabbling
and chattering with the little girls in the street ;
and though she did not understand why the
^oung lady from the Settlement should cry when
she introduced her to two other ladies, nor why
so many messages should be left for her mother,
and so many local and general baths admin
istered, she said very little. She was not accus
tomed to question fate, and when it sent her two
fried eggs she refused to eat them boiled for
her breakfast, she quietly placed them in the
credit column as opposed to the baths, and held
her peace.

Later, arrayed in starched and creaking gar
ments which had been made for a slightly smaller
child, she was transported to the station, and for
the first time introduced to a railroad car. She
sat stiffly on the red plush seat with furtive eyes
and sucked-in lips, while the young lady talked
reassuringly of daisies and cows and green grass.
As Ardelia had never seen any of these things, it
is hardly surprising that she was somewhat unen-
[125]

T H E M A D N E S S OF PHILIP

thusiastic ; but the young lady was disappointed
by this lack of ardor. She was so thoroughly
convinced of the essential right of every child to
a healthy country life, that she was almost dis
posed to blame Ardelia for not sharing her emi
nently creditable conviction.

" You can roll in the daisies, my dear, and
pick all you want all ! " she urged eagerly.
But no answering gleam woke in Ardelia s eyes.

"Aw right,"" she answered guardedly, and
stared into her lap.

" Look out, dear, and see the fields and houses
see that handsome dog, and see the little
pond ! "

Ardelia shot a quick glance at the blurring
green that dizzied her as it rushed by ; the train
was a fast express making up for lost time.
Then with a scowl she resumed the contempla
tion of her starched gingham lap. The swel-
teringly hot day, and the rapid, unaccustomed
motion combined to afflict her with a strange
internal anticipation of future woe. Once last
summer, when she ate the liquid dregs of the ice-
[126]

A R D E L I A IX A R C A I) Y

cream man s great tin, and fell asleep in the room
where her mother was frying onions, she had ex
perienced this same foreboding, and the climax of
that dreadful day lingered yet in her memory.
So she set her teeth and waited with stoical resig
nation for the end, while the young lady babbled
of green fields, and wondered why the child
should be so sullen. Finally she laid it to home
sickness, and recovered her faith in human
nature.

At last they stopped. The young lady seized
her hand, and led her through the narrow aisle,
down the steep steps, across the little country-
station platform, and Ardelia was in Arcady.

A bare-legged boy in blue overalls and a wide
straw hat then drove them many miles along a
hot, dusty road, that wound endlessly through
the parched country fields. To the young lady s
remark that they needed rain sadly, he replied,
" Yep ! " and held his peace for the following
hour. Occasionally they passed another horse,
but for the most part the only sight or sound of
life was afforded by the hens clucking angrily as
[12T]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

the travelers drove them from their dust baths in
the powdery road. Released from her horror of
foreboding, Ardelia took a more apparent inter
est in her situation, and would perhaps have
spoken if her chaperone had opened conversation ;
but the young lady was weary of such efforts, dis
posed to a headache from the blinding heat, and
altogether inclined to silence. At last they
turned into a driveway, and drew up before a
gray wooden house. Ardelia, cramped with sit
ting still, for she had not altered her position
since she was placed stiffly on the seat between
her fellow-passengers, was lifted down and es
corted up the shingle -walk to the porch. A
spare, dark-eyed woman in a checked apron ad
vanced to meet them.

" Terrible hot to-day, ain t it ? " she sighed.
" I m real glad to see you, Miss Forsythe. Won t
you cool off a little before you go on ? This is
the little girl, I s pose. I guess it s pretty cool to
what she s accustomed to, ain t it, Delia ? "

" No, I thank you, Mrs. Slater, I ll go right on
to the house. Now, Ardelia, here you are in the

[128]

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

country. I m staying with my friend in a big
white house about a quarter of a mile farther on.
You can t see it from here, but if you want any
thing you can just walk over. Day after to-mor
row is the picnic I told you about. You ll see

me then, any
right out in
pick all the
want. Don t be
will drive you

The force of
Ardelia, who
driven off any
but she gath
was expected
to the thick,
the unmowed
strode downward obediently, turning when in the
exact center of the plot, for further orders.

" Now pick them ! Pick the daisies ! " cried
Miss Forsythe excitedly. " I want to see .you."

Ardelia looked blank.

Huh ? " she said.

[129]

Huh?

way. Now run
the grass and
daisies you
afraid ; no one
off this grass ! "
this was lost on
had never been
grass whatever,
ered that she
to walk out in-
rank growth of
side yard, and

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

" Gather them. Get a bunch. Oh, you poor
child ! Mrs. Slater, she doesn t know how ! "
Miss Forsythe was deeply moved and illustrated
by picking imaginary daisies on the porch. Ar-
delia s quick eyes followed her gestures, and stoop
ing, she scooped the heads from three daisies and
started back with them, staring distrustfully into
the depths of the thick clinging grass as she
pushed through it. Miss Forsythe gasped.

"No, no, dear! Pull them up! Take the
stem, too," she explained. " Pick the whole
flower ! "

Ardelia bent over again, tugged at a thick-
stemmed clover, brought it up by the roots, re
covered her balance with difficulty, and assaulted
a neighboring daisy. On this she cut her hands,
and sucking oft the blood angrily, she grabbed a
handful of coarse grass, and plowing through the
tangled mass about her feet, laid the spoils awk
wardly on the young lady s lap.

Miss Forsythe stared at the dirty, trailing
roots that stained her linen skirt and sighed.

" Thank you, dear, 11 she said politely, " but I

[130]

ARDELIA IX ARCADY

meant them for you. I meant you to have a
bunch. Don t you want them ? "

" Naw ! " said Ardelia decidedly, nursing her
cut hand and stepping with relief on the smooth
floor of the porch.

Miss Forsythe s eyes brightened suddenly.

" I know what you want," she cried, " you re
thirsty ! Mrs. Slater, won t you get us some of
your good, creamy milk ? Don t you want a
drink, Ardelia ? "

Ardelia nodded. She felt very tired, and the
glare of the sun seemed reflected from everything
into her dazed eyes. When Mrs. Slater appeared
with the foaming yellow glasses she wound her
nervous little hands about the stem of the goblet
and began a deep draught. She did not like it,
it was hard to swallow, and instinct warned her
not to go on with it ; but all the thirst of a long
morning Ardelia was used to drinking frequent
ly urged her on, and its icy coldness enabled her
to finish the glass. She handed it back with a
deep sigh. The young lady clapped her hands.

" There ! " she cried. " Now, how do you like

[131]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

real milk, Ardelia ? I declare, you look like
another child already ! You can have all you
want every day why, what s the matter ? "

For Ardelia was growing ghastly pale before
them ; her eyes turned inward, her lips tightened.

"A blinding horror surged from
her toes upward."

A blinding horror surged from her
toes upward, and the memory of the
liquid ice-cream and the frying
onions faded before the awful reality
of her present agony.

Later, as she lay limp and white on
the slippery hair-cloth sofa in Mrs. Slater s musty
parlor, she heard them discussing her situation.

" There was a lot of Fresh Air children over
at Mis 1 Simms s," her hostess explained, " and
they most all of em said the milk was too strong
did you ever ! Two or three of em was sick,
like this one, but they got to love it in a little
while. She will, too."

[132]

A R D E L I A IN A R C A D Y

Ardelia shook her head feebly. She had learned
her lesson. If success, as we are told, consists
not in omitting to make mistakes, but in omit
ting to make the same one twice, Ardelia s treat
ment of the milk question was eminently successful.

After a while Miss Forsythe went away, and at
her urgent suggestion Ardelia came out and sat
on the porch under the shade of a black umbrella.
She sat motionless, staring into the grass, lost in
the rapture of content that follows such a crisis
as her recent misery, forgetful of all her earthly
woes in the blessed certainty of her present calm.
In a few minutes she was asleep.

When she awoke she was in a strange place.
Outside the umbrella all was dusk and shadow.
Only a square white mist filled the place of the
barn, the tall trees loomed vaguely toward the
dark sky, the stars were few. As she gazed in
half- terror about her, a strange jangling came
nearer and nearer, and a great animal with swing
ing sides, panting terribly, ran clumsily by, fol
lowed by a bare-legged boy, whose thudding feet
sounded loud on the beaten path. Ardelia shrank
[133]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

against the wall with a cry that brought Mrs.
Slater to her side.

"There, there, Delia, it s only a cow. She won t
hurt you. She gives the milk " Ardelia shud
dered " and the butter, too. Here s some bread
and butter for you. We ve had our supper, but I
thought the sleep would do you more good."

Still shaken by the shock of that panting, hairy
beast, Ardelia put out her hand for the bread and
butter, and ate it greedily. Then she stretched
her cramped limbs and looked over the umbrella.
On the porch sat a bearded man in shirt-sleeves
and stocking feet, his head thrown back against
his chair, his mouth open. He snored audibly.
Tipped back in another chair, his feet raised and
pressed against one of the supports of the porch
roof, sat a younger man. He was not asleep, for
he was smoking a pipe, but he was as motionless
as the other. Curled up on the steps was the boy
who had brought them from the station. Occa
sionally he patted a mongrel collie beside him,
and yawning, stretched himself, but he did not
speak.

[134]

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

" That s Mr. Slater," said the woman softly,
" and the young man is my oldest son, William.
Henry brought you up with the team. They re
out in the field all day, and they get pretty
tired. It gets nice an 1 cool out here by evenin ,
don t it ? "

She leaned back and rocked silently to and fro,
and Ardelia waited for the events of the evening.
There were none. She wondered why the gas
was not lit in all that shadowy darkness, why the
people didn t come along. She felt scared and
lonely. Now that her stomach was filled, and
her nerves refreshed by her long sleep, she was in
a condition to realize that aside from all bodily
discomfort she was sad very sad. A new, un
known depression weighed her down. It grew
steadily, something was happening, something
constant and mournful what ? Suddenly she
knew. It was a steady, recurrent noise, a buzz
ing, monotonous click. Now it rose, now it fell,
accentuating the silence dense about it.

" Zig-a-zig! Zig-a-zig I" then a rest.

" Zig-a-zig ! Zig-a-zig-a-zig ! "
[135]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

She looked restlessly at Mrs. Slater. " Wha s
at ? " she said.

" That ? Oh, those are katydids. I s pose
you never heard em, that s a fact. Kind o cozy,
I think. Don t you like em ? "

" Naw," said Ardelia.

Another long silence intervened. The rock
ing-chair swayed back and forth, and Mr. Slater
snored. Little bright eyes glowed and disap
peared, now high, now low, against the dark. It
will never be known whether Ardelia thought
them defective gaslights or the flashing, changing
electric signs that add color to the night adver
tisements of her native city, for contrary to all
fictional precedent, she did not inquire with in
terest what they were. She did not care, in fact.

After half an hour of the katydids William
spoke.

" Nick Damon s helpin in the south lot t day,"
he observed.

" Was he ? " asked his mother, pausing a mo
ment in her rocking.

" Yep."

[136]

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

Again he smoked, and the monotonous clamor
was uninterrupted.

" Zig-a-zig ! Zig-zig ! Zig-a-zig-a-zig ! "

Slowly, against the background of this ma
chine-like clicking, there grew other counds,
weird, unhappy, far away.

" Wheep, zvheep, wheep ! "

This was a high, thin crying.

" Buroom ! Brrroom ! broom ! "

This was low and resonant and solemn. Ar-
delia scowled.

" Wha s at ? " she asked again.

"That s the frogs. Bull-frogs and peepers.
Never heard them, either, did ye ? Well, that s
what they are."

William took his pipe out of his mouth.

" Come here, sissy, n 111 tell y a story," he
said lazily.

Ardelia obeyed, and glancing timorously at
the shadows, slipped around to his side.

" Onc t they was an ol feller comin 1 long
cross-lots, late at night, an he come to a pond,
an 1 he kinder stopped up an 1 says to himself,
f 13T1

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

Wonder how deep th ol pond is, anyhow ?
He was just a leetle well, he d had a drop too
much, y see "

" Had a what ? " interrupted Ardelia.

" He was sort o rollin round he didn t
know just what he was doin r

" Oh ! Jagged ! " said Ardelia comprehendingly.

" I guess so. An he heard a voice singin out,
Knee deep ! Knee deep ! Knee deep !

William gave a startling imitation of the peep
ers : his voice was a high, shrill wail.

" < Oh, well, s he, f it s just knee deep I ll
wade through, an he starts in.

" Just then he hears a big feller singin out,
Better go rrrround ! Better go t^rround ! better-
goround !

William rolled out a vibrating bass note that
startled the bull-frogs themselves.

" Lord ! says he, is it s deep s that ? Well,
I ll go round, then. N off he starts to walk
around.

" Knee deep ! Knee deep ! Knee deep ! says
the peepers.

[138]

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

" An 1 there it was. Soon s he d start to do
one thing, they d tell him another. Make up
his mind he couldn t, so he stands there still,
they do say, askin em every night which he
better do."

" Stands where ? " Ardelia looked fearfully
behind her.

" Oh, I d know. Out in that swamp, mebbe."

Again he smoked, and the younger boy
chuckled.

Time passed by. To Ardelia it might have
been minutes, hours, or generations. An un
speakable boredom, an ennui that struck to the
roots of her soul, possessed her. Her muscles
twitched from nervousness. Her feet ached and
burned in the stiff boots.

Suddenly Mr. Slater coughed and arose.
" Well, guess I ll be gettin to bed," he said.
" Come on, boys. Hello, little girl ! Come to
visit with us, hey ? Mind you don t pick poison
vine."

He shuffled into the house, and the boys fol
lowed him in silence. Mrs. Slater led Ardelia
[139]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

upstairs into a little hot room, and told her to get
into bed quick, for the lamp drew the mosqui
toes.

Ardelia kicked off her shoes and approached
the bed distrustfully. It sank down with her
weight and smelled hot and queer. Rolling
off, she stretched herself on the floor, and lay
there disconsolately. Sharp, quick stabs from the
swarming mosquitoes stung her to rage ; she
tossed about, slapping at them with exclamations
that would have shocked Mrs. Slater. The eter
nal chatter of the katydids maddened her. She
could not sleep. Across the swamp came the
wail of the peepers.

" Knee-deep ! Knee-deep ! Knee-deep ! "

At home the hurdy-gurdy was playing, the

women were gossiping on every step, the lights

were everywhere the blessed fearless gas-lights

the little girls were dancing in the breeze that

drew in from the East River, Old Dutchy was

giving Maggie Kelly an olive ; Ardelia slapped

viciously at a mosquito on her hot cheek, heard t\

great June bug flopping into the room through

[140J

ARDELIA IN AECADY

the loosely waving netting, and burst into tears
of pain and fright, wrapping her head tightly in
her gingham skirt.

In the morning Miss Forsythe came over to
inquire after her charge s health, accompanied by
another young lady.

" How do you do, my dear ? " said the new lady
kindly. " How terribly the mosquitoes have
stung you ! What makes you stay in the house,
and miss the beautiful fresh air ? See that great
plot of daisies does she know that she can pick
all she wants, poor little thing ? I suppose she
never had a chance ! Come out with me, Ar-
delia, and let s see which can pick the biggest
bunch."

And Ardelia, fortified by ham and eggs, went
stolidly forth into the grass and silently attacked
the daisies.

In the middle of her bunch the new young lady
paused. " Why, Ethel, she isn t barefoot ! " she
cried. " Come here, Ardelia, and take off your
shoes and stockings directly. Shoes and stock
ings in the country ! Nozv you ll know what com-
f Ul 1

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

fort is," as she unlaced the boots rapidly on the
porch.

" Oh, she^s been barefoot in the city," explained
Miss Forsythe, " but this will be different, of
course."

And so it was, but not in the sense she in
tended. To patter about bare-legged on the
clear, safe pavement, was one thing ; to venture
unprotected into that waving, tripping tangle was
another. She stepped cautiously upon the short
grass near the house, and with jaw set and nar
rowed lids felt her way into the higher growth.
The ladies clapped their hands at her happiness
and freedom. Suddenly she stopped, she shrieked,
she clawed the air with outspread fingers. Her
face was gray with terror.

" Oh, gee ! Oh, gee ! " she screamed.

" What is it, Ardelia, what is it ? " they
cried lifting up their skirts in sympathy, "a
snake ? "

Mrs. Slater rushed out, seized Ardelia, half rigid
with fear, and carried her to the porch. They
elicited from her as she sat with her feet tucked
[142]

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

under her and one hand convulsively clutching
Mrs. Slater s apron that something had rustled by
her " down at the bottom," that it was slippery,
that she had stepped on it, and wanted to go
home.

" Toad," explained Mrs. Slater briefly. " Only
a little hop-toad, Delia, that wouldn t harm a
baby, let alone a big girl nine years old, like
you."

But Ardelia, chattering with nervousness, wept
for her shoes, and sat high and dry in a rocking-
chair for the rest of the morning.

" She s a queer child," Mrs. Slater confided to
the young ladies. " Not a drop of anything will
she drink but cold tea. It don t seem reasonable
to give it to her all day, and I won t do it, so she
has to wait till meals. She makes a face if I say
milk, and the water tastes slippery, she says, and
salty-like. She won t touch it. I tell her its
good well water, but she just shakes her head.
She s stubborn s a bronze mule, that child. Just
mopes around. S morning she asked me when
did the parades go by. I told her there wa n t
[143]

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

any but the circus, an that had been already. I
tried to cheer her up, sort of, with that Fresh Air
picnic of yours to-morrow, Miss Forsythe, and
s she, Oh, the Dago picnic, s she, * will they have
Tony s band ?

"She don t seem to take any int rest in th
farm, like those Fresh Air children, either. I
showed her the hens an the eggs, an she said it
was a lie about the hens layin em. What d you
take me for ? s she. The idea ! Then Henry
milked the cow, to show her she wouldn t be
lieve that, either and with the milk streamin
down before her, what do you s pose she said ?
* You put it in ! s she. I never should a
believed that, Miss Forsythe, if I hadn t
heard it."

" Oh, she ll get over it," said Miss Forsythe
easily, "just wait a few days. Good-by, Ardelia,
eat a good supper."

But this Ardelia did not do. She gazed fasci
nated at Mr. Slater, who loaded his fork with cold
green peas, shot them into his mouth, and before
disposing of them ultimately added to them half
[ U+l

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

a slice of rye bread and a great gulp of tea in one
breath, repeating this operation at regular inter
vals in voracious silence. She regarded William,
who consumed eight large molasses cookies and
three glasses of frothy milk, as a mere afterthought
to the meal, gulping furiously. He never spoke.
Henry she dared not look at, for he burst into
laughter whenever she did, and cried out, " You
put it in ! You put it in ! " which irritated her
exceedingly. But she knew that he was biting
great round bites out of countless slices of but
tered bread, and in utter silence. Now Ardelia
had never in her life eaten in silence. Mrs. Fa-
hey, when eating, gossiped and fought alternately
with Mr. Fahey s old, half-blind mother ; her son
Danny, in a state of chronic dismissal from his
various "jobs," sang, whistled and performed
clog dances under the table during the meal ;
their neighbor across the narrow hall shrieked her
comments, friendly or otherwise ; and all around
and above and below resounded the busy noise of
the crowded, clattering city street. It was the
breath in her nostrils, the excitement of her ner

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

vous little life, and this cold-blooded stoking took
away her appetite, never large.

Through the open door the buzz of the katy
dids was beginning tentatively. In the intervals
of William s gulps a faint bass note warned them
from the swamp :

" Better go rrround ! Better go round ! ""

Mrs. Slater filled their plates in silence. Henry
slapped a mosquito and chuckled interiorly at
some reminiscence. A cow-bell jangled sadly out
of the gathering dusk.

Ardelia s nerves strained and snapped. Her
eyes grew wild.

" Fer Gawd s sake, talk ! " she cried sharply.
" Are youse dumbies ? "

r

The morning dawned fresh and fair ; the trees
and the brown turf smelled sweet, the homely
barnyard noises brought a smile to Miss For
syte s sympathetic face, as she waited for Ardelia
to join her in a drive to the station. But Ardelia
did not smile. Her eyes ached with the great
green glare, the strange scattered objects, the lono;
[146]

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

unaccustomed vistas. Her cramped feet wearied
for the smooth pavements, her ears hungered for
the dear familiar din. She scowled at the wind
ing, empty road ; she shrieked at the passing
oxen.

At the station Miss Forsythe shook her limp
little hand.

" Good-by, dear," she said. " I ll bring the
other little children back with me. You ll enjoy
that. Good-by."

" I m comin , too," said Ardelia.

"Why no, dear -you wait for us. You d
only turn around and come right back, you
know," urged Miss Forsythe, secretly touched by
this devotion to herself.

" Come back nothing" said Ardelia doggedly.
" I m goin home."

" Why why, Ardelia ! Don t you really like
it ? "

" Naw, it s too hot."

Miss Forsythe stared.

" But Ardelia, you don t want to go back to
that horrible .smelly street ? Not truly ? "

THE MADNESS OF PHILIP

" Betcher life I do ! " said Ardelia.

The train steamed in ; Miss Forsythe mounted
the steps uneasily, Ardelia clinging to her hand.

"It s so lovely and quiet," the young lady
pleaded.

Ardelia shuddered. Again she seemed to hear
that fiendish, mournful wailing :

" Knee deep ! Knee deep ! Knee deep ! "

" It smells so good, Ardelia ! All the green
things ! "

Good ! that hot, rustling breeze of noonday,
that damp and empty evening wind !

They rode in silence. But the jar and jolt of
the engine made music in Ardelia s ears ; the
crying of the hot babies, the familiar jargon of
the newsboy :

" N Yawk moyning paypers ! Woyld ! Joy
nal ! " were a breath from home to her little
cockney heart.

They pushed through the great station, they
climbed the steps of the elevated track, they jin
gled on a cross-town car. And at a familiar cor
ner Ardelia slipped loose her hand, uttered a
[148]

ARDELIA IN ARCADY

grunt of joy, and Miss Forsythe looked for her in
vain. She was gone.

But late in the evening, when the great city
turned out to breathe, and sat with opened shirt
and loosened bodice on the dirty steps ; when the
hurdy-gurdy executed brassy scales and the lights
flared in endless sparkling rows ; when the trolley
gongs at the corner pierced the air, and feet
tapped cheerfully down the cool stone steps of
the beer-shop, Ardelia, bare-footed and aban
doned, nibbling at a section of bologna sausage,
secure in the hope of an olive to come, cake-
walked insolently with a band of little girls be
hind a severe policeman, mocking his stolid gait,
to the delight of Old Dutchy, who beamed ap
provingly at her prancings.

" Ja, ja, you trow out your feet goot. Some
day we pay to see you, no ? You like to get
back already ? "

Ardelia pe