If $'.#■
|
m |
4' |
|
it k #■'.■ ■■■ |
^ W-
I.
It' #; *L *
•^ M ill M F^ W
PR 4974 M2 M3 18S0Z UN.V.RSITYOfCAUFpR.NlA^SAN^WEGO^,
^. ..J
K>.
H^
UNivtmtt Oft
CAUPOKNUk SANDIEQO
jN>/tRSi^' Of CALIFORNIA SA\ 'J'.IC
3 1822 0
349 4398
THE
Maiden & Married Life
OF
Mary Pov/ell,
AFTERWARDS
Mistress Milton.
NEW YORK:
DODD & MEAD, PUBLISHERS,
762 BROADWAY.
THE Maiden and Married Life
OF
MARY POWELL,
Afterwards Mijlrcfs Milton.
JOURNALL.
Foreft Hill., Oxon, May ist, 1643. * vf * tc- Seventeenth Birth- daye. A Gyplie Woman at the Gate woulde faine have tolde my Fortune; but Mother chafed her away, faying fhe had doubtlefTe harboured in fome of the low Houfcs in Oxford., and mighte bring us the Plague. Coulde have cried for Vexation ; fhe had promifed to tell me the Colour of « my
1643.
May 1st.
1643.
May 2nd.
Maiden & Married Life
my Hufband's Eyes ; but Mother fays fhe believes I fhall never have one, I am foe lillie. Father gave me a gold Piece. Dear A/other is chafed, methinks, touching this Debt of five hundred Pounds, which Father fays he knows not how to pay. Indeed, he fayd, overnighte, his whole perfonal Eftate amounts to but five hundred Pounds, his Timber and Wood to four hundred more, or thereabouts; and the Tithes and Meffuages of Whateley are no great Matter, being mortgaged for about as much more, and he hath lent Sights of Money to them that won't pay, fo 'tis hard to be thus preft. Poor Father ! 'twas good of him to give me this gold Piece.
Coufin Rofe married to Mafler Roger Agnew. Prefent, Father, Mo- ther, and Brother of Rofe; Father,
Mother^
of Mary Powell.
Mother, Dick, Bob, Harjy, and I ; Squire Pake and his Daughter Audrey; an olde Aunt of Mafter Roger's, and one of his Coufms, a ftiffe-backed Man with large Eares, and fuch a long Nofe! Coufin Ro/e looked bewtifulle — pitie lb faire a Girl fhould marry fo olde a Man^ 'tis thoughte he wants not manie Years of fifty.
New Misfortunes in the Poultrie Yarde. Poor Mother''s Loyalty can- not ftand the Demands for her beft Chickens, Ducklings, &c., for the Ufe of his Majefty's Officers fince the King hath beene in Oxford. She accufeth my Father of having beene wonne over by a few faire Speeches to be more of a Ro3^alift than his natural Temper inclineth him to ; which, of courfe, he will not admit.
Whole
1643.
May 7th.
i643- May Sth.
Maiden & Married Life
Whole Day taken up in a Vifit to Ro/e, now a Week married, and growne quite matronlie already. We reached Sheep/cote about an Hour be- fore Noone. A long, broade, ftrait Walke of green Turf, planted with Hollyoaks, Sunflowers, &c., and fome earlier Flowers alreadie in Bloom, led up to the rufticall Porch of a truly farm-like Houfe, with low gable Roofs, a long lattice Window on either Side the Doore, and three Cafements above. Such, and no more, is Rofe's Houfe! But flie is happy, for fhe came running forthe, foe foone as fhe hearde Clover'^s Feet, and helped me from my Saddle all fmiling, tho' fhe had not expelled to fee us. We had Curds and Creame; and fhe wiflied it were the Time of Strawberries, for fhe fayd they had large Beds ; and then my Father and the Boys
went
of Mary Powell.
went forthe to looke for Mafter Agnew. Then Rofe took me up to her Chamber, finging as fhe went ; and the long, low Room was fweet with Flowers. Sayd I, " Rofc, to " be Miftrefs of this pretty Cottage, " 'twere hardlie amifle to marry a " Man as olde as Mafter RogerP "Olde!" quoth fhe, " deare Moll, "you mull; not deeme him olde; " why, he is but forty-two ; and am " not I twenty-three } " She lookt foe earnefle and hurte, that I coulde not but falle a laughing.
1643.
Mother gone to Sandford. She hopes to get Uncle Jolm to lend Father this Money. Father fays fhe may try. 'Tis harde to difcouragc her with an ironicalle Smile, when fhe is doing alle fhe can, and more than manie Women woulde, to help Father in his Difficultie ; but fuche,
fhe
Ma J 9th.
Maiden & Married Life
1643. fhe fayth fomewhat bitterlie, is the Lot of our Sex. She bade Father mind that fhe had brought him three thoufand Pounds, and afkt what had come of them. Anfwered \ helped to tille the Mouths of nine healthy Children, and flop the Mouth of an eafie Hufband; foe, with a Kifs, made it up. I have the Keys, and am left Miftreffe of alle, to m}^ greate Con- tentment; but the Children clamour for Sweetmeats, and Father fayth, " Remember, Moll^ Difcretion is the " better Part of Valour."
After Mother had left, went into the Paddock, to feed the Colts with Bread; and while they were putting their Nofes into Robijts Pockets, Dick brought out the two Ponies, and fet me on one of them, and we had a mad Scamper through the Meadows and down the Lanes ; I leading. Juft at the Turne of Hol-
ford''s
of Mary Powell.
ford's Clofe, came fhorte upon a Gen- tleman walking under the Hedge, clad in a fober, genteel Suit, and of molt beautifulle Countenance, with Hair like a Woman's, of a lovely pale brown, long and filky, falling over his Shoulders. I nearlie went over him, for Clover's hard Forehead knocked agaynft his Cheft ; but he ftoode it like a Rock; and lookinge firfle at me and then at Dicke, he fmiled and fpoke to my Brother, who feemed to know him, and turned about and walked by us, fometimes ftroaking Clovcr'^s fhaggy Mane. I felte a little afhamed; for Dick had fett me on the Poney jufh as I was, my Gown fomewhat too ftiorte for riding : however, I drew^e up my Feet and let Clover nibble a little Grafle, and then got rounde to the neare Side, our new Companion ftille between us. He offered me
fome
1643.
8
1643-
Maiden & Married Life
fome wild Flowers, and alkt me theire Names ; and when I tolde them, he fayd I knew more than he did, though he accounted him- felfe a prettie fayre Botanifte : and we went on thus, talking of the Herbs and Simples in the Hedges ; and I fayd how prettie fome of theire Names were, and that, methought, though Adam had named alle the Animals in Paradife, perhaps Eve had named alle the Flowers. He lookt earneftlie at me, on this, and muttered " prettie." Then Dick afkt of him News from London^ and he fpoke, methought, refervedlie ; ever and anon turning his bright, thoughtfulle eyes on me. At length, we parted at the Turn of the Lane.
I alkt Dick who he was, and he told me he was one Mr. yohn Milton, the Party to whom Father owed five hundred Pounds. He was the Sonne
of
of Mary Powell.
of a BiickinghamJJiire Gentleman, he added, well conne6ted, and very fcholaric, but affe6led towards the Parliament. His Grandlire, a zea- lous Papifte, formerly lived in Oxon, and difinherited the Father of this Gentleman for abjuring the Romi/h Faith.
When I found how faire a Gen- tleman was Fathers Creditor, I be- came the more interefted in deare Mother's Succeffe.
Diek began to harpe on another Ride to Sheep/cote this Morning, and perfuaded Father to let him have the bay Mare, foe he and I ftarted at about Ten o' the Clock. Arrived at Mafter Agnew's Doore, found it open, no one in Parlour or Studdy ; foe Dick tooke the Horfes rounde, and then we went ftraite thro' the Houfe, into the Garden behind,
which
1643.
May 13th.
lO
Maidefi & Married Life
1643. which is on a riling Ground, with pleached Alleys and turfen Walks, and a Peep of the Church through the Trees. A Lad tolde us his Miftrefs was with the Bees, foe we walked towards the Hives ; and, from an Arbour hard by, hearde a Murmur, thous^h not of Bees, iflu-
mg
In this rufticall Bowre, found Roger Agnew reading to Rofe and to Mr. Milton. Thereupon enfued manie cheerfulle Salutations, and Rofe propofed returning to the Houfe, but Mafter Agnezu fayd it was pleafanter in the Bowre, where was Room for alle ; foe then Rofe offered to take me to her Chamber to lay alide my Hoode, and promifed to fend a Jun- kett into the Arbour ; whereon Mr. Ascnezv fmiled at Mr. Milton, and fayd fomewhat of " neat-handed
" Phiiiisr
As we went alonge, I told Rofe
I
of Mary Powell. ii
I had feene her Gueft once before, 1643. and thought him a comely, pleafant Gentleman. She laught, and fayd, " Pleafant ? why, he is one of the " greateft Scholars of our Time, and " knows more Languages than you " or I ever hearde of" I made Anfwer, " That may be, and yet " might not enfure his being plea- " fant, but rather the contrary, for " I cannot reade Greeke and Latin, '' Ro/e, like you." Quoth Ro/e, " but you can reade EnglifJi, and he " hath writ fome of the lovelieft " EngliJJi Verfes you ever hearde, " and hath brought us a new Com- " pofure this Morning, which Roger, " being his olde College Friend, was " difcuffing with him, to my greate " Pleafure, when you came. After " we have eaten the Junkett, he " fhall beginne it again." " By no " Means," faid I, " for I love Talking
" more
12
i643-
Maide7i & Married Life
» "
" more than Reading." However, it was not foe to be, for Rofe woulde not be foyled \ and as it woulde not have been good Manners to decline the Hearinge in Prefence of the Poet, I was conftrayned to fuppreffe a fecret Yawne, and feign Attention, though, Truth to fay, it foone. wan- dered ; and, during the lafl halfe Hour, I fat in a compleat Dreame, tho' not unpleafant one. Roger having made an End, 'twas diverting to heare him commending the Piece unto the Author, who as gravely accepted it; yet, with Nothing fulle- fome about the one, or mifproud about the other. Indeed, there was a fedate SweetnefTe in the Poet's Wordes as well as Lookes \ and fhortlie, waiving the Difcuffion of his owne Compofures, he beganne to talke of thofe of other Men, as Shak/peare, Spen/er, Cowley, Ben
Jon/on,
of Mary Powell.
Jon/on, and of Taffo^ and Tajfd's Friend the Marquis of Villa^ whome, it appeared, Mr. Miltoji had Know- ledge of in Italy. Then he aikt me, woulde I not willingly have feene the Country of Romeo and Juliet, and preft to know whether I loved Poetry ; but finding me loath to tell, fayd he doubted not I preferred Ro- mances, and that he had read manie, and loved them dearly too. I fayd, I loved Shakfpcare^s Plays better than Sidney's Arcadia ; on which he cried " Righte," and drew nearer to me, and woulde have talked at greater length ; but, knowing from Rofe how learned he was, I feared to fhew him I was a fillie Foole ; foe, like a fillie Foole, held my Tongue.
Dinner ; Eggs, Bacon, roaft Ribs of Lamb, Spinach, Potatoes, fa- voury Pie, a Brentford Pudding, and Cheefecakes. What a pretty
Houfewife
13
1643.
14 Maiden & Married Life
—
1643. Houfewife Rofe is ! Roger's plain Hofpitalitie and fcholaric Difcourfe appeared to much Advantage. He alkt of News from Paris ; and Mr. Milton fpoke much of the SwediJJi AmbalTadour, Dtttch by Birth ; a Man renowned for his Learning, Magnanimity, and Misfortunes, of whome he had feene much. He tolde Rofe and me how this Mifter Va7i der Groote had been unjuflHe cafte into Prifon by his Countrymen ; and how his good Wife had fhared his Captivitie, and had tried to get his Sentence reverfed ; faiHng which, fhe contrived his Efcape in a big Cheft, which fhe pretended to be full of heavie olde Bookes. Mr. Alilton concluded with the Excla- mation, " Indeede, there never was " fuch a Woman;" on which, deare Roger, whome I bcginne to love, quoth, " Oh yes, there are manie
fuch,
a
of Mary Powell.
15
" fuch, — we have two at Table " now." Whereat, Mr. Milton
fmiled.
At Leave-taking preffed Mr. Ag- new and Ro/e to come and fee us foone ; and Dick afkt Mr. Alilton to fee the Bowling Greene.
Ride Home, delightfulle.
1643.
Thought, when I woke this Morn- ing, I had been dreaminge of St. Paul let down the Wall in a Bafket ; but founde, on more clofely examin- ing the Matter, 'twas Grolius carried down the Ladder in a Cheft ; and methought I was his Wife, leaninge from the Window above, and crying to the Souldiers, " Have a Care, have a Care ! " 'Tis certayn I fhoulde have betraied him by an Over-anxietie.
"Rcfolved to give Father a Shcepf- cote Dinner, but Margery affirmed the Haunch woulde no longer keepe,
fo
May i4tli.
1 6 Maiden & Afarrzed Life
1643. lb was forced to have it dreft, though meaning to have kept it for Com- panie. Little Kate, w^ho had been out alle the Morning, came in w^ith her Lap full of Butter-burs, the which I was glad to fee, as Mother efteemes them a fovereign Remedie 'gainft the Plague, which is like to be rife in Oxford this Summer, the Citie being fo overcrowded on ac- count of his Majeflie. While laying them out on the Stille-room Floor, in burfts Robin to say Mr. Agnew and Mr. Milton were with Father at the Bowling Greene, and woulde dine here. Soe was glad Margery had put down the Haunch. 'Twas paft One o' the Clock, however, be- fore it coulde be fett on Table ; and I had jufh run up to pin on my Car- nation Knots, when I hearde them alle come in difcourfing merrilie. At Dinner Mr. Milton afkt Robin
of
of Mary Powell.
of his Studdies ; ^md I was in Payne for the deare Boy, knowing him to be better affeaed to his 'out-doore Recreations than to his Booke ; but he anfwered boldlie he was in Ovid^ and I lookt in Mr. Milton's Face to gueffe was that goode Scholarfhip or no ; but he turned it towards my Father, and fayd he was trying an Experiment on two young Nephews of his owne, whether the reading thofe Authors that treate of phyfical Subje6ls mighte not advantage them more than the Poets ; whereat my Father jefted with him, he being himfelfe one of the Fraternitie he feemed to defpife. But he uphelde his Arijumente fo bravelie, that Father liftened in earnefle Silence. Meantime, the Cloth being drawne, and I in Feare of remaining over long, was avifed to withdrawe my- felfe earlie, Robin follow^ing, and c begging
17 1643.
i8
1643.
May 15th.
Maiden & Married Life
begging me to goe downe to the Fifh-ponds. Afterwards alle the others joyned us, and we fate on the Steps till the Sun went down, when, the Horfes being broughte round, our Guefts tooke Leave without returning to the Houfe. Father walked thoughtfullie Home with me, leaning on my Shoulder, and fpake little.
After writing the above laft Night, in my Chamber, went to Bed and had a moft heavenlie Dreame. Me- thoughte it was brighte, brighte Moonlighte, and I was walking with Mr. Milto7i on a Terrace, — not our Terrace, but in fome outlandifh Place ; and it had Flights and Flights of green marble Steps, defcending, I cannot tell how farre, with ftone Figures and Vafes on everie one. We went downe and downe these
Steps,
of Mary Powell. 19
Steps, till we came to a faire Piece 1643. of Water, flill in the Moonlighte ; and then, methoughte, he woulde be taking Leave, and fayd much aboute Abfence and Sorrowe, as tho' we had knowne cache other fome Space ; and alle that he fayd was delightfulle to heare. Of a fuddain we hearde Cries, as of Dif- treffe, in a Wood that came quite down to the Water's Edge, and Mr. Milton fayd, " Hearken ! " and then, " There is fome one being flainc in " the Woode, I muft goe to refcue "him;" and foe, drewe his Sword and ran off. Meanwhile, the Cries continued, but I did not feeme to mind them much ; and, looking ftedfaftlie down into the cleare Water, coulde fee to an immeafur- able Depth, and beheld, oh, rare ! Girls fitting" on sflifteninof Rocks,
far downe beneathe, combing and
braiding
20 Maiden & Married Life
1643. braiding their brighte Hair, and talking and laughing, onlie I coulde not heare aboute what. And theire Kirtles were like fpun Glafs, and theire Bracelets Coral and Pearl ; and I thought it the faireft Sight that Eyes coulde fee. But, alle at once, the Cries in the Wood af- frighted them, for they ftarted, looked upwards and alle aboute, and began fwimming thro' the cleare Water fo faft, that it became troubled and thick, and I coulde fee them noe more. Then I was aware that the Voices in the Wood were of Dick and Harry ^ calling for me; and I foughte to anfwer, " Here ! " but my Tongue was heavie. Then I commenced running towards them, through ever fo manic greene Paths, in the AVood ; but ftill, we coulde never meet ; and I began to fee grinning Faces, neither of Man nor
Beafte,
of Mary Powell.
Beafte, peeping at me through the Trees ; and one and another of them called me by Name ; and in greate Feare and Paine I awoke !
^ *
Strange Things are
Dreames. Dear Mother thinks much of them, and fayth they oft portend coming Events. My Father holdeth the Opinion that they are rather made up of what hath alreadie come to pafTe ; but furelie naught like this Dreame of mine hath in anie Part befallen me hithertoe ?
^ «• -If * What ftrange Fable or Mafque were they reading that Day at Sheep/cote ? I mind not.
Too much bufied of late to write, though much hath happened which I woulde fain remember. Dined at Shotover yefterday. Met Mother^ who is coming Home in a Day or two, but helde fhort Speech with
me
21
1643.
May 2otli
22
1643-
Maiden & Married Life
me alide concerning Houfewifery. The Agneivs there, of courfe : alfoe Mr. Milton^ whom we have feene continualHe, lately ; and I know not how it flioulde be, but he feemeth to like me. Father affefts him much, but Mother loveth him not. She hath feene little of him ; per- haps the lefs the better. Ralph Hewlett, as ufuall, forward in his rough Endeavours to pleafe ; but, though no Scholar, I have yet Senfe enough to prefer Mr. Miltor^s Dif- courfe to his. -J^- * * ^«- I wifh I were fonder of Studdy ; but, iince it can- not be, what need to vex ? Some are born of one Mind, fome of another. Rofe was alwaies for her Booke ; and, had Rofe beene no Scholar, Islx.Agiiew woulde, may be, never have given her a fecond Thoughte : but alle are not of the fame Way of thinking. «■ * * « ^ fg^ Lines received
from
of Mary Powell.
from Mothers " fpoilt Boy," as Fa- ther hath called Brother Bill, ever lince he went a foldiering. Blurred and mis-fpelt as they are, fhe will prize them. Trulie, we are none of us grate Hands at the Pen ; 'tis well I make this my Copie-booke.
*
* -K-
Oh, Itrange Event ! Can this be Happineffe ? Why, then, am I foe feared, foe mazed, foe prone to Weeping ? I woulde that Mother were here. Lord have Mercie on me a finfulle, fillie Girl, and guide my Steps arighte.
* * * ^' It feemes like a Dreame, (I have done noughte but dreame of late, I think,) my going along the matted Paffage, and hearing Voices in my Father's Chamber, juft as my Hand was on the Latch ; and my withdrawing my Hand, and going foftlie away, though I never paufed
at
23
1643.
May 22d.
24
1643-
Maiden & Married Life
at difturbing him before ; and, after I had beene a full Houre in the Stille Room, turning over ever foe manie Trays full of dried Herbs and Flower-leaves, hearing him come forthe and call, " Moll, deare Moll, " w^here are you ? " vv^ith I know not what of ftrange in the Tone of his Voice ; and my running to him haftilie, and his drawing me into his Chamber, and doling the Doore. Then he takes me round the Waifte, and remains quite filent awhile ; I gazing on him fo ftrangelie ! and at length, he fays with a Kind of Sigh, " Thou art indeed but young yet ! " fcarce feventeen, — and frefh, as " Mr. Milton fays, as the earlie May ;
too tender, forfooth, to leave us ' yet, fweet Child ! But what wilt
fay, Moll, when I tell thee that a " well-efteemed Gentleman, whom " as yet indeed I know too little of,
" hath
u
a
of Mary Powell.
" hath craved of me Accefs to the " Houfe as one that woulde win " your Favour ?"
Thereupon, fuch a fuddain Faint- nefs of the Spiritts overtooke me, (a Thing I am noe way fubjeft to,) as that I fell down in a Swound at Father's Feet ; and w^hen I came to myfelfe agayn, my Hands and Feet feemed full of Prickles, and there was a Humming as of Ro/e's Bees, in mine Ears. Lcttice and Margery were tending of me, and Father watching me full of Care ; but foe foone as he faw me open mine Eyes, he bade the Maids ftand afide, and fayd, ftooping over me, ^' Enough, " dear Moll ; we will talk noe more " of this at prefent." " Onlie juft " tell me," quoth I, in a Whifper, "who it is.'-' "Gueffe," fayd he. " I cannot," I foftlie replied ; and, with the Lie, came fuch a Rufh of
Blood
25
1643-
26
Maiden & Married Life
1643. Blood to my Cheeks as betraied me. " I am fure you have, though," fayd deare Father^ graveHe, " and I neede " not lay it is Mr. Milton^ of whome " I know Httle more than you doe, " and that is not enough. On the " other Hand, Roger Ag7iew fayth " that he is one of whome we " can never know too much, and " there is fomewhat about him " which inclines me to beheve it." "What will Mother foy?" inter- rupted I. Thereat Fathcr'^s Coun- tenance changed ; and he haftilie anfwered, " Whatever flie likes : I " have an Anfwer for her, and a " Qiieftion too ; " and abruptlie left me, bidding me keepe myfelfe quiet. But can I ? Oh, no ! Father hath fett a Stone rolling, unwitting of its Courfe. It hath proftrated me in the firft Inftance, and will, I mif- doubt, hurt my Mother. Father is
bold
of Mary Powell. 27
bold enow in her Abfence, but when 1643. Ihe comes back will leave me to face her Anger alone ; or elfe, make fuch a Stir to fhew that he is not governed by a Woman, as wille make Things worfe. Meanwhile, how woulde I have them ? Am I moft pleafed or payned ? difmayed or flattered ? Indeed, I know not.
•55- * ^ -K- J ^j^-j £-Qg forry to have
fwooned. Needed I have done it, merelie to heare there was one who foughte my Favour ? A3'e, but one foe wife ! fo thoughtfulle ! fo unlike me !
Bedtime ; fame Dayc. * * * * Who knoweth what a Daye will bring forth } After writing the above, I fate like one ftupid, ruminating on I know not what, except on the Unlikelihood that one foe w^ife wouldc trouble himfelfe to feeke for aught and yet fail to zuin.
After
28
1643.
Maiden & Married Life
After abiding a long Space in mine owne Chamber, alle below feeming ftill, I began to wonder fhoulde ,we dine alone or not, and to have a hundred hot and cold Fitts of Hope and Feare. Thought I, if Mr. Milton comes, afTuredlie I cannot goe down ; but yet I mufl; ; but yet I will not; but yet the beft will be to condu6t myfelfe as though Nothing had happened ; and, as he feems to have left the Houfe long ago, maybe he hath returned to Sheep/cote, or even to London. Oh that London ! Shall I indeede ever fee it ? and the rare Shops, and the Play-houfes, and PauVs^ and the Towre? But what and if that ever comes to pafs ? Mufb I leave Home ? dear Forejl Hill? and Father and Mother, and the Boys? more efpeciallie 7^6'(^/;^/ Ah! but Father will give me a long Time to think of it. He will, and mull.
Then
of Mary Powell.
Then Dinner-time came ; and, with Dinner-time, Uncle Hewlett and Ralphs Squire Paice and Mr. Milto7i. We had a huge Sirloin, foe no Feare of fhort Commons. I w^as not ill pleafed to fee foe manie : it gave me an Excufe for holding my Peace, but I coulde have wifhed for another Woman. However, Father never thinks of that, and Mother will foone be Home. After Dinner the elder Men went to the Bowling-grcene with Dick and Ralph; the Boys to the Fifh-ponds ; and, or ever I was aware, Mr. Milton was walking with me on the Terrace. My Dreame came foe forcibly to Mind, that my Heart feemed to leap into my Mouth ; but he kept away from the Fifh-ponds, and from Leave- taking, and from his morning Dif- courfe with my Father^ — at leafl
for
29
1643.
30
Maiden & Married Life
1643. for awhile ; but fome Way he got round to it, and fayd foe much, and foe well, that, after alle my Father's bidding me keepe quiete and take my Time, and mine owne Refolu- tion to think much and long, he never refted till he had changed the whole Appearance of Things, and made me promife to be his, wholly and trulie. — And oh ! I feare I have been too quickly wonne !
May 23d. May 23d. At leafte, fo fayeth the Calendar; but with me it hath beene trulie an April Daye, alle Smiles and Teares. And now my Spiritts are foe perturbed and difmaid, as that I know not whether to weepe or no, for methinks crying would re- lieve me. At firft waking this Morning my Mind was elated at the Falhtie of my Moiher's Notion, that no Man of Senfe woulde think
me
of Mary Powell.
me worth the having ; and foe I got
up too proude, I think, and came
down too vain, for I had fpent an
unufuall Time at the Glaffe. My
Spiritts, alfoe, were foe unequall,
that the Boys took Notice of it, and
it feemed as though I coulde breathe
nowhere but out of Doors ; fo the
Children and I had a rare Game of
Play in the Home-clofe ; but ever
and anon I kept looking towards the
Road and liftening for Horfes' Feet,
till Robin fayd, " One would think
" the King was coming : " but at
laft came Mr. Milton^ quite another
Way, walking through the Fields
with huge Strides. Kate faw him
firfle, and tolde me ; and then fayd.
What makes 3^ou look foe pale?" * -x- * * *
We fate a good Space under the Hawthorn Hedge on the Brow of the Hill, liftening to the Mower's
Scythe,
31 1643.
32
i643-
Maiden & Married Life
Scythe, and the Song of Birds, which feemed enough for him, without talking ; and as he fpake not, I helde my Peace, till, with the Sun in my Eyes, I was like to drop afleep ; which, as his own Face was from me, and towards the Landfkip, he noted not. I was jufh aiming, for Mirthe's Sake, to fteale away, when he fuddainlie turned about and fell to fpeaking of rurall Life, Happi- neffe. Heaven, and fuch like, in a Kind of Rapture ; then, with his Elbow half railing him from the Grafs, lay looking at me ; then commenced humming or linging I know not what Strayn, but 'twas of ' becrli Occhi ' and ' Ckioma aurata ; ' and he kept fmiling the while he fang.
After a Time we went In-doors ; and then came my firfte Pang : for Father founde out how I had pledged
myfelfe
of Mary Powell.
myfelfe overnighte ; and for a oNIo- ment looked foe grave, that my Heart inifgave me for having beene foe haftie. However, it soonc paff- ed off; deare Fathers Countenance cleared, and he even feemed nierrie at Table ; and foon after Dinner alle the Party difperfed fave Mr. Milton^ who loitered with me on the Terrace. After a fliort Silence he exclaimed, " How good is our " God to us in alle his Gifts ! For " Inftance, in this Gift of Love, " whereby had he withdrawn from " vilible Nature a thoufand of its " glorious Features and gay Colour- " ings, we fhoulde ftill poffefs, from " within, the Means of throwing " over her clouded Face an entirelie " different Hue ! while as it is, what " was plcafing before now pleafeth " more than ever ! Is it not foe, "fweet Moll? INIay I exprefs thy 1)
" Feelings
T^Z
1643-
34 Maiden & Married Life
1643. " Feelings as well as mine own, " unblamed ? or am I too adven- " turous ? You are lilent ; well, " then, let me believe that we think " alike, and that the Emotions of " the few lafte Hours have given " fuch an Impulfe to alle that is " high, and fweete, and deepe, and " pure, and holy in our innermofte " Hearts, as that we feeme now " onlie firfte to tafte the Life of " Life, and to perceive how much " nearer Earth is to Heaven than "we thought! Is it foe? Is it not "foe?" and I was conftrayned to fay, " Yfs," at I fcarcelie knew what ; grudginglie too, for I feared having once alreadie fayd " Yes " too foone. But he faw ' nought amilTe, for he was expecting nought amiffe ; foe went on, moft like Truth and Love that Lookes could fpeake or Words founde : " Oh, I know
"it.
of Mary Powell.
''it, I feel it: — henceforthe there " is a Life referved for us in which " Angels may f^'mpathize. For this " moft excellent Gift of Love fhall " enable us to read together the " whole Booke of San6lity and Vir- " tue, and emulate cache other in " carrying it into Practice ; and as " the wife Magiaiis kept theire Eyes " fheadfaftlie fixed on the Star, and " followed it righte on, through " rough and fmoothe, foe we, with " this bright Beacon, which indeed " is fet on Fire of Heaven, fhall " pafs on through the peacefull " Studdies, furmounted Adverlities, " and vi6lorious Agonies of Life, " ever looking fteadfaftlie up ! "
Alle this, and much more, as tedious to heare as to write, did I liften to, firfte with flagging Atten- tion, next with concealed Weari- neffe ; — and as Wearineffe, if in-
dulged,
35
1643.
3^
i643-
Maiden & Married Life
dulged, never is long concealed, it foe chanced, by Ill-luck, that Mr. Milton^ fuddainlie turning his Eyes from Heaven upon poor me, caughte, I can fcarcelie expreffe how flighte, an Indication of Difcomforte in my Face : and inftantlie a Cloud crofTed
his
owne
though
as thin as that
through w^hich the Sun fliines while it floats over him. Oh, 'twas not of a Moment ! and yet in that Moment we feemed cache to have feene the other, though but at a Glance, under new Circumftances : — as though two Perfons at a Mafquerade had juft removed their Mafques and put them on agayn. This gave me my feconde Pang: — I felt I had given him Pa3'n ; and though he made as though he forgot it dire6lly, and I tooke Payns to make him forget it, I coulde never be quite fure whether he had.
My
of Mary Powell.
* * « * My Spiritts were Ibe dafhed by this, and by learning his Af>'e to be foe much more than I had deemed it, (for he is thirty-five ! who coulde have thoughte it ?) that I had, thenceforthe, the Aire of being much more difcreete and pen- five than belongeth to my Nature ; whereby he was, perhaps, well pleafed. As I became more grave he became more gay ; foe that we met cache other, as it were, half- way, and became righte pleafant. If his Countenance were comel}^ before, it is quite heavenlie now ; and yet I qucftion whether my Love increafeth as rapidlie as my Feare. Surelie my FoU}^ will prove as diftaftefull to him, as his over- much Wifdom to me. The Dread of it hath alarmed me alreadie. What has become, even now, of alle my gay Vifions of Marriage,
and
37
1643.
38
1643-
Maiden & Married Life
May 24th.
and London, and the Play-houfes, and the Towre? The}' have faded away thus earHe, and in their Place comes a Foreboding of I can fcarce fay what. I am as if a Child, receiving from fome olde Fairy the Gift of what feemed a fayre Doll's Houfe, fliould haftilie open the Doore thereof, and ftarte back at beholding nought within but a huge Cavern, deepe, high, and vafte ; in parte glittering with glorious Chryf- tals, and the Reft hidden in obfcure DarknefTe.
Deare Rofe came this Morning. I flew forthe to welcome her, and as I drew near, fhe lookt upon me with fuch a Kind of Awe as that I could not forbeare laughing. Mr. Milton having flept at Sheep/cote, had made her privy to our Engage- ment ; for indeede, he and Mr. Agnew
are
of Mary Powell.
are fuch Friends, he will keep No- thing from him. Thus Rofe heares it before my owne Mother, which fhoulde not be. When we had entered my Chamber, fhe embraced me once and agayn, and feemed to think foe much of my uncommon Fortune, that I beganne to think more of it myfelfe. To heare her talke of Mr. Milton one would have fuppofed her more in Love with him than I. Like a Bookworm as fhe is, ftie fell to prayfing his Compofures. " Oh, the leafle I care for in him is " his Verfing," quoth I 5 and from that Moment a Spiritt of Mifchief tooke Poffeffion of me, to do a thoufand heedleffe, ridiculous Things throughoute the Day, to fhew Rofe how little I fet b}^ the Opinion of foe wife a Man. Once or twice Mr. Milton lookt earneftlie and queftion- inglie at me, but I heeded him not.
Difcourfe
39
1643-
40
i643-
Maiden & Married Life
it * * •^ Difcourse at Table graver and lels plealant, methoughte, than heretofore. Mr. Bujire having dropt in, v^as avifed to aik Mr. Milton why, having had an univerlity Education, he had not entered the Church. He repHed, drylie enough, becaufe he woulde not fubfcribe himfelfe Slave to anie Formularies of Men's mak- ing. I faw Father bite his Lip ; and Roger Agnew mildly obferved, he thought him wrong ; for that it was not for an Individual to make Rules for another Individual, but yet that the generall Voice of the Wife and Good, removed from the pettie Prejudices of private Feeling, mighte pronounce authoritativelie wherein an Individual was righte or wrong, and frame Laws to keepe him in the righte Path. Mr. Milton replyed, that manie Fallibles could no more make up an Infallible than
manie
of Mary Powell.
manie Finites could make an Infinite. Mr. Agnew rejoyned, that ne'erthe- leffe, an Individual who oppofed himfelfe agaynll the generall Cur- rent of the Wife and Good, was, leafte of alle, likelie to be in the Right ; and that the Limitations of human Intelle6l which made the Judgment of manie wife Men liable to Question, certainlie made the Judgment of anie wife Man, felf- dependent, more queftionable ftill. Mr. Milton fhortlie replied that there were Particulars in the required Oaths which made him unable to take them without Perjurie. i\nd foe, an End : but 'twas worth a World to fee Rofe looking foe anxioullie from the one Speaker to the other, defirous that each fhoulde be vi6torious ; and I was sorry that it lafted not a little longer.
As Rofe and I tooke our Way to
the
41
1643-
42
i643-
jSIaideii & Married Life
the Summer-houfe; fhe put her Arm round me, laying, " How charming " is divine Philolbphie ! " I coulde not helpe afking if fhe did not meane how charming was the Phi- lofophie of one particular Divine ? Soe then flie difcourfed with me of Things more feemhe for Women than Philofophie or Divinitie either. OnHe, when Mr. Agnezu and Mr. Milton joyned us, fhe woulde afke them to repeat one Piece of Poetry after another, beginning with Ca- rew's —
" He who loves a rojie Checker Or a coral Lip admires, — "
And crying at the End of cache,
" Is not that lovely ? Is not that
" divine ? " I franklie fayd I liked
none of them foe much as fome
Mr. Agnew had recited, concluding
with —
" Mortals
of Mary Powell.
" Mortals that would follow me, Love Virtue : fJie alone is free P
Whereon Mr. Milton furprifed me with a fuddeii Kifs, to the immo- derate Mirthe of Rofe, who fayd I coulde not have looked more dif- compofed had he pretended he was the Author of thofe Verfes. I after- wards found he was ; but I think ihe laught more than there was neede.
We have ever been confidered a fufficientlie religious Familie : that is, we goe regularly to Church on Sabbaths and Prayer-dayes, and keepe alle the Fafts and Feftivalles. But Mr. Milton's Devotion hath at- tayned a Pitch I can neither imitate nor even comprehende. The fpi- rituall World feemeth to him not onlie reall, but I may almofte fay vifible. For Inftance, he tolde Rofe,
it
43
1643.
44
Maiden & Married Life
1643. it appears, that on Tuefday Nighte, (that is the fame Evening I had promifccl to be his,) as he went homewards to his Farm-lodging, he
fancied the Angels whifperinge in his Eares, and finging over his Head, and that inftead of going to his Bed like a reafonable Being, he lay down on the Grafs, and •gazed on the fweete, pale Moon till fhe fett, and then on the bright Starres till he feemed to fee them moving in a flowe, folemn Dance, to the Words, '''■ How glojHoiis is our Godl^'' And alle about him, he faid, he knew, tho' he coulde not fee them, were fpirituall Beings repairing the Ravages of the Day on the Flowers, amonge the Trees, and Graffe, and Hedofes : and he believed 'twas onlie the Filme that originall Sin had fpread over his Eyes, that prevented his feeing them. I am thankful for
this
of Mary Powell.
this fame Filme, — I cannot abide Fairies, and Witches, and Ghofts — ugh ! I fliudder even to write of them ; and were it onlie of the more harmleffe Sort, one woulde nev^er have the Comforte of think- inge to be alone. I feare Church- yardes and dark Corners of • alle Kinds ; more efpeciallie Spiritts ; and there is onlie one I would even wifh to fee at my braveft, when deepe Love cafteth out Feare ; and that is of Sifter Anne, whome I never affociate with the Worme and Winding-fheete. Oh no ! I think JJie, at leafte, dwells amonge the Starrcs, having fprung llraite up into Lighte and Blille the Moment fhe put off Mortalitic ; and if fhe, why not others } Are Adam and Abraham alle these Yeares in the unconfcious Tomb ? Theire Bodies, but furelie not their Spiritts ? else,
why
45
1643
46 Maiden & Married Life
1643. why dothe Chriji fpeak of Lazarus lying in Abraham's Bofom, while the Brothers of Dives are yet riot- oiiflie living ? Yet what becomes of the Daye of generall Judgment, if fome be thus pre-judged ? I muft alke Mr. Miltoji, — yes, I thinke I can finde it in my Heart to afke him about this in fome folemn, ftille Hour, and perhaps he will fett at Reft manic Doubts and Mifgivings that at fundrie Times trouble me ; being- foe wife a Man.
Bedtime.
* * * * Glad to fteale away from the noifie Companie in the Supper-roome, (comprifing fome of Father''s Fellow-magiftrates,) I went down with Robin and Kate to the Fifh-ponds ; it was fcarce Sunfet : and there, while we threw Crumbs to the Fifli and watched them come
to
of Mary Powell.
to the Surface, were followed, or ever we were aware, by Mr. Milton^ who fate down on the ftone Seat, drew Robin between his Knees, ftroked his Haire, and afkt what we were talking about. Robin fayd I had beene telling them a fairie Story ; and Mr. Milton obferved that was an infinite Improvement on the jangling, puzzle-headed Prating of Country Juftices, and wilhed I woulde tell it agayn. But I was afrayd. But Robin had no Feares ; foe tolde the Tale roundlie ; onlie he forgot the End. Soe he found his Way backe to the Middle, and feemed likelie to make it laft alle Night ; onlie Mr. Milton fayd he feemed to have got into the Laby- rinth of Crete, and he muft for Pitie's Sake give him the Clew. Soe he finifhcd Robins Story, and then tolde another, a molt lovelie
one.
47
1643.
48
1643-
Maiden & Married Life
one, of Ladies, and Princes, and Enchanters, and a brazen Horfe, and he fayd the End of that Tale had been cut off too, by Reafon the Writer had died before he finifhed it. But Robin cryed, " Oh ! finifh " this too," and hugged and kift him ; foe he did ; and methoughte the End was better than the Be- ginninge. Then he fayd, " Now, " fweet Afoll^ yow. have onHe fpoken " this Hour paft, by your Eyes ; " and we muft heare your pleafant " Voice." " An Hour ? " cries Robin. '" Where are all the red •" Clouds gone, then ? " quoth Mr. Milton, " and what Bulinefs hathe " the Moon yonder ? " " Then we " muft go Indoors," quoth I. But they cried " No," and Robin helde me faft, and Mr. Milton fayd I might know even by the diftant Sounds of ill-governed Merriment that we
were
of Mary Powell.
were winding up the Week's Ac- counts of Joy and Care more con- liftentlie where we were than we coulde doe in the Houfe. And indeede juft then I hearde my Fa- ther's Voice fwelling a noilie Chorus ; and hoping Mr. Milfoil did not dil- tinguifh it, I afkt him if he loved Mufick. He anfwered, foe much that it was Miferie for him to hear anie that was not of the befte. I fecretlie refolved he fhould never heare mine. He added, he was come of a muficalle Familie, and that his Father not onlie fang well, but played finely on the Viol and Organ. Then he fpake of the fvveet Mufick in Italy, untill I longed to be there ; but I tolde him Nothing in its Way ever pleafed me more than to hearc the Chorifters of Magdalen College ufher in May Day by chaunting a Hymn at the Top of E the
49
1643-
so
1643.
Maidc7i & Married Life
the Church Towre. Difcourfinof of this and that, we thus fate a good While ere we returned to the Houfe.
45- * * * Coming out of Church, he woulde fhun the common Field, where the Villagery led up theire Sports, faying, he deemed Qiioit- playing and the like to be unfuitable Recreations on a Daye w^hereupon the Lord had reftri6led us from fpeakinge our own Words, and thinking our own (that is, fecular) Thoughts : and that he believed the Law of God in this Particular woulde foone be the Law of the Land, for Parliament woulde fhortlie put down Sunday Sports. I afkt, " What, the ''^King's Parliament at Oxford?'''' He anfwered, " No ; the CoiLiitrfs " Parliament at Wefiminfiery I fayd, I was forrie, for manie poore hard- working Men had no other Holiday.
He
of Mary Powell.
He fayd, another Holiday woulde be o-iven them : and that whether or no, we mull; not connive at Evil, which we doe in permitting an holy Daye to fink into a Holiday. I fayd, but was it not the Jezui/Ji Law which had made fuch Reftriftions ? He fayd, yes, but that Chrijl came not to deflroy the moral Law, of which Sabbath-keeping was a Part, and that even its naturall Fitneffe for the bodily Welfare of Man and Beafl was fuch as no wife Legiflator would abolifh or abufe it, even had he no Confideration for our fpiritual and immortal Part : and that 'twas a well-known Fa(5l that Beafhs of Bur- then, which had not one Daye of Reft in feven, did leffe Worke in the End. As for oure Soules, he fayd, they required theire fpiritual Meales as much as our Bodies re- quired thcires ; and even poore,
ruflicall
51 1643-
52
i643-
Maiden & Married Life
Monday.
ruflicall Clownes who coulde not reade, mighte nourifh their better Parts by an holie Paufe, and by looking within them, and around them, and above them. I felt in- clined to tell him that long Sermons alwaies feemed to make me love God lefs infleade of more, but woulde not, fearing he mighte take it that I meant he had been giving me one.
Mother hath returned ! The Mo- ment I hearde her Voice I fell to trembling. At the fame Moment I hearde Robiii cry, " Oh, Mother^ I " have broken the greene Beaker ! " which betraied Apprehenfion in an- other Quarter. However, fhe quite mildlie replied, " Ah, I knew the " Handle was loofe," and then kift me with foe great Afre6lion that I felt quite eafie. She had beene withhelde by a troublefome Cold
from
of Mary Powell. 53
from returning at the appointed 1643. Time, and cared not to write. 'Twas juft Supper-time, and there wxre the Children to kifs and to give theire Bread and jNIilk, and BilPs Letter to reade ; foe that Nothing particular was fayd till the younger Ones were gone to Bed, and Father and Mother were taking fome Wine and Toaft. Then fays Father, "Well, Wife, " have you got the five hundred " Pounds ? " • " No," fhe anfwers, rather carelefllie. " I tolde you how " 'twoulde be," fays Father; "you " mighte as well have ftayed at " Home." " Really, Mr. Powell^' fays Mother, " foe feldom as I ftir " from my owne Chimney-corner, " you neede not to grudge me, I " think, a few Dayes among our " mutuall Relatives." " I fhall goe "to Gaol," fays Father. " Non- "fenfc," fays Mother; "to Gaol
" indeed ! "
54
Maidoi & Married Life
1643.
" indeed ! " " Well, then, who is to keepe me from it ? " fays Fa- ther^ laughing. " I will anfwer for it, Mr. Milton will wait a little " longer for his Money," fays Mo- ther, " he is an honourable Man, I fuppofe." " I wifh he may " thinke me one," fays Father ; " and as to a little longer, what is "the soode of waitinjy for what " is as unlikelie to come eventuallie
as now
" You muft anfwer that for yourfelfe," fays Mother, looking wearie : " I have done what I can, and can doe no more." "Well, then, 'tis lucky Matters " Hand as they do," fays Father. " Mr. Milton has been much here in " your Abfence, my Dear, and has ■'taken a Liking to our Moll; foe, believing him, as you fay, to be " an honourable Man, I have pro- " mifed he fhall have her." " Non-
" fenfe,"
of Mary Powell.
55
" fenfe," cries Mother, turning red and then pale. " Never farther " from Nonfenfe," fays Father, " for " 'tis to be, and by the Ende of the " Month too." " You are banterino- " me, Mr. Powell^'' fays Mother. " How can 3'ou fuppofe foe, my " Deare ? " fays Father, " you doe "me Injuftice." "Why, Moll!'' cries Mother, turning fharplie to- wards me, as I fate mute and fear- fulle, " what is alle this, Child ? " You cannot, you dare not think " of wedding this round-headed " Puritan." " Not round-headed," fayd I, trembling ; " his Plaire is as " long and curled as mine." " Don't " bandy Words with me, Girl," fays Mother, paflionatelie, " fee how unfit you arc to have a Iloufe of your
u
u
ownc, who cannot be left in " Charge of your Father s for a " Fortnighte, without falling into
" Mifchiefe ! "
1643-
56
1643.
Maiden & Married Life
' Mifchiefe ! " "I won't have Mo// ' chidden in that Way," fays Father^ ' fhe has fallen into noe Mifchiefe, ' and has beene a difcreete and 'dutifuU Child." "Then it has ' beene alle your doing," fays Mo- ther^ " and you have forced the 'Child into this Match." "Noe ' Forcing w^hatever," fays Father^ ' they like one another, and I am ' very glad of it, for it happens to ' be very convenient." " Conve- ' nient, indeed," repeats Mother, and falls a-weeping. Thereon I muft needs weepe too, but flie fays, " Begone to Bed ; there is noe Neede " that you flioulde fit by to heare " your owne Fatlicr confeffe what " a Fool he has beene."
To my Bedroom I have come, but cannot yet feek my Bed ; the more as I ftill heare theire Voices in Contention below.
This
of Mary Powell.
This Morninge's Breakfafte was mofte uncomfortable, I feeling like a checkt Child, fcarce minding to looke up or to eat. Mother^ with E3^es red and fwollen, fcarce fpeak- ing fave to the Children ; Father dire6ting his Difcourfe chieflie to Dick, concerning Farm Matters and the Rangeriliip of Shotover, tho' 'twas ealie to fee his Mind was not with them. Soe foone as alle had difperfed to theire cuftomed Tafkes, and I was loitering at the Window, Father calls aloud to me from his Studdy. Thither I go, and find him and Mother, fhe fitting with her Back to both. " Moll,''' fays Father, with great Determination, " you have ac- " cepted i\Ir. Milton to pleafe your- " felf, you will marry him out of " Hand to pleafe me." " Spare me, " fpare me, ]Mr. Pozuell^'^ interrupts Mother, " if the Engagement may
" not
57 1643.
Tuesday.
58
1643-
J^Iaidcn & Married Life
" not be broken off, at the leaft " precipitate it not with this in-
" decent Halle. Poftpone it till "
" Till when ? " %s FatJicr. " Till '' the Child is olde enough to know " her owne Mind." " That is, to " put off an honourable Man on " falfe Pretences," fays Father^ " fhe " is olde enough to know it alreadie. " Speake, AIoll^ are you of your " Mother'' s Mind to give up Mr. " Milto7i altogether ? " I trembled, but fayd, "No." "Then, as his " Time is precious, and he knows " not when he may leave his Home " agayn, I lave you the Trouble, " Child, of naming a Day, for it " Ihall be the Monday before Whit- '"'' funtide.^'' Thereat Mother ga^•e a Kind of Groan ; but as for me, I had like to have fallen on the Ground, for I had had noe Thought of fuche Hafte. " See what you are
" doing.
of Mary Powell. 59
" doing, Mr. Pozvell,^'' fays Mother, 1643. compaffionating me, and raifing me up, though fomewhat roughlie ; " I prophecie Evil of this Match." " Prophets of Evil are fure to find " Lifteners," fays Father, " but' I am " not one of them ; " and foe left the Room. Thereon my Mother, who alwaies feares him when he has a Fit of Determination, loofed the Bounds of her Paffion, and chid me fo unkindlie, that, humbled and mortified, I was glad to feeke my Chamber.
* * * * Entering the Dining- room, however, I uttered a Shriek on feeing Father fallen back in his Chair, as though in a Fit, like unto that which terrified us a Year ago ; and Mother hearing me call out, ran in, loofed his Collar, and foone broughte him to himfelfe, tho' not without much Alarm to alle. He
made
6o
1643.
Alaiden & Married Life
made light of it himfelfe, and fayd 'twas merelie a fuddain Rufh of Blood to the Head, and woulde not be diffuaded from going out ; but Mother was playnly fmote at the Heart, and having lookt after him with fome Anxietie, exclaimed, " I " fhall neither meddle nor make " more in this Bufineffe : your Fa- " thcr''s fuddain Seizures fhall neyer " be layd at m}^ Doore ; " and foe left me, till we met at Dinner. After the Cloth was drawne, enters Mr. Milton^ who goes . up to Mother^ and with Gracefulneffe kiffes her Hand ; but fhe withdrewe it pet- tifhly, and tooke up her Sewing, on the which he lookt at her wonder- ingly, and then at me ; then at her agayne, as though he woulde reade her w^hole Chara6ler in her Face ; which having feemed to doe, and to write the fame in fome private Page
of
of Mary Powell.
of his Heart, he never troubled her or himfelf with further Comment, but tooke up Matters juft where he had left them laft. Ere we parted we had fome private Conference touching our Marriage, for haften- ing which he had foe much to fay that I coulde not long contend with him, efpeciallie as I founde he had plainlie made out that Mother loved him not.
Houfe full of Companie, leaving noe time to write nor think. Mo- ther fayth, tho' flie cannot forbode an happie Marriage, fhe will provide for a merrie Wedding, and hathe ofrowne more than commonlie tender to me, and given me fome Trinkets, a Piece of fine Holland Cloth, and enoughe of green Sattm for a Gown, that will ftand on End with its owne Richneffe. She hathe me conftantlie
with
6i
1643.
Wednesday.
62
Maiden & Married Life
1643. "^^^^ ^"^^ ^^"^ ^^^ Kitchen, Paflrie, and Store-room, telling me 'tis needfulle I llioulde improve in Houfewiferie, feeing I fliall foe foone have a Home of my owne.
But I think Mother knows not, and I am afeard to tell her, that Mr. Milton hath no Houfe of his owne to carry me to, but onlie Lodgings, which have well fuited his Bachelor State, but may not, 'tis likelie, befeeme a Lady to live in. He deems fo himfelf, and fayeth we will look out for an hired Houfe tos:ether, at our Leifure. Alle this he hath fayd to me in an Under- tone, in Mother^ s Prefence, fhe few- ing at the Table and we fitting in the Window; and 'tis difficult to tell how much fhe hears, for fhe will alke no Qiieftions, and make noe Com- ments, onlie compreffes her Lips, which makes me think fhe knows.
The
of Mary Powell.
The Children are in turbulent Spiritts ; but Robin hath done nought but mope and make Moan lince he learnt he muft foe foone lofe me. A Thought hath ftruck me, — Mr. Milton educates his Sifter's Sons. ; two Lads of about Robiiz's Age. What if he woulde confent to take my Brother under his Charge ? per- haps Father would be willing.
Laft Vifitt to Sheep/cote^ — at leafte, as Mary Powell ; but kind Rofe and Roe'er Asinew will orive us the Ufe of it for a Week on our Marriage, and fpcnd the Time with dear Father and Mother^ who will neede their Kindneffe. Rofe and I walked long aboute the Garden, her Arm round my Neck ; and ftie was avifed to fay,
" Cloth of Frieze^ be not too bold, Thd* thoic be matcht with Cloth of
Gold—''
And
^Z
1643-
Saturday.
64 Maiden & Married Life
1643. And then craved my Pardon for foe unmannerl}^ a Rhyme, which in- deede, methoughte, needed an Ex- cufe, but expreft a Feare that I knew not (what fhe called) my high Defhiny, and prayed me not to trifle with Mr. Miltoii^s Feelings nor in his Sighte, as I had done the Daye fhe dined at Fore/2 Hill. I laught, and fayd, he muft take me as he found me : he was going to marry Mary Powell, not the Wife Widow of Tekoah. Rofe lookt wiftfullie, but I bade her take Heart, for I doubted not we fhoulde content cache the other ; and for the Refl:, her Advice flioulde not be forgotten. Thereat, fhe was pacyfied.
May 22nd. Alle Buftle and Confulion, — flay- ing of Poultrie, making of Paftrie, etc. People coming and going, preft to dine and to fup, and refufe, and
then
of Mary Powell.
then ftay, the colde Meats and Wines ever on the Table ; and in the Even- ing the Rebecks and Recorders fent for that we may dance in the Hall. My Spiritts have been moll un- equall ; and this Evening I was overtaken with a fuddain Faintneffe, fuch as I never but once before ex- perienced. They would let me dance no more ; and I was quite tired enoughe to be glad to fit aparte with ISIr. Milton neare the Doore, with the Moon fhining on us 5 untill at length he drew^ me out into the Garden. He fpake of Happineffe and Home, and Hearts knit in Love, and of heavenlie Efpoufals, and of Man being the Head of the Woman, and of our Lorcfs Marriaofe with the
CD
Church, and of white Robes, and the Bridegroom coming in Clouds of Glory, and of the Voices of finging Men and finging Women, F and
6s
1643.
66 Maiden & Married Life
1643. and eternall Spring, and eternall BlilTe, and much that I cannot call to Mind, and other-much that I coulde not comprehende, but which was in mine Ears as the Song' of Birds, or Falling of Waters.
May 23d. Rofe hath come, and hath kindlie offered to help pack the Trunks, (which are to be fent off by the Waggon to Londo7i,) that I may have the more Time to devote to Afr. Milton. Nay, but he will foon have all my Time devoted to him- felf, and I would as lief fpend what little remains in mine accuftomed Haunts, after mine accuftomed Fa- fhion. I had purpofed a Ride on Clover this Morning, with Robin ; but the poor Boy muff I trow be difappointed.
And for what ? Oh me !
I have hearde fuch a long Sermon
on
of Mary Powell.
on Marriage-duty and Service, that I am faine to fit down and weepe. But no, I muft not, for they are waiting for me in the Hall, and the Guefts are come and the Mulick is tuning, and my Lookes muft not betray me. — And now farewell, Jotirnall ; or Rofe, who firft bade me keepe you (little deeming after what Faftiion), will not pack you up, and I wmII not clofe you with a heavie Strayn. Robin is calling me beneath the Window, — Father is fitting in the Shade, under the old Pear-tree, feemingly in gay Dif- courfe with Mr. Milton. To-morrow
the Village-bells will ring for the Marriage of
Mary Powell.
London,
67
1643.
68
i643-
Maideji & Married Life
London^ Mr. RiiffelPs^ Taylor,
Bride's Churchyard.
Oh me ! is this my new Home ? my Heart finkes alreadie. After the fwete frefh Ayre of Sheepf- cote, and the Cleanlinefs, and the Quiet, and the pleafant Smells, Sightes, and Soundes, alle whereof Mr. Milton enjoyed to the Full as keenlie as I, faying they minded him of Paradife, — how woulde Rofe pitie me, could fhe view me in this clofe Chamber, the Floor whereof of dark, uneven Boards, muft have beene layd, methinks, three hundred Years ago ; the oaken Pannells, utterlie deftitute of Polifh, and with fundrie Chinks ; the Bed with dull brown Hangings, lined with as dull a greene, occupying Half the Space ;
and
of Mary Powell.
and Half the Remainder being filled with duftie Books, whereof there are Store alfoe in every other Place. This Mirror, I flioiild thinke, be- longed to faire Rofainond. And this Arm-chair to King Lear. Over the Chimnie hangs a ruefull Por- trait,— maybe of Grothcs, but I fhoulde fooner deeme it of fome Worthie before the Flood. Onlie one Quarter of the Cafement will open, and that upon a Profpe6l, oh dolefulle ! of the Churchyarde ! Mr. Milton had need be as blythe as he was all the Time w^e were at Sheep/cote., or I fliall be buried in that fame Churchyarde within the Twelvemonth. 'Tis well he has ftepped out to fee a Friend, that I may in his Abfence get ridd of this Fit of the Difmalls. I wifli it may be the laft. What would Mother fay to his bringing me to
fuch
1643-
70
1643-
Maiden & Married Life
fuch a Home as this ? I will not think, Soe this is London ! How diverfe from the " towred Citie " of my Hufband's verfing ! and of his Prole too ; for as he fpake, by the Way, of the Diforders of our Time, which extend even into eache domeflick Circle, he fayd that alle muft, for a While, appear confufed to our imperfeft View, juft as a mightie Citie unto a Stranger who fhoulde beholde around him huge, unfinifhed Fabrics, the Plan whereof he could but imperfe6llie make out, amid the Builders' diforderlie Ap- paratus ; but that, from afar, we mighte perceive glorious Refults from party Contentions, — Free- dom fpringing up from Oppreffion, Intelligence fucceeding Ignorance, Order following Diforder, juft as that fame Traveller looking at the Citie from a diftant Height, fhoulde
beholde
of Mary Powell. 71
beholde Towres and Spires glifter- 1643. ing with Gold and Marble, Streets fhretching in lellening Perfpe6lives, and Bridges flinging their white Arches over noble Rivers. But what of this faw we all along the Oxford Road ? Firftlie, there was noe commanding Height ; fecond, there was the Citie obfcured by a drizzling Rain ; the Ways were foul, the Faces of thofe we mett fpake lefs of Pleafure than Bufinefs, and Bells were tolling, but none ringing. Mr. Milioii's Father, a grey-haired, kind old Man, was here to give us Welcome : and his firfte Words were, " Why, yo/m, '• thou haft ftolen a March on us. " Soe quickly, too, and foe fnug ! " but fhe is faire enoughe, Man, to " excufe thee, Royalift or noe."
And foe, taking me in his Arms, kift me franklie. — But I heare
my
72
1643-
Thursday.
Maiden & Married Life
my Hufband's Voice, and another with it.
'Twas a Mr. Lawrence whom my Hufband brought Home laft Nighte to fup ; and the Evening paffed righte pleafantlie, with News, Jeftes, and a little Mulicke. Todaye hath been kindlie devoted by Mr. Milton to fhewing me Sights: — and oh! the ftrange, diverting Cries in the Streets, even from earlie Dawn ! " New Milk and Curds from the " Dairie ! " — " Olde Shoes for fome. " Brooms ! " — " Anie Kitchen-ftuffe, "have you, Maids?" — "Come buy " my greene Herbes ! " — and then in the Streets, here a Man preaching, there another juggling : here a Boy with an Ape, there a Show of Nineveh : next the News from the North ', and as for the China Shops and Drapers in the Strand, and the
Cook's
of Mary Powell. 73
Cook's Shops in WcJimmJIer, with 1643. the fmoking Ribs of Beef and frefh Salads fet out on Tables in the Street, and Men in white Aprons crying out, " Calf's Liver, Tripe, and hot "Sheep's Feet" — 'twas enoughe to make One untimelie hungrie, — or take One's Appetite away, as the Cafe might be. Mr. Milton fhewed me the noble Minfter, with King Harry Seventh's Chapel adjoining 5 and pointed out the old Houfe where Ben yonfon died. Neare the Broade Sanflnarie, we fell in with a flighte, dark-complexioned young Gentle- man of two or three and twenty, whome my Hufband efpying cryed, " What, Marvell ! " the other comi- cally anfwering, "What Marvel.?" and then, handfomlie faluting me and complimenting Mr. Milio7i^ much lighte and plcafant Difcourfe enfued ; and finding we were aboute to take
Boat,
74
1643-
Friday.
Maiden & Married Life
Boat, he volunteered to goe with us on the River. After manie Hours' Exercife, I have come Home fa- tigued, yet w^ell pleafed. Mr. Mar- veil fups with us.
I wifh I could note down a Tithe of the pleafant Things that were fayd laft Nighte. Firft, olde Mr. Milton having ftept out with his Son, — I called in Rachael, the younger of Mr. RiiJfeWs Serving-maids, (for we have none of our owne as yet, which tends to much Difcomfiture,) and, with her Aide, I dulled the Bookes and fett them up in half the Space they had occupied ; then cleared away three large Bafketfuls of the abfoluteft Rubbifh, torn Letters and the like, and fent out for Flowers, (which it feemeth Itrange enoughe to rne to buy^ which gave the Chamber a gayer Aire, and foe my
Hufband
of Mary Powell.
Hufband fayd when he came in, calling me the fayreft of them alle ; and then, fitting down with Gayety to the Organ, drew forth e from it heavenlie Sounds. Afterw^ards Mr. Marvell came in, and they difcourfed about Italy^ and Mr. Milton promifed his Friend fome Letters of Intro- duction to Jacopo Gaddi^ Clementillo, and others. —
After Supper, they wrote Sen- tences, Definitions, and the like, after a Fafhion of CatJierine de Me- dici, fome of which I have layd afide for Rofe.
— To-day we have feene St. PanPs faire Cathedral, and the School where Mr. Milton was a Scholar when a Boy ; thence, to the Fields of Fiiijbiiry ; where are Trees and Windmills enow : a Place much frequented for prac-
tifing
75
1643.
76
1643.
Saturday.
Maiden & Married Life
tifing Archery and other manlie Exercifes.
Tho' we rife betimes, olde Mr. Milton is earlier fhille ; and I alwa3'S find him fitting at his Table befide the Window (by Reafon of the Chamber being foe dark,) forting I know not how manie Bundles of Papers tied with red Tape ; eache fo like the other that I marvel how he knows them aparte. This Morn- ing, I found the poore old Gentle- man in fad Difhrefs at miffing^ jt Manufcript Song of Mr. Henry Lawes\ the onlie Copy extant, which he perfuaded himfelfe that I muft have fent down to the Kitchen Fire Yefterday. I am convinced I difmifl not a fingle Paper that was not torne eache Way, as being ut- terlie ufeleffe ; but as the unluckie Song cannot be founde, he fighs
and
of Mary Powell.
and is certayn of my Delinquence, as is Hubert^ his owne Man ; or, as he more frequentlie calls him, his "odd Man;" — and an odd Man indeede is Mr. Hubert, readie to addrefs his Mafher or Mafter's Sonne on the mereft Occafion, without waiting to be fpoken to ; tho' he expe6teth Others to treat them with far more Deference than he himfelf payeth.
— Dead tired, this Daye, with
fo much Exercife ; but woulde not fay foe, becaufe my Hufband was thinking to pleafe me by fhew- ing me foe much. Spiritts flagging however. Thefe Londoji Streets wearie my Feet. We have been over the Houfe in Aldersgate Street, the Garden whereof difappointed me, having hearde foe much of it ; but 'tis far better than none, and the Iloufe is large enough
for
77 1643.
78
1 643
Sunday Even.
JMaiden & Married Life
for Mr. Milton''s Familie and m}^ Father s to boote. Thought how pleafant 'twould be to have them alle aboute me next Chi^ijlmaj[[e ; but that holie Time is noe longfer kept with Joyfulhieffe in London. Ventured, therefore, to expreffe a Hope, we mighte fpend it at Forejl Hill; but Mr. Milton fayd 'twas unlikehe he fhould be able to leave Home ; and afkt, would I go alone ? — Conftrained, for Shame, to fay no ; but felt, in my Heart, I woulde jump to fee Forejl Hill on anie Terms, I foe love alle that dwell there.
Private and publick Prayer, Ser- mons, and Pfalm-finging from Morn until Nighte. The onlie Break hath been a Vifit to a quaint but pleafing Lady, by Name Catherine Thomp/on, whome my Hufband holds in great
Reverence.
of Mary Powell.
Reverence. She faid manie Things worthy to be remembered ; onlie as I remember them, I need not to write them down. Sorrie to be caughte napping by my Huf- band, in the Midft of the third long- Sermon. This comes of over- walking, and of being unable to fleep o' Nights ; for whether it be the London Ayre, or the Lon- don Methods of making the Beds, or the ftrange Noifes in the Streets, I know not, but I have fcarce beene able to clofe my Eyes before Daybreak fince I came to Town.
And now beginneth a new Life ; for my Hufband's Pupils, who were difmift for a Time for my Sake, returne to theire Tafks this Daye, and olde Mr. Milton giveth Place to his two Grandfons, his widowed
Daughter's
79
1643-
Monday.
8o
Maiden & Married Life
1643. Daughter's Children, Edward and yohn Phillips^ whom my Hufband led in to me juft now. Two plainer Boys I never fett Eyes on \ the one weak-eyed and puny, the other prim and puritanicall — no more to be compared to our fweet Robin / ^ * * After a few Words, they retired to theire Books ; and my Hulhand, taking my Hand, fayd in his kind- lieft Manner, — " And now I leave '' my fweete Moll to the pleafant " Companie of her own goode and " innocent Thoughtes ; and, if fhe " needs more, here are both ftringed " and keyed Inftruments, and Books " both of the older and modern " Time, foe that llie will not find " the Hours hang heavie." Me- thousrhte how much more I fliould like a Ride upon Clover than all the Books that ever were penned ; for the Door no fooner clofed upon
Mr.
of Mary Powell.
Mr. Milton than it feemed as tho' he had taken alle the Sunihine with him ; and I fell to cleaning the Cafement that I mighte look out the better into the Churchyarde, and then altered Tables and Chairs, and then fate downe with my El- bows refting on the Window-feat, and my Chin on the Palms of my Hands, gazing on I knew not what, and feeling like a Butterflie under a Wine-glafs.
I marvelled why it feemed foe long lince I was .married, and won- dered what they were doing at Home, — coulde fancy I hearde Mo- ther chiding, and faw Charlie ftealing into the Dairie and dipping his Fin- ger in the Cream, and Kate feeding the Chickens, and Dick taking a Stone out of White/tar's Shoe.
— Methouo^ht how dull it was
to be paffing the befl Part of the
G Summer
8i
1643.
82
1643.
Maiden & Married Life
Summer out of the Reache of frefh A3Te and greene Fields, and won- dered, woulde alle my future Sum- mers be foe fpent ?
Thoughte how dull it was to live in Lodgings, where one could not even go into the Kitchen to make a Pudding ; and how dull to live in a Town, without fome young female Friend with whom one might have ventured into the Streets, and where one could not foe much as feed Colts in a Paddock ; how dull to be without a Garden, unable foe much as to gather a Handfulle of ripe Cherries ; and how dull to looke into a Church- yarde, where there was a Man digging a Grave !
— When I wearied of ftaring at the Grave-digger, I gazed at an olde Gentleman and a young I^ady flowlie walking along, yet fcarce as
if
of Mary Powell. 83
if I noted them ; and was thinking 1643. moftlie of Foi'-cjl Hill, when I faw them ftop at our Doore, and pre- fently they were fhewn in, by the Name of Do6lor and Miftrefs Da- vies. I fent for my Hufband, and entertayned 'em bothe as well as I could, till he appeared, and they were polite and pleafant to me ; the young Lady tall and (lender, of a cleare brown Skin, and with Eyes that were fine enough ; onlie there was a fupprefl Smile on her Lips alle the Time, as tho' fhe had feen me lookincr out of the Window. She tried me on all Subjects, I think ; for fhe ftarted them more adroitlie than I ; and taking up a Book on the Window-feat, which was the Amadigi of Bernardo TaJJo, printed alle in Italiqiies, fhe fayd, if I loved Poetry, which ftie was fure I mufl, fhe knew fhe fhoulde love me. I
did
84
Maiden & Alarried Life
1643. did not tell her whether or noe. Then we were both lilent. Then Doftor Davies talked vehementlie to ^x.' Milton agaynfl: the King; and Mr. Milton was not fo contrarie to him as I could have wifhed. Then Miftrefs Davies tooke the Word from her Father, and beganne to talke to Mr. Milton of Taffo^ and Dante, and Boiardo, and Ariojio ; and then Doctor Davies and I were filent. Methoughte, they both talked well, tho' I knew fo little of their Subjeft- matter ; onlie they complimented cache other too much. I mean not they were infincere, for cache feemed to think highlie of the other ; onlie we neede not fay alle we feele.
To conclude, we are to fup with them to-morrow.
Wednesday. your7iall, I havc Nobodlc now but you to whome to tell my little
Griefs ;
of Mary Powell.
Griefs ; indeede, before I married, I know not that I had anie ; and even now, they are very fmall, onlie they are foe new, that fometimes my Heart is like to burft.
— I know not whether 'tis fafe to put them alle on Paper, onlie it relieves for the Time, and it kills Time, and perhaps, a little While hence I may looke back and fee how fmall they were, and how they mighte have beene fhunned, or better borne. 'Tis worth the Triall.
— Yefterday Morn, for very Wea- rineffe, I looked alle over my Linen and ]Mr. Miltoit^s^ to fee could I finde anie Thing to mend ; but there was not a Stitch amifs. I woulde have played on the Spin- nette, but was afrayd he fhould hear my indifferent Mufick. Then, as a laft Refource, I tooke a Book — Paul Perrin^s Hijlorie of the Wal-
dcnfcs ; —
85
1643.
86
1643-
Maiden & Married Life
de7ifes ; — and was, I believe, dozing a little, when I was aware of a continuall Whifpering and Cr3'ing. I thought 'twas fome Child in the Street \ and, having fome Comfits in my Pocket, I flept foftlie out to the Houfe-door and lookt forth, but no Child could I fee. Coming back, the Door of my Hufband's Studdy being ajar, I was avifed to look in ; and law him, with awfulle Brow, raifing his Hand in the very A61 to ftrike the youngefh Phillips. I could never endure to fee a Child ftruck, foe haftilie cryed out, "Oh, don't!" — whereon he role, and, as if not feeing me, gently clofed the Door, and, before I reached my Chamber, I hearde foe loud a Crying that I began to cry too. Soon, alle was quiet ; and my Hufband, coming in, ftept gently up to me, and putting his Arm about my Neck, fayd,
"My
of Mary Powell.
87
" My deareft Life, never agayn, I 1643.
" befeech
you,
interfere between
" me and the Boys : 'tis as un- " feemlie as tho' I fhoulde interfere " between you and your Maids, — " when 3^ou have any, — and will " weaken my Hands, dear Moll^ " more than you have anie Suf- " picion 01.
I replied, killing that fame of- fending Member as I fpoke, " Poor " Jack would have beene glad, jull " now, if I had weakened them." — " But that is not the Qiieftion," he returned, " for we fhould alle be " glad to efcape neceffary Punifh- " ment ; whereas, it is the Power, " not the Penalty of our bad Habits, " that we fhoulde feek to be de- " livered from." — " There may," I fayd, '' be necelTary, but need not " be corporal Punifhment." " That " is as may be," returned he, " and
" hath
88
1643-
Maiden & Married Life
' hath alreadie been fettled by an ' Authoritie to which I fubmit, and ' hardhe think you will difpute, ' and that is, the Word of God. ' Pain of Body is in Realitie, or ' ought to be, fooner over and more ' fafelie borne than Pain of an in-
' genuous Mind ;
and, as to the
' Shame, — why, as Loi^enzo de* Me- ' dici fayd to Soccini^ ' The Shame ' ' is in the Offence rather than in ' ' the Punifhment' "
I replied, " Our Robin had never " beene beaten for his Studdies ; " to which he fayd with a Smile, that even I muft admit Robin to be noe greate Scholar. And fo in good Humour left me ; but I was in no good Humour, and hoped Heaven might never make me the Mother of a Son, for if I fhould fee Mr. Milton ftrike him, I fhould learn to hate the Father. —
Learninof
of Mary Powell.
Learning there was like to be Companie at Do6tor Davies\ I was avifed to put on my brave greene Satin Gown ; and my Hufband fayd it became me well, and that I onlie needed fome' Primrofes and Cowflips in my Lap, to look like May ; — and fomewhat he added about mine Eyes' " clear fhining after Rain," which avifed me he had perceived I had beene crying in the Morning, which I had hoped he had not.
Arrivin"- at the Do6tor's Houfe, we were fhewn into an emptie Chamber ; at leaft, emptie of Com- panie, but full of every Thing clfe ; for there were Books, and Globes, and ftringed and wind Inftruments, and ftuffed Birds and Beafts, and ThinjTS I know not foe much as the Names of, befidcs an Eafel with a Painting by Mrs. Mildred on it, which fhe meant to be fcene, or fhe
w^oulde
1643-
90
Maiden & Married Life
1643. woulde have put it away. Sub- jc6l, " Brutus' s Judg^iient : " which I thought a fhrange, unfeeling one for a Woman ; and did not wifh to be Aer Son. Soone fhe came in, dreft with fluddied and puritan- icall PlainneiTe ; in brown Taffeta, guarded with black Velvet, which became her well enough, but was fcarce fuited for the Seafon. She had much to fay about limning, in which my Hufband could follow her better than I ; and then they went to the Globes, and Coperniciis^ and Galileo Galilei, whom fhe called a Martyr, but I do not. For, is a Martyr one who is unwillinglie im- prifoned, or who formally recants ? even tho' he affe6led afterwards to fay 'twas but a Form, and cries, '"'' Eppure, ft muove?'''' The earlier Chriftians might have fayd 'twas but a Form to burn a Handfull of
Incenfe
of Mary Powell.
Incenfe before Jove's Statua ; Pliny woulde have let them goe.
Afterwards, when the Doctor came in and engaged my Hufband in Difcourfe, Miftress Mildi^cd de- voted herfelfe to me, and afkt what ProfrrefTe I had made with Bernardo Tajfo. I tolde her, none at alle, for I was equallie faultie at Italiq^ics and lialian, and onlie knew his beft Work thro' IMr. Fairfax's Tranf- lation ; whereat flie fell laughing, and fayd fhe begged my Forgive- neffe, but I was confounding the Father with the Sonne ; then laught agayn, but pretended 'twas not at me but at a Lady I minded her of, who never coulde remember to dif- ting^uifh betwixt Lionardo da Vinci and Lorenzo dei Medici. That laft Name brought up the Recollection of my Morning's Debate with my Hufband which made me feel fad ;
and
91
1643.
92
i643-
Maiden & Married Life
and then, Mrs. Mildred^ feeminge anxious to make me forget her Unmannerlinefs, commenced, " Can " you paint ?" — " Can you fmg ?" — " Can you play the Lute ? " — and, at the laft, "■ What ca7t you do ? " I mighte have fa3^d I coulde comb out my Curls fmoother than fhe coulde hers, but did not. Other Guefts came in, and talked fo much agaynft Prelacy and the Right divine of Kings that I woulde fain we had remained at Aflronomie and Poetry. For Supper there w^as little Meat, and noe ftrong Drinks, onlie a thinnifli foreign Wine, with Cakes, Candies, Sweetmeats, Fruits, and Confe6lions. Such, I fuppofe, is Town Fafliion. At the lafte, came Mufick ; Miftrefs Mildred fang and played ; then preft me to do the like, but I was foe fearfulle, I coulde not ; fo my HullDand fayd
he
of Mary Powell.
he woulde play for me, and that woulde be alle one, and foe covered my BafhfullenelTe handfomlie.
Onlie this Morning, juft before
going to his Studdy, he ftept back
and fayd, " Sweet Moll, I know you
" can both play and fmg — why will
"you not pra6life?" I replyed, I
loved it not much. He rejoyned,
" But you know I love it, and is
" not that a Motive ? " I fayd, I
feared to let him hear me, I played
fo ill. He replyed, "Why, that is
" the very Reafon you fhoulde feek
" to play better, and I am fure you
" have Plenty of Time. Perhaps,
" in your whole future Life, you
" will not have fuch a Seafon
" of Leifure as you have now, —
" a golden Opportunity, which you
" will furelie fcize." — Then added,
" Sir Thomas Move's Wife learnt to
" play the Lute, folely that fhe
" mighte
93
164;
94 Maiden & Married Life
1643. " mighte pleafe her Hufband." I anfwered, " Nay, what Need to tell " me of Sir Thomas Alores Wife, or '' of Huoh Grotiuss Wife, when I "was the Wife of yohn Milton?'' He looked at me twice, and quick- lie, too, at this Saying ; then laugh- ing, cried, " You cleaving Mifchief ! " I hardlie know whether to take " that Speech amiffe or well — how- " ever, you fliall have the Benefit of " the Doubt."
And fo away laughing ; and I, for very Shame, fat down to the Spinnette for two wearie Hours, till foe tired, I coulde cry ; and when I delifted, coulde hear Jack wailing over his Tafk. 'Tis raining faft, I cannot get out, nor fhould I dare to go alone, nor where to go to if 'twere fine. I fancy ill Smells from the Churchyard — 'tis long to Dinner-time, with noe Change, noe
Exercife ;
of Mary Powell.
Exercife ; and oh, I figh for Foreji Hill.
— A dull Dinner with Mrs. Phil- lips^ whom I like not much. Chrif- topher Milton there, who flared hard at me, and put me out of Coun- tenance with his ftrange Queftions. My Hufband checked him. He is a Law3^er, and has Wit enoughe.
Mrs. Phillips fpeaking of fecond Marriages, I unawares hurt her by giving my Voice agaynfl them. It feems fhe is thinking of contra6ting a fecond Marriage.
— At Supper, wifhing to ingra- tiate myfelf with the Boys, talked to them of Countrie Sports, etc. : to which the youngeft liftened greedilie : and at length I was avifed to alk them woulde they not like to fee Foreji Hill? to which the elder replyed in his molt methodicall
Manner,
95
1643-
96
i643-
Friday.
Maiden & Married Life
Manner, " If Mr. Powell has a good " Library." For this Piece of Hy- pocrifie, at which I heartiHe laught, he was commended by his Uncle. Hypocrifie it was, for Mafter Ned cryeth over his Talkes pretty nearlie as oft as the youngeft.
To rewarde my zealous Pra6lice to-day on the Spinnette, Mr. Milton produced a Collection of ^'' Ayres, and " Dialogzces^ for one, two, and three " Voices^'' by his Friend, Mr. Harry Lawes, which he fayd I fhoulde find very pleafant Studdy ; and then he told me alle about theire getting up the Mafque of Comits in Lndlow Caftle, and how well the Lady's Song was fung by Mr. Lawes' Pupil, the Lady Alice, then a fweet, modeft Girl, onlie thirteen Years of Age, — and he told me of the Singing of a faire Italian young Signora, named
Leonora
of Mary Powell.
Leonora Barroni^ with her Mother and Sifter, whome he had hearde at Rome^ at the Concerts of Cardinal Barberini ; and how ftie was "as " gentle and raodeft as fweet Moll^^ yet not afrayd to open her Mouth, and pronounce everie Syllable dif- tindlie, and with the proper Em- phafis and Paffion when ftie fang. And after this, to my greate Con- tentment, he tooke me to the Gray's Imt Walks, where, the Af- ternoon being fine, was much Com- panie.
After Supper, I proposed to the Boys that we ftioulde tell Stories ; and Mr. Milton tolde one charm- inglie, but then went away to write a Lalin Letter. Soe Ned^s Turn came next ; and I muft, if I can, for very Mirthe's Sake, write it down in his exa6l Words, they were foe pragmaticall.
H "On
97
1643.
98
1643.
Maiden & Married Life
" On a Daye, there was a certain Child wandered forthe, that would play. He met a Bee, and fayd, 'Bee, wilt thou play with me?' The Bee fayd, ' No, I have my Duties to perform, tho' you, it woulde feeme, have none. I muft away to make Honey.' Then the Childe, ' abafht, went to the Ant. He fayd, 'Will you play with me, Ant ? ' The Ant replied, ' Nay, I mufl provide againft the Winter.' In fhorte, he found that everie Bird, Beafte, and Infe6l he accofted, had a clofer Eye to the Purpofe of their Cre- ation than himfelfe. Then he fayd, ' I will then back, and con my T^^:— Moral The Moral of the foregoing Fable, my deare Aunt, is this — We muft love Work better than Play."
With alle my Intereft for Chil- dren,
of Mary Powell.
99
dren, how is it pollible to take anie Intereft in foe formall a little Prigge ?
i%3-
I have jufl done fomewhat for Mafler Ned which he coulde not doe for himfelfe — z/2>. tenderly bound up his Hand, which he had badly cut. Wiping away fome few na- turall Tears, he muft needs fay, " I am quite afhamed, Auiit^ you " fhoulde fee me cry ; but the worft " of it is, that alle this Payne has " beene for noe Good ; whereas, " when my Uncle beateth me for " mifconftruing my Latin, tho' I " cry at the Time, all the While " I know it is for my Advantage." — If this Boy goes on preaching foe, I fhall foon hate him.
— Mr. Milton having ftepped out before Supper, came back looking foe blythe, that I afkt if he had
hearde
Saturday.
loo Maiden & Married Life
1643. hearde good News. He fayd, yes : that fome Friends had long beene perfuading him, againft his Will, to make publick fome of his Latin Poems ; and that, having at length confented to theire Wilhes, he had beene with Mojley the Publifher in PauPs Churchyard, who agreed to print them. I fayd, I was forrie I fhoulde be unable to read them. He fayd he was forry too ; he mull tranflate them for me. I thanked him, but obferved that Tradu6tions were never foe good as Originalls. He rejoyned, " Nor am I even a "good Tranflater." I afkt, "Why " not write in your owne Tongue ? " He fayd, '^ Latin is underftood all "over the Worlde." I fayd, "But " there are manie in your owne " Country do not underfland it." He was filent foe long upon that, that I fuppofed he did not mean
to
of Mary Powell.
to anfwer me ; but then cried, " You are right, fweet Moll. — Our " beft Writers have written their " beft Works in Engli/Ji, and I will " hereafter doe the fame, — for I feel " that my beft Work is ftill io come. " Poetry hath hitherto been with " me rather the Recreation of a " Mind confcious of its Health, " than the deliberate Tafk-work of " a Soule that muft hereafter give " an Account of its Talents. Yet " my Mind, in the free Circuit of " her Mufing, has ranged over a " thoufand Themes that lie, like " the Marble in the Quarry, readie " for anie Shape that Fancy and " Skill may give. Neither Lazinefs " nor Caprice makes me difficult in " my Choice ; for, the longer I am " in fele6ling my Tree, and laying " my Axe to the Root, the founder " it will be and the riper for Ufe.
"Nor
lOI
1643-
I02
i643-
Sunday Even.
Maiden & Married Life
' Nor is an Undertaking that fhall ' be one of high Duty, to be en- ' tered upon without Prayer and ' Difcipline : — it woulde be Pre- ' fumption indeede, to commence ' an Enterprife which I meant ' fhoulde delighte and profit every ' inflrufted and elevated Mind with- ' out fo much Paynes-takinge as it ' fhould coll a poor Mountebank to ' balance a Pole on his Chin."
In the Clouds agayn. At Dinner, to-daye, Mr. Milton catechifed the Boys on the Morning's Sermon, the Heads of which, though amounting to a Dozen, Ned tolde off roundlie. Roguifh little Jack looked flylie at me, fays, " Aunt coulde not tell off " the Sermon." " Why not ? " fays his Uncle. " Becaufe fhe w^as lleep- " ing," fays Jack. Provoked with the Child, I turned fcarlett, and
haftilie
of Mary Powell.
haftilie fayd, "I was not." No- bodie fpoke ; but I repented the Falfitie the Moment it had efcaped me ; and there was Ned., a folding of his Hands, drawing down his
Mouth, and clofing his Eyes
My FIu{band tooke me to talke for it when we were alone, foe tenderlie that I wept.
Jack fayd this Morning, " I know " Something — I know Aunt keeps " a Journall." " And a good Thing " if you kept one, too, Jack^'' fayd his Uncle, " it would fhew you how " little 3^ou doe." Jack was filenced ; but Ned, purfmg up his Mouth, fays, " I can't think what Aunt can "have to put in a Journall — fhould " not you like, Uncle, to fee ? " " No, Ned;' fays his Uncle, " I am " upon Honour, and your dear Aunt's "Journall is as fafe, for me, as the
Iden
a
103
1643.
Monday.
"■O
I04
1643-
Saturday Even.
Maiden & Married Life
' golden Bracelets that King Alfred ' hung upon the High-way. I am ' glad fhe has fuch a Refource, and, ' as we know fhe cannot have much ' News to put in it, we may the ' more fafely rely that it is a Trea- ' fury of fweet, and high, and holy, ' and profitable Thoughtes."
Oh, how deeplie I blufht at this ill-deferved Prayfe ! How forrie I was that I had ever regiflered aught that he woulde grieve to read ! I fecretly refolved that this Daye's Journalling fhould be the laft, untill I had attained a better Frame of Mind.
I have kept Silence, yea, even from good Words, but it has beene a Payn and Griefe unto me. Good Miftrefs Catherine Tkompfon called on me a few Dayes back, and fpoke fo wifely and fo wholefomelie con- cerning
of Mary Powell.
cerning my Lot, and the Way to make it happy, (fhe is the firft that hath fpoken as if 'twere poffible it mighte not be foe alreadie,) that I felt for a Seafon quite heartened ; but it has alle faded away. Becaufe the Source of Cheerfulneffe is not m me, anie more than in a dull Land- fkip, which the Sun lighteneth for awhile, and when he has fet, its Beauty is gone.
Oh me ! how merry I was at Home ! — The Source of Cheerful- neffe feemed in me then, and why is it not now ? Partly becaufe alle that I was there tausrht to think ricrht is
here thought wrong ; becaufe much that I there thought harmleffe is here thought finfulle ; becaufe I cannot get at anie of the Things that employed and interefled me there, and becaufe the Things within my Reach here do not intereft me.
Then,
105
1643.
io6 1643.
Maiden & Married Life
Then, 'tis no fmall Thing to be continiialHe deemed ignorant and mifinformed, and to have one's Errors continuallie covered, however handfomelie, even before Children. To fay Nothing of the Weight upon the Spiritts at firfle, from Change of Ayre, and Diet, and Scene, and Lofs of habituall Exercife and Com- panie and houfeholde Cares. Thefe petty Griefs try me forelie ; and when Coufin Ralph came in unex- pe6ledHe this Morn, tho' I never much cared for him at Home, yet the Sighte of Rofe''s Brother, frefh from Sheep/cote and Oxford and Forefl Hill, foe upfet me that I fank into Tears. No Wonder that Mr. Milton, then coming in, fhould haftilie enquire if Ralph had brought ill Tidings from Home ; and, finding alle was well there, fhoulde look ftrangelie. He alkt Ralph, however,
to
of Mary Powell.
to flay to Dinner ; and we had much Talk of Home ; but now, I regret having omitted to alk a thoufand Quefkions.
Mr. Milton in his Clofet and I in my Chamber. — For the firft Time he feems this Evening to have founde out how diffimilar are our Minds. Meaning to pleafe him, I fayd, " I " kept awake bravelie, to-nighte, " through that long, long Sermon, " for your Sake." — " And why not "for God's Sake?" cried he, "why " not for your owne Sake ? — Oh, " fweet Wife^ I fear you have yet " much to learn of the Depth of " Happineffe that is comprifed in " the Communion between a for- " given Soul and its Creator. It " hallows the moft fecular as well " as the moft fpirituall Employ- " ments ; it gives Pleafure that has
a
no
107
1643-
Sunday Even.
Aug. 15.
io8
1643.
Aug. 21, Saturday.
Maiden & Married Life
" no after BitternelTe ; it gives Plea- " fure to God — and oh ! thinke of " the Depth of Meaning in thofe " Words ! think what it is for us " to be capable of giving God Plea- " fure ! "
— Much more, in the fame Vein ! to which I could not, with equal Power, refpond ; foe, he away ^o his Studdy, to pray perhaps for my Change of Heart, and I to my Bed.
Oh Heaven ! can it be poffible ? am I agayn at Forejl Hill? How ftrange, how joyfulle an Event, tho' brought about with Teares ! — Can it be, that it is onlie a Month fince I ftoode at this Toilette as a Bride ? and lay awake on that Bed, thinking of Londoit ? How long a Month ! and oh ! this prefent one will be alle too fhort.
It
of Mary Powell.
It feemeth that Ralph Hewlett, fhocked at my Teares and the Alter- ation in my Looks, broughte back a difmall Report of me to deare Father and Mother, pronouncing me either ill or unhappie. Thereupon, Richard, with his ufuall Impe- tuofitie, prevayled on Father to let him and Ralph fetch me Home for a While, at leafte till after Michael- maj/e.
How furprifed was I to fee Dick enter ! My Arms were £be faft about his Neck, and my Face preft foe clofe to his Shoulder, that I did not for a While perceive the grave Looke he had put on. At the laft, I was avifed to afk what broughte him foe unexpe6tedlie to London; and then he hemmed and looked at Ralph, and Ralph looked at Dick, and then Dick fayd bluntly, he hoped Mr. Milton woulde fpare me to go
Home
109 1643-
no Maide7i & Married Life
1643. Home till after Michaelmajfe^ and Father had fent him on Purpofe to fay foe. Mr. Milton lookt furprifed and hurte, and fayd, how could he be expe6ted to part foe foone with me, a Month's Bride ? it muft be fome other Time : he had intended to take me himfelfe to ForeJl^Hill the following Spring, but coulde not fpare Time now, nor liked me to goe without him, nor thought I fhould like it myfelf But my Eyes faid / JJioitlde, and then he gazed earneftlie at me' and lookt hurt ; and there was a dead Silence. Then Dick, helitating a little, fayd he was forrie to tell us my Father was ill ; on which I clafped my Hands and beganne to weepe ; and Mr. Milton, changing Countenance, alkt fundrie Queftions, which Dick anfwered well enough ; and then faid he woulde not be foe cruel as
to
of Mary Powell.
to keepe me from a Father I foe dearlie loved, if he were fick, though he liked not my travelling in fuch unfettled Times with fo young a Convo}'. Ralph fayd they had brought Diggojy with them, who was olde and fleddy enough, and had ridden my Mother's Mare for my Ufe ; and Dick was for our ofettinsf forward a Stage on our Journey the fame Evening, but Mr. Milton infilled on our abiding till the following Morn, and woulde not be overruled. And gave me leave to flay a Month, and gave me INIoney, and many kind Words, which I coulde mark little, being foe overtaken with Concern about dear Father^ whofe Illnefs I feared to be worfe than Dick fayd, feeing he feemed foe clofe and dealt in dark Speeches and Parables. After Dinner, they went forth, they fayd,
to
III
1643-
I 12
1643.
Maiden & Married Life
to look after the Horfes, but I think to fee Lo7tdon, and returned not till Supper.
We got them Beds in a Houfe hard by, and ftarted at earlie Dawn.
Mr. Milton killed me moft ten- derlie agayn and agayn at |5arting, as though he feared to lofe me ; but it had feemed to me foe hard to brook the Delay of even a few Hours when Father^ in his Sickneffe, was wanting me, that I took Leave of my Hufband with lefs Affection than I mighte have fhewn, and onlie began to find my Spiritts lighten when we were fairly quit of London^ with its vile Sewers and Drains, and to breathe the fweete, pure Morning Ayre, as we rode fwiftlie along. Dick called London a vile Place, and fpake to Ralph concerning what they had feene of it overnighte, whence it appeared to me, that he had
beene
of Mary Powell.
beene pleafure-feeking more than, in Father's State, he ought to have beene. But Dick was always a recklefs Lad; — and oh, what Joy, on reaching this deare Place, to find Father had onlie beene fuffering under one of his ufual Stomach Attacks, which have no Danger in them, and which Dick had exagger- ated, fearing Mr. Milton woulde not otherwife part with me; — I was a little fhocked, and coulde not help fcolding him, though I was the Gainer ; but he boldlie defended what he called his " Stratagem of " War," faying it was quite allow- able in dealing with a Puritan.
As for Robin, he was wild with Joy when I arrived ; and hath never ceafed to hang about me. The other Children are riotous in their Mirth. Little yofcelyn hath returned from his Fofter-mother's Farm, and I is
113
1643.
114
i643-
Monday.
Maiden & Married, Life
is noe longer
a puny Child — 'tis thought he will thrive. I have him conftantly in my Arms or riding on my Shoulder ; and with Delight have revifited alle my olde Haunts, patted Clover, &c^ Deare Mother is moft kind. The Maids as oft call me Mrs. Molly as Mrs. Milton, and then fmile, and beg Pardon. Rofe and Agnew have been here, and have made me promife to vifit Sheep/cote before I return to London. The whole Houfe feems full of Glee.
It feemes quite ftrange to heare Dick and Harry finging loyal Songs and drinking the King''s Health after foe recentlie hearing his M. foe continuallie fpoken agaynfl. Alfo, to fee a Lad of Robing s Age, coming in and out at his Will, doing anie- thing or nothing ; inftead of being
ever
of Mary Powell.
ever at his Tafkes, and looking at Meal-times as if he were repeating them to himfelfe. I know which I like befl.
A molt kind Letter from Mr. Milton, hoping Father is better, and praying for News of him. How can I write to him without betraying Dick? Robin andj( I rode, this Morning, to Sheep/cote. Thoughte Mr. Agnew received me with un- wonted Gravitie. He tolde me he had received a Letter from my Hufband, praying News of my Father, feeing I had fent him none, and that he had writ to him that Father was quite well, never had been better. Then he fayd to me he feared Mr. Milton was labouring under fome falfe Impreffion. I tolde him trulie, that Dick, to get me Home, had exaggerated a trifling Illncfs of Father''s, but that I was
guiltleffe
115
1643.
ii6 Maiden & Married Life
1643. guiltleffe of it. He fayd Dick was inexcufable, and that noe good End coulde jufllfie a Man of Honour in overcharging the Truth ; and that, fince I was innocent, I fhoulde write to my Hufband to clear myfelf. I faid briefly, I woulde ; and I mean to do foe, onHe not to-daye. Oh, fweet countrie Life ! I was made for you and none other. This riding and walking at one's owne free Will, in the frefli pure Ayre, coming in to earlie, heartie, wholefome Meals, feafoned with harmlefle Jefls, — feeing frefh Faces everie Daye come to the Houfe, knowing everie Face one meets out of Doores, — fupping in the Garden, and remain- ing in the Ayre long after the Moon has rifen, talking, laughing, or per- haps dancing, — if this be not Joy- fulnefle, what is ?
For certain, I woulde that Mr.
Milton
of Mary Powell.
Milton were here ; but he woulde call our Sports miftimed, and throw a Damp upon our Mirth by not joining in it. Soe I will enjoy my Holiday while it lafts, for it may be long ere I get another — efpeciallie if his and Father''s Opi- nions get wider afunder, as I think they are doing alreadie. ' My pro- mifed Spring Holiday may come to Nothing.
My Hufband hath writ to me ftrangelie, chiding me moil unkindlie for what was noe Fault of mine, to wit, Dick's Falfitie ; and wondering I can derive anie Pleafure from a Holiday fo obtayned, which he will not curtayl, but will on. noe Pretence extend. Nay ! but methinks Mr. Alilion prefumeth fomewhat too much on his marital Authoritie, writing in this Strayn. I am no
mere
117
1643-
Monday.
ii8
1643.
Maiden & Married Life
mere Child neither, nor a runaway Wife, nor in fiich bad Companie, in mine own Father's Houfe, where he firfle faw me ; and, was it anie Fault of mine, indeed, that Father was not ill? or can I wifh he had beene? No, truly!
This Letter hath forelie vexed me. Dear Father, feeing me foe duUe, aikt me if I had had bad News. I fayd I had, for that Mr. Milton wanted me back at the Month's End. He fayd, lightlie. Oh, that muft not be, I muft at all Events ftay over his Birthdaye, he could not fpare me fooner ; he woulde fettle all that. Let it be foe then — I am content enoughe.
To change the Current of my Thoughts, he hath renewed the Scheme for our Vilit to Lady Falk- land, which, Weather permitting, is to take Place to-morrow. 'Tis
long
of Mary Powell.
long fince I have feene her, foe I am willing to goe; but fhe is dearer to Rofe than to me, though I refpe6t her much.
The whole of Yefterday occupyde with our Vilit. I love Lady Falk- land well, yet her religious Mellan- choUie and Prefages of Evil have left a Weight upon my Spiritts. To-daye, we have a Family Dinner. The Agncws come not, but the Merediths doe: we fhall have more Mirthe if lefs Wit. My Time now draweth foe fhort, I muft crowd into it alle the Pleafure I can; and in this, everie one confpires to help me, faying, "Poor Moll muft foon "return to LondonP Never was Creature foe petted or fpoylt. How was it there was none of this before I married, when they might have me alwaies? ah, therein lies the
Secret.
119
1643.
Wednesday.
I20 Maiden & Married Life
1643. Secret. Now, we have mutuallie tafted our Loffe. ^
Ralph Hewlett, going agayn to Town, was avifed to afk whether I had anie Commiffion wherewith to charge him. I bade him tell Mr. Milton that fince we fhould meet foe foone, I need not write, but would keep alle my News for our Fire-fide. Robin added, " Say, "we cannot fpare her yet," and Father echoed the fame.
But I begin to feel now, that I muft not prolong my Stay. At the leafle, not beyond Father'' s Birthday. My Month is hafling to a Clofe.
Sept. 21. Battle at Newbury — Lord Falk- land flayn. Oh, fatal Lofs! Father and Mother going off to my Lady: but I think fhe will not fee them. Aunt and Uncle Hewlett, who brought the News, can talk of Nothing elfe.
Alle
of Mary Powell.
121
Alle Sadneffe and Confternation. I am wearie of bad News, public and private, and feel lefs and lefs Love for the Puritans, yet am forced to feem more loyal than I really am, foe high runs party Feeling juft now at Home.
My Month has paffed !
A moft difpleafed Letter from my Hufband, minding me that my Leave of Abfence hath expired, and that he likes not the Meffages he received through Ralph^ nor the unreafonable and hurtfulle Paf- times which he finds have beene making my quiet Home diftaftc- fulle. Afking, are they fuitable, under Circumftances of nationall Confternation to my owne Party, or feemlie in foe young a Wife, apart from her Hufband ? To conclude infifting, with more Authoritie than
Kindnefle,
1643.
Sept. 22
Sept. 28.
122 Maide7i & Married Life
1643. KindnelTe, on my immediate Re- turn.
With Tears in my Eyes, I have beene to mv Father. I have tolde him I mud goe. He fayth, Oh no, not yet. I perfifled, I muft, my Hufband was foe very angry. He rejoined. What, angry with my fweet Moll? and for fpending a few Days w^ith her old Father? Can it be? hath it come to this alreadie? I fayd, my Month had expired. He fayd, Nonfenfe, he had alwa3's afkt me to flay over Michaelmajfe, till his Birthday; he knew Dick had named it to Mr. Millon. I fayd, Mr. Milton had taken no Notice thereof, but had onlie granted me a Month. He grew peevifh, and faid, " Pooh, " pooh ! " Thereat, after a Silence of a Minute or two, I fayd 3-et agayn, I muft goe. He took me by the two Wrifls and fayd. Doe you wifh
to
of Mary Powell.
to go? I burft into Teares, but made noe Anfwer. He fayd, That is Anfwer enough, — how doth this Puritan carry it with you, my Child? and fnatched his Letter. I fayd. Oh, don't read that, and would have drawn it back; but Father, when heated, is impoffible to controwl; therefore, quite deaf to Entreaty, he would read the Letter, which was unfit for him in his chafed Mood; then, holding it at Arm's Length, and fmiting it with his Fift, — Ha! and is it thus he dares addrefs a Daughter of mine? (with Words added, I dare not write) — but be quiet, Moll, be at Peace, my Child, for he fhall not have you back for awhile, even though he come to fetch you himfelf. The maddeft Thing I ever did was to give you to this Roundhead. He and Roger Agnew talked me over with foe many
fine
123
1643.
124
1643.
Maiden & Married Life
^
fine Words. — What poffeffed me, I know not. Your Mother always faid Evil woulde come of it. But as long as thy Father has a Roof over his Head, Child, thou haft a Home.
As foone as he woulde hear me, I begged him not to take on foe, for that I was not an unhappy Wife; but my Tears, he fayd, belied me; and indeed, with Fear and Agitation, they flowed faft enough. But I fayd, I 7nujl goe home, and wiftied I had gone fooner, and woulde he let Diggory take me! No, he fayd, not a Man Jack on his Land fhoulde faddle a Horfe for me, nor would he lend me one, to carry me back to Mr. Milton; at the leafte not for a While, till he had come to Reafon, and protefted he was forry for having writ to me foe harfhly.
" Soe be content, Moll^ and make " not two Enemies, inftead of one.
" Goe,
of Mary Powell.
" Goe, help thy Mother with her " clear-ftarching. Be happy whilft " thou art here."
But ah! more ealily faid than done. "Alle Joy is darkened; the "Mirthe of the Land is gone!"
At Squire Pake's grand Dinner we have been counting on foe many Days; but it gave me not the Plea- fure expected.
The Weather is foe foul that I am fure Mr. Milton woulde not like me to be on the Road, even would my Father let me goe.
— While writing the above, heard very angrie Voices in the Court- yard, my Father's efpeciallie, louder than common ; and diftinguifhed the Words " Knave," and " Varlet," and " begone." Lookt from my Window and beheld a Man, booted
and
125
1643.
Michael- masse Day.
Oct. 13.
126
1643.
Maide7i & Married Life
and cloaked, with two Horfes, at the Gate, parleying with my Father, who flood in an offenlive Attitude, and woulde not let him in. I could catch fuch Fragments as, " But "Sir?" "What! in fuch Weather " as this ? " " Nay, it had not over- "caft when I ftarted." " 'Tis foul
a
a
enough
now, then." " Let me
but have fpeech of my Miflrefs." " You crofTe not my Threfhold." " Nay, Sir, if but to give her this "Letter:" — and turning his Head, I was avifed of its being Hubert, old Mr. Milton^ s Man; doubtlefs fent by my Hufband to fetch me. Seeing my Father raife his Hand in angrie A6tion (his Riding-whip being in it), I hafled down as fail as I coulde, to prevent Mifchiefe, as well as to get my Letter; but, unhappilie, not foe fleetlie as to fee more than Huberfs flying Skirts as he gallopped
from
of Mary Powell.
from the Gate, with the led Horfe by the Bridle; while my Father, flinging downe the torne Letter, walked pafllonatelie away. I clafped my Hands, and flood mazed for a While, — was then avifed to piece the Letter, but could not; onlie making out fuch Words as " Sweet ''Moll,'' in my Hufband's Writing.
Ro/e came this Morning, through Rain and Mire, at fome Rifk as well as much Inconvenience, to intreat of me, even with Teares, not to vex Mr. Milton by anie farther Delays, but to return to him as foon as pof- fible. Kind Soule, her Afle6tion toucht me, and I alfured her the more readilie I intended to return Home as foone as I coulde, which was not yet, my Father having taken the Matter into his own Hands, and permitting me noe
Efcort;
127
1643.
Oct. 14.
128 Maiden & Married Life
1643. Efcort; but that I queftioned not, Mr. Milton was onlie awaiting the Weather to fettle, to fetch me him- felf. That he will doe fo, is my firm Perfualion. Meanwhile, I make it my Duty to joyn with fome Attempt at CheerfuUenefTe in the Amufements of others, to make my Father's Confinement to the Houfe lefs irkfome; and have in fome Meafure fucceeded.
Oct. 23. Noe Sighte nor Tidings of Mr. Milton. — I am uneafie, frighted at myfelf, and wifh I had never left him, yet hurte at the Negledt. Hubert, being a crabbed Temper, made Mifchief on his Return, I fancy. Father is vexed, methinks, at his owne Paffion, and hath never, dire6tlie, fpoken, in my Hear- inge, of what paffed; but rayleth continuallie agaynft Rebels and
Roundheads.
of Mary Powell.
Roundheads. As to Mother, — ah me !
Thro' dank and miry Lanes and Bye-roads with Robin, to Shecpfcotc.
Waiting for Rofe in Mr. Agneiu's fmall Studdy, where fhe moftlie fitteth with him, oft a6ling as his Amanuenfis, was avifed to take up a printed Sheet of Paper that lay on the Table ; but finding it to be of Latin Verfing, was about to laye it downe agayn, when Rofe came in. She changed Colour, and in a falter- ing Voice fayd, " Ah, Cojifin, do " you know what that is ? One of " your Hufband's Proofe Sheets. I " woulde that it coulde interefb you " in like Manner as it hath me." Made her noe Anfwer, laying it alide unconcernedlie, but fecretlie felt, as I have oft done before, how flupid it is not to know Latin, and refolved K to
129
1643-
Oct. 24.
I30
1643.
Oct. 28.
Oct. 31.
Maiden & Married Life
to get Robin to teach me. He is no greate Scholar himfelfe, foe will not fhame me. — I am wearie of hearing of War and Politicks ; foe will try Studdy for a While, and fee if 'twill cure this dull Payn at my Heart.
Robin and I have fliut ourfelves up for three Hours dailie, in the fmall Book-room, and have made fayre Progreffe. He liketh his Office of Tutor mightilie.
My LefTons are more crabbed, or I am more dull and inattentive, for I cannot fix my Minde on my Book, and am fecretlie wearie. Robin wearies too. But I will not give up as yet; the more foe as in this quiete Studdy I am out of Sighte and Hearinge of fundrie young Officers Dick is continuallie bringing over from Oxford^ who fpend manie
Hours
of Mary Powell.
Hours with him in Countrie Sports, and then come into the Houfe, hun- gry, thirftie, noilie, and idle. I know Mr. Milton woulde not like them.
— Surelie he will come foone? — I fayd to Father laft Night, I wanted to hear from Home. He fayd, " Home! Doft call yon Taylor's "Shop your Home?" foe ironicalle that I was fhamed to fay more.
Woulde that I had never married! — then coulde I enjoy my Child- hoode's Home. Yet I knew not its Value before I quitted it, and had even a ftupid Pleafure in anticipating another. Ah me! had I loved Mr. Milton more, perhaps I might better have endured the Taylor's Shop.
Sheep/cote, Nov. 20.
Annoyed by DiclSs Companions,
I prayed Father to let me ftay awhile
with Rofe; and gaining his Confent,
came
131
1643-
Nov. 20.
132 Maiden & Married Life
1643. came over here Yefter-morn, with- out thinking it needfuUe to fend Notice, which was perhaps incon- fiderate. But fhe received me with Kiffes and Words of TendernelTe, though lefs SmiHng than ufualle, and eagerHe accepted mine offered Vifitt. Then fhe ran off to find Roger, and I heard them talking earneftlie in a low Voice before they came in. His Face was grave, even flern, when he entred, but he held out his Hand, and fayd, " Miflrefs " Aliltouy you are welcome ! how is " it with you ? and how was Mr. " Milton when he wrote to you "lafl?" I anfwered briefiie, he was well: then came a Silence, and then Rofe took me to my Chamber, which was fweet with Lavender, and its Hangings of the whitefl. It reminded me too much of my firfl Week of Marriage, foe I refolved to think
not
of Mary Powell.
not at all left I fhoulde be bad Companie, but cheer up and be gay. Soe I afkt Rofe a thoufand Queftions about her Dairie and Bees, laught much at Dinner, and told Mr. Agnew fundrie of the merrie Sayings of Dick and his Oxford Friends. And, for my Reward, when we were afterwards apart, I heard him tell Rofe (by Reafon of the Walls being thin) that however fhe might regard me for old Affe6lion's Sake, he thought he had never knowne foe unpromifing a Chara6ler. This made me dulle enoughe all the reft of the Evening, and repent having come to Sheepfcote: however, he liked me the better for being quiete: and Rofe^ being equallie chekt, we fewed in Silence while he read to us the firft Divifion of Spencer^s Legend of Holineffe^ about Una and the Knight, and how they got fun-
dered
1643.
134 Maiden & Married Life
1643. dered. This led to much ferious, yet not unpleafing, Difcourfe, which lafted till Supper. For the firft Time at Sheep/cote, I coulde not eat, which Mr. Agnew obferving, prell me to take Wine, and Rofe woulde ftart up to fetch fome of her Pre- ferves; but I chekt her with a Motion, not being quite able to fpeak; for their being foe kind made the Teares ready to ftarte, I knew not why.
Family Prayers, after Supper, rather too long; yet though I coulde not keep up my Attention, they feemed to fpread a Calm and a Peace alle about, that extended even to me; and though, after I had undrefled, I fat a long While in a Maze, and bethought me how pi- teous a Creature I was, yet, once layed down, I never fank into deeper, more compoling Sleep.
This
of Mary Powell.
This Morning, Rofe exclaimed, "Dear Roo-erf onlie think! Moll " has begun to learn Latin fince fhe " returned to Forcjl Hill, thinking " to furprife Mr. Milton when they " meet." " She will not onlie fur- " prife, but pleafe him," returned dear Roger, taking my Hand very kindlie; " I can onlie fay, I hope " they will meet long before fhe " can read his Poemata, unlefs fhe " learnes much fafler than moft " People." I replied, I learned very flowly, and wearied Robiii's Patience; on which Ro/e, killing me, cried, " You will never wearie "mine; foe, if you pleafe, deare " Moll, we will goe to our LelTons " here everie Morning, and it may " be that I fhall get you through " the Grammar fafter than Robin " can. If we come to anie Dif^- " cultie we fhall refer it to RogerP
Now,
135 1643.
Nov. 21.
136 Afaiden & Married Life
1643. Now, Mr. Agnezv's Looks expreft
fuch Pleafure with both, that it were difficult to tell which felt the moll elated; foe calling me deare Moll (he hath hitherto Miftrefs Miltoned me ever lince I fett Foot in his Houfe), he fayed he would not interrupt our Studdies, though he fhould be within Call, and foe left us. I had not felt foe happy fince Father'' s Birthday; and, though Rofe kept me clofe to my Book for two Hours, I found her a far lefs irkfome Tutor than deare Robin. Then fhe went away, finging, to make Roger''s favourite Difh, and afterwards we tooke a briik Walke, and came Home hungrie enoughe to Dinner.
There is a daily Beauty in Rofe^s Life, that I not onlie admire, but am readie to envy. Oh! if Milton lived but in the poorefl Houfe in
the
of Mary Powell.
the Countrie, methinks I coulde be very happy with him.
Chancinof to make the above Remark to Rofc^ fhe cried, " And why not be happy with him in Alder/gate Street?'''' I briefly re- plied that he mufl get the Houfe firft, before it were poflible to tell whether I coulde be happy there or not. Rofe fl:ared, and exclaimed, " Why, where do you fuppofe him to be now ? " " Where but at
ii.
a
a
a
a
the Taylor's in Bride^s Church- yard V I replied. She clafpt her Hands with a Look I fhall never forget, and exclaimed in a Sort of vehement Paflion, " Oh, Coiijin., " Coujifiy how you throw your own " Happineffe away ! How awfulle " a Paufe muft have taken place in " your Intercourfe with the Man " whom you promifed to abide by
" till
137
1643.
Bedtime.
138 Maiden & Married Life
1643. " till Death, lince you know not " that he- has long lince taken Pof- " feffion of his new Home ; that he " ftrove to have it ready for you at " MickaelmaJ/e ! "
Doubtleffe I lookt noe lefs fur-
prifed than I felt ; — a fuddain Prick
at the Heart prevented Speech ;
but it fhot acroffe my Heart that I
had made out the Words " Alderf-
''■ gate^'' and "new Home," in the
Fragments of the Letter my Father
had torn. Ro/e, mif judging my
Silence, burft forth anew with, " Oh,
' Coujin ! Coujifi ! coulde anie Home,
' however dull and noifefome, drive
' me from Roger Agnew ? Onlie
' think of what you are doing, — of
' what you are leaving undone ! —
' of what you are preparing againft
'yourfelf! To put the Wicked-
' neffe of a felfifh Courfe out of the
' Account, onlie think of its Mellan-
" cholie.
of Mary Powell.
" cholie, its Miferie, — deflitute of " alle the fweet, bright, frefh Well- " fprings of Happineffe; — unbleft "by Godr
Here Rofe wept paflionatelie, and clafpt her Arms about me; but, when I began to fpeak, and to tell her of much that had made me miferable, fhe hearkened in motion- leffe Silence, till I told her that Father had torn the Letter and beaten the Meffenger. Then fhe cried, " Oh, I fee now what may and fhall " be done ! Roger fhall be Peace- " maker," and ran off with Joyful- neffe; I not withholding her. But I can never be joyfulle more — he cannot be Day's-man betwixt us now — 'tis alle too late!
Now that I am at Forejl Hill agayn, I will effay to continue my Journalling. —
Mr.
139
1643-
Nov. 28.
140
Maiden & Married Life
Mr. Agnew was out; and though a keene wintry Wind was blowing, and Rofe was fuffering from Colde, yet Ihe went out to liften for his Horfe's Feet at the Gate, with onlie her Apron caft over her Head. Shortlie, he returned; and I heard him fay in a troubled Voice, " Alle " are in Arms at Forejl HilW I felt foe greatlie fhocked as to neede to fit downe inftead of running forthe to learn the News. I fuppofed the parliamentarian Soldiers had ad- vanced, unexpe6ledlie, upon Oxford. His next Words were, ''•Dick is " coming for her at Noone — poor " Soul, I know not what fhe will " doe — her Father will truft her " noe longer with you and me." Then I faw them both palTe the Window, flowlie pacing together, and haftened forth to joyn them; but they had turned into the pleached
Alley,
of Mary Powell.
Alley, their Backs towards me; and both in fuch earneft and apparentlie private Communication, that I dared not interrupt them till they turned aboute, which was not for fome While; for they flood for fome Time at the Head of the Alley, flill with theire Backs to me, Rofe's Hair blowing in the cold Wind; and once or twice fhe feemed to put her kerchief to her Eyes.
Now, while I ftood mazed and uncertain, I hearde a diftant Clatter of Horfe's Feet, on the hard Road a good Way off, and could defcrie Dick coming towards Shecpfcotc. Rofe faw him too, and commenced running towards me; Mr. Agnew following with long Strides. Rofe drew me back into the Houfe, and fayd, kiffing me, " Deareft Moll^ I "am foe forry; Roger hath feen " your Father this Morn, and he
"will
141
1643.
142
1643-
Maiden & Married Life
" will on no Account fpare you to " us anie longer; and Dick is coming " to fetch you even now." I layd, "Is Father ill?" "Oh no," replied Mr. Agneiv; then coming up, " He " is not ill, but he is perturbed at " fomething which has occurred; " and, in Truth, foe am I. — But " remember, Miftrefs Milton^ re- " member, dear Coiifin^ that when " you married, your Father'' s Guar- " dianfhip of you palTed into the " Hands of your Hufband — your " Hufband's Houfe was thenceforthe "your Home; and in quitting it " you committed a Fault you may " yet repaire, though this ofFenlive " A61 has made the Difficultie much "greater." — "Oh, what has hap- " pened ? " I impatientlie cried. Juft then, Dick comes in with his ufual blunt Salutations, and then cries, " Well, Moll, are you ready
"to
of Mary Powell.
"to goe back?" "Why fhould I "be?" I layd, "when I am foe "happy here? unlels FatJicr is ill, " or Mr. Agnew and Rofe are tired " of me." They both interrupted, there was Nothing they foe much defired, at this prefent, as that I fhoulde prolong my Stay. And you know, Dick^ I added, that Forejt Hill is not foe pleafant to me juft now as it hath commonlie beene, by Reafon of your Oxford Companions. He brieflie fayd, I neede not mind that, they were coming no more to the Houfe, Father had decreed it. And you know w^ell enough, AIoll^ that what Father decrees, muft be, and he hath decreed that you mufl come Home now; foe no more Ado, I pray you, but fetch your Cloak and Hood, and the Horfes fhall come round, for 'twill be late
ere we reach Home, " Na}', you
a
m
uft
143
1643.
144 1643.
Maiden & Married Life
" muft dine here at all Events," fayd Rofe; " I know, Dick, you love "roall Pork." Soe Dick relented. Soe Rofe, turning to me, prayed me to bid Cicely haften Dinner; the which I did, tho' thinking it ftrange Rofe fhould not goe herfelf. But, as I returned, I hearde her fay. Not a Word of it, dear Dick, at the leaft, till after Dinner, left you fpoil her Appetite. Soe Dick fayd he fhoulde goe and look after the Horfes. I fayd then, brilklie, I fee fomewhat is the Matter — pray tell me what it is. But Rofe looked quite dull, and walked to the Window. Then Mr. Agnew fayd, " You feem as difla- " tisfied to leave us, Cotfin, as we "are to lofe you; and yet you are " going back to Forefl Hill — to that " Home in which you will doubt- " leife be happy to live all your "Dayes."— "At Forefl Hill?'' I
fayd.
of Mary Powell.
fayd, " Oh no ! I hope not." " And
" why ? " fayd he quicklie. I hung
my Head, and muttered, " I hope,
' fome Daye, to goe back to Mr.
' MiltonP " And why not at
' once ? " fayd he. I fayd, " Father
' would not let me." " Nay, that
' is Childifh," he anfwered, " your
' Father could not hinder 3/ou if
' you wanted not the Mind to goe
' — it was your firft feeming foe
' loth to return, that made him
' think you unhappie and refufe to
part with you." I fayd, " And
' what if I were unhappie ? " He
paufed; and knew not at the Moment
what Anfwer to make, but fhortlie
replyed by another Queftion, " What
" Caufe had you to be foe .^" I fayd,
" That was more eafily afkt than
" anfwered, even if there were anie
" Neede I fhoulde anfwer it, or he
" had anie Right to afk it." He cried
^ in
H5
1643.
146
Maiden & Married Life
1643.
in an Accent of Tenderneffe that flill wrings my Heart to remember, " Oh, quellion not the Right ! I " only wifh to make you happy. " Were you not happy with Mr. " Milton during the Week you fpent " together here at Sheep/cote ? " Thereat I coulde not refrayn from burfting into Tears. Rofe now fprang forward ; but Mr. Agnew fayd, " Let her weep, let her weep, " it will do her good." Then, alle at once it occurred to me that my Hufband was awaiting me at Home, and I cried, " Oh, is Mr. Milton at '' Forejl HillV and felt my Heart full of Gladnefs. Mr. Agnew an- fwered, " Not foe, not foe, poor ^^ Moll:'''' and, looking up at him, I faw him wiping his Brow, though the Daye was foe chill. " As well "tell her now," fayd he to Rofe; and then taking my Hand, " Oh,
" Mrs.
of Mary Powell.
' Mrs. Milton^ can you wonder that
'your Hufband fhould be angry?
' How can you wonder at anie Evil
' that may refult from the Provoca-
' tion you have given him ? What
' Marvell, that lince you caft him
' off, all the fweet Fountains of
' his Affe6lions would be embittered,
' and that he fhould retaliate by
' feeking a Separation, and even a
'Divorce?" — There I ftopt him
with an Outcry of " Divorce ? "
Even foe," he moft mournfully
replyd, " and I feeke not to excufe
' him, fmce two Wrongs make not
'a Right." "But," I cried, paf-
lionately weeping, " I have given
him noe Caufe; my Heart has
never for a Moment ftrayed to
another, nor does he, I am fure,
expe6t it." "Ne'ertheleffe," en-
joyned Mr. Agnew, " he is foe
" aggrieved and chafed, that he has
" followed
147
1643.
148
i643-
Maiden & Married Life " followed up what he confiders
(.(.
a
a
your Breach of the Marriage " Contra6t by writing and publifhing " a Book on Divorce; the Tenor " of which coming to your Father's " Ears, has violently incenfed him.
And now, dear Coiijin^ having, by ' your Waywardnefs, kindled this
Flame, what remains for you but " to — nay, hear me, hear me, Moll^ " for Dick is coming in, and I may " not let him hear me urge you to " the onlie Courfe that can regayn " your Peace — Mr. Milto7t is ftill " your Hufband \ cache of you have " now Something to forgive ; do " you be the firfte ; nay, feeke his " Forgiveneffe, and you fhall be " happier than 3^ou have been yet."
— But I was weeping without Controule ; and Dick coming in, and with Dick the Dinner, I afkt to be excufed, and foe foughte my
Chamber,
of Mary Powell.
Chamber, to weep there without Reftraynt or Witnefle. Poor Rofe came up, as foone as fhe coulde leave the Table, and told me fhe had eaten as little as I, and woulde not even preffe me to eat. But fhe careft me and comforted me, and urged in her owne tender Way alle that had beene fayd by Mr. Agnew; even protefling that if fhe were in my Place, fhe woulde not goe back to Forejl Hi/l, but ftraight to London, to entreat with Mr. Milton for his Mercy. But I told her I could not do that, even had I the Means for the Journey; for that my Heart was turned againft the Man who coulde, for the venial Offence of a young Wife, in abiding too long with her old Father, not onlie cafl her off from his Love, but hold her up to the World's Blame and Scorn, by making their domeflic Quarrel
the
149
1643.
I50
1643.
Maiden & Married Life
the Matter for a printed Attack. Rofe fayd, " I admit he is wrong, " but indeed, indeed, Moll, you are " wrong too, and you were wrong "y^^-"" ^f^d fhe fayd this foe often, that at length we came to croffer Words; when Dick, calling to me from below, would have me make hafte, which I was glad to doe, and left Shccpfcotc lefs regrettfullie than I had expe6led. Rofe kift me with her graveft Face. Mr. Agnezo put me on my Horfe, and fayd, as he gave me the Rein, "Now think! "now think! even yet!" and then, as I filently rode off, " God blefs " you."
I held down my Head; but, at the Turn of the Road, lookt back, and faw him and Rofe watching us from the Porch. Dick cried, " I " am righte glad we are off at laft, " for Father is downright crazie
" aboute
of Mary Powell.
" aboute this Bufineffe, and miftruft- " fulle of AgiieiJus Influence over "you," — and would have gone on railing, but I bade him for Pitie's Sake be quiete.
The Effe6ls of my owne FoUie, the Loffe of Home, Hufband, Name, the Opinion of the Agiiczus^ the Opinion of the Worlde, rofe up agaynfl me, and almoft drove me mad. And, juft as I was thinking I had better lived out my Dayes and dyed earlie in Brides CJmrchyarde than that allc this fhould have come about, the fuddain Recollection of what Rofe had that Morning tolde me, which foe manie other Thoughts had driven out of my Head, viz. that Mr. Milton had, in' his Defire to pleafe me, while I was onlie bent on pleafing myfclf, been fecretly ftriving to make readie the Aldcrfgate Street Houfe agaynfl my Return, —
foe
151
1643.
152
1643.
1644.
March 25.
Maiden & Married Life
foe overcame me, that I wept as I rode along. Nay, at the Corner of a branch Road, had a Mind to beg Dick to let me goe to London ; but a Glance at his dogged Countenance fufficed to forefhovv my Anfwer.
Half dead with Fatigue and Griefe when I reached Home, the tender Embraces of my Father and Mother completed the Overthrowe of my Spiritts. I tooke to my Bed ; and this is the firft Daye I have left it \ nor will they let me fend for Rofe, nor even tell her I am ill.
The new Year opens drearilie, on Affairs both publick and private. The Loaf parted at Breakfaft this Morning, which, as the Saying goes, is a Sign of Separation ; but Mothen onlie fayd 'twas becaufe it was badly kneaded, and chid Margery. She
me, but now, how
hath beene
telling
of Mary Powell.
how I mighte have 'fcaped all my Troubles, and feene as much as I woulde of her and Father^ and yet have contented Mr. Milton and beene counted a good Wife. Noe Advice foe ill to bear as that which comes too late.
I am fick of this journalling, foe fhall onlie put downe the Date of Robin's leaving Home. Lord have Mercy on him, and keepe him in Safetie. This is a fhorte Prayer ; therefore, eafier to be often re- peated. When he kiffed me, he whifpered, " Moll^ pray for me."
Father does not feeme to mifs Robin much, tho' he dailie drinks his Health after that of the King. Perhaps he did not mifs me anie more when I was in London, though it was true and naturall enough he
fhould
153
1644.
29th.
154
i644-
Maiden & Married Life
fhoLild like to fee me agayn. We lliould have beene ufcd to our Sepa- ration by this Time ; there would have beene Nothino: corroding in
it
I pray for Robin everie Night. Since he went, the Houfe has loft its Sunihine. When I was foe anxious to return to Foreji Hill, I never counted on his leaving' it.
Oh me, what would I give to fee the Skirts of Mr. Milion's Garments agayn ! My Heart is fick unto Death. I have been reading fome of my yournall, and tearing out much childifh Nonfenfe at the Beginning ; but coulde not deftroy the painfulle Records of the laft Year. How unhappy a Creature am I ! — wearie, wearie of vc\y Life, yet no Ways inclined for Death. Lord, have Mercy upon me.
I
of Mary Powell.
I fpend much of my Time, now, in the Book-room, and, though I efTay not to purfue the Latin, I read much EngliJJi, at the leaft, more than ever I did in my Life before ; but often I fancy I am reading when I am onlie dreaming. Oxford is far too gay a Place for me now ever to goe neare it, but my Brothers are much there, and Fathci' in his Farm, and Mother in her Kitchen ; and the Neighbours, when they call, look on me flrangelie, fo that I have noe Love for them. How different is Rofs holy, fecluded, yet cheerefuUe Life^at Sheepfcote ! She
hath a N'urferie now, foe cannot come to me, and Father likes not I fhould goe to her.
They fay their Majefl;3^es' Parting at Abi7igdon was very forrowfulle and tender. The Lord fend them
better
155 1644.
April 3.
5th.
iS6
1644.
Maiden & Married Life
better Times ! The Qiieen is to my Mind a moft charming Lady, and well worthy of his Majefty's Affe6lion ; yet it feems to me amiffe, that thro' her Influence, lafl; Sum- mer, the Opportunitie of Pacifica- tion was lofl;. But flie was elated, and naturallie enoughe, at her per- fonall Succefles from the Time of her landing. To me, there feems Nothing foe good as Peace. I know, indeede, Mr. Milton holds that there may be fuch Things as a holy War and a curfed Peace.
April 10. Father^ having a Hoarfenefs, hath deputed me, of late, to read the Morning and Evening Prayers. How beautifulle is our Liturgie ! I grudge at the Puritans for having abolifhed it ; and though I felt not its comprehenfive Fullnefle before I married, nor indeed till now, yet
I
of Mary Powell.
I wearied to Death in London at the puritanicall Ordinances and Confcience-meetings and extempore Prayers, wherein it was foe oft the Speaker's Care to fliow Men how godly he was. Nay, I think Mr. Milton altogether wrong in the View he takes of praying to God in other Men's Words ; for doth he not doe foe, everie Time he followeth the Senfe of another Man's extempore Prayer, wherein he is more at his Mercy and Caprice than when he hath a printed Form fet down, wherein he fees what is coming ?
Walking: in the Home-clofe this Morning, it occurred to me that Mr. Milton intended bringing me to Forejl Hill about this Time ; and that if I had abided patientlie with him through the Winter, we might now have beene both here happily
together ;
157
1644.
June 8.
iS8
1644.
June 23.
Maiden & Married Life
together ; untroubled by that Sting which now poifons everie Enjoyment of mine, and perhaps of his. Lord, be merciful to me a Sinner.
Juft after writing the above, I was in the Garden, gathering a few Coronation Flowers and Sops-in- Wine, and thinking they were of deeper Crimfon at Sheep/cote, and wondering what Rofe was juft then about, and whether had I beene born in her Place, I fhoulde have beene as goode and happy as fhe, — when Harry came up, looking fome- what grave. I fayd, " What is " the Matter ? " He gave Anfwer, " Rofe hath loft her Child." Oh !
that we fhould live but a two
Hours' Journey apart, and that fhe coulde lofe a Child three Months olde whom I had never feene?
I ran to Father, and never left off
praying
of Mary Powell.
pra3'ing him to let me goe to her till he confented.
— What, and if I had begged as hard, at the firfte, to goe back to Mr. Milton 1 might he not have confented then?
. . . Soe Harry took me ; and as we drew neare Sheep/cote, I was avifed to think how grave, how barely friendlie had beene our laft Parting ; and to ponder, w^ould Rofe make me welcome now ? The Infant, Harry tolde me, had beene dead fome Dayes ; and, as we came in Sight of the little grey old Church, we faw a Knot of People coming out of the Churchyard, and guefled the Baby had juft beene buried. Soe it proved — Mr. Agnew's Houfe- door ftood ajar ; and when we tapped foftlie and Cicely admitted us, we could fee him ftanding by Rofe^ who was fitting on the Ground
and
159
1644.
i6o 1644.
Maiden & Married Life
and crying as if fhe would not be comforted. When fhe hearde my Voice, fhe ftarted up, flung her Arms about me, crying more bitterlie than before, and I cried too ; and Mr. Agnciu went away with Harry. Then Rofe fayd to me, " You mufl; " not leave me agayn." . . .
.... In the Cool of the Evening, when Harry had left us, fhe took me into the Churchyarde, and fcat- tered the little Grave with Flowers ; and then continued fitting belide it on the Gralfe, quiete, but not com- fortleflTe. I am avifed to think fhe prayed. Then Mr. Agnew came forthe and fate on a flat Tombftone hard by ; and without one Word of Introdu(5lion took out his Pfalter, and commenced readincj the Pfalms for that Evening's Service ; to wit, the 41ft, the 42d, the 43de ; in a low folemne Voice ; and methoughte
I
of Mary Powell.
I never in m}^ Life hearde aniething
to equall it in the Way of Confola-
tion. Ro/e's heavie Eyes graduallie
lookt up from the Ground into her
Hufband's Face, and thence up to
Heaven. After this, he read, or
rather repeated, the Collect at the
end of the Buriall Service, putting
this Expreffion, — "As our Hope is,
" this our deare Infant doth." Then
he went on to fay in a foothing
Tone, "There hath noe Misfortune
' happened to us, but fuch as is
' common to the Lot of alle Men.
' We are alle Sinners, even to the
' youngeft, fayreft, and feeminglie
' pureft among us ; and Death
' entered the World by Sin, and,
' conftituted as we are, we would
' not, even if we could, difpenfe
with Death. For, where doth it
convey us ? From this burthen-
fome, miferable World, into the
M " generall
i6i
1644.
1 62 Maiden & Married Life
1644. " generall AlTemblie of Chrifl^s Firft-
" born, to be united with the Spiritts
" of the Juft made perfe6t, to par-
" take of everie Enjoyment which
" in this World is unconnected with
" Sin, together with others that are
" unknowne and unfpeakable. And
" there, we fhall agayn have Bodies
" as well as Soules ; Eyes to fee,
" but not to fhed Tears ; Voices to
" fpeak and fing, not to utter La-
" mentations ; Hands to doe God''s
" Work ; Feet, and it may be,
" Wings, to carry us on his Errands.
" Such will be the BlefTednefs of his
" glorified Saints : even of thofe
" who, having been Servants of
" Satan till the eleventh Hour,
" laboured penitentlie and diligentlie
" for their heavenlie Mafter one
" Hour before Sunfet ; but as for
" thofe who, dying in mere Infancie,
" never committed aftuall Sin, they
" follow
of Mary Powell.
163
((
" follow the Lamb w^hithersoever " he goeth ! ' Oh, think of this, " dear Rofe^ and forrow not as thofe " without Hope ; for be affured, " your Child hath more reall Reafon to be grieved for you, than you " for him: "
With this, and like Difcourfe, that diftilled like the Dew, or the fmall Rain on the tender Graffe, did Roger Agneiv comfort his Wife, untill the Moon had rifen. Likewife he fpake to us of thofe who lay buried arounde, how one had died of a broken Heart, another of fud- dain Joy, another had let Patience have her perfe6l Work through Years of lingering Difeafe. Then we walked flowlie and compofedlie Home, and ate our Supper peace- fullie, Rofe not rcfufing to eat, thouo-h fhe took but little.
1644.
Since that Evening, fhe hath
5 at
164
1644.
Maiden & Married Life
at Mr. AgneuPs Wifh, gone much among the Poor, reading to one, working for another, carrying Food and Medicine to another ; and in this I have borne her Companie. I Hke it well. Methinks how pleafant and feemlie are the Duties of a country Minilter's Wife ! a God-fearing Woman, that is, who confidereth the Poor and Needy, infleade of aiming to be frounced and purfled like her richeft Neigh- bours. Mr. Agnew was reading to us, laft Night, of Bernard Gilpin — he of whom the Lord Burleigh fayd, " Who can blame that Man for not " accepting a Bifhopric ? " How charmed were we with the Defcrip- tion of the Simplicitie and Hofpital- itie of his Method of living at Houghton ! — There is another Place of nearlie the fame Name, in BuckinghamJJiire — not Houghton^ but
Norton^
of Mary Powell.
Hortou, .... where one Mr. yokn Milton fpent five of the beft Years of his Life, — and where methinks his Wife could have been happier with him than in Bride s Chtirch- yarde. — But it profits not to wifh and to will. — What was to be, had Need to be, foe there's an End.
Mr. Agnew fayd to me this Morn- ing, fomewhat gravelie, " I obferve, " Coiifin^ you feem to confider 3-our- " felfe the Victim of Circumftances.'' " And am I not ?" I replied. " No," he anfwered, " Circumflance is a falfe God, unrecognifed by the Chriftian, who contemns him, and " makes him though a ftubborn "yet a profitable Servant."— "' That " may be alle very grand for a Man " to doe," I fayd. " Very grand, " but very feafiblc, for a Woman as " well as a Man," rejoined Mr.
Agnew^
a
u
165
1644.
Aug. I.
i66
1644.
Alaiden & Married Life
Ag7ieiv, " and we lliall be driven to " the Wall allc our Lives, unlefs we " have this vi6lorious Strug-ole with
fciS)'
" Circumftances. I feldom allude.
u
Co-iijiii, to yours, which are almofte " too delicate for me to meddle '' with ; and yet I hardlie feele "juftified in letting foe many Op- " portunitles efcape. Do I offend ? " or may I go on ? — Onlie think, " then, how voluntarilie you have " placed yourfelf in your prefent " uncomfortable Situation. The
" Tree cannot refift the grraduall " Growth of the Mofs upon it ; " but you might, anie Day, anie " Hour, have freed yourfelf from " the equallie graduall Formation " of the Net that has enclofed you " at laft. You entered too haflilie " into your firfte — nay, let that " pafs, — you gave too fhorte a " Triall of your new Home before
u
you
of Mary Powell.
167
you became difgufted with it. Admit it to have beene dull, even unhealthfulle, were you juftified in forfaking it at a Month's End ? But your Hufband gave you Leave of iVbfence, though obtayned on falfe Pretences. — When you found them to be falfe, fhould you not have cleared your- felf to him of Knowledge of the Deceit ? Then your Leave, foe obtayned, expired — fhoulde you not have returned then ? — Your Health and Spiritts were re- cruited ; your Hufband wrote to reclaim you — fhoulde you not have returned then ? He pro- vided an Efcort, whom your Father beat and drove away. — If you had inlifled on going to your Hufband, might you not have gone then ? Oh, Coiijin, you dare not look up to Heaven and
fay
1644.
1 68 Maiden & Married Life
1644. " ^^y yo^^ have been the Viftim of " Circumftances."
I made no Anfwer ; onlie felt much moven, and very angrie. I fayd, " If I wifhed to goe back, " Mr. Milton w^oulde not receive me " now."
"Will you try?" fayd Roger. " Will you but let me try ? Will " you let me write to him ? "
I had a Mind to fay "Yes." — Infteade, I anfwered " No."
" Then there's an End," cried he fharplie. " Had you made but one " fayre Triall, whether fuccefsfulle " or noc, I coulde have been fatisfied " — no, not fatisfied, but I woulde " have efleemed you, coulde have " taken your Part. As it is, the " lefs I fay juft now, perhaps, the " better. Forgive me for having " fpoken at alle."
Afterwards, I hearde him
fay
of Mary Powell.
fay to Rofe of me, " I verilie " believe there is Nothing in her " on which to make a permanent " Impreffion. I verilie think fhe " loves everie one of thofe long " Curls of hers more than fhe loves "Mr. MiltonP
(Note: — I will cut them two Inches fhorter to-night. And the}^ will grow all the falter.)
.... Oh, my fad Heart, Roger Agnew hath pierced you at laft !
I was moved more than he thought, by what he had fayd in the Morning; and, in writing down the Heads of his Speech, to kill Time, a kind of Refentment at myfelfe came over me, unlike to what I had ever felt before ; in fpite of my Folly about my Curls. Seeking for fome Trifle in a Bag that had not been fliaken out lince I brought it from London^ out
tumbled
169
1644.
170
1644-
Maiden & Married Life
tumbled a Key with curious Wards — I knew it at once for one that belonged to a certa'yn Algum-wood Cafket Mr. Milto7t had Recourfe to dailie, becaufe he kept fmall Change in it ; and I knew not I had brouaht it away ! 'Twas worked in Gro- tefque, the Calket, by Benvenuto, for Clement the Seventh, who for fome Reafon woulde not have it; and foe it came fomehow to Cle- mentillo, who gave it to Mr. Milton. Thought I, how uncomfortable the Lofs of this Key muft have made him ! he mufl have needed it a hundred Times ! even if he hath bought a new Cafket, I- will for it he habituallie goes aga3^n and agayn to the old one, and then he remem- bers that he loft the Key the fame Day that he loft his Wife. I heartilie wifti he had it back. Ah, but he feels not the one Lofs
as
of Mary Powell.
171
as he feels the other. Nay, but 1644. it is as well that one of them, tho' the LelTer, fhould be repaired. 'Twill fhew Signe of Grace, my thinking of him, and may open the Way, if God wills, to fome Interchange of KindneiTe, however fleeting.
Soe I foughte out Mr. AgneWj tapping at his Studdy Doore. He fayd, "Come in," drylie enoughe ; and there were he and Rofe reading a Letter. I fayd, " I want you to "write for me to Mr. MiltonP He gave a four Look, as much as to fay he difliked the Office ; which threw me back, as 'twere ; he having foe lately propofed it himfelf Rofes Eyes, however, dilated with fweete Pleafure, as flie lookt from one to the other of us.
"Well, — I fear 'tis too late," fayd he at length relu6tantlie, I mighte
almofl;
172 Maiden & Married Life
1644. almofl fay grufflie, — "what am I to "write ?"
"To tell him I have this Key," I made Anfwer faltering.
"That Key!" cried he.
"Yes, the Key of his Algum- " wood Calket, which I knew not " I had, and which I think he mufl " mifs dailie."
He lookt at me with the utmofl Impatience. "And is that alle.?" he fayd.
" Yes, alle," I fayd trembling.
" And have you nothing more to "tell him?" fayd he.
"No — "after a Paufe, I replyed. Rofs Countenance fell.
" Then you muft afk fome one " elfe to write for you, Mrs. Milton,'''^ burfte forthe Roger Agnew, " unlefs " you choofe to write for yourfelf " I have neither Part nor Lot in " it."
I
of Mary Powell.
I burfte forthe into Teares. — "No, Rofe, no," repeated Mr. Agnew, putting afide his Wife, who woulde have interceded for me, — her Teares have noe Effe6l on me now — the}^ proceed, not from a contrite Heart, they are the Tears of a Child that cannot brook to be chidden for the Waywardnefle in which it perlifls." " You doe me Wrong everie Way," I fayd ; " I came to you willing and defirous to doe what you yourfelfe woulde, this Morn- ing, have had me doe." " But in how ftrange a Way ! " cried he. " At a Time when anie " Renewal of your Intercourfe re- " quires to be condu6led with the " utmoft Delicacy, and even with " more Shew of Conceffion on your " Part than, an Hour ago, I fhould " have deemed ncedfulle, — to pro-
" pofe
173
1644.
174
1644-
Maiden & Married Life
" pofe an abrupt, trivial Communi- " cation about an old Key ! "
" It needed not to have been " abrupt," I fayd, " nor yet trivial ; " for I meant it to have beene " exprefh kindlie."
" You faid not that before," anfwered he.
" Becaufe you gave me not Time. " — Becaufe you chid me and fright- " ened me."
He flood filent, fome While, upon this \ grave, yet fofter, and mechani- callie playing with the Ke}', which he had taken from my Hand. Rofe looking in his Face anxiouflie. At lengthe, to difturbe his Reverie, fhe playfulle tooke it from him, faying, in School-girl Phrafe,
" This is the Key of the " Kingdom ! "
" Of the Kingdom of Heaven, " it mighte be ! " exclaimed Roger^
a
if
of Mary Powell.
" if we knew how to ufe it arighte ! " If we knew but how to fit it to "the Wards of Miltoiis Heart! — " there's the Difficultie .... a " greater one, poor Moll, than you " know ; for hithertoe, alle the Re- " lu6lance has been on your Part. " But now . . . ."
"\Yhat now ?" I anxiouflie aikt.
" We were talking of you but as " you rejoyned us," fayd Mr. Agnew, "and I was telling i'?^ that hithertoe " I had confidered the onlic Obftacle " to a Reunion arofe from a falfe " Imprellion of your own, that Mr. " Milton coulde not make 3'ou happy. " But now I have beene led to the " Conclufion that you cannot make " him foe, which increafes the Diffi- " cultie."
After a Paufe, I fayd, "What "makes you think foe?"
" You and he have made me
" think
175
1644.
176
Maiden & Married Life
1644.
think foe," he replyed. " Firft for yourfelf, clear Moll, putting afide for a Time the Conficleration of your Youth, Beauty, FranknefTe, Mirthfullenefle, and a certayn girl- ifh Drollerie and Mifchiefe that are all very well in fitting Time and Place, — what remains in you for a Mind like John Millo7t's to repofe upon ? what Stabilitie ? what Sym- pathie ? what fheadfaft Principle ? You take noe Pains to apprehend and relifh his favourite Purfuits ; you care not for his wounded Feelings, you confult not his In- terefts, anie more than your owne Duty. Now, is fuch the Cha- ra6ler to make Millon happy ? " '" No one can anfwer that but
" himfelf," I replyed, deeplie mor-
tyfide.
" Well, he has anfwered it," fayd
Mr. Ag7iew, taking up the Letter
he
of Mary Powell.
he and Rofe had beene reading when I interrupted them. ..." You " muft know, Coujiit, that his and " my clofe Friendfhip hath beene " a good deal interrupted by this " Matter. 'Twas under my Roof " you met. Ro/e had imparted to " me much of her earlie Intereft
a
a
iC.
a
in you. I fancied you had good ' Difpolitions which, under maf- terlie Trayning, would ripen into " noble Principles ; and therefore promoted your Marriage as far as my Intereft wdth your Father had " Weight. I own I was furprifed " at his eafilie obtayned Confent .... " but, that you, once domefhicated " with fuch a INIan as yo/ui Milton, " fhould find your Home unin- terefting, your Affeftions free to ftray back to your owne Family, " was what I had never contem- " plated."
N Here
a
a
177
1644.
178
Maiden & Married Life
1644.
Here I made a Show of taking the Letter, but he held it back.
" No, Moll^ you difappointed us " everie Way. And, for a Time, " Rofe and I were fo afhamed, for " you rather than of you, that we " left noe Means negle6ted of trying " to preferve your Place in your " Hufband's Regard. But you did " not bear us out ; and then he be- " ganne to take it amiffe that we " upheld you. Soe then, after fome " warm and cool Words, our Cor- " refpondence languifhed ; and hath " but now beene renewed."
" He has written us a moft kind " Condolence," interrupted Rofe^ " on the Death of our Baby."
" Yes, moft kindlie, moft nobly " expreft," fayd Mr. Agnew ; " but " what a Conclufion ! "
And then, after this long Pre- amble, he offered me the Letter,
the
of Mary Powell.
the Beginning of which, tho' doubt- leffe well enough, I marked not, being impatient to reach the latter Part ; wherein I found myfelf fpoken of foe bitterlie, foe harfhlie, as that I too plainly faw Roger Agnew had not beene befide the Mark when he decided I could never make Mr. Milton Happy. Payned and wounded Feeling made me lay alide the Letter without proffering another Word, and retreat without foe much as a Sigh or a Sob into mine own Chamber ; but noe longer could the Reftraynt be maintained. I fell to weeping foe paffionatelie that Rofe prayed to come in, and condoled with me, and advifed me, foe as that at length my Weeping abated, and I promifed to return below when I fhoulde have bathed mine Eyes and fmoothed my Hair ; but I have not gone down yet.
I
179
1644.
i8o
Maiden & Married Life
1644.
Bedtime.
I think I lliall fend to Father to have me Home at the Beo-innin^ of next Week. Rofe needes me not, now ; and it cannot be pleafant to Mr. Agnew to fee m}^ forrowfulle Face about the Houfe. His Re- proofe and my Hufband's together have riven my Heart ; I think I fliall never laugh agayn, nor fmile but after a piteous Sorte ; and foe People will ceafe to love me, for there is Nothing in me of a graver Kind to draw their Affeftion ; and foe I fliall lead a moping Life unto the End of my Dayes.
— Luckilie for me, Rofe hath much Sewing to doe ; for fhe hath undertaken with great Energie her Labours for the Poore, and con- fequentlie fpends lefs Time in her Hufband's Studdy ; and, as I help her to the beft of my Means, my Sewing hides my Lack of Talking,
and
of Mary Powell.
and Mr. Agnew reads to us luch Books as he deems entertayning ; yet, half the Time, I hear not what he reads. Still, I did not deeme fo much Amufement could have beene found in Books; and there are fome of his, that, if not foe cumbrous, I woulde fain borrow.
I have made up my Mind now, that I fhall- never fee Mr. Milton more ; and am refolved to fubmitt to it without another Tear.
Rofe fayd, this Morning, fhe was glad to fee me more compofed ; and foe am I ; but never was more mile r able.
Mr. AgneuPs religious Services at the End of the Week have alwaies more than ufuall Matter and Mean- inge in them. They are neither foe drowfy as thofe I have beene for
manie
i8i
1644.
Friday.
Saturday Night.
l82
1644.
Maide7i & Married Life
manie Years accuftomed to at Home, nor foe wearifome as to remind me of the Puritans. Were there manie fuch as he in our Church, foe faithfulle, fervent, and thought- ^le, methinks there would be fewer Schifmaticks; but ftill there woulde be fome, becaufe there are alwaies fome that like to be the uppermofl.
.... To-nighte, Mr. Agnew's Prayers went ftraight to my Heart ; and I privilie turned fundrie of his generall Petitions into particular ones, for myfelf and Robin., and alfo for Mr. Milton. This gave fuch unwonted Relief, that lince I entered into my Clofet, I have repeated the fame particularlie ; one Requeft feeming to grow out of another, till I remained I know not how long on my Knees, and will bend them yet agayn, ere I go to Bed.
How fweetlie the Moon fhines
through
of Mary Powell.
through my Cafement to-night ! I am almofte avifed to accede to Rof^s Requeft of fl;a3'ing here to the End of the Month: — everie Thing here is foe peacefulle ; and Forcji Hill is dull, now Robin is away.
How blelTed a Sabbath! — Can it be, that I thought, onlie two Days back, I fhoulde never know Peace agayn ? Joy I may not, but Peace I can and doe. And yet nought hath amended the unfortunate Con- dition of mine Affairs; but a different Colouring is caflc upon them — the Lord grant that it may laft ! How hath it come foe, and how may it be preferred } This Morn, when I awoke, 'twas with a Senfe of Relief fuch as we have when we mils Ibme wearying bodilie Pa^'n ; a Feeling as though I had bcene forgiven, yet not by Mr. Milto7i^ for I knew he
had
183
1644.
Sunday- Evening.
184 Maiden & Married Life
1644. had not forgiven me. Then, it mufh be, I was forgiven by God; and w^hy ? I had done Nothing to get his Forgiveneffe, only prefumed on his Mercy to afk manie Things I had noe Right to expe6l. And yet I felt I was forgiven. Why then mighte not Mr. Milton fome Day forgive me ? Should the Debt of ten thoufand Talents be cancelled, and not the Debt of a hundred Pence ? Then I thought on that fame Word, Talents; and confidered, had I ten, or even one ? Decided to conlider it at leifure, more clofelie, and to make over to God henceforthe, be they ten, or be it one. Then, dreffed with much Compofure, and went down to Breakfaft.
Having marked that Mr. Agnew and Ro/e affefted not Companie on this Day, fpent it chieflie by myfelf, except at Church and Meal-times ;
partlie
of Mary Powell.
partlie in my Chamber, partlie in the Garden Bowre by the Bee-hives. Made manie Refolutions, which, in Chm'ch, I converted into Prayers and Promifes. Hence, my holy Peace.
Rofe propoled, this Morning, we fhoulde refume our Studdies. Felt loath to comply, but did foe never- theleffe, and afterwards we walked manie Miles, to vilit fome poor Folk. This Evening, Mr. Agiieiu read us the Prologue to the Ca7iterbury Tales. How lifelike are the Por- traitures ! I mind me that Mr. Miltoji ihevved me the Talbot Inn, that Day we croft the River with Mr. Marvell.
How heartilie do I wifh I had never read that fame Letter! — or rather, that it had never beene written, ^hus it is, even with our
Wifhes.
185
1644.
Monday.
Tuesday.
i86
1644.
Wednesday.
Maiden & Married Life
Willies. We think ourlelves reafon- able in wifhing Ibme fmall Thing were otherwife, which it were quite as impoffible to alter as fome great Thing. Nevertheleffe I cannot help fretting over the Remembrance of that Part wherein he fpake fuch bitter Things of my " moft un- " s:overnecl Pallion for Revellings " and Junketings." Sure, he would not call my Life too merrie now, could he fee me lying wakefulle on my Bed, could he fee me preventing the Morning Watch, could he fee me at my Prayers, at my Books, at my Needle. . . . He fhall find he hath judged too hardlie of poor Moll, even yet.
Took a cold Dinner in a Bafket with us to-day, and ate our rufticall Repafl on the Skirt of a Wood, where we could fee the Squirrels at
theire
of Mary Powell. 187
theire Gambols. Mr. Agiiew lay on 1644. the Grafle, and Rofe took out her Knitting, whereat he laught, and fayd fhe was like the Dutch Women, that mufl knit, whether mourning or feafting, and even on the Sabbath. Having laught her out of her Work, he drew forth Mr. Georo^e Hcrbcrfs Poems, and read us a Strayn which pleafed Rofe and me foe much, that I fhall copy it herein to have always by me.
How freft^ oh Lord ; how fiuect and clean
Are thy Returns ! e^en as the Flowers in Springs
To which^ bcfide theire ovjne De- mefne^
The late pent Frofls Tributes of P lea- fur e bring.
Grief melts away like Snow in Afay,
As if there were noe fuch cold Thing.
Who
i88 1644.
Maiden & Married Life
Who would have thought my JJirivelled
Heart Woulde have recovered Greennefs ? it
ivas cone ^uite underground^ as Flowers depart To fee their Mother-root, whe7i they
have blown, Where they together, alle the hard
Weather, Dead to the World, keep Houfe alone.
Thefe are thy Wonders, Lord of Power I Killing and quickening, briitging down
to Hell And up to Heaven, in an Hour, Making a Chiming of a paffing Bell. We fay amifs " tJiis or that is ; " Thy Word is alle, if we could fpcll.
Oh that I once pafl changing were / Fafl in thy Paradife, where no Flozvers can wither ;
Manie
of Mary Powell.
Manie a Spring I JJioot 7ip /aire, Offering at Heaven^ growing and
groaning thither^ Nor doth my Flower want a Spring
Shower, My Sins and I Joy 7 ting together.
But while I grow in ajlraight Line, Still upwards bent, as if 'Heaven were
my own, Thy Anger comes, and I decline. — What Froji to that? What Pole is
not the Zone Where a lie Things burn, when tho2c
dojl tur7i, And the leafl Frown of thine isfJiew7t ?
A7id now, i7i Age, I bud agay7i, After foe 7na7iie Deaths, I biid a7id
write, I once more finell the Dew a7id Rai7i, A7id relifJi Verfi7ig! Oh my 07ilie
Licrht!
//
189
1644.
190
1644-
Thursday.
Maiden & Married Life
It cannot be that I a7n he
On who7n thy Tempejls fell alle Night?
Thefe are thy Wonders, Lord of Love, To make us fee we are but Flowers
that glide, Which, zvhen we once can feel and
prove, Thou hafl a Garden for tis where to
bide. Who would be more, fwelling their
Store, Forfeit their Paradife by theire Pride.
Father fent over Diggory with a Letter for me from deare Robin : alfoe, to afk when I was minded to return Home, as Mother wants to goe to Sandford. Fixed the Week after next; but Rofe fays I mult be here agayn at the Apple-gathering. Anfwered Robin^s Letter. He look- eth not for Choyce of fine Words ;
nor
of Mary Powell.
nor noteth an Error here and there in the Spelling.
Life flows away here in fuch un- marked Tranquilitie, that one hath Nothing whereof to write, or to remember what diftinguiflied one Day from another. I am fad, yet not dulle ; methinks I have grown fome Yeares older fince I came here. I can fancy elder Women feeling much as I doe now. I have Nothingr to defire, Nothing to hope, that is likelie to come to pafs — Nothing to regret, except I begin foe far back, that my whole Life hath neede, as 'twere, to begin over agayn. . . .
Mr. Agnew tranflates to us Portions of Thuanus his Hiftorie, and the Letters of Theodore Beza, concerning the French Reformed Church ; oft prolix, yet interefting, efpecially with Mr. Agnew's Comments, and
Allufions
191
1644.
Tuesday.
192
i644-
Maiden & Married Life
Allufions to our own Time, On the other Hand, Rofe reads Davila^ the fworne Apologifte of Catherine di Medicis, whofe charming Italian even I can comprehende ; but alle is falfe and plaufible. How fad, that the wrong Partie fhoulde be vi6torious ! Soe it may befall in this Land ; though, indeede, I have hearde foe much bitter Rayling on bothe Sides, that I know not which is right. The Line of Demarcation is not foe diftin6lly drawn, me- thinks, as 'twas in France. Yet it cannot be right to take up Arms agaynft conftituted Authorities ? — Yet, and if thofe fame Authorities abufe their Truft ? Nay, Women cannot underftand thefe Matters, and I thank Fleaven they need not. Onlie, they cannot help fiding with thofe they love ; and fometimes thofe they love are on oppofite Sides.
Mr.
of Maiy Powell.
Mr. Agnew fayth, the fecular Arm flioulde never be employed in fpirituall Matters, and that the Hiigenots committed a grave Miftake in chooling Princes and Admirals for their Leaders, infteade of fimple Preachers with Bibles in their Hands; and he afkt, " did Luther or Peter "" the Hermit moft manifeftlie labour " with the Bleffing of Godr'
.... I have noted the Heads of Mr. Agneius Readings, after a Fafhion of Rofcs^ in order to have a fhorte, comprehenlive Account of the Whole ; and this hath abridged my journalling. It is the more profitable to me of the two, changes the fad Current of Thought, and, though an unaccuftomed Tafk, I like it well.
On Monday^ I return to Forejl
Hill. I am well pleafed to have yet
o another
193
1644.
Saturday.
194
i644-
Aug. 3.
Maiden & Married Life
another Shccpfcote Sabbath. To-day we had the rare Event of a Dinner- gueft ; foe full of what the Rebels are doing, and alle the Horrors of Strife, that he feemed to us quiete Folks, like the Denizen of another World.
Foreji Hill, Augiijl 3. Home agayn, and Mother hath gone on her long intended Vilitt to Uncle John, taking with her the two youngell. Father much pre- occupide, by reafon of the Supplies needed for his Majefly's Service ; foe that, fvveet Robin being away, I find myfelfe lonely. Harry rides with me in the Evening, but the Mornings I have alle to myfelf ; and when I have fulfilled Mother^s Behefts in the Kitchen and Still- room, I have nought but to read in
our fomewhat fcant
Colle6lion of Books,
of Mary Powell.
Books, the mofte Part whereof are religious. And (not on that Account, but b}^ reafon I have read the moft of them before),- methinks I will write to borrow fome of Rofe / for Chang-e of Readins^ hath now become a Want. I am minded, alio, to feek out and minifter unto fome poore Folk after her Fafhion. Now that I am Queen of the Larder, there is manie a wholefome Scrap at my Difpofal, and there are likewife fundrie Ph3'fiques in my Mother's Clofet, which fhe addeth to Year by Year, and never wants, we are foe feldom ill.
Dear Father fayd this Evening, as we came in from a Walk on the Terrace, " My fweet Moll^ you were " ever the Light of the Houfe ; but " now, though you are more ftaid " than of former Time, I find you
u
a
195
1644.
Aug. 5.
196
i644-
Same Nijrht.
Maiden & Married Life
a
a better Companion than ever. " This laft Vifitt to Sheep/cote hath " evened your Spiritts."
Poor Father! he knew not how I lay awake and wept laft Night, for one I fhall never fee agayn, nor how the Terrace Walk minded me of him. My Spiritts may feem even, and I exert myfelf to pleafe ; but, within, all is dark Shade, or at beft, grey Twilight ; and my Spiritts are, in Fa6f, worfe here than they were at Sheep/cote^ becaufe, here, I am continuallie thinking of one whofe Name is never uttered \ whereas, there, it was mentioned naturallie and tenderlie, though fadly. . . .
I will forthe to fee fome of the poor Folk.
Refolved to make the Circuit of the Cottages, but onlie reached the firft, wherein I found Poor Nell in
fuch
of Mary Powell.
fuch Grief of Body and Mind, that I was avifed to wait with her a long Time. Alkt why fhe had not fent to us for Relief; was anfwered fhe had thought of doing foe, but was feared of makins: too free. After a lengthened Vifitt, which feemed to relieve her Mind, and certaynlie relieved mine, I bade her Farewell, and at the Wicket met my Father coming up with a playn-favoured but fcholarlike looking reverend Man. He layd, ''Moll, I could not " think what had become of you." I anfwered, I hoped I had not kept him waiting for Dinner — poor Nell had entertayned me longer than I wifht, with the Catalogue of her Troubles. The Stranger looking attentively at mc, obferved that may be the poor woman had entertayned
an
Angrcl
unawares : and added,
" Doubt not. Madam, we woulde
" rather
197
1644.
1 98'
Maiden & Married Life
1644. " rather await our Dinner than that " you fliould have curtayled 3'our " Meffage of Charity." Hithertoe, mv Father had not named this Gentleman to me ; but now he fayd, " Child, this is the Reverend Doctor " Jeremy Taylor^ Chaplain in Ordi- " narie to his Majefty, and whom " you know I have heard more than '' once preach before the King fince " he abode in Oxford^ Thereon I made a lowly Reverence, and we walked homewards together. At firft, he difcourfed chiefly with my Father on the Troubles of the Times, and then he drew me into the Dia- logue, in the Courfe of which I let fall a Saying of Mr. AgneiiPs, which drew from the reverend Gentleman a refpeftfulle Look I felt I no Way deferved. Soe then I had to explain that the Saying was none of mine, and felt afhamed he fhoulde fuppofe
me
of Mary Powell.
me wifer than I was, efpeciallie as he commended my Modefty. But we progrefled well, and he foon had the Difcourfe all to himfelf, for Squire Pake came up, and detained Father^ while the Do6lor and I walked on. I could not help re- Hefting how odd it was, that I, whom Nature had endowed with fuch a very ordinarie Capacitie, and fcarce anie Tafhe for Letters, fhoulde continuallie be thrown into the Companie of the clevereft of Men, — firft, Mr. Milto7i ; then Mr. Agnew ; and now, this Do6lor yerciny Taylor. But, like the other two, he is not merely clever, he is Chriftian and good. How much I learnt in this fhort Interview ! for fliort it feemed, though it mull have extended over a good half Hour. He fayd, " Per- " haps, young Lady, the Time may " come when you fhall find fafer
" Solace
199
1644.
200
1644-
Maiden & Married Life
ii a a
u
u ii ii ii ii (( ii ii ii ii ii ii ii ii ii
Solace in the Exercife of the Charities than of the Affe6lions. Safer : for, not to conlider how a fuccefsfulle or unfuccefsfulle Paf- fion for a human Being of Hke In- firmities with ourfelves, oft ftains and darkens and Ihortens the Cur- rent of Life, even the chaflened Love of a Mother for her Child, as of 0S2avia, who fwooned at ' Tu, Marcclliis^ eris^ — or of Wives for their Hulbands, as Artemijia and Laodamia^ fometimes amounting to Idolatry — nay, the Love of Friend for Friend, with alle its fweet Influences and ani- mating Tranfports, yet exceed- ing the Reafonablenefs of that of David for yonathan, or of our blefled Lord for St. John and the Family of Lazarus, may procure far more Torment than Profit : even if the Attachment be reci-
" procal.
of Mary Powell.
20I
u
a
a a
u <; (^ (( a a. (.(.
a a a a a
iC
a a
u
procal, and well grounded, and equallie matcht, which often it is not. Then interpofe human Tempers, and Chills, and Heates, and Slyghtes fancied or intended, which makes the vext Soul readie to wifh it had never exifted. How fmalle a Thing is a human Heart ! you might grafp it in 3^our little Hand ; and yet its Strifes and Agonies are enough to diftend a Skin that fliould cover the whole World ! But, in the Charities, what Peace ! yea, they diftill Sweet- neffe even from the Unthankfulle, blelling him that gives more than him that receives ; while, in the Main, they arc laid out at better Intereft than our warmeft Affec- tions, and bring in a far richer Harveft of Love and Gratitude. Yet, let our Affe6tions have their fitting Exercife too, flaying our-
" felves
1644.
202
1644-
Aug. lo.
Maide7i & Married Life
" felves with the Refle6lion, that " there is greater Happineffe, after " alle Things fayd, in loving than " in being loved, fave by the God of •' Love who firft loved us, and that " they who dwell in Love dwell in " Himr
Then he went on to fpeak of the manifold A6ls and Divifions of Charity ; as much, methought, in the Vein of a Poet as a Preacher ; and he minded me much of that Scene in the tenth Book of the Fairie ^uecne, foe lately read to us by Mr. Agncw, wherein the Red Crofs Knight and Una were fhown Mercy at her Work.
A Pack-horfe from Sheep/cote juft reported, laden with a goodlie Store of Books, befides fundrie fmaller Tokens of Rofe's thoughtfuUe Kind- nefle. I have now methodicallie
divided
of ]Mary Powell.
divided mv Time into flated Hours, of Prayer, Exercife, Studdy, Houfe- wiferie, and A6ls of Mercy, on however a humble Scale ; and find mine owne Peace of Mind thereby increafed notwithftanding the Dark- neffe of public and Dullnefle of private Affairs.
Made out the Meaning of " Cyno- " fure " and " Cimmerian Dark- "neffe." ....
Full fad am I to learn that Mr. Milton hath publifhed another Book in Advocacy of Divorce. Alas, why will he chafe againft the Chain, and widen the cruel Divifion between us ? My Father is outrageous on the Matter, and fpcaks foe paffion- atelie of him, that it is worfe than not fpeaking of him at alle, which latelie I was avifed to complain of.
Dick
203
1644.
Aug. 15.
204
i644- Aug. 30.
Maiden & Married Life
Dick beginneth to fancie himfelf in Love with Audrey Paice — an Attachment that will doe him noe Good : his Taftes alreadie want railing, and fhe will onlie lower them, I feare, — a comely, romping, noilie Girl, that, were fhe but a Farmer's Daughter, woulde be the Life and Soul of alle the Whitfun- ales, Harveft-Homes, and Hay- makings in the Country : in fhort, as fond of idling and merrymaking as I once was myfelf : onlie I never was foe riotous.
I beginne to fee Faults in Dick and Harry I never faw before. Is my Tafte bettering, or my Temper worfcnning ? At alle Events, we have noe crofs Words, for I expert them not to alter, knowing how hard it is to doe foe by myfelf.
I look forward with Pleafure to my Sheep/cote Vilitt. Dear Mother
returneth
of Mary Powell.
returneth to-morrow. Good Dr.
Taylor hath twice taken the Trouble
to walk over from Oxford to fee
me, but he hath now left, and we
may never meet agayn. His Vifitts
have beene ver}- precious to me : I
think he hath fome Glimmering of
my fad Cafe : indeed, who knows
it not ? At parting he fayd, fmiling,
he hoped he fliould yet hear of
my making Offerings to Viriplaca
on Mount Palati7ie ; then added,
gravelie, " You know where reall
' Offerings may be made and alwaies
' accepted — Offerings of fpare Half-
' hours and Five-minutes, when
' we fhut the Clofet Door and
' commune with our own Hearts
' and are ftill." Alfoe he fayd,
' There are Sacrifices to make
' which fometimes wring our very
' Hearts to offer ; but our gracious
' God accepts them nevertheleffe,
"if
205
1644.
2o6
1644.
Sept. 8.
Maiden & Married Life
" if our Feet be really in the right "■ Path, even though, like C/iry/eis, " we look back, weeping."
He la3'd .... But how manie Things as beautifulle and true did I hear my Hufband fay, which paffed by me like the idle Wind that I regarded not !
Harry hath juft broughte in the News of his Majefty's Succefs in the Weft. Lord EJjfex's Army hath beene completely furrounded by the royal Troops \ himfelf for6t to efcape in a Boat to Plymouth, and all the Arms, Artillerie, Baggage, &c., of Skippoit's Men have fallen into the Hands of the King. Father is foe pleafed that he hath mounted the Flag, and given double Allowance of Ale to his Men.
I wearie to hear from Robin.
Sheep/cote,
of Mary Powell.
Shecpfcote^ OH:. lo. How fweete a Picture of riirall Life did Sheep/cote prefent, when I arrived here this Afternoon ! The Water being now much out, the Face of the Countrie pre- fented a new Afpe6t : there were Men threfhing the Walnut Trees, Children and Women putting the Nuts into Oficr Balkets, a Bailift' on a white Horfe overlooking them, and now and then galloping to another Part}^ and fplafliing through the Water. Then w^e found Mr. Agfiew equallie bufie with his Apples, mounted half Way up one of the Trees, and throwing Cherry Pippins down into Ro/c's Apron, and now and then making as though he would pelt her : onlie fhe dared him, and woulde not be frightened. Pier Donkey, chewing Apples in
the
207
1644.
Oct. 10.
2o8 Maiden & Married Life
1644. the Corner, with the Cider running out of his Mouth, prefented a ludi- crous Image of Enjoyment, and 'twas evidently enhan6t by Giles' brufhing his rough Coat with a Birch Befom, inftead of minding his owne BufineiTe of fweeping the Walk. The Sun, fhining with mellow Light on the mown Grafs and frefli dipt Hornbeam Hedges, made even the commoneft Obje6ts diftin6l and cheerfulle ; and the Air was foe cleare, we coulde hear the Village Children afar off at theire Play.
Rofe had abundance of delicious new Honey in the Comb, and Bread hot from the Oven, for our earlie Supper. Dick was tempted to ftay too late ; however, he is oft as late, now, returning from Audrey Paice, though my Mother likes it not.
Ro/e
of Mary Powell.
Rofe is quite in good Spiritts now, and we s^oe on moft harmoniouilie and happilie. Alle our Taftes are now in common ; and I never more enjoyed this Union of Seclulion and Society. Beiides, Mr. Agnew is more than commonlie kind, and never fpeaks fternlie or fharplie to me now. Indeed, this Morning, looking thoughtfullie at me, he fayd, " I know not, Coiifin^ what Change " has come over you, but you are " now alle that a wife Man coulde " love and approve." I fayd. It jnuft be owing then to Dr. Jeremy Taylor^ who had done me more goode, it woulde feeme, in three LelTons, than he or Mr. Miltoji coulde imparte in thirt}' or three hundred. He fayd he was inclined to attribute it to a higher Source than that ; and yet, there was doubt- lefle a great Knack in teaching, and p there
209
1644.
Oct. 15.
2IO
i644-
Alaiden & Married Life
there was a good deal in liking the Teacher. He had alwaies hearde the Do6tor fpoken of as a good, pious, and clever Man, though rather too high a Prelatilt. I fayd, " There were good Men of alle " Sorts : there was Mr. Milton, who " woulde pull the Church down ; " there was Mr. Agnew, who woulde " onlie have it mended ; and there " was Dr. Jeremy Taylor, who was " content with it as it floode." Then Rofe alkt me of the puritanicall Preachers. Then I fhowed her how they preached, and made her laugh. But Mr. Agnew woulde not laugh. But I made him laugh at lafl. Then he was angrie with himfelf and with me ; only not very angry ; and fayd I had a Riofht to a Name which he knew had beene given me, of " cleaving " Mifchief " I knew not he knew
of
of Mary Powell.
211
of it, and was checked, though I laught it off.
1644.
Walking together, this Morning, Rofe was avifed to fay, " Did Mr. ' Milton ever tell you the Adventure ' of the Italian Lady ? " " Rely on ' it he never did," fayd Mr. Agnew. —" Milton is as modeft a INIan as ' ever breathed — alle Men of firft ' clafs Genius are foe." " What ' was the Adventure ? " I alkt, curi- ouflie. " Why, I neede not tell ' you, Moll, that JoJm Milton, as a ' Youth, was extremelie handfome, ' even beautifull. His Colour came ' and went foe like a Girl's, that ' we of Chrijl'^s College ufed to call ' him ' the Lady,' and thereby annoy ' him noe little. One fummer ' Afternoone he and I and young ' King {Lycidas, you know) had ' ftarted on a country Walk, (the
" Countrie
Oct. 16.
212 Maiden & Married Life
1644. " Countrie is not prett}^, round " Cambridge^ when we fell in with " an Acquaintance whom Mr. Milton " affe6led not, foe he fayd he would " walk on to the firft rifing Ground " and wait us there. On this " riling Ground flood a Tree, be- " neath which our impatient young " Gentleman prefentlie caft him- " felf, and, having walked faft, and " the Weather being warm, foon falls afleep as found as a Top. Meantime, King and I quit our " Friend and faunter forward pretty " eafilie. Anon comes up with us " a Caroche, with fomething I know " not w^hat of outlandifh in its Build ; " and within it, two Ladies, one of " them having the Fayreft Face I " ever fet Eyes on, prefent Com- " panic duly excepted. The Ca- roche having paffed us. King and I mutuallie exprefs our Admiration,
"and
u
u
a
u
of Mary Powell.
and thereupon, preferring Turf to Duft, got on the other Side the Hedge, which was not foe thick but that we could make out the Caroche, and fee the Ladies defcend from it, to w^alk up the Hill. Having reached the Tree, they paufed in Surprife at feeing Milto7i afleep beneath it ; and in prettie dumb Shew, which we watcht fharplie, expreft their Ad- miration of his Appearance and Pofture, which woulde have fuited an Arcadian well enough. The younger Lady, haftilie taking out a Pencil and Paper, wrote fomething which fhe laughinglie fhewed her Companion, and then put into the Sleeper's Hand. Thereupon, they got into their Caroche, and drove off. King and I, dying with Curiofitie to know what fhe had writ, foon
" roufed
213
1644.
214
1644-
Maiden & Married Life
" roufed our Friend and poffeft " ourfelves of the Secret. The " Verfes ran thus. . . .
Occki, Stelle mortali, Minijire de miei Mali, Se, clmiji^ nt' uccidete, Aperti, chef arete?
u
Milton coloured, crumpled them up, and yet put them in his " Pocket ; then alkt us what the " Lady was like. And herein lay "the Pleafantry of the Affair; for " I truly told him fhe had a Pear- " fhaped Face, lufhrous black Eyes, " and a Skin that fhewed ' il bruno '^ il del non toglie ;'' whereas, King, " in his Mifchief, drew a fancy " Portrait, much liker you, Moll, " than the Incognita, which hit " Milton s Tafte foe much better, " that he was believed for his Payns ; " and then he declared that I had
" beene
of Mary Powell.
215
" beene defcribing the Duenna ! . . . " Some Time after, when Milton '' beganne to talk of vifiting Italy ^ " we bantered him, and faj'd he was " going to look for the Incognita. " He ftoode it well, and fayd, ' Laugh " on ! do you think I mind you ? " Not a Bit.' I think he did."
Juft at this Turn, Mr. Ag7iezu ftumbled at fomething in the long Grafs. It proved to be an old, ruftie Horfe-piftol. His Counte- nance changed at once from gay to pfrave. " I thouo'ht we had noe " fuch Things hereabouts 3'et," cried he, viewing it afkance. — " I fuppofe
1644.
" I mighte as well think I had found " a Corner of the Land where there " was noe originall Sin." And foe, flung it over the Hedge.
Firfl clafs Geniufes are
alwaies modcft, are they ? — Then I fhould fay that young Italian
Lady's
2i6 Maiden & Married Life
1644. Lady's Genius was not of the firft Clafs.
Oct. 19. Speaking, to-day, of Mr. Waller ,
whom I had once feen at Uncle folui's, Mr. Agnew fayd he had obtayned the Reputation of being one of our fmootheft Verfers, and thereupon brought forth one or two of his fmall Pieces in Manufcript, which he read to Rofe and me. They were addreft to the Lady Dorothy Sydney; and certainHe for fpecious Flatterie I doe not fuppofe they can be matcht ; but there is noe Imprefs of reall Feeling in them. How diverfe from my Hufband's Verfing ! He never writ any mere Love-verfes, indeede, foe far as I know ; but how much truer a Sence he hath of what is reallie beauti- fulle and becoming in a Woman than Mr. Waller I The Lady Alice
Egerton
of Mary Powell.
Egertoii mighte have beene more juftlie proud of the fine Things written for her in Comus, than the Lady Dorothea of anie of the fine Things written of her by this cour- tier-Hke Poet. For, to fay that Trees bend down in homage to a Woman when fhe walks under them, and that the healing Waters of Tonbridge were placed there by Nature to compenfate for the fatal Pride of Sacharifa, is foe fullefome and un- true as noe Woman, not devoured by Conceite, coulde endure ; whereas, the Check that Villanie is fenfible of in the Prefence of Virtue, is moft nobly, not extravagantlie, exprefi; by Comus. And though my Hufband be almoft too lavifh, even in his fhort Pieces, of claffic Allufion and Perfonation, yet, like antique Statues and Bufts well placed in fome flatelie Pleafaunce, they arc alwaies appro- priate
217 1644.
n
2i8 Maiden & Married Life
164-1.. priate and gracefulle, which is more than can be fayd of Mr. Waller'' s overftrayned Figures and Metaphors.
Oct. 20. News from Home : alle well. Atcdrcy Paice on a Vifitt there. I hope Mother hath not put her into my Chamber, but I know that flie hath fctt fo manie Trays full of Spearmint, Peppermint, Camomiles, and Poppie-hcads in the blue Cham- ber to dr}', that flie will not care to move them, nor have the Window opened left they fhoulde be blown aboute. I wifli I had turned the Key on my ebony Cabinett.
Oct. 24. Richard and Aitdrey rode over here, and fpent a noiiie Afternoone. Rofc had the Goofe drelTed which I know Hie meant to have referved for to-morrow. Clover was in a Heat, which one would have thoughte he
needed
of Mary Powell.
needed not to have beene, with carry- ing a Lady ; but Atidrcy is heavie. She treats Dick like a Boy ; and, indeede he is not much more ; but he is quite taken up with her. I find fhe lies in the blue Chamber, which fhe fays fmells rarelie of Herbs. They returned not till late, after fun- drie Hints from Mr. Ao-new.
Alas, alas, Robbts Silence is too forrowfullie explained ! He hath beene fent Home foe ill that he is like to die. This Report I have from Diggcry, juft come over to fetch mc, with whom I ftart, foe foone as his Horfe is bated. Lord, have Mercie on Robm.
The Children are alle fent away to keep the Houfe quiete.
Oh,
At Robin s Bedjide. woefulle Sisfht ! I had not
known
to
219
1644.
Oct. 27.
Saturday
Night.
220
1644.
Maiden & Married Life
known that pale Face, had I met it unawares. So thin and wan, — and he hath fliot up into a tall Stripling during the laft few Months. Thefe two Nights of Watching have tried me forelie, but I would not be witholden from fitting up with him yet agayn — what and if this Night fhould he his laft? how coulde I for- give myfelf for Deeping on now and taking my Reft ? The firft Night, he knew me not ; yet it was bitter- fweet to hear him chiding at fweet Moll for not coming. Yefternight he knew me for a While, kiffed me, and fell into an heavie Sleepe, with his Hand locked in mine. We hoped the Crifis was come ; but 'twas not foe. He raved much of a Man alle in Red, riding hard after him. I minded me of thofe Words, " The Enemy fayd, I will overtake, " I will purfue," — and, noe one being
by,
of Mary Powell.
by, fave the unconfcious Sufferer, I kneeled down befide him, and moft earneftlie prayed for his Deliver- ance from all fpirituall Adverfaries. When I lookt up, his Eyes, larger and darker than ever, were fixt on me with a ftrange, wiftfulle Stare, but he fpake not. From that Moment he was quiete.
The Do6tor thought him rambling this Morning, though I knew he was not, when he fpake of an Angel in a long white Garment watching over him and kneeling by him in the Night.
Poor Nell fitteth up with Mother to-ni"-ht — riofht thankfulle is fhe to find that fhe can be of anie Ufe: fhe fays it feems foe ftrange that fhe ftiould be able to make any Return for my Kindneffe. I muft fleep to- night, that I may watch to-morrow.
The
221
1644.
Sunday Evening.
222
i644-
Monday.
Tuesday.
Maiden & Married Life
The Servants are nigh fpent, and are bcfides fooHfhlie afrayd of Infec- tion. I hope Rofe prays for me. Soe drowfie and duUe arn I, as fcarce to be able to pray for myfelf.
Rofe and Mr. Agneiv come to abide with us for fome Days. How thank- fulle am I ! Tears have relieved me.
Robin worfe to-day. Father quite fubdued. Mr. Agnew will lit up to-night, and inlifhs on my fleeping.
Crab howled under m}^ Window yefternight as he did before my Wedding. I hope there is Nothing in it. Harry got up and beat him, and at lafh put him in the Stable.
After two Nights' Reft, I feel quite ftrengthened and reftored this Morning. Deare Rofe read me to fleep in her low, gentle Voice, and then lay down by my Side, twice
ftepping
of Mary Powell.
ftepping into Robin's Chamber during the Night, and bringing me News that all was well. Relieved in Mind, I flept heavilie nor woke till late. Then, returned to the lick Chamber, and found Ro/e bathing dear Robhi's Temples with Vinegar, and changinCT his Pillow — his thin Hand relied on Mr. Agizew, on whom he lookt with a compofed, collected Gaze. Slowlie turned his Eyes on me, and faintlie fmiled, but fpake not.
Poor dear Mother is ailing now. I fate with her and Father fome Time ; but it was a true Relief when Ro/e took my Place and let me return to the lick Room. Ro/e hath alreadie made feveral little Changes for the better ; improved the Ventilation of Robhi's Chamber, and prevented his I hearing foe manie Noifes. Alfoe, fhowed me how to make a pleafant
cooling
223
1644.
224
i644-
Same Evening.
Maiden & Married Life
cooling Drink, which he likes better than the warm Liquids, and which fhe affures me he may take with perfe6l Safetie.
Robin vext, even to Tears, becaufe the Do6lor forbids the Ufe of his cooling Drink, though it hath cer- tainlie abated the Fever. At his Wifli I ftept down to intercede with the Do6lor, then clofetted with my Father, to difcourfe, as I fuppofed, of Robi7is Symptoms. Infteade of which, found them earneftlie en- gaged on the never-ending Topick of Cavaliers and Roundheads. I was chafed and cut to the Heart, yet what can poor Father do ; he is ufelefs in the Sick-room, he is wearie of Sufpenfe, and 'tis well if publick Affairs can divert him for an odd Half-hour.
The Do6tor would not hear of
Robin
of Mary Powell.
Robin taking the cooling Beverage, and warned me that his Death w^oulde be upon my Head if I per- mitted him to be chilled : foe what could I doc ? Poor Robin very im- patient in confequence ; and raving towards Midnight. Rofe infifted in taking the laft half of my Watch.
I know not that I w^as ever more forelie exercifed than during the firft Half of this Night. Robin^ in his crazie Fit, would leave his Bed, and was foe ftrong as nearlie to mafter Nell and me, and I feared I muft have called Richard. The next Minute he fell back as weak as a Child : we covered him up warm, and he was overtaken either with Stupor or Sleep. Earneftlie did I pray it might be the latter, and conduce to his healing. After- wards, there being writing Imple- ments at Hand, I wrote a Letter Q . to
225
1644.
226
i644-
Wednesday.
jMaiden & Married Life
to Mr. Milton^ which, though the Fancy of lending it foon died_ awa}^, yet eafed my Mind. When not in Prayer, I often find myfelf lilently talking to him.
Waking late after my fcant Night's Reft, I found mv Breakfafte neatlie layd out in the little Antechamber, to prevent the Fatigue of going down Stairs. A Handfulle of Au- tumn Flowers befide my Plate, left me in noe Doubt it was Rofe's doing ; and Mr. Agnew writing at the Window, told me he had per- fuaded my Father to goe to Shotover with Dick. Then laying afide his Pen, ftcpt into the Sick-chamber for the lateft News, which was good : and, fitting next me, talked of the Progrefs of Robin^s Illneffe in a grave yet hopefulle Manner ; leading, as he chieflie does, to high
and
of Mary Powell.
227
and unearthlie Sources of Confola- tion. He advifed me to take a Turn in the frefh Ayr, though but as far as the two Junipers, before I entered Robins Chamber, which, fomewhat relu6lantlie, I did ; but the bright Daylight and warm Sun had no good EtTe6l on my Spiritts : on the Contrarie, nothing in blythe Nature feeming in unifon with my SadneiTe, Tears flowed without relieving me.
What a folemne, pompous
Prigge is this Doctor ! He cries " humph ! " and " aye ! " and bites his Nails and fcrews his Lips together, but I don't believe he underftands foe much of Phyfick, after alle, as Mr. Agnew.
Fathei^ came home fulle of the Rebels' Doings, but as for me, I fhouldc hear them thundering at our Gate with Apathie, except infofar as I feared their diftrcffing Robin.
Aiidrey
1644.
228
Maiden & Married Life
1644. Audrey rode over with her Father,
this Morn, to make Enquiries. She miaht have come fooner had Ihe meant to be anie ' reall Ufe to a Family flie has thought of entering. Had Ro/e come to our Help as late in the Day, we had been poorlie off.
Thursday. May Heaveu in its Mercy fave us from the evil Confequence of this new Mifchance ! — Richard^ jealous at being allowed fo little Share in nurfmg Robin, whom he fayd he loved as well as anie did, would fit up with him laft Night, along with Mother. Twice I heard him fnoring, and ftept in to prevail on him to change Places, but coulde not get him to ftir. A third Time he fell afleep, and, it feems. Mother flept
too ; and Robin, in his Fever, got out of Bed and drank near a Quart
of
of jNIary Powell.
229
of cokle Water, waking Dick by fettino^ down the Pitcher. Of courfe the Buftle foon reached my liftening Ears. Dick, to do him Juftice, was frightened enough, and Hole away to his Bed without a Word of De- fence ; but poor Mother, who had been equallie off her Watch, made more Noife about it than was good for Robin ; who, nevertheleffe, we having warmlie covered up, burft into a profufc Heat, and fell into a found Sleep, which hath now holdcn him manie Hours. Mr. Acnczu au- gureth favourablie of his waking, but we await it in prayerfuUe Anxietie.
The Crilis is paft ! and the
Doftor fayeth he alle along expe6ted it laft Night, which I cannot believe, but Father and Mother doe. At alle Events, praifed be Heaven, there is now hope that deare Robin may
recover.
1644.
230
i644-
Saturday.
Maiden & Mai^ried Life
recover. Rofe and I have mingled Tears, Smiles, and Thankfgivings ; Mr. Ag7iew hath expreffed Gratitude after a more colle6led Manner, and endeavoured to check the fome- what ill-governed Expreffion of Joy throughout the Houfe ; warning the Servants, but efpeciallie Dick and Harry, that Robin may yet have a Relapfe.
With what Tranfport have I fat befide dear Rodin^s Bed, returning his fixed, earneft, thankfulle Gaze, and anfwering the feeble Preffure of his Hand ! — Going into the Studdy juft now, I found Rather crying like a Child — the firft Time I have known him give Way to Tears during Robin s Ilneffe. Mr. Agnew prefentlie came in, and compofed him better than I coulde.
Robin better, though ftill very
weak.
of Mary Powell.
weak. Had his Bed made, and took a few Spoonfuls of Broth.
A very different Sabbath from the Lift. Though Robin^s Conftitution hath received a Shock it may never recover, his comparative Amend- ment fills us with Thankfulneffe ; and our chaftened Sufpenfe hath a fweet Solemnitie and Truftfulleneffe in it, which pals Underftanding.
Mr. Agiiezu condu6ted our Devo- tions. This Morning, I found him praying with Robin — I queftion if it were for the firft Time. Robin look- ing on him with Eyes of fuch fedate Affe6tion !
Robin ftill progreffing. Dear Rofe and Mr. Agncw leave us to-morrow, but they will foon come agayn. Oh faithful Friends !
231
1644.
Sunday.
Thursday.
Can
232 Maiden & Married Life
1646. Can Aniething equall the def-
Aprii. perate Ingratitude of the human Heart ? Teftifie of It, Journall, agaynfl me. Here did I, throughout the inceffant Cares and Anxieties of Robins Sickneffe, find, or make Time, for ahnofte daihe Record of my Trouble ; fince which, whole Months have pafTed without foe much as a fcrawled Ejaculation of Thankfulleneffe that the Sick hath beene made whole.
Yet, not that that thankfulleneffe hath beene unfelt, nor, though un- written, unexpreft. Nay, O Lord, deeplie, deeplie have I thanked thee for thy tender Mercies. And he healed foe flowlie, that Sufpenfe, as 'twere, wore itfelf out, and gave Place to a dull, mournful Perfuafion that an .Hydropfia would wafte him away, though more flowlie, yet noe lefs furelie than the Fever.
Soe
of Mary Powell.
Weeks
lengthened
into
Soe
Months, I mighte well fay Years, they feemed foe long ! and ftille he feemed to neede more Care and Tenderneffe ; till, juft as he and I had learnt to fay, "Thy Will, O " Lord, be done," he began to gain Flefli, his craving Appetite mode- rated, yet his Food nourifhed him, and by God's blcffing he recovered!
During that heavie Seafon of Pro- bation, our Hearts were unlocked, and we fpake oft to one another of Things in Heaven and Things in Earth. Afterwards, our mutuall Referves returned, and Rodin, me- thinks, became fhyer than before, but there can never ceafe to be a dearer Bond between us. Now we are apart, I aim to keep him mindfulle of the high and holie Refolutions he formed in his Sick- neffe ; and though he never anfwers
thefe
233
1646.
234 JMaidcii & Married Life
1646. thefe Portions of my Letters, I am avifed to think he finds them not difpleafing.
Now that Oxfo7'd is Hke to be befieged, my Life is more confined than ever ; yet I cannot, and will not leave Father and Mother^ even for the Agnews^ while they are foe much harraffed. This Morning, my Father hath received a Letter from Sir Thomas Glemham^ requiring a larger Qiiantitie of winnowed Wheat, than, with alle his Loyaltie, he likes to fend.
April 23. Ralph Hewlett hath juft looked in to fay, his Father and Mother have in Safetie reached London^ where he will fliortlie joyn them, and to afk, is there anie Service he can doe me ? A}-, truly ; one that I dare not name — he can bring me Word of Mr. Milton, of his Health,
of
of Mary Powell.
of his Looks, of his Speech, and
whether
Ralph fhall be noe Meflenger of mine.
Talking of Money Matters this Morning, Mother fayd Something that brought Tears into mine Eyes. She obferved that though my Huf- band had never beene a Favourite of hers, there was one Thing wherein fhe muft fay he had behaved gene- roufly : he had never, to this Da}^, afkt Father for the 500/. which had brought him, in the firfh Inftance, to For-ejl Hill, (he having promifed old ]\Ir. Milton to try to get the Debt paid,) and the which, on his afking for my Hand, Father tolde him flioulde be made over fooner or later, in lieu of Dower,
Did Rofe know the Bitter-fweet fhe was imparting to me, when flie
gave
235
1646.
April 24.
236
1646.
Maiden & Married Life
gave me, by Stealth as 'twere, the latelie publlfht Volume of my Huf- band's Englijli Verfing ? It hath beene my Companion ever lince ; for I had perufed the Comus but by Snatches, under the Difadvantage of crabbed Manufcript. This Mor- ning, to ufe his owne deare Words: —
I fat tne down to watch, tcpon a Baizk, Wit/i Ivy canopied, and interwove With flaiuiting Honeyfuckle, and be-
ganne, Wrapt in apiea/ing Fit of Melancholic, To 7neditate.
The Text of my Meditation was this, drawne from the fame loved Source: —
This I hold firm ;
Virtue inay be aj/ayled, but never hurt,
Surprifed by unjtfl Force, but not e7t-
t lira lied ;
Yea.
of Mary Powell.
Yea^ even that which Mi/chief meant
mqfl Harni^ Shall, in the happy Trial, prove inojl
Gloiy.
237
1646.
But who hath fuch Virtue ? have I ? hath he ? No, we have both gone aftray, and done amifs, and wrought finfullie ; but I worft, I firfl, therefore more neede that I humble m3'felf, and pray for both.
There is one, more unhappie, perhaps, than either. The King, moft misfortunate Gentleman ! who knoweth not which Way to turn, nor whom to truft. Lafh Time I faw him, methought never was there a Face foe full of Woe.
The King hath efcaped ! He gave Orders overnight at alle the Gates, for three Perfons to pafle ; and, accompanied onlic by Mr. AJIi-
btirnham.
May 6.
238
1646.
Saturday Even.
Maiden & Married Life
burnham^ and Mr. Htcrd, rode forthe at Nightfalle, towards London. Sure, he will not throw himfelfe into the Hands of Parliament ?
Mother is affrighted beyond Mea- fure at the near Neighbourhood of Fairfax's Army, and entreats Father to leave alle behind, and flee with us into the City. It may yet be done ) and we alle fliare her Feares.
Packing up in greate hafhe, after a confufed Family Council, wherein fome frefli Accounts of the Rebels' Advances, broughte in by Diggory, made my Father the fooner confent to a ftolen Flight into Oxford, Dig- goiy being left behind in Charge. Time of Flight, to-morrow after Dark, the Puritans being bufie at theire Sermons. The better the Day, the better the Deede. — Heaven make it foe !
^ Oxfoi^d ;
of ]Mary Powell.
239
Oxford ; in moll confined and un- plealant Lodgings ; but noe Matter ; manie better and richer than our- fclvcs fare worfe, and our King hath not where to lay his Head. 'Tis fayd he hath turned his Courfe towards Scotland. There are Souldiers in this Houfe, whofe Noife diftra6ts us. Alfoe, a poor Widow Lady, whofe Huiband hath beene flayn in thefe Wars. The Children have taken a feveriih Complaynt, and require inceffant tending. Theire Beds are far from cleane, in too little Space, and ill aired.
1646.
Tuesday.
The Widow Lady goes about vifiting the Sick, and would faine have my Companie. The Streets have difpleafed me, being foe fulle of Men ; however, in a clofe Hoode I have accompanied her fundrie Times. 'Tis a good Soul, and
full
May 20.
240 Maidefi & Married Life
1646. full of pious Works and Alms- deedes.
May 27th. Diggory hath found his Way to us, alle difmaied, and bringing Dif- may with him, for the Rebels have taken and ranfacked our Houfe, and turned him forthe. " A Plague on " thefe Wars ! " . as Father fays. What are we to doe, or how live, defpoyled of alle ? Father hath loft, one Way and another, fince the Civil War broke out, three thoufand Pounds, and is now nearlie beggared. Mother weeps bitterlie, and Father''s Countenance hath fallen more than ever I faw it before. " Nine Children ! " he exclaimed, juft now ; " and onlie " one provided for ! " His Eye fell upon me for a Moment, with lefs TenderneiTe than ufuall, as though he wiflied me in Alder/gate Street.
I'm
of Mary Powell.
I'm fure I wifh I were there, — not becaufe Father is in Misfortune ; oh, no.
The Parliament requireth our un- fortunate Kino^ to iffue Orders to this and alle his other Garrifons,
commanding theire Surrender \
and
Father, finding this is likelie to take Place forthwith, is bulled in having himfelf comprifed within the Articles of Surrender. 'Twill be hard in- deede, fhoulde this be denied. His Eftate Ij'ing in the King's Quarters, how coulde he doe lefs than adhere to his Majefty's Partie during this unnatural 1 War ? I am fure Mother grudged the Royalifts everie Goofe and Turkey they had from our Yard.
Praifed be Heaven, deare Father
I hath iuft received Sir Thomas Fair-
fax^s Prote6lion, empowering him
R quietlie
241
1646.
June.
June 27th.
242
1646.
Maiden & Married Life
quietlie and without let to goe forthe " with Servants, Hoiies, " Arms, Goods, etc." to "• London " or elfewhere," whitherfoever he will. And thouofh the Prote6lion extends but over fix Months, at the Expiry of which Time, Father muft take Meafures to embark for fome Place of Refuge beyond Seas, 3'et who knows what may turn up in thofe fix Months ! The King may enjoy his Owne agayn. Meantime, we immediatelie leave Oxford.
Forefl Hill. At Home agayn ; and what a Home! Everiething to feeke, everie- thing mifplaced, broken, abufed, or gone altogether ! The Gate off its Hinges ; the Stone Balls of the Pillars overthrowne, the great Bell flolen, the dipt Junipers grubbed up, the Sun-diall broken ! Not a
Hen
of Mary Powell.
Hen or Chicken, Duck or Duckling, left ! Crab half-ftarved, and foe glad to fee us, that he dragged his Kennel after him. Daify and Blanch making fuch piteous Moans at the Paddock Gate, that I coulde not bear it, but helped Letfice to milk them. Within Doors, everie Room fmelling of Beer and Tobacco ; Cupboards broken open, etc. On my Chamber Floor, a greafy fteeple-crowned Hat ! Threw it forthe from the Window with a Pair of Tongs.
Mother goes about the Houfe weeping. Father fits in his broken Arm-chair, the Picture of Difconfo- latenefs. I fee the Agnews^ true Friends ! riding hither ; and with them a Third, who, methinks, is Ro/e''s brother Ralph.
London. St. Martiri^s le Grand. Trembling, weeping, hopefulle,
difmaied.
243
1646.
r"
244
1646.
Twelve at
Night.
Maiden & Married Life
difmaied, here I fit in mine Uncle's hired Houfe, alone in a Crowd, feared at mine owne Precipitation, readie to wifh myfelfe back, unable to refolve, to reflect, to pray ....
Alle is filent ; even in the latelie bufie Streets. Why art thou caft down, my Heart? why art thou dif- quieted within me ? Hope thou ftille in the Lord, for he is the Joy and Light of thy Countenance. Thou haft beene long of learning him to be fuch. Oh, forget not thy Leffon novv^ ! Thy beft "Friend hath fanftioned, nay, counfelled this Step, and overcome alle Obftacles, and provided the Means of this Journey ; ' and to-morrow at Noone, if Events prove not crofs, I fhall have Speech of him whom my Soul loveth. To-night, let me watch, faft, and pray.
How
of Mary Powell.
How awfulle it is to beholde a Man weepe! mine owne Tears, when I think thereon, well forthe
Rofe was a true Friend when fhe fayd, " Our prompt Affe6lions are oft " our wife Counfellors." Soe, fhe fuggefted and advifed alle; wrung forthe my Father's Confent, and fett me on my Way, even putting Money in my Purfe. Well for me, had fhe beene at my Journey's End as well as its Beofinninsj.
'Stead of which, here was onlie mine Aunt \ a flow, timid, uncertayn Soule, who proved but a broken Reed to lean upon.
Soe, alle I woulde have done arighte v^ent croffe, the Letter never delivered, the Meffage delayed till he had left Home, foe that me- thought I flioulde goe crazie.
While the Boy, ftammering in his lame Excufes, bore iny chafed
Reproaches
245
1646.
Friday; at
Night.
246
1646.
Maiden & Married Life
Reproaches the more humbHe be- caufe he faw he had done me fome grievous Hurt, though he knew not what, a Voice in the adjacent Chamber in alternation with mine Uncle's drove the Blood of a fuddain from mine Heart, and then fent it back with impetuous Rufh, for I knew the Accents right well.
Enters mine Aunt, alle flurried, and hufliing her Voice. " Oh, " Niece, he whom you wot of is " here, but knoweth not you are at " Hand, nor in London. Shall I tell "him?"
But I gafped, and held her back by her Skirts ; then, with a fuddain fecret Prayer, or Cry, or maybe, Wifli, as 'twere, darted up unto Heaven for Afllftance, I* took noe Thought what I fhoulde fpeak when confronted with him, but opening the Door between us, he then
fhanding
of Mary Powell.
Handing with his Back towards it, rufhed forth and to his Feet — there fank, in a Gulli of Tears; for not one Word coulde I proffer, nor foe much as look up.
A quick Hand was laid on my Head, on my Shoulder — as quicklie
removed and I was aware of
the Door being hurriedlie opened and fhut, and a Man halting forthe; but 'twas onlie mine Uncle. Mean- time, my Hufband, who had at firft uttered a fuddain Cry or Exclama- tion, had now left me, funk on the Ground as I was, and retired a Space, I know not whither, but methinks he walked haftilie to and fro. Thus I remained, agonized in Tears, unable to recal one Word of the humble Appeal I had pondered on m}^ Jour- ney, or to have fpoken it, though I had known cvcrie Syllabic by Rote; yet not williing mj-felf, even in that
Sufpenfe,
247
1646.
248 Maiden & Married Life
1646. Sufpenfe, Shame, and Anguifh, elfe- where than where I was caft, at mine Iliiibancrs Feet.
Or ever I was aware, he had come up, and caught me to his Breaft: then, holding me back foe as to look me in the Face, fayd, in Accents I fliall never forget,
" Much I coulde fay to reproach, " but will not ! Henceforth, let us " onlie recall this darke Paffage " of our deeplie finfulle Lives, to ''quicken us to God's Mercy in '•''■ affording us this Re-union. Let " it deepen our Penitence, enhance " our Gratitude."
Then, fuddainlie covering up his Face with his Hands, he gave two or three Sobs ; and for fome few Minutes coulde not refrayn himfelf; but, when at length he uncovered his Eyes and looked down on me with Goodnefs and SweetnelTe, 'twas
like
of Mary Powell.
like the Sun's cleare fhining after
Raine.
Shall I now deftroy the difgrace- fulle Records of this blotted Book ? I think not ; for 'twill quicken me perhaps, as my Hufband fayth, to " deeper Penitence and fhronger " Gratitude," fhoulde I henceforthe be in Danger of fettling on the Lees, and forgetting the deepe Waters which had nearlie clofed over mine Head. At prefent, I am foe joyfulle, foe lisht of Heart under the Senfe of Forgiveneffe, that it feemeth as though Sorrow coulde lay hold of me noe more ; and yet we are ftill, as 'twere, difunited for awhile ; for my Hufband is agayn fhifting Houfe, and preparing to move his increafed Efhablifhment into Barbican^ where he hath taken a goodly Manfion ; and, until it is ready, I am to abide
here.
249
1646.
250 Maiden & Married Life
1646. here. I might pleafanthe cavill at this ; but, in Truth, will cavill at Nothins: now.
I am, by this, full perfuaded that RalpIPs Tale concerning Mifs Davies was a falfe Lie ; though, at the Time, luppofmg it to have fome Colour, it inflamed m}' Jealoufie noe little. The crofs Spight of that Youth led, under his Siller's Management, to an IlTue his Malice never forccafh ; and now, though I might come at the Truth for Inquiry, I will not foe much as even foil my Mind with thinking of it agayn ; for there is that Truth in mine Huf- band's Eyes, which woulde lilence the Slanders of a hundred Liars, Chafed, irritated, he has beene, foe as to excite the farcaftic Con- ftru6lions of thofe who wifh him evill ; but his Soul, and his Heart, and his Mind require a Flighte
beyond
of Mary Powell.
beyond Ralpli s Witt to compre- hende ; and I know and feel that they are mine.
He hath juft led in the two Phillips's to me, and left us together. Jack lookt at me afkance, and held aloof; but deare little Ned threw his Arms about me and wept, and I did weep too ; feeing the which, Jack advanced, gave me his Hand, and finally his Lips, then lookt as much as to fay, " Now, Alle's right." They are grow^n, and arc more comely than heretofore, which, in fome Meafure, is owing to theire Hair beinsr noe longer cut ftrait and fliort after the Puritanicall Fafhion I foe hate, but curled like their Uncle's.
I have writ, not the Particulars, but the Iffue of my Journey, unto Rofe^ whofe loving Heart, I know, yearns for Tidings. Alfoe, more
251
1646.
brieflie
252 Maiden & Married Life
1646. brieflie unto my Mother, who loveth not Mr. Milto7u
Barbican. September. In the Night-feaion, we take noe Reft ; we fearch out our Hearts, and commune with our Spiritts, and checque our Souls' Accounts, before we dare court our Sleep ; but in the Day of Happineffe we cut fhorte our Reckonings ; and here am I, a joy- fulle Wife, too proud and bufie amid my dailie Cares to have Leifure for more than a brief Note in my Diariiinij as A^ed woulde call it. 'Tis a large Iloufe, with more Rooms than we can fill, even with the Phillips's and their Scholar-mates, olde Mr. Mifloji, and my Hufband's Books to boot. I feel Pleafure in being houfewifelie ; and reape the Benefit of alle that I learnt of this Sorte at Sheep/cole. Mine Hufband's
Eyes
of Mary Powell.
Eyes follow me with Delight \ and once with a perplexed yet pleafed Smile, he fayd to me, " Sweet Wife, " thou art ftrangelie altered ; it " feems as though I have indeede "loft 'fweet MolV after alle!"
Yes, I am indeed changed ; more than he knows or coulde believe. And he is changed too. With Payn I perceive a more ftern, fevere Tone occafionallie ufed by him ; doubtleffe the Cloke alTumed b}^ his Griefe to hide the Ruin I had made within. Yet a more geniall Influence is'faft melting this away. Agayn, I note with Payn that he complayns much of his Eyes. At firft, I obferved he rubbed them oft, and dared not mention it, believing that his Tears on Account of me, fmfulle Soule ! had made them fmart. Soe, perhaps, they did in the firft Inftance, for it appears they have beenc ailing ever
fince
253
1646.
254
1646.
Maiden & Married Life
fince the Year I left him; and Over- ftuddy, which my Prefence mighte have prevented, hath conduced to the fame ill Effe6l. Whenever he now looks at a lighted Candle, he fees a Sort of Iris alle about it ; and, this Morning, he difturbed me by mentioning that a total DarknefTe obfcured everie Thing on the left Side of his Eye, and that he even feared, fometimes, he might event- uallie lofe the Sioht of both. " In " which Cafe," he cheerfully fayd, " ydu, deare Wife, muft become " my Le6lurer as well as Amanu- " enfis, and content 3^ourfelf to read " to me a World of crabbed Books, " in Tongues that are not nor neede " ever be yours, feeing that a Woman " has ever enough of her own !"
Then, more penfivelie, he added, " I difcipline and tranquillize my " Mind on this Subje6t, ever re-
" membering,
of Mary Powell.
" membering, when the Appre- " henlion affli6ls me, that, as Man " lives not by Bread alone, but b}^ " everie Word that proceeds out of " the Mouth of God, fo Man like- " wife lives not by Sight alone, but " by Faith in the Giver of Sight. " As long, therefore, as it fhall " pleafe Him to prolong, however " imperfe6llie, this precious Gift, " foe long will I lay up Store " agaynft the Days of Darkneffe, " which may be manie ; and when- " foever it fhall pleafe Flim to " withdrawe it from me altogether, " I will cheerfully bid mine Eyes " keep Holiday, and place my Hand " truftfullie in His, to be led whi- " therfoever He will, through the " Remainder of Life."
A Honeymoon cannot for ever laft ; nor Senfc of Danger, when
it
255 1646.
256
1646.
Maiden & Married Life
it long hath paft ; — but one Httle Difference from out manie greater Differences between my late happie Fortnighte in St. Martin^ s-le-Grand^ and my prefent dailie Courfe in Barbican, hath marked the Dif- tinftion between Lover and Huf- band. There it was " fweet Moll^^ " my Heart's Life of Life," " my " deareft cleaving Mifchief;" here 'tis onlie "Wife," " Miftrefs Mil- " /t??2," or at moft " deare or fvveet "Wife." This, I know, is mafter- fulle and feemly.
Onlie, this Morning, chancing to quote one of his owne Lines,
Thefe T/migs inay Jlartle ivell, but not ajiounde, —
he fayd, in a Kind of Wonder, " Why, Moll., whence had you "that? — Methought you hated " Verfing, as you ufed to call it.
" When
of Mary Powell.
257
" When learnt you to love it ? " I hung my Head in my old foolifli Way, and anfwered, " Since I learnt "to love the Verfer." "Why, this "is the beft of Alle!" he haflilie cried, " Can my fweet Wife be in- " deede Heart of my Heart and " Spirit of my Spirit ? I loft, or " drove away a Child, and have " found a Woman." Thereafter, he lefs often wifed me, and I found I was agayn fweet Moll.
This Afternoon, Chrijlopher Milton lookt in on us. After fainting me with the ufuall Mixture of Malice and Civilitie in his Looks, he fell into ealie Converfation ; and pre- fentlie fays to his Brother quietlie enough, " I faw a curious Penny- " worth at a Book-fball as I came " alons: this Mornin«:." " What " was that ? " fays m}^ Hufband, brightening up. " It had a long s "-Name,"
1646.
258 Maiden & Married Life
1646. "Name," fays Chrijlophcr, — "I " think it was called Tetrachordonr My HullDancl caft at me a fuddain, quick Look, but I did not foe much as change Colour ; and quietlie con- tinued my Sewing.
" I wonder," fays he, after a Paufe, ' that you did not inveft a fmall ' Portion of your Capitall in the ' Work, as you fay 'twas foe greate ' a Bargain. However, Mr. Kit^ ' let me give you one fmall Hint ' with alle the goode Humour ' imaginable ; don't take Advantage ' of our neare and deare Relation • to make too frequent Opportunities ' of faying to me Anything that ' would certainlie procure for an- ' other Man a Thraihing!"
Then, after a fliort Silence be- tweene Alle, he fuddainlie burft out laughing, and cried, " I know 'tis '■'• on the Stalls ; I've feene it, Kit^
"myfelf!
(9/" Mary Powell.
a
a
myfelf! Oh, had you feene, as I did, the Blockheads poring over " the Title, and hammering at it " while you might have walked to " Mile End and back ! "
" That's Fame, I fuppofe," fays Chrijlopher drylie ; and then goes off to talk of foine new Exercife of the Prefs-licenfer's Authoritie, which he feemed to approve, but it kindled my Hufband in a Minute.
"What Folly! what Nonfenfe ! " cried he, fmiting the Table ; " thefe " yacks in Office fometimes devife " fuch fenfeleffe Things that I really " am afhamed of being of theire " Party. Licence, indeed ! their " Licence ! I fuppofe they will " fhortlie licenfe the Lengthc of " MoWs Curls, and regulate the " Colour of her Hoode, and forbid '' the Larks to fmg within Sounde of '"• Bow Bell, and the Bees to hum
U 7
o
259
1646.
26o
1646.
October.
Maiden & Married Life
"o'
Sundays. Methoughte I had " broken Mabbot^s Teeth two Years
u
agone ; but I muft bring forthe a "new Edition of my Areopagitica ', " and ni put your Name down, Kit., " for a hundred Copies ! "
Though a rufticall Life hath ever had my Suffrages, Nothing can be more pleafant than our regular Courfe. We rife at five or fooner : while my Hufband combs his Hair, he commonly hums or lings fome Pfalm or Hymn, verfing it, maybe, as he goes on. Being dreft, Ned reads him a Chapter in the Hebrew Bible. With Ned ftille at his Knee, and me by his .Side, he expounds and improves the Same \ then, after a fhorte, heartie Prayer, releafes us both. Before I have finifhed my Drefling, I hear him below at his Organ, with the two Lads, who
fing
of Mary Powell.
ling as well as Chorifters, hymning Anthems and Gregorian Chants, now foaring up to the Clouds, as 'twere, and then dying off as though fome wide echoing Space lay betweene us. I ufuallie find Time to tie on my Hoode and flip away to the Herb-market for a Bunch of frefh Radilhes or Creffes, a Sprig of Parfley, or at the leafte a Pofy, to lay on his Plate. A good wheaten Loaf, frefh Butter and Eggs, and a large Jug of Milk, compofe our limple Breakfafl ; for he likes not, as my Father, to fee Boys hacking a huge Piece of Beef, nor cares for heavie feeding, himfelf. Onlie, olde Mr. Milton fometimes takes a Ralher of toafted Bacon, but commonly, a Balin of Furmity, which I prepare more to his Minde than the Ser- vants can.
After Breakfafl, I well know the
Boys'
261 1646.
262
Maiden & Married Life
1646. Boys' Leffons will laft till Noone. I therefore goe to m}^ Clofett Duties after my Forcjl Hill Fafhion ; thence to Market, buy what I neede, come Home, look to my Maids, give forthe needfuUe Stores, then to my Needle, my Books, or perchance to my Lute, which I woulde faine play better. From twelve to one is the Boys' Hour of Paftime ; and it may generallie be fayd, my Hufband's and mine too. He draws afide the green Curtain, — for we fit moftly in a large Chamber fliaped like the Letter T, and thus divided while at our feparate Duties : my End is the pleafanteft, has the Sun moft upon it, and hath a Balcony overlooking a Garden, At one, we dine ; always on fimple, plain Difhes, but dreft with Neatneffe and Care. Olde Mr. Millon fits at my right Hand and fays Grace ; and, though grow- ing
of Mary Powell.
ing a little deaf, enters into alle the livelie Difcourfe at Table. He loves me to help him to the tendereft, by Reafon of his Loffe of Teeth. My Hufband careth not to fitt over the Wine ; and hath noe fooner finifhed the Cheefe and Pippins than he re- verts to the Viol or Organ, and not onlie fings himfelf, but v/ill make me ling too, though he fayth my Voice is better than my Ear. Never was there fuch a tunefulle Spiritt. He alwaies tears himfelf away at lafte, as with a Kind of Violence, and returns to his Books at lix o' the Clock. Meantime, his old Father dozes, and I few at his Side.
From fix to eight, we are fcldom without Friends, chance Vifitants, often fchorlarlike and witty, who tell us alle the News, and remain to partake a light Supper. The Boys enjoy this Seafon as much as I doe,
though
263
1646.
264
1646.
Maiden & Married Life
though with Books before them, their Hands over their Ears, pre- tending to con the Morrow's Tafks. If the Guefls chance to be muficalle, the Lute and Viol are brousfhte forthe, to alternate with Roundelay and Madrigal : the old Man beating Time with his feeble Fingers, and now and then joining with his quavering Voice. (By the Way, he hath not forgotten to this Hour, my imputed Crime of lofmg that Song by Harry Lawes : my Hufband takes my Part, and fayth it will turn up fome Day when leafte expe6led, like fti/iinian's Panders.) Hubert brings him his Pipe and a Glafs of Water, and then I crave his Bleffing and goe to Bed ; firft, praying fer- ventlie for alle beneathe this deare Roof, and then for alle at Sheep/cote and Forejl Hill.
On Sabbaths, belides the publick
Ordinances
of Mary Powell.
Ordinances of Devotion, which I cannot, with alle my ftriving, bring myfelf to love like the Services to which I have beene accullomed, we have much Reading, Singing, and Difcourlino: among: ourfelves. The Maids iing, the Boys ling, Hubert lings, olde Mr. Milton fmgs ; and trulie with foe much of it, I woulde fometimes as lief have them quiete. The Sheep/cote Sundays fuited me better. The Sabbath Exercife of the Boys is to read a Chapter in the Greek Teftament, heare my Hufband expounde the fame ; and write out a Syftem of Divinitie as he dictates to them, walking to and fro. In liflening thereto, I find my Pleafure and Profitt.
I have alfoe my owne little Cate- chiiing, after a humbler Sorte, in the Kitchen, and fome poore Folk to relieve and confole, with my Huf-
band's
265
1646.
266
Maiden & Married Life
1646. band's Concurrence and Encourage- ment. Thus, the Sabbath is de- voutlie and happilie paiTed.
My Hufband alfoe takes, once in a Fortnighte or foe, what he blytheHe calls " a gaudy Day," equallie to his owne Content, the Boys', and mine. On thefe Occa- lions, it is my Province to provide colde Fowls or Pigeon Pie, which Hztbcrt carries, with what elfe we neede, to the Spot fele6led for our Camp Dinner. Sometimes we take Boat to Riclunond or Greenwich. Two young Gallants, Mr. Alphrey and Mr. Miller, love to joyn our Partie, and toil at the Oar, or fcramble up the Hills, as merrilie as the Boys. I muft fay they deal favagelie with the Pigeon Pie after- wards. They have as wild Spiritts as our Dick and Harry, but withal a moft wonderfull Reverence for my
Hufband,
of Mary Powell.
Hulband, whom they courte to read and recite, and provoke to plea- fant Argument, never prolonged to Wearineffe, and feafoned with Frolic Jell and Witt. Olde Mr. Milton joyns not thefe Parties. I leave him alwaies to Dolly's Care, firfhe provi- ding for him a Sweetbread or fome fmalle Relifh, fuch as he loves. He is in Bed ere we return, which is oft by Moonlighte.
How foon muft Smiles give Way to Tears ! Here is a Letter from deare Mother, taking noe Note of what I write to her, and for good Reafon, fhe is foe diftraught at her owne and deare Father''s ill Condi- tion. The Rebels (I muft call them fuch,) have foe ftript and oppreft them, they cannot make theire Houfe tenantable ; nor have Aught to feede on, had they e'en a whole Roof over theire Heads. The
Neighbour-
267
1646.
268
Maiden & Married Life
1646.
Neighbourhoode is too hot to holde them ; olde Friends cowardHe and fufpicious, olde and new Foes in League together. Leave Oxon they muft ; but where to goe ? Father^ defpite his broken Health and Hatred of the Foreigner, muft needes depart beyond Seas ; at leafte within the fix Months ; but how, with an emptie Purfe, make his Way in a ftrange Land, with a Wife and feven Children at his Heels ? Soe ends Mother with a '■'Lord have Mercy "upon us!" as though her Houfe were as furelie doomed to Deftruc- tion as if it helde the Plague.
Mine Eyes were yet fwollen with Tears, when my Hufband ftept in. He afkt, "What ails you, precious "Wife?" I coulde but figh, and give him the Letter. Having read the Same, he fays, "But what, my " deareft ? Have we not ample
" Room
of Mary Powell.
" Room here for them alle ? I fpeak " as to General Is, you muft care for " Particulars, and ftow them as you " will. There are plenty of fmall " Rooms for the Boys ; but, if your " Father, being infirm, needes a " Ground-floor Chamber, you and " I will mount aloft."
I coulde but look my Thankfulle- "nefle and kifs his Hand. "Nay," 'he added, with increafing Gentle- neflTe, "think not I have feene your " Cares for my owne Father without " loving and blefling you. Let Mr. " Powell come and fee us happie ; " it may tend to make him foe. " Let him and his abide with us, " at the leafl:e, till the Spring : his " Lads will Studdy and play with " mine, your Mother will help you " in your Houfewiferie, the two olde " Men will chirp together befide " the C/iri/lniaJ/e Hearth ; and, if I
"find
269 1646.
270 Maiden & Married Life
1646. " find thy Weeklie Bills the heavier, ' 'twill be but to write another ' Book, and make a better Bargain ' for it than I did for the laft. ' We w^ill ufe Hofpitalitie without ' grudging ; and, as for your owne ' Increafe of Cares, I fuppofe 'twill ' be but to order two Legs of Mutton ' infteade of one!"
And foe, with a Laugh, left me, moft joyfulle, happy Wife ! to drawe* Sweete out of Sowre, Delighte out of Sorrowe 5 and to fummon mine owne Kindred aboute me, and wipe away theire Tears, bid them eat, drink, and be merry, and fhew myfelfe to them, how proud, how cherifhed a Wife !
Surelie my Mother will learne to love Jolm Milton at laft! If ftie doth not, this will be my fecret Croffe, for 'tis hard to love dearlie two Perfons who efteeme not one
another.
of Mary Powell.
271
another. But flie will, fhe muft, not onlie refpe6l him for his Up- rightneffe and Magnanimitie, cou- pled with what himfelfe calls " an " honell Haughtineffe and Self- " efteeme," but like him for his kind and equall Temper, {iiot '' harfh " and crabbed," as I have hearde her call it,) his eafie Flow of Mirthe, his Manners, unaffe6ledlie cheer- fulle ; his Voice, muficall ; his Per- fon, beautifull ; his Habitt, grace- full ; his Ilofpitalitie,' naturall to him ; his Purfe, Countenance, Time, Trouble, at his Friend's Service ; his Devotion, humble ; his Forgive- neffe, heavenlie ! May it pleafe God that my Mother fhall like John Milt07i! ....
1646.
FINIS.
UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY
A A 000 264 092 8
'.-jKytii
1«
r-I.Vitil'/iit</H^C»14Ua
M^iiUiiiiiiMin:
-•.•AKUMuuKVflHiiab
vi^^^% ,..^:. J^. ''
MMM
^:^ ,
4; '#■ "€
>^; ^: '% ^ ■% ;J^:
|
^■"a ..^« |
f'4 i^^. |
^'\J^ |
|
\^ |
||
|
■m M |
i:\jr |
*V ^" r*' ^i *<!^.:%iL.*^...'^
J»^^- -•*»■.
F -I.
M
■J^^ vB^W ^i^^BI >'4|^V' TUT p ^HB
|
L'' vi^l |
k^' '^^' fVb' \jh' ' ^^h^-^^^^L'' r ^^H^^^^I |
mjt |
|
^^K£^^^V^' ^^^''^^^EdEi^lH^il^^^^^^^l |
^^^^BTvn^^HT |
li ¥ II :' "f
|,, '%r M j^f
I
a
|
a |
kL^Jl |
|
P, ^^ . ^ . J |
p |
|
w |
|
|
Ji l^f ^i -^iM |
f^ |
|
y;.p,f!;'^lj |
1 |
|
L ■ :' ... , . .-i |
M ' |
-- "il *'
'■■^^
li
.:CWW
fM»l
|
" ^.--- |
^^K# |
|
^^ |
|
|
■ A. |
.m M.
ti^
^mttiS^^wSt^fff
/J
m
^} k^^ .*^1
# f ,