WEBVTT Kind: captions; Language: en 00:00:20.001 --> 00:00:24.001 🎵 Yes, there's plenty going on in this little world of ours. 00:00:25.000 --> 00:00:26.000 Let's see what's cooking. 00:00:26.001 --> 00:00:27.001 Here comes a bit of news. 00:00:28.000 --> 00:00:31.000 A hurricane put the electric power plant out of 00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:33.000 business at Amesbury, Massachusetts. 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:37.000 That put Farmer Woodson's electric milking machine on the blink. 00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:42.001 He called for help, and Fire Chief George McDougall and his men came a-running. 00:00:43.001 --> 00:00:48.000 The fire department milked the 50 cows by hand, and that's what 00:00:48.000 --> 00:00:49.001 I call pulling together, boys. 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:55.001 Fax Magazine tells about the most expensive kiss on record. 00:00:57.000 --> 00:00:59.000 A lady dove sat on a high-tension wire. 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:03.000 Her boyfriend sat on another wire, and then they kissed. 00:01:03.001 --> 00:01:04.001 And wham-o! 00:01:05.001 --> 00:01:09.000 The powerhouse in the town of Phoenix, Arizona went 00:01:09.000 --> 00:01:10.001 out of business for half an hour. 00:01:11.001 --> 00:01:15.000 The doves? Oh, well, maybe they're just as happy. 00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:18.001 Are you listening, Gerald? 00:01:19.000 --> 00:01:22.000 You may know you're reading, writing, and 00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:24.001 arithmetic, but what do you know about this? 00:01:25.001 --> 00:01:29.000 Sure, it's a man, but is he the right man? 00:01:29.001 --> 00:01:31.000 Needn't worry about that anymore. 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:38.000 The Mundelan College Chicago has just begun a new class on how to choose a 00:01:38.000 --> 00:01:43.001 husband, how to keep him, and how to spend his 00:01:43.001 --> 00:01:45.001 money, as if you didn't know. 00:01:47.000 --> 00:01:47.001 Listen. 00:01:48.000 --> 00:01:51.000 Shh, fellas and girls, here's a little secret. 00:01:51.001 --> 00:01:54.000 It's just between you and me and the ticker. 00:01:55.000 --> 00:01:56.001 The War Department built this one out. 00:01:57.000 --> 00:02:02.000 John, suppose you were here in London, and Jane, suppose you were here in 00:02:02.000 --> 00:02:07.000 Florida, about 4,000 miles apart, and you want to get hitched. 00:02:07.001 --> 00:02:11.000 The War Department says you can stay right where you are and get yourselves 00:02:11.000 --> 00:02:14.001 married in Tulsa, Oklahoma, by mail. 00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:16.000 And it's simple, too. 00:02:17.000 --> 00:02:19.001 John writes an I Do letter to Oklahoma. 00:02:20.001 --> 00:02:21.001 Jane does the same. 00:02:22.001 --> 00:02:26.001 And Oklahoma says, I pronounce you man and wife. 00:02:27.001 --> 00:02:31.000 The only thing left is the distance between you and Jane. 00:02:32.000 --> 00:02:36.001 The War Department hasn't any idea what to do about that, but cheer up, kids. 00:02:37.000 --> 00:02:38.001 We'll have television soon. 00:02:39.001 --> 00:02:44.001 Taking candy from a baby is supposed to be the height of something or other, but 00:02:44.001 --> 00:02:50.000 here we have a bunch of kids in Mrs. J. T. Wright's nursery in Dallas, Texas. 00:02:51.000 --> 00:02:51.001 Hoover robbed. 00:02:52.000 --> 00:02:53.001 Yes, robbed. 00:02:54.001 --> 00:02:59.001 A low-down burglar got away with a box of 200 diapers. 00:03:00.001 --> 00:03:04.000 Well, anyway, that's one thing they can't pin on the kids. 00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:06.000 Fucking about inventions. 00:03:06.001 --> 00:03:07.001 Here's something, brother. 00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:12.001 The United States Patent Office has just issued a patent on an overcoat. 00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:15.001 Not just an ordinary coat, of course. 00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:18.001 This one is heated by electricity. 00:03:19.001 --> 00:03:22.001 The warming current of comfort comes from a bunch of batteries 00:03:22.001 --> 00:03:25.000 which you carry in a suitcase. 00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:30.001 Hope the inventor provides a little trailer with a fire extinguisher. 00:03:31.000 --> 00:03:34.000 You know, just in case of a hot seat. 00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:36.000 Calling all fishermen. 00:03:37.000 --> 00:03:39.001 Yep, you fellas with your rods and reels. 00:03:39.001 --> 00:03:46.000 The Wildlife Service at Washington, D.C. is a coming out with a new radar gadget. 00:03:46.001 --> 00:03:53.001 This doohickey will locate schools of fish, tell you which way they're going, and 00:03:53.001 --> 00:03:56.001 let you know their exact size. 00:03:59.000 --> 00:04:05.000 The Army Air Force has published a book on what to do if you happen to fall into 00:04:05.000 --> 00:04:07.001 the water and meet up with a shark. 00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:12.000 Under Rule 1, the trick is to make a quick swing at the shark. 00:04:12.001 --> 00:04:16.000 Slap the water around and holler like it, like it blazes. 00:04:16.001 --> 00:04:19.000 Now that's supposed to ruin the shark's self-confidence. 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:23.000 If that doesn't work, grab the shark's dorsal fin 00:04:23.000 --> 00:04:25.000 and hang on until he gets tired. 00:04:26.000 --> 00:04:30.000 If that doesn't work, haul off and give him a swift kick in the nose. 00:04:30.001 --> 00:04:32.000 A shark can't take it on the snoot. 00:04:32.001 --> 00:04:33.001 There's nothing to it. 00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:38.000 Here's a very, very sad piece of news. 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:43.000 A gasoline truck pulled up to Walter Secchieri Station in Detroit. 00:04:44.000 --> 00:04:48.000 The driver connected the hose and pumped gas into the pipe, but the 00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:50.000 gasoline gauge set empty. 00:04:51.000 --> 00:04:53.000 Now let's take a look under the sidewalk. 00:04:53.001 --> 00:05:00.000 This is the station's gas tank, and this is where the gas went, right into the 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:05.001 sewer. 864 gallons of good gas, right into... 00:05:05.001 --> 00:05:09.000 Well, let's draw a curtain over this sad episode. 00:05:10.001 --> 00:05:15.000 Next time you go to New Jersey in the neighborhood of West Orange, look up a 00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:17.001 fellow named Coughing Arslanian. 00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:19.000 He's a Yale graduate. 00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:23.001 Don't know the exact address, but he lives among the branches 00:05:23.001 --> 00:05:25.000 of a giant oak tree. 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:31.001 His home has a floor and a ceiling, but his wife couldn't get used to no walls. 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:36.000 So she left, and our friend is still up a tree. 00:05:37.001 --> 00:05:39.000 So about your pin-up, girls. 00:05:39.001 --> 00:05:42.000 Well, fellers, here's a gal and what a gal. 00:05:42.001 --> 00:05:43.001 Just listen to this. 00:05:44.000 --> 00:05:49.000 She's a volunteer, 25 years old, worth $7 million. 00:05:49.001 --> 00:05:51.000 And what a scrapper. 00:05:51.001 --> 00:05:56.000 She was in the sneak attack on Pearl Harbor, got herself badly injured too, 00:05:56.000 --> 00:05:58.001 spent a year getting over that. 00:05:59.000 --> 00:06:03.000 Then she did her stuff at Normandy on D-Day, and again at Cherbourg. 00:06:04.000 --> 00:06:07.001 She's got plenty of service ribbons and the Purple Heart. 00:06:08.001 --> 00:06:09.000 Who is she? 00:06:10.001 --> 00:06:12.000 The Battleship Nevada. 00:06:13.000 --> 00:06:13.001 What a gal. 00:06:14.001 --> 00:06:15.000 What a gal. 00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:17.000 How's your memory? 00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:19.000 Who said these words? 00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:21.000 We can. 00:06:22.000 --> 00:06:23.000 We will. 00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:24.001 We must. 00:06:26.001 --> 00:06:30.001 S-F-D-R-U-7.